The Importance of Friends (BURNOUT)

This video series is an educational project that is sponsored by Google.
Today we’re going to talk about interpersonal relationships, why they are important, why we need them, and how burnout can cause them to go wrong. As we know when one part of our life is suffering, it can definitely cause a ripple effect and hurt those around us. It can even cause our healthy relationships to turn toxic, and I know many of you have asked questions about those types of relationships and how to know if they are worth saving or not.
I'm Kati Morton, a licensed therapist making Mental Health videos!
#katimorton #therapist #therapy
MY BOOKS (in stores now)
Traumatized geni.us/Bfak0j
Are u ok? bit.ly/2s0mULy
ONLINE THERAPY
While I do not currently offer online therapy, BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist, please visit: betterhelp.com...
Join this channel to get access to perks:
/ @katimorton
PATREON www.katimorton...
YOU CAN SUPPORT THE CHANNEL BY SHOPPING WITH OUR AFFILIATE LINKS
Instacart: www.instacart....
Amazon: www.amazon.com...
PARTNERSHIP
Linnea Toney [e-mail]
PLEASE READ
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.

[@theresaleszczynski6273]

Hi Kati. This has been a tremendous series. Thank you for today's discussion about toxic people (I call them poison personalities). I was seriously ill in 2017. I spent 3 months in the hospital. I got out to find that a group of my friends turned their backs on me. That hit me hard. It took a year for me to become involved with other people. Now, I am building a new friend base. Thank you for encouraging me to do so in a previous video. Now, I am happy again.

[@brookerickert4046]

"Poison personalities" i love that omg

[@GB-sh9st]

@R RQ idk I didn't find that implausible -- a lot of people react fearfully to people who have been committed or even voluntarily institutionalized, or who just behave erratically once or twice

[@jeannieneuser5316]

R RQ, I didn't find it implausible either. At one point in my life, my significant other was very sick, almost died, had a lengthy hospital stay... And all the people who I had been close to at that time felt overwhelmed at that event, didn't know what to say or do, so just found it easier to stay away. Once he was healthier and our lives were more stable, some came back around again... But it's a difficult action to forgive. I was not able to forgive the abandonment, but I think that is an individual judgment call.

[@theresaleszczynski6273]

Jeannie Neuser You hit the nail right on the head. I almost died and I spent some time in a coma. After 4 surgeries, even my family was overwhelmed. Thank you for your reply.

[@theresaleszczynski6273]

R RQ I replied to one person. I didn't ignore you.

[@akat3628]

I feel like I'm able to make friends but am not able to feel close to or supported by most people. I just end up feeling misunderstood when I reach out to friends and that makes me feel worse than if I hadn't reached out.

[@evanmoskovoy6072]

same same so I just play video games :D

[@betulagir6897]

Same here!

[@kaznosa]

Mood

[@bu4459]

Mao

[@abbykoop5363]

Same. So I have pets.

[@PiggyAzaleea]

I don't have any close friends. Social media has made real friends few and far between. It's sad and l wish I could find just one really close awesome genuine friend.

[@ieatgremlins]

PiggyAzalea How does social media factor in? Not being an asshole, I am genuinely asking.

[@SocialLocust]

It's more of a cultural problem than social media.

[@ZombieeGirrl1]

PiggyAzalea me too 😔

[@rahuljain2862]

I know we may never meet but lets talk maybe on insta?

[@Ilovevintage77]

I agree 110% it’s supposed to make us more connected but really it’s made genuine connections very very hard people isolate themselves behind a screen. I am looking for the exact same thing I really hope that you find with someone just as I am looking for that for someone to I wish you all the best. I’m looking for a friend who appreciates someone checking in on them and would do the same for me has the time for friendship someone who is positive and caring

[@california15166]

my problem is finding out HOW to make friends and develop relationships...it seems I'm a great acquaintance to most people. People never reach out, so I don't want to reach out on my mind. It seems I have a lot of one sided relationships.

[@robertcollins7034]

Snap same here

[@majestic_fleur2899]

Me too, I have the same problem

[@snowqueen24]

Me too.

[@crishaneclarke6075]

If most people only consider you an acquaintance you could possibly consider whether you give off a vibe that is interpreted in a way that says you are only interested in surface relationships. I know for my I definitely do that

[@1kitts]

You said that people never reach, so you don't reach out neither. Try reaching out, and be patient with the process. Sometimes it takes time for some persons to trust and open up. I'm sure some of those persons feel the same way-- they want to reach out but don't because they are waiting for the other person to reach out instead. Take a chance, be vulnerable, and reach out. If you're rejected by one or by a few, don't allow that to cause you to stop, that's a natural part of the process. Keep going. Blessings and love.

[@ppss.6302]

Unconditional friendship is rare. Friendship in America is more like networking. Useful at times yet super conditional, superficial and mechanistic. And lots of people do not have even that because of their low "networking" value or skills.

[@michellegoewey2939]

Yup

[@laughoutmeow]

Yeah I’ve kind of become nihilistic to relationships because it seems to just be a business deal

[@indridcold8433]

As a Canadian, there are some of us that are introverted an reclusive. My existence has had no interpersonal, social, interaction, since the 8th of August 2000 at 18:34, with no negative consequence. Not all humans require interpersonal, social, connections to successfully function within the perimeters considered for prosperity. It is merely a myth that all humans must function as part of a social herd, or require friends.

[@danityjo]

I've had that "Parasite" relationship. What I hate is that when you finally stand up for yourself, they are able to turn it on you and make you feel guilty for hurting them.

[@ChillConservative2k15]

That only works with people who actually care and don't understand what gaslighting is.

[@iuliuspro]

That's the parasite. They use something in the host to keep the relationship going

[@ikewing7587]

@@iuliuspro I just ended a relationship like this. I didn't know it has a name

[@oscy3000ds]

Parasites love me. They abuse of my good nature and when I have nothing else to give and say No, they abandon me.

[@cinnamongirl3070]

No one can "make" you feel guilty. How you react to someone trying to force you to feel a certain way is your choice.

[@larrycork1420]

I as an older adult don t have any friends, I am not married. I have walked away from friendships I began to see as disfunctional. I think this stems from being hurt and bullied at school, being left out from former friendships or replaced. Now I have problems trusting and always wonder if there is an alterior motive when offered friendship. Mostly its ok, but there are times during the holidays when it gets lonely. I do still have some family which I still see, this helps.

[@juliab.75]

Aww i really hope and think that you may find friends in the future. Honestly I think it might help if you looked for friends a bit, you are probably used to not having relationships. So sorry this is happening, I think you have a chance for it to be better! Don't assume right away someone is going to hurt you when meeting people. 😊

[@kanaler5924]

I understand

[@michellegoewey2939]

This is SO completely relatable...unfortunately ☹️

[@SHERRIEFOSTERCHANNEL]

i understand

[@potatoships9379]

Never found real friends..they never were there when I needed tyem..they never provided support.

[@isabellabihy8631]

You need to reciprocate, that be there for the friends as you - apparently - expect from them. I sure hope I don't get you wrong. I used to have a friend (in school) who disappointed me heavily. Since then I have acquaintances. Also I find it "invasive" when someone wants to get closer. I get abrasive, to protect myself. I feel safer when no one will try to intrude.

[@caitparker1603]

@@isabellabihy8631 this is exactly how I feel when new people try to get near me,weather they seem genuine or not I still feel I have to put a wall up.it can feel kind of isolating but I always feel at the same time what choice do I really have

[@potatoships9379]

@@isabellabihy8631 I was there for them in happy and sad times...when I fell and needed a hand..they turned their back..and they back stabbed me..I am lonely..it sucks but real friends are hard to find. I try to cope with it.

[@isabellabihy8631]

@@potatoships9379 Oh yes that must hurt bad. But you made it and are here today. That is a huge achievement.

[@LopsidedMoz]

Just like my parents ahahaha /cries

[@laurah6381]

I'm an introvert, people DRAIN me! The only place I love to be is at the animal shelter where I volunteer! 🐱 🐶 🐱 🐶 🐱 🐶 🐱 🐶 🐱 🐶 🐱 🐶 🐱 🐶 🐱 🐶 🐱 🐶 🐱 🐶 🐱 🐶 🐱 🐶 🐱 🐶 🐱 🐶

[@devilsoffspring5519]

I don't have any pets, but lots of people really like animals. Some people prefer them over humans! A nice dog or cat will keep you company without ragging on you about your job, how you talk, how come you do this, why don't you do that, and all that Human bullshit :)

[@fcmiller3]

They talk about the pitfalls of relationships, but not so much the 'importance of having friendship'. I'm at a point where I'm sick of the pitfalls and don't want friends. Too much work and will eventually end anyway. And would it be best to discover how to be happy alone and think of 'friends' as simply transient situations and not to become too attached to these passing friend clouds?

[@Sadyarie]

fred miller 🙌🏻🙌🏻

[@jeannieneuser5316]

Fred Miller... I feel that way too. Let's hope both of us are... Wrong. 😂😂😂

[@thisisntallowed9560]

I feel like the bad sides of maintaining relashionships overwhelm the good things I can get out of a relashionship

[@fcmiller3]

@@jeannieneuser5316 Interesting that therapists encourage their clients to make connections, have friends, but a major part of a therapists job seems to be unraveling the turmoil and disasters created by RELATIONSHIPS. Jump'n Jesus...it's like the computer anti-virus companies who create viruses and then sell you the fix. Hahahaha..It's a mad mad world.

[@gianna3267]

I feel this way lately as well

[@sophiadavenport3959]

Sometimes Friends can provide you with more unconditional love than family can .

[@fionafiona1146]

Sometimes that's sad, often it's happy.

[@Katimorton]

Agreed! We don't get to pick our family, but we do get to pick our friends :) xoxo

[@jkar1747]

Preach, not all families are the same and yes they definitely can. Its happened to me, two of my close friends take me with them for the holidays and the family of one of them is very welcoming to the point where they let me watch a movie in their master bedroom the first time I came for Thanksgiving.

[@waterblonk]

But those kind of friends are exceedingly rare. Most people will go through life never having those kinds of friends.

[@susannahXD]

I read that as F.R.I.E.N.D.S. the TV show. I've got a lot of unconditional love (and endless laughs) from that show, so I liked your comment even before I realised what you actually meant haha

[@RonnieInOC]

I haven't made a friend as an adult...It seemed so simple when I was young.

[@maggie0285]

Right. People are too busy "adulting. " I can't get anyone to go on long trips with me but they will go with their husbands to places like Duluth Minnesota in summer with high temps in the 5o's. They passed over a trip to Daytona Beach with me for that.

[@Max___818]

I will be your friend.

[@Max___818]

@Battle Fiercely what do you mean "at what cost?"

[@Max___818]

@Battle Fiercely oh ok. 😊 I didn't get the sarcasm, I'm a bit slow. 😂

[@devilsoffspring5519]

That's because when you're young, you can just do something young people do together, and if you spend time with each other you might become attached. Normal adult life/stuff/concerns are dull and tedious, so there's nothing much to grow attached to each other about.

[@ShadowSnowLeopard95]

I spent much of my life alone without friends or much positive contact with family. These days I never bother to make friends because I know what will happen. I'll go through a very bad time (I have cptsd) and rather than bother them with this, I deal with it on my own in silence away from them. I haven't had a real life friend in over a decade. Sometimes people are just too hurt to have anyone around them.

[@guesswho5790]

I don't know if this is relevant anymore. Hope you are doing better now. I just wanted to say that I used to feel the same way and EMDR therapy helped me to heal from my trauma. Maybe It's something worth exploring if you haven't already! Hope things are better now

[@kristenshaw1996]

I’ve always felt like I’m different and people don’t understand me. 😕

[@IsleNaK]

Tested for ASD?

[@tiffanysar-lecluze5679]

Me too

[@itscloudstrife]

i have no friends edit: my dogs are my friends and are the only things i can trust people are draining and throw you away when they don't need you 😒

[@randomcat4940]

And i hav no soul

[@flyaway9086]

@@randomcat4940 Please get a soul.

[@itscloudstrife]

@@randomcat4940 thats kind of hot tbh

[@niyareaction1685]

And god to

[@feigekatarina5745]

Same. About a year ago, I had four friends. Now I have at most one, and our friendship is damaged by how far apart we are now days.

[@darbystlawrence1509]

I’ve been having a really hard time lately with how lonely I feel even though I have a few close friends, I just don’t see them very often. I am a total introvert but I still feel like I need a really healthy supportive friend group (just a small one).

[@pauladuncanadams1750]

Start up a card game night.

[@yellabyrd5821]

I can't tolerate people anymore.I prefer to give my love and kindness to my cat.She is real and true.She appreciates all my efforts.She doesn't wound me or obstruct my path.

[@Nicolinax]

Irilly Dunno I completely understand you

[@yellabyrd5821]

@@Nicolinax That is because you are cooler than most people.Peace and contentment to you forever.

[@Nicolinax]

Irilly Dunno thanks ❤️

[@_just_TK]

Irilly Dunno I agree with everything u said except the last part. My cat tries her hardest to obstruct my path in the hallway every day! 🐈

[@freethegays]

My dog always obstructs my path but hes going blind so I don't blame him

[@majestic_fleur2899]

I feel a little better by reading the comments. I was feeling so low cuz of my lack of close relationships, reading through the comments and seeing that there are many people out there in my same situation makes me feel a lot better.

[@jackjohnson7396]

Having friends is overrated. Depends what type of personality one has. Friends can be good or bad for people.

[@itscloudstrife]

agreed

[@mellousjd]

Agree

[@IsleNaK]

@R RQ what if you're autistic though....? Or an introvert...? Socializing is a pain then. Can something that pains you really be good for you....? I have friends btw. And yet I agree with the statement above. People are all different. Some long for contact and feel good if they have it and for some it's draining.

[@adeimantusglaucon9732]

@R RQ "Humans are social animals" - Not if the person is schizoid, and frankly our social needs vary quite a bit. Can anyone ever give advice without assuming their paradigm/narrative should apply to others automatically? Sheesh.

[@tayphiri519]

As an introvert with a history of chronic shyness, social awkwardness etc you would that I’d be in agreement however I am not.

[@Aurora_4444]

I was in an abusive relationship and I try to look back at it with forgiveness because I learned so much from them. This thought helps me to let go.

[@LewisEthridge_95]

Do a "toxic checklist" on yourself too so that you can get help for yourself if you are toxic to others.

[@ZariBankhi]

I second that!!! Ppl who are toxic never see it in themselves

[@Katimorton]

Agreed!! It's always good to look inward as well as outward when navigating relationships. xoxo

[@NicoleCamileSantosAlexandre]

@@ZariBankhi I actually do know that I can be toxic but I really struggle to change that. I wish it was easier /: Maybe Kati could make a video on how to be less toxic :) when you have GAD.

[@emilyblanzy7426]

agreed! even though A LOT of toxic people do not want to evaluate themself

[@ZariBankhi]

@@NicoleCamileSantosAlexandre & I'm that friend who tries to offer support &:fix ppl... it's crushing sometimes

[@TeeLeigh66]

I have noticed that in my life I seem to cycle through losing all my friends and have to "grow" a whole new batch every 4 to 6 years. I'm 53 now. Up until this video, I took this as "proof" that there was something wrong with me. But now.....I think ìt may mean that I'm just not as willing to put up with toxic relationships. I am just NOT willing to trust someone again if they have proven themselves to be untrustworthy. And I don't take them back into my life unless they are willing and able to admit thier behavior and apologise, because I believe their behavior won't change without that self-awareness. I move on. It is lonely, I admit. I like people and I keep hoping that I will find a life long friend, but I'm finding as I age that that hope is fading.

[@IsleNaK]

Actually science is backing that. There's some sort of 7 years rule for relationships

[@Ilovevintage77]

Mistaria Spellsinger I feel exactly the same. Exactly. I long for a true blue friend. I make friends very easily but then they drain me. I find I give my all to a friend hoping they’ll do the same it’s silly but I’m longing for almost like “TV friendships “ which I know don’t exist but gosh I wish they did. Where the friends are loyal caring and really there for each other through and through. I have been working on being strong alone in my own skin. Being ok alone and being more slow and cautious building friendships since I’ve been finding they’ve been mostly others “taking” from me 80/20. And it doesn’t feel equitable or reciprocal. I truly wish you the very best!! You deserve it.

[@pauladuncanadams1750]

You grow out of relationships too, just like a wardrobe. Just think about these times in your life. They were probably transition periods. You were transforming.

[@KayGirl216]

I realize that as a 30 year old I don’t have any real true friends besides my family and significant other. Anybody have ideas on how one can just go make friends? After college they all just dropped off. And I don’t consider coworkers friends first (they’re coworkers first).

[@guesswho5790]

An activity is usually a good place to start! Community service, dance lessons, gym, music and jamming... There are many things!

[@tompalmer5986]

I don't think there is any relationship more toxic than that of the drinking buddy. I'm trying to hang on to my sobriety, and one of my former drinking buddies has been knocking on my door. I don't want to turn my back on him, but I do need to set limits.

[@Ilovevintage77]

Tom Palmer I hope you’re doing well and hope you have set the self care boundaries for yourself with your buddy to Keep your sobriety. You’re not turning your back on your friend. You’re choosing yourself! He is responsible for himself. Please don’t let anyone guilt you and make you feel any other way. You owe yourself first and no one will care for you as much as you. You are very important. Please keep being well.

[@pauladuncanadams1750]

Take him to an AA meeting.😉

[@maevemcd4692]

"I don't need friends. They disappoint me"

[@simp8966]

Lol

[@htttpxxx]

they do tho

[@j_freed]

Of course, friends can never disappoint you - only your expectations of them. In life nobody owes you anything. There's no entitlement, nothing to GET when you are there to GIVE. *And when you just give, you have more to give than you did before.*

[@maevemcd4692]

@@j_freed That's quite insightful. But I was referring to a vine. My comment wasn't serious 😁

[@asinglebraincell6584]

*strikes pose*

[@deeandrews7051]

Sometimes I feel like everybody is trying to get a piece of you, or are only associating with you because they want you to do something for them.

[@chiarablocicci]

I lost all my closest friends... and i have really bad moments, bc i feel alone.. with no one to talk with

[@sezy2105]

Chiara B. Going through the same thing. I can totally relate

[@rachelheflin0584]

I also going through the same thing that u are going through. My friend has passed away 2 years ago this July.

[@sezy2105]

Rachel Heflin, I am sorry for your loss. Hope you are doing well 🙏🏻

[@chiarablocicci]

Rachel Heflin i’m so sorry💔🥺❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@willvandom5105]

You can talk to a therapist, maybe you need it

[@_just_TK]

I’m a professional “acquaintance” 😬

[@hannahdarise]

Currently alone at my parents house. Absolutely no friends in this town. This video came at a good time

[@snowqueen24]

@K P Me too.

[@caitparker1603]

I dont think its necessarily my fault as such but it's hard to have this aspect when you literally can't find any decent friends/strong relationships.I know how important it is but literally can only rely on myself

[@cjaquilino]

Cait Parker I'm 32. And navigating relationships (friends, family, sexual/romantic) has been the most difficult area in my life. It's so hard. And it's the #1 thing to hurt my mental health.

[@caitparker1603]

@@cjaquilino omg I feel you 😂 I'm not even even that age yet but I can tell I'll always find that difficult.im not great with people because of how I've been treated.its still a learning progress though

[@fabulo19]

I used to feel this way. After moving to a big city, meetig people there and seeing a good psychologist I've managed to actually build some good friendships. I don't want to be the person who says "you'll find them eventually", but changing your environment can definitely give you more chances.

[@deeshh1250]

@@caitparker1603 you are pretty

[@yourenough3]

I have aquaintinces. Havent had any friends since I was 19 and im 46 now. I find it easier being alone.

[@violets9017]

Me too ! I seem to have stopped making friends since school days ended! But yes, lots of acquaintances, some of whom I thought were my friends or that we were heading into friendship, only to realise in due course that they soon have become passersby in my life !

[@kaitlindoesarts]

I agree. Friends only drain me and waste my time.

[@crowsbridge]

same

[@ieatgremlins]

I hope it makes you happy

[@solanaseraphina]

I think as an adult it's okay not to have friends and just respect each other.

[@MichaelLKW-Fahrer]

At 30 I find it extremely difficult to make friends, Socially I'm very awkward. I only have work acquaintances and no friends

[@Katimorton]

I am so sorry you're having such a difficult time.. I do have some other videos about making friends as an adult, and managing any social anxiety. I hope those help too! xoxo

[@twiztidmomma22]

Im 30 as well and have a hard time holding friends. They either leave, or i feel as though im too much of a bother and will shy away. Not everyone gets me or gets my humor. Its hard to connect when you feel like you aren't normal.

[@DerAua]

@@twiztidmomma22 Wow, I understand that so well.

[@Max___818]

I will be your friend.

[@EricBZink]

Great topic and something I feel is important to cover because friends make amazing peer to peer support. A true friend listens to listen and not listen to reply, they definitely can help you grow! As always an inspiration for my channel and vids, nothing but support for you!

[@Katimorton]

So glad you liked the video and found it helpful :) xoxo

[@EricBZink]

Kati Morton it was good

[@Ultranist]

KZbin and a Gaming PC is all I need to live.

[@musicboi9014]

Omg I love your picture and name lol

[@vernaharris4700]

😀

[@genieg1043]

I have no friends. None. Not a one. People don't like me but I don't know what I am doing to cause it.

[@laurapaolacastrodiaz6958]

Genie G same, you are not alone, im always left out, I have come to the conclusion that It is because im quite ugly and people think I have nothing to offer, but It does not hurt me anymore.

[@sayitshay]

me too

[@sleepysheepgreen6755]

Same here next year is my last year of collage and i dont have a single peoples i can talk only thing i can do is work you not alone and if you need to talk feel free to chat with me if not just know you not alone everyone having hard time like you and lets hope for best

[@8iaventri999]

Genie G same... maybe it's Asperger's syndrome? I have it, and it's gotten in the way of lots of my relationships

[@montysmom3335]

I don't have any friends either but I have to say I find it so refreshing ☺️

[@lollydennehy]

I struggle to know who’s toxic and who’s not . I have borderline personality disorder so I doubt my own instincts. It’s making me feel very depressed not knowing who to trust .

[@justmythoughts7381]

It's so confusing I know. Then when you do have a friend it is, 'is it me? Or is it them?' Get told so many times it's me (BPD) I have given up.

[@guesswho5790]

Also! I think the self-doubt that comes in the first stages of self-awareness makes us vulnerable to gaslighting. What helps me is to let a day or two pass and think about the situation objectively. Is there truth in that I could have done better? Have I really tried to mend things from my part? Could I try to communicate this better, assertively, not aggressive or passively? Do THEY see how what they did affected me? Do they want to understand me better? Personally, it all boils down to expectations. What do I need from them? What do they need from me? In a broader sense. Because not everybody is going to be our bff! And I think our expectations should fall according to the type of relationship we want and they want. I am currently in this transitional phase where I am extremely aware of how I make other people feel and how they make me feel. Now I wonder, does this relationship align with the changes I want in my life? Do I get as much as I give? Do I give as much as I take? Do I feel at peace in this person's presence? Do I feel comfortable communicating how I feel or what I think or what I want and need? Do I make them feel comfortable as well? All in all does this serve me. Like they said, do the positives outweigh the negatives? Because nobody is perfect, and we must accept the grey area we all fall into. Splitting IS a very frequent problem in BPD. And it affects our relationships more than we care to admit. So, I like to stay as objective and rational about specific situations that have either triggered something or that have been hurtful and sh!tty from their end. Because It's the only way I found, as of late, to really determine whether or not a person will be good for me or not. And I to them! Of course.

[@somethingyousaid5059]

I'm starving for social interaction. I've always had too little of it. I'm in a very bad way as a matter of fact.

[@yellabyrd5821]

So sorry.Peace to you

[@somethingyousaid5059]

@@yellabyrd5821 Thank you for the acknowledgement. I appreciate it.

[@yellabyrd5821]

@@somethingyousaid5059You are so welcome. I feel for you ,truly.I have severe issues myself which have always set me apart from others.Spirit hugs.

[@Katimorton]

I am so sorry you're having such a hard time :( I hope our online community can offer some support :) And I also hope my videos about making friends are helpful too. xoxo

[@somethingyousaid5059]

@@Katimorton Thank you ma'am for your support. And yes, your videos have been so very helpful to me for sure. It's through your videos that I have been educated a great deal about so much that I had not even heard of before. And so much of the information in your videos is so relevant to me only because it addresses some of the very problems that I have. So please keep up the good work that you do. And my best to you ma'am.

[@krystenk3888]

I HATE that I hurt the people I care about. Not like physically, but like their feelings and by being a burden.... Sucks 🤐

[@rhea1620]

I really don't click with many people and even if I do, they always turn out to be toxic so I'll just stay in my shell now.

[@Steve_V1066]

After getting injured badly as a firefighter and being disabled, I ended up having to move across the country in order to keep a roof over my head. New to the region I had no friends, and unable to get out of the house often, making new friends was impossible. Spending 20+ hours a day in bed, no social life and no direct contact with friends is just miserable. Even though I had been in the same discomfort, having friends around offset that misery (as the saying goes, friends are therapy for the poor) and made life pleasant. Friends are so important in life.

[@untitle161]

Thank you for your services❤️🌹🌻🌺🌼🌸🌷

[@yin7260]

This explains how I never noticed the toxic relationship I had until it was over. But the thing that scares me is what if I can never get a healthy relationship because I made mistakes too that contributed in making it toxic. I'm working on my personality issues but I have so many things to work on I feel like it's going to take me my whole life to be the person I want to be 💔

[@yasirali5253]

The production quality on this is Supreme. This channel's come a long way Kati, congrats and all the best!!

[@Katimorton]

Thanks Yasir. We appreciate the kind words 🤗

[@mistypinkshadow6951]

I only have one friend and I barely even see them and only text and I’m lonely

[@vickythecat1741]

I have animals friends, they are simply the best.

[@DerAua]

Yeah, they are happy just hanging out with you.

[@seedy6538]

How do you make, and properly maintain a friendship? I am on the spectrum. Help! I need a cheat sheet, because I know I can be intense.

[@cjaquilino]

Sayra Spediacci I found the articles on SucceedSocially.com helpful. Trust me, it's helpful, earnest advice, that's never really trying to sell you on anything.

[@robynarendse4558]

Same!!

[@DerAua]

On the spectrum? You mean autism?

[@JovannaKelly]

Funny because I’m dealing with this RIGHT NOW! Love the videos with Alexa! Shes amazing! -Jovanna

[@Katimorton]

Hey Jovanna!! I am so glad this video was helpful and timely :) xoxo

[@someonerandom256]

It's nice to keep in touch with old friends, and see them from time to time. Its nice to occasionally hang out with new people that you have something in common with. Quite frankly though, I prefer not to put the effort required into socializing. I prefer my own company to that of most people.

[@Casrion]

My therapist always parrots the "humans are hardwired to NEED social connections" but I've never felt the crave to have an active social life and hearing that, and his insistence that I'm just telling myself that as a defense mechanism, just makes me feel like something is seriously wrong with me. I rarely feel lonely. I rarely walk out of a social interaction feeling fulfilled and good about it. It's exhausting. I have friends but I don't have this need to collect people as a hobby and see them all the time.

[@IsleNaK]

Introvert? ASD? Schizoid?

[@hotfudgecake]

​@@IsleNaKno.

[@drecm7aa]

To be honest, it is really hard for me to make new friends and to keep the existing friendships going. Growing up, I was bullied by my peers and emotionally neglected by my family... The only time when I felt relieved, happy, free to be myself and to express my emotions was when I was alone in my room. Throughout my whole childhood and adolescence I cherished and looked forward to every moment when I would be alone. And it kind of stuck with me until my thirties - even though I might feel great when being with somebody, I still feel the best when I am alone and I tend to prefer my solitude over having friends...

[@anaml3879]

Kati eventhough I have never met you and probably we will never meet, you are almost the only person that makes me feel a sense of peace. Your essence goes across the screen. Your sole brings light to my life. Every time I feel down I click on your stories or videos and your voice calms me down. Thank you.

[@RayserSilver199X]

Honestly, I wish I realized (as stupid as it sounds) that a person can be so used to bad treatment they don't notice it. I struggled with that, and honestly, I'm still hanging out with that toxic *friend*, I just can't even leave for personal reasons P.s. it's sad how some people can't just leave an abusive relationship because of the country they live in (*cough* me *cough*)

[@TheMakeupMavenn]

Sara animates [s fangirl] don’t make excuses for yourself. You don’t OWE them anything. If u don’t want them in ur life let it be known. And cut ties off. If they live with u. Speak to them about it and how draining they are

[@RayserSilver199X]

@@TheMakeupMavenn I appreciate the feedback, but I already tried to cut ties with them, honestly I just can't because of the country I live in. Thanks for the feedback tho And about speaking with them, everytime I tell them about how I don't appreciate their words and actions, they act so offended and blame me like usual

[@katherinep708]

I don't understand how your country has to do with you not being able to leave them? do you live in north korea?

[@melissahatfield2475]

It’s my birthday and this just made my day thanks for the perfect bday present

[@_just_TK]

Melissa Hatfield happy birthday!!

[@christierella]

No family, no friends. My husband is everything I have.

[@pippipster6767]

Let’s hope he didn’t arrange it that way.

[@7YBzzz4nbyte]

@@pippipster6767 Why would he? We're a few people without family (they died off, I had parents and grandparents at one point in time, obviously).

[@nikkidarkangelpnope8400]

I have great relationships with my pets people not so much

[@ceilidho8533]

I used to love riding my BMX bike too! Recently started to ride again, it really does help. Great video, my girlfriend shared this with me and so glad to come across your channel 😊

[@_just_TK]

Ceilidh O'Sullivan Welcome to the Community!

[@GuidingEchoes]

Interesting thoughts. You can acknowledge that someone was a villain and still take the power into your own hands. After all, sometimes the other person really is to blame, and I think it's important to remember that. I see so many facebook memes and read so many articles that talk about the importance of not placing blame on others, but I think a line needs to be drawn. I can look back at the romantic relationships that didn't work in my life, and I can say - with absolute certainty - that I was not to blame for any of them. Not a single one. It's not my fault that someone turned out to be sociopathic, borderline, a narcissist or whatever. It's not my fault that I ended up in a game I didn't know I was playing. There really are evil people in the world, and sadly, they know how to draw us in. And if we're not careful, we can lose ourselves. So I think it can be extremely important to look at some relationships and say "That person really was horrible. He really was evil. This was not my fault, or my doing." And let's be honest, whether you label someone as a villain or not doesn't make it any easier to heal from the pain they may have caused. You can love a villain or you can love a hero, and regardless of which one you love, it will feel like a million swords are being pierced through your heart when that relationship ends.

[@thebrightestrainbowever3841]

Omg I TOTALLY agree!!! Thank you thank you so much for saying this! I feel this too. Villains and evil people very much do exist. And sometimes there is a clear source of blame. Indeed. Thank you for pointing it out and calling it out.

[@pauladuncanadams1750]

But if you don't acknowledge your part, you were attracted after all, you were 1/2 the relationship, then you keep replaying the same scenario with different people over and over. Yes, he/she was horrible. How do I learn and grow cuz I'm wearing a sign that says, "KICK ME"??? If you don't accept that you are the common denominator then you go through life wearing that sign.

[@kanaler5924]

@@pauladuncanadams1750 That is not true, a kid who grow up in an abusive household and is forced to grow up there or forced to go to a school in a class with abusive people didn't have the choice!! And that upbringing often is the cause for having conditioning and patterns of viewing the world and other people and getting in to similar situations without knowing how to properly protect themselves. It is something that can need a lot of healing to break that fully.

[@pauladuncanadams1750]

@@kanaler5924 it is your responsibility as an adult to work on yourself. Once you realize that, hey, I keep picking the same kind of people, over and over again, then it's your responsibility to yourself to find out why and work your own program. It may have been your childhood, your parents, whatever??? Or maybe you project or aren't insightful enough to even realize that you have a problem??? Or so grandiose as to think everyone else has problems but not you??? Doesn't matter. You have to take responsibility for your life, your attitude, your behavior, yourself. Or stay a victim, and sit there bawling while the world passes you by.

[@kanaler5924]

@@pauladuncanadams1750 you're toxic af.

[@tompalmer5986]

I've found that the times in my life when I have been the worst came after a prolonged period of near total isolation. I can still be a trial to even the most sympathetic people. Personally, I don't need a lot of human interaction, but I do need to at least rub elbows with my fellow people. I really enjoyed this topic. It hit the spot.

[@theannacorley]

I've never been this early before...

[@Katimorton]

Woot woot!! xoxo

[@Drewcatmorris]

As someone who really doesn't like socializing, or could even be said to hold most other people as god awful, how do I even motivate myself to connect?

[@KhalerJex]

"investing more in passion" what if someone *doesn't* have a passion?

[@kileennelson2089]

This was amazing, so spot on to my life and situation, down to being treated for depression for years when it was actually burnout and a toxic relationship causing my depression.

[@Katimorton]

I am so glad you found the video helpful!!! xoxo

[@twiztidmomma22]

Sometimes i fear i will treat my depression and the toxicity that surrounds me will keep me there

[@DerAua]

@@twiztidmomma22 treating the depression will give you more energy thus making it easier to get away from the toxicity.

[@georginasparks6867]

Can you make more videos about friendships? I.e. what to do when you’ve already been friends with someone for a few years but the relationship doesn’t seem to be getting any better. And other friend related issues

[@TheGmonk88]

Thanks as ever. Good video, but I actually don't crave any interpersonal relationships... it's hard work! Maybe I find having friendships difficult because the social cues are so difficult to navigate. It's hard to find a balance.

[@karlasanchez2342]

I suffered depression after I moved to Canada I felt so alone and disconnected from society. My therapist after a week of therapy told me I had a task ;) she said “ but everything aside and your priority right now is to make friends, focus on that go out meet people “ I didn’t knew how important it’s to have people around you “friends”

[@kaylakaymorgan]

and how did it go? did you make friends? how did you do that, in a place where you didn't know anyone?

[@ronmac9522]

I have no friends,. I live in isolation. I can't stand talking to people so i just cut myself off from people. Things are much better now I have no friends.

[@johncrigger4694]

I'm 41, single, and childless. I don't really drink either and just don't fit in.

[@stefanklass6763]

I withdrew from my friends years ago and just had very loose relationships ever since. Things have definitely changed, I wish I had close friends again but I don't really know how to get there.

[@_just_TK]

Human Person same

[@AMOEDEN888]

Yes , friendships are important . But ! Mention one word about mental health issues and overcoming traumas and people are crap ! I don't want sympathy or sorrow , just be kind and try to understand how I am feeling and working towards healing .

[@DerAua]

Yeah, same. I just usually want to ask for a little patience and people freak out.

[@numnum8357]

I don't have friends in college, though I think it's so important.

[@user-xn5bq8uo6o]

Then let's be friends

[@skinni_the_P00hBear]

Odelette Blue Same

[@dharavasishth]

It is like I have people I can laugh and talk but never bring up any heavy stuff it is like hiding your true mental state and your reality making it evn worse

[@rachelheflin0584]

I had a friend who passed away in July. She respected me and loved me. I feel like this video.

[@monikabarman4283]

Best conversation between two gentle ladies. I (m 17) have been applying the same method of writing down in a diary all my feelings. I introduce the background first, then the main problem, at last the solution or near solution points. It helps me a lot. Today I spent one hour & 10 minutes writing all the things bothering me. After that I feel so much relaxed. You know what I tried to tell about the method to a close one. But no attention or importance is paid towards my words. Okay their choice. But I really feel blessed that I could discover this method 12-13 year age.

[@Tensolin01]

I can count my real friends on one hand.

[@kdog3334]

good

[@katesage3221]

This video and conversation is so helpful. I shared it with a friend. It answers so many questions and not just about relationships. I will certainly rewatch it over and over again. Thank you 🌻

[@Katimorton]

Awe that is great to hear! I am so glad you liked it :) xoxo

[@Lilas.Duveteux]

I don't have friends and I feel fine. It is only natural for me. I like the freedom of it. I felt lonely before, but i learned to keep that under control.

[@starflakeminicon4110]

I really like the part about there being no villain. Really opened my eyes.

[@samantha8924]

Question what if someone in your friend group is vary toxic( she was vary nice at first but then something changed) but your best friend is still friends with them Evan after everything they have done should I leave and risk losing my best friend or stay and deal with it ?????????????

[@mgundrum3]

Another thing that can sometimes help in seeing whether you are in a toxic relationship is to take a week or so on vacation where you can't contact your s.o. (no cell phone service, etc.) Being away from the person like this can *sometimes* give you clarity.

[@Debrody1]

I have made great progress in this area. My therapist originally told me that I "was a herd animal without the herd." Very true! I am doing much better.

[@playmobil48]

What happens when you feel like you are the toxic person? It feels like a never ending toxic cycle to have your issues affect your relationships. Its like they are talking about me all throughout the video 😔

[@gentianviolet2785]

Hey, anyone wanna be my friend?

[@Lagw1020]

No. It is not important to have friends. No matter how much the effort you put in, they will either backstab you, or not acknowledge you as one.

[@devilsoffspring5519]

Good friends can be important. You're always better off with none at all than bad "friends", though. Unfortunately in North American culture, just being extremely popular for its own sake is considered the only acceptable way for a human being to live. All of the emphasis is placed on quantity, not quality. I find friendships to be mostly temporary anyway. People stagnate into normal lives and there's nothing much to say. It doesn't mean they dislike each other, there's just nothing else to talk about. Jobs, bills, somebody bought something, the house needs fixing, somebody else had a kid, I wonder if it'll grow up to be a doctor or a lawyer, who saw who where, what job title do they have, are they having more kids, are they going to get a higher paying job and a bigger house... I used to be extremely social and talkative as a young kid, but I find normal adult life completely dull to talk about and as such, I don't have much to say to most people after a while :)

[@SH-vj2ce]

Friends are more trouble than their worth. I've spent more money I didn't have trying to maintain " friends" i.e., dinner, coffee dates, shopping, going out, etc... Now that I'm 44 and conformable with my own company, I prefer it. I don't need as many people as I thought in my younger years. In fact, friends drain me. I'd rather be at home enjoying my home and hubby.

[@rafamb91]

I've only watched less than 5 minutes so far and all I can think of is how awful most of my friendships were. I think that my biggest problem when it comes to having friends is that I'm often too accommodating and not assertive enough (partially due to low self-confidence), which seems to attract selfish people. It has brought me a lot of resentment over the years, because I feel like I'm always forced into a position where I become someone's "lady-in-waiting", at least when it comes to female friendships. This is a vicious cycle that has repeated itself since I was a kid, and I have no idea how to stop it. I took the first step and got rid of all my friendships, which was a bit of a relief, but I don't know how to make new, good friendships. =/

[@guesswho5790]

Recovering resentful people-pleaser here! 🙋 what I have learnt through the years is that the only people interested in hanging out with people with no boundaries, are selfish and self-serving. Once you start developing boundaries and the confidence to set them, you will see how off-putting it can seem when someone has no opinion on anything, will go along with practically anything you tell them, etc. Now I like people that are happy compromising! Where we both will state our preferences and try to find a common ground. And other times it will be their way, other times mine... Reciprocity is such a green flag! And it starts with us saying yes or no when we mean yes or no. 💪

[@Mistwalker67]

I am a recovering Alcoholic, I have PTSD, chronic Agoraphobia a personality disorder and Manic depression so its slightly harder trying to make friends.

[@randomcat4940]

Me: *after reading the caption* Also me:no,their fake,phony,liars,and betraying monsters

[@kathybaker6977]

Wow! So on point for me as I just had to end my toxic relationship after he emotionally abandoned me when my mom passed away. Thank you for confirming! ❤️❤️❤️

[@jumbobiscuits1510]

I had so many friends a couple years ago. Don't know what happened people got married, had kids and just disappeared into a black hole. I used to have my phone blowing up all the time now I reach out to people but turns out they are superbusy and are socialising with other people with kids. They don't have anything common with me now their lives have changed so much. Talking to me helped them earlier in life now I can't help them anymore or give them what they need so I am a distant thought now.

[@wooosh8712]

I think I was super toxic so now I don't have any friends.... It's even worse because my family hates me as well so now the most social contact I get is my mom storming in my room without permission to tell me what I have to do in the house.....

[@Katimorton]

I am so sorry you lost your friends.. but know that if we are working on ourselves and getting better at managing relationships we can reach back out and try again. xoxo People can change and relationships can heal :) xoxo

[@kyvilla]

I don't need or want friends. I lost my 38 year old daughter 4 years ago and friends disappeared. I understand they don't know how to respond and may be afraid they might hurt me by not saying enough or to much. I'd rather just be alone.

[@celifacejones]

I would love a mental health podcast with Katie. Does she have one? I don't see it in the links.

[@_just_TK]

celifacejones she doesn’t yet, but she may in the future. If you’re interested, she’s been a guest of a TON of podcasts available on iTunes!

[@celifacejones]

@@_just_TK Thanks! I'll check them out! 😀

[@robot7759]

I still don't believe the phrase "people are social creatures." People are just as antisocial creatures. Either you're in the incrowd or you'll be ignored, at best.

[@guesswho5790]

Whether or not it's worth trying to mend any relationship is honestly looking back and seeing if that person is even capable of giving you the kind of repair you need from them. Sometimes you are doing both of you a favor by making that friendship fade out. If they aren't the type of person that ever listened to you when you tried to be open about something they have done... I don't think it's worth it.

[@graydonb8957]

Hey kati shure all your sayin is important and all but the planet and all its structures are collapsing what you gonna do bout that.....I think us boarder liners are all over it whilst you normies have no idea about how to cope with the in coming pandamic of scarcity......thoughts?

[@jsnkwn]

Off topic, but can I ask what camera was used to record this? Amazing quality

[@johnpossum556]

I feel like I mostly haven't had friends since high school. Recently I thought I had made a new friend and it turned out he was gay guy who was just interested in sex.

[@paigeandcedsister]

You don't need friends

[@Jenk2912]

I have my best friend (fiancé) my children, my mum and my dogs. I don’t have a relationship with my father or sister and I don’t have “friends”. People will use you when they need you, I’ve had so many people try that on me.

[@anadd6195]

Incredible work as always. :) I'm thankful for my friends and family.

[@brookerickert4046]

This is cheesy but this whole friendship convo has me thinking of the entire Kinion community, especially the Facebook group. Thank you Kati!!!