The INFJ Shadow: shadow functions, behaviors and growth tips

[@lollipopeclipse3320]

I loved your explanation of Fi critic. Exactly: it's like I pick up on others' negativity and then assume that must be what I'm feeling, too. Demon Si also is very squeamish, registering as the recurrence of sensory overload or intense disgust. I see those as moments for radical acceptance. Once I have fully accepted the disgust reaction, I know that was just an echo of how I chose to react in the past, and now I can choose something different

[@marjoriecrawford8197]

Exactly! Do you find that it helps you to have this knowledge (cognitive functions) and the language to understand it? I think it definitely helps me.💖

[@dickdilligaf9240]

Wow! Radical acceptance and an overwhelming sense of disgust our new concepts for me because I only just learned about radical acceptance but I feel like my entire life has been driven by disgust and it was hard for me to get over that and I just wanted to tell you how awesome your comment was because of the timing

[@dickdilligaf9240]

Infj male (Assertive, not turbulent type)

[@grumpyschnauzer]

This is pretty spot on. I see Ne and Fi have us dipping in fear of taking the wrong path or being on the wrong path. Probably because we don't have a good handle on Se and Te/Si would allow us to track better outside our vision for what we are aiming for. I find that being with an Ne user (I'm in a relationship with an INTP) can exacerbate Ne in negative ways. It's very easy for us to morph into adopting what our partner exhibits (which allows us to mesh with many types). When I am trying to make a concise and final conclusion, in the past I felt totally confident and comfortable with that. After a huge disruption in my life it triggered more self-doubt and distrust in myself so now his Ne wants to take my decisions and add in all these nuances that just muddy everything.

[@marjoriecrawford8197]

I'm glad it resonates, and I like how you put that about fear of being on the wrong path. Interesting about how Ne users affect you! I like to try and view it as people with our opposite functions challenging us in ways that facilitate our growth. Although it isn't always fun, lol. Thanks for watching and for sharing your insights!

[@Ost6891]

Great video thank you

[@marjoriecrawford8197]

Glad you enjoyed it🙌🏻

[@SqueakyIri]

Well, that settles it. I’m an INFJ for sure. Everything you’ve covered here is exactly what I’ve struggled With. Demon Si sets the stage for the infamous INFJ doerslam, and trickster Te ensures we all but cherry-pick the facts. But here’s the real question: How do you know when to trust your Ni in cases where external validation is forthcoming? I’m talking about situations like choosing the right candidate for the job or in avoiding toxic people. How can we balance our Fe tendency to give everyone a chance with healthy skepticism?

[@OzmaOfOzz]

What an interesting thought to say Si sets the stage for the infamous doorslam. Haven't thought about it this way but makes sense

[@amyj.4992]

I totally relate to Si

[@rjh7700]

Very good presentation! I'm going to share it with my INFJ Facebook group, a lot of them post stuff that's kinda troublesome, maybe they'd learn something about themselves and be more aware of these things in future situations 😉

[@marjoriecrawford8197]

Thank you, kindly🙏🏻🥰

[@TheKuroSheep]

I'm having a really hard time lately with my sense of self, mostly because I didn't though I had one. All this negative emotions made me search viciously por answer since I was scare to go back to my bad days where I thought death was the only answer. Looking in internet I found the MTBI and start to search a lot about the theory and how to understand me more. I went to a ENTP - INTP - ENFJ - INFJ. I saw myself in the INFJ but after seeing videos of people saying everyone want to be a INFJ and comments of people being prideful about things I normally hate in myself I felt that I couldn't be the "special" type because everybody will think that I only want to act like I'm special or better than the rest. Looking in KZbin was not very easy because a lot of INTJ KZbinrs felt like that people using the things I hate about myself as a excuse of their actions saying things like "INTJ can't tolerate useless people". I always fear to act like I'm better than others because I think a part of me really think that, like I have the solution to the world's problems, but I know everyone hate people like that. So thank you so much for being a honest and real in your video, hope u don't stop doing videos because I feel like I never see anyone that understand and see why I don't want to be a unhealthy INTJ, or let the world see my shadows and sometimes even don't want them to see the INTJ. But I know part of my problem is that I can't run from that when the INTJ type already have problems within their contradictory sense of self.

[@matilda4406]

Do you mean INFJ ? You keep writing INTJ

[@daisy3869]

good luck homie

[@grisvolonte]

Thank you for the advice you offered on NE nemesis. Do you have any more advice on how to deal with NE nemesis? I have trouble controlling that in relationships which leads me to accuse my partner unnecessarily. It’s something I struggle with and it hurts my partner

[@marjoriecrawford8197]

This is complicated because sometimes our Ne nemesis is correct. I am assuming you are asking when Ne nemesis incorrectly and persistently thinks a partner is cheating. I would work on my beliefs about the self and about relationships in general. Some examples of positive, helpful beliefs: I am a great partner. I have so much to offer. Relationships have the proper place in my life. I am securely attached. (Side note: look up attachment styles. Specifically, I would recommend Heidi Priebe's channel for this. She is amazing! Plus she's our golden pair type, so she's easy to listen to, speaks our language.) I know how to set and enforce appropriate boundaries, lovingly and firmly. (I recommend the book Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Tawaab - I suspect she is INTJ from reading her book😉👍🏻) I know how to love others without compromising my sense of self. I only choose partners who are faithful. I only choose partners who value me and tangibly show it. I move away from people who do not have my best interests at heart. I am safe with myself. I trust myself. Does that make sense? You have to look at those beliefs you want to have, see what might be standing in the way, and reverse engineer your way there. Therapy has been helpful to me personally. I know our Fi critic (self worth) and Se inferior (fear of giving a bad experience) can really feed this as well. Also, I may make a video out of this. It is a great question and a very common INFJ issue. I hope this helps. Big hugs!💖

[@grisvolonte]

@@marjoriecrawford8197 yea! It has helped a lot. Thank you so much for taking the time to give me more advice. I really appreciate it and I’ll try thinking of the points you’ve mentioned. And hmm! That book sounds interesting to read as well! 🤗 I’ll check out Heidi Priebe as well. thank you so much! 💕💕

[@matilda4406]

Ni is often right. Most times. You may need to go away for a couple of weeks to analyse whether it is in fact you or your intuition is telling you that he is indeed not the best for you. Infj's get taken advantage of a lot. Is the r/s one sided? Are you getting your basic and emotional needs met? Is the r/s fair, giving and open?

[@matilda4406]

yes, most of what you say resonates. By the way, I wonder if a very logical and a very enthusiastic personality create infjs

[@marjoriecrawford8197]

I am glad it resonates.💖 I do thing a large portion of INFJ can posses those 2 qualities you mention. And I also think it could be found in other types as well, like ESTP, ENTP, some INTP, some ENFJ (if they have developed their Ti inferior), etc.

[@matilda4406]

@@marjoriecrawford8197 yes, that is true!

[@matilda4406]

@@marjoriecrawford8197 by the way, I am always writing thing instead of think too :-)

[@EZLO21]

Yeah I know all of this all to well myself.

[@argent-kestrel90]

Its interesting I'm often typed as an ISTP or INTJ but I think I might possibly be an INFJ that was stuck in my Ni-Ti Loop for many years (Since I was 17, I'm 32 now) from trauma and that I developed ISTP traits. I took anti-depressants for many years and I heard that some mind altering drugs like that and caffeine can put one into their superego function (ISTJ for INFJs) and subconscious (ESTP again for INFJs). I also tried fitting in with my older brothers (ESTP and ESTJ) and I wanted to be in the military and I have a very protective nature.

[@marjoriecrawford8197]

Interesting indeed! It sounds like 4 sides of the mind may definitely be a factor. I would suggest taking a look at temperaments and interaction styles. CS Joseph has a type grid, which can be very helpful. For example, are you more of a people focused idealist, a maker, or a guardian. Are you a starter, a finisher, a behind the scenes person, etc. Thanks for watching and weighing in!🙏🏻

[@fernandocastro3531]

Lol, so funny they say infl is pretty much like venom from spiderman...can either be the ultimate super villain or ultimate superhero....

[@matilda4406]

it's interesting your dad is ENTJ, my mum was ENTJ, are these more likely to produce infj's ? I wonder

[@marjoriecrawford8197]

Interesting theory. 🧐My gut says probably not - I think personality type may be more tied to someone's nature, but honestly I'm not sure. My dad did help me develop my here function Ni, as well as my Te trickster.

[@matilda4406]

How ?

[@marjoriecrawford8197]

@@matilda4406 ENTJs have Ni parent. So my Dad is always optimizing the future, in a very responsible way. And he always pays attention to what the smartest people are saying with his Te hero. Also, his Te very much focuses on setting up systems and finding what works, what makes the most sense. I learned a lot of those things from him.

[@post-humangod2575]

Two years late but I think ESTPs and ESFPs are more likely to produce INFJs and INTJs. Both have inferior Ni and Parents often force their inferior functions onto their children. I am INFJ and have an ESTP father and my brother is an INTJ.

[@fraewn2617]

You look beautiful :)

[@marjoriecrawford8197]

Thanks 🙏

[@jessicafernandez6247]

Haven't found them yet

[@buckwheatINtheCity]

Just me and my shadow...😂

[@marjoriecrawford8197]

😆🖤🤍

[@OMGMuslims]

Uh please do the videos where you type people. I am constantly struggling to find content that I truly enjoy and I wish more people like us would just make the kind of content they would enjoy watching without worrying about others too much! Your ideas are great and deserve a chance to be developed and enjoyed by others.

[@marjoriecrawford8197]

Thanks for that feedback🙏🏻And for your kind words.💖

[@matilda4406]

DO your KZbin video ideas, it is fun to do, I'm starting to type people everywhere too

[@marjoriecrawford8197]

Thank you💖 Yep, I type people as well. Sometimes unconsciously, and it will just hit me - oh, I think they are this type.

[@matilda4406]

@@marjoriecrawford8197 yep, it really helps me to understand people and relate and knowing what to expect, etc

[@hans5259]

You have a TeNi type dad and a SiFe type mom. Your type is NiFe. I wonder your siblings either SiTe or TeSi type? Isn't it correct?

[@marjoriecrawford8197]

Great question! My sister is an ESFP (SeFi), so who knows? 😆🤷🏼‍♀️ We do have a lot of Se doms in the extended family tho

[@dutchmanokelley2987]

Sorry your mix up with a demon

[@JuliaShalomJordan]

Thank you for this video.🤍 I’m an INFJ and a KZbinr. I’m down with you analyzing me.✋🏻