The Key To Divorce Recovery For Men

Divorce recovery for men is different than for women. If you feel like a broken man after divorce then you need to understand that there are distinct biological and societal factors that influence the way men experience divorce and the steps necessary for them to recover from it.
If you’re feeling like a broken man after divorce, and especially if therapy or coaching hasn’t helped you achieve the results you want, that’s likely the reason.
Watch the FREE Masterclass: How to Take Back Control Of Your Life After Divorce
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Get the FREE Better Beyond Divorce App
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Join the Better Beyond Divorce Course & Community:
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Your divorce can either be the nail in your coffin, or it can be the catalyst you use to finally confront and heal your emotional wounds so they don't handicap you in relationships. You can become the best version of yourself and take control of your future.
Additional Resources
Free Masterclass: HOW TO TAKE BACK CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE AFTER DIVORCE
► resources.rachaelsloancoachin...
Guide: Emotional Stages of Divorce for Men & How to Heal within Each Stage
► resources.rachaelsloancoachin...
Dating After Divorce Checklist: Are you ready to date after your divorce?
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Work with Me
Coaching Programs ➭ www.rachaelsloancoaching.com/...
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Helpful Books for Divorced Men (affiliate links)
► The Full Body Presence - Gives gentle, accessible exercises for somatic processing of emotional pain and trauma
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► The Upward Spiral: Using Neuroscience to Reverse the Course of Depression, One Small Change at a Time
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► Breaking The Habit Of Being Yourself - Concrete tools and exercises for rewiring the brain and reimagining your sense of self and purpose
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► Legendary - Inspiration and a powerful perspective for stepping into your potential
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► The Myth Of Normal: Trauma, Illness & Healing in a Toxic Culture - Brilliant, in every way. This is an amazing resource for understanding yourself and your ex wife and finding the clarity or compassion you need to forgive.
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► Lost Connections: Why You're Depressed and How to Find Help - Intense and well researched. I would recommend this book when you are past the early stages of divorce and have a stable support system in place.
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I’m Rachael Sloan, Master NLP Practitioner, certified life coach, and the creator of Better Beyond Divorce. I've helped hundreds of men move past the shock, betrayal, grief and anger they experience both during and after a divorce, to a place of clarity, calm and confidence. I hope to help you do the same.
DISCLAIMER: I am a Master NLP Practitioner and personal growth mentor. The material in this video represents my understanding and experience and nothing more. This content is not meant to replace professional medical advice, treatment or diagnosis. Always consult your medical provider before making any changes to your treatment.
We have this whole societal story about how men just jump from woman to woman without a care in the world, or that they only value the comfort and ease of having a wife who takes care of the home. Yet that’s not what I see every day in my divorce recovery for men coaching practice.
Instead I see men who are deeply attached to their families, and fiercely determined to give their children their best lives. They are often willing to sacrifice their own happiness and give up their own needs to do what they think is best for their kids, or to win back their wives. And many of them are feeling like a broken man after divorce because of it.
I have a theory about how biology and evolutionary history impact divorce recovery for men. From an evolutionary biology perspective, it would make sense that men form strong partner bonds with one woman, and are willing to fight to protect her and their offspring so those children survive to adulthood. Naturally if he loses that women (ie through divorce) he may very well end up feeling like a broken man.
It’s my opinion that if we were willing to be honest about our own biology, and to talk candidly about the fears and desires that are rooted in our physiology and our evolutionary history, we’d be able to create a much more peaceful society with healthier relationships and far less crime or mental illness.

[@revboogreenman3910]

33 years married (entire adult life). Was quite literally and near instantly replaced (as were our 3 grown children ie, our family). 3 and a half years since separation. 2 years since the divorce. Tried a counsellor, but talking about it didn't resolve the hurt and feelings. If I give her more than a moments thought, I'm triggered, and ultimately start crying. Lost, broken and unable to restart my life at 59 years of age is the only way I can describe how I feel. Everything we built and gained together was cruelly taken from me by her choice not mine. got to take nothing but my clothes and a few tools when I left. I tried to protest what was happening in the courtroom, but the judge confirmed that this was her choice. I was faithful and loyal to her and our marriage. I went without things that other men obtained to make sure she was taken care of. In the end, her new man even got Christmas presents she had given to me. Now, I don't have anything in my name. Not even my own place or a vehicle. There has been zero fairness in this entire situation and for the life of me, I cannot get my heart and mind to release this woman. Almost zero contact since it all began, and still she gets to move happily along in life, whilst I feel like hang in freakin perpetual limbo, unable to move forward. Paralyzed.

[@Guaicoboi]

So sorry to hear of your pain and loss. If it's any encouragement to you, I have the exact same story as yours. Loss everything after 21 years of marriage and everything I worked for my entire adult life. On top of it; I was falsely accused and went to prison for 3.5 years... I lost my employment with the government, my reputation and character was destroyed. Employment is very difficult to gain with a criminal record, so I am flat broke. I am still hurting. Most of all I grieve for a relationship with mh children wjom I was the stay-at-home parent to......Hang in there, one moment at a time, you will get better and you will see the sun shining again.....trust me....

[@ivanfontaine8855]

chin up Rev.We all are learning different things at different times.And unfortunately your mrs is learning somthing she will later look back at and realize she took a differnet path possiblely for the wrong reasons.I had a divorce myself,though i was the one who chose it.Helped raise another guys kids for 18 years to be financially abused by her kids.Lyeing ,stealing.Barley even a mention of me at there wedding.But ive learned alittle and am mpveing on with my life.I like the ideas that Rachael has,dont agree men should have extra marrital affairs but its interesting veiw.

[@alexrain1188]

I feel so sorry for you. My situation wasn’t that bad but I just drove away and lived with my cousin.

[@CM-rm3xj]

Brother you aren’t alone. There’s millions of us going through similar, although your situation does sound terrible :( Try to stay positive, as hard as that is. I’ve struggled with this recently.

[@user-gl3vr5vm9r]

I stand with you bro , I’m going through a divorce and feel your pain. I wish I could move away but we share kids.

[@johannesswillery7855]

Women latch onto a man whom they view as a great catch. Men fall in love. It is very, very different.

[@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach]

Hi Johanness, that's an interesting perspective. I think there may often be some truth to it... though in general it's been my experience working with both men and women that usually neither of them really experience actual love. I think this is largely a fault of our cultural stories, especially in movies and TV, which create pretty messed up definitions of love. What I see with women is that they often mistake attraction for love. In fact, I'd agree with you - they see a man as a great catch and fall for him. They confuse the feelings of desire, passion and security with love. But men make a similar mistake. I often see men becoming deeply attached and even dependent on their identity as a husband, father or provider. They mistake the feeling of "I can't live without you" as love. But that isn't love, it's dependency. The problem with both sexes is that they rarely love one another unconditionally. Men and women are often both emotionally dependent on their partners, and can't feel okay in themselves unless the other person says, does, thinks or feels the right things. It's my opinion that neither a man nor a woman can actually love someone without conditions until they fully love and accept themselves and take complete ownership for themselves emotionally.

[@johannesswillery7855]

@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach Perhaps I am a unicorn! I fall deeply in love. I am fortunate that women like me so there is always another. At this point in my life I am afraid to let go. Thank you for your perspective.

[@hman2912]

Love the duel camera angles. Great video, thanks for posting. Made a lot of sense.

[@carlosgregory7567]

One of the main keys that I have learned is (no matter what), make yourself continually do the right thing one second at the time one minute at the time when I were at the time and so on.... And doing the right thing will eventually pay off, you can't go wrong going right and you can't go right going wrong, GOD'S GRACE IS SUFFICIENT, (HOLD ON......)!

[@user-gl3vr5vm9r]

God is the key in getting you through this my brother

[@mw1606]

Attachment Theory In Practice - interesting product placement there. Good video. I was on my soapbox recently and said the quiet part out loud. It was a sad speech. But this video, for better or worse, confirms it was both true and sad. It went like this. "Young man, as you think about marriage do not even doubt you need a prenup to protect you. You are not signing a prenup with the twenty-something earnest girl who wants to marry and have kids and says she will love you forever and divorce is not an option. No brother, no, you are signing a prenup with the 53 year old perimenopausal harpy that popped out a couple kids, can no longer stand the sight of you dressed much less in the bedroom, and now wants half your life's work to go find every thirtysomething with mommy issues to have a tryst with. That is who you are signing a prenup with, the woman she may become. She has no control over who she becomes, all you can do is protect yourself." Great chapter Rachael, lot to think about, a lot of truth.

[@shivonthadhani4738]

Good 👍🏻 advice Rachel 👍🏻

[@revboogreenman3910]

Now THAT is damned sound advice! If the twenty three year old me could have grasped such a concept it would have been done. Such a thing also serves as a damned good deterrent to her ignorant promiscuity in her fifties. Gonna make damned sure I pass that advice on.

[@ToddSmith23]

Thank you Rachael. You are a godsend. Or an evolution send whatever. You have helped me so much.

[@Darknfrog]

I've been with two therapist and I just felt judged. I just can't see how anyone can help me unless they've gone through something as hurtful as what I've been through. If I could have (find) casual sex I'd probably feel more hopeful and attractive. I know I sound like a little simp

[@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach]

I don't think you sound like a simp. You simply sound like someone who has gotten caught up in the popular cultural illusion that your emotions and your self worth are created by something outside of yourself. I would argue that all of us get caught up in that illusion sometimes (often for our entire lifetimes). It is the trickiest prison of all to escape because we usually fail to see that we're the jailkeepers ourselves. I'm really sorry to hear that you experienced judgement in therapy. That's certainly not a helpful approach. I can also hear that you are experiencing a lot of internal judgement. I wonder where you learned to judge yourself? That voice that judges you on the inside... whose voice is it?

[@mgu1N1n1]

Men, do not hesitate for one moment to put a restraining order against your female partner if you feel your safety and health is in jeopardy. Placing a permanent restraining order on my female partner was absolutely the wisest protective move of my adult lifetime. My only regret is not doing it years earlier. Men, be safe!

[@andycatsell]

How can I book a consultation with you?

[@Guaicoboi]

WOW, this explains a lot, by giving me clarity to understand my grief....

[@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach]

I’m glad to hear it. What is about your own expert hat makes more sense from this perspective?

[@Guaicoboi]

@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach I will get back to you soon. I'm presently attending two different funerals. 1 is my aunt and other a close friend from my teenage years..

[@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach]

@@Guaicoboi I'm so sorry to hear that. Take care of yourself over the next few days.

[@stanbogdanovecz1300]

That is so spot on!

[@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach]

I'm really glad you found it helpful. Thanks for watching!

[@bobbyth1]

After 25 years of marriage, I have been divorced for almost 4 years I break my heart because I have two beautiful children to Angel . I cannot stop thinking about them day and night. Divorce destroyed my dream and my future and then future mentally emotionally and financially we were living very peaceful life Very decent financial wise. I’m going through depression because of my kids and because what we have been through I went through Financial abuser from both side, my family and her family and too much interfering in my marriage and my business. I cannot trust none of my family members anymore,

[@767dag]

no chick is going tell me what it’s like to be a divorced man and the hurt

[@kilyan6191]

She is part of the con

[@carlosgregory7567]

In the beginning God created the heavens and the Earth, sex outside of marriage is an absolute sin and is fatal for the soul, it must earnestly be repented of with godly sorrow to do it no more, I appreciate several things you have to say, but we must stay and confines to the holy word of JESUS CHRIST, my wife has been gone for a year and a half after a 30-year marriage ,but I have kept myself pure and I am holding on to God and he will direct my path thank you for your concern for men.

[@ronnie.1983]

Couldn't get pass 4 mins. Blah

[@Guaicoboi]

So sorry to hear that your ADHD kicked in....but this Coach is impacting a lot of men, in a positive way....

[@kaczok1985]

​@@Guaicoboi It's not ADHD. It's the hissing mic. It hurts.

[@Champwsox05]

I'm going to feel like a million bucks after my divorce is final. After she did everything in her power to completely destroyed my life I cannot wait to start this new chapter of my life without her.

[@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach]

I hope that moving on flows easily for you! Do you have to wait much longer for the divorce to be finalized?