The Likability Dilemma for Women Leaders | Robin Hauser | TED

When women lead, bias often follows. Documentarian Robin Hauser dives into the dilemma between competence and likability faced by women in leadership roles, detangling the unconscious beliefs and gendered thinking that distort what it means to be a good leader.
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• The Likability Dilemma...
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[@tinyshepherdess7710]

Can totally relate to her description of the man at the ski resort calling her "tough" simply because she pointed out that women have checkbooks too and can buy timeshares. I have had that sort of reaction from countless men when I've pointed out the sexism behind their thinking or actions. In general, men don't like to be called out in this way. They like women who just laugh it off and let it go. But then no one learns anything!

[@joanbelmont5450]

Insecure men act like that.

[@Vaul.]

Women aren’t oppressed if anything they have more advantages in society, they are just taught to act like victims from day one and know nothing else

[@rolandekangnigan9825]

no one learns anything! so real

[@nimidi2568]

So many times in my work place, I hesitated to express my opinion because I am scared of being labeled as ‘unlikable’. So many times I shared my credit with others because I want to be considered ‘helpful’. When a woman achieves, they discredit them by saying ‘she must have a backing from the boss’ and when a man achieves, they say it is well deserved

[@kingjamesthe8046]

That’s bullshit u think all men are confident no we hAve those same fears of our peers no liking us too.

[@kdentertainment9706]

In India, wherever guys achieve something, girls automatically take the credit by saying that "behind every successful person there is a woman" both gender male & female are hypocrite

[@adrienperie6119]

This is a symptom of giving too much importance to what other people think of you and they have litterally nothing to do with it it’s entirely up to you to work on yourself, with the help of others if possible.

[@BukBrekker]

How you voice your opinion matters, you can be loud and obnoxious or you can voice it as a polite criticism

[@rolandekangnigan9825]

@@BukBrekker that actually has nothing to do with how you're perceived and all those words you just used come from the perceiver. I can be polite and it is still read as rude. the lines especially blur when unconscious biases are involved. it's never completely on one person or the other.

[@jasminjavia6445]

Remarkable speech and content. I feel rejuvenated and will continue to grow myself no matter what people think of me

[@docinparadise]

Additionally, female politicians are judged by their looks. A woman who aspires to a leadership role must be attractive but not attractive enough to be sexy. They must dress according to their gender, but not too feminine. She must wear heels, not comfortable shoes. They must be constantly aware of everything they say, the tone of voice they use, how and when they laugh…it’s no wonder there are so few women in politics, because even if they manage to find and maintain that perfect balance, the jealous men will always dismiss them as either “dumb girl” or a “nasty woman.”

[@pvallesol]

Last month I finally have a direct report to me, he was a trainee that wasn't responsible, lack of commitment with their work and just didn't care. When I started making him feedback, he told me I was being bossy. Later he confessed me that he always have trouble with female authorities. Last week he quit. The day he quit he decided to send an email to humane resources and tell them that I was a mean ruthless b**ch, that couldn't tolerate a person who made mistakes. Because of this email, human resources decided that I wasn't fit to be a leader, since my leadership was to bossy. That broke my heart and pissed me of, mostly because men with this kind of leadership are praised and congratulated, and I was left looking like an a terrible person. I have being doubting about who I am since that day. Thank your so much for this video. Your talk make me think that I'm not the crazy b that I have being called (sorry for my English I'm not a native speaker)

[@joellebeaudet814]

Same exact thing has happened to me… I « had the wrong attitude »… I was like, you can’t ask a competitive go getter to fit a snooze environment

[@kmacgregor6361]

I had the same experience. I am "too direct". I shouldn't be correcting or challenging others when they make mistakes or don't think things through fully.

[@lo0360]

Fully agree with Robin Hauser, while listening to her talk I could see my life as a career woman always working in mostly men teams , being the only woman at boards, being called arrogant when I express my ideas... it is hard and we women have to work harder than men for a piece of the cake , great talk Robin

[@TanaAKAmom]

The timing of this? Impeccable. The message, the last words? Profound. It’s a struggle to be a strong woman in a man’s world ❤️

[@MendicantBias1]

Everyone struggles with doubt, personality defects, insecurity and their own ego. Blaming a man’s world (whatever that is) may be convenient but it doesn’t excuse strong women from facing their own demons.

[@littlemule1]

Outstanding! So true, feel, experience this often.

[@_suryakiran]

This is so true!

[@elainelloyd1]

Awesome! We all have a voice " Use It " Thank you ever so much for sharing! God bless you

[@ExecutorCR]

This was awesome to watch.

[@gabiaquno]

That is soooo true! I’m speechless

[@jdepaul87]

As someone who has had many bosses of different genders, gender wasn't the reason I hated them.

[@mryogik]

exactly true. Nobody likes their boss. the qualities that make someone a leader also make them unlikeable. Unless its democracy

[@taracmonroe]

100% correct. Excellent talk. 👏

[@nancydickson7699]

*EVERY FAMILY HAS SOMEONE WHO BREAKS THE CHAIN OF POVERTY IN THAT FAMILY,I PRAY YOU BE THE ONE*

[@scottbonovan6521]

This is really helpful for my situation,please how can I get intouch with her?

[@dennissamantha1097]

I wouldn't agree less but a times we are influenced based on result of what will see and experience, failure at first try doesn't mean it is over but unfortunately people seems to back off when they have experiences some obstacle or failure along the way

[@dennissamantha1097]

You have to recognize you need an expert that understands how to read the market so you can avoid winning today and losing tomorrow. There's reason why experts like Mrs Blossom wins all the time,I was a bit skeptical but she Kept encouraging me to invest and it turn out very successful

[@markjahson475]

The greatest regret is not trying and failing but it is not to trying at allFunny enough people aspire to emulate great investors and entrepreneurs, of our time but they only see their wins and achievements and they careless about their challenges and failures during multiple trials and the lesson it teaches

[@jamescandason6954]

Who doesn't know Mrs blossom? It's been a year since i met her and I'm still making great profits under her guidance.

[@artix123456789]

The message with this Ted Talk left me speechless because it is so true. I agreed with a lot of the points that Robin Hauser made. Women are seen as kind, nurturing, supportive, and soft, but men are seen as assertive, decisive, competent and strong, and when women who have those masculine like qualities are perceived as unlikable and aggressive. It’s time to stop putting women in a box. It’s not fair- because in my opinion, it’s important to be dominant in the work force, man or woman, because it shows that you mean business and that foolishness is not allowed. Im not someone that abides by gender norms, I break them. I’m not surprised that male students didn’t want to work for or hire Heidi- I wonder if it has to do with their own insecurities or are they really projecting that she’s aggressive, when that isn’t the case at all. It’s not fair how women are only respected in negotiation when they are negotiating on the behalf of someone else. Women have every right to negotiate for themselves without being deemed selfish in society because society is unfair- and as women, they should be able to speak up and negotiate because society is sexist towards women.

[@kaylasilverstein4137]

I think there’s a LOT of truth to “people care less about what you do and more about how you make them feel” thing. It’s true, I HAVE had a few female bosses who had (to me at least) that weird unlikeability that I couldn’t really place. But you know…if I compare what they did vs what the bosses I liked did, it seemed like the problem was that they went above and beyond in trying to be tough/assertive to the point where it made them unreasonable. One of them wanted me to clean out a cart corral with cockroaches in it with my hands and wouldn’t get me a trash grabber even when I confronted her about how I didn’t want to do it without one. Then I went to the other (male) boss and said the same thing and he was like “yeah of course!” and bought me a grabber immediately. The other thing about them (the guy bosses) that everyone liked was that you could have a conversation with them about things besides work and even joke around. We had a whole conversation one day about which fast food place has the best Mexican food. Little things like that really add up no matter who the boss is

[@josholdaker8684]

Interesting perspective. i think You could possibly be correct in how Women approach leadership. i typically do better with Female leadership for that reason. A Woman will immediately put me in my place when i challenge Her.

[@mryogik]

if we do the same study on male vs female name for the work of Nursing, teacher or child care women will be seen favorable. when men behave in ways that dont fit the gender norms they are also seen unfavorably.

[@kmacgregor6361]

Interesting hypothesis. It would be useful to see that study carried out and what the results would be.

[@dellafitriamelia7581]

I’m amazed by what you have to say. Do you know Najwa Shihab, she said like that too

[@cinystarr4657]

I'll just say one thing, I'm equal opportunity as a woman, I do *not* like all women or respect them. That gets earned across the board and I think men feel the same way. Men have the same problems too. We aren't all going to like certain people for different reasons and it's not necessarily grounded in genderbias.

[@oddlyme9659]

Really? Can't bring yourself to respect people different than you as a baseline? How odd and self centered.

[@Nopenopenope6969]

There have been studies done. Bias is not always overt.

[@cinystarr4657]

@@oddlyme9659 What? Interesting example to mycomment. I'm basically saying it isn't *all about gender, maleLeaders can act the same way (good or bad) as women, so as equals, respect is gained or lost across the board - if someone is likeable & pleasant at first, sure, they get the benefit & reciprocation. If a leader is a nightmare, then I'd lose likeability and/ or respect depending on severity etc. I don't personally like being talked down to or treated poorly by either gndr.

[@Wolfighter1]

I disagree

[@Rashkbb]

@@oddlyme9659 By that logic, if you don't respect their opinion you're also odd and self centered.

[@kushal809]

Awesome presentation 🔥🔥

[@MichaelBartleySocrates]

Gender differences are very real, it's difficult to NOT make generalizations about each one. I have coached teenagers, both girls and boys, I treated them the same and it was a disaster for the girls. It's a mistake to assume men and women are the same and to treat them the same all the time.

[@nycoolj3]

Careful, you’re going to trigger angry feminists!

[@samaelmalkira9420]

@@nycoolj3 Or maybe prejudice is bad?

[@lukaszurov]

oh, the same? sure?

[@Mani67899]

It doesn’t mean one should be treated less than the other. Women deserve equal respect

[@MichaelBartleySocrates]

@@Mani67899 Yes, that's why I changed my approach when coaching girls. Not sure what your point is. This video was acting like women should be treated the same as men.

[@allanlee5817]

Well spoken piece and a pleasure to hear someone get through the whole thing without having the "like" word in every sentence

[@omnom11]

Bro! That’s the best compliment you could come up with?

[@allenculbertson8170]

God bless U and thank U for sharing with us

[@michaelaskarbova223]

This is soooo true it’s almost depressing

[@Trident22]

Fantastic Lady. 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿👍

[@LionElAton]

This is perfectly explained. Wow. Excellent talk.

[@AManavian]

The guy at the timeshare had a sales training pitch which targeted couples. If he was a pro, he would have customized the sales pitch for a single woman. So, he was an inexperienced sales rep...that's my take.

[@EnjoyingLife2024]

Unfortunately, as a woman of color, I can't push aside the likability part of being accepted as a leader. I was recently elected the head of a 500- member coalition of community organizations. One of the key characteristics that apparently won the votes for me was the widespread member assessment that I am a very likeable person. I make people feel at ease and respected when they're around me. My competence in the coalition's work areas, although important, was secondary in consideration. While I appreciate that I have this behavioral strength, I am now worried that if I show my passionate and demanding side of myself, people will rethink my leadership of the organization. So, no. I can't push aside being a likeable woman. That's not advice I can accept if I want success. This is something all women of color face, not just me. What I can do is try to be myself without hurting people when I ask for their best work. I can let others feel comfortable being themselves around me and speak to them about their hurtful biases when they're revealed. I also must not take the microsggressions and biases against me to heart. This has been hard to do because they make me feel like I'm being cut with a thousand knives. My mental and physical health stability are more important to me than anything else.. But I must also face that the world isn't going to change just because I don't want these scars. So, unfortunately , I have to keep my likeability at the forefront of all my actions. I have to accept the biases against me. And I have to accept that there'll be haters no matter what I do as a female leader so I might as well let them go on hating while living their unhappy lives. I can have a positive impact on my piece of the world through the leadership roles I am blessed to be given. That's it.I have no other choice, but to handle things this way..😀 Thank you for the talk! It made me really think! Best wishes to all of you st TedTalk. 👏🏆

[@kmacgregor6361]

I think that no women can set aside the likeability factor, if thinking of their own careers, but what she is suggesting here is that we accept that just being ourselves is worse for us individually but if we all do it we can help normalize this behaviour and change the stereotypes.

[@defenderofwisdom]

Assertiveness, though a necessary trait for self-actualization and self-respect, is *not* a valuable leadership skill. Actually. deference is more valuable as a leadership skill. Because deferring to a better view from someone under your leadership (even decisively) is more valuable than imposing your will on your team, and assertion is imposition. This imposition is best used to guard the self from needless servility and to empower the self when unempowered. But it can go too far. It is normal and fine to be assertive. I have to mind when I assert too far. Damn, and helpfulness *is* a leadership skill!

[@charltonblake9967]

It is easier to listen to suggestions when you are okay with yourself.

[@defenderofwisdom]

@@charltonblake9967 Servility and low self-esteem certainly aren't useful for leadership!

[@davidfortier6976]

Being a good manager is mostly about finding the right people, then staying out of their way. It doesn't involve a lot of "telling people what to do".

[@lgreene3580]

there are a lot of people with stereotypes. definitely. I don't like being around aggressive people in general. I've had lots of male bosses who I hated for their bossiness, and the same for women bosses. I've worked well under both types, and actually liked women better usually just because the sexism from men isn't around. you are right that there are a lot of sexist men, and people have lots of stereotypes. I agree that most women I worked with worried a lot what other people thought of them, and to be liked instead of being natural.

[@deepermind4884]

I find her very likable.

[@robertoballarino9408]

She might be a good leader, but I find her very confrontational. And it does substract from her likability in my personal subjective opinion. It has nothing to do with ones strength. All highly competent role models which come to my mind are likable and not necessarily confrontational. It shows a level of incompetency in assessing and instilling a harmonious environment. Name me one likable male leader/role model who is highly confrontational. Likability in men and women ought to be assessed by their ability of creating a harmonious and productive environment. That is a leaders job!

[@lightworkseminars]

@@robertoballarino9408 This reply is a perfect example of likability bias. Working towards gender equality is not confrontational, it's necessary. Having and communicating a bold vision is also a leader's job.

[@linhngo7398]

Can we get connected?

[@dailydoseofmedicinee]

💓

[@oliviao2238]

When Trump got elected, the perception of women changed, and we are somewhat devalued in some ways, which are hard to pinpoint. Men will view us as weak, and unfortunately, that will take advantage since new laws in place will slant towards men. Also, when ROE is overturned, things will get ugly, and it may be a fit for survival.

[@oliviao2238]

@@twuandixon8675 Actually, the implication is clearly there. Women are devalued in society even more than ever.

[@joellebeaudet814]

Absolutely not. He gave a great platform to both Melania and Ivanka, both very pretty and wise women. THE MEDIA devalue women more than anyone else. Making us insecure is a great marketing strategy.

[@oliviao2238]

@@joellebeaudet814 Fox News viewer alert

[@BukBrekker]

@@oliviao2238 Even then in female lead domains theres plenty of in-fighting, backbiting and chaos which trickles down to lack of individual discipline and self control. It makes given the fact that lesbian relationships have 4 times the rate of domestic violence than that of gay male couples. You're simply not built to lead anyone but children past the point of infancy

[@inyouall]

*FRIENDLY REMINDER* | Life is not a rehearsal. Therefore, you should make the most of every day, and do everything with care.

[@davidhawkins2459]

Keep this same energy when Black people say we face the same issues with modern racism. Also understand that men face the same consequences for not matching gender norms. Everyone's niche faces pros and cons

[@mutilatedhatred4868]

Social engineering

[@beatsbynate710]

The reason he said it's complicated is because it is commonly known that the type of stuff men are interested in like maybe tech or science tend to bore women and so women are usually not associated with that type of stuff Nerd is usually a man A gamer is usually a man An engineer is usually a man A software engineer is usually a man An accountant is usually a man

[@bonniepinney2884]

I struggle with this. I'm also a middle child... maybe there's something to it 😅

[@joellebeaudet814]

Way worst as a first born

[@chrisaugustin9181]

Her presentation voice is very good

[@latonyak.wilson918]

I think this might be her daily voice, yes I admire it!!

[@marisfenix]

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏❤️ I LIKE YOU ❤

[@Dogga10001]

I have worked with women on mechanical projects as project managers, they have been great experiences as they have been great to deal with and well organised and have realistic views on any issues that may arise. I have dealt with many a male on like projects and they are more focussed on being the man who knows what they are doing and found that they are a lot harder to deal with. Me as a person who has dealt with these situations for the last 40+ years would rather deal with a women as they have a greater understanding of the situation and are not worried about how big their ego and makes my day just that bit better than dealing with men who have no other idea other than I am the man and I am running this project and you do what I say.

[@BarbaraMarieLouise]

Hm. I think that it depends. I have various experiences. At least twice in my life I was asked to lead an association. So I became a CEO because they asked me to apply and wanted me. And they then said if I would have said no they would have been in a real big trouble cause they couldn’t think of anyone else to have all the skills that I have. The first time was 10 years ago and the second time 6 years. On the other hand I also worked as an director for operas and in this environment it was harder until I realized that the male opera singers only wanted to have my full attention. So they behaved very egoistically. But, to be honest, after the rehearsals they apologized for their behavior. So that is my experience.

[@How.Dare.You.]

Probably bc youre agressive

[@BarbaraMarieLouise]

No, probably because I’m not aggressive but decisive and I have a somewhat „motherly“ and „sisterly“ leading style. I’m used to listen and am creative enough to find win - win situations. In fact I‘m from a family with many relatives in leading positions and my father once gave me a very good tip. He said: „it’s always important to lead in a way that everyone can guard their face especially in difficult situations.“ and: „delegate whatever you can delegate.“ the last one is a little harder but I‘m learning more and more and I appreciate good work.

[@BarbaraMarieLouise]

@@DL1ONS Not a psychologist but something close to it. Pedagogist and artist.

[@adrienperie6119]

From what you said I would gladly have you as my superior, but then again that’s impossible because I’m a man and thus I would hate it. Or maybie she’s just sexist and incapable of seeing beyond her dislike of men. Anyway I wish you a great continuation in whatever you are doing. It feels good to hear sensible people when it comes to gender talk. To me there really is nothing to it. On average women and men will always tend to be more comfortable doing certain jobs or occupying certain positions, it doesn’t mean that the 75% of congressmen are there because our society is sexist. Thank god men and women are different otherwise life would be boring ! 🙏💙

[@BarbaraMarieLouise]

@@adrienperie6119 I agree with you. It’s very good that men and women are different. And the ultimate leadership is always fatherhood and motherhood. So every man who was raised by a mother was under a female leadership and every woman who was raise by a father under manly leadership. Best is always if those two ways of leading work together. Because there are traits in men that cannot be done by women and traits in women that cannot be done by men. So I think it’s very important to be team players. That’s what we need from both sides.

[@vcat417]

I like you.

[@silentisgold1376]

Bots Cambridge analytica

[@davedeny947]

Far more dislikes than likes(3000)and 100 out of 300 hundred comments removed. Isn't it a good thing that people generally don't like Misandrist, Misogynist or Misanthropes

[@bbbis5934]

Mon fils s'appelle robin hauser. Je suis française 🙋‍♀️

[@fespho]

I've met so many likable and successful women in my life that didn't had to fight for that place. Women have to loose their internalized programs of the past decades and start without an ego. You will see, what is meant for you will come to you easily without on hating men.

[@deejaxn4603]

💪🏿🙏🏿🚀

[@LindaMcification]

Standing Ovation 👏

[@1morevid]

I really think it’s people like this who make sexism more prevepant, no one thinks this stuff. Stop putting words in people’s mouth

[@LionElAton]

I mean, there are studies on it. You gonna argue that the studies aren’t real? Haha. I don’t understand. This is the bias she’s referring to. Studies have shown that women with the same qualifications as men are less likely to be liked, and people with black sounding names and the same qualifications are less likely to be hired than people with white sounding names, even with identical resumes. They’re not opinions. It’s simply the case. Unless you have some other explanation for why that happens, it’s clearly a byproduct of bias.

[@videhi2163]

Wow

[@TeamMostRequested]

👀🤔😁

[@CameronBarnhill]

Empathy is the answer she is searching for. I will never understand how it feels to be a woman, and the ladies will never understand the reality of being a man. My first thought was, "She completely misunderstands men." Which is true. My second thought was that I have no idea what it feels like to be a woman, trying to achieve goals and be socially appreciated at the same time. Nobody can force anyone to exercise empathy. But if a curious person steps out of their own perspective and does everything they can to understand the other side, what they learn can be leveraged into an almost unfair advantage.

[@chrislecky710]

Can a women who embraces her feminine perspective be as good as a male who embraces his masculine perspective in the work force? i think so actually... Our natural state of being has more valuable attributes to offer,,,, than a forced one developed for the purposes of competition....

[@iamjust1normalgirlfromindi446]

Hello...! Can you please list down the attributes you are talking about? If you want you can use an example & list down the attributes in its case

[@miriamshahidi7089]

This very well said

[@fivewattworld]

Wonderfully said and important.

[@potapotapotapotapotapota]

It becomes a likability problem when you have to justify yourself. But a real leader doesn't have to justify themselves. They just shrug off worthless criticism. They live by the motto "show don't tell". So no, stop complaining about what other people are thinking - that's exactly the reason why people don't become leaders.

[@allicedee]

Yes, and no. The societies perception need to change, and that takes a long time. And the Internet is rather polarising then pushing it forward.

[@chrisaugustin9181]

You ignores her whole point that perception about women leaders needs to be different

[@snicholson8884]

That entire talk, just went over your head.

[@alihorda]

as a leader, it is important how others perceive you. I don't understand your comment

[@igorpostoev2077]

I'd say that it worth to clearly understand that reliability and relevent skills are the most important criteria when describing a leader. I'm convinced that person who catched it would never let wrap him/herself around the finger with that stereotypes.

[@Sam-tg4ii]

When are we going to see a woman talk against all the favorable biases that good-looking women are given in society that men can not even dream of?

[@abcdrag]

How do you know if people are saying these things due to one’s sex? These comments seem like something anyone would say to anyone else

[@florentinadom6602]

When will the US vote its first female President? Come on its about time!

[@silentisgold1376]

I see you censoring my question?

[@CoolGirl007]

There's a lot of woman leadership worldwide, country, big organisation, multinational companies

[@kingjamesthe8046]

I guess she never heard of them or how women are more in college with degrees and making more than men

[@Nopenopenope6969]

Ah yes, the existence of any means bias isn't real. You serious? Lol

[@Ennio444]

Yeah, how many? What proportion? And how are they percieved?

[@CoolGirl007]

No fun to argue under my comment, go make own and fight that's better

[@Ennio444]

@@CoolGirl007 I am answering your comment, this is how youtube conversation works.

[@chrisaugustin9181]

What happens when you only dislike a comment🤔

[@Videohead27]

Broadening out a hypothesis to all of society based on businessman etiquette is not an optimistic perspective; they are generally rude.

[@slo-poke1044]

After this 4:30 it's all in her head. There's no facts in this talk , just her perceptions.

[@ME-wc3px]

Treat everybody the same - that’s a great leader - nobody would look at the gender

[@cindyb6247]

As a female business owner I can relate!

[@scatton61]

Good grief. If the timeshare salesman very really or never meets women who could or would be interested in buying a week then for you to be expecting him to be able to read your mind then the blame is with you. It is very rare for a man to be asked about his job by a woman.. Unconscious Bias is acquired by living. I I am asked to think of a tree I picture an Oak Tree. If I live in an area where people who look in a certain way are responsible for most of the violent crime then I would expect other people who also look the same to be committing more violent crime. But the real question is who's bias is the correct neutral Bias and who checks it? On average women are more risk-averse and are less likely to put themselves forward. Negotiating for others is less risky than for one's self. It is not about a perceived selfishness. I have never heard of any woman be described as selfish for wanting to improve her position. The more one makes the courses gender-neutral and allow people to pick the career of their choice they tend to pick roles that they like and women pick jobs that are about people and men tent to pick jobs that are about things..... Sick to death of people like this woman forcing their biases on everyone else as though they are the correct ones.

[@charltonblake9967]

Scenerio: I go up to all the female nurses I work with and ask them computer gaming questions then I do the same to the men. When I find the difference in interests and modify my behavior to respect and appreciate the likely interests in those around me, the speaker would tell me I have an unfounded bias despite not knowing my experiences. No?

[@roguetrooper70]

Well you shouldn't have to "Modify" your behavior, if you're consciously aware of your interactions based on their gender, then there is a fundamental problem or possible problem of manipulation. To manipulate those that alrdy work in such heavy stressed environment for one's own benefit or advantage, not saying it as negative manner but just a observation based on my experience. Which I never do because i set base by which I talk, Interact, Instr and this for me is very important.. In my briefings..i could soooo easily change the Cmdr perspective by changing only 3 words. Thats the scary thing, here's a full blown General looking at me a Cpl to say "Yes" or "No" to drop a 2000lb bomb on complex housing Insurgents..out of 7mth and a whole lot a missions.. I said "Yes" once and then a flurry of activities as the Cmd staff start paperwork and send and relaying his Orders.

[@ArtArtisian]

If your update is used to exclude people from opportunity, yeah. I think she would. I'm not sure she'd care so much if you were merely picking casual conversation topics. Though you would miss out on some excellent gaming partners.

[@ted2101977854]

I like your point

[@Foxweed]

The solution is to modify your behaviour on an individual level, based on whether or not the person like games. Even if you discovered that 100% of the women you work with do not like games, that still doesn't need to translate into an issue of gender. Perhaps the women nurses you work with are just very busy, and have other priorities. I'm not sure where you live, but in a study done in 2020, "women accounted for nearly 41% of all gamers in the United States" (quoted from Forbes). Globally, the numbers are pretty similar, with women gamers making up anywhere from 32% up to 52%, depending on the country (most places around 45%). Anyway, if you are just taking the statistics you've learned for your specific place of work, and using that info to try and make friends or start up conversations in that same setting, that's probably fine. If you are trying to take that info and apply it to other areas of your life, other jobs, women in other settings, etc, then yeah, it would be biased. Probably just better to ask, "so, what do you do for fun?", rather than presuming.

[@LegendLength]

@@Foxweed The point is you can modify it on both an individual and group level. You don't talk about COD gaming in a room full of old ladies.

[@latonyak.wilson918]

Wow this totally gave me a deeper and better understanding of myself. Just as she stated I have similar issues in my office!! It’s draining but I always smile I refuse to lessen myself to appease others both male and females. I’ve also learned those that are insecure will not get along with me or people like me. This is ok, I need them to understand it’s not me it’s them. Let me explain, this very same person will encounter another person similar to me and have the same or similar experiences. So is it me or the common denominator???

[@silentisgold1376]

Question? Can I have a scientific opinion or only those who won a Nobel Prize for language have the right not to be censored?

[@harishravishankar]

Great we have to keep seeing motivating women like Neha or Elizabeth on youtube. Hope we see more high profile channels in highest positions..

[@PkmnMasterHolly]

Yass queen, preach!

[@billwalton4571]

Nothing worse than a woman boss or a male who has the female trait of acting out of spite.

[@VZ-Warrior_Soul]

Is this still a topic ? I’m just saying, several years ago it was a thing, I think but then it faded away just as quick as it came. So I’m just saying, are they trying to bring it back !

[@anothermike4825]

Why do you have to be liked? Male leaders aren't. not all of them.

[@1Kapuchu100]

"Most of us don't find strong, competent women easy to like." That seems like something pulled out your posterior with no basis in fact. Often I find that people who espouse this kind of talk, confuse "strong and competent" with "aggressive and combative." Strength exists in more ways than just being very good and overly confident in your abilities, or able to throw your wait around in whichever way. Strength is also strength of character, to stand tall in the face of conflict without losing heart, for example. Arrogance is neither a strength nor admirable, but calm confidence is. So I wouldn't like a woman who is aggressive and combative, who tries to one-up everyone to be "strong", etc. That's just an obnoxious person. I wouldn't like that in a guy either. But someone who is confident, who takes criticism well, and is respectful even when faced with opposition? A different kind of Strength, but one I would admire--in men and women alike. --- "Now it's possible that he wanted to save me from a long winded explanation, But it's more likely that his bias, implicit or not, that as a woman I wouldn't understand finance." This assumption reeks of self-victimization and baseless assumptions. There is a third option which she neither mentions, nor even seems to consider: That he didn't want to talk about his job. It could just as well be that this guy just wanted to focus on something other than his work for once. It would line up with, as she presents it, his one-word answer when she asks about his job. Why assume he's biased against her because she's a woman? It feels like a very simple Occam's Razor here, where one must assume that he is sexist and judgemental, causing him to believe that she isn't intelligent enough to understand what he's saying. Whereas the simpler answer is simply that he didn't want to talk about it. "It's complicated" could just as easily be interpreted as "It's not easy to explain, and I'd rather not have to focus on my work right now." It's how this, and similar phrases such as "it's a long story", often seem to be used, at least in my experience.

[@moonleafteaofthemonth]

So how come men seem to get away with being "obnoxious" and "aggressive" more? Why is it when a man's being aggressive, it seems to be viewed as strength, whereas women get called "shrill"? Yes, it's true that there are definitely different ways of exuding strength. But, at least from what I've observed, there are still those who view certain behaviors through a gender lense, and that what seen as strong in a man, the exact same thing is seen as "obnoxious" and "aggressive" in a woman. That's the whole point of this presentation, that traits that are technically the same are *not* being viewed equally based on gender/sex.

[@1Kapuchu100]

@@LoskiThe1st I disagree with that interpretation. It's more that, I value a set of traits, and if someone exhibits those, I respect them. It has nothing to do with gendered stereotypes.

[@Sam-tg4ii]

4:50 "it is more likely that his bias... ." Could you please hold a workshop for us on mind reading? Seems like you are good at it.

[@BaresarkSlayne]

Ah yes, the sexism of not having your time wasted with a bad real estate deal. I have had multiple female bosses in my life, the only not likeable ones were the incompetent sort. Other times, I had female bosses that were totally competent and good at their jobs and I very much liked them as bosses and even work friends. I have never had a boss, male or female, that this has been different for. No one likes an incompetent boss. I think my current boss, who is a guy, is competent, likeable, and a bit of a pushover if someone wants to take advantage, which I don't like. In my limited experience, the women who are bad bosses make these claims the most, that I'm tough but fair and that makes men uncomfortable. This usually comes with a lot of negative aspects a boss can have, all bosses, the chief among them being micro managers. I don't deny sexism is an issue in some work places, I don't deny that there are men out there that don't like a strong confident woman as a boss and find them inherently unlikeable. I take issue with this idea that it's this thing that is everywhere all the time still. If you don't acknowledge progress has been made in a given area, you have an issue. Also, if you take paper descriptions of people and even everything out, then that makes bias appear more in the study than if you have actual interactions with people. We saw this same flawed methodology with that notorious study that "showed" that white HR people hire people with "black sounding" names significantly less. They did the same thing. All things were the same on the resumes, so it must be racism. OR, if you make all things the same, then bias takes an outsized role in the selection process. Where if you meet people that bias basically disappears unless someone is overtly racist. All of that said, her solutions are very good solutions. You SHOULD reassess your initial reactions to people. You SHOULD give people more than one chance to prove and show themselves and not rely on a snap judgement. Bias is inherent, but bias isn't racism or sexism, which is what everyone always thinks bias is. Humans, on a day to day basis, overcome their biases all the time. But biases are easy and require little mental energy to just follow, so it does take work.

[@ArtArtisian]

I find your objection to the HR methodology really weird. Like, surely you know about confounding variables and controlling for them? The bias when everything else is the same can *only* be because of racism, that's the point of the study. Your observation is that of plausible deniability; in the real world everyone rationalizes that they act the way they do - always thinking they have good reasons. People even do this in these 'black sounding names' studies - you show someone 2 identical resumes with a name changed, a few hours apart with some distractions between. ask what they think of each and why. They'll only talk about the weaknesses in the resume for the minority candidate - they'll only talk strengths of the in group. That shift in focus, the looking for excuses, is part of the racism. Surely not conscious, but it didn't have to be to be harmful.

[@BaresarkSlayne]

@@ArtArtisian That is fundamentally incorrect. The issue with that was they basically made bias much bigger of an impact than it is in real life with the study. It doesn't prove racism, it proves that they engineered a way to make bias a larger impact on the environment than it normally is. Racism is ONLY CONSCIOUS. This is what I mean when I say people interchange bias with racism, sexism, etc. You can't be subconsciously harboring hatred toward someone simply because they are a different race than you. All people have an in-group bias, but that is completely separate from racism. Sure, there is the excuses and justification for racism, we have all heard it before, but they are also seeking out reasons to justify their ideas about whole groups of people, that is not a subconscious process, that is a conscious process, that is why it's inherent in racism. If you take that same study and give black people anglicized names, they have success in nearly identical numbers as their white counterparts. That is just more in-group bias. When you even things out across resumes, you literally remove people critical thinking and they subconsciously rely more heavily on bias. In that situation, if you have a name that is the same as the HR manager, you always get hired. So Richard is biased towards Richard and any name that is the same as any friends or family members while they are at it, and you end up also biasing against any Greek names, or French names, or Swedish names, etc. In that experiment you end up with a whole lot of Davids, Richards, Maries, Catherines, Elizabeths, etc.

[@ArtArtisian]

@@BaresarkSlayne I understand your distinction then - bias and racism. However, I don't think that invalidates the overall point: ingroup bias is real, and actively makes companies worse (missed useful labor) and harms outgroups (missed opportunities). The nice thing is that ingroups/outgroups are defined culturally. So by, for example, pointing out these bias's and getting people to check them (hence moving the problem to conciousness, where we can correct it), we can slowly move culture to a better place. The talk is about several cases where bias ruled, and said bias was a loss for everyone. Pointing them out will help people catch them.

[@Nopenopenope6969]

All the incels in the comments don't understand bias. Men and women with the same exact traits are viewed completely differently. Bias is not always overt, sometimes it is implicit or subconcious. There is an ongoing problem with men having a bias that women are less competent. This does not apply to ALL MEN, so don't take it so personally. Just examine your actions and determine if it applies, and try to do better. That's it. And you are literally proving her point (the ones saying "this is why you don't get these positions", etc): she is speaking from a place of authority, with confidence, about a subject she has researched and used peer-reviewed studies to create a presentation for, and you mock her. Why? Because she is a woman, and saying something which makes you uncomfortable = seeing her as less competent. You could all be a test group for the studies. Textbook bias. She is talking about promotion opportunities, being included in social events and networking, even having the ability to have ideas approved. Not just "WOMEN NEED TO BE CEOs". It's an ongoing issue and needs to be addressed, regardless of your opinions that sexism is somehow over and done with because we got the right to vote. Edit: a word.

[@kingjamesthe8046]

It’s actually the complete opposite it’s more women in higher paying jobs more women getting college degrees. Then men nobody is treating women unfairly

[@Nopenopenope6969]

@@kingjamesthe8046 I work in data science. Show me the data that everything is fair. Burden of affirmative proof and all.

[@davidfortier6976]

Anyone who disagrees is an incel? That's mature. It IS personal, because any sort of rhetoric that points the finger at an entire group leads to bias. Women rarely judge me as me, they judge me as a man, subject to all the prejudices informed by the currently fashionable feminist rhetoric. She might not be referring to all men, but her audience is going to turn it into that.

[@ClockworkAvatar]

men and women are completely different though, shouldn't they act differently? the genders aren't interchangeable.

[@Wolfighter1]

Robin Hauser your name I will never forget. You are my F O R E V E R hero !

[@MendicantBias1]

She assumes every slight and prejudice is due to some hidden sexist agenda. Insecurity is common to all people, but failing to recognize it in yourself and projecting onto others your own faults is immature and unhealthy.

[@ArtArtisian]

There's no need for a sexist agenda for her to be correct. It's testable, the cause is probably cultural. People will rate a pretend 'assertive' boss less favorably if the boss has a feminine name. Her anecdotes are punctuating studies, things every HR knows.

[@The21Marine]

Leadership roles require masculine traits such as being direct, decsive, disagreeable, and objective. This isn't to say women aren't or incapable of these attributes, but many personality tests prove the case that men favor these traits. Society will start to see women as better leaders, when the majority of their characteristics are changed, which is to say when their biology changes for whatever reason which won't happen. Your upset at people for making safe assumptions about you, and also must acknowledge they lack the care to get to know you more to rid themselves of these biases. So why care so much about people who don't care enough to get to know you?

[@gabb05]

good points, though "leadership" characteristics are broader. It involves self-awareness, perception management, and self management. Culture and gender expectations affect perception of what leadership is, but culture is not homogeneous around the world...directness for example i would associate with communication (high vs low context communication), which differs greatly based on culture (look into Hofstede cultural dimensions)...the talk was great cause having awareness of this perception by women is important to move the conversation forward

[@crowan3664]

You gotta get the dislikes plugin and check those dislikes on most TED videos.

[@LegendLength]

Even just imagining the dislikes for some videos gives me a laugh

[@benjamindover4337]

Timeshare salespeople have precise demographic targets. They weren't being sexist. They just knew you weren't a buyer. And a man not wanting to nerd-talk at a cocktail party isn't sexist, its behaviorally appropriate. This women is seriously deranged.

[@MendicantBias1]

She may simply have wanted to be a boy and struggles to understand why she doesn’t fit in with the boys.

[@Marc-uw4lw]

Their target is anyone who will buy from them. It took the salesman just as long to ask whether there was a man around, as if he’ll be the decision maker, breadwinner or a softer target, than it would to simply ask if she was interested in timeshares. Such is life but that doesn’t make it right.

[@Prash1c]

I agree with the main point here that this lady has expressed to us. I'd say those biases exist in a world of threatened men (but don't call it out unless you want to feel the collective wrath of these dudes). That said, as for the Fintech guy... He'd probably say that to anyone... ...Because he's invested in Dogecoin lol

[@justintime343]

Whenever I hear stories like the guy pitching the timeshares, I just shake my head like: "how deep a hole has this guy been living in to not understand the buying power of women, let alone that they also know a thing or two".

[@Raygun9000]

he's probably looking for couples to sell to. when he gets a couple he'll likely pitch it to the woman.

[@benjamindover4337]

Couples buy timeshares you abdolute imbacile. Thats not sexism. It's statistics.

[@silentisgold1376]

I see the Padawan needs one last lesson.. : I do not mean to suggest that there was no poverty knowledge in other types of society, but it was of a different order.

[@joshuasuttle5104]

Fools will be fools it doesn’t mean it’s right and or acceptable but it’s true. People seem to forget that their mothers had them and without their moms they would not exist and in most cases by % your mom is your true supporter and the reason you become successful. It is not a person that gives themselves the successful traits it is their own mother that gives it to them. Without mom you have nothing!

[@outlaster3431]

I don't think this is based on gender but okay

[@Leon-pm6lr]

Females can cry

[@moonleafteaofthemonth]

I'm seeing quite a few comments here that seem to be under the impression that she's overreacting, pulling this out of nowhere, that what's she's saying has something to do with how to demonstrate strength. That's *not* the point. The point is that traits that are seen one way in men are seen different in women just because they are women. So how come men seem to get away with being "obnoxious" and "aggressive" more? Why is it when a man's being aggressive, it seems to be viewed as strength, whereas women get called "shrill"? Yes, it's true that there are definitely different ways of exuding strength. But, at least from what I've observed, there are still those who view certain behaviors through a gender lense, and that what seen as strong in a man, the exact same thing is seen as "obnoxious" and "aggressive" in a woman. That's the whole point of this presentation, that traits that are technically the same are *not* being viewed equally based on gender/sex.

[@1Kapuchu100]

In regrds to "pulling this out of nowhere" - In the context of this video, she is. She shares two anecdotes, and a single survey. That is not a lot of evidence to back up her claims about an alleged widespread social occurence.

[@tomasgomes]

Fair enough, but it goes both ways. Traits that are seen one way in women are seen different in men just because they are men too.

[@benjamindover4337]

Men don't get away with being obnoxious. Why would women seek justification for obnoxiousness by claiming men get away with it? Your claim that men get away with it is itself the sexism.

[@hot-shotlabel3212]

Does she have kids?

[@SchlangeVonEden]

So her argument is that a man tells her what he does is complicated, and she *assumes* that it is gender bias. But she wants to break down stereotypes... Sounds like a contradiction to me.

[@gabb05]

good coversation though i think this is something that happens with both genders...sometimes, ppl are just aholes or unlikeable, regardless of gender

[@roguetrooper70]

I think it depends on the work environment, because when I was in the military and changed from Cbt Arms to a IntOp, got to the new office.. and several locked and secured doors. I meet my new boss and mentor. I was absolutely thrilled after about 30mins of talking, and how my trg was going to be, so when I went on my 4mth crse I would be successful. I absorb everything that was tasked to me. My boss was very firm, tuff, fair and most importantly Paitent, and at times felt like i was on basic Trg again which was 18yrs prior. As IntOp's we are trg heavily into Facts and Facts only.. no emotion when we are doing are repts. I had such an amazing person, who i can thank for the mentorship and making sure i Excelled in our Trd, We became best friends and chance would have it...i had my 1st crse was 4mths long and my best friend also was on crse also but it was 2mth crse for Sgts. We hung out all the time...PT (Gym) out to the bars..typical army stuff..Until one night..I don't drink but i did and it didn't take much..was at our shacks on base which was good..And i told my best friend on how I am so grateful for the mentorship and soo greatly appreciated for making sure that I didn't give up because i been out of school for soo long..learning how to write a proper flowing sentences so not to look like an idiot when briefing Commander who was in charge of the whole security force during our CBT Mission in Afghanistan. And know your shit 200%. Told my best friend that this past 1 and half was the best part of my 22yrs ive been in and i wished it wouldn't ever end...and it always does.. I walked to my best friend and I hugged Her..

[@roguetrooper70]

Sorry for the bad grammar at times but just thinking of Lesley brings a overwhelming flood of emotions.

[@darqueronin3935]

If you care about someone liking you, then you're not a leader; nor should you try and be one!

[@ELECTECHNUT]

"I don't believe there is a cure...?" Seriously? That's NOT a problem solving attitude. How about turning your observations into action plans? 😎👍

[@nagitoyup6929]

I don't think it needs to be addressed.

[@wildwest1832]

I didnt really like her on this so I can see her point

[@itorres008]

You left out "like"?

[@wildwest1832]

@@itorres008 lol whoops

[@NowruzGurbanow]

So, being leader means you have to be not helpful person? wow

[@atherisGAY]

Yeah. Being a helper is pretty much the "right hand (wo)man"-trait, but it should be what a leader is. 👏