Esther Perel: The 3 Attachment Styles & Why You’re Struggling With Love!

If you enjoyed this video, I recommend you check out my conversation with dating expert Logan Ury, which you can find here: • The Love Expert: Why W...
00:00 Intro
03:02 Improving & Reviving People’s Relationships
06:17 The Impact of Childhood on Relationship Patterns
13:16 Navigating Couple Dynamics
24:41 Invest in Your Relationship
31:57 Reviving the Spark
34:51 The Words You Need To Use In Your Relationship
38:03 Transforming Conflict into Connection
46:36 Challenges of Connection in the Next Generations
49:27 Are Younger Generations Less Resilient?
51:19 Eroticism
56:44 Managing Expectations on Your Relationship
59:55 Romanticism in Relationships
01:02:17 The Power of Communication
01:06:25 Feminism, Gender Roles, and Sexual Dynamics
01:12:09 Are Couples Having Less Sex?
01:17:40 The Impact of Pornography on Relationships
01:19:42 Why Relationships Can Go Sexless For Years and How To Fix It
01:28:35 Ads
01:30:13 The Sex Game
01:35:56 The Real Reason People Cheat
01:42:41 Introducing New Things into Your Relationship
01:52:24 Actionable Advice for Couples
01:59:02 Last Guest Question
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[@TheDiaryOfACEO]

Whether you're facing challenges in love, wanting to re-connect with your partner, or curious about the nuances of human connection, this conversation offers invaluable tools to better your connections and understanding. Thank you Esther for this incredible conversation 💛 Can I ask you all a favour? If you enjoy this episode, could you please hit the like button 👍🏾 it helps us massively. Appreciate you all! 🙏🏽

[@PaulKhadar]

Keep up the brilliant work Steven, learnt so much from these videos !

[@matthewbrumage1154]

Such a good episode

[@T.2.S.A.]

my life i devote for to be there for you, nomatter who you are

[@petebarber6778]

this is a dangerous guest

[@cindyd1042]

The easiest favor, I would be more than glad to hit the like button. Thank you for all you do!! You are exceptional at interviewing your guest!!

[@hiiiroobee]

"It's not as much you want to leave the person you are with as much as you want to leave the person that you have yourself become. It's not as much you want to meet another person as much as you want to meet other parts of yourself that have disappeared in your life." oh my days this hit me sooooo hard.

[@JackMason-oq8lf]

Men are programmed to go forth and spread seed. Women want someone to pay the rent and buy the groceries. And she's maneuvered to get laws that benefit HER and punish him. The law completely ignores a man's natural instincts. Men are bad, criminal, for acting how they were programmed. Men were nit designed to stay in one place. That is one of those female-forced laws which benefit HER. She's demanding he pay HER rent and buy HER food. And give HER a baby. And love, honor, and obey......HER. She is his jailer. She has the keys the law gives her. He just wants to get laid and spread some seed. And for that, he's bad.

[@tokelomapharisa5850]

100%

[@KstoneCreator]

Gobbledegook.

[@alenaadamkova5322]

Sam Vaknin said: "100 years ago women had casual sex twice in life time. Today women have casual sex twice a year, men 6 times a year. He said teenagers are not dating at all today, to know each other´s interests, and know each other intimately, the hobbies etc. They just follow trends. he said it changed with teenagers within 10 years....while in previous centuries such big change with teenagers dating would take 100 years....like exchanging interests and innocent form of dating full of acceptance and friendhip and respect etc. so the media caused it. evenn teenagers dont date in normal fashion. if media can cause such big chgange in 10 years, why people blame only one gender. We have to stop feeling brainwashed by corporatiosn and media who spread crazy trends about looks, and beauty and perfection. Perfection doesn´t exist in long term relatiosnhips and teenagrers learn the unwanted patterns from adults and wrong media. Asa Sam Vaknin said just in 10 years the teenagers changed so much that such big change would take minimally 100 years. I like celebrities looks and talents, but if liking the cellebs creates such great change in the world, maybe we should start seeing value in other things. Not compete about who looks better in make up and who doesnt. Nobody is dating in healthy way so nobody has a real relationship, or maybe only 20 percent have healthy relaltionship, because they are dating and knowing each other intimately and emotional intimacy, and knowing each other interests, and not having sex early. People should be inspired by the old generation, where they were dating just to know each other.

[@anthonycho6344]

The depth of insight from 40 years of counselling!

[@Menelik.videos]

"The death of a relationship is when people start taking each other for granted"! Wow, I couldn't have said that better.

[@michelebknight]

“You go for people who express the part of you you don’t want to deal with.” Bam! Esther Perel is a phenomenal gift to couples and relationships! 🙌

[@melj89123]

That hit me like a freight train 💣

[@lynth]

I go for hot women I want to impregnate without having to take responsibility. Does that mean I should embrace my hotness, impregnate myself and stop taking so much responsibility? :D

[@visionvixxen]

Remember House and Wilson. This applies to friendship also

[@Dosadniste2000]

Now something I need not watch.

[@ISEEKSPACE]

I was just going to post this!! I was like 🤯

[@bluepointglobal9566]

"If you want to change the other, change yourself" gold

[@mysteriousu5528]

It was first said by Gandhi, Father of the Nation/India: Be the change that you want to see in others.

[@melbaT2770]

Not really. When I started changing for the better, my ex became more envious of me. Insecure ppl have to change themselves but that rarely happens because they blame everyone else for their misfortunes.

[@alenaadamkova5322]

Sam Vaknin said: "100 years ago women had casual sex twice in life time. Today women have casual sex twice a year, men 6 times a year. He said teenagers are not dating at all today, to know each other´s interests, and know each other intimately, the hobbies etc. They just follow trends. he said it changed with teenagers within 10 years....while in previous centuries such big change with teenagers dating would take 100 years....like exchanging interests and innocent form of dating full of acceptance and friendhip and respect etc. so the media caused it. evenn teenagers dont date in normal fashion. if media can cause such big chgange in 10 years, why people blame only one gender. We have to stop feeling brainwashed by corporatiosn and media who spread crazy trends about looks, and beauty and perfection. Perfection doesn´t exist in long term relatiosnhips and teenagrers learn the unwanted patterns from adults and wrong media. Asa Sam Vaknin said just in 10 years the teenagers changed so much that such big change would take minimally 100 years. I like celebrities looks and talents, but if liking the cellebs creates such great change in the world, maybe we should start seeing value in other things. Not compete about who looks better in make up and who doesnt. Nobody is dating in healthy way so nobody has a real relationship, or maybe only 20 percent have healthy relaltionship, because they are dating and knowing each other intimately and emotional intimacy, and knowing each other interests, and not having sex early. People should be inspired by the old generation, where they were dating just to know each other.

[@anthonycho6344]

Self-awareness is the very foundation for solving all relationship problems I think.

[@natesn0w562]

One of the best conversations on this channel. A concern: Porn was mentioned about just once or twice in this 2 hour conversation and somehow found its way to the title of it. I know it’s to drive views but I think it’s inappropriate. Views shouldn’t be all that matters. It’s not even the main focus of this conversation. On one flip side, consider the problem this can even impact on driving views: some partners may want to share with the other partner but may reason they might think they’re watching porn and will not share it just to avoid certain negative confrontations. Well, it’s their own relationship issue but porn wasn’t the focus of this insightful discussion. Something to think about. Take care! Edit: Title has been changed to an appropriate one that fits the discussion. Thanks for listening.

[@dM-ij1we]

I agree. Half the target audience has been deleted with the title.

[@zah936]

Thank you

[@zah936]

I was scrolling through the comments before watching it and won't be because I have made a rule for myself to not encourage click baiting

[@visionvixxen]

Completely uncalled for , right? Before even watching it, I left a comment that even saying this is awful. Luckily I saw it was Esther Perel and clicked that it’s just a sophomoric attempt at attention grabbing when it’s absolutely not needed. Please don’t do this again

[@user-tz2yp5jl2w]

I clicked because the title was catching. I’m sure there statisticians and marketing experts know what will get more views, of course I’m staying for the rest of the information.

[@reservedarmadillo]

37 minutes in and I stopped what I was doing (shamelessly consuming copious amounts of satsumas) and wrote my partner a message of gratitude and my understanding of how I love her. I'm pretty good with self practises but this was a great and necessary emotional nudge. Thankyou.

[@peterjohnstonfl]

Same! This was amazing!

[@dlehmann8353]

awe!

[@rohw0016]

She most likely dried up.

[@kalimiltcharek9397]

Don't call your girlfriend a partner. Using " my girlfriend " has more emotional and belonging value. It makes the girl to know that she belongs to you and you belong to her. It is going to make you both feel the sweetness of belonging to each other. Partner is your business partner, but you don't make love with her, him or have children with them, or share bills, or .... well, I will stop here.❤

[@yesSofia]

Partner is extremely common in the UK. Business partner is just that. Nothing wrong with it.

[@gabrielabezerra4219]

“Relationship issues are not problems that you solve but paradoxes that you manage”🤯🤯 I had to literally pause to process this. Thank you.

[@Random-JustAnother]

Still processing it! 😄

[@nathalie5238]

This is a gem, isn’t it? It is indeed about paradoxes and not problems. Once we look at it this way we have another perspective

[@bn8530]

You just gave away a free 2 hr therapy session with one of the most brilliant minds. Thank you.

[@adamatache1446]

Esther: “She’s absolutely right” Steven: *whispers* “Fuck” 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣 34:20

[@ZackHagood]

I was just laughing at this too when watching it 😂

[@words007]

Holy hell its true. steven is disappointed. porn is in ways PERFECT sexual gratifying thing theres no start or end of it. But there are ups and downs and lows and highs of human relationships, I like porn because of Aesthetics but for some reason i value human beings more. I just hope Men everywhere have a small future thinking ability when determining their partner. To avoid everything bad that happens to couples today

[@ceciliai.ogwude2845]

It was hilarious 😂

[@Perfumedmemoirs]

I squealed with JOY when I saw that Esther is the guest! ❤ Thank you Steve, you’re changing peoples lives !

[@reneeshakara]

same here!

[@jamaulwhyte]

Eeeeeek me too!

[@chelseathompson2796]

same! I love her

[@amywinter7297]

me too!

[@raviforyou1666]

When I saw the title, I was like "You got ESTHER PEREL"... thats the perfect guest on the show!

[@ChickenBoondoggle]

This episode has made me appreciate my partner so much more. He is my biggest supporter and someone I can always reliably depend on. Everytime I come home from work he's there to greet me with a big warm hug and a triplet of kisses. He pays attention to me when we speak, we have fiery debates but he's somehow always on my side. I have to remember not to take him for granted, as I have a self saboteur hidden in me that presents itself at the happiest times in my life. Thanks for this one

[@ameliahamilton8637]

Esther is the quintessential cutting edge relationship miracle worker that our generation is gifted with. She is to "my relationship with others" as Gabor is to "my relationship with myself". Both of these humans are angelic in my opinion, and are helping us all get thru this insanely chaotic time, sanely.

[@gracefulexit2023]

I 100% agree. Esther is such an eye-opener as much as Gabor is! Deo Gratias for the both of them!💯

[@musicguy9299]

@@gracefulexit2023 I like her mind, but, she will only have a positive effect on good people. I wish her well.

[@amykennedy7024]

YES! I love them both.

[@SomeRandomBlackWoman]

What I see Esther saying is that we don’t simply connect and stay connected indefinitely. We have to keep reconnecting. Each partner acknowledging the other is a reconnection point. Of course there must be balance, grace, and considerations but it’s simple to see that the more you lean into the small connections, the better the chance of the relationship enduring. People always say ‘it’s the little things’ and then turn away from the little things that reinforce true connection with their partners.🙃

[@Random-JustAnother]

GOLD!

[@JamesOKeefe-US]

I truly appreciate Steven's openness to discuss his own challenges. We all have them and it's helpful to hear Steven be open about them. The benefit from these videos is immense.

[@acceptingWhatIS]

Thank God I woke up to taking a great partner for granted and began to thank and put time into the connection he was constantly offering. Putting us first has upgraded everything in my life for the better!

[@DistinctMale]

❤that’s awesome!

[@ceciliai.ogwude2845]

"Esther why are you shouting at me?"😂😂 This is just precious. I love this. Thank you for this podcast. Very eye opening.

[@Doreenrrrr]

I loved how Esther checked whether she had been shouting (Stephen let her know he was just joking) - a subtle show of humility and concern on Esther's part.

[@silviak.s.8236]

I agree! Yes! Intelligent humor (friendly) is a very good beginning 😃 for a great conversation like this 👏

[@JacquiCryer]

I’m 59 next week. Have followed this woman for the last 4 years. Fabulous knowledge gained

[@SWOTHDRA]

You over the hill tho, nobody checking for you

[@CJM527]

Happy birthday next week 🎉

[@tel5690]

Esther is so good....she asks the right questions and breaks it all down in several minutes and you feel like damn.... That makes total sense how you explained it.

[@anthonyfoti9718]

The diary of a CEO is the best podcast out there. I have seen at least 20 episodes and they are all 🔥. Each time I think that its my favorite one too. The quality of guests are unmatched. I love how it's intellectually based and not argumentative. If you want to get your knowledge up and get empowered to understand yourself and the world better, make sure you tune in often.

[@queenofthebutterflies5212]

Couldn't have put it better

[@missjaxsyn]

Yesss!!!! I’m always intrigued and constantly learning something new

[@Shane071080]

Agreed! ❤ the PROFESSIONAL QUALITY

[@LisaPFrampton]

He also asks excellent questions.

[@mikeymike2115]

My partner and I plan to watch this episode together. For 40 years, I have been so naïve about the level of work required in a relationship. My partner has taught me this in several ways including encouragement to look at certain situations in a different way. I love her so much for opening my eyes and showing me how to be a better person.

[@winstrolchurchill821]

I do understand what you are saying but so many times if it needs so much work it’s the wrong person

[@JaneThatcher89]

♥️♥️ Aw, Thank you for sharing this! May I ask, what has she said to you, that was eye-opening/caused you to think differently? I would love any advice you have, because your comment was insightful and I want to help my husband kindly, as well as myself, to improve our marriage!

[@mikeymike2115]

As I found out 1 week after this post. My heart shattered. @@winstrolchurchill821

[@evalebedinsky3830]

@@winstrolchurchill821would you say the same thing if someone needed to learn skills for their job and If they said they were naive about what a certain job took, would you say it’s just not the right fit? Usually we say that you have to be trained and taught for particular jobs and it’s the same for relationships. Most people just aren’t taught listening and communication skills, emotional regulation and skills of connection. These aren’t things that come naturally to everyone, but women tend to be taught these skills earlier in life through their friendships and through others expectations.

[@winstrolchurchill821]

@@evalebedinsky3830 yes you’d be sacked fro:the job is wasn’t the right fit before naming yourself the right fit they wouldn’t give you that time

[@jenn_4174]

Esther Perel has changed my life simply by me watching her videos and reading her writings. What a brilliant mind that is a gift to our world! Can’t wait to listen to this entire episode!

[@thekeysman6760]

Definitely a brilliant mind, but one which misused the word 'literally' within the first five minutes! 😉

[@Joan-COYI]

@theykeysman she speaks 7 languages and English isn’t her first language, I don’t even know why I’m saying this but please, give her a break.

[@thekeysman6760]

@@Joan-COYI Just an observation. No "break" needed, especially after the fact! Literally means the same in all languages! 😉

[@willudallmusic]

@@thekeysman6760 how many times in this comment section are you going to raise this point?! 🤦🏻‍♂ no one is taking the bait.

[@thekeysman6760]

@@willudallmusic I mentioned it a few times where people were praising her ridiculously whilst ignoring her mistake. And? It was ages ago now. Get over it. There is no "bait" just fact but you are baited, it seems!

[@neemaaraka_Psychiatrist]

She was an obvious guest to this podcast. I knew it was just a matter of time. She really is magic. She observes and sees details in things with such ease and incredible clarity. As a psychiatrist, I'm amazed by her therapy skills. I know she studied, worked hard but it always seems to me like she was just born this way, with knowledge and experience. I haven't watched this episode but I'm certain I'll love it. And that my comment won't change.

[@markgaudie80]

You have to watch it or even listen to it in podcast form. It’s amazing!

[@thekeysman6760]

I'm sure you're right, although she misused the word 'literally' within the first five minutes. Which is strange.

[@user-po9ne6tx1c]

@@thekeysman6760 well, English is not her first language so, it might happen.

[@thekeysman6760]

@@user-po9ne6tx1c True. Yet most people use words correctly. Using a word incorrectly is suspicious!

[@polichch]

From the whole podcast if that’s what stays with you.. that she used a word incorrectly.. it’s says a lot about you, not that much about her. Suspicious 🙈… this woman intellectually and on the level of emotional intelligence is way above the average level, so yes, not everyone will get what she is saying. And it seems to me you definitely have trust issues.

[@christineshah7330]

A simple testimony to the impact of connection: My husband and I have been married for 23 years. 3 kids. Started a small business. Death of my adored father who had Alzheimer's and I helped with his care, his beloved grandma died, my beloved grandma died. Our oldest son was diagnosed with autism and ultimately died in his sleep at 19. Money struggles. Friendship ups and downs. He has had a health struggle culminating in needing a pacemaker. So. Much. Struggle. So much pain and heartbreak but also so much joy. We adore each other totally and passionately. How did all of the problems not tear us apart? We turn to each other. We talk. Multiple times a day we simply say we love each other or we kiss or we check in or we call or we send a text and EVERY NIGHT we cuddle and talk about what is on our heart, what happened that day, whatever and usually end up having sex or at least making out. Physically connected and emotionally connected. Our connection has kept us alive and okay. How else do we survive losing our son? Our family? The challenges of autism? If you love you talk and you touch throughout every day. It's basic.

[@user-cz5lj2vx1f]

I feel SO MOVED by your comment. I wish that I had been able to build such a loving connection that could weather through life's storms and struggles. Wishing you and your life-partner continued sailing together on this sea of life.

[@christineshah7330]

@@user-cz5lj2vx1f I said it is basic, and it is, but it isn't easy. Millions of intentional kindnesses. Good hearted forgiving. Saying how you REALLY feel out loud but with love. Definitely has to be done as a duo. You can't create it with someone that isn't creating with you.

[@DannyRanger2023]

34:21 I love this part. You can subtly hear Steven’s realisation of something needing to change in his own life. After listening to a lot of these I think this is one of the best, because what Esther is saying is being applied to a real world scenario with real world introspection. Love it.

[@anoncspan4129]

The funny thing is you can hear him utter, "f#$-" after she says, "she's right." I'm glad you pointed out the timestamp so I could go back and catch that on the second play through. Happy new year!

[@ntildesley2071]

I found myself surprised he was not aware of his own stonewalling and turning away from his partner, considering he's been to conflict resolution and has this job. But his job is causing the very relationship issues that he's trying to unpick, or rather his poor boundaries to put his laptop away when he doesn't even get home until 9am anyway, completely blocking his partner out of his life. It's fascinating to see how we can completely fail to accurately see ourselves and our impact in the relationship.

[@Rett-qv7ti]

This is terrific advice for reasonably healthy minded people with high emotional intelligence who simply need educating. Many people however, lack the EQ and empathy to recall and apply these strategies regularly. Bottom line- choose your mate wisely.

[@rubyreduxx]

Hands down the best guest on this show to date this lady KNOWS what she’s talking about

[@monicam7782]

I feel like I've watched a semi-psychotherapy session and semi-interview. Thank you Steven for being so frank about your own relationship. ❤️🙏🏽. I learnt so much about myself in this hybrid format.

[@fromalko]

I'm curious of what question Esther left for the next guest. What a gifted human being she is. So much wisdom, kindness and comfort has she offered. I listen and re-listen to her interviews at least once a month, and every time I learned new things about relationships or about me. I'm just so grateful for her

[@oscarellerbe2285]

It took me all morning to listen to this 2 hour conversation bc I kept pausing to process so many points being made. My Saturday morning was this podcast & coffee. This type of quality conversation is necessary in a world of empty clamoring & ego.

[@relaxwithme__]

She shares so many gold nuggets that are not often not shared in conventional relationship advice. 🔥

[@UWABEAUTY247]

"I've been waiting for Esther to speak on this topic." Heartfelt. Steve, you are changing lives one person at a time.

[@simuliid]

Wow! This was my favorite conversation so far! Esther has sooo much to share. What a beautiful and generous soul ❤

[@snipcastio]

Here is a summary of the episode from Snipcast! *About the Episode 🎙️* Esther Perel, a renowned love and sex expert, discusses the complexities of modern relationships, the impact of societal changes on intimacy, and the reasons why men may prefer pornography over their partners. The video delves into the dynamics of desire, communication, and the effort required to maintain a fulfilling relationship. *Key Takeaways 💡* - Love requires continuous effort and is not a constant state of enthusiasm; it involves actions like giving, receiving, sharing, and exploring. - Childhood experiences influence adult relationships, but individuals can rewrite their stories and change their impact. - Patterns in relationships are co-created by both partners, often forming a figure eight loop of triggering each other's survival strategies. - Acknowledging and appreciating each other's efforts can strengthen the connection between partners. - Divorce laws have shifted the focus to the health and happiness of the couple for maintaining the family unit. - Conflict in relationships is essential for equity and justice, but it requires productive management. - Society's expectations for one relationship to fulfill all needs is unrealistic; relationships are paradoxes to be managed. - Men do have emotional depth and can express feelings when given the opportunity and support. - Both men and women have similar needs for connection and intimacy, despite societal socialization suggesting otherwise. - Fear of rejection is a common vulnerability for men, and pornography provides a sense of security by eliminating rejection. - Sexlessness in relationships should be defined by the quality of sexual experiences and connection, not just frequency. - Open and honest communication about sexual desires, fantasies, and boundaries is crucial for a fulfilling sexual relationship. - Cheating in relationships can be a way to feel alive and reconnect with lost parts of oneself, not just about sex. - Novelty and seeing one's partner through the eyes of others can enhance attraction and desire within a relationship. - Sexual privacy and creating an erotic space are important for maintaining a passionate relationship. - Understanding and accepting each other's individual erotic desires is key to a satisfying sexual relationship. - Active engagement and vulnerability in relationships are necessary for growth and avoiding complacency. - Valuing and cherishing the relationship involves actively seeking novelty and maintaining effort.

[@copa1856]

Thank you! I really do not have 2hrs to spare to watch this.

[@Ladyloubna]

Thank you so much ❤ It will help many people who doesn’t watch all the episode for some reason ❤

[@ninabradshaw2267]

25 mins in and I'm already in tears. Esther has hit the nail on the head. ❤

[@staj]

Utterly Phenomenal Guest! She’s probably the most impactful speaker I’ve found online till date. Thanks for getting her on to share the much-needed message. Keep up the Great Work.

[@dovdougherty634]

whoever edits the openings for your videos does a great job - they get me every time!

[@zariDari]

I did't want this episode this end. She is phenomenal. Everytime I listen to her I learn sth. Thanks for this one A LOT

[@1cocobeware]

Your Playlist organization is seriously light-years above the rest SO APPRECIATED

[@QueenPattyJorge]

This will be the converstion I will be back to every so often to help align my perception of my relashionships. This was therapy. It spoke to me from begining to end. Fantastic work for both 🙏🏻

[@jayt2473]

This interview is absolutely enlightening, I will have to rewatch it several times to soak it all up as there is so much here - Thank you!

[@dooshimastone]

Absolutely brilliant conversation! I feel so enriched to have listened to this. Thank you Steve and Esther 🙏🏾

[@top500reviewer]

No one is like Ester! She is so unique and knows so much about dynamics in relationships. Love her.

[@wandat7275]

I’m so happy you finally interviewed her! I’ve been waiting for this!

[@muntkins]

I love Esther, she help me to survive a betrayal on my than 17 years marriage. The relationship didn’t survive, but her wisdom will never leave me, thank you!!!!!

[@edena2769]

What an amazing, smart, intelligent , articulate lady. How much knowledge she has! I am 62, and I found myself agreed with every word she said. I am sooo happy I found your podcast Steven. Your interviews are the most interesting I have ever seen. Thank you ❤

[@Tren.T]

This was by far the best episode I have watched. Extremely profound. I need to rewatch to internalize these gems of perspective.

[@asmach7792]

Oh my god, what an episode, so captivating and so relatable, I havent heard a so compelling podcast in long long time. You have a feeling that she understands you and is just saying all the right things. I havent finished the episode and I already want to listen to it again, I'm sure I missed some valuable information

[@antoniariboni8537]

Esther perel is a such a source of expertise, wisdom and experience when it comes to relationships. Thankyou for having her a guest🥰

[@julie5705]

I’m just at the part about interdependence. “They (partner) have a presence and a meaning to your life. That’s the secret to a connection I couldn’t do it without you. I couldn’t do this if you didn’t do that. That’s the interdependence” What a marvellous conversation between two brilliant human beings. I look forward to telling my partner how much they mean to me and balance my life ❤

[@reneeshakara]

Me too! Rather than sorry I couldn't do this or that which puts the speaker in a more powerful position

[@wendythiel2059]

Dont only say...show it!!

[@Mideezhanti]

I've listened to a lot of interviews with Esther, and this is by far the best. Brilliant work, I learned so much thank you!

[@missjaxsyn]

Before this episode, I knew nothing of Esther Perel but now I love her and will be reading her book. I’ve learned so much within these 2 hours !! ❤

[@kevinswett1964]

cannot believe how profound this woman's words are. insanely wise and insightful. lightbulbs going on with practically every sentence she speaks. thanks esther 👊🏽

[@naserianmanyando9849]

She is amazing! I am humbled by how grounded she is. Thank you for this episode,you were both brilliant!

[@janetkirilova]

Esther is absolutely phenomenal! Pure preciousness! I am out of words to describe how much I appreciate her and her work. Thank you, Steven, for doing an amazing work with this podcast and your guest selection. I always enjoy the episodes so very much.

[@nikyatujusu8561]

“It is in the presence of the other that we know who we are.” Immensely profound.

[@user-fc3mb6qm5r]

Wow, I wasn't going to watch this but figured why not I have a little extra time to actually watch it. And boy, am I glad I did. This woman is very well spoken and knows how to express the things that plenty of people want to but don't know how. (Esther, I am thankful to you for sharing your hard work and information) THANK YOU!!!! HAVE A GREAT DAY

[@hrdirector9315]

This was one of the best personal accountability relationship focused podcasts I have seen a long time. Extremely simplistic but difficult for many people to absorb.

[@gk_coach_mario3843]

Shes just unbelievable intelligent, articulate, and profound. Loved this episode.

[@annamccormick4458]

So excited to see two of my favorites talk! In such admiration of these two. Thank you so much for doing this!!!

[@kylemonti1711]

I love hearing him under his breath swear, "F***". Because its the moment when you realize you've accepted accountability and how you have created that issue.

[@erdosandrea]

I love Esther !!! Was so happy when I saw her as your guest. She is a real treasure ❤

[@OmzLaw]

Wow... this podcast is probably one of your best ones, hands down! Esther is a poet. My partner and i watched it together and stopped several times to hug one another and say how much we appreciate each other. Thank you for this ❤

[@JGF08]

I have been watching Esther Perel for years and I never tire of her wisdom. Everytime I see her / listen to her speak, I feel like I’m learning something new. She never seizes to amaze me.

[@monikab3413]

What I like the most about this podcast, beside these quality guests and the information they share, is the lack of interruption from Steven's part, the fact that he is truly hearing and listening to them, along with his openness by bringing personal examples too, rare qualities nowadays.

[@c.schuster7353]

This podcast is life changing and so needed in our modern world. Thank you Steven for your dedication 🙏

[@annerocks21]

Thank you to both of you for sharing this wonderful exchange with the world. Esther Perel’s knowledge and dedication to human relationships is second to none and your questions and vulnerability were instrumental in leading this beautiful discussion. Thank you! ♥️

[@luzfeldmann6690]

I have followed Ester for several years now. This is one of her best ever.

[@iDrumGod]

I am so beyond grateful I found this channel. I could listen to these podcasts 24/7. The audio quality. It’s pure informative ASMR.

[@peaceemezue]

I was so pleased to see Esther as a guest I have been wishing and hoping that Steven will invite her. I love love her I have followed her for years and I must she is a witch as Steven says she is so good and warm. She changed my life. Thank you for bringing Esther

[@artaiesalniece1560]

This channel is SIMPLY THE BEST! Since I saw the first episode, I’m literally hooked on it. From each and every interview I learn so much and especially this one - just after listening first 35 minutes, I got a courage and spoke up with my partner about a topic that was bothering me for a year already. We didn’t fight, we didn’t raise voices, we just explained the points of view of each one. It was a great constructive dialogue after which both of us got to the middle point. Both happy. And all that thanks to this podcast that reached the deepest corners of myself. I told to my partner “being in a relationship makes you discover the things about yourself which otherwise you’d never face.” He couldn’t agree more. Thanks Steven and Esther 🙏 ❤

[@WildSimoom]

There really is something special about Esther. Thank you for having her! Great interview and great questions as usual!!

[@RyanZobeiri-ir8pr]

The best two hours that I've ever spent listening to a podcast

[@Oturtlegirl51]

Man, this conversation was pure gold, and so unspeakably sad to me. She's described my first marriage that shouldn't have ended, but it did. I wish this information would be included in every high school curriculum. We are all so unaware of how impactful our childhoods are to what we bring into our early love relationships. If we knew better, many of us would do better.

[@felixmidas3245]

I am not unaware of that. Speak for yourself!

[@iDrumGod]

@@felixmidas3245good for you..?

[@lowlowseesee]

Yes people are stuck on astrology and tradition. Where as a personality test, attachment style test off of psychology websit and incest, Rais and emotional abuse courses would serve us much better

[@lowlowseesee]

Rape, consent^*

[@thetruth2230]

What a brilliant woman! I love the way she breaks things down and explains relationship problems. The hard part is executing the solution. People are lazy and often would rather quit and try again later with someone else.

[@susanrosegale6646]

Ester Perel is masterful at discussing relationships and Steven Bartlett is equally masterful at interviewing - what a great show, thank you!

[@sallydowding]

What a wonderfully eloquent lady with a frighteningly deep understanding of human nature. Her English is so much better than the interviewer’s too; thank you for publishing this dialogue.

[@Melisse888]

Steven, an archetypal avoidant in relationships, believes his worth stems from the businesses he operates. His preoccupation with being "busy," a guise for feeling important, keeps him from giving attention and love. He links his value directly to his business success, leading him to feel deep down that he's inherently "worthless." This belief also hinders his ability to value his partner, who sees worth in him. Subconsciously, he thinks, "If this person values me, whom I deem worthless, then she must be worthless too." Unfortunately, no expert advice can help him overcome this mindset, only a significant loss, like the end of a relationship or business, can. Stripped of these elements and forced to confront himself, he will initially develop an anxious attachment style, overcompensating for past neglect. However, when this approach becomes too painful, he will eventually come to recognize his inherent value as a human being, learning to love himself despite his flaws, failures, and insecurities. This self-acceptance will lead him to become his true self, adopting a secure attachment style. (Mark these words by an ex avoidant founder/ceo)

[@marybethweiss-thomas2665]

Yes!!! You to the heart of the matter and articulated this so eloquently. I had a partner like this and it hurt me so much. What he was saying about his behavior triggered me. Thank you for sharing your insights. You helped me have more compassion and understanding for people who behave this way and reminded me that it comes from low self worth and insecurity. Thank you❤!

[@anoncspan4129]

Loved your comment and the first responder to it, as well. Coincidentally, my partner, also a Melissa, is an unaware avoidant, now having her semi secure, turned chasing anxious partner, me, is in a single-sided healing process. And I totally appreciate your commentary. I thank you, Esther, and all the others that are there to share productive perspectives that help expand the imagination of possible fruits from various efforts of love and understanding.

[@Melisse888]

@@marybethweiss-thomas2665 💕

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

It's not an uncommon scenario. Can't help feeling that his current relationship won't last; there's too much exposure given in these interviews by him. I also think that his current gf is very much ms rn. I think he's dissatisfied with his relationship and trying to make it work. He wants his next level gf and either they're not checking for him or he's too busy to look right now.

[@bennywright12]

This individual is remarkably astute! I've unravelled his approach: he invites a guest and scrutinises their content for spikes, identifying the topics that generate significant engagement. Then, he cleverly tailors the conversation to focus exclusively on these high-impact topics. For example, a guest might experience a spike in viewer interest when discussing certain subjects in their videos. He compiles these spikes from numerous videos, shaping his questions and discussion topics around them when interacting with the guest. This method ensures the conversation is always centred on the most resonant and engaging subjects. Genius!!

[@tracymartin287]

OMG I feel like everyone needs to hear this... This conversation can be true healing.

[@amaria6392]

Esther is truly a master of human dynamics - beautifully playful and deep concepts never better said - thank you for explaining and thank you to DOAC for making this accessible

[@oriain81]

She really knows her stuff. Excellent explanation on the dynamics of a relationship.

[@a-framesurfmedia]

My favourite relationship specialist and my favourite podcaster. Thx Steven! You are fulfilling your promise… making the show better and better and better… kudos.

[@ingridhalls1538]

"acknowledgement is more important with time, rather than less important " . It's like good manners , and appreciation with your spouse is forever!

[@Random-JustAnother]

The more... the More!! This is me. Right this moment. The more Gold that pours out of her mouth, the More clips of this video I make! Seriously!! I truly feel BLESSED to have heard of Esther. And at the same time I'm listen, I find she's coming to MY area in a short time! WOOT! ❤

[@thulaniyeyeyegumede9054]

This lady is something else!!! Wow!!! She’s a philosopher - a great thinker, she is. First time drinking from her well. This is great… no gimmicks 🎉

[@AnnieB8844]

I am actually slightly proud that a large part of this I figured out on my own:). In my relationship, I stopped looking at her being EVERYTHING. I just looked at how much she gave/gives me, and that that was a LOT. I realized that some things in my life I would not be able to have with her (some hobbies and interests), but that I could still do those things on my own or with other friends. And once I realized that, I became extremely happy and am in a very happy relationship:).

[@PbVeritas]

What amazes me the most is the fact that this is news to so many people...

[@anthonyrhuggenaath2103]

I've discovered Esther many many years ago and one of her expressions that stuck with me was: "Sometimes it takes 3 to tango". She is brilliant!

[@TsvetyGoberova]

I wish I could subscribe over and over agian to this podcast, everytime I watch the new episode. It's the only podcast I watch/listen to and it has all I need in all my life aspects. Thank you!

[@nefiseHphotography]

I have been waiting for this conversation with the brilliant Esther and WOW it didn’t disappoint! Steven you did an incredible job at facilitating such a rich conversation with asking intelligent & diverse questions, sharing your own insights and as always, bringing yourself & your experiences to the table about sex & relationships. I will definitely be sharing & recommending this conversation to those I hold dear in my circle. My only negative feedback is the title of this podcast which only touches on the subject of porn and which I don’t think is reflective of this conversation as a whole.

[@NKKASH1984]

I have been a follower and supporter of Esther Perel for many years. I would love to see her on more guest podcasts and maybe hear real life stories. So many ppl would benefit from her studies, advice, experience. Thank you for this episode! 🙌🏻

[@TamarChante]

Brilliant conversation! Esther is a genius. I love listening to her, having insights, and feeling more alive & inspired!

[@michaelabohackova8266]

First of all WOW - I discovered this podcast just recently, but I already know I will be coming back very often, because the quality of it is absolutely undenyable. It seems so easy, when someone does a podcast, you think to your self: "there Is nothing to it, i could have done that too". And in some cases it may even be true, but here you can feel how much work is beeing put into the podcast, it is information-rich, structured, thoughtful and inspiring ❤ So I thank you very much for the great amount of time, heart and work, that has been put into this, it really is precious 🌟 And secondly: Very interesting thoughts have been said in this particular episode, but one that striked me in the end od thé video was "under criticism there Is always a wish". I wonder now, what to then do, when criticism occurs in praxis, how to respond, what to do with it. It may be, because I recently had this situation with my boyfriend - I accompanied him on thé way to thé trainstation And we were in a hurry (thé train was leaving soon). It has been snowing for like 2 hours already when we left thé house. My boyfriend had a very big suitcase, which was heavy on its own and with all thé snow on thé streets it was challenging fór him to go very quickly. He actually went even faster then me, eventhough he had the suticase, probably cause je had do much rage about thé situation. We got to thé station in time for the train, but my point Is, that along thé way He started criticising the Snow And then blamed the city (or like thé relresentstives or leaders of thé city) for being incapable of cleaning its own streets. It was two days before christmas And I dont know, why thé streets were not cleaned, but thé next day thé snow was melted And maybe they calculated that, or maybe before christmas there was not enough workers who would ve willing to work on holiday time for the money given And thé money given to them could not have been bigger, because there Are other things city invested thé money in... I dont know. But I was stressed about thé situation too And I didnt start cursing others fór my own incapability to get out of thé house eralier to avoid missing thé train because of difficulties. He criticized thé city because He wished for cleaner streets. But that wish could not have been fullfilled, so we were stuck in this bad situation. Thé saying in the video was probably ment fór criticising the other in a relationship, about which we mostly can do something - we can talk about the things that we wish and then try to fullfill the wishes, try And change. But in cases like these, where thé partner Is mad about something external - And He Is mad about such stuff a lot - what can I do about it? Because it makes me feel sad, that He cusses about this kind of things ... You know some things se cannot change, nit just in the moment, but maybe like never. So why let those torture us? Maybe I am thinking about this wrong And I would be happy, if someone corrects me and brings me to a better understanding of thé situation. I will discuss it with my partner too. But I dont like this begaviour And I dont know If i should like it or not. Because maybe it Is useful in some way, i just dont see it... Too May thoughts jejky... Thanks for reading till the end 🫧🌱🫧

[@nosindisomyeni]

This was interesting open therapy session 😊. Always informative. Lot of self reflection. Thank you both for this

[@dennisitsme]

Such an amazing episode! I wanted to never end. Great job! Please bring her back again on the show!

[@tracysevolution]

having both Alain and Esther has made my heart swell. Truly awesome .

[@zadabeasley]

Esther Perel is simply the G.O.AT. Of the evolution of healthy relationships and human sexuality!! Great job being vulnerable and willing to learn another perspective, with the intention of applying the learnings. The segment on connecting was spot on! Cheers 🥂 to seeing an increase in healthy people having healthy relationships! Love is after all a choice we make despite how we’re feeling. ✨✅ Put your tech down and get outside! 😅

[@M1N1Girl007]

NO SHES NOT😂😂 Sue Johansson was the best. She had her own tv show on Oxygen for years and was relatable. She was a Nurse Practitioner and Sex Healthcare professional. This lady will never compare and this lady a man hater.

[@PhonkEcho]

its always healthy when the woman get what she wants, screw the man. what a load of crap. Dont simp for no bih guys!

[@CarolynsLoveRickshaw]

Ester IS magic! Shes a blessing to this world. Dear lord give me a fraction of Ester’s wisdom around relationships, dear god please 🙏🏽

[@teodad]

Such a great episode! Love Esther, her videos have saved me in the past when I struggled with a huge breakup... everything she talks about makes sense