The Major RED FLAG You Should Never Ignore In A Man (Matthew Hussey, Get The Guy)

[@journeyevolution8653]

Refuse to be less because someone is unwilling to be more.

[@aleahh69]

Love that

[@KatErina-ii6ru]

Uhg! Good one :)

[@Jkl306]

👍

[@ladennayoung2939]

😊

[@mitzilou9560]

I gave my ex fiance chances more than he deserved bc i see past his shortcomings. He left me twice bc he can't handle pressure and reality and saying he don't feel the same way towards me. One time last week, i got weak and opened up how scared i am about our future, i just want him to reassure me, give me the security we all deserved but he was making inappropriate jokes, he mocked my needs. He made it clear too that no compromising, no improving, no growing (which we both needed) he said he will rather see all the goodness in the world and be happy always than face the real world. I just want us to meet halfway but instead he wants me to fit in into his bubble.. i left, few hours later dumb move i begged but he said "its too late" made me wonder so much things on why he said so He even insisted it was my fault bc i want to change him, (which is far from that, he sees growing together as negative) he is blaming me that i left when i begged. He said he won't change whether it is for good...

[@thelovely961]

Basically he doesn't love her, when you love someone, you naturally just want to make them happy.

[@carinamaren7779]

he just wants a pet and admiration not to be lonely. Probably because he thinks he's an idiot and nobody would ever stick around for him. IT MAKES HIM FEEL GOOD ABOUT HIMSELF TO HAVE SOMEONE BECAUSE HE FEELS LIKE SHIT ABOUT HIMSELF WITH NOONE AROUND.

[@missball404]

Deborah Rodriguez nope nor does he love himself

[@bradmcewen]

Carina Maren Yep ! And the reason they need you around is to make you feel like shit!

[@missball404]

Brad McEwen wonder why he would want to make her feel like shit though? smh

[@bradmcewen]

missball404. Its projection. when they actually despise themselves they must off these feelings to relieve themselves to feel better. Somehow in twisted narc logic if witnessing someone else writh into feeling bad and or cognitive dissonance especially that they caused satisfies them. Twisted but remember something I ignored for two years. We're dealing with sociopaths here. They have no empathy, pick out the vulnerable & crush your boundarys.

[@bjmenter5833]

I am 59 years old, a widow, and have been in love with a narcissist for 4 years, investing time, money, and emotional energy, waiting for him to change. I really needed to hear this now. Thank you, Matthew. The only thing I can change is myself. I changed it last night by deciding to love myself better and I asked him to move out of my house. I need to take the other path.

[@sagrammyfour]

And while you're at it, present him with a bill for services rendered. Just think of all the rent money he saved...

[@deej5608]

sagrammyfour 🙌

[@meinhandy8844]

DEE J .

[@vrahilofficial]

Bj Menter its hard bcoz i'm inlove with schizoid

[@piano.music88]

Bj Menter I feel so proud of you now :) Massive applause for clarity and strong will :))))

[@syrakingsley2453]

Someone who’s needs are being met at no cost to them has no motivation to change.

[@AnissaMadjer2359]

So true👌

[@a.mom4life]

Absolutely, Syra. I've arrived at this revelation about 14yrs too late. 🙄

[@elenagalanaki2116]

Even if they change at the end, you feel soo tired that you walk away yourself anyway.

[@tapdance6767]

YES. Exactly.

[@phoenixdoes1438]

so true. When/if they're finally able to give something you can't even take anymore because you shut down in your shell a long time ago.. so sad and so true.

[@MM-yj9dr]

Yes, such a good point Elena! This happened to me. I spent 3 years in such a relationship and I was actually successful in changing the man that I was with. Those years were spent with me being dissatisfied with the relationship and arguing with him and seeing ways that i could squeeze out a bit of what i needed. By the time I was emotional spent, and we had broken up he was up for pursuing me and fighting for us. It was too late emotionally and even though we got back together and were engaged, we ended up braking up a year later. In the end he said, "i don't think it's fair for another woman to reap the benefits of the man you made me to be". So it's not just in my head that he changed but in the end it didn't matter anymore. I didn't care for it. It felt fruitless. Also, i realized that if you have to "change" someone to be something else...even if they change they will never truly be what you need them to be. You can only change someone so far. Kinda like frankenstein. :D

[@MM-yj9dr]

Provocateur, your comment might have been a little bit more effective if you could "handle" the English language. Thank you for reminding us of the dark ages. Called such because civilization is in agreement that we never want to return to those ages.

[@hmh3576]

provocateur....LMAO. hahahahaha! you poor boy...

[@mem9563]

Sadly went through this with my ex boyfriend. Never again will sacrifice my own happiness for someone who was never honest with me from the beginning.

[@DM-gu9ik]

Maeghan Plunkett good for you girl! Wish you the best! I also have been down that road and it feels great making better decisions and spotting red flags right away. It truly is a blessing that we have the opportunity to learn now then later! Good luck to you!

[@GUITARTIME2024]

Maeghan Plunkett boohoo

[@sylviataylor5626]

When you have a man that takes, takes, takes....and never gives back, and then cheats it is time to cut the ties and move on..I learned the hard way and stayed with one guy for 17 years! I know I love myself enough to know I would never do that again! Now trust is an issue with me and I have been on my own for a very long time.... But, by not taking the chance to trust someone else I spend lots of time alone...lets face it is more fun sharing with another, one who wants to be in your company. I have learned a few things tonight listening to Matthews advice...it is never to late! I am special and so are you! All you need to do is believe you are!

[@GUITARTIME2024]

Sylvia Taylor u screwed up. 17 years is forever for women.

[@angelalau6115]

raleighman3000 17 years of giving is NOT forever, it's torture!!!! I went 26 years with 5 children from him, bragged about how much he provided to my oldest daughter which he exaggerates because I work too...provided food, clothing, transportation of all sorts for the 5 children time money, presents for ALL occasions (you know major holidays) And when you one day reflect back on what was done for you? Well, let me tell you...you feel like you wasted all those years on a selfish boy that enjoyed being spoiled and NOW won't give the items like furniture and necessity I paid for even though finally so he says he is financially doing very well, so why does he not give me my stuff? yes indeed LOVE IS BLIND!!! Then you wake up one day and say WTF!!!!!

[@kimvazquez5610]

I married a man I thought he was going to change... And he did... After I walked away with my heart broken and after 10 years of marriage... Now he is all that romantic, willing to commit guy I wanted him to be. But now, I don't love him anymore.

[@ilovegod7554]

Me too

[@colet3001]

what made you not love them anymore? the damage they had done to you? or wanting someone else?

[@ambergeiger901]

@@colet3001 I am going through someone I'm not married to, but have suffered with for 8 years. I was way too young - there's a big age gap,, but even greater maturity level unfortunately. I can't fully trust him - maybe he's done with some of the actions that hurt me, but his words have stuck, too. You get PTSD from negligence as much as being hit. The feeling of responsibility I had for him lasted too long and intensely- it was responsibility that I didn't knowingly consent to: I feel/felt used constantly, acting out of martyrdom because hey, that's what I saw. But my deepest wish is to just act out of love, without feeling myself guarding. And when understanding and apologies don't happen/are forced or strained, in real time, it makes you adapt. You lose trust first. Then respect. And unless they are 100% walking at your pace with you, attentive, loving, etc., after a while, you know your time & love & nurturing could be better appreciated, WITHOUT any coaxing. Just wouldn't be pure love. It MUST be an equal exchange. Everyday I work on internally healing. Even as he changes little by little, his same core remains. The damage is permanent because I had to adapt for him in profound ways - adjust my dreams, which SHOULD have been fueld with my everything - instead I was forced to learn to protect myself. I can't relax, couldn't be myself. I had/have too much responsibility that he didn't show up for - he can't remember so many pivotal things, it's definitely an ignorance to anyone but himself- how HE feels, but won't actually say. Makes me play guessing games. ^you just don't even do that to someone you only tolerate. So my point is that this is so often the life people live. And very, VERY few people EVER wake up and work deeply enough on themselves to earn back the trust and respect, and the lost time/effort/love...because also, I see the roles reverse, and it's just retriggering and confusing again. Patterns like this need to be broken, and stay broken. Women,especially, are so tired of forgiving this type of useless, drawn-out game. We now live in a world of instant gratification. If ya fuck up enough times, you deserve to be gone : you already spent your budget.Just everyone treat each other decently to begin with, then we can all quit wasting time and soul energy.

[@shyamalidasgupta671]

He hasn't changed - he is baiting you - hoping you'll come back

[@kimvazquez5610]

@@colet3001 the damage. It's not ok to forgive everything because in the end, you keep that pain inside and it'll come out sooner or later...

[@earthangel8399]

Thank you for pointing out how narcissistic Christian Grey is. His character is very damaged. Readers should not romanticize the relationship in this book series. It's an education in incredibly an unhealthy relationship. Women should take note.

[@rescuemomtracy]

I commented on this when the books came out. I read the first book because I had friends say how good it was and was horrified. Was amazed at how women defended the books and the relationship.

[@ladennayoung2939]

Yes he is a narcissist.

[@ladennayoung2939]

@@rescuemomtracy yeah it is very weird.

[@ladennayoung2939]

@@rishkabees I think that is sexy. He don't mean that you are thinking about your actual father.

[@blakeloh]

rishkabrenna You’re just boring in the bedroom

[@cenazidi6814]

Broke up with my user boyfriend. He wanted me to love him but he never really loved me. Some people are just out to use others, know the difference between being loved and being used. May wisdom guide me.

[@PotatoCouch666]

Experienced the same. It sucks. I have learned a lot!

[@richbreezy4565]

I honestly don't care to be honest. That guy's life would probably be better now that you are out of the picture

[@gilmourishgilmourish6205]

Same here !!

[@ladennayoung2939]

Amen to that. I'm glad that you realized it.

[@ladennayoung2939]

Very pretty picture.

[@claudiatorres7523]

"Just cause is simple. Doesn't make it boring " how i loved that line. 😘😂

[@whatevereyewant]

Wow. Last five minutes have summed up my relationship I just left. People need to want to be better for themselves, and no matter how much potential you feel, actions will always speak louder than words.

[@kristine2285]

Tyler Russin So very well said and true.

[@sparklylittlechicken]

Roots me too. 5 years of my life.

[@chrissygarcia8806]

Tyler Russin.. So very true, I just left a relationship that I did not see the red flag and always hoped he would fully commit, but 3 yrs later, I realized it was never going to happen😐.

[@whatevereyewant]

I personally saw how it could be a problem from the beginning but I could not imagine how someone wouldn't seek to improve themselves especially when they were in their first good relationship. So I kept giving chances. The problem is that someone who has trauma will either fall back into that trauma with unhealthy people, or not respect when they get into a relationship with healthy people. Take care of your own shit so you attract healthy people for yourself and don't fall into these situations. I'm glad so many people identify with me here on this.

[@MenchieExtrakt]

ahh so truu

[@OllieSmiless]

I think this is the biggest issue in incompatible relationships: waiting, hoping, and expecting the other person to change. This basic relationship principle should be taught in high school, so people are better equipped to navigate relationships.

[@lexiemaep7930]

I finally left a 17 yr marriage ..I was so worried no one would want me cause I'm 38. There are so many nice, quality guys out there. Don't let fear hold you back! I've never been happier. To be honest, I am happiest alone.

[@KimKim-wu6xj]

Lexie Mae did you guys have kids? My boyfriend is cheating on me and super mean since. We have 2 kids. And I can’t afford to leave. He has broken me. Zero confidence and everything. I can’t wait to leave somehow

[@KimKim-wu6xj]

And congrats! Some people never get to figure out when they are happiest! Hugs!

[@Ferzhq]

@@KimKim-wu6xj go to him at night and say, I want to talk to you. I want to be honest with you. Are you ready to hear my honesty. You hurt me, me constantly hurt me, and I dont know what to do, you dont respect me, I need respect and I dont feel it. I know you have pressures, but you cant take those pressures out on me. I need you to love me and not call me names. Or something like that, shouting at each other wont help.

[@KimKim-wu6xj]

Ferzhq thank you!! ❤️

[@Ferzhq]

lemme know how it goes

[@CJ-gu4dj]

If 50 shades didn't have a millionaire, and took place in a trailer park. It would have not been movie. It would have been an episode of C.I.S.

[@inchanting]

C J lolololololololol

[@PuRpLeButt3RfLy1]

Lmfao

[@ahhwe-any7434]

Your joke is old. It's copied Also, He prob would've been buried under his own house.

[@AngelaMerici12]

Oh yeah!!

[@pjt3887]

LMAOOOOO

[@MaddiedeVillada]

The problematic part is not only Ana's want to change Christian, but the fact that she succeds. It makes other women think that we should say OK to everthing, because it will get us what we need.

[@CoushattaL]

This. It makes people believe "Oh he is bad to me now but he will change soon!" Will make them believe it will happen. It is very dangerous.

[@BooDotBoo]

That's the fantasy I think a lot of people are liking this series for. They hope that the guy they are fighting to get to change will, one day, fall so in love with them (by this woman doing literally everything she can, even at her own detriment), that they will change and be the perfect man. It's incredibly rare and it's a fantasy for that exact reason.

[@roseandrews8523]

Yes. This is why my ten year marriage ended. He wanted me to meet ALL of his needs but complained or ignored meeting mine. That's not love, that's not commitment, that's not relationship. Thank you for this video. We can't change anyone. We can only support people who desire to change.

[@AlwaysDreaming]

this was totally my last relationship and I thank you for warning many others of this. it is heartbreaking and sends you into a depression you feel like you can't climb out of. I'm still struggling. listen to this man! don't fall for the one day wager. if they aren't great for you now and meet your needs now then don't go any further. don't let your loneliness drive your heart. work on yourself and you will find someone fantastic for you who you can accept totally and will accept you totally as well.

[@daytonasayswhat9333]

AlwaysDreaming: how are you so sure that you are going to so effortlessly and seamlessly flow into someone who just all of a sudden meets your needs. If it was hard to find before, it's going to be hard to find now. So maybe what you have before it's worth fighting for after all. This guy speaks in absolutes and I just don't think it's that simple.

[@thecurrentmoment]

Daytona Says What?! if it's hard to find now, you're right, it will be hard to find later. However,if you grow and develop yourself then it becomes easier

[@cannonrange9977]

Daytona Says What?! Hence her encouragement to "work on your self". Perfect isn't attainable, but a good match is. Thinking in terms of books, there are many books you'll like, likely more you won't, some you completely dislike, and a few that you connect with so deeply you keep them with you. A person can just try books at random hoping to find something they like well enough to spend their time with, secretly hoping this will be "the one", or they can look at themselves, learn who they are, what they like, and decide what kind of person they want to be, then take that knowledge and find books that fit those characteristics; thus leaving a far narrower field to search where all the candidates automatically are (to a degree) suitable. I've learned I want a person who has very good manners, enjoys animals, actively seeks to learn, and takes care of their health. Not an unreasonable list. But I doubt I'll find this person at a doughnut shop, or meet them while hanging out with vulgar people... the more we know about ourselves the better we can find like-minded/compatible people. :]

[@marleneplumley]

Matthew you hit the nail on the head! 50 Shades highlights a dangerous, unrealistic relationship.

[@chandlerhart6012]

If you pay attention the man is incredibly manipulative too

[@TheDrakeProjectTDP]

Marlene Plumley look up film theory's video on fifty shades. He's literally using what cults use to get members...

[@ladyevenstar22]

only to people who can't separate fiction from reality which alas I recognise is the case of many

[@marleneplumley]

TheDrakeProject Brilliant.

[@niccalarosa6240]

I would love to go to one of your seminars and see you in the flesh....

[@tuleybee2425]

Date someone that has your best interest at heart 💔

[@annebos4634]

@Ron Si Ladies and gentlemen, hereby an unique and honest view into the mindset of a Real Narcissist

[@annebos4634]

@Ron Si Of course your first responsibility is to look after your own well-being (and of your children, if any) but if you don't care about the other person and vise versa, there's no relationship at all.

[@annebos4634]

@Ron Si Thank you for proving me right with this comment about you being a narc. The previous one almost made me doubt my diagnosis 😂 It seemed so sensible....

[@annebos4634]

@Ron Si "No one cares about what you want" then telling me how hurt I am. Who's projecting here? Mr Narc?

[@annebos4634]

@Ron Si Oh hck I forgot conversations with narcs are a complete pointless waist of time...

[@1besieged]

A man told me, during heartbreak.. ' the next man will do what the last one would not '.... this is a reassuring comment.

[@Zarathustran]

I wonder if it’s at least in part because usually the next one ends up feeling blamed for what the last one did (from her hypervigilance against it).

[@1besieged]

@@Zarathustran I sometimes feel I attract a similar type of man, and often , bad men can have similar traits, you cannot make a bad man a good man, he has developed many bad habits, whoring, cheating , lying, withholding truth (lies of omission ) , some were just not raised correctly , no parental guidance, they start on drugs and drinking early on, quit school, end up in much trouble, problem is they hide the truth and spiff themselves up and try to be a gentleman, over time, the mask slips , they are super angry, crazy from drugs and booze, and wild lifestyle, often these men die alone , my aunt told me the carousers chase young women, and the second the men gets ill, that woman dumps him, he had a similar aged good woman, but wanted the sexpot, so in the end, he dies alone.. Freedom of speech & press USA copyrighted. I can ask a man to be faithful & true, he may say ' trust me' , but why should one profess goodness while they live in secretive darkness? The light has nothing in common with darkness.

[@Zarathustran]

1besieged I don’t think being raised badly or drugs are nearly as much of the explanation as defective (narcissistic/sociopathic) character. We are all responsible for our own actions, and even though many have monstrously abusive parents some do escape with our decency intact and manage to rebuild our integrity. Whoring and drugging is a symptom, not a cause. And bad parents are an explanation, not an excuse.🙂

[@1besieged]

@@Zarathustran I have dated a few men who seemed both narcisstic & sociopathic, very self centered, both womanizers, into drinking /drugs / whoring (the husband I did not know about is habits till later) the last person I dated said he quit drinking (cirrhosis of liver where he was on transplant list) .. so, both being high school drop outs , running wild and free, yes, choices, bad habits. I do not understand if they are BORN with narcissism and sociopathic tendencies or inherited genetically, but the last one wanted to beat up people who made him mad, he has a short fuse.... we broke up, he was not helpful when visiting me, wanted to lay on my day bed and relax while i worked myself half to death.. he wanted a new momma his had just died , and I met him, he should have grieved vs seeing me, I was a trauma bond person my daugher told me... when he got better from healthy meals and kindness from me, he started searching for a new woman online behind my back..... but he has a dead liver so.. I guess better to get free now vs later, he wanted to start whoring again and more then likely was all along..... he was NOT well endowed and not experienced so I lost nothing really. Freedom of speech & press USA copyrighted, he was highly controlling and manipulative wanted me 24/ 7 , all to himself, did not want me to have my horses, dogs, or a relationship with my grown kids, he even stated when he first met me ' I wanted to kidnap you'.. he said this statement again a few months before we broke up.. odd but very true. I did not think it was a joke when he told me that was what he thought when he met me...

[@Zarathustran]

1besieged Narcissism is primarily an adaptive defense against attachment trauma (neglect, emotional abuse) between the ages of two and four. I agree, not a joke re kidnapping and yes narcopaths always have other sources of supply... they always lead double and triple lives and frequently that manifests as two or three “monogamous” partnerships at the same time. A cluster-b who doesn’t lead a double life is just still hiding it well .

[@stormryder1572]

I think this is one of the most important videos Matthew has ever put out. His teachings should be compulsory in schools! At 21 I got into an unhealthy abusive relationship with a man who told me he would never marry me. 13 years much heartache, hoping things would change and two wonderful sons with him and he never did! Ladies wake up! Listen to what men tell you and show you about themselves at the beginning of relationships. If it's not what you want ..Don't go there hoping. Just don't! Rarely will you end up in a good place. The key is to love yourself. When you love yourself you won't even entertain the idea of accepting what is less than you deserve. I would go as far as to say you won't even attract that type of person in the first place. Not loving and respecting ouselves makes us vulnerable to accepting less than we deserve in life in all areas. I am now 56 and engaged to my dream man. My first completely healthy relationship. Ladies we are amazing beings! Learn to love and respect yourself. It changes everthing.

[@kaybe8915]

Shine Ryder Thank you for sharing your experience and your wisdom! I am at a stage where unknown I need to let go but struggling everyday. I hate that I am compromising my own happiness, life goals and relationships and ambitions by clutching onto something that cannot be. All the best!

[@AisheeyVerano]

Ruby Ruby I hope you find the strength to make the right decisions concerning those areas. I wish you all the best 🙌

[@disajardine1440]

Ruby Ruby, I hope for the best for you. I feel that you already know what you must do. But in 5 yrs time, will you look back at this present moment of your life and remember your strength & courage to do what you must? I believe that you will!! 👑

[@corsicanlulu]

truth is that if we as women wouldnt give these type of assholes the time of day and wouldnt SLEEP w/ them most of all (thats men's need, maybe their highest biological need for women)....they would change. but us women give and give them EVERYTHING and they give us....nothing....but then we want them to change when really, why should they? men are very cold-hearted in that way and we women have to be just as demanding as they are so we wont get run over

[@stormryder1572]

Thing is we always know intuitively what we need to do..it's just the doing right?... We get one shot at this life..it's not a rehearsal and we won't get the time back that we waste on those that do not deserve it. It's experience for sure but let's learn from others. Put yourself first.

[@azuremind2059]

I waited 8 years for my guy to change. from 17-25. Now I'm starting all over.

[@isabelgulden1408]

Azure Mind I’m in a similar boat but only 3 months into starting over. How is it going for you now that it’s been awhile?!

[@playfulvisionary7255]

If you're with somebody to change them and not love them then it's not really loving them and they won't really change so you're wasting both of your times.

[@annstropes2236]

I waited 7 years...in marriage.

[@kaykaykaliseo2702]

I’m in the same boat as you, girl

[@littlelam3691]

Be happy you are only 25

[@mahoganymonro]

I’ve done this in my last relationship. 3 years wasted with a narcissist. One Day Wager took a toll on me but self love and time healed me right on up!

[@musicmaker1311]

Mahogany Montgomery wow my story exactly!!

[@SolotravelwithDrNk]

Same here

[@infinity-gn9xq]

@@SolotravelwithDrNk I spend 6 years.. And he changed.. so much so that if I compare him from today and 6 years ago, they both will look two different person

[@jessicaf7236]

I wasn't 8.5yrs with a narc. It's the worst. I'm always afraid that I'll unknowingly choose another narc in disguise. I've become the ultimate pessimist.

[@yourexptravel7838]

I read that book, reached the 100th page, where the things were just about to heat up.. and i put it back. As a person who went through some narcissistic relationship. i could see the pattern through the book.. It disgusted me and made me angry how that book can be so popular.. it is worrying me that women out there will looking for their Mr Christian in the real world.. Well done, Matthew for pointing this out.

[@csillany21]

I got disgusted from people telling that..." omg you have to see this... this is all about sex" ---->it is only about promoting insecurities. If someone says this is about sex.... They have no proper sexual life for sure and they are just making a statement about themselves probably without realising it...

[@ezinneerhirhieneeukaogo1439]

I also couldn't finish it.

[@lynnv8501]

Agree. Why oh why does our world glorify what is unhealthy and destructive?

[@serene1486]

how did u cope from narcissistic abuse relationship? asking for a friend

[@tacrewgirl]

@@csillany21 Agreed. They are telling on themselves and it shows to everyone but them.

[@nureliza4261]

I cried when I watched this video. Especially when Matthew said "when they go into things, compromising on their deepest needs, desires and standards just because they want the person infront of them". I am.... finally deciding to take the "other path" and start a new with my life. Thank you Matthew and Team for putting up this wonderful video.

[@broadwayzjm5257]

I may be 7 months too late, but you go girl! I'm rooting for you.

[@sarahs9825]

How are you now?

[@calgal5752]

Nur Eliza Best wishes!

[@aroojaziz]

I felt it too😓

[@taslimaishmael1598]

Therapy! We choose the wrong people because of opportunity and fundamentally a belief that we are not enough. Everything starts with self worth and straightens out from there.

[@truth322]

Taslima Ishmael I like ur pic

[@rorotira]

I agree with you. One should never have the thought that your partner will change for you. Seriously, this is the most important message to everyone.

[@gombosurengereltuya5187]

Matthew, You do not imagine how much emotional suffering the women who see your videos can avoid from. Thank you.

[@thewayoflovepodcast]

I'm a staright guy, watching Matthew for self reflection😁 learned a lot!

[@Lyslyou]

Bravo!!!

[@ryannygard3661]

Same here man, I like seeing another point of view.

[@anaguerrerosholisticwellbe2788]

Respect. Good on you. Relationships are the perfect field for learning and growth

[@nikki8789]

Awesome!

[@audgester]

I have never been interested in Fifty Shades, but the scenario rings so familiar to me regarding my last relationship. I was willing to explore for him because I wanted to be supported and share with him. I loved him. I took the risk, ignored the signs, and I got really hurt. It was a hard lesson. I will never sacrifice my needs in the hopes of winning someone over. Thanks so much for making this video, it really strengthens my resolve.

[@lametriavirgo2845]

audgester I just left the same situation. it's so hard. But day by day 💔😢🙏💘😇👏

[@phoenixdoes1438]

Hard lesson indeed but i guess now that it is learned the hard way you will never forget it and so you can find someone who makes you truly happy. I send love on your way to your beautiful and helathy relationship. Take care Audgester !

[@KatErina-ii6ru]

Have you thought about switching your thought process, and in the next relationship, seeing what happens? Like, you need to be the one that needs to be won over, not him. Why did YOU have to be the one to win HIM over? It seriously should be the other way around. Call me old fashioned, but i think there is some truth to it. Good luck to you, and may God bring you the desires of your heart. :-)

[@lametriavirgo2845]

I am old fashioned was raised by my grandparents. Thank God 💘😇👏. However you don't set out to be hurt. I didn't. In the the end think about the big picture. You! I am. God's blessings to you and healing. Don't forget it's easy to give advice but hard to take. And unless they walk in your shoes don't feel bad for being you and trying. 💕

[@lifetobelived9102]

Katherine I agree with you. Not that we can't do our part in nuturing the relationship but so many times women have the thought process of what can I do to get him interested and how can I keep him. I myself have been guilty of this trying to keep a marriage going with most of the energy coming from me. I am at the point that if someone really doesn't like me for me than I don't want to pursue the person. And if I try to fake it then it is either hard to keep up or my real self will eventually come out. Why worry if he doesn't call after a date. If doesn't call than he isn't interested to why do extra worrying and use up precious time. I am trying to be that way with all my relationships.

[@bandmonkey101]

I made this wager once. It completely broke me. I was only able to leave because I knew I needed to show my daughter that you have to choose your own happiness over what you are told is what's best for you.

[@regankirchner7575]

I’ve found that the biggest hardest thing is to accept someone for who they are. The little things, quirks, and oddities. You will not change them. That is who they are. Accept it or move on!

[@tanyarenaissance8829]

It really is hard to accept someone for who they are. Especially when fantasy gets in the way of that.

[@alexmishkit896]

WOW...I loved this, not just because you were speaking the truth, but because it's what ever woman needs to hear. I recently decided to walk out of a relationship that I thought was going to last forever. But towards the end I started to realize he was never going to change and that I was investing more of my time than he ever had. At the end of the day, I knew he was not able to give me what I wanted and I so I walked away. I would take the pain of a breakup any day then stay in a wrong relationship and wonder "what if" years from now. Your videos have really helped me recently! xoxo

[@AnnaPugacova]

Alex Mishkit thank you so much for your comment ❤️ I also met a guy we were supposed to be together forever... But there were just words. When I met him in his reality the truth came like a unexpected storm. I had to leave. And he never came after me either. He chose his life style over all our dreams and future plans. For me it would mean to move to another country and live HIS life. I couldn't do that. For me it would mean that I would need to take beers and shots and smoke some weed every single Day to connect With him and let him feel like he Can Do his thing. We spent 6 days together and 5 of them he was on smth. The reality hit me so fucking Hard. I had to leave.

[@EmzDiary]

Anna Pugačova wow that sounds just like me. I spent six days with a guy who clearly never cared about me and less than 4 months later he got a gf after using me for sex. Never get involved with a borderline disordered man. He is in the states and I'm in canada. I travelled over 7 hours by bus just to see this guy boy did I ever waste my time and energy.

[@islandgrl60]

Alex Mishkit you just summed up my entire relationship. It's finally sinking in.... thank GOD. He strung me along from the beginning with his promises. Sadly, I believed them all. What a joke.

[@tasb1998]

Great video. So true in so many ways. I was married to someone that wouldn't change and tried to change me. I tried to be the woman he wanted me to be. But I lost who I was in the process and became very depressed and not happy with myself or life. Once I realized what was happening, I decided to leave the marriage and I'm divorced now. I'm so much happier being myself again. Never again will I settle with someone who wants to change me. BTW I love the funny skits of you with the vanilla ice cream. Cracked me UP! LMAO!

[@tasmiabeewalters15]

Same 😭

[@kmaylone810]

I know I am late to the game with this video. I feel like 50 shades is a blue print for a toxic relationship. Remove the sexual aspect and the core relationship is so very toxic.

[@kkibela]

Its the only thing it has in common with twilight.. Which is actually the better story here

[@nasrincaspian8880]

It is so many things wrong with it. He rapes her at first then he stalks her and drags her into his life. Bdsm community has many problems with it, he does not stop in bed when she says stop, he does not like to cuddle and maybe before sex he would pamper her a little, but after having sex he kinda pushes her away. Most people don't read about what BDSM really is and how it works and this movie will misguide them into a whole lot of problems.

[@joanneg7646]

50 shades is just lust.. n abuse n busllshyte..

[@joanneg7646]

Nasrin Caspian well said!!

[@xHeartHeartbreakx]

kmaylone810 I think that’s why so many people love it. It’s relatable.

[@fahnikan]

This is very true, I was recently reading a blog post on toxic relationships which was followed by around 900 comments from readers who were talking about their own toxic relationships. It gave me the impression that we live in a world where media defined everything for us in terms of appearances without showing us the reality of the human relationships in which we enter. Perhaps, we are living a shallow existence through media.

[@csillany21]

🤣 that is true, now imagine the situation you have your best friend and recommending this book as it was all about sex and it is fucking amazing story. I genuinely had to ask myself whether, I am surrounded by the right people or not? 😁😁🤣🤣🤣😂

[@janiece8439]

A great relationship which we should aspire to is defined in the Song of Solomon It represents a relationship with our Creator Humanity fell in the Garden of Eden

[@mokona3402]

"you can't date a (person) and raise them at the same time". Then, what is the boundary line that separates the differences between raising a person and growing a person?

[@amandak2763]

raising a person implies that they are not complete and undeveloped, while growing comes from a complete person I think

[@Cattitude369]

What TF would you want to "grow" a person for? That sounds ridiculous.

[@SquirrelRave20]

You shouldn't be trying to grow a person. It's up to that person if they want to grow it not. You can support their growth, but if you're trying to make someone grow you're doing it wrong

[@mitzilou9560]

@@SquirrelRave20 whats your opinion about this?? Thank you I gave my ex fianve chances more than he deserved bc i see past his shortcomings. He left me twice bc he can't handle pressure and reality and saying he don't feel the same way towards me. One time last week, i got weak and opened up how scared i am about our future, i just want him to reassure me, give me the security we all deserved but he was making inappropriate jokes, he mocked my needs. He made it clear too that no compromising, no improving, no growing (which we both needed) he said he will rather see all the goodness in the world and be happy always than face the real world. I just want us to meet halfway but instead he wants me to fit in into his bubble.. i left, few hours later dumb move i begged but he said "its too late" made me wonder so much things on why he said so He even insisted it was my fault bc i want to change him, (which is far from that, he sees growing together as negative) he is blaming me that i left when i begged. He said he won't change whether it is for good...

[@SquirrelRave20]

@@mitzilou9560 he won't change. He was never going to change. He doesn't even want to change. Watch the video again and keep watching it till it stinks in. I've been dating guys for their potential my whole life and it does. Not. Work.

[@Timberhawk]

“A woman marries a man hoping that he’ll change & he doesn’t. A man marries a woman hoping that she’ll never change & she *does* ...” 😜

[@jesusfreak9597]

Timberhawk so theoretically if I resolve not to grow as a person, that energy will magically transfer to my parter?

[@Timberhawk]

@Joseph Wrong: Resolve to do what you will; however, do try to be cautious about taking advice from comedians ... but if you're foolish enough to do so, you ought not to bemoan the results - your life is your responsibility. 😜

[@Be1smaht]

Timberhawk I was thinking about this quote

[@emiwidayati3628]

J OneLife why I laughed so hard you sooooo funny but deep true 😂😐

[@acruzp]

@J OneLife You're deluded if you think men can find lifetime partners in a month. My friends and I are constantly looking for someone. I don't know what worlds we inhabit but they're not the same I can assure you.

[@nataliemoreno9561]

I wish I had had this video a long time ago, before I wasted 8 years of my life with the wrong person.

[@gaga4real65]

Natalie Moreno is everything ok?

[@JA-xv3qp]

Natalie Moreno do you think you would have listened to him if you heard him 8 years ago saying all these? because I'm at the beginning of a relationship and I fully recognize the red flags Matt outlined in the video and I fully appreciate, even agree with them and him. but I still can't walk away. I'm genuinely curious, would have you left the man, if you heard Matt 8 years ago?

[@nataliemoreno9561]

Szatmari Andrea 8 years ago, probably not. but several years ago I would have been more open I think. I understand all experiences are for a reason and I'm grateful for mine. It just would have been nice not to have wasted so much time lol

[@margaretmouka5552]

Fuuuuck 8 years is so much

[@nataliemoreno9561]

lol you're telling me.

[@t.f.6297]

God this is so real!! 🙌🏽 took me almost 10 years to recognize this, then 4 years after the divorce to heal myself. I'm so much better now cause I fell deeply in love with the first person I ever met, MYSELF 🥰😉

[@HeidiJoubert]

oh, sounds very similar to my story, 10years of this... only it took me 5 years to heal afterwards. But falling in love with oneself is the most precious thing right! I'm proud of you and happy with you! :-)

[@wintergaarden3690]

Isn’t it so nice to have PEACE!!!!!!!!

[@shinyfireet1]

I'm sorry, I know this is wholesome but I couldn't help it... What about your mom? 😂

[@t.f.6297]

@@shinyfireet1 LOL! I do love my mom, she is the reason for me needing therapy, lol, but I do really love her 😊

[@Phat_336]

Finally, a man who is attractive and knowledgeable. Perfect.

[@Bennevisie]

Bitch, you THIRSTY.

[@bitterandsweet1499]

I don't think so in fact he is kinda girly

[@Pursuit4happiness]

Knowledgeable to play you you have to smart about thoose too

[@mateoarzua7706]

If he was not attractive, you will not give a shit , what he says.....

[@geelongalbatross]

The great Mort Sahl observed, “Women marry men hoping they will change, and men marry women hoping they won’t. And each is inevitably disappointed.”

[@newlifenewhope5905]

Jim Phillips My ex married me, expecting me to change; he left because I couldn't! I married him, accepting and loving him for who he was, with all his imperfections. All I wanted from him was the same. When he told me he no longer loved me, he said that nobody loves another person for who they are; they love them for what they do for them. According to him, I'm the only exception. I truly hope he was wrong!

[@kerryfoster1]

Yes I loved a woman for the way she made me feel when we danced. Like no-one else before. The trouble was the 27 year age gap!

[@TheImprovised]

The great whomever sounds childish and two dimensional.

[@treasurem2491]

@@newlifenewhope5905 he was so dumb for thinking that way.

[@analezaa6306]

Amen. Self love won't put up with someone that doesn't give what you are willing. And if it means being alone, it's ok. Being alone is ok, and leaves room to keep working on yourself.

[@AdagioPhoenix]

Damn. I'm a man and this is happening to me right now. My wife doesn't seem to know how to love and I've been waiting for so long for that to change. I've ignored this feeling that she didn't truly love me. Maybe it's time to love myself and move on.

[@csillany21]

I think she is just having some sort of insecurities. Don't wait for that change! Help her and ask how can you help? - She might get the point or not...

[@enjoygo5607]

Divorce her for good

[@AdagioPhoenix]

@@csillany21 I believe she does love me. I decided to leave in the past year but she won't let me. I decided to work on myself in more ways than one. She told me she's figuring herself out. I am giving her time and space to do so. I'm not hesitating to leave if I feel that I'm being disrespected.

[@csillany21]

@@AdagioPhoenix she might do. But do not confuse love and attachment!!! If she let herself and you figure this out, yes that is very close to love. Attachment is a beast wearing love cloths. Noone has responsibility to fill others emotional gaps! You both has to be independent in some ways.

[@AdagioPhoenix]

@@csillany21 absolutely. I think we had some attachment and that's what kept us together.

[@reemmosalam8644]

I had this one day wager and it ended up with a painful breakup. As a result I grew to know and love myself better that i'm so happy that things ended up this way. Pain indeed is our greatest teacher!

[@ifyogbuefi7340]

Absolutely, only pain intense enough teaches you a lesson

[@rinas.6264]

Yes...I agree with you Matthew. Not a healthy relationship....9 years I didn't listen to the signs...he never cared enough to change....commit 😔

[@artluver1329]

Rina S. Same here...wasted 10 years. Ignored the red flags

[@rinas.6264]

Lesson Learned...Do No Repeat! 😍😗🙇

[@rinas.6264]

Provocateur What you don't know...you cannot judge buddy❤ so...it ended bad...but was not all bad...I'm no sicko😊

[@GUITARTIME2024]

Rina S. u messed up. 9 years is a long time for a woman.

[@rinas.6264]

raleighman3000....I feel so much better now that I got confirmation from you that I screwed up...Thank you ...The world needs more people like you....NOT...

[@chemnrd4404]

Speaking of narcissism, I spent the last 17 years with a man who said he would give me what I wanted but only gave me what he wanted me to have while I gave him everything he asked for. I'm glad it's over and I can finally move on.

[@pjt3887]

Chem Nrd Amen.

[@sedoniadragotta8323]

I pray that you meet a decent man. A narsistic person never ever changes . Mat is talking shit

[@teresamcmurrin8672]

Yep, been there, three times. The first two were blatantly selfish, the last was charmingly passive-aggressive, so it took awhile before it dawned on me that we were always doing what *he* wanted, and there were always excuses for not doing what *I* wanted. After that one, I swore off men altogether, & decided I'd do better with a cat for love & companionship (cuter, cheaper, & more loving!), men could stay in the Friendzone, period! That worked for a couple of decades until I became close friends with the man I eventually married. A good, honest, trustworthy man that will move heaven and earth to make my life happier (and I will do the same for him). He wants me to let him know what I like and don't like (in bed and out) so he can please me better. We inspire, support, and encourage each other, and our relationship has helped both of us grow and flourish. Even our misunderstandings and disagreements help us learn more about each other--and about ourselves--because we are resolved to work through and past any hurt or anger that may crop up. We both know that love is a decision, not just a feeling. I think it took that lengthy period of celibacy to find myself & get my head together so I'd stop picking one-sided relationships that tore me down rather than build me up. (Still like cats, though--and he's fine with that! )

[@jasperstephens8555]

Kinda part of the blame is on you, you stayed for 17 years, where you could've ended it halfway or before. Why'd you waste more of your time and years of your life on him if he never did anything for you? Sounds like you were enjoying it too much to leave until he made it worse. If anyone is smart enough to realize something is a bad or wrong thing for them they'll end it right there and then (unless you're a high school girl), not wait 17 bloody years to end it, you just wasted your life. Dislike on your comment for your stupidity

[@jasperstephens8555]

@@melissacarmela2228 Well I mean everyone is different, its just stupid that Chem Nrd is saying she waited 17 YEARS before ending a really bad, one-sided relationship. That's something she should have picked up on earlier in the relationship and gotten out of, not "Oh I'll wait 10-15 years until I'll call it quits" that's just being lazy and quite stupid, and it really only ruins her life

[@Anna-kw7lx]

Thank God he did this video - i thought i was the only one who thinks the 50 SOG relationship is sick and unhealthy...along with Carrie and Big in sex and the city. Both TOXIC with narcissistic terrible men.

[@rudy1999]

Yeah, and those women who go for men with large wallets are not toxic and narcissistic :D Total saints and innocent angels.

[@karlacastillo6838]

To be fair Carrie is very toxic too, when she found a loving relationship with Aiden she behave exactly like big with her, in the end Carrie and big deserve each other

[@alexislamberson1901]

But I love that show 😢🥺

[@Anna-kw7lx]

@@alexislamberson1901 I love sex and the city too- watch it on repeat all the time, but I see it’s flaws also

[@itsmeGeorgina]

Yep, the only surprise in Sex & The City is the happy ending with Mr.... John James Preston -- totally unrealistic

[@MelindaMysticWitch]

Beautifully said. I couldn't agree more on those damn movies.. I never watch them for that exact reason.. Thank you for stating the not so obvious to so many.

[@Alagboriel]

I've taken risks, got deeply disappointed, even depressed. After the recovery period, I took a long time balancing and understanding myself. I take it as necessary experience to become who I am today: someone who knows exactly what I want from men and what kind of relationships to avoid. So far, I've been great.

[@abbielee2107]

This is what I try explain to my friends when they ask why I'm being picky. Why do people have to compromise who they are to impress someone?

[@sylviataylor5626]

You don't have t compromise what you want in a man, it is your right to choose! You are really beautiful Abbie, but make sure your heart is beautiful too!

[@QuietlyCurious]

My mother took the one-day wager, and it had repercussions for decades to come: it affected her, her kids, extended family members, worsened addictive compulsions, caused years and years of marital crises, familial stress, and instable home life. My brother and I are unlikely to ever have marriages of our own as a result of those patterns. At the very least, marriage won't happen for me before my biological clock runs out (it's ok; I've accepted it, and hey I'm here watching this channel). The one-day wager is no joke, affects other lives not just your own, and can create a lot of suffering.

[@helialamster4002]

I do believe my parents marriage wasnt the best example of love but it was the example that they tried hard to make it last till now. They believe they Are happily married but i do sense and hear that its just an act out of denial. How ever i have lost my faith in love and marriage but i Hope someday i will make it happen for me and i hope it happens for you too because guess what?someone has to be strong enough to break the cycle and its gonna hurt to do that but you gatta at least Try. Its Like having a major car crash and that accident makes u not want to drive again. Trust me i had many and most of then were ny fault legally but i do drive a lot better now and i hope i wont be a thread on the roads again..its kinda the same concept with marriage and Love

[@diannel5594]

When it comes to addictions in the family, the society, the law and family welfare organisations underplay the generational repercussions. My ex was a alcoholic on the brink of more than self- destruction. I had to run with our kids because I would be responsible for their phyical and mental safety, and the imprint of what they see as a relationship model.

[@QuietlyCurious]

@@helialamster4002 I agree that the cycle must break, but it doesn't always mean repeating the situation. Breaking the cycle can look different, maybe very different. I did try pursuing the traditional route when I was young and a prime candidate for that life. But when it doesn't work out, there comes a point where you let sleeping dogs lie. Letting go takes just as much strength as trying, if not more. I'm still interested in a long-term relationship. I'd like to fall in love and build a life with someone :) Just probably not the marriage and mortgage deal, unless something extraordinary happens which isn't in my control.

[@linda8485]

Yes, I'm always astonished that people don't understand that their decisions in life affect everyone who loves them, particularly their children.

[@afrikaflower1]

Thank you, Matthew! Spot on. I could barely get through the books coz of that dynamic between them. I kept screaming in my head: "Run, girl, RUN!!"

[@HrglassHealer]

Yep 👍 I'm not waiting/expecting my guy to change & know I'm leaving. I'm sad/mad that I ignored my intuition from the beginning & gave him a chance.

[@MysteriousDrella]

Good thing you did this! You're a very strong woman! I put up with a lot, and I wished I could slap my younger self for it. Lost so much time. Some of my friends had it way worse though with their relationships. And yet, I'm still on a one day wager, with a very intelligent sweet boyfriend this time, but still. Change is hard, most people won't ever change.

[@TheAs57]

Do you think these advice tips will work for some women like the Butcher of Benghazi or Kathrine Knight of Australia ? well.... Here is some good news. The Butcher Of Benghazi gotta go. Well you do not have to believe in Astrology but Hilary Clinton could disappear, flee to Saudi Arabia to hide or die in September 2018 according to her birth chart. kzbin.info/www/bejne/bKPWi4aqZbCpsKc

[@sedoniadragotta8323]

LEAVE RUN FOR THE HILLS RESPECT YOURSELF AND YOUR DIGNATY WOMAN. THEY DO NOT AND WILL NOT AND CAN NOT CHANGE. YOUR IS COMMODITY . YOUR ONLY PURPOSES ARE TO KEEP FEEDING YOUR NARC SUPLY . DO BETTER FOR YOUR SELF BY FIRST HEALING AND MOVING ON . LOOK OUT FOR THE RED FLAGS AWAYS TRUST YOUR GUT INSTINCT.

[@CS-pl1re]

Ive had the same... Plus this narc was flirting in front of me... And made a bad comment about woman. He said to his friends woman really think they'r smart and the look in his eyes was pure evil.... I started to see him as a monster he was so different from then i thought... His true colours started to come out... Best decision ever to leave his ass

[@witch6in6the6womb]

I already knew you were funny Matthew, but I love that your being even more playful! You have a wonderful sense of humor.

[@sp6990]

Nailed my current situation. When people show you who they are, believe them. 🙏🏽

[@saintmarybulicek567]

I suspected my husband always texting a lady on his phone , We’ve been married for 18 years, we’ve both been happy together until recently when he switched side and I found out he has been cheating .I explained my story to a colleague at work then she introduced me to this genuine hacker, Darkwebprohacker who gave me access to his phone , I had complete access to his phone right on my own device and I could see all his activities for the past 2years and also have access to new notifications, his text messages, Facebook messages,location, call logs, and I found out my husband was also flirting on dating sites..I love my husband a lot and I still don’t understand why he betrayed me, I have been a good hardworking wife and never for once cheated on him. I tracked him down and found out he was always going to sleep in another woman’s house with me thinking my husband is always at work for night shift. You can contact this great hacker who helped me found out the truth about my husband at darkwebprohack(at)gmail com or Whatsapp [phone] or text and call them directly on the same number.They helped me get access into his phone without even touching his phone.I have enough evidence against my husband and I am thinking of Filing for divorce.I want advice if I should give him another chance or let go ?We have 2 kids together it's a painful feeling but I believe things happen in life it comes as it goes, as it says what doesn't kills makes you stronger

[@radhanadevi]

OH Matthew Hussey ..... where were u when I was in my 20s, 30, 40s n 50s ....... u have such good words of wisdom. I cant help think that if I only had a friend like u to advice me in my youth i would be in a loving meaningful relationship today. But never the less ..... I am so grateful that u r there with words of wisdom for the next generation of woman . I am going to make sure my grand daughters listen to u dear ! Thanks so much again for caring enough ...... never ever stop doing what u do !!!!!

[@Hudson1910]

Wish he had been around for me also! Now, in my 60's I've just decided to be content by myself with no drama, no games, and contentment with life.

[@modydiarra5253]

Yea your child to be a good woman now

[@kimbaker3621]

Yeah me too. Older and wiser but it took a long time to see the light.

[@enigmatheinfj5346]

Bobbie Sanchez wow! You're an awesome grandma

[@jasonlove1380]

Who am I ........ ..... ..... ............

[@KellyRose]

One of my all time favorite quotes. People.. not just women... but people in general have to understand that we can not change anyone, except ourselves! When we truly love ourselves and acheive real self respect and self worth, then we will no longer feel that desperate need to change someone to fit the mold of what we want. Lastly when we reach that place in our lives where we " get " how loveable, wonderful and worthy we are...the kind of man we attract will no longer be the man who needs to be fixed!! I continue to be amazed at the crap women put up with because they want the house,the kids, the dog etc. They make compromises with themselves and talk themselves into believing that this behaviour or that behaviour is ok as long as I am getting this , that etc. And yes I too have been guilty of this.. but not anymore!! It is IMPERATIVE to CHERISH yourselves ladies!!! Thanks Matthew!! Love your work!!

[@gaga4real65]

Kelly Rose CBM wow couldn't have said it any better girl! I totally agree with u!!

[@pigeonlovebird]

Kelly Rose CBM the house, the kids, the dog ... and a world on pain. Been there. After you get your heart broken so many times you stop giving a duck and let people be free- if they stay and give you what you need, great. If not - buh bye!

[@KellyRose]

Gaga4Real Thank you! :)

[@KellyRose]

Pigeonlvbrd I absolutely agree with you. That was my whole point!

[@belindadennis7054]

Kelly Rose CBM so true God bless you.....

[@orangejuice393]

I looooooove how sincere, respectful, open minded, how much empathy you have, how kind and intelligent you are :')

[@syrakingsley2453]

I agree wholeheartedly and it’s scary that this kind of misogyny comes from the pen of a woman🤦🏻‍♀️

[@Precious.Marketing]

That’s because it is the writer’s fantasy.

[@pamcoulter6341]

It's written by an emotionally stunted woman. It's incredibly poorly written, regardless of content. There are much better authors who never get the recognition they deserve, simply because the masses buy rubbish such as this.

[@dianethompson209]

How do we know it's not semi or fully autobiographical or biographical? Could be.......nonetheless it's still incredibly toxic.

[@massetozacarias5693]

I think it's her fantasy of making man her "Project"

[@elihollingsworth6852]

I have a lot of issues with those movies but it's not misogynistic- people just like horny weird stuff.

[@janebaker4912]

Yes. I gave everything to a man with a kid. He used the dad card as an excuse to not give me anything and I went along with it for two years. He just wanted a nanny. Even changed his mind about having another baby so I could be mom. I walked. I'm free

[@Amynity]

good riddance to bad rubbish.

[@hotmessmissy]

Girl im glad you left that loser! Tsk coning you into free child care! Screw that bastard!

[@ryuulee9404]

@@hotmessmissy Don't women shame men for choosing not to date single mothers? It's the same thing really. If you ask me, more women do this than men, and they get no criticism for it. In fact, the male is labeled a 'real man' for attempting to raise another man's offspring. Talk about a humorless joke.

[@amydumas573]

Ryuu Lee shut the fuck up

[@dannielles.3458]

I did do my best to change and now 10 years later I’m suicidal, anxious all the time, and watching my family descend into chaos and destruction. I have absolutely no idea how to save my children, my husband,or my self. Please don’t go down this road! If he/she does not want you for your self then stop wasting both of your time, energy, emotions. It’s time to find someone else!

[@erikaalejandra3116]

Dannielle S. Look for Jesus, everything will be alright

[@Be1smaht]

Dannielle S. Amen to that.

[@redrose66]

God bless you. It gets better I promise. Xx

[@alyajewellery]

Overwhelmed by how caring you are Matthew! this is life saving advice!

[@Muskan-lw6mv]

I love how he changes his behaviour when he recognizes that its hurting me

[@emmarose3729]

This is it! A sincere person will change their behavior

[@diazsab11]

I appreciate you. You may not ever hear this often, but I wanted to express to you that you have taught me the fundamentals of loving myself and have warned me of the risky investments we as woman so commonly make in our relationships. I never had a father to teach me these simple life lessons. Honestly, you have no idea how much your videos have taught me. Thank you.

[@kaybe8915]

diazsab11 I also never had a father figure to teach me these life lessons... I wonder if that is a common theme among us women who fall into this trap?

[@diazsab11]

+Ruby Ruby I think that perhaps it's a factor in some decisions I personally make, or why I seek a certain type of love and attention from the man I'm either with or pursuing. I often ponder on about the relationships I have and think that things shouldn't be this way or it needs to change for the better. I think back to when and where this belief surfaced and it's definitely what I have learned from Mr. Hussey.

[@josephmatthew9215]

Dr akana can help you cast a love spell on you cruhs today email [e-mail] or whatsapp [phone].

[@GUITARTIME2024]

diazsab11 he gets tons of women praising him. get real.

[@diazsab11]

raleighman3000 ok I got real 😊

[@KatErina-ii6ru]

Matthew I never realized what a sweetheart you are. I mean I always noticed you were nice, objective, and have women’s hearts in their best interest for advice but I actually think you’re genuinely a nice guy! I hope you find someone great to share your life with.

[@Kades-0187]

Relatable 😊 Good thing I've decided to cut off a relationship like that to a man who's not willing to reciprocate my feelings. It's a good lesson though... I'm 31 and still single. Still having my journey to become the best version of myself and I hope I meet the right guy along the way. 😊

[@likaga6988]

Kaye Dee Canosa I'm in the same boat. Bless us both we find our right guy and have a happy healthy relationship

[@InayahEleven]

Kades 0187 Wow you look 15 !

[@Galemor1]

I am 35 and single. And it's fine. I can do what I want, when I want and nobody messes up my life. Things are were I put them, the food I haven't eaten are still untouched, waiting for me. I do have contact with my ex, just so when I do get a little horny, I have someone to help out with that. We have talked, and he's fine with that arrangement. I might never find the best guy for me, but I am young, I might live to be 100 years, which means that I have 70 years left... No need to stress, you know..

[@lydiaregal9631]

Im 39 and single. No problem with tht

[@mihaela1507]

Hi Matthew, my mother died with cancer: so much she could change herself just waiting for my father to be/become the man she needed to be with(to have by her). This is a real, sad story. You're right: this "game" is dangerous. Nobody should settle up for less than they deserve. Stay blessed!⭐

[@thevoxdeus]

Deserve has got nothing to do with it. Just don't waste your time with someone if you can't accept them as they are and they're not willing or able to change (and vice-versa). It's not about one person being better than the other, it's about both people knowing they are happier together than apart because they fit together properly.

[@mihaela1507]

Woww! So true! Thank you, It is indeed so.

[@katiec2830]

So true! I’ve been on that end of the spectrum. He told me straight out he didn’t want a relationship. I still accepted what he offered. I wasted 4 years with someone who didn’t deserve ME.

[@sillyskeleton]

That sounds a bit arrogant. Wanting a relationship didn't make you better than him. He was honest with you from the start and you wasted your own time.

[@dragonslair951167]

Well, with all due respect, I don't think the issue is that he didn't deserve you. I think the issue is just that you needed to learn that "no" means no. Don't get fixated on guys who have no interest in you; they're likely not worth your time anyway. Get a guy who actually cares about you.

[@smarteam5920]

@Lilis Setiyani those aren't red flags, when he's actually telling you what he wanted. It's just not what you wanted.

[@smarteam5920]

But he was honest and told you what he wanted, maybe you thought he would change his mind? (Or that you could change his mind?)

[@Nana-jl3en]

I know a song that says "When will you be again what you never were" We all have been through it, idealized a person, see them flawless and then when we see their real self, we miss what we thought they were... What you see in front of you is what you get

[@Kasiowata95]

I wish someone point it out to me some time ago. Maybe I wouldn't let the relationship to consume 5 years of my life and drain me to the rock bottom. Don't get me wrong - it started lovely, it always does, but him and I met at the point of our lives when we hardly stopped being teenagers. People grow, especially young people who only starts to figure out world for their own, and sometimes growing aspect doesn't run evenly - what creates conflicts. Learned the hard way. The worst part of this is that I never spoke for myself but suppress everything down my soul, letting it rot. I always found a reason to excuse his behaviors, leaving my needs permanently as a second. Can't tell what gave me guts to leave him but I can tell you this: my heart broke while watching this because I found clear reflection of myself and it hurts like hell. You put my mind into words I could never articulate. Thank you.

[@silverlakeowl]

Ive recgnised the red flags- its when men are breathing

[@aniclare222]

😂😂

[@ineedhoez]

Right?

[@loredanaelenadumitru5766]

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@JustMyKnife]

And I bet your single for it. Enjoy

[@veronicaln87]

That would make the statement that ALL Women are Crazy as true. It's not and not fair. ❤

[@tatenda1735]

Thank you for speaking the absolute TRUTH! It may be "entertainment" as you said but it glamorised an emotionally abusive relationship and young adult women now think that is the standard, when it's not. I'm glad there are still people like you who point out how horrible it is.

[@someone5982]

Just rolling in to say, that as a guy, this video did help me even tho it might make no sense to all of you. But what I have to say is that not only woman dedicate their time and energy to the other behalf, at least for me. I had to broke with my ex girlfriend because of this, sadly. At the start of the relationship it looked like it was a relationship that could last, she gave me reasons to believe that she wanted me as much as I wanted her, but sadly the last 2 months of the relationship, she turned it into hell for me. She started being extremely picky, and not giving time to stay with me, almost not answering to messages and stuff alike, I felt disconnected but still tried everything, thinking she would notice my efforts and change to make her efforts for the "sake" of the relationship. I don't consider my self a bad boyfriend, but at least inexperienced I think, I respect who I am with, and try to trust as much as I can the other person. But, sadly, I did something that I never tought of doing, I went to her phone when she was sleeping, I knew her password and she knew mine, she said she was going to go out with a friend the next morning, and from the way the relationship was going I suspected something wrong, because she was failing my trust already a lot of times, for example on things she would say to me and then do the opposite the next day, and it was all sounding really weird and fake excuses, for my surprise when I saw the messages with her friend, she wasnt going out with her, she had scheduled sex with someone else and asking her friend to lie to me if I'd ask her. I was destroyed. But I did what the most stupid person on earth would do and decided that I would forgive her, because she didn't do it, and had already canceled everything after I asked some time before, she had cried alot and even cut herself, and I did the stupid choice. Well it lasted 2 more weeks as expected, and she was basically slowlly throwing me away from her life, when I was giving everything from my self to her. One day after a small discussion from the phone she shaid really hurtful things and I collapsed, luckely I called my best friend and he went to my house and asked me to end it, as I was only getting more and more hurt from that relationship. I can say that I feel regret for ending till now, I still want her back, but I know that it would not work anymore. I have to say that I changed and learned alot from this relationship, I started caring more about myself and I'm being way more productive but still didn't get all over it, as I have to see her almost every day. What I'm trying to say is, if you are thinking that there is no guy that might give everything he has to you, it's not that true, there might be someone that will love you alot, and you have to recognize that. But remember if that person doesn't give the same importance to you, roll out, its gonna hurt more then it lasts.

[@1dream0decision]

I hope you'll one day find someone who'll dedicate herself as much to you as you do to her.

[@AriaPringle9053]

Someone Honey u sound like a great guy and trust me u deserve better

[@chuckie826]

Someone she obviously didnt like you at all, but i guess we just dont wanna leave as we invested time and affection in that person, but yea we have to learn to walk away at the right time. Wish you all the best!

[@carinarose9535]

Someone Hi.. you sound like such a nice guy.. sorry this happened to you.. stay positive, someone just right for you will turn up 😊

[@lannguyen-in3vn]

I did wonder if I asked too much from a relationship until I read your comment. Hope you get over her and find sb who deserve you

[@JanineC]

I fell victim to this. Thank you for shedding light on this issue, Matthew. 😊

[@Angel-nk4jm]

I finally realized this after 11 years of being in a onesided relationship. Now i am happy being single. Sometimes we try to make things better for people causing us to hurt ourselves in the process

[@DashaNevelskaya]

YOU SAVED ME FROM WATCHING THAT LOAD OF CR**. A HUGE ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR YOU AND YOUR EXPLAINING WHAT SHOULD BE COMMON SENSE AROUND.

[@SublimeThinker]

DashaNevelskaya 👍

[@thesadunicorns1]

Fuck... this gave me chills. Thank u Matthew. I am NOW realizing that I am willing to be single for the rest of my life if it means me never finding someone who's willing to meet me half way. I no longer regret my past decisions where I held high standards for myself. Because nothing else is worth it. Thank u, Matthew. God bless u:)

[@eloise3944]

The one day wager thing hit me hard. I waited for marriage and ignored all the warning signs. I thought one day he’ll want marriage, one day he’ll realise he wants me and only me forever. He was a lovely lovely guy but ultimately we weren’t on the same page so I’ve let him go and will find someone who does want to marry me. I pray you ladies have the strength to do the same! It’s never too late to start again and go for what you want. As this incredible guy says: Invest in the one who invests in you, not the one you want... You may want him more than anything but if you’re not getting the same back then let him go! ❤️

[@Justin-vq9co]

:(

[@blacciriss9821]

I'm so sorry to hear what you've gone through but congrats on starting a new chapter in your life! Good luck and be safe

[@eloise3944]

@@blacciriss9821 thanks so much!!

[@risapakiding5388]

I'm getting there....

[@mirabella44]

I had the same same bitter experience. Gosh, I have this pain.

[@shellieguerra9159]

Thank you Matthew for outing Narcisses, there are too many people being hurt by them!

[@JewelWood16]

matt, i am young, therefore i don't date around right now as i'm surrounded by boys, not men. to be honest, i feel as if i don't need a man right now, as i'm still in highschool. i'm just thankful that i have your videos to help train me to find a good man for me. much love ❤

[@littleripper312]

This definitely works both ways. A lot of women don't meet the needs of the man but demand all of their wants/needs to be met. Both genders need to put more effort into finding matches that aren't just hot but want they want in a relationship actually matches.

[@bisiilki]

My ex husband always told me i had to change. He was always at me about losing weight, stopping being messy, etc. It felt like being harrassed and it made me resist. We broke up!

[@a.b.2405]

bisiilki he wanted you to be a better version of yourself? Why would you want to be unhealthy and messy?

[@rosemachi5695]

@@a.b.2405 🤣😂🤣😂

[@randalthor647]

@Illiterati What are you an idiot?

[@thevoxdeus]

If those are things you wouldn't change and he wouldn't accept, then it probably makes sense that you broke up. If that's how you were when you met and got married, then he was a fool to marry you. Not because there's (necessarily) anything wrong with you. Just because that stuff fundamentally matters to him, he had to know that, and he proceeded as if it didn't.

[@lJ-bu8pr]

I once dated a man who was still married, I didnt know as he told me he was divorced and he never was getting a divorce and he treated me like the first woman in his life then he treated me like I was nothing to him. I did grow some feelings for him. And it's my own fault for thinking he could when he couldn't.I found out by him by dumping me.So ladies it doesnt matter how much you love him if hes not treating you like the queen you are leave. It's not worth the heartache and fighting and plus your makeup is too expensive too ruin. 😂😘

[@bitchpuhleese]

This sounds like my story now. This dude I met is married and when we met, he didn’t tell me until weeks later after I developed feelings for him. He pursued me daily and now he barely texts me, then when I finally told him I was done with this games and the fact that he didn’t give two shits about me, he comes back with he cares about me and it’s not what I think. I then decide to end it and he continues to text me every damn day just when I’m trying to get over his lame ass. I am so done.

[@lJ-bu8pr]

@@bitchpuhleese Sounds awful.. No point. If I date a man who says he is divorced I make him show me the proof the orginal papers and not just off the internet or Photocopied ones but the real proof. If he doesn't show me the proof I'm gone before anything happens between me and him. I've learnt to never trust anyone so quickly and so easily and to run when red flags happens. I don't hate all men. I just hate liars and cheaters and users. I do hope you have recovered from your experience.

[@lJ-bu8pr]

@@bitchpuhleese Its best to block him off everything and delete the pictures or to keep the messages ( in case his wife gets involved and then he won't have a leg to stand on in his divorce) but to crop the number out. Or to keep your old phone but just get a new number so he can't message you. My recent ex was worst than the married guy he kept on running back to me you got to make it clear to men that this behaviour wouldn't be accepted so I said me and him would never happen again and we weren't right for each other etc. I know it's hard to not stalk him on Social media but believe me ignoring him won't make it better. Say what you need to say then block him and if so change your number. I do hope this advice works for you and you can get on with your life without him being in it. And he isn't worth it. Find someone new and enjoy your life:)

[@veganvintagegeek935]

I was seeing this guy and I asked him were was this going and he told me he was not interested in a relationship. I stupidly told him I'll stay around just in case he changes his mind. He never did and I waisted three years. To later find out from a family member he was engaged to be married. He ended up not getting married and his family was so happy since they could not stand her. And so I asked him about it and he said he did not marry her because of me. And I still stupidly thought "this is great now he will want to be my boyfriend". Nope never happened. He truly cared nothing about me. After I finally came to my senses I broke up with him, I left a message on his beeper/pager. Good residence.

[@lonnekeboons]

I did the one-day wager for 12 years. And almost lost myself in it...

[@grant2053]

Not even a chick, but I find your videos insightful to say the least. Thank you.

[@Priyamoonstar]

The key is to always internalize that what you see is what you got... Most of the time it's our fault because we are not loving the person for who they are, but for how amazing they will be after they change one day

[@connor9295]

"Is it cold in here, or is it just my penis?" Deceased

[@nafunasandra8360]

Can't miss out a chance to say 'thank you'.. i really needed this.

[@olliehernandez3934]

His delivery of that line was everything.

[@athenearosa]

Lol so accurate. Anastasia is basically "notice me senpai" and that's a stereotype that no one should live up to. The "one day wager" is risky as hell and its a mind fuck when they feign the motivation.

[@lisajanell92]

you know you have the right person when you adore them exactly as they are and have no desire to change them

[@XPrincess30]

I know that feel 😥 guy seemed perfect because I was so in love with him.. He just didn't give me the emotional support I needed

[@VueN92]

justchillinxo I'm so sorry! I hope you'll be able to meet someone that will love you as much or more! You deserve much better!

[@asmaadam5936]

After a really tragic end of my last relationship, I realised I am never compromising my needs to have someone anymore. And if someone isn't meeting my needs or I can't meet theirs then we better say farewell and move 💔❤

[@and3930]

Thank you. This helped me to leave the man I was with. I knew but somehow hearing it as you said it was the push I really needed

[@allleygreen8093]

Men usually don't change until after impotency. SO Sad

[@RichaSharma-pw5rq]

I wasted my 6 months on him. I started to change myself for him...but he never praised me, never cared me, never respect me..he pull away all his time, money, care from me.....even after that I was loving him....how blind and foolish I was ...even after that I was loving him in hope that he will change...one day I decided to cut him off after his narcisstic abuse....he does not care I am not with him....infact he is happy without me and going to marry with one of his ex......he gave me so much emotional trauma...

[@lazydamsel]

Agreed

[@MrLoowiz]

Source: You

[@factswise-psychologicalfac84]

Same goes with women until menopause 😂

[@bingobriano6021]

Really depends on the human being and not the gender.

[@kissm85]

Matthew, your heart's in the right place. Thank you

[@Acapellachick27]

How can I stop feeling so much pain over someone who wouldn’t treat me right, I walked away but ouch

[@evas6052]

awwww..xo

[@laurabarber6697]

Quit having sex with men before you really know who they are. You bonded with him and that's why it hurt. I'm not being mean I'm being honest!

[@saraiarana5633]

Start listening yourself. You need to start loving yourself.

[@Acapellachick27]

@@saraiarana5633 thanks

[@joannadziokan3267]

This is sooo true. We compromise our needs and values because we want THAT person. I no longer fall for that and I know what I want. Nothing impresses me much anymore. Time to look after num one. Changing people is a bad idea as no one wants to change. We are happy the way we are and it took us a long time to become who we are now. If anything...when we are no longer the person who we are supposed to be the partner will probably lose respect for us (because we were so stupid and changed for them). Great video btw, thank you!

[@thevillagematernityservice2433]

Joanna Dziokan amen!!! So true!!

[@maiseelauj]

I hope the ladies are listening to this advice. It is highly important to be honest and open about yourself, including your flaws from the beginning. Transition begins with oneself before bringing in someone else for a real relationship.

[@AlexM-sc4kf]

Great video, I'm so glad you're pointing out these things! Yet the most revolting thing about this book is not the idea that women entertain the illusion of being able to change the men in their lives (which is bad enough), but the idea that if a man is rich and handsome it doesn't matter how abusive, crazy and whatever else he might be. If he marries you, you win (like Anastasia does in the third book). Because a woman's ultimate goal is to get married, this is the idea more or less subtly drilled into women's minds by society. That a single woman is worthless and that's why so many women put up with disrespect, with bad relationships, with their needs not being met, everything to escape the stigma of being single. It saddens me to think that this book was written by a woman and she's only enforcing this bullshit.

[@nicp4306]

loved your comment...it is spot on! women need to get out of the thinking that success means getting married

[@lynnwalker3503]

Good point Alex, and you may be right!

[@Galemor1]

I think I need to watch all three.

[@christinacraig7168]

My compliments, on being non judgemental...for all you folks stuck in a relationship that does not answer your needs, at 70, I walked out on an 18 year marriage, and though there have been many challenges and bumps in the road, I am glad that I took care of myself at last. Never think you do not deserve peace and fulfillment, and a chance to be all you can be. Change and curiosity are what keep us alive.