The Masculinity Crisis: A Generation Of Hopeless Men

[@ColeHastings]

What do you think? Should we bring back traditional masculinity?

[@pedropierre9594]

For a lack of time and complexity ill say it like this i have felt inadequate sticking to traditional values in my life for a while now.

[@TheDoomWizard]

We should bring back our future.

[@guycha0s380]

The more i watch your videos, the more I realize how much of a open minded person you are, your vids feel like a conversation with my own mind. Glad i subbed mate.

[@nkzmaskdd]

I think we should bring back the overall values that men (some) held with for years, mainly involving confidence, the desire to always pursue foward and not giving up, respecting others and caring for those who need it. All of the other factors are just attributes, being toxic or doing "feminine" things won't you make less or more of a man.

[@toplaycool21]

Some yes, some no. Being strong and a good leader yes, but dominance and "king of the house" no crying type stuff no.

[@TheTruthHurts6666]

To me, masculinity is simply taking the lead, pursuing life goals, not needing to succumb to societal pressures and taking care of your family, lover and friends.

[@kevji]

Yes! its Listening to what you are being called to embody and tending to the commitments that you choose in life that will continually aid in you becoming your best self!

[@sonjaki]

Very true!

[@Terimator20]

So...the bare minimum...

[@rmwilliams8193]

This is to be a man for sure, but masculinity is different I feel.

[@TheTruthHurts6666]

@@Cellocurve huh? Who are you talking about? I'm a female

[@AxlbotCorner]

"If everyone is the leader, who makes up the tribe?" A friend told me this when he noticed his coworkers weren't talking to each other. Everyone was so desperate to one up each other, nothing got done at all

[@Jimraynor45]

A truly good leader would put the goals and the well-being of their group ahead of their own interests. If a leader is primarily worried about their own status, they aren't much of a leader.

[@TheBonecrusherz]

This has nothing to do with masculinity tho

[@internallyinteral]

@@TheBonecrusherz none of this does but hey its youtube and people click on garbage so who cares!

[@GabrielleTollerson]

that is an amazing question,and sadly it seems everyone everywhere are trying to one up each other.

[@theseproblemsmatter1]

Bingo

[@cbstarrr]

In my opinion, being a man ultimately means taking a greater responsibility over yourself. responsibility over your health, wealth, family and legacy. the other traits such as strength, wisdom and knowledge are just traits that help you take care of those responsibilities.

[@jout738]

I dont know where the need to be more of man comes from, when I do not myself have that need, when just want to enjoy my own life, but with partner its better you to take the man role and she takes the woman role.

[@kevji]

True Masculinity is knowing who you are called to be via your life circumstances, and becoming the man, embodying the qualities so you can best life your life and serve the ones you are meant to serve!

[@Yoginimassage]

So we'll said

[@damaniskateboarding6948]

Exactly 💯

[@Zondels]

In my opinion it just means living healthy and enjoying life.

[@genbtc]

stoicism is not emotionlessness. it is feeling the emotions and then properly processing them and confronting them and then choosing how to react

[@someonestrange2818]

Which women have been doing for centuries lol

[@Athanatoi]

@@someonestrange2818 Man have been doing it for almost a million years. But hardy doing it for the last 50 years.

[@Athanatoi]

*hardly

[@r.a1301]

@@someonestrange2818 not true. Women cannot filter between emotional and logical decisions as effectively as men can. This is proven. Stop lying to yourself

[@someonestrange2818]

@@r.a1301 It's the other way around dude. Men are so incapable of differentiating between their personal feelings and objective reality and the way it affects other people beyond personal interests they start WARS over petty beef. Women are better at managing their emotions in general. they're much more empathic.

[@joezupko]

I hate how masculinity and self improvement is typically judged by how ripped you are.

[@kevji]

Remember, any man who judges by appearance is he himself not yet a man, but still in the process of becoming man. For any balanced and embodied in the masculine would not judge your masculinity by physique, rather the qualities beholden on the inside!

[@joezupko]

​@@kevji yeah, but are you even ripped dude? jk 😆 I agree with you, but also wonder if I'm just telling myself as a cope because I don't like lifting very much

[@onnol917]

I dont know what self improvement you listen to but no one cares if you are ripped other then other men. Being somewhat fit is important, ripped really no one cares.

[@Labyrinth6000]

True, Ive seen many guys that were ripped who still ruined their own lives.

[@vicmaestro]

While I may make the case for skinny guys being 'just as much men' as ripped guys.. Guys, fact is, I do wanna be ripped. Staying in peak physical shape is something that I think everyone deserves, and these normalisations therefore are very, very limiting. I've seen such tremendous improvements in my life as I started getting 'ripped' and it's definitely not just other guys who care. People definining masculinity and feminity are the problem, not those two pure energies. In all their constructive and destructive forms.

[@sophiaisabelle027]

I believe this discussion will help out both women and men in understanding the real meaning of masculinity. It’s not about the appearances. There’s always a layer to it that needs to be further recognized. Thanks for speaking out on this. We all appreciate your hard work and effort. May God bless you and this channel.

[@MaysMeow]

Exactly!!!!

[@khalilahd.]

Completely agree

[@soy_boy69]

I have seen you before in a similar video, thank you for being compassionate ♥️

[@ColeHastings]

Well said William

[@JustABoy98]

@William Hall well said 🙌

[@AS-fu1kd]

Masculine is hard, but patient. Loving, but firm. Sensitive, but logical. A leader, and a listener. Be strong, but stay humble.

[@MsLotusBlooms]

Perfect

[@dr_bullseye]

like Christ

[@FinzerArt]

The reason why I love Cole's videos, is that he gives such a great perspective which is independant from the "self improvement space". His videos have helped me (with the help of a therapist aswell) rebuild myself from a point of hopelessness and depression into an emotionally healthy man who is resilient, stronger mentally and physically and just much happier with life in general. I'm so glad I've found your channel, keep doing what you are doing :)

[@ColeHastings]

Really appreciate that. I’m proud of you

[@ostrichlord9097]

I turned 22 a few weeks ago and have been actively trying to become a better man since my stay in hospital in September, after a mix of physical and mental illnesses got out of hand (depression, malnutrition, near chronic pain due to terrible atopic dermatitis). Ever since my stay and 2 weeks talking with grounded patients, nurses and doctors, I realised how truly messed up my life had been ever since my mother passed away 10 years ago. The pain and struggle I had walked around with silently, which others may have noticed but found more convenient to ignore (including myself) was given actual recognition. Nurses would examine my skin and apologise that I was in such a bad condition. Doctors were amazed I was walking through my everyday in such a poor state and wondered why I wasn't hospitalised sooner. Being treated like the young, curious, fragile human that I am for the first time in 10 years was indescribable. I felt odd. Confused. Apologetic and worried that I was doing something wrong by having others worry about me, because causing others to worry has only ever earned me scolding and scorn or used against me. Since leaving, I have noticed much more about the world and myself. Whilst I still notice the massive gaps of love in my life, I also take pleasure in the small instances that reaffirm that I am human, vulnerable, ignored but also present. Food tastes great. I'm not freezing. I read and write. My skin isn't causing me constant pain. I walk around and act honestly. Whilst the world is still as hostile and ingenuine as ever, that little reminder that agony doesn't have to be the default makes it all so much more pleasant. Even if my only motivations are tasty food and an uncertain future-me, I'll be happy with that. Whatever comes, comes. Whatever leaves, leaves. But I'm here to stay - whatever the reason - who cares. I've returned a little to the child that wanted to be a good guy. I like dumbass things. I like seeing others happy. I like noticing where I can improve. So I talk honestly, but don't lie or maintain conditional relationships. Sure, I can feel slight melancholy at the people who still have the love of their parents, who enjoy young love and have moan about the most minor of things. The fact that life is so good for others, kind of reassures and soothes me that life is honestly sweet - even just subjectively. Even if I'm not part of that side of things, it's nice to see. The least you can do is not ruin it, whilst replicating a version of it for yourself. Don't reproduce your own personal hell bros, please. Don't feel ashamed that you're familiar with hell or hateful that others aren't. Hell isn't home for anyone. But definitely secure your own slices of heaven and don't let anyone - ANYONE - stop or guilt you. P.s. shoutout to my local homeless dude that gave me my first real hug in years when I was depressed af, and the one cat who randomly approached me on the street and now meows and rubs against me whenever I see it. It's the small stuff.

[@purplesunflower8242]

Sending a hug and a prayer respects brave of you sharing your story.....GO WELL GET THE HELP YOU NEED..eat

[@pyroblade452]

People who have severe eczema seriously don't get the recognition they deserve. People don't realize it's not just unsightly, or very uncomfortable. It's literally painful. No matter what lotions or creams you use your skin always feels so tight, you can move certain ways because if you do it splits and cracks open... It's hell. I'm very happy Dupixent gave me my life back.

[@ostrichlord9097]

@@pyroblade452 seriously, I'd wake up in pain and have to work through the day in agony, just to look forward to passing out in bed from the exhaustion😅. It really is something most people just can't relate to without experience - even doctors vary. Everything is getting better now and I was also recommended to go onto a dupixent course, but haven't started because I'm not sure about it. Would you mind please sharing your experience of using the treatment because I have nobody to talk to about it😓

[@marinaSassygUrl88]

My gosh… I felt every word you wrote… this is exactly how I feel. Your experience is hard, I am sorry you went through all of this and I am very sorry about your mom ♥️♥️ Depression can make it all too unbearable, I know.

[@Requiem8040]

Using anything special for that dermatitis bro? I got that shit too and it fucking blows

[@miyonuri]

some people from the left and right would misinterpret toxic masculinity as masculinity in itself being toxic when really that's not the case. toxic masculinity is looking down upon others. real masculinity is self improvement and uplifting others

[@thomasthedankengine5855]

well said.

[@guedesreinaldo]

Than why tf put the word "masculinity" besides "toxic" in the first place when you could just use "toxic behavior" (which actually is precisely what you describes)? No mate, people who came up with the term "toxic masculinity" did this exactly because they wanted to dish out on masculinity itself. You have to be extremely naive to no recognize that.

[@BrettMaverick]

Loved the video man. You should get the podcast going again!

[@ColeHastings]

thanks dude. Damn near forgot I was supposed to get it going again haha

[@coltenkelso5764]

Emotional intelligence and staying grounded has helped me a lot. I believe that healing your mental health is one of the first steps to achieving true masculinity. I’ve always been the passive people pleaser. It is slowly helping me come out of my shell and being able to handle life’s problems as they come.

[@kevji]

Yes! When the masculine steps out of the need to DO for others so as to focus on BEING, and doing things for the self that ground and balance you mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically- then you will have much to truly give and therefore you will learn to give in meaningful ways that can be more intentional and well-received

[@Roooooooo22]

I feel like people end up putting you down or insinuate that your less of a man for not having a girlfriend. There’s people in my life who think I’ll never have a girlfriend, make remarks doubting that I’ll ever have a girlfriend, and that makes me despise them. Id rather have solitude and enjoy my own company than be in bad company

[@keropi193]

I wish you well ✨ its so good to be comfortable and confident in yourself. I hope more folks have a similar realization as you

[@tylersoto7465]

Same here, people will say crap to you about not having wife and some big fancy job etc and never cared to think maybe that person actually enjoys being alone in solitude

[@TIMO-lt7mj]

these are probably red pilled men

[@MicMaine]

One of the most masculine things I do regularly is hold my daughter's hand. It's up to us fellas. Stay dangerous! ☝🏾

[@Rage_Harder_Then_Relax]

LOL That's what a fucking decent parent automatically is supposed to do! Jesus H Christ. This isn't rocket science and you need some KZbinr with no experience in life to tell you that? LOL

[@MicMaine]

@@Rage_Harder_Then_Relax stop it, get some help.

[@menthalostekjvt3352]

Sweet home Alabama.mp3

[@Steve-si8ki]

@@menthalostekjvt3352 get some help

[@menthalostekjvt3352]

@@Steve-si8ki I'm in Lviv brother, I AM the help.

[@davidtirney6794]

Something I have found out while dating my girlfriend is that emotional connection is very important. What I mean is my girlfriend sees when I struggle and when I fail. I want her to see the best of me and the worst of me. I try to be as transparent as I possibly can, I dont overwhelm her with my emotions, but I definitely show that I have feelings. I dont bottle up my emotions, I convey how I feel, some people have a hard time doing that or people are analytical/logic based. Making emotions hard to understand. All this to say that it is an integral part of any relationship with a significant other to convey/explain emotions without becoming overbearing. This will pay dividends in the coming future. If your significant other wont listen to your emotions and vice versa, good luck having a healthy relationship. It builds trust and longing for each other as you both confide in each other for emotional support. Kind of like how any healthy relationship works.

[@thepizzafoogle5481]

There's a difference between bottling your emotions and being able to control them.

[@ColeHastings]

absolutely

[@realdragon]

Ah yes good old times when you were shipped to other country where you suffer and die because some politicians said so. It is peak masculinity to go through traumatic experinces

[@diogenesthecatt]

I really like how your channel help man improve in a healthy way, avoiding things like being toxic and red pill content that is unfortunally really prevelant in self help spaces

[@FinzerArt]

Thats exactly why I love his videos so much

[@kevji]

Most Everything is just imbalanced as far as what is projected upon us through content and media. The simple core truth is that masculinity is an inside job, a personal inner journey of becoming. How that journey reflects outwardly on you will be unique to you!

[@CuteCrazyCatgirl]

I'm a girl, this topic is super important and has made me realize that the most "masculine" people in my life are male friends and family of mine who, in most self help muscle groups, would be considered "feminine". It really isn't at all about looks when it comes down to it.

[@kaitlynkenney5417]

I’ve always seen it this way: healthy masculinity is about protecting the vulnerable. Toxic masculinity is about harming them. It’s a shame society (and some men) get the two confused. Real, healthy masculinity can be really vital and beautiful for people who want to choose and develop it. Shame masculinity is just associated with crazies like Andrew Tate 😂

[@stryfe0]

The vulnerable did it to themselves

[@thatpoeticthug]

@@stryfe0 agree, be weak and people will sniff that out. Be a monster be a best! But have that under control.

[@kaitlynkenney5417]

@@stryfe0 Weird way of looking at it. On some level, I agree with improving strength, and yes, it is important skill to not be overly vulnerable in life. But at the same time, you are never given authority to walk all over someone just because they are too weak to stop you. That's where the toxicity part comes in! I like what @thatpoeticthug said, quoting Jordan Peterson. Having the strength to do terrible things but choosing not to is a sign of great fortitude and power, far more so than using your destructive capabilities. And, though I wasn't clear, I was using the idea of vulnerable mostly in regards to people like children, the disabled, or the elderly. These are all people who are vulnerable, but what are they supposed to do about it? Not be old? Just stop being a child? They deserve to be honored and protected! In some cases, I was even talking about women. That's the idea of old-fashioned knights, and chivalry. In concept, that is the exemplification of healthy masculinity. Not saying that women are always vulnerable, and they are of course every inch as intelligent, clever, and important as men. I strive to never be a "vulnerable" women in many ways, by having a quality education, working to do well in my job, staying away from compromising situations. But, though we have our own incredible and unique strengths, women are usually physically weaker than men. I work to not be mentally or emotionally vulnerable (except with those I trust), but I will always be physically vulnerable. If, God forbid, I was ever in a dangerous situation, a man who stepped in to help would be an example of positive masculinity. The man who attacked would not be. That was what I meant by that comment. Sorry for the long reply, but hope that cleared some things up!

[@stryfe0]

@@kaitlynkenney5417 I would like to protect the vulnerable, but the vulnerable needs to learn that you don’t bite the hand that saves you 🤷‍♂️. We aren’t in the Middle Ages anymore, we’re in a world where men r told that they must protect/ forfeit their lives for a collective that talks shit about them, sounding unappreciative, whiny. A collective that wouldn’t even return the favour. Women are strong and independent and don’t need a man,and like you said are every inch as intelligent and important as men. Protect yourself, there are ways of not always being physically vulnerable.

[@CP-uw4ts]

@@stryfe0 THANK YOU!!!

[@celestialspartan1176]

For me, true masculinity revolves around taking care of yourself, understanding that u need to get your life in order first b4 you start really searching for the right person (man or woman) that u wanna be with. Yes, you can have fun. All work and no play makes one go crazy. But, u need to take care of your priorities. That’s of the utmost importance. Here’s another crucial thing. If u have a good moral compass, you’re truly masculine. For my fellow heterosexuals who are possibly here, women love that! 👍🏻

[@kevji]

Yeah mate! True Masculinity is simply being embodied, grounded, balanced, and serving where called!

[@nopressure6986]

When it comes to relationships, remember though, maintaining them isn’t all on you. I see too many guys getting into relationships where their partner acts like a child for them to take care of. And unless the guy is a pedo, I can’t see that being appealing.

[@usernameisunavailable8270]

This goes beyond masculinity because women should be the same way. Everyone should have their life in order.

[@Bikerace_gaming69]

Your just making femininity seem like masculinity

[@g4merboie789]

Being masculine is being autonomous and independent. Knowing what you want and why. Going after it, in the way of your choice. And helping other do the same. I don't like gyms because I like to be alone when I workout. But I love working out with my brother because we teach each other new stuff and are constantly hyping each other up. A true masculine man pulls others up as he climbs.

[@mayu2242]

As a teenage girl, you are so inspiring.

[@LightningDominator]

This is an example that just because it’s traditional, doesn’t mean it’s a good thing. Damaging traditional ideas such as emotional bottling are traditions best left in the past because of the damage it’s causing to men.

[@demono]

Thanks for this video man. Definitely subbed. I wish you luck on future content, and I appreciate the words you had to share.

[@kupeart3746]

For me I rejected the the notion of being "masculine" as some goal I need to strive for, because masculinity just mean being a man - its not a virtue and not an accomplishment , but rather just a social or biological tag. I think the whole ideal of thriving toward masculinity to succeed has done us more harm than good. For me, I look at the goals as achievements as a distinct one, not as a marking board I need to feel to prove my gender or my legitimate place in this world, but rather as selfish goal I *want* to achieve to build my unique Ideal personality. I do not work out to be more manly, rather, to be stronger, more capable and its also a great form of meditation practice. I chose to work as an artist, and I want to succeed in it, but not for the money or the status that will supposvly attract women or something, but rather for my Ideas to be noticed and appreciated by more people.

[@nested9301]

this video clear my doubts i was so depressed and hard on my self trying to be completely different person. iwas so afraid if i do something wrong people will view me as a weak man . Thank you so much!

[@ColeHastings]

Glad i could help

[@kevji]

Every Great man has failed 1000 times over! True Masculinity isnt succumbing to what the outside world tells you to be but rather embodying the man that you want to be, the man you know you can be, and authentically expressing yourself!

[@DJTXD123]

Its good to see someone who is actually natural and not on steroids for once, keep up the good work

[@sayedsoban3496]

After 10 years of watching KZbin, couch surfing and trying to do something with my miserable life, your video really gave me the semblance of hope.

[@oi2837]

What always suprised me was how much my emotions affected how I performed in life. One time I was pissed because if something right before a basketball game, and when I was playing I kept on missing and screwing up which just made me more mad. I thought anger should make me feel more energy and thus do better in activities like sports. But no it only made things worse, I realized how emotions can be a double edged sword, the fuel that moves cars or burns houses. Your emotions are a powerful weapon, so don't let them consume you, but also make sure to make good use of it.

[@adelina-805]

as a woman, I fully support this definition of modern masculinity

[@ThatBoiLake]

@bluehawk56 💀

[@LucasTrz_893]

@bluehawk56 we dont give a shit

[@LucasTrz_893]

thats a good thing

[@taschenkarotte]

💩

[@HunDev_PL]

You're the chosen one then

[@youknodavibes9601]

the world needs more realistic role models like Cole. brb going to paint my nails and get my nose pierced and be swole and disciplined while doing so

[@getprankedori]

Glad I fell on this. Being a man means respecting yourself, others and doing the best you can while experiencing this life. Thank you for making the content you do, it's very much appreciated.

[@jaredpatterson1701]

Jesus was an example of a man. Assertive but kind, generous, didn't give up, treated women with dignity and respect, didn't berate his friends when they made even the same mistakes. He was strong for what was right, and even as a perfect guy, asked his father for help, which is humility. He was approachable too, and courageous. He wasn't afraid to show emotion and his feelings and cry. He felt emotions such as empathy and compassion, but always in a balanced way and he didn't make decisions purely on them, rather he thought things out. I used to struggle with porn addiction, which led to PIED, and food addiction. I definitely didn't feel better sleeping with whoever I wanted though, just wasn't fulfilling. I still needed to come to grips with not having a good role model as a father - he was not really approachable and quite unreasonable -, the emotional trauma of being from a divorced family, and learning to love myself before starting a serious relationship. My exes complained I didn't talk enough too. I listen decently but for them to feel closer to me I had to be vulnerable too

[@gibs40]

I have been through a lot of self improvement channels, but among them all, Cole, you offer the most realistic, rational, empathetical and progressive understanding of masculinity. Your content is just so relatable for most men including me because some other channels put more light on unrealistic expectations from men and normalize not loving yourself and striving to be perfect but you manage to convince us that the light is on the other side

[@Hozagen]

Nowadays "being a man" (or a woman) is defined by oneself. To me, a man is someone who can take responsibility for himself, can stand for what he believes in without betraying his values, and is physically and mentally strong enough to take on whatever comes to life

[@brettmavericklife9329]

agreed

[@theodoros_mpousoulas]

So, if a woman take responsibility of herself, stand for what she believes without betraying her values and is physically & mentally strong enough to take on whatever comes to life, is man? 🤔

[@Hozagen]

@@theodoros_mpousoulas in my view, man and woman are interchangeable. If the person has those characteristics and identifies as a woman or was born female and doesn't care about identifying, she is a woman

[@Hozagen]

@William Hall the meaning of masculinity is not the same as the meaning of the saying "being a man". This saying makes reference to the passage rites that symbolize the transition from a "child" to a mature adult. In the past, this was defined by circumstances and society's needs. Nowadays we live in a society that is connected in very different ways that gives individuals more power of choice. So each person can choose what to believe in, whether it comes from internal or external sources, and still manage to cooperate with the society they live in.

[@Hozagen]

@William Hall totally true. That's why it's good to communicate these personal beliefs to other people. Even if they are "self-made", they are inspired in someone else's (whether consciously or unconsciously) and will inspire someone else to follow them or modify them enough to fit their values and beliefs. Also, if they're not good enough, communicating them to others is a good way to find out as there will be other people talking about them and telling you why they're not good enough.

[@gamereditor59ner22]

I went my own way and pretty much I got better with my life. Thank you for video!

[@alessandrajackson3768]

Masculinity is strength, taking charge of your future, conquering life goals and being a good partner and father!

[@dotty7789]

My boyfriend definitely has an insecurity about opening up because of how unmasculine it makes him feel. His gf before me got the ick when she realized he was crying in her arms. The most vulnerable he's been with me so far was when we were hiking and while I was ahead he called my name and asked me to stop because he was feeling clingy. It's a small moment but made me love him more and see him as a bigger man. I've slowly been helping him break down his walls and reward his vulnerability. He's pretty 'head empty' or trying to make jokes most of the time but the little things have been going a long way in his progress.

[@vibexmusic1658]

Went through a hard time in my life recently and fell into the red pill content which supposedly was the answer to all my problems. While it did introduce me to good things like exercise it made me feel like nearly everything about me wasn’t up to the standard. Overall it just really confused me and made things worse. I’m glad you made this video and that you highlighted some of the issues with this kind of thing. Would have really helped me if I had found this video sooner lol

[@Rage_Harder_Then_Relax]

The pill pharmacy is a delusional group think and is killing masculinity more than anything else because they think a man is an effing gladiator who screws as many women as possible. If the man isn't then he's less than. Or they are high and mighty MGTOWS who've had a shitty marraige blamed the women and not themselves for getting to where they are now. I could go on for the other coloured pills but I think everybody gets it from there.

[@vibexmusic1658]

@@Rage_Harder_Then_Relax Exactly, they make you feel like a complete failure if you don't fit their strict guidelines for the "ideal man", even if it is something completely unattainable and unrealistic for most people.

[@tracyvo3]

This was such a nice wake up call to improve my mindset of men and masculine energy in general. Thank you soooo much

[@RayMak]

This is sad

[@A_Talented_Maori]

Masculinity is doing what NEEDS to be done, not what people WANT to be done!

[@resilientruby5572]

Whether you are a man or woman, if you are enemies with yourself no one will be able to save you. When life gets tough do not leave yourself alone.

[@yfaewwegfawg]

Thanks for the video Cole. The irony is that masculinity-related self help and media people are bad role models, and I think a lot of us grew up with 0 positive, male role models. The best thing I've done is to try and live like the role model younger me needed, and I think a lot of people would find value being their own role model as well

[@awesometjgreen]

Very insightful and well thought out video. Thanks for this Cole, as a screenwriter, this definitely makes me feel a little less "unmasculine." I'm still a little bothered by my lack of meaningful relationships, but I'm hoping that in time I learn to cope with it better. Please keep making videos like this, because there's a lot of toxic stuff out there, and men need this kind of positive content

[@ColeHastings]

Thanks for watching. Screenwriting is such a sick career

[@carterwirig2814]

The voice of reason in the manosphere! So grateful for these videos that bring red pill back to reality. You’re killing it man!

[@BadBoy93143]

I don't think he is part of the manosphere, to be part of it you need to be homophobic, mysoginist and denying mental health issues so he could actually be criticized by the manosphere because of al the points in this video. He's the only one addresing the homophobia and hedonistic issues in those videos and sincerely he is a breath of fresh air to that toxic and horrible vibe of the manosphere. More of Cole and less of Andrew Tate, Fresh and Fit, Jordan Peterson, Roosh V and others.

[@nopressure6986]

What would you call this? The purple pill or the white pill?

[@kaseymarante1787]

Striving for emotional maturity not being emotionless was so well said! I wish all men could see this video & gain some perspective outside of what societal narratives push!!

[@adriankalka6351]

This video is the embodiment of leaving the villain arc and starting the growth arc

[@codeking22]

A man can be anything. A tradie at the site building a house, a meek dude in IT, a charismatic scientist, a wild asf rock singer, a kind-hearted fat dude who pours your beer, a cheeky old fella on the bus, or bombastic drag queen. There are so many amazing forms a man can take, and the idea that anyone would want to be rid of this in the place of one male archetype is crazy to me.

[@nolesy34]

THIS Whatever you do, do it the most youest way you can do it... that's what a man is

[@FeralDawn]

I absolutely love this take

[@noni1333]

I feel so motivated to become a good man after watching this video. Thank you, Cole. P.S. I am a woman.

[@JimmyJaxJellyStax]

Transitioning to becoming a man or delighted to further understand men?

[@Davidhaha1234]

@@JimmyJaxJellyStax wtf

[@Clubsandwich2]

@@JimmyJaxJellyStax ??!!

[@Clubsandwich2]

good luck, i hope we get there.

[@abyssaldision5134]

You are the type of woman we all men strive to be.

[@davidaldridge7929]

society is convinced that money looks and attitude are the highest forms of masculinity. The truth is that it is the spirit of a man, which is masculine at the highest levels.

[@nolesy34]

Thats right, it should be a goal to have nice things.. look good.. not define you

[@FeralDawn]

I think we'd all be much happier if we stop putting emphasis on hollow concepts like femininity and masculinity, since it seems they're just used as beating sticks to keep people locked into traditional and outdated roles. It's not inherently bad to identify with either, or even both in alternating periods of time, but these traits don't solely define who you are as a person, your actions do, and everything else falls into place as a result. 'Real men are x' and 'Real women are y' is kindergarten trash talk. Being secure in who you are is what really matters.

[@spicymeatballs2thespicening]

How is it hollow and outdated

[@nestorsifuentesaguirre2722]

​@@spicymeatballs2thespicening Because it is abused to death like a thousand toys

[@Tealen]

I agree

[@cliffcaverley2377]

My compliments exactly. Unfortunately, there are plenty of people still think this way and make ignorant, hateful and homophobic remarks which I Detest.

[@DE23]

I just try to not think about gender roles and do what I want whether it's masculine or not

[@carsongutierrez155]

Wow! That;s really deep about the concept of modern masculinity. Teaching man to embrace emotional intelligence is actually great. It allows you to become stronger in a sense. For us, strength is a fundamental trait or ability to just protect and honor. It's about triumph over adversity as well. Ability to really understand emotions would allow us to transcend it. Right on target on this one, Cole.

[@celestialspartan1176]

Stronger and wiser. A perfect thing to pass on to the next generation.

[@hiramrichmond3341]

Traditional masculinity has been slandered by history and media, sometimes for good reason. I think a better way to frame it would be “healthy masculinity” Traditional as a word has negative associations unfortunately. I think it also empowers/drives feminists to feel that they are revolutionizing male/female society when we use “traditional.” Traditional is often linked to “outdated” or “old way of thinking” and therefore incorrect. We will always need masculinity snd feminism as they are just two different parts of the same whole.

[@simdal3088]

No they are not, feminism is irrational and has no place in the natural order. It is a civilisation ending event. If we dont assert it other cultures wil and prevail. Tradition exists cause it works.

[@jasekasebase]

Well said!

[@nathanalves3284]

Unfortunately, conservatives bring themselves a bad reputation by refusing to accept that things change and constantly attacking people for not following the same standards they did decades ago.

[@TheMarioMen1]

The Berzerk background, with Guts and Griffith, damn it’s 🔥

[@nerdymom2]

This guy knows what he is talkin about.Mad respect to this guy and i hope your channel grows!

[@andresanguianozuniga6798]

Totally agree... We Men need to be honest, and to me, Masculinity its leadership, courage and wisedom... Its not being the most powerful warrior in the battlefield... Its being the one who remind others why they are fightning for... Why they need to stay together... And why they need to not surrender. Or at least thats the kind of man i want and try to be.

[@TomasioTV]

Life has taught me that being aggressive or at least insensitive isn't the end of the world and that other people are going to be like that to me too, as they were before. Thus, I began taking these two traits less harshly, even though I am quite sensitive myself. I cannot change the world and changing myself isn't always an effective solution to see the change happen externally. Aside from a few voluntary, formal changes at times, I just succumb to intuition.

[@daviscoolie]

Cole, I know you may not see this, but I sincerely hope you do. That comment you made about the “reject modernity, embrace masculinity” and how its blatantly homophobic to which you don’t support…..thank you. Thank you so much. I’m an openly gay man, and to hear you say that makes me feel so much joy knowing your an ally, and love your videos that much more. Even support from those I don’t really know makes me feel like life is that much more worth fighting for. Much love, Cole.💚

[@daviscoolie]

@@sam3764 lol I’m good. Hope you manage to realize whereever you go in life, you’re going to have to grow. I’m doing my growing and living my life on my own terms bud.

[@daviscoolie]

I’ll be with my man God, no worries there

[@taviontaylor5742]

@@sam3764 people like you are why Christian’s are hated 🤦🏽‍♂️

[@MrKentakie]

Masculinity is: - control over your emotions. Stoicism has helped me a lot, letting the emotions go and don't dwell on them. You're in the now after all and in the next second it's the past. - control over your mind & focus. Meditation is a great tool to sharpen and prolong your focus on one thing and only one thing at a time. - control over your body. Build a strong body that will be the tool that will form the future you can envision. Conclusion: Become a beast (best version of yourself) and learn how to control it. That is achieved by being better than yesterday. Even an increase of 0.000001% is progress. Do that over the span of 3 years and you will have reinvented yourself. Assertiveness is just another tool you can learn - yet don't recommend it. It's better to let your results speak for themself - less headache you have to deal with and it's a great passive selector of the people that want to be in your vicinity. In this way you gain respect and naturally someone will follow you. A squad leader that leads his troops himself into combat is being respected. A leader that just commands and does nothing himself, not.

[@drmarctagon]

Though I'm considerably older than you, I think you have a great head on your shoulders and that keeps me coming back to your videos. I think you embody what I think today's man should be. Not the rough rugged prototype of the past but not the soft wimp or simp that many men of today are turning into as well. Today's man should be in touch with his emotions, not suppress them. I'm in full agreement with you on that. I'm so grateful to have a wife who gives me the space to do that because I held a lot of things in for a long time, still do, but I'm getting better at it. Every man should also have at least 1 or 2 like-minded men to share with too. Therapy is invaluable, as well. Great video, Cole!

[@Cacau8448]

As a woman who is also a subscriber, I appreciate your videos. They do help me understand the struggles of those around me... My husband, my father, my brother and friends. So thank you so much!

[@johndoe-fq7ez]

I’m not even addicted to gaming, I workout have a job and I still feel like shit and hopeless

[@johndoe-fq7ez]

@@psyssi I said I don’t game.

[@danielkonig1091]

@@psyssi i like your profile pick is that like a vandal/saxon type of helmet?

[@rise7056]

you feel like shit and hopeless because you dont want to fix the problem and dont think positively

[@rise7056]

dont waste your life playing video games, it is useless

[@johndoe-fq7ez]

@@rise7056 I don’t read my comment again

[@fasticity]

This video should be watched by every single 18yo « men » I’ve Watched lots of videos about this topic but this one brought me more than any of them combined Thank you so much for your work 🙏

[@azzcakes12]

As someone that works in the mental health field I love the message espically getting your emotions out in a healthier way. I work at the suicide hotline and I send the same message cause I've been through a real rough patch myself.

[@yawnsoften]

I wish he made one about how many men trauma dump on women because they don't have deep male friendships. That would benefit many!

[@BobbyBasketballl]

A man not knowing how to be a man, is a failure on his father's part. Even when it comes to daughters, a father should be the standard at home so they can know when leaving the home. Our father's generation failed us big time, just like his father's generation failed theirs. What we're experiencing isn't normal, it's fatherhood being wiped out over generations where wise men no longer exist as a compass in this crazy world.

[@bernardweaver2416]

I'm so glad people are starting to really examine masculinity again. I personally aspire to be both physically and mentally strong for both my son and daughter. I want them to see how a man should behave. It's the duty of the strong to protect the weak and vulnerable.

[@JamilJarvis]

This a VERY important perspective to bring to the conversation, most of the videos & information we see are surface level. Forgetting that being vulnerable doesn't mean that you're showing all your cards & living the fear of being taken advantage of if you do but being brave enough to face your emotions & be honest about them not just to yourself but to others as well

[@str975]

Honestly most people these days are weak and complain around too much, both men and women need to be stronger

[@nolesy34]

In other words a softer generation... this may be true for a majority, but there are people who are very strict and probably achieve levels of striving that makes a 19th century mine look like a holiday camp

[@spicymeatballs2thespicening]

Facts

[@bradyking4299]

Y’all worry too much, which is funny since most guys think they contain no emotions whatsoever. Embrace who you are, and maybe stop letting your intrusive thoughts win out; that’s all there is to it. I’m just some random guy with enough tenacity to stand up for what I perceive as right and I don’t care if the right thing means I have to show my “feminine” loving side. I feel like I’m trying to be the best version of myself, not better than others and aspire to be a teacher/father figure over the traditional man.

[@ocultshinobi7531]

"Wake up to reality! Nothing ever goes as planned in this world. The longer you live, the more you realize that, in this reality, only pain, suffering, and futility exist." Madara Uchiha.

[@Antares-vj7su]

So your motivation quote for masculinity is from Naruto, an anime for teenager and you picked the villain that literally went mad in his life. Dude no, just no. YOU have to wake up in reality, life is not a manga. Look up at real men that you see as a role model and try to be inspired by the best parts of them. Being inspired by an anime villain that accomplished only rage in his life will get you nowhere.

[@GottEddy]

@@Antares-vj7su It's a metaphor, you know writers aka humans write art

[@tsaki_titan]

Okay but the whole point of rejecting modernity is rejecting being gay, it's not "homophobic" if we don't wanna associate or condone those peoples delusions bruv. We just don't fucks with it because we are men. They can be gay on their own, we couldn't care less. The problem is when they force is unto us, men.

[@SirJoelsuf1]

I always felt like it should be changed to "let modernity be, embrace masculinity." Having a "live and let live" outlook is INCREDIBLY masculine. LGBTs aren't delusional or anything, they're just dealing with things the way they think is best. Sure SOME of them go out of their way to endanger the livelihoods of those not of their kind but that's a tribalist issue which transcends sex/gender/race/age/whatever. Attacking stuff? Not masculine at all. In fact that's toxic femininity since you seek approval when you attack stuff and all forms of approval seeking is toxic femininity.

[@metalgear6531]

I'm glad I actually watched this video all the way through. I thought this was just going to be another knuckle dragger ranting about how much it sucks that some dudes want to wear dresses instead of buying trophy Ford F-150s. But instead, you very cleanly summarized exactly what's wrong with our conception of manhood without falling back on divisive and misunderstood phrasings like "toxic masculinity". I gotta say, this messed up idea of what a man should be has alienated me so much from manhood that for a while in my teens I thought I might have been trans. Turns out I'm not. I'm just alienated because society wants me to be the sort of sociopath that I'm just... not. Thank you, Cole. I'm glad to see someone gets it.

[@g4merboie789]

I don't workout because I want to be respected or admired. I workout because I can, and I need to remind myself of what I am capable of, so that I'm not afraid of going after what I want.

[@zipper_1]

I used to have issues expressing my emotions but i found a way, is that i talk to my self and communicate with my thoughts in a nice way

[@kolterveras00]

Masculinity is extremely important for sure, but I definitely agree that “traditional” masculinity is dying. I think there’s a negative connotation around the word “masculinity” and really I think healthy masculinity nowadays can just be seen as keeping strong values for yourself, holding yourself to the highest standard you’re capable of, and not bending on your beliefs when challenged. Keep going bros and always remember to prioritize yourself

[@cliffcaverley2377]

Masculinity should NOT be judged totally on how men look, dress and express themselves. Otherwise, that’s toxic

[@ninjakai1004]

“Words are sharper then knives and thoughts are more powerful then any muscles you will ever have” me 2022

[@Putis3]

Masculinity is not about just showing off its about doing what you wanna do not for people but for yourself. I learned this when i was with my friend he was very ripped but when i asked why he decided to get ripped not because of judgement, its because of what he wanna do. This is the point where i realize you don't need to be masculine to be seen as "self-improved". Simply taking care of your self and living happily is already enough of a "self-improvement" to me

[@ramonespinoza1374]

I have a really good father growing up he taught me how to be a real man by taking care of those who took care of you. Recognize where the love is coming from and keep it growing . We obtain respect and power by being a provider the hardships of being a man comes with its perks and blessings

[@damocode3256]

More people need to hear this. Even knowing and believing what you are saying it really helps to have someone else say it and allow me to properly think about it

[@spector1892]

So much of the conversation around masculinity is dominated by two stupid extremes. The types to fetishize traditional masculinity and act as though it has no flaws in those "embrace modernity" videos are stupid, the type of masculinity exercised during modernity is literately the cause of the mental health issues that men face today, feeling as though they can't be emotional and embrace positive feminine attributes. On the other hand, the people who claim masculinity has no positive elements or is inherently bad are also just as stupid, though I'd argue these are a less obnoxiously large group, they do exist. The issue of masculinity and the future of masculinity is not A simple one to solve, we need to embrace the positive elements and disregard the negative elements, and we absolutely have to stop judging those who don't fit within our traditional view of masculinity. There is nothing wrong with A man being feminine if he genuinely wants to be feminine, and vice versa for masculine women. This is A great video cole, I'm tired of the one-sided conversation around masculinity

[@MWSfan18]

Finally! Someone who shares my philosophy that in everything there needs to be balance! You've earned yourself a sub!

[@greyswandir2807]

Cole, I very much agree with your content, but I can't support how you present BetterHelp as superior to independent counselling. They are a corporate, for profit entity that is focused on making money. They have been known to use incentives to make their therapists generate quantity over quality. Also, they often do not take insurance, making independent groups more affordable for the individual when they have coverage. The corporatisation of mental healthcare is bad for the consumer.

[@andrewkenningley4555]

Being self employed is very masculine, it gives you more confidence with simple things in life , being strong and healthy is good , but being self employed gives you total control of your life.

[@djkori5521]

Yeah, this is very much, not it. Nor grounded in Reality, but Humans will be humans

[@tiagomarques7149]

I was a consumer of those pseudo self improvement videos at my 20s but after my 30s I realised that all of that is pure bullshit it's putting all of men in the same box like everyone aspire to the same things, the simple truth is that life is too short to think about what others think about you, being mature is believing in yourself and fight to reach your goals either masculine or feminine and not blaming others for your unsuccessfulness, just stop comparing to other and live a life where you can watch yourself in a mirror every morning and like what you see

[@cliffcaverley2377]

Thank you. It’s difficult with plenty of rude, ignorant and homophobic comments constantly going around

[@LordPepe-jh5dt]

Hey Cole, I'm a trans guy and my dad never taught me what kind of man to be. I want to thank you for teaching me things that my father didn't have the opportunity to.

[@LordPepe-jh5dt]

@@sheldoncooper8528 The fact that you refer to women as 'foids' tells me everything I need to know about you. Just because women don't want to sleep with you doesn't mean you need to be salty about it.

[@ouwuo5736]

Sorry you got that commenter; this idea of masculinity is hard for me, but I can't imagine how hard it would be for you. Best of luck to be able to use it (by imagine, I don't even know if it's easy or hard because you know I don't know you)

[@LordPepe-jh5dt]

@@ouwuo5736 Thanks bro! I'm starting to get the masculine look down (found the right clothes, working on my voice and speech, body language etc.) and I had someone tell me yesterday that they tend to forget that I'm trans, another guy responded with "until you said something, I didn't even know you were trans." Now I just need to work on my personality some more. When girls are raised, they are taught to suppress masculine traits. Most of these traits I had naturally as a child and I was taught to suppress them. I just need to remind myself that there are some traits I have that I don't need to hide anymore. Figured I should add this: I'm not changing myself because I feel like I have to, nor do I feel like all trans people should change who they are. Things like body language and personality are huge in eliminating confusion when meeting others. It will clear to them that I am a man, so we won't have to have an awkward conversation later on.

[@ouwuo5736]

​@@LordPepe-jh5dt I didn't even watch the video, I just wanted to comment. I didn't know about the body language and personality aspect. Currently I just want to be positive. Have you ever watched A Silent Voice? It's just a pretty good story to me, this and the movie kinda made up my day for me. You typing all those sentences and watching the video makes me think you have a grasp on things, and at least I think you should. The movie is pretty emotional I suppose, just something else to think about :3

[@LordPepe-jh5dt]

@@ouwuo5736 I'll definitely look into it. The personality, because I am trans is already there, but as a child I was taught to suppress it. I was told stuff like "that's not ladylike." I was kind of molded into a personality that doesn't fit me.

[@drewduenas6699]

I was once a hopeless man then I turned 25 and decided to just grow up things have been good from there.

[@harabloom]

To me as a women, masculine qualities i desire and appreciate are... A man can initiate, lead with confidence and certainty within him self. He's present + listens deeply. Gives space + can hold the full spectrum of a women's expression. Can handle critisism without feeling hurt, blamed or shamed. 0 fluff, shows up in action to what he says he will do. He's intregral with his word. He has muscles + is physically strong. Can provide financially or has the ability to provide shelter, to hunt, gather and kill when needed. Gentlemen like qualities such as opening the door for a women, letting her go first, carry her bag for her. Respectful, emotionally mature, knows how to communicate and take responsibility for his shit. Treats the women and the relationship with sacredness + devotion.

[@MicMaine]

Not many men have parents they can even talk to like that, many have literally nobody.

[@ColeHastings]

Indeed

[@dr.strangelove9815]

Great video. I think the quality of honor would tie into the assertive, emotional and aggressive aspects of being man as well. There are many times, as a man, and people in general, where you will have to stand alone, and when that time comes, never compromise what you love and hold dear.

[@trevorhightower7885]

Masculinity is a special thing being forgotten and almost vilainized. This video is definitely helpful in seeing a positive side to it all. Femininity is easy to do without being labeled toxic, while we men need to all get help with finding positive masculine outlets. I feel for those that don't know how to find the help and the end results of that. Great video!

[@kevji]

YES! Its our role to create space in brotherhood to help channel the positive masculine outlet. When the masculine has space to express EVERYTHING in a loving container, so much healing happens between the masculine and the feminine collectively because of a deeper embodiment of balance.

[@breannanorthrup5498]

I don’t think people as a whole are villainizing masculinity. The problem is that people hear toxic masculinity and dudes hear masculinity is toxic and it isn’t at all.

[@cliffcaverley2377]

@@breannanorthrup5498I find toxic masculinity refers to men being called homophobic girly names or calling something gay which I Detest

[@thomassmith1424]

I was expecting another one of those videos you detailed in the beginning but instead I found so much more. I just want to thank you because you inspired me to be a better person.

[@GenXPower]

I don't think physical strength makes a man, because I know plenty of lifters that have extreme ego issues, and they generally mistake aggression with assertiveness. They bully people and act tyrannical. I am beyond strong for my age and weight. In fact, I am one of the strongest in the world, but that is just a small facet of who I am. I want to be strong, assertive, kind and supportive. As a leader, I belive my job is in service to my subordinates. I want to support my family and take on the burdens that others cannot carry by themselves. I used to want to be intimidating and feared by other men, but having a daughter certainly changed that. I think most good men grow out of that, especially if they have good people in their lives.

[@haggus71]

In China and Japan, historically, they handled this better. A true warrior was just as experienced in caligraphy, music, art, and philosophy, as he was in the martial arts. It was all about balance, which we in the West have a hard as fuck time doing. Here we just love polarization. It has to be one side or the other, in a never-ending pendulum.

[@Maki-qw8he]

How to get your masculinity back. Go to the gym, if not, go walking or swimming or anything physically active, be knowledgably, control your emotions, respect women and men, know your worth, don't be a simp, delete social media and stop watching pron.

[@noctua0]

going to the gym isnt a masculine trait it's just being healthy, has more to do with your mental and physical coniditon rather than your "masculinity" and why would you delete social media in the first place if you become knowledgeable and able to control emotions? after all with those you can avoid the misinformation and bad influences