The Masculinity Paradox: Lightning Talk with Virginia Goldner - Sessions Live by Esther Perel

Sessions Live Lightning Talks are a series of 3 20-minute talks designed to expose the audience to a deeper dive on three important topics in the discussion around masculinity and performing therapy with men. Virginia Golder talks about sexual harassment is a project of leisurely objectification. Unlike rape, where consent is vanquished, or erotic mutuality, where it is ratified, the pleasure in sexual harassment is that consent is extracted: ie. it is consent under duress. The pleasure in enacting this form of objectification is rooted in the fabric of toxic masculinity -- an elixir bred of resentful vulnerability whose roots need to be unpacked.
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[@ailin-cathy2918]

Thank u so much madame Perel for uploading these videos!

[@upendasana7857]

Excellent talk.so clearly outlining things which by nature are so blurred and hard to see or ascertain but she did it with such great clarity and style

[@fredhubbard7210]

Masculinity paradox? It is the Feminist Paradox. I am tired of feminists defining masculinity and male sexuality. If "she" doesn't "feel comfortable," and it is because: "the patriarchy." Moreover, one bad male, proves "all men are sick." Virginia is my definition of "toxic femininity" and her willingness to project her own toxicity onto any unfortunate target. She goes on and on describing Frankin's motivation. To loosely quote philosopher Susan Neiman, "no one knows the motivation of ourselves...doubly so of the motivation of another!!!" The only things this talk demonstrates are Virginia's contempt for men, and hatred of both rational thought, and evidence based analysis.

[@d.collins1134]

What a wondering chaotic dissertation...

[@AnnafromHungarylvNW]

I wonder how a lecture on the psychology of a certain criminal behaviour is considered misandry.

[@enatp6448]

Pretty powerful...

[@thealevelbiologist]

Let's stay sharp.... Hahaha brilliant ending. Very nice description of the hard-to-explain experience of a gaslighting power trip. I could not help but to notice how the detailed descriptions of the experience overlapped 100% with the counterpart experience of men, on their hand, being friendzoned by more powerful attractive women who extract their attention, time, even money while strategically undermining their sexuality, leading them on, "will they won't they", only to then turn on them if they point out the abuse and claim nothing has taken place - they were just friends. Yes. Stay sharp.

[@upendasana7857]

Pathetic comparison

[@flip1980ful]

That was so interesting that I took notes. And forgive myself for falling for such tricks, manipulated to choose between two awful things. Thanks

[@couplesolutions8838]

@9:00 "...almost self-mocking" -- Virginia, you almost discovered the attempted humor. Franken was a professional comic, and we all know they get love by clowning. The action was not done covertly, despite an audience, it was done overtly, expressly for an audience. It is a performance, an attempt to be funny by being outrageous. The way I understand the humor, it is not meant to ridicule Tweeden or demonstrate power over women (if anyone would think that to be funny), but to mock how pathetic men can be. Yes, there may also be subtexts of power and misogyny, and your overall message is important and insightful. Franken is not to be excused But in your analysis of what is going on in the perp's mind, you missed this crucial aspect.

[@patriciabaker332]

Brett Kavanaugh was exonerated.

[@DogGroomer-hd1oj]

Nope. Exonerated was not what happened. Pushed through anyway, is a more accurate description.

[@LikeToWatch77]

Exonerated would mean that it was proven that he didn't do it and that did not happen. The modern tragedy is that society now believes that it is the obligation of the accused sexual assaulter to prove innocence. Ford did not even bring a solid accusation because she could not name the time or place. If that weak ass accusation had gone through the police they would not even follow up on it.

[@MrMrmetro]

@jemjean100 Very well presented. How quickly they forget that men & women complement one another when healthy. Sad that men and women have been pitted against one another in such a systematic way. Everyone suffers, especially our children.

[@EsHenao]

If i had 10$ every time a female coworker or friend does something like this when I fall sleep I would be living in bali.

[@aubridebauchery]

And that’s inappropriate. Harassment is harassment. And not a reason to discount the harassment experiences of other people

[@jimsanderson4180]

This has nothing to do with masculinity. It is only about deviant or pathological behaviour.

[@aubridebauchery]

It’s about deviant behavior that is fueled by a society that privileges men and views others as objects to have power over. They are the same.

[@tbrads7876]

OBjectification in itself I on't think is a crazy bad thing. I will give you the other side of it. When Chris Pine or Ryan reynolds or insert x name is on screen that is like 95% of what is going on from females intersted in them. That find them hot, or don't. When women watch football, the majority of them watch to see them in tight pants/how they look, not what school they went to, what education they got, how there home life is ect.

[@1brenmaster]

My god she got a lot out of one picture of a guy goofing around. Poor taste yes but is modern feminism really that fragile ?

[@ivannaliovanp]

Shame, this not represent the majority of men, just more toxic masculinity propaganda, I recommend you guys inform yourself about the red pill, really important men issues are not here, I used to follow Esther Perel, not anymore.

[@yoonmikim5663]

Gender, like money and race are social constructs. The premise of this talk, which she doesn't, to, be fair, really delve into, because she's talking to fellow academics, is that because gender is a well-known social construct, that to protect that power dynamic construct, cis het men, often absolutely need to protect that sort of identity with a fierceness which comes with things that aren't only destructive for women, but men, too. These destructive things, she couldn't have time to outline, but the absolute fear of being labeled "gay" often leads to performance of hyper "masculinity". And this performance of hyper "masculinity", BTW, is actually a relatively recent construct, but has negative implications to cis het men, which include things like lower reports of rape against men, men not willing to admit sexual abuse, and rampant homophobia--which is destructive to fellow men--gay men. In protecting this image of the hyper masculine, as she was trying to drive at, it leads to feeling fragile, which might explain the need for sexual harassment--to get approval of other men and society. Because in the position of any power dynamic, which includes, but is not limited to sexism, colorism and racism, there comes a need to protect that power basis. BTW, the basis of these prejudices aren't that far apart from each other, though the causes and origins may be really far apart. The basis of the hate and the results aren't that different. Taking away that gender role is frightening to a lot of cis het men. Because they need to protect it, but in protecting it, they also hurt themselves. More men become cooks, yet women are told they should cook in the home. A lot of landscapers are men too. There are straight male dancers. Those who play sports often engage in dance activities to increase agility. The very foundation of gender roles falls apart the more you examine it, and in that is a vulnerability, and in the vulnerability, it needs to be reaffirmed constantly. If the man in question doesn't get it from society, because of it, they need to find it elsewhere, and thus the excitement in sexual harassment. That's the summary of the talk.

[@cassiofficial]

@@yoonmikim5663 "gender is a well-known social construct" only in your academic cult. not in science. there is a lot of biology defining each gender.

[@ivannaliovanp]

@@yoonmikim5663 the hurtful thing to reach truly harmony between persons is pointing het cis men as masculinity nature dangerous, that is wrong. There is a pervert propaganda about it. Wrong behavior is not a masculinity issue, is a wrong persons behavior, not het cis men and women also do sexual abuse.

[@yoonmikim5663]

@@cassiofficial Science reference: "Sex refers to physical or physiological differences between males and females, including both primary sex characteristics (the reproductive system) and secondary characteristics such as height and muscularity. Gender is a term that refers to social or cultural distinctions associated with being male or female. Gender identity is the extent to which one identifies as being either masculine or feminine (Diamond 2002)." opentextbc.ca/introductiontosociology/chapter/chapter12-gender-sex-and-sexuality/ Gender is a social construct while the biological expression of sex, which runs "male, female, intersex" is a separate phenomena. And yes, science is all over that. And while the biological expression is called sex, this can also be culturally shaped as with the "fixing" of intersex people. Just a warning up front, you might not want to mess with someone that has the schooling in social sciences. While I majored in Anthropology, concentrating on systems, I also took classes in psychology and sociology. So I come with references, and ability to mess with trolls making wild claims. Also note I was respectful of the OP by walking through the parts that the talk missed in ways they might connect to.

[@thealevelbiologist]

omg so early