The Myth of Unconditional Love

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***
In this week's video I argue that unconditional love doesn't exist.
Relationships are about teamwork. To me that doesn't fit with the idea unconditional love.
Never stop trying to impress your partner.
Website: howtogettheguy.com
Facebook: / coachmatthewhussey
Twitter: / matthewhussey
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[@olgatoja]

Someone said once "The love doesn't have the conditions but the relationship does".

[@Ana9World]

YES

[@firstlast9916]

Semantics. Love should only be used as a verb.

[@MrMadhavanc]

Arеее уоou mаking thеsее mistаkеs with уоur mаааn? twitter.com/aab1113af7197bdfd/status/804693412402241537 Тhe Муth оf Uncоoоnditiоnаl Lоvе

[@Summerlove23]

olgatoja exactly correct . People are getting love and relationships mixed up and confused . Not everyone in relationships love each other and not everyone that loves is in a relationship. A love that a mother has for her child is an unconditional love . So I know it exists. You can love unconditionally from a distance and still choose not to be in that relationship . I see it happen all the time . Especially with families that break apart and they say they will always love them no matter what but can't have them in their life .

[@kune2327]

Hi olgatoga your channel is awesome.

[@jacob_massengale]

unconditional love wants what is best for someone, and that doesn't always mean being with them. it simply comes from an attitude of benevolence, magnanimity and empathy toward all people. that is something different from romantic love.

[@UlyanaRegener]

Thank you!

[@march12314]

Not really. Unconditional love is way of romantically loving someone.

[@nothingphenomenal1824]

@@march12314 romantic love my ass

[@lonefaith9962]

@@march12314 I'd say romantic love is more like a feeling you would want to share, you give and you want to receive it, while unconditional love you just give it...

[@march12314]

@@nothingphenomenal1824 Who hurt you my guy. XD

[@alejandrobernal6586]

No one can really truly define love, don’t let anyones opinion of it keep you from experiencing the depth and expansion of it. I do believe in unconditional love in romantic relationships. To experience real freedom from any kind of bondage is truly a magnificent thing. Conditional relationships I don’t think can reach this level of trust. Ever

[@CaseyStClair-hm6jr]

Love being "entitled" to leave a bad relationship! My whole life just opened up. I'm applying this to all relationships, not just romantic ones. I feel freer already!

[@MsWannabeGamer]

Agreed. It's insane how many people think intimate love is unconditional. A lot of them even stop making an effort towards their partner, because they think they must be loved unconditionally. I think that mindset just promotes laziness and hypocrisy, because those people who get too comfortable, demand that their partner not do the same. How can they even believe in unconditional love in intimate relationships when they exhibit such hypocrisy?

[@smokexsmoke99]

I am starting to think romance love doesn't even exist and the concept of it is a bad thing for the human race. I think that romance love is nothing but just regular friendship love with kissing and sex added to it. It seems to me that most people who are in relationships or married are just being with someone just so they can benefit themselves (rather than just because they have a special type of love for that person). If that is true, then it would explain why most relationships and marriages end up in either a break up or a divorce. So I basically think the concept of "romance love" is created by humans, just so they could just find the right person to keep having sex with and to have kids with. In all the romantic relationships I've been in, I've never felt a special type of love for anyone. Also all the romantic relationships I've seen end up in either a break up or divorce. So that is another reason that romance love doesn't seem to exist for me. Also the reason I think the concept of romance love is bad is because it caused a lot of problems for humans by having a lot of them commit suicide (due to a broken heart) or caused them to have a lot of emotional and psychological problems. Humans can still exist without romance love; a fact that proves that is that the concept of romance love doesn't exist in the animal world. Most of the time, a pair of animals mate and have babies, and stay with each other until the baby grows up, and then they pair split up and go their separate ways. So why can't humans be like animals? I feel like platonic love is a way better and way healthier type of love than romance love is, since it doesn't cause near as much problems for humans as much as romance love does. And also almost most of the time when a person loves another person (platonically), the person will keep loving the person until they die. And as I said, most of the time when a person loves another person (supposedly romantically), the person will eventually stop loving the other person and the relationship will end up in either a break up or a divorce. And also another reason that platonic love is way better than romance love is because it actually exists unlike romance love.

[@march12314]

Well yeah, of course people think true intimate love is unconditional. Because if you go into a relationship expecting certain things, you're only leaving yourself open to disappointment. And the only person responsible for being in that situation would be you. True love means working through the good and bad, and if change is to ever happen, it would have to be to the absolute benefit to those it is affecting (not just yours).

[@godnyx117]

Love that comment!

[@vincentmunoz6042]

I have found that the problem is in not understanding and practicing unconditional love on your own, before deciding that you are ready to even be in a relationship.

[@jessicasentman2127]

I am so glad that this is being bought up. Unconditional love is a romantic ideal that doesn't hold up in the real world. Love is conditional and on many levels and dimensions. People who work together as a team, now that is real and loving.

[@MartinZhel]

Jessica Sentman If love have conditions is it really love?

[@she_sings_delightful_things]

@@MartinZhel of course it is. You have to love yourself, too. Enough to tell yourself that you love yourself enough to not become compliant with tolerating a loved ones abuse. Unconditional love is a myth because we ALL want to be treated with kindness and respect. If a lover fails at doing so then we obviously do not love that part of their personality.

[@yannickm1396]

@@MartinZhel If you think of love as a conection you build with someone that grows over time than i think i agree. It's like sentimental value. You're experiences define part of who you are. Sharing those experiences with someone else makes you feel less alone. Thinking about it this way you could just replace the word love by conection. When you get maried you vow to love eachother for the rest of you're live. In other words both conserve and continue to build the conection you have with that person. I think the person in this video conflates like with love. You could like someone because they have the atributes you wan't in a partner. But than you can meet someone else who also has these atributes and you can forget al about the first person. But when you made a conection with someone forgetting about them will not be that easy.

[@Yusa_Beach]

@@she_sings_delightful_things I think I disagree, even if your comment is 1 year old. This comes down to if Altruism exists or not (Altruism is the behavior of something that disregards or has no interest in itself and instead will either sacrifice itself for another being or take an interest in it) and assumes that all conditions weither metaphorical or physical are the same. Which concludes that unconditional love doesn't exist. However that's where things get dicy imo. Some people think unconditional love does exist by equating the expectations to be physical desires, such as someone being tall, wealthy, hot, having a good skin tone, etc. (All the physical things that one could hold within the world.) While others seem to believe it doesn't exist, because no matter if those desires are physical or not. Such as simply being treated with kindness and affection even though they may not have the things that you would physically desire within them would be classified as the same thing. And that's where my stance or disagreement comes from, because I don't think a condition within a relationship should have to be treated or given kindness, respect, or affection, because that should be a given. ( I'm must ask otherwise if you don't think the same, don't all organisms deserve life? Because if not then why are we here after all experiencing this moment that might not ever come again? And if that is the case then if all life deserves to live then wouldn't it be better as a species to get along with each other and treat each other with kindness, compassion, and affection? So that we can live?) The condition would have to be physical inorder to be using the word right aswell in the first place, because otherwise selflessness wouldn't be a word or just wouldn't exist. As this video states and your opinion on the matter of unconditional love (Which is selflessness).

[@rougealainpaulapale3716]

Finally someone who gives voice to my thoughts on unconditional love.

[@sophiaarandia540]

Matthew, unconditional love is often misinterpreted. Unconditional love is truly seeing who the person is before you, everything they are and everything they are not, choosing to love them despite it. Choosing to love them, at a stage when they are hard to love and when NOBODY will, not even their own selves. It's easy to love someone when they are at their best behaviour, but how you know if you truly love them is when you are able to love them at their worst. Being a doormat is a complete different equation. Being cheated, being abused, being used, is something that falls in a different category. What were talking about is many couples who easily walks away, divorces or ends it, just cause they have all these expectations on how their partner should be and should have. There is no compromise on how they see the relationship should be versus what the relationship really is. Or like you said, it should be equal. Love can't be measured unfortunately. When you start counting, thats where the trouble starts. Simply summing it, is giving without expecting the exact same to be returned. How our parents love us, how we love them, how God loves us, is the same on how we should love the person before us. Otherwise, it all becomes conditional and just like any conditional terms, it will inevitably end. I'm raising my hand, when you question how many people you know are on an unconditional love. I have. It is the only way to feel real love. But it is rare, where you're absolutely right. Regards.

[@jrewcooper9925]

You spoke something so true and so rare

[@god5535]

So beautifully put! Ayo Matthew.... drop some acid yo! lol :p

[@DiamondF-ed5ci]

Thank you! Beautifully said ❤

[@highvirtue6458]

My exact thoughts

[@osareafallire]

Where is the line then? At what point does accepting someone at their worst become being a doormat? I can see someone in trying times, even self-imposed trying times, and appreciate them for what they're doing while also not being willing to surrend my own stability, sanity, and safety tying myself legally, financially, or morally to their worst. I can respect the challenge they have in making decisions and hope for the best for them. But how much worst is acceptable. Where's the line? I'm mystified by this concept and I'd really like to understand it.

[@Cybraxas]

"If you ask the question every morning: 'What is my partner doing to contribute towards my happiness?', and the answer is 'Nothing." every day, for too many days in a row, then that's a relationship you should not be in."

[@firstlast9916]

You are responsible for your own happiness. It is impossible to "make" somebody happy everyday for the rest of your life.

[@Cybraxas]

Rudy C because that's what every AFC does to be liked by women

[@firstlast9916]

DrIncognito Practice makes perfect. Any comedian can tell you that.

[@Cybraxas]

Rudy C The issue here is that you're missing the point. Women do not want men that "want to be liked" or appease. Women want men who assert themselves, not who behave like wussies.

[@firstlast9916]

DrIncognito That's a good point but I am talking about happiness and not courting women. If you are going to depend on other people to be happy in life, then you won't be happy.

[@fayea.4229]

Love is a teamwork. It make sense.

[@DennisLottig]

Unconditional love exists, it just isn't healthy. I've been there and done that. It takes a long time to open your eyes and think like this.

[@Im2blond]

Yes I experienced it as well, but then it wasn't me but my ex

[@JJ-vp3bd]

What did your ex do that was wrong?

[@ohyeahyeah-xt1zr]

If you had unconditional love then u wouldnt have lost it.

[@thetreasurer7531]

@@ohyeahyeah-xt1zr exactly.

[@User-so8fj]

@@Osiris189 Unconditional Love doesn't exist. Your parents just say that just to make you feel like they will always love you regardless of your bad decisions which might hurt the family. It is a mythical concept. I'm not saying that they're lying to you, but rather they just want you to feel good which is why they throw that term "unconditionally" to make it seem legitimate, when you know it's not.

[@sylvansouthaven375]

You are right Matthew, unconditional love does not exist... In the way that you say. Relationships are teamwork. Unconditional love says, "I am here no matter what life throws at us." It is not unconditional in the sense of "no matter what you do to me"; rather, it is unconditional in the sense of "no matter what we have to do together." Because life is hard, and in a real relationship, you will go through hard things that will test your loyalty. That person will let you down in situations, not because they want to, but because life is difficult and we don't live in a rainbow colored bubble. Loving somebody unconditionally is believing that the two of you will work for the best interest of the other person, together, regardless of what you have to go through.

[@injusticeanywherethreatens4810]

Glad to see that *SOME* of humanity still has some common sense! Thanks for this take on the issue Matt!

[@dannierae23]

Yup. I agree. Always had the thought that unconditional love was staying in the relationship no matter what and trying to work through it. But now, I find myself asking " Can I live with this for the rest of my life?" The answer is no. Unconditional isnt real because we NEED conditions to make things work for the best and highest vibration. Loving someone, truly loving someone, really doesn't ever go away. It can change forms but it doesn't fade. And, you can love them from a distance if it means your safety and both people's happiness overall.

[@parepidemosproductions4741]

You went from talking about unconditional love, to unconditional relationship. Unconditional love is a decision made by one person despite what the other party is doing. An unconditional relationship is harder to maintain, but if one person chooses to love someone unconditionally, that remains unconditional love. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

[@morningglory3644]

To me, unconditional love has nothing to do with a relationship where you allow yourself to be abused. I have come to understand unconditional love as growing together in a relationship, meaning accepting the flaws & imperfections in your partner (ex. maybe one is messy & the other is tidy). I believe an unconditional loving relationship means mutual respect, showing more compassion for one another instead of criticizing & diminishing the other. It means working together, instead of against one another. One or the other partner in the relationship should never compromise himself/herself. I identify unconditional love with the idea of not needing to change or fix your partner (ex. maybe your wife is an emotional drama queen, but you still love her anyway because you choose to see the best qualities in her, she is probably not like that all the time). Of course, a toxic relationship would be different because there is usually no room for growth there.

[@fearsomeclarinet]

+Nikka Rose But those are all conditions

[@fearsomeclarinet]

+Nikka Rose But those are all conditions

[@Moolaka5]

Nikka Rose if all those are conditions where is the unconditional?

[@ria1606roy]

Nikka Rose what if your partner doesn't respect you, doesn't let you grow in your relation, always criticizes and diminishes you instead of showing compassion, even though you do all those? Would you still love him unconditionally? Having a perfect partner and growing in the relationship doesn't mean the love is unconditional. It means the conditions between the two of you are just right for the relation and love to prosper. The term unconditional isn't valid here. But if still one feels that she would love him no matter what the condition is or isn't, then as said by Matthew, she is a masochist.

[@Summerlove23]

Ria Roy you can still love someone unconditionally and choose not to be in a relationship with them because they aren't right for you. Love and a relationship isn't the same thing .

[@denisefagan2723]

Thanks for being truthful...unconditional love as a concept is a romantic ideal but not realistic or practical. We are strong and attractive when we display self respect and being a doormat isn't being unconditional or respectful to ourselves or in any relationship....you always keep it real !

[@pjdelucala]

Being unconditional is not about romance. It is about staying in alignment with your higher self ( inner being) no matter what is happening. It is about feeling good no matter what is going on. Being conditional means being out of alignment with your true self and demanding that someone act in a certain way so that you can get back into alignment. Here is an example: "I will love and respect you if you change your ways." Being unconditional is saying "I love you and will show you respect no matter what you are doing." If the person doesn't want to respond to that loving attitude, then the relationship cannot work." It would be time to move on. It is a misalignment between two people. But many people in the world will respond to a loving resonance. You attract people and events through your emotions and attitude. It is called the Law of Attraction. A man once said "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." It is a profound statement. It is about unconditional love.

[@GOTOSLEEPmr]

@@pjdelucala not really, you’re making it seem like people that are in conditional love have to enact the other persons will on the daily just to be worthy of that love and that’s not true. If you enter a relationship you have to respect yourself and the other person enough to understand what it takes for a relationship to be. if I, for example, stopped being loving, gentle and overall stopped being a “partner” then my partner would be in the right to break up with me or fall out of love with me. That’s the condition in its most basic form, to have love back. Cause for a fact you wouldn’t stay in a relationship with someone that doesn’t love you back. Being in an unconditional relationship is very unhealthy for you (and for your partner because of the general mindset), the only times unconditional love is exercised is with parents to their children. And that’s because they brought them into the world and therefore it’s their responsibility. All in all conditional love is not a bad thing at all, keeps your morals and self worth alive and makes you want to be a better partner.

[@ThaGirlLaLaLa]

I agree! I loved that epiphany moment when you said if love is unconditional than we wouldn't fall in love with the conditions about the person.

[@march12314]

Exactly, in that case, you never really loved them. You only loved certain aspects about them, not the person. True love is unconditional, because it involves loving who they actually are, and not what is subject to change.

[@Ulzannghome]

march12314 preach

[@RaduP3]

@@march12314 but loving them from who they are, what makes that ? is there a certain condition that makes someone love somebody precisely? Isn't it something that is personal for us that makes us love someone ? In what way is that unconditional anymore? And why don't we love literally everybody we meet all the time. People are selfish, and I am not saying that in a bad way, it's necessary for our survival. Loving someone is NEVER selfless because we people do not have the capacity to be selfless. Who thinks otherwise is misguided, and to be honest believing such makes their capacity to love even SMALLER because of the unconsciousness of the topic. Even loving other people just for the fact that they are humans and they make mistakes and are imperfect and understanding that, comes from a place where you are a human as well and you can relate to them - thus personal - thus selfish because you are cheering for yourself in the process. Also, second part, we are designed to bond with others and feel empathy for our own survival, thus once again, selfishness. So I do not see the part where unconditional love exists. A very documented opinion after being self-deceived for years about love being unconditional, times where my capacity of love was smaller than today.Read the book of Richard Dawkins - The selfish gene. We will see how this theory will remain with time, but for me it's just common sense now.

[@commonsense3921]

@march12314 you lost in the sauce.

[@Krypto_Dogg]

Unfortunately the continually impressing each other part is just as mythical.

[@Dcook85]

Removing conditions removes accountability for effort. If you know that your partner will leave you if you let the relationship fall too far, you'll remember how important it is to try. I will say that Parental love for their children can be unconditional, even in the most extreme cases you still love your children unconditionally. But spouses and partners are a different story.

[@keksteig387]

Agree 100%

[@bleachbean]

I just wrote an article on this topic and it’s so cool to see that one of my favorite youtubers actually covered this too and so eloquently! Thanks for always being an inspiration Matthew!

[@jessicahiles3364]

I believe that unconditional love does exist and is desirable.This is the only point of disagreement between myself and Matthew that I have come across so far. I believe that every person is worthy of love and I endeavor to see everyone I meet in this way; this kind of love does not have limit and applies to every living thing if it applies to any one thing. It is a spiritual and universal love. In the past it has been difficult for me to separate the types of 'love' when getting romantically involved with someone because I do go into the relationship loving them already, and I do not stop loving them once the relationship ends. This has often been confusing or scary for a man who does not have the same belief system as I do. That does not mean that I am destroyed by the end of a relationship. On the contrary, I have ended relationships before and I have also been happy about the end of a relationship that was initiated by the other person (though sometimes not right away!!). I am much more at peace about letting go of a relationship now that I do not feel that I am giving up love when that happens. I think that perhaps with this slight change of language, what Matthew has to say is very powerful and wise, but it is very important to make the following distinction: unconditional love is not the same thing as an unconditional relationship. An unconditional relationship is a dangerous and unhealthy concept because it only comes about when a person denies unconditional love to his or her own self. Unconditional love for everyone includes the necessity of loving oneself and taking care of one's own needs. That may mean leaving a relationship in your past when it no longer serves your highest future. Thanks for reading!

[@ohyeahyeah-xt1zr]

Sorry but i dont think it exists. Externally or internally. We all have insecurities and if unconditional love did exist would insecurities even be a thing?

[@UzdrawianiePoprzezDźwięki]

I resonate with that. At this point of my life there's no happiness, no success, no relationship. Not a single thing works without proper boundaries.

[@emilyannabethlager]

I think you are being rather literal with the concept of "unconditional" love. It is a term that does have its own meaning and I guess conditions. It's implication for most couples is a mutual unconditional love, not one sided. And people are attracted to the idea that "unconditional" love means forever. They crave the stability and the idea that their love won't change with the wind... I don't think it implies dysfunction in most respects!

[@BH-2023]

Finally, someone who gets it. The myth of unconditional love is so harmful in any arena of life

[@anandanabila8439]

Because he don’t understand it

[@brunomartz_215]

@@anandanabila8439 explain?

[@anandanabila8439]

@@brunomartz_215 when you love someone unconditionally it mean you don’t expect nothing from them you are not waiting something in return you are loving them in divine way so you are peaceful happy your happiness doesn’t depend on them of course if they are harmful to you you leave them it’s normal but romantic relationships it’s ego mind relationships I love you then I hate you you should do what I want so I can give you my love back its conditional it’s painful, only a sprituel person know what is unconditional love is to love the person with freedome with ease and let them go if they want 🥰💚💚💚💚🙏🙏🙏🙏 I recommande you to listen to Osho or Mooji 💚🙏🙏🙏

[@timothycardoso1364]

Unconditional love doesn't mean I want to be in a relationship with you necessarily . Unconditional love is a state in a relationship where that is a reality. The relationship could end but the love for that person will not die. That doesn't mean one's life now is at a stand still. The person can continue in a wonderful, fulfilled life and still love that person whom perhaps they know they will never see again. That person with unconditional love can be completely and happily in love with someone new and still love the other person. The type of love may change but the fundamental of what love is doesn't. Loved is not just an emotion. If you still wish happiness and the very best for the person you are no longer involved with that means you still love them. People sometimes think that there are a few labels that apply to love. That is a huge mistake.There have been people in my life who have hurt me deeply and are no longer a part of my life. Am I pining away for them? No. My life has gone on just fine but I still love those people because I care for them and about them even though we are no longer a part of each other's lives. True love of any kind is not limited by space or time. When some one we love dies does our love for them die with them? No, we will never stop loving them. Talk about loving someone with no conditions. A newborn for a good woman is loved unconditionally from birth. That child may grown up to be a psycho. The mother knows the relationship with that child must end for her safety but her love for that child despite that is never gone and it is never taken away. People can love people from afar. I have wept over the death of a celebrity that I never even met. If that is possible then a love that is unconditional for another is certainly possible. Unconditional love also means you don't have to knock yourself out to try and be somebody you're not. You are loved the way you are not the way I want you to be.. Unconditional love has many layers. It is not a word to be taken strictly or restrictively. It has many levels.

[@madelinecunningham3925]

THANK YOU. So many people don’t understand true love. You did a wonderful job though! I appreciate your comment so much. It made my night and made me happy to know other people see love as I do.

[@jgarciajr82]

Unconditional love never ends. Love never lasts. Love is cheap but if you really look into unconditional love it really looks like COMPASSION. No judgement. Love always judges lol.

[@teddaniel4809]

Excellent !! I agree 100%, unconditional love is an illusion, it doesn't exist !! Everything around us is conditional !!! Period.

[@bluepugify]

Full disclosure: My personal experience with my parents. My Mom got chronically sick 10+ years into the marriage. Objectively, she was a good wife to my dad, but he was not a good husband to her. Soon enough, the added strain of her illness, and her inability (but not lack of will) to take care of my dad as before took its toll on everyone. He viewed this as a break of one of the 'conditions' of their relationship and used it as an excuse to neglect her, as well as myself. He viewed her dementia as an intentional stop to trying to be a teammate. There are many things wrong with what I've just described, but I'm sure you would agree that the right thing to do would be to assume responsibility for his incapacitated 'teammate.' But in this video, the definition of conditional love seems to condone this behavior, too. And in abusive relationships of any kind, conditional love is also what causes damage. Conditional love is no longer a way of maintaining mutual respect, independence, and self-sufficiency, but a power play over another person - for the sake of control. Matt, I learn a lot from your videos, but I think this one leaves out an important caveat. Love itself is not conditional - you cannot control the way you feel about another person. The act of loving another and all that that encompasses is what must be conditional. And, as with my mom, when a person in a relationship becomes too helpless/incapacitated to contribute their part, it is not the same as the person who CAN reciprocate the acts of love they receive but neglect do so.

[@AnaLopez-bs5hf]

+bluepugify nothing is black and white, I've learned. best of luck with your mum.

[@emolutioning]

Most WELL SAID comment. ❤

[@emolutioning]

To ALL. Be VERY CAREFUL who you actually listen to on social media especially youtube where anyone "seem" like "professionals". Unless they are CERTIFIED relationship Professionals IN PRACTICE, or Much Older grandfolks with real life experiences at the End of ROAD, i would take them all with a Pinch of Salt. Listening to the wrong opinionated "advice" might Cause your LOVE Life to FAIL inadvertently. It will NEVER be Erasable, nor Reversible thereafter.... Thread with extreme CARE people. God bless.

[@injusticeanywherethreatens4810]

You're wrong.

[@commonsense3921]

Cut your Dad a break 🙄

[@matildergilds254]

I agree with you Matthew, in the sense that you shouldn't be with someone who has given up on the relationship: But even though I know that, I still find it hard to leave someone, for that reason. So it's really nice to hear you talk about it, and it in a way helps me come to peace with leaving my ex, that I still love, but he wasn't doing anything for the relationship, and wouldn't listen when I told him my problems, with the relationship. So yeah thanks for supporting my reasons, so I hopefully one day can convince my feelings, that I was right.

[@douglascampbell4993]

Someone once told me this, and it stuck with me ever since; “You don’t get married for what they can do for you, you get married for what you can do for them!”

[@SuperLucylola]

bullshit

[@mynameusedtobelong]

p1 -"I'd die for they" p2 -"I'll kill they"

[@Maren617]

Love can be unconditional (anyone with a baby can testify to that) BUT relationship can never be unconditional.

[@lucydellamar571]

I definitely agree with you :) troue love is unconditional, relationships are things that need some conditions, not love...

[@Maren617]

Vex T I definitely do love murderers and even feel love for the guy who date raped and choked me once. I wish him happiness and healing and that he overcomes the thoughts that caused himself and others so much suffering in the past. But I'd never have a relationship with someone who doesn't make me feel safe and loved. And no, love - by definition - is unselfish, it means valuing someone's happiness and well-being and being willing to contribute to it when possible. What you call love I'd call infatuation or possessiveness, which can be mixed in with love but don't need to be.

[@redmcclaff]

@Vex T lol ever go to a prison visit?

[@ohyeahyeah-xt1zr]

Ur not getting this....unconditional love is UNCONDITIONAL so its impossible to develope or lose. (which would be conditional)

[@march12314]

I hope you do realize how ridiculous that first statement is, though admittedly it did raise some doubts about my way of thinking. But allow me to put your words in a more accurate perspective. It's not that you love murderers and abusers (because that would be like saying you love the crimes they commit, or the mentality of them), it's the potential good version of those individuals that you could *possibly* love (but since that isn't who they are at the moment, you obviously can't). In having a relationship with someone who loves and cares for you, you're unconditionally accepting the individual who willing does that for you (because why wouldn't you). But the moment they start doing otherwise (which is typically a result of not getting to really know a person), and you *force* them to provide you with said things, that is where a conditional relationship (or love) begins. Good relationships are not conditional (and nor are they [platonic or intimate] fucking business transactions), what you are trying to convey with your original comment is the presence of standards. Why do you think people want out of relationships? Because they've placed their unconditional love on the wrong person.

[@lesesweet]

In this video I believe he is talking specifically about "romantic/intimate" love. In a romantic relationship specifically, I do agree completely that you cannot love unconditionally.....especially when it comes to abusive relationships, be that emotionally, physically, etc. You can love someone ....or care about them very deeply, but that does not mean you should be in or stay in a relationship with them. In my own personal experiences, in Romantic / Intimate Relationships, love is never unconditional.

[@Sanji876]

You express 100% how I feel better than I ever could! Thank you! I mean, I get why people dream of receiving unconditional love because it is comforting, guaranteed and we wouldn't have to put in effort. But as you've said before, we don't value what we don't have to work for. In my blunt words: unconditional love is boring to me. I'm all for loving somebody for who they are. But then you love them on the _condition_ that they are who they are!

[@shelbyveloz5890]

I agree- pretty sound argument. People choose partners for reasons, not 'just because'

[@jimecker2149]

That's true where are you from

[@JohnSullivanEvans]

I believe it’s extremely hard for a human to have Unconditional love on their own. I actually believe it impossible! But I believe that there is a supernatural Unconditional Love that comes from someone that’s more than a human! It takes a Sovereign loving God to have Unconditional Love!

[@misselizabethbennetp2185]

Amen. The whole time watching this I was thinking of how much God loves me.

[@alinageist87]

Amen and amen!!!!!

[@slipstreamxr3763]

Amen!

[@619TOUGHLADY]

Why spend your life trying to build someone else up? to hell with "love". true love is self love and most people won't ever discover that truth because they're too scared to be alone and feel they need to be a relationship.

[@SR77736]

Anti Humanity absolutely! The greatest love is self.love. if two people love themselves and then connect with another person and commit to each other, imagine the quality of that connection.

[@ohyeahyeah-xt1zr]

Yes sir, love starts from within.

[@loriealbrumfield4707]

I agree🤷🏾

[@misselizabethbennetp2185]

The reason I want to spend my life giving love to other people is because I have been loved so so much. We aren't born wanting to love, it's something we learn. We can't even love ourselves if we don't know what love is. True love isn't feeling scared to be alone and needing someone to love them. It's when you are alone and you are so overflowing with love that people have given you, that you want to share it with someone else. Love is selfless, not selfish.

[@somiddhachowdhury1778]

Love that a mother feels for her child is unconditional.

[@robertwoods8939]

Bullshit.

[@MissSaraJan3]

This is the distorted concept that had me looking up “unconditional love” to begin with. It’s not what getting but giving. It’s pure, without limits. It’s wanting them to be w someone else if that’s what makes them truly happy… even if it hurts you in return. Because you want what’s best for them! It’s having no ego involved

[@78fancynancy]

Matt. Thank you for saying this! I have said this before and get met with incredulous reactions from others. People WANT to believe in the notion of unconditional love and honestly it does sound great. But so do unicorns. Thank you for validating something I already know. I love your work. You've helped me so much! xoxo 😆

[@roxannelucky]

As a mother, I can assure you that the moment I held that tiny baby in my arms a LOVE energy moved through me that I could not have imagined prior to that time. I was forever changed. Although my daughter has acted badly at times and hurt me deeply, it does not change this love I feel for her. This love is without condition. I have experienced her purity and holiness. I have experienced romantic love and it is a different thing, a different relationship dynamic. love to all :)

[@commonsense3921]

Can your child do ANYTHING to you? Disrespect you at all times and make your life a living hell and still be able to continue to live with you as an adult while mistreating you relentlessly? If at some point you kick them out because of their mistreatment of you that would be the moment you will realize that there were in fact conditions and expectations, Yes you will still love them but unconditional love has no conditions. If you love them unconditionally there is no conditions and which they wouldn’t be able to say and do whatever they want to you, How long do that special love last for your off spring when they are 22 years old slapping you around because they know you have unconditional love and nothing will happen.

[@proyc95]

I love how he challenges my ideas of love and relationships. Thats why I keep watching these

[@celestialevolution6302]

Bravo! This was everything I needed to hear. I have been contemplating the concept of unconditional love my whole life. What I am now learning, 2 relationships in, is that love is a strong chemical reaction. The flooding of "feel good" chemicals like dopamine, oxytocin into our amygdala that overrides all preconceptions, all rational thought, and it lives for that moment you interact with "the one". Well when that moment dissipates- as is the nature of chemical reactions- what is left is the reality of things. Love gives us the catalyst to connect with someone on a powerful, and real level, but people lose sight that after that spark ignites it needs to be flamed, and nurtured in the right environment. Entitlement destroys a lot of relationships, this allusion that when we do finally make a connection with someone the work is done. Connections are a dime a dozen. I love that Matt pointed out the partnership that must be present in a relationship. I think he also did a segment on love language that I found really helpful. I am learning love is conditional, and it should be. Love gives us a platform to be vulnerable, open, and honest. Chemicals can deceive our brain into thinking the person we have become so connected to is right for us, but time reveals all. Be conscious, be open-hearted, and learn to love yourself first. This foundation will aid in a lot less jaded people. Thank you Matthew, your blogs are enlightening, and pure.

[@lukeaustin4465]

Love is just a word, what people really want in relationships is extensionality. Extensionality simply means to extend another person's mind, life or possibilities. If what you do or say is extensional then you become useful to the other person.

[@PlanetMarth]

For me unconditional love is a spiritual goal.Once u transform ur EGO u can love unconditionally.Most relationships are EGO based so ppl are trying to get something. To love unconditionally someone, u need to love ur self unconditionally. Without self love is practically imposible.

[@MsBlackberrytv]

PlanetMarth thank you

[@SuperLucylola]

relationships are all ego based somewhat we are humans. we aren't living in an ashram!

[@nothingphenomenal1824]

@@SuperLucylola no wonder we are frustrated every other day. Cuz relationship is a dead end. It is all fiction. Wake up.

[@SuperLucylola]

true love exists but is rare @@nothingphenomenal1824

[@jgarciajr82]

@@SuperLucylola lol

[@chavellaminerva]

God, what a genius. You're so young to think this way in this era. You're truly one of a kind. GBU

[@Biedronecqa]

well if you actually use your brain right you can think in a mature way being very young.

[@chavellaminerva]

That's why I said he's one of a kind cause not many people do think this way.

[@RedBijou]

Bravo! Very well said. How I wish this could be incorporated as a teaching in churches across the world. It would set a lot of women free, especially those that are taught to stay in verbally abusive relationships. Thankyou for speaking up, Matthew!

[@MsRudiecantfail]

I couldn't agree more! In fact I'm with professor and author Thomas Bredsdorff when he says: Love is not about "falling for" - it's about "living up to".

[@crystallynndesign7572]

Unconditional love does not mean that you have to remain with a person who hurts you or even who you are no longer compatible with. To me, unconditional love means that you want them to be happy, whether you are in a relationship with them or not. I love my ex unconditionally, but I know we are both better off apart. I would rather see him happy with someone else than unhappy with me. That said, I think unconditional love is rare and challenging in most typical romantic relationships because of the inherent nature of them. There is a certain set of rules (such as monogomy) that if not followed can be extremely hurtful. I never recommend staying in relationships that don't involve honesty and respect, but you can still love a person from afar, while respecting yourself.

[@bballbrc]

Crystal Lynn that is not unconditional love.

[@sandrayancysmith916]

Matthew you are 100% spot on and on point....Thank you so much for giving a common sense clarification regarding "unconditional love".

[@injusticeanywherethreatens4810]

Ya all the ppl in the comments are salty cause Matt is actually using his brain here rather than being a doormat lmao

[@VitalMGermaine]

thanks for sharing this spot on truth. My last 3 girlfriends wanted me to love them unconditionally... what that meant is that they wanted to behave selfishly and expect me to love them anyway. as you said, relationships don't work that way. It is a two-way street about honoring and respecting the others feelings and needs. I LOVED them enough to walk away so they could be FREE and selfish. Cheers mate!

[@terispoken2u-tt6wc-e8d]

Unconditional love is a blind eye ❤ the sharing of an open heart ♥

[@TheMysticHours]

You can unconditionally love them for the child of God that they are, without staying with them. We are entitled to set & communicate boundaries and expectations with our partners that nurture us and help us grow. When our partner fails to abide by those previously agreed upon expectations, we should work with them to help them understand their behavior and how they can respond differently in the future. If the same partner demonstrates an inability or unwillingness to try abide by our agreed upon boundaries/expectations, we can feel love and forgiveness for them, but know that they are not healthy for our continued growth and evolution, and say "farewell". However, true unconditional love for others rarely exists, because it requires unconditional SELF LOVE, so that you are so filled to overflowing with love and you know that you are loved by the Universe regardless of circumstances, that you give love without needing for it to be reciprocated. This way, you do not feel emotionally injured when someone you give love to treats you disrespectfully. Rather you feel sympathy for them that they missed the opportunity to love. Furthermore, true unconditional love is completely free of inhibitions and tends to be given to everyone that the unconditional lover encounters (the true meaning of "Free Love" that was terribly misunderstood by the hippies). This does not neccessarily mean that one becomes physically intimate with many people, but that they may be emotionally intimate with many.

[@marquismarquis4807]

Michael Raphael I'm happy to see this response amongst the doubters.. I definitely agree with all but "true unconditional love for others rarely exists".. In my opinion, it exists as quickly as we make a choice. I choose soup for lunch, I choose black socks today.. yepp, that quickly.. Try a mantra.. My favorite is: "In this situation, I choose unconditional love without motive or attachment for the divine good of all." BAM.. then let go, surrender.. That took 5 seconds. To say unconditional rarely exists is to elevate it to some idealized, comprehensive, unattainable perfect state. It's not some far off place or attainment, it's just a choice. And though we can still struggle with life daily, we can make this decision as quickly as any other decision when we set our own reminder. We don't have to love ourselves unconditionally to make a choice, we just to give a damn to invest in our experience of love, which I'm happy to see so many people here doing!:)

[@TheMysticHours]

marquis marquis, I agree that we can choose to love unconditionally but it is one thing to think it and understand it and say it, and sometimes it is still another thing to FEEL it. When there are things about myself that I don't love, they become emotional triggers that others can push (usually inadvertently), which will cause me to react instantly from my hurt, rather than respond thoughtfully and lovingly. Perhaps catching yourself in that reaction and repeating that mantra until you FEEL it would work. I will try to remember to do that. In the meantime, I will also continue to seek out those parts of me that I don't love, and embrace them until I do accept and love them.

[@sophien5416]

Its great to see this response and so eloquently put. I do believe in this approach to unconditional love. Though the choice can be difficult at times at moments that you are consumed by negative feelings. Self love is the best remedy. Thanks for the reminder.

[@jacobodom8401]

"If the same partner demonstrates an inability or unwillingness to try abide by our agreed upon boundaries/expectations, we can feel love and forgiveness for them, but know that they are not healthy for our continued growth and evolution, and say "farewell"." We tell this to ourselves but in truth it doesn't happen. The truth is when people let you go, or vice versa, there isn't a sense of love and forgiveness. But there isn't hate or dislike either, It's indifference. The opposite of love is indifference. When they are at the point that they are willing to let you go, that doesn't mean they forgave you, they are simply indifferent to you and they don't really care about you anymore. That is just the way it is.

[@sweetartbloemfontein5332]

MY PARENTS STUCK THROUGH IT TILL DEATH PARTED THEM! Through good, bad, rich, poor... everything. THAT was unconditional love

[@Ulzannghome]

Lily exactly 😂

[@nothingphenomenal1824]

No they were in lack of options lol. Unconditional love my ass.

[@CkArtGirl7]

Unconditional love isn't about putting up with abuse; it's about staying with someone even when they mess up, or do something that hurts you--as you will probably do them. That thing/those things, whatever they are, should NOT be frequent, or there is a problem. Cheating? While I know that would rip my heart out, I've seen marriages move past it and continue to love and grow. I think this world's problem--and a problem I've had--has been walking on eggshells because guys are so eager to toss you out if you say or do the wrong thing. I don't think that's love at all. And that's why we have such a high divorce rate, among other things. If people are into revolving-door 'relationships', that's one thing; I'm not. But in marriage, sometimes you have to stay and work it out.

[@seaclass]

Agree. I never really thought of unconditional love this way but what you said totally makes sense. Thanks.

[@kpbergey]

Finally someone who hit the nail on the head. Exactly!

[@priscillapriscilla7253]

The day I married my husband, I vow that I will love him unconditionally. He cheated on me and here I am trying to hang on and I still love him that I feel pathetic for myself.

[@dani28325]

Hope you’re doing better now than you were when you wrote this ♥️

[@jamesatem6046]

You caused your husband to cheat on you. You did not appreciate your husband enough and that made him drift to another woman. It's all your fault.

[@phenix224]

@@jamesatem6046 what a terrible victim blaming shit you say! If her partner killed someone will it be she responsible? We don't guarantee or responsible for someone's choices!!

[@jamesatem6046]

@@phenix224 Females usually don't treat their husbands correctly because women feel that the man loves ❤️❤️ her and this enables her to treat him badly and not value him. This makes the man resentful and makes him cheat on his wife.

[@phenix224]

@@jamesatem6046 so when someone doesn't threat you correctly you either adress it and I'd not corrected you just leave, but you choose to cheat it's your responsibility completely

[@zion367]

The distinction Matthew forgets to make is the one between unconditional love and unconditionall acceptance of toxic behaviour. In the example of cheating unconditional live says: -I understand that your cheating has nothing to do with me and all with your own pain, but it does not feel loving for me to stay in this relationship so I choose to let you go in love. Conditional love says; -You cheat on me and therefor I do no longer love you as a person. I withdrawl my love from you as you have intentionally hurt me.

[@sietingling2181]

If you believe that love can change a person to better. if you believe that we all need to love and to be loved. if you believe that love is most important and gives meanings to all our lives. if you believe love is most powerful and love and change the world into a better place. Then why don't we love one another unconditionally, all we have to do is to believe in LOVE and LOVE.

[@sietingling2181]

know and believe is different..we can know but choose not to believe as we can believe even if we do not know. We can also know and believe at the same time

[@Notme811_you]

i think you need to love and respect yourself more than anyone else

[@jeffreylocke7592]

I agree, and you should only love yourself unconditionally period.

[@aweinfinitebliss]

you can leave someone and still loved them unconditionally. It's something you have to have first for yourself, it stems from u seeing the authenticity in the person

[@SermonsSubtitled]

Only God is able to love us unconditionally. Human love is always conditional

[@Witchy1976]

God does not love everyone unconditionally. The bible clearly states that evildoers are shunned from the Lord's love and from the eyes of God...how is that unconditional? Also, take a good look at the good people you know who may be suffering and those who plot strife and pain against others and have nasty words to give to everyone are blessed. Let's get that concept right, folks!

[@SermonsSubtitled]

Witchy1976 Could you please provide me the verse in the bible where it states that "evildoers are shunned from the Lord's love"? I googled it for about an hour and still couldn't find it. Thank you. I just know that God made us "evildoers"/ sinners righteous through Christ and John 3:16 states "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in him should not perish, but have eternal life." It's not saying "God SO loved A FEW.." :-)

[@charmixy]

Linda B and what does god do to those who believe in other religions when they die?

[@SermonsSubtitled]

He grants them their wish of not wanting to be with Him. Just like darkness is the absence of light, hell is the absence of God

[@SermonsSubtitled]

***** Actually science can neither prove nor disprove the existence of God, which you would know if you were scientifically literate

[@ChaCha1984Australia]

unconditional Love: Mother + Child

[@lucydellamar571]

It's important to always have on your mind that NOT EVERY human being IS ABLE to love unconditionaly...

[@richp3526]

I don't believe any primate is. It is too high a standard.

[@arnelaguas1892]

Wrong. At some point in time, the mother EXPECTS something in her child once he or she grows up.

[@nathaliegerges4646]

Rai Miranda true :(((( happened to me:((((

[@SR77736]

Rai Miranda exactly. Like for the child to take care of the mother and love them back. It isn't unconditional.

[@iluvrolaz]

Love your vids n they help me so much!! Thank you!! Unconditional love doesnt mean staying or putting up with bad treatment. I can love from a distance. I literally cant stay mad n forgive easily. But just as forgiving doesnt mean giving someone the chance to do it again, loving someone unconditionally doesnt mean staying. I'll still love you n hope you find great things in life... real love is wanting someone to be happy even if it's not with you. Same principle 😉

[@LiamSierakowskiHatrickPatrick]

This video starts with the wrong conditions, to find unconditional love you can't look outwards to others. Unconditional love starts with the self, then grows outwards to be shared with others.

[@steph3694]

i totally agree with this!!! "unconditional love" is a myth and every elder couple out there had to grit their teeth and work their way towards a happy marriage. love is hard work!

[@jimecker2149]

That's true where are you from

[@giorgiadesanctis1883]

For me unconditional love is supporting a person and hoping the best to them no matter what, but when you leave someone because he/she treated you bad is not lack of love, simply you don't think it's fair that you've been treated in a bad way and you leave, and it's right. You can still support that person or help that person when he/she's going through some hard times. There's more love in a "you did something wrong" when they treat you bad than saying always yes

[@PotentialofHydrogenClean]

I used to believe in (romantic) unconditional love until I had kids. The love I have for my kids is unconditional. Other types of love can be fleeting. I am not even a cynic as I am still with my first love over 21 years later. However, I can think of things he could do that would make me fall out of love (although I am sure it will take time).

[@KARTIKEYA007]

ofc, women simply cannot love men unconditionally, but men can

[@brookerichardson922]

Wow, I've never thought about it like this. But yes! Makes perfect sense

[@USMC4Jesus]

I may be alone in this belief (and I am ok with that). I am speaking only for myself. As a Christian who has been engulfed in the unconditional love of God, I agree that it does not exist in human relationships, except perhaps between parent/child (but that's not what we're talking about.) However, when two good-willed people come together offering extensive amounts of grace, mercy, and forgiveness to the relationship, it does seem as though it is love itself that is unconditional. But humans are flawed and broken, and broken people break things. My God has been the only one who has truly shown me unconditional love. That notion may seem silly to some, but that's ok. Great video, Matthew (:

[@moongoddess695]

You are absolutely, 110% not alone in that belief! I share it completely! God bless :)

[@nothingphenomenal1824]

Your God is stuck in my ass.

[@misselizabethbennetp2185]

Amen!

[@melodycook4561]

@@AuntieEm8349 yeah hey this is my new account and I'm an atheist now all these years later and 100% agree with you lmaooo

[@melodycook4561]

@@nothingphenomenal1824 yeah years later I became an atheist and agree God is a narcissistic egotistical POS lmaooo

[@niharikachhabra4274]

Thanks Matt, it is the most realistic video about love. Hats off to come out and talk abt it openly. Absolutely love it.

[@xw6475]

Matt!! I TOTALLY agree with you about the meaning of Unconditional love. I honestly don't buy it. Cannot agree with you more about the teammate and nurture and support each other, how am i going to grow today! You are SOOO right!!! Thank you very much for being yourself and sharing!! Thumb up!!! In addition, i also think love is a choice just you mentioned decision!

[@SleepyStardust3]

I agree! I believe this too about unconditional love. I still try to impress my boyfriend of almost 7 years and he does for me too! YAY ^_^

[@dani28325]

So cute I love this, I know this was years ago so I hope yall are married with kids by now

[@SleepyStardust3]

@@dani28325 Boy oh boy, he left me in 2018 and he and my sisters all moved into an apartment together. Apparently he got with one of them for a while. Devastated me. I just stopped using drugs this year because of it. 😥 I feel hopeless about ever finding a fitting, faithful and kind partner.

[@dani28325]

@@SleepyStardust3 honey I’m so sorry that this has happened, that’s awful :’( I know I don’t know you but I’m so proud of you for stopping drug use, a guy I was involved with for a while had addiction problems so I know how hard that is. The thing about drugs/drinking/escapism in general is to remember that you have/deserve the same right to be happy and healthy and in a loving relationship as anyone else, and that you’re not a bad person for your coping mechanisms, you’re just hurting. I’m sending you so much love, please don’t give up on yourself or your hopes and dreams

[@SleepyStardust3]

@@dani28325 Thank you so much. I just left a guy a month ago that I got with out of desperation after that breakup in 2018. I'm going through so much right now - breakup, stopping using, counseling, turning 30 next year. I'm trying so hard to stay sober and keep going. I'm doing everything I can to stay positive and not wallow or worse.

[@dani28325]

@@SleepyStardust3 yes queen keep it moving you got this! It won’t be easy, but it will be very rewarding I promise. surround yourself with a good support system to keep you motivated and keep setting and meeting small goals to build trust within yourself. And I’m your internet friend now, so if you ever wanna talk I’m right here :)

[@djrocko410]

Fuck... is all I can say. this is amazing

[@vanessacorreia4237]

I completely agree with you Matt. However, to love someone unconditionally does not mean you remain with said person unconditionally.

[@rgw613]

Unconditional love does exist between parent to child but not always. It can also exists in marriage. Just because you have gotten a broke up or got a divorce doesn't mean you didn't have unconditional love, it just means that. You cant bare to continue with the situation or circumstances of keeping them in your life. Maybe you can't deal with the fact they cheat, this is extremely painful and the trust is blown so you divorce them. Divorcing them doesn't mean you don't love them unconditionally, it just means you choose NOT to be their victim ANYMORE. You choose to move on to something healthier. Alone is healthier! or find a more faithful person to spend your life with. I was married for over 19 years, divorced my cheating husband and still love him deeply to this day even though I would never take him back. There is no such thing as winning back trust after its been crushed.

[@mayumiwijeratne1143]

It does exist and its not terrible ^-^

[@robertwoods4229]

So you love rapists?

[@Louisyed]

In my opinion unconditional love only exists and only should from a parent to their child. And by that I don't mean that a parent wouldn't ever cut their child out of their life if they did something horrendous, just that even if they did that love would always be there. This also might not necessarily apply to everyone, but definitely exists and is probably true for most. Unconditional love in intimate relationships isn't healthy and shouldn't be strived for for all the reasons you've put forward.

[@SWIFTzTrigger]

what about Hitlers parents?

[@Louisyed]

Read the original comment...

[@mjcjjcc7]

I love myself unconditionally. No matter my behavior, good or bad, I still take good care of myself.

[@drayasschool9712]

Unconditional love is a team work

[@legalboxers]

thought provoking....

[@WinneganFake]

Unconditional love, the participation trophy approach to relationships

[@Sm-ig4rn]

WinneganFake and what’s wrong with that?

[@tubiamo1]

unconditional love doesnt mean submission and blind committment. it means u love first of all yourself and your failures, then try to apply this around u by accepting the people like they are... and u let them go or u leave when u feel it is better for u, without hating and judging, not projecting disappointment all around your life and not letting your heart get hardened by negative experience. Unconditional love is a concept that fits to the connection, empathy and solidariety with everyone as a human. it brings acceptance and leads to peace. So it's far way bigger than the daily troubles of a couple. But it can help in a second moment to value every experience without hatred. I hope u get this. ciao

[@Tes73792]

People tend to say this when they couldn't imagine their lives without the other person. I have tried to explain this but I wasn't understood quite well. The most essential part of any kind of relationship is HOW THE OTHER PERSON MAKES YOU FEEL. This video says it all.

[@xxxsweetcandyz]

pls talk about unrequieted love!!!!!!!

[@Biedronecqa]

what about a hopeless crush that lasts forever and you just can't stop loving that person eventhough you've never actually been in a relationship with them? I think that's pretty unconditional.

[@Biedronecqa]

mbear9675 actually you're very wrong.

[@Biedronecqa]

yea well thanks. I hope you feel better now.

[@Biedronecqa]

how about you just shut up?

[@gofast361]

A hopeless crush is conditional based on what made you have the crush on that person in the first place. He may have certain physical and/or personality traits that made you have a crush on him in the first place, but if those traits were somehow changed or removed the crush would probably cease to exist.

[@oscarrivera3398]

Sophiesticated that’s infatuation, not unconditional love. Unconditional love is loving someone without expectations, no boundaries, no ideals or goals to improve one another. Which isn’t real, without expectations or boundaries how would we grow as a team or learn from one another? For a relationship to work it needs boundaries, a set of rules, and a goal that works for you both. Infatuation on the other hand is trying to persuade someone into being in a relationship with you, you only like that person so you can date, nothing more. Even if two people are compatible, love takes time, and love takes work. Without the effort, was it even worth it in the end? The answer is no. Having a crush is the same thing as being love sick, it’s not gonna get you anywhere with that person, in fact you’re driving that person away more than connecting with him/her. It’s creepy. Love someone for a good reason, not just because you want to date. Love needs communication, not mindless sacrifices just to stay with that person.

[@Lichfeldian--Suttonian]

Once, my now ex-girlfriend said, sometime after she left our relationship, “It’s got to feel right”, and my reply was, “So what did you do so that it continued to feel right?”, and what she gave back in return to me was what looked like a guilty face! I replied, “Exactly!” Respectfully, I think that she lacked a little happy effort on her part. I think that relationships require decent and attentive communication to get it ‘right’.

[@pjdelucala]

If you love unconditionally, the relationship when temporarily off, CAN get back on track. My parents were married for 50 years. Neither were perfect and sometimes there were some rough spots ( but very few). But they always reached out to each other with love instead of making demands (conditional). Their attitude was never: "In order for me to love you, you must do this or that." Their attitude was: "I love you and I am totally willing to let this rough spot go because I love you more than being right about this issue (teamwork yes) ." Yes, there can be compromises, but there doesn't have to be conflicts that can tear apart the relationship. It is about responding to a person not reacting (in a negative way) to a person. If your partner doesn't respond to your love, then the relationship cannot continue. In order for a relationship to work, there must be alignment. But there is something called the Law of Attraction. Your unconditional love will attract many people that are aligned with your love. Your life will be a reflection of the love you emit. It is called THE LAW OF ATTRACTION. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

[@voyance4elle]

For the first time, I completely disagree with you^^ Unconditional love has absoulutely nothing to do with romance, relationship or any "outside" situation. Every loving mother on this earth is the evidence, that unconditional love exists! Wether her son/daughter is in a bad place, is egoistic, is hateful or maybe is a murderer.. a mother will never stop loving him/her. This has nothing to do with wether she approves or wether she would like him/her to change and grow orhow she deals with his/her behavior. The love never stops. Ever. And that can happen between aduls aswell. It's very rare but it happens. And I can love someone unconditionally wether he/she is a good friend, a partner or an ex... It is not based on conditions, that I developped that love in the first place, but it is based on getting to know that person deeply. I for example have unconditional love for a good friend and at the same time my ex-boyfriend. We didn't work out as a couple, he wasn't that good for me and he couldn't fulfill my needs (conditions I have for a good relationship), so we are not together anymore. But I will always love him unconditionally! I wish for him, that he might find happiness, a great girlfriend, start a family and everything he wants in life. Because that is what love is about - loving other people means being happy for them and encouraging their happiness to grow (whilst, one takes care of his own happiness aswell of course) - just like a mother!! :)

[@Delopezav]

voyance4elle is because he forgot to add that the unconditional aspect in a woman-man relationship is given in sex. I agree with you, unconditional love does exist but in a man-woman relationship is throughout sex...

[@richp3526]

So that means you would sacrafice yourself for your ex-boyfriend if need be? Taking this to a logical extreme, you would be prepared to die for him if necessary ? Because that is what unconditional love entails I think.

[@nathaliegerges4646]

Rich P yes but learn to think wisely as jesus said love modestly but be as sharp as a snake

[@MissMiserize]

My mom's a bitch- this doesn't apply to every mom.

[@earlysda]

Thankfully, Jesus refuted the error of unconditional love. John 14:21 He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him.

[@pir8grl08]

The only unconditional loving relationship I believe exists is the one I have with God.

[@misselizabethbennetp2185]

Amen!

[@cushiticprincess5873]

Unconditional love doesn't exist. There are always conditions. If these conditions are not fulfilled then this hormonal feeling that people have fade away very quickly. These emotions are not to be trusted and this is why so many relationships fall apart (and I'm not just talking about the romantic kind of relationship).

[@somehniengor3829]

Love is unconditional. It is a choice. A choice to be patient, kind, extending grace, open to repentance and forgiveness. It starts by loving self first. When you adore yourself you understand that true love sets boundaries (even on self). There is a difference between unconditional love (as a choice, action creates feeling) and setting boundaries. Boundaries determines based a on person's character whether they should be an intimate partner or friend or if they should farther away from personal sphere of influence. We are not "loving" when we allow someone to be a jackass in our lives. We are not loving when we are in a relationship that is not committed to pleasure-intellectually, emotionally, spiritually and physically. The problem today is many people are bringing people who don't display the characteristics of a "safe" person into their intimate space.

[@isapro4174]

It sounds like you're confusing unconditional love and complacency or inviting abuse. The other half of unconditional love is holding yourself and the other person accountable. For me personally, unconditional love is the highest form of self love and the highest ability to love another. It is not about losing boundaries, inviting abuse or ignoring problems or being a doormat by any means - it's the opposite. None of those actions are loving. I see it more as an impossibility to unconditionally love yourself and then pick an addict or an abusive person to be in a relationship with. One unconditionally loving couple you might enjoy hearing about is Gay and Kathleen Hendricks. They've been married over 35 years and are therapists.

[@MsMonikakovacs]

111% agree

[@CJusticeHappen21]

Love never changes. A relationship never stops changing.

[@belindagarza3958]

Thank you! I always thought the concept of unconditional love was dysfunctional. I love my hubby but if he started abusing me I'd be gone.

[@jimecker2149]

That's true where are you from

[@Mellowman468]

the only true love that is given unconditional is love between us an God. Only God can love us unconditionally because God is Love. His love and mercy is his true power and that's why God never fails because Love never fails.

[@millacharles7629]

Yup,that's exactly what I was thinking. Who actually stayed in such a bad relationship and kept.loving us? Jesus.

[@Mellowman468]

Jesus never loved anyone of us in that we were not born during his time. God's Love extends from before his time and after; to this present and into the future. No matter who you are, black, white, straight, gay, christian, muslim, or jewish. God will always Love you.

[@millacharles7629]

Mellowman468 Jesus is timeless. He is,was and forever will just....be. He is I AM.

[@alexgaggio2957]

You are god, my friend

[@Charlotte_5612]

I think the only unconditional love exists in this world is the love from their parents to their children and vice versa

[@ohyeahyeah-xt1zr]

Unconditional love is UNCONDITIONAL so it cant be created or lost. Having unconditional love because you have a kid is a conditional event.