Why does MOVING ON feel IMPOSSIBLE after a narcissistic relationship?

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[@NarcSurvivor]

It feels impossible because they devalued you and they may have made you dependent on them. They may have gaslighted you and put you in a trauma bond. To where you may have lost confidence in yourself, and you don’t feel like you can make it on your own. They destroy a person’s will to live.

[@user-my4rp6nt8p]

😢 exactly

[@garyferrellable]

Trauma Bond - I’ve watched this happen to one of my adult children. He’s isolated, kept away from those who really love him and no matter how hard he tries, it’s never enough. I’m praying earnestly and asking GOD to intervene.

[@LOVEISTRUTH300]

This was my experience. Then he goes around getting people to feel bad for him.

[@PeppermintPatties]

Yes indeed, and in my case, he was the one that didn't want to end it for fear of ending up the 'bad person' 🤦‍♀️. But he didn't ever want to meet me halfway. I was the only one that did anything wrong, apparently. So I was the one who gave up her life, went mad, tried to find solutions, get an autism diagnosis, and was forced to take 10 years to leave a 5 year relationship. 15 years of prison, and absolutely nothing to show for it.

[@opticalmixing23]

I've learned that evil people will never be able to become good once they turn evil. It's best to just stay away from someone if you think they're evil or capable of doing evil. Evil preys on good, not like-minded people. This is why people can sleep like a baby in a subway at 2 AM, and like hippos can swim with crocs; they see nothing in these people. They only go after those who are trying and haven't given up on the human spirit. 😈

[@sushmayen]

We feel devastated when we realize how someone can treat you like dirt to make themselves feel better. It's evil and it's a choice they make.

[@VinitaVISHNOI-j2u]

They are evil. Wolf in sheep’s skin!!

[@lindamcwilliams9056]

Amen!!

[@markjayw666]

Tons of evil people in this world. It’s crazy we think dellusionally that, well, can’t be our person. Wrong!

[@lindamcwilliams9056]

@@markjayw666 This speaks volumes. So very, very true.

[@marysisak2359]

Prior to Dr. Ramani I would ruminate for hours about what these people said to me. I had an odd experience. I was volunteering at a local organization. They treated me like dirt but being the survivor I am I kept trying to make it work. When I finally left I knew that the leader had terminal cancer but I had no idea how long she had. One night I was having a dream not at all related to this situation. Suddenly she appeared, smiled and disappeared and my dream went on as it had been. A few weeks later I saw someone from there and asked how this woman was doing. He got a strange look on his face and said she had died. I would like to think she had regrets for allowing me to be treated so badly.

[@Jerk2127]

I just saw this in a Chinese drama and I really needed to hear it: "They lost someone who really loved them, you lost someone who never loved you. So who lost really?"

[@agenericboringhomosapien8108]

omg so true😭

[@jaredt.murphy8257]

Whoa

[@LakeHouse1965]

But they don’t care

[@jackiep5009]

I actually sent this quote to one of his flying monkeys today. Who has some empathy and will hear it

[@PomForCalm]

With a trauma bond, you feel addicted to that person. It’s like you feel the need to hear from that person every single day just to feel alive.

[@monsoonBloom]

And if you know it exists, work to end it. Make it one of the most important things in life. Or don't, and suffer

[@Alison-o9d]

@@monsoonBloom I know it exists and choose to not participate in certain events because I know the same downer people are going to do their stuff. I’m lucky enough to finally to have the gumption to say no to the weirdos.

[@teamgert]

@@PomForCalm they build that bond. They have to text and call daily from the day you meet. All the calls to say goodnight. Then they just stop. My ex called while next to his new guy. The new guy was invited to a bday party my ex threw me. Imagine that feeling for the guy he’s cheating with? Lucky for me I had that gut feeling and the other guy told me all of it. How my ex told him he had to call or I “his psycho ex” would come down. Listen to your gut. My gut was right all along. Now I mean nothing to him. He’s even said those words. It’s year 4 away. You will hear from years as you puke and relive your experience to heal: you’re a great person. You don’t deserve to be gaslighted. But the hardest will be: when are you going to see your own worth?

[@CJbrieflittlecandle]

Being alone is so much less lonely than being with a narcissist. In fact it feels liberating and safe and even rewarding. And since I work full time now I’m too exhausted to have room in my life for someone else anyway. And I don’t need anyone weighing in on anything I do or making me feel like I have to consult them.

[@Teens24]

I 100% agree with that .

[@anitastadler1584]

Same here. I grew up with narcissistic parents. I had a few serious relationships, but only the first one my parents fought me having, and he was the healthiest, of course!

[@anitastadler1584]

I work 70 hrs a week because its preferable to being under someone else's whim whether I can have a good day or not. Eople dont really understand that having peace in my life is so much better than having free time.

[@jodycasey6936]

Amen

[@karenkuske5567]

Yes! Peace is more important❤

[@NarcissistFreealmost]

8 yrs out and living peacefully and blissfully alone, I need to remind myself, several times a day to slow down, breathe, I've got plenty of time to get things done.

[@steveanhiron6764]

Same here , with much gratitude for the docs efforts . So much I was unaware off .

[@PeppermintPatties]

Well done 👍 Something a mantra I use - when I remember to! - is 'go slower: do less'. I find this helpful when I'm struggling. ❤️‍🩹

[@bereal6590]

Same here. It took debilitating illness and a specialist nurse to soothe me and tell me I should just do what I felt capable of and not what my mother was demanding I should and ought to do. My life is way worse than when I was ill but strangely more satisfying, that I'm not always seeking, doing, rushing nowhere. My father has always demanded now,now,now and he still does. I'm looking forward to the day he gets that forgetful he doesn't know who I am! He doesn't understand anyone else and doesn't care to. He thinks he is great and friendly with neighbours!

[@Bat_Boy]

"What people don't understand is that hyper independence is a trauma response for being continuously let down." - Unknown

[@naturalist369]

I can relate as I was an over-responsible workaholic who was always so independent, it didn't make sense to me that I could be codependent

[@marleniepadayachee3993]

"Adulthood is not meant to be innocent, adulthood is meant to be WISE", love this Dr Ramani❤

[@alexadellastella5247]

I agree but it is hard when you ahve never lived in innocence.... life feels too long and too hard cos we are not meant to live wise from day one! Innocence is necessary as a child

[@jacquelinejacobson6789]

When I was younger I had a hard time after the narcissists I chose to have a relationship with discarded me. I was always blaming myself. But as I grew older, I saw a pattern in my life and did some deep introspection. After the last narcissist discarded me, I felt nothing. In fact, I felt more free. Since then I have avoided any narcissists.

[@Stephchang-d3l]

Narcissists move VERY fast in relationships. It's not uncommon to hear, “I love you", and/or be bombarded with love songs/texts/memes a few weeks after meeting them. By rushing into sex/intimacy, they fast-forward the relationship. They get their targets to fall for them before he/she can realize something is amiss. I believe this is also the reason they tend to be VERY good lovers. Sex is usually the “hook” in toxic relationships. Narcissists lack genuine personalities. So, they mirror their targets. If you find you have “so much in common" with a new person, your likes are their likes, and your dislikes are coincidentally their dislikes as well, raise your antennas! They may be mirroring you. This is the “soulmates" hook… You'll also notice that they'll spend more time telling you who they are, verses showing you. As time goes on, you'll notice the words they used to describe themselves do not fit their personality - at all. But, they will fit YOURS!!! Passive-aggressive behavior and irrational/unexplained anger, are also major red flags. Pay attention to how a person treats you the first time you say, “No”, and/or when things don't go their way… If they give you the silent treatment, grow cold, and/or pull away, do not overlook it! Most importantly, if someone pulls away, or goes silent, after you set a boundary - DO NOT pursue them! This is how they groom you to be the chaser in the relationship. It's emotional abuse/manipulation! Pay close attention to people who portray themselves as victims. NOTHING is EVER their fault! EVERYONE, including the family pet, has done them wrong… ALL of their ex's are “crazy” and mistreated them… They’re great, but no one appreciates said greatness… Simply put, it's bullshit! No one should have a laundry list of bad experiences. If they do, RUN, because they're the common denominator! Narcissists tend to have a history of failed/short-term relationships. Believe it or not, it's hard for Narcissists to find people to deal with them long term due to their instability and poor behavior… Superficial relationships/friendships. I've noticed they don't have anyone they're genuinely close to. This is due to their inability to bond and form true attachments to people. Their relationships are shallow and based on surface-level bs. They'll refer to someone as their bestfriend, but you’ll notice they barely speak. Or, that the person is never really around. Or, only shows up when it's time to party, etc. They may also speak down on/poorly of said “bestfriend” behind their back. Narcissists tend to be condescending, two-faced and downright mean! Based on my experience, they cannot talk about deep subjects (i.e. fears/emotions). Or, how a situation truly made them feel. Or, what their childhood was like in detail… They don't want to go there. I suspect, it's because they can't. They don't know themselves well enough. They can't connect. They also live in a world of dishonesty. They're very dishonest with themselves about who they truly are. A poor relationship with their Mother/primary caregiver. Underlying issues between Narcissists and their Mother's (abuse, neglect, don’t get along, etc.), seems to be common. People that I've known who've displayed strong Narcissistic tendencies, ALL had bad relationships with their Mothers! I think it's worth mentioning, their Mother's also displayed strong Narcissistic traits… I'm fully aware and understand that there are healthy adults who have toxic Mother's. However, if you're spotting several red flags in an individual, including this one, pay closer attention! They're selfish! Some are selfish from the very beginning. Some start out generous and slowly begin withholding. Some act helpless and needy. They manipulate people into doing things for them, but never give back. It's not only financial and material selfishness. They're selfish emotionally, affectionately, conversationally. sexually and with their attention. They withhold validation and support. EVERYTHING has to be about them, their needs, their wants and everything happens on their terms. Anger, rage, silent treatments and disappearing acts are common - when they don't get their way. Pathological lying. Narcissists are professional liars. It's their second nature. If you call them out, they'll have no issue staring deeply into your eyes as they tell another lie! You'll hardly ever get the truth. Even with unchallengeable proof of the truth, they'll hold on to the lie. It's actually quite fascinating to see them in action - once you know what you’re dealing with. They also have the uncanny ability to provoke doubt in their victims (even when you KNOW the truth), because their lies are so convincing! Beware of people who do not seek conflict resolution. Many Narcissists enjoy drama/chaos! Remember, these are high-conflict personalities. Many of them NEED to argue and fight! Peace to a narcissist, is what chaos is to non-disordered people - unsettling. This is why they repeat behaviors that trigger a negative response. They need tension, anger and high/out of control emotions. They're known for calling people crazy, drama queens, insecure, etc., but never admit what they did to provoke those responses. And, when you attempt to discuss/resolve something, THEY said/did, they’ll gaslight, stonewall and/or flip it back on to you. They're extremely disrespectful, rude and lack self-awareness. They have an issue with being called out on their behavior and project/deflect to avoid accountability. “Normal” people want to get along, for the most part. So, they seek fair compromises when conflict arises. Narcissists want to “win” and conflict IS their niche. This is how many Narcissists get their way - they wear people down via conflict. Immaturity. It’s one thing to be playful and lighthearted (in appropriate settings), as an adult. It’s something completely different to be immature. Narcissists suffer from arrested development. They do not know how to respond to situations/people/stress/life appropriately. They have a child-like mindset. They truly believe everything is about them and have no concept of the needs of others. By nature, children are takers. They have no concept of reciprocation. They believe their Parents (and everyone else), exists to meet their needs. When their needs aren’t met, or they don’t get what they want, they become mean and throw tantrums. Narcissists cannot think outside of themselves and their wants/needs - like children. They’re completely unaware that people are individuals with their own agency, needs, wants, opinions... They truly believe people exist to serve them. They believe their job is to receive. They’re children trapped in adult bodies, who cannot consider anything/anyone other than themselves! Above everything I've stated, trust your intuition! Narcissists give off an uneasy vibe. They try very hard to appear cool, calm and collected - on the surface. But, you can feel their energy. It's very off-putting. They also tend to have more noticeable negative qualities, than most people. But, you have to stop justifying and making excuses, in order to see things clearly. Accept people for who they are and not who you want them to be. Observe, listen and trust yourself. No one should be allowed to grant themselves a position in your life. Vet people and YOU decide if they'll be a liability, or an asset, to you. Lastly, take cues from your body. If you ever feel your mood changing, feel anxious or feel your stomach knot up, in the company of someone, don't dismiss it! It could be a sign that you're in bad company!!! Additionally, if you need to find out about a cheating narcissist, send a request to Metaspyclubllc@gmail. com.

[@vilmacabanbabilonia8214]

Excellent info. Ty!

[@jodycasey6936]

I esp liked, “raise your attennas “ and also you can “feel their energy” but one if you can see them coming. If they are already in your inner circle or a senior citizen for example, or like a new roommate or something, GOOD LUCK. You’re going to move into that new house not thinking that the one tenant hasn’t been vetted. It’s super difficult to see someone as a narc when they are just in your face front the get-go, helping you out, showing you the ropes, telling you the ins and outs of the environment. I have blindness to their unhealthy ways if they are not someone else can see from afar. It sucks.

[@monsoonBloom]

Not all move "VERY fast"

[@JohannaVanDreumel]

OMG, reading this has brought back the past, how I wish I understood narcissism back then. I now understand , It's not me. I feel SO stupid, having given so much of myself to me now Ex Husband. I now that's to this Post am putting myself back, however still Ruiminate.

[@opticalmixing23]

😂 This makes a lot of sense, thank you so much! ❤💔

[@demigaines5644]

1/ Isolation 2/ Loneliness 3/ Self Doubt 4/. Obsessive Longing 5/ Emotional Pain. 6/. Low Self Esteem 7/. Depression 8/. Being Beat Down Constantly 9/. Worthless 10/. Sadness Confusion Anxiety / Trauma Bonded I Was Horribly Abused Emotionally By A Malignant Narcissist I Won’t Date Anymore My Only Comfort Is Self Isolation.. I

[@mercedessanchez6844]

This! (I’m sorry you went through this, my heart is with you) . I hope you can find out the world is a safe place.

[@demigaines5644]

@mercedessanchez6844 Thank you So Very Much For Caring

[@SharonKingston-v3f]

Malignant Narcissists are Evil 👿 take care of yourself ❤ You are Worth it ❤❤️ chin up ! Things will change ! Malignant will always be an Evil Runt 👍

[@demigaines5644]

@user-mp7le7ce8n You Are Absolutely Right Thank You 😢

[@karablake9200]

My heart is with you, too. I'm sorry somebody treated so disgracefully. You are valued.

[@10Andrielle]

He made me believe I was the problem , I was too complicated, too delicate, too sensitive, too harsh, too rude, too disproportional, too weak, too lazy, etc. He made me feel like shit and that my only chance of being successful and happy would be by his side. And then one day he just discarded me as if I was a piece of trash. He got a new girlfriend right after divorce, and I'm still single almost a year later. He's got his career which I helped build, and I've got the challenge to muddle through by myself. At least I never got pregnant. He's got a fertility problem we got to know from medical exams.

[@JohannaVanDreumel]

How Blessed are you now It does take time to re settle Life is good Empower yourself

[@anitastadler1584]

This hits home for me. It takes me a long time to be able to trust anyone and be able to stop looking for red flags.

[@S7320]

"build muscle." This is FANTASTIC advice. The narcissist will still attack you no matter the progress you make BUT you will be objectively stronger and even better, you'll start the multifactorial process of bullding healthy confidence.

[@TAnderson-s1i]

When the narcissist says you can't handle the storm. Whisper back I am the storm ❤❤❤

[@mercedessanchez6844]

This! Till I finally found a competent therapist, I’m finally addressing that issue. (I almost cost me my life) now I’m finally healing. It’s a process, but I’m half way there

[@ĐàoAnMinhNhật]

read the forbidden book Magnetic Aura on Borlest, and you'll see the secrets they're keeping from us.

[@KristenHarrison-s5k]

Part of the reason moving on seems impossible is that if they are still alive, they are lying about you to people in your circle -- even if you've moved away. They will lie about you until they die. Thus, every time you get a strange look from someone, you are wondering if they too have been lied to, and there's no way to ask about that without looking sketchy. It leaves you feeling powerless and anxious. You have the wisdom, but other people's lack of wisdom means they often act on the lies without fact-checking them, and the narc is always grooming new toadies. It's exhausting.

[@jeanetteredden24]

Yes my N son badmouthed me his 73 y/o mom to his new wife & MIL. I could tell by their strange " looks" they gave each other. They think my N son speaks they truth - they are completely deluded by the smear campaign. I am now NC

[@maureencunningham4750]

Even at her funeral eulogy... he had the last word saying to the congregation : 'We gave each other a life of hell.......thus not taking responsibility of how' he' gave her a life of hell.'

[@JohannaVanDreumel]

OMGoodness, thats absolutely disgusting ​@@maureencunningham4750

[@jackiep5009]

This is why my psychics want me a state away. I have been fighting the smear campaign for 6 months now - people who know me see through the family lies

[@costelloandlizzievolk2233]

I no longer care what they think, as no matter what I do or say, they are hurtful. Now I prioritize my health and safety, figuring out how to manage the next family get together with the toxic people in a way that’s good for me, with my bag packed with room to spare. Taking myself back. ❤ Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

[@raytou]

Best time to hear from lovely dr ramani ! ❤❤ long live this beutiful soul

[@ericawhite9916]

You help me learn, understand accept and moving on with my situation and who I am. Thank you so much for the support and videos. You have changed me and my life for the better. Bless you

[@amandajuniper6831]

This is exactly how it is. Now, after coming out of this narcissistic relationship, I no longer want to engage with people. At times, even family. I just have lost heart in people. And I no longer have the capacity.

[@alexxx4434]

It's a trauma

[@goldcoyns]

I’m feeling this too and it’s honestly scary. I’m afraid that my ability to trust others has completely been eroded. I’m trying to focus on rebuilding my own trust but that feeling of death I feel internally is still lingering. I feel dead inside having accepted the truth of what I endured.

[@kimberlyjohnson-clark2886]

You hit everything right on the nail with what is going on with me. My mother was my first marcissist. My X husband was my second. It's a long story but my mother passed away 3 years ago. She had an aggressive form of Alzeimers. She was very mean and she could no longer hide the narcissistic monster she had been. Her hate for me came out loud and clear. And her love of my boyfriend was almost laughable. Needless to say I'm healing from the lifetime of pain narcissist have inflicted on me. The truth is I don't want any friends right now. And I'm good with that. I'm rediscovering me at 61.

[@BeHealing]

My whole family were narcs and very abusive. I’m no contact now but for me it was from birth and my nervous system has been wired this way. These days I feel so much better but I still have the undercurrent of being on edge. Especially when family tries to Hoover me again, I realise just how safe I feel or felt until they try again

[@newearthangel]

In my case, I don't want anyone telling me what I can and can't do with the money that I have left after my divorce from the last narcissist. Who needs that nonsense?

[@bereal6590]

I don't want anyone telling what I should or shouldn't do, period. Unfortunately my narcs live nearby, but low contact helps. I don't bother even trying to get them to understand my pov on anything anymore, all it does is bring stress.

[@jennamidon4599]

I recently got out a toxic relationship with a narcissist and lately the isolation has been killing me. I'm in no contact with him, but recently I found out that he's in another relationship already. It's only been alittle over a month since we broke up. I'm trying so hard to keep pushing forward, but idk why it bothers me so much. I don't care.

[@kellyb6820]

I am in the same boat except we have a kid so there has to be contact but he’s trying to throw his new relationship in my face…I feel you on the difficulty with the isolation as it is hard but at the same time I need this isolation to heal bc I’m not ready to be out in the world ….my mind is all over the place some moments I know he is a narcissist and I feel bad for the new one but other times I’m in my head and think he’s so happy and I’m not but in reality a toxic person never lets themselves be happy but we have that chance to be happy even alone and they will hate that so while it does hurt we know we truly are the ones that will make them miserable with our success and happiness..just remember to take care of yourself and know that you are not alone ❤

[@angypapa2191]

Keep strong. The new supply is going to face the same treatment down the line. You escaped with your life intact. Put the effort into healing and moving forward❤

[@learntoplaymusicbyfskhanye9381]

The new supply was probably already there before you even broke up. Narcs love monkeybranching.

[@S4bK]

Funny how those who called me a cynic, a "suspicious crazy witch" are those who benefited most from me being kind, empathic and helpful.

[@lt827]

Bang on! When I am expecting my narcissistic ex to show up I am much better prepared to handle him, which takes up most of my emotional energy. It’s when he show up unannounced to take our child somewhere when I get depleted very quickly and the rest of the day is usually ruined.

[@DeborahOlander]

My world is undergoing more lovely disappointments. I hate that when people I thought were decent turn out to not really care. It makes me feel worthless.

[@spacegirl226]

Felt this! I recently had this happen with some of my friends, one of whom I'd known for more than 20 years. I thought they were going to be my "healthy" friends. But they weren't, at all. They were just as screwed up as I am. At least I know I'm screwed up and am working on it, but they have yet to discover that they are. Very painful situation. But at least I know the truth now so I don't waste more time on a friendship that really only went one way. Words are easy. Actions truly are everything.

[@dougcoleman8972]

​@@spacegirl226agree. As I created boundaries with my narc parents I realized almost all relationships of mine fit the same pattern as parents. I'm glad I see more clearly now. Thanks for sharing.

[@locsta409]

1) You are NOT worthless! 2) Unfortunately it’s normal to FEEL worthless when fellow human beings treat us like our feelings mean nothing. 3) Part of the reason it makes us feel so worthless is because we instinctively take it personal. It’s hard for a normal, decent human to comprehend the total lack of empathy that a narcissistic is.

[@Users_rx]

Im dreadul at the thought that it can happen to me again after knowing just how deep the rot could be and how well they could keep their mask on. I dont think i could trust anyone ever again, let alone let them get close to me. Being vulnerable is somehow a must in a relationship, but no chance in hell i would want to open up myself to that kinda pain again. Im keeping myself for me. It's painful to be alone, yes but after knowing the pain theyve caused, i'll take this pain over that pain

[@kathyjustice1308]

I think most of my life I was focused on safety and protecting myself.

[@Nobodyzerobc]

My Narcissistic parents are a hidden Gift. I wake up to what is truly precious; Freedom. Worth every second of my nearly 60 years of unrelenting trauma🙏

[@kindrajayne3734]

This analogy is absolutely on point and inside I have spent a very long time feeling that I am in disaster prep mode, hyper vigilant, that when I could feel relaxed, my body is like oh no you don’t. It’s hard but watching you helps me feel like someone out there understands and gets it. Thank you so much ♥️🥰♥️♥️♥️

[@maggamoosie801]

I have managed to learn to control the anxiety some. The Apocalyptic views I can be sucked into to an extent. When I stay away from negative people it helps. I'm all for being prepared, but I realize that traumatized people can be way over vigilant about crime, too...and the world outside their door that has people in it.

[@mirageangel9378]

I so relate to the overpacking "just in case" because you expect something to go wrong. Not even just for myself but I feel like I need to make sure I'm prepared to "fix" everything for everyone so they won't get mad or sad.

[@VioletOne88]

You are such a life-saver Dr. Ramani 🥇🥇🥇The World's leading expert on Narcissistic Abuse Awareness. And beautiful in blue! 💙😍❤️ Beautiful inside & out🌹 Thank u for ALL u do for me & us & for millions of ppl everywhere 👏🏼💯💯🔥🔥🔥❤️❤️❤️©️

[@zentient8840]

Scurry, retreat, and hide. Been living this way my whole life. 😔 Now, trying to let it go, but avoiding narcs and users? Prayers

[@lt827]

My narcissistic older sibling pulled such a cruel ambush on my other sibling recently that it makes me wonder what horrors she might have got away with while I was a small child. The fact that the attack was unfounded and on my other sibling professionally makes me feel extremely unsafe. It put my healing back years.

[@grammyspa-jammies1737]

YES! Running the video 2x faster having lived in survival mode for over 40 years and out for 1 and a half. Still dealing with the effects.

[@gelitmartinez]

I wish my therapist was able to help me heal from narcissistic abuse. I can really see how it pervades every area of my life. 😢

[@nickijames5122]

Because we are empaths and will always feel some sort of guilt, and sadness despite how badly we’ve been treated. It’s our nature. The trauma bonding - those ‘okay’ moments we have that keep us feeling it ‘could be worse!’ Hmm, obviously we know how bad it’s been and how bad things will get, but …. 😔

[@monsoonBloom]

"Obviously" no, many didn't because this type info wasn't out there or accessible.

[@PCAGA2298]

You are a Godsend Dr. Ramani

[@monsoonBloom]

Just an educated, giving person, not sent by anything other than her own being

[@khaledaparveenrupa3206]

I lost my innocence after betrayal and it's ok. Thank you Dr. Ramani.🙏❤️

[@monsoonBloom]

It's not ok.

[@nc8770]

Thank you, Dr Ramani!!! This video is what we survivors/living with narc needed to help us survive/heal from these relationships!!! I’ve saved it, like many of your videos, and plan to listen to it weekly to help keep me on track with dealing with and recovery from narcs!!

[@tahwsisiht123]

For me, it is long-term coercive control. Financially drying you out, including messing with workplaces. It is living in disaster. There is no rushing, it is slowly disapearing. It can take years. In suffering. Not sharing your experience and pain is when they dehumanize you.

[@bellabebeau]

When I watched Inside Out 2, I felt so triggered when Anxiety showed and controlled everything. I am that everyday. I need to plan out everything and I’ll be so stressed when life deviates from it

[@monsoonBloom]

I wish they actually consulted with professional and females, especially the first one. All men till one female got to speak up about a little Girl.

[@Kate-kx6op]

I am not giving up my ability to love because of HER. I am desperately seeking a safe place to land with all the good advice I get here. In the meantime I feel safer loving, than being loved because I just can't trust it.

[@amiambala9037]

The best one for me was when he called me a narcissist 😂😂😂 I'm healing.. Thank you Dr. Ramani... I appreciate you!

[@psalm148.1]

Used to love helping people before recognizing the abuse. Used to be glass half empty person now the glass is empty. Not sure trust in anyone will ever return.

[@graceevertt2317]

I was married to a covert narcissist for 44 years. He left 5 years ago. I’m afraid I will NEVER get past him…😢

[@tommie1966]

Hang in there. 42 years here, he passed recently & I’m trying to figure out who I am. It’s so very hard

[@graceevertt2317]

@@tommie1966 thank you! I’m doing my best but I’m now fighting cancer & unfortunately need to rely on him for help. I’m grateful for his help but I’d rather not see him at all. I am trapped again! 🥲

[@joannahediger7820]

‘Loss of innocence’ is also a healthy part of the process of maturity. Lots of writers over hundreds of years in different cultures have written about it.

[@psalm148.1]

Used to love helping people before the abuse. Used to be a glass half empty kind of person. Now the glass is totally empty. Not sure if trust in others will ever return. All because of selfish Narcissistic manipulators.

[@Chachacha-kg3uu]

The last segment in particular of this compilation was so very helpful - thank you.

[@kimwells7245]

This is why I can't ever sleep - because I can't completely exhale - I can't let my guard down - I can't relax.

[@nicoleferguson5961]

My father was a narcissistic Christian. He believed Christ was coming back. At least once a year they would believe it was coming. So they horreded food. Would get dressed in their Sunday best watch the news and wait. Rejoicing that he was coming. As a child they would neglect me. Because more important things need to be done. I never fell for it. So I was going to hell. Being a nonconformist.

[@kathykonkle1097]

I'm so sorry that happened to you. "Christianity" is one of the greatest evils the world has even known.

[@Jeanne90275]

I had high blood pressure at 11. The doctor never in a million years would have suspected my Jekyll and Hyde narcissistic mother. I never repeated the cycle.

[@leilagomulka5690]

I totally relate to an over packed bag. Literally and figuratively ☺️

[@groovyzoom1]

I lived through a hurricane and tornado ripping through my childhood while I was in it. That trauma was nothing compared to trying to cope from being in a relationship with a narcissist and everything that came from exiting that relationship! The hurricane was over in a day but idk that I’ll ever fully recover from the sustained fear the narcissist put me through.

[@CookieMonster-hm8hx]

The insights you give about your book are very helpful. Meeting you in person and having you explain the importance of the concepts in your book is more than ideal. It makes me think about reading it over and over again until I fully understand it, and feel better.

[@t_nels]

That was my mom! She has always hoarded food and dated cans. We were just buying as we needed regardless of c0vid.

[@scott3357]

I take a deep breath, and then it’s one day at a time…..Yay 😢

[@glennmarz652]

The insidious onset of devaluation, followed by outright abandonment, finally ending by you following the little crumbs of hope they throw you, when you are half-insane with grief, is unbearably cruel. The only time I actually began to heal is when I was able to become like her, sadly, by leading her on and then abandoning her, which her narcissism did not handle well. Unfortunately, I became so traumatized and jaded, I do this with every other woman since, because I feel inadequate, causing myself and the other to suffer greatly, yet happy when they finally find some one else. I was infected and made just sick by a vampire and became one. This is why the mentally ill must be isolated and NEVER be able to reek havioc on the hearts of others.

[@Xr2-8fan_810]

Oh my gosh, Dr Ramani words resonated with me so much. The irrational worries Pple have are non conducive to disasters. It's an OCD, control, narc mode, one time a Gardener I know said everyday is the end and never buy anything only "grow" your own food. She lost her children in two years of living like that. Because her kids were starving. Preppers are not easy to discern or live with. It's too much hyper vigilant behaviors

[@brightpage1020]

Once you recover from these relationships you realize how it may have empowered you to learn discernment - to see the writing on the wall of a relationship and to respond quickly and assertively next time at the 1st or 3rd offense rather than wait weeks, months, or years putting pieces of a puzzle together. Some folks are so insecure that bullying others makes them feel better. My mom taught me this by 5th grade. And some bullies are yobvious. But what we learn through channels like this is how to recognize those less obvious. THANK YOU!!!!! 🙏

[@dbs5208]

"Little Miss Partly Cloudy" -> loved it, I'm gonna use it from now on!

[@teamgert]

Because now I’ve seen what another human being is capable of. That’s why. My hallmark dream is deleted from my brain.

[@Tarotlynx]

People don't want to be on their guard all the time. But look at it this way. You're on your guard, or at least you should be, when you're walking down the street if you live in the U. S., because there is violence and danger everywhere. The psycho-spiritual violence of a narcissistic person is no different and once you've escaped one, does indeed leave people feeling on their guard. If a dog bites you out of malice, you don't run up and find another dog and play with it. You stick with your real friends, the cats. Now do you get it?

[@danielledegeorge2129]

This is so true about disaster prep! I'm constantly half packed to flee from him. I feel like a gypsy, moving from here to my mother's to back here again and never quite unpacking my bags. Of course he considers my packed bags and left behind things a "mess" that I never clean up because I'm lazy.

[@PenninkJacob]

Thank god for you!!!❤❤❤

[@monsoonBloom]

Thank her for her being. Not some rando idea

[@justapieceoflife]

I am now also "little miss partly cloudy" - love that

[@rodneymartel452]

The trauma bonds of Codependency. Hilighted by the duality of Codependent Behavior. A rabbit hole that has a slippery slope.

[@majorbloodnok6659]

I've just got out of a job with a grandiose narc boss (six years). I've just got out of a two year relationship with an avoidant/covert narc. I didn't know what a narcissist was, these experiences sure wrung the bugs out 🙂. I don't know when I'll ever give my trust to someone again.

[@RobertYeoman-og9gw]

I struggle to pack a suitcase, because he insisted on always packing for me. I told him many times that I liked packing and wanted to do it myself. After so many blow ups, and him just doing it anyway, I just gave in. 22 years later and I finally chucked him out. He of course says he left! I got suicidally low. I was stripped to my soul., and I just thought what the point. My Mum,s death was the catalyst. Finally, I saw everything! It’s, hard. My life revolved around him. I often wonder what am I doing this all for now. But then I remember. Now, it is all for me. I can be who I want. Do what I want when I want. It is scary, daunting, overwhelming, but God the relief!

[@madelainerogers2392]

I had an example of healthy love in my 20s. It was so unfamiliar for me to be treated with love and respect that I thought I saw him as a friend. (No butterflies=no trauma bonds) He waited for me for years but moved on understandably. We haven’t spoken for 10 years. I am grieving this loss the most. After multiple narc relationships and an extremely abusive cult/narc childhood, I am finally healing and my brain is forming healthy self-esteem. I cry daily for the loss of that caring, gentle love that I couldn’t accept. And the happy life I could have had. But now I have his treatment of me as a mark. When dating I think what would he do. So far nobody meets that standard.

[@KathySalcedoBeal]

This is so many people around me. They are seeing my happiness with myself and are truly showing themselves. I can trust 3 of my neighbors/friends & my adult granddaughter. They are always happy for me. My 39 year old daughter has been disrespectful and selfish. I honestly feel like she is jealous of my self regulation and self actualization. Her behavior is unacceptable and I deserve respect. Are you seeing my progress? Thank you, I now know that it is not me.😊

[@Brenda-ny1gw]

You sound like a narc

[@NolaCaffey]

It was like an incontinent house pet that fouled the nest. I had to watch him, with cleaner, mops and rags on the ready. He was physically pretty tidy, but quietly pissed on all that I accomplished, destroying his own (my) family and then felt sorry for himself.

[@mollykayramstack6193]

2:34 He literally did this. He put up a few solar panels - just in case, had a garage FULL of cabinets with food and a storage under the floor in the house full of gallons of water. He also refused to put money in any bank so he had a safe with a push button code with cash, hold and silver coins he saved - all for just incase! It was completely bizzare

[@user-qv9nw1dq2f]

Thank you for sharing your wisdom dr Ramani ❤

[@PCAGA2298]

I am fully aware of what is going on, it is not ok. But he has made it impossible to leave 😢

[@JohannaVanDreumel]

As someone who has become free, once again Please put you 1st, it is Possible ..... It takes planning, quietly Including stashing small amounts of money/ so it's not noticed. Have a trustworthy friend who is there for you. Peace is yours

[@brendasetinc3728]

Thank you Dr Ronnie this is the most healthiest one I've heard in a long time for me that's what I feel like I have to keep up and keep everything on the ship rolling and get it all done because that's the way I've been since I was little it's hard to get out of that it's hard to trust someone else to do the test besides just you doing it yourself thanks for sharing

[@riledmouse4677]

11:45 very healing video for me, to hear concrete examples of the impact of living in survival mode. I’m definitely in the Club of the Crowded Suitcase!

[@carolannstevens5814]

You nailed it with the disaster. This is my life! I am going to leave soon. I just started learning from you. I have a major auto immune. I wish I left decades ago.

[@bns481]

Thank you so much for posting these videos, they're eternally helpful and I'm forever grateful for the guidance and understanding you offer.

[@PCAGA2298]

They may have made it financially impossible for you to leave while also isolating you. On top of that I am now bedbound with illness. 38 years of this

[@matthewwozniak9138]

The sad truth is you can't solve other peoples problems, trauma, and ignorance. You can only control how you react to them. People that won't or can't accept responsibility for their actions create alternate reality or fantasy where they are the down trodden victim or Martyr. No matter what you tell them to try and get them out of the self created fantasy they created, they won't budge. Walk away and leave them to their own delusion.

[@DianeR-h7v]

Your words are so wonderful! Thank you!

[@alliwarwick5590]

I started thinking I was going crazy. I even told him I was becoming codependent. He took everything I could give and future faked me from the start. I lost all confidence.....I even started shaking when I was around him. My nervous system went haywire. He always caused a scene at every holiday/celebration, holiday.....flying monkeys just told me to stay silent and give him space. I'm out now but far from healed. After therapy I'm still a mess. I wish I knew about narcissism before I was discarded. I would have known he was never going to change.😢

[@janicehill-es1br]

Your intelligent advice is always appreciated Doctor Ramani, it's constantly acceptable to be cautious 😊 PS, you're not a petty person. And people wonder why others are no longer innocent!

[@ericawhite9916]

I find myself going through all of the cognitive dissonance situations I justified to be able to stay in the relationship with the narcissist. Almost every day for a year now I remember a new situation where he lied, cheated and or stole something from me around my house or car and in talking with others. And I find myself getting angry and frustrated and crying and defenseless like it was the first time it happened and then having to deal with each of these situations (which are so many I embarrass myself). I get exhausted dealing with myself and these many situations I find myself sleeping a lot.

[@Geronimo2u]

We are seeing this more and more , maybe it was always there but we just did not recognize and tolerate.. sadly these were probably the issues of past years that had “abuse, and the women having break downs, or going away go a while”. Waking up is waking up and time to stop letting others control you and become self aware, self controlled, and work on own self with supportive guidance.

[@TsepiVanUmbilo]

Thank you for doing this YT channel, I'm sure you don't have to. I'm across the world from you, was gonna hurt myself today. But I found your latest video and watched through a few. Not my first time here. What you are offering here is a way for victims of narcs to detach from the emotion and try to rationalise there feelings. Very valuable. I am buying all your books, thank you so much.

[@t_nels]

2x speed 😅 Me, as well during the day! Evenings are my time.

[@orielwiggins2225]

Oh my gosh. So true! So much gold in these.

[@Seanus32]

Impossible? Not at all. A true student will have gleaned key insights and have realised that activating proper energies is key. Them being well away, you passed the test with flying colours. Feel the divine within you and look to be your best self, of service to others.

[@keariewashburn4680]

Thank you Dr Ramani ❤ I can relate very much to how you feel inside you, and the things you know of yourself and being comfortable with that. I've learned some about myself that may seem " rough?" TO others.But, I know where my caring for others and my motives for doing what I do. I do like myself. I fought to get myself back. I won't apologize for being my true self. Alot of love in my heart. Discernment to see if deceitful and careless people ( narcs) are in my presence, I will not let them invade me. Too damn tired lol . But, I will respond when I see it happening to others. So, yes , I'm guarded but wise enough to know how to live in this True ME. It takes awhile and being honest with yourself. It seems that after a good while, you realize that you have gotten some victories. Then, you find that you are growing and it's so freeing. So, being comfortable in the present , whether all pleasant or a little rocky, you are able to go through in a whole person on the other side. I know my Comment could use some better way to put into words, but this is how it came out at the moment. Love, Peace to everyone ❤️

[@ivandejour9806]

I adore you so much Dr Ramani! You have helped me tremendously. Be lil Mr Partly Cloudy☺️😃

[@dk5755]

I totally relate to being a realist, and have identified as one myself. This was constantly used against me by the narcissist. He would tell me that I was so negative and always looking for things to go wrong. I would say I was being proactive in order to stave off or prepare for any possible mishaps. I also realize it is my hypervigilance at play.

[@JustNath2024]

Thank you dr. Ramani. The big eye opening paradox seems to be to me that a "relationship" with a narcissist has never been and will never be a relationship really....simply because they don't Relate... ✨️⚓️💞🐛💝🙏💝🦋💞⚓️✨️

[@AZ-su2vc]

Dr. Ramani is a great person.

[@plumduff3303]

I would say because the trauma runs deep.