The Power of Acceptance

[@healnpd]

I will remove comments that are abusive to any individual (including myself) or population. This includes comments that are abusive toward pwNPD.

[@IanMcFerran]

So, no freedom of speech or democracy on your channel due to you not being able to 'accept' the stance of others. Hypocrite!

[@stacyrosa6672]

The content of this channel is worth more than all of the other channels on NPD put together! I am so tired of hearing all of the awful truths about npd, and hearing little or nothing about treatment. Thankyou Dr. E!

[@LilachLavy-Emanuel]

You are just wonderful, Dr. Ettensohn & that's the truth. No NPD flattery included.

[@anareginacoronado1147]

I'm not a narcissist, but I have borderline traits, anyways that means cluster b, I deeply appreciate non stigmatizing content out there on cluster b mental health awareness.

[@healnpd]

Thank you for your feedback.

[@britt3272]

Girly I've been diagnosed with BPD. I totally get that. However I've found our (at least my) issues with radical acceptance stems from the feelings of the stigma and its truth behind it that causes us. When we can accept that inadequate feeling of the truth in the stigma of BPD is when we become closer to healing from BPD. It's been years of treatment for me to accept that I feel inadequate most of the time. So much so I have rages. There's a reason why there's a stigma around us. When we accept the truth in the stigma is the day we start changing the narrative. Bc we will grow from it. It hurts. It sucks and it's effing hard af. But girly it's worth it and we're worth it. It's a beautiful feeling I promise u.

[@britt3272]

So I didn't appreciate nor like how this creator has said narcissism and BPD are almost exactly the same thing. I was going to suggest that they go back to the drawing board it then I thought that we're in the same cluster and I am very much narcissistic in many ways so maybe he's right. And my reaction will do nothing but prove that yes I'm acting as if I'm a narcissist in that very moment so accepting that negative feelings from being so similar to a narcissist is the very thing that will lead me further away from the narcissist. And no one had to know. Until I sent this to u. Which means I have the control to make sure that each day in each negative feeling I have it's a decision I make to either be a narcissist or take another step forward to heal from my inadequacy. I hope this makes sense and it helps u feel free from the negative stereotypes of ppl who weren't given or taught emotional intelligence as children. But the human mind is a powerful tool that with the choice of knowledge can heal itself. U got this!!

[@lulalive3763]

My grandma and mother have cluster C personality disorders, traits of all of the cluster C, my grandma was at the lower end of psychotic organization, ny mother I suspect has a borderline organization with a cluster C personality style. Both engage in manipulative behaviours similar to those patiens with NPD, due to the defenses they have created to cope with their traumas, developmental arrest, etc. They split, project,introject massively, distort reality, have a massive fear of self and of anihilation, all the things the doctor explains in this channel. Thanks doctor for explaining these things to the general population, NPD is no diferent from any other personality disorder, and the complaints about the victims....of course any abuse is intolerable, and only professionals can help eprsonality disordered individuals grow and learn to cope with reality and relationships in a more sophisticated mature way, it is not the job of the family, the job of the family is to offfer support with boundaries and help, and to take care of one s health as well... As for romantic interest with a personality disordered individual, no one can love someone else into health, accept that no healthy relationship with this person is possible at the moment and take care of yourself( that s what I have done with a lot of work to let go of people with whom no healthy relationship is possible for me, let go and accept and take care of myself, it is more empowering than resentment, which is a phase, I get it, but do not blame sick individuals for not behaving healthily, no one is forcing anyone to stay in un unhealthy relationship. If that were the case then this is a matter for police and legal action, but this is not only somethimg that happens with NPD patiens, it can happen with any other PD, mental illness or even with healthy individuals

[@user-eb9pv4dw5p9]

I've been going through a pretty painful crisis recently. Thank you so much for giving me hope and some comfort. I was in a really dark place until I've found your content.

[@healnpd]

❤️

[@Jacquelinerenees]

I have been working on balance for 8 years. Much of it started with mindful practices. Thank you for suggesting this and talking about wholeness. Carl jung said, "I'd rather be whole, than good."

[@michelle1813]

Hi Dr - If society is creating so much stigma and judgment like you said, and the individual is internalizing that, how can one not be affected by societal exclusion when we are hard wired in our DNA to be affected by experiences of social exclusion/stigmatization?

[@twillsJKZ]

Meditation and self enquiry is actually what led me to realising I am narcissistic and this is what drives my behaviours and moods. It’s something I really haven’t enjoyed learning about myself and part of me wishes I wasn’t so aware, however, through practicing meditation, self acceptance and self love I have noticed how different I am today to what I was 2 years ago. I’m able to hold space for myself and others when there’s pain or disregulation, I’m much more patient & present (not all of the time) and can definitely feel empathy for another since becoming aware of my own struggles. I’d be interested to hear your opinions on NPD and dis regulation in the nervous system Dr and how this affects our emotions, thoughts and behaviours. Could learning to be in the state of rest and digest/ social engagement or safety help us to feel more whole and less relient on receiving admiration from others? I know I definitely feel less needy when I’m regulated but it can be challenging to be there consistently. Anyway, great video

[@nikhook1114]

Congratulations on becoming self aware, I applaud you. Is there something that happened that led you to self inquiry? What would it take to help someone else to get to that point? Or do they have to do it on their own because of circumstances?

[@twillsJKZ]

@@nikhook1114 Thankyou. Illness lead me to self inquiry. Got diagnosed with ME/ CFS so life came to a standstill and my nervous system was completely burnt out. So spent a lot of time journalling/ meditating/ reading a lot etc and questioning everything. Since I wasn’t working, spent a lot of time reflecting on past relationships, looking back to childhood experiences and my behaviours. Always known something wasn’t quite right but never been able to put a finger on it. Anyway stumbled across some info on personality disorders then started looking into NPD and it was just me to a T. Now been in therapy for 4 months and I will continue therapy for years, likely throughout my life. I think they have to be willing to be honest with themselves. If they can’t do that, then they can’t be treated. I don’t think anyone can force them, that will end in more defensiveness and potential rage. Underneath is a lot of hurt and worthlessness, so you can understand why they wouldn’t want to acknowledge there is a problem. The very lay out of the disorder is designed to keep the person in a kind of dream world, one which the individual doesn’t see as a dream, but as their reality so you’re literally popping their safety bubble, which is terrifying from their perspective. I’d recommend ‘mental healness’ KZbin channel if you aren’t already aware. He is diagnosed with NPD and he often talks about getting a suspected pwNPD into treatment 👍 it is possible, but have to admit it’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to come to terms with, and it’s very confusing. Hope it helps :)

[@saintejeannedarc9460]

@T Wills Do you get therapy as well for NPD? Thanks for sharing that mindfulness helps w/ it. That's an encouraging comment.

[@twillsJKZ]

@@saintejeannedarc9460 Yeh i am in therapy once a week. Meditation and mindfulness are so important for me. When I don’t do it consistently I spiral. Don’t get me wrong it will never ‘fix it’ but it just allows for a bit of space and acceptance around your thoughts and emotions.

[@cinthiahernandez3806]

@@twillsJKZ any recommendations on a therapist that specializes in NPD?

[@spiritnarc]

Hey, I just wanted to thank you for this channel as a diagnosed narcissist. Love seeing acceptance and compassionate content out there. -tess🖤

[@traceywright4948]

Thanks for your channel. It’s one of a kind as no others encourage an attitude of love and empathy for those who suffer with this disorder. I was wondering if you could please do an episode on being in a relationship with someone with NPD. I have been with someone I believe has BPD/NPD. They’ve been diagnosed with PTSD (by a GP not a meant health practitioner) but I’ve seen some pretty severe behaviours and I think this person displays more of the brokenness of NPD or BPD.

[@PasaulioValdovas]

Thanks for this. I have learned about radical acceptance from DBT books and I have found it very helpful at times. Now I will take it even more seriously. Your explanation of why it's effective is very clear. Up until now I used radical acceptance without really understanding why it helps in times of emotional distress

[@fliegender-teppich]

i just wanted you to know i really appreciate and love your channel. thank you very much for doing it! i like to rewatch your videos because they help me so much when i get lost. for me acceptance is such a hard thing. i struggle with it so much and fight reality instead of accepting it. i know i have to accept it - but still, i try, even though it often feels superficial. and i feel i have to let go of unrealistic expectations and fears in order to have a stable life and relationships. thank you very much again for all the work and kindness 🙏🏼 so good to have you here 🙏🏼

[@kathleenb6375]

I’d love to hear about NPD and their relation to intimate partners.

[@healnpd]

Thanks for the suggestion. And thanks for watching. 😊

[@wildmeadows8495]

Thank you for mentioning grief! It was the start of my healing.

[@SoniaTelus-hz8ic]

It s important to understand and accept your past, to have a remaining good life without anxiety.

[@jenniferdennison8315]

I wondered if you could possibly do a video for how best to accept or support someone in your life that has NPD ... im very sensitive to peoples energy and very often can feel this suffering inner child but then am shown the false self and the dismissive attitude and it becomes very frustrating at times ... i know that i must love and take care of myself but i also love this person and if there is any advice you have for how best to go about that ... thank u very much

[@healnpd]

You might find my book helpful. It’s written for people in a relationship with someone who has pathological narcissism/NPD. amzn.to/3nG9FgH

[@rhondacooper7957]

Once again thank you for sharing your video it's educational and informative.

[@hix9306]

How do you get out of the cronic state of collapse ? You should make a video on healing from a collapse there’s none out there

[@healnpd]

🤔 Thanks for the suggestion!

[@narcmalice]

agreed, each collapse affects me alot and leaves beign miserablr

[@CB19087]

I'm more or less in a constant state of collapse now. Other people- how I long for, yet loathe them!

[@e-t-y237]

Accepting something doesn't mean "I like it." It means "It is and I won't fight that or judge it." Right at that juncture self-compassion is indispensable and uber wise. How about a video on "The Power of Self-compassion (and the Toxicity of Self-Condemnation)?"

[@Brancaalice]

It true, what resist persist.

[@adorab9446]

It was actually Jesus that said a house divided cannot stand. MAT12:25. Abe was a believer. He asked the nation to fast and pray every year to unite and break the bonds of slavery. He was mocked, but he did it and we prevaled in both. I'm having a lot of issues with trusting people, seperation, and rejection, idk if i am a narcissist, but these videos reveal things I see in everyone. Especially the shame and projection. Jesus is safe and trustworthy and really helping me to anchor myself and my cats and dog.

[@kuibeiguahua]

I bought your book, and just as I was starting to read it the fucking demon made me dissociate and now I forgot my kindle in a restaurant lol I hope I can get it back tomorrow

[@Wasp239]

I'm afraid of anxiety and panic attacks (that somatic experience is awful) I haven't thought that I should embrace attacks as they will happen no matter what I wanted to get rid of it. Was thinking about it just this morning (I don't have NPD as far as I know) Now I'll try to think differently But, God, how I loathe those physical body reactions. It's dreadful.

[@Thenamelessnarcissist]

Is this series on going? Been missing your content haha

[@healnpd]

Thanks for checking in! I’m hoping to put one up this week. :)

[@Thenamelessnarcissist]

@@healnpd Hell yeah looking forward to it! Your channel is always my first recommendation for anyone wanting to learn about NPD (It would be mine but I don't want people in my life knowing about it LOL)

[@PutingPinoy]

New subscriber here! I am glad I found this channel.

[@noormohamed2991]

Another excellent episode 🙏thank you! Truly grateful ❤️

[@healnpd]

Glad you enjoyed it!

[@ProfessorBorax]

Any advice on finding someone qualified for NPD in french in Brussels? Asking for a friend

[@sethbecker7162]

I have no idea what Dr. Ettensohn is talking about. I’ve been in sober recovery from drugs and alcohol for 11 straight years. I know of mindful meditation and acceptance, but I have no understanding of how to accept the things I don’t like about the world. It feels like, if I am not depressingly resigned to the world, but “active” in any kind out outlook, I will be violently triggered by things that disgust me. I cannot accept a myriad of things in my daily life, and fear the false hope that mindful meditation brings.

[@Rohme.33]

If you were in AA, you’d remember the Serenity Prayer, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” It can’t be said much better than that.

[@peacefuldaizy5717]

A trigger isn't something bad. A trigger is from something unresolved from my past. For example: My mother completely ignored me as child, thus when people ignore me now, I get VERY upset. The problem isn't outside of myself. I am learning to notice when I'm triggered and learning to respond, not react. Basically, I'm retraining myself to not instantly get furious when I'm ignored. As I get better at it, I will learn how to appropriately respond in the future. But my triggers are just things I need to heal. I hope this helps.

[@charlottearonsson5441]

Great teaching . ( Abraham lincon notised and got the referent from the blueprint arkitekts Book Libery l think That Libery is a treachior on personalities what happened to our identity and our first caregiver ) 😊

[@AlastorTheNPDemon]

So, fighting my self-compromising traits in the attempt of "trimming the fat" as a regular pursuit isn't normal? How many people have been professionally diagnosed again, 1%? These dilapidated feelings are definitely a steady background drain on the main, and they boil to the surface when I don't have people or other "dopaminergic activities" to distract me. I mean, dipping into spirituality has provided a lovely buffer zone for the intense negative emotions, so there's that too (honestly, just pick any 3000-year-old story book character and roll with it; Hell, start another fan club if you're up for it!). While I would decide against an official NPD diagnosis for multiple good reasons, therapy could at least help me with my crippling identity issues. I already use the literature to describe my internal landscape, as well as the kinds of interactions I have with others, and I see everything through this lense, so this could at least make the process much smoother.

[@brandonmcalpin9228]

Dipping into spirituality only makes me more grandiose in my experience, which isn’t something one should do if we want to “heal”. I find the hardest part about being a Narcissist is the incessant Fantasies of perfection. When I first began mindfulness and meditation, I realized how MUCH I actually operate within these “Castles in the Air”. Even when I’m doing something, it’s there. When I’m speaking to someone, it’s there. It’s probably the most intense and uncontrollable when I’m listening to music. I have no chance at meditating with music playing. It’s weirdly similar to Maladaptive Daydreaming, except it’s fantasies about receiving adulation and praise for doing something masterfully or performing some superhuman task. This is why I view NPD as a fantasy based “disorder”. Everything is connected through fantasy, our grandiosity, our entitlement, our unattainable goals and unrealistic expectations, our idealization/devaluation, black and white thinking, magical thinking, etc. Its all rooted in fantasy. With that being said, meditation, yoga and breath work seems to make things worse. Idk if I should just push through it? Because I get rageful, irritable and moody. I devalue the things I’m doing while I’m doing them, as those voices in my mind shout at me, only able to silence them once I stop what I’m doing. It was so frustrating. Idk if it’s my unrealistic expectations?

[@Brancaalice]

Well spirituality help, when you are in difficult step, you ask for help, it come and smooth you path. It is energy of good that are outside of yourself. That energy is the love of all spiritual people that connected with the High Self in the past.They are full of compassion. Their intention are like ripe waves, flow forever in the universe reaching human mind.

[@Patcannistan]

Lincoln might have been quoting somebody…

[@CobraDove1111]

JESUS

[@michaelgiaquinto8893]

I really care about my ex girlfriend and with all the information that I’ve gotten from mark and the nameless narcissist I’m pretty sure she has the traits. Is there any way I can convince her that she has it so she can work on it. I feel like she’s in therapy and Is working on the wrong things. She refused couples counseling and wanted to work on her emotions w her therapist and alone.

[@Ali08]

Her being in therapy is a huge step and something to give credit for. With that being said, this is her journey alone, and if she's in it for the "wrong" reasons, it is not for anyone else to worry about. Let her find her own way on her own timeline. Hopefully, she will get there.

[@JoyProto-mj5jl]

I accept my reality but it s hilarious to repeat all these movies , it a crazy makingb

[@teemadarif8243]

❤

[@mooncove]

Why does nobody ever acknowledge that Abraham Lincoln was quoting JESUS (Matthew 12:25) when he said, 'A house divided against itself cannot stand'? He did NOT invent that saying. Please give credit where credit is due.

[@melisherwood5300]

good point but maybe people quote Lincoln because he is the one who made this quote known to the world (for those who might not have read the Bible (plus not everyone is Christian). Sometimes people need others to bring this into the forefront and make a strong point about them.

[@IanMcFerran]

Ads interrupting your sentences is not helpful... and it shows a lazy approach and greed. Please think about where you place your revenue generation before you upload... or stop making money from the suffering of others online altogether. Surely you make enough in your practice already?

[@healnpd]

@IanMcFerrran - I will look into how to control ad placement. Your message is striking for its derision. I don’t know anything about the feelings in you that motivated it. I can only imagine that you are in pain and I wish you well.

[@IanMcFerran]

@@healnpd Hahahaha! That's hilarious! Thank you, that's the best laugh I've had all day. 🤣

[@healnpd]

@IanMcFerran - Like I said, I wish you well.

[@IanMcFerran]

@@healnpd How can you wish someone 'well' if you don't know how they are? As a doctor, you seem to rely quite heavily on speculation and assumption. 🤔 I hope you don't prescribe medication on that bases! 😱

[@healnpd]

@IanMcFerran - Honestly, you seem to be trying really hard to disparage me here. It is quite possible to wish someone well without knowing their current condition. Wishing someone well is simply an expression of your goodwill - as in my goodwill toward you despite your repeated attempts to insult, criticize, and ridicule me today. All of it, seemingly, because you had to watch an ad. That’s why I suggested you must really be in pain - it was a charitable explanation, and one that I still believe. No one who wasn’t in pain would lash out at a stranger over a minor inconvenience the way you are doing in these comments. Even if you are simply a troll, I still think choosing to spend your time insulting strangers online for fun is a reflection of internal pain. I’m going to be all done with this conversation now. Take care.