The Real Reason You Never Follow Through (And How to Fix It)

[@RoelBaardman]

The most soothing thing that I realized during urge surfing, was notice that the more intense the urge is, the sooner is passes. It's as if the mind exhausts itself.

[@marxist-leninist-protagonist]

Huh. Yeah. I came to the realization that eventually I will get tired from being sad. If you're a weeb too, I visualize it as Mirio's ability from BNHA: if he phases through the ground and deactivates his ability, he will be rocketed back to the surface, like a glitch. It genuinely feels like that sometimes; you're sad and then one night of sleep and your mind is back to normal.

[@Nbarbacc]

🙏

[@avaceleste]

Amazing realization.

[@Zaferino1]

Wow 😮

[@Rosemary33399]

Ooooo I like that

[@skiptomylou011]

I indirectly learned this "urge surfing" while meditating. I have gotten decent at it--been meditating for about two years now consistently. I normally look forward to it, except my sits are 15-20 or 25 minutes at most. One day I decided to try an hour just to see what would happen. Well, I would put it off. I'd procrastinate and wouldn't do it. After a few tries I finally decided to sit through it and do it. It was excruciating for a while. My mind was so adamant in wanting to convince me that I needed to quit. "my leg is cramping, so I should stop" "I didn't set an alarm, I might sit longer-I should stop" "I might fall asleep and this will be a waste" You get the idea. Then something unexpected happened. My mind shut off. All those thoughts began to fade away. It was as if I was able to see my thoughts outside of myself for the first time. I had experienced that fleetingly while meditating through the time, but this time it was like I saw the Matrix. I now do one hour sits once a week, and my mind still tries to talk me out of it. The difference is that I don't give in to what my mind says. So if I want to read a book, my mind has to follow suit because I won't listen to it. That has helped me pick up reading again after nearly a decade of not reading books. I've been journaling every single day-same thing, I'd always try to do it and I'd wind up browsing reddit, twitter, YT-whatever that would get my mind off it. TL;DR urge surfing works. Try it out.

[@galaxylucia1898]

That’s awesome.

[@Jasmine-ll8qu]

That really is awesome, I gotta try it too! Do you think trying a 1-hour session is a good idea for someone who only does about ~10min a day rn, and since maybe 2 months? Also - how do you do your meditations? I’ve only recently started and am curious about your method since you’ve been at it a while now! ❤

[@skiptomylou011]

@@Jasmine-ll8qu it's worth a shot. Just don't beat yourself over it if it proves to be too much. I'd say to scale up to about 30 mins and go from there, but if you're curious I say go for it. 2 months meditating consistently is great. It's the most difficult part, at least for me it was. So if you've kept it up you're well on your way. I don't consider myself an expert by any means, but my meditations are fairly standard I'd say. I put a mat on the floor and sit 20-30 mins in the morning and focus on my breath or my heartbeat. I mostly observe any thoughts without trying engage it, so I don't get distracted by nor annoyed (like I did initially) by them. Eventually my mind naturally goes into no mind and I do deep breaths and enjoy that state of nothingness for however long it lasts. Some days my mind is agitated but I've learned to let it go nuts if needed. Every day is different, so don't get too hung up on it. Try to find any type of enjoyment is my biggest suggestion honestly.

[@zacharyedwards6428]

This was a great explanation. Thanks

[@LeKhang98]

​@@Jasmine-ll8qu I used to tell people that I couldn't sit still for 5 minutes, but one day I decided to try meditating for... 3 minutes, and I succeeded lol. Then, for every 5 successful attempts, I increased my meditation time by 1-2 minutes. Now, after several months, I can meditate for 45 minutes normally. Instead of beating myself up for failing to sit for 30-40 minutes, I rejoice in the fact that I can sit longer each week, even if it is just 1 minute, which gives me more motivation. I think we should try urge surfing (or any new technbique) out in the easiest activity where our success rate is almost 100%, and keep adding a very little bit every day.

[@ZivanVasquez]

I actually did something like this when I was in college, and my grades were the best they had ever been. I would basically "procrastinate fun" and tell myself that I would "check my phone/play Dota/watch Netflix" later. Because I already was super good at procrastinating schoolwork, when I aimed those skills towards dopaminergic activities I would stay on task waaay longer

[@meltygear5955]

That's how I stopped smoking. I'd tell myself "I'll smoke tomorrow, let's just be clean for today" and I did it over and over again. I'm a no-smoker for 11 years.

[@Enkiaswad]

It's really interesting because that's totally what I did with video games during my years studying engineering. I later had a hard time getting back into playing games and enjoying them, because I have conditionned myself so much. It's a bit sad sometimes, but maybe now I can understand the why 🤔

[@Anomaly24k]

I literally noticed when I vape/smoke it deceases my willpower

[@pixelpuppy]

Procrastinating fun is a perfect description and feels like a much more relatable and easier to understand explanation to what Dr K is getting at! Thank you! Feels easier to say "I'll do that later" than to fight the urges with "NO, we're not doing that NOW.". I'll bet that's how workaholics mentality works. They see having fun as something to be guilty of, so they put it off.

[@classyjohn1923]

thats so unfair…i wish i could do this. If i did this in college, a lot of my mistakes probably wouldn’t have happened and i could’ve lived a different life…fk me

[@zaldare]

Great reminder to all of us that we don't HAVE TO be slaves to our urges. I'm speaking as someone who has ADHD and my concentration was in rock bottom. Whenever a new thought or craving would rise up I would delve right into it without trying to steer my concentration and maintain my focus on what I was doing at the time. This became extremely evident whenever I would work or try to study. Mind you that I became aware of this disorder in young adulthood so my entire schoollife was constantly filled of me trying actively to do other things I tricked myself to enjoy. Escapism to the fullest. Video games, porn, ignoring exercise, eating constantly even though I wasn't actually hungry. Just a massive mess which constantly got in the way of me getting dedicated in any area. Wherever the wind blew that day was where I was going. But as you said, try becoming aware of the moments when your mind is trying to escape from it's task and instead set down the foot saying "No, I'm gonna follow through!" has helped me immensely and it's been the difference between sticking to the task or essentialy failing - doing 10 other things before returning (if you ever do so) to what you should be doing.

[@Indi_Waffle_Girl]

Thank you for sharing this! I get stuck in random cleaning loops around my house. Feeling that urge, that itch, as soon as I saw something to do. All of it is important/good, so I use that as an argument for doing it, even if I want to be prioritizing something else.

[@snow34545]

Thank you both for sharing your stories! I have problems staying focused on school work and work in general too. I would start cleaning the house starting from that extra cup on my desk when I'm studying. So for, going to libraries as a first step has helped. I would just look at my laptop when I have the urge to do something else.

[@IntimateMuffin]

I watched this video and was confused what urge surfing really was because it just sounds like "wait it out", so I went to go read the comments. And when I was reading your comment, my brain was like "I have no clue what this person is talking about", and I noticed myself wanting to open up Discord to check any unread messages. But right as my cursor was over the Discord app, I was like "WAIT A MINUTE I CAUGHT YOU BRAIN", and so I paused and took a breath, and finished reading your comment.

[@TMichelle555]

"No cravings last forever" what a relief. I'm trying to quit drinking and i keep relapsing once a month, I'm really struggling to get to 3 months consecutively. I can go a month easy but then the cravings kick in something fierce. I try to spend all my money so I don't have any but seems like i always find my way to alcohol. Thank you Dr K. That sentence gives me hope

[@michaelakc]

It's true. I was a full time alcoholic. The further you are away from the habitual drinking / the more time you spend having mostly good days, the craving stops feeling as strong. It stops feeling like your normal the less it is your normal; and you will physically feel a difference.

[@michaelakc]

Good luck stranger. You can do this for yourself. It's worth the effort; and it sounds like you've been putting that effort in. Give yourself credit for the good days, and try to focus only on bouncing back up after any bad day

[@pixelpuppy]

distract your craving brain with something else! work, family, gym, look for other sources for that dopamine hit!! You can do it!!! Every time you reach your goal, move that goal up - just ONE MORE consecutive month! YOU GOT THIS BRO!!

[@TMichelle555]

@@michaelakc thank you for the kind words, hoping to get it right this time around

[@FuzzyAnkles]

ive been there. one thing that helps is to change environment. for first month to live in some village or away fromeasy access stores or bars.

[@laja6108]

I feel like "urge surfing" is just another way of saying, "be present." It's amazing to me how many ills of the mind can be resolved or (simply pass by) by being present.

[@suchapolivka8707]

Aren't all ills of the mind solved by being present? 🤔

[@Nichaansama]

@@suchapolivka8707 True....that's why meditation/yoga/exercise are so helpful. THey force you to be present

[@ec9833]

@@Nichaansamaor guide you into being present LOL. Those things don’t sound like forceful things. Plus, you build the habit and it does tend to excite more and more often, cuz they’re extremely beneficial. You get great things from them.

[@manupatisanthosh7046]

Mindfulness meditation peeking from the corner 😅

[@dianemoril7612]

it's not only being present. it is also recognizing that what you WANT is not what you actually NEED, and that it is hurting you right now in a place you can easily recover, and if you obey the urge, it will hurt somewhere you probably won't recover so easily. it is more complex than "just" being present. I think it is more like learning to be uncomfortable for a few minutes, or hours, or even days, in order to be completely comfortable with yourself the rest of your life. you are learning to pay little coins to earn millions.

[@Voltaic314]

One thing I always tell people about being disciplined as well is that you don't have to become some gigachad overnight. Like when it comes to losing weight & going to the gym... you don't have to completely change your entire diet and start spending 3 hours at the gym every day power lifting with a personal trainer just to lose weight. Just go for 10 minutes and walk on a treadmill and leave, lift some easy weights for a while. Maybe go just to socialize with your friend. Have a good conversation with your buddy while you're doing curls... the point is... you don't have to become a gigachad overnight. If there is one thing I've learned over the course of my life... It's that small but consistent progress gives wayyyyyyyy better gains over a long period of time compared to short sporadic but high gains for very short periods of time. Short and sporadic gains are more likely going to lead to burn out. Discipline & consistency will lead to much better gains as time goes on. :)

[@jadeboyer5403]

I agree with this so much! I have started to make better progress on my goals when I focus on taking small steps rather than making dramatic changes. I remind myself that slow progress is good progress and it is okay that I don't get results I want right away because when the change does come it will actually last instead of burning out.

[@themysteriousstranger4276]

this is so true. I've been trying to make it to the gym consistently. For a real long time, if I couldn't do the whole workout I had in mind, I would just not do it, and since I work overnight as a caregiver, it can be real hard to schedule recovery and exercise if you don't have access to a 24-hour gym (which I don't). Anyway, I don't know when it hit me, but at some point, I realized if I prioritize the stuff I can do only at the gym while I'm there, like oly weightlifting and do the other stuff like burpees when it's a little more convenient, I get something done rather than nothing, and importantly, it's something I could have done only at the gym. Along with gradually increasing my work capacity with things like commuting by bike ( I don't have a car), I've found a decent arrangement that enables me to work but still find time for the things I enjoy.

[@WASDLeftClick]

Man if there is one thing I struggle with in regards to discipline it’s that I’m always frustrated that progress takes so long. It feels like I’m already really far behind in life and I often don’t have patience for myself. I want to start living for real and I’m almost 30 it’s like I don’t have time for this.

[@daletrusky2052]

@@WASDLeftClick in life, all you have is time, once you’re out you die. “The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, the second best time is now.” - Chinese Proverb

[@koconut12]

Gigachad, lol i love that

[@imSovi]

I indirectly discovered this when I was 17 (I am 21 now) when I was decided to quit nicotine and stop vaping. It occurred to me that if I would simply sit through the impulse of needing that hit, no matter how strong it came on, it would eventually pass. You’ve put what I organically figured out into words - the brain gets tired of itself. Side note: I’ve been free of nicotine since then. I vaped heavily every day for a year and a half straight, and it took me around 2 weeks to see a decrease in my urges. For my fellas and ladies struggling with addiction to whatever it may be, you’re going to be alright. Take that first step, try to put this into practice. Key word is *TRY*. If you don’t start, you will go nowhere.

[@Staskasas]

I used a similar method to quit smoking. But i used a cheat code too, completely by accident too lol. I think it was day 2 of not smoking, and i had this super strong urge to smoke. So in my mind i said fuck it, fine, I'll smoke one but later because i was busy doing something at that time. I said to myself when I'll finish this task in 15 mins I'll have a smoke. As soon as i allowed myself to smoke, the craving disappeared. Then i just didint smoke when i said that i would because i didint even want to. I would repeat this process (with diminishing effect mind you) and it worked

[@Nichaansama]

@@Staskasas This is the ultimate cheat/hack.....and seems to work a lot better for a lot of people...reverse procrastination jutsu type stuff

[@impishfou6953]

I literally stopped meditating, journaling and started smoking again like yesterday. Felt guilty i couldnt be consistent Thank you for this Dr.K.

[@Ran_Do]

I believe in u, u can do it. Just build consistency for journalism (it's the right word, shut up), while letting the consistency of smoking drop as if the habit of smoking was the habit of cleaning the fridge. Eventually you'll do it rarely or not at all, as it should be.

[@trulydumb506]

I read this as someone with a cigarette in hand, in a very similar predicament.

[@freshpressedify]

Did you start smoking again, or did you smoke?

[@Hemlocker]

@@freshpressedify Great comment

[@alfredhitchcock45]

Me too and my body strikes bacj

[@MythiKira]

Might just be doc's biggest banger of a video yet. I absolutely love the fact that you use the viewers attention and thought process to guide them into realizing that they're doing exactly what they set out to do in the first place. Ggwp

[@ryanfindley736]

I recently started realizing that my ADHD is a disorder that really permeates everything in my life. I have been missing almost every deadline I have made with myself and others and I feel like I can’t be trusted and I feel like an awful person for missing my deadlines (or getting extremely close to missing it) . I just started treating my adhd with medication, exercise and eating better and I definitely see a difference, but it isn’t a completed solution, and I definitely need to become more comfortable with being bored, the information in this video is super helpful. Thanks for this video Dr. K!

[@5uperM]

I feel you man.

[@yaoipurpleheart]

@@5uperM i love your pfp

[@5uperM]

@@yaoipurpleheart thank you

[@judsonhester1407]

Yeah I haven't been diagnosed but just talked with my parents about going to get diagnosed. At this point in my life focus is such a problem that I've been missing deadlines and i went from being a very responsible student to now missing every deadline, being unable to create new routines, and finding it extremely difficult to convince myself to live a healthier lifestyle in spite of the many times i have tried. I'm hopeful that i can get medication and learn ways to manage my focus. If it turns out I don't have ADHD I'm not sure what I'd do.

[@ryanfindley736]

@@judsonhester1407 I relate to that. I tried to deny that I had ADHD or that it wasn’t that bad. I definitely recommend getting diagnosed soon, the sooner you can get to know yourself the sooner you can begin the steps to learning how to help yourself

[@trashbag4796]

This is a very important topic, thank you Dr. K :) The therapist i saw for CBT (for OCD) referred to this as a bell curve as the anxiety rises, peaks, and lowers instead of rising forever. It has to end because you have limited energy & neurotransmitters, making it physiologically impossible for it to not end. So as long as you: 1) Start small (so you're not overwhelmed or retraumatized); 2) Keep reminding yourself it has an end point; and 3) let yourself ride the wave / bell curve, it shouldn't get worse. In fact the bell curve / wave peaks lower and becomes shorter as you continue doing this. You just Have to see it through.

[@randxalthor]

I love these explainers that come with both rationale and practical tips for implementation. It's not "just do it," it's "here's where to start with something management."

[@matthewgillespie2835]

2 days in and this realization has made all the difference! This along with understanding the cycle of productivity/complacency/laziness that has charictarized my life for 6 years, and proving myself wrong. Here's to more! I hope in 3 weeks to continue being successful with this and with it make a youtube video vouching for this technique and how it changed my life.

[@Socsob]

I swear Dr. K is watching my life and making videos specified to me, they are always so relevant

[@DaRocketGuy]

perhaps more people are just like you than just you

[@georgegray2712]

More likely you’ve just got every type of problem/issue/challenge he covers.

[@Socsob]

@@georgegray2712 more like I got every problem in the world lmao

[@JonDotExe]

@@georgegray2712 All of us appear to be an example of the youtube audience alignment algorithm in perfect harmony.

[@liltimVSnwo]

@@JonDotExe nahhhh lol

[@Krn7777w]

Never felt an urge to switch off this video while I was watching it. You are teaching a very essential skill. You taught it so well. You are brilliant! Thank you!

[@poelogan]

This video is the biggest help but also genius because the actual concept of talking about urge surfing breeds better watch time. Since anyone who wants to urge surf off the video then immediately discovers what it is, then goes back, like I did lol You’re a genius Dr. K

[@amanchauhan2357]

Exactly! 5D chess move by Dr. K!

[@sieg8036]

Im sure that wasn't Dr. K's intention but both viewers and Dr K. benefits. It's a win win

[@chobwazhere4315]

@@sieg8036 his videos have been a lot more clickbaity and the channel even does shorts now. Absolutely what he was trying to do. Not that there’s anything wrong with it, especially in this case

[@levylost8550]

so if im right urge surf means to be aware of your brain and body reactions and thats what meditation help us to do, im getting somewhere

[@sieg8036]

@@chobwazhere4315 pretty sure hes not the one managing the channel

[@AlixKRex]

1st off, gotta say a huge thank you to this channel. You’ve saved so many years of heartache and headaches. We aren’t broken we aren’t worthless we can do what we want. I believe in all of us fighting for that. 2nd - Ever since finding your channel shortly after learning about how bad social media has been shortening attention spans, I’ve been evaluating everything I put time and energy into. Sometimes I need to do some mindless media content surfing still I won’t lie but I tell ya, when you focus on unlearning this for a long time you’ll suddenly realize it’s way less and it keeps decreasing. You’ll even start hating the feeling and recognizing it for what it is. Wasting valuable time that you could just as easily be using for things that will enrich your life. Now, I work to hold myself accountable when I get distracted and check myself. Go have fun outside of the internet if you can or at least off social medias. Immerse yourself in learning something new, a dance routine/style, a workout style, music, maths, sciences, work on writing something, read something (even something small like fanfic or a comics!), learn some arts, go for a walk or run, go lay in the grass while doing one of these things. Dare I say, indulge in making it special. Make yourself some coffee or tea or fav drink of choice and start having positive associations with cultivating space of loving new things and things that bring something more to your life rather than suck it into the void. Light some incense or a candle, put some mellow music on in the background if it helps, and surf through yourself to find what you really want to devote yourself to! The internet and social medias aren’t going anywhere, they’ll still be there if you hate it but I really doubt you will! Plus, you can find communities for the interests on discord or KZbin to self teach! My channel, for starters, had a huge repository of free learning resources I’ve spent ages finding and will only keep adding to as I have time to make sure the others I’ve bookmarked are good resources. There’s so much of the world left to see, don’t let social media and what it’s done to our brains make you forget the beauty out here in even the most mundane of things. Simply going for a walk or just sitting there lookin at nature can do a mind some wonders! I wish you all the best of luck but I know you don’t need it. 🫶🏻🤓💕you got this

[@rafiknabil2144]

Thanks for all what you share

[@flynnoflenniken7402]

I've noticed meditation can help with building up this kind of skill. Like, when you meditate you're focusing on something (breathing, sounds, a point on the wall, etc.), and throughout the meditation you have "monkey mind" thoughts that creep into your head while you're trying to maintain focus. Stuff like what you're going to do later with your day or ruminating on something that happened. Random thoughts creep into your mind, and you have to practice acknowledging the thought and brushing it away so you can go back to what you were focusing on. Over time, the more you do this the better you get at recognizing when you've become distracted, and you can go back to what you were focusing on more quickly. For me this translates over to when I'm trying to work on something too. I constantly have random distracting thoughts creeping into my mind, and because of all the meditation I've done, I'm able to recognize what's going on, acknowledge the thought, then toss it aside so I can refocus on what I'm currently doing. Of course some days I completely fail and backtrack, but over the long term I've become a lot more able to focus on a task and power through it as I need to.

[@nehalilisays]

That's exactly my problem. My main "urge" is to think of something else, to think something through, to re-imagine a scenario until it's "perfect", etc. That negatively affects my ability to fall asleep, focus on studying and do something more productive in my free time. So, I think I'm gonna try meditating before sleep tonight and practice doing it.

[@jennw6809]

@@nehalilisays This was my reaction too - like, wait, is it possible for me to urge surf my tendency to ruminate???

[@aiiiia9971]

This is so true I've got that monkey mind

[@Nichaansama]

@@nehalilisays re-imagine a scenario until it's "perfect" - yup that's me lol

[@RurouniHiro]

I felt mine was a learned behavior as I would and did follow through, but then my mother and her alone would constantly interrupt and take me away from whatever I was into doing. As time went on and with the frequency of it, I would dread or hate trying to sit down and do something since I would only be yanked away not even a minute after... didn't help that "Coincidentally" the moment I stopped doing the hobby I picked up I was bothered waaay less by my mother. For a time I would hide my hobbies, but then on getting caught I would be yelled at... not for anything directly, but would be Gaslit about being called on when I was never called (which if as the rest of my family was home would corroborate this). and do this for 14 years, and isolated at home (no afternoon or afterschool activities and no going outside) I basically just read and read and read and felt like the only thing I could do without being yelled at for. Did try to do 3d animation, but my work was always getting deleted.... and I hated having to start over repeatedly... (50 times over 6 years kinda breaks you in that respect). Now I'm more free than I have been, but I still have no motivation to pick any of it back up or start anything new other than flounder about online. was always pushed to get the best grades, and did so thinking "HEY maybe if I keep my grades up long enough mom will relax a bit and let me do my hobbies!" only it never happened... Was always told I'm "...so smart" and etc etc as he way of motivating me for grades (to have bragging rights over the extended family...) but would turn around and call me stupid anytime I don't snap too like a soldier the moment i"m called on as well as to be treated like a stupid damn 5 year old no matter how old I got or how much more I ended up learning. Now I have nothing to show for it, burned out wonderfully in college.

[@milkbread5036]

I like to repeat mantras in my head that helps me stay focused. One of them is, "I have to do it anyways, so might as well get it over with" the second is, "not all pain is bad and not all pleasure is good"

[@Johe45]

This channel is gold.

[@anujchintamani]

True

[@CowJangles]

"Using willpower is hard. So instead of using willpower to follow through with activities your mind is fighting against, use willpower to resist urges by urge surfing."

[@rexaustin2885]

While already working on the task.

[@egg3909]

P

[@pedrocardoso9732]

That seems valid. A lot of Dr. K advice seem vague, contradicting, not realistic. I guess it's either the price for making too general of a content; or tackling too many topics, while having specified himself in none or a few.

[@MegaSandraKay]

There's a difference between forcing yourself to not do the thing you want, and allowing yourself to feel the craving, then letting it flow over and through. It's the same thing he talks about with feeling, allowing, acknowledging emotions, but not punching someone. It's a meditative practice.

[@pedrocardoso9732]

@@MegaSandraKay You're not really explaining the difference.

[@CHRISPARVISMAGNAGAMING]

This really couldn't have been uploaded with better timing. Last Monday I spent most of the day thinking about the fact that I genuinely feel like there have been several moments in my life where success has been at my fingertips; and maybe I come across a speedbump. A minor inconvenience, or self belittling thought. In those situations my immediate response was always to switch lanes. I gave up on soccer, theater, music, and content creation. I found success in dog training and I've been doing that for a few years now, but I just feel like I regret so much and I failed myself so much.

[@galaxylucia1898]

I totally understand this feeling of regret and shame even for feeling like you failed yourself. But here’s one very important thing to remember: *You’re still alive.* So you have time to literally achieve whatever you want. The time will continue to tick down anyway. So you might as well get back to your interests, create a schedule to develop and grow the necessary skills. 10 years is gonna go by whether you want to or not, so might as well spend some of these years being happy living a life that is fulfilling to YOU. No apologies. Good luck!💛

[@o0MRG0o]

The key take away here for me is the concept that boredom can be put to use. I'm trying to get back to working out and learned that some muscles like the middle deltoid or shoulder muscle is really hard to target because it's easy to cheat by using other muscles. One way around this is to intentionally work out the front and back delt so they're too tired to cheat as much by the time I get to the middle delt. Urge surfing feels similar to this, because you're basically tiring out the "urge muscle" so you can stay on target. My question is, does the urge ever respond negatively to this by getting stronger?

[@AryaFairywren]

> My question is, does the urge ever respond negatively to this by getting stronger? Don't you want to find out? ;-P

[@davidzy4924]

I think he said on some other video that the urge becomes stronger if you give in after resisting it for a while in the same instance. Your mind then learns that it has to hit you with that level 9 urge to get that dopamine that it wants.

[@erumaaro6060]

That's actually kind of genius.

[@monocyte2210]

@Sander this is actually correct

[@gabrielabhaktirasaveiskate4785]

​@Sander That actually explains how I was able to get out of my ED. I would deny myself to eat a certain amount of food and would always binge after 1-3 days, for 2.5 years. ...It was exam season and I had to make a choice between passing exams or trying to stick to the diet, and decided to eat whatever until exams are over so I have enough mental energy for studying. When exams ended, my mind had stopped the obsessiveness over food and I decided to stop extreme dieting and wow, even my portion sizes went down and after a year I found that I lost the weight I had put on by the ED binging :DD

[@danielmenzies3255]

I used a similar technique to quit drinking. Whenever the urge arose I'd pull myself aside close my eyes and say "I know you want to drink, but if you do you'll regret it and hate yourself. Resist this urge and you will be stronger tomorrow than you are today." The more I did this the less powerful these urges became. Now I can walk into a bar without any cravings at all. Haven't drank in 15 years. Somehow I never thought to apply this to my other bad habits though. Thanks for the reminder Doctor K

[@classyjohn1923]

I understand that “urge surfing” is a phrase he labeled this process which he has already mentioned several times on stream before. But, to me, this is the first time he’s described the idea that our mind will have urges when we’re bored and that these urges are temporary. For me, the biggest contributor of my “laziness” is that my urges don’t feel temporary so i end up giving into the urge and hence, every “habit” I’ve developed tends to be bad

[@danethenice]

I think the urges don't feel temporary because they always come back if we keep giving in to them. Only if we observe and tolerate them they will dissipate over time

[@JamesonHuddle]

In the moment, urges are temporary, over hours and days and weeks urges don't feel temporary because we have built habits that reward them, it takes a while to break habits, the point of this technique is that by focusing on the urges and just sitting with them in the moment they can be temporarily overcome and new habits can form.

[@LA-cm9uo]

I get it. I replaced browsing my phone on the bed with reading on the bed. Reading a good, good book can be immersing and I forget the urge to scroll the phone.

[@cinemadonut7744]

UUu!!! OOOO!!!! I dont know if this relates to you, but I had the same problem, I only recently realized why. I didn't acknowledge how I felt, my impulse was to try to ignore it away and I always failed, maybe a would manage for a day or two , rarely a whole week. Felt terrible. I recently watched Dr. K's "You Can't LOGIC Your Way Out of Depression" video, and got reminded of a very fundamental technique which was basically stop, identify how you feel, acknowledge it, and sit with it a bit, try to figure out why you feel like it, and then try to be ok with feeling this way. This FINNALY ended the cycle, I mean I'm still not perfect but my success rate exploded. I think that , at least in my case, whenever I Ignore how I felt, urges included, the emotion/feeling would keep growing and growing until I caved and only then was there relief, but the cost was me not being able to follow thru with anything. Now the relief comes when I recognize what I'm feeling and give it space, which then lets my brain operate from a smother/ more in control space.

[@jeremywvarietyofviewpoints3104]

@@danethenice so true.

[@dianemoril7612]

Hi! thanks for sharing! I love learning new things, it's really what I love the most in life. but I also struggle with pushing through. it was difficult to listen to this video, from the get go, and even though I knew it was valuable infos. it happens to me a lot. all the time, even in the middle of a movie, and even though I find it good. being in a movie theater helps my focus, but at home, it's tricky. here is what I do: I read in a paper (I read a lot, all kind of things) that children learn better if they are doing something else while listening. the psy who did the research realized that it is natural and very usual to children to be drawing or playing with little things while listening. and he realized that when asked, the answers were still right. so I do the same. when I feel bored by a video on KZbin, I let it continue, open a new window, and play solitaire cards. that's all. I can listen to a LOT of videos like that. and I still understand and remember what that was about. I speak french, so English's videos are more difficult to focus on, and if the infos are tricky or complex, or too large in number, I put the sound on a portable speaker, and I listen to the video 2 or 3 times while doing my chores or cooking, or showering. it helps a lot. and at one point, I just understand everything and the "job" is done without me feeling bad. the problem is, I can't do it with video you need to watch because images are important, or things you need to actually do because I am already playing cards. that's why I am happy I came accros this video. thanks!

[@anewagora]

The fact he said people get bored of doing what they want to do stands out to me. It really is sad and shocking to consider how many people in the modern world have never experienced a state of total Being, where they get into the music and rhythm of the activity. Complete presence and satisfaction in the thing we're doing. Something is deeply broken in the modern world if it damages people so much they're demoralized from natural motivation. Thank God Dr. K is explaining this. Mind blowing.

[@s.c9544]

lol, I literally wanted to skip watching this video so, I looked for a summary of it in the comments but then there was none. I had to watch it instead, but I just realized that was my urge surf. Super insightful video.

[@kylespevak6781]

Willpower is a muscle. You have to train it to get better with it. That's why people who have never use any willpower in their lives tend to not follow through with big asks like dieting and hitting the gym

[@choong23]

Dr K is brilliant over brilliant! Can't say enough on how he conceptualizes stuff!

[@darchcruise]

This is the same treatment to cure panic disorder and OCD. Taught in ACT "Acceptance Commitment Therapy." Do nothing when you get the thoughts, feelings, and urge to escape, wait in discomfort until it passes. Easy to understand, very hard to do.

[@bigsmoke6414]

i am always suprise by these techics. As he said, we have already been applying the principles, what gets me, is how much you can improve, by just trying to understand your own behavior, and being concious about your own behavior already.

[@Madchris8828]

Let's all be realistic here, we may have willpower for certain activities in our life but procrastinate and ignore tons of other things. Very few people have willpower to do everything they want. Thanks Dr K for another insightful video

[@andrewwhite8638]

I like this phrase "urge surfing". It frames the effort as a rewarding challenge, and acknowledges the reality that while these cravings are in a sense bigger than us and beyond our control, we can nonetheless meaningfully change how we interact with them.

[@melissametzger2987]

I’m on my third listen of this message. Thank you Dr. K.

[@akioasakura3624]

this is the REAL video about procrastination. all other procrastination videos are made for normies who dont actually understand this feeling. sir ur a legend tysm

[@PhatesDemise]

The biggest thing that helps me is surrounding yourself with people that also want to do it. When I make commitments with other people I always find myself available. If o say imma study with someone I now have a plan to do it. If I’m meeting someone at the gym imma be there. Responsibility makes me significantly more likely to do anything.

[@ichbinschwul187]

I am an on commission video editor, on days where I take my medication (Vyvanse 50mg), I‘ve always done urge surfing subconsciously. I‘m also medicated with prescribed marijuana, so during the evening, to come down from the vyvanse, I smoke a joint. On days where the Vyvanse hits particularly hard, I subconsciously urge surf a lot not smoking until it‘s absolutely necessary to eat something or fall asleep. On days where I‘m off Vyvanse, I fall for the urge way easier. Now that I understand what my medication does for me, it‘s going to be way more worthwhile to use and also easier to urge surf without it. This video is great and I‘m motivated to use what I learned to self improve.

[@danicasts]

Dr. K is such a great teacher, I literally love this channel.

[@richardcsanaki5531]

I don't know how or why this channel got created but it's undeniable that it is really helpful and I'm thankful for the opportunity to get this kind of advice. Becoming more of aware of oneself and prioritizing meditation were key elements in the better parts of my life. Trying hard not to lose sight of these.

[@kurushimee]

Jokes on you, I didn't want to click off this video because I was listening to it in the background while doing something else

[@hikigayahaachiman]

out of context, i love your pfp :))

[@BartScantlin]

Since I see a lot of mentions of meditation. The meditation I learned (TM) uses a mantra to bring the mind back to a focal point of sorts. A meditation teacher could probably explain this better, but basically, when the mind wanders toward a random thought, we use the mantra (a Sanskrit word) to bring our mind back to our practice. After a while, we usually are able to stay deep within the meditation. So, in essence, we are urge surfing with our mantras during meditation. Likewise, it might be a good idea to use a prompt of sorts when we are trying to focus on something, but we are being distracted by various things. Heck, the prompt could be 'time to urge surf'.

[@crisrodriguez5693]

I've doing this for years, and while it has helped me in some ways, I think I ended up conditioning myself to not feel exited (or feel less exited) about anything. I tend to try and procrastinate on all the options available and sometimes end up doing nothing (staring at the wall, even) or having to use willpower for things that should not need it, like gaming. I'm struggling to differentiate cravings from genuine wishes too.

[@LiliaGrundt]

I kind of emphasise with that. I have an issue that might be similar and yeah, it's not nice.

[@alphatucanaletsplay]

Could it be some kind of burnout or reaction to negative experience and you need to rest on some level, perhaps for a long time?

[@crisrodriguez5693]

@@alphatucanaletsplay huh, my therapist said the same thing recently. It might be that. I need to figure out how to actually rest though, since even doing nothing seems to drain my energy. Not sure how people do it.

[@alphatucanaletsplay]

@@crisrodriguez5693 I do it by not caring (in a way). If there's some thought or belief in the back of your mind that is bugging you, you will need to become more aware of it so you can actually ignore it rather than have it stress you out without you being aware of where it's coming from. So, you're not good enough, not successful enough, too lazy, ugly, awkward, whatever : so what? Find it, observe it, so what it, and just live your life. Humans seem to be the only animals that confuse themselves about just being who & what they are.

[@sig8447]

Honestly in my opponion and limited life experience (I am still very young) you just have to actually want something. Whether that be going through with going pro, getting a certain Job. And I mean actually want it. Often you think you want something but you just think you do and dont actually. Try to actually go into yourself for a bit and ask yourself: "Do I really want this? And why?" You only live once and you are probably still fairly young. You dont get a second life. Live this one the way YOU want not the way your parents or society or a KZbinr or fuck knows who wants you to live it. Theres still time to change course and pick up on something you actually want. Thanks for your time.

[@nicehorn5250]

Wow, it was really helpful for me to see my own micro example of urge surfing in real time. And to know I overcame it by the end of the vid. Thx Dr K 👍

[@rasenchidori122]

Genuinely, thank you. You had it down to a tee when you spoke about almost switching off the video and this can be applied to so many things I've been struggling with in my life. I'm sure you get this a lot, but a lot of us late 90s kids and onward really need voices like you and the positive impact you have made is absolutely incredible. GGWP.

[@msihcs8171]

Dude, focusing on nothing is something I can do. I'm a VERY goal oriented person with a problem following through though I was really good at it when I was younger, but as I get older it's hard mainly, a hormonal imbalance that I'm working to address (TBI screwed up everything.) I actually had to rewind the video a couple of times because of getting distracted so I think you're right about my brain naturally wanting to fight it, gonna give this a try and see if I can make it work.

[@BeStillandKnow0000]

I'm just grateful for being ready to receive this kind of knowledge. SO HELPFUL! I'm applying it while i'm watching it

[@steves1015]

Your advice resonates but i know some of my problem is self confidence. It would be nice to have people to bounce ideas off of and have someone truly supportive whom I can talk to. I've not always had that and instead I've had partners in the past who question what I want to do (not in a constructive way) and make me feel like I am either silly for wanting to do it, or that I can't achieve it. Ironically, through counseling/life coaching I managed to get to a good place with this, and was making achievements, then a few years ago a chronic illness hit, and now I feel like I am back before where I started.

[@ChrisDidGood]

This is interesting, because I've been using time restricted eating on and off for a few years, and what you notice is that hunger comes and goes. Sometimes you get hunger pangs but if you don't give in, it goes away and you can continue for your set amount of time, and it is a skill that you gradually build up. You don't start off your first fast with going 5 days. You start with something smaller, like 10-12 hours, and you gradually increase from there. I'll try the same for the other skills I want to learn. Excellent video!

[@jansanchez947]

Nobody ever blowed my mind so many times like this guy ... absolutely love him :)

[@chrispysaid]

I didn't have a craving to switch off this video because I was listening to it while I was setting up for an event at my job. You said at the beginning that I should pay attention to my tendency or my craving of how to interact with this video and what would make me want to stay. Maybe, then, the secret for me is to do the things I need to be more consistent in _while I'm setting up for an event at my job._ Work out, eat healthier, stay in contact with my parents, _while I'm setting up for an event at my job._ It's brilliant! Thanks, Doctor Mike.

[@JOUST-2]

Oh geez the callout is real on this one. It feels like your cornered my mind and it felt threatened hahaha This video is particularly great for me, as my whole life I've been following what my mind wanted to do, making me feel like a slave to it. The way you made me realize how to do and how I've "Urge surfed", as you said, is so beneficial.. It makes me see that it is totally possible and I actually did do it. Thanks again Dr.K !

[@Rosemary33399]

I don’t even lose excitement or get bored, I just gain excitement about a million other things like he said & get overwhelmed & then I go into avoidance/procrastination while the inner conflict of wanting to do something rlly bad but preventing yourself from doing it & perfectionism & convincing yourself why i can’t start yet continues internally, rip squidward’s hopes & dreams lol

[@7seventhsoul7]

My mind wants to do nothing though... I don't tend to switch to something dopaminergic if I'm doing something hard, I just want to lie down and sleep.

[@raphaelguedes5017]

The simplicity of it really blow my mind. I knew for a long time that our brain can get used to bad scenarios, but never had the insight that when I'm bored with something I have to do and crave to do another thing, this feeling would go away eventually because the brain would get used to it... Thanks!

[@lowfidelity5917]

I feel like I always find another thing wrong with me after Dr. K uploads another video.

[@willie629]

I'm not gonna say there're anything wrong with you because obviously we're stranger. But if I were you I wouldn't say there's something wrong with me, I would say there's something I need to improve. But, do what you do, who cares

[@lowfidelity5917]

@@willie629 Damn thanks, small steps i guess there is a lot to improve

[@willie629]

@@lowfidelity5917 I'm glad you find my muse helpful 😁

[@thamphan5884]

Có 2 điều cần nhớ: - Não sẽ luôn thèm thuồng 1 cái j đó MỚI. - Ko có sự thèm thuồng nào, hay cảm xúc nào, là mãi mãi. Vì não cũng nhanh chán. 🎉 Giải pháp URGE SULFING: KO LÀM GÌ HẾT khi não bắt đầu ko muốn làm hành động mình cần làm, mà bắt đầu làm mình phân tâm để làm cái khác. Vì não nó cũng sẽ bắt đầu chán cái việc thèm thuồng làm chuyện gì đó khác, và bắt đầu làm việc mình cần làm 😂 ❤ URGE SULFING là kỹ năng cần xây dựng theo thời gian, vì vậy chỉ cần làm tốt từ từ, 25% trở lên là được.

[@thesidebrain]

I don't say this lightly. This is an incredibly brilliant video.

[@thesidebrain]

Also, definitely earned my sub.

[@left4deadlover123]

Amazing absolutely enlightening. Thank you

[@jaredcrue7099]

One of my problems, possibly ADHD related... There are many things I could do, including hundreds of games at my disposal. Too many things go unfinished. I miss the follow through. (Knowing deeper game mechanics, quirks, and in game builds that actually get completed). A few days ago I started a loose schedule which includes IRL and game things. The schedule has a accompanying rule set, so I don't randomly play a game I've played many times. Basically limiting myself to a few games I enjoy. It's very much a work in progress rn.

[@anonymous___4999]

great knowledge !!! I wish I could have learned this earlier ... thanks a lot G!

[@DiamondEyez456]

Yes, notice it, the 20-minute rule helps so much! Sometimes it's taking it minute by minute breathing through gets you through to the 20-minute and it can come around and it's gone. Sometimes it's not..yet you keep trying and if not a life determinantal craving, go for a small bit, be mindful while engaging in it so you are fully immersed, enjoy and then carry on.

[@srta.carlota696]

wait i don't understand the 20minutr rule you mean surf the urge for 20minutes?

[@DiamondEyez456]

@@srta.carlota696 yes. ‘Surf the urge’

[@catherinealvarado7237]

Tracking my progress helps me stay consistent. I put a sticker on the my calendar on the days I exercise. It’s harder to give up on all the progress that way.

[@maxmustermann194]

Adding this to watch later.

[@trulydumb506]

The irony

[@ironmanrox3145]

It's later, have you watched it yet?

[@Nigel514]

It's a bad habit that i struggle with😂 but I've watched it

[@Belomoh6]

Delete your watch later playlist

[@manupatisanthosh7046]

😂😂😂😂

[@Jaycarld]

This was an amazing video. I love the phrase “urge surfing.” It actually worked for this video and I’m so excited to keep practicing it

[@mdabusaqibalamansari9979]

May Allah bless you brother ❤ Very beneficial video very well explained. I didn't skipped a single second of the video and at the end it felt soo satisfying ❤️

[@bubbaguu5921]

I need to start studying for my asvab as I’ve literally procrastinated for months. I also want to get into drawing and world building because I want to write a fantasy book. I will definitely try this method, it actually seems like a method that I actually have noticed I do sometimes on the daily. I’ll be more conscientious. Thank you for the advice!!

[@bencash4967]

"But you spend the 6 hours of the flight wanting pizza?" - Yes! "Of course not" - Oh

[@anujchintamani]

🤣🤣🤣

[@valdasdr8432]

This is golden. Definitely a share with best friends.

[@fredosama3466]

Thanks for your content Dr K. A video about limerance would be fantastic.

[@burrito156]

yes !!

[@DiscountedChemist]

my technique I use is to get whatever it is that I have committed to do very easy to access (I almost always leave whatever book I am currently reading open at all time on my desk), and whatever distraction harder to access. Since I am an inherently lazy person, when the urge to do something else other than studying (say, playing a game), I would imagine all the stuffs that I have to do to play (like getting up from my chair, plug in the console's cable, setting up the console, turn on the TV). Since I am extremely lazy, I would end up sticking to studying. It works for me.

[@SkullsForSale]

11:00 Actually, the sad reason I stayed on the video, is because I'm resisting doing the more important thing, the video itself is the urge I'm giving into.

[@TheWhoremonger69]

Not going to lie, I felt called out during the part of your video where you were speaking about people wanting to click off during the video. That was a brilliant way to prove a point and tie in the lesson that you were teaching in this video. I applaud you sir, you have earned a subscriber.

[@eddiebreeg3885]

Am I the only one here who doesn't understand what "just surf on top of the urge" means? Am I supposed to just say "shut up, brain, I'm gonna stick to what I'm doing?" (in which case, how is this not just fighting your brain as described at the start of the video?). Or should I take a break and do nothing to let the urge go away? Or should I do something else entirely?

[@rafavc5967]

You're not supposed to do anything. Notice it, continue doing what you're doing, for one second tell to yourself "this craving will go away in less than 20 minutes I'll focus on Task now WHILE having they craving but not paying much attention to it, If any

[@eddiebreeg3885]

@@rafavc5967 I see, thanks :)

[@максимнеголюк]

@@rafavc5967 Did I understand right, that the difference between urge surfing and fighting your brain is that while urge surfing you are not rejecting your craving but acknowledging and being mindful of it?

[@rafavc5967]

@@максимнеголюк exactly like that

[@sKIsKOOLER]

I quitted smoking 2 months ago and I have noticed an improvement in this skill the months leading up to it, now I'm training it more to do the things that I self sabotaged myself through giving in to cravings. The difference this makes really is night and day, I feel like I am in control of my life now after 25 years of outsorcing that skill. Plus I think that has affected the relationships I have and how I like people to treat me and how I have behaved. I'm grateful I can really see the full picture now and decide for myself what I want to be.

[@Hemlocker]

Urge-surfing requires willpower, right? When you have an urge to do something in the moment, resisting that requires willpower.

[@diogoantunes5473]

Yes, but it might requite less will poeer to NOT give in to the urge but also not do the task, than to keep doing the task. I am skeptical that this works because I think I would be perfectly happy just resting and not doing anything 😄 It makes sense that it is used with heroin and such, when giving in to the urge is worse than doing nothing.

[@QuiaEnovi]

2:50 I actually switched onto this video from another because I saw it as a more valuable use of my time and tend to watch your types of videos and others like it all the way through. So I think these have helped and I'm improving better than I thought since I have that mindset, so thanks :D

[@chucklingfish1920]

The mind sounds like a bad friend.

[@Belomoh6]

More like a kid who needs to be manipulated

[@Rin-qj7zt]

Wow this is something that I've actually done. I didn't focus on it because it didn't seem too important. I want to try focusing on it and see if I get more results.

[@yashkhambhatta9536]

* insert a funny and witty comment about Dr K putting out a video just as i need it , since i am too lazy to come up with one *

[@willtaylor808]

Bro! I just came back from my bitchin' dawn patrol and saw this uploaded 5 minutes ago! This guy is like, totally watchin' me!

[@JLchevz]

I sometimes struggle to get everything done. I want to do so many things (I understand I can't do everything) but there are a couple things that are important to me and sometimes I don't find the time to do them all consistently. I don't have time to workout daily and practice an instrument and read everything I want to read, so I just prioritize and hope for the best XD

[@Jeridiculous]

This strategy as described unfortunately is only for certain situations, like continuing with a task or activity that has already been started. I'd like to hear about some strategies for maintaining consistency for things that need to be done daily, or on a set schedule

[@ichirosuzuki2252]

Pomodoro technique. Set a 25 minute timer when you start a task and commit to doing that task with your complete focus over that period. Once that is over, take a 10 minute break, then initiate another 25 minute set. It also helps to not focus on the "end goal" or result from you doing a consistent task, but rather focus on just doing the actual task itself. This way you don't get too overwhelmed about your progress and you can treat each day or session as its own little victory rather than becoming intimidated by the journey ahead. Trust the process and that you will make progress.

[@DarkMarkison]

I have found that starting on something smaller and then working my way up to the goal works way better. It is okay not to complete some tasks as long as you are performing it the best way you know how.

[@srta.carlota696]

but i think what makes you "not start" something is the same, it's the urges, you're procrastinating either way

[@JohnnyB.Good10]

​ @Ichiro Suzuki tell yourself that you start just for 5 minutes with small thing

[@itscooldawgdonteventrip]

it's basically like meditation, you are still you see a thought instead of entertaining it you let it sleep. As if you were a water ball of snow and you just wait until the snow settles at the bottom then you continue your action

[@micryt.]

So I urge surfed through this video but unlike you said, the urge didn't melt away at any point. It's still here as I'm writing this comment. I am able to ignore the urge because it's only 12 minute video and watching it is a passive activity. Writing a short comment isn't that hard as well. The problem arises when doing something more complicated. Ignoring an urge then requires a lot of effort which stops me from doing whatever I need to do. It sometimes takes hours of doing nothing until I give up because it's better to do something fun than nothing. So I think this topic needs elaboration because as presented it's not that useful to me.

[@kateginger]

What he describes is a skill, so the longer you do it, the weaker the urges will become over time. It might take weeks or months to notice, but right now you are training your brain to not crave things as strongly and as long in the future. That's why it's better to start with easier things and get to the harder things as you get better. I also think dopamine detox (he has a video about it) is also very useful, because our brains are so used to constant stimuli and being bored is just too hard nowadays. I used to be able to read books at 10 years ols and study for hours and now at 25 I'm struggling to do anything and I think it's because I'm addicted to distractions at this point. 😅

[@SebiStr99]

I have a similar, yet opposite approach to achieve things that don't have a deadline (doesn't work if time constrained). If I get excited for something new, I try to maintain that excitement for as long as possible, without giving in. When I finally do give in, I stop before I actually want to and take long enough brakes to build up my desire again. I stop at 90% of what I feel like doing, so that I'm excited for the next time I get to do it. I don't know if that makes sense, but it works for me (at least for learning new things that aren't strictly necessary, but would be good for me) That's how I got into mountain biking. That's how I learned to play piano (at least a little). Whenever I get the urge, I try to build it up, get more excited, I watch KZbin Videos of other people mountain biking, I watch bike reviews, I watch tips and tricks until either the craving goes away or I can give in and go. And when I go I try and not overdo it. I stop when I had 80-90% of the fun. (that's the hardest part for me) I can confirm that while at work, urge surfing, or working out of boredom really works wonders for me. If I want to do anything other than work I just stop until it goes away (disappears faster for me, if I remove any and all stimuli, since I get bored more quickly then)

[@SakuraEvangeline]

I would really love to hear a different perspective on this, specifically talking about being too excessive with following through with things to the point where you are constantly overworking yourself. I (currently) think of myself as someone who doesn't follow through with things but that is usually because I have phases where I overwork myself and don't know how to stop doing the thing, even though I can feel myself being on the verge of burnout. Another thing that I immediately thought of was food restricting eating disorders, because I feel like I personally wouldn't want to be able to follow through with everything because I would end up using it to self sabotage in a way. Does anyone know how those thoughts can fit into this concept?

[@alphatucanaletsplay]

Well, if you know you have this issue, you could set a time limit or other target at the start of the activity or work, then regard the urge to continue as the distraction to be ignored.

[@crispaynoodIes]

Kinda to follow up on alpha's comment, you could treat both the urge to overwork and the urge to restrict eating (for the sake of control, not for health reasons), as urges. I struggled with understanding this video a bit, because I'm teaching myself how to be more mindful over all. I think maybe a more helpful way for me to view it is, we have "urges" all the time. Some are more helpful, some are less helpful. The point is to be aware, and encourage the helpful urges, and "surf" the less helpful ones. Only you know which urges are more helpful, and which ones are causing you problems.

[@cookechris28]

This is, pound-for-pound, the most practical and useful advice you've given on this platform thus far. It's not the most IMPORTANT, topics like shame and dealing with powerful negative emotion, or self-destructive mental/emotional hygiene are likely the most important. But as a long-time viewer and someone who has already improved his life with HealthyGamer, this is TOP 5, easy.

[@NotMe-et9bx]

Catholic theologians have referred to this in writing about ascetic/monastic practice. They say there is the Appetites (urges which serve some good purpose but can become disordered ie sin), the Will (that voice in your head that is "you" which says what you are going to do or justifies not doing it), and the Intellect (your beliefs/what you want to do/what you know is right). They say just as the brain is above the body you must place the Intellect above the Will, and the Will above the Appetites. It's basically saying what this guy said, recognize your urges, and that they can serve some good purpose, but they shouldn't be in control. Recognize that internal voice that is "you" and don't let it talk in a way that will give you a way out of doing hard but worthwhile things.

[@skitteryoh9949]

I have been using urge surfing for the past couple of weeks it's been life changing thank you I finally understand I've just been running away from internal discomfort that I am more than capable of facing. Thanks again.

[@Ghostly0451]

I've seen this video pop up in my feed and put it off, then I put it in my "Watch Later" playlist, then today I said I'm going to watch this and allow myself to absorb what was being said. When Dr. K said to follow through the video and watch it to the end I said to myself that I'll absolutely watch it til the end, full focus and I did! I urge surfed, I'll keep trying this technique with other things moving forward.

[@Oktokolo]

I really like your videos and some of them already helped me be happier. But this one is basically just "don't do the things that you desire but do the things you want to be able to do instead". Sure, it is one step more advanced than "just do it". But my problem is that no amount of not doing the thing i desire to do makes me desire the thing to actually do. I actually tested it intuitively before i watched this - and failed consistently over decades. I probably am not the only one.

[@RicardoRebelo99]

Well I did have the urge to pull out my phone mid video, but the video was on the phone, so I just watched till the end. Jokes aside, this is actually something I kind of tried in the past without knowing it, when trying to go over a breakup. At one point I just decided to embrace and feel the pain, and give attention to it, instead of avoiding it. And it just stopped hurting so much, because like you said, it can't last forever. It's a bit different I know, but still feels related to me. Thank you for the video

[@ahrengroesch8774]

I've gotten good at this, but how do I do the opposite? How do I build cravings? I'm good at saying no and watching feelings. I want to build stronger feelings and desire to do things.

[@SpencerJhay]

I felt that urge to pull away from this video at least three different times throughout. Nothing at all that you or this video did to do that, it was more of recognizing that urge like you said here. Thanks so much for the video!

[@jtell723]

I switched off the video with a minute to go and than was cognitive that I did this and turned it back on. Than he went right into expecting most of us wanting to do this. Enjoyed the video.

[@chanj329]

out of all the self help videos and nutritional/scientific videos to improve my life, this is by the far the most digestible and easy/actionable methods to help me understand my mind and manipulate this fooker! thank you Doc

[@Joshccastillo7]

This guy is a Gold Mine. So many useful bits of information. Thank you🙏