The Real Reason You Stay Celibate After a Narcissist

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[@CharlotteOCph]

Don’t trust myself anymore to pick the right person.

[@ainahaga]

Just dont chase anyone! Then the right man will come for you😃❤️ believe! Never loose hope and faith! Not everyone is a narsisist!

[@Underachiever_Files]

​@@ainahaga i don't see that as a good strategie, people that "come to us" can be the worst to us. Being still and hoping life will throw us the right ball is being passive to live our lives the best way.

[@ainahaga]

@@Underachiever_Filesyeah but not everyone is a narsisist though. The next man I wann meet needs to be more spiritual than me cause then I know I will use my time on this next man Im dating. For sure not gonna jump all in at once. Focusing on me now. There is so much things I need to better in my own life. Celibate 9 months after narcy, keeping close to God and gonna stay celibate until I marry. Not even gonna have sex before I marry! For sure!

[@Underachiever_Files]

@@ainahaga 9 month, hahaha. That's very nice, but not a very long time. Listen, it doesn't need to be so strict, and spirituality has its own limitations as well. Telling you, that may end up warding a good one away from you. Seek the middle, the balance, like Buda said ;). And you're right, not everyone is, in fact 1 in 6 people is the estimate.

[@Seeingisntbelieving]

My narc came up to me and chased me😂😂😂🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️.

[@caracarley3840]

The thought of going through that again is terrifying. I got a puppy to love instead.

[@ScorpionMaiden75]

I don't blame you. I'm safer with a fur baby 🐈‍⬛ too. 💞🫂💞 💜💕🦋🔥👑🔥🦋💕💜

[@saluma1447]

I get u

[@melisentiapheiffer3034]

Yep!

[@anitaworthington2414]

Yes! I have a beautiful cat. She’s my best friend, and I’m happy with her as my primary relationship. We trust each other. ❤ Celibate for 4 years now.

[@lisadevillers47]

Dog or cat- any pet is better than going through THAT again

[@susangrisham9657]

And I had wondered if it was just me. I feel physically sick and nauseous when I think about going out with anyone and possibly developing another relationship...

[@Markr980]

Think of it like this. You are the soda can. Inside you is a wonderful packaged product. The narc tells you you're wonderful, so you open up. When the devaluation starts, they're shaking you. Over and over and over. Then they force you open and whammy...explosion. LOOK HOW BAD YOU ARE. YOU'VE EXPLODED. So another person comes along and picks you up...and you're afraid they're gonna repeat that process at the thought of their touch. What if they shake you...??? So we think, if I'm not picked up, I don't have to be at risk of being shaken again...

[@jjxd3n_]

I feel that exact way too, people around me will be talking about hookup culture or girls that they’re talking to. I feel like I can’t even look at another woman in that way, it makes me feel disgusted and uncomfortable. I really just wanna focus on me and stay away from any sexual relationships in the meantime. I don’t have the capacity to be sharing my soul with strangers. I already had enough stripped away from me.

[@susangrisham9657]

@@jjxd3n_ Yes

[@erismana2105]

Because you haven't healed that part of yourself yet .

[@jjxd3n_]

@@erismana2105 is time the only solution?

[@Zen-kr3te]

Narcisstic relationship from 18 to 52. I cannot even imagine being with another person. I have no idea what safe intimacy feels like

[@sinceresong9907]

Sad. ❤

[@stompthedragon4010]

I got that.

[@melanieshere]

Ditto same ages for me also😮

[@wendyshattuck9339]

Seven years. I can’t even entertain the idea. Every cell in my body shudders at the thought.

[@blissfulignorance6452]

Me too 😢

[@mavismounds]

Same..

[@anitaworthington2414]

Yes! Me too, the thought disgust’s me. Celibate 4 years now. 😊

[@FieryRed19]

I'm so sorry for you and all the others who have had to feel this way. It's been 4 years for myself at this point and although people seem to want to with me, I can't shake off the fear at the thought. No one should have to feel this way. 😔

[@lisaproustresearch]

Totally ! Over 6 years for me

[@lucykhan3837]

This is so true.I am scared of trusting anyone.

[@Zen-kr3te]

Im learning to trust the most important person....ME. Learning to connect with myself. Self love and compassion 😇

[@jai7184]

Im scared too.. after 7 years single and then to meet someone that I thought was my “person” and have it turn into a chaotic disaster I just can’t .. my desire is gone again and I’m getting old

[@marytaylor9504]

No One Understands What Monogamy is all about! A honest loyal commitment. No one can practice to do!

[@flowerpower4944]

Yea they violated us ❤️

[@fionataylor4269]

Hey flower power, fellow narc daily follower, hope you are well.

[@flowerpower4944]

​@@fionataylor4269Yea hi😊💖🌼💖💖

[@Potato-fv9ns]

In every way possible

[@utebretthauer4264]

I have no interest in sex anymore,because the lies were so perfect that I do not trust anymore.

[@oceanside13]

I'm speechless. You just described the psychopath ex, and the effect on me.

[@utebretthauer4264]

@@oceanside13 They should have become actors....

[@elizabethmarie171]

​@@utebretthauer4264mine literally said he wanted to be an actor when he was younger. He would be a good one, that's for sure.

[@irinaivanovic9792]

This is precisely what my ex of 10 years did to me also. I couldn't believe how good of a LIAR and CHEATER he was.

[@CynthiaGregory-dm4gh]

@@utebretthauer4264 same here and physical violence was the end for me but we still ruminate? I went through PTSD Trauma

[@lainabond352]

No ! Theres no suffering with only myself . Im good in all areas by myself . You don't need another person to be whole .

[@THEOZZYFUL]

Been celibate for 15 years now. I'm 60 now so I'm not even going to bother anymore.. I will never have that kind of trust again. I am happy being single, never had it better in my life. Celibacy is better than what I went through.

[@SchreckmolchInc]

❤

[@EyeWYT]

Absolutely. I agree with everything you said.

[@brigitteleafbarnes1441]

Yes. Me too. For me, it's been almost 11 years.

[@pennylacombe4763]

I’m 82 now and have been a celibate since September 1983……it’s been easier than the pain of humiliation and/or disgust. I ve wished I was gay, sadly I’m not, that might only result in hurting someone, which would be loathsome of me. Admiration, friendship and love is my offering for another, but it’s a good thing as it is.

[@fabolvaskarika7940]

@@pennylacombe4763 same sex relationships can be abusive as well. Feelings are feelings and what hurts doesn’t matter which gender you get from.

[@danaluha5019]

When a relationship with someone that willfully and maliciously violated your mind, emotions, and body for so long is finally over, your body is the only thing you believe you can physically and mentally guard and protect when it's over. Your body has gone through a f*cking trauma and needs time to heal.

[@alonzomosley7]

Completely sums me up. I am terrified of having another relationship.I am just not strong enough to cope with disappointment again

[@irinaivanovic9792]

Same here. I'm too tired from it all.

[@AnnaLee33]

Sex goes much deeper than the brief physical contact, it leads to an intertwining on higher, spiritual levels as well, and you don't want that with just anybody.

[@SchreckmolchInc]

❤

[@user-zz2dx3qf7u]

Quite

[@sisselhansen3915]

I've .😮 become like "allergic", I've lost all interest, after that.

[@stompthedragon4010]

Me too.

[@juliehealingleaf6211]

There's a such a grand spiritual deficit that is ruining and harming people instead of the opposite of what it was supposed to do is to love and build families.

[@Michelle721014]

Building family is a program, a construct, an illusion. You are your own family, as always is.

[@excelsiorcroissant]

@@Michelle721014 There is such a thing as narratives in society, yeah. But that those narratives revolve around aspects of life like family and building one, doesn't mean in any way that they are an illusion. So, your viewpoint is skewed. How do you even think we exist as a species? Before even we were evolved human being? Animals have families. How come they do, if what you were saying was the truth? Try to explain that to yourself. Maybe you should worry about the kind of social programming that makes you think 'family' is just a concept. Because you're feeling alone or are alone doesn't mean it's not there, down to be written in your DNA. Not because you have had the idea of it, but because mother Nature gave that to you... Smh.

[@weddingmom2000]

Maybe blend your thought with Julie's. Building family with myself is a valuable endeavor. Doesn't just exist by default. Even family within myself can be an effort. ​@Michelle721014

[@claudiasbarra1044]

Absolutely true Richard. After several narcisstic relationships I have been Ssingle and completly isolated since 9 years.I am still not healed enough to be vulnerable again with an intimate partner.

[@oceanside13]

Yep, I was celibate, afraid to even date for 12 years after the first narc husband. Second husband was a psychopath, and then I had a narc boyfriend for 2 years, who stalked me for 3 years until he died after dumping me. I'm done. I've sworn off dating for the rest of my life. And now the idea of having sex is repulsive to me.

[@talisman006]

​@@oceanside13wow :( so sorry you went through all this ❤

[@gigi83578]

….thank you for saying this. I don’t want to be alone…..I want a partner again…..but this is 100% truth. It is four years post breakup and I’ve learned how to be just me, which is great, but I’m not wired to be alone forever. I love having a partner and I know I’m a great partner…..but I realize I don’t trust my judgement after choosing people who were highly narcissistic in the last couple of long term relationships. At some point I will have to be brave and trust that I’ve learned enough to spot a great man 🥰

[@vhayashi7369]

Look up Manifest with Jasmine. She is amazing her meditations work. I have the dream relationship now, after being alone for 2 decades. Just watch her videos nothing to lose!

[@stompthedragon4010]

I decided years ago that I was a Looney magnet and that I needed to stay alone until I straightened myself out. I did stay alone for many years raising my kids. When they got older I thought I might like some companionship. I tried 2 casual relationships and felt so stifled that I didn't want to be bothered.

[@jessicarae1924]

I am going on 4 years of celebacy and not sure i will ever recover. I feel as though i lost all of my youth, tenderness, vulnerability and love.

[@thedavongurkenbeet]

🙋‍♀️

[@LadySmilesALot_WhyNot]

@Richard Grannon: 70% of the time I feel exactly that way... on the other hand, having the awareness of Everything you taught (us), "recuperating" my values, my strength and making my stoic path Known by How I present to/in the world, makes all the Difference... I will Never stray again from the Path with God that my late maternal Grandma "instilled " in me, and I feel I have a TON of Love to give (to myself, my children, my extended family)... Funny thing (although freakin' real) is I feel even animals I meet in the streets - mainly dogs, it's true, "respond" differently ( in a positive sense, I kid you not), to my Energy.... So, we're getting THERE, people... NEVER give up! Thank you, Richard, for ALL that you Are and Do....🎉❤🎉

[@ainahaga]

Take the right supplements! Focuse on service to the world (in any form!) im upping up my supplements now, more nmn, more omega3, i take alot of good quality supplements and they have made me look younger and I feel better. Working on exercising more + also fasting! 24 hours fast today:)

[@AnaM.F]

Oh yah…

[@mountain10]

Me too

[@CalMullen90]

The only thing you can do, you need the rest and recovery. Horrible process though never the same again

[@argo8141]

Never heard anyone say this before. It's been seven years and it's nice to hear someone explain it out loud.

[@gigichica]

Also because after you've healed and realized that you only attract narcs, you run from them. You are more aware of toxic men and you 🏃‍♂️

[@joeythebushkangaroo1]

I hate going to live music events. Creeps have asked me if I have a boyfriend,I say no,they offer,I say not interested,they say are you a lesbian? 😂 Their whole life is built around finding sex, true narcs. I refuse to accept drinks from men bc they then think they are then taking me home.😅 The offended looks if I refuse is just too scary...

[@SereneHorror]

I NEED AN ENTIRELY SEPARATE FULL VIDEO ON THIS SPECIFIC TOPIC PLEASE!!!!!

[@GordaGirl77]

Yes please

[@buelan.6525]

Intimacy = pain.

[@ValerieRoberts-uv7kf]

We stay celibate because of the horrible experience we had with the narcissist. My experience has me sworn off of intimacy and I don't mind.😊

[@user-mk1kd4rk6h]

Absolutely! Going on 2 years for me now.

[@stephaniecespedes5959]

Almost a year for me

[@carolsanborn5332]

Almost 10 for me. I just can't go through the brutal betrayal again. I married one person to avoid heartbreak + possible STDs. My husband can't imagine that someone who cheated with him could be permiscuous so I can't trust him to be safe. Why would I want to take a chance on anyone being faithful to me when the stakes of intimacy are so high? I just feel that staying celibate is the least bad of 2 evils... It is nonetheless very heart wrenching to have to deal with the bitter memories, even after 10 years.

[@irinaivanovic9792]

@@carolsanborn5332 Same here.. ;(

[@niccolea2086]

It’s been 20 years

[@user-zy9is2nw8f]

The fear of ending up with another 1 is so real. i cant trust anyone.

[@user-ys8wb9ts1l]

I am happy (finally) being widowed/ unchained. I don’t trust myself to allow a man to get a foot in the door. Maybe I just need a change of scenery; but honestly, my boundaries are probably going to stay strong.

[@brightstar4321]

Interoceptive awareness is muted after trauma to the point where one has to completely relearn how to interpret their own body’s needs and signals. It’s easier to not have to do this, so celibacy can become a more attractive alternative after narcissistic abuse, despite its drawbacks.

[@lesleyvivien2876]

What drawbacks?

[@brightstar4321]

@@lesleyvivien2876 - The drawbacks of celibacy can include missing sexual intimacy and companionship. There can also be health benefits to having a partner such as hormone regulation, improved cardiovascular fitness (through regular sex), metabolic regulation (lower cortisol), mental stimulation (which increases brain activity and function, dopamine and serotonin levels) as well as oxytocin.

[@lesleyvivien2876]

@@brightstar4321 Nice list! All good things, provided always that you're not paying too high a price for them. If you've generally consorted with narcissists, you probably are.

[@brightstar4321]

@@lesleyvivien2876 Exactly; yes the list of benefits applies to healthy relationships only. A relationship with a narcissist will shorten one’s lifespan considerably.

[@lesleyvivien2876]

@@brightstar4321 I made a hat trick - both parents and a husband! I have a list as long as my arm of medical things wrong with me, and my file at the local hospital is as thick as my thigh. But I'm being looked after well, thanks a lot to my son, who looks after me better than I've ever been looked after by myself or any of the three of them, and I've now lived longer than all three of them. There is hope.

[@pimzillo]

Five years now, and I'm still not sure if I want another intimate relationship yet.

[@lookagainknowonecares4124]

Thank you. I cut off all intimacy. For life!

[@juliehealingleaf6211]

We need to love and build families that's based on morals.

[@Octarin]

And even after the new relationships, there's no trust anymore.

[@amyleigh7624]

Why does this man know me personally?

[@ArchAngel435]

I was celibate for a decade before the marriage ended and have no desire for intimacy now. I know that I rushed into the relationship, and allowed myself to be sexually abused. I am so ashamed of what I've done, I won't talk to anyone about it. Everything that I did was contrary to my nature and personality

[@AlyssaIrvine]

I came to the realization the other day that I think most people (other than the dark triad types) carry shame and embarrassment within them. The levels are different but I think we all do. Growing is both beautiful and painful. Hope you feel strong again soon ❤

[@Sunnyfield323]

Forgive yourself

[@user-cx4uu5vv8h]

I tried a new relationship after eigth years but I realized Im just too tired for all the things it implies including physical intimacy. Or may be not ready yet.

[@RandomThot]

The ill treatment ensures all your desires are dead , unless of course you meet someone who can make you feel “alive”

[@thedavongurkenbeet]

Five years. And i myself will stay celibate for the rest of my life. The NarcMonsters besmeared everything surrounding the subject sexual intimacy. Just imagining me having sexual contact with a man ever again makes me want to puke. 🤷‍♀️

[@deejay9249]

Oh my .....that makes so much sense

[@sarahhale-pearson533]

Oh, wow. I thought it was a me thing. He just consistently manages to articulate the complex minutiae of this situation with surgical precision, it’s astounding. I actually can’t I’m ever being physically intimate with anyone again. The thought causes a visceral reaction of revulsion and fear. I was wondering what was going on, since I am still attracted to men, but just couldn’t imagine lowering those defences and being that vulnerable.

[@mistressofmisfits]

It's been years and years and years and I don't care 😢

[@MaureenBattista-ry6cb]

Been 16 years now.. I don’t miss it. Now I’m too old.

[@tammyhollis1519]

I'm married, but the "celibacy" started five years ago because my narc doesn't like physical intimacy, human touch, kissing, hugging, s*x, and etc. unless it's with himself while he's viewing porn OR when he commits adultery. He has dehumanized me.

[@Monroeo526]

His doing u a Favor some Men Just want Quick fix unfortunately watching porn Is Sin not Luv

[@SherryONeill]

me Too Tammy Married And Celibate And Loving It They AlSo Swing The Other Way And Once Thats Seared In them,... No Way I Can Go There AnyMore - And The Physical Risks Way Too High

[@vhayashi7369]

You deserve happiness! It takes a long time but you can get out, start planning your exit to leave, take steps towards it and don't tell him just get everything in order then vanish and go no contact except with a good lawyer ready of course to go through the legal battle. Get a support system place

[@tammyhollis1519]

@@vhayashi7369 Thank you for the support!

[@carolina-k9s]

hugs ...

[@susantumblety6003]

So so very true! Haven't really thought that's the reason but I subconsciously know to stay away from intimacy

[@sevenseconds8652]

The idea only makes me want to puke!

[@mayamartin7359]

Age 23-29 and counting. Before, I thought I wanted more children. Now, I can’t risk the wellbeing of the one I’m raising alone. Not with my track record.

[@lesleyvivien2876]

My son was ten when my husband died. I said I wouldn't bring a strange man into a home with a vulnerable child in it. There was another reason I wouldn't give a new man house room: I didn't want to. And I still haven't. Now I'm the calmest I've ever been.

[@evangelinerito8409]

NEVER MIND,

[@cleverclogs2244]

Hmm.... 25 years - I probably should've had some help, but I have definitely stayed safe!

[@MiraMira-ri8gz]

Isn't it equivalent to sexual assault if someone lies about all the important aspects of themselves, their current relationships, sex addiction, mental health, etc.? That's what it felt like. I still see all prospective lovers lying. This is very scary. What else are they hiding?

[@oceanside13]

Yes, I felt that my marriage to a psychopath narc was sexual assault because of all his lies, and I was nothing but a conquest at first, snd traah taken to the curb st the end. My therapist doesn't get it.

[@lesleyvivien2876]

@@oceanside13 Cue to get a new therapist?

[@kimpossibilities]

Just waiting for the RIGHT one this time. All things in LOVE

[@hettykoster9447]

Worth the wait ❤

[@irinaivanovic9792]

Don't hold your breath. Most males are narcissists, especially the older they become. It's much safer to just remain single and leave the fantasy behind you of ever finding a GOOD man. They don't exist after a certain age.

[@Drew.P.Todger]

I was avoidant before… she’s finished me off I think.

[@Underachiever_Files]

3 years avoiding it at all costs. Dodged a lot of bad people for sure, but the fomo the good ones also haunts.

[@Redpill1962]

Crikey , that was new truth bomb 😮😮😮😬

[@BlazeBaileyCoaching]

Intimacy can be dangerous with the wrong person, but is definitely not bad. I've always been demisexual anyway which means I need an emotional bond before I will be attracted enough to have a sexual relationship. But now it's a struggle allowing myself to establish an emotional bond. It's way harder when you're trying to figure out what's under the mask and is the guy a narcissist... if so, I'm ready to bolt at any time or show my fangs so they don't even think about stalking me lol. Why are most narcissists the stalking type though? That's what I find most scary.

[@nickieglazer33]

'Show my fangs' That was great! I can relate to that. Thanks for sharing.

[@melrobinson2111]

I have banned myself from men . I need to reprogram my brain.

[@lesleyvivien2876]

Do you need to change anything?

[@julianolan2860]

Ach, dear Richard, it is so very very nice to be in my own skin, making my way at ease and not suffering. I decided to be open to an offer of intimacy should it come along, but I enjoy the warmth of friendship and the joy of experiencing my own thoughts and sanity so much I prefer my celibacy. Each day has delights and I am now 68 years old and free free free. I am enjoying my life. 🎉

[@ktwhimsy6946]

My mind can logically follow this line of reasoning… my body still playing catch up

[@virginiapotter5383]

Dang it Richard--truth, truth, truth! 😂😢🎉 Thanks for explaining!

[@PassivUser]

Spread this message!

[@cristinalz9395]

Single and not dating since 2006

[@dianaunderwood9807]

Wow!

[@lesleyvivien2876]

Ditto since 1996. It's wonderful.

[@SladeL]

What you say Richard makes me aware the intense guilt and shame I feel is not necessary. My brain has been affected by the trauma and this is a normal response. I think it is very important to sort of embrace this knowledge instead of blaming myself I am so affected. It also doesn't mean I cannot change some things in my life. And when I can't that is ok too, if that make sense. Viewing myself this way, though it sounds contradictory, frees me.

[@victoryamartin9773]

Ive been divorced over 30 years while he remarried w/in 2 to live happily ever after, having divorced me for lack of sexual satisfaction. It was the only thing we had ever disagreed on. He wanted more, I, less. He had used the Bible to punish my distaste for being raped 3x a week. I would cry every night and repent every morning, but I really loathed how God required me to celebrate something so painful as a gift. I spent the following 30 years trying to get right with God and understand the traumatic cognitive dissonance over longing to be married, experiencing emotional intimacy with safety, yet terrified of the prospect of the sexual obligation once again. It wasn't until I began learning about sex in Narcissistic relationships that my confusion began to clear up, and I realized what I had been living with. Now I see why it always felt so void of intimacy even while he affectionately called it love-making. Now I understand why I could never feel like I knew my husband or understand anything he said. Now it makes sense how it always seemed that he was a shell of a person going through the motions. Now I see how he drove me away from God, because he was jealous of my faith. Now I see. And now I am old and doing marriage by proxy, having allowed a married couple to take up residence in my home. But lo and behold, it turns out that they are Narcissists too, and the daily terror and abuse, though different, is even worse than before, and I have no hope of their leaving for better supply.

[@tylersmith1220]

Makes sense for why my ex was able to immediately entertain other relationships (and cheat), all while crying victim of a lie, or series of them, that they'd fabricated. All part of devaluation, isolation and discard stages, and it now all makes perfect sense and I've recognised this for a couple of months now, so increasingly what I say here isn't with sadness, or even pain, but freedom through the recognition of what was, and a knowing that I won't find myself in such a position again. For me, it's been almost a year. I've been on a couple dates but it just doesn't sit right. Even when it's offered to me straight up, I just don't let anything happen. Girl on a bed with me in a hotel? It's a no. I am verrrry selective now, and it's interesting watching the ego fragmentations handle those scenarios. There is this masculine persona that is all for it, that wants to manifest that precise reality, and he could, but that inner child is quite clearly unhappy with this kind of leadership based on what happened when it lead before. It doesn't feel that security from the unnerved, stoic place, ironically. Like you say, central nervous system says no. Something else has been born as a result. Something that recognises the other pieces, that allows them platform for expression, and provides me such a depth of understanding of the pieces that move me, and others. There's utility for all of them, the sage, the warrior, that primal instinct, the child, the parent, the fool - and who else exists within us to be explored? So, I can be truly grateful in retrospect for the deep introduction to narcissism that she gave me, as I'd never be able to evolve to who I am, and what I'm becoming in terms of integration, without being broken down first. Kintsugi is beautiful. So, in earnest - Thank you, Lou. Evolution occurs within harsh environments, and it literally couldn't have been done without your help.

[@cindylynnnugent2096]

Once they enter you they are not worthy of your presence❤

[@hettykoster9447]

Brilliantly said ❤️

[@evangelinerito8409]

Never mind,sir ,don't bother, not needed, not intereted, it is ok.I am not into it.

[@ReneePaull-gw3hy]

This is me for sure

[@irenebrady8557]

I've celibate for 7yrs even before my husbad death.I don't think about it and too scary to date.I don't think about it and I'm too old.

[@guidinglightorphansinc.5255]

Its been 9 years now. Single and RECLAIMING my FREEDOM in 13 days🎉❤

[@SoulForce_]

Well after Parental alienation the shock is so big and severe deep inside that takes all the fire out of you. Many men are addicted to TV, porn and gaming and seem to become a kind of backwater and I quickly get rid of rude or jerky behavior. It is what it is. Still, I remain open to new contacts, but most of them have been vaccinated and they are also dropping out.

[@joeythebushkangaroo1]

Exactly, trying to locate an unvaxed man my age with faith in my area is like searching for a pearl in a garbage bin with a blindfold on😂 I'm not willing to get my hands dirty,lol.

[@eltigremadre]

It's definitely a hard situation.

[@octoberdawn1087]

It's hard to date. I've only been dating one guy. But it's difficult because now I am the one that shuts down then I have to reflect and figure out what the heck am I doing!? I have to tell him stuff but I get scared bc I couldnt talk to my ex about anything

[@umbertopapale428]

So true!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@bengaleFLokiNera]

7years abuse now 2 years alone. Fact

[@stephaniecespedes5959]

Broooo!!! Btrooooo!!! Hahahah this is on point !

[@KJDogluv]

Oh I’ll never let anyone touch me every again

[@alethiasingleton3109]

I cannot trust anyone yes spot on 💯 right! I would have to sign agreement before become intimate again CPTSD

[@berenicebautista4900]

Thank you for explaining this so well. It makes sense 😢

[@lissymoz959]

Amen ❤

[@MajidahMateen-xd9rx]

I am going on 3 years celibate and I don't want to even think of being intimate with anyone and I am so afraid of dealing with any man because some men are just out to just conquer you and I am afraid of meeting a narc and I don't have the energy to get into another relationship or have to deal with the mental mind damaging games to figure out if this man is true and authentic or if he is a narc and some men just love to toy with your feelings in a hurtful and abusive way and they don't care how badly they hurt you. I am on a healing journey from 12 years of narcissistic abuse and childhood abuse and ex friendship abuse and being bullied by peers at work and being verbslly abused by supervisors..And I wss married for 12 years to my narcissistic ex and it was horrible and horrific abuse and he also was a retired detective.😢💔

[@cherylkelly8009]

Because we are seriously seriously fucked up, Richard :)

[@sharonstrauss1146]

You that are speaking I am sorry if you had to go through such a relationship.Many of us are suffering and I realize now I have to get help to help myself get better because we are actually in a war a real battle so damaging 😢

[@user-cl5vk2ug4i]

All i see is red flags, but i do want to love someone with all their flaws, just not these type of flaws...

[@deborahfortin4032]

Thanks for this Richard. I actually thought it was just me. I had three dates after my marriage which showed me I had more work to do on myself and that it was too soon. I did try to have sex once since my marriage with one of these guys but it was a huge yuk! which I stopped. I’ve come a long way in my healing however, it’s been 12 years since sex with my ex. I’m very aware I prefer to stay safe but also the mental and emotional abuse relating to sex in my life not just with my narcissistic ex has left me not wanting to have sex until I meet and fall in love with the ‘soul mate’ I’m holding out for. I prefer being safe even though I’m aware there is alot of conditioning to recondition. I also simply haven’t met anyone that I trust with that act and have feelings for. I am 55 years young now. Sometimes I think maybe I’ll be celibate for the rest of my years but as sad that may be- I’m like ‘oh well’

[@conniewalker9368]

6 years celibate healing my heart & Soul. Not dated yet so thank you for Validating me. ♥️🦋🌹☀️

[@danamama6766]

Yes it is so hard. To us they were irreplaceable after all we went through together and it is very hard to understand how we were easily replaced. Especially after years of thinking they had the same feelings. Which they probably did until......they did not. Which is to hard to understand. But again it hurts to hard to trust again yes or want anyone else.

[@irinaivanovic9792]

You took the words right out of my mouth. :(

[@fenty4140]

This is such a great observation that none of them out there have made it.

[@alouise3557]

11 years for me. I finally allowed myself to love again and he was the love of my life. Little did I know, he was about to become the biggest Narcissist of all. I'm completely wrecked now. I finally got to trust and it was stripped away and I'll likely never know love like that again.

[@blissfulignorance6452]

So true, 💯% ❤ I think I will never fall in love again because now I think everyone is lying and has hidden motives. 😮😢

[@Kelli-ru7yy]

Everyone's experience is different. I spent years studying what was happening to me so I think that offset the damage somehow? And I knew that if I didn't practice being vulnerable I'd clam up. So how I was vulnerable was I was very honest. With myself and with my spouse. We worked through the triggers together. We still are. I try my best to notice triggers ahead of time and let him know I'm having a moment. Over time, I heal. Because the past is still there, but it doesn't bother me as much. It's kind of like exposure therapy. However, the extent to my abuse might not be the same as others and others might have went through worse. It's good to be realistic in your recovery process.

[@mah3223alia]

I'm 61 now. Not been in a relationship , or even dared to be in one, for over 20 years now after a narcissist. ....I have my children, grandchildren and my garden. I'd never risk that again.

[@brendaplunkett8659]

I Just got a huge box of narcissist bulbs from Amazon today that I didn't order. A huge box. The universe has a huge sense of humor. I am going to plant them in a huge pot and snicker. I am getting better. Thank you Richard.

[@danamama6766]

Love it. And how strange things can be haaa. Something letting you know you will be ok. 🤗

[@bornfreecat]

Narcissus bulbs

[@julieray376]

I had yet to figure out why! This makes so much sense.

[@user-sg8wf5qo9s]

Uncle Richard speaking the truth

[@hsk5828]

So true, I feel so stuck and shut down after divorce with a covert narc. Then I had a new partner for 3 yrs and he didn’t like my son gradually, so he left us after those 3 yrs living together. In Covid and in the biggest crises he told me to move out with my child. Since then, I cannot get myself to trust or even feel I can let anyone near me. It’s like a curse. 😢

[@unknownoblivion2417]

I had this happen but not for intimate relationships but friendships I got stabbed in the back big time from my bestie and experienced the shock of my life that day hearing her revelations about her deeds and true self

[@Karim2693]

Same! Trust no human! Only trust the divine! One of my best friends stabbed me so many times *severely* (called the cops on me and tried to convince the cops I was suicidal in order to put me in a mental asylum) in the back the last couple months... and I shrugged it off as if it was nothing. When he finally confessed to me that he planned from the get go to rob me out of my inheritance... that was too much. I ghosted him. And after that he somehow still tries his smear campagnes and sends text messages to depict me as the crazy one.

[@christinav3383]

I stayed celibate after a 20 year marriage to a narcissist. Now I nurture me and love me and love people that return my love. After being emotionally and spiritually attacked and trap set by these pack of satanic narcissists being the ex and the family members on both sides I’m finally free by NO CONTACT. I’m too wise for a relationship I don’t believe the word anymore it sickens me and I don’t believe the word marriage yuck! I’m too wise and fiercely independent I don’t want intimacy from a man they can have it! The Ancient Greeks had Amazon Women they were warriors and totally independent. They didn’t marry men. That’s who I am now my Greek heritage has surfaced and I live like an Amozon woman. Single and free to do as I please.

[@SchreckmolchInc]

❤

[@tracyrossi7407]

Why do you make so much sense all the time?! 😊

[@ojaswighate2588]

Wise.. patient.. full of concern.. matured.. practical yet sensitive learning experience. This made the person connect to roots.😊 I have been following celibacy 🙌 This is what I learnt in my culture.. hindu religion is very deeply rooted 🙌😇 If you understand n follow it, it ll take care of you😊 Thank you so much for sharing 🫶

[@beckymichel1845]

I don’t see a relationship happening for myself anymore & I’m ok with that.

[@junedempsey2185]

So logical. Truth!!