The Reality of BPD Remission - How Far Can Recovery Go?

*TW - (non-graphic or detailed) mention of personal experience with SH and SI
It’s the two-year anniversary of my BPD remission! Even though Borderline Personality Disorder is usually noted as a lifelong condition with no known cure, remission is very common especially as patients grow older. But how far can recovery go? Can BPD symptoms go away, or do we just learn how to cope with and manage them? Does life really get better?
There are a lot of misconceptions about BPD recovery, so in this video I combine my experience with learned knowledge from various sources to provide a better understanding of remission, relapse, and recovery. Spoiler alert - Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder CAN go much further than emotion and behavior control. People often reach remission by learning to manage those symptoms through Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), or simply with time and experience, but other symptoms of BPD - like chronic feelings of emptiness, unstable sense of self, and intense fear of abandonment - can also remit with further growth, healing, and self-discovery.
The BPD Subreddit r/BPDRemission has just been reclaimed (by me!) after a long period of inactivity. Posts were locked for mod approval, and the only moderator had their account suspended a while ago.
Please join the subreddit if you’re interested in Borderline remission and recovery. It is a safe space for people in recovery to connect and share experiences and knowledge to inform and inspire. Anyone with questions about BPD remission and recovery are welcome to post as well! I will likely keep posts locked for moderator approval to prevent unwanted negativity, stigma, and misinformation.
www.reddit.com/r/BPDRemission
This community is also modded by u/GloriouslyGlittery, who reached out asking if I would be interested in moderating the content as someone in remission. GloriouslyGlittery is a family member of a pwBPD and moderates r/BPDFamily, which I recommend for other families of pwBPD who are looking for connection and support.
www.reddit.com/r/BPDFamily
pwBPD are not allowed to post or comment on r/BPDFamily, and if you have BPD and are triggered by discussion of the reality of the effects our disorder can have on loved ones, please do not browse that sub. pwBPD are not all the same and can be very misunderstood, but u/GloriouslyGlittery does a great job moderating to prevent stigma and misinformation, and loved ones of pwBPD do need a safe space for support as well. We all know the reality of Borderline Personality Disorder is not always pretty. There is an open pinned post on for pwBPD to provide feedback if desired.
If anyone knows how I can get Cold Stone to sponsor me, please let me know.
Timestamps:
00:00 - Intro
01:34 - BPD Remission
03:04 - BPD Relapse
04:26 - BPD Recovery
05:57 - My Recovery
11:01 - r/BPDRemission (BPD subreddit)

[@SaRiLoKa]

Watching other KZbin videos on BPD I felt like there’s no hope for me. I feel like everyone hates us with BPD. Thank you for this video and sharing your story ✨

[@SarruhTonin]

Aw I’m so glad you find this helpful. I promise there’s hope for you. I hope you enjoy my other videos as well!

[@AdelePeters-nr6pb]

Absolutely 💯 💯 💯 💯 many, like DeMars utube videos are nasty, toxic, and hostile. You are right. Toxic videos are showing hatred for bpd sufferers, but they are mostly by so-called life coaches! These toxic people are not qualified. Dr Fox is one of the best, for there is truth, honesty, compassion, humility, and above all......UNDERSTANDING!

[@AdelePeters-nr6pb]

Your videos are so helpful. Thank you for your truth and grace 🙏

[@aidaiisaeva1955]

hi! i don’t write comments usually, but after i found ur channel i’m using google translate(sorry)to say this: ur channel and u gives me hope. i never saw someone in remission with my diagnosis. never saw someone who will present the information in such an accessible and understandable way and will talk about topics that have not yet been raised. thank u for ur advices, info, videos. thank u for e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g

[@SarruhTonin]

This makes me so happy to hear!! Thank you for commenting, that means a lot to me, and I’m really glad you found the channel. I hope you’ll subscribe if you haven’t yet since you found this video helpful - it takes some time for me to put out videos, but there are plenty more to come! Best of luck on your journey. I hope to hear from you again ❤️

[@olivercampbellsmith6430]

Thank you for sharing and good luck on your continued journey. You're doing important work for yourself and other. Thank you.

[@SarruhTonin]

Thank you so much. I hope you’ll subscribe if you like my content. I’ve been posting less frequently lately, but there’s plenty more to come!!

[@jacebryan7390]

Relieving to know there is someone who's gears turn the same way. I've always felt a bit alone until i found out about what BPD is

[@SarruhTonin]

I totally feel for you! BPD can be very isolating and alienating. It was a relief for me to find out my symptoms made sense outside of a depression/anxiety context with the diagnosis, and connecting with others who have similar experiences is even more validating. Peer support is everything ❤️ I’m glad you found the channel.

[@juliebutler1338]

Thank you for sharing your story. I can relate to so much of what you described. There is comfort in knowing that I’m not the only one who had, what seemed like, a full time job taking care of my personality. It was exhausting. I am so much better with therapy, prayer, researching DBT, and videos by Dr. Daniel Fox regarding core content and surface content. My last crash was April 2023 and I’m really thankful that I’m 7 months into recovery. I will always have to monitor my perceptions and emotions, but it is getting so much easier with knowledge like you and others are sharing. Many thanks!

[@SarruhTonin]

Thank you so much for this comment, and congratulations on your recovery as well! The experience of having BPD can be SO isolating and alienating, and that’s a big reason why I wanted to start this channel, so I’m really glad you find it helpful. Dr. Daniel Fox’s work has been very influential for me, seeing how many people he can help outside of his practice by having widely accessible and free resources through his KZbin videos is so inspiring. Congrats again, and best of luck on your continued journey! I hope you keep finding my videos helpful - this channel is about many aspects that have contributed to my overall recovery and continued growth. I appreciate your support and hope to hear from you again ☺️

[@ST-xx9rt]

Im the ex-husband of a lady with BPD. I survived and helped keep her alive for 13 years. We have 2 daughters and are still friends. So, the stories! Wow! 4 years after she left us she got help that stuck. Delt with alcohol gambling and other addictions. But the reason I said all that is we have made it out the other end. Shes remarried and he's mostly good for her. Shes a decent mom and grandma. Im proud of her. Im so happy for you getting to 2 years. The sky's the limit. Good luck you deserve peace going forward ❤

[@SarruhTonin]

I will admit I got nervous at that first sentence, since some people with bad experiences with pwBPD tend to overgeneralize and demonize us all. I'm glad that isn't the case here, and I'm glad things have worked out for you both even if your relationship didn't last. Thank you for the kind words, and I wish you the best as well.

[@chandamusgrave2792]

Subscribed. I cant even bring the words to how grateful I am youre here. Just love you, thank you for the hope. I really REALLY needed it right now.

[@SarruhTonin]

Aw, thank you so much for subscribing and commenting, Chandra. I believe in the content I’m making and the mission I’m on, but it is so incredibly meaningful and validating every time I hear direct positive feedback like this. You’re very welcome, and I hope you continue to enjoy my videos and find them helpful ❤️ Best of luck on your personal journey.

[@arnowillekes7979]

Kloing!! 😂 But on the sad side; i just found out i have quiet bpd along with anxiety and depression…at age 56 this is a bit of a shock and needs time for new selfcare routines…thanks for this info and good luck! ✊🏽🙏🏽👍🏽

[@jamiesexton2522]

This is so important, to show people there is hope. Thank you!

[@SarruhTonin]

Thank you! I completely agree

[@DrJessie210]

God Bless you for sharing your story, and giving hope to those who have BPD and feel hopeless. I am a clinical psychologist and I praise you for spreading the word that there IS remission. Peace and light to you ❤

[@SarruhTonin]

Thank you so much! It's so nice being validated by professionals, since I lack any official credentials, so I really appreciate that. I also love to hear from professionals that understand recovery is possible with BPD - it's very sad how many still believe and perpetuate the misconception that it's not. Thank you for watching and commenting, I greatly appreciate it.

[@nickysimmons4591]

Very inspiring . My partner has just been diagnosed with BPD at age 55 he has finished a 21 day programme

[@SarruhTonin]

I’m sorry to hear about your partner, but I’m glad he was finally diagnosed and can find a more effective treatment path. I hope you’ll subscribe and check out my other videos since you found this one inspiring - there’s plenty more content to come, and I hope you find it helpful as well!

[@Lyburtus]

Congratulations on 2yrs!! I'm working my way to remission & no longer meet the criteria, but can't really see myself that way, until I get my work attendance under control... For me, that would be huge.

[@SarruhTonin]

Thank you, and congrats to you as well! I hope you’re super proud of yourself even if you’re still having difficulties!! It took over a year for me to really consider this remission, I totally feel you. And work still proves difficult for me too, to be honest. It can be hard to manage it and keep my mental/physical health to the standards I need now, but it doesn’t trigger BPD relapse like my previous toxic job did. So it could just be something you need to work on, but I hope you’ll also consider if maybe that job truly isn’t a good fit for you

[@pranavupadhyaya9254]

Hello. I subscribed to your channel from reddit. Congratulations on your 2 year BPD remission. 🎉🎉 Wishing you the best on your recovery. 😊

[@SarruhTonin]

Thanks so much the kind words! I appreciate you subscribing and commenting - I hope you enjoy the channel ☺️

[@jamieeisabell9179]

i really relate to you w wanting to help other pol w the knowledge ive learnt. a part of what i go thru & what ive been thru & experience is a huge reason to why i love, but also really want to help others. im planning on going to uni next fall for psychology/sociology. itll help me understand myself a little more but also other ppl. our strong emotions & huge empathy really contribute to that feeling of wanting to help others as well. its rewarding in the sense that you know youve helped someone get a step closer to getting better. im unsure of what specifically, but for a career i want to do smtg that involves really helping others who struggle. being that change for someone would b so amazing. its important to know that youre not alone, & no matter what, things can & will b okay. ive said to you before but your story & the knowledge you share is truly inspiring & has helped me put my foot thru the door more than before. im so so so happy & so proud of where you are today. it makes me so happy & helps me know that i, & others, can get there sooner or later.

[@SarruhTonin]

I think it’s great that you want to help people with your experience! Peer support is so powerful. These journeys come with a lot of suffering, but if we can make it all worth something, especially beyond ourselves, then we give the suffering purpose. I’m so so glad you’ve found my content helpful. Thank you so much for expressing it and supporting me and my channel. I deeply appreciate it. Keep going, keep growing!

[@disdroid]

my wife actually developed her own school of osteopathy, thanks to her BPD! the intense scrutiny that she applied to all her partners enabled her to bypass the "rocking" phase in standard osteopathy, where the person is made to relax so that there is no resistance to the bone-wrenching part. because of her scrutiny, and by using what she knew about DBT, she was able to spot when the parts of her partners body were relaxed enough to apply osteopathic pressure. she just did this out of the blue - we would be sitting around chatting, and she would suddenly lunge on me, looking for all the world as though she had socked me one. but she would actually twist my body into a particular position, and then a few seconds later I would get a reflex "ping" which is what happens in cranial osteopathy, rather than with the standard kind. the effect was invigorating - but there was more to come. she realised that all she needed to do in my case was to adjust my posture and my muscle tremors would subside. so instead of waking up every day as the bruised and battered husband, I was waking up fresh and breezy ready for another round in the ring with my partner. all resentment towards her abusive behaviour vanished because I had extra hours in my day - whatever she did or said, couldnt affect my mood. I wanted her to join me. then I realised that the mental techniques that I used to avoid depression during my long periods of illness might also help her neurological condition. this was successful, and triggered a return to therapy and eventual recovery from all forms of mental illness - alleluia!

[@DavePottsAmI]

Ice cream so good! Thank you for producing this helpful content. I'm in my 6th month of dating someone with a BPD diagnosis. We were both attracted to each other because we both practice a lot of self care, yoga meditation, exercise, introspection, and journaling. Things were relatively smooth early on, but have become increasingly challenging over time. While my partner practices a lot of self care and introspection, there's some avoidance of doing so through the lens of her BPD diagnosis. She's afraid because she's been exposed to a lot of stigma and negativity surrounding it. I hope that material like what you're producing here can help reduce that stigma and give more people the resources and courage to accept and work with their diagnosis, rather than dismiss it and work against it. Thank you.

[@SarruhTonin]

I’m so glad you found my channel and think it will be helpful for you and your girlfriend. That’s great that she’s so self aware and dedicated to taking care of herself, but relationships can really trigger some BPD symptoms. The good news is, it sounds like she has an understanding, compassionate, and supportive partner! I was afraid to start my first relationship in remission since they have been so triggering for me, but I realized there was a lot that I HAD to work through within a relationship. Work I couldn’t do in isolation. Being able to do that work with an emotionally available partner that wants to work with you makes the process much easier. My “BPD advice part 1” video may be helpful for her in trying to accept and better understand things on the BPD side. I wish you both the best of luck, and thank you so much for commenting. I believe in my content and messages and know they can help people, but it’s incredible to get clear validation like this. Thank you thank you 🤗

[@disdroid]

my wife and lifelong companion made a full recovery from BPD using CBT/DBT - the fulfilment we experienced after that outshines any other experience of my life by far. although the suffering we went through was intense, the bond we shared for the last few months of her life was so much more than anything an ordinary person would experience that I'm grateful that it happened to us. I can't think of any other way a couple can reach that pinnacle of understanding and trust - it's like nothing else on earth.

[@AlexCio]

Congrats! 🎉 Thanks for all the insights 😊

[@SarruhTonin]

You’re welcome! Thank you for the support 🤗

[@AlexCio]

@@SarruhTonin It‘s so great you help others with all the facts you know. I discovered bpd just a week ago and am really greatfull for the people who share their knowledge. keep up the great work 🙂👌🏾

[@escalera601]

Thank you for sharing. It takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there. Excellent video.

[@SarruhTonin]

Thank you so much for saying that. It really does take courage - even besides specifically talking about my experience with BPD (which adds another major layer to it). As someone who used to live with a lot of shame and self loathing, wanting to put myself out there on a public platform like this is huge - I appreciate the reminder.

[@taylortheyummy]

Congratulations!!!! This is an amazing video and is so encouraging for my own recovery!!

[@SarruhTonin]

Thank you! I really love to hear that, that was my intention with the video. Thank you for the positive feedback, and best of luck on your journey!

[@sophiafiorenza3094]

Congratulations Sarah! So proud and happy for you! 🥰

[@SarruhTonin]

Thank you so much, Sophia!! I appreciate your support ❤️

[@herbertashby7009]

Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. You are an inspiration to all and to show us that it is possible .❤

[@SarruhTonin]

You’re welcome, and thank YOU so much for watching and commenting! I actually really needed a little encouragement today, so I deeply appreciate it.

[@glenntaylor5839]

Thanks so much. You are an inspiration.

[@SarruhTonin]

Thank you!

[@Tonyharrisonpeacemind]

You have given me so much hope x thank you ❤

[@SarruhTonin]

I’m so happy to hear that!! I’m so grateful that my journey can help others. If you’re working towards recovery, I hope you’ll subscribe if you haven’t yet. I think you’ll find my other content helpful as well. Best of luck on your own journey, and thank you so much for watching and commenting!

[@casblokhunt8874]

Doing great information is always top notch!

[@SarruhTonin]

Thank you so much 🥰 I really appreciate it

[@dmegahan]

Congrats on 2 years.

[@SarruhTonin]

Thank you!!

[@calamity190]

Loved hearing about your journey 🩷

[@SarruhTonin]

I'm so glad you enjoyed it! Thank you for watching and commenting, I really appreciate it

[@Viyoke]

This gives me so much hope! I've been on therapy for a bit more than two years. Bipolar 2 commorbidity certainly doesn't help. Working on myself every single day but somedays are so hard I just wanna disappear. Hopefully one day I'll get there. I'm so happy for you ❤🎉

[@SarruhTonin]

I’m so glad I could provide some hope! I totally feel for you… I wanted to disappear for a very long time. I’m still unsure if I have comorbid bipolar 2, but that’s something I’ll discuss in future videos. I absolutely believe you’ll get there, and believing it yourself will make it much easier to do so 😊 Hold onto that faith even when it seems like things aren’t changing - true change takes time, but your efforts are making a difference even when it doesn’t feel like it. They will add up and stick eventually. It’s a tough journey, but it’s beyond rewarding, and you deserve a happy and fulfilling life ❤️ Thanks so much for watching and commenting, I appreciate your support and hope you stick around for my other videos!

[@Viyoke]

@@SarruhTonin oww this message warms my heart 💜🥺 I'm screenshoting this and keeping it to read back on those hard days. Thank you! I'm definitely waiting for your new videos. I watched almost all of your videos. I love them. Great channel. Very helpful to me and it's good to have people online you can understand you and went through the same shit.

[@SarruhTonin]

Aw, it warms my heart right back to know I’ve helped you! Thank you so much for you kind words and positive feedback. I wish I had the capacity to put out videos far more frequently because I already have a long list of topics I want to cover, but all in due time!! The next one is on habits, followed by more BPD-specific videos. I hope you keep enjoying them 😊

[@sandrocosta479]

Thank you for your kind work

[@SarruhTonin]

Thank you for watching and appreciating it! ☺️

[@myth-termoth1621]

Thank you for this, it is most useful.

[@SarruhTonin]

You’re welcome! I hope you find my other videos helpful as well!

[@mstsumayaakter8962]

congratulation Sarruh , You discussed very important topic Thank you

[@SarruhTonin]

Thank you, and you’re welcome!

[@mstsumayaakter8962]

@@SarruhTonin ❤❤❤❤

[@bakedtoast5495]

You may recognize my comment by my terminology. My stability would at the moment have me no longer meeting the criteria for symptoms anymore. However, I have Quiet BPD, and even after a couple of SH related hospital visits, they still would not believe that I have BPD, let alone diagnose it. It kept me from pursuing help for a very long time because my problems were never taken seriously, and I was largely ignored. Where I live, you have to meet 5 of the 9 symptoms. But with Quiet Borderline, my mannerisms and attitude in public and therapy situations are not indicative of having any more than 3 at most to the most perceptive. I think you are doing the right thing by providing awareness and information about BPD for BPD folks, and hopefully, you can make an impact on the stigma and fear reactions people have to even hearing the term Borderline. Too much of the media would have us believe it's all rage, violence, and toxic episodes, when that's simply not true for quite a lot of us.

[@SarruhTonin]

Thank you so much for sharing. I’m primarily the quiet subtype as well and didn’t have an overtly traumatic childhood, which is why I was misdiagnosed for 12 years. I was obsessed with figuring out what was actually wrong with me because I knew it was more than my diagnoses, but doctors said it wasn’t BPD, and even though I could see how the symptoms fit me, stuff I read from available resources at the time convinced me it couldn’t be as well. Fortunately I think quiet BPD and nuances in BPD formation/expression are *starting* to be better understood, but you know how rampant misinformation and stigma still is even among professionals. I’m glad you see my purpose in making this channel and believe in it as well.

[@Katrinagreen5252]

Terrific content well done

[@SarruhTonin]

Thank you so much, Katrina!! That means a lot ❤️

[@TechieSewing]

Thank you for this video, it's very inspiring :)

[@SarruhTonin]

Im so glad you think so! Thank you for watching and commenting, I hope you enjoy my other videos as well 😊

[@loyallowrance5932]

Thank you so much.

[@SarruhTonin]

Thank YOU so much 😊

[@DrJessie210]

…oh and I knew it was Cold Stone as I’m obsessed with that ice cream and knew those colors of the cup! Lol!!! The Cake flavored one. I too am a LOVER of ice cream. It’s my kyptonite😂

[@SarruhTonin]

Haha it's so good 😭 Birthday cake remix was my go-to for years when I first started going there. Whenever I happen to be there and they have a limited edition "batter" flavor, I always try a sample - I haven't been disappointed yet!

[@jenniferwickert68]

Thank you so much for this. I realize i am in relapse and have been for several years with small moments of remission. My last session with my Cdn Mental Health worker was toxic. I have been in a really rough place with things i really can't control and its been one thing after another. I dont know how to respond to her threat to discharge me because im not working with DBT, only coming in and venting about problems. I see that as a threat as her manner was off.....like laughing laughing when she said there was no housing, even temporary. The 2nd last session i had with her i had done the assigned homework while she had forgotten about it. In the past, i told her about events involving my bpd, and she would respond with dbt approaches and help clear my black and white thinking. This time she was mean, truthful but mean. I dont want to see her again but i dont want to lose access to other services. On another note, i want to ask if you have ever been able to stop in the midst of a severe splitting episode? Without leaving the room?

[@SarruhTonin]

Im sorry you’re having such a hard time in general, and specifically with your mental health worker. I have no idea how that all works in Canada, it’s difficult to switch your doctor, correct? I do highly suggest working on DBT skills, they can be incredibly helpful and can help you get unstuck from this place - those skills can also help you deal with splitting like you asked about. Even if your doctor isn’t communicating with you in a way that works well and theyre actually triggering you instead, still try your best not to take it personally and to understand where they may be coming from. I’m sure they just want to see you improve, even if maybe they aren’t the best person to help you do so. pwBPD are also more likely to misinterpret other people’s neutral emotions/facial expressions/communication as negative or threatening, so try to keep that in mind. I’m not trying to invalidate you at all, and it’s very possible they just aren’t a good fit for you. I hope you can find a solution. I went through many therapists when I was younger, but I was able to “shop around” for one that worked for me since we have to pay for it ourselves here. I wish I could be of more help.

[@disdroid]

here's how I helped my wife stop splitting for a full day - after this, her attitude changed and she began to realise that recovery was a definite possibility. i used "entraining" which is constant repetition of a particular stimulus so that it overrides previous neural patterns. these have to be repeated hundreds or thousands of times - it can be done to yourself or to another person. with my wife I used several types of stimuli, mainly simple phrases, and also simple things that gave her small amounts of gentle pleasure but not enough to derail her mind. what I did was, for a few days preceding the session, whenever she seemed bright or in a good mood I would sing one of my little phrases, over and over again, but not in an annoying or intrusive way. when this had become subconscious, and she was expecting to hear my voice, instead I would simply tap out the rhythm, so that her mind would provide the lyrics. this stopped her from being bored. I just focused on taking her troubles away and providing a pleasant environment that she could enter and leave as she wished, because the door was always open for her. it was very hard to keep her attention for a full day, and prevent her from flying off to her other places, so I found ways to keep her hooked. I intrigued her with riddles and tales, little games, so that she needed me there to reveal what happened to the people in the story - but I had woven the tales into our daily routine, so that things needed doing first before we could find the next chapter. and every time she seemed about to split, I would then begin to repeat a magic phrase again, reminding her of the thread we were on and filling her mind with pleasant feelings without overwhelming her. this happened three or four times in the course of the day, and every time I brought her back to reality again. when evening came, she realised that a whole day had passed without upheaval - she was taken aback, and began to show signs of intimacy and affection towards me. in her case it was her neurology that had prevented DBT from working the first time around, so doing this simple practice removed that barrier - the repressed parts of her mind were able to grow normally. so she returned to therapy, and after about three weeks she had no signs of mental illness at all! it was phenomenal to say the least.

[@friarpesel5646]

Congratulations to you 😇

[@SarruhTonin]

Thank you so much! And thank you for watching

[@sumanvashisht4337]

Thankyou very much 🙏🙏

[@SarruhTonin]

Thank YOU! 😊

[@MySpaceDxC_Suffo_AtTheGates]

Thanks.

[@SarruhTonin]

You’re welcome 😊

[@RaysDad]

So nice Sarruh to hear you are going to moderate a bpd subreddit. Families need help too. My mother had quite a difficult time with bpd. She is deceased now, but my daughter was also diagnosed. I think my daughter's symptoms are not as severe, but she has been no-contact with me for several years now. Really I think reconnecting with her Dad would be therapeutic for my girl -- That's not going to happen any time soon. My grand-daughter is old enough now to look me up and call me, and she is worried about her mom's temper and how she bounces between romantic relationships. I feel so helpless.

[@SarruhTonin]

I’m very sorry for how BPD has affected your life - I have so much sympathy for any loved ones of people with BPD. I hope you and your daughter can reconnect one day if it’s in both of your best interests. And I hope maybe this channel can at least shed some light on her and your mother’s experiences. Thank you for watching and commenting.

[@tadams2tone]

Congratulations sis. In DBT and hoping for the same.

[@SarruhTonin]

Thank you! You got this. It’s not an easy journey, but there’s nothing more rewarding. I hope you’ll follow the channel and find my videos helpful along the way!

[@vivid.worker]

Happy to hear about your remission! What tools and therapies did you use to recover? DBT, talk therapy, EMDR? I've tried a lot of things and am willing to put the work in just wondering what worked for you

[@SarruhTonin]

That’s a difficult question to answer because I was misdiagnosed for 12 years and my BPD symptoms weren’t really being treated. I did plenty of talk therapy which was more CBT and not very helpful because doctors couldn’t understand my internal experience and just told me I was being hard on myself. They didn’t recognize trauma I had experienced (and was continuing to experience from the untreated BPD) or my genuine emotional sensitivity and didn’t think I had a “reason” to feel how I did outside of something genetic or hormonal, so they focused a lot on trying different medications. The therapist who was finally able to accurately confirm my diagnosis when I asked about it is much more familiar with BPD and DBT and does more “DBT-informed” therapy. SO most of my healing was done through work on my own. I constantly took stock of what problems I had and tried to work through to root causes and solutions. I learned a lot about various topics in psychology and worked hard on understanding and improving myself. A lot of reflection, a lot of trial and error. Finally having an accurate diagnosis was a huge puzzle piece to my recovery, but I had already put together a lot of pieces myself. That’s why this channel is about various topics including non BPD-specific ones, because most of my recovery hasn’t been approached through a BPD-treatment lens. I do think DBT and EMDR definitely could’ve been recovery shortcuts if I had known they would’ve been helpful and worth it (I got burnt out on trying different treatments/doctors and lost hope of anything being able to help me besides myself for a while), but I believe I would’ve had to do a lot of other work and self exploration to get to where I am anyway. So… sorry if that’s not helpful! But the fact that you’ve tried a lot and are still willing to continue working means that you’ll get there. Keep growing, keep growing. Patience and persistence. You’ll find your puzzle’s pieces!! I hope this channel helps you along the way.

[@cyniful]

Congrats Sarruh!!!! You always give hope. Thank you.

[@SarruhTonin]

Thank you so much, Cynful! Hold on to that hope 😊❤️

[@dalehamon4295]

Thank you. I just subscribed. I’m 70 years old now. 24 years old in my avatar

[@SarruhTonin]

Thank you for subscribing, Dale!

[@leedarkfeathers]

Found you! Heck yeah r/remission can live again

[@SarruhTonin]

Yes! Tell your [emotionally unstable] friends! Haha, I appreciate your support and hope you enjoy the channel and sub. I'm grateful to connect.

[@JEPBOSTONGUY]

Congrations ❤️

[@SarruhTonin]

Thank you!

[@kevamor435]

Good job!! Sounds like much overlap with substance recovery.

[@SarruhTonin]

Thank you! Yes, I want to learn more about substance recovery because it definitely seems that way. I didn't know there was a distinction between sobriety and recovery until I was researching for this video, and it really got me thinking.

[@kevamor435]

@@SarruhTonin well sure, both are about maladaptive behavior and brain changes. Many many people in substance recovery have co-occurring disorders like depression, anxiety, underlying "personality stuff" that they are unaware of. I personally am coming up on 1.5 yr clean and starting to look at some of this other stuff. "Peeling the onion," thus came across this video!!

[@SarruhTonin]

​@@kevamor435 Absolutely! There's a lot of overlap (there's a high rate of pwBPD with substance abuse issues) and a lot of similarities both in the conditions and treatment/recovery. Congrats on your successes in recovery! That's incredible. I'm grateful to connect and hope you'll subscribe if you haven't yet - this channel's all about "peeling the onion" and tackling different areas of wellness and improvement that have contributed to my growth and recovery.

[@tommiselenius8673]

I am happy for you. I fell in love beautiful woman suffering from BPD, but I think we won't be never be able to be together. There's just too much of distance between us. I am so sad because of this. 😢

[@SarruhTonin]

I'm very sorry for your situation - it's difficult to find truly compatible partners in general, and BPD can add so many layers of complexity and difficulty to relationships. I hope you give yourself patience and kindness in healing from this current heartbreak, and I hope you find the relationship you deserve. This channel doesn't only have BPD-specific videos - there are others on relationships, wellness, and self improvement that may benefit you. I hope you stick around and find them helpful!

[@wolfendenstudios2297]

Do you have the names of any books that you used to recover?

[@JosiahHookJohnsonTanHorse]

I have did a lot of Research on this topic and I feel my girlfriend suffers from BPD . Now just looking for a good way to talk to her about it 🤔 And try to get her some help . Any Advice would be greatly appreciated .

[@SarruhTonin]

I really feel for you, and I think it's nice you're trying to find answers to help her. First, I'd highly suggest NOT straight telling her she has BPD - that's for a professional to decide anyway. But (at a time you arent arguing) I'd gently bring up that you found some information about BPD and think she has some of the symptoms, and that it might be helpful to see a professional since treatment is possible and even people with really severe cases recover, and it doesnt necessarily require meds (in case she has reservations about that). Most importantly, just be gentle about it. Make sure she knows your coming from a place of love and care and want her to have a better life because she deserves it. You can mention how it affects you and your relationship, but make it more about wanting to help her. And help her feel like you're partners in this, and that you want to support. Showing her my channel might be helpful - especially the "understanding BPD" video that breaks down the symptoms or "BPD Advice Part 1". Otherwise she might react to the stigma and misconceptions that are often spread about the condition. My next video is going to be on some of those, and then I'm going to have a few more misconception videos that might be helpful. Best of luck to you both.

[@disdroid]

my wife made a full recovery, although she only lived a few months after this, so it's not possible to prove this statement. the reason that both myself and her therapist believe that her recovery was total is because I succeeded in treating her neurological impairment which was a major contributing factor to her personality disorder. because of my home treatment, her behaviour became less childlike and her vocabulary advanced from "adequate" to "above average" and was on it's way to becoming "advanced". DBT therapy had stalled for her in the past, and this was because of her neurology - she couldn't access her new skills when she needed them. when her mind became clear, she suddenly became able to access them, and voluntarily returned to therapy. after a few weeks, she had none of the symptoms in the manual and there was little chance of re-occurrence because her entire demeanour, outlook, and manner had changed. she had gone back to the beautiful lady that I watched being born when I was nearly three years old, and my closest companion throughout childhood, until our teenage years when she started acting strangely. my life's quest is complete! do you have another quest for me? 🧡

[@SarruhTonin]

I’m glad you and your wife were able to find some peace before she passed, I’m so sorry for your loss.

[@disdroid]

@@SarruhTonin thank you 🧡 I don't feel any suffering because she was able to treat my physical illness where hundreds of doctors had failed, so I'm on an upward spiral. I still have her dog to look after, it's worse for him poor fellow.

[@disdroid]

Were she still alive I would probably not be sharing parts of our story so openly

[@disdroid]

I could tell you some stories about our life together! the time I tricked her into seeing her therapist - I had made a vision board with the therapist in secret because I didnt want to be accused of having an affair. when I got home I realised that it looked like a love letter to my wife, but it had the psychologist's letterhead. so I sealed the envelope and made a kiss out of red crayon, and hid it where I keep the spare money. the next day, as she was tidying, she came across the letter and tore it open, only to see her own critical words about me written in clouds with love hearts around them. however she was still furious with me for going behind her back because this was an indication that it was actually an affair and the vision board was a prop to deceive her. also she was jealous that I had become "the patient" taking attention away from her. she forbade me from seeking any professional help, and resolved to deal with this so-called therapist herself. after that, she kept popping off with no explanation to her whereabouts, but it was only for an hour or two so we let it lie. then I saw the letterhead again and I realised what was going on. it only took a few weeks from here before she blossomed into her full self at long last.

[@disdroid]

forgot to say, I also made it seem like it was the latest trend to have a therapist, and anyone without one would be left standing at the disco.

[@theempress111tarot]

Love from India ❣️

[@SarruhTonin]

Oh, that’s so cool!! Thank you for commenting ☺️

[@DD-jm5ug]

I never get this, we are on a spectrum. I don't believe it goes away. Maybe the break between triggers becomes longer. That's just my opinion of course.

[@SarruhTonin]

Im sorry you don’t believe in long term stable recovery. I understand why someone wouldn’t, I know I didn’t. But I also didn’t have anyone to show me how truly possible it is, so I still hope I can help people leave some room in their hearts for the unimaginable.

[@dmegahan]

Oreo overload for the win.

[@SarruhTonin]

I haven’t gotten Cold Stone in a whiiile, but it did NOT disappoint

[@dhamon-pi6os]

Did you ever think borderline isn't the problem but the solution?????

[@SarruhTonin]

I think there can ultimately be benefits to it, but I’ve never thought of it as a “solution” - what do you see it as a solution to?

[@dhamon-pi6os]

@@SarruhTonin for life....but I am not actually talking about a mental condition but as a metaphor to living life walking the tightrope.☯☯

[@BigIndianBindi-jy1cz]

treating BPD is farrrrr tooo expensive and unreasonable. Most expensive mental disorder to treat. It's like... once you have BPD, you are plainly cursed and condemned unless you got money.

[@SarruhTonin]

It certainly helps to have money and be able to get treatment, but I don’t think it’s a *requirement* for getting better in most cases. I provide advice for people who can’t get professional treatment in my other videos. Aside from co-morbidities, at the very least, BPD often doesn’t directly require medication for treatment (although it’s commonly given)

[@SarruhTonin]

The idea of someone being “plainly cursed and condemned” goes against my core views on this subject. The biggest thing that gets in the way of people getting better is believing they can’t.

[@leedarkfeathers]

I couldn't afford dbt, but I could afford an empty journal. And I could go to the public library and read about bpd. 4years remission

[@SarruhTonin]

Congrats on your 4 years! I look forward to hearing more about your story.

[@eminemstrash2021]

Is it true that it's helpful for a person with bpd to have a steady and consistent person in their life? I have a gal with bpd thats decided I'm going to be her SO, and I've been aware of and understand bpd, so I have a pretty good idea of how to manage and relate to the problems that arise. Despite being consistent she still occasionally sees and treats me as a threat, but I typically brush it off and continue to support her. Is that helpful or do you see any downside to that? I know her emotional dysregulation needs to be addressed by her, but I'm also OK occasionally helping her regulate by showing consistent acceptance. Although I don't have bpd I can imagine how it feels for her, and I'm genuinely sympathetic to that plight. For whatever reason, I am and have always been a pretty consistent person, and I want to give that to her, because she's valuable.

[@RickDeRuler]

Your wish is my command. (Clicks subscribe)

[@SarruhTonin]

Haha yay!! Thank you so much!

[@paulfreeman8060]

I love it "borderline isn't the problem but is the solution"..I really feel that!!

[@SarruhTonin]

Haha for the record, I never said that! Another commenter did, but I still don’t really understand the sentiment. Can you please explain what that means to you?

[@paulfreeman8060]

Oh I don't know it's a joke.This bpd is not good.im 14 years sober+ just being able to put a name to bpd+ what I notice it seems to b getting worse

[@chuckcregier5000]

Sounds like your main narrative is still all about you

[@SarruhTonin]

This video is marking my anniversary and discusses the concepts of remission, recovery, and relapse as well as my personal experience, as explained in the intro, but I also support my information on the concepts with studies and research rather than using definitions and descriptions based solely on my experience.

[@stupidbird4U]

Thanks .

[@SarruhTonin]

You’re welcome! I hope you’ll subscribe and check out some of my other content if you found this helpful 😊 Thank you for watching and commenting.