The Science Behind Gaining Distance from the Narcissistic Abuser

In this video, let’s unlock the science behind distancing yourself from a narcissistic abuser so you can reclaim your well-being.
Discover how the stress induced by narcissistic abuse affects your nervous system and learn why creating distance is a crucial act of self-care.
This topic is further explained as part of the second pillar in my course, A Map to Recover from Narcissistic Abuse.
You can check it out here
👉 lp.jreidtherapy.com/narcissis...
Start your path to recovery by getting a FREE copy of my ebook, “Surviving Narcissistic Abuse as the Scapegoat”, and set a good foundation for your healing journey.
Get it here
👉 lp.jreidtherapy.com/optin?utm...

[@izawaniek2568]

It is absolutely vital to gain distance from narcisistically abusive people. Their mere presence is extremely draining.

[@MultiSUNFLOWER18]

agree

[@c4m774]

They damage empaths brains run s Mile from them both male/female as they have zero empathy

[@gigiarmany4332]

IKR?! exhausting😓

[@ZFern9390]

Mere existence

[@almondmilksoda]

They are black holes. They take and never stop.

[@thescapegoatclub]

I had someone trying to convince me I was in the wrong for distancing from my toxic parents. This person asked 'how I'd feel when I didn't have anything to do with them'. I guess he was trying to bluff me or make me feel guilty. It was so validating to let him know that since leaving the relationship I feel so much better I have lost track of the ways which have improved. Everything improves... self esteem, anxiety, mood, sleep, gut, skin... there is no going back.

[@renticat]

People always force their value upon you like the only true reality is theirs. Maybe they just can't comprehend why you become such a ungrateful people when they never had bad childhood themselves, they won't understand.

[@thescapegoatclub]

@@renticat true. From the outside it looks very different, or people just judge without thinking. It’s hard.

[@Not-the-usual-BS]

❤❤❤❤❤

[@Not-the-usual-BS]

🎉🎉❤❤got that right !!!

[@MajICReiki]

My self worth was immediately dimininished returning to contact with my toxic parents. They have not changed, just changed their stories for their PR within the greater family and family friends they blatantly lied to about me. Felt safer for sure, years after leaving. They just picked back up where they left off and have continued to manipulate my older niece who is in therapy now in HS, has identity issues, and my Brother and Sister-in-law. It is sickening

[@massimo7219]

I am in a hospital bed as I write this, because a narc ex triggered my auto immune illness to flare up. Protect yourselves people.

[@raziques.1821]

You will rise again like a King👑... Don't worry! I'm praying for you

[@massimo7219]

@@raziques.1821 thank you 🙏🏼

[@sp3g56]

Wishing you peace and health!

[@mercedesvallar3384]

Hope you are better!

[@massimo7219]

@@mercedesvallar3384 I am thanks, it’s been a road so far. Thank you for your wishes

[@mbadtoknow6908]

I had a terrible experience with a therapist. I ended up feeling completely unhear, unhelped, and betrayed. He took the side of my narcissist husband. If you go deep inside you, to know yourself, you heal. You heal yourself.

[@Thysta]

Absolutely agree. I had a similar experience. The therapist diagnosed ME as a borderline, completely ignoring facts like I have no identity problems and that I was living in an abusive environment. Will never go again. As you say, I agree, we need to turn our attention to ourselves to heal.

[@maryk446]

I had a therapist who did something really odd. I was trying to recover from severe PTSD. I created a daily log of the activities I was doing to try to improve my life, hoping for some positive feedback from him. His response? "I'm not your father." I kid you not. I saw this as a way to try to humiliate me. I was unemployed at the time and I think he was worried that if I tried to rebuild my life again too slowly I'd run out of money to pay his fee. I was so infuriated that I never called him back for another appointment. And he never contacted me to see what had happened to me.

[@Universaltruth333]

@@maryk446 dang these therapists are savage. I’ve learned to take what they say with a grain of salt and definitely filter what the say because a lot of times they project their own crap on us. They are not God and don’t know everything just cuz they give occasional good insight.

[@Janis_Even]

There are not many therapists like Jay Reid. I saw a therapist too. The therapy session lasted 45 minutes. That was just long enough to settle the administrative matters with the payment. I told her that I was pruning a fruit tree in my mother's garden. And I felt like a thief or a burglar. Like I did something bad. The therapist laughed at me. She said I'd beg Begging for my mother's love, but I would never have it.

[@VMM34]

I had a terrible therapist too. I told him I was feeling absolutely dreadful and all I could think about was not existing at all, (if you understand my meaning). He told me in his opinion I had capacity and there was nothing he could do to stop me if that's what I wanted to do. I looked at him in absolute disbelief got up and walked out. Absolutely disgraceful attitude. This was 2019, the NHS, UK. As a side story I got home crying so badly that I didn't look where I was going, tripped over, broke a bone in my foot and had to go get it x-rayed

[@laraparks7018]

These people are covert psychological murderers performing MENTICIDE on their target victim. It's horrible They should be mandated to psych services and compensate the victim for intentionally inflicting emotional and psychological distress.

[@clairejohnson6522]

That statement is excellent.Also,you'll never know how much i wish that would happen.The victims are treated worse than the evil Narc perpetrator,in my opinion.

[@tiffanyjohnson1676]

❤

[@WoodenFeather-xm3vl]

This is one of the most validating statements I have ever read. Thank you. In my opinion it is for many the equivalent of forced violent rape only psychological. It has brutal long-term effects on the nervous system same as a rape survivor. Currently there are laws holding rapists accountable and none for NPD persons. They will of course avoid a psych eval unless it is court ordered. Mr. Reid's video deserves much more than our few words of gratitude can express.

[@laraparks7018]

@@clairejohnson6522 I really think that the narcissistic spectrum ends in ( covert psychological) murder and the codependent spectrum ends in madness or suicide . I've seen it many times.

[@thiefonthecross7552]

I WISH. They do so much damn damage to their victims and there is zero recourse for their monstrous behaviour. We need a PSA on these demons STAT so we can encourage people to learn everything about these human look alikes and stay as far away from them as possible.

[@terridillon3053]

33 months no contact from narc mother and family. Healing is possible Get out! Stay out! Thanks for all your help Jay

[@juneelle370]

Thank you for sharing! 💖

[@rs5570]

Never look back. Never go back to any of them. No matter what. I am in Ohio. My mother & brother are alive in Florida. This isn’t far enough. I lived in Europe for 10 yrs. Now I may go back or since I have animals I love I may have to go to the west coast to feel safer. Oregon maybe. Changed my name but it’s not enough. If mother locates me she will do all she can to wreck my life & brother will help her. I can’t believe what this man is saying because it’s exactly my life. No therapist has done anything except support my abusers. “No parent would do those things.” I’ll never go to another one. I read books though, like Pete Walker’s book helps me. I’m 65 and still hold my bladder for hours as my parents said I used too much water flushing their toilet.

[@leahflower9924]

@@rs5570 I actually wanted to move to Europe for more than one reason but I like the idea of the Atlantic ocean being between me and my family

[@tracyross5831]

You Bet!!!!!!!!! GOING into 6th Year, NO CONTACT, and just the THOUGHT 🤭 of EVER seeing ANY of THEM AGAIN, is ENOUGH to "Put up That EXTRA" Wall 👍👍. WE'RE the STRONG " 1s, so WELL DONE ❤️👍🤞🤞🤞🤞

[@hipsonsogbo]

@@rs5570 wow thanks for sharing your story, it really helps others the more share with one another the more we are able to understand it, people who havnt experienced it will only support the abuse and make the abused feel worse

[@KasiaZosia04723]

Every time I went back to my home country, I came back with some kind of illness, that usually lasted for years…I’m “allergic” to my family… the body knows what’s good for us or toxic…

[@rs5570]

Yes I am disabled with Fibromyalgia. Have been in chronic pain since a toddler. I know why I have this.

[@lettya2005]

This is the same reason I don't go home

[@Klyttorius]

@@rs5570 Vaccines probably, Heavy metal toxicity.

[@speciabilitator]

Yes, I got sick every time I visited. So I stopped visiting.

[@dennisrobinson8008]

They are using you

[@SoulPhotog]

❤ YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM **DOESN’T** LIE… ❤

[@kellyyork3898]

I always tensed up around my sadistic, narcissistic mother and dreaded having to show up for family functions.

[@anyways661]

This makes so much sense. I had been thinking I was "allergic" to someone. I guess it's true, they are a toxin.

[@CplBaker]

It really is crazy how insidious Narcissistic Abuse is where it affects literally every part of your body and getting out of it is a long trudge but it is so worth it to do so.

[@HeartFeltGesture]

Like being pickled in shit. Holistic purification is necessary. All parts - body, mind and soul need to be purged of this dark intergenerational crud. It had nothing to do with us but was dumbed on us regardless. The heartless, cowardly narcissistic parent downloaded their pain into our bodies so they didnt have to feel it or take responsibility for it themselves, that is the long and the short of it. We owe them nothing, after what they have done to us. We need to leave their company and never look back. Be born anew, shed the old skin, it was never who we were, just a costume put on us to wear, a lie told and upheld. We are pure and good, self-love, self-acceptance. Tune out that negative critical inner voice, starve it of energy and attention, until it cant be heard. Then the voice of reason will be loud and clear and guide us well.

[@kathyadair8552]

FOREVER*! + The Patience of Job. Wish I could get in for RTT. - Even, an EMDR Tx (4 PTSD+), or a Massage ~ More the Miracle?? 😂 I used to do some; same Era. And, 45+? Year's, Overdue*! Elec./ Computerized Acupuncture was kinda Weird! Vs. the Real thing, w/ 'Cupped' Smoke; Moxibustion. (Mid-70's.) Someone vs. Fam., that'd Studied in, Ceylon. That was Strange, too. - But, kind of Neat!

[@HeartFeltGesture]

@@kathyadair8552 WFT? Is this a robot generated message?

[@NarcFreedom]

Because it’s demonic.

[@pearpo]

This channel and several others are so helpful. You must trust yourself first. It’s like the air mask analogy on a plane, you cannot help others until you are self sufficient and breathing on your own. Or as other sources say “you must use discernment” I begged to go to a therapist as a child. After years, I was finally allowed to go. But the first therapist was terrible and self absorbed. The second therapist was wonderful, truly gold star. She brought my whole family in for a session. And it illustrated everything for me.

[@babethraimundo3560]

Simply the energetic field of these people is enough for us to feel that way.... No need for words or actions on their part. Their energetic field is enough.

[@jackiepowell7513]

Where in God's word mentions energy it doesn't. Stop the newc age crap. Ibs.. sleep issues stomaches,any somatic complaint can or may get sick and even die. No new age just facts. Unequally yoked.

[@jackiepowell7513]

The psycho vabble is annoying. I d recommend Andrew the native American on s Carolina. Next time guy go get in medical school. G luck note; evolution specify missing link? You can t. Mt St Helen's disproved old earth theory btw.

[@godisonelove3557]

You stole my words. I always wondered the moment my narc father enters house, how on the earth I feel drained for no reason...

[@izawaniek2568]

Yes, true

[@salvatorelicata8768]

It's real

[@antoinettevazquez1721]

I've always said. "Your heart will struggle with feelings, your brain will justify or make excuses but your body never lies!" Trust your gut instincts.

[@carly582]

I get severe diarrhea around my parents. My bodies way of telling me they are toxic.

[@martinholland2482]

I had a stroke after she stressed me outfor two years. Then she 'cared' for me in her home. I am terrified all the time . I need to get away. I can't walk let alone walk away. I have no money . She controls all the financial matters

[@alwayspeace898]

I have lost my brain for many years enough is enough stay alone with God

[@theuncanspan]

Removing the danger also includes the form of telecommunications. Therefore a block followed by an indefinite no contact is warranted. Stay strong and never feel guilty, they did it to themselves.

[@kobra4422]

Who knows how many "mysterious" diseases are results of living in toxic environment for 30,40 years? Whenever I had a meeting with my ex supervisor, I couldn't relax. My body was in freeze mode, without apparent reason. After I left home , I've felt drained, exhausted and empty inside. By "empty" I don't mean "tired". I've felt like my personality, energy was gone. I've felt like used bag with no soul, memories or purpose in life. There was nothing specific he said to make me feel like this, it's his whole demeanor and interaction with me. I've gaslighted myself that it's just my anxiety and was "forcing" myself to feel comfortable. Later he proved who he really is, by scams and manipulations, and I've realised my nervous system was warning me since day 1 I saw him.

[@nancywutzke5392]

That's why they are called 'Vampires'. Energy vampires. These people have no soul's/sense of self of their own, so they steal/suck the life energy out of other's so they can feed their empty black holes. Instead of looking inside themselves and actually trying to fix themselves....because there CAN'T be anything wrong with them, because they're perfect....they're a narcissist. Then they blame YOU for being too sensitive for sensing what they're doing and having the physiological bodily reaction to exactly what they're doing! Gas lighting you yet again! They are empty shell's of a human being and too egotistical to even realize it. Too me, they are the epitome of the Devil himself.

[@kobra4422]

@@nancywutzke5392 so right! I haven't think it can be how he feels all the time. Complete dread and emptiness.

[@winxclubstellamusa]

Yes, the body is “psychic”! That’s why we have to get connected with it like non-abused kids are so that we can be able to avoid bad people like they can. And step one to do that is to stop dismissing and abandoning ourselves and our emotions and body’s signals that it makes in order to warn us about people.

[@kathyadair8552]

@@winxclubstellamusa Ditto that. + All Remarks. 😆 Mine are hyperactive AND quite vilgilant. 😿⚖️🙏

[@Songe467]

I hate this shit. So many things are now been proven to be caused by DNA and genetics that claiming that it's only caused by toxic environments is bulls_t. From some who was born with a chronic illness passed down from countless generations, born with ADHD passed down through countless generations and has Tourette's passed down through countless generations. Where does this 'not in my day' bulls_t come from? It's not like people weren't been shoved into asylums, group homes, padded cells, given electric shock therapy, brain suergy, drugs to make them compliant. Kids weren't been shoved at the church, into adoptions, left on the street or kept at home so no one had to acknowledge they existed. Just like LGBTQ + people were told to stay in the closet. Oh no. That would be too hard for the same generations who has the ignorance to claim the younger generation isn't been taught history properly. Get a f_king grip on reality you idiot. Yes stress causing tension and pain and muscle tightness and mental fatigue. That might be the only thing wrong with you or perhaps you are in denial. Claiming everyone is the same is stupid.

[@rachelb4235]

The sibling example was really interesting as that's what I'm dealing with. It's that dang sense of loyalty that even continues the relationship but the narcissistic abuse really stresses me out. It's also extremely hard when people say "but you're siblings. You need to stay close." I can feel the change in my body when I communicate with my sister and I hate it.

[@jillloy3319]

Same here. I cut her off a few years ago. It gets so much clearer over time and through healing work. What others say or think stop being important then because you know the truth of how dangerous your sibling and or parent is for you.

[@kobra4422]

Agree with the previous comment, and also, if you have a child, focus on relationship with them, no toxic relatives. If you are drained/anxious/depressed you aren't your healthy self for those who need you. Our physical/emotional resources aren't unlimited. My dad had toxic family who likely ruined his health but he didn't cut them off, bc he "had to take care of them" and live next to them. After he died, his parents and brother harassed us for 20 years till today. Sharing this as another perspective for those who think we "HAVE TO" be close to toxic family.

[@nancywutzke5392]

Same here. I cut my whole family off 13 yrs ago.

[@LION-on4gd]

@@kobra4422 💖🕊

[@Seraphim7]

As scary as it sounds … if you have a Narc in family…. Best to cut them out…

[@Janeintheok]

All gastrointestinal and autoimmune disorders I developed during the marriage, are no longer. When I finally recovered spiritually and emotionally, my body recovered as well. YOU are cursed in a relationship with a narcissist. Life is beautiful now 🌹

[@show_me_your_kitties]

Thank you for sharing this

[@Hawaiiansky11]

I say a mantra regularly, "I am safe and good. I deserve safe and good people in my life...." Narcissists cause children to believe that safety is dangerous (being around safe people outside of the home will cause danger to me when I am around the narc), and danger is safe (dangerous people will keep me from being abused at home). Therefore, when someone keeps selecting hurtful people over and over again, it's not because we 'like drama' or get some kick out of being abused! It's because we are in a trauma cycle and NEED HELP getting out of it!

[@Embers167]

THIS. What do we do

[@leas9019]

Hi i think ur right. I just went no contact with my narc mother after many years. I do awful nightmares since childhood (mainly persecution and death), i have a traumatic amnesia and i thought my dad was the problem. After therapy i realized i had a narcisstic mother. And since i decided to go no contact last week i realize that i'm actually scared TO DEATH of HER 😱😱 i m afraid she wont accept me leaving and she is going to come at me and kill me... i know it's paranoïd but really im afraid..i dont find any videos about how to deal with fear when going no contact. I don't feel guilty, i just feel scared 😣😣😣 Narcissistic partners become more dangerous when you break up, why wouldnt it be the case with parents?

[@aditichandrasekar3279]

Thank you for writing this

[@leas9019]

Hi, an update 2 months later: absolutely nothing bad happened for me After going no contact 😂✊ my mother didnt even try to contact me or nothing. I feel good and free and relieved from so much stress. I feel i Can start to know myself and truly heal. It changed the dynamics in the family though, especially between my mother and her own mother (with who she has troubles, and with whom i went no contact too cause i was in the middle of their hates). I think that me setting my boundaries has changed a lot of things family wise. But actually.. i dont really care 😂 I feel good in my Life !!! Blessings to all people who struggle and go through this, After the fear there's the freedom✨

[@Embers167]

@@leas9019 so proud of you! you give me hope! I’m about a year away from a 10-yr strategic escape plan from a toxic home. I had to literally flip my life upside down. Im nearing the finish line but I’m exhausted and working on improving some self care routines in the meantime. I can’t wait for my freedom to come. I know so much more awaits me. May the best years be on their way for us all 🙌

[@youareprecious9108]

When I felt brave enough I opened up about the abuse to my "friend" and he took the side of the abuser! It shattered me deeply...be cautious

[@moirosalina]

Thank you for your comment, this has happened to me as well, and it was definately shattering. 🍀

[@lucysclaydesigns1303]

I started developing extreme anxiety whenever I try to share something with the narcissists and the state of hypervigilance persist for hours after I had a conversation with them. Now this explains a lot, and why I can’t control it. Thank you!

[@orianam9835]

Hmmm. Maybe just do not share anything with a narcisist . A rule is say nothing untimate or anything they can use against you. Then when you talk about weather you will not stress

[@lucysclaydesigns1303]

@@orianam9835 thank you! Will try that

[@MsBeauregard-hf5yl]

Unfortunately it seems to be that it’s not advisable to share with a narcissist. That’s why ‘ grey rock’ and ‘ yellow rock’ or are popular coping methods when dealing with narcissistic abuse. Dr. Ramani and Tamie M Joyce have put out some excellent vids on coping strategies.

[@CrimeVictimsProtection]

I should have never shared intimate details about my life with the narcissist, because the pain that I experienced in life, was ultimately used against me, and weaponized to destroy me. I suffered mentally & emotionally, and everything else he did to me, was just too much. I don’t even know who I am anymore, tragically broken.

[@dancinginthepurplereign4126]

I am now 1 year 7 months no contact from my narcissistic family. One thing I recovered from is how I am able to detect abusers more quickly. In the past, I would fall fir manipulative people. In the situations where I met abusers, I would react immediately to their abuse.

[@rs5570]

The word narcissist is being used here a lot. I think they are just bad, awful, evil people. Preditors. I don’t care why.

[@SA-px3ln]

How did u heal wounds trauma bond

[@dancinginthepurplereign4126]

@@SA-px3ln self care. Play. Journaling. Going no contact gives your brain a lot of space to heal. You just somehow start feeling extremely uncomfortable around certain people.

[@carly582]

It's been one day for me...I experience alot of mental health issues. I've been hospitalised due to psychosis. Yet everyone says I seem quite sane. My 'delusions' are that everyone is out to kill me , which I think is due to growing up with parents who hated me and abused me in every way possible. I'm scared of someone knocking on my door. Hoping to recover soon!

[@fairygurl9269]

Survial Mode Since Utero... Here's To Feeling Authentically Safe 🌟

[@rs5570]

Yes my dad did me the great service of telling me about how my mother abused me as an infant. He apoarently just stood by & watched. Thanks dad.

[@fairygurl9269]

@@rs5570 Sadly This is the 1st Launguage we Had to Learn Growing Inside of Such Manipulation Survival Homone thru the Umbilical Cord... Luckily We Have Better Medical Advancements that those with Such Congenital Issues Can Thrive More than Previous Generations. 💞 With Authentic Hope & Respect to Pay Forward & Grow Upon.

[@korereviews8088]

Yes! This is why I started developing anxiety when I moved back home. Even at times when it seemed like everything should be fine, just being there put my nervous system into the 'danger zone'.

[@bchristian85]

Yeah I cannot live in the city where the worst of my childhood happened. I left a great life, one that I miss and regret leaving, to leave that city. Sometimes I question myself and my decision to leave because my life since has been a disaster, but I still don't want to live in that city. The city I'm in now is pretty bad because I have extended family here and have become the target of triangulation, but it's not my hometown.

[@stephanieh7240]

I had to dissociate/freeze a lot during my younger years. Although I have built a life of my own and my parents don’t have the same power over me any more, I find myself dissociating whenever in their company. I’ve been making up for lost time as I slowly heal, and have noticed that contact with my parents still sets me behind on this, I guess because my body dissociates, because I remain on guard to their ongoing narc games. It takes energy to attempt to seem unruffled.

[@moonlightstargem1006]

Stay no contact

[@JulieSevelson-nb9nj]

Yes- are you able to go no contact ?

[@bchristian85]

For whatever reason, I can't just associate with my parents and immediately get back to my own regulated life. It takes a while for me to re-regulate myself. I never have enough time without contact to do it fully, so the cycle continues.

[@sanjmalik6282]

I always wondered why I became physically and mentally ill while I was married to him for 26 years and there nothing doctors could understand thank you for this video it makes sense.

[@bchristian85]

The past four years have been especially traumatic for me and I've developed these wierd health issues. Things that aren't bad enough to warrant an immediate trip to the urgent care but things that just don't feel quite right. Then my anxiety takes over and I am terrified I have a life-threatening illness. It's terrible.

[@Jessknowsbestt]

Distance and detachment from my narcissistic mother helped me heal. Anytime I hear her voice or even talk to someone who talks or sounds like her i get anxious and angry.. I have learned to detach that from strangers constantly reminding myself that they’re their own person but my mother I speak to her once every 5 months and even then it feels like a chore and after I feel so drained and old emotions resurface. Luckily she’s not living with me and has been out of the country for years so I don’t have to deal with her physically and that has helped me out a lot in healing. I listen to my body not only with her but with strangers.

[@moirosalina]

Largely the same here, I lessened parentcontact drasticcally and still find it difficult and draining for the same reasons you describe. Even though they don't physically abuse me anymore and I only see them in public. I don't go to familyfunctions anymore, that is a huge relief. I wish you strength and the best 🍀

[@SassyO100]

I am back at my mothers and have been sick through out.

[@belovedchild9812]

I’m so glad you discussed Polyvagal Theory in this video. I’m about to enter my 5th year of recovery. I’ve spent the last year working with my therapist on understanding my nervous system, learning about feeling safe with another person. This work has helped me turn a corner in my recovery. I haven’t had any cPTSD symptoms since November! I’m thrilled. I didn’t think this day would ever come, but here it is. ❤️ 🙏

[@steffi5945]

Good for you

[@denisel780]

Really Happy for you!! That is wonderful ❤

[@belovedchild9812]

@@steffi5945 thank you! ❤️

[@belovedchild9812]

@@denisel780 thank you! 🙏

[@rs5570]

I’m really happy for you. Keep doing that.

[@ireda9031]

This is so true. It also explains so much about why I suddenly felt so safe and popular the minute I went away to college and was in a new environment where I knew absolutely no one and should feel afraid but instead I just felt safe and free to explore and focus on myself for the first time in my life. Moving back to this part of the country for work again brought up some old feelings of unsafety and made me feel more alert and on guard. But anytime I would go away or take a trip and be in an entirely new environment its like I would come alive again. Something about it being new and unfamiliar and different almost felt safer in contrast when "home" always felt so unsafe and constricting. Like my entire world view had to shrink from a place of exploration to a place of self preservation and survival.

[@Embers167]

I relate to this 10000%. I noticed how “myself” i feel at school or even on my last solo vacation- it’s like I’m in my element once I leave that house. I’m in the middle of changing careers to afford moving out from a toxic home. I’ve been financially planning my exit since 2016 believe it or not … i graduate in 1 year and will finally be able to leave but it’s still sometimes hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.. 🥺

[@dancinginthepurplereign4126]

Same. Same!

[@rs5570]

Get out. Never, ever look back or go back to them.

[@princesinha1680]

True for me too! I loved living on my own while doing undergrad, and I remember feeling like I entered a dark, heavy cloud whenever I went home for a visit. I'm unfortunately back with my family again, but trying to leave. I literally feel 'oppressed' when around certain family members; I never feel safe, or that I can be myself. As soon as I'm elsewhere, I morph back to my authentic self.

[@icylyrics3113]

@@princesinha1680in the same boat. Hopefully we both leave ASAP! Life is not meant to be lived like how we’re living it

[@sawdustadikt979]

Pick your pain, if you have left your family behind, if your on the fence and loyalty is making so hard to commit and follow through. Know that no matter what you do, you get to pick your pain. I tried like hell to get along with my family, to learn new coping skills with therapy. After a few years it started to seep in that no one else in my entire family was putting in any effort. They weren’t paying out of pocket for therapy to be better. I also realized my therapist was using my empathy/enabling/loyalty to guarantee my return business by showing me that separation would ruin me. So at one point, I faded away. That was nearly 20 years ago. My life is no picnic, I’m still doing lots of really hard work to process growing up in constant violence, double binds, betrayal and abandonment. But they are not making those things current issues and trauma with the exception that they are still smearing me to anyone that is in earshot. I picked this pain of being on my own because I realized I always was alone.

[@tiffanyjohnson8679]

Never alone beloved friends.

[@oneofmany7051]

I totally understand this! I feel more alone in crowded room with my large family of origin than I do at home with just my husband and 3 young children.

[@megc.9253]

This is a very good description of what it's like to have a dysfunctional family system of origin. I have that too. I agree that separation more or less is the best solution. I feel so much better but I still have some limited contact with them and every time They find any small way possible to create those double bind situations and guilt, tripping and drama out of nothing. I don't visit for the holidays and I don't regret it at all. I will create my own family going forward and the pain of being separated from them is nothing compared to the pain of being with them all together. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone in a sense because we are with you and sharing and your experience. I hope you feel the love! 💗

[@sawdustadikt979]

@@megc.9253 thank you for taking the time to share. I’m great to have read this around Christmas time, after all this time I still have doubt I did the right thing. But I look at my family and know that they will never experience any of that madness.

[@esterhudson5104]

You’re a smart cookie. However painful that is. I know what u mean.

[@Jesusbcappin]

The gut always knows

[@smoozerish]

Jay, you are doing Gods work by helping so many people with your in depth insights. Thank you.

[@finchman1]

Amen to that!

[@kerrysaunders1936]

I started to have Dissociative Collapses. That is the freeze response. My whole body shut down and I Collapsed to the floor slowly. Out for at least 20 mins, felt as if I were totally sedated but I could hear everything. Slowly regained but felt very weak and tired afterwards.

[@llwpeaches]

This is so on point with my situation and my experiences. My biggest hang up by far is the inability to control my body's nervous system response whenever I think there may be even the slightest chance of any kind of conflict with someone, even about something fairly minor. And it doesn't seem to matter if the person seems safe or not. It's like my body reacts without my mind's permission and the physical symptoms hijack my ability to function and I then go into full avoidance mode where I either keep quiet or avoid the situation altogether. This leads to a lot of regret over past instances where I feel like I didn't speak up when I should have to defend myself or missed an opportunity to simply offer an opinion about something. Important to me. I've realized I'm constantly worried about other peoples' reactions and their feelings towards what I have to say. And that I'm sacrificing a part of me to preserve the peace if I sense my words could create any kind of negative reaction. My mind can rationalize the situation, but my body reacts as if I'm still that frightened child who's constantly trying to judge whether my words or actions are going to upset my narcissistic mother or narcissistic older brother. I'm still in a place where even supposedly safe people are scary if I think my words will cause any kind of rift, no matter how slight. It seems impossible to overcome and I feel like a failure everytime I cop out on saying what I want to say. My anxiety just takes over and I shut down. It's hard to imagine overcoming it when you feel like it's so far beyond your control.

[@lennie1703]

I feel exactly like that, too. Thank you for posting. I've been driving myself mad ruminating and blaming myself. It's such a relief to know it's not just me. And it is not our fault.

[@starseeds8121]

I understand.

[@jeanettehoyer3180]

That’s so interesting. I got diagnosed with an immune disorder in my teens. Growing up with an narcissist mom. I lived long heathy years as soon I managed to escape this. 3 decades later- I could write a book of how my condition activated when my environment was once again toxic. Commuted to a new partner 9 months ago and could watch heath gradually deteriorating. Even so he could play to be the nice guy so damn good. Deep down I knew what he is. He started ghosting me when I was hospitalised. I almost died this time- yet recover now fast - since he is out the picture. This connection was never so clear to me. Thank you very much for clarification. I think my condition can be cured 😂. Bye bye narcs.

[@dagmaranja888]

All the best to you!

[@samf.s.7731]

I feel the only way I'd feel safe is if I am financially secure without my abuser, I feel like only then will I have the freedom to pursue what I want. I have been conditioned to not only think that I'm not supposed to want that, but to, on a subconscious level, think I don't deserve it. It's not fair ... It's really unfair.

[@bchristian85]

I'm financially secure, but I don't feel that way. A big part of this is my parents want me to feel this way. They convince me my current stability is a matter of luck and I can lose it at any time, and they always follow that up with "your room at home is waiting for you."

[@honeycoveredheart1547]

I have lived with cyclical vomitting syndrome for years and after constant ER visits, was told that there wasn't really any cause for my episodes. I had constant nausea and after years of doctors visits, had one doctor mention an unregulated nervous system as the cause of my episodes. Ever since, my episodes have decreased as I've been learning to listen to myself more and let go of a lot of things I like to believe I've stored in my body so long. When i went no contact with my abuser my episodes began to happen less. I came across this youtube channel and for the first time feel like theres some sort of answer to why my body feels the way it does. This chanel is one of the few gems that have helped me so much as someone with extremely limited access to healthcare or a therapist.

[@cory99998]

This is so reassuring. The evidence is there, why is it that my entire body and mind goes into full panic and breakdown the month before and after a family visit? Why does it feel wrong when a parent places their emotions on me? My body knows its wrong, it cant be denied.

[@khadijaejaz]

God, most of the world will tell you to go back to an abusive person/environment. Don't give them any thought. Only listen to your nervous system. A year after going no contact with an abusive family system, my mental fog lifted, my personality flowered, and the quality of my life improved leaps and bounds over the years. Ten years later, I look back, and OMG, no question. I wish I had never doubted myself or thought I was the problem, but I did suffer lifelong childhood abuse at their hands, so instead of blaming myself I now am so impressed with myself. At the first sign of disrespect, be Bye Felicia. Such a waste of time.

[@starseeds8121]

Glad it gets better the longer one stays away.

[@MuMu-fu7qe]

I noticed several ppl in abusive relationships with MS and wonder of there is a connection there. I mentioned it to someone and was laughed at.

[@makaylahollywood3677]

I walked away from a few of my siblings for several years and have been very distant except a few phone calls(one brother is kind, i send gifts to my godchild). It's been a long hall, but- there is a slow realization of peace, quieted mind and feeling of "my spirit" re-entering my body (as though it was it in hiding). Interestingly, I have at times felt guilty for feeling so good by myself cut off from siblings.

[@blackdog1392]

Similar feelings, so well put ' spirit being in hiding'.As a child I definetly felt this way. As an adult post psychopathic abuse I felt like my soul had left entirely ...

[@starseeds8121]

@@blackdog1392 same.

[@singstreetcar5881]

I dont have any money to escape these people. My father is a dangerous abusive animal.

[@anyways661]

Domestic abuse isn't always physical, it can be emotional and mental. Go to a shelter if you must.

[@jhavajoe3792]

Grey Rock the bastard. I did. He didn't know what to do.

[@CarlCoppinger]

Leave. Now. You. Deserve. Better.

[@virtualmorality]

My body definitely was telling me for awhile. Took me a couple months to figure it out. "Was" very healthy. Developed autoimmune psoriasis on my hands. Always slept in my drawers. Realized I had been sleeping fully clothed in night pants with the string tied a tshirt, and socks. Didn't know what was happening to me. Found out my wife had been cheating on me for months and slandering me as an abuse to her"newly" found friends. 19 years married. Almost killed me.

[@rs5570]

Everytime I find out about a good therapist they are always in the Bay area. Also I’m hearing for years about “other” healing modalities that only therapists in N Cali are doing (that I’m aware of). I don’t want to say what they are but you prob know what I refer to. My abuse was profound & I had one therapist tell me she could no longer see me because she what I was telling her my parents did to me was upsetting her too much. Yeah, that was great. I went from a small town in an isolated area in Appalachia to western Europe to get out of their reach. I got on a plane & went alone to feel safe. This was in my 30s. I felt for the first time in my life that my life was “real” & I could start living now. Was there 10 yrs. Now I have actually legally changed my name and done other things to throw them off from ever getting near me again. No regrets.

[@JulieSevelson-nb9nj]

Congratulations,and good for you !👍

[@MajICReiki]

Good for you!! I have considered this.

[@bchristian85]

I want to legally change my name so bad. My narc parents gave me an embarassing, archaic name that I've hated since I've been old enough to say it, but none of my family would ever accept me going by a different name. I've started socially changing it with people who I can, but since I'm still legally the name I hate and since my family is still the center of my life, I can't go through with it and I hate it.

[@lydiarosebrita4901]

I've been doing some trauma informed yoga recently and it has really helped me be in my body and make friends with it. Like I'm sure many others I was often forced outside of my body in the abuse in order to survive but now I am no contact and have gained a lot of distance I am finding myself able to really feel how my body responds in different situations. It's taken a while but I am starting to feel truly safe! Well done to everyone who's taking the brave steps towards recovery, always amazed by the stories I read :)

[@moirabij734]

Well done to you. I relate to feeling safe in one's own body and also comfortable with myself.

[@rs5570]

I will look into that.

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

I am so reactive to my parents telling me who I am, but for 45 years I put up with it. I was upset but I had now reaction. Now I'm like a basket case

[@rs5570]

I am also a basket case.

[@utrnagel9441]

Yap! 😁💞

[@Thysta]

I am currently living with my NPD grandparents. And after a lot of studying of psychology, self-examination, few days ago just had this realization: "I do not have to react." I do not have to react. I still have work to do, but that was such a big milestone in my healing journey that from now I literally think anything is possible.

[@starseeds8121]

I understand

[@EMO_alpha]

This is why I wasn't able to go to school or function properly when I was at my mother's house.

[@annastone5624]

Thanks Jay! Yes we don’t tell the nervous system we are safe. Yet almost all advice around fear - is that it’s ‘all in the mind’ ridiculous BS.. and very dangerous for abuse victims.

[@kylielogan8771]

Gut, heart and brain we go into fight, flight, fear, freeze, fawn which is painful to experience for anyone! Our brain goes into a fog too that’s why it makes it hard to break free.

[@starseeds8121]

Agreed.

[@bonniewinfield3148]

So much useful information packed into mere minutes. Thirty years ago, I was in therapy for ten years, suffering from undiagnosed narc abuse. I have received more insight into my problems in the first four of your videos I have watched than I did in that decade. Much gratitude.

[@synthonaplinth5980]

Explains what happened to me after going to Yellowstone for a summer in 1992. Everybody remarked 'You're so much more relaxed'. It was five states away from my parents.

[@gojiberry7201]

Thank you, Jay, for your videos. I went no contact with my parents on 8/1/23, just over a week ago. You are helping me get through this when I can't talk to a therapist

[@streaming5332]

A gauge of how safe a therapist is, is how able you are to cry in their presence.

[@GypsySparkle]

I had a bad Crohn's relapse when he came back. He love bombed and I being forgiving, gave in and the screaming started during a bad flare, bleeding and recent hospitalization. He makes me shake so bad when he yells I can't stop. He scarily said to me "I think I might make you sick? You ever notice? Him yelling at me on my Birthday was the last straw. I'm tired of being afraid . Ty for this.

[@starseeds8121]

I too am tired of being afraid.

[@GypsySparkle]

​@@starseeds8121Walking on eggshells and living in fear/fight or flight is so exhausting 😓

[@babiesandbuddies]

Not sure how much was due to proximity to my dad - but his friends seem to drop like flies. In childhood, a little girl who was his friend died suddenly. His high school best friend died of cancer. He befriended the guy's brother, who then died five years later. His best friend in his mid 20s/early 30s died of lung cancer, despite never smoking. His boss who tried to "save" him died of cancer at a young age. His best friend in his 40s died in a horrible accident. His friend in his 50s died in a car accident. Four years ago, his decade long mistress died of cancer. My mom (his wife) is in her early 60s and is in worse condition than most 80 year olds.

[@starseeds8121]

Damn

[@elizabethy2912]

I cannot sleep- at all- whenever I see my narc in person!! I'm working on divorcing so I can go no contact for at least a few months!! I'm starting to get in tune with my nervous system- it's SCREAMING at me sometimes!! After 34 years with him, all of this is is quite an eye opener. I was raised by a sadistic narc , so I went with what I knew, and it's biting me in the butt!! Ugh! This video is very interesting!!

[@nancywutzke5392]

I swear every single time I watch Jay's video's it makes my brain's blow out of my ear's! Everything he ever says is so spot on about narc abuse that I have to stop the vid just to catch my breath and absorb what he's saying. I have spent yrs and yrs looking for a therapist/anybody that knows about this type of abuse; going on 10 now and haven't found ANYBODY even close to your knowledge! Jay, I am sooooo grateful for what you're doing in this field of trauma therapy for us survivors and still victim's. Thank you, thank you. You are a Gem!!! I cud just cry with relief and appreciation.

[@rs5570]

Fully agree. I won’t even try anymore with therapists. I’m exhausted and they have only shamed me & told me I’m lying. But others should please go.

[@annastone5624]

Agree and he’s so succinct and hits on such pivotal points

[@spirit_1111]

I had horrible things happen to me. His energy seriously destroyed me on multiple occasions. I felt my energy sucked out too and it caused me to bleed instantly. That is a true energy vampire. I can't believe I ever thought he cared

[@CulturalVibes-q8c]

here's a meditation that could help kzbin.info/www/bejne/pX2sfqCDdr94bZI

[@daisyrelaxedsounds]

Hope you are okay and you are able to heal completely ❤️

[@victoryamartin9773]

Now I understand why I feel like a walking zombie all the time. I'm living in the freeze response because the abusers have hijacked my home, and I can't leave. Any autonomy on my part incites their raging screams that go on and on until I'm reduced to a barely breathing corpse. This is what dissociation feels like?

[@efree3462]

thank you for stressing the importance of separation and distance from the abuser. It needs to be common knowledge, particularly in family court where continued availability and exposure to abuse is demanded of children and ex-partners. To be on call with communication that uses the children as hooks into engagement and abuse. I've had therapists tell me I HAVE to continue communication and engagement for "evidence" even though there is no end point, no purpose for gathering evidence when family court don't recognise non-physical abuse. I have to respond and be available whenever the narc needs some attention? Of course the narc is attempting to trigger you and have you react so family court sees two reactive people in conflict. They don't bother to see to hook and bait and constant poking for reaction. So few therapists actually understand what family court is like and operate in an idealism that isn't carried over into what is legally allowed and permissible. They still operate from a stand point of two reasonable people. Your videos are very accurate of the experience. Many thanks for validating the need to flee.

[@Erica-cf1xb]

They all are in the business of destroying real people. The ones who like to hit understand the importance of physical violence so they will make a bruise real, start arguments, throw themselves. Whatever it takes. This is hell for real victims because NOBODY will believe you. God and other victims do. That's enough. All the courts are humiliation rituals. It hurts victims and tells them to share their story. It's funny as hell to the demons representing the people and the audience. Big secret and they love to see pain. Let God take care of your problems and do your best to turn the page.

[@jnl3564]

I pay decent attention to my nervous system states now. Sometimes I'm aware that my NS is overreacting, I'm aware that I'm not in danger. I communicate to the people around me what i need to feel better and a lot of times people get angry with me. I try to be calm and direct, then people ignore me and walk all over my boundaries. Maybe my boundaries are unreasonable, but to me they aren't. I want to create safety, but i find other people unwilling to participate in helping me. I have empathy for other people, I'm aware of how the perceive my defensiveness. But i can no longer bypass my nervous system signals, even though I sometimes wish I could. I hate when I get negative feedback to my non negotiable needs. Finding security in the presence of other people is so complicated.

[@LION-on4gd]

Listen to your ❤️...don't care about these sorts of persons without real empathy. The society has changed a lot with less real empathy!

[@rs5570]

Myself I have to be alone now. That’s also all I get. So now I am sick & crazy because I have to be alone. People will prey upon me once they know I am protective. Love to hurt me & scare me & violate me. Not all but too many.

[@LelaBria]

This is interesting tho, Bec asking other people to help you regulate yourself by doing specific things , is not boundaries. Boundaries only indicate what the sort of personal “laws” you have about what you will or won’t be okay with yourself and are never abojt dictating to others what they need to do with themselves. For example, I am not willing to discuss , if yelling is happening, It’s non negotiable for me. If yelling is happening , I will leave from here /go home/ hang up. It’s not saying , you other r person are not allowed to yell at me Bec it dysregulatws my nervous system. You are the caretaker of the environment that keeps you safe, and if tou allow people who won’t or don’t behave ina. Way in according with what ur okay with, ur options to enforce your boundaries are about what YOU will do as a response to protect yourself, often restrict access or proximity or possibly distancing or terminating the relationship or whatever it is. It’s not about demanding specific behaviour from others. Real boundaries being maintained and enforced is done by the person with the bojndaries , and don’t require obedience to be maintained. If that makes sense It’s simply stating what you will and won’t tolerate , and what conditions you will allow or not allow if that is not maintained for you. Another person is always free to do as they wish , and honestly I don’t think it’s their job to do work for you, otherwise they are not helping you. It might be kind or helpful if some do or are willing , but labelling someone as uncaring or horrible Bec they won’t regulate your triggers for you sounds very … I mean I get it it comes from a very activated place but it isn’t fair or right honestly for the other. It’s not the worlds job to not trigger us , if we have Cptsd triggers, it’s actually our job to learn how to deal with that , heal that etc. In my opinion lol. And I’m not coming from a judgy place I have literally thought and felt the exact same things from the same place at certain points along my journey, I just realize that it was coming from a place of such pain and vulnerability and such but it doesn’t actually make it fair or rught imo still. So hopefully this is received with knowing im sharing this bec this was an important rwalIatio for me along my journey, so I was not becoming overly entitled to the people I love and care about who are safe people , but the state I was in at the time nearly everyone flowed in and out of feeling highly triggering for me , even if cognitively i knew I should not decide things from this place until I have more healing happening and can get a clearer head on some of this stuff. Depending what phase of the journeys and unwrapping the triggers and trauma and such may be, things and people can become VERY confusing and everything feels upside down and destabilized entirely. So I’m coming from a place trying to be helpful! Hope it does. And I hope you do find ways to regulate , that are your work and responsibility to be accountable for , so you can maintain relationships that don’t require peers to overly walk on eggshells or bubble wrap you at times , to help to take care of you , the rhe bonds to exist. You deserve safe feelinfs and a regulated nervous system, and reciprocal mutual healthy bonds. ✌🏽🙏🏽

[@starseeds8121]

Very complicated.

[@prismbrandingrealestatebra6301]

Jay Reid is saving lives with every episode. May god protect this man.

[@finchman1]

Amen to that! He’s a blessing.

[@rubycosgrove6349]

This makes so much sense. I've developed Benign Essential Tremors (like an internal motor running), from decades of dealing with a narcisstic abuser. I've only, in recent years, begun to understand what I've been dealing with, how unsafe I have felt and how it has affected my nervous system. This video has been very helpful, thank you.

[@RawOlympia]

I am so sorry that happened to you, and may your nervous system regain its vigor

[@mynewlife1911]

I experienced internal tremors too. My handwriting was so shaky and when I would put makeup on I used one hand to steady the other hand. For me, it was internal and external. All the tremors slowly have stopped now and it took about a year after going no contact w my now ex husband. The gift of going through all the abuse is I trust my intuition and I listen to my body sending me messages. Hang in there and keep being good to you❤

[@susancosgrove5010]

@@mynewlife1911 I appreciated your comment, that was very encouraging to know it will improve. I wish you all the very best and thank you for sharing 🧡

[@mynewlife1911]

@@susancosgrove5010 Much love sent to you too❤️

[@jimmshorts]

Wow. I will re-watch this rich, saturated content again in 24 hours. Even now, thanks I needed that.

[@rs5570]

Yes I am rewatching this repeatedly. Good for his algorhytm (sp). too. I will just keep it running over & over. To absorb it inside me.

[@lorrainew7529]

This makes so much sense. I have started the process of allowing space for myself. It can be difficult due to feelings of loyalty. It is exhausting at times, but I will continue with my journey. Thank you 💜

[@rs5570]

Yes exhausting.

[@starseeds8121]

I agree it is exhausting.

[@daisyrelaxedsounds]

❤

[@tinkingtinking2134]

After letting my ex narcissistic partner and my narcissistic dad back in my life after my narcissistic mother died 2 years ago my nervous system finally couldn't take anymore and i fell to the floor one night and couldn't lift myself up for hours. I didnt understand what was happening to me at first but i got worse, i couldn't lift weights, walking was an effort and then i couldn't walk without pain in my whole body. I said to my friend ive literally had a nervous breakdown, i could feel my nerves like electric shocks all over my body and it was very painful. I have now left both my dad and my ex and im on the road to recovery, im starting to train again slowly and im walking as much as i can do for now. Im the Scapegoat Child and its been 55 years of Hell, but ive got my own place now thats affordable by myself, ive waited 14 years for this place and its my sanctuary , a place i can be and recover. Im grateful i never have to see my dad again ,hes 6 hours away from me and my ex is half way round the world at the moment so im hoping he will leave me alone because they are going to kill me if i dont stay away from them it's that toxic to my body.

[@daisyrelaxedsounds]

Hope you are doing much better now ❤

[@tinkingtinking2134]

@@daisyrelaxedsounds thankyou so much, I'm doing 100% better now. Still no contact, getting healthy again, unfortunately have to now be on medication for my nerves as to much damage but I'm away from them and I'm not breaking contact again. I've told my daughter to deal with anything to with my dads passing when it happens. I'm booking a holiday for the first time in 30 years, going to see a band in another state and spend a couple of days there. 💜

[@rileykennedy4066]

This is highly illuminating for me to view at this time in my life (I have been working on making some hurtful memories feel distant from where I am now). Anyways, I saw my parents for the first time in maybe 10 months two days ago. I had found some peace but felt guilty putting them off. I was not surprised, but surprised how clearly I was able to see the same old tactics at work. Throughout the conversation, I had essentially been told that, as it turns out, other family members’ issues with the narc were actually not the narc’s fault but mine. Due to my sensitivity, I was told, the other family members had been unfairly blaming the narc. So not only was I flawed in all the ways I had been led to believe were true, but now my flaws were responsible for how other family members reacted to the narc. A true scapegoat, even in my absence others’ actions were being assigned to my corpse. I was canon fodder to the narc’s need to absolve himself. To be able to take it in from a more distant mind state just reinforced some of the growth I’ve made, because it showed me that, as I alluded to above, even in my absence, I remained the scapegoat to the narc. And that he had to share that with me, after not seeing me for 10 months and in a context I assumed would be very surface level friendly…Well, that seemingly insatiable need for him to reinforce some negative opinion on me never left him. I had changed, but he had not. I am not explaining it well and have left some details out, but it was just so obvious to me.I wish I had been as well equipped to see these things for what they are when they were shaping me. But to connect it back to this video - as they left I got that bad feeling within myself. It was only then that I realized just how healthy the prior 10 months had been for me and how unhealthy and damaging things had been before.

[@user-jq3ht2wj8j]

my heart races everytime I watch these videos; thank you so much for providing us with this.

[@starseeds8121]

Same

[@daisyrelaxedsounds]

❤

[@sandracairney6007]

I've seen a person literally look bodily different after having left the environment of a person. They put on weight and became more creative than ever they had been, it happened in the period of literally months, unbelievable recovery. I'm still worried about the emotional recovery but it's obvious physically, no longer a slave has been absolutely right right for him physically, eating better etc and not being around a lot of manipulations and cruel punishments and chores he was never responsible for, taking care of himself and not an entire family has meant he is finally free to just care for his own responsibilities as the danger is no longer there, the constant micromanagement is no longer there and he is not left carrying the burdens of other people's work. Narcissistic parents are unbelievably selfish, it is a child emotionally and physically taking care of an adult and sometimes their parents kids as well, household chores and still expected to put up with the trauma cycles and watching the horrible dynamics of golden child, scapegoat and scapegoating the others periodically, not to mention the fact that the mother figure will be going through emotional trauma bonding she won't understand usually. The adult female is trauma bonded and seems blinded to the fact the kid's are unusually behaved and repressed around the narcissist or the older kids start having behavioural problems because of it. These people need social work watching and if the mother can't see she's being probably driven to disassociation and breakdown herself, then she needs care herself and the abuser removed from the existing kids. The ones that got away were lucky but the brainwashing and gaslighting damage the mothers ability to take in the neglect, the rages, the absence of love being given to them in breadcrumbs followed by constantly told they are not good enough and are lucky to have this selfish, psychopath living with them. Its not enough to show and prove how different the escaped adult child is or the fact many times kids are lost because of let's say in this case, the fathers covert abusing. Especially the older kids are prone to rebel if not subject to the breaking down of the narcissist from baby hood. if the narcissistic parasite has found a new host family and is thriving there financially, the unloved wife subject to control will be thinking she isn't good enough or competing with an imaginary ex who wanted escape, was slandered and stalked before landing in her poor family. I wish I could be there for even a woman who misread the situation and let her know what she's dealing with. Nobody needs a predator stalking them and the kids, driving everyone apart.. Lots of shouting or overpowering even if the girl doesn't resist and absolutely no emotional support as to her feelings. Neither her nor her kids will have a voice and getting away would mean using services to protect her kids and ensure that she wasn't smeared, stalked. She would immediately get to see the other lovers he had been entertaining and I feel so sorry where once I was angry with this person. Nobody is loved by N, and that means his kids though he may do his duty physically, will remain brininging themselves up with strict rules, no playing, no talking, no child natural behaviour or the mother will be punished or compared to the fool before her who became obsessive with housework. Acts you suppose are kindness are actually competition, it's crazy. One parent will buy a toy for Xmas, if there's money, the narcissist will get something better. Not sure how it'd work in large families but they will spend as little as possible on food or clothing for the kids but it'll be reframed as budgeting while he spends stuff on himself or whomever he will be dating. All is a fantasy but that fantasy can break. Don't sit feeling your going to be overwhelmed, you'd be surprised who will help you, even that ex who seemed so evil and whom you might realise either tried to warn, hint etc and that's why n makes sure you never ever get along. Believe me, she doesn't want a cluster b either if she has given the signs of no contact. No person deserves to feel unworthy of love and nobody should have a huge family with no support whatsoever and yet constantly feeling depressed like you will be left anytime. Every case is almost identical because it's a personality disorder, a cluster b cannot be given love or they use it for personal gain. Have you seen bullying? Have you seen no friends that visit for long? Are your family happy, are you happy? We have one life and we don't deserve to have an extra special burden everyday. When it's good the sun shines but mostly it's just a business run for their satisfaction they never achieve. Is there multiple examples of porn or looking at exes lives? This isn't normal behaviour. Since I went through the complicated understanding of real emotional and physical abuse, I occasionally write my experiences to educate and share with other people. They will confuse the life out of you or pretend to not understand. They will never change, check out cluster b disorders and see fir yourself, even counselling doesn't help their bouts of depression, one expression often used was "my cups almost full, before a blow up for no reason" another was incessant phone calls and monitoring, even your phone and handbag isn't safe. I hope to be able to get my health back after repeated breakdowns, it's taken years for me to feel safe from police accusations as he took my child. The other woman would only see his gaslighting to cause self defense rage, what do you do when your child is being psychologically abducted and you've bent over backwards trying to share custody. I'm glad the mystery child has grown up and escaped, I know the subject of dv inside out now. All the signs and tells written by psychiatrists on what this is. If there's confusion it's abuse, on a regular basis tantrums, abuse, controlling abuse, pathological lying abuse, favourite children is abuse, neglecting or miscallingvpresent or past emotional problems of a partner is abuse of trust and not normal. Most British parents willncoparent in their child's best interests bv the first year my poor son terrified of the n was witnessing in court against a perfectly loving mother, don't let it happen to you. Run but run quietly. I thought he had a heart but he was the most evil man I'd met, in and out of court with Lies for years. Despite the bad mother accusstion it was it was proven to be untrue. Don't destroy yourself and your kids, look the evidence as these dangerous men have no remorse and it's already proven, they will try to destroy if you escape alone. Take care, please feel free to contact me if you know who I am, I know it wasnt the victims faults i}. It took years to 8

[@sandracairney6007]

God bless the safety of All of us who are either in or recovering from being called emotionally unstable or made to verbally or psychologically fight exes who were never a threat. They experienced what you have, do you really think they want to feel that worthless again. It's ever so loving or ever such a bullying bastard. It's like heart disease, every single case I read has the same characteristics. One woman broke my heart as her 3 daughters under 5 turned against her to the point of throwing stones and she loved every one. It's a tragedy for a child to lose a mum or dad who really loves them. It does the controlled new victim no good either, made to go to court, witness lying and stalking, very dangerous but it's the same with all malignant narcissistic personality disordered psychopaths. How do you tell from autism? Autistics have remorse and don't make elaborate plans involving every authority known to man against an innocent ex. All is for selfishness and ultimately, short term it looks like they win, long term, kids grow up and recognise the mal adaptive torture devices used against them and their parent. Most kids as adults will see the truth, even if it's a new partner explaining it. Prayers for all confused by these demonic manifestations, lying, cheating making you cycle misery wit you take care and fight the good, honest fight, parasites do nothing but suck you dry, it's about them and they don't care, them and the illusion.

[@Linda-ki5xh]

I woke up one morning to find I couldn't walk. Narc daughter was so angry at this nuisance. She shoved me in the car, backed out driveway in anger so fast she ran over and killed kiddies beloved cat. Got to hospital. Grabbed me out of car, dragged me over hospital forecourt, I lost a shoe. She dumped me in a wheelchair and left to park car. I had a spinal cord infarct, it's rare, neurological and brought on by extreme stress. Actually like having a heart attack on the spinal cord. The previous day had been incredibly stressful as narc daughter and her ex had a lot of fun with me. I was told I would never walk again, as lower three spine joints are atrophied. Stubborn me wouldn't give up and I walk, thanks to therapists whose motivation matched mine. My pension card daughter helped herself, over $8grand while in hospital.. I had polyvagal therapy and it is awesome. So grateful. Yes, distance, zero contact, she's bad for my health... the grandkids have lost a loving Nana, goodness knows what smears they do or don't believe.

[@nesxya]

I'm so sorry you went through that.

[@alwayspeace898]

Just stay alone with God too many ppl with an ugly heart n ppl have an ugly heart pretend to have a kind heart. This world is not safe. It makes me sad. I can’t trust n love anymore

[@CanadianBear47]

Has anyone vommited and or had migrains

[@FaithfulandTrue949]

Timely word after a vitriolic email from a sibling, designed to pierce & hurt. It's actually a gift as I care and pray for them and foolishly hoped there could be some contact in the future. NOT A CHANCE NOW. Mine and my children's safety depends on my strength through God to stay away! We spend our lives treating them as though they are compassionate like us, and they treat us according to the perverseness of whats inside their hearts. Good tree can't bear bad fruit as Jesus said! Thank you Jay , bless you 🙏

[@JulieSevelson-nb9nj]

Yup- there's a lot of people who are told it's unforgiveness to avoid abusers, especially abusive parents. Like if you don't go near them or submit to the abuser, your are dishonoring them,and even God. Well, the way around that,is to just make sure that some agency is tasked with making certain that all basic needs are met,like food, medical care, and housing. You don't have to be there to do it- just make the arrangements. Forgiveness and reconciliation are two different things !!

[@yl5020]

🙏🏽💟✝️

[@alisonj9533]

Block, don't be put on hold for others, make it permanent.

[@LoveBeliefTruth]

My mind starts to think somethings is wrong when my nervoussystem feel safe and good with someone 😢 It's because I've used to be feeling very bad, on high alert. So people who are actually good people, make my head think there's something wrong. 😢 I had to go to many therapist to find out I tended to gravitate towards unsafe and dangerous people or therapists. Because I though they could handle the heavy "reality" of my interpersonal trauma filled life. Now, I finally understand. And I'm finally super alert on that.

[@g.b657]

I am in my fifties and I’m a magnet for narcissist I am coming from a family of narcissistic siblings , I have been the scape goat still I am and they are so good in projecting and manipulating the whole situation , and can convince people you are the Problem not Them .

[@irisjasmincook6918]

I had been married to a narc and I am just now learning slowly to relax and not to fear being alone, anxious and nervous Happy healing

[@AudreysBrains]

I’m just imagining a life where I understood all of this 30 years ago. Well, better late than never! Subscribed ❤

[@MariliaCoutinho]

Agreed. Some time ago, we had a session where we highlighted trust. My therapist asked me who I trust. I automatically replied: "you". He said "ok, but I am not in the picture in this space. Who do you trust "out there"?". My answer was and remains: "nobody". Intellectually, I know that "out there" there are individuals at all points of a continuum that goes from (a hypothetical) "unconditionally safe" and "absolute danger". These are "ideal types", in the sense that they don't exist unambivalently. I wish the adaptive neural response to this new stage in which I am even geographically on the other side of the planet follows your model. I'm not sure, though: I am the result of 6 decades of gaslighting and abuse. I would like to at least know what it feels like to trust anyone, or anything.

[@starseeds8121]

I understand about the lack of trusting anyone.

[@cairosilver2932]

I would think that the 'scary scrutiniser' is part of Joanne suddenly looking at her therapist to see if he will abandon her for her act of 'defiance' (which is actually self care). Seeing him that way is a childlike attempt at some protection against the potential (and heartbreaking) severing of connection.

[@steffi5945]

Wise words.

[@Joelswinger34]

Thank you, Jay! It is fascinating learning the science behind this. It is also very validating to know there is even a physical cause to my difficulties!

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

Please do more about the polyvagal theory. I tried to look in to it but I don't really feel I fully get it.

[@1Marflowa]

I feel sick to my stumic.....even this morning i recieved emails from my mom, that im sick, need help, how everyone hates me. Everytime i react with facts.... but then she just turnes it around again. I wonder why she don't want to be as a mom to me...but try to ruin me to the point i can not function in my daily life. She put me through hell and back and still she wont stop. Im 43 now, and still don't know how to stop this abuse

[@smoozerish]

No contact. Block and cut all contact ASAP

[@musalmaniac6328]

I had an issue with my therapist. I complained that I just wanted my family to take my side for once and support me, no matter what I do they have an issue. I was a solidier, they dont believe me. I was training as a police officer. Oh but dont you have a nice little job in a warehouse? They just constantly tore down everything i did or achieved. And her response was that I was paying too much attention to what they thought making me feel stupid for just wanting my family to love me. Once again, theres no blame on them, their hand in this gets ignored once again and it's just my issue to get over.

[@bevhills4877]

Find a therapist who isnt an N

[@sk.n.9302]

In certain situations at work, I feel myself inexplicably & suddenly "freezing". I go blank & can't speak. It last s a couple of minutes. It's awful. This has happened after years of narc abuse. I am free now but still have this ptsd. Thank you for offering a reason for this!

[@judinolan221]

From my experience, when a therapist or psychiatrist that I’ve spoken with was unlearned in narcissistic abuse, they only added to my trauma. And I feel I’m finding that they had to have been through narcissistic abuse themselves in most cases, not all but most.

[@daisyrelaxedsounds]

Finding helpful videos like this really helps survivors, like myself, therapy can be tough when all you want is to be free from the abuse and live in peace and happiness

[@sarahw7616]

Thanks Jay, you are helping us heal. One nervous system at a time. 💚 We support you too. 💙🫂. Take care of yourself my friend, you are one of us. , 💚🫂

[@jreid-heal-narcissistic-abuse]

I appreciate that

[@sp3g56]

I am trying to leave an abuser. Everyone judged me and thinks I’m a sinful bad person for not working it out with them. When they’re around me, I get the same skin rash I had as a kid, I get abdominal pain, I start gaining weight, I can’t think clearly without great effort, I feel weak and tired and scared constantly. And people think I should just live like this, that I should just give up living for this relationship. I’m scared I’m making a mistake leaving, or that my childhood trauma makes me sense danger that’s not really there. But I do feel like I can sense the hate coming from this person towards me constantly. I wonder if I can have a relationship that doesn’t feel like this. Thank you for this video, it helps me to trust my own instinct better. I just wish I didn’t have to walk through life being seen as the villain for leaving. Thank you again!

[@leahweinberger583]

Leave. Save yourself. God did not put you on this earth for you to be sacrificed on the altar of someone else evil.

[@dennisrobinson8008]

Gotta go.

[@Janis_Even]

This video explains how I felt when I went to my psychiatrist. I have a long history with him where he has already given me good impulses. But when I switched contact to my mother to 0 contact. I suddenly felt that the whole construct of the narcissist is like a web. I can't trust my psychiatrist either. Since everything would be at my expense. All what my mother has destroyed it would later on interpreted that it was my fault. Because it is so interwoven. I did no longer know who to trust. In the last meeting with the psychiatrist, the earlier trust was back. I did not consciously recognise what happened, but I noticed it unconsciously. When yo go on O contact with the aggressor (narcissist) and you're outside of that dynamic. That's when the time begins when you're really deep inside. And you work on it. To hopefully get out at the end of the tunnel on the other side. Since the narcissist abuse causes also problems in relationships. And also feelings of yourself of feeling in danger. Only your inner child is truly for you and your needs.

[@winxclubstellamusa]

This puts my life long disautonomia = autonomic nervous system neuropathy and dysfunction in a whole new light. Thank you 🙏 But I must say that most therapists are NOT safe at all, nor do they have a shred of empathy, because they are narcissists and other forms of cluster bs who get their narcissistic supply from feeding off of the pain that their clients present to them and then dismissing it and treating it with contempt and then put all of the blame onto the already self-loathing and terrified victim who is in front of them. I have been abused by so many therapists and psychiatrists that I could have a panic attack just thinking about how they humiliated me, betrayed me, and took advantage of me. And most therapists are also completely clueless as to what narcissistic abuse is, and offer advice that only makes the situation worse. Which is why, despite what is shown in the media, most people who go to therapy actually get worse, not better. So those who just say “therapy” as this general, magical thing that will provide safety, empathy, information, and healing are actually putting people in harms way. And if the average therapist had any empathy they wouldn’t be able to have more than one client! They would be too preoccupied with and invested in one to three people and that’s it. But we know that that is not the case. Mainstream psychology is NOT the solution, and it is systematically emptied of any information and techniques that can help anyone, because big pharma needs repeat clients, and it would ruin their business for them to actually help anyone.

[@rs5570]

You have to be an exceptional person who had extrordinary great training to be a good therapist. This man is one of those. Very high IQ. Empathetic. But my experience is the same as yours. At 20 a male therapist told me to literally ho home & kill myself. Told me a couple of ways to do it. I think sometimes very sick people are attracted to this work so they can orey on people. I won’t go again ever but I want others to try to find a goid one if they can.

[@winxclubstellamusa]

@@rs5570 OMG I’m so sorry that a therapist has said that to you and took advantage of your vulnerability like that!! I sincerely hope that you have reported him like I was miraculously able to report one of the therapists who hurt me. And yes, the striking majority of therapists are narcissists and psychopaths, and we are far from the only survivors of narcissistic abuse to notice that. Jay is an exception to the rule because of how he is a survivor as well, and it’s a well known thing within the survivor community that any therapist who is not a survivor is most likely a narcissist, whom of course does all harm and no good. And self healing and self reprogramming does NOT require therapy at all, especially with how I have observed that most people who go to it for whatever purpose. Healing is done via studying the material that is thankfully available online right now straight from the experts and then implementing it and doing the work at our own pace, and making sure to include reprogramming our attachment style in our healing process. You can do it! I believe in you 🧡

[@jhavajoe3792]

@@rs5570 That therapist should see a real therapist. I went to a couple's counselor once and expressed the lack of living space causing strife and stress ( kids). I offered the solution of paying for a larger dwelling, shot down by my ex Narc ( she said it was inconvenient for her). The counselor suggested I get a plastic shed from Sears. To this day, I regret paying for the session.

[@scarletohara6743]

I have similar experiences.You put it so eloquently and put a frame around psychotherapy that is truly helpful. There are self-help groups and many books and internet lectures that go directly into the problem. I fear that certain narcissism experts overstate the victimisation by narcissists and should rather direct a person to look deeply into their own emotional life to find out why they are with a narcissistic person. Much more healing. If you don't know why you didn't defend yourself, you'll just fall in with another abusive person. Thanks for this comment and good luck to those who want to heal themselves.

[@winxclubstellamusa]

@@scarletohara6743 yes, I agree. You’re welcome and good luck to you as well! ❤️

[@stevec3892]

I had anxiety and panic my whole life

[@juneelle370]

I would love to go totally no contact. So much guilt and madness is being thrown at me right now (and anytime in the past they’ve perceived distancing-even several severe sabotages I’m even still in the aftermath of. And yes~this is for my protection-not punishment! Of course the scapegoat isn’t allowed protection or empathy so of course how would they ever approve/understand why this is necessary since they get so much out of me and I just receive HARM from them? Does anyone know, as he mentioned limited contact in his example, does that still work to free you energetically/emotionally from the family system? Like only a short phone call on holidays or something? Also I love that Jay brought up the science on this too!!! I’ve been realizing it’s so detrimental to me to even have contact with people who’ve done me so much harm-bc then even in a basic phone call, I still know, I’m engaging with people who’ve done so much harm and take no responsibility/accountability and just rage when any harm is mentioned! It feels disrespectful to myself to even just chat! Name calling and lies so egregious that it’s crazy-making when calling for accountability and now because of saying I want no contact-it’s insane to deal with people who can’t introspect and can make up lies at the drop of a hat and act so sanctimonious and victimized while doing it! It’s so interesting how this intersects with evolutionary/tribal psychology… and now since we are raised in tribes of 4 (or more…nuclear family) engaging with the placement of other tribal members who put you in low place triggers survival:stress because of the life and death costs of being ejected from even a toxic tribe. Healthy tribes had a ⭕️ structure and unhealthy tribes authoritarian/tyrannical/hierarchical 🔺. And they’ve shown that even animals have these different tribal cultures develop based on who’s the leader. So nasty tyrannical leaders lead to difficult relationships on every level… though often tyrannical leaders don’t rule as long (they are murdered or killed in fights) and leaders who operate in an inclusive way ⭕️ there is more peace throughout the tribe and they lead/live long. There was a study of chimps~the tyrannical leader and his cronies all died off because they hogged food that happened to be poisoned. Then a few females at top lead the group with one male chimp-everyone was happier and way less stressed/peaceful. They’ve now found this is the most peaceful and successful culture for chimps (a group of kind female leaders with one kind male leader) . It absolutely makes sense what he said about out different nervous systems being engaged when in stressful/fearful family system especially as scapegoat (who’s at the bottom) because I’ve lived it and I’m longing to be free! Can I be free with limited, structured contact? Anyone?

[@juneelle370]

Thank you so much for sharing your experience and even sharing your wondering if no contact would have been better! I know for sure it’s so hard on me to do the chit chat, no accountability or apologies or change in behavior even if there aren’t huge dramas in every conversation… you know they’re coming! and it will be swept under rug like rest of it… watching Jay’s videos I have felt empathy for myself now and it feels like I’m disrespecting myself to have that level of contact-because I know I can’t bring up what they’ve done or anything they do in the future. Once I first found out about narcissism, I thought, I’ll never do no contact because that felt “mean” (despite their unmitigated meanness to me)… but it’s just getting to the point where Im feeling for me TOO and I know for sure I DESERVE better. We all deserve better. If I could find a limited contact way that didn’t hurt me… maybe I can try different styles… it’s just I’m such a feeling person, I can’t even fake “grey rock” 😂 I admits, I’m emotional/sensitive. And what Jay is saying and other research about tribal psychology, I’m like will my full psychology, physiology, energy, emotions be free with limited? I’m gonna have to trial and error it! And yes, what you said makes total sense! In a healthy tribal system that would not be tolerated and the kid could be protected by other members and bond with them instead. I hope humanity can find its way back to tribes and even make them more loving. There has to be a way. Every house you drive by can be a heaven or a hell on Earth. 🤗 thank you for sharing your experience with this! 💞

[@leahweinberger583]

I would say no. This is a very hard painful lesson that I'm in the midst of learning. It's bad enough your family abandoned you, for you then to abandon yourself just to have contact with ppl who will continue the poor treatment of you, but this time you're helping them. It's a mind F. There is some illusion you're holding onto...but it's an illusion of love or care or understanding or you want to be a good person and good ppl wouldn't cut iff..etc etc. It is what it is. They did what they did. You can choose different and honor yourself by choosing to protect yourself from them from here on out. They won't care unless ots to mock you or get angry that you are no longer submitting to be the dilumpingground. If they wanted to treat you better, they would and could. Hardest lesson is seeing the situation and family of origin EXACTLY as they are. No excuses or explanation. Seeing them and then believing the truth of them. Hugs..hope you feel better or get better. I hope you just go no contact. Clear a space for love and good treatment in your life.

[@juneelle370]

@@leahweinberger583 Thank you, Leah 🌼 for now, my dignity is intact and my tongue unhinged in new awareness, so the convos are shorter and less often. And I don’t consider them “family”, someone has to be worthy of that word… I just consider them extremely self-centered, non-introspective people who I love, but with a distance and knowing they’re incapable…. like two year olds in adult bodies, captured in patterns of evil (non-love) and hierarchy. I believe in choice, I believe in change, in free will… but I don’t really know if these people can face themselves inside… I guess only God knows really… so I pity them (and no longer get sucked in by pity! it was always pity for them and extremely little care/respect for me) and protect myself. You sure as heck can’t do a thing to reach them inside or change behaviors. All of this scapegoat/slave ego mentality is one big human tragedy-but awareness helps us escape one by one… and internally too… more and more steps away… it’s all about needing family connection and at the same time understanding it’s just not there and never was/will be… so entering a sacred solitude for now 🌀 thank you for your advice

[@DebbieLee-dr3hr]

It's HARM wrestling when you sacrifice yourself for damaged relationships. Your body will tell on itself.

[@juneelle370]

@@DebbieLee-dr3hr yellow rock is working extremely well for me, thank God 🙌 limited contact and limited areas of conversation

[@Lioness_of_Gaia]

Thank you. 💚😊💚

[@basilrose]

Thank you so much for breaking down this process Dr. Reid ❤ It's critically valuable information for us as trauma survivors to absorb and retain for the successful restoration of our mind-body connection.

[@vidanaps714]

Thank you Jay for your sense of expertise . Living with a Narciscism person it’s like walking on an eggshell mostly when your are to kind I feel they always come after us. Even driving they criticized my driving skills screams or yelled I’ve got bullied whenever if things goes not on their way . They falsely accuse for their own behavior I’ve got into trouble with the law but thank God he’s on my side . Even they want you to cook for them after you have to invited them if not they will said that we’re disrespectful they comes and goes whenever they want especially at my own place if I don’t open they will bang our door etc…… I’ll lost all my sense of confident and lost my joy of life when the demon is around . Please Lord I’ll will pray to find an exit plan B can’t do this anymore 🥺🙏🏻😔😢

[@dagmaranja888]

I hope you'll be able to grow and heal. Bless you!

[@alabama.worley]

I'm late here, but wanted to share nonetheless due to the significance. Last week I was hospitalized for a medical emergency for just over 24 hours. I have an autoimmune disease (unrelated to hospitalization) with open skin lesions all over my entire body. I also experience EXTREME inflammation as a result, and can't even stand up some days due to the pain and swelling in my legs and feet. So, upon my return home where I live with my narcissistic parent, I took a shower and noticed something incredible. All of my lesions were 90% healed, and almost completely gone. I couldn't believe it! Unfortunately, within 24 hours of being back home, the inflammation and lesions came back with a vengeance. I literally couldn't walk for days. I am checking myself into a treatment facility to both get out of this environment, and to work through my immense trauma. I just wanted to share my story, as it validates the theory's of there being a link between certain major health issues and systematic psychological abuse.

[@bchristian85]

Is it possible to resolve the health issues without escaping the abuse? The health issues are one of the things that keep me in the cycle. I'm worried that if it turns out to be cancer or something else, I'll have no option but to rely on my family. That said, I'm almost certain these issues are the result of my nervous system having been decimated over the past four years by the retraumatizing situation I've had to go through. Certain symptoms have healed, like I was seeing halos around lights at one point and that's gone now, but I feel to get my life back I have to go no contact with my family.

[@alabama.worley]

@@bchristian85 I would imagine not. The body is under enormous stress, thus there is no opportunity to heal, in addition to further abuse compromising the already weak systems. I'm checking into a medical facility for my escape. I suggest doing the same, or finding a close family member/friend who can put you up while you do the work. At the end of the day, the only way around this is by going directly through the trauma, taking accountability, and seeking out support.

[@womanclothedinthesunq7574]

Thank you 💞 love from Albuquerque shared.

[@starlight5655]

I am in so much conflict with myself around my family. jumpy. reactive. paranoid. insecure. This is why!

[@xxxdftkkhgdrujj]

I learn the most from this channel - Thanks so much for your work