The science of analyzing conversations, second by second | Elizabeth Stokoe | TEDxBermuda

Prof. Elizabeth Stokoe takes a run on what she terms the “conversational racetrack”-the daily race to understand each other when we speak-and explains how to avoid hurdles that trip us up and cause conflict.
Elizabeth Stokoe is a British scientist. She studies conversation analysis. She is a professor at Loughborough University. She graduated from the University of Central Lancashire (Preston Poly) in 1993 with a traditional psychology degree. Then Stokoe completed three years PhD research at Nene College (Leicester University) with Dr. Eunice Fisher.
Her research included videotaping interaction in university tutorials, and conducting conversation analyses of topic production, topic management, academic identity, and the relevance of gender. She developed these and other interests while working at the Institute of Behavioural Sciences (University of Derby, 1997-2000) and University College Worcester (2000-2002).
Stokoe joined the Department of Social Sciences at Loughborough in October 2002 and was promoted to Reader (2007) and Chair (2009). She teaches on the BSc Social Psychology programme, covering modules in relationships, qualitative methods and forensic psychology.
Stokoe developed the Conversation Analytic Role-play Method (CARM), an approach based on evidence about what sorts of problems and roadblocks can occur in conversation, as well as the techniques and strategies that best resolve these problems.[2] CARM won Loughborough University's Social Enterprise award (2013).
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[@andreeadobre3190]

As an autistic person who's been obsessively educating themselves on social interaction for the past 10-15 years in an effort to learn how to deal with humans (and hopefully pass as one myself), this is what I'm doing mentally most of the time. Didn't know there are careers in it.

[@2lizard559]

Please share your results How to respond when you dont know what to say

[@flower_bomb426]

Maybe u should get a youtube going with all the information u gathered to help autistic children people ect.. 🫶🏽

[@spocklover110]

I agree with flower bomb. Maybe you should do videos. I am on the spectrum and watch KZbin videos to understand nonverbal communication, but it would probably be even more beneficial if I could watch social skills videos from someone on the spectrum.

[@mrrondon]

Might be a bit late but I find myself in a similar situation. How has journey been since you commented?

[@anyajohnson7965]

I’m autistic. I thought this type of analysis made me a freak! I never though this was a legitimate job!! I feel better about myself and my hyper critical brain. Thank. You. Bunches! Xoxo, AJ

[@NeonCicada]

Same

[@yoyolala7070]

Same

[@martinwellsgold]

same

[@mustafamohamed3627]

Same

[@dejureclaims8214]

This is very useful for writing believable dialogue in fiction.

[@M8B2L8]

+TheSensoryplayer Yes we know it or 'feel it intuitively', but to produce it explicitly in writing is another skill. We can be taught how to make good conversation; in psychology Autism is a population where such 'intuition' is lacking and there are efforts to teach them to grasp the underlying meaning (or illocutionary act) of a phrase/sentence. What we are born into is the ability to learn a language. i.e. universal grammar (see Chomsky); I'm not so sure we are born to learn to hold a conversation, rather than assimilate and imitate the ways our models speak. I think Discourse Analysis will be more of the abstraction you are looking for. Good Day.

[@myatakyana4300]

Indeed I find it rather intriguing to use real life dialogue between people to be very useful in writing because of that sort realism of systematic communication between real individuals would enhance readers immersion with the story... how ingenious rather then the writers own experience take outside dialogue as a blueprint .

[@silvertoner1]

De Jure Claims yup!

[@DESTRAKON]

Ikr

[@prathushachadalavada6838]

@@M8B2L8 Hb

[@zaafarj]

Highly recommend the book "What do you say after you say hello" by Eric Berne. I read it after leaving high school and it really messed me up in a good way, got me to understand my identity and helped me to change my habits. That said, i'm still a mess but that's besides the point.

[@osh2738]

Thank you, I've given it a google- I think I'll buy a copy.

[@KatieFerraro1]

miscommunication is evident in so many aspects of our lives. what a fascinating science. a science that could have monumental effect on the way we live and understand one another.

[@philippwells1429]

For people like Jule Lang, were you aware of all the subtle implications of pauses during conversation? Were you aware of all the hidden meanings Elizabeth exposed in passing? Education does not always have a punch line, nor does it have to. You may have learned more from this video than you readily realize. I'm sick of all these haters. Love you.

[@quincyslawgmailcom]

Elizabeth Stokoe: I loved your talk, learned a lot. As well, I adore your conversational approach! Methinks you should keep calm, carry on, and disregard all of the naysayers and/or nitpickers. No doubt, resistance to being unnecessarily disarmed by petty criticisms is already a significant component of your own strategic arsenal, both professional and personal. Bravo, that! I'd appreciate knowing where to learn more about your study discipline; it's absolutely fascinating, and explains much about what is being said, and conveyed in any given conversation, even when actual words are not being used or exchanged. Many thanks for your presentation, and life-affirming, down-to-earth, refreshing approach. Never mind critiquing your, "ums," or choice of footwear. You are not merely intelligent and knowledgeable, but a veritable breath of fresh air! Cheers, Q.L.

[@chrisbanisch]

"Have you ever been married" turns pages in a positive manner. This is so important to the outcome of conversation! Thank you so much Elizabeth Stokoe!

[@bupechikumbi3082]

I began by reading comments... Bad choice. I nearly failed to enjoy this perfectly good talk... This was interesting, awesome stuff

[@monicasearle695]

I'm 2 minutes and 30 seconds into this and I just heard the single most greatest phrase I've ever heard in my life it makes so much sense "anti-age your language." Does anyone else say this I know I'm going to use it it's amazing

[@toraquan]

I'm totally going to go back through all my favorite videos where two people are having dialogues, and apply what I've learned here.

[@eminenurtopaloglu685]

I love the combination of entertaining language and giving pretty shocking info. by using examples of our daily life.this video deserves more like n view.really🙇🏻‍♀️🖤

[@conceptfrontier5271]

This is a lot of fun to watch! These conversations are fabulous

[@antoinesimeon728]

I work in a lab myself. Love the outfit! No-frills, laid back yet sleek attire rocks in my line of work. Perfect for the need to move around a lot yet looking adequately smart, haha. Plus, with the personality and intelligent, wicked humor like that right from the opening, I was caught right till the end!

[@taniamartin6978]

Fascinating. Could listen to you all night!

[@jackkempson8712]

I am a guy in my early twenties who has the opportunity to go to university but haven't mainly because nothing has ever got me interested enough to do so. I've overcome a butt load of lethargy and depression in the last year and I want to learn while I'm still young. The content in this video knocked my socks off, this is what I'm interested in; The subtleties of human communication and language. Studied in a scientific manner for practical, purposeful reasons. Please Help, What can I study? What sunbject? Course? Linguistics? Psychology?

[@dausera]

You want to major in Communication Studies with a focus in Interpersonal Communication. It's home to this entire subfield called "Conversation Analysis" which Stokoe is a huge name in. I'd recommend reading: "Conversation Analysis: An Introduction" by Jack Sidnell.

[@DoloresMarconi]

Daniel U. Is this a joke? For some reason you think this woman is ready to go public and to teach. She needs to slow down, edit this "talk" which could be interesting if she became more socially engaged in herself as she appears to others. She must get involved in computers and how they work in research and promoting more effective communication. She is socially and intellectually out of touch.

[@angelinessmasongsong9693]

I'd take up Psychology if I were you, :)

[@erinh1804]

+Dolores Marconi Again, you're not only being nasty and negative, but moronic as well. SHE'S ALREADY A PROFESSOR AT A UNIVERSITY. HELLLOOOO? Please, tell me, at what university do you teach? Oh wait, you don't!

[@SuperAnimalDrummer]

+Dolores Marconi She's a PhD you moron

[@TaweretSekhmet]

"Did you push her to the ground?" "She fell to the lawn." It was a yes or no question that should have elicited a yes or no answer- No I did not or I did not push push her to the ground. Instead the suspect tried to lessen the impact of the damage and divert attention from himself to the victim. Push became fell-ground became lawn.

[@tabby__cat]

A suspect who is guilty or doesn't want to feel responsible for their actions will distance themselves from the situation. "Did you push her" is asking if the action started with the suspect as the agent. But saying "she fell" implies that the suspect had no hand in her falling, and therefore is an attempt to relieve him from any liability. But in essence, you can translate this as the suspect answering with a very indirect and vague "no", he did not push her.

[@meantares]

Fascinating! Thank you so much for this!

[@antonionakic2690]

This looks perfect for a phone app that analyzes your calls and gives you a breakdown of the call when it's done.

[@JuanGabrielOyolaCardona]

ikr.

[@kathylingen1667]

People actually do that ? It seems like insanity.

[@kathylingen1667]

Thank you Jenn.

[@grahamkeil2253]

Thanks Learning and helping people build bridges Thanks

[@devinanderson6716]

I loved the opening. The middle and end really was just a conversation analysis with some good take aways. But not saying the one secret word is, is… (0.7) .hh i don’t even know how to explain my thought process. *me after the tedtalk: “Elizabeth, what was that one magic word you mention?” Elizabeth: “*^%#}” Me: “oh…wow, *^%#}. Is that really it? Why couldn’t you have just said that word during your talk and carry on with the lecture?” Elizabeth: “*^%#}” Me: “uhh, yeah I know. But like you wouldn’t have needed to provide any explanation. You could’ve just said ‘here is a fantastic word to mediate many situations’” Elizabeth: “*^%#}” Me: “right, I’m gonna go now.” Elizabeth: “*^%#}”

[@proximacentauri2684]

Why is everyone so upset by her presentation? It was a bit all over the place, sure, but I certainly learned about conversation structure. That's what I was here for, and that's what I got. Take note of her very first line. She's an academic, not a performer.

[@chandrakantsharda3525]

Again I am hooked on ted talk

[@gunnargunn5473]

That was really interesting and is leaving me hungry for more.

[@conceptfrontier5271]

+Gunnar Gunn What I want to know is what's the magic bullet word for mediator service sales?!

[@gunnargunn5473]

It is not about money these days. The coming of the LORD is at hand!

[@NFramus]

+Concept Frontier She gave a good sales pitch, didn't she?

[@tonyjarrett9140]

+Gunnar Gunn Stay hungry my friend

[@BariumCobaltNitrog3n]

Concept Frontier "Willing" Would you be willing to discuss the problem...

[@raminsafizadeh]

The ‘racetrack’ concept is very useful!

[@DigitalUniverseReviews]

Great explanation to the layman, well done for your explanation, I would love to train in this field

[@Hotpocketmountiandew]

Wow! Finally. I can explain why I hate talking to some people. Because it's not that they appear to jump you with a loaded question or conversation. It's because they are actually using tactics to respond first ahead of time. Ever since I was 4 years old and started having conversations, these douche bags have been the bane of my existance. :) I feel so free now I know what it's called, how to stop these first responders and the fact I don't have to feel like I'm always running around a script they designed ahead of time. Those people are a waste of life, I'm never wasting my time, effort or attention on their lame, desperate rhetoric ever again. What a bunch of scummy low lifes. I hope I start a trend cause screw them. Their words are a waste of air.

[@pineapplaplatypotamus]

You can mess with them psychologically because it usually involves projection, so just accuse them of the same thing they're implying about you and keep pressing with simple questions

[@commnter10]

You just described a car dealership salesman.

[@commnter10]

And his manager, if they are going to play the "good salesman, bad manager" game.

[@CzarDodon]

Interesting for sure, and entertaining, but for someone who is an analyst her talk is not very well structured. She raises several questions, sometimes even promises an answer, but she doesn't give one. In the end you're left with a number of unanswered questions.

[@rafalzejmo4372]

+CzarDodon yep, that annoyed me ... i d been waiting for answers .... well, liar lol p.s. other than that , lovely speech x

[@GAMEMAKERspaceFTW]

+CzarDodon Intentionally keeping you curious. I'd say that's well structured?

[@joseguadalupeposada8270]

Well, you can still write her all your questions. I truely believe she'll try to answer what your doubts are. Cheers. You can look for her email on Google..

[@garrettsears2679]

being a good analyst of conversation does not necessarily mean being a great conversationalist/presenter. i found it interesting as all hell.

[@MichaelHarto]

agreed

[@kathybramley5609]

There's a quite political and interpersonal aspect that's been missed, though this is fascinating work - we need to have difficult conversations sometimes and people who evade clear signals that something is wrong, either out of entitlement or an excessive fear of conflict or rejection can be a real problem or quite dangerous to us in some ways, especially if so persistent they aim for nothing but smooth racetracks. I don't know if that's something that was recognised at least internally whilst giving the speech - there seemed to be a slight stumble over the words of the conclusion which to me seemed like it might have been suggestive of that.

[@nmp3]

I agree, this definitely seems like an area of study that a conversation analyst might want to look into, if they havent already. Nowadays there is a lot of strong ideological viewpoints that clash very easily when we see evidence of another person's (surprising) point of view come out in conversation.

[@ilikecartoons3543]

Are there any podcasts or KZbin channels about conversation analysis... I really want to learn more

[@blairwang2182]

Stokoe has a book called TALK tho, if you're interested in CA in plain language

[@christoph231]

I'm going through my notes from a lecture I took on interactional linguistics (which uses a lot of conversation analysis) right now and I stumbled upon this video, so after I finished it I went back to my notes when I suddenly realized that poor Gordon and Dana appear in my lecture as well, different part of the transcript but things are still not working out between them :/

[@mzenji]

Hello (0.7) EPIC!! LMAO!

[@user-mj1sc3nd7x]

Gordon is D O O M E D

[@deziannicoleryklawir1157]

This was great!

[@LilyKolle]

Fascinating subject, thanks for sharing! Don't listen to the insensitive comments.

[@evie7738]

I agree. Disappointed talk ended.

[@meekainc]

LOVE this! So what was the 'one word' she was talking about - in reference to the mediator being able 'stop it in its tracks' (think that is what she said... Any ideas?

[@harrisonhoban8320]

did you figure this out

[@mryolo8723]

@@harrisonhoban8320 the word is “willing”, obviously to be used within a sentence but adding it changes the dynamic and entices the respondent to move from ‘unwilling to cooperate’ to ‘willing to cooperate’.

[@burnoutauge6089]

the wave in the beginning is like nails in my ear

[@BC-ny7rx]

I couldve watched 2 hrs of this..... easily

[@boya92_]

Actions speak louder than words, even if the interaction is an actual conversation. The way in which we interact with each other is on a daily basis taken for granted however much our we are focused on the phrases to come to an answer. In view of this fact, it's worth noting that the assessment of an interplay may provide us a glimpse of the psychology from where the conversation is being addressed and its potential outcome regardless the setting, for it is implied and figured out as the conversation unfolds. This is to a large extent a factor that when being aware of-hinders the biased reaction with which one is prone to let oneself being carried away when it comes to answer.

[@RobinHartJones]

When she got into 'How a conversation is structured.' with its set pieces at the start I was hoping she would move onto what it means when people never use these set structures...like me. When I phone someone, including personal calls, I go straight into why I rang eg 'Hi. It's Rob. Do fancy coming over on Saturday?'. If someone calls me, if I know who is calling I open with 'Hi Mike. What can I help you with?' and I just get frustrated when they respond with 'Hi it's Mike. How are you?'. It can be quite comical when people just cannot get off the well worn track and when I respond to 'How are you?' with 'I'm fine.' they stumble a bit and reply 'Err. I'm OK as well thanks.' when I never enquired. It is not like Gordon trying to keep things on track on purpose it is just an inability to cope with a non-standard reply :-) I had a colleague, a lovely person, who would ring me at 2am when the only reason had to be that there was some disaster at work but he always insisted on asking how I am and how my wife is and how my children are before he would get into why he rang :-) It used to drive me crazy as I just wanted to fix the problem! I sometimes wonder if it means I am just a little higher up the autism scale than the average person. I cannot even force myself to go through the motions of following the script. It is not that I am rude, I am always polite but just can't get my head around meaningless smalltalk.

[@MistaSmith]

This science is ridiculously interesting! First-mover question about the end, though: Why should the first-mover deny their own identity for the sake of the other person, but the other person should accept their their identity and enforce it on others?

[@hannah071094]

This is awesome

[@roger_isaksson]

Being a bit on the offensive is a good way of establishing a persons stability and trustworthiness. Flaky people usually drop the ball immediately due to a feeling of something unpleasant coming pouring from their subconscious and insecurities. I’d just ask whenever something unjust is projected my way: *What is it that you want?* Rather than being passive-aggressive, as exemplified.

[@SavvasPapasavva]

Really enjoyable lecture. I wonder what software is being used to transcribe conversations?

[@conceptfrontier5271]

+Savvas Papasavva If you find that out, give me a shout!

[@lois1321998]

PartiturEditor!

[@elizabethbennet4791]

i do transcription professionally, I never heard of that

[@SeverSFSs]

Id imagine its just algorithms programmed by them specifically for this study.

[@yoga47883]

We used Praat at university :)

[@4yd3kco4]

"such are the blood and the lineage which can, with perfect truth, be assigned to the authentic Sophist."

[@sparkythancztwise]

Are you quoting her? Or someone else? I could watch it again to check how (if) I missed it, but I'd rather scan the comments for another 20 minutes. LOL, yeah, nah.

[@fischerwatchering2630]

She literally says "I've got a one word magic bullet for this. I'm NOT GOING TO TELL YOU NOW BUT YOU CAN ASK ABOUT IT LATER IF YOU LIKE". How are y'all worried about analyzing a conversation when you won't even listen to one?

[@harrisonhoban8320]

did you figure this out

[@theprimalpitch190]

Very engaging and fresh. Offers some new perspectives. Thanks. And kudos to the kind professor for showing up in comments as well. Now, to get in to first mover mode... Seems this talk is a bit polarizing because while the presenter is very likable and articulate, the promise of analysis is not really delivered in an expert fashion. Instead we get more of a fly-by or burlesque of analysis. Not complaining, it's still worth the ride. Elizabeth, if you're still listening, may I encourage you to find stronger and more apt terms and similes. For example, "first mover" seems to criticize anyone who moves a conversation toward substance and away from trivialities. Seems you're really referring to passive-aggressive behavior (the deniability you highlight indicates the "passive" part). And with "race track" I believe you've gone off course again - Too many conflicting and inconsistent associations in the notion of racing. For example, in a race we mainly ignore others and the overriding concern is to win. Surely that's not what you're suggesting conversation is about. Finally, may I suggest you create a wider context of our human imperatives, individual sensitivities and styles and cultural norms all of which would serve as a magnifying lens for your specific findings. Hope to see more video in the future. --Roy

[@phildavenport4150]

Asimov had his characters conducting an unspecified content analysis of the promises of imposing characters in his Foundation series. We should all have that skill.

[@CharlesGilmore3]

Interesting. Intriguing.

[@AbhilashNoxBaruahnx1ee7]

Brilliant xD simply brilliant!!

[@danteduruisseau6854]

Bravo 👏

[@arkansastrey9694]

i was hoping there was something to learn from this :(

[@pineapplaplatypotamus]

She should've said that first movers are the same as haters, like all those angry KZbin comments without content, just hate

[@alupelimjamekwana2174]

Me too!

[@chevchelios1990]

What a great talk, I'm intrigued and curious to learn more... hoping there'll be more by Prof. Stokoe on the net, and looking forward to checking out commenter's recommendations below :)

[@Jacadz]

I have asked the question, " what is it you actually do?" Simply because the persons description of the job doesn't explain what the job is or does. I probably pull a face too as I feel rather silly for not understanding the job I have never heard of before.

[@sizzlenotsteak]

+Jacadz Have been this path myself with many people. They give general answers like I work at the CIA, I'm an engineer, I design things, or whatever. I want to know that you sit at a computer all day doing CAD or have personnel meetings or crawl through hot desert sands clenching a knife between your teeth taking the battle to the enemy. People often describe "just what it is that they" do poorly.

[@dreamWITH0UTfear]

How does one positively and respectfully "push back" against 1st movers?? Guidance on that would be 👌

[@Acujeremy]

Funny that if you have a upper class British accent no matter what you say will be perceived as an expert to Americans.

[@fredgarvinMP]

She's in Bermuda, a British territory...the more you know! =*

[@Acujeremy]

He has a British accent. You do not have to be living in actual England to have a British accent. My point still stands.

[@fredgarvinMP]

Nice grammar! You sound drunk! Your point (is) still nullified.

[@fredgarvinMP]

Dude, just forget it.

[@fredgarvinMP]

No, more because I'm bored with the conversation. Ciao!

[@andy20912]

engaging infomercial

[@epcenglishincorporation7375]

A spectacularity.

[@rajanmahawar442]

Informative video

[@meme9259]

Omg! Even I could've done a better at this talk and to explain better just over all in all aspects of this talk... Even I could've don't a better Job!!!

[@nnoidjardin8103]

+myra hope try to fix your grammar first...

[@philippwells1429]

Who speaks without filler words in their daily conversations? I haven't met that weirdo. Imagine this nice, intelligent lady did not use filler words... how unusual and uptight she would sound.... I'm not a professional conversation analyst, but I understand that deliberately restricting one's usage of filler words, so long as they are not too excessive, can make one's message taste awfully unnatural and overcooked. Get over yourselves, haters. It's not a competition. It's just science. Love you.

[@CrimsonCorona10]

Philipp Wells look at you, placing judgement on how a conversation, SHOULD sound. You must have had strict parents :D

[@philippwells1429]

I don't understand what you're implying. My parents weren't strict at all, if it matters.

[@nickkieper7574]

CrimsonCorona10 ? Philipp is responding to other people's judgments on Stokoe's presentation.

[@facrp]

+Philipp Wells Good point! I remember a job interview I had once where the interviewers - the three of them - didn't use filler words, didn't nod with their heads to my comments, didn't change the pitch or the volume of their voices, didn't gesture ever with their hands, didn't look away from me at all, didn't raise their eyebrows, and probably never blink while looking at me. It was too obvious and bizarre to overlook. Then someone told me it could have been a textbook tactic from the HR department to test people in uncomfortable situations. Anyway, it proves your point.

[@heatherhaze3680]

what are filler words? can have an example?

[@gino9094]

Anyone know of more videos or articles about this stuff???

[@extrabomb13]

What is the keyword?

[@extrabomb13]

Jithin Chacko Found it. Its 'willing'

[@sonicfoxxmusic4281]

+Jithin Chacko Interesting....i had my money on the word...READY.

[@sparkythancztwise]

@@extrabomb13 yep, if anyone wants to see it, she wrote it herself here in comments

[@sygb.550]

Thats why am losing my friends after having small convo U just fall into the habit of analysing without confronting (bc u will sound lunatic) and eventually being too disappointed to continue the relationship

[@JamesBskate4life]

Gordon knows the deal

[@BRAND0N...]

i think the one word is TRY or ASK or HOPE something like that. because they cant say with certainty that the other will or wont so it leafves them without an excuse.

[@lawrencelou3545]

On the nefarious side.. physical torture isn't necessary to extract information .. through analyzing verbal responses to probing yet seemingly harmless questions and reading micro expressions as well a body language.. one can glimpse the truth..

[@mmb1944]

I like the circular red carpet

[@jaimhaas5170]

I love it when she uses the term "receptacle"...how fitting.

[@byKunle]

yeah.... but what is the one word magic bullet?

[@davidparker1729]

Inspired by a question I asked myself a long, long time ago, "what makes me tick?" I am an ardent student of human behaviour. Prof. Daniel Kahneman, Nobel prize winner provides a lot of answers. Look him up and study cognitive biases.

[@MrBardun111]

What does the "push back" mean? 18:50

[@dolam]

What was the one word she alluded to?

[@nickkieper7574]

Tim Smith I've been trying to figure that out, myself. It seems like the "right approach" -- instead of the "philosophical" angle, or the "process" description -- would be the end-goal. If the salesperson described mediation as a way to resolve the neighbor's conflict [putting the onus on the other party], it might ease the potential customer's concern and open him up to giving it a try, at which point the mediator would engage the two parties in her neutral, nobody-is-right-or-wrong, you-two-work-it-out method she does. But even if that's where Stokoe is going with this, the one word that pivots into that approach? No idea.

[@dolam]

Thanks. I appreciate the info

[@patrickscholtes7601]

Tim Smith Here's the full article, for anyone who's interested: ideas.ted.com/what-a-difference-a-word-can-make-how-a-single-word-can-change-your-conversation/

[@dolam]

I'll check it out. Thanks

[@dolam]

I just read the article. Although it was not very clear I think the article was referring to any word with "any" in it. I am curious if anyone else read the article? If so what do you think?

[@tanyatumbeva7279]

Conversation analysis is useful for professional and work place discourse, but please, do not use this framework to make assumptions about people's lives, characters and problems. There can be so many reasons why this couple spoke the way it did.. This s a small stretch of interaction but now we are biased to think that the male has done something wrong and the female is upset about it. There is no context provided, but a few exchanges. Moreover, when there is a problem between people it may or may not come up explicitly in the conversation.. but a few pauses and deviations from Grice's principles answers nothing really. What if the conversation was not over the phone but was face to face? Wouldn't their faces, body postures, gesture etc speak more than their words?

[@dezmo7]

you're missing the point - conversational analysis doesn't investigate the kinds of contexts you talk about... it only looks at the kinds of responses within the discourse itself.

[@StephJ0seph]

Can someone please tell me the "magic bullet" word? I am dying of curiosity!!!!!

[@NikuAdhyaPooja]

Hello madam Its a Very good video.. May i ask you to analyse a sentence sent by my ex.. She wrote: Actually....I give up a thought to b with him anymore Instead of: I have decided to not to b with him anymore What it means by her sentence madam..? Does she think tht if i will turn all thing good then she may think to come to me back.. Kindly guide..

[@GALAFAUSTINA]

Niksum I can’t speak for her but, it seems to me that she was considering the possibility but upon analyzing it she realized it’s either impossible or unworthy.

[@MsDamosmum]

Erm - I think I'm a first mover and I had zero idea that I was doing anything wrong! I am diagnosed late in life with Asperger's and that apparently means having difficulty with communication. So I really have said to people 'so, what is it that you do at your job?' If that comes over as rude - it really REALLY isn't meant too. It's me just trying to understand! I'm a bit devastated to think that it's viewed as offensive. Maybe this lady or someone like her can teach Aspies (people on the autism spectrum) what not to say. Or if I speak on behalf of 'my people' advocate style - maybe NTs (Neurotypicals or people who do not have autism) need to learn our language and not get so uptight about it. What is inherently wrong with seeking information when you don't understand?! :(

[@philipcullum2334]

An alternative way of asking the question may not be perceived as threatening: " Oh, you're an xyz. I am not familiar with that. What is involved in that kind of work?"

[@andrewparsons3277]

i thought the mediation service guy was Terence McKenna at first.

[@keepercool98]

Anybody else noticed THOSE shoes?😨😨😨

[@skippygirl959]

They are cute !

[@SirrStapz8]

WHAT HAPPENED WITH DANA AND GORDON IM DYING TO KNOW

[@milahu]

HELLO!

[@frooshante]

I'm smitten by this lady. So interesting and gorgeous.

[@DJMD32]

ah so she's not the ONLY one.

[@gosj5]

I wanna know the SECRET WORD!!!!!! lol

[@HarryNicNicholas]

swordfish.

[@sparkythancztwise]

Yeah. I wish she had time to do a much more comprehensive talk. And incentive to share that word along with why it has an observable effect.

[@sparkythancztwise]

@@HarryNicNicholas potato

[@sparkythancztwise]

I found it. She said in the comments section here that the word is "willing". Look for her comment and longer message.

[@SoulfulTruth]

@@sparkythancztwise Yes, "potato" but you have to say it with the right accent, inflection, tone, pace, volume and resonance.

[@brookecroff1871]

Anyone know the "one word" she was referring to?

[@SyndaCalobreves]

why can i not share this video??

[@aedynjakpoetry]

British English as a spoken diction is passive aggressive in general. Patronising tones coupled with indirect questions seem designed to pivot a newcomer to the ground with nails. There is a test to see how smart you are too, so one can be pigeon-holed conversationally. Greet every first-mover question with extra zeal and warmth and smile in an approachable way, it will irritate them or relax them, either way it will dismantle their attack systems and let you in on their personality.

[@richl9268]

+Jonathan King Yea haha i always wondered what it was about Brits that felt cold and i think u just nailed it for me.

[@conceptfrontier5271]

+Jonathan King GREAT advice, especially for newcomers to English! I would add only that attitude is important when communicating general. Always ask yourself: "In what way does the person I'm communicating with matter?" The answer: "I decide how much they matter."

[@andrewhyogo]

The lady giving this presentation is British, could you give an example of which parts of her diction were passive aggressive or cold?

[@lapzidorus1786]

+Andrew Burns I think he was speaking generally, just about her specifically. Her accent is definitely British, but her choice of words arguable less so.

[@heatherhaze3680]

ya they tend to turn comments into a question more than what isusual in N America, like "Im not the one who started it , am i?" or " hes not very bright is he?"

[@slizur3520]

Will somebody explain to me what a first mover is?

[@harrisonhoban8320]

what is the magic bullet help plz

[@beachgirl9823]

On my island 🌴

[@magnitization]

I would guess the one word would be "What" or "Why". I don't see "Why?" working because it's aggressive but pretending to have no heard the negative answer might work.

[@dominic2446]

16:06 so what is the word/magic bullet?

[@interestingvideos4me]

willing

[@janetallaire]

This is like Transactional Analysis.

[@TheSebastian5978]

She is a decent salesmen.

[@southgoesnorthwest]

👍

[@o0o-jd-o0o95]

Whenever I see a product that says "made with real cheese" i think what does that mean?? it doesnt mean there is real cheese in it. it could mean it was made at the same time as real cheese. or made along side real cheese

[@codyclowes5679]

The speaker is using the metaphor of a race track to describe her idea of healthy conversation, but a natural conversation has hills and valleys. I can see why "first-moveing" could make somebody unbearable to talk to if abused, but in my opinion it is a valuable conversation tool. Maybe in an ironic twist she's insufferably defensive of her opinions and can't bear to be put on the spot in a normal conversation.

[@julielang2895]

I was pulled in with enough interest on the topic to watch all 19 minutes however I've come out the other side wondering what the real point of the talk was about. She jumps all over the place from explaining what she does to talking about some other conversations to what she does and word choices to what she does then finishes quickly with oh yeah, first movers. Be nice to them. The topic itself is interesting, the presentation sadly was not. I came away with a hollow disappointed feeling for having lost those minutes and not gained much in return. Cue trolls to come along and slate my opinion.

[@Daniel-pr4uk]

such a shame that all those very clever technical people are selling their skill and ingenuity all in order for companies to make profit. Would have been wonderful of humanity could actually use its brilliance and creativity and ingenuity in order to create a better world for all of us, not just to strengthen an economic system that is screwing most of humanity and destroying the planet and neglecting our hearts.

[@powerofknowledge7771]

I agree. I tried to follow this, but had a hard time understanding the point of it all. It made me fall asleep halfway through. I think it took her a bit too long to get to the point.

[@prb16]

I didn't learn anything. With all due respect she was only justifying what research she has been doing but did not share the findings/interpretations/conclusions that I can use in my interactions. Perhaps some people are just not good at explaining their knowledge/expertise

[@annikabhargava9216]

And the keyword being..?!

[@mrspoppinsism]

+annika bhargava , The key word is "willing."

[@georginajovanovic]

Do you have some more positive questions you'd be happy to share with us?

[@joshuamar2351]

what was the one word at 16:10

[@natanabramov1962]

It's "Willing". Read more here: ideas.ted.com/what-a-difference-a-word-can-make-how-a-single-word-can-change-your-conversation/?.com&

[@BrianMilnes]

This a) a tease (no keyword) and b) on a technical point, had more "uums" and other "filler" content than she could shake a stick at... [I have edited this post to remove an inappropriate comment about Elizabeth's academic credentials, and have apologised to her directly for doing so.]

[@coyoteblue4027]

Human conversation is full of "umms" and " filler"... Why wouldn't it be there? And if by keyword you meant the "one magic bullet word" she referred to, you obviously missed the point where she explicitly said she was not going to tell us.... You kind of just made yourself look like an ass here...

[@BrianMilnes]

Sure- thanks for the insight. ..

[@BrianMilnes]

Coyote Blue So, conversation is full of "umms" and other "filler" but professional presentations shouldn't be. Especially when you are discussing the subtle content of conversation. It's just poor, on several self-referential levels. Heee-hawww

[@9thplaceprizewinner]

Brian Milnes There could be all sorts of different reasons for the uhms. Personally I have a stutter that was quite severe as a child, and saying uhm is a method I was taught to overcome mt stutter, as a way of keeping my speech flowing. I know people who say it because of confidence issues or anxiety issues. The use of such "filler" words does not detract from someone's intelligence.

[@philippwells1429]

Brian Milnes TED talks are not about showing off. They are about teaching. Teaching is not about the teacher. It's about the learners. It doesn't have to be absolutely professional. I don't know everything, but I at least know this. If my delivery has not been polished enough for you, Brian, try asking an education professor at a nearby university. Until then, nobody may say any hee-haws. This isn't about who is right. It's about WHAT is right. If you are wrong, figure out what's right, and move on. Same goes for me, and everyone. We'll all have a much better time, including you.