The science of grief: how your brain heals from loss

[@elaineh6280]

As a former ICU, transplant and hospice nurse, the science all makes perfect sense. As a new widow (1 month) my body and mind don't give a damn what my intellect knows or what I've seen others go through. This is MY grief, MY loss, MY process. I'm trying so hard to find ways to intercept those negative thought loops but it's so much harder than it sounds to anyone. Thank you for acknowleging the physical effects of grief. It's exhausting trying to figure out 'what is WRONG with me?!'. I want to get to a place where I can think of him and treasure the good - there was SO MUCH good - and not dwell on the nurse's crutch "what did I miss? What could I have done better? Why couldn't I save him?" It's incredibly self destructive but it's a real war.

[@coraleefreeman5956]

Thank you so much. It's as if the world just goes on - and I suppose it does for everyone else - but it stops for you when you lose a loved one.

[@sheba0907]

This sounds like something that might work, but it did not tell me anything about how to actually put this process into place and I did not get a good sense of if it would be worth buying the book just yet. With that said, I am in early stages of losing my husband very suddenly, after 45 years of marriage. He passed 3 months ago and the pain of not seeing him or hearing his voice or him comforting me or him just being here even didn't have to say anything, is just too much some days. I have made some progress going forward but it's the old one step forward, two steps backwards. For me it's more like one step forward one week backwards. It's overwhelming and some days I cannot see past the pain to even recognize anything good. And I really feel abandoned by God some days. I am waiting for that time where my husband comes to me in a dream to tell me everything's going to be okay, like other people have been blessed with that sign. I am so conflicted most days with trusting God and feeling God's presence and then doubting God and feeling abandoned by him. It's a vicious circle and I know I'm not alone on that roller coaster / merry go round.

[@JeffreyGill-g7x]

@sheba0907, I can relate to your thoughts. I am 6 months past losing my wife of 38 years to cancer. I commented to Kelli on her live show that now, I had finally reached a point where I could see the logic in starting to take intentional steps toward the new life I am facing. Previously, I was learning to accept the loss, feel the pain and all the new emotions that come with the death of a spouse. I can say, for me, the pain has subsided slowly. It is still a day-by-day journey but I'm feeling a bit stronger and more willing to move forward. Wish you the best.

[@Graceforlivingafterloss]

The process is very individualized because it is based on the thoughts that are most destructive for you.....once we determine which thoughts are untrue or keeping you from healing then we can move on to the work of rewiring them. I would be glad to jump on a call to explain a bit more about our processes and pathways to learn to implement them in your own life. Grab a spot on my calendar if you would like to chat more about it: team.griefhelpchat.com/call