The Science of the 36 Questions That Help People Fall in Love

A study that included 36 questions which can allegedly be used to fall in love with a stranger made the news rounds a while back, but the actual science isn’t that simple-and falling in love was never the point of the questions.
Hosted by: Brit Garner
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[@kisakisakura6663]

And once again it is proven that openness and communication are the ground that relationships are build upon.

[@Gothic_Analogue]

Built. Built upon.

[@greenanubis]

Depends. Being open an communicative is a horrible thing to do if you dont actually care about that person in the first place.

[@ThegreatMizuti777]

@@greenanubis That doesn't really make sense, if you don't care about someone you shouldn't be in a relationship with them to begin with and openness in this context would mean leaving it or not entering into it. And that is _absolutely_ the right choice if you don't care about the other person. Just staying in a relationship and swallowing down all your feelings for the sake of harmony is not a desirable outcome and being open about not liking the other may not be fun for anyone in the moment but is still the best course of action in that situation. Now, it changes when you're talking about just casual acquaintances, coworkers or strangers, where it _is_ sometimes better to keep your thoughts to yourself if you dislike them, but then you never had any intention of building a relationship in the first place which makes it a moot point.

[@shanescott5847]

@@greenanubis yip I agree. some of us are open and we have to be careful because people can start to think we care just because we are interested. interest does not equal care or love.

[@BriefBrainSnacks]

So, just yelling all of my personal insecurities at the street corner is not effective relationship building? Noted.

[@themagichatter1054]

Brief Brain Facts ah so that’s where I’ve been going wrong

[@ResortDog]

My Dad told me to make a sign so people with their windows up can be annoyed too.

[@BriefBrainSnacks]

ResortDog Brilliant!

[@D9992.]

Or at strangers you only met for the first time in different situations including parties and trips to the amusement park.

[@BriefBrainSnacks]

D M that’s also unacceptable? If I don’t talk about my insecurities with complete strangers, then what is there to talk about? 😭

[@jerry3790]

I have a feeling the researchers only made the questions to get free wedding cake.

[@Abdega]

I guess it worked

[@hakimdiwan5101]

Underrated comment

[@SharonKenny]

As a matchmaker I feel these 36 Questions help couples lower their barriers faster and through self disclosure a bond is built. It can also take away awkward silences and be a bit of fun. Loved the above. Well done :)

[@gibboustime]

QQs: Why Can We Not Forget Things we _Want_ or _Need_ to Forget?

[@angelcarrillo980]

Because you keep thinking about them, recalling them from the neurons in your brain and reinforcing the myelin that protects, insulates, and supports those neurons.

[@plokijum]

Nooby Noob What was I trying to forget?

[@plokijum]

PlebzOr Blapparapp No u

[@grannykiminalaska]

Yep, win a persons heart by being a good listener

[@custos3249]

Unless you're unattractive. Then it's a one way ticket to the friendzone

[@grannykiminalaska]

@@custos3249 Yep, then you gotta have skills

[@custos3249]

@@grannykiminalaska Skills? HA! Whatever ya gotta tell yourself to make it easier to deny there wasn't someone else around above the "Eh" you elicited

[@grannykiminalaska]

@@custos3249 Them "skills" are between me & my partner of 31 years. Take my advice beauty is ephemeral , look past the beauty if want something to last. Learned that from my parents who were together 72 years.

[@LightningSe7en]

Also great if you can open yourself even just a bit. Edit: I think Custos thought that "having a person's heart" is stricly a loving relationship. It's also the way we build trust on each other as colleagues or friends.

[@dholmes264]

There’s a musical about this with Johnathan Groff(King George in Hamilton and Melchior in Spring Awakening) called 36 questions and it’s absolutely amazing! I wish more people had heard of it

[@CharlieViola100]

Yes!!! I was literally scouting the comments for mention of this musical

[@user-ip3mm6pr7o]

If one of those questions isn't "what comes next?" It's sorely missing its potential punnery

[@kujmous]

"A Better Version" will always shatter me.

[@slipperydick]

It's so good!!! Just to make it easier for everyone to find it, here's a link: www.twoupproductions.com/shows/36questions

[@poposlurpy]

Love this musical... And I got to meet Jessie Shelton the female lead in it... She has an amazing voice!

[@NewMessage]

Ok.. how many questions for a one night stand, though? Asking for a friend.

[@DarkAngelEU]

Some alcohol and family stories usually do the trick.

[@NewMessage]

"You can't just start shouting things about yourself at people." I refute your claim with a resounding "I like turtles!" Your move, PsyShow.

[@slowpoketail]

Now I'm in love!

[@kittybeans8192]

I also like turtles!! It's like... we both share the same thoughts and feelings about turtles, even across time and space! A little piece of your mind is my mind and vice versa. I've never felt so connected to someone before now.

[@kieragard]

I like turtles when they are ninjas.... And still in the teenage phase.

[@Burbun]

Cleary it's turtles all the way down.

[@arescue]

Turtles all the way down. . .

[@zamith1817]

Me and my boyfriend did this on our 1st date. We've been together for 3 years now :)

[@Aethelhadas]

Aww. Are you guys still together?

[@lrn5152]

Update please?

[@Madame_marissa]

How did you bring it up to do them on the first date? Like how did you suggest that y’all go through the questions?

[@nomarsenrab]

"..most psychology classes were 70% women" I've had classes where I was like 1 out of 3 or 4 guys in undergrad. Because of this I got to be on the school brochure for the psyc program.

[@KB-zo6ky]

I have done the 36 questions with all my friends...I did not fall in love with any of them

[@sebastianelytron8450]

"Would you like to know the size of my..." "...bank account balance?"

[@thelastattempt666]

Sold!

[@plokijum]

Wanna see how big my.... Pokémon card collection????

[@Master_Therion]

I. Like. Big. Bank account balances and cannot lie...

[@comradecameron3726]

Just tell me your credit card number and the three digits on the back. I’ll check it myself.

[@normalname8768]

Hugh mungus

[@Japanthewoman]

I tried the 36 questions with my husband to try and help reignite some feelings of intimacy in our relationship but I didn't feel any closer to him by the end. It did help me understand my husband and myself a bit better. Unfortunately that understanding is that I am not with someone with whom I share my values. I mean, we're working through it. I know I won't get that original exciting lustful feeling back. But I hope we can reach a level of mutual respect at wich it will be tolerable to stay together.

[@DarkAngelEU]

That sounds horrible, though.

[@nirash8018]

„But I hope that we can reach a level of mutual respect at which it will be tolerable to stay together“ lmao kill me

[@pearlphlox]

That sounds terrible lol

[@jayce7177]

It sounds like you've fallen out of love, maybe even both of you have. Imo I wouldn't be able to be truly happy being or staying with someone that I am not truly in love with

[@DoctorAlminecraft]

I hope you were successful in supporting and maintaining your marriage.

[@Terrik240]

This seems like a pretty "Duh" type of thing to talk about. However, I am very glad it is backed up by legitimate science and peer-backed experiments.

[@Ceelvain]

What are those 36 questions? As someone who struggle bonding with people, I'm rather interested. Even as just an inspiration to build upon. I mostly fail to understand whether people are (or not) interested in pursuing a relation with me.

[@Lumpiluk]

Here's the original paper: doi.org/10.1177%2F0146167297234003

[@mrtannzr]

@Adequate Bros. "Just be yourself" "Myself" spends their time at home whenever possible and avoids unnecessary social interaction like the plague.

[@tylerknight99]

Ceelvain I hear your self-disclosure

[@Riai.__0]

Jubilee has quite a few videos where they get two strangers to try out the questions

[@gearandalthefirst7027]

@@mrtannzr mood

[@poposlurpy]

Everyone should check out 36 questions:the podcast musical... It's really really great!

[@virrr2178]

+

[@kit_nine]

+1 just listened to it its so good - the end frustrated me so much, but thats intentional so it definitely worked

[@angelcarrillo980]

I was expecting a Match.com sponsorship plug in somewhere in here.

[@joedavidson9811]

How close are they? Easy, use a tape measure.

[@josiahklein70]

Do you count negatives? If so, then I got about 7 inches.

[@Sporkekw]

Nah... Football fields are the best measurement... As most of British documentaries sayes... 😂

[@Nerdnotwashere]

+

[@Keallei]

Baaaahaaaaa. Goof one.

[@timewalker6654]

The way to get friends,for ya all nerds..

[@Aethelhadas]

ELIZABETH BENNETT I love your name

[@RangerRuby]

There are so many ways to 'fall in love' and so many sayings as well. I guess it all depends on who the person is and what they are like.

[@comradecameron3726]

If you ask me about my personal life and we just met I’m more likely to lock up and not say anything.

[@TheReZisTLust]

That's very personal of you stranger.

[@plokijum]

Then I’d be like, tmi why are you telling me things I don’t care about.

[@polyrhythmnix9723]

Same, lol

[@Keallei]

Exactly!

[@timewalker6654]

Here they are, and trust me they re stupid; 1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest? 2. Would you like to be famous? In what way? Continue reading the main story 3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why? 4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you? 5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else? 6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want? 7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die? 8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common. 9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful? 10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be? 11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible. 12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be? 13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know? 14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it? 15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life? 16. What do you value most in a friendship? 17. What is your most treasured memory? 18. What is your most terrible memory? 19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why? 20. What does friendship mean to you? 21. What roles do love and affection play in your life? 22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items. 23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s? 24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother? Set III 25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling ... “ 26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... “ 27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know. 28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met. 29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life. 30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself? 31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already. 32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about? 33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet? 34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why? 35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why? 36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen. Those researchers need to come out of there caves and interact with real humans to know about the real behaviour.

[@ResortDog]

Actually 37 questions, two multiple part answers and 8 open ended essays. Couples never did this much communication in most marriages. How to analyze your partners internal mind.

[@tomdienstbier49]

It's sad that we need a scientific study to prove that talking about deep topics is better than small talk. These questions won't neccessary make you fall in love with someone, but they will make a deeper connection with that person than most people will ever experience in their entire lives. Really, we have "friends" that we just sort of hang out with, we might ask them how they are doing, but really, when do we actually talk about our feelings? Usually it's considered weird. So yeah, this will make a lasting impression on someone, but really, connections like this should be the norm, not the exception - and don't take these 36 questions as a dogmatic guide, merely a suggestion, or a template - if you care about people ask what you genuinely want to know about others, not just what's written in a psychology paper

[@emilysmith2965]

As someone who naturally does this, the downside is that most people get too scared to even respond. 😖

[@Abdega]

Okay, but what were the questions that made *HATE* each other?

[@MotorGoblin]

1. Does pineapple belong on pizza?

[@angelikaskoroszyn8495]

Oh, that's simple. You can choose between religion, politics or history. Use any of the topics to form questions and before you know they will hate you

[@888merry]

@@angelikaskoroszyn8495 Or if you want to really start a conversation. Start a discussion about the way religion has shaped our history and political system. ;-) Shurlly, no conflict can arise.

[@angelikaskoroszyn8495]

​@@888merry oh, yeah, that's a wonderful idea. I remember that case when a christian church funded a rock-hewn decalogue to be put in front of some public building. Almost immediately after erecting someone destroyed it. The christian church obviously again spent money on another decalogue. Then satanic church funded their own monument because if christians can put religious things in such places why satanists can't (fair point btw). The decalogue was meant to symbolise one of the first ever written laws (it was nothing to do with religion, christians said so it must be truth) that had impact on western world. I was wondering why they didn't put there rock-hewn Code of Hammurabi. Or something from Greek philosophy... Like something about democracy In short: huge waste of money, vandalism and satanism When there is a discussion about the way religion has shaped our history and political system there is always a drama Around Christmas my favourite topic is how it is actually a pagan holiday :D

[@toastbrot008]

A litte Throught Experiment: Define a Goal over an existing System. The diffrence between the Goal and the actual state ist called the Problem. Then you think rationaly over a Solution as long as you dint find a good one. Boom! you got it! You generated a solution for a Problem. This Idea is so abstract that it literaly solves all Problems. Try it. And criticise it.

[@thisaccountisdead9060]

Weren't there 36 cubes in the sci-fi film "The Cube"? - I wondered where the inspiration for that one came from.

[@emilysmith2965]

Uhhh… 6x6? Six sides on a cube? Not a lot to it.

[@amorea3688]

Where can I find all of the 36 questions? Would like to try this sometimes 😳

[@eleanor4759]

Google them :)

[@fiikahlo]

So can you do a full series on making friends? My crippling social anxiety is preventing creating new steady friendships and it's killing me! 👻😂 sucks to be 25 and still have to try and learn to be human without melting from anxiety 🌋

[@KAMware76]

Or, for me, 36 questions I try to avoid!

[@slowpoketail]

What are the 36 questions? Provide a link in the description please!

[@nerdinadress5717]

Molly Coughlan +

[@jessv2572]

Molly Coughlan www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/fashion/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html They post all their sources, The NY Times article linked to this list.

[@legzfalloffgirl5148]

I'd like to see you guys do a video on over sharing aka "sliming " and how/why it violates boundaries

[@massimookissed1023]

Over-sharing, "sliming" Is that a euphemism for Bukkake ?

[@emilysmith2965]

Wow, SOMEbody doesn’t care about getting to know others… how is this the FIRST thing you thought about the second this video ended?

[@InfansDeAter]

Wait, was Brit trying to make me fall in love with her at the beginning?

[@thegaspatthegateway]

An excellent bounty of data

[@Abdega]

I imagined you doing a Mr Burns impression and going “Excellent…” from your comment

[@PhaaxGames]

I LOVE LAMP!

[@Keallei]

Bright things or Baaaaa things?

[@empathnation5433]

0:18 telling my siblings I love them

[@jeelpitroda3040]

It's so creepy and weird that I just completed the episode of The Big Bang Theory which included the same topic of discussion and now I stumbled upon to this!!!!

[@Master_Therion]

Oh, wow, 36 questions? What if I get some of them wrong? I better study before I try it.

[@ResortDog]

Actually 37 questions, two multiple part answers and 8 open ended essays. Couples never did this much communication in most marriages or analysis.

[@emilysmith2965]

Which is sad if we’re being honest

[@sch4891]

the best book i ever found about relationships is eckhart tolle's 'a new earth.' i heard about it because of Oprah haha

[@jcoronet2000]

"studying relationships is hard".... bow chicka bow wow?

[@Kissarai]

So I can't just post this on my Facebook and get everyone to love me? LOL I'm doing it anyway.

[@lightsidemaster]

Dear god, please don't

[@Keallei]

Must report results!

[@geoffl]

Does the study replicate?

[@mariaraposabranca7062]

you probably just helped me with my dissertation, oh my god, thank you.

[@wholemealblousey2641]

1st video i've seen from you, very informative and engagig and succinct instanst subsribe

[@HalcyonSerenade]

But hey, if you happen to know that you're both big nerds for psychology (or science in general) it may make the ideal first date~

[@JimFortune]

And no control? So maybe just spending time together did it.

[@FrostWhisker]

I would have dinner with Juuuuudith, okay?

[@Supernova-ys5fe]

Damn i was really hoping that this would help me:(

[@NidhiSinha4U]

Probably another paper in psychology that's doomed to fail replication test 😂😂

[@tiburonperuano5655]

My boyfriend asked me all these questions when we first met :v

[@DharmaDerelict]

Hmmm, I didn’t find any of those questions to be the least bit interesting - maybe that explains why I’m still single. lol

[@christelheadington1136]

I think "falling"in love is not what this is about,one falls by accident.

[@Keallei]

Trip hazards everywhere.

[@denilc]

The title is little misleading... But wait this is psych show.lol😂😂

[@Abdega]

Are you saying they: *PSYCHED YOU OUT?!*

[@Henry-jq9hc]

3:15

[@curiouswanderer_1514]

When nerds decide to date and they create an entire algorithm 🤓

[@tkzsfen]

i actually know people who shout at random people about themselves without any regard...yep, cringe and shame is a part of knowing such friends.

[@emilysmith2965]

I’m sure your friends would LOVE to know that you’re ashamed of them. Sounds like they need a better friend.

[@thelastattempt666]

If I felt something for someone that quickly, I would go check myself into an asylum.

[@terashewchenko3021]

taking notes lol

[@AidanRatnage]

The study asked how much the participants liked each other, not if they loved each other. Saying that these questions help people fall in love is a bit of an exaggeration.

[@grayfullbastard8201]

:0.24

[@unleashingpotential-psycho9433]

People fall in love with those who have qualities that they are attracted to.

[@CJBurkey]

wow. you are a psych expert!

[@chord2140]

The sun is hot. Do you need another one of those dumb, obvious comments? Or maybe you want to talk about your cheap trick of commenting to popular videos in hopes of having a subscriber yourself? "UNLEASHING POTENTIAL" You act as if you have some hidden wisdom to offer to people yet your comments, especially this one, aren't even noteworthy. How about you try to gain subscribers through quality content and sheer hard work instead of these nonsensical posts.

[@delaney7435]

@@chord2140 they never asked for subscribers.... (Although you are correct about them saying something obvious)

[@chord2140]

​@@delaney7435 They never asked EXPLICITLY. Do you really think they commented on a lot of popular videos, and almost all the videos I have watched, because they wanted to give an insightful message from their unfathomable knowledge? Their input is as shallow as a puddle. Tell me, what do you think is their motive for posting dimwitted and narrow comments in popular videos? If they want to be popular in KZbin, and want people to go to their channel, then they should post quality content videos. It is so damn cheap and pathetic to act as some random guy who keeps on shitposting to famous videos in hopes of collecting an audience himself. You know, I wouldn't have bothered, and in fact, I would've watched some of their videos if the comments they make are intelligent, insightful, and could provoke deep thought or thinking. But no, their comments are so unnecessary and shallow. And that reflects their own wit and intelligence, and thereby, their contents. "Unleashing Potential" my ass. The only potential you are unleashing are those undeveloped minds.

[@catlover-fp5ig]

And all this time I thought that I fell in love with people because I found their qualities to be entirely unattractive!

[@aymandexter2195]

Are you a real psych doctor or you're just that good????!!!

[@zesjerome7189]

no such thing as personalx or increax or or intimax or led would lead to or small talkx or likx or would those feelingx or not, doesn't matter, ceputxetc, say, feel any no matter what and any be perfect

[@hellostudio8933]

Mark2702

[@elizabethkarmellacomedian3872]

Stripping 101

[@hasher2265]

Is it biased though? 🤨 Engaging empathetic neurones will just merge or create a sense of sympathy for another. A disconnect of communication due to technology will create these vulnerabilities.

[@deeb3272]

Is this still effective for exes?

[@thexfactor1992]

She looks like captain marvel, anyone agrees?

[@rhondalathbury9061]

I did this with my boyfriend...I watched his his eyes and saw the black actually get smaller then larger at the end. I looked up what that means as far as when people do that and it means they like , like like what they are looking at. We have been together for 4 years now 😍. Loved doing the test.

[@timewalker6654]

its because he was thinking ; "WTF! is she saying"

[@meganbrowning8813]

COLEsE

[@annariordan2801]

This

[@zes3813]

no such thing as scienx or helpx or clasx or aflllovx or not, doesn't matter

[@91722854]

u just need one: What is e?

[@massimookissed1023]

About 2.7

[@dixiegreig7820]

Makes me feel like Fu

[@masterpieces2218]

Really? Asking them questions will lead to serious cringe and a awkward conversation.

[@normanorman]

Change your name to PsychShow

[@dmbara2080]

Awkweird first date conversation. Check here yes □ no□ ...

[@AvailableUsernameTed]

Is there a science called Well-duh-ology?

[@user-ip3mm6pr7o]

"Just because of who was taking the class" or maybe because more people are openly sapphic (women attracted to women) than achillean? (Same concept, but for men)

[@theincarnationofboredom207]

Answering the questions in the intro: 1: a boy I'm deeply in love with at school. 2: depends on what for, and how famous. 3: read the answer to question one again 4: get a dog, and because my parents won't let me. 5 a lot, but mostly saying "I love you" to, you guessed it, the boy in the first answer. And I haven't said that yet because the truth is... I'm afraid to.

[@NadDew]

I think I'm in love with you now 😍 Weird I'm already married 😳

[@rimbacahyo8362]

woaah

[@badmashgamer9131]

Elon musk

[@sparksoffyou]

Brie Larson?

[@nicanornunez9787]

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