The secret of a successful relationship is somewhat counterintuitive: want less from your partner. After relating an anecdote in which I learned this secret, I discuss the importance of getting any need that can be satisfied outside of a sexual relationship met elsewhere. This significantly lowers the burden you place on your partner, and increases the likelihood that the relationship will play to its strengths. Buy my book, "The Value of Others" Ebook: amzn.to/460uGrA Audiobook: amzn.to/3YfFwbx Paperback: amzn.to/3xQuIFK Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Subscribe to my newsletter: oriontarabanpsyd.com Social Media TikTok: www.tiktok.com/@oriontaraban Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Orion's Theme: kzbin.info/www/bejne/jaO7c62HZ613e7M Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: kzbin.info/door/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXwjoin Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #psychology #dating #relationship
@mikoajsochanski13492 ай бұрын
Hi Orion :) I love your message! Thank you so much for your work for us. I already have your book, pending to read/listen. I fully agree with your message wholeheartedly. This has also changed my approach massively. Another way to look at this simplified criteria to look for a partner is the concept of 3 C's of core relationship foundations: (life approach and goal) compatibility, (physical/sexual) chemistry and (emotional/safety) connection. All other needs can be met elsewhere, any other needs converging are a bonus
@mameta20792 ай бұрын
I’m an attractive woman who would love to talk quantum mechanics with you! 😜
@kurtvanluven93512 ай бұрын
I'm 61. By that metric. I have met exactly 3. 2 cheated, one 1 was engaged to, and she passed away (1997). Back to the drawing board.
@GENERALMANAGER-r4t2 ай бұрын
@@mikoajsochanski1349 That's assuming your partner provides the 3 Cs in the first place which, in the modern, western world, is getting pretty rare.
@pjuliano90002 ай бұрын
Yeah, just wanted simple 3-4 things but the women couldn't deliver on those either in the long run ... so still had to part ways. They wanted the perks but no continued reciprocity.
@sugarwaters2 ай бұрын
This is why friends, colleagues, associates , mentors, and family are important. Villages are important. Life outside your partner is important.
@Savvynomad2252 ай бұрын
Toxic family need not apply
@rob212 ай бұрын
The issue isn't about finding a woman who wants to talk about quantum mechanics, it's finding a woman who understands your need to do so. I don't need my wife to share my hobbies; I need her to understand that I need them.
@nowhereman74132 ай бұрын
good point
@project00772 ай бұрын
Well said
@angeliquehillroebuck14012 ай бұрын
Bingo
@afroteen46472 ай бұрын
Changed my life right here
@nena_gz2 ай бұрын
That part.
@sil3nt2532 ай бұрын
You can have everything you want in life, you just can't have it all with the same person all at the same time.
@kriispyskinz2 ай бұрын
Oh yea, its that the selfish feminism misandrist mentality. I want his kids but another man can take care of them. Fuck that.
@Katarzyna-h2z2 ай бұрын
What a deep thought
@sil3nt2532 ай бұрын
@@Katarzyna-h2z Thanks, I decided to write a book as well, so suppose I have these types of thoughts at the forefront of my mind at the moment 🤣
@kristinasmith20642 ай бұрын
Why not
@Khan-rz8qi2 ай бұрын
People genuinely never sit down and truly ponder on how crazy expecting EVERYTHING from one person is. It's inevitable for both parties to come to the conclusion that this fantasy is impossible, thus most relationships come to an end.
@gregorylatta81592 ай бұрын
Our expectations of others are often higher than our expectations of ourselves.
@lukenielsen83972 ай бұрын
That does not apply to me. Maybe I'm just broken, but I have much higher expectations of myself, always. Others... Not so much. In fact, I usually don't have very high expectations of others at all. That only leads to disappointment.
@gregorylatta81592 ай бұрын
@lukenielsen8397 Usually, women do.
@jackdeniston61502 ай бұрын
Nope. not for most men.
@gregorylatta81592 ай бұрын
@jackdeniston6150 But yes, for women 😆
@jfrydom2 ай бұрын
@@lukenielsen8397i think most high value people are like this. High expectations get you to where you are, but humility keeps your expectations of others low.
@brianharston71962 ай бұрын
Orion, I think you summarized most men's needs pretty accurately here. The trouble is, there are TWO people in the relationship, and the other person has different needs than I do. Their need for emotional connection is on par with a man's need for sexual connection. To me, one way to provide that is by selecting a partner you have things in common with, or who are on an intellectual level similar to yours so that you can discuss different topics with her, etc. Those moments of shared experience doing things you both enjoy or discussing things you both have an interest in provide the emotional connection she is looking for, which in turn will likely lead to the sexual connection the man is looking for.
@MultiGoban2 ай бұрын
This addresses a great point. However it is up to HER to assess if your emotional connection is good enough for her needs. It might surprise you how little in common one can have to give emotional support to another!
@DionLYA2 ай бұрын
Man, can you imagine how fked up it would be if the roles were reversed and someone said, "However, it is up to HIM to assess if your sexual connection is good enough for his needs."
@MultiGoban2 ай бұрын
@@DionLYA what the fuck are you talking about? its absolutely up to the man to assess if the woman can sexually satisfy him.
@KiahWjh2 ай бұрын
This man is an idiot I would not let him touch me with a 10-foot Pole or even speak in my presence. He has no idea what a real relationship is
@fryoungtrad2 ай бұрын
> women's need for emotional connection is on par with a man's need for sexual connection Think of sexual bonding as an umbrella that includes emotional connection. I think OP falls into the same narrative pushed by feminism. As Dr. Taraban mentioned, emotional needs should often be met outside of the context of romantic relationships.
@appeljuicesurf2 ай бұрын
this is really accurate. partners often expect you to be the one and only for everything. it doesnt work like that. also one person is not supposed to take all the mental load from the other.
@denal48302 ай бұрын
Yep and most often can't fulfill all of them
@shedparker2 ай бұрын
I was married for 9 years, separated for 4. I told her over and over that I can’t put a 🔫 to God’s head and make him give me materialism. I was working 3 jobs at one point. It was so damn hard. I kept asking myself wtf am I doing wrong? When I finally divorced, my life resurrected. I live a simple life and am so happy now. Women throw themselves at me bc they can feel my strength, energy, joy and aura. But I’m scared that they’re gna try to use me as an emotional dumpster.
@Savvynomad2252 ай бұрын
And a lot of today’s women desire multiple loads from various dudes, destroying any chance at a stable relationship
@edthelizzard2 ай бұрын
@@Savvynomad225 there are other genres of porn out there…
@manifest22032 ай бұрын
@@shedparkeryou should have chosen better.
@klaaspekala68042 ай бұрын
This goes both ways. Once my wife and i discovered that we can do all of our special interests without the other one and focus on the things that a married couple should share (romantic love and understanding, mutual emotional support, managing/financing the household, raising the children and of course s3x), we were both set free! I didn´t have to watch girly movies, she didn´t have to listen to my thoughts about Lord of the Rings and instead we´re leaving each other much more alone, coming together for things that we both enjoy and/or that concern both of us.
@msc83822 ай бұрын
This sounds like a partnership to me, not a romantic relationship. You may disagree, if you do, can you elaborate how it is romantic still?
@eyekandy30002 ай бұрын
@@klaaspekala6804 it seems very transactional. Like he just boiled women down to sexual beings as long as they’re there for sex he’ll get all his other needs met outside, which is an interesting relationship. Definitely not what I want.
@echo53942 ай бұрын
Sounds miserable if you don't have a son
@jamestribie33872 ай бұрын
@@eyekandy3000all relationships are transactional. With this guy’s relationship, its just stripped down to a minimal level.
@mrmitchell408915 күн бұрын
Where is your side woman? Cold and distant is unacceptable. Your choice.
@brianndege53312 ай бұрын
You got me on quantum mechanics, spirituality, philosophy 😂😂😂
@mgtowski3952 ай бұрын
Yup! He's got a better chance at finding bitcoin, a new toothbrush, and love at the bottom of an abandoned trashcan.
@BS_Profile2 ай бұрын
He was no different from a woman that's looking for EVERYTHING in a man lol.
@carlosr1922 ай бұрын
My partner for 20 years don't understand everything I say but she look at me as it. Others qualities that make her unbeatable is stability throughout the years and playfulness and fun. Everyday she show me some meme. I think the 3 criteria in the video she just don't have one...the inoffenseveness. The women's ego is complicated.
@user-icu1522 ай бұрын
See: "What men get wrong about women : A psychologist explains") @ psycHacks Joseph Everett interview. (May a strongly recommend the short format) One of his best, IMHO..
@reesejohnson27882 ай бұрын
@@mgtowski395 😂
@WoodnetRonnie2 ай бұрын
Watching this mesmerizing video dredges up painful memories of the recent dissolution of my 5-year relationship. The departure of my beloved, the one I adore deeply, has left me in a perpetual state of longing. Despite my tireless attempts at reconciliation, I find myself mired in frustration, unable to shake the persistent thoughts of her. Despite my efforts to move forward, I'm compelled to share my inner turmoil and the overwhelming sense of missing her here.
@Roselinekendris2 ай бұрын
Letting go of someone you love deeply presents a formidable challenge. I faced a comparable ordeal when my 6 year relationship ended. Refusing to succumb to despair, I relentlessly pursued avenues to reconcile with him. Ultimately, I sought solace and guidance from a spiritual counselor, whose intervention proved instrumental in restoring our connection.
@WoodnetRonnie2 ай бұрын
Remarkable! How did you discover a spiritual counselor, and what's the procedure for me to get in contact with her?
@JustinLouis-p1u2 ай бұрын
Meet Suzanne Ann Walters, a renowned spiritual counselor acclaimed for her talent in bringing back ex-partners.
@WoodnetRonnie2 ай бұрын
Many thanks for providing this valuable information; I've just conducted an online search for her. Remarkable!
@Eclectic82 ай бұрын
OMG... Can you scream advertisement-disguised-as-discussion-thread any louder?
@denal48302 ай бұрын
I wish you were around 20 years ago, i would have saved myself much undue stress. On a positive note, my adult children can benefit from your knowledge. Thank you Dr.
@user-uc7qb1su4e2 ай бұрын
Typical woman not taking accountability for herself. You didn’t back then and you still won’t today. Your problems are your fault.
@Jenishabadoo2 ай бұрын
@@user-uc7qb1su4ehow is she not taking accountability? She’s thanking him for his advice he has to offer NOW and yet lamenting for not having it sooner. You’re just blaming her unnecessarily for being a woman (generalizing all women) and without context. Please elaborate.
@fantomman38812 ай бұрын
Your a typical modern single mother by the sounds of it as well 😂 never taking accountability 🤦🏽♂️
@TheDarkstar36012 ай бұрын
@@user-uc7qb1su4e What hurt you
@aforabe11972 ай бұрын
Hey ma’am, I want to provide a supportive comment in response to comments some have left in response to you. Thank you for leaving a grateful comment in response to information you find useful for yourself and your children. May you have peace and success in your endeavors
@ShotGunRooster2 ай бұрын
Simply said, she ain't your buddy, your coworker, teammate, therapist, or sounding board. She's your girlfriend/wife
@stickthatinyourpipeandsmok24572 ай бұрын
You are there for her, she is not there for you.
@mrchicken20222 ай бұрын
Woman will soon be dissatisfied if you won't be her buddy. Then divorce, then all the bitterness: " I didn't see it coming"
@Hollowed2wiz2 ай бұрын
@@mrchicken2022well, it's the woman's fault if she doesn't understand that she's not a buddy. Her delusion, her problem. Men with proper expectations are not afraid of a breakup.
@oh_k82 ай бұрын
Wrong. She should be your best buddy. You're taking martial advice from a older bachelor. Think about it.
@manifest22032 ай бұрын
@@Hollowed2wizit is delusional to think you don’t have friendship with your wife or gf.
@WilliamKirkland-j4r2 ай бұрын
Thanks for your reference to 'the tribe' and/or 'close family' relationships to fulfill many of our basic needs. I had a woman, for 61 years, who gave me so much but she's gone and cannot be replaced. And, at my age, most of my "Tribe" is gone also. But I'm a very lucky guy cause life is still good and fulfilling.
@idib17392 ай бұрын
God bless you sir. I don't mean to be rude or offensive, but no one is irreplaceable... And by saying that I don't mean that you should 'replace' your wife no. But she's been occupying a specific time and space in your life that should be cherished, of course. You still have life though, so why locking the rest of it from a potential meaningful romantic relationship, that could also have it's time and space? And sure, at your age it may not necessarily even be about the romance more that it'd be for companionship. Wishing you're well surrounded anyway. Hope i didn't misread your message.
@avinashjagdeo2 ай бұрын
Esther Perell lays it out pretty well in her books as to how we keep shifting the goalpost and redefining concepts like marriage, dating, relationships etc. over time into untested and untenable new ideas of what these things are to the point where we're dealing with totally new conecpts but still calling them by traditional names.
@DoriZuza2 ай бұрын
I also like her perspective. We might be happier if we don’t expect a whole bunch of different stuff from the same person.
@user-uc7qb1su4e2 ай бұрын
@@DoriZuzamost men don’t ask a whole lot, women just have a problem providing the bare minimum.
@sebastianfranz6822 ай бұрын
Yeah... "we" are doing this :)
@testsurname56792 ай бұрын
I wish women know more about men. this is all I want
@ma20002 ай бұрын
This advice is what most men know to be true deep down, and yet out social and cultural conditioning leads us to imagine there should be more pieces to a good relationship. Turns out it's actually very simple. Thank you Dr Orion for clarity and honesty.
@djknox22 ай бұрын
So I learned this a long time ago. The problem is, of the top 20 things I seek for personal satisfaction, women in general provide very few of them, AND, the ones they can do, the generally don't want to do.
@azar15202 ай бұрын
Would you mind listing those 20 things? And from those 20, which are the ones women provide?
@chris_robertson_pt2 ай бұрын
I'm also curious, let's help the man out.
@7thsky5852 ай бұрын
@@djknox2 also curious
@sammyb16512 ай бұрын
AND....(MOST IMPORTANTLY OF ALL) they're looking for SIGNIFICANTLY MORE FROM YOU in exchange for those few things you want, (but that they don't want to give). This is why the information in the video is fairly limited in its usefulness, really. Whatever the recommended "hack" it always circles back to the same, insoluble issues. Minimising the things you want/ask for from women is a good process of clarification. But it only serves to make the bargain they're driving even less attractive. Because it then becomes even more apparent how uneven the value exchange is.
@leedlbagginshield84922 ай бұрын
spill the list
@EugenioPiccioliworld2 ай бұрын
Another reason why I love my wife is that she takes care of me no matter what. And also the sexless physical contact (cuddles, hugs, soft kisses etc.) is something that nobody else can provide for me.
@thefinaldispatch2 ай бұрын
I miss this more than anything. Mine is unavailable now, she’s not with someone else, but definitely unavailable to me
@pmarreckАй бұрын
Sexless physical contact just becomes a reminder of a dead bedroom if you are missing the sexful physical contact
@itsallgood_man11 күн бұрын
You dont get sex that oroves your a weak man and u have no respect walk away
@itsallgood_man11 күн бұрын
@@thefinaldispatchwhat are you still doing with her
@Kimdeansbean2 ай бұрын
The peace of mind part of a relationship is so important. I’m 28, my business is doing great and I’ve gotten myself into great shape. I’ve been dating my girlfriend for one year and it’s been the easiest, fun, and least stressful one I’ve been in. I lust after women and get approached constantly, but I know if I was with any other woman or gave up what I have now, I would deeply regret it.
@mr.goldenproductions_014326 күн бұрын
Or just learn to discreetly cheat on the side lol. It’s quite normal for top value men to have multiple women. You just gotta find out if you’re high-value enough for your girl to stick around even if you have girls on the side.
@buffalo.blackk2 ай бұрын
Another thought: Orion’s initial idea of having all of his needs met by a woman, namely one woman in a relationship or “the one” is a trope installed in modern, western men from a young age by feminism and romantic movies. Consolidating on one romantic partner is a female sexual strategy tied to protection and resource access during pregnancy and as a result of the female need for protection of a man or men. Feminism masculinizes women and feminizes men.
@idib17392 ай бұрын
💯 No one said it better than you 👏
@TV-oc4ml2 ай бұрын
Sounds like somebody’s gone down the red pill rabbit hole too many times
@greghamilton95052 ай бұрын
@@TV-oc4mltoo much reality ? No such thing
@markro10492 ай бұрын
Monogamy benefits both sexes imo. If men aren't monogamous women don't get security, resources and help with the kids. If women aren't monogamous they resort to hypergamy and only fuck the top 20% men and leave 80% of men out of the market, lots of those women become single mothers or they end up alone and childless in their 30s. Monogamy means 1 man for 1 woman, this keeps the sexual market balanced because no one has power over the other... all men get to fuck, all women get to have a partner to have kids safely with. Now that monogamy is dying we are seeing the dire consequences in society and If things don't change it's gonna get bad for both sexes.
@TV-oc4ml2 ай бұрын
@@greghamilton9505 no, not reality. A cult
@dont64412 ай бұрын
Every man who is searching for a satisfying relationship should watch this video at least twice. I wrote down the 4 criteria Orion mentions so I don't forget them. Fortunately I'm presently in a fairly new relationship the meets all 4. Many previous relationship did not and now I know why they didn't work out.
@fivebooks84982 ай бұрын
Watch out for the bait and switch. Women change for the worse after you marry them.
@greghamilton95052 ай бұрын
For most men and women it can be distilled to traditional vows. A man needs a woman that will love, honor, and obey. A woman needs a man who will love, cherish, and protect. If you look at all the positive versions of what could be meant under those three headings you have the answer. Friends, community, etc provide that other things in life.
@theabrahamdiop2 ай бұрын
Another thing I would add is that this approach makes it A LOT easier to deal with a breakup/separation. I'm glad I realized this early on.
@olumideadeola25742 ай бұрын
Thank you Dr. Orion. I've often told guys, beauty of a woman will fade if she doesn't give you peace of mind. My brothers, prioritize your peace above all else. Choose a woman that gives you peace. Looks are secondary... That's my advice
@christophermckee70922 ай бұрын
Amem. But having a sexy and crazy wife is OK for a while. LOL. Bail out before it's too late.
@Eddybo222 ай бұрын
Definitely a lesson to learn.
@digitalsoultech2 ай бұрын
Easier said then done. If you aren't interested in looks then you are also screwed no matter how much peace she gives you
@Eddybo222 ай бұрын
@@digitalsoultech well that will always be a matter of perception. A woman you deem good looking may not be so for most but as long as you're okay with it, who cares? It will only affect you if you're overly concerned about other people's perceptions.
@derekgusoff67682 ай бұрын
I've been happily married 25 years. This analysis is 100% spot-on. What many single people do not understand is, you don't marry someone fully-formed. You grow together over time.
@roses65642 ай бұрын
Wrong. You DO NEED the original compatibility in yoke/ilk/predispositions/inner nature, etc. You don't need a dyadic blank slate. You must match a priori because only birds of a feather can "grow together." Birds of different feathers always grow apart.
@derekgusoff67682 ай бұрын
@@roses6564 well clearly our different experiences have led us to different conclusions
@roses65642 ай бұрын
@@derekgusoff6768 If you're birds of different feathers internally, give it time. If you're old and have a long-lasting happy relationship behind you, you were birds of-a-feather internally to begin with, even if from different backgrounds internally - which is why you were able to grow together in the same direction. Has nothing to do with "different experiences."
@larahuffmaster585718 сағат бұрын
👏👏👏
@ajseb2 ай бұрын
Excellent advice. I have a similar approach, I’ve been with my current partner for 5 years already, and I think it’s because she’s been the most laidback, caring, and inoffensive partner I’ve ever had. Rarely gives me problems. I wrote out all the qualities I want in a woman, and she seems to match nearly all the qualities I want ( introverted, loves to cook, has a great relationship with her parents, very thoughtful, etc). The only thing is that I’ve dated more objectively prettier women than her, but those “prettier women” have cheated on me and gave me headaches. She’s cute in her own way though and I do see myself having a family with her one day.
@roses65642 ай бұрын
It isn't excellent advice. It is ugly foolishness. When you make a list of items - you rationalize your way into an inherently defect relationship. Soulless stuff. You don't love this woman, you're using her in a sketchy way. Your house of cards will come down sooner or later.
@leedlbagginshield84922 ай бұрын
You didn’t say that you’re with her cause you love her. You said that you’re with her cause she’s convenient. I feel a bit bad for her and I hope she at least, gets something back from you
@ajseb2 ай бұрын
@@leedlbagginshield8492 I do not need to explain myself to strangers that I love this girl. Actions speak louder than words. I’ve moved in with her, been on vacation with her to many places, and have devoted much of my time and effort to keep her happy. So I don’t know what to tell you 🤷♂️
@roses65642 ай бұрын
@@leedlbagginshield8492 This is the "traditional" mindset that destroys lives.
@thepointlesswords2902 ай бұрын
@@leedlbagginshield8492Mutual benefits and trust comes first. Love comes later. This is how any relationship works.
@stevensolof70582 ай бұрын
This is definitely one of the better videos. The logic is super solid and comprehensive.
@JohnSmithEx2 ай бұрын
This is true for all Dr Orion's episodes. Each one is better than all the others. It's like the legendary Chuck Norris's balls: each of his balls is larger than the other one.
@hoi-polloi18632 ай бұрын
Great advice, Doc! I found this out when I was disappointed that my wife didn't want to play chess with me. She dropped some wisdom on me, and told me I should go to the office with my buddy, and we can wear monocles, drink whiskey, and play chess all we want. She'll be there for other things.
@Jenishabadoo2 ай бұрын
My dad and stepmom have a beautiful marriage and it’s built much this way. My dad is super active-plays sports, in a band, goes on vacations without her and with her, and she goes on girl vacations alone too. She goes to his shows sometimes but not all the time and his games too but not all of them. They support each other and communicate and always refer to the other about decisions, but they lead lives individually as well as a couple. They’re a good example.
@tiffanyapril54582 ай бұрын
@@JenishabadooExcellent example 😊
@videoworkshop7hills312 ай бұрын
I think Orion stated the most underestimated thing you can look for in a woman that will lead to everything else, the 4th point: RESPECT. With respect, everything else will come afterwards.
@roses65642 ай бұрын
And how does respect happen? She admires him and is inspired by him - then respect is automatic. Love and respect come in one package for women. She can't love him if she doesn't respect him, and she can't respect him if she doesn't love him (admire/inspired/looks up to).
@tinap8227Ай бұрын
Love doesn't follow respect, you need to be meeting someones important needs for love to develop ;)
@glowupwithwonderwoman2 ай бұрын
Brilliant message! I have given this advice to both male and female clients before. The question “ WHY DO YOU WANT [insert random trait here] ?” from your partner is often met with a blank stare. Relationships are so much easier to enjoy when the connection between two people is more important than their ability to do every single thing together. The only caveat I will add is that I do think it is important for partners to have at least a slight appreciation for each other’s interests. If not the passions that are not shared can create an open door for infidelity.
@Champ19882 ай бұрын
1. Minor typo in your title, I know you meant "your needs" instead of "you needs." 2. I'm 52 seconds in, and I already agree with where you're going. Women: Don't look for your partner to be your "best friend." Instead, use your real friends for that. Men, don't try to find a woman who is "one of the guys." Instead, use your real friends for that.
@Guptaaajeee2 ай бұрын
Yes, please advice for women
@AMIBusinessSolutions2 ай бұрын
I disagree with 2....married to my best friend for 23 years now...she has her female best friends, but we are truly each others best friends, and wouldn't have it any other way...but thats just us..to each their own, i guess
@ALForb2 ай бұрын
@@AMIBusinessSolutions Agreed. Most couples that are happily together after many years are indeed very good friends. 11 years into a similar situation, and I can't imagine how it'd work otherwise. Some goes for the happy couples around me. I think these people underestimate how much time will be spent together in that long span of time. It helps a great deal if the majority of that time is well spent; if you have things to talk about and to enjoy together. And when it comes to relying on other relationships for those needs, there'll be periods of life, such as child rearing, when you see a lot less of your buddies. You're going to want to actually like your sig. other during these trying times.
@edheldude2 ай бұрын
What kind of man is looking for a masculine woman to be one of the guys??? Never ever heard about that nor do I know any man like that.
@ALForb2 ай бұрын
@@edheldude It may be hard for you to believe, but a woman doesn't need to be "one of the guys" to be a friend. Ideally, a person matures out of that boys vs girls mentality by the time they've graduated highschool.
@BellaVita1002 ай бұрын
Just give us peace and a few kind words ladies... Simple.
@nickymaria20232 ай бұрын
We try 😅
@SR777362 ай бұрын
Yeah some of us do but some of you think that's boring and want chemistry and excitement.
@BellaVita1002 ай бұрын
@SR77736 I will tell you that the good guys are searching for you. I admit there are a lot of jerk guys too. If you truly give your man peace,you will get a good guy eventually.
@oenone18982 ай бұрын
Yeah I tried giving him peace but 10 years with no sex is too much. He ain't getting any peace with that. 😅
@anewlifestirring2 ай бұрын
Excellent advise dear doctor. I totally agree with your sound advice. After two marriages, one of 25 years and another of 17 years, your fourth point on agreeableness and least offensiveness seems essential to me. Happy to hear you speak of long term relations and even marriage and not merely of a consumer behaviour on the marketplace of the sexual industry that reduces humans to the state of an object. Perhaps you might even speak of family making and child education one day.
@lanji79462 ай бұрын
Every guy deserves a father or uncle like you
@Nevila-v7n2 ай бұрын
Couldn’t agree more! What deteriorated my marriage was the pressure for me to be EVERYTHING to my husband.
@platoon10812 ай бұрын
In years past it was considered a compliment when a husband said his wife was "my everything". My how times have changed!
@csmith96992 ай бұрын
@platoon1081 there's a difference in "my everything" ...term of endearment and literally expecting a women to be everything you want
@Mr.Ambrose_Dyer_Armitage_Esq.2 ай бұрын
This is why you need a good group of brutally honest, dependable friends with whom you can share most things and a priest or male, [And row cent Rick] shrink. With those men, you can vent your frustrations and process your fears and vulnerabilities so you can remain mysterious and silent around your girl, who depends on you not disrupting her fantasy of you as the Übermensch.
@FullCircleTravis2 ай бұрын
I simplified this. Never desire anything from a woman that she isn't offering, and never fear her leaving. This is how you hold power. Women are attracted to power, and will offer you what they want you to desire from them. If you accept what they offer with gratitude, they will offer more.
@m3tzhfАй бұрын
This is a treasury summarization/addition folks!!
@ffstretch2 ай бұрын
At 44, male, I couldn’t agree more. This point Orion has been my experience. Figure out how to get your needs met and add a good woman to the mix as a compliment not the focus of your life.
@derrickterran12 ай бұрын
100%. I met and married my 25 year old wife when I was 38. At that time, I remember thinking about how easy she was to be around. She was not complicated at all. I had other relationships that were damn tiring with other women that checked all the boxes but had some traits that caused more turmoil than the good looks and sex was worth. I got everything from my wife of 12 years now.
@kennethwolkens62512 ай бұрын
Great advice! The problem is keeping the criterion stable is out of a man's control/influence. People change over the course of their lives both mentally and physically.
@marriagecausesdivorce75402 ай бұрын
My guess for Orion's top 4 non-negotiable criteria: 1. she must be mentally and emotionally stable (secure attachment style), 2. beautiful, 3. genuine burning desire, 4. she does not want marriage or is willing to sign a prenup.
2 ай бұрын
Pretty would be enough
@marriagecausesdivorce75402 ай бұрын
This is the exact trap that most divorced guys fall into.
@codydelong12 ай бұрын
Game changer thinking. Love it. I've kinda known this for a long time but hearing you articulate it so well is clarifying.
@markberger57392 ай бұрын
The French are noted for the opposite philosophy - have a solid person as a life partner / spouse & hot lovers for as long as it suits
@stanleysourelis51042 ай бұрын
I have greatly appreciated your channel since I began watching you. I recently purchased your book.
@elinope47452 ай бұрын
I require that my wife be my muse. I can get laid easy enough by less than attractive options that throw themselves at me or by professionals who work for cash. What is irreplaceable is inspiration and motivation to desire tomorrow. That is what is really important, the qualities of a muse.
@waysofzen2 ай бұрын
What makes a muse to you?
@elinope47452 ай бұрын
@@waysofzen A muse brings inspiration. That is the defining role. It is inspiration through beauty. This is the same beauty as art is and all artists are muses in themselves through their artwork. So I would say that she would have to be the type of artist that touches my heart in such a way as to inspire me to make the world a better place for her to live in.
@realist16412 ай бұрын
Sex, sandwiches and silence is all a man needs from a woman.Respect and duty is all she needs to uphold during the relationship.
@domenicodifraia73382 ай бұрын
Honestly such a relief hearing this. It really helps clears out some of the noise.
@andrewp42202 ай бұрын
I say I have very few mutual interests with most females. What is important is that my female partner and I have similar short and long term priorities.
@roses65642 ай бұрын
If you don't have mutual interests, you won't have similar short and long term priorities, and if it looks like you do they will be understood at the shallow level, and your house of cards will come down eventually.
@andrewp42202 ай бұрын
@@roses6564 - well honestly I think men probably fake having any mutual interests. But most men wouldn’t admit that
@leedlbagginshield84922 ай бұрын
I know relationship were both parties had little to no mutual interests or hobbies and after the kids were big, they got divorced or realised that they had nothing in common with their partner. Having similar interests and values is important
@andrewp42202 ай бұрын
@@leedlbagginshield8492 values yes. When I say interests. I mean hobbies.
@bluebutterfly50622 ай бұрын
You can always create mutual interests together. Trying new things as a binding activity might bring you even closer
@SalchichaStudios2 ай бұрын
Heard the entire value of others audiobook. AMAZING read. Thank you for your clearly HUGE effort
@omarel-begawy73972 ай бұрын
Everyone has their own criteria, but it is true that sex, attraction and femininity is a good basic set of requirements.
@chad_miller_2 ай бұрын
Hey Orion, just wanted to say - loving the book so far. About halfway through!
@sixtyoneeight2 ай бұрын
As Stephen A. Smith has pointed out in his chat with Bill Maher, the most important thing is if she's going to be there for you when you get sick. Will she be able to minimize your stress? If she doesn't, none of this stuff matters.
@TheZinminjr2 ай бұрын
Excellent insights on not expecting so many other “needs” in a spouse that “it takes a village” to realistically fulfill. Very well said.
@dtd19862 ай бұрын
How about 5. Telling you about the things they admire about you instead of only the things you’re always doing wrong and failing at.
@scorpiolove6742 ай бұрын
Love your channel, very intellectually satisfying, just waiting for the day you finally come out ;) !
@stephanie75722 ай бұрын
I remember when Alec Baldwin met his much younger wife (he's 26 years older) he was interviewed as to what they talked about. The interviewer knew Alec liked to talk about current events and wondered if he could do so with his wife Hilaria. Someone who knew Alec well told the journalist, Alec knows several women he can talk about politics with if he feels like discussing that stuff with a woman, he doesn't need to do that with her. Later on, someone asked Alec do you share your wife's musical tastes? He said something like, she likes music of her generation, she talks to her friends about it, I don't need to be into the same thing.
@mikeshafer2 ай бұрын
Finding a woman who can meet me on my intellectual level is virtually impossible. Most women, I hate to say, are monumentally boring. But you're right, I get my needs met through a diverse set of friends and family. Nowadays I just want my woman be kind, feminine, smile and generally bring me joy. I keep my discussions of high voltage asymmetric capacitors to my nerds.
@petergomes65522 ай бұрын
ok, but... if you marry this woman, how do you live together if you dont have interessing thing to talk about? its a honest doubt.. Im in the same situation. My gf is beautiful and feminine, but not have the same interests than me at all. We live in different cities, so we see each other mounthly and we have always a good time, but for 2 or 3 days. Im not sure we can coexist in the same house.
@nickymaria20232 ай бұрын
How sad that you don't want to talk about aliens, the universe, human evolution, time travel or the existence of God with a woman. Many women like it and it amuses us.
@ArizonaVideo992 ай бұрын
@@petergomes6552 I have had a 20 year marriage and a 10 year. Looking back at the first we tried to do too many things together. It really would help if you have 1 or 2 thing that you both enjoy. Finding a woman with just 1 is still quite hard unless you like watching bad TV or endless movies which is all most woman do.
@NiTeFiSe.collie2 ай бұрын
Sounds like you need to find an Introverted/Intuitive personality type....
@jonprince32372 ай бұрын
@@nickymaria2023 those are exactly the topics I want to be able to discuss with a partner, oh my dogs, yes! Please marry me or recommend me to your friends!
@ColtonRDean2 ай бұрын
Working my way through Orion’s book. It…is…dense. But full of mind-blowing insights. Highly recommend, to all the would-be Captains out there 😉
@yourfavoriteentertainment2 ай бұрын
Yep, i remember talking about Albert Einstein to women who worked at a restaurant.
@tylersguide2 ай бұрын
Congratulations on the book that’s awesome!
@vipondiu2 ай бұрын
Priorities "1 - Physical Attractiveness, 2 - Femeninity, 3 - Inoffensiveness" is kind of a rebranding of the old "Fit, Femenine and Friendly" that encompass 99% of what men "demand" of a potential mate, in order too. (some might add "faithful" as a 4th and you add "Sex" as a first, but I would say those are a little too obvious)
@scorpiocurse79692 ай бұрын
Yup, was thinking about this, lately. I've had enough of rude, angry, bossy women. From now on, i'll look for a passive, feminine, accomodating woman. Don't even care about looks that much, as long as she's passable, but calmness and an easygoing attitude must be the priority.
@Jasmineliam222 ай бұрын
Divorce is never the way out, My husband and I have been having issues before I sort out help from a spiritual adviser, I wasn't going to let my marriage of 9years crash
@marcusbawol68122 ай бұрын
Relationships are hard, but I've learned that there's always a way to fix things. Five years ago, my wife and I were facing divorce because of problems in our marriage, but we managed to resolve them. It was challenging, but we survived.
@collinsilver49202 ай бұрын
Amazing, I am kind of in a similar situation, how did you handle it?
@Jasmineliam222 ай бұрын
well not the orthodox way but I was referred by a friend to a spiritual adviser and healer
@collinsilver49202 ай бұрын
please how can I get in touch with the spiritual adviser?
@Jasmineliam222 ай бұрын
Her name is Quelani Eileen Freja, and she is a great spiritual adviser as well as caster
@maelyorn18402 ай бұрын
I purchased your book in paperback version. Can’t wait to read it
@aaccmm13982 ай бұрын
You gave a clear example on the minimum expectations of a man from a woman, what would be the same example for expectations of a woman from a man?
@funloverdavis17962 ай бұрын
They want everything. And then some more for good measure. Why do you think they're initiating divorce at such high rates?
@aaccmm13982 ай бұрын
@@funloverdavis1796 I guess my question is more in line to the minimum requirements of a stable mature women, an example comparable to that of Orion after realizing you can't find everything and anything in a partner.
@n_a89172 ай бұрын
I remember having this epiphany internally in my late teens/early twenties. Lightbulb indeed. However, if one is looking to enter a marriage, I strongly believe the man and wife should be equally yoked on things like marital roles, desired number of children, faith/spirituality, financial discipline, politics, etc. The primary reason be to be consistent in teaching one’s children
@ericgalen2 ай бұрын
Love this video, it clearly communicates a lesson I had to learn the long/hard way over decades... Rather than trying to find the 'perfect' woman or a woman that can 'do it all', I started focusing a few years ago on finding a woman that could satisfy me romantically and get my other needs met through friends, colleagues, etc. I'm now with a gorgeous, sweet, loyal younger woman who is a great companion, lover, travel partner, etc. When I need to fulfill my needs to discuss philosophy, business strategies, politics, motorcycle racing, or anything else like that - I just talk to friends and colleagues who can fulfill those needs. What I learned in my past relationship is that (1) no person can tick every box, and (2) prioritize in your mate selection process those things that your friends CAN'T fulfill (love, sex, travel companion).
@KaylanBAdams2 ай бұрын
Yeah #4 is the foundation...if that's not there then everything else doesn't really matter. Would love to see an inverse of this perspective for women.
@reasonitout90872 ай бұрын
This is brilliant. Thank you for coming up with this distillation of Common Sense practicality. It's so simple I'm sure it's going to work for me . It went directly into my brain , it had a separate section waiting for this information for my entire adult life. I also bought the book just now with one click.
@joelfenner2 ай бұрын
20 years of dating has left me with much the same conclusion, albeit in a more dismal fashion. Having NOT been able to find MOST of the sort of things I want in a relationship from a female companion, I eventually revised downward my list to 3 things (1. Non-leftist political alignment, 2. Artistic/aesthetic preferences that are at least compatible with my own, 3. Sexual attraction). I can't even find those in a prospective romantic partner (Finding #1 is very tough, and it was my pathway to "inoffensive"). I've largely given up as a consequence. The only thing I feel I can get is #3, and it's not worth having a relationship if it's just sex.
@zacklewis3422 ай бұрын
People who are far-right often have difficulty finding "non-leftist" partners. You're probably the problem.
@JohnnyFino-l5v23 күн бұрын
As always Orion is spot on. Nothing worse than an offensive woman. Fun fit and friendly with a sweet attitude.
@BadSneakers2 ай бұрын
The difference between your Bumble before and after write-up must be staggering
@PapiCaballo2 ай бұрын
Back on track with this one. Very insightful.
@ALForb2 ай бұрын
While I agree that a perfect alignment in values and interests is a big ask for a long term romantic partner, I do believe you're going to want SOME alignment if you want that relationship to last years or 'til death. You're going to spend A LOT of time around each other. It sure helps if you enjoy that time, and it's easy to enjoy that time if you have common interests to talk about, and if you have similar outlooks enough to understand each other. If you're in it for light fun, then yes, sex, attractiveness, femininity and inoffensiveness may suffice. But if you're going to live your life with someone, you're going to need more to get through. I know I'm fortunate to be married to someone I still enjoy being around 11 years in; I know not everyone will have that. But I maintain that there are ways to increase your chances of getting into such a relationship, and most of those ways have to do with your social life. If you're an active part of a community built around shared values and interests, and you meet someone through that community, you're likely to share values and interests with that person. Orion gives a lot of great advice when it comes to personal mental health, and even on dating. But I generally question his advice on long term relationships. What makes for a healthy, life-long marriage can't systematized or broken down into cold, economic terms, because it's about the specific dynamic between two individuals. It's the interpersonal stuff that's hard to put into words; the gushy, feely, right-brained stuff. That's the stuff that goes the distance.
@roses65642 ай бұрын
Nailed but this audience hears what they want to hear.
@malcomtheminer-digitalcurr86162 ай бұрын
Thanks! This is the most important advice I have ever heard from your channel.
@AndrewClunn2 ай бұрын
This advice only works when you're looking to "date" not "build a family." At that point that criteria (should) increase dramatically and somewhat change.
@Bopobopo9312 ай бұрын
What criteria would you add then? Wanting a family+compatible parenting values?
@gracerules20082 ай бұрын
Other things to add are similar philosphies about finances. Money is the number 1 thing married couples argue about. Even with similar financial visions disagreements will happen but a better chance of being resolved more quickly.
@hoots187Ай бұрын
what? did you even bother listening to this video? the chances of you building and sustaining a family are much better if you are not trying to get all these needs met by your spouse. coming to a consensus on what ethical/moral system to in-still in your child is not something you need to look for in a sexual partner or while dating. if you cant date the person you want to build a family with, whose needs are you actually trying to fulfil? it seems like you are trying to meet the needs of a 3rd party, perhaps someone who has expectations of you that you for some reason put ahead of your own.
@manikandarajan93872 ай бұрын
The needs you mentioned are exactly what I also needed subconsciously which I was not clear enough but you put into words so beautifully! Thank you!
@thorny32182 ай бұрын
My girlfriend likes to knit. I could care less. But I like video games. She has zero interest. We sit together for hours without speaking. Her knitting, me playing Zelda. It’s all good. I don’t wanna knit and she don’t wanna game. We do share plenty of common interests. She loves to be outside and I love metal detecting. We both have very high sex drives which is nice. My first girlfriend at the age of 40 that can even come close to satisfying my wants. Good thing I didn’t meet her when I was 20. We never would have left the house. 😂
@ElBromoHojo2 ай бұрын
That's called "shoulder to shoulder time" and it's underrated
@ReachingHigher0012 ай бұрын
Spot on. Thanks for posting, Doctor.
@voccessbg53962 ай бұрын
A lot of people both male and female are interested in quantum mechanics, litterature, spiririal stuff etc. You can always find a physically compatible person who also shares some of your intellectual passions. I have never struggled with this, to be honest. A lot of my most enriching interactions have been with a person of the opposite sex on my topics of interest. Also I never separate my contacts in sexual and nonsexual in a checklist. An intimate partner could and should meet my intellectual needs or else the relationship is pretty unappealing to me. In the same time i keep an ever enlarging group of aquientances where I exercise my influence, put my knowledge and strengths into work, contribute, expand etc. This brought me great fulfillment so far. Marriages in the past are not a model to follow at all. Those were just people striving to survive in the physical plane. Our tasks are quiet different already.
@chukwuemmanuel7752 ай бұрын
How exactly do you go about finding such women who meet your intellectual depth and are sufficiently posessing of other necessary traits like bodily and facial beauty, drama free personality and personality compatibility? I'm not saying it's not possible, I'm just asking how you manage to not have issues finding such women and what your strategies for finding them are?
@voccessbg53962 ай бұрын
@@chukwuemmanuel775 moving in circles where women prevail and focus is intellectual or spiritual growth. I mean serious things, not online tantra gurus hah. You can always find a visually pleasing woman wherever women of all ages flock. Aesthetics are only one part though. We all have had cases of beautiful women where intimacy was bland and nothing special. Also for the drama part, there are loads of quiet dramatic men who maybe do not recognise themselves being such but they absolutely are creating a fuss around themselves, for ex going with multiple women without disclosing that because they wanna be in the coveted position of being wanted from all sides. Then when they actually get into that position they are awfully stressed out and desperate to get out. I have personally counseled many such cases where I actually give them the big picture but they still go through with their idea. We say that women are masochistic and choose the worst possible partners in order to suffer dully. However loads of men do the same. People are suckers for drama, they are afraid of the emotional pain yet they fall right in it.
@funloverdavis17962 ай бұрын
There's no strategies. Men like women who are attractive. The other stuff is "nice to have". I'd rather a sexy, pretty barista than an average looking or otherwise unattractive intelectual with a PhD. Your woman won't leave you if you decide to seek out intellectual needs elsewhere, but she sure as hell will if you do the same to satisfy the sexual ones. So start there.
@roses65642 ай бұрын
THANK YOU to the power of 1000. So many people deluding themselves that the rudimentary and brutal ways of the past somehow can still work in this society.
@roses65642 ай бұрын
@@funloverdavis1796 It depends on the man. Most men, like most women, are 50 shades of dumb. Intellectual men and women are sapio-sexuals and demi-sexuals and the "rules" you speak of don't apply to them. Humans are dramatically different.
@Mike_Lupus-t1j2 ай бұрын
Hello Doctor, I am currently reading your book and I am delighted with the way you present the complicated subject of our behavior in an accessible way. I highly recommend it to anyone who likes the content on your channel! I have a question about the book - if we assume that the man should make the first move in the relationship but at the same time he should not put the woman on a pedestal and be the admirer, how does this dynamic transition. I would like to hear more about this topic. Warmest greetings from Poland.
@edthelizzard2 ай бұрын
Horses for courses. I believe all places have a version of the same advice: you should find a woman who is the best lover, a woman who is the best cook, a woman who is the best friend, etc. and you must make sure they never meet each other.
@gracerules20082 ай бұрын
Any man can hire a personal chef to come into his home every now and then to cook meals for the month. He does not need a woman who can cook as high priority in my opinion.
@edthelizzard2 ай бұрын
@@gracerules2008 your priorities are your own and your goal is to have them met. Other people's priorities may vary,
@gracerules20082 ай бұрын
@ed you misread my post. I acknowledged it was my opinion. Just like it is Dr. Orion's opinion that it is not a priority to find a wife who is interested in quantam mechanics. I think we would agree there is nothing wrong if men want to prioritize finding a woman interested in similar subjects.
@edthelizzard2 ай бұрын
@@gracerules2008 my comment made use of a humorous saying to illustrate the point made in the video that different needs do not need all to be met by the same person. That is valid for all configurations of relationships,M/F, M/M, F/F and all of the most recent hybrid types of it. Different strokes for different folks. You may not find a cook to be essential while someone else might find it indispensable.
@gracerules20082 ай бұрын
Same applies to dating someone of the same religion. There is nothing wrong with prioritizing that either.
@maelyorn18402 ай бұрын
The timing of this video is crazy for me rn 😂 the universe really wanted me to understand something. Thanks Psychacks
@user-qh4xr5rg6i2 ай бұрын
Most important qualities I'm looking for in a woman. 1. She should be young (under 30), attractive and have genuine desire for me. 2. Be loyal. 3. Can take responsibility for her actions or lack of actions and don't play victim role. 4. Be financially responsible (I don't care how much she earns, but I do care how she spend money). 5. And last but not least, I shouldn't feel like I'm walking on eggshells, when we have conversation together.
@edheldude2 ай бұрын
I wish Santa was real, too.
@nickymaria20232 ай бұрын
Number 3, how?
@sleepyjoeatemyiceacream2 ай бұрын
My brother, if you wait for a few years, there'll be AI programmable $e x dolls that might meet your requirements.
@phoenixrisin22692 ай бұрын
Leave the West. Head east young man, head east.
@phoenixrisin22692 ай бұрын
@@sleepyjoeatemyiceacream😂
@andrugomez2 ай бұрын
Hey Orion, congrats on the book release, just got the audio version today, looking forward to it!
@madness56932 ай бұрын
Please release the book in India. I'd love to buy it
@DEEPAKKUMAR-ch6cb2 ай бұрын
Isn't available in India?
@madness56932 ай бұрын
@@DEEPAKKUMAR-ch6cb it's too expensive
@caesarprice32522 ай бұрын
Bro get that book, I get all the hoes@@madness5693
@nervedown6662 ай бұрын
You are amazing Dr. Orion! Thanks!
@manuelese87602 ай бұрын
The first component is to make sure that you are a mentally healthy person and she is too. If one of you has a f*cked up psyche, the relationship WILL FAIL.
@Soothingyou452 ай бұрын
Same here. I've met guys that were a pain! And I want peace of mind. Jealousy kills attraction. Seeing things that don't exist kills attraction. Thinking that I am your mother kills attraction. I understand (and agree) that guys want a nurturing, caring, sweet, loving woman but there's a fine line between that and being a mother. Peace of mind feels great!!!!! 🙂
@kimlawson98692 ай бұрын
Both men and women struggle with finding a good looking, kind, intelligent funny, interesting partner who offers integrity...most people dont have all of these qualities
@ARP_26002 ай бұрын
Good luck finding the one inoffensive woman out there!
@pgsm19922 ай бұрын
Dr Orion Taraban mentions his mentor a lot. Is Rollo his mentor? 😅
@pc36662 ай бұрын
I picked up the value of others Saturday and finished it Monday, great book, well worth reading.
@joelfenner2 ай бұрын
10:12 - "If you only want a few things from women, its going to be much harder for women to disappoint you" Women: Challenge accepted. Seriously, have you tried dating lately? Seeking "inoffensive" women has become a Sisyphean quest.
@SuperMBARutgers20132 ай бұрын
The introspective 2nd half of this is Gold. Practical.
@sujith945102 ай бұрын
First video that’s I’ve had to give a hard disagree. Seeing a woman for sex is no different than a woman seeing you as a human wallet - that’s not a good feeling and you know that. If you are seeing your “sexual relationship” as a “sexual object” as your number 1 priority to satisfy your lust, you are bound to fail with number 2 - Your lust sees no limits and over time you will develop desires over another to satisfy your lust. Why would a woman be inoffensive? You expect them to shut down the emotional aspect to femininity, but you shouldn’t shut down your sex driven/lustful aspect to masculinity?
@cic60022 ай бұрын
OK, you are either a woman or a beta male
@chaoslimits2 ай бұрын
I don’t agree with you on all your points but it does sound like Orion is in RP rage land.
@Anthony-nw7xp2 ай бұрын
Another banger! Difficult to achieve but the damned truth!👏👏👏👏👏
@1qualitybacon2 ай бұрын
The book is AWESOME
@delocon2 ай бұрын
I feel this. I was with a girl who checked all the boxes, ideal partner, but I wasn't physically attracted enough to her to prevent the "I could do better" feeling.
@Digitalknifeparty2 ай бұрын
She did you favor by allowing you to be with someone who found you physically attractive enough instead of stinging you along
@Katarzyna-h2z2 ай бұрын
Hypergamy?
@delocon2 ай бұрын
@@Digitalknifeparty No, I wasn't physically attracted to her. She practically worshipped me.
@delocon2 ай бұрын
@@Katarzyna-h2z Again no, I wasn't physically attracted enough to HER. She thought I was her best match.
@Digitalknifeparty2 ай бұрын
@@Katarzyna-h2z that has to deal more with class and status than physical appearance
@JohnDoe-x7w2 ай бұрын
👌🎯 nailed it applying. This can really help my marriage Clothes time to take a step back, apply and re-view
@HalfAsianDerp2 ай бұрын
My girlfriend is crazy, but it kinda makes things hotter for me. Her being crazy jealous makes her wilder in the bedroom, and something about having to regulate her emotions makes me feel needed. I think I'm an outlier here though.
@iamtimnar52892 ай бұрын
I feel like regulating another person's emotions would almost feel like being a parent. Correct me if I'm wrong.
@HalfAsianDerp2 ай бұрын
@iamtimnar5289 you're not wrong and sometimes it's exhausting. But whenever I resolve it, and I usually do, or she self regulates after some time apart. Then we come together and it's an emotional high. Again, I think there's something wrong with me though
@MAMP2 ай бұрын
You’re in potential danger
@iamtimnar52892 ай бұрын
@@HalfAsianDerp Something Orion has talked about is that past trauma shapes the relationships we enter in now. For me, approval was something I needed more of, so I look to earn approval of women. If they give it to me without me earning it, I feel like they're lying or pathetic. I got some healing I need to do as well.