The secret to being more likeable

[@Mslh00]

My boyfriend is the most likeable person I’ve ever met. He tells me when he was a boy, his dad made him go say hello to every relative at the family parties. He says that made him comfortable with social interactions and made him realize that asking questions and smiling makes people instantly love you. And that’s what made me so interested in him in the first place! Very well noticed, video man!

[@navoneel]

Ayy, It's so cool that you've met such person! I bet you're genuinely happy with him now and for the years to come :D I still don't know any person who has been "likeable" to me, so I'm trying to be that person myself haha

[@localtavernsluteplayer2182]

wow you got a keeper

[@shorx9199]

People pleaser?

[@wintersonnet]

@@shorx9199 Yup.

[@wuzumaki]

Your boyfriend probably has a nice face too.

[@anetherealpursuit]

"How you make them feel," I've found this to be particularly true. Not many people seem to notice that I don't say a lot, all they notice is that I'm actively listening and being interested in what they're saying which makes them feel special. It wasn't even an intentional tactic on my part, I'm just awkward, don't like talking to people I don't know well, but love learning from others. I think there's a quote that goes something along the lines of "everyone knows something you don't." I truly believe that and that's why I seem genuinely interested in almost anyone, because since hearing that quote, my interest in others has been genuine and people can feel that. My connections with others since that quote have been so much stronger and widespread since, quite by accident!

[@zvon7089]

Same. With my introverted INFJ nature and way of internally processing things, I’d rather much prefer to stay quiet and just listen to people and learn from them.

[@MarkClaytonII]

Felt that

[@JyzTy]

Everything you described about yourself I can relate with, cool to see there are others just like you out there!

[@robbertlw9610]

You must be more of a ‘giver’ than a ‘taker’ then, right?

[@danielforthreee]

I do the same thing but the person usually doesn’t seem to realise (at least from my perspective) got any tips?

[@phantasmagorial]

This is so real. When I was very socially anxious I would sometimes force myself to practice talking to people, but I felt like I never made any progress. It took a long time to realise the problem wasn't the words I was saying, but it was the lack of eye contact, the hunched body language, the self-consciousness - the whole negative attitude just puts people off. It's really fucking hard to change it if you're socially anxious and don't like yourself, but realisation and self-awareness is a start.

[@nessie968]

Did it happen for you? I'm rather anxious and don't have any friends, and when approaching people I just scare them away. They sorta feel my loneliness and fear, and don't want to talk. I don't blame them but It's hard not to be bitter about sometimes. I just want to have friends.

[@phantasmagorial]

​@@nessie968 I feel you; it’s fucking unfair how hard it can be. I would say I’m doing a lot better than I was a few years ago, but it’s always ongoing. I think what helps but seems counter-intuitive is to *not* go into a social situation with the goal of making friends. That might work for confident people, but for us (or at least for me) it just makes every situation feel like pressure and failure and FOMO. If possible, I’d say try finding ways to practise communication and find things you enjoy doing which other people might also attend regularly. Stuff like volunteering, fitness groups, local community events, groups on MeetUp, group support meetings, anything like that. If you start seeing the same people in some kind of routine - and under the guise of doing other things - it may help the fear. Start small and be kind to yourself. If you ever want another lonely gal to talk to feel free to message me!

[@nessie968]

@@phantasmagorial so I think I actually found out what my problem is. I hyper focus on either myself (to be entertaining, to not be weird, boring ect), or the other person (overanalyzing their facial expression, their body language, voice, listening too hard). What I found helpful was to shift the goal from forming a friendship, to just having a good time together. I realized that I heavily idealize friendship as a concept and expect too much from people I just met. Now I'm able to alleviate some of my anxiety just acknowledging all this and shifting my mind to just having a good time. Even if I fail, oh well, I didn't expect too much anyway. Thank you for your reply! It was so nice of you to take the time to write words of encouragement for a complete stranger 💖

[@blizrinarine593]

This thread is kinda wholesome & I hope the two of you are doing better nowヽ(´▽｀)/

[@phantasmagorial]

@@nessie968 That's excellent reasoning - sounds like you have a well-rounded mindset. And it's no trouble at all. ^^ All the best to you on your journey!

[@y.christine]

“Because if you dislike yourself, the curiosity in other people is hard to come by. You can’t afford to be curious in other people because you *need* their validation” Needed that

[@WHSmith-zk2ox]

No I don't......

[@amandamurphyy]

yoo this is so true

[@Mahmoud-db8hq]

He meant if you need other people validation you will talk more about yourself and you won't be curious about them or their lives?!

[@jaredhenager9379]

No fr that part hit me. Felt called out lol

[@PavaoKantor]

So true. Thank you for that.

[@farhanfm8127]

Summary 1. Nobody cares about what you say they care about how you make them feel 2. live a life you like and love yourself

[@SamKenDa1]

Those sentences made me wanna kms even more

[@ItHamBoi]

My problem is that when i talk and say something the other dude doesn't care about, whoever's listening pulls out the "didn't ask" card

[@possle]

At the end of the day, make small talk, but don't expect to be able to connect with everyone in this word, everyone is different and indifferent

[@baggedbread]

@@SamKenDa1fr same

[@Stow_ic]

@@SamKenDa1 im not those bs talkers saying your going to make it through life and to keep going king, but I will say, if life is that bad, there will be a time of good, if your entire childhood sucked, then your adulthood would be great

[@nikhilkumarpatra8931]

As someone who has tried his best for almost 20 years of his life to make people feel good about themselves, and take genuine interest in them, and ask them questions, and everything that Joey has said in this video, I believe there comes a point when you realise that being respected is more important than being liked. Not to disrespect what Joey has said in the video but people do take advantage of your kindness and never reciprocate your kindness. So for example, I have usually found myself in a myriad of situations where I genuinely took interest in people, and asked a lot of questions about them but rarely found myself in a situation where I was asked the same things about me. People usually have told me before that I do make them feel comfortable and good about themselves but ironically, I never felt the same. Pieces of Advice like the ones provided in this video have to be taken with a grain of salt. When taken to extreme, things can turn out to be very ugly for yourself. As of now, for me, it is respect that is more important to me than being liked or loved. P.S: This has been typed not to discredit or disrespect what Joey has said in the video. It is my personal experience and I thought of sharing it.

[@ubaft3135]

This came to my mind as well. if you want people to respect you you have to make them interested in what you say. If you want them to like you then be interested in what they say. You just have to learn to balance it for each situation.

[@chdata]

I have that kind of problem too... I had to stop letting people use me as a therapist friend because it only started to feel like abusing my kindness. Instead of helping people by doing that, I just try to give them a good laugh or something instead. One makes people like me because I'm good to vent to. The other makes people like me because I'm fun to be with.

[@nikhilkumarpatra8931]

@@chdata that's actually great... I tend to genuinely laugh a lot to the point where my jaw starts to hurt when people crack jokes. That kind of gives people an ego boost making them feel like they are really funny.... I too am a victim of being a therapist friend.. I don't know why I offer emotional support... Mostly when I was a child I wanted to have some sort of emotional support but due to the lack of that maybe I started providing emotional support to people because I related my childhood experience to their present experience and it felt bad to me... Although my intention was good but you never know what people are like and it truly hurts when you need that support and there's no one around you to help you out... Even the ones who you once helped turn their backs on you... It's like people turn to you when they need you and then they are gone no where to be found unless they need you again. So just to be on the safe side, I eventually started being selective with my kindness and I only offer to help people if I genuinely want to do that or if it provides some sort of benefit to me otherwise I politely say no to people...

[@enitjuh3344]

I agree. Trying to be less likeable saves a lot of suffering and pleasing. Weeds out the bitches too. Fuck being likeable, but do act like a well mannered human being.

[@frtho5785]

Ditto. Are you an empath/ highly sensitive person/ someone with an INFJ personality type, by any chance? I see this pattern of thinking common for those with high empathetic characteristics. You will find you’re not alone in feeling this way.

[@BigAirr.]

“don’t actively participate in something that ruins your opinion of yourself” that’s a hell of a quote

[@CristianoRaashid77]

Can you pls explain what that means?

[@alexisvillanueva1570]

@@CristianoRaashid77 example. You as a person believe in only talking to people with a higher standard than yourself. i.e. a boss. Then going to speak to someone you perceive is in a lower class or spectrum that you consider yourself. That can lower your opinion of yourself. But this example is the bad ending.

[@acoffeewithsatan]

@@alexisvillanueva1570 that's a pretentious way of putting it... I'd say if you'd have a better opinion of yourself based on that, you likely won't be considered likeable by many, after all!

[@alexisvillanueva1570]

@@acoffeewithsatan yes

[@Dingbobber]

I wish I could quit smoking

[@The7thMastermind]

I’d like to add two things to this. The first is that to be like-able, a lot of times it’s not what you’re saying but HOW you’re saying it. I’ve seen a lot of arguments between friends and family and coworkers start because of not what necessarily someone is saying, but how they’re saying it. Especially if what’s being said is truth or criticism. Secondly, to be likeable, yes it’s important to be that person that listens and hears others, but also know when to talk about yourself. Some people sit back too much, don’t want to come off wrong and they don’t talk about themself enough, and therefore are not relatable or likeable. If you’re secure in yourself and your life, don’t be afraid to talk about yourself in moderation! Don’t be afraid to share something intimate or something that is deeper than surface level. I’ve noticed more times than not when I do that with new people in my life, it helps foster a deeper connection faster because they think “oh wow this guy is comfortable talking about this, it’s probably safe to share my opinion even if he disagrees with it”. By you being the comfortable talking about yourself, they feel comfortable talking about themself.

[@leof.schmidt1976]

Exactly what I thought

[@wintersonnet]

Preach!

[@mrsimo7144]

A example of this is texting someone. It's so easy for someone to miss read it. It's important to nice it's nice to be important.

[@olamidedaniels3471]

Ever heard of TMI

[@mrsimo7144]

@@olamidedaniels3471 no?

[@bruhh1377]

i cant believe i've reached this point

[@evergreen947]

Cheers brother 🥂

[@laceyj1180]

RIGHT 😂 just brushing up on life skills. In my feelings a bit

[@gfnkennedy]

This is so real and i’m an upcoming freshman in high school 😭

[@avantikor360]

@@gfnkennedynormal at that time tbh enjoy your growing process

[@catmustache8810]

Bruhhh let’s goooo

[@heyowassup8792]

1. Appreciate yourself and your life, to the extent that you no longer need others’ validation. 2. Show them your interest in what they have to say. Be genuine. 3. Make them feel good about themselves first, and then they’ll probably do the same to you later.

[@Alex-dd9xx]

thanks for saving me 15 mins

[@fev4]

The most likable people I've known are very good at asking questions. They get to the root of the issue in the right away for the conversation context and like to keep their remarks short as to let other people talk.

[@MelakRara-i8y]

I used to be the opposite of what you said because i was afraid of being boring. But now i get it why that guy everyone and I like is that way

[@AJuresic]

Something which I really needed to learn is to let others speak and listen more. People tend to like to talk about themselves. Also, remember the small stuff is the big stuff. Let me explain: If you talk to your colleague and she mentions her kid doesn't feel very well, you should ask her how her kid is doing the next time you speak to her. Why? Because you care about the kid, but also because you're genuinly interested. Noticing these ''small'' things in conversations was a game changer for me.

[@WednesdayShortsDance]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/n2XKeqSdqaeLgLc Finally its here

[@rollandjoeseph]

This is pinnacle to not just being liked, but more to being a compassionate person we all should be , we'll stated 👏👏

[@EpirusAlukai]

Less is more...if you talk less and listen more it can make a huge difference. When you do speak make sure it is something worth speaking and you'll be remembered for making an impactful comment. Quality over quantity. Sometimes people who are trying to branch out and be more confident make the mistake of thinking if they say more words then they're being confident and outgoing but that usually is a huge mistake and fails which ends up making them withdraw back to their safe place.

[@shangoshango2471]

I totally agree buuuut.. my memory is terrible? I want to remember those small cute details about someone’s life or a conversation we had, but most of the time forget :(

[@katecooper9158]

​@@shangoshango2471 I hear ya! My memory is sooo bad. People must think I don't listen and therefore don't care, but the reality is that my memory won't allow me to recall the details.

[@BrianHGarcia]

One thing I learned recently: People want to be heard and share things they love or even something that's on their mind. If they share an issue that's on their mind, DON'T go in trying to solve their issues. That's not the point. They want to be heard and empathized with. Not be given a solution you think is good for them. They don't want that. They want to be heard and understood.

[@Mrshotgun7392]

Doesn't that only apply to women though?

[@inihilisme1511]

@@Mrshotgun7392 knowing that more men k themself, i will say no

[@xoepv9077]

@@Mrshotgun7392 men are less comfortable talking about issues then women because their so used to giving then receiving that issues become worse and also as the comment below you said men are sadly more suicidal but we should never feel this way but women can’t tell that you do as men don’t enjoy expressing themselves as much as girls since the comfortable mind women have and men hating just having comfort and enjoying to do stuff that gives them meaning to live

[@TacticallyInferior]

Recently a guy at my work got broken up with by a girl he really liked. Like it’s been over 4 months and he’s still hung up on her. Everyone else on our crew just either rolls their eyes or tries to say “forget her” or “do this do that!” But I think I was the first person to actually just sit there and listen to him. He has a really memory and apparently being with her was the best feeling he’d ever felt even with his ex wife it was something he’d never experienced before. I didn’t say to much, I gave my input and just related to him. I didn’t tell him how to get over it or move on, I tried to help him understand it from her and his own perspective, I like to think I helped to push himself to move on.

[@lilyrosedaisyvioletsweetpe1207]

Geeze that's hard! But you are right and this was a helpful post, a good reminder.

[@ashleysalazar2012]

I have always been very unlikeable, and I never really cared too much but as I've gotten older I've realized likeability is sometimes more beneficial than skill. You need likeability in the world. I'm working on it. I think I'm just read wrong. I'm very shy and I think maybe people think it's strange.

[@kimaya.3563]

yep! i was super shy before, and apparently everyone thought I was stuck up or thought I was better than them, wasn't the case at all ;/ I felt about that so i began talking a little more and people came around, I'm still shy and introverted so i get tired with too much social interaction, some days i really just don't want to socialize

[@narcsisus]

I have personality disorders and im neurodivergent and people have thought i was weird or eccentric since i was a child and being likeable feels impossible to me

[@ashleysalazar2012]

@@narcsisus what kind of personality disorders?

[@jmarsh2314]

Same here. Working on it everyday

[@guitarista666]

@@jmarsh2314 I think it will help you to read what I have written below.

[@sarahg3156]

Likeability is about more than just being curious about others. My dad never asks questions about others, but people love him, give him stuff, do stuff for him, etc. Its about aura, humor, a deep love for yourself, a good memory, talent, an inherent ability to connect with others,, etc. Believe me, I grew up invisible next to likeable people. Our peers LOVED my brother. He was outgoing, smart,, funny,, talented. It was so bad, he was always invited to everything and had all of the friends. I was a tagalong. Its been a slog to shed the feeling of being a shadow, a fake, a reject. Being desperate for approval amd doing my damndest to hide it was a halmark of my life up until about this last year. I just ended up dropping everything I had done up until now, and am starting over on my own terms. It is extremely difficult.

[@maxthorpe-downey1680]

Wish u the best mate 👍

[@GameHub1-]

believe on what you believe. have confidence. God is with you

[@ryugavegeta5734]

I face the same battles everyday.

[@kimaya.3563]

in the same boat, my entire family is full of extroverts....and there I am, the lone introvert

[@gatestimonymiracle1302]

Exactly when you treat yourself well. People like you

[@IanBeaubien]

A dear friend once told me: You're an amazing person, let the others discover it themselves. I was insecure, but doing good, and unintentionally bragging about it. That moment was pivotal in my life. From that point, I stopped talking about myself (it wasn't instantaneous lol, took a lot of work and practice). At first I would focus a lot on the other person, and always revert the conversation to themselves when it was going back towards me. It was better, but that made it seems unauthentic. A conversation is a flow. You start by being interested in them, naturally, they will want to know more about you. They will unconsciously at some point try to talk again about themselves, so naturally, it will go back to talking about them. Let that happen. But everybody feels like it's too much about them at some point, so they will open a door for you to share, and so on. Naturally, it will be balanced, but slightly more in your favor, because you let the natural flow of people liking to be heard go. At the end, the person will leave feeling two things about you: Listened, and authenticity. Because that's what you did. You listened, and you opened about yourself in a natural easy manner.

[@konantj]

I had a friend who was very much loved by others. She was like an influencer but better because she was real to herself. She deeply cared for people, was funny, and she loved everything she did, And because of that everyhting she made was pure art. Even if that was just food, notes, drawing, outfit, insta-story. Impossible to hate her even if you were jeleous of her, because when you meet you just feel calm, happy, and loved.

[@xdrazormon454]

She sounds like a true philanthropist, I hope one day she’ll become famous

[@Tommy_007]

Was she beautiful? That is something that people instinctively like.

[@konantj]

I would say average, but she cares for her looks@@Tommy_007

[@nobody123-b5r]

Is she still around?

[@JuanViera-ud1wd]

I wanna marry her

[@MikosMiko]

Likability is subjective🤷🏻I’ve seen MANY horrible people who are bullies, manipulative and cut throat get promoted and put into positions of power. You can be a nice, warm person, good listener etc and still be disliked if bias is applied to how a person assesses you. People can dislike you if they see you as a threat, if they are envious of your accomplishments, don’t like your race, don’t like your personality, don’t share your values, etc. Love your points about liking yourself and liking your life and not being desperate for other people’s opinions. This is a great video that sheds more light on this topic: kzbin.info/www/bejne/pZa7YaV-Yrd7e7c

[@purplecherub]

The most sensible comment here but for that very reason won't get many likes

[@sarahg3156]

This. I was a pastors daughter. It took me years to realize that there was an instant bias when someone found out my family relation, and it usually wasn't "oh, I'm going to like this person even more." Instant bias. It took me years to realize what was happening, along with my introversion and how I handled that. I'm not sure why my brother didn't suffer more from it. Maybe his likeability overcame the bias 😬

[@edboss36]

Still, that case is rare. A likeable person is still MORE likeable than a normal person. A racist will hate a likeable person less than they hate a normal person. Video’s point still stands.

[@MikosMiko]

@@edboss36 Tell that to the millions of likable Jews who were tortured and killed during the Holocaust. Tell that to the thousands of likeable people who have been killed in genocides around the world. Tell that to the millions of likable people who get bullied everyday in school and in the workplace. Those are not “rare” cases: they happen everyday. Likability is subjective.

[@nickgaines6929]

Did you listening to the video, you have to be genuine and like yourself first. If someone doesnt like you because they think you of a threat; that is THEIR problem to figure out. Weed out those people they are vampires (insecure) and will only drain YOU. You can't care about that, if you do you are now the problem (insecure).

[@upstatenewyork]

When I was in high school I remember being likable because I was “genuinely” friendly. However, I was young, impressionable and had not experienced the traumas that were about to unfold in the years and decades ahead. Trauma changed my personality. It also changed my perspective on life. I became angry, bitter and intolerant. How could someone that once got along with literally almost anyone, morph into someone entirely different. At 70 I no longer want to live a life of suffering, pain, anger, isolation and so forth. I’m on a journey to recapture some and maybe all of the good qualities I once had. I didn’t choose to let hate and anger lead me, but I gave them the green light when they appeared. It’s natural to have strong painful emotions after tremendous loss and misfortune. Please help yourself and know that you can begin to emerge from that personality who became someone that shocked you. It takes hard work. We believe our hurts have the right to dictate to us how we should proceed. Don’t let pain and suffering call the shots for too long. Put them in their place and tell them that they can’t run rampant in your world forever. Tell them there is a time and place for most things but that catering to trauma and it’s pain and suffering is a place where you have decided to be just a visitor. You aren’t moving in and taking up permanent residence. Good luck. Don’t give up hope. If it can happen, it can happen for you too. No matter how hurt you are.

[@titantanic7255]

I’m just 13 and can understand you. I had to go through the trauma last year actually… still get flashbacks now… I’m coming to realize very quickly that sadness is meant to happen and it’s how a person is built over time. “You can’t be happy without being sad later and you can’t be sad without being happy later” Maybe it’s because of the vast amount of knowledge I can get from the internet… but I just feel like I’m moving very fast. I want to start next year being very likable and nice to everyone to regain the reputation that was stripped from me but I don’t know how it will go

[@CamSter-ts4xx]

Bro I think I'll never change lol

[@upstatenewyork]

@@titantanic7255 thank you for sharing. good luck to you.

[@upstatenewyork]

@@CamSter-ts4xx thanks for the comment!

[@bbyjirl]

@@titantanic7255you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders! Wishing you all the best

[@jangtheconqueror]

One person I'm thinking of is really good at just being really positive around people. He isn't disingenuous, or at least I don't get that feeling, he simply doesn't project his feelings onto others if he's having a hard time. He'll instead either just keep to himself or just be quieter than usual. When I'm playing games with him and others, he always makes sure to hype them up even when they are doing badly, and especially when they're talking themselves down. I also noticed that he is his own person. When I'm around people, I tend to adopt a bit of their manners of speaking, laughing, even their beliefs so that they can feel a connection to me. But that kind of results in problems and anxiety in that I try my hardest not to let different groups collide with each other, because I don't want them to find out how different I am around each group. This guy, he's the same person no matter where he is. I met him online, I met him in real life, he talks and acts completely the same at all times, and so I'm very certain that he's always being genuine. He's quite a few years younger than I am but I honestly want to be more like him.

[@maxthorpe-downey1680]

Nice to read about how much respect you have for your friend. Have a good day 👍

[@ryugavegeta5734]

Wow you explained everything so eloquently.Best of luck💯👍

[@eIIaaaaa]

He seems so wonderful. I want to be like him. Genuine.

[@aquietwild]

I might also add that being vulnerable with others invites them to be vulnerable in turn - building trust and deeper connection. But reflective listening is absolutely one of the biggest factors to likeability - not just hearing a person’s words but the values underneath them

[@zaparine]

I went from being the most hated kid in school to someone who’s now popular and genuinely liked. Growing up, I had no clue why people hated me. Turns out, I’d absorbed my parents' worst traits: my dad’s mean-spirited jokes and my mom’s judgmental, antisocial mindset. I was toxic without even realizing it. The real change came when I faced the hard truth… I was the problem. It wasn’t easy, but it was empowering. With my girlfriend’s help and years of self-work, I unlearned those bad habits, overcame social anxiety, and built real confidence. Now, I’m not just "liked" by others, I genuinely like myself. Once I stopped seeking validation and became confident in who I am, things changed. The advice in this video, along with other insights, really clicked for me. Now, I have friends who like me for who I am, real friends who care about me, and I’m living proof that you can completely reinvent who you are, from inside out.

[@WillyTenggara]

That's a good takeaway. "People are dying to be listened to, people are dying to be called by their name, people are dying to be looked in the eye."

[@ravindumirihana2784]

I used to be this likable guy in my early 20s. When I had very few responsibilities. I genuinely liked helping people. I used to listen to people and genuinely enjoyed their company. I uplifted them and helped them as much as I could. In return people used to trust me, they loved me and they helped me back even without asking. I even got some rare opportunities such as promotions without working hard. There were several girls who liked me. Some of them confessed their feelings for me. But now that likability is gone. I think the reason is that I started to focus on myself more than anyone else. My ego has grown big. Instead of listening I started teaching them things and fixing their problems quickly because I have my own things to worry about. I've become more selfish, anxious depressed, and jealous of others. This happen as soon as I started being proud of my achievements and worry about losing them.

[@Ivan-xv4tw]

I carried myself the same way that the most likeable person I knew at the time carried themselves for a year, and I had talked to more people in that year than my whole life. This friend carried herself like she was the main character in a room, not minding anybody's business but her own, she moved as if a camera was at her center view and this seemed to catch a lot of people's attention; she seemed so unbothered with everyone else in the room. So when it came down to communicating with her, people were intruiged in getting to know her. I tried it for a year and I gained a lot of stranger's respect instantaneously, there's something about acting nonchalant while being nice-just my observation.

[@oscarcabrera2197]

this comment is underrated

[@SimonMac]

"You have to find yourself likeable; you have to admire the things you do on a day to day basis." This struck a cord. Sometimes I'm too concerned about what others might think about the things I do - but really, I need to focus more on whether I like them. I heard Phineas say about music production the other day "if I like how it sounds then it's right, even if I did it 'wrong'".Thanks for the words of wisdom!

[@ivelinakiprina4796]

Another thing very likeable people do is they acknowledge everyone in a group and they are genuinely interested in the shy or more quiet people and ask them questions so that they open up! In other words, they make EVERYONE feel included!

[@TrePool]

There was a 3 month period when I actually liked myself and my life and people did seem to be attracted to me. That was the happiest I have ever been. I wish I could get that back.

[@lava2266]

What changed now that you don't like yourself anymore? If you can't answer this then I suggest you just do activities you genuinely enjoy or do things that would make your self feel like an interesting person. Because if you feel yourself that your interesting, other people are more likely to think that aswell. I hope this helps 🙂

[@AkashDas-bv6nn]

@@lava2266 I appreciate

[@rollandjoeseph]

Be your best self for you and everyone you encounter ...happiness comes from inside you not from the outside

[@rooftopfight6210]

Same bruh.... although im not sure if ppl found me attractive bc no one hit on me but at least i was happy and super social....now im so fucking depressed and miserable its hard to talk to people

[@dennisrobinson8008]

It started from thoughts which created a feeling

[@cowgrrl]

The most likeable person I know was someone who everyone wanted to be around always. People would flock to him and everyone listened to him when he spoke. He stood confidently, wasn’t swayed by others opinions - VOICED his own without sounding pretentious, wore what he wanted to wear, he treated everyone on the same level, incredibly goofy-always adlibbing to music and dancing, but most of all he was comfortable with who he was. And everyone could tell. In a way we all were just envious of that trait. One time he told me that he just talks to himself a lot. He checks in with himself and he’s able to joke with himself and build that confidence with who he is. I’d be lucky to be a tenth of who he is. Love you always LV.

[@Chukoki]

10:03 This point is so TRUE, for the longest time I felt like I couldn't authentically connect with people and ask them questions about their life. But for me it wasn't because I wanted to monopolize the conversation and get validation. I was scared that the questions I asked would be reflected back to me. I didn't like where I was and I didn't want to engage in conversations that would potentially reveal that I wasn't happy with my own life. Insecurity can really hold you back socially.

[@duckduckbobo5208]

Important note: It is NOT ENOUGH to pretend that you are interested in someone. As Joey said, being likeable hinges 100 percent on actually being secure and confident in one's own life and character. Trying to pretend will put you in an uncanny valley of behavior that people will, consciously or unconsciously, catch on to.

[@frog6054]

It's impossible for me to be confident in my own life when I feel lost all the time.

[@JohanFitFoodie]

"You have to live a life you like", definitely agree with this. After changing to a job and career i really like despite lower pay, I became more passionate about it and my life as a whole. Long term that extra passion has also paid off financially, and when you actually like what you do, people tend to find you interesting too, as it somehow is quite unusual to genuinely like your job I feel, unfortunately...

[@JackWallters]

get lost

[@raymondmo3235]

I'm happy for you!

[@JohanFitFoodie]

@@raymondmo3235 thanks a lot, me too even though it was tough at first! Greetings from Beijing 🌆

[@squid2754]

@@JohanFitFoodie that’s great! what do you do?

[@JohanFitFoodie]

@@squid2754 market entry consulting for Swedish companies to China or Asia broadly (gave up my computer science degree to work in business development in Asia where I did exchange studies in Korea and completely fell in love with the region), been here 10 years now. I show some of it on my channel if you're interested 😊☀️

[@freestuffiwantit8962]

I must say it may seem a bit 'sad' to have click on this or unnecessary but to be liked is quite necessary, it boosts our self esteem and sense of self but it also feels good. Who else doesn't want to be liked? But if someone has an excessive need to be liked then that's problematic and comes from a lack of self worth. Whereas, if someone doesn't take action or believe that they are very likeable but actually hasn't put in work or is sub par in likeability, then that's just having quite an ego(an idea I thought of because of Joey's other video of ego), and they too could work on becoming likeable. But it's remembering, "you could be the sweetest peach on a peach tree, some people just don't like peaches"- some wise person.

[@SunnySunday50]

Damn that quote is lowkey hitting me hard...

[@TheIeven]

Also, it doesn't seem all that sad after you realized all this. I realized the same thing as Joey before this video, but i noticed that this way of behave and think is good for us but for other too, it makes you more attentive to others feelings and value them regardless of who they are, because they are human just like you. It makes you more empathetic with time, because this give you a more complet understranding of people by being more aware of how they feel. With time you realize, you love and are interested more in people than you thought, everyone has something to teach you or to give and you too. But for acheiving this, we need to love ourselves and our lives.

[@adhafauzihendrawan5958]

Being likable start from loving yourself, being grateful for any pieces of life happening around you. So you don't really need others validation on happiness cause you are already happy. Then the next step is being genuine interest to others, it doesn't have to be a lot of talk but the feeling or the vibes you give should be the absolute best. Peoples tends to forget the conversation topic but remembers the feeling behind it, and be a value person where you can give benefits to others and others will naturally attracted to you like a bee swarming the honey. And most importantly be yourself because your happiness is the most important aspect in life

[@jeffn9952]

I'm autistic and I completely agree about working on making better eye contact. It's not natural for people like me but really worth the effort, and with practice it gets easier. And I feel more connected with people now, and I feel more mutual trust. Lots of us are probably born with some kind of behavioral-social abnormality, whether it is a recognized condition or not. For us, it's good to observe the behavior of others and try to learn from - and be more like the people we like. "Fake it till you make it," and you'll like the person you become.

[@vldgrs]

​@Italian69Boi I can totally relate to you. But most importantly - what's next? Check out theory of Eric Berne about mental states, make sure you end up staying in adult state, rather that "coping child". Very liberating stuff when practiced with professional... Good luck!

[@tobyvelho1543]

Sadly, perceived status also plays a major role in who people like or don't. People who are perceived as 'high status' only need to smile and tell a self deprecating joke and everybody loves them. Whereas low status people could be the best empathetic listeners and still face rejection. 'Status' is the missing element in the Dale Carnegie school of likeability.

[@marudelel]

100% that's also what's missing for me here. Although one might argue that in the "living a life that makes you earn self-respect" part - status might be covered.

[@JohnnyArtPavlou]

That seems like a Robert Greene kind of insight. The kind of inside that Holden uncomfortable but accurate truth. Still, if you enter every interaction with her sense of respect for the other person, regardless of their real or perceived status, regardless of how useful they may be to you now or in the future, you’ll be making a difference for that person and for yourself in the interaction. Because you won’t then be treating the person like a thing. You’ll be having an exchange with another human being.

[@Jeedan]

In a lot of situations sure. But what about the person you might meet randomly say, at a bar or a party. You know little of their status. And yet some people can make an immediate impression on you regardless.

[@erinenikiniki9491]

Yes that’s true, I tend have this behavior (from the video) not perfectly but I still try… and in my high school average kids are richer than minorities and I think bc our status was game changing (Maybe it’s a question of mindset and open-mind)

[@billybanter9573]

Disagree. I have been WFH since Covid and I am according to my manager a very personable individual that people trust and like.

[@Nostrum84]

I've thought many many times about the same things in my life and have come to the exact same conclusions, which are not necesarily _easy_ to implement: 1. You are most likeable when you like yourself 2. And liking yourself depends on the life you live resp. you *choose* living. Personally, I have been on both sides. I've lead a life that I was used to, maybe even pushed towards ("do something sensible"; "the other job pays better"), but I didn't fully like it and I have always wondered why people pretty much ignore me, or don't want to engage in deeper relationships. I knew the answers to that: I've had a dream about how to live my life, but always felt as if I wasn't good enough to achieve it. One day, when something tragic hit my family, I had decided to go for my dreams - despite money issues, anxiety etc. Turns out, that was pretty much the first time I have ever felt completely _aligned_ with myself. Unfortunately, I couldn't maintain that lifestyle - again mostly due to money issues (I wanted to be a musician but never made enough money). So after about a year, I had to "fall back" into a routine 9-to-5 job to pay bills (and this is why fuck the system, it destroys dreams). Nevertheless, for that one year I was happy, and I noticed I became likeable to others, because suddenly it was so easy to make friends, talk to the other gender, etc. I felt complete and more mature. Ever since I fell back into the old routine, most of this broke away again. I think I am weird, awkward, with less belief in myself - even with the previously gained experience that the truth to happiness lies within me. I am constantly trying to combine the past experience with today's routine. But it just doesn't work out as smoothly as it used to. And the worst bit of knowledge from that is that I feel LESS mature than 5 years ago. I'm now at a point where I'm considering therapy - even though all I would probably need to do is quit my current work life, and live the dream. If only we had no money issues....

[@MrHeleenify]

I also really notice that not imposing your opinion on someone, makes you more likeable. You can obviously discuss difference in opinion, but try to listen to the other person’s opinion and ask questions about it to get more to the core of their beliefs. Have an open mind and try to see how both of your beliefs can fit into the same world. Again, feeling comfortable about your own life and not searching validation helps a ton with this!

[@matthewwhite343]

Mainstream Media is the responsible largely for pitting good people against good people. You're completely right that we should listen to everybody, because although we may disagree, usually that person's intentions are pure.

[@StephSancia]

I used to be extremely outgoing and as my Mum once said that I used to be "the life and soul of every new years eve party that hit London' but then I developed severe PTSD after losing all my family in deaths and then I had kidney cancer to deal with and now I've become a bore to be avoided at all costs and I've only just realised that I've been 'trauma dumping" to everyone and I'm desperate to stop that and find a part of the outgoing person I was before even in my later life as it's seriously affecting my social situation and I'm just so freaking lonely and with hindsight I've only myself to blame. Thanks for the video tips, I'll try to instigate some of this over the coming weeks to months ... Have a blessed day

[@hartley4686]

Guys since I go to the gym regularly and do the work I procastinate, I feel so good about myself that I do not need the approval of other people anymore.That's why I stopped pleasing other people and change my personality to make them like me. I am just myself and that makes me come across as authentic and real to others I believe. I stopped holding back and express my thoughts freely. So people really get to know me and either like me or not and I'm fine with that. Lastly I can only recommend the book Not Nice by Dr Aziz Gazipura.

[@hartley4686]

Nvm I'm depressed now lol

[@numedecanal1]

@@hartley4686 I’m sorry but this made me laugh Wishing you well 🤝

[@hartley4686]

@@numedecanal1 Thanks bro😂

[@Oceanww]

@@hartley4686 aw, that’s ok, this is life! I started small a few weeks ago with a simple goal to have a high-protein lunch and stretch for five minutes. I felt odd about shooting so low, but it’s just what I needed after a very stressful year. Mental health is not so easy to manage, so just choose something you can easily accomplish and the consistency will be rewarding. At the moment, I’m working out 30 minutes a day and eating 50g of protein. I’ll just keep increasing, but managing stress is a priority for me so I can sleep better. Keep the faith ☮️💗

[@jcronin3155]

Another valuable video and I'm not sure if you read these comments, but you have a mesmerising voice loaded with intriguing information. There's something about you that makes me trust you. Anyway, thank you for your creativity, logic and information. In addition, I think we become more likeable when we are true to ourselves and live our lives in accordance with our heart. When I traveled, people seemed to enjoy my company. When I worked for a shitty corporation and lived with my mother I couldn't be bothered with others, never mind being nice.

[@wolfmations]

The 3 steps that made a big difference for me were: 1.) Consciously smiling and complimenting (genuine compliments so not over done and fake but smile is always done regardless because it lifts up the mood) 2.) Like joey said shut your gob and forget about yourself for the moment and listen to the other person , engage questions ,what they say is usually interesting if you ask what you're curious about and this usually makes them feel valued 3.) If its someone new that you recently met try using their name more , I tend to like it myself when someone I just met remebers my name so I do the same. Eye contact helps but I struggled with eye contact when I was insecure building a skill or life style which builds up your self esteem can make this easier since you're secure in yourself and as joey said , you feel less need to talk about yourself looking for validation so you can focus on initiating good connections , making that person feel good and finally being the charismatic person you always wanted to be :)

[@whatsup9993]

I tend to give to many compliments.. it’s 100% genuine. I know how it feels, you never know if someone needed that boost and my friend told me that how I do it is too much and it might come off fake.. I don’t know man, it’s never from a bad place with bad intentions but, is it really coming off like that?

[@krumirogoldendrop]

My trick for social success, has always been very simple : if you never think anything negative about someone, it is impossible for you to say anything negative about someone. Therefore: just think positive things about anyone and whatever say (even unconsciously/unintentionally) in front of them they will always love to hear … this way you can fearlessly always say what you think and do what you say.

[@dennizsvemark8415]

I think what matters for someone to be truly likeable is that they've got the intention to genuinely do the things rather than doing it to percieve as more "likeable"

[@jackb55391]

I approach conversation as a fun skill to try and get better at, and I have heard the whole listen, smile, ask questions, laugh at their jokes, eye contact... But I haven't heard where you need to admire yourself-- to where you DON'T need validation and security from other people-- in order to naturally be able to do that. Great video and great thoughts.

[@domoandfriends]

I come from a family of talkers. I've been steam rolled in so many conversations and leave so many family conversations feeling like what I had to say didn't matter. Because of this I feel like I've made a lot of efforts to have the opposite impact on people, to really listen and hear and not just wait for my turn to speak. I think that one of the things that I've learned in this practice that also goes off of your ideas around "people who are unhappy with their lives want to talk about it the most" idea is that people who are also unhappy with their lives are unwilling to discuss their faults, to find comedy in their faults. I have found that acknowledging your faults really demonstrates your authenticity. I work in tech and people are always very prideful of what they know and unwilling to admit what they don't know. The people who I find myself drawn to the most are people that openly admit when they don't know something, need to work on something, or are just having an off day. It puts me at ease and helps me open up about my shortcomings and off days to better communicate and collaborate instead of this picture perfect human. I think this mindset and willingness to talk not only about your successes but also your failures really opens up conversation and puts people at ease.

[@ceedott]

Something I think is important to mention is your own energy and body language. I really resonated with the "bad habits confused with personality" message you shared because I can completely relate. I was pretty quiet, and I suppose I still am in a sense, but I had really bad mannerisms where I came off as cold and uninterested in whatever the social situation was. I would almost never smile, or I would give curt responses and never really try to add anything on my own. The thing was, I absolutely did enjoy being around my friends and I was interested in what they were saying, but nothing I did conveyed that! I really think I almost ruined some of my friendships because of this. Only when I really sat down and thought about what I was doing did I realize how I was sabotaging myself. Why would any of them want to hang out with someone who looks like they don't care, or never has anything to add? I try my best nowadays to make myself open and as friendly as possible. I try to contribute to conversations, smile, and have open body language, and it's really worked wonders! I genuinely feel like I connect more with my friends and I do better in general in social situations. I still have a ways to go, but I really think I've made a lot of progress just by trying a little bit more.

[@Ahoukouame258]

I think I'm similar and I want people always say I never smile but when I try to smile I feel arkward and like my cheeks how can I learn to smile again thank you

[@Hajsster]

I totally agree with you and this is what I've realised a couple of years ago: people don't care who you are and what you do, they care how they feel in your presence (the exact words you said). This is applicable to relationships as well. After I started to be more present and engaged among the others, I noted that the person that influences others' moods is me, therefore, my attitude towards other makes me and others happier. As simple is that. Not so simple to be honest, but on the paper indeed. The sparkling of my behaviour is contagious.

[@christinemurphy4367]

Not sure you will have the time to read this but I have only listened to half a dozen videos of yours but I REALLY like YOU ! I couldn’t agree more that the more one likes THEMSELVES , the more liked they are by others. I have been single for nearly 12 years now and my Mother passed just over a year ago and in these processes, I have become increasingly comfortable and fond of yours truly. I have never had more people, men and women try to spend time with me. I think it’s the absence of need and the relaxed confidence and humility that is developed in solitude that endears others to ourselves. I enjoy my own company MORE than I enjoy anyone else’s so naturally they compete with me for it. There is also laws involved such as supply and demand and it’s easier than I ever thought to focus on loving me because I ALWAYS love me in return ❤

[@jryce]

9:08 I really like this, giving that positive feeling (that acknowledgment) is a wonderful thing. I need to do this more often, thanks man we all want to be acknowledged, receiving is cool, and giving is as well

[@tatyannafrancis9935]

Demetrios is a legend, I loved the editing and especially all of the vintage life advice clips. Such a fun touch!

[@ericjoy6691]

I've been subconsciously doing this for the past few years and it has lead me to feel kind of lonely in a sense, I haven't met anyone who thinks similar to me and I'm always the role model to my friends, which is kinda of annoying since I'm looking for someone like me. To be likeable may be good but to have a social circle where people think and connect with you at a similar level is something I dream of.

[@nidamreps]

I totally understand what you mean. Three years ago I moved to a new country in a small town. On one hand I wanna hang out with people but at the same time I can’t connect with most people because I am bored of them. I also dream of a circle of people that inspire me, that are interested in me and where it’s fun to be around. Have a great day!

[@Yourhighnessnona]

I totally agree! 🙂 Also, when I think of a person that I find very likeable, their kindness is genuine; it isn’t being “nice” so that they can get your approval or that of others (the need to be accepted, being liked, being good enough) - this way, being nice comes off as an act on a very energetic, subconscious level that isn’t attractive but repelling. Genuinely kind people are totally centred and anchored within themselves and have validated themselves enough to approach others with a genuine sense of connection and their kindness comes from that place. There is no “needing” in that equation, just “being”. That is very attractive.

[@alejandrobonilla4130]

It's good to know that their kindness is genuine , and with no hidden agenda attached. Seems you found great people to connect with.

[@themacocko6311]

Nice is for losers, bad boys rule

[@smeagols_smelliest_smuggler]

This is a really good point! For a long time, I knew there was something off in my interactions with others and I only came to this conclusion a couple of months ago when I watched the video 'The Problem with Nice People' by the channel 'Pursuit of Happiness'. It really hit home the distinction you make: being shallowly 'nice' vs authentic 'kindness' :)

[@emilyesnyman]

Funny that I consider myself (and often get told) as that genuinely kind person. Yet I am not at all secure in myself. I often put others before myself in such a way that I get hurt. It's genuine towards them, but sometimes I disregard myself and my feelings. Just a thought

[@VivianaSilverback]

Ok bot

[@ecomm7048]

In reality I don't do anything wrong to people. I really don't. I don't steal, manipulate, or put people in weird position. I don't get aggressive with people. And yet I'm almost 30 with no friends sole because I'm the type of person that wants who I love to grow. If you ask me what went wrong with something in a situation and I explain that it was them or their actions, they don't want to hear that. People want to hear they aren't ever the issue. And I won't compromise because humans have a hard issue holding themselves accountable. Any situation I've looked for advice on in life, when someome broke it down and explained that I may be the problem I NEVER thought "wow that was crappy to say" I always think "wow that makes sense." But in America. People don't EVER want to hear they are the problem. If they are. If you've been miserably married for 5 years to woman we both know doesn't treat you well and you ask me why does she keep acting the way she does I'm going to say "because you let her, you compromise in belief she will change when in reality you should have NEVER put a ring on her finger." And BOOM I'm the bad guy for giving advice. When in reality he didn't want advice, he wanted me to tell him how it's all her fault and not his. People don't want advice. The truth of it is that someome of us were born to not be liked as much as others and vise versa due to the sole factor of personality alone. Then the things after like traumas or good things.

[@barcodereader]

0:29 🎵 Introduction to likable people and their impact 2:12 🎯 The importance of making people feel valued and understood 4:50 🔥 Likability leads to more opportunities and success 6:05 🤔 Challenging the idea of focusing only on oneself 8:12 💡 Implementing likable behaviors and mindsets 10:05 🤝 The power of genuine interest in others 12:45 📚 Recommended book for further guidance on likability

[@rares7341]

I've been doing all you said since I was young without ever realizing it. I make friends very easily. The part where you explained that our perception about ourselves has an effect on how we engage in a conversation blew my mind, I never thought about that and it makes perfect sense. Great video!

[@jakubsirius]

great video :) reminds me of one TedX talk about "Celeste Headlee: 10 ways to have a better conversation | TED" People feel welcome when you let them feel welcome while having a meaningful conversation. Summary: 1. Don’t multitask - be present with mind. 2. Enter every conversation assuming that you have something to learn. Don’t just try to get your point across. Everybody is an expert in some thing. 3. Use open ended questions. Who what when where why how. 4. Go with the flow. Thoughts will come into your mind and go out of your mind. Let them go. Don’t think for two minutes about a clever question to ask. 5. If you don’t know say that you don’t know. 6. Don’t equate your experience with theirs. It is never the same. It’s not about you. Don’t take that moment. Conversations are not A promotional opportunity. 7. Try not to repeat yourself. 8. Stay out of the weeds. People don’t care about the years the names The dates all those details. 9. Listen. Buddha: if your mouth is open you’re not learning. Calvin Coolidge: no man ever listened his way out of a job. We don’t listen with the intent to understand, we listen with the intent to reply. 10. Be brief. A good conversation is like a miniskirt, short enough to retain interest, but long enough to cover the subject.

[@BluetheRaccoon]

As someone who struggled massively with social skills as a kid and wasn't diagnosed with autism until adulthood, I was asked by an acquaintance a few years ago if I'd ever read "how to win friends and influence people" and I hadn't. I think through a blend of watching people interact and being genuinely interested in others, I've figured...something out? I don't know how to progress beyond acquaintance/companionship with others, but am generally liked wherever I go. If I could figure out what I'm missing, I imagine I would have a better quality of life and be far less lonely, by chronic illness makes life very isolating. Edited to add: I wish eye contact wasn't so intimate and painful for me. Thank you for helping me see that it's my care for the well-being of the people around me that make them like me so much. I started improving my ability to cook as a kid because people like to eat, and my mother only valued my usefulness. It taught me to learn how to be needed and accept that instead of love, and it still makes it hard for me to receive love from others. You've also helped me understand that I've never disliked myself, but mistook the feelings of rejection from key adults in my life as self-rejection.

[@crimelorddiscord6532]

I’m autistic as well and I feel like because we have to work harder than the average person to understand people we are more considerate and self aware of how we are around others.

[@nikitanevison]

I’m autistic too and it gets lonely. I’m constantly trying to manage myself in social situations and read the situations also and it’s exhausting. I’ve found setting my boundaries makes me more unlikeable because I can’t fulfill roles people expect from me.

[@enitjuh3344]

Autism isn’t a chronic illness, it’s a brain that is wired differently. An illness is when something can get cured. Just so you know.

[@gethinjones5845]

I struggle to progress through from acquaintance/companion either, and struggle to find conversational topics to talk with people since I've lost my passion for most of my hobbies. There are very few if any activities that I have a passion for, rather I just enjoy doing them but not with a particularly strong affinity

[@tiddlywinks456]

I’m super social, like I love entering a room full of people I’ve never met before. It fills me with joy. I am very interested in other people and their lives, I feel like everyone is a book I’ve yet to enjoy. I will ask questions in a nice way. I’m also open and share my own stories which may relate. I’m not afraid of embarrassment or any vulnerability. I see the good and actively look for the good in others. I give people the benefit of the doubt but also trust my gut in certain situations. Some of my family are autistic and have had to learn social skills the hard way but manners and kindness and also really listening to what has been said with some follow up questions help. Having a sense of humour helps too. I would say kindness is key, offering to help or volunteering somewhere will always put you in a good light. Who doesn’t like someone to help them when needed.

[@veganotactico3362]

you are likeable, and your voice is very calm, pleasant to listen

[@Terence.1]

You're correct. Paying attention to people and taking a genuine interest in what they have to say is the key. Be a great listener. Everyone needs to be recognized and validated, to be affirmed that they do indeed exist and matter.

[@mobinatahmourasi5341]

For me the most likeable person was my biology teacher in high school . She used to smile a lot , make people laugh and the same time she was super disciplined and serious about some issues like you know she had some red lines and everyone knew that they shouldn't cross those lines. Her lifestyle was effective too . She was fit and healthy and she was a good mom and a good teacher as well like everything was balanced in her life This is the reason why everybody specially me was obsessed with her :)

[@Motheroftheyear23]

I’m wondering if we’re thinking of the same person! Was your biology teacher named Jill D’andre?

[@alphaios7763]

One of the people I consider very likeable that came to mind is very open, can talk about anything and is almost never negative.

[@assasin101011]

nice to know

[@outlinehappiness]

Developing curiosity about people, regardless of whether you think you have anything in common or not, helps so much with people walking away from a conversation feeling as though they’ve genuinely been heard and someone took an interest in them for a moment. We lose curiosity when we make assumptions about people, and you can immediately feel when a person has no interest in you. I like your reference to mirroring as a technique to allow people to relax and open up to you. Chris Voss offers a great perspective on this.

[@Snewhy0]

This is a great description of what it means to "Start with yourself." This video should be shared with those who have difficulty understanding what it even means when we say, "Everything originates from the center of the circle."

[@adamr8628]

I've noticed as a shy insecure man that I envy secure people. They have fiends and people listen to them. People consider me very attractive, I have a very exciting career and exciting hobbies. But people don't care about that. I don't have charisma. So people will surround a person that is talking about the most boring thing because he has great, confident delivery. I could tell a story about scuba diving with sharks and nobody will listen. It's incredibly frustrating. It's definitely not about what you say or do. It's all about how confident you are in saying it. And confidence comes from liking yourself. And liking yourself actually can be extremely difficult. Nobody really explains how to even start liking yourself. And I've come a long way in confidence. I'm not sure how, but I think its come from trying difficult things and succeeding. In some ways I have accidentally learned to like myself. And I try to put other people in the spotlight and not think about myself. It's not about me. And that takes the pressure off. Then people feel free to ask about me once in awhile. It's an interesting thing that's taken 50 years to start to understand! And I'm usually not very shy now. Those times are much more rare. But I'm still not the life of the party and that's probably not a great goal anyway. People like to talk to me one on one and sometimes the life of the party is not skilled at that. Sometimes the life of the party is a lonely person too. Because most of life is not on a stage. It's about one on one relationships. So we all learn to value people every day and those relationships improve.

[@MariasMinute]

You are correct. Sometimes the life of the party can be a narcissist...as everything has to be all about them. Maybe they have an inferiority complex with a need to be liked by everyone. I too grew up extremely shy and self-conscious...and may have missed opportunities because of it. I agree that it does get easier as we get older and more confident, and we realize that the relationships we have made are more important.

[@JoshuaJayMyers]

Whenever I’m interacting with someone, I simply let them take the spotlight. My main objective is to always make someone feel comfortable and important. I let them know they have my attention through body language and eye contact. When they are comfortable AND have the spotlight, well now you just became a little more likable.

[@joeanon8641]

I completely agree. Solid advice. For the past year or so I’ve started being more actively interested in others - and in turn, my social circle has expanded but I’m closer with everyone than I was when it was smaller!

[@tre-moon-dous6122]

I've recently decided to read the dale Carnegie book "how to win friends and influence people" and started applying simple things in the book and the results are fantastic.

[@alexsisidu3541]

I though about this book all along the video. This book is the one of the best book I have read.

[@jdubs2113]

do you not feel like a sociopath trying to fit in with normal people when you try these techniques because it's always in the back of your mind when youre interacting with people which kind of takes away the genuineness of an interaction?

[@thechingochingo9956]

I tried that as well, however I started feeling like it's impossible because people around me are weird as fuck lol

[@tre-moon-dous6122]

@@jdubs2113 tbh not really, because the book has plenty of timeless examples that you can learn from. i am an ambivert with introverted leanings but have been putting out myself in social settings. i've always struggled with social skills because of my ADHD impulse. i always end up being misunderstood because of how i'm always looking for things to say to make people like me. I'm always interested in people but dunno how to open them up. when i read this book, i learned that all i have to do is just listen and take interest in other person. i've learned in life that we all want to be heard as humans. People will feel like youre a great conversationalist eventhough you've only asked question during the entire conversation.

[@tre-moon-dous6122]

​@@thechingochingo9956 that's completely okay too. people come and go in our life but the conversational skills you've earned through experience with different people is forever

[@RomiVa...]

I have a very likable friend. she is gorgeous and everybody fell in love with her at first sight and it's not about her face. these are the things that i see in her: 1. She is incredibly kind and caring. 2. She loves and respects herself deeply

[@agnethamortensen447]

Thank you for this video. I really struggled to put down to bits why people tend to like me, but this kinda put things in perspective. I have always been very curious, and in that I find places, cultures, and of course people very interesting. In that sense, I have naturally had a curiosity to get to know people, and understand their background. I have moved around a lot in my adult years, and through that I had to go out and discover the local culture and interact with new people. I am very comfortable being on my own, and I know that I will always be able to meet new interesting people no matter where I go, therefore I also don't get stuck on some people. People call me a social butterfly, and I make sure that if I do see people that are standing alone somewhere, or feeling uncomfortable, I make them feel included and invite them for a drink or just start chatting to get to know them better. I am very caring, and incldusive, and want people to feel good and ok. Try to put a smile on their face, and the best way to do that is to smile yourself, tell a joke and be nice. As I strugled with being outgoing and social in my younger years, you can imagine it has been a very long process to get to the comfortable state that I am now in (at the age of 34). I have read many books, and listened to tons of audiobooks (been a member of Audible for many years), that have helped me grow as a person. I would say that what keeps me likeable, is my level of empathy, my interest in them, the way I can play the devils advocate, create an interesting discussion, and get to a level a bit more deeper, make them laugh and let them think, "damn that was interesting". If I myself is not enjoying the conversation, I would also just head on to the next, therefore I try to find common ground, something interesting to talk about, and I believe we can relate to anyone if we just dive deep enough! :)

[@betterthanyesterday3912]

Joey, Please continue to make these videos. I have watched so many, and practiced so little of what you teach. But I'm taking tiny steps in the right direction, and that means the world to me. Hope you have an excellent weekend!

[@purpleducttapehat]

I can say personally, I've got a friend who made me want to be friends with him largely bc he always seemed genuinely interested in what was going on in all of his peers lives

[@hiyeena3365]

I felt really unmotivated to do anything this morning because I felt this real loneliness inside me. I tried to ignore it and try to occupy myself with things to do like working out maybe playing the piano but it was still hard to keep moving because I felt there was no point. In the middle of this video I just had to stop and comment and say how much I appreciate u man. Listening to this gives me hope.

[@poltergeist7776]

This is a really great video! One thing that I think really makes someone more likeable is if they are not afraid of giving someone else the spotlight. If someone else has achieved something, it's easy to feel envious or insecure about our own abilities or threatened that they will be perceived as more competent/good-looking/athletic/etc than we are. And so we might want to play down the significance of their achievement and become defensive, or we may want reassurance from them that we are still good enough. This is very human, but it feels awful on the receiving end: you've just told someone about something you're proud of and they try to make you feel bad about it and make it all about themselves. Instead do the opposite: Be genuinely proud of the other person, hype them up and make it about THEM. That means sometimes having to swallow your own envy, but we should always look for ways to constructively, not destructively, act on our emotions. And i think this goes for something like group projects as well. If you've achieved something together, always credit the other people and emphasize their contributions. Don't put yourself down or play down your own contributions, but try to genuinely give people their due credit, especially if their work is critical but often overlooked.

[@tonyadair0754]

Being genuinely interested in other people has been the biggest thing I've noticed that makes people more likeable. After all, people love to talk about themselves and to feel appreciated

[@lorenzog9045]

If you think someone is not interesting, listen/watch more carefully. 9 times out of 10 you'll find something that you'll be genuinely curious about. I also observed that the mindset of "Maybe I can learn something from this person" helped me to have better conversations.

[@smokemeakipper1076]

Being genuine helps a lot.

[@mikeyhoward8784]

I'd like to say someone whom I admire is my mother and someone who is genuine. When you share with someone your personal life and personal problems and don't hide even the skeletons in the closet and recieve open ears without shame or criticism as a result and then are given back positive feed back for expressing trust at a depth that we feel is some of our lowest it Is relieving and comforting. I call this unconditional love or care for someone. Just came to my mind after listening to your great video.

[@TheMightyPika]

This is all very good advice. In order to make people like you, make them thing you like them first, but not in a subserviently way. Make yourself look like someone who they want to like them, and them give them the positive attention they want/need.

[@Oceanww]

Going to church as a child made me uncomfortable, but I did meet some people who were fantastic encouragers. Actually, one of the bible study groups was called “The Encouragers”. My own parents are very introverted and my mother specifically was kind of cold, so I really noticed the adults that made me feel seen. One couple was just the sweetest. Lots of encouragement, even though I was quite shy and feel awkward speaking to “elders”. They really leaned in when we spoke and asked me about how I felt about things, not just generic “how did it go”. Lots of eye contact, and just a genuine warmth and presence in their voice, not like they’re really thinking about what traffic will be like (you know those fake people). I want to stop shrinking and start reaching. There’s not enough warmth in the world. I’m going to restart some healthy habits-my aunt noticed I seemed more confident when I was walking a lot and in really good shape.

[@EnterMyHorizons]

Thank you for doing all that you do and creating such meaningful content

[@КристиянТодоров-ж3ю]

All you talk about I see it in my work .I work as a swim trainer and to comfort and gain the kids trust I start talking with them ,asking questions about their life (everything you said in the video )and all the kids that are maybe afraid of water or like not communicative start liking swimming and coming to classes with joy just by that .And we all like that since young age we like someone to listen to us to be interested in what we are saying to remember things about us and so on Sorry for my English I am from Bulgaria

[@em945]

It sounds like you are the cool and wonderful swimming teacher that the kids will remember when they grow up! Good luck with it .

[@slaterwoman9237]

The only struggle I have is actually wanting to talk to people. I always feel like I should, because deep down it does make me happy when I socialize with others, but I keep holding back. I've always been a quiet person and kept to myself so I'm very used to avoiding people. Is there any way to train yourself to WANT to socialize with others? Loved the video! 👍

[@heckerrrr5712]

To answer your question: the most likable person I know was my first love, probably because she showed me how to feel. To be honest I don’t know what made her so likable, it was probably because I love her so much that i am too blind to see the bad. I wish that we were together to watch this video and talk about how we are the most likable people we know but that isn’t the case..

[@imvictoryitself]

As someone who has always struggled with making new friends and just talking to people in general, I found this video highly informative and incredibly easy to understand. Here's what I learned from this: - What you say doesn't nearly matter as much as how you make them feel. - Be more comfortable with socializing and make good eye contact. - Most people are insecure and are desperate for people to comment on their lives to make them feel better about themselves. - Act genuinely interested in what the other person has to say; they will really appreciate it. Overall, an amazing video that serves as a rough guide to being more likeable. Obviously, this isn't a step-by-step manual that shows us EXACTLY how to achieve said goal, but is definitely a step in the right direction. Keep up the good work! I'll be looking forward to more of your videos in the near future :D

[@nikafomenko2261]

A good key point is being a good listener. I have noticed that in the past months, when I became more sociable and extrovertish, people are kinda pulled towards me. They like being around me and a big help for this was being present. Learning to be in the moment makes you seem more interested in a person, which leaves a good impression on people

[@Arif-rw1rh]

Did anyone ever compliment u?

[@aakashailajan]

“What you think about people is how you treat them. And how you treat them is what they will become.” If you choose kindness or remain calm even with your worst enemies, they will eventually come out from their misery.

[@jerrylittlefield9663]

Thank you Mark Zuckerberg's Cousin

[@andresherrera4158]

When you watch a video without second guessing what the subject just said, or getting distracted by the video itself either away from the audio or the video itself, when everything just goes flawlessly from beginning to end,, you have an excellently edited video. Demetrio did a great job. Video supports/illustrates/matches the audio, stayed away from getting too creative and show off, did what it was supposed to do, convey the message effectively without losing its audience. Well done!!

[@yournicknamehere]

This strategy requires to assume that ppl arround you are 'good' ppl with 'correct' moral values. Because in enviroment of selfish and toxic ppl, someone who pays much attention to others, ask 'bout their problems, what they struggle with (and alternatively tries to help them), is going to be treat (or even used) by them as a tool to satify their own selfish needs and pissed of as soon as it's done. And (what's even worst) instead of completly pissing of this kind person, toxic ppl may be "kind enough" or "pretend to be kind enough" to let this person believe it's treated by them as equal, only to be able to reap the benefits in the future again. It doesn't make this strategy less good or helpful ofc. I just think it's worth to verify if you surround yourself with good people, before you'll start following this strategy. You may call me pesimist or distrustful one, I call my self realist who's learning from past expieriences.

[@josephbaho6836]

I believe being respected more gets you further in life than being liked. The only person in life you need to like is yourself. IF you cant like yourself then you cant respect yourself and if you cant respect yourself, neither can anyone else. It is nice making friends but friends come and they go.

[@akiraholland457]

Exatcly. We don't neet to be desperate to be likable. I disagree with him. We need to like ourselves more than we need to be likable. Besides You don't need to be likable to get far in life. Look at kanye. And many others. You can be likable and still fail

[@mariancounsellor]

Being likeable💯 gets you far in life. Respect takes time to earn and also you can lose respect as easily as you gain it. A likeable person has power in their hands because they will get attention and respect based on their likeable character. Also, being likeable is much more than being liked.

[@akiraholland457]

@@mariancounsellor yeah because the kardashians or Donald Trump, or Steve jobs were very likeable people.

[@combatpig3435]

Another thing I always see is helping others out. There is a difference of someone who has to be asked to do something, vs someone who helps out without being asked. Someone that goes out of their way to help others. That’s something that has always stood out to me in likable people. Because no matter how shitty the job is, likeable people will go out of their way to help others out.

[@sessealleheim4116]

I find your ideas very inspiring. Also, the concept of reciprocity as an habit which can be build is helpful to my own sense of self. Reciprocity as an habit gives me trust that I can relate well to people, such so that I can be on my own for a while and relate to people again, because I know I can. So thanks for the ideas!

[@cbgh4637]

4:40 I think its normal that all humans want a certain level of validation.. We all want to be understood and accepted. I think its wrong to say we shouldnt seek validation from others. Unfortunately, humans are complex being and its really simplistic to say that one can be more likeable just by being interested in the person.. People get socially rejected for reasons like different status, appearance, social class, race etc.. social rejection is an inevitable part of life..

[@flyaway6671]

Yes and people have their own friends already so they have their validation needs met, so they don't care about you as a stranger. Basically their own tribe is their haven and outsiders are neutral or enemies to be competed against.

[@kernow9324]

I had a neighbour who never listened to a thing I said and would constantly cut me off mid sentence to tell me some more bullshit news about himself. The worst instance of this was when I was telling him my sister had been found dead. He started telling me about his electricity bill. You couldn't make it up! People like that are thoroughly unlikeable. Completely self absorbed.

[@Tarble9000]

Oke very likable person I know is Alex. And Alex is a quieter person. He doesn't invite people over and he its hard to get him out of the house. But despite all that I really want to hang out with him more. Because when we do hang out he gets talkative. But he is soft spoken. He never gives his opinion without you asking him his opinion. Its almost like doing less is going further for him. He is also incredibly humble. He is very encouraging as well. "He sees the best in you"

[@adveshdarvekar7733]

This is such a well put together video. I have a friend I like a lot and the thing I've observed in him is that he always gives attention to every person he comes across. He makes everyone feel heard. That's such an incredible thing. There's so much to learn from people. Wow!

[@universaltruth2025]

I had a friend who would tend to study up on this type of advice and consciously use it on people in order to be more likeable and popular. But I often could see through the act when she let her guard down and read her real thoughts and it was clear she was just putting on an act when it suited her. In the end I found her to be false & manipulative. Its a fine line between having enough social skills to be likeable & get along well with people; and simply being manipulative in order to use people and increase social status through popularity.

[@justinfoley7136]

😂😂

[@Blessed_V0id]

Your a fucking life saver. I've lost everything. I was on my last legs. Your an angel, a saving grace. May you be blessed, healthy, happy and get every good thing from life you deserve. Thank you so much

[@Apolemia]

Just wanna add something very important a lot of people don't think about when talking about "how to be likeable". You have to know that, even if it works in most case, it's not because you like yourself that others will like you in return. What I mean by that is that it also depends on how much someone will identify themselves to you. For example, I'm the kind of person who """""has everything""""" : I fit society's beauty standards, I have so much moral qualities that I kinda behave like that one boring protagonist who believes in others and himself, is kind to stranger, always ready to give a hand to those who needs blablabla... and I'm ""scholarly-clever"", which means that I have the social respect/recognition from my peers as I am an hard working student who has good grades. So basically, I have everything to be happy about myself, I worked so much during those years to be a better person, to be proud of who I was etc... and I am. But even with all of these, I still don't have any friends. Or at least, my current and closest friends are people that I helped a lot when they needed it the most, but those are "old friends" that I don't see actively in my life (we talk multiples times per week about important things but we don't spend more than an 1h or 2h per days) and it serms I can't make any new connection in my professional circle. Why this you may ask ? Simple, but it took me time to realize it : its because I have way too much different standards than others...this mean tgat I respect myself and respect others in the same exact way, but some things I'll do that I'll consider great (and if it was the other way around, I'd feel the same) will not make others "feels the same". They're a bit confused at first, and if you continue to ""fail"" those social interaction that seems "logical", they'll start to lose interest in you and it's not because they are """bad people""" nor because you're the wrong one, but it's only because you two are so different that it doesnt work out. So do whatever you can to not be the one that is way "too different" (not in a pejorative or meliorative way, it's a neutral term.) From the others. Understand what makes you stand out with your mistakes and hide it in your future interactions to only SLOWLY (very important) show it to people that are ALREADY found of you. Otherwise, it can ruin an entire relationship, you can trust me on this one. I wish good luck to all my weird peers out there.