The secret to being more likeable

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What to do if you hate your life: • What to do if you don'...
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[@Mslh00]

My boyfriend is the most likeable person I’ve ever met. He tells me when he was a boy, his dad made him go say hello to every relative at the family parties. He says that made him comfortable with social interactions and made him realize that asking questions and smiling makes people instantly love you. And that’s what made me so interested in him in the first place! Very well noticed, video man!

[@navoneel]

Ayy, It's so cool that you've met such person! I bet you're genuinely happy with him now and for the years to come :D I still don't know any person who has been "likeable" to me, so I'm trying to be that person myself haha

[@localtavernsluteplayer2182]

wow you got a keeper

[@shorx9199]

People pleaser?

[@wintersonnet]

@@shorx9199 Yup.

[@HH-io9vh]

@@shorx9199 wtf has smiling and asking questions have to do with being a people pleaser?? literally nothing, you can be the biggest asshole but if you smile and communicate properly everyone will like you

[@y.christine]

“Because if you dislike yourself, the curiosity in other people is hard to come by. You can’t afford to be curious in other people because you *need* their validation” Needed that

[@WHSmith-zk2ox]

No I don't......

[@amandamurphyy]

yoo this is so true

[@Mahmoud-db8hq]

He meant if you need other people validation you will talk more about yourself and you won't be curious about them or their lives?!

[@jaredhenager9379]

No fr that part hit me. Felt called out lol

[@Italian69Boi]

​@@Mahmoud-db8hqaka a narcissist cuz narcissists hate themselves. i balme all the parents of these people with no confidence. my mom was shit i hate her shes a narcissist herself with no friends

[@farhanfm8127]

Summary 1. Nobody cares about what you say they care about how you make them feel 2. live a life you like and love yourself

[@SamKenDa1]

Those sentences made me wanna kms even more

[@ItHamBoi]

My problem is that when i talk and say something the other dude doesn't care about, whoever's listening pulls out the "didn't ask" card

[@possle]

At the end of the day, make small talk, but don't expect to be able to connect with everyone in this word, everyone is different and indifferent

[@BaggedBread]

@@SamKenDa1fr same

[@femalefinder69]

@@SamKenDa1 im not those bs talkers saying your going to make it through life and to keep going king, but I will say, if life is that bad, there will be a time of good, if your entire childhood sucked, then your adulthood would be great

[@bruhh1377]

i cant believe i've reached this point

[@evergreen947]

Cheers brother 🥂

[@laceyj1180]

RIGHT 😂 just brushing up on life skills. In my feelings a bit

[@BigAirr.]

“don’t actively participate in something that ruins your opinion of yourself” that’s a hell of a quote

[@CristianoRaashid77]

Can you pls explain what that means?

[@alexisvillanueva1570]

@@CristianoRaashid77 example. You as a person believe in only talking to people with a higher standard than yourself. i.e. a boss. Then going to speak to someone you perceive is in a lower class or spectrum that you consider yourself. That can lower your opinion of yourself. But this example is the bad ending.

[@acoffeewithsatan]

@@alexisvillanueva1570 that's a pretentious way of putting it... I'd say if you'd have a better opinion of yourself based on that, you likely won't be considered likeable by many, after all!

[@alexisvillanueva1570]

@@acoffeewithsatan yes

[@Dingbobber]

I wish I could quit smoking

[@anetherealpursuit]

"How you make them feel," I've found this to be particularly true. Not many people seem to notice that I don't say a lot, all they notice is that I'm actively listening and being interested in what they're saying which makes them feel special. It wasn't even an intentional tactic on my part, I'm just awkward, don't like talking to people I don't know well, but love learning from others. I think there's a quote that goes something along the lines of "everyone knows something you don't." I truly believe that and that's why I seem genuinely interested in almost anyone, because since hearing that quote, my interest in others has been genuine and people can feel that. My connections with others since that quote have been so much stronger and widespread since, quite by accident!

[@zvon7089]

Same. With my introverted INFJ nature and way of internally processing things, I’d rather much prefer to stay quiet and just listen to people and learn from them.

[@MarkClaytonII]

Felt that

[@JyzTy]

Everything you described about yourself I can relate with, cool to see there are others just like you out there!

[@robbertlw9610]

You must be more of a ‘giver’ than a ‘taker’ then, right?

[@danielforthreee]

I do the same thing but the person usually doesn’t seem to realise (at least from my perspective) got any tips?

[@konantj]

I had a friend who was very much loved by others. She was like an influencer but better because she was real to herself. She deeply cared for people, was funny, and she loved everything she did, And because of that everyhting she made was pure art. Even if that was just food, notes, drawing, outfit, insta-story. Impossible to hate her even if you were jeleous of her, because when you meet you just feel calm, happy, and loved.

[@xdrazormon454]

She sounds like a true philanthropist, I hope one day she’ll become famous

[@Tommy_007]

Was she beautiful? That is something that people instinctively like.

[@konantj]

I would say average, but she cares for her looks@@Tommy_007

[@sarahg3156]

Likeability is about more than just being curious about others. My dad never asks questions about others, but people love him, give him stuff, do stuff for him, etc. Its about aura, humor, a deep love for yourself, a good memory, talent, an inherent ability to connect with others,, etc. Believe me, I grew up invisible next to likeable people. Our peers LOVED my brother. He was outgoing, smart,, funny,, talented. It was so bad, he was always invited to everything and had all of the friends. I was a tagalong. Its been a slog to shed the feeling of being a shadow, a fake, a reject. Being desperate for approval amd doing my damndest to hide it was a halmark of my life up until about this last year. I just ended up dropping everything I had done up until now, and am starting over on my own terms. It is extremely difficult.

[@Lomogrammaton]

You got this

[@maxthorpe-downey1680]

Wish u the best mate 👍

[@GameHub1-]

believe on what you believe. have confidence. God is with you

[@ryugavegeta5734]

I face the same battles everyday.

[@kimaya.3563]

in the same boat, my entire family is full of extroverts....and there I am, the lone introvert

[@phantasmagorial]

This is so real. When I was very socially anxious I would sometimes force myself to practice talking to people, but I felt like I never made any progress. It took a long time to realise the problem wasn't the words I was saying, but it was the lack of eye contact, the hunched body language, the self-consciousness - the whole negative attitude just puts people off. It's really fucking hard to change it if you're socially anxious and don't like yourself, but realisation and self-awareness is a start.

[@nessie968]

Did it happen for you? I'm rather anxious and don't have any friends, and when approaching people I just scare them away. They sorta feel my loneliness and fear, and don't want to talk. I don't blame them but It's hard not to be bitter about sometimes. I just want to have friends.

[@phantasmagorial]

​@@nessie968 I feel you; it’s fucking unfair how hard it can be. I would say I’m doing a lot better than I was a few years ago, but it’s always ongoing. I think what helps but seems counter-intuitive is to *not* go into a social situation with the goal of making friends. That might work for confident people, but for us (or at least for me) it just makes every situation feel like pressure and failure and FOMO. If possible, I’d say try finding ways to practise communication and find things you enjoy doing which other people might also attend regularly. Stuff like volunteering, fitness groups, local community events, groups on MeetUp, group support meetings, anything like that. If you start seeing the same people in some kind of routine - and under the guise of doing other things - it may help the fear. Start small and be kind to yourself. If you ever want another lonely gal to talk to feel free to message me!

[@nessie968]

@@phantasmagorial so I think I actually found out what my problem is. I hyper focus on either myself (to be entertaining, to not be weird, boring ect), or the other person (overanalyzing their facial expression, their body language, voice, listening too hard). What I found helpful was to shift the goal from forming a friendship, to just having a good time together. I realized that I heavily idealize friendship as a concept and expect too much from people I just met. Now I'm able to alleviate some of my anxiety just acknowledging all this and shifting my mind to just having a good time. Even if I fail, oh well, I didn't expect too much anyway. Thank you for your reply! It was so nice of you to take the time to write words of encouragement for a complete stranger 💖

[@blizrinarine593]

This thread is kinda wholesome & I hope the two of you are doing better nowヽ(´▽｀)/

[@phantasmagorial]

@@nessie968 That's excellent reasoning - sounds like you have a well-rounded mindset. And it's no trouble at all. ^^ All the best to you on your journey!

[@nikhilkumarpatra8931]

As someone who has tried his best for almost 20 years of his life to make people feel good about themselves, and take genuine interest in them, and ask them questions, and everything that Joey has said in this video, I believe there comes a point when you realise that being respected is more important than being liked. Not to disrespect what Joey has said in the video but people do take advantage of your kindness and never reciprocate your kindness. So for example, I have usually found myself in a myriad of situations where I genuinely took interest in people, and asked a lot of questions about them but rarely found myself in a situation where I was asked the same things about me. People usually have told me before that I do make them feel comfortable and good about themselves but ironically, I never felt the same. Pieces of Advice like the ones provided in this video have to be taken with a grain of salt. When taken to extreme, things can turn out to be very ugly for yourself. As of now, for me, it is respect that is more important to me than being liked or loved. P.S: This has been typed not to discredit or disrespect what Joey has said in the video. It is my personal experience and I thought of sharing it.

[@ubaft3135]

This came to my mind as well. if you want people to respect you you have to make them interested in what you say. If you want them to like you then be interested in what they say. You just have to learn to balance it for each situation.

[@chdata]

I have that kind of problem too... I had to stop letting people use me as a therapist friend because it only started to feel like abusing my kindness. Instead of helping people by doing that, I just try to give them a good laugh or something instead. One makes people like me because I'm good to vent to. The other makes people like me because I'm fun to be with.

[@nikhilkumarpatra8931]

@@chdata that's actually great... I tend to genuinely laugh a lot to the point where my jaw starts to hurt when people crack jokes. That kind of gives people an ego boost making them feel like they are really funny.... I too am a victim of being a therapist friend.. I don't know why I offer emotional support... Mostly when I was a child I wanted to have some sort of emotional support but due to the lack of that maybe I started providing emotional support to people because I related my childhood experience to their present experience and it felt bad to me... Although my intention was good but you never know what people are like and it truly hurts when you need that support and there's no one around you to help you out... Even the ones who you once helped turn their backs on you... It's like people turn to you when they need you and then they are gone no where to be found unless they need you again. So just to be on the safe side, I eventually started being selective with my kindness and I only offer to help people if I genuinely want to do that or if it provides some sort of benefit to me otherwise I politely say no to people...

[@enitjuh3344]

I agree. Trying to be less likeable saves a lot of suffering and pleasing. Weeds out the bitches too. Fuck being likeable, but do act like a well mannered human being.

[@frtho5785]

Ditto. Are you an empath/ highly sensitive person/ someone with an INFJ personality type, by any chance? I see this pattern of thinking common for those with high empathetic characteristics. You will find you’re not alone in feeling this way.

[@ashleysalazar2012]

I have always been very unlikeable, and I never really cared too much but as I've gotten older I've realized likeability is sometimes more beneficial than skill. You need likeability in the world. I'm working on it. I think I'm just read wrong. I'm very shy and I think maybe people think it's strange.

[@kimaya.3563]

yep! i was super shy before, and apparently everyone thought I was stuck up or thought I was better than them, wasn't the case at all ;/ I felt about that so i began talking a little more and people came around, I'm still shy and introverted so i get tired with too much social interaction, some days i really just don't want to socialize

[@narcsisus]

I have personality disorders and im neurodivergent and people have thought i was weird or eccentric since i was a child and being likeable feels impossible to me

[@ashleysalazar2012]

@@narcsisus what kind of personality disorders?

[@jmarsh2314]

Same here. Working on it everyday

[@guitarista666]

@@jmarsh2314 I think it will help you to read what I have written below.

[@heyowassup8792]

1. Appreciate yourself and your life, to the extent that you no longer need others’ validation. 2. Show them your interest in what they have to say. Be genuine. 3. Make them feel good about themselves first, and then they’ll probably do the same to you later.

[@Alex-dd9xx]

thanks for saving me 15 mins

[@fev4]

The most likable people I've known are very good at asking questions. They get to the root of the issue in the right away for the conversation context and like to keep their remarks short as to let other people talk.

[@user-jh2nn4zb3f]

I used to be the opposite of what you said because i was afraid of being boring. But now i get it why that guy everyone and I like is that way

[@BrianHGarcia]

One thing I learned recently: People want to be heard and share things they love or even something that's on their mind. If they share an issue that's on their mind, DON'T go in trying to solve their issues. That's not the point. They want to be heard and empathized with. Not be given a solution you think is good for them. They don't want that. They want to be heard and understood.

[@Mrshotgun7392]

Doesn't that only apply to women though?

[@inihilisme1511]

@@Mrshotgun7392 knowing that more men k themself, i will say no

[@xoepv9077]

@@Mrshotgun7392 men are less comfortable talking about issues then women because their so used to giving then receiving that issues become worse and also as the comment below you said men are sadly more suicidal but we should never feel this way but women can’t tell that you do as men don’t enjoy expressing themselves as much as girls since the comfortable mind women have and men hating just having comfort and enjoying to do stuff that gives them meaning to live

[@TacticallyInferior]

Recently a guy at my work got broken up with by a girl he really liked. Like it’s been over 4 months and he’s still hung up on her. Everyone else on our crew just either rolls their eyes or tries to say “forget her” or “do this do that!” But I think I was the first person to actually just sit there and listen to him. He has a really memory and apparently being with her was the best feeling he’d ever felt even with his ex wife it was something he’d never experienced before. I didn’t say to much, I gave my input and just related to him. I didn’t tell him how to get over it or move on, I tried to help him understand it from her and his own perspective, I like to think I helped to push himself to move on.

[@lilyrosedaisyvioletsweetpe1207]

Geeze that's hard! But you are right and this was a helpful post, a good reminder.

[@MikosMiko]

Likability is subjective🤷🏻I’ve seen MANY horrible people who are bullies, manipulative and cut throat get promoted and put into positions of power. You can be a nice, warm person, good listener etc and still be disliked if bias is applied to how a person assesses you. People can dislike you if they see you as a threat, if they are envious of your accomplishments, don’t like your race, don’t like your personality, don’t share your values, etc. Love your points about liking yourself and liking your life and not being desperate for other people’s opinions.

[@vrishnisivakumaran1232]

The most sensible comment here but for that very reason won't get many likes

[@sarahg3156]

This. I was a pastors daughter. It took me years to realize that there was an instant bias when someone found out my family relation, and it usually wasn't "oh, I'm going to like this person even more." Instant bias. It took me years to realize what was happening, along with my introversion and how I handled that. I'm not sure why my brother didn't suffer more from it. Maybe his likeability overcame the bias 😬

[@edboss36]

Still, that case is rare. A likeable person is still MORE likeable than a normal person. A racist will hate a likeable person less than they hate a normal person. Video’s point still stands.

[@MikosMiko]

@@edboss36 Tell that to the millions of likable Jews who were tortured and killed during the Holocaust. Tell that to the thousands of likeable people who have been killed in genocides around the world. Tell that to the millions of likable people who get bullied everyday in school and in the workplace. Those are not “rare” cases: they happen everyday. Likability is subjective.

[@nickgaines6929]

Did you listening to the video, you have to be genuine and like yourself first. If someone doesnt like you because they think you of a threat; that is THEIR problem to figure out. Weed out those people they are vampires (insecure) and will only drain YOU. You can't care about that, if you do you are now the problem (insecure).

[@AJuresic]

Something which I really needed to learn is to let others speak and listen more. People tend to like to talk about themselves. Also, remember the small stuff is the big stuff. Let me explain: If you talk to your colleague and she mentions her kid doesn't feel very well, you should ask her how her kid is doing the next time you speak to her. Why? Because you care about the kid, but also because you're genuinly interested. Noticing these ''small'' things in conversations was a game changer for me.

[@WednesdayShortsDance]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/n2XKeqSdqaeLgLc Finally its here

[@rollandjoeseph]

This is pinnacle to not just being liked, but more to being a compassionate person we all should be , we'll stated 👏👏

[@EpirusAlukai]

Less is more...if you talk less and listen more it can make a huge difference. When you do speak make sure it is something worth speaking and you'll be remembered for making an impactful comment. Quality over quantity. Sometimes people who are trying to branch out and be more confident make the mistake of thinking if they say more words then they're being confident and outgoing but that usually is a huge mistake and fails which ends up making them withdraw back to their safe place.

[@shangoshango2471]

I totally agree buuuut.. my memory is terrible? I want to remember those small cute details about someone’s life or a conversation we had, but most of the time forget :(

[@katecooper9158]

​@@shangoshango2471 I hear ya! My memory is sooo bad. People must think I don't listen and therefore don't care, but the reality is that my memory won't allow me to recall the details.

[@ivelinakiprina4796]

Another thing very likeable people do is they acknowledge everyone in a group and they are genuinely interested in the shy or more quiet people and ask them questions so that they open up! In other words, they make EVERYONE feel included!

[@IanBeaubien]

A dear friend once told me: You're an amazing person, let the others discover it themselves. I was insecure, but doing good, and unintentionally bragging about it. That moment was pivotal in my life. From that point, I stopped talking about myself (it wasn't instantaneous lol, took a lot of work and practice). At first I would focus a lot on the other person, and always revert the conversation to themselves when it was going back towards me. It was better, but that made it seems unauthentic. A conversation is a flow. You start by being interested in them, naturally, they will want to know more about you. They will unconsciously at some point try to talk again about themselves, so naturally, it will go back to talking about them. Let that happen. But everybody feels like it's too much about them at some point, so they will open a door for you to share, and so on. Naturally, it will be balanced, but slightly more in your favor, because you let the natural flow of people liking to be heard go. At the end, the person will leave feeling two things about you: Listened, and authenticity. Because that's what you did. You listened, and you opened about yourself in a natural easy manner.

[@duckduckbobo5208]

Important note: It is NOT ENOUGH to pretend that you are interested in someone. As Joey said, being likeable hinges 100 percent on actually being secure and confident in one's own life and character. Trying to pretend will put you in an uncanny valley of behavior that people will, consciously or unconsciously, catch on to.

[@The7thMastermind]

I’d like to add two things to this. The first is that to be like-able, a lot of times it’s not what you’re saying but HOW you’re saying it. I’ve seen a lot of arguments between friends and family and coworkers start because of not what necessarily someone is saying, but how they’re saying it. Especially if what’s being said is truth or criticism. Secondly, to be likeable, yes it’s important to be that person that listens and hears others, but also know when to talk about yourself. Some people sit back too much, don’t want to come off wrong and they don’t talk about themself enough, and therefore are not relatable or likeable. If you’re secure in yourself and your life, don’t be afraid to talk about yourself in moderation! Don’t be afraid to share something intimate or something that is deeper than surface level. I’ve noticed more times than not when I do that with new people in my life, it helps foster a deeper connection faster because they think “oh wow this guy is comfortable talking about this, it’s probably safe to share my opinion even if he disagrees with it”. By you being the comfortable talking about yourself, they feel comfortable talking about themself.

[@leof.schmidt1976]

Exactly what I thought

[@wintersonnet]

Preach!

[@mrsimo7144]

A example of this is texting someone. It's so easy for someone to miss read it. It's important to nice it's nice to be important.

[@olamidedaniels3471]

Ever heard of TMI

[@mrsimo7144]

@@olamidedaniels3471 no?

[@LennefalkStudios]

"You have to live a life you like", definitely agree with this. After changing to a job and career i really like despite lower pay, I became more passionate about it and my life as a whole. Long term that extra passion has also paid off financially, and when you actually like what you do, people tend to find you interesting too, as it somehow is quite unusual to genuinely like your job I feel, unfortunately...

[@JackWallters]

get lost

[@raymondmo3235]

I'm happy for you!

[@LennefalkStudios]

@@raymondmo3235 thanks a lot, me too even though it was tough at first! Greetings from Beijing 🌆

[@squid2754]

@@LennefalkStudios that’s great! what do you do?

[@LennefalkStudios]

@@squid2754 market entry consulting for Swedish companies to China or Asia broadly (gave up my computer science degree to work in business development in Asia where I did exchange studies in Korea and completely fell in love with the region), been here 10 years now. I show some of it on my channel if you're interested 😊☀️

[@upstatenewyork]

When I was in high school I remember being likable because I was “genuinely” friendly. However, I was young, impressionable and had not experienced the traumas that were about to unfold in the years and decades ahead. Trauma changed my personality. It also changed my perspective on life. I became angry, bitter and intolerant. How could someone that once got along with literally almost anyone, morph into someone entirely different. At 70 I no longer want to live a life of suffering, pain, anger, isolation and so forth. I’m on a journey to recapture some and maybe all of the good qualities I once had. I didn’t choose to let hate and anger lead me, but I gave them the green light when they appeared. It’s natural to have strong painful emotions after tremendous loss and misfortune. Please help yourself and know that you can begin to emerge from that personality who became someone that shocked you. It takes hard work. We believe our hurts have the right to dictate to us how we should proceed. Don’t let pain and suffering call the shots for too long. Put them in their place and tell them that they can’t run rampant in your world forever. Tell them there is a time and place for most things but that catering to trauma and it’s pain and suffering is a place where you have decided to be just a visitor. You aren’t moving in and taking up permanent residence. Good luck. Don’t give up hope. If it can happen, it can happen for you too. No matter how hurt you are.

[@titantanic7255]

I’m just 13 and can understand you. I had to go through the trauma last year actually… still get flashbacks now… I’m coming to realize very quickly that sadness is meant to happen and it’s how a person is built over time. “You can’t be happy without being sad later and you can’t be sad without being happy later” Maybe it’s because of the vast amount of knowledge I can get from the internet… but I just feel like I’m moving very fast. I want to start next year being very likable and nice to everyone to regain the reputation that was stripped from me but I don’t know how it will go

[@CamSter-ts4xx]

Bro I think I'll never change lol

[@upstatenewyork]

@@titantanic7255 thank you for sharing. good luck to you.

[@upstatenewyork]

@@CamSter-ts4xx thanks for the comment!

[@bbyjirl]

@@titantanic7255you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders! Wishing you all the best

[@caiteliza3342]

I’m always excited to see your videos pop up on my KZbin feed.❤️ I love how you approach all these self help topics with a sense of humor and understanding. Truly one of my favorite channels, and your videos have made a big difference in my life. ❤️

[@SimonMac]

"You have to find yourself likeable; you have to admire the things you do on a day to day basis." This struck a cord. Sometimes I'm too concerned about what others might think about the things I do - but really, I need to focus more on whether I like them. I heard Phineas say about music production the other day "if I like how it sounds then it's right, even if I did it 'wrong'".Thanks for the words of wisdom!

[@TrePool]

There was a 3 month period when I actually liked myself and my life and people did seem to be attracted to me. That was the happiest I have ever been. I wish I could get that back.

[@lava2266]

What changed now that you don't like yourself anymore? If you can't answer this then I suggest you just do activities you genuinely enjoy or do things that would make your self feel like an interesting person. Because if you feel yourself that your interesting, other people are more likely to think that aswell. I hope this helps 🙂

[@AkashDas-bv6nn]

@@lava2266 I appreciate

[@rollandjoeseph]

Be your best self for you and everyone you encounter ...happiness comes from inside you not from the outside

[@rooftopfight6210]

Same bruh.... although im not sure if ppl found me attractive bc no one hit on me but at least i was happy and super social....now im so fucking depressed and miserable its hard to talk to people

[@dennisrobinson8008]

It started from thoughts which created a feeling

[@shawonshahriar2463]

Man, seriously I love your channel so much. You're the one who dives deeper and squeezes out the fundamental facts, not some dipshit 5 easy way to fix this or that. Love it.❤️

[@christinemurphy4367]

Not sure you will have the time to read this but I have only listened to half a dozen videos of yours but I REALLY like YOU ! I couldn’t agree more that the more one likes THEMSELVES , the more liked they are by others. I have been single for nearly 12 years now and my Mother passed just over a year ago and in these processes, I have become increasingly comfortable and fond of yours truly. I have never had more people, men and women try to spend time with me. I think it’s the absence of need and the relaxed confidence and humility that is developed in solitude that endears others to ourselves. I enjoy my own company MORE than I enjoy anyone else’s so naturally they compete with me for it. There is also laws involved such as supply and demand and it’s easier than I ever thought to focus on loving me because I ALWAYS love me in return ❤

[@Bot28111]

I think a common quality is that likeable person that i am around is that they never talk negative about anyone ever behind their backs no matter who they are with.

[@tnt01]

100%

[@betterthanyesterday3912]

Joey, Please continue to make these videos. I have watched so many, and practiced so little of what you teach. But I'm taking tiny steps in the right direction, and that means the world to me. Hope you have an excellent weekend!

[@adveshdarvekar7733]

This is such a well put together video. I have a friend I like a lot and the thing I've observed in him is that he always gives attention to every person he comes across. He makes everyone feel heard. That's such an incredible thing. There's so much to learn from people. Wow!

[@andresherrera4158]

When you watch a video without second guessing what the subject just said, or getting distracted by the video itself either away from the audio or the video itself, when everything just goes flawlessly from beginning to end,, you have an excellently edited video. Demetrio did a great job. Video supports/illustrates/matches the audio, stayed away from getting too creative and show off, did what it was supposed to do, convey the message effectively without losing its audience. Well done!!

[@tatyannafrancis9935]

Demetrios is a legend, I loved the editing and especially all of the vintage life advice clips. Such a fun touch!

[@rares7341]

I've been doing all you said since I was young without ever realizing it. I make friends very easily. The part where you explained that our perception about ourselves has an effect on how we engage in a conversation blew my mind, I never thought about that and it makes perfect sense. Great video!

[@colbybeam]

I needed to hear this, thank you for the reminder. Seriously some or most of the things you said that people do (normally) and wanting validation is what I do daily

[@poltergeist7776]

This is a really great video! One thing that I think really makes someone more likeable is if they are not afraid of giving someone else the spotlight. If someone else has achieved something, it's easy to feel envious or insecure about our own abilities or threatened that they will be perceived as more competent/good-looking/athletic/etc than we are. And so we might want to play down the significance of their achievement and become defensive, or we may want reassurance from them that we are still good enough. This is very human, but it feels awful on the receiving end: you've just told someone about something you're proud of and they try to make you feel bad about it and make it all about themselves. Instead do the opposite: Be genuinely proud of the other person, hype them up and make it about THEM. That means sometimes having to swallow your own envy, but we should always look for ways to constructively, not destructively, act on our emotions. And i think this goes for something like group projects as well. If you've achieved something together, always credit the other people and emphasize their contributions. Don't put yourself down or play down your own contributions, but try to genuinely give people their due credit, especially if their work is critical but often overlooked.

[@joeanon8641]

I completely agree. Solid advice. For the past year or so I’ve started being more actively interested in others - and in turn, my social circle has expanded but I’m closer with everyone than I was when it was smaller!

[@aquietwild]

I might also add that being vulnerable with others invites them to be vulnerable in turn - building trust and deeper connection. But reflective listening is absolutely one of the biggest factors to likeability - not just hearing a person’s words but the values underneath them

[@Nickydoo-os2ny]

I definitely think you hit the nail on the head here. Funnily enough, I am this person. Or, at least I have been told so by friends, family, and peers. I take genuine interest in the lives of those who I am close to, who I work with, and those I happen to meet while striking up random conversations. People have told me that I am a person who is “warm” to be around and I give off an “aura” or something of the like. But, I think anyone can develop similar qualities if that’s what they’re wanting to achieve. Really interesting video!

[@Idk00756]

He looks like Mark suckerberg but if he was human

[@BOB-wn3sk]

Suckerburg?😂

[@minohablaespanol8381]

Bro !!! 😂

[@sessealleheim4116]

I find your ideas very inspiring. Also, the concept of reciprocity as an habit which can be build is helpful to my own sense of self. Reciprocity as an habit gives me trust that I can relate well to people, such so that I can be on my own for a while and relate to people again, because I know I can. So thanks for the ideas!

[@jcronin3155]

Another valuable video and I'm not sure if you read these comments, but you have a mesmerising voice loaded with intriguing information. There's something about you that makes me trust you. Anyway, thank you for your creativity, logic and information. In addition, I think we become more likeable when we are true to ourselves and live our lives in accordance with our heart. When I traveled, people seemed to enjoy my company. When I worked for a shitty corporation and lived with my mother I couldn't be bothered with others, never mind being nice.

[@kelanleach3317]

I love how you put humour into your videos, it’s a great way to keep people like me interested and absorb the most of the video, nice concept and thanks for sharing :)

[@ThatRoundFops]

I envied one user for a while, wanted in on the action they were getting into; Whether it was getting amazing things for free (usually gift art, or art that was requested), or being included in just about everything that went on in the server/chat- hell, even being in the spotlight nearly every time. For as long as I can remember, I idolized them and a few others for their incredible likeability. (I'd go into further detail, but I'll keep their anonymity safe.) Never thought I'd stumble upon this video and watch it through, this was quite an eye opener for me, especially at such a low point in an ongoing, rough-as-balls college semester. Great to know that I've got my work cut out for me! Loved the vid, looking forward to seeing the rest of your channel.

[@Hajsster]

I totally agree with you and this is what I've realised a couple of years ago: people don't care who you are and what you do, they care how they feel in your presence (the exact words you said). This is applicable to relationships as well. After I started to be more present and engaged among the others, I noted that the person that influences others' moods is me, therefore, my attitude towards other makes me and others happier. As simple is that. Not so simple to be honest, but on the paper indeed. The sparkling of my behaviour is contagious.

[@Yourhighnessnona]

I totally agree! 🙂 Also, when I think of a person that I find very likeable, their kindness is genuine; it isn’t being “nice” so that they can get your approval or that of others (the need to be accepted, being liked, being good enough) - this way, being nice comes off as an act on a very energetic, subconscious level that isn’t attractive but repelling. Genuinely kind people are totally centred and anchored within themselves and have validated themselves enough to approach others with a genuine sense of connection and their kindness comes from that place. There is no “needing” in that equation, just “being”. That is very attractive.

[@alejandrobonilla4130]

It's good to know that their kindness is genuine , and with no hidden agenda attached. Seems you found great people to connect with.

[@themacocko6311]

Nice is for losers, bad boys rule

[@smeagols_smelliest_smuggler]

This is a really good point! For a long time, I knew there was something off in my interactions with others and I only came to this conclusion a couple of months ago when I watched the video 'The Problem with Nice People' by the channel 'Pursuit of Happiness'. It really hit home the distinction you make: being shallowly 'nice' vs authentic 'kindness' :)

[@emilyesnyman]

Funny that I consider myself (and often get told) as that genuinely kind person. Yet I am not at all secure in myself. I often put others before myself in such a way that I get hurt. It's genuine towards them, but sometimes I disregard myself and my feelings. Just a thought

[@VivianaSilverback]

Ok bot

[@mnemonic6047]

i love your videos man, since i've grown up with no mother or father figure, its always nice to learn the basics to social life with your videos

[@jackb55391]

I approach conversation as a fun skill to try and get better at, and I have heard the whole listen, smile, ask questions, laugh at their jokes, eye contact... But I haven't heard where you need to admire yourself-- to where you DON'T need validation and security from other people-- in order to naturally be able to do that. Great video and great thoughts.

[@freestuffiwantit8962]

I must say it may seem a bit 'sad' to have click on this or unnecessary but to be liked is quite necessary, it boosts our self esteem and sense of self but it also feels good. Who else doesn't want to be liked? But if someone has an excessive need to be liked then that's problematic and comes from a lack of self worth. Whereas, if someone doesn't take action or believe that they are very likeable but actually hasn't put in work or is sub par in likeability, then that's just having quite an ego(an idea I thought of because of Joey's other video of ego), and they too could work on becoming likeable. But it's remembering, "you could be the sweetest peach on a peach tree, some people just don't like peaches"- some wise person.

[@SunnySunday50]

Damn that quote is lowkey hitting me hard...

[@TheIeven]

Also, it doesn't seem all that sad after you realized all this. I realized the same thing as Joey before this video, but i noticed that this way of behave and think is good for us but for other too, it makes you more attentive to others feelings and value them regardless of who they are, because they are human just like you. It makes you more empathetic with time, because this give you a more complet understranding of people by being more aware of how they feel. With time you realize, you love and are interested more in people than you thought, everyone has something to teach you or to give and you too. But for acheiving this, we need to love ourselves and our lives.

[@domoandfriends]

I come from a family of talkers. I've been steam rolled in so many conversations and leave so many family conversations feeling like what I had to say didn't matter. Because of this I feel like I've made a lot of efforts to have the opposite impact on people, to really listen and hear and not just wait for my turn to speak. I think that one of the things that I've learned in this practice that also goes off of your ideas around "people who are unhappy with their lives want to talk about it the most" idea is that people who are also unhappy with their lives are unwilling to discuss their faults, to find comedy in their faults. I have found that acknowledging your faults really demonstrates your authenticity. I work in tech and people are always very prideful of what they know and unwilling to admit what they don't know. The people who I find myself drawn to the most are people that openly admit when they don't know something, need to work on something, or are just having an off day. It puts me at ease and helps me open up about my shortcomings and off days to better communicate and collaborate instead of this picture perfect human. I think this mindset and willingness to talk not only about your successes but also your failures really opens up conversation and puts people at ease.

[@Chukoki]

10:03 This point is so TRUE, for the longest time I felt like I couldn't authentically connect with people and ask them questions about their life. But for me it wasn't because I wanted to monopolize the conversation and get validation. I was scared that the questions I asked would be reflected back to me. I didn't like where I was and I didn't want to engage in conversations that would potentially reveal that I wasn't happy with my own life. Insecurity can really hold you back socially.

[@adhafauzihendrawan5958]

Being likable start from loving yourself, being grateful for any pieces of life happening around you. So you don't really need others validation on happiness cause you are already happy. Then the next step is being genuine interest to others, it doesn't have to be a lot of talk but the feeling or the vibes you give should be the absolute best. Peoples tends to forget the conversation topic but remembers the feeling behind it, and be a value person where you can give benefits to others and others will naturally attracted to you like a bee swarming the honey. And most importantly be yourself because your happiness is the most important aspect in life

[@tobyvelho1543]

Sadly, perceived status also plays a major role in who people like or don't. People who are perceived as 'high status' only need to smile and tell a self deprecating joke and everybody loves them. Whereas low status people could be the best empathetic listeners and still face rejection. 'Status' is the missing element in the Dale Carnegie school of likeability.

[@philiprudel5418]

100% that's also what's missing for me here. Although one might argue that in the "living a life that makes you earn self-respect" part - status might be covered.

[@JohnnyArtPavlou]

That seems like a Robert Greene kind of insight. The kind of inside that Holden uncomfortable but accurate truth. Still, if you enter every interaction with her sense of respect for the other person, regardless of their real or perceived status, regardless of how useful they may be to you now or in the future, you’ll be making a difference for that person and for yourself in the interaction. Because you won’t then be treating the person like a thing. You’ll be having an exchange with another human being.

[@Jeedan]

In a lot of situations sure. But what about the person you might meet randomly say, at a bar or a party. You know little of their status. And yet some people can make an immediate impression on you regardless.

[@erinenikiniki9491]

Yes that’s true, I tend have this behavior (from the video) not perfectly but I still try… and in my high school average kids are richer than minorities and I think bc our status was game changing (Maybe it’s a question of mindset and open-mind)

[@billybanter9573]

Disagree. I have been WFH since Covid and I am according to my manager a very personable individual that people trust and like.

[@nataliesoutlet]

The like switch wow! Definitely going to be listening to that ✨

[@agnethamortensen447]

Thank you for this video. I really struggled to put down to bits why people tend to like me, but this kinda put things in perspective. I have always been very curious, and in that I find places, cultures, and of course people very interesting. In that sense, I have naturally had a curiosity to get to know people, and understand their background. I have moved around a lot in my adult years, and through that I had to go out and discover the local culture and interact with new people. I am very comfortable being on my own, and I know that I will always be able to meet new interesting people no matter where I go, therefore I also don't get stuck on some people. People call me a social butterfly, and I make sure that if I do see people that are standing alone somewhere, or feeling uncomfortable, I make them feel included and invite them for a drink or just start chatting to get to know them better. I am very caring, and incldusive, and want people to feel good and ok. Try to put a smile on their face, and the best way to do that is to smile yourself, tell a joke and be nice. As I strugled with being outgoing and social in my younger years, you can imagine it has been a very long process to get to the comfortable state that I am now in (at the age of 34). I have read many books, and listened to tons of audiobooks (been a member of Audible for many years), that have helped me grow as a person. I would say that what keeps me likeable, is my level of empathy, my interest in them, the way I can play the devils advocate, create an interesting discussion, and get to a level a bit more deeper, make them laugh and let them think, "damn that was interesting". If I myself is not enjoying the conversation, I would also just head on to the next, therefore I try to find common ground, something interesting to talk about, and I believe we can relate to anyone if we just dive deep enough! :)

[@arb3413]

This is awesome and makes so much sense!! Thank you for this! At the end, it all stems from our relationship with ourselves. If we like ourselves and our lives, we will be comfortable on our own skin and genuinely want to hear about others, which will in turn make us more likable. ❤

[@outlinehappiness]

Developing curiosity about people, regardless of whether you think you have anything in common or not, helps so much with people walking away from a conversation feeling as though they’ve genuinely been heard and someone took an interest in them for a moment. We lose curiosity when we make assumptions about people, and you can immediately feel when a person has no interest in you. I like your reference to mirroring as a technique to allow people to relax and open up to you. Chris Voss offers a great perspective on this.

[@iamthestormthatisapproaching69]

I felt like really needed this. I tend be fun around my co-workers at my job, but i had a recent interaction with a customer that kinda speaks "you didn't actually hear what i said, did you?" She didn't say that realistically speaking, but she gave me an impression that I shouldn't have replied with this kind of answer. I guess you can say she was not expecting that answer. I sometimes space out and say certain things for the sake of saying them. I interact with people on the job but there are times when i don't catch up on conversations. Sure, i can direct them to certain places they're looking for or answer questions they ask, but being in the zone is difficult for me and i struggle with it. Anyways, thank you for this video, it kinda opens my eyes on reality

[@Terence.1]

You're correct. Paying attention to people and taking a genuine interest in what they have to say is the key. Be a great listener. Everyone needs to be recognized and validated, to be affirmed that they do indeed exist and matter.

[@hiyeena3365]

I felt really unmotivated to do anything this morning because I felt this real loneliness inside me. I tried to ignore it and try to occupy myself with things to do like working out maybe playing the piano but it was still hard to keep moving because I felt there was no point. In the middle of this video I just had to stop and comment and say how much I appreciate u man. Listening to this gives me hope.

[@matthewsommerville88]

This is my wife. By a miracle all her trauma and inherent traits added up to a disposition that is intensely likable. She is a magnet for people, good and bad. But trust me, these people can be used a lot and they will only pick a few people to truly open up too. I think being this likable makes it hard to really open up because the fear that if you do, you won't be as liked. The next time you are stoked to see X walk into the room and you can't wait to unload all sorts of things on them just KNOW your one of many and that likable person also has an identity and also needs room.

[@alphaios7763]

One of the people I consider very likeable that came to mind is very open, can talk about anything and is almost never negative.

[@assasin101011]

nice to know

[@jryce]

9:08 I really like this, giving that positive feeling (that acknowledgment) is a wonderful thing. I need to do this more often, thanks man we all want to be acknowledged, receiving is cool, and giving is as well

[@Alexdanpon]

your video really helped me a lot in my life, it is so inspiring, heartwarming and i really love it .so glad to watch it and learn from it. thank you ,wishing to learn more from you .

[@ceedott]

Something I think is important to mention is your own energy and body language. I really resonated with the "bad habits confused with personality" message you shared because I can completely relate. I was pretty quiet, and I suppose I still am in a sense, but I had really bad mannerisms where I came off as cold and uninterested in whatever the social situation was. I would almost never smile, or I would give curt responses and never really try to add anything on my own. The thing was, I absolutely did enjoy being around my friends and I was interested in what they were saying, but nothing I did conveyed that! I really think I almost ruined some of my friendships because of this. Only when I really sat down and thought about what I was doing did I realize how I was sabotaging myself. Why would any of them want to hang out with someone who looks like they don't care, or never has anything to add? I try my best nowadays to make myself open and as friendly as possible. I try to contribute to conversations, smile, and have open body language, and it's really worked wonders! I genuinely feel like I connect more with my friends and I do better in general in social situations. I still have a ways to go, but I really think I've made a lot of progress just by trying a little bit more.

[@Ahoukouame258]

I think I'm similar and I want people always say I never smile but when I try to smile I feel arkward and like my cheeks how can I learn to smile again thank you

[@cierragrove4745]

Wow, thank you for this video! Yes, someone specific immediately came to mind! My cousin is one of the most likable people I know - everyone wants to be around her, and she fits perfectly with your description of WHY someone is likable. She doesn't need validation because she likes herself. Thanks for the book recommendation, too!

[@Arif-rw1rh]

Has anyone ever wanted to be her friend ?

[@michaelmethic1522]

Thank you so much and also great music in the background! I felt like it was very easy to understand from you.

[@jerrylittlefield9663]

Thank you Mark Zuckerberg's Cousin

[@kaycgrocks]

Beautiful thoughts. I'm slowly learning to unlearn a few of my behaviours and be more aware of when I'm being negative and disrespectful to not only others but most importantly myself. If I'm respectful and treat myself properly first, it'll not only make me happier and more capable of handling my own suffering but will allow others to come into my life and hold meaningful connection with me. I used to be completely and utterly introverted but I genuinely love people and their stories, qualities, ambitions etc. I want to be a positive support system for the humans who have me in their life.

[@advait00705]

A noble goal indeed, I look forward to your success 💪🏾

[@slaterwoman9237]

The only struggle I have is actually wanting to talk to people. I always feel like I should, because deep down it does make me happy when I socialize with others, but I keep holding back. I've always been a quiet person and kept to myself so I'm very used to avoiding people. Is there any way to train yourself to WANT to socialize with others? Loved the video! 👍

[@jeffn9952]

I'm autistic and I completely agree about working on making better eye contact. It's not natural for people like me but really worth the effort, and with practice it gets easier. And I feel more connected with people now, and I feel more mutual trust. Lots of us are probably born with some kind of behavioral-social abnormality, whether it is a recognized condition or not. For us, it's good to observe the behavior of others and try to learn from - and be more like the people we like. "Fake it till you make it," and you'll like the person you become.

[@Italian69Boi]

i blame the parents everytime i know of an austisic person their parents are almost always unloving narcissists like my mom i think i have aspergers too

[@lachyjamesxoxo]

I found this video as a recommendation after watching a Survivor ranking of the best "social" games - and I would say one of Survivor's strongest social players - Cirie Fields - matches so many of these qualities. I think what makes her so likeable is that she listens to others, she asks questions about her fellow cast, she makes people feel comfortable in her presence. She's confident within herself, and thus she doesn't need external validation, and can question her tribemates on their backgrounds and develop stronger bonds doing so. Anyways, thanks to Survivor - I found this video super interesting and will check out your other videos!

[@mikeyhoward8784]

I'd like to say someone whom I admire is my mother and someone who is genuine. When you share with someone your personal life and personal problems and don't hide even the skeletons in the closet and recieve open ears without shame or criticism as a result and then are given back positive feed back for expressing trust at a depth that we feel is some of our lowest it Is relieving and comforting. I call this unconditional love or care for someone. Just came to my mind after listening to your great video.

[@EnterMyHorizons]

Thank you for doing all that you do and creating such meaningful content

[@zebrafigs8450]

I absolutely agree. I feel like my likeability has gone up now that I like myself better. I feel like I can concentrate outwards now that I have done work to process some old wounds and decide I wanted to live in the present.

[@cowgrrl]

The most likeable person I know was someone who everyone wanted to be around always. People would flock to him and everyone listened to him when he spoke. He stood confidently, wasn’t swayed by others opinions - VOICED his own without sounding pretentious, wore what he wanted to wear, he treated everyone on the same level, incredibly goofy-always adlibbing to music and dancing, but most of all he was comfortable with who he was. And everyone could tell. In a way we all were just envious of that trait. One time he told me that he just talks to himself a lot. He checks in with himself and he’s able to joke with himself and build that confidence with who he is. I’d be lucky to be a tenth of who he is. Love you always LV.

[@tre-moon-dous6122]

I've recently decided to read the dale Carnegie book "how to win friends and influence people" and started applying simple things in the book and the results are fantastic.

[@alexsisidu3541]

I though about this book all along the video. This book is the one of the best book I have read.

[@jdubs2113]

do you not feel like a sociopath trying to fit in with normal people when you try these techniques because it's always in the back of your mind when youre interacting with people which kind of takes away the genuineness of an interaction?

[@thechingochingo9956]

I tried that as well, however I started feeling like it's impossible because people around me are weird as fuck lol

[@tre-moon-dous6122]

@@jdubs2113 tbh not really, because the book has plenty of timeless examples that you can learn from. i am an ambivert with introverted leanings but have been putting out myself in social settings. i've always struggled with social skills because of my ADHD impulse. i always end up being misunderstood because of how i'm always looking for things to say to make people like me. I'm always interested in people but dunno how to open them up. when i read this book, i learned that all i have to do is just listen and take interest in other person. i've learned in life that we all want to be heard as humans. People will feel like youre a great conversationalist eventhough you've only asked question during the entire conversation.

[@tre-moon-dous6122]

​@@thechingochingo9956 that's completely okay too. people come and go in our life but the conversational skills you've earned through experience with different people is forever

[@dennizsvemark8415]

I think what matters for someone to be truly likeable is that they've got the intention to genuinely do the things rather than doing it to percieve as more "likeable"

[@geordenotterbein9097]

Hey Joey. I've been watching your videos for a long time and I truly believe if everyone in the world watched your videos our society would be in a lot better place. For the longest time I've thought about how cool it would be to do what you do. talk about difficult topics and give your perspective on it to make whatever the topic is easier to understand and break down. I'm also very passionate about cannabis and the benefit's it holds, so if I ever start one I would want it to be a wellness channel like yours just with that twist. Basically I just wanted to say how much you motivate me and I was wondering if you went to school for anything or are you just self taught? also anything you would do different if you were to restart? thanks man I appreciate everything you do!!

[@nl832]

On the contrary of what you said about talking about all your problems with others that make them to not pay attention, I have experienced that people get really mad if during conversations you seem to be contained and deal well with problems life throws at you. Majority of people gets a satisfaction from knowing other people's struggles

[@Ivan-xv4tw]

I carried myself the same way that the most likeable person I knew at the time carried themselves for a year, and I had talked to more people in that year than my whole life. This friend carried herself like she was the main character in a room, not minding anybody's business but her own, she moved as if a camera was at her center view and this seemed to catch a lot of people's attention; she seemed so unbothered with everyone else in the room. So when it came down to communicating with her, people were intruiged in getting to know her. I tried it for a year and I gained a lot of stranger's respect instantaneously, there's something about acting nonchalant while being nice-just my observation.

[@oscarcabrera2197]

this comment is underrated

[@pe.b]

I need more people like you to talk to frequently in my life's routine. At least I can listen from time to time, thanks, bro.

[@true6457]

I LOVE YOU I'm hooked you do a GREAT JOB and your Editor Demetrius too

[@Blessed_V0id]

Your a fucking life saver. I've lost everything. I was on my last legs. Your an angel, a saving grace. May you be blessed, healthy, happy and get every good thing from life you deserve. Thank you so much

[@user-ex7hj5ed5p]

All you talk about I see it in my work .I work as a swim trainer and to comfort and gain the kids trust I start talking with them ,asking questions about their life (everything you said in the video )and all the kids that are maybe afraid of water or like not communicative start liking swimming and coming to classes with joy just by that .And we all like that since young age we like someone to listen to us to be interested in what we are saying to remember things about us and so on Sorry for my English I am from Bulgaria

[@em945]

It sounds like you are the cool and wonderful swimming teacher that the kids will remember when they grow up! Good luck with it .

[@nikafomenko2261]

A good key point is being a good listener. I have noticed that in the past months, when I became more sociable and extrovertish, people are kinda pulled towards me. They like being around me and a big help for this was being present. Learning to be in the moment makes you seem more interested in a person, which leaves a good impression on people

[@Arif-rw1rh]

Did anyone ever compliment u?

[@deniseborges6293]

This was one of the best videos I’ve ever seen! Life changing! Thanks!

[@pamamores5042]

Dude I love your videos! You are like this modern philosopher I relate to

[@Nostrum84]

I've thought many many times about the same things in my life and have come to the exact same conclusions, which are not necesarily _easy_ to implement: 1. You are most likeable when you like yourself 2. And liking yourself depends on the life you live resp. you *choose* living. Personally, I have been on both sides. I've lead a life that I was used to, maybe even pushed towards ("do something sensible"; "the other job pays better"), but I didn't fully like it and I have always wondered why people pretty much ignore me, or don't want to engage in deeper relationships. I knew the answers to that: I've had a dream about how to live my life, but always felt as if I wasn't good enough to achieve it. One day, when something tragic hit my family, I had decided to go for my dreams - despite money issues, anxiety etc. Turns out, that was pretty much the first time I have ever felt completely _aligned_ with myself. Unfortunately, I couldn't maintain that lifestyle - again mostly due to money issues (I wanted to be a musician but never made enough money). So after about a year, I had to "fall back" into a routine 9-to-5 job to pay bills (and this is why fuck the system, it destroys dreams). Nevertheless, for that one year I was happy, and I noticed I became likeable to others, because suddenly it was so easy to make friends, talk to the other gender, etc. I felt complete and more mature. Ever since I fell back into the old routine, most of this broke away again. I think I am weird, awkward, with less belief in myself - even with the previously gained experience that the truth to happiness lies within me. I am constantly trying to combine the past experience with today's routine. But it just doesn't work out as smoothly as it used to. And the worst bit of knowledge from that is that I feel LESS mature than 5 years ago. I'm now at a point where I'm considering therapy - even though all I would probably need to do is quit my current work life, and live the dream. If only we had no money issues....

[@chronic_daydreamer]

As someone who was just diagnosed with autism at 29, I’ve struggled with this my entire life. Something I’ve noticed is that people want to be around people who give energy, not those who take it. Which is ironic, because they themselves become what they hate in feeding off others’ energy. I’ve strived my whole life to show genuine interest in others, to maintain eye contact, to ask questions, and it’s funny, you know. I find some absolutely adore me and some absolutely loathe me. It’s so bizarre. I know you can’t be everyone’s cup of tea, but my best friend, who is actually very similar to me, is so popular and universally loved, and I still can’t pinpoint what he’s doing that I’m not, what I’m doing that he’s not. Why are people so hard to figure out?

[@migspeculates]

I guess the key is stop figuring "people" out and start figuring "someone" out if you find him/her interesting. I don't engage with people that neither interest nor attract me. I also learned this very important lesson which is if someone doesn't like me I have to ask myself if I do like them back. Basically I stopped seeing people as points to temporarily bloat my self esteem which is how most of us were subconsciously socialized anyway.

[@chronic_daydreamer]

@@migspeculates That’s an excellent point.

[@as1948]

@@migspeculates your comment is excellent and I really needed it today. Thank you!

[@lilyrosedaisyvioletsweetpe1207]

"Something I’ve noticed is that people want to be around people who give energy, not those who take it. Which is ironic, because they themselves become what they hate in feeding off others’ energy." Insightful.

[@Aquardis]

Sometimes it's more than just your attitude and your energy you give off. Sometimes it really is about how you look. Your friend just might be more conventionally attractive so more people just naturally like him without him having to act a certain way.

[@yelkhan2002]

A year later and this video changed my life and made it so, so much better. Thank you dude. Hope you have an awesome life

[@perseusgeorgiadis7821]

Pretty much the key points from "How to win friends and influence people". Reading it right now and I can clearly see what you're talking about after seeing the book go over it in more depth

[@MrHeleenify]

I also really notice that not imposing your opinion on someone, makes you more likeable. You can obviously discuss difference in opinion, but try to listen to the other person’s opinion and ask questions about it to get more to the core of their beliefs. Have an open mind and try to see how both of your beliefs can fit into the same world. Again, feeling comfortable about your own life and not searching validation helps a ton with this!

[@matthewwhite343]

Mainstream Media is the responsible largely for pitting good people against good people. You're completely right that we should listen to everybody, because although we may disagree, usually that person's intentions are pure.

[@ayara8157]

"The more interested you are in the world around you, the more interesting you become." I like that!

[@slowjamcdub]

Facts!!!

[@BabySisZ_VR]

everything you say near the start of the video (before 2:00) reminded me of how I feel each time I go to the gym and there's someone starting out new. you hope the best for them and simply wish to help them, they're usually modest and I guess you could say they 'know their place", which makes them very likeable imo I love helping people get gains TL:DR new gym people cool and epic

[@wormophobia968]

As someone who just started college and is completely out of their depth seeing everyone around them making friends, thank you so much for this dude

[@ericjoy6691]

I've been subconsciously doing this for the past few years and it has lead me to feel kind of lonely in a sense, I haven't met anyone who thinks similar to me and I'm always the role model to my friends, which is kinda of annoying since I'm looking for someone like me. To be likeable may be good but to have a social circle where people think and connect with you at a similar level is something I dream of.

[@nidamreps]

I totally understand what you mean. Three years ago I moved to a new country in a small town. On one hand I wanna hang out with people but at the same time I can’t connect with most people because I am bored of them. I also dream of a circle of people that inspire me, that are interested in me and where it’s fun to be around. Have a great day!

[@aaro96live]

In my experience, being more likeable can come from realizing that every person is just as human as you are and have their own flaws. If you put people on a pedestal, you are less likely to be natural around them whether it is a girl you like or a person you look up to (ofcourse you shouldn't say something inappropriate around someone who you should be professional around). The other important lesson that I've learned that stems out of this is that you should NOT try to show yourself off as perfect. People that only know you in a capacity where you are without flaws are less likely to be vulnerable, trusting and relaxed around you.

[@darlene_1998]

I know it’s how I make them feel but sometimes I don’t even talk, I don’t see them and they decide to not like me, they feel some type of way towards before I even talk to them. Like it’s super hard to make them feel good when they are so harsh on you even before you talked or showed your character but thank you for your video!

[@StephSancia]

I used to be extremely outgoing and as my Mum once said that I used to be "the life and soul of every new years eve party that hit London' but then I developed severe PTSD after losing all my family in deaths and then I had kidney cancer to deal with and now I've become a bore to be avoided at all costs and I've only just realised that I've been 'trauma dumping" to everyone and I'm desperate to stop that and find a part of the outgoing person I was before even in my later life as it's seriously affecting my social situation and I'm just so freaking lonely and with hindsight I've only myself to blame. Thanks for the video tips, I'll try to instigate some of this over the coming weeks to months ... Have a blessed day

[@wolfmations]

The 3 steps that made a big difference for me were: 1.) Consciously smiling and complimenting (genuine compliments so not over done and fake but smile is always done regardless because it lifts up the mood) 2.) Like joey said shut your gob and forget about yourself for the moment and listen to the other person , engage questions ,what they say is usually interesting if you ask what you're curious about and this usually makes them feel valued 3.) If its someone new that you recently met try using their name more , I tend to like it myself when someone I just met remebers my name so I do the same. Eye contact helps but I struggled with eye contact when I was insecure building a skill or life style which builds up your self esteem can make this easier since you're secure in yourself and as joey said , you feel less need to talk about yourself looking for validation so you can focus on initiating good connections , making that person feel good and finally being the charismatic person you always wanted to be :)

[@whatsup9993]

I tend to give to many compliments.. it’s 100% genuine. I know how it feels, you never know if someone needed that boost and my friend told me that how I do it is too much and it might come off fake.. I don’t know man, it’s never from a bad place with bad intentions but, is it really coming off like that?