The secret to motivating your child | Jennifer Nacif | TEDxSanDiego

This talk was given at a local TEDx event, produced independently of the TED Conferences.
Jennifer Nacif tells us how to shift manipulation to motivation when it comes to communicating with our children. Jennifer plays the characters of four different children, and in clever fashion, shows us how different personalities require different reactions from parents. The needs of each personality are not only relevant to the children in our lives, but to everyone we encounter, and Jennifer provides easy and actionable ways to motivate and empower those around us.

[@zakbirch]

I think most children and adults are a combination of personality traits. Key word for parents "empathy."

[@spacebar9733]

parents SHOULD have empathy but many don't unfortunately. Too many irresponsible people.

[@Actidad]

It's amazing how many parents miss this. Knowing your kid's personality is the key to motivating them!

[@jennifernacif2550]

Thanks for sharing

[@LininUpDucks]

I have 4 girls!!! I am DYING laughing! She just described my 4 girls EXACTLY!

[@BeyondTheBlursO1]

Meaning you get to early on work well with them.

[@torriec.7536]

There is a version of this for kids from a book called, "The Treasure Tree" and it's a story that talks about the four temperment types; Lion, Otter, Beaver, and Golden Retriever. It's excellent to help kids understand temperment types as well as adults.

[@ingridbrewster8322]

Ariel daughter

[@ingridbrewster8322]

Do ahs phone goes to h as

[@BrijeshKumar-pp6qw]

Ll.l

[@anadeleon8804]

Thank you . I’ll check out the book. 😊

[@exclusivegemsforbusymother2314]

You need time for yourself too, get lots of self care its not being selfish at all

[@TheMandarin1984]

That awkward moment when you come to find out about your child's behaviour and find out a bit more about your own (analytical)... Great content, made me smile and feel warm inside watching it.

[@jennifernacif2550]

Igor Miguel thanks for sharing !

[@ingridbrewster8322]

Real games challenge

[@alexvidu4517]

This was great, thanks, I have been researching "did i have a panic attack" for a while now, and I think this has helped. Have you ever come across - Wanatthew Janlizabeth Eradicator - (do a google search ) ? Ive heard some incredible things about it and my co-worker got great success with it.

[@gulzarAhmed-tg4ej]

P

[@exclusivegemsforbusymother2314]

You need time for yourself too, get lots of self care its not being selfish at all

[@MegaSnail1]

Now imagine accomplishing this with 30 to over 150 students and you have a sense of what an average teacher must achieve along with all the other planning and administrative work being asked of them.

[@gmretno8133]

Their job isnt to raise it's just to teach,.dead brainly read books to students, most of them succeed at that. Sadly others fail miserably some of them csrr for the well being of the child , and how they work and what makes them tick, but it's their fault they became a job, ppl love easy jobs.

[@exclusivegemsforbusymother2314]

You need time for yourself too, get lots of self care its not being selfish at all

[@anaaraiza5351]

I have 3 children, my respect to teachers, specially those that are loaded like you, those who put unforgettable treasures, stories or words of encouragement that mark the life of their students. Thank you for making the difference.

[@MegaSnail1]

@@anaaraiza5351 Thank you for your kind words. Be well and enjoy the adventure of raising your children. Have fun.

[@jennifernacif2550]

At the beginning it takes time but later it is automatic I Work with more Than 200 people, and it really helps

[@jenniferbrown3769]

I have two daughters and found this really helpful to think about them and myself. A great way to look at the strengths of children. Thank you. Jen.

[@jennifernacif2550]

Jennifer so happy this helped, thanks for sharing

[@arlinegeorge6967]

Not only your talk is amazing n great but you are also. Thank you bless you n All your dreams come true.

[@jennifernacif2550]

Wow Arline thank you so much for such a kind message

[@jadesmith7983]

Wow. This was really good. I wish that every parent could see this. It would help us all learn how to better raise our children and not just get frustrated with them when they don't fit in a box of how we wish they would behave.

[@user-pe7lr6vy3i]

@Valentina Rodriguez (Student) في

[@exclusivegemsforbusymother2314]

You need time for yourself too, get lots of self care its not being selfish at all

[@wissamkardaly6413]

I can't find words to express... amazing amazing amazing .. thank you so much for these valuable info

[@pratimaghimire4648]

I adore how she is enjoying her talk.

[@natalieeudovic7886]

My eyes are opened from this talk. I have twins, and wow the personalities are different. So this talk surely helps with tailoring my love to them

[@jennifernacif2550]

Hi Natalie in my conferences I use a lot of videos about twins to ilustrate the differences

[@exclusivegemsforbusymother2314]

You need time for yourself too, get lots of self care its not being selfish at all

[@Rowm222]

LOVE this presentation! You sure are captivating, thank you for these lessons for our children and the future. Much obliged.

[@marimarmagracia7794]

I’m a newbie primary teacher. I’m Struggling how to adjust on how to deal with my divergent students in class thankfully I found this very helpful video. The hardest part of being a teacher is not how to teach them the lesson I think It’s how to deal and understand them.

[@AskiIskwew]

DO the teaching, leave parenting to their parents. I've taught for 26 years now...leave the stress out. Behavior in the class is why we have classroom management and special education to refer certain students to as well as other support staff. We cannot be everyone.

[@marimarmagracia7794]

Thank you for your advice ma’am.

[@InnaVitamina777]

Very true. Now that you know which part is most challenging you can be mindful of the strategies to deal. Hugs from U.S!

[@Viechlover]

You are already a very good teacher if you think about that! [I have had great teachers like you and I am very very thankful for that! That's not the norm and usually it comes back to you from the children :) everyone in my class was always very thankful for the teachers and so we behaved better than other classes. We all have a strong bond to the teachers and often we made surprises for them during high school time.] I think if you have the empathy, keep it and live it, but also care for your self and stop if you overwork yourself. Children will feel it, understand it and will give you credit for this! (especially teenager acknowledge it a lot when people stand up for themselves and set their limits in a healthy way. You might not notice at first but it will pay out :) ) good luck!

[@ratherbfishing455]

Things are different if you are in a border town or inner city school.

[@thisismylovehandle]

This is the four temperments. Dominant=choleric. Social=sanguine. Patient=phlegmatic. Analytical=melancholic. My daughter is phlegmatic and I'm choleric. When with all my knowledge of who we are and how to act accordingly, it's rough. It's like the very essence of love for me everyday to get who she needs me to be and not just who I am. Then switch gears immediately and be who the others need me to be. Sometimes it's tiring and I just want them to conform to me. Parents don't get that luxury though, at least while their kids are very little. As they get older I've been able to express to them that they are increasingly responsible for loving me for who I am. Man! Parenting is not for the light hearted or the lazy. By the grace of God....

[@NYCWendy1]

Kellee Hicks beautiful

[@teslaspecter3763]

NYCWendy1 vi

[@katehache]

And this is precisely why I don’t want kids. I don’t think I would be able to be who they need. 😭 Parents who understand this and actually implement it are amazing.

[@MariaM-qd5zq]

It's very tiring. Sometimes to the extent that you don't have energy to do anything else.

[@exclusivegemsforbusymother2314]

You need time for yourself too, get lots of self care its not being selfish at all

[@KRobs601]

I have a sensitive sweet one and a serious rule follower. This is so true about what motivates them. You cant approach them the same way.

[@jennifernacif2550]

Thanks for sharing

[@asmahadi5106]

I loved it.... not just for child to understand ownself and many others. Thank you for being so clear

[@kay2577]

This is just fantastic, thank you!!! Emotional intelligence in parenting. :) Thanks for showing my own personality as well as my children.. I think I have one D child and another child with some P&A. Your speech is just so memorable, not just for your topic or content, but also on the delivery!

[@seeydafatima8057]

o3181

[@StormSheldon]

She is gorgeous! Really profound teaching presented very clearly & in a clever visual way!

[@tatyanavogel1241]

Kelly Hicks reminded us about 4 typical human behaviors, but I truly believe that everybody has a mixed off all. I used to be very social, but as a parent of 3 girls, I am turning to more dominant/authoritative figure, but I dont deny to experience melancholy low key moments. Why do we always have to find a name for everything? Why do we always have to justify and judge our actions? Look at animals with their unconditional love to their kids, prioritising the little ones over everything even their own wellbeing! No words - just actions. Accept and respect people for who they are. Do your diligence as a parent! Find time to know your kids better.

[@exclusivegemsforbusymother2314]

You need time for yourself too, get lots of self care its not being selfish at all

[@jennymullins593]

would have been such a help to my poor wonderful children if I'd heard you 30 years ago!!! Really enjoyed your talk & will certainly share your wisdom with others. I've taken notes!

[@jennymullins593]

Hi Valentina, I think you actually meant to thank Jennifer Nacif who gave this Ted talk. She's such an appealing personality & presented it so well. I see you're a student. It will be a big help to you if & when you have children!

[@PPSyndrome]

Wow that was very easy to understand. I instantly started recognizing who is who from my siblings. I instantly knew my daughter was the connection and fun 😂 I have realized she is easily distracted or persuaded if I give her something better to do than her bad actions. Something fun like hide and seek is honestly all it takes for her to forget something. Very helpful video

[@spacebar9733]

lol same

[@jennifernacif2550]

Yeiiii love to read this, if I can help please contact me on insta

[@exclusivegemsforbusymother2314]

You need time for yourself too, get lots of self care its not being selfish at all

[@sanjidahoque6050]

im not a parent but still watched it.....andi could really categorised the types....my keyword is safety, my sister's is power and my cousin's is clarity

[@jennifernacif2550]

Super

[@shaojuanzhang1834]

Something I have been looking for to motivate my child. Thanks for the techniques!

[@sorayagonzalez8466]

Thank you!!! Now I have new ideas about how to manage my daughter behavior in critical moments. I just have to breathe put back my self and go to my daughter with this in mind! Thank you, thank you, thank you.

[@guillermohernandezquintana3649]

As mentioned, understand ourselves (emotions, or temperament) first then understand others, first step to create empathic conversations. Parenting is more demanding in that aspect, because the family is sharing multiple stages of our life, but if approached properly , the journey is a lot of fun. Thanks for sharing.

[@exclusivegemsforbusymother2314]

You need time for yourself too, get lots of self care its not being selfish at all

[@theinceptor6510]

Incredible and amazing presentation, immensly wonderful. i will rate it no 1.

[@jennifernacif2550]

The INCEPTOR thank you soooo much !!!

[@frizela5161]

Nice Video! Sorry for chiming in, I would appreciate your thoughts. Have you tried - Trentvorty Kids Science Theorem (Sure I saw it on Google)? It is a great one off product for becoming an excellent parent without the headache. Ive heard some super things about it and my mate after a lifetime of fighting got cool success with it.

[@buildwithtom]

Thank you for sharing your wisdom. It is great advice - you are a bright light and a wonderful speaker.

[@jennifernacif2550]

Thundergeek than you so much for your kind words !

[@jeannebellettiere9157]

Thundergeek g6huejusjjcmfujfufjitjuf5uhftuhurjufjgjfifmigjynvgjgutj5gmtitjgujtutjtujgutjfntujgi5jg5jttgigjtgjitjgitgjitjgijitbjigigbijgimgigjgggjtijgtijgtitgjigtjygjngingyiyhjiyhmhjjyg in yiyjhnggynuynhinyhhjhyjhyimyijyh8yjy4jitjgtijgjg muitjyiyjtijgjgirgjjgijyitjgijgjggyjgnjgtjgjgmgjmgjgmgjmgmgjmgjmbgjmgjgbmjgbmgjnbjbnvjmbjbnvvmm jgujvugjigkgigjigygihjigmhnigjgyjgimyhijhiyjhjhbjnhkmbjjhjyhjjhjhjjjhyjy 9yti9yt9gyj9ioyt jjjmjj I'm m mj mj ugjijggigihyjygjhyivmf58vu7y896movtu4yt9ru4yujyuy5jgu ygmhjhuy

[@EllyKallan]

Oh my gosh!!!!! I was laughing so hard. That is exactly my household. She has given me such an insight. Amazing!

[@jennifernacif2550]

Super thanks for sharing

[@ksethi1399]

great points in very over the top presentation

[@nickyhedden8870]

Very interesting way of explaining the four major temperaments of humans. By increasing our understanding of what makes people tick it enables us to be more tolerant and accepting of others as well as giving us a toolkit to facilitate motivation in others.

[@jennifernacif2550]

Thank you

[@exclusivegemsforbusymother2314]

You need time for yourself too, get lots of self care its not being selfish at all

[@ray.b.75]

That was informative and entertaining. Great talk!

[@fetrafetra3979]

Thank you for a fantastic presentation. 👍

[@thisisyourlifez9046]

The best talk ever!

[@valeriesanchez3074]

This is one of my favorite channels. It's so inspirational

[@jennifernacif2550]

Thank you Valerie

[@Tarajirom]

absolutely loved this! We really just need to love them as they are, only then can we help them become who they're meant to be. Not who we want them to be.

[@jennifernacif2550]

Well said Taraji

[@exclusivegemsforbusymother2314]

You need time for yourself too, get lots of self care its not being selfish at all

[@JeanandRuby]

Thanks that was very helpful and awesome..

[@angieevansortizlopez]

It was like hearing her describe all of my boys! I really needed to see this 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

[@favorlove]

哇喔! 覺得很顛覆已經習以為常的習慣呢! 甚至我忍不住反思，在朋友、職場、對自己，都可以用這些方法呢! 腦袋開始要忙碌了，要開始學習別再用同樣的方式對待各式各樣的人了。

[@RafaelCardoso299]

Great talk ! Respecting individuality is key !!!

[@jennifernacif2550]

Thank you

[@sharonjoan9997]

This was wonderful. Manipulation into motivation

[@jennifernacif2550]

Gracias

[@mosellafelder2171]

I loved your style!!!

[@dorcasifoghale3187]

This is very inspiring and it will help us mothers.

[@laura7visionmission]

thank you so much for such an amazing video

[@thenary4342]

Amazing presentation and insightful content!! I learned a lot about myself and the people I interact with from this video! Thank you for sharing. 💛

[@jennifernacif2550]

Thank you for your words

[@exclusivegemsforbusymother2314]

You need time for yourself too, get lots of self care its not being selfish at all

[@ioanacretu9882]

Wow such good arguments so well put I love the way she speaks

[@jennifernacif2550]

Thank youuuuu Ioana !

[@Dwolofsms]

I dont know how many times i watch it really heps me a lot either professionnel and personnal domain.

[@jennifernacif2550]

Yeiiii thanks for sharing

[@memyself1801]

Wow that was an excellent video!!! I had to pause and think and figure out which one my child is... but Thank you so much!! Great job explaining things I didn't know, that will help me and my family!!! God Bless you :)

[@jennifernacif2550]

Thank you for such a beautifull coment

[@ibtisam7602]

I am thankful to watch this talk while my baby is still young. I wish you to write a book about this topic.

[@jennifernacif2550]

I have 3 books the lattest the soul of success helps you find your life mission through your personality style, its in Amazon. Thanks for asking

[@julianawaloschek6082]

Yes!! Love this one :) connect before correcting

[@jennifernacif2550]

Exactly

[@droy589]

Wao!! that was beautiful, such a nice way to bring out the points.

[@jennifernacif2550]

Thank you

[@ZolaBold]

Quite a clear categorization and definition, Thank you! However, I still can't identify my kids in those types. Is that possible that kids have mixed characters of those types or perhaps they are young to express themselves? At what age do they really express who they are?

[@LeafySpreads]

Simply google DISC personality test. Accurate for me. It's free too.

[@sy5763]

So true. My daughter likes to do things with friends. She is like the one who likes safety. But if I treat her the way the speak does, she still won’t feel safe. Because she is also a perfectionist. The pressure comes from herself not from me.

[@jennifernacif2550]

Of course but we can be part of the journey

[@exclusivegemsforbusymother2314]

You need time for yourself too, get lots of self care its not being selfish at all

[@evelynbaitz2732]

Love it. Manipulation to motivation.

[@jennifernacif2550]

Thanks

[@laura7visionmission]

you are a great help /instruction to my life

[@jennifernacif2550]

Suuuper thanks for sharing

[@amybeard2054]

Thank you!!!

[@Katia_city]

Such a clear and informative information! Love it! Will now try to track the traits in my children)

[@jennifernacif2550]

Katia Aleksandrova soooo happy it helps !

[@suekayt582]

wow this is a great person

[@jennifernacif2550]

Suuuuuper thanks

[@manalghanem7403]

great talk

[@jennifernacif2550]

Thank you

[@melissa4856]

Beautiful ❤

[@MaiTran-wt3vm]

Love it. Thank you so much

[@jennifernacif2550]

Mai Tran thank you !!!! for your comment :-)

[@meganhenderson8666]

This was very insightful, I learned so much. I would love to learn more on how you would expand this idea with the children who are these personality's but also have the added ADHD, or BD, Autism, things like that.

[@Cnctax]

Great speaker !!!

[@jennifernacif2550]

nerdyme69 thank you so much

[@jennifernacif2550]

Aaawww thanks !

[@kahea2018]

Great talk.

[@tada9048]

Thank you so much for sharing. I found your story very helpful.

[@speakingfingersnetwork]

Excellent 👌🏾👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽🏆

[@jennifernacif2550]

Gracias

[@venzful]

OMG I have identified my 2 kids. Patient and Dominant

[@elizabethlevine4342]

Venus Mueller Dancel cxz

[@vilmabock478]

Amazing 💟 Thank you!

[@jennifernacif2550]

Yeiiii

[@favourorilade6453]

👏👏👏👏Wonderful! I learnt a lot

[@jennifernacif2550]

Yeiiii thanks

[@shodmon6122]

Thank you

[@ryogatee1846]

I watched this so many times. Thank you so much. This was brilliant.

[@zhaya_gallery]

This's some interesting talk.

[@asmitathakur3040]

Well explained!

[@jennifernacif2550]

Thank you

[@tinatina4131]

Fantastic presentation 😊

[@jennifernacif2550]

Thank you Tina

[@snowsonline]

Loved this!

[@jennifernacif2550]

Yeiiiii

[@rickhummel9317]

Inanilmaz gercekten cok cok basarli!!!

[@jennifernacif2550]

Thank youuu

[@kosmopolitanna]

Great presentation.. 👌

[@jennifernacif2550]

Thank you

[@zenub815]

Well said and full of knowledge.

[@jennifernacif2550]

Muchas gracias

[@lee120]

Fantastic! it was fun and educating! that's doesn't happen a lot

[@jennifernacif2550]

Yeeeeiii love tocread this lee

[@NataliaAnayeli]

Nice talk, thank you !

[@BeyondTheBlursO1]

I see myself in Anna, and Patty.. however when pressured I find myself becoming Dom. I find that some kids exist in multiple polarities, as I figured it out in myself? I’d like to help them do same... to feel better understood and accepted.

[@SuzieQTv2]

that was great!

[@jennifernacif2550]

Thank you

[@LindseyMorrison]

This.... Was brilliant. 🙏🙏🙏🙏

[@LindseyMorrison]

I just wish it were longer

[@jennifernacif2550]

Súper Thank you

[@katherineardila9179]

Excellent!! What would you say to those types of children to motivate them to be ready to go to school on time?

[@tashahughes1583]

Omg! She described me to the T...the one child was me now...lol...perfectionist with stomach problems... I really paid attention cause she described me at that point...wow...lol

[@AnnaMaledonPictureBookAuthor]

Hi. I'm Anna too...

[@loratomapeshoane9780]

Wow.knowledge is power thnx alot

[@jennifernacif2550]

So agreeee

[@lifeseries7944]

Excellent presentation.

[@erinm1218]

Wow this was so well done!! No parenting strategies are one size fits all.

[@danaobera4207]

i needed this. thank you so much. my son feel traumatised for not doing well in school and i didn't know how to motivate my son. so i will try this.

[@vishnumundhe6398]

❤️ Loads of love from 🇮🇳

[@jennifernacif2550]

Thank youuuu

[@munthasarathbrahma1472]

Great mam

[@user-sn4zn1ou6o]

Спасибо!

[@jennifernacif2550]

Con gusto ! Spaciba bolshoi I think

[@scrumptiousjdp]

Power. Connection/Fun. Safety. Clarity.

[@jennifernacif2550]

Julie Pastore perfect summery !

[@kuba27kuba27]

Amazing presentation. No 3 is my older daughter, no 4 is my younger one.

[@Cy_Ebono]

Same here. Wow

[@u2b_an_officer]

You Dance well and it is more than words

[@qisxis]

Great talk now I only have to tune in which mode my daughter is in. She can have them all

[@jennifernacif2550]

For further help send me an insta

[@user-sc5mg6zi9m]

Motivation is important to do something

[@nikhilavula4112]

thanq madam

[@muhammadibrahimgaincho6024]

wonderful

[@jennifernacif2550]

Thank youuuu

[@jetli4512]

simetimes, it's really hard to be patient as parents when coming across unexpected urgent situations, however, we as parents should keep that in mind nurturing and motivating children rather important than threatening and bribing

[@jennifernacif2550]

Agree

[@exclusivegemsforbusymother2314]

You need time for yourself too, get lots of self care its not being selfish at all

[@ivemcauley3297]

Love this

[@jennifernacif2550]

Thank you