The Shocking Florida Machete Murder

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Watch the new and 7th season of BuzzFeed Unsolved: True Crime! • BuzzFeed Unsolved - Tr... Violence terrorizes a quiet Florida community.
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STILLS
Kindly Copper
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Dead body
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VIDEO
TS CU Foot of woman cycling on bike / Strandfontein, Western Cape Province, South Africa
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1952 CU Car trunk filled with luggage / Man closing car trunk / 1953 license plate / USA
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EXTERNAL CREDITS

[@BuzzFeedUnsolvedNetwork]

Make sure to leave your questions for our Post Mortem episode down below!

[@ilovebugs6994]

What is your favorite cupcake

[@sam-ws3dp]

which one of you is more likely to buy a machete-

[@WillddKvic]

BuzzFeed Unsolved Network I love the show!! Question for post mortem- if you two were in the hot daga, what food would you be?? Love you guys!!

[@puppylover-hp8yr]

What would your last meal be

[@apoorvajoshi225]

#RoastMortem Why does Shane looks like one of the boring and nerdy Harvard students from Legally blonde 😂😂

[@megankron9294]

lmaoo Francis straight up said " rip to Athalia, but im different.." then died THE SAME WAY

[@JaviXT]

"but im different" lmaoooo

[@loveisanopendoor5745]

i bet francis said 👁👄👁 when she saw a man with a machete walking towards her

[@mromatic17]

lol that’s why pride is one of the 7 deadly sins

[@sabinfigaro7334]

How do you not get seen chopping people, let alone walking with a machete. I got stopped for walking with an axe.. at night...but it's not a suburb it's just the one road...in a rural community in Alaska...when no one is around.. Soo imagine being in a neighborhood wearing a white shirt.. after butchering someone...no one saw? No maids? BS.

[@amp4105]

@@loveisanopendoor5745 how do you say a facial expression

[@pyrenox]

"Clementine, the bluejay, was never seen again." *A gasp in the audience*

[@qtsvxga]

Pluto *pretends to be shocked*

[@lily-ne3lb]

*surprised pikachu*

[@JamesJacksonFilmz]

*Cues Dramatic Music*

[@jitbb8215]

The bird did it

[@FakeAssHandsomeMcGee_]

It does look cute.

[@madshadow8586]

Old crimes really be like "It happened in the mayors' office and the only person around was the mayor, but he wouldn't have done it so it's unsolvable."

[@chrissparks7439]

Yep, bunch of dumbasses back then.

[@professorbaxtercarelessdre1075]

@@chrissparks7439 agreed

[@Kazoo_Itchy]

History is full of dumbasses

[@professorbaxtercarelessdre1075]

@@Kazoo_Itchy true lol

[@emmabrandeberry7571]

Trueeeeeeee

[@peps1943]

"I CANT THINK WITH ALL THIS EVIDENCE DISTRACTING ME!! Get it out of here!" -Florida cops

[@winecrimesfoodandtime7119]

Exactly

[@Ke0h298]

only in Florida

[@jellybeanboy]

"Now.... Back to my hunch!"

[@JCMProductions]

@@jellybeanboy look for clues, I tell ya, we’ll draw chalk around where the body is, that way we’ll know it was

[@veryvanii]

shane: i got a nosebleed in a church once ryan: 👁👄👁

[@ohno7044]

theMVAMP *DEMON*

[@sandvichtsar3695]

owo

[@jessicasammons4758]

lol 😂🤣

[@pearornopear]

This could be about Shane Dawson and Ryan Adams and would make just as much sense.

[@huhthatsinteresting1644]

Fandom: Coincidence? I think not!

[@minaswife8027]

Florida: Hose it off Iceland: Solitary confinement The watcher: Hailed

[@MABfan11]

ALL HAIL THE WATCHER

[@njblackbird3148]

Hotel?: Trivago

[@imahallucination4532]

Your username is perfection never change it

[@kai_the_hyper_glich3034]

⚪⚫ALL HAIL THE WATCHER⚪⚫

[@baksteen99]

Hotel: Trivago

[@Olives23485]

I love how the murder happend on the porch in broad daylight yet the case still remains unsolved

[@winecrimesfoodandtime7119]

Exactly?

[@jordankane554]

As a born and raised Floridian, I can say, that seems perfectly logical

[@johnlouis1416]

You love how there was a Legitimate Witneas and he said "he seems to be going to the neighbors house... oh well ill just make sure *I don't confirm* he walked into that home" *goes to Wrestle a Gator as a work out and eats a Raw Burmese Python as a post workout meal*

[@jamesswindley9599]

Florida 😂 I don’t get why Florida is a joke in America 😂

[@thebatmanwholaughs7877]

Well it is Florida

[@HunterNorth90]

The thing with Shane's bird is the only time in the whole series I've seen Shane getting riled up by Ryan and not the other way around. Shane doesn't joke around when it comes to his birds.

[@frostythehoeman6969]

Bird people creep me out 😬

[@DenitaArnold]

Yes, but it was his pet. Ryan should have backed down. I can't watch this ep cuz this.

[@Chi-pv7dk]

@@DenitaArnold really bro it ain’t that deep he was fine afterwards

[@multifandombish1855]

@@frostythehoeman6969 idk what's so creepy about Bird ppl?

[@ryanrex5327]

@@DenitaArnold Snowflake

[@briannahenderson2421]

Lol the hose the blood away thing reminds me of that John Mulaney joke _"we found a pool of the killer's blood in the hallway"_ _"hmm gross, mop it up"_

[@leslielemerond5766]

Now, back to my hunch!

[@arigat-o9670]

It’s like the criminals dressed up to rob the bank.

[@hexcetera]

@@arigat-o9670 its like they were going to church in atlanta

[@camrynpetti9128]

Maryjane D. It’s like they made a day of it!

[@citrusghost4536]

we'll draw chalk around where the body is, so we'll know where it was

[@ronnnaway]

"Detective, we found a pool of the killer's blood in that hallway." "Hmmm, gross. Mop it up. Now, back to my hunch."

[@uaintrecognizemehoe8128]

Lunch**

[@boltzy_]

Stolen

[@ronnnaway]

I didn't realize before posting this that someone else already did

[@boltzy_]

@@ronnnaway yall just happen to have the same comment

[@xXxGordO241xXx]

*STOLEN COMMENT!!!* original one has 3.8k plus likes somewhere around there

[@AzaStark]

Shane: * talks about the time he walked into a church and got a nosebleed innocently * Ryan (internally): *_WHeRE's mY HoLY waTER?!?_*

[@lelouchvibritannia4028]

Exactly what I'm thinking. Shane is a demon. He bled due to being around holy artifacts and prayers.

[@johnrubin3907]

Even tho he has disrespected so many haunted things, and nothing happened to him. I am starting to think Shane is a demon

[@spork9207]

Shane * walks into church. God * give the demon a nose bleed

[@ollies08]

More evidence that shane is a demon

[@AsianSpeciminYT]

i agree with your pfp picture 🤝

[@mqzd24]

francis would be that lady who absolutely refuses to wear a mask

[@CC81444]

Shes kinda like a Karen lol

[@winterkeptuswarm]

Really, Athalia does as well!! Maybe the murderer had a type?

[@xxsohalalmodexx]

I can imagine that lol

[@abigailmarshall5302]

OR MAN

[@SlingOrDie]

A true Karen

[@icantthinkofaname1483]

"Clementine, the blue jay, was never seen again." That's a little sus. I'm gonna say the bird did it

[@loretta5653]

Birds are evil

[@adambump5297]

Yes a little tiny Blue Jay lifting a nearly three pound metal object it makes too much sense.

[@loretta5653]

Witchcraft?

[@darthfred45]

Clementine put down the machete

[@loretta5653]

Yea! Birds These Days, Amirite?

[@lyb927]

“DETECTIVE! We found a pool of the killers blood in the hallway!” “Hmmm... gross! Mop it up!”

[@alicelortie9684]

J Biggs JOHN MULANEY😍❤️

[@LonelyMarshtomp]

Now... back to my hunch...

[@avapauli2219]

I know, we’ll draw chalk around the body... that way we’ll know where it was...

[@TheFagerlund]

*Ok lets wrap this up were done here bois another day of hard police work*

[@NoorAlam-tj4mn]

@@TheFagerlund lez go get ourselves some well earned doughnuts, lads, we’ve done enough for today

[@notamberlee]

athalia: **gets murdered** francis: too bad but i’m built different

[@jana5728]

she's not like other girls

[@CobraFeather]

with the clothes found you could find the shoe size, shirt size, a estimate of the wrist size, and experts could estimate how tall they were, if they were more chubby then a normal human, how big their arm was, and other things that could help a lot during a investigation

[@lisad359]

Notes taken, if doing a crime wear the wrong size lol

[@tunners]

the clothes would have probably shrunk in the water

[@lolarose8973]

@@tunners there would most likely still be some way to identify the size, they probably wouldn't shrink beyond recognition

[@chelseav418]

francis really pulled an "im not like other girls" and then got murdered the same way as athalia I CANT

[@LemonSte]

Well not the exact same lol, Frances got bludgeoned

[@braceface1514]

i howled do you hear me😭

[@Iarenormal]

You can’t what?

[@Iarenormal]

Lucas why can’t u breathe I mean like what u said wasn’t funny

[@Iarenormal]

Daniel Godoy ok

[@checkman]

It's always someone innocently walking their dog, hiking, or jogging who find bodies.

[@briannadenton3879]

crystalheckman this is why I don’t do any of the above

[@choochoopicklepie]

crystalheckman this is why I don’t leave the house

[@chandlerwaddell8364]

Don't excercise a surefire way to hit the suspect list

[@oliver4730]

@@choochoopicklepie No one's leaving their house now, rn would be the perfect to dump a body if you thing about it

[@TheIdiotChihuahua]

Natalie Johnson don’t give people ideas

[@alexjourney7705]

Ryan connecting the dots to Shane being a demon and Shane just keeps incriminating himself, not noticing how sus he sounds. Love it.

[@fourleafclover8519]

* watches a show called unsolved * * gets mad when they don’t solve it *

[@claireallen-qd9bb]

frrr 😭✋🏽

[@claireallen-qd9bb]

I like how, since the years have passed, some *did* get solved tho

[@Lucy-er3se]

Frances: Im gonna prove that this place is safe by walking alone in the dark ! murderer : am I a joke to you ?

[@razkable]

i mean it was 9 months later so...

[@babyvia6712]

Dude if that’s ur pfp u are fine as hell

[@Lucy-er3se]

@@babyvia6712 aww that's sweet thanks

[@Emma-up9zr]

Olivia Eyes What a mood

[@HezeJunior]

LMFAO 😭💀

[@veronicalarr7681]

"Clementine, the Blue Jay, was never seen again." THE BIRDS WORK FOR THE BOURGEOISIE

[@Xjebin]

I KNOW HOW TO PRONOUNCE BOURGEOISIE

[@amandarakestraw2915]

BIRDS ARENT REAL

[@Clowns_in_your_trenchcoat]

THE BIRDS ARE ACTUALLY ROBOTS

[@khakipant2164]

BIRDS ARE TRULY DINOSAURS

[@tanyafullerton8168]

aaron4094 _ how the heck do you pronounce it

[@DismemberedHat]

The fact he was found to be innocent, not just "not guilty" is INCREDIBLY TELLING and tells me there's something missing here. To get a verdict of "innocent", it means you have to have evidence that you did not commit the murder. Period. Not just "there's not enough evidence that he did it" but actual evidence to prove that you did not commit this crime. Like if you had a completely rock solid alibi like you were in another country at the time of the murder. "Innocent" requires evidence that you didn't do it, not just a lack of evidence that you did

[@gaaraxnaru]

I think Ryan just misspoke here. I don't think you can be found innocent in a US court, just not guilty. Or a mistrial. You can also have a guilty verdict thrown out.

[@emilybarclay8831]

@@gaaraxnaru technically according to most justice systems you’re innocent until proven guilty, meaning anyone not found guilty is, in the law’s eyes, innocent

[@gaaraxnaru]

@@emilybarclay8831 Technically, no. Most lawyers will tell you that there is a difference between being found "not guilty" and being "innocent". There's a reason why the term "innocent" isn't used in court sentebcing/verdicts. Outside of exonerations, I believe.

[@Nonameforyoudangit]

@@gaaraxnaru Exactly - a good way to think about it is: innocent until found guilty or not guilty.

[@gaaraxnaru]

@@Nonameforyoudangit Exactly.

[@LoganWH8]

Defense attorney: “Isn’t it a fact that you were looking for a spot where nobody could see you put that stuff in the swamp?” Dewey Lee: No. No it isn’t. What kind of question is that?

[@GippyHappy]

"If I were Athalia I would simply not be murdered. Rip her but I'm different" -Frances, shortly before being murdered

[@Yeeishaw]

Frances really said breed: different 😈

[@Nyrella]

well not the same way tbh. no machete for francis.

[@agentelvis81]

Not the same way at all. Did you watch the video?

[@bobina321]

Woah cool, same exact comment as the top 2 above you

[@piadylan1207]

those comments are taking me out 💀💀

[@dee3412]

Old lady: this is the safest place ... I walk in the dark all the time Killer: hold my machete

[@cedartheyeah.justyeah.3967]

Killer: With your stomach. H e r e y o u g o ! Okay now hold this fire.

[@Annie-hb8ob]

or more like "give me my machete" haha

[@janiemtz]

Killer: Hold my machete, no wait, give it back I need that

[@mustafamunir9801]

ME: HOLD MY MACHETE how is he gonna kill them My friend: with his fist duh

[@majcry4188]

Killer: Actually no I need it for something.

[@gemlee5007]

I like how Shane's nose bled when he crossed the church's threshold, it just confirms that he's the final boss and the reason why ghosts won't appear with the both of them in the same room

[@minutedetails7696]

When Shane told Ryan about his nosebleed story, Ryan in his head be like “that’s a demon there”

[@thatindie_doll604]

he is indeed one 😩🖐

[@aliababwa5153]

Just taking my machete on a walk. Hey wait a minute..is that MY BIRD?!

[@hayhay6254]

Ali Ababwa I’m wheezing

[@lancerider5979]

🤣🤣🤣😂😂

[@Olster-xy5ol]

For some reason I read this in Shane’s voice and it was amazing

[@sapphirethewolf8596]

Olster5913 Same lol

[@dara03]

Hay Hay (wheeze)

[@yeahokaysurethatsalright]

Next episode: The Suspicious Death and Disappearance of Shane's Parrot

[@cassiess]

Brock Obama YES

[@Boy-fv6rm]

I had the same idea

[@drmantistobboggangonzodr3961]

For huge unsolved fans, a bit of trivia.... what was Shane’s parrots name??? I have no idea. And no prizes, sorry! 😐 Deborah WINGer? Precious McFeathers? #postmortem Shane what was your parrots name? Was it Wheezy?

[@kenna163]

@@drmantistobboggangonzodr3961 It was Paco.

[@lemonarsenic6063]

"Only if I have some facts behind them," Ryan, didn't you introduce the idea of alien abduction in the Gloria Ramirez case?

[@anikalra1427]

Francis: I'm simply built different Killer: I'm about to end this woman's whole life

[@rachelanne7945]

Ryan: I don’t jump to theories Also Ryan: Idk it was probably aliens

[@prathamesh245]

Guys please make a video on princess diana.

[@nikkovalidor4890]

ryan also mocked the big about them using hypnosis when in any other case hed geniunely take it

[@ahmedrizwan7235]

The Gloria Ramirez case theories in the end was exactly this 😂

[@AlashiaTuol]

I love how Ryan looks at the camera when Shane talks about his bloody nose and knows *_knows_* EXACTLY what the audience will think about that XD

[@yazz5747]

@T.R *laughs in conspiracy*

[@CottonCandySharks]

@T.R That Shane is a demon! Trying desperately to get us to not believe in demons!

[@peachbunni3]

Cotton Candy Sharks XDDD YEP!! No wonder why demons and ghost never show up. Shane is too strong.

[@CottonCandySharks]

@@peachbunni3 absolute best fan theory! XD

[@justanormaldude42069]

Cotton Candy Sharks foolish mortal, he is Satan of course! The devil himself!!

[@bryant7542]

Trail of blood leading to his house, hates the neighbor, his shirt and watch are found with the murder weapon. Witness: "Mr. Standford's beating ___" What more do you need? I guess nobody did it huh. Amazing.

[@solflorspaceman]

“SIR WE FOUND A POOL OF THE VICTIM’S BLOOD IN THE YARD” “HM GROSS! MOP IT UP. NOW BACK TO MY HUNCH”

[@winsuma8253]

I know! We'll draw chalk around the body. That way we'll know where it was.

[@chrissparks7439]

@@winsuma8253 "Ew no, that's gross"

[@professorbaxtercarelessdre1075]

@@chrissparks7439 then that same cop probably proceeded to burp and fart constantly and just be generally gross

[@natalierivera8421]

Wait what is this from? It sounds familiar but I can’t remember where I heard it 😩

[@solflorspaceman]

@@natalierivera8421 John Mulaney!

[@EllaIngram]

Frances: yeahh this place is super safe and I’m gonna PROVE IT! Frances: *gets murdered*

[@Lee-sc6jv]

Noice👌

[@karma_snipeola8883]

Whole community “slaps face in disappointment”

[@rebekanickell8451]

Lol

[@DaniyalAsifKhan]

That's how Florida works.

[@harrysb3002]

can’t sell your house as a real estate agent? All Hail The Watcher

[@clarissarojas7959]

Your neighbor won’t let you have any of his limes? All hail The Watcher

[@Voidway20]

Nose bleed when you enter a church? All hail The Watcher

[@rylliewyllie]

Get murdered with a machete? All Hail The Watcher

[@hadiyapinky9091]

Your murder case is still unsolved? All hail the watcher

[@riatortilla9906]

you have no clue why your even reading these replies where people are just repeating “all hail the watcher”? *all hail the watcher*

[@koetheh0363]

Frances be like: "Athalia died? Oh, RIP! Anyways, it's literally so safe here.." *ends up getting murdered the same way*

[@WeGoblinFolk]

A "sharp-tongued, aggressive woman" whose name means "wholesome or healing." I'm not going to say her parents jinxed her, but her parents totally jinxed her.

[@guymanmanguy1601]

Old lady: I walk outside in the dark every day! It's safe! You won't get killed! Machete killer: I'm about to end this woman's whole career

[@over-simplifiedelectronics25]

GuyMan ManGuy *whole woman’s life

[@ryanharrington6389]

Her walking career?

[@k.barrow6069]

GuyMan ManGuy wtf!!!! 😂🤣😂🤣💯

[@jhy1473]

Over-simplified Electronics wrong

[@kingpanda6585]

End her career.... In about 9 months after, maybe. Lol.

[@shadi2055]

ryan heard all the complaints about his messy hair and decided to go full cockatoo... really paying his respects to shane's bird i guess #roastmortem

[@aaryadevnani]

If this doesn't get in, I'mma be disappointed

[@clea8383]

This better get in

[@yuh5470]

Thais should get in

[@osayialeopinion9028]

Imma throw a fit if this doesn't get in

[@contentcop]

"On our ongoing investigation into why Florida is the way it is" actually made me laugh so hard I couldn't breath 🤣🤣

[@biblicallyaccuratesandwich]

Shane is 100% a demon, nosebleed in church? No way he’s not.

[@natelwood7606]

hosing down the blood reminds me of a john mulaney bit about crime in the 1930s: “detective, we found a pool of the killer’s blood” “hmm... gross. mop it up! now back to my hunch”

[@sadiejones7763]

nathalie elwood random, but you are so pretty 🙃

[@snowybookwyrm]

bro i had the same thought

[@lilyl.6715]

I thought the same thing I just couldn’t remember it was from a mulaney sketch

[@sadiejones7763]

Yes because a girl gives another girl a compliment ?? Really

[@sadiejones7763]

Yes how being goofy? And wait what? I didn’t like it lol

[@Catbaroncafe]

It’s wild that most of these stories remaining unsolved are just a result of really shoddy police work.

[@yourworstnightmare6003]

Or conspiracies (eg. people or towns working to cover evidence up or frame others).

[@TheresaGreenwald]

This particular case seems intentionally shoddy.

[@MagisterialVoyager]

@@yourworstnightmare6003 LMAO I was about to say cover up and conspiracy but you beat me to it.

[@rhian4876]

*_shoddy_*

[@kumikamii]

Janee Doe like the McElroy murder

[@Emmad172]

“A pool of blood?? Gross! Mop it up.” Big John Mulaney vibes

[@toffeeofthesnails]

4:26 to quote John Mulany "Officer, we found a big pool of the killer's blood at the scene of the crime!" "Gross, mop it up!"

[@snorsaxattacks]

Nosebleed starting immediately upon entering holy ground. Shane = Demon. Confirmed.

[@zero_s]

At that moment he knew, Shane at 9 years old knew, he have demon blood in him

[@awooga2846]

That’s why he denies the existence of demons and isn’t scared by ghosts because he knows he’s the true demon and trying to throw people off the scent

[@craftylad2872]

That happened to my sister

[@taeaortkc9885]

16:48 Ryan posits; Shane confirms.

[@appleuwumer]

AS SOON AS I HEARD HIM SAY THAT I checked the comments LMAOOOOO I knew someone noticed it too😂

[@Lollemaster]

*Innocent woman gets butchered* - Oh no *Clementine flies away* - NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@heavengarcia7112]

Clementine was probably like ab god damn time someone did it

[@AikiraBeats]

Right not clementine

[@cantstoptheflow]

I would like to also comment that no one in town like Mrs. Athalia. She was described as a mean and spiteful older lady who would do all kinds of things to people to get her way. That’s why no one really cared about justice or her actual murder. Hope this lead to some insight!!!

[@renip8605]

They absolutely caught me with the husband theory. I thought "Wow, really convenient that this guy happens to have a machete in his car"... And then everyone has one. Welcome to Florida! 😅

[@12345sincara]

How about a solved series and shane attempts to guess which theories were correct.

[@tehribbons1192]

:o Yes!

[@deannabowden9324]

This would be awesome!!

[@blackswanvante]

There are no “correct” theories because they are...just theories..

[@jasmineshaw7483]

Øh Ms. Believer there would be a correct theory in solved cases tho because they have been solved lol

[@Midnightisnttryingyt]

That would be so fun to watch

[@squigglykinkle805]

When I lived in Florida someone tried to break into my landlady’s apartment, so she chased him down the street with a machete

[@lovestay871]

Squiggly Kinkle that’s....terrifying!😨

[@lovestay871]

Wouldn’t wanna be that person

[@amewolff3722]

I still live in Florida. Lol

[@sweetestaphrodite]

honestly, I want to reach that level of badass.

[@anicoleww]

nora 노라 yess

[@kokidos5700]

Francis:im not like other Girls Killer:LMAO no❤️

[@heatherperleberg7816]

Oh god the killer's a 14 year old white girl! It's worse than we ever thought possible!

[@nothingbutfun5654]

My AirPods disconnected in the car at full volume and it said “Your going to kill me with a machete”

[@motherlizzy4740]

"DETECTIVE! We found the killers blood in that hall!" "Hmmm, gross! Mop it up! Back to my hunch!"

[@blakeblack5647]

Yeeeeesss I thought about the same thing 😂

[@laysagna4909]

Should I be upset or happy with myself for knowing where this is from?

[@elizabethdesruisseau7826]

Laysagna definitely happy 😂

[@lulava9613]

I had the same exact thought through this whole episode

[@samk5760]

YES

[@ranchdip8779]

the look ryan got on his face in the immediate instant after realizing shane got a nosebleed in church was "wait, demon?"

[@black-op345gaming5]

It went from 0-100 Unsolved Supernatural that quickly.

[@coolmoth3771]

demön?? demön

[@black-op345gaming5]

Cool Moth Hey there demons it’s me ya boi.

[@SieMiezekatze]

his eyes lmao

[@hellogorls5794]

ranch dip Call Sam and Dean

[@JonahMcD]

Ryan: Maybe rumors that AREN’T rumors, like you eating that bird! Shane: :| Ryan: :D

[@CerealOverlord]

9:32 Ryan, i think you meant Florida "flora". I highly doubt the residents of St. Augustine were fighting alligators with machetes'

[@claytone.9706]

Idk, this is Florida we're talking about...

[@AlexHider]

No, this is exactly what he meant, there is no other logical reason for him to say it. lol.

[@bun872]

so what i’ve learned from BFU is that everyone in florida has a machete and everyone in New Orleans has an axe

[@taylorlandry4333]

I'm from Louisiana, its more like everyone in New Orleans has a gun lol

[@karinay6774]

As a Floridian i can confirm we all have machetes

[@MedinafamilyVlogs]

I disagree with this statement. I am from Florida and no one in my family nor my fiancé’s family owns a machete. Not sure about the New Orleans thing though.

[@bananaboat5031]

@@taylorlandry4333 back then

[@loretta5653]

I have an axe but no machete. I am from New Jersey.

[@galadrielpokracki8153]

Cops in Reykjavik: Put em in solitary confinement. Cops in Florida: HOSE DOWN THE EVIDENCE

[@irenatheginger2491]

@Sheng Lazarte 100% agreed!

[@ksav4330]

"Somebody clean this crime scene up so I can start investigating this crime scene"- St Augustine police

[@kingexplosionmurderfuckoff9376]

Poor Clementine, I hope Clementine lived a full happy life.

[@teogrunhut8764]

_Walking your bird in Florida is so unusual_ *continues to walk down the street with an aligator*

[@fishsauce617]

*_Florida Man_*

[@noellefritz5678]

1000 subscribers without a single video challenge somebody walked a rattle snake in my town once. On a leash. I live in Iowa, it not supposed to be a crazy state but

[@teogrunhut8764]

@@noellefritz5678 🤣🤣🤣🤔🤔

[@mrprimor227]

@@noellefritz5678 try walking 2 horny alligators then you'll understand what crazy is.

[@iitzdev7481]

No no I’ve seen a guy walking a duck🤦‍♂️

[@lethalleithan8523]

Shane: “I got a nosebleed in church once” Ryan: “Next time on Buzzed Unsolved”

[@tiffanycalhoun9993]

Lol I've gotten a nosebleed in church too. And i also started getting a fever too lmao

[@ia490]

That's an episode for Unsolved Supernatural 😂

[@lethalleithan8523]

ai big fax lol

[@gretablackwell495]

**demon Shane theorists screaming in the distance**

[@itzame_ari]

Khadijah I had a friend that, 3 times, had to leave the church because he would get sick, throw up and pass out during mass.

[@lupusetmatrem7078]

The reason why Florida seems to be filled with crazy people is because of its open record policy. I don't remember what is actually called. Also, your state could be just as crazy.

[@heidifredricks8641]

Freedom of information, you're so right.

[@zipties8442]

The sunshine law. All public records can be accessed easily if you ask the record office in the state of Florida.

[@idontevenknow628]

17:03 the exact moment Ryan realized that Shane just might be a demon

[@berniecleene2720]

Why did the music make it looked like the bird was the main loss

[@lovestay871]

Bernie Cleene the poor bird tho

[@destinyfarmer3581]

Because the bird was the main loss

[@Subllama]

Bernie Cleene because it was :( jk rest in peace Athalia

[@blitzvalentine363]

Because it was. Poor bird

[@salenebrom6476]

Cat and Kitty 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[@lillyalexa6560]

„I don‘t have any clothes covered in blood“ Laughs in female

[@awal4896]

I laughed way harder than I should have at this!!

[@lindanicolausson6148]

@@awal4896 I dont get it? Explain plz?

[@awal4896]

Linda Nicolausson because of period blood

[@dancinggouine9909]

right? i have so many blood stained clothes, my wardrobe definitely looks like I kill people. Like I kill people wearing only underwear, but still.

[@thegrayyernaut]

@@dancinggouine9909 "The Florida Panties Killer is Still At Large"

[@danischmoyer6495]

In a trial, you are not declared “innocent”. You are declared “not guilty”. It’s an important distinction.

[@RanDeligero]

I still think of what happened to Clementine. Poor bird.

[@misterkingdom3571]

"Hey that's my parrot. I think your head doesn't look good on your shoulders anymore."

[@arianabecenti4115]

I read this right as he said it lol😂

[@maevefitzgerald3084]

Police officer: Hey, there's a pool of the killers blood out here. Detective: Hmm...gross! Clean that up.

[@ajarofleeches9969]

Is that a John Mulaney reference I see

[@maevefitzgerald3084]

@@ajarofleeches9969 Now then, back to my hunch...

[@probablypossessed2075]

UNDER RATED COMMENT

[@ThePokeNote]

Just what i was thinking TBH

[@samanthavialpando4050]

We'll draw chalk around where the body is that way we'll know where it was

[@hf4189]

The real question is.... *What the f are people doing going around pouring sugar in their neighbor's Cadillac's gas tanks?*

[@bekind3340]

I like the idea that in between takes, Ryan asked Shane about the parrot bit and if it was too far and Shane went “no no it was really great” but as soon as they started shooting again he regained that murderous look in his eyes

[@ridinhard1977]

Of all the crimes, ghosts, and mysteries, nothing has made me go what like “went out to walk her blue jay”

[@Gabriellaella23]

Same 🤦🏽‍♀️ Like, was it on a leash? Or was it just sitting on her shoulder? maybe it's a good thing that the bird got away and could live free. 🤷🏽‍♀️

[@UnWoven-TWO]

I was confused on the ax man killer I mean like who takes 5 hits to not kill someone like it should take at most 1 for a kill, like was it a five year old that did that

[@frostythehoeman6969]

Like who tf keeps a bluejay as a pet???!!!

[@revkasomethingsomething9735]

Just spent like 50 hours trying to figure out how TF you walk a bird??????

[@elfinshell4758]

Tbh I’ve ‘walked’ my birds before. At one point I had a crow, a duck, and a parrot with me outside free flying. It was an amazing experience. (I did some wildlife rescue, mostly birds - for context)

[@b.g.6696]

When I was 18 our cat died while my mom was overseas on a business trip. She was so distraught she cried on the phone with me for 2 hours. In those two hours she asked us to please wait until she got home in 10 days to bury the cat. It was June. I said, "Mom, she's going to start to smell..." And my mom said, through her tears, "Can't you just put her in the fridge?" So Shane, you are not alone. May your frozen Parrot rest in peace.

[@yeeyeecowboy8778]

frozen catsicle,,,

[@peps1943]

Weird flex but ok

[@iaminpainauchocolat9300]

I'm sorry about your cat

[@alloriavarner8304]

Same but with my lizard & it was only for like half a day until I got home from school. RIP Rocky.

[@b.g.6696]

@@alloriavarner8304 rip rocky :(

[@makennayork6047]

Feels like two different murderers to me. A crime of passion, followed by a Copycat who hoped it would be looped into Athalias murder.

[@jediping]

If Stanford really were embezzling, that could have added more fuel to his rage fire. The husband is also iffy, but seems more likely to have been the neighbor.

[@malixnant]

Before I even clicked the video, seeing the name Florida in the title and as a floridian myself, I sighed deeply and said to myself ”what is it this time”

[@destinyMila013]

iilucydacat ;P we as Floridians have such a bad rep 😪

[@cylaura]

LMFAOO

[@katroberts7995]

Same girl same

[@FabeyUlous]

iilucydacat ;P SAMEEE

[@caspertheghost8822]

iilucydacat ;P LMAO

[@Kate-eo8vh]

it was clearly Clementine. she wanted to fly, not walk.

[@hailleylikestoread]

Kate Differ omfg 😭😂

[@kurapikaisnowdrowning4392]

Kate Differ genius lmao 😂

[@enacrt]

#freeClementine #Clementinenotguilty

[@rebekahrobbins7677]

Nobel prize nominee

[@tommaso1624]

Omg yes! #freeClementine

[@tillyandrew5367]

The 1940s to 70s where rough, there were so many gruesome murders

[@winecrimesfoodandtime7119]

Seems so

[@sn0wbunny6]

Shane: *talks openly about the time he walked into church and got a nosebleed* My brain: The mystery of whether Shane is a demon or not will remain, unsolved.

[@jessiemay285]

#roastmortem killers should really consider not killing in February, Ryan is struggling

[@jad_23]

😂😂

[@AKayfabe]

Right! Everyone who murders please do so in June. It’s easy to pronounce

[@hwafans]

if this comment isn't a part of the roastmortem part of next weeks post mortem what's the point

[@jad_23]

@@hwafans ikr😂

[@oneslikeme]

This is one of the best roasts I've seen.

[@samthehypotheticaldad]

Victim: *Was nearly beheaded* Me: NEARLY headless? How can you be NEARLY headless?

[@crateredcallisto2854]

Nearly Headless Nick: *I'm about to end this whole man's career*

[@sophie29456]

Snack discovery squad 🐍🦎🦜

[@SMILESZ2]

I see what you did there....

[@5ft4inprotagonist24]

is this...a Harry Potter reference?

[@reematiq2186]

Potterheads 😁

[@matthewelvis5221]

“I don’t think that’s enough of a push” People in line for the Popeyes chicken sandwich in 2019 stabbing eachother: am I a joke to you?

[@davidthesinger683]

Dude I freaking love Ryan's laugh. It's adorable!!

[@jasmine-ob1io]

i still really wish they did a series for solved murders.... i wanna finally not be confused for once

[@popcornplease8359]

It wouldn't be called Buzzfeed Unsolved or The Unsolved Network if they covered solved cases.

[@zoieuwu33]

watch other true crime channels, i really like Eleanor Neale!

[@KennyMcCormick99]

Then I doubt that channel would have ever got this big & popular...

[@alterego6719]

Damien X Check true crime channels if you think solved mysteries aren’t successful on yt

[@Elijah505]

jasmine ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ ʕʘ‿ʘʔ (ᵔᴥᵔ)

[@DancingCacti]

This makes me think of John Mulaney... "Chief, there's a pool of the killer's blood in the hallway!" "Hmm, gross! Get rid of it!"

[@noelburton4143]

DancingCacti I love that joke so much!!

[@luci.425]

16:37 - shane getting a nosebleed in church really feeds into my theory that he's a highly respected demon that no ghosts dare to mess with

[@rowanhoyt2509]

Ryan hearing the nosebleed story and slowly considering that internet theory that Shane's a demon 🤣

[@zachlyons4952]

"Lets get this evidence outa here... now I can think clearly" 😂😂😂

[@deseuryderia]

as John Mulaney says "if you aren't there when the cops arrive, you'd get away with it."

[@rachelatkinson6734]

He also said “There is blood from the murder, in the hallway?... Gross, mop it up. Now onto my theory. Oh I know let’s draw chalk around the body so that way we know where it was.”

[@viviann2237]

@@xXSlaughter_SleepyheadXx ex ee of e you

[@chrisgraham2327]

Disgruntled neighbours actually kill neighbours they've continually fought with quite often. Definitely not something that's unheard of

[@Lunch_Meat]

Ryan and Shane can never get their dreams of having haters. They are too lovable

[@darrenabbott6264]

You're bird goes missing ?? ALL HAIL THE WATCHER

[@JustPopCulture]

communist onion your*

[@darrenabbott6264]

@@JustPopCulture stop

[@dannie5364]

Omg yesss

[@qqq1q1qqqqqqq]

😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂

[@slippybee7562]

communist onion All hail the watcher 😂

[@runa1248]

"Shane had no bloody clothing" Women everywhere: *have so many clothes that have been ruined by blood*

[@imjustlucy_29]

Well... a specific clothing that have been ruined by blood.

[@IceKreacher]

I have so many clothes ruined by blood because of my pets. But I don't mind because I love them.

[@sweetestaphrodite]

*@Metalhead 1966* ...what?

[@Ghostbuster07]

Metalhead 1966 um that’s not-..

[@AerCloud]

@@IceKreacher excuse me? What?

[@juliamiller2523]

As someone who's interacted with Florida police, I'm not surprised this went unsolved. Sometimes they don't really try too hard

[@danaok8048]

my girl francis really said: i’m different 😈🥶 *gets killed while walking* francis: oh