The Simple Way to NEVER Obsess Over a Man

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[@catche85]

This has popped up as I'm lying in bed obsessing and wishing I didn't

[@callista172]

same. this is so strange. Just what we needed 😊

[@irinad4081]

The same!!!

[@cheekymonkeygirl3378]

Same here.

[@primaveraverano1664]

Absolutely the same))) there are lots of us as I see😄 Lying in bed obsessing brought up here though)

[@Shathrugnan]

Me too.... 😀

[@poppy6368]

the moment a girl clicked on this video is a fact that she is currently obsessed with someone in a bad way which she hoped not to. i wish everyone of you can surpass this challenge ❤🍀

[@lai8296]

Thankyou❤

[@melissa7326]

Thank you

[@ninajones6622]

This is so true!! I obsessed about a guy in 2020 who just stopped contact after I asked for a break as I was having a hard time. It absolutely broke me for a long time and did everything that you shouldn't, chasing him constantly and basing my worth on his opinion. I was mad!! Looking back he was never good enough in the first place but as I was feeling down on myself it got to me so bad I ended up seeing a psychologist. Now, a year on I am so happy with a wonderful man who makes me feel amazing. He loves me and he constantly shows it. I will NEVER obsess again as there is slways someone out there that will love you for who you are 💕

[@meganpitt]

This was encouraging :) Thank you!

[@EWAMILENAP]

I would like to meet someone who likes my personality and who doesn't want to go to bed with me as soon as possible😩

[@ninajones6622]

@@EWAMILENAP I'm sure one day you will...you just have to trust it will happen x

[@dianalereve5402]

@@EWAMILENAP Don't give up, that will happen : )

[@fadlansmith920]

I hope you appreciate the efforts of a man who loves you, despite all that a sincere man needs the love and attention of his beloved🙏

[@adrianarenteria9496]

I was getting ready obsess over someone, who just ghosted me… But I stopped myself and said he does not deserve you and life is too short to waste time on someone who does not want you. So now I am taking care of me and now I am ghosting him.😊

[@testimonytime5981]

Love it

[@artamjeku1]

Wish that was me

[@emmal1138]

When you're authentic and happy in your own life (not perfect, but happy) you will naturally never obsess over anyone. Prioritize being happy where you live (What do you need to live in a place that suits you? A better job? Qualifications? A side Hussle for extra cash? Sort these out first.) Hobbies, friends and keeping yourself fit and healthy. Romantic partners will fall into place once you're content in these other areas of your life first. TRUST ME.

[@Verisimilitude_]

This is a great reminder :)

[@Zuuzaankaaa]

This is not true, unfortunately.

[@emmal1138]

@@Zuuzaankaaa It is actually.

[@rachel14rod]

Yup. Struggling with that.

[@freshdumpling]

Not everyone has the resources and accessibility to do that

[@jennhawkins5356]

Dopamine is a rough ride, man! Whether you want it or not, whether you’re married or not, you can catch feelings and have thoughts because dopamine feels good…and we want more of what feels good. Some men make us feel fantastic and we want to be near them and other times I think as women, our desire to be loved and us seeing a man’s interest perks our hopes up. It can be very, very rough sometimes.

[@poycicle1953]

i hate that i start to obsess someone who gives me the slightest bit of attention. i end up hurting myself in the end. but for some reason i can't let go. i still a think about him everyday and romanticize

[@cheekymonkeygirl3378]

You are so funny. You said, “I'm sure even your dog and cat know that he is not the right person for you.” 😂

[@_grapefruit]

I almost spit out my coke when he said that cuz it’s so true omg

[@LoloBTiger]

Some good points - however the tendency toward obsessive thinking is often not a choice. CPTSD is often the real cause of limerence. The brain is actually wired for intermittent connection as was modeled in a person's primary care relationships from childhood and those mixed messages are then mislabeled as love. The brains job is to solve things. So as a coping mechanism the person compartmentalizes the experiences and their brain relies on limerence to fill the void. Often fixating on the person or the relationship that hurts them the most and placing their person on a pedestal in order to reconcile their attachment and feelings for them. Love is not surviving someone. Obsessive thinking involved in limerence has also been associated with low levels of serotonin and elevated levels of dopamine and norepinephrine - which is quite common in persons who have adrenal exhaustion from the trauma they survived.

[@suziew1267]

I needed to read your comment. "Love is not surviving someone" Hit home. When it's your caregivers who have shaped your definition of love. Certainly influences the choice in the wrong partner, hence the constant over thinking, to solve whats not right, yet feels like love. Mindbending stuff.

[@cherankimiorak1739]

Okay can you tell me what books your reading cause this insight though😍😍

[@peggylynore6129]

"Adrenal exhaustion." Interesting.

[@AE-wy7ze]

Amazing insight

[@dianalereve5402]

This feels right and eye-opening to me. I guess you work or studied in the field... Thank you

[@averagejane09]

The scarcity mindset....yes....that sabotages us everytime. Thanks for reminding us that on a very populated planet, scarcity is not an issue. Being treated badly is.

[@rosette222_]

I'm obsessed with a relationship that doesn't exist

[@longhairivonne276]

Needed this did the worse mistake by running back to an asshole who will never value/ respect me and I’m still there asking for his attention the more I do it the more he takes advantage

[@poetrymysterybox]

We don't obsess and overthink when everything is great and awesome. Thanks Brian Nox for sharing all your knowledge. You are so brilliant and kind. 🙏🏻🐦

[@brendahughes1888]

I needed this message more than you know. I have obsessed over the last guy I dated after my divorce. It is just so hard at my age because I hate being alone

[@paulahershoff2808]

I hate being alone too. There are so many liars outhe there

[@waxfrias6437]

This almost made me cry. It’s a solid reminder on what I am and who I am currently and how I can slowly shift focus and love myself more and see my self-worth.

[@tuchus8781]

It's different when older. The chances of love coming by again are slim to none. Obsessive thinking mixed with hurt feelings, is overwhelming

[@LW-wg4ny]

I feel the same way. Dating in my 50s, decent prospects are few and far between. I wish finding a good relationship wasn’t so damn difficult.

[@Infoseek777]

@@LW-wg4ny I'm 45 and already worried about this!

[@LW-wg4ny]

@@Infoseek777 I’m trying not to think this way because it’s a lack mindset. People do meet and remarry in middle age. I just need to be patient and be hopeful someone good will come along.

[@mmommo-hx4dx]

Matthew huffy: hope and anxiety v. grief and Healing

[@bellag6223]

Prayer ladies

[@originalgoldengoddess]

I think it’s better to genuinely not care instead of pretending to not care. After everything that’s happened not caring has come so naturally to me.

[@enonz761]

It is very hard not to obsess, when you are searching FOR YEARS for someone suitable & when you finally find HIM, he leaves you. Statistically speaking, it might take me ANOTHER FEW YEARS to find someone like him, so yea...not so much fish in the sea :(((

[@testimonytime5981]

You never know, girl it will come to you

[@traceybunche4927]

Let him find you. You don't go find him. Be in place you good.

[@Polarisld33]

We share the same hurt and defeat. Just know you're not alone and it's ok to be ok with being single.

[@enonz761]

@@traceybunche4927 no one finds me...it just doesn't work like that :(

[@enonz761]

@@Polarisld33 time does it's thing, I feel much better now...tommorow exactly 2 months of breakup & NC. I do not cry anymore... I still plan to break no contact soon, to see if there is a chance... if not, then I will really move on, I will be able to do so, as I am in a much better state now

[@kirannwazir2085]

Oh my God it's like I'm having a personal counselling session everything I need to hear.

[@bibilym4514]

You are so right! I often find myself thinking that I’ll never like someone as much as I like him. But I will, one day

[@angiep8217]

I need to learn to go with the flow whenever I meet a man. But this time he was upfront & said he has a lot on his plate & we should just be friends. I want to get to know him better but he doesn’t feel the same. I should not ever find happiness by wanting a relationship & the man doesn’t initiate or chase

[@andsch3881]

Dear Brian, I am so thrilled I am finally on youtube shortly after you posted and there are not too many comments yet, so I will make use of this chance to tell you the most sincere Thank You ❤ I've been following you since my worst breakup ever in the second half of 2020. I did indeed put that person on a pedestal while he was dismissive and avoidant, which made me obsess more. (Funny how I happen to comment on a video exactly on this topic!) I never really had self-esteem due to the parenting style my parents went with, and I internalised that I am not loveable, no one would want me, and that I would most probably have to sacrifice everything for the martyr who would decide to stay with me. You made such a difference in my life, I am getting emotional even thinking about it. You made me realise that I matter, that I deserve the kind of love I give, that I should stop remolding myself to fit others' boxes. That the kind of love I aspired to have is actually real, and I just need to set the bar high enough so I get someone on my level. You gave me so much confidence, I cannot even begin to explain it all. So, in hopes you ever get to read this, dankje ❤ You do nothing less than angelic work and I hope you never stop to inspire and empower others, but as well I wish you never stop to be inspired and empowered yourself! I wish you all the best and can't wait to see you in future videos! ❤

[@emaacapitaine349]

Thank you also for your comment 😊

[@terit1387]

Thank you for such a timely reminder! It is lighthearted, funny, easy to listen to yet something I really really need. Obsession is not healthy and certainly limiting to the capacity to self love. Thank you !

[@cherrylane79]

I was manipulated by the worst and that made me hate (not the only thing that happened but def the worst) dating sites and apps. I also hate dating. And many men are not right in the head.

[@ruthcastellon3905]

Thank you! I needed to hear this today. I was in that mindset not long ago. I was over thinking, obsessing over my recent break up and said I can’t do this anymore. It’s getting better and now I am thinking about myself and said to myself, he isn’t chasing me or trying to look for me in any kind of way. I deserve so much better then this and there is someone out there that is for me. Just not rushing in with anyone and take it day by day.

[@arushi6632]

Every word makes so much sense. Been crying and obsessing for a week over my ex guy. Ah! It's time to let him go. Thank you Brian 💖

[@Wawa-kn8sd]

Nicely said! Now I don't pursue the guy. I am learning to say my kind of man is a man that puts EFFORT towards getting me. I am a woman I don't pursue even in the privacy of my own place I don't obess about a man. I go with flow n live my life

[@user-nn2fw4km4e]

I will tell you what i found up that help. Dont let the feeling control you in life. I mean in food, dont be lazy, do sport and others... it make your brain be stronger than feelings and than the feelings will be less and less harder. You make your mind be strong and feelings be wick by the daily tasks!! Good luck for all of us!!!

[@janeriley483]

Obsessing too but really trying not too He’s definitely not worth it. This has helped .THANK YOU

[@skunkie110]

I think I need to rewatch this a couple more times lol. Hit the nail on the head.

[@l.mariea7672]

Ok. This helps. But we were at the beginning of a new long distance relationship. And it was great. He was great. But he had to take a job, even further away (it was in the works but uncertain prior to our meeting). So, now he’s transitioning and we had a conversation and agreement about taking some time and reconnecting once he’s settled (about a month) into his own place. And seeing if we both still want to do this from afar. Very respectful. It’s me! I’m the problem. I go into fear and lose myself. And then when we do connect-I feel needy. And I don’t want to be. So-thank you for this.

[@terrywade3696]

I haven’t found that to be true. That was the person I was for 29 years of my marriage only to discover that my husband was taking me for granted and decided that I didn’t love him anymore and so he cheated! Then, I found out and confronted him. For the last 5 years I’ve been obsessing over our marriage, him and his slow progress in repairing and restoring our relationship. Sadly, he’s not showing the growth I need to see to continue with him. But I’m still obsessing over the 34 years of my life and marriage that I’m losing. So, maybe your scenario is only good for short term relationships or the dating scene but not for the “long haul”.

[@Nanamiogawa]

I wish I was able to time leap and watch this in 2017. It could've saved me from therapies. Either way, thanks for all this wisdom.

[@serendipitytwo777]

If only my heart wld accept this!! My brain is like, "see. This is what I'm saying!!"

[@snowwpea]

Perfect video. As a professional over thinker, I really value this advice. Thank you!

[@bettyadkins4317]

Definitely need this, just in time I broke up w a guy who claims works all time ,but yet was spending time doing other things. And couldn't and wouldn't find time for me and I told him if you can't find time for me no need to be together, of course I was verbally abused cause I broke up w him..already putting myself in a better place. This been coming for yrs..not worring about finding someone else

[@travelchannel304]

That was GGgRreat!!! Perhaps that obsessing needs to be a sigb that we already see the potential good & bad immediately! And is a red flag! Dont expect much ! And stay present!

[@Joy_736]

"Why am I not as important as a iPhone?!" 😂😂😂 this made me laugh. Great video Brian. I also loved your book She Comes First.

[@turtlecrochets8653]

My God! I never thought a video about relationship would resonate so much with me.

[@CarolineOceanaRyan999]

This issue has troubled me in the past -- it's a trauma response. So I appreciate your creating this video, and ALL of your videos, Brian! Thank you so much for all you do!

[@sheallwhimsical3738]

Brian Thank you for this message💛💛. Obsession is just an illusion. I realize I had a scarcity mindset.

[@readingwithamal]

The reason why I love your videos is that you don't promote any mind games. Thanks for all the effort you're putting to help us women.

[@sushime7150]

This popped up after I texted the guy in obsessing about, two times after he seenzoned me. Damn!!

[@eleonorasapin2201]

thanks , we know that’s wrong , some times our ego wants win something that it’s not even convenient for us .. you are very clear , we destroy our dignity obsessing

[@davidhenry962]

When obsessed and missing my crush and his attention, Such videos fill me with positive energy. And energy of this guy is also v positive. Thanks.

[@ananascarpenter]

Excellent, excellent advice! Thank you Brian! (Or Geert ;-) ). Sure wish I had known this before. Could've saved so much valuable time (and health!) obsessing over people who are not worth losing the time for. I made an effort to stop obsessing about anyone during summer 2021 and boy what a difference. Started focusing on my life and what I want to do and achieve and experience and what's healthy for me. Each guy I dated I was completely relaxed about and just saw it as a new opportunity and to enjoy life and have fun. While holding my boundaries in place and being elegantly clear about it. Dating became so much easier and fun! For nearly 5 months I have a great guy with me now and we have a wonderful time together. Respecting each other's life's and space in it. Sharing and communicating. I am 50 and I never thought a relationship could be so easy and fluent. So grateful!

[@marilynmonroe2868]

So helpful to hear. Thank you!

[@loulylouly8631]

" I don't know who has invested this mechanism" this made me cry 😭😭😭.Your knowledge is so valuable, your advices are just bomb 🔥🔥🔥. Thanks 👍👍👌👌

[@henrydog5747]

This couldn’t come at a better time … this is what I do … I’m not sleeping at night 😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩

[@clairejohnson6522]

You were me what seems like a lifetime ago.They all turned out to be abusive narcissists and now my health is ruined for good.Please,see value in yourself,and if you don't already ,learn to like/love yourself first before embarking on a relationship.Drop the dingbats so only good people attract you.No one is worth loosing sleep/health over.Good luck.

[@TrueStoryOfWhatWas]

Love this! Thank you!

[@anamhasan24]

I feel called out. Thank you for this video!!!

[@audra1976oliver]

Great video. Always love your sense of humor.

[@sarahkarns5713]

I needed this! Thank you!

[@somprad4362]

This is exactly what I wanted to hear, amazing pointers!

[@simonasipova3602]

this go also for people obsessing over a woman, very useful video! Thank you Brian

[@tigi_8346]

"...because if it does, well then it does." THANK you for so much clarity and sobriety. Sometimes you just need an honest outside view ... also feels good to be reminded that they are not the last person on this earth (u don't feel this when ruminating, of course )

[@ymctjmt]

You share such wise advice 👍🏼

[@mariahamor0621]

Awesome advice!

[@mistyvonkrosigk3251]

Thank you Brian. Definitely something I am struggling with right now. Loved the message and the practical tips to overcome.

[@tiblanes]

Excellent! Thank you!

[@Lavender3333]

Needed to hear this today, thanks for the reminder.

[@Jules-740]

I dated a guy for a month. Nevwr felt this way before for anyone else. Ive been in long term relationships and marriage before. Nothing hurt me as much as this guy i dated for only a month and he ghosted me.

[@VickiGagliardiLLC]

Thanks! Very needed right now!❤

[@jacquelinekleips]

Best advice ever! Thank you for explaining and being very descriptive as it describes situations Ive been in.

[@n_krzem]

Thank you so much, I really needed to see this today 🙏🏻 sending everyone all my love ❤️ we've got this!! 💪🏼

[@chrisevans3640]

This is exactly what I needed to hear! Thanks for snapping me back to reality. This helps a lot:)

[@dellaholzer1011]

Thank you Brian for that very helpful information!! It was something I needed to hear.

[@rayhanehyadyad1442]

U have no idea how much i need this video! Thaaaaanks!

[@jojohanna217]

I really needed to hear this now because of my current situation. Thanks Brian, love your videos!

[@maryjanewesterlund9958]

Another outstanding message. Clear, relatable, great analogies, and, best of all, actionable. Thanks!

[@countrylover3466]

I really needed to hear this. It was on my recommended, I think YT knew I needed it today.

[@TheMoontaz]

Your advices are always great ! You deserve that we stay until the end !! Thank you for being here helping us !

[@aanchal4090]

Have you ever made a video on how to enjoy solitude? If you haven't please make one.

[@EdaNavarra]

Great advice dear Brian

[@cheeseandcracker100]

This is amazing, and I really needed to hear this. Thank you so much. You are a life saver! Also, I found this video when I needed it the most, amazing timing. I will take your advice with me while I’m healing!

[@raniaagha2500]

U hit the point👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻 As if u heard me talking the same yesterday

[@kantogirl06]

I really needed to hear this. Thank you so much for posting this video.

[@charlesdu84]

Your doing good stuff dude!

[@TheSexy1049]

Thanks needed that at this moment🥰

[@myrez]

This video came on my timeline and somehow it got to you describing exactly what I am going through right now. Thank you for giving me some clarity

[@Lana-px7gc]

This is so absolutely true. Glad I learned that lesson a looong time ago 😊LOL

[@sarahcolak9673]

Will listen to that every day till i got it ! Thanks

[@kellyburkin500]

Great video, good advice 😊👍

[@MrsM714]

Needed this validation today - thank you!

[@derrickdomino7287]

I needed to hear it. Man to man.

[@mcdull81]

Thank you for this clip. Struggling to divert my course of thinking right now

[@rachelleoct]

This is wonderful , thanks so much for the insights , just what I have been needing to hear x

[@Smileygld123]

Thank you! I needed this.

[@reema4503]

I needed this thank u

[@claire5648]

I discovered your videos a few days ago right when I needed them and they are so healthy, helpful, and insightful. Your genuine concern to helping others navigate through emotions that can be quite complex is greatly valued and appreciated. Thank you!!

[@sharonrt24]

Thank you so much for this!

[@Verisimilitude_]

This was a great video

[@joyguimz5401]

I really like this topic Bryan.. thanks

[@rhegh2619]

Amazing you..I seriously love your narrative. This video is exactly what I've been looking for.. it points to me. I appreciate you so much. Thank you Brian .🙏❤️

[@dianekropf2824]

Thank you. That is exactly what I needed to hear today.

[@susmitamukherjee9162]

This video is for me....much needed... thankyou

[@jam1369]

❤️. Thank you!! This information is improving quality of life.

[@Tan-yx2qg]

thank you Brian. This is wholesome things I’ve heard all day. Hoping I find myself peace with this heartache. This is such an ease for me. God bless x

[@nicolreescano7810]

I love this advice.

[@Kittylyne78]

I always enjoy your videos✨ i learn a lot and my life has improved in many ways. Thank you so much, Brian🙏