The thirst double standard, harmless or harassment? | Khadija Mbowe

[@IndomitableAde]

8:47; Okay that was totally Cindy Crawford, a grown ass woman, not Brooke Shields who was a teenager talking about nothing coming between her and her Calvin Klein jeans. The print ad campaign was even more suggestive, as Brooke was topless in the ads. ETA: But yes, the thirst for Brooke ensued, and both CK and Brooke's mother Teri were accused of exploiting Brooke in a way that bordered on child pornography. The 80s were weird.

[@KhadijaMbowe]

Ooops thank you LOOOOL

[@futuristicgirl14]

@@KhadijaMbowelove you :)

[@scnonaful]

@@KhadijaMbowe Love you!

[@nailinthefashion]

@@reflectsonlife same thing with Blue Lagoon which I remember I found directly cuz I liked stories similar to Lord of the Flies lol it wasn't, it was legal straight white softcore CP and got spin offs replicating it almost exactly hahaha. It's the cruel reality Cuties was talking about basically. Her filmography is so insane.

[@kieleleron85768]

I thought it was Claudia Schiffer doing the guess jeans campaign 🤔

[@GrandArchPriestOfTheAlgorithm]

I'm gone go with the same rule as for Women: It's ok to enjoy the show, but not to demand that they put on one.

[@ranga274]

10000% fully agree, tho also personally I can't handle people being overly attracted to me in the first place 💀 like give me a compliment but if you start setting fires in places with a ban you're in the wrong state please move out 😭

[@alpacafish1269]

lol 😂@@ranga274

[@johnindigo5477]

kzbin.infof8pSq-UdxRM?si=ujCu4PfUdUQnx8nW

[@cornhusk5]

Also simply existing isn’t putting on a show.

[@tarathoughts13]

Exactly, if you find X celebrity attractive and say weird ass ‘I want her/him to have my babies’ shit in private then that’s fine you do you, but if you’re making these comments in public, to the celebrity, or online, and are constantly sexualising every move they make, or acting creepy, (especially if they’ve asked you to stop) then that’s wrong. Liek making a comment on how your legs are open for Tom hiddleston online on a tumblr blog is one thing, but actually saying that to him in public or making creepy comments on his personal socials or in interviews with him is another.

[@msjkramey]

It's wild how some people have no shame or empathy. I'd be way too embarrassed to publicly thirst like this, and, as someone has been sexually harassed A LOT, I'd feel terrible making someone feel uncomfortable or unsafe in that same way. Absolutely unacceptable

[@kai_maceration]

i feel uncomfortable even saying i have a crush on an online stranger, especially if they might see it. some people might feel complimented by it, but I'm sure many would feel very uncomfortable and maybe weirded out since im only 19 and to clarify i mean it purely aesthetically, I'm asexual and i don't pretend like a random youtuber and i are anything other than complete and utter strangers

[@notbot2648]

I'm the exact same way. At this point in my life I see someone flirting with me as a threat, not a compliment.

[@R_t-99]

I am even embarrassed to said that I have crush on someone. Thirst would be in next life

[@user-jo3pt1pt4w]

Yeah and the fact he is just doing his job too he's really not even thirst trapping tbh

[@MelNDiscourse]

Rolling my eyes****

[@sailor..c0sm0s]

This is why I talk nasty when it comes to fictional characters and treat my very real people with respect 😭😭

[@RevShifty]

It's ok to speak to real people like that. Provided you know them well enough to and it's *only* done in an environment of consent. And nastiness and respectful aren't inherently mutually exclusive. It can take a bit to find that happy mix for a given partner, but it can get pretty wild when you find the right blend.

[@juliabishop1408]

Yes! Yes, I be thirsting over fictional characters over real people

[@letsalllovelein]

WORD.

[@catchingamuse3857]

🙋🏻‍♀️

[@girlnettles]

This is the way

[@sadiewood7302]

she made tiktoks sexually harassing one of their players and they proceeded to…invite her to one of their games ??? they literally encouraged her behavior to continue instead of calling it out for what it is so it escalated to the point where he had to publicly tell her to stop ???

[@nailinthefashion]

"Hey come harass us for free it's good promo" "Wait a second.... there are negative consequences!!!!!!" It smells like ⚪️ privilege and greed once again, a familiar scent combo

[@princessaroyale]

It's because it wasn't just her it was like a lot of people he literally had a whole fan base simping for him which generated a lot of attention and money for them which is why they encouraged it

[@OliverNorth9729]

Women are the same. They want attention from as many lonely men as possible and then can change their decision on a whim.

[@kylaarmstrong-benjamin8066]

No kidding! If a guy was showing women stretching before a gymnastics competition talking about "oooh id like to bend her over! HELLO!!“ Do you think that would get him invited to a competition?

[@akumamakima2280]

She was used for clout. You can't change my mind on that. And btw her content remained the same and they're suddenly outraged.

[@User53123]

"Respectfully thirst from a distance". Good advice, hope the right people hear it.

[@tomboy2980]

That's why I genuinely like that "I am looking respectfully" became a meme. It encouraged a certain distance and tact in how you went about publically thirsting after someone, and made doing so part of the bit, and therefore fun. People don't always abide by that, but at least it created some incentive.

[@FunWithColeen]

stuff said in private is whatever find whoever you do sexually attractive, but if you continually make inappropriate comments towards/about someone and they express being uncomfortable you stop plain and simple. if you don't stop it should absolutely fall under sexual harassment regardless of gender. everyone is capable of sexually harassing someone and the double standard needs to stop. the whole ice hockey team and kierra debacle absolutely fell into that category, made even worse after she defended and made it about herself, all after the wife expressed her very valid feelings of growing uncomfortable with the fans behavior towards her husband

[@OliverNorth9729]

Hey. Can you give me some links to the debacle after the wife started to complain? I missed that.

[@FunWithColeen]

withcindy, swell entertainment, and greenisnotnick made full length videos about it @@OliverNorth9729

[@rmp1188]

💯

[@shizz3907]

Why is stuff said in private okay? You can find someone sexually attractive without verbally objectifying them amongst other people. Isn’t that just locker room talk at that point?

[@FlourishingMoss]

I feel like they’re referring to sexy talk between two consenting adults in private

[@videopsybeam7220]

"I want your husband to crack my back" No, no, it's okay everyone, the husband is a chiropractor

[@nailinthefashion]

"No, it's okay everyone, they're open/poly/enm" lmao

[@twiggledowntown3564]

😂😂😂

[@ReshonBryant]

Tbf men are a little more welcoming of sexual advances. We're much more forgiving in such instances. We don't mind having our egos stroked while knowing we got cakes at home waiting for us😆

[@Latency345]

​@@ReshonBryantthe same canvt be said for women, who if they reject advances, might be put in danger.

[@ReshonBryant]

@@Latency345 valid point. However, never forget Emmett Till. This is about double standards.

[@sundawg911]

Felicia wrote her dissertation on sexual consent and her response was very well put together. It is sad that people attacked her because many of those post from numerous people was quite predatory. People are allowed to have boundaries and ask that it stop. It did not help that the hockey organization condoned the behaviour. There nothing wrong with finding someone attractive and talking about it but if it is becoming to a point where its being inappropriate and those around you clearly are uncomfortable and even the person at the centre of it asks, then remember no means no.

[@Themudeater]

Posting videos talking about how wet you are looking at a man is not cute or classy

[@heyitsgabs21]

no one can convince me that booktoks obsession with erotica doesnt in some part stem from repressed sexuality, its like the opposite of twitter teens right now

[@lem860]

It could also be that it's the easiest way to get big and popular in that subsection of tiktok, people have an easier time letting themselves thirst when online ...and now that I think about it, that pretty much is repressed sexuality..

[@heyitsgabs21]

@lem860 yeah, and ive seen the evolution from booktube to booktok. i personally know a booktok creator, like it makes sense to me knowing the type of content that people were finding scandalous in books 7-10 years ago

[@bananapuding866]

a lot of them have literal coomer brains as well. they act like 🌽 addicts, i explicitly remember people hating on certain romance novels or just books, focused on relationships in general because they didn't include any spicy content in the books. i think it's weird and can be very damaging to think this way, i like some erotica from time to time but to believe that the only way a fiction book is valuable is if it has pages after pages of kinky sex included begs for some reconsideration

[@johnindigo5477]

kzbin.infof8pSq-UdxRM?si=ujCu4PfUdUQnx8nW

[@lastseenontuesday6040]

​​@@bananapuding866As someone who does read a lot of smut as well as clean romances, I will say that one has to respect boundaries. It doesn't matter if you read smutty books or not, respect and consent is paramount when it comes to these matters. Do I get attracted to strangers sometimes? Yes. But I have never felt the need to catcall men or anything lmao. Also, I grew up in a very conservative home and I am sexually repressed. Im in my early 20s and these erotica books have helped in a way to discover more about my female sexuality. All in all, its important not to generalise readers and proceed to treat people with respect

[@alittlelettertoyou]

I think the problem today is that as a society we don’t really have shame anymore. And sometimes that is great, like you shouldn’t be ashamed to love who you love (within reason), but with the distance social media has put between celebrities and human is where our lack of shame meets our lack of empathy for them. They are human too. Like put yourself in their shoes, wouldn’t you feel weird if someone you didn’t know did the same to you? I had to catch myself recently and realized that I things I said I would do (to a celeb and I did not post this) is NOT AT ALL something I would want to tell them. It’s been a few months and I’ve just been watching some things go down in my communities that I would be EMBARAZZZZZED if the focused celeb knew about.

[@KhadijaMbowe]

Ooooooo this was good.

[@jackdixon6681]

I think it goes one step beyond "not shaming anyone". Rather, these days, no matter how fucking wild your opinion or actions are, there WILL be a group of people who support and encourage you. Who do you choose to listen to? The thousands of people telling you you're wrong and that you should feel bad, or the hundred or so that are saying you're doing great and to ignore the haters? You see this with conspiracy theorists all the time, the people saying that they've lost their minds is taken as "proof" that they're right. When people can just wrap themselves in a bubble of support, shame loses any consequence.

[@dorkchops]

the accepted harassment in kpop is one of the many things that turned me away from the community. 🤢 COMPANIES pushing young male idols that were the same age as me at the time to be “s•x symbols” and GROWN women simping over them😬😬

[@nailinthefashion]

Ummmmm and absolutely no one is talking about how the inverse is normalized and they're called uncles too... the Colleen Ballinger of it all is so creepy. Yeah not gonna touch that with a 100 foot pole unless it's butterfly by loona

[@bmwjourdandunngoddess6024]

When they barley turn 18 and it’s grown women hitting on them. But I’m focused on the Male rap stars that are like 18-21 and grown women like 30+ wanting them to do some disgusting things. 😭 I can’t help but side-eye

[@yoursalwaysliyah]

they always ask them to show their abs its so weird!

[@lilpetz500]

Honestly, same. I liked Kpop for the fresh, high budget productions of pop music and how they incorporate a lot of choreography. But I just got tired of feeling so gross supporting an industry that uses so many young people like tools, that encourages and markets so many unhealthy behaviours in massive forms. I still like so many songs and sorely miss the carefree enjoyment, but I can't physically consume kpop content without this sickening reminder of all the toxicity, I had to cut it out. Same goes for Western artists who I found defend messed up stuff, lucky thing we're in a real golden age for discovering indie music or I'd be out of music to enjoy.

[@Cadapech]

Right like cougars aren't cute. They predators.

[@raendolffraendolffson7042]

as a man who had to deal with sexual abuse/herrasement multiple times, thank you for this video and its nuance. When I have talked about my experiences, the most common response I got was to tell me Im exaggerating. sometimes people found it funny that I was even speaking out. Its true that, if I would have been in lifethreatening danger I could have physically defended myself. I get that my experiences dont have the same severity as a lot of the experiences woman have to endure. Im just tired of people using that to invalidate what I have been through. Its a different kind of suffering also caused by patriarchal gender roles. a different kind of helplessnes when you know that most people wont beleave you and/or invalidate your suffering. Most baffling for me is that both, the women who did those things to me and most of the people invalidating me thaught of themselves as feminists. It scares and angers me how many people only follow their values when Its about them and refuse to check their own behaviour and systemically learned patriarchal biases.

[@RaptieFeathers]

Exactly this! Patriarchy hurts _everyone,_ and we need to acknowledge that it's what leads so many of us to discuss what happens to guys

[@preciousajaero8352]

I'm really sorry that you went though all that

[@katetrompvanholst1772]

Thank you for your perspective.

[@manucr9183]

​@@katetrompvanholst1772*truth

[@RenaissanceRockerBoy]

The hypocrisy/irony is that telling cis men or anyone masculine that they have to “suck it up” when they’re hurt or assaulted is promoting and enforcing patriarchal values. You wouldn’t BELIEVE the responses other trans people have when trans men (who have the highest sexual assault rate in the trans community) come forward about assault. A whole lot of “you chose this” and “stop distracting from people with real problems”. So much victim blaming, and self-described “progressive feminists” wonder why suicide rates are so high for trans men and cis men (they make sure to blame for that too!)

[@warriorworkouts5397]

As a male survivor of childhood SA at the hands of women and lifetime harassment from them I greatly appreciate this. I’m aware of the vast discrepancy in the numbers of people like me and what women experience, but it’s still hard sometimes to exist alongside the pervasiveness of these double standards. Khadija: I’m not telling you that you can’t… Me: But that doesn’t mean you should folks. Mmhmm, I’m lookin at you.

[@edgytypebeat781]

That man had a whole WIFE she was dead wrong.

[@Evalize]

she didn’t know and stopped when she found out he has a wife fyi

[@idkwuzgoinon]

@@Evalizeeven before finding out her behavior was creepy af

[@OliverNorth9729]

Well. Women can be the same. I'm glad she touched on this. If a man a woman considers undesirable just talks to her. She'll go "ew".

[@Eriko-cy7iy]

@@MaejorArray yes! Like she talked about him filling her three holes?!!!! Like dayum girl! You didn’t have to say all that.

[@akumamakima2280]

The wife encouraged her.

[@ya_fbr]

the whole hockey player situation was so uncomfortable especially because not only was the player treated like an object in a sexual way, he was also treated like an object by his hockey team's management (or whatever it's called) because they saw the opportunity for money in these thirst videos and jumped at it, even though it was clearly crossing some lines. also tbh i think a large issue at the moment is that people just forgot how to not like... tell basically the entire world what they think. you can thirst over a celebrity and talk about how you want them carnally or whatever in PRIVATE messages to your FRIENDS. why do you need to take it to twitter or tiktok or whatever like 😭

[@ReshonBryant]

It was hilarious actually. Knowing damn well he got thousands of Beckys willing to tongue bathe his feet.

[@RamenzillaX]

Personally, I either keep the thoughts in my head or in private conversations with friends. I just find it bizarre and slightly embarrassing to be on the internet leaving weirdo comments to people who don’t know you and likely wouldn’t look twice at you. Have some dignity.

[@RevShifty]

Right? Like, the internet is mostly just noise in its best day. Then someone wants to not just personalize that noise for someone, but dial it all the way up to creepy? It's not just gross, but I don't even see the potential point. Whoever they'd send it to has probably already gotten a bunch of them, so it's just more (creepy) noise to filter out.

[@idontownagoldfish]

i agree with this

[@georgieh7351]

As someone that enjoys bookish content and watched Cindy's original video and all this drama unfold in real time, the craziest part is that this got to MAINSTREAM NEWS?! By that point, it's like, girl, nobody is out here supporting you. Oof

[@nailinthefashion]

No one except me, let her on the ice, get him a backpack so she can ride along during the game,

[@FunWithColeen]

she and the others fans response to felcia asking people to stop was gross

[@roxywyndham]

@@nailinthefashion👏🏾😂

[@keyoimani]

I remember when during a chemistry lab, one of my female peers kept on making sexualized comments to a basketball athlete who was behind me. She kept saying she wanted to do inappropriate things to him, even though he has an entire girlfriend. They were even planning to celebrate their 1 year anniversary. I told her to stop with the comments and she said, “What? He’s a dude, he doesn’t give a damn about what I say. Besides guys do it to us, why can’t we do it to them?” I reported the incident to the professor right after class, and she got removed for harassment a week later. I don’t care what your gender is, if you ever sexualize a human being in any form or fashion, you need to take a hard look at yourself and your perspective of reality vs the internet.

[@nailinthefashion]

That was prob the only way to ever get her to stop since she was that self righteous, like how this girl thought it was okay since the team endorsed it for a bit but finally learned how to move on and not hyperfixate on (checks notes) a happily monogamous man lmao

[@keyoimani]

@@nailinthefashion Exactly! The double standard is so ridiculous when it comes to harm to another human being.

[@flw1522]

I laughed too hard as the use of « entire girlfriend » in your comment. The sad thing about the story you shared is that the opposite situation would’ve most likely spark no attention to the ears of a male student and wouldn’t have been reported, and most likely it would have been the harassed girl who would’ve had to take action and ask to change class.

[@keyoimani]

@@flw1522 It’s so awful man :-( As a society, both western and eastern, we need to face the reality of people deserving human decency no matter what

[@VixxKong2]

It's ok to sexualize humans, it's not ok to harrass people

[@wendyful]

I think often times the hard-core thirsting is not even about the object of the thirst, but about the community. Like it's a fun competition between the members to see who can say the most outrageous things. Then it's hard too see that a line has been crossed when that was kinda the point.

[@buddywriggles]

I think this was what was so difficult about the Krakens incident - particularly with the team's social media management playing into it so hard despite clearly not consulting with the team properly. I can't remember specifically, but I *think* there might have been some leaning into the ''krack my back'' or some simular play on words? I think a lot of that 'drama' was related to a corporation getting involved and justifying/encouraging behaviour for profit. But obviously that shouldn't excuse behaviour, it just seems (to me at least) to explain the escalation. Sorry for basically ''your point, but capitalism". I just wanted to add some engagement and ended up writing a novel

[@Badmanpuntbaxter]

Very good point, I think it acts as a smokescreen for legit bad actors as well. Reminds me of when people say racist stuff then only when they're called out they go "bro I'm just joking".

[@liquidconscience]

Def appreciate the addressing of the double standard when it comes to thirsting over men/boys. I remember the grown a** women thirsting over Taylor Lautner back when Twilight was a thing like he wasn't a minor and they were never taken to task over it

[@ayadhyist]

Lautner was a minor?

[@liquidconscience]

@@ayadhyist he was 16-17 when New Moon dropped, and that's not even going over the ones who were doing that with him for the first twilight film where he would've been even younger

[@starsky1435]

It's happened in recent times to the cast of stranger things, too. I remember seeing women creep on Finn when the show had just become popular.

[@sushiroll3795]

​@@starsky1435 Ewwwwwwww what the hell is wrong with some people.

[@Lil1kv]

The produers and marketers def had a hand in objectifying him too, making him take off his shirt in every twilight movie and all.

[@YsabelMusicCt]

Sometimes when I read youtube comments, I feel brain rot but I like your community because it seems like people are overall caring and thoughtful

[@nessmarie6044]

ikr. so refreshing esp in comparison to youtube shorts comments

[@cheyennediaz4110]

Genuinely it’s incredible ❤ I just found Khadijah’s videos, and I’m so happy with the nuanced and genuine compassion and thoughtfulness. And the fact that the comment actually are not terrible! Truly refreshing ✨

[@milsthebard1085]

I'm shocked that you didn't mention the two worst parts of the Kiera situation. She (1) yelled stuff like 'crack my back' at the game (???) and (2) there was a lot of harassment towards the wife and demonizing her for...asking them not to hit or a catcall her husband I guess.

[@egg_l0rd13]

Demonizing the wife for standing up for her husband is WILD

[@alpacafish1269]

I think it just comes to a stance where you ask "is this general thirsting?" or "Is this dehumanization?" Because what I find very common with things like this is that there's a certain disregard for the individuals humanity, there's this minor objectification of "I like this *thing* and I imagine doing certain things with IT" rather than "I like this *person* and I imagine doing certain things with THEM." Like you said, there's a line, and people have crossed it. Specifically within the relevance to the "online thirsting" discourse, because it's online, people become more comfortable with saying these things. It becomes even more troubling when this type of "thirsting" is being done by bigger quantities of people or a community of people where, if done to an extent where publicity is put into reach, there's going to be an impact (negative impact specifically). I'm asexual so I may be biased when it comes to the discourse surrounding thirsting (pertinence to *real* people) and so there is this uncomfortableness when surrounding the topic, but overall the thirsting isn't the problem in this situation; it's the extent at which it is done that is the concluded problem. From what it looks like, this type of "thirsting" does seem to have a negative impact on the people who are being thirsted over. But obviously this is nuanced so, yeah. Edit: Just to clarify, I'm talking about this in relevance to displaying this" thirst" online/ in public/ where people can see. It really doesn't matter if done in private. That's your personal space and you're entitled to that :)

[@twiggledowntown3564]

Remember everyone. Its okay to find someone attractive. Just make sure the comments you want to say to them stay pg.

[@carole5648]

It's internet cat-calling. I do think the younger generation gets confused if they grew up perpetually online between what is slightly more acceptable online (like thirst tweets) vs cat-calling someone in person. I've been cat called by literal 12 year olds outside my office building. I didn't know how to respond, like "I'm going to tell your mother"?

[@ohladysamantha]

yep this whole debacle reminded everyone that harassment is harassment no matter who the person is!

[@melaniesheldon8013]

I don't pity rich people, but I feel bad for famous people sometimes. When they are thirsted after - they often become dehumanized. Thanks for the work you did on this video. Solidarity ❤

[@lovelyBonnie-sr9jf]

I agree with most that you said but thirsting over someone xan quickly turn in to dehumanizing behavior. It's one thing to comment how someone is attractive but a whole other thing when publicly stating the sexual things you want to do to them.also on an important note people have every right to take away consent they given to be spoken to in a certain manner whenever ever they feel like it. When people say that you can't complain about being treated in a sexual manner becausse you " we're asking for it " it quickly becomes a form of victim blaming

[@shizz3907]

Yeah right? Like as a guy, unless its a sex-worker on the I wouldn't "thirst" over a femme celebrity, or femme in one of my social environments either. Especially amongst my guy friends we are pretty good about shutting down objectifying comments about femmes in our circle. When Khadija says its okay "thirst" amongst your friends it almost sounds like an endorsement of locker-room talk. The issue with thirsting as you said is that it is inherently dehumanizing the individual. Like think about it this way, if someone knew you found them attractive, and thats it, then they probably wouldnt find you weird or strange for it, and wouldnt, themselves feel uncomfortable. But if someone knew that you were mentally picturing sexually explicit acts with them, talking about all sorts of sexual things involving them with your friends, how would they feel?

[@lovelyBonnie-sr9jf]

I totally agree with you. Honestly it's never. Really okay to sexualize people both strangers or people you know even online. I mean you think with the whole bubble gum pink and whimper audio? Comments people would take a second to step back and see how inappropriate this sort of behavior is. If we excuse it as " not being that bad " just because it's online we let people think that this is normal behavior and that gives people the courage to go out in public and treat people in disgusting ways

[@serazvi5387]

​@@shizz3907even if she's a sex worker you need to respect her. Sex workers are still people with boundaries and you need to respect that. They are contractors rendering services not "products" for you to buy and use however you please

[@shizz3907]

@@serazvi5387 I never said otherwise that objectification and disrespect go hand-in-hand. This is why people talk about consent to objectification as Khadija mentioned in the video. If your partner sends you nudes as many partners often do and are comfortable with they are consenting to you objectifying them as they are giving you images of themselves sexualized. This is inherently what is happening there. It doesn’t mean that enjoying that objectifying material needs to be done disrespectfully. You can objectify a person while respecting them as a full human being many romantic partners do this all the time and it is possible to do this with a sex worker as well. The issue with thirsting over someone is that you are only and solely focused on themselves as a sex-object. Especially when you don’t know the person at all you only view them by their sex-appeal when you thirst after them. The woman talking about the hockey player was fully, and completely JUST OBJECTIFYING that person without their consent, at least a sex-worker gives you consent (with boundaries) to objectify them. Nothing she said was about his character, or human qualities other than his sexiness and objective qualities. That’s the difference.

[@johnindigo5477]

kzbin.infof8pSq-UdxRM?si=ujCu4PfUdUQnx8nW

[@minaharker5699]

The internet and social media has made a concerning amount of people forget (or maybe some of them never learned) that it's totally okay, encouraged even, to keep some thoughts inside your own head. There are things that don't need to be vocalized or written down.

[@sabrinawallette2085]

Even before finding out mans had a wife them tiktoks were mad uncomfortable, cringe, and creepy. Down right disrespectful. That type of thirsting was boundary violating and sexual harassment. I was creeped out and uncomfortable just watching. And the men on tiktok doing thirst traps and sexualizing cooking makes is just as uncomfortable and makes me wants to retch. Its all weird 😕 😐

[@mjjjermaine]

And as much as I hate the cooking thirst traps, they have an audience that wants to consume that content. Its a “consensual” relationship between fan and creator. Whereas the booktok person crossed a boundary

[@EnigmaticLich]

People are so comfortable online behaving like this that it spills into real life. I've lost track of the number of mostly older women to say something weird or inappropriate to or about me...

[@CanIswearinmyhandle]

I kinda always thought it would be rude to lust after someone, like if they found out they'd be disgusted, so I've kind of killed my ability to sexualize people and if I do find someone attractive I'm taking that to the grave. I don't think my approach is healthy and probably stems from how much I hate myself, but I do think it also is rooted in a respect for other people and that they might not want random strangers sexually harassing them at the top of their lungs

[@ADubbs-fd8xf]

I'm sorry you've had that experience. For whatever a stranger's opinion is worth, I don't think you're obligated to never feel attraction towards people. Like you can be attracted to people and tell them (in certain contexts) in a respectful way to see if they feeling you back, or you can feel how you feel in the privacy of your own mind and body and that's totally fine. Like no one is going to break into your brain and find out you were thinking horny thoughts about them, it's totally fine I swear. But your journey is your own, take my thoughts for whatever they worth.

[@melusine826]

😅 this feels very similar to my experience

[@R_t-99]

Same I do the same

[@milsthebard1085]

SAME! Now I try to be balanced, but I cannot imagine going past 'respectfully, you're cute' or a heart emoji or 'that look suits you'. This thirsting behavior feels like catcalling 90% of the time. I guess part of it is being queer and afab and having experienced...weird online behavior. It's flattering for a couple seconds and then it feels super creepy. Lesson is, I think, don't say stuff online you wouldn't say in person.

[@draxiss1577]

This is too real. At first, a lot of it came from being raised Catholic and policing my own thoughts (Matthew 5:28: "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."). While echoes of Catholic Shame remained as I got older, I also kind-of developed a sense of my own sexuality as a revolting extension of my masculinity. I positively hated the idea that as someone who was male, I only desired to dominate and ogle female bodies, and my own desires only reinforced this idea. Other boys didn't seem to have a problem with what they were doing, though. I was the one that nobody wanted to touch, after all. I grew up in a pretty conservative community so I wasn't ready to embrace feminism vocally until well into college, but I did feel on some level that there the objectification of others was bad. I think I did participate in 'locker room talk' to some extent, but I also remember feeling like an alien. I have loosened up a lot over the years because I found a close circle of mostly queer friends who were both compassionate and boundary-setting.

[@DeadbeatShadows]

It's pretty simple, being horny online is just kinda cringe. And not in the "Stop telling people who are just having fun is cringe," way, the "You should probably log off and touch grass for being a weirdo" kinda way. Maybe I'm just old now at a ripe 30, but seeing people vocally and enthusiastically thirst online makes me so uncomfortable and embarrassed for them.

[@Badmanpuntbaxter]

I had a long talk with my dad about sonething similar to this and he brought up a point I found interesting. He talked about how cities used to partition the adult stuff from the main street, that way if you weren't supposed to be there, people could tell. He brought up that the internet needs that solution as well and I really agreed with that. Seeing kids (and adults) ask celebrities "when's the OF coming" on things like insta and Twitter is gross, but when you realize a lot of SWers advertise on them using "borderline" content, it becomes super difficult to moderate.

[@FeatherVoid]

never have i ever been so glad to not have tiktok.

[@buddywriggles]

I went to a gig the other day, and was shocked by how many artists, organisers and audience members were obsessed with filming the audience (I haven't been out much since covid). Part of me was genuinely grateful to be both slightly too old and all too uninteresting looking to risk the thirst or the laughter of Tiktok. But to be fair, I've been terminally online for 3 years so my concept of reality is so skewed rn - I think I just assume anyone filming anything is trying to go Tiktok viral lmao.

[@luwain358]

I'm often glad my mum (78) isn't online as she's always thirsted after "the pretty young guys" to an embarrassing degree. One of the worst examples was after a dinner with some friends we don't get to see often. As we started the car ride home, she gushed about their son who'd just turned 18 (he'd been maybe 12 when we'd last seen him), describing how her knees had gone weak when she'd sat across from him etc. I could only imagine what she'd have said if my dad had commented on an 18-year-old girl... I'm not a fan of thirsting anyway because I find it dehumanising, but the double standard is even worse.

[@DOOMsword7]

I honestly really like a more off the cuff video! This was nice. I mean we’re here for the exhaustingly researched mega essays but it’s also nice to get these bite sized more intimate ones. Variety is nice!

[@KhadijaMbowe]

Thanks boo! I’m mixing it up and just trying to have fun making vids again so it’s nice to know that it translates

[@DOOMsword7]

@@KhadijaMbowe it’s great to see you have fun! Haha

[@gregvs.theworld451]

I echo this sentiment.

[@purplepotato3004]

I think it's notable that (as far as I remember) Kiera was also yelling stuff like 'krack my back' AT the game she was invited to. She said afterwards she didn't realise it would be audible to the players. When she was in the front row. Anyway, it just felt important to point out that she was bringing the sexual comments in-person, and someone making videos about you vs yelling in the same room as you is bound to feel different!

[@Anaid999]

I’m a BTS fan and even had a fan account on Twitter for a bit. It was a fun to have a community to fan girl with but after a while I noticed how the BTS members were getting so sexualized to the point that it was kinda creepy. Especially when jjk was still like 16 and grown women would make very creepy comments.

[@khadijahbegum3546]

Why do I feel like you were one of their fans that would send death threats too female idols or even be misogynistic tawards them idk why and I'm not even kpop fan😂

[@alpacafish1269]

OMG I was thinking THIS exactly. They way fans explicitly talked about jk in such a sexual manner when he was a minor was so messed up.

[@alpacafish1269]

weird comment but ok @@khadijahbegum3546

[@calicoathena]

​@@khadijahbegum3546idk cause nothing about this comment made op seem like an irrational crazed fan. Seems like it's in your head to just assume any kpop fan is just like the craziest of them.

[@allyli1718]

@@khadijahbegum3546maybe you should check your own internalized misogyny. You see someone mention having a Kpop account and instantly assume they’re catty? 🤔📸/s no but fr tho, there was nothing in that comment indicating hating women

[@lexa4160]

Eeeh I agree with most of what you said except the thing about him being taller and stronger physically. That doent matter in front of harrassment, and unfortunately its one of the reasons men are not taken seriously/are afraid of denouncing when it comes to them being the victims. So NO, no matter the sizes it still is DANGEROUS, be it any gender being the agressor to another. Also, what its more disturbing to me about that booktok situation is that Kiera acted entitled to the whole thing. Once the wife spoke she could have handled it better and apologizing for her actions (yelling sexual stuff at him while he was in game? wtf) but instead made it look like he couldnt take his 'consent' away. Like girl thats harrassment no matter how you see it. Its even worst seeing the comments on her tiktoks supporting her and making fun of the wife. People are insane lately

[@gregvs.theworld451]

Not to mention society normalized the idea that it's never okay to put your hands on a woman to keep her away. I want to be clear that I'm not saying that's exactly the same as how woman don't fight back against creepy dudes because some dudes get violent right back, it's not the same level of bad, but yeah just because Hockey man _could_ beat Kierra back if she did do something wild and violated his space or got handsy or something, I think him being a big, strong man coupled with the fact that male sexual abuse, assault, and harassment is taken even less seriously than women's, would lead to a lot of people spinning the story as him freaking out and using his scary man strength to violently manhandle some poor, weak, small woman. I think guys should speak out against creepy behavior that makes them uncomfortable, from anyone, but in the moment of a woman going physically too far I think most guys would consider their recourse is to "take it" and address it later if they have a reputation to uphold. Honestly, probably goes for men too, look at the Terry Crews situation. If there's an actor on a movie set, and some dudes gropes his ass, and he swings at him for it, unless he's so big he's untouchable with the punch he becomes the "problematic actor", and that could ruin a promising career.

[@KhadijaMbowe]

A few people have mentioned this. I sincerely appreciate the added perspective 🖤

[@destrostarr6920]

A few years back, my then wife and I were at a coworker’s cookout. I was having conversation with his wife with my wife sitting right next to me. While my wife was looking away, having a conversation with someone else, the lady reached over and grabbed my crotch. I reflexively popped her on the hand and she just recoiled and looked shocked . I just remember seeing her face and I started looking around to see If anyone else was looking. The crazy part Is I wasn’t even thinking about If they saw what she did, I was terrified that they saw my response and what that could mean for me. For extra context, almost everyone there was white except me an my wife. I’m not the tallest but I’ve always been fairly muscular and lost count of the amount of times a woman has felt entitled to my body. Either touching, commented on, or SA’d. In my experience it was been uniformly white women. None of the many BIPOC women in my life have ever done this and white women have traditionally been the minority my Interactions. On an anecdotal level, I think that says something about the relationship systemic power has to entitlement, SH, SA.

[@calmandfree]

Reminds me of when Terry Crews came out about being sexually assaulted in Hollywood and people were clowning home because he has all those muscles, so he couldn't harassed. Such non-sense.

[@AozoraOrigami]

couldnt finish the video LOL kierra screaming got annoying so fast

[@BlackBat808]

Jesus I had to mute all her clips, even with the lowest volume it was intolerable

[@suoutubez19]

agreed, i can’t imagine screaming like that on the internet over an attractive celebrity… or over anyone….

[@JulianSteve]

LMAOOOOOOOO🤣! Yeah, it was a lot. I’m not going to lie. The clips made me very uncomfortable and laughed at the same time. Maybe skim through when it comes or lower the volume💀?

[@jessicahaynes5614]

It was the “HELLO” for me 😂

[@sigrid9699]

I think that it's reasonable enough to say that women (cis, trans, bi, lesb, het, whatever have you) do trend towards being a bit starved when it comes to sexual fascination, we have so much less targeted at our gaze and I think that to an extent, that does make us a bit more volatile than cis het men when it comes to expressing interest in things that peak our personal interest, and with that comes...not inexperience, but a weaker social model for how to deal with those feelings. discourse on how to interact with them, when it's not coming from men trying to control women, tends to come from socially isolated sub cultural communities like fandoms that are more focused on ensuring they have maximum freedom to do what they want, rather than considering the point where what they're doing crosses over into harassment, sexual exploitation and abuse, as well as what behaviors they are engaging that push them towards crossing those lines. honestly, finding and more importantly appreciating things that inspire those feelings in you, man or woman, is healthy in my eyes; it helps you better understand yourself. I think encouraging that, especially in women who have historically always had that repressed is a good thing, in spite of people taking it too far but at the same time there needs to be more discussion, not about what not to do, but rather how to engage in that in ways that are emotionally healthy both for the objects of our fascination, but also for ourselves

[@mjjjermaine]

Love this comment. I think as a culture we should be more open to talk about sex- but in a way that centers consent and boundaries. People with repressed feelings should be empowered to discover what they like, while still respecting these boundaries (if not inevitably they can uphold a system that contributes to their oppression.) Really balanced analysis!

[@sigrid9699]

@mjjjermaine I don't think it's just a matter of setting boundaries, to me just focusing on that is just results in a reordering of the topography around what we consider right and wrong, which isn't enough What I think I was trying to get at is that folks need to also focus on whats good for them, finding what healthy empowering sex feels like for both them and the people around them. Focussing on consent and boundaries to me is just one natural component of that

[@mjjjermaine]

@@sigrid9699 That makes sense, the approach you’re describing seems more holistic and leaves room for natural exploration

[@slickandslaycious6579]

I'm curious as to when flirting goes wrong.... Cause I know different people have different standards on how direct they expect someone to be in regards for their "propositioning" them But yea, showing up to places uninvited and repeatedly verbalizing your desire for someone is too much

[@nailinthefashion]

Espesh when they're monogamous and innocuously playing hockey lmao like get a grippity grip I always thought he was posting shirtless stuff but she's just deprived and he's model esque, a tale as old as time

[@johnindigo5477]

kzbin.infof8pSq-UdxRM?si=ujCu4PfUdUQnx8nW

[@peachesandpoets]

Yes what the Larries did to Harry and Louis is so disgusting. Especially Louis. Even lost his mum and everything and they didn't even pull back and stop harassing him. Evil little twits

[@classicallylonely]

Man I’m ace as hell and this video reminded me this is a real thing people do. I won’t ever understand the thirst but am grateful Khadija is breaking it down so I can learn.

[@marialoveday9443]

I’m also ace as hell too so I could never understand thirst.

[@filthyweeb9073]

Wish I was ace as hell

[@Themudeater]

I’m a straight person but I’ve always found it gross to sexualize people

[@tativizca4687]

It all boils down to consent. If it ain’t an enthusiastic yes, then leave the person alone. Don’t just assume it’s fine to sexualize someone out loud

[@mylesjaydcuo]

In my events of life, my last ex boyfriend actually did this so much that it stemmed from a sex or thirst addition basically. You start to quickly sexualize bodies. And if you don't have impulse control, they could get the best of you. Idk, I try not to sexualize bodies beyond just saying someone looks cute but I don't get as thirsty to start thinking about if id smash or pass. I hate seeing most people thirst for a shirtless me, because it reduces me to "fuck if you're depressed, you're hot" It's all about balance at the end. If you can't stop yourself though, I'd practice thirst discipline. If your whole tiktok feed is sexy cooks, and you even get a dopamine or some rush thing hooks you, practice restraint before you make yourself look bad and act on horny impulse.

[@moeezS]

Glad you brought up online disinhibition. Like you said, there is a different power dynamic when a guy is thirsted on, but there can be negative consequences IRL for that person. As always, in moderation!

[@saraht855]

Seems like there may be a way to conceptualise this as sexual consent regarding thirsting. Like, "I was enjoying this interaction but now I want to stop". There is also something in the verbal sharing of the desire which seems like a part of the access you speak about, but I think this point could be developed slightly further, there is a difference between someone privately masturbating/fantasising while looking at a photo of someone without their knowledge (sexual desire) and the touching of someone without their consent (presumed sexual access) but I think there is something in the middle with that access which is telling the person that you think about them sexually, which feels super relevant here. Hopefully you continue to develop your points as your language is so helpful in analysing this dichotomy. Was also interested in hearing your opinions on the racialised aspect of this, but maybe in another video

[@alpacafish1269]

I was thinking that too. There is definitely some racial nuance to this situation.

[@slawless9665]

One example of this kind of transgression that's been rolling around in my head was the recurring bit on John Oliver's show, where he would make these kinds of comments (except sometimes they weren't super explicit in content, it was just Oliver's tone that implied some BIG thirsting) about Adam Driver. I don't know what that means for racial nuance in general, but it definitely made me uncomfortable seeing a hetero white man do it to another hetero white man (I'm making assumptions here), even as a joke, and I was glad when it stopped. Although I remember thinking Oliver's joke was funny the first time, but when he kept going with it it stopped being funny. Same with Kierra Lewis, the first one was kinda funny and she was obviously doing a bit - her signature "hello" at the end made that clear. But it kept going and just got more uncomfortable and less funny. I don't know why Oliver stopped, if it was a similar situation and Driver or someone close to him specifically requested a stop, or just Oliver's audience got tired of the "joke" because they weren't watching his program to thirst in the first place.

[@saraht855]

@@slawless9665 interesting. I had a different experience with the Adam Driver joke in that I enjoyed it every time it came up. There felt like an equality there with racialisied whiteness and presumed cis het men with similar levels of clout/power, and felt like John Oliver playing with queerness like playing with gender. Just as info, the final episode of the season had Adam Driver in a call with John Oliver and tell him to stop and he did and with a pretty ok amount of "I get it and I'm sorry". Felt OK to me and I'm sure you can hunt for the clip online and find it if you want to form your own opinions :)

[@mayanotmya_5818]

I subscribed two hours ago and now I see you posted this 17 minutes ago. I’m loved 🙌🏽

[@tanyagwatiringa7559]

That is so embarrassing, she was doing way way way too much 😭 People forget that celebrities are just people like us too. I can't imagine how uncomfortable those videos made him feel.. girl don't make us look thirsty like that

[@succmoipp1362]

The wenny controversy was insane to watch as an nhl fan and someone on booktok 😭 there were so many articles about it from hockey media, the hockey guy made a video about it, men on podcasts talked about it. And like hockey culture famously does not give a fuck about sexual harassment and assault, it even perpetuates it. So the fact that these people were talking about it says something.

[@marcellemccalla6325]

It's absolutely understanding the difference between fantasy vs reality. Thirst is fine, i like looking at pretty people but understand that this is an image/ concept of a person not someone in your real life and there are lines that shouldn't be crossed.

[@ogzombiebreakfast]

Yknow the weirdest thing? I'm like fully demi (maybe even ace, honestly), but sometimes I'll get the urge to leave a very thirsty comment on an attractive man's post, and I have to stop and remind myself how it probably feels to receive those comments. It's like I've just started thinking of thirst comments as the language of compliments online. I'm not even attracted to these men. ETA: not to mention the problem with the instinct to comment on strangers' appearances in the first place.

[@mjjjermaine]

That last point!!!

[@dr.braxygilkeycruises1460]

Khadija Mbowe, you are friggin Brilliant, and I just want to let you know that!!! I absolutely love the way you break things down and encourage independent thought in your family of viewers. God bless you always for the light you shine in this dark world!!! 🤗

[@KhadijaMbowe]

Oh wow thanks so much 🥰

[@yolk1753]

things like harry and louis has always frustrated me. i've never enjoyed rampant shipping even in fiction because i feel it says something about a person if they must boil every relationship down to something sexual and cannot respect platonic friendship or even Familial relationships (ew), but when it gets to real human beings it is just so much worse. what's funny is that i have seen those same types of women getting upset over men shipping females/being attracted to lesbian couples and calling them creeps for it, yet many of them do the exact same thing to males openly. i don't care about what people like in private, but not everything needs to be public and being a hypocrite will never be hip.

[@celinek9686]

That's why I was disappointed when euphoria had that scene. Louis was clearly upset by that

[@wompppwompwomppp]

Reminder that consent can be revoked at any time

[@Keelsman]

Khadija your look is SO rad and also you are very well studied and entertaining and humble and all kinds of wholesome goodness.

[@KamisKisses]

Kierra's behaviour is really creepy and unhinged. Strong stalker-ish energy witht hat one. smh

[@sideshow_pya]

exactly like hers was bold and unhinged, like 😃

[@FrozEnbyWolf150]

This is why I'm going to play it safe and stick with my asexual thirst traps. By which I mean garlic bread recipes.

[@Jaytee-3333]

YES! I was so excited to see this video because I have been thinking about this too! As a teen, I used to read a bunch of Wattpad fanfic about celebrities I liked, and I thought nothing of it. As I got older, I veered away from that because I stopped caring much about celebrities (also I traded out an obsession with celebrities with an obsession with fictional characters). And now, seeing smutty fanfic about real, living men kinda creeps me out. Like I can forgive if it's a teen cuz they're still learning about how to cope with puberty and their sexuality, but when I see adults writing this stuff and the things they comment on celebrities' posts... it just leaves a sour taste in my mouth. Like I LOVE Henry Cavill but I would NEVER leave a thirst comment on his Instagram cuz it would be so weird for him to see that. It's one thing to find someone hot and be like "oooh the things I wanna do with them" in private or to your friends or to a private Tumblr blog, but when you go out of your way to shove that desire in their face it's just gross, no matter your gender.

[@shizz3907]

Idk if even talking about talking the things you wanna do to a person you find hot amongst your friends is okay, its still objectification. its kind of like locker-room talk on the male side of things which is basically a group of guys sexually objectifying women they find attractive

[@lindon1419]

A few months into my job im currently working at a supermarket one day one of the supervisors walked up to me and told me im really sexy, i was caught off guard by it didnt mind it so much but i told her i had a girlfriend, somehow she hot my number and would message me at night on my days off. It never really bothered me that much but i did wonder if the roles were reversed how bad it would be for me to do exactly what she was doing.

[@OliverNorth9729]

It'd be arbitrary. If she finds you "attractive". (Though thats not really the word I want use.) It would be ok. If not then it would go bad for you.

[@khadijahbegum3546]

What do you mean if roles were reversed lol it's like your saying women don't go through this like mate women go through this more than men and it can go far than that or has gone further than that unfortunately and I'm speaking from experience so stop with "If the roles were reversed" bs becuase it happens more too women. Women could wear anything whether they are covered or not and still get sexualised at any age and we will be blamed for it by women and men. So pls stop and I'm sorry that the girl called you those unwanted words but pls stop with your hypocrisy becuase it's like your saying but what if it happened to women? As if it don't happen more to women.

[@lindon1419]

@@khadijahbegum3546 i never said that it doesn't happen to a woman, what I meant was that if she was a man and i was a woman and she did the exact same thing even when I said I was in a relationship, HR would take it a little more seriously compared to me being a man and she being a woman, when did I ever say women don't go through this or worst.

[@luna-p]

That's 100% se×ual harrasment. You're potentially conditioned by society to not be as bothered by it as you should be. But it's just as unacceptable and offensive as if the roles were reversed, which, you're right, is more "obviously"wrong even though it happens all the time. If HR chooses not to take it seriously, they deserve a lawsuit (though I know it's not that easy).

[@calicoathena]

​@@lindon1419have you brought it up to hr? Cause hr can't just magically know there's an issue. Even if the roles were reversed, the woman would have to go tell hr there was an issue.

[@ChardeeMacdennis339]

For me it’s like if you wouldn’t say something to someone’s face irl, don’t say it online. And that goes for anything at all. Sexy thoughts. Ugly thoughts… whatever. Treat people online like you would irl. They’re still human beings 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@carole5648]

Public thirsting has always made me uncomfortable, but it does seem like Kierra passed the "invisible line" by such a huge degree that everyone noticed. It's just confusing that the team endorsed it initially. But im sure they were thinking 'free publicity '. Sure we all do it at some point but we keep it to ourselves and maybe our close friends.

[@crakandra9672]

Cindy and Khadija indirect collab??? My two worlds colliding 😱😱😱

[@grandsome1]

Our patriarchal society barely came to grips with a understanding of femme desire more complex than a bad porn scenario. I think that's the reason femme people are more comfortable shamelessly displaying their desire because society barely recognizes that it exists in the first place. But there's also the problem that society doesn't think that men can be the victims of women desire gone too far unlike the inverse scenario, because men are supposed to be "strong" and "stoic" like Greek statues and not you know, human.

[@uuneya]

We really need to start teaching consent in school, because otherwise we'll keep having adults who don't understand where the boundaries are.

[@pezor]

I'm not disputing anything anyone else says, im just adding that I'm a 5"11 260lb muscular guy, and it doesn't make me feel safe. sometimes it makes me feel like a threat, which is dangerous to me, and sometimes it makes me feel like a target, which is also dangerous to me. and ya, sometimes it's fine, but it doesn't make me feel safe and secure

[@pezor]

and thanks as always for your thought and effort

[@KhadijaMbowe]

Yea that’s fair. We (I) can’t always assume that size means people don’t still feel threatened

[@reniesulaweyo4383]

So funny thing about hockey and fanfiction, because I have been in that camp a while ago. 100% think the hockey romance thing got jumpstarted with RPF fic. People were putting fanfics on Goodreads and reviewing them like books, giving them much bigger exposure than the authors actually wanted.

[@reniesulaweyo4383]

Oh damn, I did the ATM machine thing for RPF. *facepalm*

[@Sleipnirseight]

I understand appreciating someone from a QUIET and respectful distance. But if it would be creepy for a man to say/do to a woman, the same applies vise versa. I also understand some of us feel hurt and have the urge to reverse the power dynamic by degrading men the way WE'VE been degraded, but that's not right nor productive. Feminism means sticking up for _everybody's_ right to live in peace. TLDR; Don't be an as*hole.

[@boneymacaroni13]

The "HELLO" had me dying lol 😂

[@nailinthefashion]

Like had she kept it as a stand up bit that was honestly so funny and is a perfect mirror to crass straight male humor but then she almost started stalking someone lmao

[@cjlikesvids]

sometimes i thirst after male celebrities even though i’m not attracted to men. there’s something so nice and comforting to me about being excited and giggly about seeing a male actor i love in an edit or in a movie. i never feel sexually attracted to them, i just feel almost proud(?) of them or something idk

[@muckamuck]

i think a lot of people do the same! i don't know if i would call it thirst (which implies more of a physical, often sexual element) but it's not uncommon to grow fond of a person and become invested in them after seeing them in action. it just comes down to how you express your enthusiasm.

[@obatalaosun2222]

​@@muckamuckYeah. That sounds more like fangirling.

[@shizz3907]

Yeah thats not really thirsting. Thirsting has an explicitly sexual connotation to it

[@mjjjermaine]

Seems more parasocial than thirsting, which is natural

[@captaincaspian42]

Do you mean fangirling?

[@LoXena]

Unpopular opinion: the double standard about harassment is harsher on women. The comments here condemn women who make sexualized comments, men condemn them too, their content is deleted immediately but men keep creating awful content and other men don't have that energy to condemn them. There's no double standard or at least not the one we think.

[@gregvs.theworld451]

@@rinesserin I think on that point, it's important to educate people on why objectification is gross and to look out for and not support communities that are just aggressively thirsting after real people. There are subreddits dedicated to talking about women or female celebrities guys would want to do things to, and if I got on one of those subs just to say "C'mon guys, that's not cool.", I promise you I'd be banned nigh instantly and my protest deleted and the sub would keep going and people like loxena would say "Guys aren't speaking out against this.". I don't know if we can ever 100% get rid of thirst communities, especially online, but we can make them hard to find and promote the idea that they're cringe and gross so that the amount of people looking for them and following them is as small as possible.

[@spoiledddbrattt]

I agree w both of yall

[@jjoohhhnn]

Maybe for verbal stuff but we still have a long way to go for statutory male victims.

[@kattodoggo3868]

no matter what women do they wil bee jugded harsher, even for harssment .👀

[@mjjjermaine]

Both of you bring up a good point, and it really seems like our culture has an issue with consent and sex as a whole.

[@CreatureCargaux]

I’m so stoked you are talking about this. Nick is not Green talked about this a few weeks ago & even though I love him, I really wanted a woman’s point of view bc I just… couldn’t believe how insane this all was & I needed to know if I’m just being a party pooper.. or if my feelings of “yikes” were valid. If a woman talked about my man like this, idk how I’d feel.. but she just took it too far. It’s one thing to be respectful n like.. “thirst” but she just took it too far & ppl did enable her.. like the team.. & it just got so out of hand.. it made Me so uncomfortable. All of it. Then she doubled down… & it’s like, SOMEONE IS TELLING YOU THAT YOU ARE MAKING THEM UNCOMFORTABLE! Stop bro! Stop. Now if a man did this shit to me… I’d get a restraining order. Let’s be real… she hella creepy bro.

[@fangsabre]

The thirst trap pottery thing makes too much sense if you've seen Ghost with Patrick Swayze

[@cheyennemorrison4107]

Honestly part of why all my socials are on private by default is I don’t want to have to think about if something I post is going to be seen as asking for a certain type of attention, because it would 100% make me uncomfortable if strangers were publicly thirsting after me. I’m a strategicly inflated redhead, I’ve been getting street harassed since middle school, people perceive my existence as provocative by default, so like existing publicly is something I can’t enjoy. There’s an ashnikko line “I can’t even wear my skin without them asking where I’ve been without them asking for a spin” that just resonates with how I feel about this. I think it’s important to listen to the “objects of desire” in this, the bloke said he was uncomfortable, and that’s enough of a reason to stop it and delete old videos. I think that like, assuming silence means they’re ok with it is kinda dodgy and we shouldn’t be so quick to see it as “changing their minds” when they do say something

[@peachesandpoets]

It is inappropriate. The difference I can see is the obvious difference in violent threats. Very cringe and not good though... Just saying. Women tend to SAY sexually harassing things. Males tend to DO sexually harassing things.

[@OliverNorth9729]

What are you trying to say?

[@ADubbs-fd8xf]

I get what you saying and you're right, but I'm also kind of hesitant to go so far as to saying there's no threat from women (not saying that's what you meant, cause I'm not sure exactly what you meant) because sometimes the fact that women aren't ever expected to be harrassers sometimes makes people who actually are victimized by a woman less likely to be believed. Men harm women way more than women harm men, but sometimes women do harm men. Edit: and men harm men and women harm women etc.

[@Yes-bn6yy]

More women do sexually harassing things than you think. The whole statistics are way misrepresented because women get a lot more leeway in what’s considered sexual harassment from them. Also men are rarely taken seriously as victims so they barely can successfully report an incident.

[@andie599]

Omg when this initially happened I thought it was so blown out of proportion but the montage at 2:25 was insane 😳

[@alexf6023]

Shook at cindy and khadija coming together, this is my avengers

[@madmintentertainment6268]

I think the scummiest example is just some of the women saying weird and gross shit to henry cavills face and he just had to sit there and kinda uncomfortavly put up with it

[@essendossev362]

I totally agree that when it was made clear that her thirst comments were making ppl feel uncomfortable, the respectful thing to do is stop. HOWEVER. I find it strange that ppl aren't talking more about the fact that she was invited by the team to come harass him in person. It essentially amounts to being his boss. Without his consent. Heck, even if he consented, that's still a sketch thing to do. Like, imagine if you're a woman secretary working at a company, and your boss invites some business partners to come gawk at you while you're working? Like, dude, this isn't part of my job? THINK OF THE FUCKING POWER DYNAMICS. Yes, the business partners are in the wrong there. But also ESPECIALLY so is the boss who invited this harassment upon someone that they hold power over. The Try Guys would make episodes where they read thirst comments about them, but they wouldn't do that to their employees, even if they agreed, because in such a power dynamic, you CAN NOT properly consent. The fact that she was invited in person by the team to make those comments probably seemed to her like an endorsement, and while she should have respected the ultimate word of the person who is directly affected by her comments, I can understand her feeling the whiplash from thinking that he was consenting (as one might presume if they're invited to do so in person) and then being told no. Again, emphasis on consent being revokable and that she should have simply immediately apologized and stopped. But I also understand why that's hard, and I honestly think it's something that MOST people still struggle with. And yeah, I think it's kinda fucked that the team pointed all fingers at her and washed their hands clean of their role in it.

[@Themudeater]

I don’t know, if I were invited to a sporting event I would instinctively know to act right. How disconnected from reality are we where we think being given a nice opportunity is a time to be loud and nasty?

[@KennyFrierson]

Didn't even make a release the kraken joke. But that's crazy that the team invited her to a game.

[@ritajoe811]

This is why I feel like we need to bring back embarrassment and Shame. Like there’s nothing wrong with being attracted to these people having those particular thoughts, but like keep them private not everything needs to be recorded and or televised. like at the end of the day, that’s still a another person who has another life and potentially spouses, so like respect that.

[@perlyshell]

Some people are way too open to stangers. They got too comfortable sharing stuff online that they don't even know where to stop.

[@daytonjob5519]

Recently been binging your content. You always make me laugh! Even when discussing difficult topics

[@WhizPill]

Jesus that First lady was UNHINGED 🤨🤨🤨🤨 Imagine if a guy did that for the world to see

[@chelseashurmantine8153]

People act like “online” isn’t real life. That is just not true. We need to adapt to the new reality

[@itsallenwow]

This was a case where Felicia said bye

[@itsallenwow]

The way you said “commenters wishing they could switch places with the clay” Freaking killed me

[@alpacafish1269]

Thank you for this vid Khadija.

[@lauraprescott1314]

Consent may be revoked at any time. This applies to thirst traps too.

[@manucr9183]

then you are just a tease

[@anishna_]

Khadija discovering withcindy's content was not on by bingo card for this year but i'm SO here for it 🤩

[@brian_Austin27]

This just goes to show that people have no respect for things, these folks be married in relationships thirst trapping

[@dreiaparratt787]

What irks me was her response to the criticism. I think I could've been more forgiving had it been a case of someone's social awkwardness causing them to be over the top. But Nooo, gf doubled down into "you and your little game would be nothing without me and booktok!"

[@bevishhh]

Totally off topic, but I am loving the bleached brows/yellow hair combo recently 🔥🌶️⭐️

[@orion.the.pathman]

the three youtube spheres I'm in is video essays, booktube (edit: the non-smutty side. I'm asexual and sex repulsed and just like reading about the world ending haha) and simstube. it's wild when they collide and istg I did such a double take when I saw cindy's video on here

[@Unstablegroundz]

Unrelated, but the "HELLO!" got real old real quick.

[@ccannon1]

Incredibly quickly

[@geminikid]

I live for you covering this

[@pluviophile._.j]

It really gives me the ick when people can't distinguish between their own private desires and the way you should publically adress a person. Also it must feel bad for many people to just be reduced to the way your body looks and the rest of you is mostly ignored.

[@UTxTheArchangel]

I think for women it's perceived as harmless bc as a society we don't view women as a threat to act on thirsty desires. Where as with men, there is receipts, lots of them...where there are men trying to make those desires a reality. Can it be harassment? its on the spectrum with harmless. If its unwanted, boundaries are crossed, and it continues are being told to cut it out, then its harassment.

[@ReshonBryant]

Guarantee wifey will disagree and put the Vaseline on.