[Take My Free Quiz]: What's the #1 Reason You're Still Single: bit.ly/youresinglequiz
@melcarter6422 Жыл бұрын
I set the boundaries, waited and watched. He was not only incongruent, he made excuses. Such a lack of accountability was an additional turn off. I finally told him, “we’re not a good fit” & “If I dated you, I’d feel both physically and emotionally starved”.
@BernMendez Жыл бұрын
Sorry it didn't work out, glad you were able to raise your standards and ask for what you needed.
@brittany.sherell Жыл бұрын
“Starved” is a great adjective. Putting that in my word bank. lol
@reemsaif31052 ай бұрын
I love that. Emotionally and physically starved is an accurate description. Nothing is worse than being with an absent man. Women crave lightness.
@KatErina-ii6ru Жыл бұрын
Number two is huge with physical contact!!! And many women don’t have boundaries in this area or if you get entangled with a narcissist and they start love bombing you and like you said if you haven’t had contact for a long time, you have to be very careful. It’s easy to get swept away.. and quite literally being “swept away” is bad. Excellent advice thanks Bern ❤😇
@BernMendez Жыл бұрын
Katerina, glad this helped : )
@deannapaquet4638 Жыл бұрын
I wish Mama said these things when I was young
@BernMendez Жыл бұрын
Glad you know them now, it's never too late. : )
@Tof235 Жыл бұрын
#1: Boundary regarding (common) intention early on (are you going towards the same direction?) #2 : Boundary regarding physical contact, especially if you get anxiously attached (holding hands, kissing on the lips too soon etc) #3 : Boundary regarding sex (make sure there is compatibility, emotional connection , exclusivity etc) #4 : Boundary of exclusivity ( do NOT become exclusive before the 3rd-4th month mark)
@BernMendez Жыл бұрын
Thanks for watching : )
@Tof235 Жыл бұрын
@@BernMendez always so insightful and to the point, thank you
@Laura7733 Жыл бұрын
#4 for long distance would this be 3-4 months of knowing them as something more than friends or after you've moved to be with them?
@Tof235 Жыл бұрын
@@Laura7733 are you exclusive? Do you feel sure about him? Is he covering your moving cost if you're moving for him? Are you going in the same direction eg marriage? Many questions here.
@shirleyannegoguen842 Жыл бұрын
Ladies, your life will be so less complicated when you apply these healthy boundaries and date with intention.
@BernMendez Жыл бұрын
Thanks for watching, Shirley!
@shirleyannegoguen842 Жыл бұрын
@@BernMendez thank you for helping ladies become high value ladies.
@clarasimonis2994 Жыл бұрын
Although its rarely practical to wait until marriage for sex.... its not safe for us women.... we get pregnant its a huge monetary gouge being a single mother. Im a single mom and think im pregnant from the guy i just broke off with because hes too immature to be a father... If you want a family, wait til marriage for sex
@edwinabarton8077 Жыл бұрын
@@clarasimonis2994 not just pregnancy theres HIV, Herpies, Hep C, Human Papilloma virus. Many others from unprotected sex. Many people won't be up front about having any disease either.
@shamillahug2398 Жыл бұрын
@@clarasimonis2994 Exactly ❤❤❤❤❤❤
@iamwisecrowtarot83734 ай бұрын
You're like the Dad that my inner child needed but never had. Turning 63 in June and never been married, and not a priority. Focusing on my spiritual growth. I find that I outgrow men spiritually quickly.
@monetstallion9363 Жыл бұрын
Wow!! I learned SO much from this video!! I have always been affectionate and touchy-feely, but this really made me understand the importance to waiting things out instead of jumping into things gung-ho and giving it all I got! Wow! Now I really understand how important it is to protect myself. Thank you SO much!!
@BernMendez Жыл бұрын
You're so welcome!
@bbghillini1793 Жыл бұрын
Bernardo, you are not only handsome but wise. Thank you for your well-thought-out advice.
@BernMendez Жыл бұрын
Thank you for your kind words. Glad you're enjoying the videos : )
@cguadalupe1546 Жыл бұрын
This was so practical. This was helpful and useful. I have those boundaries but I had no idea how vulnerable it would make me to have physical contact. It had been years since I had a romantic hug. Although I waited a month. I am too sensitive to allow too much touching. Now I understand that #2 physical contact is about me as much as it's about the other person.
@BernMendez Жыл бұрын
Guadalupe, glad this was useful to you : )
@Mkr79426 ай бұрын
All the things you said, I felt instinctively but didn't know the reasons why. The bit you said about a guy making you feel bad for setting boundries: happened very early on in life to me. But since I don't have much dating experience, some of this stuff is news to me. Thanks so much for putting it out there.
@user-kh3il3km4l7 ай бұрын
Your advice videos have been helpful and I find myself leaning on them for support in my search. I applied and was turned down but still, I've been grateful for the advice you make available through the videos. Thank-you, Mr. Mendez.
@BernMendez7 ай бұрын
Thank you for watching and for reaching out. My coaching practice is not a fit for everyone but when it is we co create some really special results.
@MsLilac88 Жыл бұрын
Sexual chemistry is also important in a relationship. 😊
@BernMendez Жыл бұрын
Yes it is : )
@MsLilac88 Жыл бұрын
@@BernMendez Let’s stay in touch. 😊
@gretchenburton7184 Жыл бұрын
This is so helpful. I am a widow of ten years now and have not had relations since 1994 due to something that happened to my husband. Explained this to a man who showed interest and we spent 3 months spending time together. He was astounded. He suddenly found another woman. It was swift and a neighbor lady who drove by, they started flirting, she teeated me with intense disrespect, they connected. The following day I discontinued contact with him. The relationship was not feeling safe with him. So it was God's protection but still an energetic blow.
@BernMendez Жыл бұрын
Gretchen, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, I'm happy to know you've not given up hope and are learning even better ways to get what you want.
@gretchenburton7184 Жыл бұрын
@@BernMendez Thank you so much.
@spyroluver0951 Жыл бұрын
you are so strong! Stronger than you think and through God's plan for us individually, you will be protected as you said x
@valb9963Ай бұрын
You are fortunate that you didn't get intimate with him. Ugh how discusting those 2 are. Let them have each other
@lesawilkes567310 ай бұрын
Thanks, Bernardo. I am a fairly open and honest woman and am not into games anyway. Your points tie in 100% with my own instincts. It is very difficult to maneuver with some men. There are plenty of women out there willing to "give it up." I want fulfillment as much as anyone, but know that a too fast "intimacy" tract is a bad bet. Men take advantage when they can, they typically require less emotional involvement, the opposite of what I Need. It hurts to get "dumped" for refusing to have sex right away, but the alternative is for me worse, i.e./ becoming attached to a man who doesn't really want what I want, even though he may profess that he does. It's good to hear you saying what I've figured out.........
@BernMendez9 ай бұрын
Glad you feel even more committed now to holding a healthy boundary of intimacy. : )
@bettywinn829610 ай бұрын
Excellent advice. (Wish I would have found your video long ago. It would have saved me a lot of heartbreak .)💔 Women "need" this information very early on in life. We don't get it from our parents or school. Young men and women do not understand each other. We are all out there floundering around without a manual. Thank you.💗
@BernMendez9 ай бұрын
Betty, so glad it was helpful!
@user-qu1jh8xj3o2 ай бұрын
All true true true! So helpful ! Merci, thank you! Had to hear that again. ❤from South of France
@BernMendez2 ай бұрын
Glad it was helpful!
@naomikamau1521 Жыл бұрын
Awesome advice...for sure.. The physical bit hits home...
@BernMendez Жыл бұрын
Naomi, Glad this felt useful : )
@lizashone19765 ай бұрын
Bern, it's such an amazing video. "I'm not the kind of woman that will have early physical contact." This is so consice and clear. I am very sensitive, a widow, and have an anxious attachment style, so I need to really keep myself safe. Also, such great advice to date more than one man. Why be exclusive if I'm checking them out for compatability? Many thanks.
@reemsaif3105 Жыл бұрын
Self love and self comittment 🌸✨
@BernMendez Жыл бұрын
Yes.
@emgee691 Жыл бұрын
Bernardo. Agree 100% Top presentation. Deep down, people actually DO know what they do or don't want . They may believe they can't or won't find it. They may worry whether or not they're "right" or "good enough" for it. However vdeep doesn't, they still DO know what they truly, really do want. The challenge, the problems, the issues, the trip wires happen, is that it takes courage, honesty and integrity to actually say and share what they truly do want. And say it up front and early on. And that's where the stumbles occur. Men as well as women. Women to men. Men to women. Regardless of gender.
@marthahopewell Жыл бұрын
Really good to hear!! Thank you for encouraging us to stick by more self-loving boundaries, even those of us who might actually just want a friend with benefits. Even then, the boundaries you recommend (perhaps modified a bit) are still GOOD! And, BTW, great use of the ASK Method!
@BernMendez Жыл бұрын
Hi Martha, Glad this was helpful and yes the ask method is awesome : )
@casperinsight3524 Жыл бұрын
When a guy claims or sells himself When he portrays himself a certain way Ask yourSelf WHY is he trying so hard to CONVINCE you ?!? 🚩
@casperinsight3524 Жыл бұрын
Boundaries R Blessings ~ protect your Peace
@BernMendez Жыл бұрын
: )
@rainewaters63714 ай бұрын
Helpful. 😊
@sohinisen304210 ай бұрын
Excellent advice. Thank you for sharing this video.
@rosaspeakspr Жыл бұрын
Wow! Look at you on that cover! 😍 Thank you for the video, Bern! 🌹
@BernMendez Жыл бұрын
Rosa, so good to see you here!! Thank you for stopping by :) 🙏😊
@SkarXOX Жыл бұрын
Bernardo!! This video has SO many incredible insights. Muchísimas gracias!!
@BernMendez Жыл бұрын
You're so welcome. Glad it was helpful : )
@buhbools13310 ай бұрын
❤️❤️ thank you! I’ve been watching your videos and majority things you say is my mentality already. I talking to a guy and he seems to be patient with me.
@BernMendez10 ай бұрын
TIna, I'm glad this resonates with you : )
@buhbools13310 ай бұрын
Soo refreshing ! I’ve been single for a decade and have kept my celibacy for 8 years now. I’ve always kept my values, morals even when I had ‘friends’ around me to break it. My self respect/worth has always been very close to my heart. This is my first interaction where I feel he’s really tuning, getting to know me but we shall see ! 💗✨ bless you for providing vids to help, I’ve been around too many girls who are so unself aware. Breaks my heart😰
@FriskyTendervittles10 ай бұрын
You can wait until marriage to have sex. If you are doing other things you can generally tell if there’s sexual chemistry without penetration
@BernMendez10 ай бұрын
My suggestion is to wait until exclusivity rather than marriage but I respect that some people want to wait longer.
@thingsthatclick Жыл бұрын
Very helpful - thank you for your wonderful heart-felt advice!!!
@BernMendez Жыл бұрын
You're welcome!
@llipstick23 Жыл бұрын
Your work is a beautiful part of my landscape. 💕
@BernMendez Жыл бұрын
Paola, thank you so much for your kind words 🙏
@MsLilac88 Жыл бұрын
I found enlightement from your informative relationship videos. 😊 Keep up the great work. 👍
@BernMendez Жыл бұрын
I'm happy to hear this : )
@MsLilac88 Жыл бұрын
@@BernMendez You are welcome. 😊
@ChaplainChristineMercy5 ай бұрын
So wise, thank you.
@BernMendez5 ай бұрын
You’re so welcome.
@nanan797 Жыл бұрын
excellent advice, thank you !!
@BernMendez Жыл бұрын
You're welcome. : )
@jacquelineweeks7 ай бұрын
Brilliant! Thank you!🙏🏼
@BernMendez7 ай бұрын
You're so welcome!
@paniwiosna2560 Жыл бұрын
Very clever 👌
@BernMendez Жыл бұрын
Thanks : )
@joansandeen944310 ай бұрын
Excellent advice.
@BernMendez9 ай бұрын
Thank you, Joan and thanks for watching!
@jcsnote8 ай бұрын
The best video!
@BernMendez8 ай бұрын
Thank you!
@anneplowman90345 ай бұрын
Brilliant.
@BernMendez5 ай бұрын
Thank you :)
@LoveFluffybums17 ай бұрын
Great tips, thank you so much!!
@BernMendez7 ай бұрын
You are so welcome!
@MyVlogTherapy Жыл бұрын
What are the questions and how are we setting the boundary? I think advice is too general allot of times that’s why we’re not able to implement because we’re never given specific tools from mentors. I’ve tried implementing boundaries and was told it was too much, well hell, they told me to do it but not HOW to do it. I’ve stated i want to slow down and progress and he waited 5 months had sex and then wasted my time by ghosting. I have allot of respect and received little in the end. And still don’t understand what i did wrong
@BernMendez Жыл бұрын
This video might be a good start: kzbin.info/www/bejne/eHSscmhrp6ifqqM
@camuyana Жыл бұрын
Sorry, but I disagree with the having sex before marriage because I've seen what happens after that and it is not a pretty picture. Marriage will not be in the Horizon if you do that and I have seen it time and time again where she is left in the forever girlfriend category or later dumped he did not value her enough to be his wife. Go ahead if you want to do it but this one here is not!
@BernMendez Жыл бұрын
Thanks for sharing your viewpoint, Elsa : )
@melissasmuseАй бұрын
Not having sex before marriage really screwed me over. I wish I would have because sexual compatibility is a real thing.
@camuyanaАй бұрын
@@melissasmuse I don't think that would be a good suggestion for your daughter or niece, that is if you have either one.
@melissasmuseАй бұрын
@@camuyana to each their own ✌️ and yes I would ABSOLUTELY tell my daughter to have sex before she’s married to see if there is sexual compatibility. You don’t know my story and how I had to live with sexual incompatibility for over a decade, so please step back. Sex is an important step to getting to know someone and its sacred. And for that to be there someone doesn’t need to be married. I respect if those are your beliefs, and a step in the right direction would be to respect mine.
@camuyanaАй бұрын
@@melissasmuse so you have a daughter and you have told her to have sex before marriage? Just curious.
@karenKristal Жыл бұрын
This all seems very complicated, do men have these thought processes when it comes to trying to find someone??
@BernMendez Жыл бұрын
Anyone who wants a conscious relationship that is trilogy fulfilling has a degree of difficulty ahead. :)
@cikuciku434510 ай бұрын
It's not complicated, personally I have done self discovery and through it I have serious boundaries and high standards that have halped me alot to escape so much nonsense but you just have to be mentally strong, principled and learn to embrace solitude but value yourself and after God prioritize yourself.
@reemsaif31052 ай бұрын
Yes especially when they want to find a long life partner not a snog after a party meet.up.
@lyndamcmullen5506 Жыл бұрын
❤❤❤
@BernMendez Жыл бұрын
Thanks for watching, Linda.
@CharleneR-l1vАй бұрын
Totally unexpected, feeling how the horrible itchiness eventually disappeared within 16 hours or so months was so relieving. I followed the steps I talked about, and within hours the swelling was gone. I simply go’ogled the latest by Renatta Kirmzel and it's like I hit the feel-good reset button lol.
@ChloeN-vy6xzАй бұрын
Breaking into his mind by expertly knocking down his psychological walls and making him tingle with feelings of pleasure, means you're doing it right. There are many so called "canned phrases" to make it happen, for example go’ogling something like Celestine Dessike's Words of Desire was the perfect formula for me
@larmindful233 Жыл бұрын
PLEASE HELP ME....I wish I would have heard this video from the very beginning. I met a guy that I absolutely have fallen for and It's been a year and a We are long distance. ( one thing I did do was not allow myself to give my body to him)He's had a lot of problems, job losses etc and a whole year has passed that he has not cone back to see me. He told me he needed to get his life in order and wanted to come back and see me but he's visiting another family member in my town and would like for me to have dinner with himself, Sister and Niece. I declined. I don't know what I'm doing, but he said he wanted to see if we are all In or Not. (After not seeing me fir a full year 🤷♀️) Why doesn't he just tell me that he's all in he's known me long enough. So, I declined and told him I don't want to feel like an after thought. Then he said then you don't want to be friends. I said no I do not. Now he's reached out more and has sent me photos of his work and told me he's feeling very sick and he needs to go to hospital etc etc. I don't know if that is a way of keeping me in his life. I don't understand him all I know is, I have fallen completely for him so much. I feel that I love him and i'm hurting every day without being with him. What shall I do???
@marciamellow1211 Жыл бұрын
Run...self worth...remember..
@earthling71834 ай бұрын
Hope you moved on from the 🚩 & found someone good to you.❤
@Theresa-lokhАй бұрын
Great advice, part of having him go plain crazy and unlocking his primal impulses is a result of speaking out just the right words. Yes, where to begin? Celestine Dessike's latest (go'ogle her) takes you by the hand if you really want to cut out all the guesswork and get him going!