Hello Lisa! Thank you for retelling this story to me. The story touched your core foundation; I see how emotional you became. Her brother’s outburst (behavior) was extreme without consideration of the sister’s boyfriend’s culture. He totally disenfranchised the boyfriend’s culture. It is true that couples in interracial relationships/marriages should be familiar with each other’s culture, tradition and custom. And you are right again, like my mother taught me that in marrying a woman, a man is not only marrying her but her family, tribe and culture. My girlfriend and I have been dating for a while and she is already asked her mom to let her marry me, which she agreed. This year she is visiting me in the Golden State. Teach me how best to behave with her; she is not a rural girl but visit her parents in the countryside regularly. In my culture, it is forbidden for a prospective son-in-law to sit near his mother-in-law, physically touch her (hand greeting) or touch her clothes. This is as a respect to her. However, I want to follow her culture and resign my culture aside. Please make a video on how I should approach her parents on first encounter, greeting etiquette, polite respectful behaviors around them and what gifts I should take with me when visiting them. I don’t speak Chinese yet but I want to take Chinese language courses after my graduate degree this May 2025. Please don’t get bored with my frequent requests for lessons about Chinese culture, tradition and custom. My girl is everything to me and I would mortgage my soul for her. Thank you!
@GobbyLisa9918 күн бұрын
I will .
@GaryMiller-h8q18 күн бұрын
You’re a very wise and beautiful young lady. I’m impressed with your way of solving problems your kindness your big heart. I’m happy for you and your husband, but you have such a great relationship. I love listening to you speak with your broken English. I’m glad I found your channel. I wish you years success and happiness with your KZbin channel and your marriage. 😉🙏💕
@GobbyLisa9918 күн бұрын
Thank you so much
@TwoCentsOnTour18 күн бұрын
Sad story. But you're right, there needs to be understanding between both sides. I bonded with my father-in-law by learning to drink 白酒 with him 😅
@asutosakumbhar18 күн бұрын
😄🍻❤️🔥
@GobbyLisa9918 күн бұрын
@@asutosakumbhar Yes, it's that simple. My husband doesn't drink but he would chat with them, so I think her husband is not familiar with her family. Maybe the toilet problem is just the fuse. Maybe he hasn't visited them much in all these years.
@asutosakumbhar18 күн бұрын
@@GobbyLisa99 Madam, I am pleased to receive your response. I comprehend the circumstances. I hold the belief that love necessitates mutual understanding. We men are not as refined in our demeanor as might be expected; we maintain a reserved disposition, but after partaking in a few drinks and engaging in conversation, the atmosphere becomes naturally convivial. 😇❤️🥂
@AlanMartin-lc5di19 күн бұрын
A sad story but i think it probably happens a lot,its not hard to be polite in any culture, i think by just being polite when visiting family that goes along way, every time we go to visit my wife's family i ask what can we take as a gift like fruit or flowers, like i would do here in the UK, if ive not seen them in a long time. Sometimes i get told we wont take anything other times we take a lot , i have found the best thing to do is when visiting family or going to family or friends birthdays or wedding is ask my wife what does she want to do or say in my culture i would do this but i know in your culture you would do that, then let her decide what she is happy with. And most of the time when visiting family i say hello and enquire after them then my wife tells me to sit down, and she goes off checking the house and what sounds like arguing with them but im told they just talk loudly😄, and every so often a family member sits down talks to me then wonders off, i think she sits me down and puts her handbag beside me so that she can remember where she has put us so she doesn't lose us!🤣🤣🤣
@GobbyLisa9919 күн бұрын
In fact, when visiting Chinese wife's family, people usually just need to buy some fruit or milk ….just like you did. This is a courtesy to show that I value them. It doesn't need to be expensive. Of course, you can buy other gifts if you want. When my husband and I go to visit my parents, we usually buy a few bottles of cigarettes or alcohol that my father and mother like, which are not expensive
@proudeuropean218 күн бұрын
yes, the story is said. but I would not agree that the husbands long bathroom stay triggered the escalation. I assume the conflict has deeper roots. anyway, I am married to a wonderful Chinese wife and I respect my parents in law and communicate with them through wechat/translate. no intercultural issues so far (at least I wouldn't be aware of)
@AlanMartin-lc5di19 күн бұрын
Yes your right. But also serving them tea or doing the dishes after dinner shows your respect them
@GobbyLisa9919 күн бұрын
For men to women’s family house, you don’t need to wash dishes, if women go to men’s family to help wash dishes men’s family will happy, but sound you did very well
@asutosakumbhar18 күн бұрын
This situation has happened/can happen/is happening to every marital family across the world. And I think the husband and wife's brother were shy/or confused at the first meeting (depending on the family situation). They both need some personal time. Congratulations to the happy families and especially the new born baby. ❤️🎁🎉🎆
@GobbyLisa9918 күн бұрын
If that they are first meeting, that’s really disrespectful women’s family
@asutosakumbhar18 күн бұрын
@GobbyLisa99 In Asia, personal relationships are important, but you cannot personalise diplomacy. ❤️🥂
@GobbyLisa9918 күн бұрын
@@asutosakumbharI know. But being familiar with your spouse's family is the most basic thing in every marriage. You don't need to be too close, but you can't be unfamiliar with them either. So I think this story is strange. By the way their child is 4 or 5 years old now. The women and child usually go visit her parents, but still never seen her husband visit
@asutosakumbhar18 күн бұрын
@@GobbyLisa99 很高兴了解当前情况。让我们祝愿新的一年里每个人都能拥有爱与幸福。😇🎁🎆
@loneranger66819 күн бұрын
The couples should expose their cultures to each other while dating. At the time they are dating, they need to seriously evaluate if they should continue to date or terminate the relationship. Also, they should evaluate the historical/political attitudes towards them when marriage is involved in the host country.
@GobbyLisa9919 күн бұрын
I think it is more important to get each other's families familiar with each other in marriage. It has nothing to do with politics, because we are all ordinary people. Even if we marry someone from our own country, we still need to get familiar with our partner's family.
@loneranger66817 күн бұрын
@@GobbyLisa99 Lisa, you really think, under current political atmosphere, that the Chinese gov't has no problems with a citizen marrying an American? No retribution to a Chinese family?
@adriancann505619 күн бұрын
I don't understand the brother's attitude. most cultures give a foreigner a break when it comes to cultural misunderstandings. I do agree with you that if you marry a Chinese lady, you better learn something about her culture, quickly, especially if you live in China.
@GobbyLisa9919 күн бұрын
Like in this story, I just feel why her husband and the woman's family are so unfamiliar, just like the first time they met, this incident may just be the fuse. In China, if a man hardly visits a woman's family before or after marriage, it is really disrespectful. Generally in China, the families of women in foreign marriages are generally very tolerant, especially after marriage. Sometimes need to visit the woman's family, especially if they live in China. But the brother is really bad
@TJ-kk5zf19 күн бұрын
You know, at some point people are going to have to realize that it's becoming a multicultural world and they're just going to have to suspend some of the silly customs and not jump to conclusions about people
@vectorm416 күн бұрын
Lisa, when I went to China I brought a gift for my mother-in-law; should I have also brought something for my sister-in-law?
@GobbyLisa9916 күн бұрын
When I back to China. I bought face cream for my sister-in-law. You can buy Face cream or perfume. If she lives in the countryside, don't buy perfume, but face cream is fine. brother-in-law you can buy a watch. They don't need to be expensive, as long as they are Western products.
@Jonathan-je9uh18 күн бұрын
I think this story goes much deeper than what is told, I am sure the family does not like the Indian man, but they allowed the daughter to marry as they did not want to hurt her feelings.. Please note in India they still go by the CLASS/CAST system, the Indian man may think his wife's family are of lower class, I know many Indian men, who have traveled to China, and with going with them to restaurants and Banks, they treat the staff like shit, and are very rude, maybe this Indian man has the same attitude?
@GobbyLisa9918 күн бұрын
I just found out about this a few years ago. Their child is already four or five years old. The woman often takes the child back to her parents' home and treats the child very well. However, she has not spoken to her brother in the past few years. However, whether before or after marriage, I have never seen her Indian husband go to her parents' home
@vanessaland509011 күн бұрын
Agree. Have witnessed some very disrespectful attitudes which noone would like, whether you are chinese or caucasian.
@asutosakumbhar18 күн бұрын
印度和中国:历史上的伙伴,未来的建筑师。❤️🌱
@AlanMartin-lc5di18 күн бұрын
If I'm not drinking with her father then I help my wife wash the dishes as I feel bad for her doing 8t all by her self.
@vanessaland509011 күн бұрын
Never heard of this kind of thing happening but this story is less about cultural differences between China and India and more about just having some decent respect to not hide away in someone's house not even acknowledging wife's grandfather, brother while they wait. How much time do you need to put on makeup, could have done that before. And if you make no effort to get to know family before you get married with baby, doesn't show like you care that much for wife or her family. Or is this just a story you made up?
@GobbyLisa9911 күн бұрын
They themselves said that every country has advantages and disadvantages, just like the UK also has many problems
@ShannonDerie18 күн бұрын
Thank you for the story, But why did the daughter have to contribute 50,000. towards a house that was going to be given to her brother? The brother also needs to show some appreciation . Juan Dan Jie ❤🇨🇦
@GobbyLisa9918 күн бұрын
In many rural areas, women need to help their brothers build houses
@DGHodgson-o8z19 күн бұрын
Sounds to me like the son doesn't respect his sister or his mother.
@GobbyLisa9919 күн бұрын
In China, a woman's brother is very important, especially after marriage. When her husband is in the toilet and he doesn't say hello frist him immediately and makes him wait for a long time, her brother will feel that he has lost face, so he will get angry. In China, a man's face is particularly important, and there is no such thing as a brother respecting his sister in China. But her brother has cold heart. If it were me, I wouldn't forgive him
@DGHodgson-o8z18 күн бұрын
I know it's easy for me to talk not coming from the Chinese culture, but If it had been me, i would have said a quick hello and then excused myself, as you say her brother has a cold heart to do that to his sister, especially not long after giving birth, i'm no saint but i could never do that to my sisters or any other woman, not even a stranger.
@vanessaland509011 күн бұрын
That's a load of crap. Not everyone is that fussy about 'face' which really just translates to respect which applies to everyone but face is a very outdated western stereotype because most people just want respect as everyone does, just like not everyone is a mysoginist male in the west. You have different kinds of people in all races, from my experience. What are you on about? The many chinese men I know have a deep respect for their mothers and sisters and family in general. This is why WAY more chinese men know how to cook than western men. And yes, even in the country! People need to travel to China and actually see for themselves and not believe this fake western propaganda from this 'gobby' character.
@andrewlin613618 күн бұрын
How much dowry did the Indian family paid to girl family, if he's not given any, then it's double standard on girl side
@GobbyLisa9918 күн бұрын
There is generally no dowry in Chinese and foreign marriages. In India usually women paid men’s dowry
@andrewlin613618 күн бұрын
@GobbyLisa99 what women's demanding betrothal money before marriage
@GobbyLisa9918 күн бұрын
@@andrewlin6136 It's different in every place. In my time, it was 666 or 888 RMB, and then some jewelry, about 2,000 to 3,000 RMB, and some food for the girl's parents, but if the man wants to give more, he can. I don't know about it now, but in the south or in some places in Fujian, both engagement and marriage require a lot of money. Moreover, many people nowadays do not get engaged, but get married directly, and many people also choose to travel to get married
@andrewlin613618 күн бұрын
@@GobbyLisa99 did you see in some videos, some women's saying they don't want to have kids, while in US many women's taking their husbands or ex- husbands to court to prove that the child born was his, many women's had multiple affairs - now they can't even prove which is their child's father
@andrewlin613618 күн бұрын
@@GobbyLisa99 a couples died by committing suicide in the river just coz at the last moment the bride family ask for 200,000 RNB more before entering the house
@UKVeteran202418 күн бұрын
I hope Chinese families respect higher cultures, as they have had have theirs bleached out by communism. Welsome to The West, and learn from it.
@vanessaland509011 күн бұрын
The younger chinese are actually very and way more educated than western kids and even the older generation know more about world affairs than you'd realise. You don't realise it unless you travel around the world a lot but the west actually has way more propaganda and censorship than you realise because *gasp* money does a lot of talking in shaping the news cycle for the owner's distractionist agenda.
@juku_juku18 күн бұрын
I really feel bad for your friend in this situation, but I've seen real pain in Chinese men, both in China and in diaspora. I think China prefers boys, but at their detriment. I'm really not trying to discredit anything, but I think Chinese men are treated as cogs in a machine. 1. If Chinese men are expected to supply a house to a potential wife. Isn't the tradition of passing the house to the son like passing down an engagement ring? It's like a generational thing to increase the chances of finding a partner. I don't agree with the lack of nuance in the tradition, but I understand why the house would go to the son. That's what women and the woman's family demands. If the man's family demanded a house in most cases; I would agree with the practice being unfair. However in the modern age, perhaps the family should talk things over; or the son should at least have a fiance in mind. 2. Is there a law saying that a paid dowry must be returned to the man or the couple? If not, I believe it's discrimination for the man. It's not flattering for the woman to experience either. I'm sorry Lisa. I'm not believing you about the dowry. I've heard stories of the husband not seeing a dime back in some occasions. May I ask? Why do you defend the dowry? Is this a tradition? How is it not unfair for the man? I saw a man's life ruined in China because the family kept demanding a higher and higher dowry. He never got married and ended up going insane. That's my image of how China treats men and boys. Both Chinese men and women have to understand one another better. I'm not aware if your personal experience with Chinese men hasn't been great, but change is made through sympathy, compromise, and mutual understanding like in the story of Hiawatha and the Peacemaker.
@GobbyLisa9918 күн бұрын
I am not defending the dowry , because some places have it, some don't. I don't have it around me, whether it's my friends or my brother and sister getting married, there is no such thing. If you don't believe me, there is nothing I can do. Don’t forget China is very big . Not everywhere the same . You are Chinese you know it. But I know many places have dowry and I also saw some videos as you said
@juku_juku18 күн бұрын
Thank you for your insight and hard work Lisa!
@vanessaland509011 күн бұрын
This Gobby character sure does do a very western stereotype of China type propaganda which is not what I've experienced in my world travels. I encourage everyone to go travel and see China and know reality for themselves instead of listening to fake western propaganda channels.