The TRUTH About Friendship | Mel Robbins

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What do you do when your friends judge you because you are trying to do things that improve your life?
That’s a big question, and it’s one about friendship in general.
In this video I am not holding back when it comes to who you have in your life and how that impacts who you become. The reality is, you can love someone and still not enjoy hanging out with them because of how it affects you. To improve your life sometimes means losing people who are in another stage of theirs.
Watch the entire video. There’s a lot of information here that will help you understand who your reason, season, or lifetime friends are.
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[@gkadnams]

The only people who will be upset by you setting boundaries are those who benefited from you having none.

[@jordanxfile]

Great one 👍🏻

[@Sheena.Ashley]

Dang. That's deep

[@smcd6101]

Yes!! Well said!

[@slyfox8631]

Smart comment!

[@blahblah1438]

So true

[@querida1809]

The older I get, I realize the value of privacy of cultivating my circle and only letting certain people in. Dont be trapped by dogma. You can be open, honest and real while still understand not everyone deserves a seat at the table of your life.

[@paulmccartneyadorrer]

THIS

[@franciscoquintanar1768]

Nah dude at this point no one deserves a sit a my table, fuck that

[@pamelastaton6390]

Like that point you made “not everyone deserves a seat at the table of your life…” well put!

[@nayonikarai482]

PERFECT!!!

[@rachellecox7658]

I am at a point in my life where I don't have many friends. And even though I feel the lonlines, I am reluctant to let just anyone into my life.

[@shannywoods1339]

Same here

[@rosebud7105]

This is exactly where I am, too in my life.

[@nicolinelindgren9132]

Same here

[@carlathelibra4228]

Me too.

[@mijuajua4820]

Same here Rachelle.

[@CzarinaMcCoy]

🔹Friends for a Reason 🔹Friends for a Season 🔹Friends for a Lifetime

[@lydiacarels774]

Yep! I've also written it down. It should go on a proverb tile! 😂

[@missmayflower]

Friends of the Road Friends of the Heart

[@blacksam1984]

Amazing speech 👏🏼

[@crystalianike]

Just like love

[@reg8297]

Believe u me people do have enemies

[@idontknow-ms8mc]

Some of this doesn't only apply to friends but family too.

[@maddiegrant1189]

Indeed!

[@jantjaden836]

Kayohem 2 You are so right!!!!!

[@ZenithZoneWellness]

K 2 that’s right!!

[@jenrich111]

Definitely

[@jenrich111]

Mel I love you so much. You exude passion in your voice. You are one of my favourite motivational coaches! You consistently show up to you events for a decade probably.. & you will make a pile of cash ($1 000 000) from book sales alone and you deserve it. I wanna be like you in my way.

[@YogiRed]

As Oprah once said (non-verbatim), If you have one good friend you are lucky. The older you get the less good friends you have.

[@adrianamatamoros7256]

She also said that sometimes we have to divorce friends, specially those who when you see them in stead of feeling energized you feel down.

[@aernoutkraaijeveld]

Horseshit keep telling yourself that and you will end up without any and its all on you

[@aernoutkraaijeveld]

Why is she giving me advice on friendship, i ask? Shes a life coach now?

[@karenzhang1020]

True.

[@casperlory]

Your circle of friends changes as you do. Seldom do things/friendship remain unchanged. These so-called "friends for life" is a wishful myth.

[@nouramy4038]

When u dnt hav frnds but still watch this

[@likhithakandiboina1408]

Me me

[@Amy-lh4km]

Right

[@cheerstoyou9065]

Looser

[@eazyjosh]

Im on this table

[@GIAXXI]

I felt this

[@johnschaal5866]

Setting boundaries can intimidate others, that’s because you’re growing, expanding and experiencing self-actualization! So, others don’t know who you are, who you have become, you changed. They embrace it or walk, tough crossroads!

[@I-Am-Prospering-I-Am-Grateful]

So true John!

[@shirleywooley2489]

When you start setting boundries others can't control you and that can make them angry!!! Their insecurities not yours!!!

[@rajubose9773]

We have came in this universe alone and will have to go alone . So enjoy the beautiful gift call LIFE. Try to find a lifetime friend within you......

[@Sandra-lb5pu]

Thank you for pointing out the most important thing: befriending ourselves.

[@rfs441]

its been ruff outgrowing your friends. it has not been easy to make new friends over 40. and I find most women are so insecure they cant truly be friends bc of their jealousy.

[@Niasmar]

Big facts. Keep your heart open, your tribe is out there

[@tamarastone141]

Yes, i agree.

[@lovetoplayharp]

I agree too.

[@AnnAndNala]

I agree. I'm astounded at the insecurity, jealousy and competition that goes on. It's quite disgusting really.

[@taralangton2417]

Going through this now. A friend who "seems" to have everything is jealous of me and puts me down in front of others.

[@irreduciblerascal]

No one is your friend, no one is your enemy. Everyone is your teacher.

[@blue_cameron]

Mr Limitless except some of your teachers who are actually your enemies

[@olivialoveworthy]

@Agua de Estrellas, beautifully said.

[@ZenithZoneWellness]

Well put!

[@paulramone5443]

Very clever

[@sharonchevalier922]

I AM a Creator God Yes! So succinct! I appreciate how you put that. Thank you for your words. Namaste

[@apriljoyce4932]

I wish I still had friends! Once I Changed for the better I lost some...when I didn't want to do drugs I lost more....when I Realized my Worth & discovered the guilt free No...I lost the rest!! Making new ones at 40 who aren't dramatic, miserable or totally fake is Impossible! Where I live anyway😕

[@KarinaSwan]

I completely understand what you are saying, but as Mel mentions here, everyone comes and goes, except the "lifetime" ones. I went through stages like that as well and lost pretty much every "friend". I thought I'd never have any friends, real friends, because of age, as you said... but after some time they started coming again, the new kind, the ones that fit my personality now, of course it's not dozens of people the way it used to be, it's a few, but they matter more than a dozen would. Just wait, the transition takes time. You are so amazing for making a great change in your life for the better! It takes will power and courage not many have 🤗

[@captainshiggles]

So it’s not just me then. At 43 I thought I would have close friends by now but all I’ve had were seasonal friends. And I live by The New York area.

[@KarinaSwan]

Captain Shiggles ask yourself what you want in a friend, then you'll get it

[@landit]

april joyce - I have a handful of women I socialize with, but I wouldn’t call them friends. It’s drinks after work or movies after work of dinner after work. It’s hard to find woman my age without children/family to connect with. Weekends and holidays are family time. And it’s hard to ask a woman w/afamily & job to give up more of her time for me and my needs, and therefore I just take what I can get & keep a boundary so I don’t get hurt.

[@alexandraAclayton]

I’m 42 and trying to make friends is hard. It would be great if we could do what we used to do at 5 and just say “do you want to be my friend”. But doing that at 42 I think I’d get some funny looks.

[@kristimeenan4317]

OMG-I just lost two incredibly close friends - one was a lifetime friend and one was "my person." As I started changing, standing up for myself, they weren't use to the new me and chose to leave. It hurt like hell but I guess their "season" was over. Thank you for this.

[@kmoy]

Kristi Meenan I had a close friend for 20 years that I no longer hang out with or consider a “close friend.” Sure she’s known me a long time but does she really know and care about me? Likely no. I know you will continue to do well and meet more wonderful ppl.

[@lovetoplayharp]

This happened to me too. Heartbreaking. But I’m trying to move forward now.

[@kaznosa]

This exact thing happened to me. Except she had to insult me and say that I "don't change or try" even though that's all I was doing. I was just standing up for myself. I think it was just deflection but, either way I'm glad we went our separate ways. It was getting toxic

[@ONLYLOVEIZATION]

Yes it hurts when you think they were a lifetime friend and the friendship falls apart - I can relate.

[@stevenflores972]

Funny... 4 years later I'm now going through this. Very lonely This to shall pass is an understatement. I'm molding my every day to the best it could be . I wonder how you're doing 🤔 now...

[@GadgetsGearCoffee]

I disagree with the friends for a lifetime. You gotta water that plant. You don't just call them up when you need something. That ain't friendship.

[@papimt]

Totally agree with you!

[@someperson2500]

I don't do funerals. I'm not having one either 😂

[@janemills1839]

Some Person Nor do I, I didn't go to either my Mum and Dads Funerals, it was made very clear I wouldn't be welcome. I have two Sisters who did nothing for my Parents, I bought them two homes (they didn't like the first one), and I'm the black sheep, so be it, I sleep at night, I didn't wait until they died to show them my respects, No regrets.

[@ursulamullikin4723]

😂

[@aidanoleary636]

I am shocked to think that people would only attend a funeral if a person was their “friend” (of which it seems people have very few). Perhaps this is just a US thing but in Ireland it is much more common to attend funerals to pay respect for people that are just acquaintances and even to attend funerals of their family friends and acquaintances members. It’s sad to think that people care so little about a person (or those left behind) when they die. Perhaps it’s a cultural thing but certainly not what I am used to in Ireland.

[@eclecticvee]

We do too in the US..I specifically have been to too many to count to pay respects, I think she was trying to make a point? But it really doesn't work because like you said if you know someone on any level you SHOULD attend if you are able.. and anyone that you consider ANY kind of friend or acquaintance should not even be a second thought

[@Rysngphnyx2822]

I agree

[@מיכלויצמן-ג8ג]

I love what you said ..in Israel pp are attending feunaral without the need to be just a freind or family Mor then a year i lost my dear mom and non of my pp that i use to call freind show up ‼️‼️ Thats change everything in my new life i mean i forgive but it wont be the same ...

[@69LOLIN]

Good you live in Ireland! 😊

[@gu3sswh075]

Aidan O'Leary too many selfish people without any morals. That's why religion is so important

[@lolam.9291]

Wow!! I just realized something... I have no reason, season, or lifetime friends 😳

[@rachellecox7658]

Same here

[@susantomkins8798]

Same here

[@nicholakilian8692]

Me too but I am not fazed

[@jimwilliams4088]

Same here

[@amandaroberts6822]

That sounds hard. I am so blessed to have mine, but it’s such a revolving door. I recommend just asking ppl to go to coffee or lunch and connecting. I joined a professional organization that helped.

[@xofancy]

YESSS! I am a firm believer in the adage "you are the sum of the 5 people you spend the most time with." It's hard to level up if you allow yourself to be influenced by people with no goals or different goals. I had cancer a few years ago now, and I learned quickly who is there only when it's fun and who is there until the end. Don't feel guilty for looking after yourself, your family, and your goals. Great video, Mel. xo

[@CodyCole80]

🤨No Disrespect but... Calling people only when you have a need is selfish. I’ve cut off “so-called” friends like that because they aren’t real friends at all; those are people who only use and benefit from you. 🙄 Also, showing up at a funeral when you haven’t spent much time with a person is fake!!! *True friends feel like family, and they are people that you not only call when in need, but to share your happiest moments in life with as well.”* 🤷🏽‍♀️

[@tamaro9641]

I respectfully disagree. I believe that friendships deserve just as much nurturing, reciprocity, love, and attention as any other relationship in your life. To say going to their funeral means that, that is your friend is mind blowing to me. Give your friends their flowers while alive...not dead! Cheers to those who take time to put the work in. It's worth it.💕

[@Nepthu]

I see your point, but most people who complain about friendship problems expect too much from others.

[@CodyCole80]

Exactly! 💯 I go to funerals for different reasons, not all the time because I really loved the person. 🙄 Calling people only when you have a need is selfish. I’ve cut off friends like that because they aren’t friends at all; those are people who use and benefit from.

[@yellowmoon4564]

You didnt get it then lol

[@arthurcoppola8303]

A nice friend is always good Chat talk about when you young

[@anikatasnim6001]

Mel's advices are more opinionated than backed up by evidence based research. Anyone who is blindly following influencers like her is bound to meet dead end at some point. It's so important to meditate on your intuitions and thoughts and also do your own research and read books written by experts to develop good habits and decision making skills.

[@evelinboerner2160]

I guess it's also a question of cultural background. As a German, I noticed Americans refer to people as friends very easily. You meet someone several times, he/ she is a friend. And then, the question if you would go to their funeral to find out if they are a true friend applies... My notion of a friend is very. very different. I left my former best friend back in Germany after I decided to do a massive life change and move to the USA. We had already grown apart before and I feel like she is still stuck in her patterns. We barely talk, both of us have moved on with our lives. Would I still go to her funeral? - I would go above and beyond to help her out in situations, before it even gets to a funeral...

[@kirsten1007]

Yes we do that. It is very superficial like we claim everyone is a friend. I am trying Not to do that anymore. It's kind of like name dropping. Ugh. I do have Real friends, forever friends. Ride or Die . Lol

[@msr1116]

Describing people as an acquaintance may have a sort of coldness, an emotional distance to it, however accurately it defines the association. Friend has evolved into a word with numerous unspoken levels or degrees of initimacy, not just the one traditional definition in use for decades.

[@msr1116]

@Brad Smith .....Facebook was a lame concept back when it was first conceived at Harvard. It's since evolved into a platform for popularity and self promotion. The idea of Facebook Friends is at least widely accepted there as having its own distinct meaning and no-one takes it in the strict Oxford dictionary sense. The concept of genuine friendship as we once knew it has largely gone by the wayside, in the same way traditional marriage has, as well as decades long employment at one company.

[@EvanNDoan-ry8vf]

Oh my gosh i totally understand. Im from asian german american.. Raised in deutschland.. And yea people meet me 3 times and introduce me as friend home girl and im just lile huh?. Its just friendship is taken serious there when it takes time n takes off if ur brave enoug... Here it never gets deeper.. My experience...

[@ursulamullikin4723]

It is a cultural background because I think the same way I also came from Germany and some people still think I'm aloof or cool, Weather the gym or when I play tennis I made a lot of acquaintances and that's great but I don't bring them home with me I was blessed to have 4good friends in the US but they all moved and most people I meet are friendly but shallow and they think they're my friends I'm still in touch with a couple of friends in Germany and that's it , I like my dog a lot better than most humans

[@monicamejia1687]

"You can tipically put friends in three buckets: You have friends for a reason You have friends for a season You have friends for a lifetime." 💕💕💕

[@rabiefashiongala]

I needed to hear this for a long time.

[@happyagarwal9506]

you are one decision away from a totally different life!!! @melrobbinslive

[@TheHealthKitten]

I guess I have a small problem related to this. My friend got really serious about working out and usually works out 4 days out of the week. She’s committed, never misses a workout. She doesn’t budge for a dinner date, movies, and other things that would take away from her goal. I’m very proud of her for that. However, she expects me to drop whatever I’m doing to hang out when she wants to, or when she has free time even if I have something else planned. She makes me feel bad for hanging out with my family instead of her when I’ve known I’m going to be with my family a week in advance and she hits me up last minute. I guess a caveat for this is don’t expect your friends to drop their plans for you when you won’t drop your plans for them.

[@raven-kn6lv]

She needs to learn to take other peoples times to consideration . the world doesn't revolve around her.

[@edenevolution451]

Sounds a lil narcissistic.

[@user-hc1di8bb2u]

Toxic friend

[@beebuzz959]

Tell her, if you haven't, that you love and miss her, and that you admire her dedication, but that you've got dedications too you can't just up and ignore, and that you'll make time for her IF she makes time for you. If that doesn't work, sad to say, but let her be and go find another friend. Maybe one day she'll come around, but don't depend on it. But you'll find others.

[@WhiteHatDance]

Kendra S try to go to the gym with her

[@Ab.eNormal]

I was/am a therapist to two of my closest friends, talking about relationships ALL THE TIME! Its exhausting, I can't do it.

[@mspixiedust100]

A friend who's who's there for you in need, is a friend indeed.

[@patrickbateman9242]

A friend with weed is better. A friend with breast and all the rest. A friend who dress in leathers

[@ElnaKristin]

@@patrickbateman9242 not a weirdo! just a fellow Placebo lover, i assume

[@mrsc4760]

The funeral comment she makes is absurd. I will attend funeral of someone I know, a work colleague, a friend of my mother, family or family of family whom I may never have met but is important to a loved one. You don't have to care for someone to go to their funeral

[@catiatavares7757]

Exactly!

[@mijuajua4820]

I was thinking the same thing! My test is who would I talk on the phone with;)

[@timlonggone]

drinking or no drinking is not an issue, personally I feel friendship is overrated.

[@kathleencernetich6243]

True "friends" or an "acquaintance" people get the definition wrong of either one. People don't have many friends people have many acquaintances once they understand the difference they will know what they're left with..

[@samanthasponder1280]

Never feel guilty about moving on!

[@ashleystardust2513]

I've never known how to make friends. People think I'm odd, and most of the time I'm disinterested in the material issues of life. Growing up I went to a new school every year, new city new people, always the new kid. I didn't learn how to do division, nor did I learn social ability . I love your content Mel.... Thank you... So much

[@beebuzz959]

I don't think anybody does. Just plot yourself out there and smile and say hi to people. Embrace your uniqueness and have fun with it! It's good to be odd! Own it and just be nice and realize the world deserves to get to know you and you it. Being odd isn't a deal breaker, but being mean is, or hiding so nobody can meet you Is.

[@muhammetnurgeldiev2673]

U r exactly copy of me

[@lovely-mk4rt]

I came from a military family........ I am the same way

[@shytisefitness8743]

I am the exact same way.

[@dancemonkeydance2813]

Being odd can be a good thing. I pride myself on being weird. I like strange things I'm awkward and goofy and cheesy. My friends and co-workers just get used to it cause I'm entertaining. Normal people are boring. 💝

[@Bochanable]

Honestly, I have decided that having a funeral or memorial for me is just not important. I won’t be there and isn’t it more important that people should be there when you’re alive not dead.

[@CodyCole80]

💯👍🏾💯

[@financialminimalist344]

I love this video! This is a huge topic especially for women! Change can be lonely! But ultimately for the better! Thanks for the video!

[@kmoy]

You hit the nail on the head Mel. I’ve been agonizing over this issue with a friend I’ve had for almost 20 years. Last year was the first time we did not hang out over the Christmas holiday. This year we did not either. You know what I did differently? Not care what she’s doing or saying about me. I chose not to react negatively. She’s my fiend but I chose not to hang out with her. Thank you thank you thank you for saying it’s ok to do what’s best for me. Not that I need your approval but it just makes all the doubt in my head go away. After 2 years everything comes back full circle. So glad I found you.

[@marmadukethedog4598]

You... nailed it. I really feel like this point needs to be highlighted: you cant receive the new friends if you are holding on to the old!!! Your new patterns will attract the new! Hello!

[@WISDOMBITES1]

The hard reality is that if you are serious about following your dream, passion, goals and have a great vision then you have to accept that you are unlikely ever to have friends as only 3% of the population are like you, and the chances of you meeting some of the 3% is possible but highly improbable. I speak from experience and by default i now prefer to be on my own and find my own company better than anyone.I wish i had done this when i was 18 and not wasted endless energy trying to inspire and motivate people who were happy to be victims and stuck in their 'worldly' problems.I now recognise those people are 97% of the population and they will remain there as they are happy in their mediocrity.Good riddance and i have been far happier without them. Good luck everyone :-)

[@lifebeelifebee9214]

People who you are HANG OUT WITH, are not friends, they are just people who you hang out with. Friendship is a deep intimate connection, just like love, but friendship is always mutual. Some people blessed, some not, with true connection in friendship, especially in the US where I live as an immigrant. In over 20 years I have people who I hang out with, but no friends in a sense of connection, while back at home country, it was easy to connect. Even my American family is distant, disconnected, shallow, and most of my hubby's friendships based on exchange of something. This video makes me very sad, and feel sorry of all who thinks that hopping bars can be a reason for a...........friendship. haha

[@kimlock9440]

True friends accept you no matter what and with your transformation weed out the false ones.

[@patwright8691]

This was so timely! I have a friend that I made at work and when my husband and I separated she was a good person to talk to and support me. We became close but as time went along (and we didn't work together anymore) our friendship seemed to change. As I got stronger after my divorce and started going out with others and my life went in a different direction she seemed different towards me. It was almost like she wanted to control and run my life and didnt like it as I branched out. We never had a fight but I have found myself pulling away from her as she drags me down and I don't enjoy her company as much as I used to and it now seems that we don't really have anything in common. My question would be "how do I turn her down for lunch / coffee etc when she calls"? I like her enough but don't want to hang out or go for lunch! Thanks

[@ggbouvier9897]

Say yes to coffee, but tell her you have an appointment at the bank or another appointment.

[@Claudia-yc8xk]

Can I just ask, in this scenario did you lean on her when you were hurting but feel like you don't need her anymore ? Not a cool thing to do, this has happened to me before and its so painful to be dropped when you essentially get what you want and don't need that person anymore.

[@StreetFighterIIFeb]

WHY do you need the approval of other people in your life as an adult? that's what a child does. friends, family, etc. does it matter? can't believe people live for others. you only have one life. live it for your own self then concern yourself about being judged if that even matters to you as a grown adult.

[@mulekickhandmadeguitars8465]

I have TONS of acquaintances, and while there are some I like more than others, they're mainly just people I know to varying degrees. I don't have, and never have had, what most people seem to call "friends". Truth is, I really don't understand the definition of that word. I've never felt lonely, or felt rejected, or felt that I needed, or wanted friends. I sometimes wonder if the people who say, "Oh, I have lots of friends", really mean to say that they just have lots of people they're closely acquainted with. And, one thing I often hear from lots of people is, "Well, I thought she was my friend, but now I see that she's not." I'm also wondering if, once you classify a person you know as a "friend" in your mind, you might possibly be assigning to them a long list of your personal expectations that they're eventually going to fail to meet -- just because they're human.

[@karmasutra4774]

I feel this way. I tend to just have more acquaintances

[@ithacacomments4811]

At age 70 I have no close friends. I find friendship and interacting with others to be so disappointing. I have given up. I have a good life and many acquaintances but no intimate friends.

[@pennyc7064]

Yes I can total relate to what you said. Maybe it's about finding your "tribe" ...people with common interests.

[@karmasutra4774]

Same here at 51

[@MCharlerySmith]

There are some good points here but I disagree that a friend is "...someone whose funeral you'd go to." Honouring a person in such a way is just respect as they could've been someone you entirely conflicted with on an ideological or social level. Friendship denotes both an element of loyalty and responsibility in your relationship. There's dedication there to a certain degree and not because you're being paid for it like in your job. On a surface level you can be friendly with everyone but not friends with everyone. 🙏🏽✝️

[@KarinaSwan]

Everything you said is very true, I've had stages of all of it and used to get very upset about losing "season friends" when I was going to the next level of my life. I now understand it is part of the process and some of them I wouldn't want to have in my life anymore, because when thinking about it they were not true friends at all.

[@zq1612]

Sometimes you just take a break. When my female friends had children, their life shifted. Some came back as their children matured. Now they have grandchildren. 😊 So seasons change. 😊

[@ChooseU4ever]

The funeral test??? Then I don’t have friends. I wouldn’t go to anyone’s funeral

[@daniellematos]

I thought the same 🙈

[@markodejanovic1635]

Mel, thank you. I love your teaching, I learned a lot from you and still learning. Recently I started new chapter in my life and you are part of it. Love you Mel💙💙

[@Peach-yh9ri]

This was so great to hear about, I thought I was the bad friend for feeling these things, but knowing that it is normal when things start to change... that eases any guilt I felt over it or doubting myself as a person. Thank you Mel!

[@unknown-lf6zx]

I so struggle with female friendships bc I had an abusive mother. When your origination point…wasn’t a good compass, it is hard to trust other women. Now at 51, I usually don’t put much weight into female friends. Especially in the south lol with the bless your hearts. I find more benefit from nature, god and my dog. It saddens me that I don’t have many female friends, but I’ve tried. I have a few dear ones and grateful for them but definitely still struggling with female friendships. It’s been hard because we need them to be healthy, but when they are not healthy for us, we need to reevaluate to make space for ourselves

[@karmasutra4774]

51 here and totally get this :) I am very social when I want to be, but forming deep nice female friendships is so hard. I get you ❤

[@gillesbelanger1090]

Friends for a reason or for a season are acquaintances, friends for a lifetime are friends.

[@saraben2490]

I never call any friend when having a problem,I may call my brother or sister. The only persons I may think to call.

[@mingleandflock]

💯is always do you. If you try and they fall off from your radar, they can be jealous, bitter, maybe it's habits they need help with etc. Ask them to join in but if they the same ,toxic,or take from you etc.. Gotta cut them off. Sad but true. Keep your circle small.💜

[@beingpras]

As I was listening to this, I just realised I don't have many friends whose funerals I would go to.

[@eclecticvee]

I find that really strange.. Why wouldn't you go to a friend's funeral? Or anyone you hang out with?..why wouldn't you want to pay respects to them? I've gone to so many people's funerals out of respect and I wasn't even that close to them

[@jmc66543]

@@eclecticvee That's you. I prefer to pay my respects privately and cherish memories of the living. Funerals, especially in the US, are quite disturbing with open caskets and such. Furthermore, the grieving period is a delicate time for people. I wouldn't attend a funeral unless I'm close with someone. It seems disrespectful to the person's close friends and family. Around 2,000 people (almost entirely acquaintances) attended my grandfather's funeral service. It was chaotic and the opposite of comforting... more like suffocating. I'm all for the Harold & Maude approach if that's how you feel, but it's not everyone's way.

[@Nepthu]

@@jmc66543 I agree with eclectic vee. People in general attend funerals to show respect and that they care to some degree. If you find it suffocating, that's your interpretation. The other people certainly didn't attend to upset you. People do things for their own reasons whether we understand them or not. Most Americans see attending a funeral as a basic way of showing respect and kindness to another. Saying you don't like it is atypical, like someone who hates it when people use the word "hello."

[@dant7306]

So I guess my parents are my friends forever lol. I call my dad when i need good advise

[@RB09X]

This set me straight, time to loose some people.

[@hninoowai1431]

Friends are ppl who care about you as you do in vice versa. To deserve better friends, let them go

[@shad0wCh8ser]

Sometimes, you just outgrow your friends. The high school me is not the same as the college me and the college me is not the same as the professional me. Life is about growth -evolving oneself, so it's an inevitability that you grow and develop. I think the friends that stay are the friends that have similar goals in life so you move at the same pace.

[@marciesalkowski8139]

What about the friend that asks how you are so you can listen to them talk about them self

[@blackoceancreativeuniverse]

"it's a trap!"- Admiral Akbar, Empire Strikes Back

[@carolmiranda2814]

Don't waste "your" time and cut her off. Unless you want her to talk your ears off. 👂Lol!! 😂

[@DestinationDionna]

Mel, if I was a lil older and white, I feel like I would be you lol....I absolutely love you and your no nonsense style. I'm a newer coach that has learned alot from you, thank you for being you!!!

[@phillipswatson3452]

😎 SWEETIE WHAT ETHICITY HAVE TO DO WITH KNOWLEDGE IS POWER ?👁? 😇 SWEETIE IT'S NICE ADMIRE TO SOMEONE JUST BE YOU & UNIQUE👁 WE ALL HAVE A DIVINE GIFT 💝 FIND YOURS 💃🎵🏃 HAVE A BLESS LIFE 👼

[@McFraneth]

My partner thinks he has friends. A so-called friend offers him pastries when she wants to stuff *her* face. I said, that's not your friend. You told her you're watching your weight. That's bullshit behaviour, man.

[@annee5582]

I do not drink alcohol but I have tried a few sips. Im not proud of being a non-alcoholic, it was merely a choice. Ive felt pressured to drink probably 50+ times in my life. Is it more important to drink to please others or should I respect myself and decline. Some people say it is disrespectful to turn down a drink... example: shot. But I think if I mattered to these people they would respect my choice. Cheers!! 🥂😂

[@jpcuevas]

Changing the patterns for the better is evolution, and self-love. The ones that stay behind simply aren't compatible with you anymore. Be compassionate, understand, and respect their process. With love. You can let them go.

[@bonitaohyea9258]

I have gone to 2 funerals of pple I did not care for. Not a good example.

[@victoriapalmer5146]

The three categories of friendship I get the life friendships and how we don't talk often but we know we are there for each other. I think I understand the seasonal friendships those come and go usually short-term. I'm trying to understand the reason friendships... Could you tell me a definition of that? Because I think most of my friends are seasonal or reason but I'm double-checking on your definition of reason friends. In my lifetime friends don't want to bother communicating anymore cuz they're too busy and self-centered. Friendship really has changed especially over this last year. I have felt more alone and have been clinging and begging to maintain friendships that I've come to the point and I just keep saying why bother? But if I cut out all the negative drama and people not willing to put the effort into a friendship sure won't be much left on my list.

[@allisontaylor1818]

I like that...the patterns have changed and yes mine have and I have no new friends as of yet, because I hunker down and work on myself. Oh and my gym is at home, so I don't go far, just work. Great video.

[@valeriesiraj1548]

Yes! My ex’s family started hating me when I started saying no & stopped being their “bitch” I asked them to do some activities I also was doing to better myself, but they said no. So I parted ways.

[@annettefabiano3578]

My male neighbor couldn't understand why I didn't want to hang with his wife. First of all, I thought it was nervy that a guy would ask another woman a question like that. Second, I choose who my friends are and believe in good boundaries when it comes to neighbors. When I told him that I was busy he got offended and a trail of malicious gossip started (by him). He started telling other neighbors that I thought I was too good to associate with him. Like he knows what I'm thinking??? A simple "Hi" did not suffice with these two people. They aggressively started getting in my face every time I worked in my yard or taking out the garbage. They would interrupt me by talking loudly. Finally I appealed to the neighborhood committee that these folks were emotional leaches. My neighbors commented that I didn't look at "the person" and I was being rude by not fraternizing with them. If they had any insight at all they would realize that I am looking at "the persons" and that I CHOOSE not to hang out with them. Anyway, so far they have stopped bugging me and I'm just fine with that.

[@kristinapaxton9686]

LOL the 147 people who disliked this video have got baggage you speak of I would say...there is nothing wrong with letting go of people and bad habits to develop yourself.

[@richardheinz]

That's not true. I don't go to funerals. My Father is going to die from cancer any day now. I love my Father very much. I will not be going to his funeral.

[@debonako]

My bf told me the other day that she is still looking for her people. And if someone lived closer she would be her best friend. I feel foolish that I was hurt by this comment however I do realize now she never considered me as her bf. I feel embarrassed thinking the way I do. She will always be my friend. We have over 25 years of friendship. I do feel the shift. How would you feel?

[@jammyjay917]

I don't think we have many true friends who completely understands us and is always there for US... i have changed my life for the better, their silence is an answer....no more chasing from me, that is done...they can get in touch with me if they want to, they never intiate anyway... it was always me.. I'm done with those types of people. Most of them are users, they use you for what you can do for them... time to start living our own lives without these draining people ❤

[@abbycroft0]

People who do drink actually do pressure you relentlessly to drink .they talk shit to others.your wrong Mel!you get outed.the funeral test is a terrible example. That’s not how it works.sorry but it becomes personal.

[@Loveyourskin_By_Alana]

Omg I just turned you on and said Alana !! That’s my name ! And that is exactly what I went through ...

[@kennethspeaks2408]

Should have found you sooner, but thankful that I have found your site. The wife was trying to explain her feelings about friendships at this stage on her life. Got it, thank you

[@margaretburniston3075]

One of my favourite sayings about friendships. Thanks for sharing!

[@annaclaudiamalvano6172]

If a friend of mine shows up at one of my relative's funeral but it's not there emotionally for me during the mourning (before/during/after) then I don't need them. That's not friendship that's just good manner.

[@NAGOYAKIMMakeYourLifeEasier]

when i started going to the gym i lost all my friends i now have a good body and healthy and saved a lot of money

[@redwoods7370]

True friendship is a sturdy relationship. There are a lot of pretend friendships. I've had them in my life and they are always fragile or temporary.

[@ThereseDavidson]

I had to drop these friends. When i worked on healing my fear of being alone, my fear of being abandonment. Google it

[@princesssela6204]

I recently had a friend of a friend take offence to a comment she thought was about her. I told her it had nothing to do with her but she reacted with a nasty text. At first I wanted to respond to her words but then realized, she is not my friend so I am losing nothing. I also don't want to put our mutual friend in the middle. I don't like not being liked but this person is just an acquaintance so quiet is best. We have to decide if people we meet are really friends.

[@goodflowh]

Don't expect anyone to be your friend, just ignore faults and get along for your own good. Unless someone is lawfully trouble then stay away.

[@hannah5245]

I don’t think so that a friend is someone who will go to your funeral. Some people go to funerals with another agenda, like maybe find other people in the dead person’s life who may be a potential business opportunity.

[@chevonne8492]

I do not go to funerals. Ever. And I will not be having one myself one day either. Personal choice.

[@kathyeulert8104]

I need more positive friendships in my life.

[@kathyeulert8104]

I need more positive friends in mu life you Mel your AWESOME how to do I get more positive friends in my life

[@morganflaherty9582]

I don't go to funerals because I can't handle dealing with the loss going to the funeral just makes it to real before I'm ready to cope

[@carol-us4xn]

Really, it will benefit you more to set boundaries. People go and come, principles and boundaries matters..

[@smorisch]

You have to do what's right for you. I've left a number of toxic relationships. The friends will support you, maybe get involved, or come with you :)

[@bensk8in467]

Making the conscious decision to accept losing some friends if you’re going to make some changes takes balls. I’ve done it. If your bonds are hinged on vice and/or lame activities though you’re not losing anything if you want to find better things to do. If people can’t be happy for you if you turn a new leaf, kick some bad habits, etc, they’re not your friends.

[@danderson4740]

I call this "friend shifting". I've had a lot of situational friends because of my kids being in school. But that time is almost over and I'm realizing it was what it was, and I'm grateful for those years and times. But, it's time to move on. It might take a while, but new friends will come.

[@amazingyear9042]

I recently lost my last genuine friend...

[@jtang1257]

how did u lost it?

[@suburbohemian]

Wise lyrics from Al Stewart's End of the Day from Time Passages album: "Nothing lasts, well she knows, try to hang on When it's gone, you'll be burned Fashions and friends come and go Everyone travels that road in their turn." Not every relationship lasts;that's just life.

[@donaldwashington9017]

It's called knowing yourself a lot of people don't know themselves and don't even want to try

[@benedictreynolds7708]

I find your friend test quite lacking. Enemies do also attend funerals. Your definition of 'friend' also seems vague to me. Care is too generalised a word as caring is a fundamental human moral.

[@muhammetnurgeldiev2673]

I always listen to her... cos she always tells the truth!

[@slashblue9190]

So, I feel lonely because I don't have anyone around me with the same values. Even though I choose to be alone over listening to unhelpful gossip or wining, it can feel heavier doing all of this alone. I guess I just want someone to get happy with me for success and betterment

[@karmasutra4774]

I know what you mean. I just need one or two people that are nice and fun and no drama and those would be your support, cheerleaders? Activity buddies etc. hard to find ❤

[@MariahGlenn]

So good. I love “lose the drama about it” 👌🏼👌🏼

[@beili5766]

Good subject matter....friends come and go...being comfortable with yourself is the lesson to be adhered to.

[@Timshowtomake]

There is only one good, honest and loyal friend you can have ... and that is a dog

[@Nepthu]

People who say this often ask too much of human friends. If your definition of a friend means someone must be your constant daily companion, who doesn't care if you bathe or brush your teeth, a dog is perfect.

[@shannonanneart8380]

Hi Mel, My hubby and I move around a lot because of his work, we are never in one place long enough to make friends.. and if we do, we are soon leaving again, this has made me quite lonely and I miss having friends.... I have friends from when I was younger but we lose touch and don't end up staying in contact really.... any suggestions for this? Thanks xo

[@kanteannightmare]

People need to be able to distinguish better friends and acquaintances.