The Truth About Lying

Why do people lie? The answer isn’t as simple as you might think, but regardless of the motivation or reason, deception erodes the very foundation of a relationship. This week, Wayne takes a dive into, “The Truth About Lying,” in an attempt to help couples navigate the impact of deception.
FULL, FREE Article here: www.affairreco...
Join the Recovery Library: www.affairreco...
FREE Bootcamp for Surviving Infidelity: www.affairreco...
Subscribe to the AffairRecovery.com newsletter article of the week list:
affairrecovery...
What kind of affair was it?
FREE Affair Analyzer: www.affairreco...
About Recovery Library Memberships:
Access 3,000+ Q&A Videos, Articles and Mentor Stories
Get answers from 1,500+ Expert Q&A Videos (Like this one!)
Talk with others in the private Recovery Library Forums
www.affairreco...
“The Recovery Library gave me 24/7 support because I could be up at 3am and search for the topic I was struggling with. It also helped as a couple because we could investigate topics together so it wasn’t subjective. I trusted this information because it was from professionals who also had lived through and recovered from infidelity. Double credibility in my book.”
Amanda, Florida
HEAL with Affair Recovery:
Weekend Retreat: www.affairreco...
Online Courses: www.affairreco...
Hope Rising Conference: www.affairreco...
Recovery Library: www.affairreco...
Infidelity expert Rick Reynolds, LCSW, is one of America’s foremost authorities on helping individuals and couples struggling with affairs and compulsive sexual behaviors. He is Founder and President of AffairRecovery.com, the first company to offer anonymous worldwide online group support for those impacted by infidelity. Reynolds holds a Master's Degree in Social Work and is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists. In 1992, Reynolds developed and began leading “affair recovery groups.” He received his Master's of Social Work from the University of Denver and completed three years of post-graduate training at the Colorado Institute for Marriage and Family Therapy. He has also worked at the nationally-known Minirth-Meier Tunnel & Wilson Clinic before moving on to private practice: www.affairreco...

[@ivywildwss]

It's sad the betrayed is so powerless to get the whole truth. It's like a second continuing betrayal.

[@agoodgurl2k]

Agreed. And that fact makes it hard to heal from the betrayal, as well.

[@judithmiller7308]

You can't trust someone withholding the truth. Nor should you ever trust them again.

[@gembearer67]

It's all about control, as long as they with hold the truth, they control the narrative. Without full disclosure, the betrayed partner can't heal. It's cruel.

[@Jdbattisto63]

The lying makes that person you thought you knew disappear. Then everything is up for questioning.

[@LA-1969]

It's downright frightening how easily they lie, too. I'm questioning the whole last 30 yrs we've been togther. I know of 2 long term affairs.

[@missydodson1166]

I feel you

[@colleenapter4346]

Me too!

[@michaelcross8203]

I lied to myself so hard. I convinced myself that opening up to bonding with someone wasn’t an affair, because it was “just friends supporting each other”. I had no right to seek her validation, she had no right to see that side of me. I should have done the healthy, mature adult thing and sat down with my partner to discuss and work out the problems we were having at the time. I never would have believed in a million years I could be the unfaithful. I didn’t want to believe that I had done something so heinous. I really wish I had gone about this whole process differently, rather than allowing myself to fall into such a dark place that I couldn’t bring myself to work on healing. She warned me she was losing strength…yet I still couldn’t do it…not until the day she left. Too late to save my relationship, but I’m doing it anyway. I’m never going to be that man again, even if she never chooses me again.

[@terrimartel6558]

Thank you for reaching into the core of this topic, while keeping it pinpointedly concise. To me it is one of most painful aspects of infidelity.

[@ashleyb777]

They lye because they have a lying spirit, they have given themselves over to it by their sin.

[@maketheworldabetterplace5624]

I am the child of an untruthful marriage. It is really difficult especially when it isn't talked about. I do it in therapy and just gotta focus on living my best life and being true to myself. All the best to everyone suffering.

[@maketheworldabetterplace5624]

PS: I don't feel like i am keeping any secrets.

[@willbain9130]

Wow, I've never thought about this from a child's perspective......would you be ok with sharing a brief bit of how you were affected? I want to help my 6 year old as much as possible. I hope you find peace & healing.

[@MegaRobynbird]

I discovered the reality of my marriage 10 years ago. Trickle truth, but never getting the full story, tons of therapy, intensives, even EMS but finally settling for a marriage with love but no trust.

[@caren6573]

This was the best review for me and hopefully by spouse will really understand the impact of continued lying and omission 14 months after DD.

[@brightpage1020]

Love your work, Wayne! Grateful for it. Think the worst is those of us who lie and continue to lie - to ourselves … about our relationships. Or whatever. It seems the most destructive to stay self-deceptive. And the most difficult to be honest with ourselves. Listening to “our need to preserve our own image”… creating cognitive dissonance in our partners or families and “downplaying the gravity… underestimating the pain…” Thank you for the depth of this discussion.

[@kimwolf8472]

It’s been a little over two years. I’m still struggling feeling secure. I believe I have forgiven him, but I am questioning if I understand what forgiveness means. In my heart I feel I have forgiven, but why do I still hurt so much? My partner tells me he is being honest now, but he told me that so many times and was caught in so many lies. Can you forgive someone but not feel they are being totally honest with you?

[@loracampbell5205]

Thanks Wayne. I always get insight from your videos, and comfort!

[@MichaelSheehe]

How long do you wait if they aren’t telling the truth?

[@momadewoodsigns1579]

My husband lied about his affairs for 2 years. I never knew anything. He's a very good liar. I was completely blind sided. And we've been married for almost 20 years. 😢

[@elle7813]

I am so sorry. I understand your pain.

[@MichaelSheehe]

I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through that too. I totally understand and know your pain. I hope you find peace soon. Good luck

[@maryannchiquete3063]

I have gone through what you are going through now. I am sorry, it is the worst thing that can happen in a marriage.

[@saladgirl2062]

I have been on the other end of infidelity , and my now ex husband justified his actions by telling me I didn’t meet his needs , so I was both traumatised by the infidelity and made guilty for it . He desperately did not want me to end the marriage but I could not forgive him for his efforts to shift the responsibility to me.

[@IT_BABE]

Me too. Totally blind to his lies for 25 years

[@audralitteral659]

I needed this

[@maxgoodwin4438]

38 years of marriage and I had no idea my husband was having oral sex with gay men. I found 6 years of text messages of it along with him talking about me in a bad way with so-called friends. He still lies and said the stuff in the text messages didn't happen. I spoke with the man and he said everything in the texts was true, which I knew from the beginning. Reesa Teesa's story has nothing on mine. I still have all of the text messages. I spent the first part of finding out trying to protect him. Big mistake!

[@Elegance191]

For me it was 30 years of marriage. My adult sons found text messages to prostitutes on his dad's phone. I cannot believe this is happening. He lie so well, act so normal, it is like a horror movie. It pains me so much as I gave my all in the marriage and funny to say I still love him. He has filed for divorce as he left the marital home and is enjoying his new found liberty.

[@sufiaherbst3273]

I’m so sorry. I understand this deep deception ache but cannot imagine how much more confusing this extra component could hex. Praying 🙏🏼 for your comfort.

[@bevofrancis4309]

18 years Still Playing The Fool….

[@MattCalabro-ny7io]

Im sorry if this isnt on topic but hoping you can give me some direction. I am the unfaithful spouse, I had a number of unfaithful behavior years ago, that have just recently come to light. My betrayed wants to know everything I might have ever done. But I honestly dont remember everything or the timing. How can I disclose what I dont remember doing? I dont want to invalidate or minimize, but my spouse feels we cant even begin looking forward till she knows everything about my past. Sorry for the long post.

[@RosalinaLout]

These Blogs have been such a blessing to my husband and I

[@terintiaflavius3349]

Unfaithful behavior? You mean cheating. If you can't remember that is way worse because it shows that your internal compass doesn't exist. You don't remember cheating.

[@KP-hv4tt]

My husband has said he doesn’t remember certain details because they were years ago too before it came to light. No advice for you because all it does is piss me off to be honest. Y’all really have no idea the pain you cause to the people you claim to love. I am a completely different person now. I was happy, confident, trusted my husband with everything in me. Now I question everything, wonder everyday if I’m enough or if I am enough today will I be enough tomorrow, the list goes on. I hate what I’ve become. The sadness and hurt I feel is unreal and unexplainable. It’s been FIVE YEARS since I found this stuff out. FIVE YEARS. All I know is I love him, I’m glad I stayed, and I’m glad we are making it work but a part of me wonders if this whole I don’t remember thing and the unanswered questions might be keeping me here. Idk. Good luck. Try to remember. It’s the least you could do.

[@ファミリーフォーラムジャパン]

I would respectfully differ with your definition of “infidelity“ as being “the keeping of secrets“. A more accurate definition would be “not keeping your promises and commitments which pertain to your marriage relationship“. Lying, keeping secrets, inappropriate emotional or sexual intimacy, and sexual addictions are all out workings of not keeping your promises and commitments. Keeping secrets and lying are ways of covering up your betrayal of your commitments And in that sense are symptoms rather than a core issue. And keeping secrets are usually the first steps toward deception.

[@Durhamcricket543]

Who betrays his partner after 31 years of marriage. He watched his wife literally come back from the dead and that’s what was more important to him. Needless to say, that was the end of our marriage. The actual end came when he physically abused me.

[@MedicalVA]

bad choices cause infidelity.

[@andreabrunkow9314]

It's been 8 years.

[@leahpalladino9381]

Because they are jerks and don’t care

[@cynditremblay2038]

I've been waiting 3 years to hear any truth for an affair that lasted 4 years, keep going or give up?

[@DogGroomer-hd1oj]

I gave up .

[@thisislilyapple]

I gave up too. I didn’t regret it.

[@cmockingjay7265]

I gave because betrayer wouldn’t be honest.

[@danapet1]

If he hasn't found enough dignity and honor for you in 3 years to tell the truth, he is either still deceiving you, or he will do it again.....HIDING IS LYING. Disclosure is everything. Refusing to disclose is continuing to drill the knife in further and further while watching you suffer and offering no comfort by his own choice.

[@Jdbattisto63]

That is something you need to get honest about yourself. If the relationship is based on love and your partner has an “illness”, AND is willing to work on it with you, you may end up better than you started. If he’s a jerk that is simply using you, love yourself right into therapy and figure out WHY you chose this kind( (probably THESE kind )of partners in a the first place. Hope that helps…