The Vicious Cycle Of Social Anxiety - Dr Julie

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WHO AM I:
I'm a clinical psychologist. I am here to share insights from therapy and psychology research so that you can make use of it in your daily life to understand how your mind works and optimise your own mental health. I cover all things from confidence and motivation to mood and anxiety. I look forward to chatting with you in the comments.

[@DrJulie]

Hi I'm Dr. Julie subscribe & follow me for more videos on all areas of mental health and motivation. For more on this see my new no.1 bestselling book - Why has nobody told me this before? 👉 linktr.ee/drjuliesmith

[@nerorandy3736]

Thank u a lot.may be u help to save my life.i was on edge.still iam.but I will be fine.

[@yatagarasu9205]

That's exactly how it feels...

[@shinchan7570]

God loves you, don't lose faith🌷

[@davidsurnow731]

Yes.

[@imweird4548]

Fr.

[@gayace1238]

It’s true

[@lovemyson480]

Turns off phone, and hides… lol

[@LotusRyu]

Problem is I really DO want to go out, but when the day comes I get the strongest urge to bail! Most times, when I actually do go, I end up having a great time. It's getting worse with age.

[@ajessm]

If you find that you have a great time when you go, then just go. What's the problem?

[@casemods]

Every time I go out, it usually ends up badly.

[@jennajt]

See I find mine has gotten better with age x

[@LotusRyu]

@@ajessm The problem is my anxiety level beforehand the day of.

[@caddieohm7059]

@@casemods same. I end up in a corner of a room, alone, . watching others connect and have fun

[@Aditi-un5me]

Me:- I feel really happy rn Anxiety:- Hope u enjoyed those 5 mins

[@SoupIsSouppy]

Try eating your brain may have control over you in the end your stomach comes out superior

[@katherine123_]

Ikr 🥹

[@Intial_bite_46]

😂😂fuck yeah

[@lovelyb2416]

This is me and worse, it’s destroying me.I literally avoid everything, feels extreme anxiety over everything, feels exhausted every time. I don’t even know what to do

[@12345bd45]

I feel the same. Don’t go anywhere too scared too and I don’t know why

[@Cute.yuliaaa]

I am afraid of people 😕 so much so that I am scared to get a job and live a daily life. My Previous experience is people taking advantage of me or hurting me some type of way. ._. I love watching these videos to help me understand what I am feeling.

[@IvyWhiskeyDram]

You are not alone 😔

[@sheri9570]

Likewise my friend...I have been facing my fears for the longest time. But, it really drains me at times. Hope you get the clarity you are searching for.

[@imweird4548]

Same...

[@user-em1zh9kt3e]

i feel that sameway too

[@Sadiya92]

THIS

[@shinchan7570]

Dear Dr.Smith, am a student and am struggling with depression. And I have my best frnd who knows this and gives me support. But I need you,you are like a sunshine in my mind full of numb, dark thoughts popping in and out. Plz start making long videos on depression and anxiety.(I have seen ur old vdos but am asking to make more) At least of 10 min. Am sure many people need it. thankyou so much for what u r doing. And it's a warm request to take out some more tym from ur routine and make longer videos. May god bless u

[@anonymous-fn2ky]

get into meditation the more dark thoughts you energise by feeding them feelings they will grow be in nature more the world is going through a phase of dark spirtual warfare, everyone is fighting for their own souls more tha ever, hang out with positive people read about law of attraction connect to/ with GOD MORE

[@anonymous-fn2ky]

love yourself more fix a routine by getting up early n going sleep early be adamant on keeping away from your phone n usless time wasting app listen to positive affirmations walk on earth more bare foot laugh more, even fake laughter ,to yourself alone, it raises vibrations n happy hormones do exercise more change your diet to no or less sugar n more vegetables count 10 things to be grateful for daily with FEELINGS, listen to quran more or godly praises the demonic world is high in power to take many souls down forgive yourself constantly no matter the dark thoughts, they are LIARS LIARS LIARS you are worthy of LOVE be kind to yourself more, we are all torturing our souls, change the perspective of negative to positive of yourself this is advice from a person who was hopless very suicidal full of depression n anxiety extreme trauma , but who is living their best life now, all praise and GLORY to mighty GOD alone for saving me❤🙏❤🙏❤

[@TherapistReactsOfficial]

I agree Samridhi, sorry you are feeling that way.

[@shinchan7570]

@@anonymous-fn2ky such a beautiful soul you are, thankyou for your advice. And I know am not giving my best, I frequently procrastinate , long on past mistakes and guilt. but I will come out from this situation no matter what. I remember being a bright,vibrant girl with full of confidence and control two years ago. I miss that vibe so hard, I can't even remember that feeling. But I think,when I get out of this phase,I will be more in love with myself than I have been ever. Thankyou for ur advice ❤️🌷

[@shinchan7570]

@@anonymous-fn2ky am just so happy to see people like you. Thankyou for your genuine advices...I know am not giving my 100% but I won't give up on myself. I miss my older self so so much. I was so happy and confident back then and i didn't even realise until I have come across such a time where I just can't feel it myself deeply. But from some days, am getting so many signs in my dreams and by people and numbers that God is with me, the universe is with me...and I just have to be with myself stand with myself. Thankyou for ur advice💛💛

[@aundrearivera28]

I have really bad anxiety to the point where I’m afraid to order myself food or even ask for help when I really need it and I never participate in anything because I feel like everyone is going to judge and I hate it because it’s stopping me from doing the things I love

[@blueheaven1323]

I felt this so hard. I remember realizing I was doing this constantly around age 16-17 and pushing myself to actually go out with my friends so I could have happy memories to look back on instead of just remembering my teen years in my room. Now I’m 25 and while I still struggle a lot with social anxiety I can usually push myself past it and enjoy time out with my friends. Sometimes it’s important to take a break and recharge your socializing batteries though so no shame in that either! Good luck to everyone dealing with this, if I can get better I believe you all can too! 💕

[@nolongerjuicyboiz4413]

What do you think changed, do you know? If you don't mind me asking.

[@blueheaven1323]

@@nolongerjuicyboiz4413 I think what changed for me was realizing that I didn’t like myself or the way I felt when I isolated myself. I started only spending time around people who made me feel good about myself and didn’t mind that I was shy and anxious and were willing to let me come out of my shell, and slowly phased out the people that weren’t good friends to me. Also, tbh my home life kind of started falling apart so it got less and less comfortable to stay at home which also helped give me a push to get out more. (I’m in a much better place and living situation now.) Hope this helps and I wish you all the best!! ❤️

[@flykarasunohigh68]

These videos makes us feel that our feelings are valid and real.

[@daealexalaurel3588]

yes! it's really a struggle. it gotten to the point that even when i am online i get too anxious even leaving a comment on a video or an ask on tumblr. i couldn't do it. so many what ifs would pop in my head and i was just a mess.

[@_youknowme9342]

It's exactly how I feel everytime I have to go out of my house... My parents just say that i am being lazy and disrespectful but honestly I am just like this... How will i make them understand!!!

[@Joseph-cf2wd]

Talk to your parents and tell them you have social anxiety. Their age have made them wiser than you and they can handle this problem better than you. There should be no secrets from parents unless they are physically abusive to their children.

[@_youknowme9342]

@@Joseph-cf2wd they are not abusive but put so much pressure on me.... To do great in academics and be respectful and behave more like a girl..... N I did talk to them about me having social anxiety and they said it's all in my head..... Like wtf... I think talking to a tree will be more easy than talking to my own parents😒😞

[@salmaziva5807]

@@_youknowme9342 totally understandable

[@gabeinator9656]

@@_youknowme9342 I understand how you feel my parents are the same

[@gabeinator9656]

@@Joseph-cf2wd there is also emotional abuse that stops parents from listening, and I feel that most parents don't know what exactly emotional abuse is they just think that it is parenting because that's how their parents raised them, so they don't get social anxiety. And I don't mean being cruel I just mean giving their kids goal in life to live by that the kids try to do but they just can't because the goals/expectations are too much or too high to actually live by.

[@IrisFlorentinaA]

I say that I attend, I have the best intentions. I dress, I leave the house, after few hundred meters I come back and i cry. Then I cancel everything

[@redskins44life]

Dr Julie i only just found this video but you have caputured social anxiety so well!! It is so horrible having social anxiety! 😢the mind just takes over!

[@Faith-ko5eg]

Did that today! Been like this since childhood. Would get a birthday party invite and be so excited until the day came and then just dreaded going. Now, If I do go, I end up helping serve food, cleaning up, dumping trash, anything to not have to sit down and talk to people.

[@namyasharma1723]

That's really true! I also keep avoiding the conflicts and instances but what else can I do? There is no one to talk about nor anyone who is ready to understand me as me

[@yasmineg4040]

I just discovered that i have social anxiety and I can't believe you don't have more like your videos are really meaningful and sooo helpful Like really Never though a 60seconds videos could teach you so much about such an important Thank you so much ❤️

[@xxxcomfi_]

Man you just described my whole life :D

[@cass1366]

i just realized that this is what i did today with something. i didn’t realize that it was my anxiety and thought it was just me having a phase of being anti-social. so ty

[@maxx9591]

I would do the same thing everyday this vicious cycle won’t end 😞

[@pawewicherek5123]

I love the song! I even learned it on one day. Both Em's versions are awesome.

[@TherapistReactsOfficial]

Love this video Dr Julie. Understanding maintenance factors (what is maintaining the problem) is such an important first step. Some can be really subtle and people I worth with are amazed when they see what their behaviours are doing to maintain the problem.

[@Justmeeee19]

That exactly how I feels sometimes and the song i listen when I'm depressed and tired of my mental health and when I found your channel I feels like only person who understands me without knowing me ,you are not even Indian different countries but same situation mam thankyou so much i feel good 💖❤️

[@thenamesmia4406]

Absolutely love your content! Your vids are so helpful, and it feels validating to have someone talk about real struggles people face❤❤❤ Also, this kind of reminded me of Evan from Dear Evan Hansen, really good movie/musical that helps you understand what mental health struggles people face, it's a must watch

[@pinkblue5309]

Exactly like this. I can't go out that i can't breath, tension in every inch of me, i feel realy sick and can't afford any food for the life of me when i go out. Is really taxing and tiring. It is a horrible cycle.

[@kelss2023]

This is exactly how I feel but for me the feeling isn’t temporary after I get satisfaction from the avoidance. I’ve done nothing but bend over backwards for everyone in my life & have been abused & taken advantage of. With age, more recently, if I don’t want to talk or hang out with people, I kindly decline & for me - it feels more empowering b/c of my past. It feels good to say “no” once in a awhile. 😍

[@gaylegreene]

That me exactly. I’m almost home bound 😢

[@terrisplawn7034]

I totally know how that fills. Dr. Julie is awesome

[@katehildebrant8420]

The song is Numb Little Bug by Em Beihold, if anyone was wondering.

[@potatokink3318]

Exactly. I almost had a meltdown cause my mom left me alone and I couldn’t find a seat in public, the “spotlight effect” that psychologists on Tiktok tell people to use does not work (for me)

[@phm8462]

I didnt find out i have social anxiety until i had to drop out of med due to extreme ibs and gastritis. A few years after at home, i found out i had been struggling with social anxiety. I used to wonder why i hate social gatherings and why a task as simple as going out to the grocery store was such a nightmare

[@aundrearivera28]

For me I will go to the party thinking nothing of it but when I get there that is the moment my anxiety kicks in

[@Whynotcreate]

This is SO TRUE!!

[@twelvemiracle3307]

So grateful for your amazing and educational videos. 🙏💙🦋

[@Luna_Dog5]

Me not wanting go somewhere like 30 minutes after regrets not going and then gets anxious over that.

[@RenTheBlob]

That happened to me whn I was was little, LITTLE- but never knew what was anxiety, my heart felt like it was going to pop

[@rohitburra3337]

Hit the nail on the head of my life

[@prakruthib.m7620]

This is so relatable always been an introvert but don't know why am I really typing this now it's been more than 2 years since I went out of my comfort zone i never liked being on limelight as a child also but i tried to change all of it 3 years ago which was my biggest mistakes so i never want to be an extrovert ever again I still regret all of it and feel so shameful for all those moments i am a person who acts as if i don't damn care about others but every moment it's all been about what others think of me

[@TheScoopwithBarb]

When I spend time out of my house with others, it takes me at least a day ALONE to feel okay again. I live alone so I'm comfortable that way...with my dogs.

[@amelia7299]

Social anxiety for me is crazy i replay conversations i had in my head and it feels embarrassing and i think of what a person would think and what they even said to me over and over that i just dont want to think about it i dont but do wanna talk i try to talk but im afraid ill say the wrong thing and have flashbacks of my previous convos that dates back to when i was even smaller of when people were talking about me and when i have to do something big of interacting my whole body starts to sweat to even speak infront of people because theyre not used to seeing me talk to theyre expecting something good or bad so it makes my palms especially sweaty and they stare into my soul and i even say something a little off key i see theyre little snarks and faces and it relays in my head over and over i try to make conversation but people arent into the things im into i was brought up more old fashioned and i tend to get ignored a lot which makes me self conscious and i know they always assume of me because of theyre body actions torwards me and even when i was at home once my "friends" framed me for being a snitch of something of theyre mental issues and i comforted them i try to be the shoulder for everyone to lean on but everyone hurts me somehow which makes me afraid to talk to people but yet i want to at the same time i talk like a normal person at home with my family you'd think im an extrovert if ya saw my personality at home but my mother silences me for yelling when i get frustrated so i bottle things up though when she gets angry she yells in frustration and i have to hear her yelling and comfort her im kinda used to being silent im kinda forced to sometimes i still feel self conscious for what i say around her because if i dont say what she wants to hear she takes my only freedom away which is my electronics i wish i could go outside and communicate more but thats not the case here she wont let me she doesnt want me to be alone outside afraid ill get kidnapped or she feels like the neighborhood or ladies accrods the street talk to my father and hes cheating but he isnt which ends up in constant fights i wish i could speak but i hold my tongue to keep the peace.

[@Mariliza.]

I see you made a video about me lol. The feelings are real! 💯

[@maddymac7813]

Yes, totally agree. I do mostly.

[@Om-cl7qk]

My parents don't believe in mental health, and thinks only psychopaths or disabled people need therapist. Thank you for videos like these that make me not feel like a psychopath.

[@LoveDalaArt]

So true! 🙋‍♀️

[@andykolte5613]

That is how it feels. Very relatable.

[@zacharymalone3880]

This is so true 😬

[@binuthara7366]

I’m completely suffering from this situation,I’m soo afraid to go to crowded places, last month my friend invited me to come to her birthday party I was soo excited to go there because I love to have new friends and I was ready to go there, and wore some makeup and at the last minute i decided not to go there because I’m not comfortable with surround by people

[@elijaharong9911]

That's literally what I had experience right now.

[@norii_draw]

Thats like so true!! I had sport and it was ski but I was so scared so I told my mom and she told me I could stay home. But the next week I had sport again, I managed to stay at home again but the next week AGAIN I couldn't stay at home and I cried a lot and everything. And, I actually like skying :)

[@Emo0n]

Thank you

[@AtlanteanHighPriestess]

It feels as if Dr. Julie sees my past crystal clear. For 30 years I was the master avoider. I have finally been able to find my path to feeling complete, whole, and safe to be me. Whoever reads this ... You're not alone, You're not a freak, Nothing is wrong with you, All it takes is understanding and self-love, Find you're path, You Got This!

[@kevinnguyen4123]

just yesterday I told a really great friend who's birthday we wanted to celebrate with a big party I couldn't make it because I was sick even though I was just afraid to see some of the people she invited...

[@merrym7174]

Spot on

[@petracarlsson6155]

My social anxiety got so much worse when i was in a toxic realetionship now we broke up and im as happy as ever.😀

[@heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy924]

That's me when I have to talk/be around people between 17 and 20 years old... I am REALLY scared of them... it's almost a phobia and the worst part is that everytimes I try to explain it to someone they're like "but it will soon be you" and I'm like I KNOW BUT I DON'T CARE THEY SCARE ME

[@BrinnTDSowo]

This Is Soo Accurate

[@Niaa979]

I have social anxiety, and I do want to be able to do more but not now. It doesn't help that my family is always forcing me to do things when I want to take things slow and not go out to an event every weeek

[@minercraft-17]

When you also have paranoia it makes it hard to feel safe/comfortable anywhere sometimes I feel uncomfortable in my own room cause I think of monsters I know monsters aren't real but I cant help but get scared that something will pop out of my closet or under my dresser though that's mainly left for when it's dark or if I'm home alone

[@rainchase985]

I really do want to talk to people and go out but when the situation comes I’m too scared to it

[@nor._.boreded]

Running (Like actual track not mentally) is something I love but whenever I have to complete I immediately start to have anxiety and panic. For example at my school ever month we have to run 950 meters and everyone expects me to get a certain time, which just adds to my anxiety.

[@cs1106]

Yes that exactly how it is. But inside I really do wanna go hang out and stuff and if it’s with real friends I actually enjoy myself but I normally freak out about what ifs and end up not going.

[@briabear7300]

I always try to do this. If it wasn’t for my parents, I wouldn’t go to anything.

[@The_Gremlin]

I relate to this

[@aynurk9886]

Me allways for years cannot control my anxiety 😥

[@entertainmentblock616]

Anxiety has been my companion for the past five years. I don’t know how to get out of it

[@nylakhan5658]

Erase the name out of your head train your brain trust me it works I’m a learner.

[@CJ-vw3dt]

That hit home

[@casemods]

Sometimes people invite me to do stuff but then I think they don't really want me to go, sometimes in the middle of doing it and being there...which makes it worse. So I just do stuff by myself, but that sucks too.

[@me.6917]

It's more of a feeling like you're convince something bad is going to happen so you avoid it at all costs as if avoiding it will prevent that bad thing from happening. That's the very first time I've ever said that out loud.

[@rokomarkov3077]

I exactly feel this way ☹️

[@Mary.-.9p]

I ruined my whole year thinking that problems will fade away if I start to live in my imaginary life

[@TTPD_theanthology]

This describes me. Like my friends birthday party I was really anxious to go. So I told her that I was leaving for vacation that day but in reality I was leaving a day later.

[@keero1862]

Well sometimes it comes out of newhere for no apparent reason and it's not always situational it could be from other people, noise, lights, smells ect

[@Not_Josh15]

That was me a quick Thus year because I was always scared to go because of this one person im in 7th grand they are 8th graders, and then I would try and find ways not to go to school for just that class. And then the person/people bugging me would stop and I would have that relief. Then at the end it grew because I was abused in that class and harassed and never told till the end but things are mostly better and the anxiety has calmed down since I talked to my parents/teacher/principal/Etc...

[@dep7311]

I know that feeling... Ignored major events at school that had a good amount of credit due to anxiety😭

[@Billies.Buried_Friend]

That is the same with me I have anxiety and get really strong anxiety during pe in the gym because it’s so loud and the pe teacher a had in elementary school yelled at my friend so now I get worried that it will happen again and have been bringing a comfort stuffie sense 4th grade and now I’m going to 7th

[@nothingliterallynothing682]

For me I don’t even have the relief part because I think about how everyone must just forget I exist because I ever come to Anything

[@pettylilthing]

Me neither I feel like I’m being rude for not showing up, then I feel bad for not going and wish I would’ve went 🙃

[@kadence1artist749]

This is it exactly

[@linamimton7172]

Story of my life and add a little bit of spice (depression)

[@purnimadevi9654]

This is exactly me

[@emmaw944]

My best and closes firends just don't send me invitations lol. They'll tell me it's going on and I am welcome but know I will not go and don't see to mind!

[@Sally-ty3gt]

Can you make a video about how to cope with social anxiety

[@Poptartwrapper]

The relief is followed up with a fear that I’m missing out on something fun

[@DhrithionVocals]

and if i do go to the event and have a good time, i overanalyze every little thing i said and how everything i did was so stupid and that i embarrassed myself... i can never win

[@Cyanide_Mallika]

Can you explain about the sudden occurence of claustrophobia symptoms without any previous history ? Is it related to other mental illnesses? Thank you.💕

[@TherapistReactsOfficial]

This is really interesting, most claustrophobia I have treated have got some form of previous history that has generalised out (i.e. it doesnt have to have been a history of tight or crowded spaces, but something that could be related). But I am seeing more and more people with no history of this at all (that they can remember). The information in this video is very similiar though - the avoidance reduces the anxiety which feels good, so you continue to avoid those places.

[@meghamk381]

So so so true

[@petrichor9465]

Exactly everyday

[@kirkchristopher8826]

Nothing is more scary to me than a change to my routine. A holiday gathering means I have to scocialize.

[@scandicgamer3071]

I have actually started being less anxious, I feel a little more happy lately

[@lestudio76]

Sometimes going out isn’t fun. It’s draining. It’s ok to not go out. There’s nothing wrong with you unless you want your situation to change.

[@raheelaftab7552]

Plz do a video at how to get rid of addiction of person

[@dolansound9297]

Me: gets invited to party Me: not in my circle NOT IN MY LIFE! :) Also me:i would never be invited to parties lol

[@muhammadirfan-jm8rl]

Social anxiety is different from an introvert.. You know somebody could be thinking that..

[@britaahonen1489]

'I can't grasp nothing' I have to be screaming kicking & spitting. NOTHING. NOTHINGNESS. I CAN'T GRASP NOTHINGNESS .

[@sonjakrsmanovic4470]

I have this fear constantly I am a person with the dissability and people constantly look at me or make derogatory comments 😢😢😢😢

[@sejalarora2881]

This is exactly what happens

[@Appeltaart12345]

this is exactly what my therapist taught me today-

[@moksha.m]

Ive got better so I dont think I really have social anxiety but still being an introvert is just so sucky

[@lazypanda6023]

Yep checks out

[@benny8255]

Honestly after I avoid the situation I feel a little guilty for no reason and also hate the way it feels… Like, I can feel that I can’t control myself enough for a simple night out with friends

[@bean9]

I planned a meeting with my friend and now I really regret it, I don't want to go, it's on Tuesday and I'm already so anxious and i just want to stay at home but I can't but I don't want to go at all.