The Ways We Overstep Black Women's Boundaries: Wizkid & Tem Inappropriate touch

patreon: patreon.com/mayowasworld
paypal.me/mayowasworld
venmo: @mayowasworld
mayowasworld
music: love so good by the On-Going Project

[@ArielYasmine]

Basically… men see women thriving and they want to conquer them. Men see dominant women as a challenge. Some men respect it. Some men avoid it. Some men try to conquer it.

[@cocogoddess9898]

Right they think they need to make it a hierarchy thing just leave us TF alone

[@kekemonroe1130]

​@@cocogoddess9898right💯

[@MellowJelly]

"Why can't we normalize reading body language" thank you so much lol like deliberately ignoring universal body language signs is just finding excuses to justify stuff like this! The sad thing is that it's more normalized for a man to INCREASE pursuing unwanted touches when the woman resists, like that phrase "playing hard to get" or whatever? It's weirdly normalized. Such low vibes and very scary, disturbing even

[@bluegreen9799]

And the sex culture is only getting worst. Sex is just being formalized now with all of these hookup apps and extreme lyrics in music, to the sexualization of women and even men in reality tv shows. It’s just down bad out here for real. Im not saying people can’t enjoy sex, but what I am saying is that there’s a healthier way to go about celebrating it. Cause it’s looking unhealthy and more so toxic in these streets.

[@leogirl321]

This is the one!

[@AdeolaAsh]

Thank you for being there when everyone else is gaslighting us

[@BUUOC]

I could not have said it better. This is exactly how I feel when I watch her videos - they are a place to escape when it seems like the entire world is gaslighting us. Thanks for putting how I feel into words. :)

[@mayowasworld]

thank you for also affirming my thoughts as well!

[@JP-br4mx]

Sis hi

[@ambern9276]

I am a very sensual, not sexual, person. I enjoy hugs, hand holding, and that sort of thing. People have often taken this form of contact as an invitation for sex :/ it’s not. We need to work on effective communication about touch; that definitely includes body language. You’re right!

[@MsLhuntMartinez79]

With you on this. Would say it's because I'm Southern (Texas), but she's from ATL 😆

[@Feminazi1dc]

That's true but some people will never be comfortable w that and we should also respect it. I am a person with autism and I absolutely hate when people ask me for a hug unless I really like you

[@rachelchanel7941]

This! People do need to understand body language. My experience is if I’m uncomfortable and scared, I freeze. I cannot speak. Being friendly and sensual shouldn’t automatically mean you want sex.

[@tierra4020]

Growing up in the church, this was a BIG thing for me. They would shame and berate me for not wanting everyone touching and kissing me. WHAT IS WRONG WITH A HANDSHAKE?!?!?

[@MsLhuntMartinez79]

It's funny. Ima hugger (sometimes) but I don't wanna hold hands for a long time and I HATE cuddling 😆 Maybe because I get hot/sweat fast

[@nentendomofo]

This! Like I remember feeling so uncomfortable going around and hugging these old deacons as a young girl and they be like "oh you growin up~" like UGH. Smelling like sweat and old spice.

[@tierra4020]

@@nentendomofo Be some perverts for real🙄

[@samanthak6122]

I hated that too but my mother always put church people in check. It's entilment; my mom and grandmother were church women but never behaved that way. Some church people just want to control you.

[@mayowasworld]

lol exactly a handshake is so necessary sometimes

[@folacantube]

Omggg I was so surprised that I saw a lot of Nigerians blaming her for not going along with it. It literally doesn’t take a therapist to see that she was visibly uncomfortable and shocked. I felt so so uncomfortable lawd. And when I saw people’s reaction to blaming her, I felt bad like I was over sensitive or something. The gaslighting bruhh

[@mayowasworld]

yes omg the way a lot of Nigerians responded online disappointed me. it was all jokes n giggles and wondering why she doesn't like it smh

[@SOULarLioness]

You're not the overly-sensitive one. People really ARE, in fact, DESENSITIZED to ANYTHING involving the pain, discomfort, suffering, etc. of BLACK WOMEN. It's disgusting. SICK. But then people still wann walk around and peg us as "angry Black women" for feeling what we feel for the things WE'RE subjected to. Make it make sense....smh.

[@basketweaver912]

Touching someone sexually without their consent is def assault. So violent. And they would have rehearsed this performance. If she was uncomfortable like that then it seems like something he threw in at the moment. Like why take someone by surprise like that, it’s a whole power trip. Sexual assault is about power and control.

[@mayowasworld]

yup exactly. smh he's so gross

[@quelquun2018]

I’ve recently had to file a police report (sexual harassment) against someone close (a male) because of too many red flags and I was not about to be a statistic. In my culture, (Haitian) when stuff like this happens, it suppose yo be swept under the carpet. I told family members of all the situations and no one believe me, and I already knew they were not going to believe so therefore I felt like the only way for me to be safe, is if I file a police report.

[@ea7109]

Good for you!! Take care of yourself🧡

[@soblessed3157]

As you should, it’s a shame your family didn’t believe you. I am glad you went to the police and I pray for your safety in Jesus name AMEN 🙏🏾

[@Anounoune]

👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 yes! You did the right thing. Rele police la sou yo. We aren't in Haiti any more.

[@Starcvalentine]

The fact that society has normalized people invading other people's space and crossing boundaries, I'm teaching my little ones consent early. I don't force them to hug relatives, I don't allow them to invade each other's space, I don't allow people (adults) to invade their space. I am SERIOUS about my children learning consent NOW because a lot of us growing up were made to hug and kiss those we didn't want to and felt obligated to play a role for someone else's comfort. I don't EVER want my children to feel that way and I also don't want them to ever feel entitled to someone else's space.

[@gecenthareynolds2658]

This is probably one of the reasons Tems has always hid her voluptuous figure with baggy clothes. Smh. Some of these Men can’t control themselves around a beautiful woman, even tho they have enough money and fame to attract someone who would happily consent to such things. Smh. For business reasons, Tems is smart to say there’s no bad blood. But she should nvr perform live with him again.

[@angelica534]

I used to be friendly with giving ppl hugs, but too many took that as an invitation to try weird ish so now I don't want no one touching me unless it's a close friend

[@DANNYTHEFROG123]

Her face said it all. She wasn't expecting it at all.

[@sarahno7223]

100 had she been white he would have NEVER touched her like that. I hate that black women's body are always seen as accessible and in a state of "sexual performance" for others. As you said she was litteraly WORKING and the fact that he would assert his dominance in that situation and in front of a public shows how little respect he has for her. And I agree 100% that he personnaly felt attacked by her success.

[@mariahterry8812]

I'm really thinking on what you said about black women's discomfort being played for laughs and entertainment. Have you ever had experiences where people "toe the line" on things to make you uncomfortable? I had a manager that stood very close behind me, basically hovering over me as a "joke".

[@PHlophe]

that specific "toe the line" reminds me of when people feign to not know how to read a name so they make this awkward face and look at BP as if our names are just "difficult". this is the exact same equivalent that exists when touching hair with the tip of the fingers or giving cold hugs .. its a lot BP have to put up with especially BW.

[@nickimarie4733]

Happens to me in class all the time. Sometimes I feel like the teacher tries her sassy attitude one me for laughs. She thinks I won’t mind or something. But it’s super awkward and mean. She doesn’t do it with anyone else.

[@aishabowboa7198]

People do this, so that when you react, they can say they didn’t do anything or it’s not a big deal. Just a way to intimidate/make uncomfortable/gaslight us.

[@animezae]

Yes. I also experience people purposely irritating me/pushing the boundaries I’ve set only to laugh and jeer when I’m finally upset.

[@krystaldbcv]

You made me realize how some men try to "take ownership..." SMH. It was inappropriate and it's very obvious Tems did not like being touched in that manner. She has every right to set that boundary plus, she is working as you said and in the public eye and scrutiny. It's not funny seeing a woman uncomfortable or being put in that position; the people poking fun and gaslighting her are so ignorant and wrong. The desensitizing is real. I see it too. Thank you for insight and Video! May your pothos grow fruitfully! Reminded me of my grandma, snatching plants she's seen lol Blessings Mayowa!

[@cerisejackson2747]

More absolutely invaluable content by Mayowa, they don’t fucking MISS. Another thing other than temes was the whole “yay he brought out Chris Brown” like wtf is Chris Brown doing trying to creep into afrobeats like we just forgot his beating up rhianna and relentless colorism like… smh

[@genna7231]

Yea he needs to go away and shoo fly because he won't be blowing up again off the backs of BW

[@lmaoaims]

Lol Chris brown came to my school two weeks ago so glad I didn’t see that colourist man

[@myosotismalva]

Black girls and women's pain is always dismissed.

[@renataburnette2241]

I have this thing where I even ask kids if I can hug them. I'm big on consent and I read people's body language too...we definitely need to normalise having boundaries and respecting others'.

[@mayowasworld]

yess I do this too! Its important they learn young

[@rainieg.3541]

It’s definitely ok to ASK if we may give someone a hug or another way of physical contact. It takes me a long time to get used to someone before I feel comfortable receiving hugs. Let’s be mindful of ourselves and others. 😌👍🏿

[@AuntieThree]

That Denzel clip was well placed and hilarious 😂

[@H_NNY]

People don’t understand the emotional and mental effects of violating someone’s boundaries. It might look like it’s nothing to them in public but it hurts the soul behind closed doors. Most men just have to find a way to have power over women. Their egos are soo huge and corrupt that they can’t imagine being around women without touching them or getting their attention. I had an ex like that and told me I should be grateful that a man can’t keep his hands off of me. If I told him not to touch me a certain way, he would find another loophole to do so. If I didn’t want to have sex with him, he would try to do oral and sugar coat it as being passionate and caring about my pleasure. I’ve experienced this with even guys as friends. If they can’t have sex with you, they just have to get something out of you. It’s like they don’t like women having their energy to themselves so they look for ways even the innocuous ones to get to it so to others it doesn’t look like they’re overstepping your boundaries even though you’ve expressed discomfort vocally or through body language. Even if it’s with good intentions, if what you want for me is more important than what I want for myself, I’m still side eyeing you. I ain’t never been the same since learning that, been ruthless.

[@senoracheapee1864]

As you should be because they are🤘🏾plus they don’t even feel a way about the ish they do

[@H_NNY]

@@senoracheapee1864 they sure don’t!

[@come_on_barbie_123]

"if what you want for me is more important than what I want for myself..."

[@lilah337]

Grew up in a culture where hugs and kissing cheeks are normalized. It was horrible for me and I was treated as disobedient for not being into it. As someone under 5 feet I still don’t like being touched and I despise being physically picked up. Also, I have a chronic illness that makes it super painful and when I’m angry I really don’t like it and see it as a threat and/or manipulative no matter who it’s coming from. I get massages regularly but there are certain areas I can’t be touched due to pain and my therapist respects that. Stopped going to nail salons bc I have to keep reiterating no massage or excessive touching and chair off so much it’s not enjoyable. Thanks for addressing this! I feel less weird about it now.

[@mayowasworld]

yess these are such good points. even when its physically hurting you people still try and assert what they think is best and thats terrible. im sorry that happens. thanks for sharing this

[@Boahemaa]

I don't like being touched and I TELL EVERYBODY. They used to think I was a bitch but they're over it now. People get used to you standing your ground after a while. Asserting yourself becomes easier the more you do it. WizKid needs a slap on the head though. He looked ridiculous doing that..

[@mayowasworld]

yess exactly! he looked so ridiculous smh

[@sg-cg6lr]

Yes same. Keep your hands etc to yourself. If I want it, I can ask. Bless sis

[@IMETGODSHEBLACK]

Thank you for always speaking up! I’m TIREDT of people crossing Black femmes’ boundaries 🙄 also Tems rarely ever wears revealing clothing and I feel like people have an issue with that because of her body type. Like it’s gross how yal won’t let this lady live comfortably, so I’m not surprised at the gaslighting responses 🥴

[@BigHenFor]

Just because you work for or work with a man it does not mean that you have to put out or want to put out. Being professional in the workplace is important even if you are an entertainer. Wizkid was an idiot and needs to keep his ego in check. Just because a woman on stage and dressed attractively doesn't mean she's cheap or available. She's someone's daughter or someone's sister, and should be respected because she is a woman and your employee.

[@stegosaur9812]

It scares me how some people can't see how obviously uncomfortable Tem was and how she wasn't expecting it. And it hurts me how she was performing and doing so well and then he felt like he had to do that to her 🤦‍♂️. And yeah for me sometimes I'm just not in the mood for a hug or physical touch and I feel sometimes I have to pretend. I feel like when you don't want a hug people assume alot and often assume the worst

[@senoracheapee1864]

It was low-key rapey. That’s the scariness of men ignoring body language

[@MellowJelly]

People get sooo defensive when the word assault comes up but it literally was sexual harassment in the workplace, on stage, for all to see, and people are normalizing it! It's happened on stage with so many women celebs and I can see how it would be even more common with black women as they are dehumanized to a muchhh deeper degree. I also do not like being touched by strangers, coworkers, acquaintances, or at all without consent. I get very physically rigid and defensive and I know there are a lot of women who feel they have to accept it because it's unsafe for them to assert their boundaries. Women are considered prude, uptight, aggressive, defensive when they have boundaries/reactions to anything at all

[@crystalwaters513]

it’s why justin timberlake was so comfortable ripping janet jackson’s shirt off and exposing her boob, only her career was derailed.

[@essenceg6327]

Peace. This reminds me of when Play Boi Carti was on stage with Nicki Minaj. She was dancing and he -without her consent- started dancing extremely closely behind her. She even said into the mic to the beat, "Don't you pull up on me like that, don't you pull up on me like that." A short while after, she went up to Carti and said, "Stand right here" and pointed her finger near her, so he moved. Then she started dancing in front on him. Why did Carti do that? Like WTF is wrong with you?! I think it would be safe to assume he didn't ask her prior before sexually harassing her and that shit is unacceptable and disgusting. People online was alike, "She embarrassed Carti." NO! Carti embarrassed her by sexually harassing her. I don't even know what his punishment should be but a slap on the wrist ain't it. He should go through the same thing he put her through. Reap what you sow. (I thought of that video before Mayoworld's comment on it).

[@essenceg6327]

*Mayowa's

[@9keykey]

"When they have boundaries/reactions to anything at all". 💯

[@brib6046]

Thank you so much for making content like this. I hate how normalized things like the situation wizkid put Tem in. So many people do not understand that I hate physical touch unless I know you. A lot of times I force myself to go in for the hug first because I feel more comfortable “putting myself in the situation” and having someone say no, than the other way around. And I didn’t realize I did it until I listened to you. I know it was a reaction I developed from my parents saying I need to be a “sweet girl” even if I was uncomfortable. And I couldn’t let other people know I was uncomfortable or make them uncomfortable. Which is why I am also happy with Tem’s response

[@mayowasworld]

yes so much of it is rooted in how we were socialized.

[@Andreasplace]

I had a person tell me I was dry because I said I don’t like people touching me!!! I was very shocked because I already explained this many of times! 📢 HOW AM I DRY CUZ I DONT WANT YOU IN MY SPACE???

[@C-hime]

I'm also a person who doesn't enjoy being physically touched in general, and it makes me cringe when people just assume you're weird or traumatized by something. I had to cut someone off because of him assuming I was 'insecure about my body', or just needed to 'warm up' to him to make him pushing his ideas onto me okay. There were some other problematic things about him as well, and that was kind of the nail in the coffin, with him just overall making me uncomfortable lol. But anyways girl, love your content and your perspective. Keep on shining~

[@YannaNo]

This is why I enjoyed social distancing when it started. I’ve had so many people (non blacks) invade my space at my former job but I was accused of having an attitude if I was being standoffish so I just got used to being tested. Now that people are getting comfortable again and have an illusion of feeling safer, I’m ready to fight back.

[@keisha_james]

Not sure about Usher but you know who did try to touch Nicki on live tv without her permission? Playboi Carti. On SNL. He tried grinding against her and tryna grab her butt, and she scooted away and called it out during the song on her mic (I don't support Nicki for all the other reasons we know of, but happy for her having the strength to do that that moment). Ya, the same mans who currently is letting Rico Nasty be disrespected and harmed on tour with him by HIS fans.

[@animezae]

I remember this! She was literally like wtf are you doing 😭

[@zolanola6368]

I admire anyone who assert boundaries for themselves. I have trouble doing so. I felt this whole video. Thank you for it.

[@livingwithcocoa]

I literally just had this conversation with a guy. I told him that he should ask prior to kissing someone on a first date and he disagreed. I dont get why people feel like they can just intrude on peoples' spaces. I dislike handshakes cause either my hand will get crushed or they literally just hold it, gimme a fist bump/high 5, BUT I feel like if I say that then I'd come off as rude.

[@Chazcott]

I’m sitting here like how do you disagree that you should ask before putting your lips on someone? I’m not understanding that at all

[@kimyoonhyung6714]

@@Chazcott i guess in a lot of movies/ series you don't see them ask because it's a moment of passion or smth, but even then you can kinda see from body language that the other person is down but for me personally it's still too ambigous to act on it

[@itsekaete]

I saw the video and went to the comments expecting some sort of back lash towards him and all I saw were laughing emojis, my heart literally sank …

[@mayowasworld]

mine too

[@erinniccoinn1gh]

listen you're 1000% right. and i have no personal bias on this as i'm not a black woman, but when i lived in america, i was watching some bad reality tv with my then-boyfriend's family and there was a situation onscreen where the "joke" was a black woman being obviously uncomfortable. now, i'm autistic and this was before my diagnosis, so i said out loud, "i don't think this is funny? is this funny? why is this funny? is she ok?" and WOW was that uncomfortable for everyone. nobody said anything, the show was kept on, and the worst part is my boyfriend's sister-in-law was the only black woman there and EVERYONE immediately looked to her for her response, which i absolutely had not intended to happen and felt so bad. she didn't say anything either just kind of played along. she must have felt so embarrassed, even though it was my stupid arse that said something, it still often seems to fall on the black woman to make everyone comfortable again. it's not fair.

[@Deadly_DUP]

Yes sis, I completely agree. People get off on disrespecting black women and making us uncomfortable. It is not entertaining and it unacceptable. In general this happens to women of every background. Pay attention to body language it clearly shows when a person feels disrespected.

[@akosuakoranteng3327]

Feel bad for my girl Tems, lots of love to her ❤️ , “Why can’t we normalize body language” yes please. So much good analysis here 🙌🏾

[@annierichter8250]

I don't like physical touch either. I'm really only comfortable with tough from my husband and kids. One thing I've been doing with extended family is making them ask my kids for a hug instead of demanding one and respecting their answer if they say no. It's really messed up how we force children to give physical affection "because family". They then grow up not completely grasping body autonomy.

[@csimmzy]

The gross feeling of a hand on you when you don't want it - it's the actual worst!!! This weekend something like this happened with this guy that was aggressively hitting on me that kept putting his hand on my back. Even through 3 layers of clothing his hand felt hot and gross. You're right that men do this to stake their claim or assert ownership over the woman because that's exactly why this guy was doing it.

[@msjigglypuff91]

I’ve been a touch me not and don’t hug me since I was little (I’m 30). I’ve been told I’m heartless, cold, made fun of for not liking hugs. My friends all knew not to hug me and some ignored it sometimes. It’s cool that these days it’s more acceptable asking consent for hugs and not as looked down on as before.

[@soupafleye]

normalize reading body language!! tem didnt deserve that and she clearly did not like it. i dont like being touched either even by my parents lmaoo. unless I initiate it I'm not going to receive it well. i feel like touching and overreaching physical boundaries is a very western thing. you do not see this kind of forwardness in other countries and its very telling. the western or white perspective on entitlement and boundaries could have a huge impact on why its been internalized. of course there are cultures that are deeply centered around people and relationships where touch is absolutely essential. a handshake, bow or visual acknowledgment is so respectful and aware it makes you think respecting ones self is a traditional behavior we've lost over the years

[@PHlophe]

Mamita, naw ! its not a western thing tho , different black cultures do it differently. where my mam is from , kisses are for grand parents and i grew up giving a peck to my grand ma and my great grand ma. my mom is affectionate but i didn't like it from her but then culturally mothers don't its the elders that get all the kisses and hugs . other parts of Africa , you don't even touch a partner in public. you walk behind her.. so many differences. as someone who grew up partially in germany. Kisses ae YIKES. they barely touch . but cross over to France of Belgium and all the bodies are free meal.

[@JubeiKibagamiFez]

The body language was SOOO obvious in that 5 sec clip. First time, it looked like he just went in for a simple hug, his hand went too low, she pulled his hands away. That should of been the only sign he needed. Second time, he gets close dancing, goes in again straight for her booty, she does the same thing as before and looked a little disgusted. I wonder how many time she had to pull his hands off her during that performance????

[@hersupreme3348]

I too gave the same guilt! I don’t like being touched as well & maintaining my boundaries is hard.

[@corrinelove8254]

me and my boyfriend have this thing where we ask because we do everything. like we ask for hugs or to hold hands because then it’s easier to say no before they do something you don’t want than it is when they just do it. also sometimes i’ll be ok with something that i’m usually not or vis versa. you should never assume someone is ok with something and i agree body language is VERY telling but people love to ignore it.

[@codenamesailorvenis]

Mayowa we love you! Continue making content like this and I love your cute outfits

[@mayowasworld]

Aw thank you!!

[@mingflemming5396]

In my country Trinidad we have what's called a "bellas" that's where you get a ringing slap to your ear, it makes your ears ring, that's what he should get. Good video as always, you always bring the white elephant out of the room in your topics. She was uncomfortable it showed on her face, one like me would have reacted differently, to his embarrassment, am not one to mask my emotions and would have reacted instantly. Don't touch me if you're not invited to do so PERIOD!!!!.... love your content keep pushing the narrative ears would hear. Blessed 🙏

[@forgettablegirl]

Thank you Mayowa for covering this complex issue in such a clear way.

[@sevena.channel]

I'm the same! I've never liked being touched/hugged etc even by people I love. I've been like that since a baby. And yes, I too have always felt that people associate this with not being a friendly, warm or nice person. But that couldn't be further from the truth. I've always been such an empathic person, hypersensitive to other peoples' feelings, even that of strangers, and often to my own detriment since I was a toddler.

[@Strawberries0000]

I Don't Like Being Touched By Strangers At All , I Barely Like Being Touched By People I'm In A Relationship 🤦🏽‍♀️

[@angelica534]

No you're right, ppl are just desensitized

[@dglovestotalkcook8459]

That pothos plant costs $5.00 here in Boston, Ma right in the supermarket… yes just keep growing it and it will grow like crazy it grows really fast and crazy so watch out

[@Sunnydai]

Sorry about the mic. Idk what wizkid was thinking. He is a small person so idk if he thought he had the strength to lift her or he just wanted to feel up on her either way the whole scene was weird and uncomfortable to watch. Along with Essence ,love nwantiti is another overplayed song 🙄 I’m a hugger but I don’t hug people until we build a friendship/relationship first and their comfortable with it.

[@priestlaaris8208]

Hey Mayowa, I’m glad you got your pothos plant. I hope it grows so fast. It’s my one of my favorite plants too. The entire Tems situation wasnt okay. I hope she’s okay and that doesn’t happen to her again.

[@akeria5882]

I am a massage therapist. It has brought so much awareness to me when it comes to people in their boundaries. When me and my colleagues are in the break room and we are discussing emotional matters, we ask each other if we can hug each other. I have had a colleague tell me they did not want a hug and it was offputting at first, but I ultimately respected her for being honest enough to say no, I don’t want a hug. I have also met people who have told me that they do not like physical touch because that is just not how they were raised. It is such an amazing thing two learn about. I feel bad for Tems. His actions were completely out of line and inappropriate. She works so hard to not over sexualize herself and to show up in a way that she feels comfortable in the world. I respect that so much about her, and her talent is the main focus. In that moment, on that stage, he disrespected all of that.

[@sg-cg6lr]

The pothos is thriving, once it springs up with more leaves it's comfy and will continue to grow if environment stays the same🙏🏾 Feel like you made this video for me. Thank you sister!! Much love and consensual hugs to you, bless🖤

[@brib6046]

It’s incredible that you are 5’11! That has to be amazing!

[@fu.nm.i]

I'm so glad your plant is growingggggg

[@kemi53]

I’m also Nigerian with locs! Immediately subscribed ❤️

[@jaydamay6815]

you are soooo beautiful !!! you’re giving hair , eyebrows , skin , outfit , nails , body , everything !!!

[@kimkillett4895]

It's going to flourish like you! One Love💕

[@native1181]

Girl I’m cracking up that you stole that plant and you show us a piece of it 🤣 love it

[@JOSHPODGE]

physical touch!!! i’ve warmed up to it lately over the past year after getting in touch with myself but there’s definitely rules I have like I do not want to hug random people I’m not comfortable with it just feels weird and I need to do a better job of communicating and asking whether people are OKAY with the way I like to connect and show my love for people through physical touch

[@zainyx]

Couldn’t have put it better myself! 👏🏾💯💛

[@ea7109]

Really good video 👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿

[@lx9037]

as a touch me not, it's interesting. as a survivor, i realize we do not have enough discussions about consent or boundaries! And definitely wet hand slap.

[@wutrwehearfour1031]

no when i saw the post on insta i looked at her face after and i felt uncomfy. thank you for bringing this up

[@aliciarose2237]

This video could not have come at a better time! While I was journaling last night, I realized I didn't have many boundaries when it came to men and physical contact. I would always have act like certain touches didn't actually bother me and then after the fact, blame myself for not being vocal about feeling uncomfortable. I'm also like you and I don't like physical contact like that too!! This video was very validating and I needed to hear this! Yes let's normalize reading body language!!

[@loganw4686]

the story of you and this plant is resurrecting my hope in planetary co-existence

[@aliciathomas6477]

Yaaaayyy I love your videos and you’re so gorgeous and inspirational 😊😊

[@mayowasworld]

🥺 thank u boo

[@dbabes6949]

Omgggg preach sis!! 💯💯💯

[@sweetlifeofmayowa]

Back hand slap, left hand slap, or abara (hot slap on his back) lmaoo

[@jillhbaudhaan]

I don't like to be touched either, and I live in Miami. Touching is very much a part of Caribbean, Central American, and South American cultures. It takes me a long time to warm up to people to the point where I'm okay with touching. I enjoy personal space.

[@juniaa2116]

You are actually such a natural on camera Mayowa 😍

[@welliminitnowso]

Ready for this breakdown ❤️🙌🏾

[@Ocheniya]

Before i even watched the video I was uncomfortable, and then to see people saying that she should have just allowed it and that she's too reserved .it's so annoying

[@bryanna_95]

Thanks for your content. I loveeee Physical touch. Only with loved ones though strangers it’s forced and weird and since the pandemic and after I’ll definitely keep to waving and love contact. 💯

[@Anewrevelationformine]

amazing video!

[@yettabetta]

Yes! Subscribed!

[@kokowl]

After seeing the video the thing that was playing in my head was “why didn’t he as her before hand” it would save him so much embarrassment and her discomfort

[@TT-xz5sy]

Trying to put on a show.

[@tlowery2074]

Sorry about your microphone but stoked for your plant baby 😊 thanks for breaking this situation down bc I hadn’t known what actually happened

[@tlowery2074]

Also, it feels so nice to CHOOSE and opt into huggin and have mutual agreement we’re GOING to hug bc we’re both comfortable with it 😌

[@shay8916]

I dont know why KZbin keeps unsubscribing me from your channel but this is my third time subscribing.

[@yallratripbye9570]

Yeah I dont like getting hugs from anyone else but my spouse, I think it's the proximity of other ppls faces and heads to my face and neck... I don't feel 100% genuinely comfortable hugging other people. Sometimes it's bc of my makeup (like I don't want to smear it on someone who is getting so close) and other times it's bc I just don't want to.

[@mayowasworld]

yesss something about our heads being that close also freaks me out

[@loverila]

I'm the exact same way. I dislike when I'm trying to talk to someone and get to know them on a personal level and they start getting touchy on the first meeting because society has normalized sexuality and intimacy to the point where anyone that doesn't is deemed weird or childish. 😑💁🏾‍♀ Maybe I just don't want anyone and everyone being all touchy and overly familiar with me. Complete strangers will rub your hand, your hair, your lower back, and claim they're just trying to get by when you are in line at the store, it just bothers me. It irritates me. 😓I shouldn't have to explain to complete strangers why touching someone you don't know is not okay. My biggest pet peeve is when someone responds back with "we're grown." Like why do people feel that's a valid and acceptable reason for their need to be touchy. It literally grosses me out. stop! 😤🥴🤮🤮

[@DirtyFastingLife]

Love your outfit..and your videos....your GORGEOUS!!!... Your locks are so beautiful!!...thanks for sharing...had no 💡 this happened to TEMS...love her music... Keep it up PRETTY GAL🎊👩🏾‍🦱🥰😍🙏🏾✨❤️

[@Jadeeee2323]

Prop lifting for the winnnnnnnn!! Happy for u for getting a lil pothos baby

[@onelove2909]

Smart natural lady, love your hair , all good ! 👍😄

[@payyourrentbabes]

I love touch so i'm glad you were open and said you don't like hugs,I have a friend like that and people's boundaries should be respected.Tems was uncomfortable I wish it would be taken serious.

[@rachelmartin5102]

I love this video. I feel uncomfortable when people put their arm around me. I don't if it's because I'm short but Everytime I say I'm don't like it they don't seem to understand my no. And I don't want to come off rude but if I'm uncomfortable then I'm uncomfortable and stop doing it. And wizkid was definitely wrong for that, love the video have a great day.

[@ULuvAz]

I love your energy so much!!

[@jungleafreeca1111]

dope freeform locs!!!!!

[@ayo_hitman_bang_introduces]

Your...acquisition of the plant is what my dad and I do everytime I'm in my uni's parking area...we just grab branches and go 😂😂😂😂 I pay fees...I think I can grab a plant or two as reimbursement😂😂 Anyway, let me watch the video. Post video thoughts: Thank you for making this video. I'm reevaluating my thoughts around physical boundaries. I knew a girl in highschool that disliked hugs and I didn't understand it...now I do lol.

[@nettesthebest]

Yes!! Unnormalize hugs!!🙅🏾‍♀️

[@yikes666]

Always love your vids

[@DiamanteBox]

Your comment towards the end was so interesting because even though one of my love languages is physical touch and I'm very physical with people I love, it makes me EXTREMELY uncomfortable when people I don't know / haven't given permission to touch me do so. Like if I'm on a date and you are caressing me (which has happened), I want to vomit and leave immediately. I don't know you like that, please don't touch me.

[@kaleidojess]

Your personality is so sweet lol I’m not big on hugs either, relatable.

[@anotherFreeman]

Great video as always 😍 To your questions: 1. I'm extremely tactile, LOVE touch (that I invite). As it is now, I'm pretty touch starved, there is very little physical touch in my life. I view touch as being incredibly intimate and sacred. It is a sign of deep trust and connection to invite and accept touch. It's very much giving: my body is a temple and I am the divine to whom it is devoted. So the consent aspect is the most important thing to me. This also extends to proximity. I tend to want several steps worth of physical space, if I don't know or fuck with someone like that. I extend that same respect to others. I won't occupy a person's space or touch them uninvited. If I'm willing to stand close to you, I'm receptive/willing to discuss touch. I respond directly and quickly to violation. My initial warning is actually body language lol. I'll literally move or leave. Second is a verbal. 2. The boundary I struggle with is the way people verbally interact with me/my body. I occupy a lot of margins, so there are a lot of ways to level violence at me. The verbal boundary I defend the least are my pronouns. My life is filled with daring to be a ds black person, bi, non religious, type 4 hair, very black features. So much more. By the time someone misgenders me, I'm fucking exhausted, and I'm like "fuck it". It's the worst when it come from folks who done been corrected. 3. Slap dat nigga with wotta. Slap da taste out his mouth, that shit ain't welcome here. Him lost his mind??

[@sweetness5599]

My love !!! Cut the cup in half so the leaves have more room on your plant baby 🤍🤍🤍

[@pughshipp]

I adore your locs. 🤎

[@titutoyou]

You made me excited about your pathos 😂😂😂😂 that’s one of my faves too