How I Mastered DETACHMENT & Went From Anxious To Secure In 10 Steps

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[@suras8984]

The way to let go of needing someone (in terms of limerance) is to force yourself to think about you more than them. Compliment yourself all day in your mind. Tell yourself over and over that you are valued loved and respected to get into that feeling state. Tell yourself that you are seen and heard and imagine how that would feel if it were true. Do this all day for a couple of weeks. And soon you wont even care for this person. I swear it works!!!!

[@Jennifer-bw7ku]

Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.

[@steceymorgan814]

Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!

[@APOLLINAIREBARTHOLOMIEU]

Yes, dr.larks I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.

[@elizabethwilliams6651]

Anxiety happens when you think you have to figure out everything all at once. Breathe. You're strong. You got this Take it day by day.

[@steceymorgan814]

Is he on instagram?

[@APOLLINAIREBARTHOLOMIEU]

Yes he is. dr.larks

[@MyForeverPerson]

Detachment saved my life. I’m in a new relationship and for the first time ever, im not desperately attached to him. If he calls or not I don’t go crazy. I feel super in flow and all day long focused on me while knowing he is there and recognizing his needs. But im not desperate at all. It’s crazy!!!!! I am finally in a good space mentally and finally understand why I suffered so much in the past. This video is saved and I listen to it a few times a week as my little refresher. Conditioning my mind and my blue print. You’re my Angel thank you!!!!!!

[@agustinlyon8173]

I see in you a light of hope for me and others, I known a girl since august and we became friends, she friendzoned me when i confessed my feelings towards her like at month 2 of knowing each other, now she has a boyfriend. Feel like shit most of the time but thanks to God on this month that feeling has been watered down a little bit. Im going to try this, convince myself and my mind that this is the path to detachment, it can be done and it will be done. If yall people could do it then I can too. I don't have to depend on anyone else to make me happy.

[@Katie-lv8ko]

im so happy for you, you can be super proud of yourself!!

[@MENTAL-STRENGTH101]

Starting this journey now 🥺 coming to terms with accepting that I was really anxiously attached made me realize that I went about the things I want in the wrong way.. Looking forward to the future.. ♥️

[@klara7655]

I have the same but for this reason I don't want to marry or have kids. Since I can let go easily, I don't want to get tied to a partner because the relationship is not important for me. I think the detachment from the partner is only if you aren't really in love. At least better than being in love and being dumped. Like this, you can dump the partner too if it gets too hard. Why bother working on the realtionship if it is easy to detach and look for another partner or just stay single?

[@ShortGirlsClimbCounters]

I'm trying to practice detachment. How does one do this in a relationship? How would you do this in a marriage? I feel like I'd have to not love or even like them to be detached and to not care if they give me love or not.

[@wetgyjnmb]

“People survived in the snow to create me, and Jake isn’t returning my calls…” love this so much 😂😂👍🏼

[@lou15176]

She often brings a lot of perspective through humour 😂 I love it too 😊 x

[@ioannak.4690]

0:33 1. Let go of the person you crave most the approval (parent) 3:43 2. You can't control people 5:05 3. Not wanting to be loved for performance 6:20 4. Not changing who you are for sb 7:43 5. Not control, but instead try to connect* 8:49 6. Do what is best for yourself 10:27 7. Become comfortable with who you're and what you look like 13:28 8. The faster sb leaves, the better 15:05 9. Understanding that self-possession & confidence is the key to beauty and magnetism 16:31 10.Let sb be who they're than preempt their behavior 18:38 11. Move into your feminine energy *Anxious Attachment style is about thinking that you can control sb, because intrinsically somewhere in your life you didn't feel loved enough/ seen enough/ heard enough. Your cure to that problem isn't to find sb who likes you back. Your cure for that is to find somebody, who genuinely connects with you. - Desperation is really unattractive. If you're desperate things are going to be hard to get.

[@muthoninjoroge2763]

@13:48 this part!!!!

[@sis3683]

People like you need to be protected at all cost. Thank you

[@Lnda111]

Thank you! You’re the best!

[@enn7541]

The effort. 😘

[@Essenceofme3]

Not all heroes wear capes ✨

[@lili_marthe]

“You will try and win love from the type of person who didn’t see you”. That hit home

[@funnygirlever]

So sad. Took my whole life to see this. Promising myself to live the rest of my life not falling and surrounded by people like my parents and siblings. I choose happiness, my peace, and being alone now.

[@ThinkDreamBecome]

"Everything meant for me will be attracted to me!" Thank you for that perspective and utterance.❤

[@Marcianamusic_]

"people survived in the snow for me to be here and you're not returning my calls" just did it for me.

[@amberho2541]

❤

[@xochitllee24]

“Your features are a combination of these people who once looked at each other and thought each other was beautiful” 👏👏👏👏 I never saw it from that perspective and it’s really a profound thought. How I would disgrace them by being ashamed of my features enough to change them. Wonderful video thank you 🙏

[@gabrielle5213]

Yes I loved that part so much!!!

[@Jewelsessences]

The problem is when you think youre beautiful but you cant find another beautiful match

[@JayJay-wg5ex]

such a lovely perspective

[@worldofcats9611]

Incredible eye opening ❤

[@lilhoneyteddy]

A really beautiful perspective ❤

[@k00ki3izkrazy]

Sad how when I’m single I’m just fine Idgaf about anything and Idc but then I’m with someone and get all anxious and attached but forget that i will learn to detach and be fine. I appreciate your advice so much !

[@Liznvx]

I go through the same thing.

[@pasha9806]

Sameee!

[@marcalarca]

Same!

[@ljOB510]

Same here!!

[@AmyKingPoet]

Real Talk 🔥 My ancestors didn't fight for life and a better world so that I could sell myself short. Thanks for these reminders 🙏

[@soulfate2]

wow so true

[@izabelazielak8963]

My ancestors did fight for life and a battle….and I am still heere 😁

[@mikepiccolo32]

​@@soulfate2 no its a bunch of baloney

[@thunderpooch]

​@mikepiccolo32 how so?

[@mikepiccolo32]

@@thunderpooch no substance to it just double talk .Some sort of philosophy

[@user-mf9hx9qd7f]

Plot twist: "Jake" not returning the calls suddenly won't stop blowing up the phone once you detach and keep it moving 😂. I'm happily married but took great value from this video and the principle of detachment applies to everything: outcomes, goals, friends etc. And what a beautiful reference to our ancestors, pure poetry! Thank you, Margarita ❤.

[@kathleenharris8824]

Exactly, I had a narcissistic ex who cheated did the love bomb and discard.. Then, wanted to be “friends” , but it wasn’t healthy. I finally had enough. Blocked him everywhere. So happy I did! We have to take our power back.

[@anonymousnation5235]

​@@kathleenharris8824had same experience in past two years. Breaking free from such guy is so shattering but worth it at the end

[@mauiwowielmsv]

My partner wanted to break up until he came home to see I had all his things out on the bed for him to move out🤣. I was very calm...it scared him I think. Unfortunately he suffers from untreated mental illness, so he says stuff that is self sabotaging. I had enough of it though when he yelled at me. But he wanted me back, so here I am again🤣.

[@userofplstn]

In Islam, we believe that when your heart is so full of someone, it's empty of Allah (God). Once you detach and only turn to Him, your relationship with yourself also becomes stronger, things start to come to you almost effortlessly.. Turning inwards is always a great idea.

[@amandam7452]

Love this we have the same in Christianity❤ at least what I learned. God is our first and only true Love!

[@masturaabdusalemova421]

Indeed

[@kimberlyberry960]

I like what you said. It’s true

[@user-wr7dp2bo5y]

Addiction is absence of God 🙏

[@GHO5tMod3]

That’s true because you’re not making an idol of that one person!

[@shayharris5729]

Your video has changed my mindset on my marriage. I immediately called my husband at work and told him I'm sorry and I hear you. He has attachment issues. I have "I'm a strong ass woman" issues lol and I WOULD NOT "give in" to what I called his demands . And now, understand are truly his NEEDS . I sent him your videos called off our separation and told him that I will do better in understanding him as long as he took the steps to becoming detached.. thank you so much for your words of wisdom.

[@RogueYogiPodcast]

@shayharris5729 ❤❤❤ hearing how thoughtful YT videos change-even save-people’s lives!

[@Essenceofme3]

Sending you some love ♥️

[@user-ff5nv8ft6n]

He needs someone that loves him. Please let him go

[@YouilAushana]

This message should be shouted from the rooftops. Women are absolutely wrong about what real men are. Women are superficial and just emasculae men. They chose the wrong guys. All the worlds problems are caused by stubborn jackasses. My own mom was a stubborn selfish sociopath and my dad dished all the abuse onto me that she deserved. They ruined my life.

[@shayharris5729]

@Essenceofme3 first of all he has someone who loves him that's why I haven't walked away from a man who is so attached that he monitors my car without me knowing fires through my phone blows up my phone if I'm 10 min later than what he thinks is a reasonable time for me to be home. We BOTH agreed to separate until I watched this video and thought maybe instead of me getting angry when he does these things I should consider that it's his anxiety. Which is odd he has anxiety since he's the one who stepped outside of our relationship. So before you make stupid comments like that think twice. Good day

[@kyliekay447]

The root of suffering is attachment - Buddha

[@mikepiccolo32]

Holy smokes

[@izabelazielak8963]

Why isn’t she speaking about her problems more frankly 🤨instead #phd

[@lesley1267]

Detached? or non-attached? .....there's a big difference

[@tahitihawaiiblue]

Yeah detaching from eating and breathing would solve all the problems people have 😅. Buddha was only partially right obviously in many of his statements.

[@witnessofchrist2524]

@@tahitihawaiiblue Things that are necessities don't count.

[@Starseed11573]

I broke into tears listening to this ! This is difficult, detachment hurts , all I had was unavailable men in my life including my dad . It hurts so bad I’m grieving, but life is so strange why does it throw so many lessons and teach us so much about the things we were never taught about as a child

[@luludouglas6647]

That’s so true. It does hurt but I feel Even with a present or absent parent we are forever evolving through life lessons and the power of God and the universe loves us so much that it doesn’t want us to stay stuck. I’m so glad I found this young woman page because I’m at a turning point in my life where I don’t want those type of people (unavailable) in my life like my father was.

[@Orieji]

Your comment made me cry .. It took me 24yrs to accept and really understand how broken I am. Been In denial all my life.. Now I’m focused on myself and not letting What ever decision my parent made Affect me and I have forgiven them for never showing me what love really feels like .. I forgive them because now I understand and know better. All I feel for my parent especially my late mom is “oh mom how hard was life for you! How she screamed and no one heard.. You can’t give what you don’t have ! I know better so I’m focusing on doing better and healing my soul… It’s crazy how After alll done I stil have so much love to give! So much !! But I definitely ok with my survival instincts It’s hurts but I didn’t pick what I was given !!

[@keylo2473]

The same😢

[@sarah_ed9920]

​@@Oriejisame

[@rosewhitt9367]

Detachment, while in the beginning can feel as though it “hurts”, it’s the only place to find true freedom. To be detached from the actions and words and acceptance of others is what’s true freedom. Not living at the will or victimhood of others is where we can truly learn incredible self love and self worth. Finding those things in others is incredibly insecure because we cannot control others. Detachment has made me a better person. ❤

[@GodHelpMe369]

If you haven't heard today... You are so very loved and you are so very worthy of love. The hardest part is learning to love yourself and to know: it's not all your fault, and to see: that you're beautiful; wonderfully perfectly brilliantly created. You're stronger than most; a true leader/warrior in the making. Keep going and keep thanking. Remember Jesus was an outcast and he suffered more than any human being could ever endure... And the most important message here is to forgive them and to forgive yourself and to love all. Keep walking in truth. One of the great poems of the Zen tradition ends with this description of the awakened state: “To be without suffering over imperfection(s).” AFFIRMATIVE PRAYER: I am one with the Divine. I experience, peace, BLISS, love, and joy: CONSTANTLY AND CONSISTENTLY. I experience everything as grace AND AS LOVE. I am at peace. I honor the Divine within me.

[@ThePeetahh]

thank you for this

[@ricmar]

"I don't want to have the job of controlling wild, random, strange people who are in my life in order for them not to hurt me." This. This was it for me. I rarely ever comment on vids, but I had to. Thank you, seriously.

[@kuniulya8165]

I really like the part where you mentioned : my role is to be myself and their role is to be themselves, it hits me in a different way.

[@AdairCty]

Excellent advice. Detaching now from a love bomber who actually had tears in his eyes during our first date…telling me how “special” I was. My red flag alarm went off but I pressed on in the relationship. Compliments, promises, numerous daily texts, phone calls, dates, a bombardment of references to “our” future followed. But then when it came time…months later…to put action behind the promises, he was noncommittal, full of excuses. Somewhere in there, somewhat dispassionately, he revealed his horrific childhood. That, along with a divorce many years prior, damaged this guy I now realize. My love couldn’t “fix” him. He was incapable of committing to me…perhaps anyone. Trust your instincts ladies!

[@silverplug]

❤

[@mallikaroychoudhury3913]

So sorry for your experience. The manipulative love bomber who takes his time to get under your skin and then uses the emotional leverage to show his true colors of non-committal, gaslighting behavior.

[@sunbeam9222]

​@@mallikaroychoudhury3913there was no manipulation. Discernment is always available. We just decide to acknowledge the red flags, or we don't.

[@karenrusso3773]

I am sorry you are going through this. I have been there and it was very painful. When we want love so much and a narcissist comes along with the love bombing, it’s so easy to fall for it because we are so hungry for love and attention, and the love bombing feels like love to us. I finally realized in my fifties that my attraction to that type of man goes back to my childhood relationship with my narcissist father. Now I’m 60 and detaching from an anxious avoidant, which at least was much better than a narcissist. However, it’s still the “working to get his attention, working to figure out why he didn’t reply, working to understand his avoidant behavior at times.” I have learned so much about myself from these relationships. Don’t give up. We must learn to love ourselves, but it’s all a journey. Other people reflect back to us like a mirror and then we can see things in ourselves that we didn’t see before. Then we can start to make changes in ourselves and make better choices. I expect my next relationship to be better than the last because I’m more self aware now, and also starting to ask myself “what do I think about this person” instead of “what do they think about me.” That’s a big difference! I wish you all the best. Peace Love Harmony

[@danielalarson9371]

I can so relate!

[@cs7021]

My dad hated me growing up and wasn’t shy about letting me know that. As a 28 year old I can’t imagine talking to a 7 year old the way he did me.

[@RedRubyPhoenix-72]

Same

[@Brogrl]

Absolute same.

[@toadsy]

I truly needed this video. I had anxious attachment issues with my ex, and it ruined our relationship. Of course, there were issues on both sides, but I take most of the blame. I'm hoping I can work on myself as a person, and to feel secure with myself, and to heal. That's my current goal right now, and these videos are a true godsend.

[@Tonys.Food.Wars101]

I wish you the best😢 i feel ya. I have lost my two best friends because of that . I send you much love, i believe in you

[@skyt8327]

Did you guys ever get back together?

[@toadsy]

@@skyt8327 No! And it was for the BEST. I went through the steps of healing and it was what I needed to do.

[@toadsy]

@@Tonys.Food.Wars101 Thank you. Hoping for the best for you as well!

[@toadsy]

@@skyt8327 No we didn't! It was for the best. I worked on myself and that's what needed to happen in order for me to grow as a person :)

[@bizznesg]

I AM going to listen to this every day for 21 days. Also write down some of the most powerful quotes you uttered throughout this video. You have an extremely stoic approach to relationships and I absolutely love that. Thank you ✨

[@dianemolina2236]

I love this idea. I’m going to join you for the next 21 days 🙌🏼 report back with how it goes!

[@mihneaenache2669]

How did it go?

[@waylorr]

How is going?🙏🏻

[@TheStine07]

I want to do the same thing! Starting today!

[@tumi_moliko]

how is it goinggg?🤍

[@christinemerritt974]

😂”wild, random, strange people”that I don’t need to control or WANT to😂😂That really made me laugh❤ This channel is beautiful, and so are you!!!! So wise, so well-spoken. I love it🌻🌈🌞

[@carolinegoncalves5107]

I laugh too bc this is a problem of mine im always trying to figure out why randon Ppl dont like me and convince them tô like me and i Just realize How stupid It is lol

[@cleyenne]

Ladies! Use me as the Absent father button! We will get this right

[@kimstrandberg9529]

Childhood trauma always shows up in our adult relationships. Period.

[@sOofiiexD]

But is there a way to stop this ? Lol

[@rue2599]

But we can choose to learn and grow from it through healing.

[@michaelhenderson2657]

Love yourself and you will attract the right people in your life.

[@goddessvibes08]

💯

[@lekssri4612]

How do I start to love myself? I have been trying to figure this out.

[@juligrlee556]

When I get to the bottom, I lose my will to do anything. Just listening to this video gave me some positive energy I really need today. I've made some really heartfelt commitments to others. But was clearly informed over years that I wasn't wanted, I was worthless. I'm still trying to overcome childhood scripts that told me no I couldn't, shouldn't, and would never have a role I wanted in my birth family and as true to script, I created the same preachments. Sometimes I'm really hurting, but I too remember my ice age ancestors, my snow ancestors, my immigrant ancestors, my ancestors who built this country with their own grit. I'm worth it. When I feel rejected, I feel hurt. I cuddle up, get some decent sleep and as my grandmother used to tell me during her survival stories, "we" (i) got up, and went to work to beat the band." Getting busy doing my own work helps me in my own survival efforts. Thank you Margarita!!

[@pamelacaballero6111]

00:20 Let go of the love of the person that hurt you 02:00 You will try to win the love of the person who didn't see you 04:58 It's not your job to guide them into the right direction I don't want to be loved for my performance If im this or that enough, you then will see me 13:25 The faster they leave, the better. Stop convincing them to stay 16:30 give them the freedom to act the way they are

[@Mkr7942]

I love how you described pride of heritage in beauty. It was very original.❤

[@shrinkshy]

Totally agree I work in this field but really was the first time I’ve ever heard of it in this way and it blew my MIND thank you for sharing

[@ET-ko1bn]

My anxious attachment wound comes from my father who was absent also. I never felt worthy of his love and I cannot imagine to stop seeking his approval. It is such a deep wound.. However your videos give a lot of insights so thank you for sharing your wisdom with us ❤️

[@FoundSheep-AN]

I had some family issues growing up but I have secure attachment style. I don’t think it’s all fault of the family, I think our way of dealing with things has its weight too in forming a personality with an attachment style

[@gabrielle5213]

I love how she said your facial features are more about pride for your heritage ❤ that was really beautiful and I certainly have an appreciation for myself today!!!! What a great outlook!

[@spiritualbabe1417]

Your videos have me in tears. Im sitting here really thinking about all the time ive wasted loving others and not loving myself. I just want to love myself. I didnt know that i have attachment issues. I worked on my first round of shadow work and about to start another. Because im tierd of convincing I'm worth it. Im ready to know im worth it weather they see it or not. Thank you for this. ❤

[@taivin.lorenzo5619]

Whole video SLAPPED but when she said “The things you want will not come to this side of you (insecure, low self worth, codependent, etc. It’s going to come on the other side so let’s take the leap.” SHEESH. That locked it in for me. Definitely watching the next video

[@gturcott1]

I agree just came across this and she is flat amazing

[@YouilAushana]

"Get comfortable with being uncomfortable." Your "inner child"/"happiness compass" will give you the go or stop sensations. Based on what you have been trained to work with.

[@michaelharris871]

she should heal her very very deep wound sshes not even aware of!its going to be very difficult for her! im a healer..shes not authentic and too self centered...

[@aprajitasharma6014]

True ❤️❤️

[@MM-em6ly]

Yesssssss

[@Letyourlightshine333]

I am so thankful for your presence, these past months have been painful and i believe God is breaking my unhealthy attachments, my father whom i loved died, my mother exposed her toxic narcissism and husband is checking out other women and emotionally unavailable.... i was struggling but your videos have been so so helpful.Thank you. I need let go, honor myself, value myself. Your the mentor ,sister i wish i would have had. May God bless you, you beautiful soul.

[@izabelazielak8963]

It wasn’t your real father and mother,since You won’t be here anymore 🤔

[@chillizora]

God bless - prayer always helps

[@jumariejuana]

Wow, do we have the same life? All the best for you girl, we will get through this ❤

[@izabelazielak8963]

@@jumariejuana #côs ci powie tatòś twòj w niebie,najtrudniej zagrać jest siebie …

[@myleneannebondoc8956]

I have to watch this over and over again until it gets to my head. Thank you, Marga! ❤

[@justanotherviewer00]

I'm in a long distance relationship with "Jake" and in recent years I have been attached. From stalking his social media, to checking why he isn't responding to my messages yet online and just overly feeling anxiously about getting cheated on. Thank you for your video! I want to implement and live a life for myself ❤

[@ScillaKmng]

I am in the same exact situation.

[@user-yo6eg2pv6r]

"The days are long and the years are short..." Oh my! That is the perfect description of how life goes by.

[@Holly_honestly]

I just wanted to say I used the “id like to go to lunch with you” instead of why don’t you ever ask me to lunch and it went so well! Thank you for whatt you do just know you’re helping people! I was so scared of confrontation and of being told no or left and it’s not that deep. Thanks again

[@justgemmal]

One the best self esteem videos I have ever watched! Better than any Ted Talk. You're the best friend I think many of us would like to have. You are magnificent! And I had this video suggested to me at the EXACT point I needed it!

[@Margarita.Nazarenko]

Wow, thank you!

[@TisDana]

Exactly!

[@RanjanaSays]

Can I just say how grateful I am that I found you? Obviously for the amazing content but also for how much I see my own story reflected in yours. As an anxiously attached person who's been on the path to becoming secure for a few years now, your story deeply resonates and gives me a lot of hope for my own recovery.

[@butterflygoddess2436]

I am crying as I’m watching you talk. I can’t thank you enough for this. I’m still struggling to get over my ex man who loved me so amazingly and he was a wonderful man…. And we promised to be there for each other even after we broke up. I know my wounded child played up a little, but I didn’t deserve to be treated the way he did, which was poorly and on repeat. He knew how hard my childhood and life was with my mother and all the trauma that I was working on and he abandoned me, just the way she did… I know I’m responsible for my life, but I felt so secure with him and our relationship and my life independently too… I know I deserve so much more. It’s not him that I can’t get over now, it’s why this happened to me and how the man who loved me so much was able to do this to me.. I “performed” for him after the breakup and I stopped doing that. I deserve to be treated with so much love and respect. I am going to build myself up, though it’s so hard at times… but I will.

[@LiaHartman]

I hope you feel better... your comment brought tears into my eyes

[@butterflygoddess2436]

@@LiaHartmanHey Lia, so sweet of you to drop a note. Well, sometimes I’m a badass and sometimes I’m a wreck. I’ve understood that I need to work on some unresolved childhood trauma and work on myself a little. And no matter how hard it is to accept, if he loved and valued me, he would still be here. So, I’ll be ok, because I don’t want to force anyone and want someone who wants to spend his life with me. Wishing you every happiness Lia…

[@LiaHartman]

@@butterflygoddess2436

[@jademedina8228]

Literally… one of the best videos composed of feminine sage advice I have ever seen, and at the most opportune time of my life. Taking accountability for my lack of power. This hit so hard, I needed to hear this. Thank you 🙏🏻

[@jackmovick9116]

You just articulate this subject so well. For years I had these issues with everyone in my life and I’ve done a total 360. About 80% of my relationships have dissolved.

[@user-hs9tk9ox6g]

Life is too short to waste your time on others. Having confidence and loving yourself first, I find brings much more peace and happiness to me.

[@bodza8218]

Margarita.....can't belive how accurate you are....literally blown away by your insight and sense of humour omg, so great...a lot of therapist should learn this skill.....huge hug from Hungary and thank you ❤

[@user-uh5tb9er4o]

girl your insights are on fire! i feel like you discovered a new area to feel gratitude and awe... the fact that our physique and appearance is the result of eons of people choosing each other

[@elina3713]

I know right!! That was mind blowing ❤

[@izabelazielak8963]

🤷🏼‍♀️🙋🏼‍♂️

[@BeingAngelic83]

What you said about our ancestors in our facial features, I really resonated with that. I used to think I was not attractive or beautiful but you reminded me that my grandparents and their grandparents facial features and dna run through my blood! Thank you for the beautiful reminder how beautiful people are!

[@krystalgardiner5591]

My father was never proud of me.. always critical. But at the same time he called me his little girl etc He then left when I was 12 and we didn’t have a relationship and he died in 2014 when I was pregnant with my son. I’m in a relationship with a man who even has the same name as my father, and treats me the exact same way. So over this hurt.. thank you for the advice.

[@WolvieRockx]

I'm to the point where i'm exhausted from: 1. Not having boundaries 2. Anxious attaching to my wife... however this detachment stuff looks like the key to peace😂. 10/10🔥

[@kkorova]

I love how absolutely self aware and conscious you are. Thank you for sharing so much vulnerability, for touching on so many complex themes in such a philosophical way. Attachment is centered outwards, whereas peace is centered on the self. I couldn’t agree more. You are the true meaning of “beautiful from inside out”.

[@scarletlea5748]

You always get it spot on for me. Sadly I have lived most of my life with anxious attachment, I never understood what it was until recently. I’m 56 and happily single, however I never say never. I recently did DNA ancestry test. It got me thinking and it was exactly the things you mentioned in this video that I thought. All this and self help as well as watching videos such as yours has healed me a lot. I know it’s late in life however I feel blessed to have been enlightened as I know that some never are. Thank you again for a great video ❤

[@Naomi-er4ml]

Beautiful message. If I may add one thing: let’s not confuse bubbly personalities with desperate behaviour. I’m a really calm quiet person myself and I don’t know what I would do without my bubbly funny lovely girlfriends.. If we all stay calm on the couch .. looking mysterious… it’s going to be a boring place

[@barbaradewitt8817]

I just found you on KZbin by accident. You’re amazing with incredible insight and awareness. I’m so grateful for you sharing and teaching us. I’m learning and you are confirming. If anyone hasn’t told you yet today, you are a beautiful soul. And learning isn’t easy. So rock on sister!❤

[@neilmorgan7051]

I love this. This goes deep and makes me wonder, whose love was I seeking for from my childhood? It all comes back to our past. Hence, once you learn to let go and embrace who you are and seek those who will value you for who you are and not for what you have, your life will never be the same. Powerful words 🥰

[@thunderpooch]

Probably mom. We don't just need food and shelter. We also learn by getting validation. I wonder just how many times an overall good mother can mess up and invalidate their child before symptoms arise in the child. And I wonder what severity of an occurrence of abandonment/invalidation can cause a child lasting hurt. Such mysteries. 🤔

[@neilmorgan7051]

@@thunderpooch You're right. It has a lot to do with our moms, especially seeing our dads weren't there much. Actually, I find myself staying by my mom before I move on with my life again and now I understand why. It's my final test to see if I still seek her approval. Wow. But, my desire not to have it is making me seem like the black sheep in the family. Change does comes with fight but it reminds me that I am making the right decision

[@mikepiccolo32]

​@@neilmorgan7051do you still feel this way?

[@thunderpooch]

@neilmorgan7051 me too. Me too. My mother is overly religious. So was my father, but not overbearing and he also died when I was 18. The fundamental, fervent Christianity warped my brain and wasted decades of my life. I spent years studying religion and ethics, etc etc. That sense of impending doom and having to get all the thoughts correct in my head because eternal consequences were at stake robbed me of a lot of joy and happiness. Oddly enough, I'm now an atheist, or perhaps an agnostic since none of us can really know about invisible undectable entities that refuse to reveal themselves in a controlled lab environment 🤪, and I'm trying to deal with the fact my youth is gone, there is no afterlife, and I have very little good in my life. There is some but it is so little and came much too late. I needed more truth in my life, or at least the freedom and acceptance to explore how I wanted and needed to interpret the world. More and more I think I really can't stand my mother. She never overcame her inability to have dignity in this life. She kept holding onto the belief that the world is evil, sexuality is evil, and eternal paradise awaits her if she just keeps believing she's worthless and deserving of hell but that Jesus thankfully swooped in to save her. 🙄🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

[@greenwomangreycat6278]

This is a great video - thank you. The bit about "the faster they leave, the better" really hits me though, because my person relationship history is of having men who seem to adore me and like me and love me and want me, for a full year or two, during which I fall in love with them deeply, and commit to them and to the relationship; and then, slowly, they become distant, and treat me like they're bored and wanting someone better and sexier; they end up flirting with other women and / or cheating, or just being so flat and cold and unloving in how they treat me, that eventually, after trying to fix it for ages and ages, I finally have to end the relationship. By then, they have made me so miserable for so long, that I am really struggling to even function. So now I am afraid, not of someone leaving me, but of them staying, and slowly deteriorating in how they behave toward me and feel about me. I am afraid of the agony of that, and I don't know how to prevent this. I saw a psychologist and she said it sounded like I was choosing the wrong men, rather than doing anything wrong once I was in the relationship. I do think I've chosen poorly, perhaps felt very strong feelings for men BECAUSE they are so strongly attracted to me, rather than for who they actually are. That's a pattern I am working on changing. But if the relationship is not working well for a partner of mine, I would rather they realise they aren't happy, and either talk about it and try to fix it, or just leave me, than put me through this long and horrible cycle again, but men don't seem to do that. I don't understand why.

[@pavschodyko6531]

Been through all sort of videos, talking of attachments, narcissisms, all sorts, looking for every excuse and explanation for myself, but this video has kicked my backside! Thanks Margarita!

[@SeyDizon]

This video itself is healing enough but reading through the comments section is beyond words. I hope we all learn to value and love ourselves more and more as we go through our healing journey. We're off to a great start with this loving community!

[@katalinbalazs8671]

I can't explain, how much I needed to hear this! Not as in like a "validation" kinda thing but more like, everything that I've been feeling and thinking in the past 3 years and I didn't want to accept, finally somebody just told me "Yeah you know you can't MAKE somebody love you or like you, no matter how much you try or what ever you do" which is something I was too stubborn to realize, I guess I just didn't want to accept the truth but you explained this in such a perfect way, that I can feel that I'm going to be okay with letting go of this one specific person, because it's a one sided connection. I love your videos btw ❤

[@georgefrazer2231]

Yes, we all want our parents to 'recognise' us. We feel that we have been 'abandoned'. We need to 'recognise' that we are 'sufficient' and 'good enough' and are the person we were supposed to be. You are your 'own' person and we must be 'accepted for who we are. We are not a 'performing parrot' to be 'used' by everyone else. You love people unconditionally you accept everyone's unique personality. If people don't respect you, you need to remove them from your life. Respect yourself for who you are. It's your duty to use your talents to help both yourself and those around you. Everyone has a unique 'story' and only you can tell this story. Beauty comes from within. Elegance is what a lot ladies do not have. Thank you for your inner beauty. Know your true value worth and never 'sell yourself short'. All good things come to those who wait. Be patient and in due course things will work out fine. If we make mistakes, then we learn from our mistakes and 'move on'. Don't let others 'download' their problems onto you. Its their problem, not your problem. Doors will open open for you. If one door closes, another one will open. Take your time and life will 'open up for you. Is there a similar 'strategy' for unlocking male potential. Thank you again for this video and all the good 'content' that you 'record' to help others 'keep moving forward'.

[@RizzoBaby]

The perspective of our ancestry and how much love and resilience and CHOOSING it took for me to exist…this was such a beautiful take. Thank you 🫶🏼

[@tomwyszynski4019]

You are absolutely best! Thank you so much! Precise, honest, inteligent and heritage idea in your features is quite deeply spiritually empowering!

[@rubyking8918]

I keep finding myself on your videos and respect your logic. You said “nobility” in this one and it coined the attribute of what i have been missing in every man i meet. It baffles me that the men i have been meeting pride themselves for being “12 year olds”. Thank you for articulating so well such meaningful topics. 🌹 Ruby

[@Margarita.Nazarenko]

Thank you so much for watching and supporting ❤

[@evygomez5668]

My goodness thank you so much for bringing clarity and awareness to negative patterns in my life. I’ve realized this all stems from childhood trauma. I need to focus on my healing and do what is best for me.

[@FaithSeleke_]

Wow. I’m so glad KZbin recommended this video. You’re so well spoken and you share valuable information. Thank you.🙏🏾

[@krishnakhanna27]

I cannot express enough in words how much I needed this video and how much I appreciate you sharing your experiences with us all. Thank you!!!

[@WhiteKeyBlackString]

Loved this a lot and as I'm healing from control issues, I really relate with all that you've said. In my case, I thought I could just up and move over from a guy but this heart still has residual feelings. So instead of preempting any actions or having delusions or putting on a performance, I'm just going to be real and sit back and let him behave as he wants to. He also deserves the freedom to decide if I'm someone he can work together with rather than me lying to him about acting or being in a certain way. This is quite a new experience for me when it comes to getting to know someone that I'm romantically interested in and it was initially scary, because my controlling issues just came out, but your videos really helps to ground me so I can learn this lesson as calmly as possible. It's really not easy at all, but I'm so thankful I came across your videos just before I turn 30 next year, so I'll be able to attract better relationships and opportunities to my life ❤

[@kseniyab2359]

Thank you for this. I'm going through a break-up at the moment, everything seems to be so miserable and hopeless. You video had a therapeutical effect on me and made me feel a bit better. Sending you lots of love!

[@Iamthepossum]

My God; Thank you, I thank you sincerely from the bottom of my heart for sharing your deep insights and profound wisdom with us. I am so deeply moved by this entire video. It has brought me to tears repeatedly. Thank you again and God bless you on your journey

[@Beastius24]

Thank you for sharing this. My journey was a bit different and involved forgiving my mum for the abuse, learning how to love myself, and finding peace. I have done self parenting, and finally became content, proud and masculine. God bless you

[@legallybrunettemee]

I’m not even kidding ever since I subscribed to you my life has changed for the better. I have become more confident and comfortable in my body, I’ve become less stressed, and started my own KZbin channel (I GOT MY FIRST 500K VIEWS). I love and appreciate you!

[@_melany_melo_]

I love how you can be direct without being hurtful and telling the truth while keeping the viewers feelings in mind. It’s like direct in a loving way🥰great video and message

[@ArtOlson2008]

There's alot of good stuff here, really. The stern tone is consistent for 20 minutes and the black nail polish is something to "read" and probably not ignore.

[@mahafarooq.k1181]

Thank you! your videos have really helped me self-inspect and identify negative patterns that caused me heartache for many years. It is amazing how when we stop trying to change people and acknowlege that the only power we have is over ourselves, we heal so many toxicities inside our lives. God Bless!

[@Namxta]

Hi Margarita, as someone navigating her early 20s your videos have brought me so much clarity and hope that things get better. Can you please make a video about fearful avoid ants - it’s such a complicated attachment that as a FA myself leaning towards anxious attachment, I think you would have a valuable take on the topic. Thank you for what you do, i appreciate your work tons

[@silverplug]

I, too, am fearfully avoiding ants. They can be a terrible pest, when taking residence in one's house.

[@Namxta]

@@silverplug shutuppp hahaha 😭🤚🏼

[@BitchItsAle]

@@silverplug😂

[@GabijaS18]

@@silverplug🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@brianalynn6731]

I think I’m gonna watch this everyday after prayer. I’ve watched your videos once before but I was too blind, performing for that person. Now that I’ve sobered up from all of that I’m watching this again and it’s like I’m hearing it in such a new way. It’s like I am actually hearing it for the first time. It’s so accurate, I struggle to absorb information sometimes but this is something I need to hear. God bless you for helping so many people.

[@Rubiinitar]

I have experienced many happy divorces. The one who loves does not try to control others, ever. Your idea of the ancestors who fell in love in the middle of the snow and that is why we look like we do, was lovely. I am from Finland 😍

[@gabrielaperesta]

Hi Margarita, fellow European Slav here. I'd like to express how much I appreciate your videos and podcast. You're not the only relationship coach/guide/wisdom sharer online whose content I listen to and whose advice I try to take, but you're by far the most authentic, realistic, down-to-earth and matter-of-fact one I know. It's clear you give advice from your own experience and not from what you've read in a book or heard from another coach. You say it like it is and you give dead-on accurate examples. Thank you so much for that. As for future content, I'd be interested to hear your take on breakups - dealing with one in a healthy way, winning/taking an ex back etc. (From what I know about your opinions I dare guess you're not much of a fan of getting back together, but still...). Looking forward to my next Tuesday morning bus ride to work where I get to listen to a new episode of Being Her

[@MCE851]

its weird to hear shes eastern european because she sounds straight up white english south african to me

[@elina3713]

I think because it's the fusion of accents because she said she grew up in England and has lived in Australia for a decade or so? But russian is her mother's tongue. I can totally relate because I grew up in Australia but moved to the UK and I am eastern European with a russian speaking mother... everyone tells me I sound south African all the time too lol..I think when something doesn't sound totally Australian but also not totally British then people assume it's South African because thats definitely a mash up of the two accents 😂

[@MCE851]

@@elina3713 I actually am South African and she sounds 100% like a south african who immigrated to an anglo country like myself. She also uses common phrases and lingo thats commonly used in SA too, so that didnt help. I never heard of the east euro and aussie/uk mix resulting in an SA accent before. She had me fooled, crazy lol

[@Margarita.Nazarenko]

@@MCE851 that’s such a compliment it’s my fav accent so maybe I emulate it. Xx

[@Margarita.Nazarenko]

Yeah I get this a lot! I actually only learnt English at 8-9 years old. Xx

[@finnfemme870]

This was beautiful and brilliant, Margarita! (My ancestry is Nordic/Arctic too. 😀) At 68, I am feeling a resurgence of my innate feminine energy, so it's never too late! 😘

[@monabrown101]

I have literally watched 3 of your videos on anxious attachment (which I was unaware I have developed and carried with me in my 30s)... and already you have done more for me that my whole 9 months of paid counselling. I dont know how to thank you enough. Thank you, Lady Margarita

[@itsksha]

Just punched in the gut (figuratively) by someone I like who didn't even bother replying to my message this afternoon. Also had a guy ghosted me before this one so I thought that this one is finally different. Cried in the middle of watching this video - it feels like a sister is sternly awakening me to reality. Thank you, I needed this right now.

[@morganshepherd4757]

"I'd rather see who someone really is than try to preempt their behavior." Brilliant 🔥

[@yli222]

Thank you so much for this video. As someone who has dealt with anxious attachment pretty much all my life, this is really saving me. Especially the current situation I’m in now. You’re such a gift! ❤

[@tinasunny8698]

I struggled with this so much and trying to practice detachment always had this underlying thought that when I detach, they will come to me. And it doesn’t work. You just have to become so effing sick of being this way and focusing on other people. Mad. Exhausted. Don’t beat yourself up if you can’t quite get it right yet.

[@ondean]

I had this same revelation a few years ago about winning affection/recognition to rewrite my relationship with my dad. Such a huge revelation that snuck up on my quietly and altered my whole way of engaging with romantic interests and men generally. Thank you for sharing 💐

[@flagirl0315]

Yes I have noticed the same with me as well and go for men who are so wrong for me as a result seeking closure of my past

[@karenrusso3773]

Same here. Such a revelation. Now I’m seeing a therapist and changing my childhood programming to think a different way about myself and relationships.

[@genie7643]

This whole video was such a slap to the face but in the best way possible like a wake up call, it was gut wrenching knowing a lot of these thoughts/behaviors i actively exhibit n just made me realize a lot but I no longer want to identify w anxious attachment I want to heal n be secured n free

[@nyxsun]

Thank you Margarita. You have such beautiful, calm, centered energy. Everything you said is so right. Especially our beauty being an homage to our ancestors. We could all do with an inner destruction of societal beauty standards. I'm learning to detach as a natural progression of my self love and self worth journey. Now I recognize when I start to obsessively think about someone it's a cue from my inner child that I want to be seen. So I stop and give myself a hug and acknowledge 10 things I like about myself. It has to be different each time. It's building a habit. It's really difficult at first and slow going, but I'm happy with my progress. And it works, I am instantly no longer interested in being desperate. I hope someone finds this comment and it helps you.

[@rhighan4357]

Going to watch again! You're the best Margarita. Thank you for all your help!

[@Margarita.Nazarenko]

You are so welcome

[@emelyne2232]

I just realised that my wanting for people to like me back Maybe comes from my father.... never showing interests in what i was into as a child and young adults. Also from constant bullying from primary school and highshool. I feel sick. I feel like i wasted soooo many years as i am in my forties. Time for healing and time to start living life ....

[@natnel617]

We're never too old to change our ways.

[@iamwhole8910]

I found you from tik tok, You are the essence of a natural woman. In the lap of truth and pure higher intelligence. 👏🏼 Bravo

[@ladyindigo1649]

'The faster someone leaves, the better!' Best advice evvvveeerrrr.😊❤

[@squalorvictoria]

not me looking up for detachment advice yesterday night and you upload this today

[@DesignDanielle]

Thank you for making these videos it has gave me a realization and acceptance. I already see how detachment is helping me it feel awesome to let go.

[@genieharden612]

I was perfectly ready to hear these words. I could listen to this talk over and over. It's like a cool swim.

[@NatasaOst]

I was anxious the last weeks cause of a dude and couldnt sleep at all and now just listening to you talking made me finally rest ❤ thank you

[@elnazrezaei5404]

I'm gonna watch one of your video everyday, it helps me to stay strong and in the right way. Thank you🤗🤗

[@MandyJRoss]

If you need to be someone else in order to be loved, you will forever be wearing a surface level anxious mask in relationships. You deserve deep, unconditional love and other things that you may not have received as a child. You are worthy just for being. You cannot receive the safety/ validation/ security / love you seek in others until you give it to yourself first. The irony is our subcobscious will seek partners who you think will provide this but will inevitably prove this true as a pattern until you do the inner work and healing and then you will also attract healthier people. Reflection of your own projection. True love starts with you. And you worthy of the best love. Sending so much love and light and a squeezer hug to your inner child reading this.♥️

[@elina3713]

This is beautifully said ❤

[@MandyJRoss]

@@elina3713 thank you ♥️

[@Firefly-ht9fp]

😢 Yours words truly touched me. It really did...

[@LaboniDasDance]

This video has saved my life,before started watching this i was thinking to impress or chasing people that aren't the real one , thanks ❤

[@inneswiaty583]

You bring great value to many people. Thank you for your channel. You are such a smart woman, thank you for sharing your wisdom with us. It makes so much sense ❤

[@fembot521]

Would love a video on how to be alone! Widowed after a 20 year relationship. I have two kids. Just trying to figure out how to be alone as a solo mom in my 40’s. I am trying to figure out who I am outside of my husband. Would love to hear your advice and thoughts on that!! Thank you for all of your videos ❤

[@the_social_link]

So sorry about your loss love… hope it gets better for you. ❤

[@bridgettepar3]

So sorry for your loss. You are on the right path. Sending love and light.

[@lasantuzza777]

i’m sorry for your loss 🤍 sending you and your family lots of love from afar

[@elina3713]

❤ sending you love and light

[@TisDana]

Search for Krista St Germaine. She’s a widow coach who has a program called Mom Goes On.