Trauma and Sexual Fetish | Where do Fetishes Come From?

[@TheDiamondNet]

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[@julie2424]

Are you qualified

[@nathanr.8556]

No therapist has ever been able to help me with trauma before and it overtakes me. Thanks for the video.

[@markwillis2980]

"Leave the pleasure on the table and process the emotions." Wow, powerful stuff. Difficult but powerful.

[@davemwangi05]

I think it's impossible, it's a way to lose your boner quickly. LOL

[@TheDiamondNet]

You don't have to maintain an erection to stay with the emotions that come up during this practice. You're essentially using the sexual as a way to open the door. But once you open up that door, but you can discard the sexual focus and focus toward the emotional instead in order to process the emotions.

[@THEEck5000]

Hell yes it is I was molested by my older half brother and his friends so I have a bbc don fetish

[@intrepidclass828]

@@TheDiamondNet i've been processing my emotions for years now, and my fetishes have died down, but they really havent gone away completely, will they ever go away completely? is it a good thing that they do?

[@49ersfoldem]

Yeah thru alcohol unfortunately

[@Alex-xf8pl]

"Emotions are the literal language that the body uses symbolically to communicate with our awareness." - beautifully put

[@urospeteh2637]

When i was 6 y.o i saw a girl telling a story how she was drowning a boy during summer vacation. I was very traumatised. I 'am' now a breathplay f/m masochist. Well, not anymore due to my health issues but i see a connection.

[@lynnyac5664]

The synchronicity of me needing this information now does not escape me. It was the first suggested video when I opened YT, and I had to watch right now. Reflecting back on the numerous men I've encountered with foot fetishes and on a recent experience with a man who had experienced childhood trauma and was actively seeking to immerse himself in a BDSM lifestyle as a Dom. I always approach these encounters sensitively with my heart and eyes open. Having this kind of (scientific/studied) information helps me bring healing. Thank you.

[@TheDiamondNet]

Glad to hear the video is synchronistic for you. :)

[@davemwangi05]

Oh god, you mean foot fetish is this common? I can't understand it.. Actually I'm scared of feet. Of all body parts they're the weirdest in appearance. Just look at 'em and you'll start seeing it

[@curseword.official]

This was AMAZING.... I'm literally in the midst of shadow work on my sexual trauma.... I needed to hear all of this 🙏

[@MrsManson420]

I know this is old but how do you start doing that?

[@7550375503]

I would have never survived 2019 without you. I owe you my life.

[@apolo1111]

Thank you for the video. I always felt like fetishes were linked to trauma. But now I have really good information to back up my initial tought.

[@Chrome166]

I like to think of it kind of like a sense of humor. Trauma can lead to someone having a weird or twisted sense of humor that makes really odd or otherwise dark things trigger a humor response. Just like fetishes, sometimes humor will stimulate you in a way that you may want to keep to yourself, just because nobody else would "find it funny" in the same way. But there can be healthy outlets for these things, as long as you can still find stimulation in the regular stuff, or in other words have a healthy sense of humor. I think in both situations, having enough empathy to make sure all parties involved are "in on the joke" is super important.

[@Kshesho]

I appreciate your perspective.

[@danmalone5365]

The fear of intimacy. How does something like that happen neglect.

[@hoellermoertel]

Incredible! I am overwhelmed by the deepness, precision, sensitivity and detail you are going into this topic with! Feels like you didn't miss an aspect. It seems there is not much quality content about the deep psychological foundations of fetishes and how to deal with them wisely.

[@caramelunicorn8023]

Thank you. My hair fetish came from trauma as a child when my hair was cut short but it traumatized me. And when my mom cut her hair short it also traumatised me. So it's pretty interesting.

[@pavel9004]

I appreciate your being logical and consistent. I can now understand what a psychological trauma is. Psychologists usually seem to make it look like a mystery, without substance. It is also quite interesting to learn that fetishes are consequences of traumas. Now I'm really interested in knowing if it is possible to extract the cause of one's fetish and actually process it.

[@colleenmarie5929]

You continue to gift me exactly what I seek. And it is always a cool surprise because it is never the gift I believe I need, but it somehow fits perfectly. Thank you.

[@tomasdostoupil5152]

Wow ! This is simply incredibly accurate and amazing, I have not ever encouneterd such clarity on such a misty and often difficult to define topic. Love and respect to you..

[@michaeldean5787]

Oh wow, just what I was looking for. Spoke to a therapist yesterday who told me that fetishes are fixed and cannot be healed!

[@Alex-xf8pl]

you're so young and yet have so much knowledge of psychology, and such great presentation skills, being able to present such complex topics in an easy to understand way. thank you for doing this, you are helping many people understand themselves and become better human beings :)

[@Solar73529]

Plagiarism at its finest or just regurgitating what one has read, either way knowledge can be just words floating around one's head, because without experience there is no fuel or constructive teaching, merely a passing on of an idea or ideology that is filtered and altered through unhealed perception.

[@Alex-xf8pl]

@@Solar73529 when you will do half the work she does for understanding and making psychology concepts more digestable and passing the knowledge to those that won't or can't pick up books Jung or Freud wrote, then you can criticise

[@Solar73529]

@@Alex-xf8pl with respect I have been a psychoanalyst and sound therapist, working with the unconscious for over three decades now and unlike emerald I have the experience of working on myself and with people face to face on a regular basis. Therefore I can recognise what is others regurgitated words and what is actual real life experience, I feel that makes me more than qualified to criticise.

[@Alex-xf8pl]

@@Solar73529 Ok then maybe perhaps you could do instead some constructive criticism

[@Solar73529]

@@Alex-xf8pl all criticism is constructive if you are ready to except it and make self analysis, but with respect you cannot teach anything through KZbin because we all have unique and individual perspectives and therefore that is the very reason professional psychologist's and psychoanalyst's have a private practice and tailor each session to each client one to one. Your perception of what emerald is saying is unique to you as it is to others but does that make it true or constructive ? You think you understand because it's what you want to hear but yet it's like reading any book, you are merely filling your conscious mind with more empty words unless you have life experience of such matters and for those that have the life experience they understand that passing on there experience to another is useless because we all experience life and lessons in our own unique way. Emerald is merely passing on the experiences of people like Carl Jung through her perception, does that make them correct or true ?, Especially as Carl Jung still had his own delusions like anyone else.

[@GokuTheSuperSaiyan1]

Good. Just by watching this video I've become more conscious of some of the desires which cause a strong fetish of mine. When one discovers some trauma or subconcious part of themselves, they realise that they always knew about this aspect of themselves but were engaged in some cognitive dissonance and conflict in a futile attempt to forget or ignore it.

[@haroldbesswhitehawg7328]

Awesome description and explanation of trauma. I’m horrible because I tend to rely on jargon. A tip of the cap. You are a skilled teacher. This is perfect as well do educate about repression, and the power of feeling your feelings. Bravo.

[@DaPhreshestKidd]

Kundalini makes a WHOLE lot more sense right now, thanks Emirald, you are Amazing at what you do

[@mageprometheus]

This is excellent once again. Another way to look at emotional processing is to view our emotional core to be spiritual and the nervous system to be an interface between the realms. The trauma can’t flow through the interface cleanly, causes damage, and gets stuck. Our connection to our higher selves is now reduced until we have healed. Orgasm through fetish temporarily reconnects us, makes us more whole for a brief instant, so we experience a touch of divine bliss. Much love 💗

[@cornishknight1174]

Well, my fetish has been the only release and constant crutch since my mid teens. I hardly ever have any relationships. I'm in my mid 30s, and the reality of being in an intimate relationship situation with all the burden, emotional responsibility and humiliation that comes with it still terrifies me.

[@aurelius5080]

Amazing content. Sexuality is so rarely discussed in therapy, or just superficially. While so many people were damaged somewhere in their sexual development.

[@jneil2496]

My fetishes and sexual objectivity have been the only thing I've experienced during sex with my wife and ex's from the past. I don't understand the concept of making love and intimacy. I want to so bad and it makes me feel guilty. If I were to look my wife in her eyes during sex and attempt to make an emotional connection with her, it would feel weird and kind of disturbing for some reason. I hate this about myself. Its like I feel that sex and emotions don't go together. I am enjoying these videos because I am getting so much more out of them than any of the others I've tried such as Dr Todd Grande and Kati morton. I like those people too but these videos are so well articulated and inspire hope in me. Plus none of the others explain how to work through trauma. They just tell you what it is and suggest you go get help. Well I can't do that with my modest income and lousy health insurance.

[@alphashifter2207]

Someone once told me: "You don't pick your fetish. Your fetish picks you."

[@tomhallifax4689]

never heard this topic in a conscious context like this before. Very good stuff.

[@michaeldooley3642]

I suffered trauma when i was young and as a result my sexual fetish became mild to very strong , was not really aware i had a particular fetish , i know your information is 100% correct because i went through it .

[@FreudaliciousMind]

Great content, Emerald! You've always been insightful, but your presentation and concepts keep getting more sophisticated. I love your use of your hands, it really adds an expressive dimension, and makes you look closer and more intimate.

[@TheDiamondNet]

Thank you! :)

[@drjong2651]

Very informative video Emerald, love your content. Keen for the next one!

[@careitina1412]

This is a brilliant explanation!!! I stumbled on this video but I actually got responses for many other important questions of mine! Thank you a lot !

[@nexusoflife]

Why are there so few people talking about this? In the months since I first came across this video I haven't been able to find any books specifically on the subject of Trauma and Sexual Fetishes even though I have spoken with several people who have indeed developed fetishes from subtle or overt childhood traumas. It's frustrating since I really want to learn more about this subject.

[@Lenny-no9ei]

Hey, would it be possible to completely "heal" from a fetish when processing the trauma that caused it?

[@carterfelderva]

The more developed my ego becomes, the less I desire certain fetishes or specific sex acts in bed, which usually came from watching porn in the past. I just focus on love. Love is enough.

[@ENFPerspectives]

Remain in discomfort and don’t focus toward fetish instead focus on the emotions that are coming up at the time

[@atimetogather8810]

Excellent work. Well explained and such important narratives to get out there thank you

[@jamesmccool9536]

You have the best self help videos on KZbin.

[@gwailou5]

Sounds weird because nothing traumatic has happened to me in the childhood and no one had abused me I've also heard people telling their fetish has been developed from positive experience (such as the first crush)

[@Mysikrysa]

Something traumatic could happen to you when you were a baby, so you don´t even remember.

[@davidcrandall2415]

@mysikrysa I have had a diaper fetish ever since I was a little baby! Just kidding.

[@BachBeethovenBerg]

Trauma doesn't necessarily mean anyone did anything to you. It's your inner response to a situation that makes you feel unsafe. There could be "invisible" trauma associated with your first crush.

[@aesthetic8289]

I like goth girls

[@hipsterkennyrogers909]

@@aesthetic8289 That's because they're special.

[@otakumangastudios3617]

If I may also add another thing to this topic, I think it needs to be addressed what bondage means, and how it negatively affects our relationship or your emotions. Basically, kinks can also be not just you trying to release it, but basically it’s your body trying to release it in a very unhealthy manner. A lot of times it’s just how you’re trying to process something that happened to you as a child, for example at least something I’ve noticed about myself, is that bondage and desire for construction, actually comes from being constructed so much growing up, usually your desire is not being met that’s a child, and being told that you don’t need them to be met, thereby restricting you, you start to except that as love, as a maladaptive coping mechanism with your emotions not getting met. This then causes someone to actually feel like they are being loved when they are constricted, or they are being violated metaphorically in sexual intercourse, but it’s really pushing down the trauma, as you said, it doesn’t actually help anything and it actually makes it worse, because it further validates that an LC message that was sent to you as a child, that constriction equals love, because it’s your parents thinking the best for you and your true whims and desires for deeper connection without violation is not true. This is not healthy, so for goodness sake‘s can we stop normalizing kinks? Sorry, I’ve gotten really sick and tired of it somehow being seen as progressive to just see kinks as part of human variety, and that’s not what it is at all. It’s a mental health disorder, and no it’s not something to be ashamed of by any means, just like any other expression of undealt with trauma, it should just be seen as just that, expression of undealt with trauma. Such things should be addressed with love, patience and understanding, not scrutiny and criticism, nor celebration and acceptance. There should definitely be acceptance of the human being who has said fetishes, but not the fetishes themselves.

[@NoKidsNoProblem]

I love my fetishes and won't give them up since they make me happy.

[@otakumangastudios3617]

@@NoKidsNoProblem I could say the same about my workaholism as it’s truly an escape from my real emotions hidden deep inside, But really, is telling you you need to “give them up” but rather,ask yourself why you like what you like. Foot fetishes are one thing but a desire to be in a dominance/submissive dynamic in a romantic relationship could be an indicator of such a dynamic practiced in childhood by the guardian. A guardian is simply a guide, not a dictator. Seen as appropriate for them to be dominant rather than a teacher role, reflects a lot about one’s psyche regarding love and connections. But you do you, I’m not here to tell you what to do, but since you responded to my comment, I thought I might as well elaborate ☺

[@NoKidsNoProblem]

@@otakumangastudios3617 I actually don't use my fetishes as an escape but rather engage in them because I genuinely like them the same way I like a lot of other things. I use video games, smoking, and listening to scary stories on the internet as an escape. I do have a lot of traumas however, and I have attempted to deal with them after reading multiple books on ptsd and trauma, but what I found out is that it's overwhelming and can even be dangerous to deal with one's traumas alone without a good therapist. I can't afford a good therapist, so I've been stuck in the same place for years. I'm 37 years old now and I haven't even put a dent into my traumas. As for why I like the fetishes that I like the answer isn't necessarily clear to me. I read up online the theories and possible reasons, and there are many potential reasons for my fetishes. I haven't figured out which one it is though. As far as how I was raised you are right to an extent. My parents were like dictators to a small extent. They were super controlling to the point where they'd take issue with me wearing certain brands of clothing due them being "satanic" Religion is a big reason why I have many profound traumas.

[@otakumangastudios3617]

@@NoKidsNoProblem I agree with you, working on it on your own is definitely no simple task. I definitely feel you there. I really truly wish you well in your growth path, and I do hope you can find the right people and sources to help you out If it’s helpful at all, some thing that at least helped me for a bit, was reading parenting books. Yes, parenting books. The reason for this I think that it helped at least in the beginning, is rewriting for me my expectations on what was healthy in my childhood and what wasn’t, and gives you a bit of insight of child development and basically in some way shape or form gives you some idea of what’s normal and what not. I was thankfully raised a lot healthier than most people with trauma, as each of my parents both came from very distressing childhoods. Nonetheless, typically even when the most will intended, loving parents do a great job at doing something completely different from their own, that doesn’t mean that everything comes out smoothly. This is especially to be noted when extended family and other adults involved in the child’s life disapproves of this alternative parenting style that the parents are trying, failing to see that the reason why these new parents are doing so is because of how their own parents failed to raise them to become secure, happy healthy adults. So, needless to say, probably I’ve experienced a lot less trauma in comparison to a lot of other people on this platform, but not to diminish my own experiences with things like manipulation, verbal abuse, etc., but I thought I should point that out in my descriptions as well. I’ve definitely experienced severe psychosis to a certain degree, and from my own research, things as simple as divorce, and even misunderstandings between children and adults, can have a grand affect on a young person‘s psyche, carrying on into adulthood I think between my parents separation, how each of them coped with it, which should be noted was not in the healthiest way by any means, and then thereby making me more emotionally vulnerable, I went into this somewhat of a downward spiral of feeling more and more lost and alone, feeling less and less heard by the adults around me, and at a certain point, I think these traumatic things happening in my early adolescence started to manifest themselves somewhat in my sexual interests. For example, I found that personally, I got kind of interested in the idea of sort of a rape fantasy, and when I really try to ask myself, nonjudgmentally, why, I really thought about it, it seemed to me it was because due to my circumstances earlier on, the only way I found to emotionally cope with my whole world falling apart and them know those toxic extended relatives being more prominent in my life for a brief time, I felt like my emotions didn’t truly matter, so the best way to survive, was to accept my fate. I also excepted at some point the idea that loving pain went hand-in-hand, that it was imaginary that they could ever be separate, even though there was once upon a time a very long time ago I got to know that wasn’t true… That being said, I truly feel sorry for those who had it worse, that didn’t just get real feeling of love cut short, but never got to feel it at all. My heart truly reaches out to those who had it worse than me, and I want to know that everyone’s traumas is legitimate and how they experienced it is valid♥

[@JAMESGREGORYKULP1985]

I am 38 years old. And I am a male. And I am a disabled person. And I am on the Autism spectrum. And my trauma was toilet training. As a child being forced to use the toilet. As a child I didn't want to give up wearing diapers. And now as an adult i wear diapers because diapers make me feel safe. And diapers make me feel happy. Public restrooms make me feel upset. Or even seeing the toilet in my bathroom makes me feel upset.

[@mikro171]

Great, great video! And so helpful. Thank you so much. I'm going to watch other videos from your Chanel.

[@chaddad1236]

A good book to read on sexual trauma and results of trauma is Out Of The Shadows by Patrick Carnes. Espesially if one is struggling with it. It is also on Audible. Edit: trauma doesnt necessarily have to be intensional or abuse per se.

[@stevemorse108]

Never have a heard such a comprehensive explanation or such powerful metaphors relating to the issue at hand so many thanks for your great presentation. When you say however ask yourself the question: is engaging in a fetish harmful to yourself or another in the case of bdsm from an epistemological standpoint the question is hard to answer. Indeed if, for the sake of argument ,someone gets sexual gratification out of being humiliated and physically abused then ascertaining wether this is overall harmful or just a way to reach climax becomes complex indeed. Sexual drives can be inexorable and savage as Shakespeare pointed out in sonnet 129...or Olievenstein in the Le non Dit Des Emotions.

[@edgreen8140]

Interesting as a clinician never taught this . Should have been. Dealt w trauma , death. Sounds like condensation in dreams 1 thing stands for2 or more things. REPEAT THE BEHAVIOR AS A WAY TO TRY AND RESOLVE IT; BUT IF YOU ONLY KNOW 1/65 OF WHAT OCCURED OR IS REPRESSED.

[@mattfitzpatrick4008]

Very valuable advice. Thank you for sharing!

[@travisstreeter5092]

You are such an intelligent woman...wish more were up to your standards. Excellence!!!

[@cloud9n3]

your explaining is amazing! very clear and patiently done 👍 you should put subtitles for more languages, more people need this knowledge😊

[@TheDiamondNet]

Thank you! I have English subtitles on. But I haven't opened it up for more languages. If someone offers to do them, I might. But currently, I can't afford to pay someone to do the translation.

[@cloud9n3]

@@TheDiamondNet unfortunately I don't even have the English ones available and I don't know why 🤷‍♀️ as for the translations I would do them but I'm not an expert, hopefully some volunteers will show up soon😁

[@davidaway753]

I have always kinda suspected that my fetish is related to the military trauma. It started to develop when I was there.

[@effortlessschool]

Awesome. I tried this. Worked like crazy

[@goomba7990]

Loved all your metaphors

[@frankliva7438]

that slight smile on your face during the explanation ^^ but i had to smile as well :D

[@careitina1412]

Now I see why I get way more aroused if my partner gets slightly cold and distant towards me; it makes me feel unloved,and that is my childhood trauma! I always struggled to understand the logic behind it,,why wouldn't I be aroused when he is kind and loving to me?!"

[@DawaSupplyCo]

This was amazingly insightful, thank you.

[@danmalone5365]

If you overload a circuit breaker one too many times it doesn't take much to over power the circuit or in this case, the mind. This is where your learning disabilities come in ADHD CAPD dyslexia as the result of CPTSD your brain develops in the limbic brain stem, primitive mind develops where the higher executive orders are diminished. But I do believe in neural plasticity you can develop your brain to the higher levels of consciousness once you're aware of how your own brain works. It's a lifelong learning process 65 years old and just touching the tip of the iceberg. Dancing with the unknowns sometimes causes great fear but it's only through that dance that we spiral to a higher understanding.

[@danmalone5365]

@@jacksonmiller6679 Recognize your self-worth. Remind yourself of that. Become self-aware knowing your strengths and weaknesses. Most of my life I stumbled because I didn't understand how my mind worked. Shame was weaponized because I couldn't think like the neurotypicals. As a non-Neurotypical this was going to be impossible. I was watching this movie were this guy says to his comrade how come you're such an ass hole. The response was I was born that way. So I guess some of it is genetic and some of it is organic although I didn't know that at the time, meaning in my younger years. I suspect I'm on the spectrum of autism probably Asperger I'm a bottom up thinker literal thinker black and white. I am ADHD dyslexic extremely analytical and most the time miss the social conversation I miss read emotional, social complexities I see things as black and white literally but we live in a world of living color. We all want to belong to be part of the village, but it's not worth selling your own soul our autonomy for me healthy autonomy wasn't allowed to develop. Then you add developmental trauma you're on the roller coaster of life. So understanding how your mind works is critical. Fight, flight, freeze, fawn a intuitive mind for the most part flow between these four states fairly well. My mind has a tendency to get stuck in those states you need to understand that by paying attention all the time, but at the same time don't develop tunnel vision when you're overstimulated leaving the executive portion of your mind to the primitive. Our intuition is what keeps us safe from predators. I made a mistake by letting mine go staying in the middle of the herd, watching other people's ability to sense danger disregarding my own intuition because it was always in a state of high alert, burnout. I like that movie. The gods must of been crazy the story starts when an airplane flying over a village in Africa. The pilot throws a pop bottle out the window it came down landed in the village without breaking and it became an instrument of great desire to the villagers and they all became infatuated on who had possession of such a great tool and so they started to fight amongst themselves for the instrument given to them by God. And that's what I say. The gods must of been crazy when they made someone like me but I suspect there are many people like me. You can see a lot of them on the streets homeless self-medicating trying to make sense of the world through the eyes of a non-Neurotypical. Someone threw me a life preserver when I was drowning at 10 years old and the sea of life that life preserver was in the form of a wooden mallet that I used to drive fenceposts into the ground through a swamp and for the first time in my life I got something right that a boy Danny five dollars a day, but I was happy to do something right for the first time in my life. Work work stubborn consistency of work. Like Jordan B. Peterson said a beast of burden with blinders.

[@stephanevu-hoang1014]

I incidentally came across this video as a recommendation as I wanted to check out videos on kinks/fetishes. I'm a 45 year old bloke, please don't be judgemental, but I've had skirt lining fetishism for as long as I can remember basically I love lined business skirts/dresses. I have no idea why but watching this video made me realise where it could stem from. I don't consider it as a biggie as it used to be. I've actually learnt to kind of control it. With past partners, I'd almost systematically ask them to wear that type of skirt. I've been with my current gf for more than 2 years and I kind of swore an oath to her and myself - never to ask her wear a lined skirt/business dress to get me aroused. So I've got used to a bit of normalcy. She knows I have a fetish and I always hint at it. I know that when she wears it, I feel like sky is the limit - I'll spare you the details for obvious reasons. In addition when we don't have sex, I tend to relieve myself thinking of that fetish and sometimes watching porn. I'm not ashamed of it, my partner knows about this though obviously I keep it hush hush - I never say stuff like 'hey since we're not having sex, I'll go and fap'. In the past all this made me feel lots of guilt and shame - due to religion. Since I've walked away from it, I've felt way better. All in all, I do have to admit that my brain is very much set on that kink/fetish so I often imagine it while we engage. As I said, I don't see it as being a biggie but I'd like to know whether such fetishes can eventually go away with time?

[@otakumangastudios3617]

I agree also, that you can sometimes still go through the fetish by operating it differently, by basically using the sexual connection with your partner as a means of basically safe to love one comforting you through sexual intercourse in this case, and the orgasm causing the release of the traumatic emotions associated with it. This definitely works, and sometimes it only takes a couple times and then it’s gone. Again do it very carefully and it doesn’t always work. Sometimes separately processing the trauma is better. But I do agree try to explain the trauma and then try to release it through emotional connection to six

[@OnionHeadMedia]

Great job!. Totally makes sense

[@Goodlookingloner]

This lady is a genius.

[@TheFearmoths]

This is embarrassing to admit and I hope someone can give me some insight. But whenever I have a girlfriend break up with me and I'm most heartbroken, I start thinking of her with other men and, as much as it hurts, it really turns me on! I don't have this fantasy when we're together or once I'm over her. Only during the painful process of healing from the break up.

[@TheDiamondNet]

When it comes to these types of fantasies, I tend to think it comes from feelings of unworthiness. Now, these feelings might only crop up during a break-up for you... which fits as well because you probably don't feel great after a break-up. So, in that instance it may be a kind of self-punishment and wallowing in feelings of unworthiness. But with cuckoldry, in general, I tend to associate it with a person (usually a man) feeling unworthy enough and having so much self-hatred that he can't get turned on by his own fantasy if he's in the fantasy. He can only place another guy in the place of himself and vicariously get pleasure from that while also self-flagellating feeling the shame of his feelings of "not good enough". So, it's really about blockages that relate to shame, self-hatred, and lack of self-worth.

[@TheFearmoths]

@@TheDiamondNet Wow! There's a lot to process there and you definitely hit on some valid points. That unworthy feeling is something that has haunted me throughout my life, especially when it comes to relationships. Something I need to reflect on and try to understand and overcome. Thank you for the reply Emerald. I really appreciate it and your videos are incredibly insightful and helpful to me.

[@allenclark4235]

Thank you for having the courage to be geniune. That is the medicine. I have deep insecurities and self-esteem issues. Can I ask you about one detail? Is it just the fantasy of her with other men in general, or is it the thoughts of actual events that she may or may not be engaged in with an actual person you are aware of? The latter is possibly the worst feeling I can personally imagine but I'm definitely curious about the seemingly opposite manifestation.

[@TheFearmoths]

@@allenclark4235 In my fantasies, the man has no identity. But if I saw her with another boyfriend, I would have no interest in fantasising about them together. In fact, once my ex has sex with another man, it's a point of no return for me. I have no interest in ever being with her again. As much as it hurts, it forces me to let go and move on and can be a positive thing.

[@allenclark4235]

@@TheFearmoths, lucky for me (sarcasm), my instinct is to treat that kind of pain as a launch ramp into a self destructive, obsessive, impulsive, rage monster. I have come a long way though. I recognize it and know how to pacify it, or at least distract it. I have the desire to see my girlfriend with others while we are together, but never as just a bystander. I think it's because in my mind, it would give her less reason to be unfaithful. 🤷🏻‍♂️

[@raphaelmoraczewski1106]

I am reading the body keeps the score, by Bassel Van Der Kolk, I very much enjoy your lessons, thank you.

[@ToReall]

I love your channel your doing a AMAZING job 💚💚 this topic is so important!!

[@yakovleitner]

greatest channel! very very smart deep and inspiring

[@jasonb895]

Interesting, but too many generalisations. Not all kinks are linked directly to trauma. Nor is it useful to speculate on what might be the causes. Two people could have very similar fetishes but have very different backgrounds. I am a therapist and often work with trauma, but certainly not all of my clients have fetishes as well.

[@Unhingeddirtdog]

Yess thought this as well

[@editnagy91]

wow, keep up the good work. this is fascinating. than you

[@7550375503]

I so look forward to your episodes on KZbin!

[@grandmastermario3695]

This is a great video yes I do sometimes use my fetish to deal with my trauma and when I have the orgasm I feel like I'm releasing that trauma and those emotions

[@MrEnviousMonster]

Something has to change UN-deniable dilemma, boredom is not a burden anyone should bear. constant over stimulation numbs me but i would not want it any other way. Its not enough. I need more. Nothing seems to satisfy. I don't want it. I just need it. to feel, to breathe to know i'm alive.....

[@TheDiamondNet]

Knuckle deep below the borderline...

[@simonloxton4246]

Thank you, that was very helpful.

[@SoWhat89]

Very interesting although there are countless theories for how foot fetishes evolve. Some scientists found that some neurons or so that have to do with sexual excitement are very close to nerve strings connected to our feet in our brains and it had something to do with that. Many times though foot fetish goes hand in hand with humiliation/domination so it might as well just be cuz feet and kissing them is a symbol of submission. Apart from that feet are very curvy and are thereby similar to the female body in general.

[@Rhinoch8]

Great! This is exactly what I found out. Being a HUGE glamorous fetishist, that destroyed two of my relationships, I am struggling between actively pursuing acting out fantasies and finding an alternative? It seems you what you want to chase away comes running back! The symbolism part is exactly what I found. But then I forgot about it for a while, and you video came right in at the right moment to remind me that I should engage through concentration on the emotions that arose/were symbolized by the fetishes. Thanks a lot! I am actively pursuing going to the end of depth in the matters, doing the dirty trench work to have a more fulfilled life. Cheers!

[@languagelover9170]

GOOD LKCK!!!! The hard path is the path that worths it the most

[@Mysikrysa]

Finally someone who isn´t glorifying kink but tries to explain them as they are. Of course they are maladaptive responses to stress. Similar stuff happens in stressed populations of animals too: they switch from normal mating rituals to violence, disinterest etc. and the stressed population dies out after some time. The fact many people have some fetish just proves the most of people are highly stressed and traumatised and they don´t even know it. The most disturbing thing about kinks isn´t their mere existence but the current trend to force them on everyone, including little children who can´t understand them at all and it will only cause them trauma too and the number of traumatized fetishists will be higher and higher.

[@jasoncammeyer757]

There's a trend to force kinks onto little children? That's news to me. Does abuse happen? Yes. That certainly doesn't mean that kinks are the cause or that they're inherently unhealthy.

[@kirkjohnson9353]

I have researched this subject before and I did not find anything near this quality of content. Thank you. Those ideas about foot fetish are interesting. Is there a source you could recommend to find more information on the whole subject? (Like a book?)

[@TheDiamondNet]

One of my clients told me a week or two ago. And I was like "OHHH!!! That's why!" So, I don't know the source. But it makes perfect sense to me.

[@kirkjohnson9353]

@@TheDiamondNet Well, you brainstorm some more on the subject and I'll buy YOUR book. thanks

[@patrickkelley4653]

Here is a link to a book written by William A Rossi relating to the reasons for foot fetishes called "The Sex Life of the Foot and Shoe" www.amazon.com/dp/0894645730/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_apa_i_JE9YDbR6A006F I always thought that sounded like a strange fetish but this video got me wondering why it is one of the most common fetishes throughout history and I did some research. I think your point that fetish relates directly to symbols but I would argue that it may not necessarily need to be tied to an emotional truama. (Although it commonly may be) I believe that a fetish can develop in the same way that the shadow can as a repressed aspect for any number of reasons. Apparently 47% of people with foot fetishes are also linked to the smell of feet and shoes. Something generally regarded as embarrassing and private. So this could come to symbolize intimacy for some people because you would never smell someone's feet unless they would be comfortable enough to allow you to be close to them in that way. However the symbolism of intimacy becomes the fetish and shortcuts actual intimacy. All that to say I think that sexual fetishes have the full scope of subconscious symbolism at play as well as traumas and repressed memories.

[@kirkjohnson9353]

@@patrickkelley4653 I just noticed your comment. I like the way you are thinking about this. You make a good point that trauma might be just one possible dynamic out of a range of possibilities. I'm wondering how neglect might play a role in some cases. I myself do not have a foot fetish but it might be a window into other fetishes since it is more common and more studied. I have been reflecting recently on how early our sexual dynamics are decided in life. Certainly way before there is any chance to even think about it. Since it is so involved with the shadow it also gets put low on the list of things to be evaluated. In fact, there is a strong tendency to avoid awareness at all costs. Some primal alchemy to be done there.

[@aelarisa983]

I also have a foot fetish. In my case feet were not something that attracted me until I started staring at other people feet because my feet were ugly and other kids were laughing at me for this. So, in my case it's pretty clear that there were was a trauma that led me to this. Not attracted to smelly feet though. I just like pretty feet that are well taken care of and that smell soap.

[@lordapophis5723]

I love the way in which your explain things! You are like the perfect psychologist.

[@The_Max_Metaxa_Project]

Aren't fetishes the result of subconscious inadequacy as the mind attempts to process emotional pain from an early life expereince?

[@TheDiamondNet]

Fetishes come up based around trauma (either incoming boundary breeches OR needs that were never met in formative stages). So, if that's what you mean by inadequacy (unmet needs), then the answer is yes. So, basically the fetish comes in as a way to temporarily alleviate the blockages created by those traumas, and to give the person the temporary sense that a need is being met.

[@The_Max_Metaxa_Project]

@@TheDiamondNet By inadequacy I meant shame, embarrassment, or humiliation. For whatever reason, the inadequacy is perceived by the subject whose subconscious then goes on to develop a fetish. In doing so, the subject's subconscious mind alleviates the pain of the experience or situation.

[@Andalaeknir86]

@@TheDiamondNet I would disagree with you around fetishism

[@otakumangastudios3617]

@@TheDiamondNet from personal experience, things like bondage, restriction or punishment, comes from basically the whole thing of our parents trying to convince us that this is part of being loved, that this is affection, and or our brains maladaptive Lee trying to deal with the traumatic event of being punished or constricted in someway, and that construction could be something purely psychological as not getting your emotional needs met or being denied of certain things. It could be things that are socially considered not abusive, but the result in trauma. Again like you said, this often times means boundary breaches, but when it happens enough in your childhood, the brain starts to maladaptive we adapt by inherently believing that there’s something wrong with yourself, not your parents and your parents know what’s best for you, and starts to translate being restricted in anyway as a form of affection. This is then expressed through desiring to be physically restricted during sexual intimacy, as this is a way your brain is trying to process the unhealthy situation you had as a child. This is also why adults will often times also want to be spanked or paddled or hurt in anyway, because again, they have missed associated the pleasure of being loved with the hurt and pain of being punished.

[@CheddarBayBaby]

Very curious what you think about macrophilia or a fetish for tall/strong women.

[@rebeccahowie7234]

It could just be what your attracted too, we don’t always have something wrong with us because we have attractions to certain types of people.

[@otakumangastudios3617]

I have some ideas, I know you didn’t ask me, but I was in search of other people who were willing to question the whole thing of celebrating fetishes, because as someone who has had them and very much was aware it had to do with emotional trauma, I really strongly wanted to see assurance that I wasn’t the only one that realize this. I’m guessing macro philia has to do with emotional trauma, especially fast to do with women, as many of us had overbearing mothers in the past. I’ve mentioned before that wanting to be constricted in anyway, or physically hurt in anyway as a part of your sexual pleasure with your partner, is directly connected with your brain trying to accept the notion that your parents did these things to you to make you feel loved or not even that, just it was out of the greater good of your well-being so therefore is out of love for you, so then you start to miss translate constriction and pain as love. Constriction may have not been physical by any means, it could’ve been just you weren’t allowance your emotional needs to be met, and so therefore you were constructed. You not being able to express freely and comfortably made you feel constricted as a child, and you being threatened and punished by your mother with a paddle or anything else , and then with your brain trying to deal with the situation and you retaliating definitely not going to be a helpful option in the situation, this is where you create maladaptive coping mechanisms, and many times that includes excepting the situation as for your best interest. This makes you behave more so-called normal, which will make you seemingly survive in a toxic situation. Once you’re out of it though, it is no longer helpful and only further damages you. This is why it’s important to try to catch these fetishes early on and try to fix them, and maybe even try to heal and mend your relationships with the people that caused you to develop these fetishes . Not always possible, but if you can, then I would suggest it. If it’s more likely going to hurt you then heal you, then there’s no point in addressing it with those family members. So again, I would assume that macro philia especially of women would probably be associated with your mother being scary and seemingly big to you, big and powerful and strong, but then you begin to admire that because I guess Innoway Stockholm syndrome is the way your brain tries to survive such an environment, basically maladaptive coping by believing you’re fine when you’re not. This is again, only helpful in a toxic environment where otherwise expressing yourself would lead to more emotional damage, but once you are out of that situation, it is highly suggest you start to deal with it through some healing means, and not by continuously engaging with it nor pushing it down. I hope this helps :-)

[@justsayin3208]

Wow, thank you for this info! I have a question, first of all, sorry for my bad English, I'm a female and I've always been attracted to older women, romantically and sexually, I have never had any feelings for a girl my own age, I can't figure out the reason for this, I don't have 'mommy issues', I'm not looking for someone to take care of me or anything like that, I'm just not into girls, only women like 15+ years older than me and I really want to know why. Any ideas? please HELP

[@crc7132]

I don't think there is anything wrong with that if you really like it embrace it yourself fuck what others thing about you 👌 if you wanna be happy you gotta love yourself first

[@angelicaschuyler6611]

The reason for that is because you have older parents

[@rebeccahowie7234]

It could just be what you like... sometimes there’s not always something wrong with us, we are just more attracted to certain things. Maybe it has something to do with your maturity level and therefore you want another mature individual to connect with.

[@kai_dagoat1530]

@Just Saying 9 times out of 10 people who have a sexual attraction to the same gender were abused as children statistics prove that. You were most likely molested by an older female when you were younger and because of that you now have an attraction towards older women specifically. Whenever someone goes through something traumatic their mind stores that traumatic event as a bad memory. It is at this point where an abnormal attraction can be developed by the mind. The reason why this happens is because your mind doesn't want to experience that pain again so what your mind says is what is the opposite of pain? Pleasure! So as an attempt to protect you from the pain of that event it replaced that pain with something that'll make you feel better to numb the pain and the thing it used to replace the pain with was a sexual attraction. (If you want another example of one of the many tactics that the mind uses to protect yourself from trauma look up dissociation) This is most likely the reason why you feel attracted to older women because whenever you see them it triggers the trauma stored in your body that you have yet to heal from. Now whether or not you choose to be gay is up to you but I want you to understand that your thoughts/feelings don't define who you are you have the ability to either act on your feelings or not act on them. Don't get caught up in a "this is just who I am" or "I was born this way" type of mindset and don't listen to people that tell you to "embrace it" because you'll never heal from your stored trauma by doing that which is what is causing you to feel this way. What defines you is the choices you make in life your legacy. Just because you may feel attracted to older women doesn't make you gay. You become gay once you make the conscious decision to sexual engage with another person of the same sex. For example if I for some reason always liked the idea of killing people but yet never killed someone does that make me a murderer? No it doesn't because I've never killed someone same concept applies to you with the sexuality situation. For years I've had an VERY INTENSE fetish for women passing gas🤦 yes I know weird and I never understood why I was so attracted to it but I just knew I was. One day I decided to research what causes fetishes and learned more about trauma and how it works. Then I remembered a specific time in my life when I was young in day care I was always bullied by this girl. One day in daycare when I wasn't paying attention she got her crew of girls to gang up on me. I was being kicked and punched which cause me to fall on the ground. I couldn't see because I was curled up in a corner covering my face to defend myself. A couple of second later when I stopped covering my face I saw her squatting down in my face and she farted in it. That was a very traumatic event in my life and ever since that day I've always liked the idea of being dominated by a girl and of course the... Other weird thing. I've also noticed that before that happened to me I've never had a fetish I only had it after that event. Pretty much what I'm trying to say is that there's also an origin of something maybe it's not your fault you feel this way maybe you went through something traumatic as well such as being molested which is the root cause of you feeling this way. Fast forward to now I am healing from my trauma and no longer have such a strong lust for my old fetish. It's possible to change you just have to be willing to.

[@sigmalasium3533]

thanks it was helpful i had many types of kinks in my life there common part is feeling guilty and they are growing how i can treat with them?

[@jafethmarianivideo]

Just Great as usual! Tranks!!!!

[@tomzjamz]

This was incredible, started rewatching the video again straight away as soon as it was over. Learnt so much, thank you!

[@danmalone5365]

Trading energy for another type of energy consciously aware of the process. Energy in motion

[@Damedolla13]

Do you believe it’s possible to indulge in the fetish in a healthy way once the trauma is released or will it just not be a desire anymore?

[@estoyaqui257]

Yes there is a way. Once you are able to feel the emotion that you want to feel(that you are aiming for to feel) during the fetish play without the sexual charge behind the emotion getting in the way then yes. The problem is when the sexual energy charged behind that emotion is greater than the emotion itself. You see there becomes a problem where there is a sexual charge behind it where there should be an emotional charge behind it. And one of the ways the energy transition from emotional to sexual is if you invalidate, deny, or suppress the emotions. If you suppress, deny something, it doesn't go away. It only gets stronger. So if your parents, friends, society taught you to believe that you shouldn't feel certain way such as, anger jealousy, humiliation, powerless, then you give those feelings more power than it needs to be. And sexual energy is more powerful than emotional energy. That's why if you have beliefs saying "I should not feel this way....", the feeling never goes away in your body but only gets stronger and stronger to a point it BECOMES sexual. So drop the belief feel the emotion instead of feeling the sexual pleasure. Feel the emotion that you suppressed in your childhood behind the sexual charge. Keep validating yourself that it is ok to feel this way. And once you are able to not let sexual charge get in the way of feeling the emotion. You can experience that fetish as much as you want except that it won't be a fetish anymore cuz you will feel the emotional part of it not the sexual. Although there may be still a bit of remnant of sexual charge(perhaps it never fully goes away) in your body. But as long as you are capable of allowing yourself to feel the emotional energy of it much more dominantly than the sexual charge of it you are heading in the right direction.

[@johnsmith8848]

Great insight, Thank you

[@danmalone5365]

Developmental trauma connection attunement trust autonomy love and sexuality the five developmental stages that children experience. When a child’s mind is marinated in a cesspool of insanity they learn a survival style in order to survive their environment but are fundamentally changed for the rest of their life. When I retired from my first job 32 years at my retirement party my boss said I was not an employee I was the machine he could not have described me any better than a group of psychiatrist could have. A machine with the switch stuck on. When I was 10 years old someone threw me a shovel and for the first time I was given praise I became a pack mule with blinders. Out of those trucks into those ditches grab those shovels you sons of bitches. Work work work. My fundamental emotional foundation was fear. So I performed an experiment to figure out the difference between real fear and psychological fear took a four day crash course in hang gliding ran off a 1400 foot cliff solo almost died the experiment was a success I couldn’t tell the difference but the one that gave me the most fear was intimacy. When you kink The five fundamental stages of development it interrupts the natural flow of simply being disrupting the mental capacity to regulate your own body this is where all the addictions come from.

[@PartiallyT]

Thanks you are helping me

[@TheDiamondNet]

You're welcome. I'm glad it helped. :)

[@nexusoflife]

This is an amazing video. Do you have any good books that you would reccomend on the subject?

[@Lanemoons]

Thank you so much for this video. It was really helpful. I was just wondering, if you are able to work through those trauma emotions, is it possible that the fetish eventually vanishes?

[@camilamalou2814]

i have a question,i have a trauma when i was a child, i cant remember him and i have a disguting fetish. Is it possible for the fetish to disappear if i resolve my problem of trauma?

[@kai_dagoat1530]

I believe so

[@TheMarshallMalone]

This is one of my favorite videos you’ve ever done. I need a lot of help in this area.

[@Fundemons]

I’ve noticed a lot of fetishes have a childish tendency to them

[@davidnewman5748]

Wow Yes

[@otakumangastudios3617]

I would like to add on that another thing you can do, to deal with trauma, is learn how to process trauma in the moment. I would have to disagree that that biological system we have on how to deal with trauma is good at all, it’s evolutionary for sure but there are better ways of managing it even in the moment. The analogy I most prefer, is think of this emotional trauma that is coming into you like the lightning strikes in avatar the last Airbender. If you haven’t watched it, you probably won’t get these references. If you have, then you will. What I’m going to mention is, Zuko is taught how to redirect lightning to make sure it doesn’t damage his heart. He has to face his narcissistic sister, Azula, and I just realize this could’ve also been a direct analogy for facing a toxic family member, as they can re-traumatize you and, injure your heart. Find a way to either physically embody right after the trauma happens or somehow even mentally do it in the moment, try to visualize yourself doing the motions that Zuko does and what he’s taught, watch and listen carefully to what uncle Iroh says. Point your two fingers towards the source of the lightning, directed towards your abdomen, by bending your elbow and pointing your fingers towards your abdomen, and directly touch your two other fingers on your other hand in the exact same motion and fashion and redirect it to the other side of you. I suggest re-watching this episode to get a better idea of these directions. I’m definitely by no means good at this redirection method, but I thought it might be helpful for other people to consider, as a potential option to deal with stress and trauma in the moment. Basically, the best concept here is, try to redirect the emotions and trauma in the moment. Tried to put the negative energy somewhere else. Tell it it’s not welcome here and let it go. In the meantime, do whatever is physically necessary to keep you safe in the moment, and if it’s better to do it afterwards, then do it afterwards.

[@hoellermoertel]

Is there any literature you can recommend? I am wondering about the sources of your deep knowledge.

[@travisstreeter5092]

Great stuff. True.

[@SecondComingTwice]

Hi right back atcha, Emerald. I was checking-out one of your older videos on enlightenment, and thought I'd give some feedback involving trauma and perhaps a slight correction or disagreement. You are wise beyond your years. I am not of the mind that dying and being forgotten and ceasing to exist as a conscious "self" is how this ride works. We are not our vessel, our "meat-suits." We're energy, light, sound, and a free will and an aspect of the One experiencing infinity. This particular ride, in the material, in what we perceive as the here and now when we're aware enough of the people and things and concepts and frequencies that seem to surround us in our created holographic timeline - is challenging, and I haven't all the answers to unity from duality but have some insights. In a nutshell - Fearlessly alive is enlightened. Service to others and to self is enlightened. We're immortals. Karma follows through the blood and the soul-sharing. Fearless and decent I know are keys to enlightenment. Self-defense, and the defense of an abused species with amnesia - might not be something that an enlightened "observer" could manage. If you caught someone poisoning you, caught them in the act, red-handed. Is justice tempered with mercy enlightened? The cremation of care is a ritual of the dark occultists. I still care. We have gifts and powers that have been stolen, along with our history, and our shared memories. In the illusion of time, it's time to get them back. A Great Awakening, of sorts, a Golden Age. 12-21 Aquarius.

[@GurtGobain]

Would you say 100% of fetishes are the result of trauma, or can some arise spontaneously?

[@TheDiamondNet]

I would say it's a result of trauma and unmet needs (also a trauma) most of the time. But there can also be a kind of operand conditioning where you relate something to sexuality through repeated association between that thing and sexuality. But that's less common.

[@ProdWakaw]

@Mr. Dog omg i can relate to that so fckin much. Maybe thats why fat girls turn me on so much

[@nexusoflife]

@Mr. Dog What do you mean by, "a sign of emotional abundance not yet manifested" ?

[@westonruby7021]

Thank you and thanks four not showing 2 much emotion that helps👍

[@duanewalter1208]

Helped greatly with understanding my unwanted arousal.

[@clearpill]

This is quite brilliant, thank you! I also think we pay insufficient attention to the fact that women might be more susceptible to trauma than men due to evolutionary conditioning. Which I believe means parents need to be *especially* careful with how little girls are brought up and treated.

[@Azratje94]

I'm sorry, but I really do not understand how you came to the conclusion that women are more susceptible?

[@brickstreet1119]

I thought this was going to be a ridiculous video. Watched anyway. Excellent content 👍

[@mala_jama]

I have seen so many videos on this topic but your first one giving a feeling thats its normal and not psychopathological. You didn't give a damn about justifications. You didn't say you have to change it. You are telling it can be a superpower and work with it🤍 Simply accepted so much from your side like getting an advice on lack of b vitamin or what. You're not inherently twisted when you have it. Thank you

[@williamfarrow1149]

OK. Here goes. I've developed a sick perversion which many belive is related to you-know-what and that I am so ashamed about having but is something I've always had from a young age such as 3 or 4 and that is to be treated like a small child and I think it stems from the fact I'm adopted and some small part of me still longs for a maternal bond despite the fact I have a loving adopted family and as a developed into puberty became something that sexual aroused me. I'm deeply embrassed about this kink and I know the negative connotations of it and I feel like less of a man due to it... Is there anyway of getting rid of it or am I doomed to have this twisted turn on forever?!?