Top 11 Things to Expect When the Narcissist Knows You Have Figured Them Out

[@drlarrymitchell]

1. That never happened. 2. I never said that. 3. I never did that. 4. I don't make mistakes. 5. You can't hold me accountable.

[@Peterbilt-vd9of]

So true

[@curtiswoods2239]

"Will you let me talk? " And "Are you done?" Lol

[@peggypowers9776]

Oh my gosh, sounds exactly like my daughter's soon to be exhusband.PEACE AT LAST !AHHHHH

[@jencannon]

"I am absolutely not apologizing or taking ownership because I did nothing wrong"

[@marianhofmann6380]

Can you suggest a Narcissist support group ?

[@randalgibbons8822]

The narcissist will bleed an empath dry emotionally, physically, financially, they will suck the very life out of you like a leech.

[@susanzeitz7431]

Yes yes yes, I have always said, that I felt like he was sucking the life out of me! Or that I am living in a prison, and he is the warden!

[@mandynewman8234]

Yep.

[@xohouseofballoons7840]

W H Demons in flesh suits, that’s what I call them.

[@sonjamccart1269]

Wow this explains so much! I was always emotionally exhausted - I am definitely an empath. My son is too, and he would get so upset when his dad yelled at him that he would throw up!

[@aaroneaton138]

Very True

[@sjs3590]

I tried for 5 years to explain why things upset me. I couldn’t understand why my narc husband didn’t seem to get it. He would get very angry. Once I learned about narcissism it all made perfect sense.

[@PhilHuish-z1l]

Once you learn about Narcissism it becomes completely clear.

[@cbdmiracles3593]

*I spent 10 years with a Narcissist, I almost lost who I was and I felt like a different person and back then I didnt know that this had a name.. They are truly self centered and EVIL..*

[@deschalland433]

@ZebraAntiZylope Please don't let them get to you. That is exactly what they want you to feel. Breathe and laugh to yourself inside, until you can get away from that situation. May God Bless You. Amen.

[@ksspider4878]

They are so greedy and highly jealous.

[@leanneolsen3026]

Looking at your KZbin profile, i am inclined to believe that you are not in trouble but that you are a narcissist your self.If so, you know what you can do with your self ;)

[@johnhamilton286]

@Xbox360Laura I was where you're not to long ago, no matter what, get away from that person. Run, flee and forsake them. Take the financial hit, it'll health to your bones.

[@soulfeed8524]

@Laura2102 Hold on. Whats ur e-mail

[@mariamkinen8036]

"An educated empath is a narc's worst nightmare ." Sacha Sloane.

[@aliraelei3313]

Yup! 😄

[@JosephtheDreamer-h3r]

Silence and no contact forever is the way

[@adekemiadebiyi2032]

They are like clock work!! They all use the same script. Different persons but same script.

[@greenspider1598]

They're like living computers. They all use the same tactic. It's like it's written in a textbook. It's actually comical to me now. And you're the abuser and they're the victims and you will never get closure.

[@sapna2712]

Adekemi Adebiyi ....very well said

[@joyciejd9673]

It is amazing!

[@niadabreo8907]

Isn’t kinda scary though that they all are alike

[@queensnonprofit]

Adekemi Adebiyi yep!

[@con2mms2000]

''They are the victim''... absolutely true ✔️✔️. They insult your intelligence over and over, even after the discard.

[@edgreen8140]

One psychiatrist said they are big babies.

[@christiancroom3386]

Basically im a no it all lol they hate when u look into them

[@salliegallegos918]

And project: One yelled, “Victim, victim, victim! Narc, narc, narc! Histrionic, histrionic, histrionic!”

[@IndianOutlaw1870]

My mother, when I confronted her about her not informing me of family events, parties, reunions, and even deaths, answered with, "You know, I went through a lot with your father." Played the victim. She tried to blame my father, who LEFT US IN 1970, for her ostracizing me in the 1990s and early 2000s. You can't make this stuff up. Any attempt to make her accept responsibility for her actions is met with irrational word salad: denials, lies, excuses, blaming others, and claiming to not remember.

[@caralee2617]

We are already smarter than they are. The key is to not allow what makes us more evolved, our emotional maturity, cause for us to have so much empathy for them that we allow for them to abuse us. Most times, it is this empathy that gets us in trouble. We don’t respond the way we should at the first sign of misconduct because we assume that we are incorrect in our judgment. We are smart enough to know that if someone is damaged they are going to act out and mistreat others. So, we are more patient with them. This is where the problem comes in. Our caring and ability to identify with a person’s pain causes for us to fall victim to their callous behavior. We move the boundary for them because we believe if we do, we can help them. We believe that all they need is love. The problem is, they don’t really want it. They just wanted us to move the boundary. They literally want to see if they can continue to make us do things we not wish to do. They want to see if they can cause a reaction that is out of character. They want to watch us unravel. It makes them feel powerful. Moreover, if you feel sure that your husband might never cheat on you, you might have to rethink. Most wives in marriages are shocked when they find out their husband cheating, and it happens more with people who never thought they would cheat. This is why you have to take the tiniest suspicion carefully. If your husband is cheating on you, the best and probably the only guaranteed way to catch him is to spy on their phones. However, spying on a phone is not something you can do without any external help unless you have the James bond level of spy skills. In such case you will need an expert phone spyier *Metaspyhub@gmail. com* for the purpose,,,

[@hawkarae]

I am at the end of a 29 year nightmare. I'm strong but Jesus God this is hard. Thank you for sharing strength and information ❤

[@bernardbeaudreau7330]

Best anti-dote is a strong personality......mine tired and eventually left, arguing that I was too much!! Good ridance!!

[@scribebing2043]

You're absolutely correct a strong mind, and do your own thing and they hate having no control, I'm driving this nut nuts and I'm loving it

[@haveneyre7166]

Bernard Beaudreau , amen yes good riddance to bad narc rubbish!!!

[@mfawls9624]

@@scribebing2043 Yeah. Once you accept that they are completely amoral and 'you' were not perfect but better than average it's easier to start switching the game plan. I don't hate. We're married, I won't divorce for religious reasons as well as for the fact we have young kids. I can, however shut down my empathy...heck that used to be my way of forcing break ups all the years I dated. Being married made that a hurdle but now I'm convinced that most of our 13 years together (so far) was mostly a long con I'm fine. Losing the anger over it has changed my life. My life is better now than it has been since the marriage was young. I'm a conscientious person. I now understand the rules. I can play the game now.

[@Risingphoenix360]

Funny how those of us that are “too much drama” don’t seem to have much drama with other people except the narc....& yet the narc seems to have this complaint directed @ multiple people, including aaaall their past exes, coworkers & family. Hmmmmm,...soOo, who’s the common denominator in all the drama again??

[@mfawls9624]

@@Risingphoenix360 yes. For years we would go back and forth on something and at the end of it, it would be both of us supposedly having said the same thing. I express myself well, she's intelligent and I have never had issues getting my point across, regardless of the other person agreeing with or disagreeing on that point...clarity was never an issue in a discussion or argument. Suddenly with her what I was saying would be flipped around or 'unclear'. Her mother takes a different route. She will not argue...but, she will lob a statement out that is ridiculous and if you respond to point out how out there the statement is the answer is, 'I don't care, not going to argue, you're wrong'. She's nowhere as intelligent as my wife, so she really will not argue any off the wall statement she makes. I get along with the father, we talk about all sorts of things, politics, current events, etc. We have good discussions, sometimes we agree sometimes we don't. Same with her brothers. It puzzled me for a long time. She is, of course, close to mom and not really anyone else.

[@lauragraves4342]

Has anyone else seen a narco path give a blank, expressionless stare at you after you brought up something they need to change? Like a certain scene from the exorcist. It's as creepy as the hateful glare.

[@lauragraves4342]

@Drayton S33 interesting.

[@lauragraves4342]

@Drayton S33 I'm sorry. That's horrible.

[@WandaEnlightened]

Laura Graves yes! Wauw...yes!

[@bonnienewkirk-rhoades6008]

Yes, both the blank soulless eyes & the deep, dark, I 'm-going-to-kill-you-when-we're-alone stare he would do when he knew no one else could see his face. Truly bone-chilling.

[@jelkel25]

They're looking for a "tell" like a poker player so they can figure out how to react to make you back down. It's a sort of pregnant pause to try to get you to fill the silence. Either turn your back on them or just stare blankly back, don't fill the silence. The usual response to this is word salad or anything to change the subject. Keep with the subject.

[@heatherandrus8187]

I loved the smear campaign because it taught me who was real in my life. Including family. Great lesson. Hurtful, but inevitably a good thing

[@timothygrass7613]

I had the same thing happen to me and eliminated many people I had known for years to save myself the tragedy of it was these people actually believed the lies after knowing me for years and just meeting her very painful and sad but in the end I'm the better person just as you are god bless

[@VLyricParker]

I thought it was best to just stay silent and people would see what was going on and see him for who he was. His claims were childish. He was jealous that I wrote books and had a following so among the things he said was that I wasn't wife material and I didn't keep my house clean and I thought none of it would work. My readers just wanted me to write good books. I eventually got rid of my social media accts and never got it back. I also have no desire to get back into another relationship. So I will look for support groups cause it's been 6 years and he's still finding me no matter where I go or name I use. But I don't care how lonely I get I will never get back with him. I see the contacts as him having enjoyed beating me down so much that he wants another shot at it or Part 2 . But If I nevec do the things I use to enjoy or forever run he wins

[@JammyJamz8]

That's a really great point. I hadn't thought of what it truly is doing for me. Thank you for that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@heatherandrus8187]

@@JammyJamz8 It all sorts itself out in time. I'm so happy now with the right people and knowledge. I hope for peace for you. Keep being amazing 💓

[@JammyJamz8]

@@heatherandrus8187 It's been hard for sure, as you know! Thank you for your words of encouragement. It's just nice to find other people who have been through it, as horrible as it is to go through.

[@payalmandal4836]

That pyscho has injured me to that level that I felt for a moment that I am the Narcissist

[@km47804]

Omg...same. Therapist said the fact that I was worried about it meant I’m not a narcissist...🤣 But I get it. It can really mess you up.

[@Oldbutschooled]

So true.. .they refuse to be rational and claim your twisting things when you use the truth to get through to them ! They rage when they don't get their way! It's heart breaking!

[@brianjones2595]

Me too! She had the nerve to call me a narc. With my personality being what it is, I started watching these and reading everything I could because if I was that, I would need to fix it and not be that way. Funny thing is that I can post her picture next to every description and definition out there. I finally got enough courage to file for divorce and now she is trying to ruin me financially. But...I know I'll be better off when this is all over. Two things this has done for me. It has brought me closer to God and it has shown me what kind of woman I never want to get involved with again.

[@spikefivefivefive]

@@brianjones2595 - Same here! My narc mother once went to so far as to call me a "user". It's classic self-projection.

[@Dressesndeadlifts8290]

Me too. I took multiple quizzes because of so much self doubt. 😔

[@thegardenmuse2398]

My ex filed for me to have a psych evaluation and screamed at me in front of the kids saying I'll loose them because I'm a bad mom. I didn't know people like this existed till I married one. He did it ALL. Get out while you still can. It DOES get worse. Sending my love to everyone here! YOU DESERVE BETTER!

[@debbievoss3496]

What they do to the kids is criminal.

[@aliraelei3313]

@@debbievoss3496 I filed one fro myself and I passed all tests including a lie detector test 😆

[@jackiesettle2189]

Never. Expect. Anything. From. A. Narcissist. And. In. This. Way. You. Will. Not. Be. Dissappointed.....

[@sambasko6339]

You are right..this way you save yourself from hurt

[@Maiasatara]

I still dream that mine will suffer a consequence. (My mother.) I said to her before, actions have consequences, you know. Her reply? I’ll pay consequences when I’m dead.

[@hogi99]

@@Maiasatara Why do you have her in your life? That is the consequences you control.

[@theresefournier3269]

@@Maiasatara How sad! Poor soul! Her soul is in such a dark prison! My own heart goes out to her! and I pray for her to be touched by God Himself before it is too late! and imagine the worst torment afflicting her, which is what I fear she is feeling as we speak! Could it be, that if we love them enough anyway, we could finally find a way that would actually wake them up, once and for all!? I think all things are possible! well... as long as there's life! and until they wake up, they are pretty dead! I know! it's pretty sad! indeed...

[@Maiasatara]

@@hogi99 I live on disability income now but was away from her for over 20 years. She tricked me into leaving an apartment with false promises of financial help when I got stronger. Then it was, "I'm not HELPING you!" Now I'm a financial captive and reset my spot on on housing lists that are years long. She has plenty of money to help supplement so I could be alone but that leaves her no one to abuse. It's ruthless and she even broke my arm and it didn't get emergency housing. My life is misery and if I had money I'd be free again.

[@rvh77]

My wife has been doing this crap to me for 14 years. I'm so thankful for these videos from you and a few others that have helped me tremendously to at least know what's going on. I've learned so much in the past month. I'm regaining my sanity because I know that I know I'm not the one who is crazy. I've reclaimed my power by not participating in the drama. She knows I'm on to her. My heart breaks for my three kids. I won't leave them, but if she does... So be it. People that love you don't treat you this way.

[@clewis3604]

Rob Van Huss. I know exactly how you feel. It took me 26 years of being abused by a narcissist. You need to get out and save yourself and your kids. Thinks about being on an airplane when they say “if the oxygen mask come out put yours on first and then help others. “. I wish you the best of luck. It is hands down the hardest thing you will probably the hardest thing you’ll ever do. Remember your not waking the path alone. We are all here for you.

[@janejane5281]

I am sorry for your pain and pleased that you are figuring it out. You mentioned your children. I was raised by a narcissistic mother. They do enormous damage to their children's sense of self and self-esteem. They also destroy the lifelong bonds between siblings. Also, identify your wife's scapegoat. This child is the one that is often sensitive and / or confronts her. You can help counter the damage by confirming truth and offering "clean" sympathy. Ex: I am sorry that happened to you. Encourage healthy bonds and boundaries amongst your little gang. This unity will help them deal with her as they move through time. People are only young for a short while but our mothers leave impressions that last a lifetime. I don't know anything about your life or circumstances, but I can assure you of two things : these people don't change; the cost of having them around is very high to everyone involved. God bless you! I pray that you and your wee ones find peace and wholeness.

[@rvh77]

@@janejane5281 thank you so much for your reply. I will take it to heart. Our kids are 11, 4 and 1. Right now my 11 year old daughter takes the brunt of my wife's verbal abuse. Anger and sadness fill my heart when she yelling at her and two little ones cry because they're scared. She has absolutely no conscience or just doesn't care how her words hurt everyone else. And God forbid she ever apologize or take responsibility for her actions. Blame shifting, playing the victim, the whole bit. For years I had forgotten who I was. Now I'm getting my sense of self back and learning to respond instead of react. I'm afraid you are right that she will never change. But my kids mean the world to me and I want to be with them every minute I'm not at work. I see the damage done to my daughter. I just don't want to be the dad that left his family. I've seen what divorce does to kids. It's devastating to them. I appreciate your advice and sympathy!

[@SurprizedDaily]

@@rvh77 Divorce does NOT do near the damage narcissistic parenting does to them! Your children will thank you for divorcing her, one day, vs, resenting you for staying with her abusive childish, destructive, selfish evil egos wants, ways & wills!

[@knaball]

@@SurprizedDaily It doesn't help if she somehow gets custody. They are manipulative creatures and its hard to protect yourself and the children from them but try your hardest. Very very good liars they are.

[@diamonddazzle9304]

I have a narcissistic mother who has used every single tactic in this video. I have educated myself on narcissism and have also gone NO CONTACT on her and it feels GREAT!!!

[@incisivecommenter5974]

Same here, no contact has been the best thing I've ever done.

[@greenspider1598]

My mother was the most violent person I've ever known. She was extremely dangerous and she was actually arrested for murder once but she was a master manipulator and had a pretty face and got out of it. Don't get hoovered back. Don't fall for The Guilt Trip. They will make you pay for ever leaving in the first place. One of the things I remember telling my mother when I was a child was that one day when she is old and gray she will find herself in a hospital bed all alone. There will be no one no friends. No family because he has burned every bridge and hurt everyone around her. She is pure evil. I also told her that she will not understand anything that I'm explaining to her. She will only understand in about 30 years from now. Sure enough. I got a phone call from a social worker telling me that she was dying and she wanted to speak to me. I can hear her in the background begging to talk to me. And I told the social worker know that woman is not human. That woman is a demon. She is pure evil and hung up.

[@lydiaveldhuizen3157]

Well done!! I did. with my,ns to for 35 Years. The best thing you can do.

[@deetrout7623]

Daisy Duke I blocked that heifer from my social media after I saw that she was blocking and unblocking me. She’s 47, had me at 17.

[@sody2000]

No Contact sounds amazing. I have a narcissistic father. He needs constant supply and needs to be the center of attention always. It is much easier to avoid him. He is retired now and struggling with loneliness. Divorced twice of course.

[@katiec4141]

When the fog clears and your spirit starts clarifying what is going on, it’s terrifying (believe me I know). But these people, as malevolent as they are, are here to teach you life’s greatest lesson AND THAT IS TO LOVYOURSELF UNCONDITIONALLY

[@helen9412]

Thanks for this!!

[@lucysmith8326]

Yes your spirit will definitely clarify what is going on because mine did and it feels wonderful to know that I’m not crazy!

[@HaroldAnderson-wc3sz]

They have nothing if you have GOD. Unfortunately I didn’t turn to GOD until she had already shredded my heart

[@emmarae4322]

They won’t ever take accountability for their actions. Don’t argue with them, it’s not worth it.

[@dvstiger]

What a living hell to be narcissist. I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. This woman knows what she's talking about. I never know what a narcissist was, until I got involved with one. This lady is spot on!

[@skyflowerz]

They're fiercely protective of their false persona who's perfect and doesn't make mistakes and won't tolerate it being challenged. 1. Hit you with tons of gaslighting - to manipulate your discoveries and make you doubt yourself. "I never did that, you are the problem, it didn't happen that way, etc" for you to doubt yourself and confuse you. They'll love-bomb you if you're still in a relationship with you (romantic or not). 2. Projection - they accuse you of everything they're doing to you. 3. They'll use & exploit as much pity as they can get from you - "You know me, you know my heart, you know I'm not capable of that, I'm not like that, I'm honest." Guilt you. 4. They will try to scare you and put the fear of god in you - they use your weak spots and exploit them. 5. They will become the victim - try & convince you to believe they're the victim of their childhood, life, others, your abuse and dysfunction. 6. Narcissistic rage - this happens after narcissistic injury. 7. They Bully you - threats, mocking you that you're so out of touch to come up with such a story. 8. Leveling - they'll try to equate their character and deeds to yours. They will make you believe that something you did in the past is just as bad or worse. They are baiting you. Don't take the bait. It's a trap to get you to consider shifting the focus/blame on you. Just laugh in their face. If you're an empath there's no way anything you've done could equate to what the narcissist is guilty of. 9. If they can't pull the wool over your eyes - they'll do a smear campaign, if they haven't already. They'll spread rumors about you to anyone they can to contaminate their feelings/beliefs about you. 10. Blackmail you - threaten to call your bos to fire you or call your family in an effort to punish and isolate you. 11. Darvo - deny, attack, reverse, victim, offender. The formula to blame their target for what happened and turn them into the offender so the narc becomse the victim.

[@CeeTeeUSA]

If you've had people in your life with this problem, the hardest part is having to abandon them to save yourself. When I had to be strong it was hard because I'm a good person that wants to help others. Sadly, some people can't be helped. Good people help themselves. There are no winners but the best way to come close is cutting ties with these people..

[@kihenie28]

Cee Tee this is me..

[@jodiarenabronskill943]

Dude for real. I cant seem to do it. Grew up with a narc mom and turned narc sister. Who always did the clam stated undercuts about me after they projection. My mom is always a victim. Her childhood actually was abusive. And she has her self convinced there is nothing wrong with her. And after i fight it was a huge shopping spree. And the control over my life with means of finances and labeled it helping me. And i was 34 before i figured out what was going on. And omg i fucking married a narc! Who i cant seem to let go. It doesn't help that i was a stay at home mom for the last 6 years. I did enroll in school tho and i know what is going on but i cant seem to not react out of anger. Pls tell me who you did this.

[@saint013]

Yes 💯

[@tori2136]

I 100% agree it’s very hard

[@annettelarae3862]

“Good people help themselves” a word. Thank you 🙏🏾

[@pichmolm]

Some of them want to use you Some of them want to get used by you Some of them want to abuse you Some of them want to be abused

[@FiaBoomSchack]

pichmolm 😂👍🏼

[@pichmolm]

@@FiaBoomSchack Keep your head up, movin on 🎵🎶

[@theliftexpert]

pichmolm .....that would make a hit song ✊

[@annettelarae3862]

❤️

[@pichmolm]

@@theliftexpert Sweat dreams could be a good title 😊

[@doristserkezis998]

Brilliant talk.... all true . Lived with one for 22 years. Terrible bullies they are. Run if you are involved with one.

[@benbuda5857]

Dont expect something from someone who is nothing

[@gracemarykunkel7580]

very very astute

[@gigid9606]

Amen!

[@juneware43]

@VICTORIA LAIDLAW m .

[@chuckinhouston9952]

Very well stated

[@nmHispana]

Yeaas!

[@MsGlamourcat]

It seems like narcs are just everywhere these days! When I was young we'd never really heard of narcissists. I'm at the point where I'm not really enjoying my time here on planet earth all that much due to feeling overwhelmed by narcs and a plethora of other cluster B personality disordered types. Are there any true empaths or normal people actually left?

[@KobiWithAnEye]

MsGlamourcat right!! Exhausted 😪

[@NutsNBerries]

It’s only a few of us left

[@jeantave8562]

Yes, but we are now the minority and they are the majority.....I had never heard of the NPD tag either when I was a child, I don't think it had a name yet???? But I use to attract alot of them. I'm just now learning how to "not" be fooled by them, it took me 7 years.

[@chicago2colombia]

Im a Manly Man Empath. Although my experiences are exhausting, when it comes to Narcissists and B personalities. I’m with you my friend

[@MsGlamourcat]

@@chicago2colombia Let's make a club! In the last few years, the amount of channels covering narcissism have blown-up! When I first experienced narc abuse: love-bomb, isolate, devalue, discard, hoover, repeat - I did not know it was a thing! It left me so destroyed (there's was a lot of violence, triangulation, stalking, etc involved). My career was destroyed. I was made to believe this was all me - that there was something so wrong with me. I had no idea that being loving, kind, empathic, compassionate could have a negative impact on my life, let alone a long lasting, detrimental, soul-destroying affect. Then all of this information seemed to emerge. I feel like I need to make my own content - I do and post to Facebook and Instagram - but it's time consuming and I have life to live. I was beautiful when I was young too --- I didn't realize it. It took looking at pics and my daughter saying "omg mum! you were so beautiful! that's why you were targeted!" --- I was so humble, I had no idea!

[@karenstauffer5754]

He called me "passive aggressive " when I started refusing to play along! I laughed, because it was one of his favorite tactics and I'm pretty direct.

[@lioydwilliams1850]

Karen stauffer,hope you are not with a narcissist cause you are too precious!

[@clintonnagy1662]

I'd say..." You're funny " when she would gas light, guilt trip, or blame shift me. It wasn't a nice thing to do but she wouldn't stop and I can't deal with that kind of insanity.

[@robkukoc3393]

Projection is such a key point in this situation...I was called a narcissist and bully when I was the one blamed. What a viscous cycle.

[@robertdabob8939]

"All narcissists are brilliant when it comes to using projection" I prefer 'pathetic' to brilliant since it reflects a child like level of emotional maturity.

[@rachelhope4448]

So glad he’s on to his next victim. I feel sad for her. He did everything you said and more. They are truly demonic. Thank you for all you do. Blessings my friend🙏

[@valariemundy2012]

Rachel Hope yep, I’m sure my soon to be ex Narc husband is with his new victim. He hovered once and I shut him down and called his PO and they hauled his ass in court for breaking the court ordered no contact order. He had the audacity to bring his new victim to the court hearing. See, I had to have him locked up twice for domestic violence abuse. Kept chocking me up. So, I haven’t experienced the hovering at the level that some have.

[@SGoff-xs4kz]

You are right. Narcs are truly demonic. I find it sad that at church and in public in general they pretend to be kind, loving, and generous while in reality they are selfish, controlling, and calculating. But nobody knows or understands because people usually do not know much about narcissism. My late husband was a covert narc. He died after tormenting me for 35 years. But just about everybody thought he was an exemplary husband and father. So I experienced narcissism. It's probably not a good idea to out narcs at my church although I have become the victim of one of these narcs. I don't know what to do - talk to the leadership? Probably not because they think so highly of him that they even let him teach. Keep quiet? I don't feel good about this and I hate that he is deceiving people. Leave the church? I like most of the people there. Right now he is giving me the silent treatment for some trifle to punish me. But it's actually not punishment because the less contact one has with a narc the better. Still he is creating a hostile environment for me without anybody else knowing about it. I don't feel comfortable in this situation.

[@reesedaniel5835]

@@SGoff-xs4kz See Hebrews 13:13 and Psalm 26:4 if you care what God thinks about it. If not, continue on in that viper infested , tax exempt (aka compromised) religious "country club".....

[@reesedaniel5835]

@@SGoff-xs4kz ‘These people draw near to Me with their mouth, And honor Me with their lips, But their heart is far from Me.' Matthew 15:8 “For behold, I will send serpents among you, vipers which cannot be charmed, and they shall bite you,” says the Lord." Jeremiah 8:17

[@SGoff-xs4kz]

This verse fits my situation exactly. The narc who targeted me cannot be charmed. He bit me (figuratively) when I stumbled into another narc situation. I am a magnet for those people. Thank you for your advice.God bless!

[@lyndaklodt9582]

"It's not them, it's you" that is spot on

[@malavichaudhari8771]

Feel sorry for them. They can never know real self worth. but dont try to save them. False bubbles. False life. . Let them be because they wont heal. They damage you instead.

[@laurawhitaker1797]

Malavi Chaudhari I don’t and absolutely won’t feel sorry for them. They’re inhuman and deserve no compassion. None.

[@missspelled6852]

Are you serious? Do you feel Sorry for the narc that nearly ruined your life? I’m thinking maybe you haven’t encountered one yet. Feeling sorry for them in the beginning is what got us in this mess to begin with. Narcs know exactly what they’re doing to you. They refine their skill as they get older. It’s delightful for them. Delightful.

[@randalgibbons8822]

You nailed it!!

[@rachealhunter9584]

That sympathy right there is why they succeed

[@ap24085]

nope, no sympathy, no guilt, nothing. I've watched the narc turn a good person into a liar, turn a decent person who supported and believed them into a confused, miserable person that has nothing to do to how they were before, logical and fair. I can't feel sorry for a vampire who has systematically sucked the life out of another person for years. The narc thought they could do that with me too, but no, when they realized they couldn't they started smearing me to everyone. The secret to my success: I don't care. After what I've seen I show no sympathy, no guilt, I do not retreat, I cannot be manipulated. The narc had yeas and years of tolerance, love and compassion and it only got worse. When a snake goes to bite you, you don't allow it, you protect yourself. If you want to sacrifice yourself and show altruism, do not do it to save a psychopath who won't go to therapy. First, you protect yourself, then you protect those who need it, not those who are ungrateful and will use even that to smear and accuse you. Psychopaths who smear you and sabotage you and suck the life out of everyone around them are not victims, they are predators and if you feel sorry for a predator then smth is wrong with you and you need to fix it quickly. Because the predator will literally consume you and drive you insane the moment they sense that you feel sorry for them or that you are acting out of guilt.

[@jhomastefferson3693]

It's really weird to hear someone who doesn't know my dad describing my dad. I've watched your other videos. They're very good. I don't put much stock in internet psychologists and stuff, no offense, but when you describe my life and experiences and stuff without knowing me by just describing narcissists, it convinces me. This is nice. I can't afford therapy and because my dad was a narcissist i wasn't good at making friends, so i don't have many people to talk to about this, but this is close. It makes me feel heard. Thank you.

[@laurieduncan6096]

Jhomas Tefferson watch everything you can out there. It’s very healing. Some others that are good to listen to are Richard Grannon, Kris Godinez, The Little Shamen and Dr. Les Carter. Onward and upward! Better days are ahead.

[@captrodgers4273]

your right! watching this lady talk is like watching her describe my ex-wife like she actually knew her

[@jclopez8720]

Narcissistic abuse is real these people are real! There is such a breed of people who love to cause and watch people fail miserably with a desirable want and need to make due of that task immediately. I'm so thankful more people are helping each other with info on this. These videos here on KZbin saved me and my 3 kids lives as we all made it out of our narcs control. I've been with mine for 18 years and her mom and my ex have been controlling me since the start. We met when I was 15. Regaining control and confidence was always the hardest of recovery in my opinion. It's really hard to believe that you're not wrong about everything.. Goodluck and Godbless you all in recovery now. Prayers out for all in the struggles

[@need100k]

I'm the same about listening to self-described "psychologists", but this lady knows her stuff. She's been describing my sister with virtual perfection. I'm lucky in a way because I caught on to her to such a degree that her best defense was to cut ME off, then of course make me the bad guy. But since I don't care what others think about me, that doesn't affect me psychologically. It is affecting me financially though, because she's been so adept at stealing from my inheritance, but my bigger concern is how she is still manipulating others. I'm slowly getting them to realize what's really happening.

[@allie9015]

My dad too. You’re not alone

[@SSMITH-so6fn]

WOW. You nailed it when you said they want you to be subservient, ignorant , and enabler. Thank you .New sub!

[@alpana1950]

"Tons and tons of gaslighting" - 😁😁😁

[@JustBeREAL1st]

41 days no contact seems like an AA meeting but oh well~I am free!!!

[@sody2000]

way to go!

[@porterboy43]

It's hard, try your hardest to maintain that rule!!! Great job so far!

[@venusheard4565]

Had to be a year for me

[@marshalllhiepler]

Don't allow yourself to become overly confident. The narc will return when you least expect it, and attempt to "reel you in" with another approach. No contact is easy for you, and for the narc, because the narc is currently receiving "supply" elsewhere. However, that source of supply will "dry up" , and the narc will once again play upon your most basic human qualities of compassion and empathy for others, and attempt to establish a renewed parasitic relationship with you.

[@katie195]

JustBeREAL I wish he would leave me.... please.... desert me...

[@kendrak2716]

They do all this even when you bow to them. No harmony or peace with these types

[@OrangeUp]

C‘mon, they need some entertainment. If you only serve it is too boring. Let them have some pastime tormenting you.

[@levimahaffey2608]

Yes it doesn't matter to them. Actually the more you submit the more aggressive an bold they get. They are a catch-22 giving them what they want they will screw you over an giving them nothing they will screw you over. Might as well go for broke with them. They are exactly like children if you set no boundaries they will use you for a doormat an they appreciate nothing. Setting strong boundaries an not budging is the only real way to deal with them an that is only if you can't leave for whatever other obligations you have with them aka kids.

[@ap24085]

never bow to them, they get even worse

[@lioydwilliams1850]

Kendra K,hope you are not with a narcissist cause you are too precious!

[@clintonnagy1662]

If you give into their needs and wants they cheat because youre weak. If you stand your ground, you are to firm and can't be controlled and they cheat. There is no way of pleasing these type of adult-brat-like children. Don't even try. Sad thing is my ex female is a single mother with a 7yr old brat son. Dealing with her narc-issues and his narc-issues is a challenge. I walked away to save myself before I committed suicide.

[@micwell2247]

What I've found was how well they can lie . They even have themselves believing the lies they've told....Which in my thinking is dangerous

[@phyllischaffin4052]

My slick willie dad was going around in circles trying to explain how he wasn't telling me to lie. Then, I talked to my mother who immediately told on me. Then, he goes in a rage earlier tonight. My breaking point. I have to get out.

[@caracalfashions6435]

You pretty much explained my mother. I've been her victim for over 50 years. About 4 years ago I discovered who she really was through KZbin videos like this one. Since then I've been using minimal contact and the gray rock method. I think she is starting to realize I'm on to her. Of course, I'm the selfish self-centred daughter who thinks only of myself and doesn't bother to phone her while my "wonderful, caring, superior" cousins phone her every 2nd day to see how she is. Of course she treats them completely different to me and they think she is wonderful. It's damn hard. It's such a struggle. I will never cut her off completely but minimum contact keeps me sane.

[@theliberatedplanet]

I would cut her off completely that all the lovely cousin's to boot who are going to agree with her. That energy affects you each time you connect with her. I wouldn't do that to myself. But for some reason you are making that choice and it is your choice. And I totally understand it. My mother openly suffered all her life and took it out on me. When push came to shove it was her other children who destroyed her.

[@donnaheard4185]

I lived through exactly the same thing. There was a point where I just did not care any more. I KNEW THE TRUTH! I knew what she did behind closed doors and when no one was looking. I knew all of her dirty little secrets and I just did not feel inclined to defend myself or bother with what she said about me or what anyone else thought of me. When I went no contact, I had a life! I had a stress free, terror free, guilt free, control free life that I LOVED! That's what kept me sane. Once I had that life, I never wanted to go back to the way it was. I also finally realized that God knew too. He knew and that's why he made it so easy for me to choose my path when she forced me to a "fork in the road". He gave me peace with my decision. That was very comforting and healing to me. My advice... hang in there with what you are doing. YOU DESERVE THIS!

[@phyllischaffin4052]

53 years of this garbage at the hands of my father. My mother has thrown me under the bus so many times because she's afraid of him.

[@donnafuller3349]

@@donnaheard4185 km in

[@elsaaforges]

My narcissistic mother does the same when she complains because I don't call her every day, as my cousin and the daugther of a friend of hers do with their mothers. In my case is gaslighting. She makes it up to make me feel guilty. These people make me sick.

[@Mike-xt2lh]

True The Enlightened Target ! Narcissist and their gaslighting and their use of projection wanting us too second guess ourselves with their manipulation tactics & guilt tripping .

[@tbd5082]

When he kept saying “well, that’s your perception near the end (he had never used that phrase before) I knew something was seriously wrong. My gut instincts finally prevailed. Hardest battle of my life to leave. The final projection: He told me all I cared about was myself.” All of is beyond shocking. No words to describe the mind fuckery. Last edit. And before I let him abandon us, he cried about needing me because he “had no moral compass and his house of cards was tumbling down.” I lied. One more edit: He told me I ISOLATED HIM... These “people” are crazy. No, for real. Runaway like the devil is chasing you. Because it is... This video is 💯 % true. All of it.

[@tomobedlam9045]

This woman is SPOT ON. One year with my Covert Narcissist/Dismissive Avoidant: MONTH one : Great MONTH two : Greater MONTH three : Fabulous (heavy love bombing starts/mirroring...) MONTH four : Heaven (I love you...) MONTH five : Seventh heaven... MONTH six : Mask starts to come off (devaluing starts...) MONTH seven : full devalue/dismissive behavior, refusal to talk about issues by ignoring, when asked about a situation she lied, she would look at me with a blank stare and look away as if I just disappeared and did not exist, bizarre behavior you would not believe until it happens to you, very passive/aggressive, it's like they want you in the same house, but a different room, discard begins... MONTH eight : distancing/lying begins (gaslighting also)... MONTH nine : lying clearly shows, same situation, different lie to cover previous lie. MONTH ten : Frustration sets in... MONTH eleven : Everything is my fault... MONTH twelve : I left her for good, NO contact at all, PERIOD MONTH thirteen : MONTH fourteen : Her; letter mailed to me to reconnect (hoovering begins) Me; Still NO contact, too late for her, NEVER going through that again, I DID NOT RESPOND.

[@emmaharper860]

So on point🎯🎯

[@stephanieredden8861]

Good for you and I'm thankful that you found peace.

[@CaaSh421]

At the time of this post there are 88 down votes. That’s either 88 people who are narcissists themselves, 88 people who haven’t been with a Narcissist that has threatened to call family and destroy your relationships etc, or some combination thereof. You’re directly over the target, thanks for keeping us grounded!

[@judyscheiber3661]

I spent 50 total years with a covert narc. I'm now free of him. The only remedy is to get out and go no contact. I threw him out and divorced him 4 years ago. Avoid them forever. That has worked and I am extremely happy. The damage he did is there but I am working through it.

[@barbarahenderson7611]

They might kill him or her some people don't care what they call you.

[@theliberatedplanet]

Wow JLS that's awesome. The best years are yet to come !😀💃

[@judyscheiber3661]

@@theliberatedplanet Hoping so. This is tough going but I am determined. I keep saying trust the process on the tough days.

[@quoteme.goddess6957]

It's taken me 14 years. I'm coming from under the Narcissists' cloud.

[@dub1951]

Its amazing how cool calm and collected you can be with them when you have the dossier on them and you know there mo...it cracks them

[@hippopotamus6765]

I went through every single one of these attacks. At the time I tried to respond with reason and logic, thinking that would bring about change. I didn't know about NPD. I now know that understanding is 90% of the healing process. Having incurred a high price for my ignorance, I'm so relieved to be outa there intact.

[@katiec4141]

It takes a lot of work to recover from this, but if you are brave and honor the pain, learn what it is trying to teach you and then release it, you will have received the greatest gift of powerful self love. Ironically thank to the narcissist. This person NEVER wants this to happen because it is the one the they truly want, but will never have. They are here to teach. You how amazing you are.. they just don’t know it!!Be brave and do the work to heal.

[@eileencaudillo863]

Thank you this topic was very enlightening, I'm a victim of being married to a narc, for almost two years presently going through a divorce, he now has a felony for the spousal abuse I went through. A living hell... But I have my soul back.

[@miraclesforus2]

Please know this presentation has changed my life forever. Everything you have stated is true. It.s so insidious. Deepest gratitude for the wisdom you disseminate and the TREMENDOUS effort and dedication you put forth.

[@carluvrsd9374]

This is what I've been going through with my mom since learning about personality disorders. Whether I say so or not, she knows I know or suspects I do. I can now predict her behaviors before they start or in the midst of them, and take evasive action. Before I knew it was a lost cause I'd point out the different phases to her. She went to counseling at an MSW in the eraly 80s and read some books and has been sharing what she learned with us at that time in her life. I'm grateful for what I learned from her sharing her knowledge. Unfortunately, I followed her lead and atempted to share what I learned. I thought she'd be happy with me. I thought she wanted to grow and be better. My father was the same way. Every acomplishment of mine was ridiculed, criticized or compared to his own, and deemed insignifigant. I started to suspect out in my late teens that I was in a secret competition with my dad that I was not allowed to win. Mom's abuse was more subtle. I couldn't even see that she made mistakes till I was in my 30s. I was in my 50s when I finally figured out that she does things to intentionally inflict harm. I had defended her through her divorce from my dad, which became a decade long drama. It was hard. It crushed me. I did my best to rescue her. One day, about 10 years ago we were talking and she let slip that "That's when I decided to destroy him financially". I wore my best gray rock poker face, but she realized what she'd done. Her gaslighting became more intense and has only gotten worse as I've recovered and attempted to have boundaries.

[@CynthiaSchoenbauer]

I laughed when you said the narc would try to convince you "your mental health is slipping". When I confronted my narc mom she had me committed to a locked-down mental health facility for four days and still did not want to allow them to let me out. I would have sued that establishment for false imprisonment but when I came out of spinning from the gas-lit reality too much time had passed. Thank you for this wonderful video that allows me to laugh and release all that pain of betrayal.

[@greenspider1598]

Oh my God, you poor thing. I completely understand what you went through. Please take solace in knowing that. The Narcissist will never find peace The Narcissist existence is pure Agony and pain They will never develop emotionally or any other way. They will be stuck in the same reality that they created for themselves for the rest of their lives. I hope this person is no longer in your life. I was 11 when I went into a mental ward. I was there for three years No one came to get me out. It was actually convenient for the rest of my family. And my mother loved every moment of it. She loved the attention. But it did backfire on my mother for a moment because the first time in my life, I had a little power. I said wait a minute. I can decide who comes to visit me and who doesn't. I don't want my mother visiting me. She went insane with rage knowing that I had that ability and I actually used it.

[@pepiyess4183]

@@greenspider1598 i m so sorry my friend for what you went through I send you my love ♥️

[@parrotshootist3004]

@@greenspider1598 " They will be stuck in the same reality that they created for themselves for the rest of their lives." Their parents created. They were once entirely innocent children and almost certainly not born that way. Just like social recluses. I'd take more solace in the idea they would wake up to what happened to them, that it was wrong, to feel empathy and compassion for themselves, connect to themselves and their emotions, free themselves and never have to live that way inflicting hell on others and themselves. There's no solace in knowing someone rabid in the brain is hurting and hurting others, just away from where you can see it, other than that they are not doing it to you.

[@greenspider1598]

@@parrotshootist3004 Yes, every time they try to hurt someone they are just expressing that inner pain that is within them. And you're right. They will never change. They will always be stuck in that disgusting and painful existence in the end. They just destroy themselves. Can you imagine going through life never being able to Be wrong having no actual personality Just going through life. Mimicking everyone pretending that They are normal. Always looking over their shoulder. It's an exhausting existence.

[@parrotshootist3004]

@@greenspider1598 Yes I can, I called that childhood. I called that 'what it is to be loved'. Mine was full of early childhood extreme trauma which was then leveraged along with a lot of isolation. While it is likely they will not change, they can and I wish it upon them, as curse and blessing. Lastly two other reason, holding hate for 'them' as a symbol, individual, inside myself, means to always hold that hate, a stroke of the original hate. That was inflicted on them. Then passed to me. I have no need of it. I refuse to uncessarily carry it. likewise any notion that obligates me to heal them. I can't, only they can. A good therapist can help them, but they must do it, themselves. I don't want any extremes of emotion to be anywhere near any of it. Any traces, unprocessed, and given to empathy and compassion* that is fairly applied to me and them, means there is way to leverage that door back open and for another one to start it all back up again. *apply that to them. Seriously. The first sign they show apply it, proper empathy and compassion to you and them. It all but forces healthy polite boundaries. If they do something that makes you feel off, stay the hell away from them. Or simply state "that behaviour dysregulates me, and I need a healthier response and process for it, until then, toodles.", you will by reflex start to trimm contact with such people, and have their and your expectations drive that behaviour. Without blaming anyone. They also can't add to it, without making clear they intend to cause your emotions, behaviours to dysregulate.

[@desiree2773]

Right on target! I was told I was losing my mind so may times. I finally told him say what you want... I play the long game. That confused him..... only I knew what that meant. He found out a few months ago what exactly that meant. Let’s just say he’s paying for his actions now. 💪

[@tbd5082]

Then they come back years later like all the lies never happened. Thick skinned, yet fragile at the same time. Bizarre!!!

[@littlemonsterpants]

EXACTLY!!!!! 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯

[@salliegallegos918]

Don’t open the door!

[@lisamichelle8413]

Unfortunately I told him what he is .. he then began watching narcissist videos and started telling me I was manipulating and projecting 🙄🙄

[@jokristian3651]

My ex narc is now hiding

[@MainelyLove]

@elle A case of incompatibility does not include inflicting pain suffering or aggression. When that happens the relationship is no longer about building a life together or being companions. It's a power struggle.

[@MainelyLove]

@elle "perceived abuse"? If someone moves on after suffering abuse form person X and remembers where it came from, then fine. My heart still goes out to them. But I have no sympathy for anyone who "justifies" their sadism and need for revenge by taking it out on innocent people. If someone is doing what this video talks about to avoid dealing with the pain of what happened to them before, then there's a problem. You are not obligated to accept or allow anyone to hurt you or harm your sense of self.

[@Uniqueone001]

Same here, the mommynarc was telling on itself

[@queensnonprofit]

Caribbean Queen omg!

[@naylorz28]

The rage was horrible and her ugly stare was creepy...I remember her sitting in my car and talking like a baby and saying im the little victim...I just looked at her and said WTF is wrong with you...She gave me that ugly stare and yelled this is me this is who I really am...She smeared my name with her friends and family but her family knew she was disordered and her father actually went to my house and thanked me for always being so great with him and his wife..His wife had hart sergury and I helped prep her meals for three weeks...He apologized and said that he wanted to tell me but he was afraid of her...I said I've known for a while that she wasn't normal and very emotionally immature and unstable...He shook my hand and wished me well...love your channel thank you for all of your wonderful and detailed insight.

[@fifilafleur5555]

J Naylor, they are super scary when that mask slips. One of my female narc’s voice actually changed when she was in a narcissistic rage. It sounded like a demon. They also have that creepy stare. You can literally feel it.

[@naylorz28]

@@fifilafleur5555 yes that stare very disturbing....

[@francinesmith8109]

Her poor dad. He's terrified of her too.

[@wisconsinfarmer4742]

You may have been witnessing an alternate DID personality.

[@maebeacook]

From where did she get her traits because I can guarantee you it didn't fall out of the sky? By the time these people are teenagers, their demonic talent is mostly cultivated and they continue adding onto their arsenal. It came from somewhere.

[@sonyap.6512]

DARVO...thank you for that information! The more educated you are on these types of people the less likely you will fall victim to their abuse!

[@pisces_chick2511]

JADE is another great tool for us, the non-N. Absolutely none of thos on our part of communication Justify Argue Defend Explain We could talk til we're blue in the face, detail our point in a precise logical fashion. Make total perfect sense....and they'll NEVER hear you!! Never try to come to middle ground. They are trying to fluster, deflect and confuse, never will come to an agree to disagree. They want chaos, confusion and drama to feed their empty, dark, endless souls. Demons walking in meat suits.

[@salliegallegos918]

Even if “outting” a narc has consequences, it’s worth it to save yourself.

[@elenagirelli170]

Narcisistic neighbours in Italy, please pray for protection..

[@tammyfitzgerald5336]

Gang stalking the worse praying for you read

[@valenciawalker6498]

These people are manipulative and evil inherently.

[@atlas3732]

Manipulation is practice by every person of every age including infants.

[@littleiodine9480]

@Nature and Physics thank you so much for sharing about the feelings being programed and not acting on them. I don't know if you will ever know how much you just helped me. Also, I don't know if you realize how truly thankful I am for your words that just said Another Part Of Me free. :-)

[@dianefarley37]

@Chris A. Medina save the cats from her, if you safely can! Call animal rescue anonymously!

[@brads.3674]

Every single word, everything...describes my ex-wife perfectly. I had to pause and walk away in the middle of this video it was so distressing.

[@MinaMina-mb7ev]

I have experienced ALL. Thank you for a great topic of discussion 👍👍

[@jennyharris6650]

My narcissist hubby of 59 years has done all of what you have said as well as kept me unwell for decades by poisoning my food ,make up, medications etc as well as stealing all my collections ,money and valuables. I have only found all this out in the past year for I have been too unwell to notice.

[@theoracle5265]

This is crazy how accurate you are I'm glad your putting this info out there cause I'm going through it

[@shirleyray2102]

The 1st thing i noticed is that they move your stuff. They'll steal and destroy your stuff. They are the most trifling people in the world. Satan's children!!

[@bonnienewkirk-rhoades6008]

So true! He damaged exhaust manifolds on 3 of my cars; he set a brand new light fixture on fire by inserting the fluorescent tube incorrectly, he ruined a new faucet & sink by using corrosive toilet bowl cleaner on the fixture & the drain, pitting the metal & causing the sink drain hole to crumble so water leaked into the cabinet below. I'm also disabled, so doing yard work & clean up takes a lot out of me. I would spend the day cleaning, weeding, planting in the yard & he would come through as soon as I was done & undo or destroy all of my hard work. I could keep going, but you get the picture. Just plain evil.

[@annenew8220]

Yes. I've witnessed this for sure.

[@mariannegriffin3573]

I found this out recently,needed to renew my driver's license and he had taken my license right out of my purse hid it in the coffee table drawer that I use only for the grand children so I when I found it I knew what he did just to cause me problems,he is really scaring me

[@rickeystovall7547]

They are the devil !

[@cecee3480]

Marianne Griffin Same happened to me. He took 3 of them. So I started leaving traps. Things he thought I cared about out but didn’t. Then immediately after he took it I’d call him out on it. His excuse was well I took it just in case you decided to act up. Which meant do anything other than what he wanted.

[@jensbasement3862]

They push you to the edge and expect you not to just fly away. They were wrong.

[@SST4SSG]

Their classic GRANDIOSE overconfidence makes them miscalculate that. Yet they'll pretend like they meant to do it to save face afterwards

[@clintonnagy1662]

The best comment I heard when she messed up was " You're gonna walk away aren't you"? Hmmm, what gave that away? The fact that I told you not to lie and cheat, and I caught you?

[@curtistinemiller4646]

These 👿,are just evil cowards ,And better left to their own demise.

[@curtistinemiller4646]

@@servjitkaur6712 Thanks.😃

[@majorgirl3465]

Oh Yes the gaslighting, and as soon as you realize the attacks, and start laughing The anger escalates immediately, after a while you just see it so clearly. I was predispositioned by a previous narc. Waiting til you start laughing. Here comes saytan

[@renatastopar77]

Loved listening to you..my circumstances run very deep and the morbidity of all the trauma and abuse I've only survived serving other ppls problems and helping them through their obsticals..in some ways I know I was born with intense strength patience and forgiveness in my heart..I feel like someone is def protecting me...and his name is God

[@gailgray6653]

Amen. God bless you.

[@truthtrumpsdumbness638]

Fantastic! - great post - We hear "You're mad , all of my friends think you're mad , you're making things up in your head, nobody likes or respects you, none of my friends want anything to do with you, my parents and family don't want you in their homes, even your own friends dislike you, I don't want to be with someone who abuses me and makes me feel bad about myself , all of the time - etc. etc - but I still have no trouble with you paying for my entertainment, dinners and nights out" . We know its all based upon lies and "projection" but , whilst stuck within the relationship, we are driven beyond the bounds of all reasonable emotional tolerance and our limits to cope with a world, in which reality is turned upside down, almost daily- and in which we are falsely portrayed as the villain and the abuser . This post is rather cathartic for me - thank you

[@wiremugreen2946]

I so appreciate your comments and insights. I wish you could come down to NZ. I was subject to narcissist abuse for years but I grew stronger emotionally and my integrity often pulled me through.

[@evamcinnis7992]

He ask me if we can be friends?? I told him no! I dont have exes as friends!! demons! Oh!! Hell to the No!!! No!! No!! NOT!!

[@clintonnagy1662]

My ex narc called me her "friend" to all her family and co-workers. She refused to use the term " boyfriend". She hated her ex boyfriend because he called all his f**k buddy women " friends" but used that terminology on me to make me feel less then loved. These people have no respect when it comes to your feelings. I thought she was one of the " good ones " but later see I was involved with a vulnerable female narcissist. I decieved myself and that's what hurts the most.

[@clairemcmahon9392]

Thank you for your info on what these people do to others. Walked away from a 7yr relationship went no contact two months ago . The mask slipped and I couldn’t unsee it. Told him he was a Narcissist. I just can’t get my head around there are people in this world capable of this kind of cruelty. Thanks for helping people like Me. It is like a grieving process, grieving a person and relationship that wasn’t real. 💔

[@stevendeshazo3741]

Been there. Alcoholic Parents, parents friends and children of parents. I am 63, I can honestly say "I have faced it and fought through it.

[@lindavalentin5582]

Totally accurate! I’m going through exactly what you described. I’m staying quiet and doing extreme no contact.

[@centralscrutinizer7374]

I’m thinking that if the “narcissist “ seeks help from a professional counselor, they may be a good enough manipulator to convince the counselor that it’s “them”....... not “me.”

[@Marixpress2]

Mine did just that in couples counseling.

[@ap24085]

experienced psychiatrists who have specialized in personality disorders are not fooled easily though

[@centralscrutinizer7374]

p dimitropoulou Therein lies the problem. A narcissist may find the counselor that doesn’t recognize they’re being played by the narc. I’m thinking that some narcs will just “pretend” to seek help by finding a counselor that they can get to feed them.

[@Marixpress2]

The covert/vulnerable narc can fool the best professional too imo. If they are masking in therapy, I think it would be difficult to pick up on the NPD. With a gandiose narcissist, it's easy to spot. The covert narc is like a mastermind criminal.

[@interestinglyenough7601]

.... OR become a therapist. I’m so happy to know this person is no longer licensed (due to misconduct - no surprise there) and harming people under his “care”.

[@InAllSeasons]

My Family is doing this to me and have my whole life , my parents and siblings. It’s hurting me . I found you this morning and I’m so grateful . Thank you for your help .

[@shireecox122]

You’ve hit the nail on the head. My mom just barely asked me, “What is wrong with you?” Then laid on how much she loves me. Than all the rest. What you said is exactly what’s been happening for years.

[@sassafrasco.2630]

Too bad Family court judges aren’t made to recognize these traits and rule accordingly. Mine didn’t

[@coreyanderson1457]

They also don't see what you've seen. It's hard to prove someone is a predator in court unfortunately. But there are ways.

[@m.skinner6303]

My mom is a narc, when I call her out, she starts blaming me and then she starts up with the ole "you need a psychiatrist." Then lots of projecting-- she's going to be 85 this year...😜

[@tbergandibergandi1163]

Oh my- I could have written the same reply that you posted. My mom threatened to take me out of her will and I told her that its her to go right ahead and do that- control issues are huge for the narcissist and I would rather have my sanity than her money.

[@GoogleIsAPieceOfShit2023]

M. Skinner They get worse as they get old.

[@m.skinner6303]

@@tbergandibergandi1163 yep that sounds like a BIG hook in your mouth if you would have care about the money. Good for you!!

[@m.skinner6303]

@@GoogleIsAPieceOfShit2023 tell me about it, I KNOW :-(

[@newchanceanimalantics8096]

Mine is going to be 80 this year. A few things in play here. 1, the fear getting older, losing their looks. 2, all that matters is control and money, they will do anything. I just don’t get why we didn’t notice it sooner. I sent her a no contact letter and she tried to have me arrested, when I obtained the police report, it was all lies that she told the police. Luckily, I recorded the whole thing and she could not use it in court. I tape everything now. Another thing I did was calling her by her first name, somehow it distances her from me. Sending love it is difficult but try to stay strong.💞

[@ldb8119]

I am 39 y/o and my mom still lives with me. It's just this year that i realized what character she has and looking back, i felt deeply sad that i ma have missed a lot in my lifetime. As an Empath, i strongly hope i can hurdle this battle.

[@allykuit5384]

I'm 56 and I've only fully realised it the past 2 years. You're still young. Try to get out if you can.

[@ruthhoffman3203]

This is exactly what my daughter is doing to me. Thank you SO much for helping me to feel less hurt and confused. I couldn’t understand why she was acting so cruelly toward me when I stopped letting her run every situation. This is so eye-opening. I feel as if a weight has been lifted!

[@charlene336]

So both of my parents were narcs, and all I have attracted so far in the way of romantic interests have been narcs. I have spent several years now learning all I can about narcissism, have education in sexual/domestic violence prevention & recovery, & only lately is DARVO coming into my awareness. Thank you for this kind & compassionately delivered video. I have watched other therapist videos on the topic of narcissist & borderlines & the presenters often come off as condescending, shaming, and hostile in delivering their video messages. I deeply appreciate you.

[@samgrafton1455]

All it takes is one serious encounter with a narc (even if only under a year’s amount of time), and then learning all about them from videos like these to connect all the dots. It feels so disturbing but also enlightening. Now, it’s possible to detect narcs within a matter of moments within meeting them. Sometimes a few days, if they’re clever.

[@cindyann4474]

"GOD IS GOOD" ...

[@youtubewatcher9458]

Cindy Ann Amen

[@peterkyalo1653]

Amen Cindy....amen!

[@tonijohnson1184]

Amen

[@kathybuckley2338]

Amen 🙏🏻

[@nashonholloway]

Amen

[@danevs7139]

So many points in this video that I can identify with. I didn’t realise how badly my mental health was affected until after the relationship ended. I was constantly questioning my sanity with all the things she used to accuse me of doing and used against me, my love for her blinded me to her disgusting behaviour. She left me the day I had a suspected stroke telling me that I was faking it. Broke my heart at the time but now I realise it was a lucky escape. She’s moved on to her next victim now, someone a lot younger than her making it easier for her to deploy her control. I’ve tried to call her out on her behaviour to which I was threatened with the police if I contact her again, another cunning deflection tactic.

[@francescabento1705]

This is the story of my life.

[@pamtaylor2165]

IT IS AN HONOR TO LEARN FROM A WISE AND EXPERIECED WARRIOR, WITH SUCH GRACE! THANK YOU FOR SHARING !

[@mochar2027]

3 minutes into your video. All I can say, is I couldn't agree more with everything you are saying. I survived a narcissistic relationship that lasted a horrible 7 years. I learned I will never be back in that horrible space ever. I have been single for 8 years now. And i still have issues with getting into a new relationship. I enjoy being alone now and enjoy my peace and my sane mind. Be very careful with a narcissistic person. They are very dangerous. I pray that everyone struggling with any type of abuse gets free. Thank you for making this helpful video. Also writing down all the things that they are doing or have done to you, will help you realize your not crazy. It's something that helped me see on physical paper that I wasn't losing my mind in the huge fog that you are in with them. Sending love and light to everyone ❤❤❤

[@blueorangeblossom]

I was so surprised when he went into a rage.

[@blueorangeblossom]

This is exactly what he did to me; he thinks I did something to him because I tried to have a real conversation with him about who he was and his feelings for me. This threatened him so much that he started projecting onto me. I told him he was untrustworthy and blocked him; then immediately felt bad. He never forgave me for that and to this day he couldn’t have a normal conversation with me. He then love bombed me for a while making me think he was in love with me; and going to marry me..then I caught him flirting with others online. I tried to fix it by making designs for him; but when I approached him he started into the projection again. He was so mean -pushed my buttons-I ended the relationship and told him he had demons. Then I blocked him. But he does and did this “baiting” I started to realize that I was fearful of speaking to him and if I sent him a message I would omit things or slow my speech down not to upset him. I would sometimes record a message and then delete it before sending it to him; out of fear. The irony is this person was my mentor and considers himself a counselor. So he wanted from the get go to know what my vulnerabilities are. And then having me as a follower and a cult member was just like a friend with romantic benefits on the side. Bc that’s what others were too him too. He is in pain now; bc I cut him off-I was the only one that understood him. Bc my background in music, art and education all complimented him. That’s why he liked me; but he also liked whatever else was out there. So I’m not special. I wish it was different and I’ve kept second guessing myself wondering if I’m wrong and I wish I was wrong. My therapist told me he was a narcissist but I didn’t believe her. And I still pray about bc I get extremely confused. I also lost my sense of what I was going to do with my life bc I had plans with him. I had plans and wanted to move but I’m wondering if my fears have come to fruition. That he is a con man who uses the Bible to lure women in for money. Or that he believes the Bible but is in a delusion; and he is so tightly confined in this false persona I cannot do anything about it.

[@dub1951]

They vomit rage on to you leaving you flattened and confused

[@YakkateeYak]

Seraph - Mine thinks he’s a born again Christian when nothing could be further from the truth. Just bc he read his bible and knows certain things within the Bible doesn’t make him a man of God. I would trust all your instincts - and believe your therapist. You’re here watching vids about narcissism - just as I am bc we are involved with narcs. Please research everything you possibly can so you understand what you’re dealing with, this way you are one step ahead. Eventually you’ll have to get out. PS- I too was promised the new house (once this settlement comes in) but since the discard I’m lucky to be walking away w/$500 a week. Not only that, but I truly feel beyond blessed and thankful to God for enabling me to get away from this evil wicked man who is so delusional that he actually believe he’s a Christian. Meanwhile he has a new supply (cheating/adultery) and lies to me on a continual basis. It was a hard pill to swallow since we had 30 years together but I quickly realized everything had been one big lie - Everything!!! He never loved me or cared about me. I was a tool/object for him to use and abuse. Strengthen your relationship with Jesus and let Him guide you - He will. Best wishes to you Seraph!! 😊

[@francinesmith8109]

@@blueorangeblossom he was your mentor and counselor, why??

[@blueorangeblossom]

@Yakkateeyak thank you for your kind words.

[@myshkin08]

Just wanted to say thank you. I'm only 4 days into this, after approx. 10 years after the discard, after about 8 or 9 years of the 'relationship'. Been pretty messed up for some time, and to come across channels like yours, and the others in this community of effected people has been overwhelming. To learn that there is a fairly predictable pattern that they use, and that there are terms for what they do - and to hear this from different people; to be able to see my experience reflected in this way - man, I don't really know what to say, besides overwhelming. I feel like I finally see this person for the first time. So, thank you very much for doing what you do.

[@greenspider1598]

They're like living computers. They all do the same thing. They all put you on an emotional roller coaster that leaves you exhausted. They all projected their reality onto their victims. It's textbook. If you compare every narcissistic abuse story, there are some differential here and there but they basically all use the same tactics. And of course, it's your fault and they're the victim. You would never get validation or closure. And they will never change they are forever stuck in the same pattern for the rest of their lives. It's actually quite a pathetic existence. Whatever you do don't go back. Don't get hoovered back. I know this I have experienced it and it will only get worse how dare you leave the narcissist when they put so much time and effort into breaking you down into submission. They will make you pay if you go back.

[@myshkin08]

@@greenspider1598 Thanks for your comment and advice. I recognize hoovering now, and I realize I participated in that many times, likely due to the trauma bond. There was one big hoover where, after I did the leaving, she went back to her country, and after a time managed to get me to leave everything and follow her to her country, where she ended up 'winning', by discarding me, shortly after we got married. I didn't realize at the time of course, but, a new prime source in the form of an ex had come on the scene, shortly after we married. Wasn't long before I was out.

[@greenspider1598]

@@myshkin08 Good for you. You're out. Just move on heel. Get rid of all that toxicity. Get that divorce. And from a distance watch that narcissists destroy themselves. It's what they all do by the way. But as far as they're concerned, they're just going to tell you that they're fine. They're happy and everything is great in their lives and that they are victim. And you were the abuser. They love to be the victim. Seriously, they play that victim card like crazy.

[@myshkin08]

@@greenspider1598 It's been 10 yrs snd I think we are still married. I instictively went no contact, after the smear anf flying monkeys, and have tried to reach out about the divorce, but, she started with all the same bullying bs she does. Long story, nothing new to many I am sure, but I don't really know how to proceed - other than to hope she just finally does it, and maybe I find out by accident. Maybe she is hanging on for a reason - me, I'm just broke. However, I will never be supply for her again. So happy to be learning about all this stuff. Thanks again

[@greenspider1598]

@@myshkin08 Yes, they love to drag things on and as long as you're still married to her she feels as if she has power over you by the way. Her being married to you is a liability to you. There are legal repercussions. If she does something wrong in her life. It might fall onto you. Seriously get that divorce cut that umbilical cord because that right there is still a source of narcissistic food to her And I remember being broke too when I had to get my divorce and I also remember how absolutely exhausted. I was they put you on an emotional roller coaster that takes that fight away from you. You're just exhausted all the time. And it's been 10 years for me too. By the way, if my ex-wife the malignant narcissist was right in front of me right now. I would tear her apart with psychology in ways. She Would never see coming. I am so much more stronger now.

[@fifilafleur5555]

Thank you so much! This is exactly what my abusers have done to me. I was told I’m “jealous” and “full of hate” after calling out their abuse. Also that I live in the past... and regarding the sexual abuse I endured as a child & teen... well, I just need to pull up my panties! I was mocked and told she might have *thought* I needed to be in a mental hospital but never told anyone I had been! The vicious-ness is shocking when it comes from a sibling who has been conditioned to hate you. 😥 Love your channel! Keep up the good work. You are helping so many. 🌸🦋🦋🦋🌸

[@MainelyLove]

Don't let their opinion or ideas be the only ones you hear. I hope you know today they had a hidden agenda and didn't seem to care about your troubles or need for a real family. You reached out to them and they bit you. I've been there. I have a relative who is cunning and manipulative and she doesn't seem to care about the effects her actions have on others, except when she's hoping to cause hardship to someone else.

[@rikkibobby5043]

I think I love you. Finally, someone who gets it.

[@mattnorman3915]

I grew up in a very religious household, this sounds like every pastor I ever met.

[@phoenixrisin2269]

Preachers daughters are the worst sub human intra species predators you’ve ever seen!

[@merlinquezada7570]

I believe that women narcissist have a succubus operating them. And men an incubus.

[@phoenixrisin2269]

Merlin Quezada You are right. The malignant is the offspring of Lilith!

[@merlinquezada7570]

@@phoenixrisin2269 Which is a demon

[@mummzie7710]

Woahhhhhh.....so true! Agreed upon by a PK here. Im still trying to recover

[@daylilopez6350]

When they wink at u with a smile that's the creepiest

[@kennethjenkins1094]

I have seen and delt with every one of these points. It's amazing how on point every one of them are! I wish I knew these things 30 years ago.

[@sweet2sourr]

Before I listen I want to share my experience and see if it matches up. 1.Figured the narc out. 2. Called the narc out 3. Got cussed out by the narc (F you, you're just like other women) 4. Narc starts love bombing (2nd time) told me he loved me for the first time (I never said it to him), told me he wants his family to meet me, texts day and night, says he would be "elated" if I got pregnant. 5. Narc brings up something I said in the past I said (I apologize) 6. Narc goes ghost This happened over a span of two weeks.

[@kyndalgarrett3175]

One thing I’ve noticed about narcissists. If you tell them anything personal in the early times when they seem trustworthy before you know they’re a narcissist, is if you tell them about themselves, they will literally throw that personal stuff right back at you. They’re desperate to win that argument and even more desperate to hurt you so you know not to ever put up boundaries again. Thankfully my narcissistic encounters all learned to respect me cuz I didn’t feed their egos. And I’m glad I’m a stubborn ass who doesn’t let anyone kick me down. I own up to my mistakes like a normal adult and I don’t allow anyone to tell me it’s wrong to set boundaries

[@nigelgould-davies6950]

So clarifying and precise. Anyone who has been through this will recognise it here.