RISEN 2: DARK WATERS (Zero Punctuation)

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This week, Zero Punctuation reviews Risen 2: Dark Waters.
Fast-talking Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw reviews a new game each week in this animated series that combines informed critique with cutting humor. Watch the next episode of Zero Punctuation a week early, only on The Escapist.
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[@GriffinPilgrim]

Among the list of things you really don't want your doctor to say "Fucking hell..." is probably between "Well, that's interesting." and "I wouldn't start any long books, mate."

[@MTdaBlacking]

I'd like to add "You might want to cancel any appointments you've got in the next [blank] days...".

[@adeeb0704]

@@MTdaBlacking what about “I suggest paying off all the debt you have”

[@ArodWingfoot]

5:37 7:00 I now want Yahtzee to play the intercom operator in video games! Vital to the games? No, but hilarious if you stop and listen? HELL YES!

[@TheDraivaden]

my god it was amazing.

[@guardingdark2860]

"Crabs were giving me a lot of trouble" ~Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw

[@taz2477]

that half-life radio needs to be a mod....

[@leongotget4157]

Tazcam PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! MAKE THIS HAPPEN!!!!!

[@arthas640]

Tazcam I'd listen to that at work instead of random youtube videos... like i am right now :D

[@zachmclean8578]

Tazcam like candy for your ears

[@pillgrimm]

Pretty sure someone did it on Sven co-op

[@keatonolsen5776]

For Black Mesa source, it is a mod now

[@anarchistmugwump9137]

That ending sketch always makes me chuckle.

[@WHATISUTUBE]

Half Life 3 needs a radio DJ that plays through abandoned radio's in the game, the DJ being Yahtzee.

[@Barholtworld]

SPOILER WARNING Like that Spec Ops: The Line DJ?

[@dannyb300]

Barholtworld Or did you mean Fallout?

[@superflymagpie]

Or did you mean The Warriors?

[@Barholtworld]

Since quite a lot of awesome games have a DJ playing music or at least the possibility to play music it is a very good idea

[@jmanrocks152]

Maybe the addon half life dj

[@pettym3]

the "space" to kick is just a obscure way of saying "hold right click then press space to kick"

[@andrewmcmorrow1952]

I am so thankful I didn't skip to the next one when this review ended. Half Life Radio was the best part.

[@MadScientist512]

Try reading Tery Pratchett using Yahtzees' voice in your mind, it suits it really well and adds an extra layer of hilarity! :)

[@merrittanimation7721]

Especially any Watch book when Vimes is narrating

[@ThePigeon5734]

I've binge watched so many zero punctuation videos now I assume I'll have no problem with this, since I now THINK in Yahtzee's voice.

[@blueshit199]

I wasn't expecting that ending.

[@flairhayden]

I loved the Black Mesa thing they did at the end. Clever.

[@De50lat0r]

As I opened this video i thought "I wonder which was the zp video with the black mesa skit at the end..." and it was this one!! love it and so glad I found it again!

[@ThePa1riot]

2:28 (In a comment NOT about the ending Half-Life sketch) Which is really out of place because that's exactly what pirates would actually do! They'd block a strike and then shoot their enemy in the belly. Always keeping a loaded flintlock in the off hand, and then either flip it over once fired to use as a club or just draw a fresh and still loaded one.

[@jonahwolf3252]

0:47 I actually had a pirate-themed bar mitzvah.

[@blarg2429]

So it was a _barrr_ mitzvah? :P

[@merrittanimation7721]

blarg2429 An Arr Mitzvah

[@LikeAHardcore]

I love the way he says "madafaka" at 1:55

[@xela12345]

Aah man I love Yahtzee's sense of humor. I've never even played Half-Life and that last part had me in stitches! Yahtzee's British sensibility masks his comedy perfectly and it creates a unique blend so rarely seen in comedy nowadays. Rock on Yahtzee!!

[@othyization]

Stop banging on the door we know you're there, we just don't like you. LoL

[@NeoDungeonCrawler]

Hold on a minute, PotC 1 was blood to break a curse, PotC 2 was the Dead Man's Chest which made sense, PotC 3 was the pirate totem things to free Calypso, and PotC 4 was the Fountain of Youth. None of those were "fix this shit" artifacts.

[@CaelumPlaysMC]

+NeoDungeonCrawler last one wasn't, based off the name. and i GUESS blood doesn't count as an artifact. but 2 was the guys heart which may as well have been an artifact and 3... " a pirate totem things to free calypso" .......

[@NeoDungeonCrawler]

+SnazzyBuizelEntertainment True, but that definitely didn't fix everything. Kinda screwed things up.

[@blarg2429]

So they were "break this shit while trying to fix it" artifacts?

[@justchigs]

I don't know why but this is my favorite zp video out of all 400 of them :)

[@justchigs]

TheGenerationExtreme TGX yeah and priate themed ugandan child slavery

[@frankydank81g]

+Chirag Sharma mine was the pirate themed bar mitzvah

[@Jaceblue04]

"Press X to poo in my mouth" lol

[@KerianH]

If someone can get Yahtzee to hold still and comply, we could potentially get him to narrate every Valve game out there...XD

[@gittonsxv126]

risen 3 is coming out soon, who wants to bet it will be asstastic?

[@MCHellshit]

I want it to be good :/

[@gittonsxv126]

MCHellshit a pirete themed rpg? me too.

[@lukeblondell6358]

YOU WERE RIGHT :D

[@Blamkazam]

5:57 Sector 7-G? That's where Homer Simpson works!

[@steampunker7]

Mr. Burns: Who?

[@davidribeiro]

@@steampunker7 Smithers: Homer Simpson, Sir. One of the fork-and-spoon operators from sector 7G

[@ByTor1212]

That half life end clip was awesome haha XD

[@zigzag338]

"Playing the hits while you play God"

[@aperturesciencegames]

uh, yeah, I am a scientist

[@blarg2429]

I see the love of this song supersedes the bitter Black Mesa/Aperture Science rivalry.

[@aperturesciencegames]

blarg2429 its fine, neither of our companies are making anything, our CEOs went nuts and started crafting hats and taping Christmas wrapping to guns and selling them online

[@blarg2429]

aperturesciencegames Fair enough. I suppose it was mostly a personal thing for Cave Johnson anyway, and now it's all kind of gone to shit. But let's not bring down the mood, eh? Uh, yeah, I am a scientist...

[@aperturesciencegames]

blarg2429 Combustible Lemons Are The Future

[@blarg2429]

aperturesciencegames I believe you. And we can use 'em to burn the Future's house down along with Life's!

[@Epicturkey97]

every time i click a yellow box, i think "oh, i havent seen this!" and then i instantly recognise the first couple of words, and then the rest of the video bursts vividly back into memory... i live such a sad existence..

[@KamakaziPilotSchool1]

I love the half life bit at the end, more like this please! You Rock Yahtzee!!

[@Sausagesaucey]

The very end lol

[@bloodlustshiva1]

Damnit, that "DUR" imp *always* makes me laugh my ass off.

[@LanceTheAutobot]

I was tempted to buy this a few seconds ago DOGED THAT BULLIT NOW DIDENT I

[@Snowfox572]

actually the guy banging on the door was barney.

[@TheSIngemeister]

Barney Calhoun.

[@Rhomega]

That reminds me, where is Sea of Thieves?

[@AftermathRV]

Does the half life radio have any context or was that just spontaneously being cool?

[@PEANUTBUDATROLLFACE]

Surprising enough he could use this same review for the Pirates of the Caribbean RPG.

[@apocalypsesquid3037]

I have been peeing red orange for 5 days now. Does that count?

[@GamecockChris]

Only Yahtzee can make child slavery jokes and no one questions it xD

[@Ebisrator]

I love the idea of a half life mod that adds yahtzee to the intercom system. "Well someone really fucked up today, I'm barricaded in the broadcast booth... can someone bother to come save me? or at least bring me a gun?"

[@opticarmory7252]

I have an awesome idea for a game... The Year is 2077, humanity has the technology to put people into technology, now, EA has still survived all the way to 2077, and there even larger and more of an asshole company than they are now, and someone who unwittingly bought an EA game and realized how bad it was has a grudge against EA. So he traps the entire EA development team in a computer and mkaes them play through every EA game theyve made since 2000 up untill 2077 and they cant leave untill they get all the achievements and completely beats every game, keep in mind they are trapped in the computer so each of their games becomes their reality untill they beat it. and after they escape they realize they were assholes and they lived happily ever after and started making games that werent complete shit! Hooray!

[@bobswolfie2001]

This must be sent to a publishing company immediately! How about... EA? :)

[@EscanthonX]

I'm curious, what do you think now, some 3 years later?

[@olivercuenca4109]

"Who is that young go-getter, Smithers?" "Why that's Barney Calhoun, banging on the door of Sector 7-G sir!"

[@burntgrahamcracker2866]

pirate themed aids?

[@DrChallenged]

I loved the radio presenter skit and the end.

[@theonlyliverpoolninj]

The radio dj at the end of the Video was wonderful. May we have another?

[@RussianHobo115]

Egypt, feudal japan, mayans, world war 1, world war 2, cold war, french revolution, crusades, modern day, futuristic setting, american civil war, mexican american war, ancient greece and rome, this list could go on long enough to keep this franchise going for decades.

[@psychobro]

Treasure Island is the first I heard of it. I think they used it to let a pirate know his mates were no longer with him. One given to the old pirate in the beginning (name eludes me), then one is given to Silvers. The only difference I can remember was that Silver's was charcoal apon a bible's page, and said Deposed.

[@IVEGOTPEEINMYEYE]

I miss when he would put little sketches at the end. anybody else remember the intro cutscene theater with painkiller?

[@herofromthedark]

It wasn't the compass that did that. It was the events of the movie. Will came to that exact point because he was hiding out on Davy Jones's ship. Jack and Elizabeth were together, so of course they were together when they found the heart. And Norrington had nothing left to lose, so he stayed with the pirates anyway. Davy Jones was trying to protect his heart, to prevent his death, of course. And Lord Beckett stayed at Port Royale. So you see, there's a reason for everyone.

[@iamthechanceman]

What's this? A Zero Punctuation I haven't seen yet? YES PLEASE!

[@TheFutureViking]

Epic ending! xD

[@TheSpookiestSkeleton]

4:59 I think about this joke a lot ever since I got my first kidney stone

[@ruairilowery3021]

I used to live in Newcastle, not far from there.

[@Eqvil]

This is one of my favorite games of the year. One thing it did really good was making finding chests a joyous moment. You really feel like you found a treasure, something you want. None of that, go on a mountain and find a potion and a twig nonsense that all other games seem to practice. Lighting and ambient were great. The soundtrack fits. Overall, I liked the game. Felt it was too short though.

[@RussianHobo115]

trust me, there's plenty of historical periods left to choose from for them. Each one with a rich number of mechanics that could be added.

[@TheCrunchyNut2011]

But I attend De montfort University....

[@justdueit6199]

5:04 an addiction, that is a good way to describe Yahtzee

[@banaan3001]

What about pirate dentistry?

[@dietomorrow33]

Sector 7g is the part of the Springfield nuclear plant where Homer Simpson works, freaky.

[@FoxyAlice93]

Okay, Yhatzee, here's one for you "Pirate themed Borderlands 2"

[@kirby2049]

Thumbs up for the Water World quote, people these days don't even know what that is and I think If they rebooted Mad Max they could do that with Water World as well. Also the Universal Studios show for Water World is amazing!

[@pesokpesok]

+Justin Kirby problem with that is while original Gibson's Mad Max did quite well at the box office and even got few sequels, Costner's waterworld bombed completely and apparently was a financial loss. I liked it myself but seems i was in minority - so i wouldn't hold my breath for a remake/reboot although seeing how Hollywood is actively scraping the bottom of the barrel at this point - anything could happen. I do hope there is a studio brave enough to try it though

[@CleverChina]

+Pesok "Would hold my breath," lol

[@CleverChina]

+Pesok "Would hold my breath," lol

[@The66Monkey]

The Black Mesa radio bit is probably the best thing that Yahtzee ever did.

[@gunslingerspartan]

oh i love the opening to HL

[@IAmAwesomeRocker]

Keeping on going Escapist! Only just um 23 more videos to go!

[@bonnie1020a]

2:02 one of my close relatives went to de montfort

[@VanitysRuler]

Another video? Bloody hell its Christmas morning.

[@orionhardy]

It's the train/tram ride at the beginning to Half-Life, Yahtzee has replace the audio, which was some women making announcements over a tannoy system, with his own. I'm surprised the makers of Black Mesa didn't rope him in for the remake.

[@SnowflakeVee]

Greatest radio station of all time.

[@chocoaddcition]

The end was so random haha

[@Arretey]

i am because i remembered him doing a review, decided to come back and watch it after donating... im giving some of the games im getting away actually considering i own one of them and the other ones werent all too good in my opinion so my buddy is going to be in quite the happy fit of joy when he comes back to steam later tonight to find out that hes got SR:3

[@JackPorter]

he should totally make a full remake of the train course, it would make it so worth it, having to go through that long transition, to the actual game

[@allenhernandez3350]

My nickname is literally Sexybeard the Pirate. I must play this game now

[@ImprovmanZero]

5:31 Is that actual game-play, or is it a parody?

[@malkiebroon]

***** -___- painfully long start to a game and sat through it 3 times as of source and b/masa

[@hexerin]

Improvman ψ 1/10 for making me reply. bro, if you're going to troll, at least _try_ to hide your intention.

[@ImprovmanZero]

Hexerin Null I was actually asking and it has long been answered. Not everything is a troll.

[@Branhernan]

Improvman ψ That's Half Life if I'm not mistaken.

[@officialruneiverse9168]

Brandon Hernandez I need that to be a mod for it!

[@Zerusant]

How about the compass with the power of "reunite everyone relevant for the plot in the same spot at the same time" and the "come on, stab me and end the movie´s almost badass naval fight sequence earlier and without anyone dead beside the immortal bad guy" heart? I haven´t seen the 4th, so tell me if there is something like that :)

[@degurkin]

I don't know what you are have been talking about,but I agree!

[@ethan277]

That Half-Life radio bit at the very end made me crack up.

[@IAmAwesomeRocker]

That was addressed like 2 weeks ago on the site man.

[@jackford9111]

I like buffering ads...but then again I like Amy and Too Human...

[@TheHeik]

The show is called "Zero Punctuation". Talking fast is the literal name of the game.

[@The2012Attack]

Yatzee should do mark of the ninja , Since.. yknow like stealth based game play is fucking amazing and mark of the ninja does it really well.

[@herofromthedark]

I'm kind of curious about something- Yahtzee says that the later Pirates of the Caribbean movies all seem to have some convenient item ("Bullshit magical artifact") that can solve the problems of the plot. I'm not entirely sure I see what he's getting at. If he's saying that there's a magical artifact that can fix or break the plot, then the first one would be included on that list as well, but it's not. All in all though, I really enjoyed all the Pirates movies, 'cept maybe Pirates 3.

[@rhemorigher]

The black spot is a non-historic 'pirate thing', the idea being that pirates would give a pirate who they decided they wanted to kill. Sort of a 'We hate you' letter with no words for the illiterate beardy men so they knew they were going to get shanked in a dark alleyway at some point in the near future. Unsurprisingly this didn't happen and the murderous seafarers were more inclined to just stabby/shoot the folks who irked them on a whim. It's from some classic book. Maybe Treasure Island.

[@TehTrollinStone]

I'dve enjoyed that ride in the beginning of Half-Life if I'd had that radio station.

[@babypolerpopster]

0:59 Later that year... "He'll enslave your arse!"

[@TheTrueChuster]

That last clip...

[@M3ta1Head1]

"d'oh sod this" DAO reference ftw!

[@AntonVolnov]

Dr. Juspeczyk at quantum entanglement

[@NamelessRedWolf]

It's Half-Life 1.

[@Dethneko]

Could have sworn he made a "Pirates of Dark Water" reference in this video; if not this one, what one was it?

[@ajuicejemas]

"Crabs were giving me lots of trouble" -Yahtzee Croshaw.

[@spritelei]

right now too

[@jacobplace8068]

anyone else think the black mesa radio should be longer than the entirety of this video

[@runescaperules533]

im okay with ads im okay with buffering but when my ad buffers houston we have a problem

[@stevesoo8484]

Nairobi mention from Yahtzee? Liked and subscribed!

[@sashamugs]

there's dozens of us! dozens!

[@herofromthedark]

Pirates 3 is a bit difficult to defend. That's not to say it's a bad movie. But even then, there was a reason as to why the heart wasn't destroyed beforehand. Jack was ambivalent about becoming the new captain of the Dutchman. Will, on the other hand, never wanted it, and so, Jack made sure it was his hand that destroyed the heart, because that was the only way to save his life. If you had a problem with 2 and 3, then you'll probably have a problem with 4, not that I see anything wrong with it.

[@ieuanhunt8061]

That would have made the start of that game bearable

[@zomcom115]

My guess is that's what they're casual fridays are like

[@Eleglas]

The whole Half-life part had me in stitches!

[@mrsnippysnoopa8300]

the half-life part killed me.

[@ChainsawVsGod]

SHE BLINDED ME WITH SCIENCE!

[@RCynic75]

What? Yahtzee coming to America? I'm sure he'll have a jolly good time here..

[@TheBumblebeaver]

If Yahtzee hosted a radio station I would listen to that shit all day every day! Why doesn't someone make this happen?