BIONIC COMMANDO (Zero Punctuation)

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This week, Zero Punctuation reviews Bionic Commando.
Fast-talking Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw reviews a new game each week in this animated series that combines informed critique with cutting humor. Watch the next episode of Zero Punctuation a week early, only on The Escapist.
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[@fluffy-hellhound]

I wonder if John Sterling is the evil brother of Jim Sterling.

[@blarg2429]

FluffyHellHound How do you know Jim isn't the evil brother?

[@jordanloux3883]

No, you're thinking of Stim Jerling. Though he might be the good brother now that I think about it.

[@digitaldeathsquid3448]

My arm is practically my no.1 sexual partner, but that's a perfectly normal, healthy part of life - not the kind of thing that is used as a plot twist in a shit videogame

[@Kabitu1]

If I get it correctly her consciousness was uploaded to the arm to help him "bind emotionally" with it.

[@alexanderstilianov]

Hookers don't wear suits of armour... Except at E3.

[@talltroll7092]

Ah, how times have moved on. Now hookers can't go outside, so they teasingly take off their suits of armour on webcams, and all conventions are legendary tales from "the Before Times"

[@Innomen]

"...and not the wholesome kind..." Respect points awarded.

[@BlackLegion12621]

After six years, here's your first like.

[@BOBTHEBERT]

I'm kind of interested in the number for the walrus hotline now.

[@Snooopy28]

Suitaloo \|/0|\|K |-|07|_1|\|3

[@timwhite8780]

Suitaloo Actually, it was my number that I only gave out to sexually attractive girls who agreed to sleep with me. After a few years, only someone who turned out to be a dude dressed in drag and a fedora called, so it was shut down

[@hh3productions759]

That was me. Did our love making really not mean anything to you?? I can't believe how cold you are! You said my fedora turned you on!!! It's because of the bloody diarrhea I had during sex, isn't it. I told you that it was a PRE-EXISTING medical condition dammit.

[@SplotchTheCatThing]

8 6 7 5 309 eeeinnne

[@lewisirwin5363]

0800 273 273 (0800 ARF ARF).

[@SHiTJuFro743]

That Duke Nukem Forever letter at the end is even funnier now that it has come out and is absolute dog piss.

[@jokehr3955]

I read it from the future and found it funny that he just wagged the "I got your letter" in the guy's face without answering it.

[@TheShadowNovus]

"Hookers don't wear suits of armor. Except at E3" Someone help...I can't stop laughing xD

[@DefendYoungstown]

Two little things that would have improved this game quite a bit is (1) switching the radiation damage with the drowning damage. You slowly die for about a minute in water with no way to save yourself, but a radiation section you accidentally swing into usually spanks you dead in 3 seconds before you can swing back to course correct your way to safety. Also (2), patch out the Pepsi.

[@Jaceblue04]

"LOADING... I know that, as data storage goes, cartridges were only a step above a piece of paper with holes in it, but if there was one area where they excelled it was lo- LOADING... -oading times!" I cant stop watching that part XD

[@legoworksstudios1]

whenever publishers decide to revive a franchise with a dark, serious tone, we should do what Yahtzee suggested and go to their meetings with a Hessian sack and day labourers and see how far they'll get into their meetings unscathed

[@Kabitu1]

For those interested, I looked up the missing wife subplot, and it turns out.... are you ready for it?.... The missing wife can not be found anywhere... wait for it... Because she was inside his bionic arm all along. I do hope someone got fired for writing that.

[@anotherguyIoLoLo27]

"Hookers don't wear suits of armor... Except at E3."

[@tributetotributes8743]

"I was like. 'did I just win the boss fight? YAY ME!?'"

[@Magicforever1000]

Doesn't like Pepsi? Unsubscribed, unadded from facebook, blocked on tumblr, vague posting about Yahtzee on Twitter, leaving a negative review on Yelp and uninvited from my birthday party.

[@MrClassicInTheMaking]

And that's the bottom line.

[@RarefoilB]

MrClassicInTheMaking | And that is the Killian Experience.

[@merrittanimation7721]

You forgot to get a restraining order

[@kura6079]

Am I the only one that got agitated by the fact the arm kept changing sides...

[@malcomchase9777]

Nope. It bothered me too.

[@jakemacdonald2507]

thanks for makin me notice

[@anon2761]

yes

[@jupitersgodzilla7114]

Interesting pfp, where that character from?

[@RarefoilB]

3 things all human beings can agree on: 1. The Nazis were evil. 2. Chuck Norris and Segata Sanshiro are awesome memetic badasses. 3. The Wife plot twist in Bionic Commando 2008 is one of the stupidest things ever created by Man.

[@Betta66]

You'd actually be surprised how many people disagree on the first point

[@PupdudePwns]

Number 2 is forgetting Vin Diesel.

[@professionalantichristhate528]

RarefoilB Ahem...

[@onpatrolforthejuice]

so stupid it's brilliant!

[@bradypostma3708]

I know all about Bionic Commando's wife twist, of course, but would you mind explaining it to my friend here?

[@nis5e]

I just _adore_ the viewer letter at 04:52.

[@antoniorsoftware]

Speaking of loading times between levels... on my 2014 PC it is literally a second or two. With a SSD it might even be faster.

[@RobinOlsen2011]

I love how people talk about their favorite soda like it's the point of this whole video.

[@epherium8177]

Why the fuck does my video keep freezing!?

[@Frostuin]

Because of the lo- (0%... 24%... 75%... 100%) -ading screens

[@Harry_S._Plinkett]

It's all the loa--... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...--ding times.

[@technobabb4233]

+Harry S. Plinkett it's a joke about the games loading times

[@technobabb4233]

***** yes really.

[@Thepoltergiest101]

1.Cream soda 2.Cheerwine 3.Surge 4.Dr.Pepper 5.Mug's root beer 6.Coca Cola 7.Fanta orange soda 8.Sprite 9.Mtn Dew Kickstart There's fifty feet of steaming shit... and then there's Pepsi

[@math6844]

Hell yeah! Cheerwine is DA SHIT!

[@Thepoltergiest101]

Randy butternubs Only in the south.

[@math6844]

What? I get the stuff in new york!

[@Thepoltergiest101]

Randy butternubs Huh...Surprised.

[@Dice12K]

What about Water?

[@joemcbo6259]

*whispers In the back Sprite.

[@Three_Cubed]

My first zero punctuation video, Ahhh memories.

[@Denizu]

"like myself, Bionic commando is a stubbornly persistent remnant of a bygone age" That was 11 years ago, and he's still as stubborn as ever. Bloody hell.

[@SunTzuSaidFight]

The twist ending is basically almost the same as the twist for Evangelion.

[@supertaoman12]

About the only time "Job" and "Lovelife" can truly come together.

[@Kefkaesque13]

I believe it's her heart, brain, personality or a mixture of the three. Something about needing to use her love for him in order to get the arm to actually work right I think.

[@DMSwordsmaster]

I remember laughing hard at the letter... And then when the name appeared everything went dead silent for a few moments. All I could do was sit there and stare at that name. I then laughed even harder.

[@doctorvontacos4568]

I was drinking pepsi while watching this

[@paladinboyd1228]

Colby Steffen, Same.

[@smokinggnu6584]

You both have my most solemn condolences.

[@LJW1912]

Weirdly, so was I

[@PsychicRadroach]

John Sterling is a genius.

[@travisbickle393]

So if Bionic Commando let you drink Pepsi for stat boosts it actually could've been the first strand-type game? 🤯

[@ICantSplel]

PepsiMan is the first strand type game.

[@kyreannightblood6592]

Ack. I was playing this whilst messing around in another tab, and the L......................oading gag made me think my internet cut out.

[@nottherealpaulsmith]

Thanks to the comments, I learned the twist. WHAT WERE THE DEVS SMOKING?!

[@sargesrecap2267]

Paul Smith dude I don't know but folks need some

[@andrewthomas7955]

Orange Soda > Pepsi > Coke > Sprite > Moxie > EVERYTHING (Besides Sprite)

[@thefootman123]

Your reply to someone replying to you saying you have both top comments made you have two top comments along with the comment he replied to. Good man.

[@Unknownboi88]

I just love that loading screen If you make another game use that for your loading screens

[@Dice12K]

I laughed at his random jokes as usual which strikes me as odd that no one pointed out either: 1:40 Walrus hotline? or 2:02 Bobsledding?

[@OCMOOO]

Say how about we all stop this arguing over pepsi and instead go buy wholesome, refreshing, family friendly Coca Cola. Did I mention Coca cola cures erectile disfunction? It does now

[@Giondi]

Well, drinking Coke gives me a boner, so you're right in at least one case. I've gone and shared too much, haven't I?

[@davorianware1382]

1:10 I think its funny that whenever things get grim or has angst his go to reference is Linkin Park.

[@TheNinjaJesusRises]

Given Capcom's been on a tear with great remasters of their old games lately, I wonder if a remastered version of this would be a good idea. They could drop the radiation tactic and actually unlock the maps for exploration, finish the game (it was sent out well before completion IIRC) and give the character a haircut and better line delivery.

[@CyberLink70]

And maybe rewrite the plot so it doesn't have that... Thing with the wife.

[@ArcaneAzmadi]

Why bother? The game _sucked._ What next, you want them to remaster Steel Batallion: Heavy Armor?

[@BlueEyesWhiteGuy89]

I got to the mission where I had to transverse a street to a down helicopter while avoiding snipers I can't take down, and flooded street pot holes that cause you to drown, the swinging mechanic and controls are a curse too. I rage quit, took the game out and snapped in two, before people complain, I got it for £2 from a nearby gameshop.

[@AngelusMortuis]

If that letter at the end was real, I feel really bad for that person.

[@Requ1escat1nPACE]

Sitting here drinking a Pepsi right now...

[@BurningHydrant]

Watching this with a terrible internet connection is hilarious. For a while.

[@LostInConfusion1]

That must have been a very awkward wedding night. I thought most guys only joked about marrying their hands.

[@blueshotgun017]

The loading-time gag got me XD

[@Ezrakel]

Kindness on the internet? What a rare and mysterious creature.

[@CW4RUNNER]

Loading times audio purposely cut off? I had no audio issues in this game at all.

[@piperwalton]

I honestly kind of prefer product placement in games/movies/TV, rather than just-different-enough-to-not-cause-legal-issues, like, Dr Dapper or something. Of course, the obvious exception is Nuka-Cola.

[@OfficialJab]

Was this the only video with a Letter of the Week after the credits? I'd bet he gets tons of emails that awesome.

[@SHyperionS]

It is a good game when you learn the controls (the swinging is hard to master) and when you get to more open areas (there are barely none).

[@Awkward_Rogue]

Not to poke my nose into this, but at the time of me writing this reply, you have both the top comments. Congratulations.

[@cafaling]

Oh, those are good too! I wonder who else will join this civil discussion with their piereferences of pie flavor?

[@Krelus]

I remember reading somewhere about a helicopter that ejected its propeller a half-second before the seat fired. Guessing that WASN'T the Comanche, going by your comment.

[@1wincraft]

Holy shit he made a reference to The Wizard, single biggest product place ment ever and longest commercial

[@Gravedigger.]

for the record, I was just saying was I prefer, not what everyone else should.

[@DestroyersBlade]

You've gotta be shitting me *Looks it up* Goddammit!

[@sevski]

"Got the Inspector Gadget theme song stuck in his head." NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

[@jutheto]

Damn, you watch one zero punctuation episode for a quick laugh and your entire recommendations list is filled with 'em, not that I'm complaining.

[@ALEXANDER1318]

Me too. I'm looking for one of his vids but I'm too lazy to type it into the search bar. So I'm watching them as they come up in the sidebar until I find it.

[@BaseCu327]

Every flavor of Jones > Dr Pepper > Sprite > Mtn Dew > Coca Cola > Sulfuric Acid > Pepsi

[@MrLeftjohn]

My pie left me. I gave my heart to her and she left me. She didnt even say goodbye *sobs*

[@videogamenostalgia]

As ridiculous as this sounds, that's pretty much how they explain it. He keeps on seeing visions of his wife telling him that she'll always be by his side- It's only later on that you discover that this is literally true. It's some bullshit about how they turn his wife into the arm because in order for a bionic limb to work, it has to be compatible with the body, and the wife's personality somehow makes her ideal because she knows him so well.

[@TheDOOOOOM2]

you sir get a metaphorical cookie, congrats.

[@patch276]

~ 2:20 there’s a sick joke in there some where was literally what I was thinking as he said it

[@stopbeingsucha]

Fairly sure I've seen it being sold in Ireland. It's sold in the UK if you want to take a quick drive to Belfast like.

[@Zorpad90]

An Episode I haven't seen yet? Holy shit, I didn't know such a thing existed!

[@ThePrayingMantis08]

Dont forget to mention those DAMN SNIPERS!

[@ElvenRaptor]

Installations, downloads, and loading times are the reason that the newest consoles I own are the Gamecube and PS2. Until we get back to being just able to put the fucking game into the console and start playing, I'm not forking over anymore of my money.

[@shame3857]

this is one of my favorites reviewers ever

[@timwhite8780]

ejay young I wouldn't say he's a reviewer... more a demolition manager who moonlights as a sketch comedy actor

[@Carlos-ln8fd]

+Space Walrus you are only bitter because he did a walrus joke

[@Doomridler]

use the stop sign to hit the cactus at the enemies into the cheese grater factory

[@GregPivo87]

Fuck, now I have the Inspector Gadget theme stuck in my head.

[@Hydra572]

Perhaps that was his point? Like that if Capcom had to cut an advertisement deal with the Pepsi corporation, they could have asked to advertise for Mountain Dew, instead of Pepsi.

[@Eric199212]

Now I have the inspecter gadget theme song stuck in my head. Better then generic mental I guess...

[@dueinuremom5082]

escapist "i hate Pepsi" Pepsi "BRING OUT THE LAWYERS!"

[@UTcommando]

that made me snicker more than it should have.

[@sinonlovelysharpshooterggo8581]

Preach the truth, this is why I love this guy.

[@ThePortableTornado]

A few years ago in a desire to conduct mad science, I attempted to mix Pepsi and Coca-Cola together in the same glass. I still don't know what dimension I ended up in, but at least it has internet.

[@robotsnake9374]

Yahtzee would hate SSX 3. My personal Top Ten of soft drinks : 10. Mountain Dew 9. Fanta 8. Sprite 7. Fizzy Vimto 6. Cherryade 5. Pepsi 4. Ginger Beer 3. 7uP (I just wish I had got to try DnL ) 2. Coca-Cola 1. Dandelion & Burdock

[@Kyuubi424]

Oh John Sterling; I totally want to meet you.

[@soupedupb]

A durarara!! reference? I like this.

[@Moldyjoe15]

Video starts buffering at about the 53 second mark. I see your point Yahtzee

[@TomMcMorrow]

As a former emo/goth kid (now preppy banker. No idea how that happened), I saw that LP reference. Heh.

[@alisonpurgatory85]

‘Pepsi doesn’t want their brand to cause grievous bodily harm’ interesting that Pepsi Man game exists then

[@iroquoisplissken9339]

...........There's a Walrus hotline?

[@TheFreemanVids]

*Watching with can of Pepsi Max next to me* Erm.... does that still count?

[@fredjonson1469]

I buffered when he did his loading animation...

[@iamthechanceman]

As I sit here chugging a frosty, delicious glass of Pepsi.

[@OwnMania]

Liked the bit after the credits.

[@sjstronghold9238]

I'm pretty sure the tranlation of the Walrus hotline is "That's the dumbest twist ever created"

[@puskajussi37]

Ahh, Zero Punctuation and ice cold Pepsi! Wait a moment..

[@mitchelltodd6363]

I don't recall bad load times. There was lacking aspects dreary landscape but fun gameplay

[@jaypee9575]

Doot do doot do doot, inspector gadget! Doot do doot do doot do do!

[@MyrmidonRadd]

It still tastes better.

[@kalixkatt]

How can you discuss pie when it's absolutly fantastic.

[@JinFreeks]

Hoolers don't wear armor, expect for E3 best line of the whole review right here XD

[@ZackBeNinja]

Loading time joke still kills me.

[@blarg2429]

***** Me t-LOADING... oo.

[@Daelyas]

Water > Beer > Whisky > everything else...

[@DoubleXStudios]

I completely agree with yahtzee!! Coke is a much better brand of soda.