Theo Von - Greyhound Bus Tales

Theo takes a call from his boy Travis about hitting Greyhound Bus pipes...
From This Past Weekend 7-24-17: • 7-24-17: Dating, One L...
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[@dnn86]

Not even twenty seconds in and I'm already belly laughing about a kid being called Ravis instead of Travis

[@22.NUU.DRU.22]

"Even his knee caps are in rival gangs, probably walks all bow legged cuz they cant get along" Wtf, Theo I love you bro

[@malinko35]

"i might be metaphorically dyslexic" lmfao

[@cgasezimmermagan8640]

I’m so fucking dead

[@user-ni3sp5mz4u]

So good! Lol

[@Epimpin101]

I used to take the greyhound from Houston to DC. It was like 45 hour ride. I did that like 15 times round trip. One time, it was like 3 AM, I was asleep. Then all of a sudden, a woman started yelling at the bus driver "wake up, wake up, wake up". I woke up, and looked around. Then like 10 people started yelling wake up to the bus driver. I started to prepare to die. Then like a minute later, the large black woman bus driver turned the lights on and said "I was awake". I have no idea if she was awake or not, but it's the scariest moment of my life.

[@nepadron]

Turned the headlights on? Or the inside bus lights?

[@Skrambo92]

Lmfao

[@GKTorn.]

Yikes... that's wild. My best story is just that someone dropped some serious ass and this lady said, "Oh no, nuh uh" and sprayed half a can of lavender air freshener that just mixed with the booty in the air in the bus 😐

[@aono335]

@@GKTorn. loooool

[@HarryGoulding]

THATS a spooky ride right there

[@The_inner_ascent]

“If they put you in the game sometimes you gotta dribble the ball”, this dude is hilarious

[@michaelhazelton1776]

When they put you in the game, sometimes you gotta dribble the ball

[@dannyleon9635]

That was brilliant

[@AllenH718]

Best line ever lmao

[@JayTVPlus1]

Gang Gang Bruh

[@Jbibs37]

Every time.

[@christopherlyle8285]

"So you hit the pipe anyway bruh" lmao

[@capnmatt3230]

"I've ridden on like 108 hounds and 108 times it's been a black hearty man or a black hearty woman."

[@rondar.8746]

CapnMatt 😂😁

[@mikes8116]

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[@DingDongDaddyFromDumas933]

Facts my dude every single time

[@mrs.georgeglass3997]

😂108 hours lmao did you throw your clothes away from the bus funk? Dude I've traveled across America and back I know at least 5 times, and half way and back twice, and I have to say the bus has a funk! 1 out of 7 lmfao omg in Denver I was the only one who'd not gotten dropped off by the penitentiary! Thank the lord I had a deck of cards yo!

[@dannymadrid1822]

my boy Theo, always koo and acting a Foo

[@realtalkwiththeking7862]

"I thought he was talking about weed, so I hit the pipe." 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂

[@awesomeonesmad2105]

“…..okay”😭🤣

[@MagicPlants]

"ROAD TRAIN" lmao

[@thedanimalchannel7072]

I've found that the GH station is more dangerous that the actual bus ride

[@brandonridgely3775]

Real wisdom tho, employees AND riders

[@MaliciousSRT]

Every teenager needs to experience it, street smart training 101. No better place.

[@TheJustJoe]

Got alot of artwork on display at them stations!

[@nepadron]

I remember the Chicago station being more of a homeless shelter/open drug market than a legitimate place of business.

[@ryanshepherd5738]

Houston Greyhound is the absolute worst, only one thats worst is the D.C Greyhound lotta homicides no lie

[@claytonmidgett7997]

Ravis would be badass name. Feels like a Sith Lord.

[@soundtransitions4950]

anythings better than clayton lmfao

[@JamesSmith-vk2ky]

Sound Transitions 😂

[@TangerineGroovin]

thats that dark arts shit

[@Jaikay1]

Feel like some Sith Diyock.

[@njcftb447]

Lmfao

[@mhynes234]

Rode hounds all through AL from 2007 to 2011, can confirm all drivers dark and hearty.

[@lilpinche918]

Tall Mexican ladies? Now we know you're lying Jason Wingate.

[@teamgitusome]

M Hynes echo factor here.

[@Whatshappening80]

His knees are probably in rival gangs LMFAO

[@smokejensen_]

blacksunrise80 brap he probably walks all bowlegged cuz even his knees can’t get along.

[@dallassunderland]

“i have a family member that smoked some meth one time and went rock climbing, and actually ending up climbing to a nude colony” What the fuck LMAO

[@eddemania4676]

I feel like to fully be a man you had to have take a greyhound at least once.

[@coralreefer4602]

EddE Mania, a city bus is also acceptable, you just can't reach alpha status without a real g hound journey

[@airlopez21]

My dad is 52 and still takes a greyhound every few years. All the way from Chicago to Mexico. 35 hours on a bus with degenerates and weirdos, I can't imagine.

[@nmmxiii9389]

You have to murder someone at a gas station stop on the greyhound bitch

[@DatBoiMiggy303]

Did that when I was 15. My mom was tired of my shit and sent me on the greyhound to Kansas city from denver by myself lmao not gonna it was fun and strange

[@The_dude94]

I don't think we even have greyhound bus stations anywhere float by my area. I've never seen one anyways.

[@Nvelopmusic]

"if you play the im too good for this, i'm better than this, i can't relate- thats when shit gets weird" That's 100% real.

[@brandoncrow3944]

" you hit the pipe anyway" LOL yep thats how it goes

[@oldirtybstard1]

LOL someone smoked meth, climbed a mountain, found a nudist colony then had lunch with them😂

[@nicholascash7002]

oldirtybstard1 I was not expecting it to end that way

[@therapist6328]

He probably didn't eat anything though. Appetite suppressants and all.

[@therapist6328]

@Kai Evans I think those are people who use it more than on the odd party night but I could be wrong.

[@jimmychanga4130]

Dude on the phone faaaded

[@zebelecric]

😂😂😂

[@lovelyMissInna]

Road train 😂 Theo you are quickly becoming one of my favorite comedians

[@SupaSe7enSwift]

god damn I love your style. "that's his story on a bus. navigating the nation's roadways on a bus, via auto bus."

[@jessewhite1679]

"I might be metaphorically dyslexic." hahahahaaahhaha

[@jamesgonzalez9096]

I ride an off-brand busline called Tufesa because to me Greyhound is actually too expensive, I ride it pretty regularly between Los Angeles, CA and Las Vegas, NV. What I see is a lot is migrant workers, poor people, people who just got out of jail, people who are obviously running from the law, and border hoppers going farther up north. Sometimes ICE pops up and checks for ID, I always get carded cause I'm Mexican. Theo Von is obviously telling the truth in his stories, I'm a huge fan of the honesty and the authenticity! I would split a plum with him any day!

[@carlospina9818]

James Gonzalez hahahaa yea maan ive takin that shit from dtla to vegas. Crazy characters on the bus

[@brandonk5932]

Pretty sure it's against the law for ice to come on a bus and just card people.

[@vhscopyofseinfeld]

Brandon K pretty sure ICE doesn’t give a shit what you think and has probable cause as buses are a major mode of transportation for illegal immigrants.

[@jonathannieves9029]

I once rode a greyhound throughout Texas and was asked for ID by border patrol in 4 different cities. They asked everyone for identification

[@P0ppaH]

Theo, get on that Patreon shit bro. WTF is the holdup. You got me dying laughing on my woodshop floor every Monday. I want to donate to the "Von Cause" so I can get 2 episodes a week. Come on bro. Hook that shit up. I got a happy 'Donate' button trigger finger and its gettin a little depressed. Bring it!!

[@SupaSe7enSwift]

for real brother!

[@cceja688]

Theo has said before on the podcast that’s not his thing

[@chardeemacdennis2993]

When Theo is listening real hard, he looks like the most serious reporter ever

[@thomaswright5632]

2016 colorado springs; dude jumps off a neighboring building as i was boarding. the image still rents a place in my mind

[@luismendoza6983]

Them Sugar Boys... Lmaooo

[@rondar.8746]

I love Theo he us such a free spirit.

[@TheNewSongwriters]

Man, you are the Story King. I love it.

[@modernobscura]

I've ridden a greyhound a few times, it sucks but its cheap as hell! Lotta weirdos on greyhound busses. I once had this guy sit there and talk to me about prostitutes for like 2 hours straight. I was like 16 years old lol

[@littlewn9280]

Music Miscellaneous that's why wearing headphones and sleeping is key to not having to deal with weirdos😶

[@ALEX-jr1pb]

little wn wouldn’t it be easier to rob you? Lol

[@MackenzieBrunson]

Toot talk.

[@MaliciousSRT]

Use to ride them all the time (broke divorced parents) and the best one was some guy smoking in the bathroom, like every 10 minutes, the whole bus was a plume of smoke - and then he ran out and was going seat by seat asking for smokes. The driver didn't do anything.

[@callmeishmael4659]

Greyhounds are a trip. How about the story of the canadian crazy chopping off a dude's head back in '08. Didn't know about that? Yeah, look that shit up. Edmonton route. I remember because I've taken a route very close to there going thru northern BC

[@Sogonrei]

Theo- You are one prolific storyteller. It's like we're there on that bus or wherever, through your eyes. I tried to write about my experience but it's better when I tell people in person.

[@saturnista5510]

Theo, you are my new favourite person in the world.

[@willwarden2603]

It’s OK to be statistically accurate.

[@arsek503]

"They put you in the game you gotta dribble the ball" lmfao.... 🤣🤣🤣

[@creemer101]

So true about your bus description. What a trip. I have so many similar stories. Like a while different world your trying to survive, while not getting robbed, conned or stalked out by some homeless dude on his way back home after 20 years of living on the streets that you were polite too out of common courtesy. Lesson learned: Don't be too friendly on the bus if you don't want a stalker. Homeless stalkers have far mare time then one with a home or family. Hahah

[@rustyshackelfurd1444]

Definitely need more than one episode a week.

[@Jbreeze3878]

Theo dropping gems

[@AnthonyJohnson-hs3xs]

If Theo was a rapper he'd be the baddest freestyle AND battle rapper in the game.

[@1o1roman1o1]

My favorite thing about Theo is that you can read the comment section BEFORE the video and read the jokes and still not spoil a thing!

[@mailtomyers]

I had a guy with no arms ask me if I could light his crack pipe for him in a greyhound restroom one time.

[@brunsta234]

Bobby Myers that's awesome , I'm assuming u either did it, or stole it

[@jwilliamr86]

Dylan Montgomery yes it did! I was fucking there! Why would you comment on something and you don't even no fool

[@wangchentsogyal]

I know that man

[@coralreefer4602]

Bobby Myers.. AND? You fucking helped that poor gentleman, right? I swear to Dave Chappell, if you didn't light that crack pipe im gonna find you and make you pay for doing the work of the devil

[@abbashemyaza1244]

That was an angel...he was testing you. Show dat luv bro.. I choose to believe you lit that pipe, as many times as that armless man nodded his little head. Cause we all be knowing the three nods, 'the light it' nod, the 'pause the light - my lungs are full up' nod, and of course the slow 'oh hellz yeah Im feeling that rush dog' nod of contenment & joyfulness.

[@MattWillis]

I have a half-brother and his dad's name is Raymond. And Raymond liked Elvis. He named his other son A combination of Raymond & Elvis. Named him Ravis. He hit him with that combo name.

[@lilsunshine7265]

HAAAAAhahahaaaaaa

[@MrMeatWad420KC]

I think everyone who’s rode the dog can say, you haven’t lived till you ride the dog

[@justonemori]

I might just have to catch that ride.

[@savedfaves]

"I kissed a young black gal-an African American woman on a train one time-on a bus one time-a road train" 😂

[@bravo2789]

Hey T. New fan here. Awesome material. Clean and sober....amen. The only way after years of driving down the wrong way.

[@nickg4757]

THEO!!! I LOVE YOU MAN, you are sooo funny, and always have amazing delivery! Someone who could say something not funny but make it funny just because the way you deliver it!

[@jacobgora8942]

I spent 7 days on the greyhound going from Idaho to Tennessee. We got snowed in at a Bus stop in Billings Montana. We were there for 3 days sleeping in the bus station during a blizzard. It felt like homelessness. On the 3rd day we got to leave and made it 350 miles all the way into South Dakota. The bus driver got stuck so we missed the next bus and had to go all the back to Billings Montana 350 miles the other way. On the 4th day we finally got to leave. I made many friends along the way and there wins tons of interesting people of all sorts. I learned a lot during those 7 days. I haven’t been on a Greyhound since.

[@dannyeverclear1885]

Thanks for keeping it savvy

[@Ashley_Schaeffer]

We’re sitting in first class trying to figure out what’s going on in coach… Theo is so profound!

[@3DCGdesign]

"A bandana on each kneecap, his knees are in rival gangs … that’s why he walks all bow legged cause his knees don’t get along!" 😂 "I might be metaphorically dyslexic!" 😂

[@Ipleadthebloodofjesus]

I love your pure soul despite your hardships.

[@rustygolfer3475]

"I might be metaphorically dyslexic. I don't know" Genius.

[@camiiii31]

theo please keep telling greyhound stories!!!

[@sampeters3126]

Great stuff!!!!

[@daytoday3941]

Not tryin to be racist, just statistically actuate! Up here in Canada, a man cut another mans head clean off on the bus. Ride at your own risk!

[@rachelray4040]

I remember that.

[@puddintaine4556]

I heard that he started eating him on the bus too...

[@hunnitroundheath7456]

PUDD1N TA1NE yea he did start eating him

[@brandenfarbanger3935]

I heard he tried to keep the teeth

[@GhastlyCretin85]

Yeah, and they let him free after a short time. Canadian system is fucked.

[@thismothafuckasaid7304]

Took Greyhound tons of times to Port Authority NYC..few times passengers would ask driver to get off at different exit and drop them off at their houses, instead of bus station. When driver said no, those passengers would get pissed and curse him out.

[@joblo8110]

completely unpredictable and effin hilarious on another level. thats why I love theo

[@adamsavage6902]

I took many hounds. from WI to Florida. it was crazy. but its life and experience. ill never regret it.

[@richardvaldes3959]

"Ive ridden on 180 Hounds" God Damn Theo is wild

[@rusroyce]

Ravis is such a strong name man

[@hunterhighfill8938]

7:27 "He prolly walk all bow-legged cuz his knees can't get along" lmfaoooo

[@skymarriot]

Good shit Theo!! You are coming up. Keep pushin... You're a good dude. Love your vibe and you got some wild stories that are entertaining and funny as hell.Love ya stand up too. You were "Netflix Referred". Greyhound...one of America's rawest adventures.Nothing like pretty $15 station "pros" in downtown Omaha at 3am. Onward!

[@onementality9781]

I've never rode 108 hounds but one time and when Theo talks about his experience i can see whats going on. Such a good story teller. Lol a grey hound is like a double restroom 🚻 says Theo Von

[@mississippiknifenut4312]

Holy shit man I grew up in st.joe Louisiana and and moved to vidalia at 9 and now live in Natchez, if u ever do a show around here I will buy a ticket for sure it was crazy hearing someone from my neck of the woods for a change

[@Waynev111]

Once upon a Greyhound, I traded a pipe I had on me for a big ass bong a guy had! Neither of us had any weed on us. Ps. Poor kid between parents lol that was me!!!!!! Theo called it!

[@s.e.f8160]

Y’all could have scraped the resin

[@Waynev111]

Sarita Flores I had been out a while. It was scrapped clean 😂

[@ladyrest8455]

put ya on that griddle... hahhaahhahahha ive grew up in the south,still now, and I like Theo's mindfulness reminds me of home whenever that is 🎒💭🦊⚖️🦋

[@1995abv]

First podcast I ever seen of Theo too funny 😂 that hounddd boi

[@amberwkly3747]

Theo spittin' truth in this one.

[@brandenfarbanger3935]

Take the first letter off of any name and it's great

[@MrEazyE357]

Ok Anden.

[@michaelblankenbeckley3581]

Theo you're the man! Seriously though dude you inspire me in a few different ways. But Hey you need a co-host! For real dog get that shit

[@raindropsfukushemiaflavore9914]

Took a Greyhound bus from Balto. Md to Seattle Wa. Hell of a ride!! Had a great time and meet some crazy and creative people. Smoked alot of joints an ate alot of Vicodins for 3 1/2 days.

[@LiKWiDjay]

Lmfao i love theo. Clipped up and gripped up

[@Tanzarian123]

"each knee is in a rival gang, so he walks bo-legged" my god this dude is funny

[@teeniebeenie8774]

fun bus tales more. many bus rides from waco to san antonio... lotsa nappin grannys and passed out drunks.

[@davegass1650]

You are hilarious Theo !!!! I'm listening to this laughing my ass off !!! Thanks for giving me a great laugh 👍👍👍 .

[@SKRWdFaLife90]

Dude that was a funny story you told Bert about how the bus driver was up for 3 days then he choked out that lady then dropped you off at Walmart and the trailer jack knifed and fucked up the back of the bus...LOL i was laughing so much man...great work man on all your stuff.

[@ryanarnettrealestateagent122]

Holy shit! I'm crying. Theo Von, you are ridiculous! :)

[@tblightningbolt8902]

i have no clue why, but I really enjoyed this

[@chipbrandstetter]

Funny and awesome.

[@chrishamilton1678]

"If u go to the bathroom on a bus its like double bathroom....its like hiding in the throat of the devil..then chosing to snuggleup in his voice box!!!!!!" Hahahahhaaha LMMFBO🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂

[@chelseathurecht]

Omg sooo hilarious! I’ve never been on an airplane- only ever traveled by car, bus, and train. Guess I’m poor lol. Your description of the bus is so damn accurate 😂 I die! When I was a kid I always had to ride the greyhound to Yakima and Seattle Washington to visit family and friends. Met some cool and crazy people along the way! Love the pod casts ✊🏻

[@montanaelkwhisperer1744]

I've ridden buses across the country a dozen times. It was back in the 70s when people weren't crazy...and we were allowed to smoke in the last four rows of seats.

[@angrywaters6207]

"Get in where you don't fit in"...Good advice--sometimes easier said than done.

[@Hungryhipoe]

“They have a girl who’s selling some hats or some bullshit.” 😂😂 I laughed my ass off when he said that.

[@nomaschalupas2453]

The black dude putting coke in his barrel is why chappelle alway sprinkles himself before dying

[@MorningSignal]

Good Greyhound testimonials

[@Furion223]

youre so funny, thanks

[@jimmoss1744]

I have never seen or heard of this guy before --- but my feed has been full of him for the last 3/4 days none stop--- He must have friends up at KZbin Hq or someone up at YT Hq really really likes him. With his views and subs and me never wacthing him he should not be on my feed as much as he is but hey more power to him and im gonna toss him a like because he is hella chill and seems cool .

[@michaelcorcoran3942]

Hahah this angle is so good, Theo looks like a little Alien boy straight off the bat.

[@ronniebababooe7584]

Amen Brother, onward.

[@The_dude94]

He hit ya with that Damn griddle! Oh damn Theo!

[@mikes8116]

My dad sent me from Atlanta to Miami and then from Roanoke, Virginia to Miami years later. Both trips by myself. Worst experiences of my life. The worst part my dad had money and he was just being cheap. First time I was 16. Even then I told him I could've been raped. I am a dude and I could've been raped. Mad people on the buses have raper faces.

[@coralreefer4602]

onward....

[@bepositive741]

He got some kinda Jordans or double Jordans 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@hankfitzgerald3465]

Theo Vons stories sound like something out of mad libs

[@junipersnow1]

Also, When you are kicked out of military they send you home on the Bus. Spoke to a few lol peace

[@googleuser3665]

take a greyhound bus? no thank you! I'll walk...

[@jameycockrell5481]

I'm not gonna be rasist I'm gonna be statistically accurate...bro great way to get the heat off you lmao

[@merchannel7762]

8:40 “I might be metaphorically dyslexic” is a metaphor itself. Genius.

[@katelynbrown98]

🤣 "I think they need to pull that Greyhound bus into where they produce Forensic Files and we'd solve about ½ the countries crimes."