Onion Explains: Putin's Russia

[@omarsudan6011]

"You either die believing the onion to be a satirical news report or live long enough to watch it become a reality"

[@robertveith6383]

OP -- You make no sense. The onion is a vegetable.

[@tyro244]

@@robertveith6383 Are you sure it's not a fruit? I was told it was a fruit.

[@shaddowwxy3307]

Bravo bravo!! 👏🏼👍🏼

[@vitohezzycallie8579]

@@robertveith6383 it identifies as a fruit

[@DeShawnMcDonald]

@Vito Hezzy Callie I'm pretty sure that's a slur now and they prefer to be called above ground edible substances.... fucking Twitter... lol

[@incendiarybullet3516]

BREAKING NEWS: A journalist for "The Onion" recently killed himself while he slept by placing a pillow on top of his face, then shooting himself 9 times. More of this at 5.

[@felixgutierrez993]

Hmmmmmm did he cover this story later?

[@FancyGonkBoi]

He got Epstein'd

[@felixgutierrez993]

@@FancyGonkBoi O O F

[@Lerch-zc3ww]

Beware of the self-inflicted airstrike.

[@ipodtouch495]

Putin's government have expressed their sincere condolences, with Putin himself referring to it as the worst reported case of suicide that he's ever heard of.

[@rebeccak9626]

It’s true - I criticised Russia’s economy and Putin called me a fatty. This terrorism cannot continue.

[@wildcard9010]

Fatty

[@Arkoudeides.]

He want ask you.

[@caucasusmapper7098]

F A T T Y

[@Silly_Illidan]

That's cuz u maybe r

[@NJ-wb1cz]

So many putins around here

[@joemonroe2249]

"If a man can't do a quad, what kind of man is he?" agreed

[@halburd1]

joe monroe so true. i can't do a quad. apparently that makes me not gay.

[@LittleRainGames]

I fuck quads every day, you can really bend their legs back. I must be the manliest of men.

[@Handkantenschlag]

he is nothing

[@meinname5788]

joe monroe You mean SQUAT!?

[@Garium87]

@@LittleRainGames 🙄

[@dimitrispavlakis2590]

The Onion's time machine worked wonders once again.

[@phdonme1]

The Onion, is everywhere all the time..

[@sleazymeezy]

@@phdonme1 the word you're looking for is omnipotent.

[@Afaustianbargainbin]

@@sleazymeezy actually it’s omnipresent. As in present everywhere. Omnipotent means all POWERful

[@kidfox3971]

Because apparently the US alone sending billions of dollars in aid to Ukraine is standing off to the sidelines, I think the Ukrainians took ungratefulness lessons from Africans.

[@DrMrPersonGuy]

They don't have a time machine, they were just paying attention to what russia was already doing back then, whereas most weren't.

[@americawashington2700]

Its interesting how Africa suddenly stopped existing

[@1simo93521]

Just checked Google earth it's still there.

[@QuentinT96]

Simo bummer

[@max010113]

so did iceland and greenland

[@nekotamo5154]

Afri what? We don't care about some small, shitty foreign places. This is 'Murica!

[@jjtomecek1623]

Wait, what's Africa?

[@AbnormalWrench]

No one can fault Putin on his position with men's ice skating.

[@hazukichanx408]

The gulags are a lot more fun since the introduction of free access ice skating rinks!

[@tomsko863]

I see what you did there...

[@wesleynichols1873]

"The most dangerous people are the ones I cannot find a high school year book for" - Vladimir Putin

[@MrCmon113]

This was pretty tame. Putin must have dirt on the Onion.

[@ThalesWell]

Yeah he has records of the Onion crying a lot.

[@virginiagould3167]

...And there's that damning videotape of them saying "You too!" after the waitress told them to enjoy their meal.

[@alexm566]

He knows their incognito browser history.

[@mediokay508]

@@virginiagould3167 or the time they pushed on a door with a pull sign.

[@davidthomas9190]

This is why the onion is the only source of news I trust these days.

[@geofacts6391]

i cant like it

[@ahmedelmasri9332]

jesus , how bad are the news where you are from

[@grandadmiralthrawn3164]

@@ahmedelmasri9332 I believe that he was joking but in America news are that bad

[@ahmedelmasri9332]

@@grandadmiralthrawn3164 I know my friend, I was joking too

[@grandadmiralthrawn3164]

@@ahmedelmasri9332 During corona my television provider added a bunch of U.S news networks so that "we could follow corona events" and I checked them out. But they were so bad. On CNN you just have a bunch of liberals shit talking conservatives and on Fox there are conservatives shit talking liberals. It must be impossible to get actual news and not just propaganda. When watching news I will either watch the BBC when it is about world events, and otherwise I use the public service in my own country SVT (Sveriges Television).

[@DerFilc]

1:20 missed oppertunity to show switzerland as neutral

[@Schwallex]

Missed opportunity to get the point. Yeah they could have gone with a joke so lame that even you can come up with it. Instead they chose to say something poignant that flies right over your head. And that is why you don't work for the Onion.

[@sousabauski]

@@Schwallex Wow

[@shahidakhuhro3490]

@@Schwallex jesus christ calm your shit down OP didn't deserve your frustration

[@bleuleuc6961]

@@Schwallex feel any better?

[@caucasusmapper7098]

@@Schwallex Plot twist - this guy writes for Onion

[@tomdiedrich8794]

The Onion never disappoints

[@nerdswears9342]

Michael Diedrich Why no first?

[@tomdiedrich8794]

The topical is great! Listen to it every day

[@mho...]

sadly they are fully on point

[@kooll2401]

it ageed well

[@daviddavidov8398]

Hard to read subtitles when you understand what he saying 😂

[@victorvelie3980]

what was he actually saying?

[@revuconsfection5689]

@inc.opt.63 T-That can't be true. The onion's translation is top tier and it was obviously about the person not being man enough to do a quad.

[@инструктормотобезопасности]

Truzt me. I know vhat Mr. Pouteen had saiD.

[@linasarizona]

@inc.opt.63 Actually you translated to nice .He sad bitch I wasn't in power and bla bla bla .

[@shouko4218]

@inc.opt.63 I thought the onion would hire a a Russian speaker and just let a Putin clip play over the audio that is actually the translation of the subtitles dann

[@mishapurser7542]

I love how bluntly and matter of factly they explain things whilst slipping in jokes. The rest of the world really did basically do nothing when Crimea was annexed.

[@AmelpsXett]

UN are assholes

[@BellalisDope]

Don’t they always? Nobody does anything unless it’s in their economic interests. Ukraine is not worth fighting for. So, good luck to them.

[@Unkown5536]

@@BellalisDope well seems they’re doing pretty well

[@lastkidonthemoon]

​@@BellalisDopeIn a similar fashion the rest of the world had once decided that Austria, Czechoslovakia and eventually Poland weren't worth fighting for. Funny how the most ignorant people always have the strongest opinions.

[@KayiWuzurg]

this aged like fine wine. ukraines losses are in 500k@@Unkown5536

[@ffarkasm]

1:26 R.I.P. Greenland. You will be missed.

[@SKa-tt9nm]

ffarkasm and Africa. And Iceland.

[@hazukichanx408]

Humanity's last hope of surviving the pandemic has just vanished. Now, we are on our own...

[@Emoechaiti]

There's a whole continent missing and you're concerned about Greenland

[@TrueFlameslinger]

​@@Emoechaiti I didn't even notice that

[@Kanabe_Ryou]

"by implying Kremlin's vast surveillance system" *shows London's surveillance system

[@importantname]

They forgot to mention that Putin has the best Your Mom jokes

[@severrnijKGU]

oh no in russia, 'yer mama' jokes are not found funny by surrounding people. wouldnt even joke about their enemies' mamas. its too rude =O..O=

[@libertarianboy1453]

2:20 I understand russian. I can confirm the translation is legit

[@dehistoriapisciumfish7639]

I understand just a tiny bit of Russian and this comment made me so confused xD

[@soylentgreen6082]

It's true. During the Winter Olympics the Russians accused athletes of deliberately flushing toilet paper despite the fact they were told it would clog the system... and they had the tapes to prove they were doing it !

[@leninstreet]

Not normally one to endorse any of Putin's garbled visions but when he is right he is right.

[@dangerouslytalented]

leninstreet Yep, they were robbed at the winter games.

[@Pandamasque]

leninstreet which is never, figure skating aside.

[@leninstreet]

***** Yeah but in figure skating he is making a lot of good points. Nobody can take that away from him.

[@Pat_Springleaf]

Why don't you move to Russia then.

[@leninstreet]

+OrangeJews1138 Because there are more important things then figure skating.

[@anima94]

loved how they managed to mostly not get too political even with this kind of subject, good job

[@phatcatrat]

DarkAnimaYT You can guarantee, despite its non-political presentation, someone will manage to politicize the video in the comment section.

[@furqueue9590]

Yeah because the murderer of thousands of journalists, business opponenents and any risk to power - including the murder of the leader of political opposition Boris Nemtov in 2015 - www.washingtonpost.com/news/worldviews/wp/2017/03/23/here-are-ten-critics-of-vladimir-putin-who-died-violently-or-in-suspicious-ways - uk.businessinsider.com/list-of-people-putin-is-suspected-of-assassinating-2016-3 - www.nzherald.co.nz/world/news/article.cfm?c_id=2&objectid=11799424 - www.chicagotribune.com/news/nationworld/ct-critics-of-vladimir-putin-who-died-20170325-story.html - www.politifact.com/punditfact/article/2016/jan/04/does-vladimir-putin-kill-journalists/ - www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/uk-police-evidence-russian-assassins-behind-14-suspicious-deaths-british-soil-boris-berezovsky-scot-a7793151.html And these are just the high profile deaths. If you want to be really depressed, Google journist murders in Russia - it reads like a phone book. But yeah! great comment! No reason to get too political, right? You are a complete -

[@dcscorch969]

It's the onion

[@kayleegregory770]

I used to get political. But the I took a "liberal" to the knee.........

[@5698-e2d]

@@furqueue9590 Seems like someone isa bit too salty.

[@CosmicAggressor]

This did not just age well. It did not freking age. It is current. When current events finally out do the onion you just dig a hole and crawl in it because we will then be beyond hope.

[@sanluislfx4]

Whoever took the time to masterfully match the video and subs has my sincere gratitudes.

[@giacomomeluzzi280]

Now that I'm learning russian I understand how german people feel when watching the Hitler's rant parodies ahah

[@severrnijKGU]

he was talking about a disposition? and i heard the word 'government' in there. he was like 'and then in order for it to mean something?' . людей.. (ты) говоришь.. о том. 'the people ... you are talking .. about. '

[@metal665lica]

March 2022 This video hits HARD

[@Frosty_tha_Snowman]

This has aged much too well

[@sudonim7552]

You joke about it, but learning about people's embarrassing secrets is exactly how the Church of Scientology stifles dissent

[@madmaxmedia]

Onion videos still relevant 7 years later…

[@calebsmith1548]

1:16 Onion's writers are psychic

[@HWDragonborn]

What do you mean? The West literally sends weapons to Ukraine.

[@themaidenlesswretch7819]

this used to be considered absurd.

[@APNambo]

I love how they translated Putin with similar pauses and tone as his speech. It's all about the details. Well done!

[@pierrecurie]

What was Putin actually saying in that clip?

[@yusouph2002]

​@@pierrecuriesomething about Syria conflict at first (you can hear him mentioning Assad). Then he was talking about him having less influence under the Medvedev rule, and how he didn't control the law enforcement or justice system in that period of time.

[@Mandelbrotmat]

well.......this has certainly aged appropriately

[@greglarson4253]

"Ukrain is pretty much alone on this one." This aged well.

[@WhirlwindHeatAndFlash]

As a westerner it is so frustrating to witness all of this.. Governments aside from the US pretty much doing nothing.. the local populace actively opposing action against russia.. I hate this planet and its godforsaken population.

[@gorillaguerillaDK]

To be fair, Plushenko was Amazing...

[@rzul]

Russian spy

[@talongeorge3750]

1:15 aged like fine wine

[@dinuffin]

How?

[@grig8310]

2:20 I’m Russian and this scene was even funnier because I actually understood what he was saying

[@alicehopkins4068]

same haha

[@PrincessLockette]

What was he saying?

[@andreykravchenko6829]

@@PrincessLockette He was talking about Syria and Assad at first, then he was saying he didn't have as much influence when medvedev was president for 4 years

[@AndrewGunner]

@@andreykravchenko6829 he said he had absolutely no influence on protection of rights during the 4 years, not just "not as much influence".

[@ma-tanica]

​@@andreykravchenko6829stop spreading misinformation, subtitles exactly match his speech 😂

[@theemirofjaffa2266]

"If a man can't do a quad, what kind of a man is he?" Dang! That hit me hard! I cant even lift one leg without falling all over..smh

[@Harrysreptarium]

thats not good

[@tristansloane2639]

It's amazing how long the onions been around yet u stil get people thinking it's real

[@thundersoul6795]

One born every minute!

[@H56638]

It is simply yet to be real.

[@atomheartother]

Well that's a lot of uploads. Go Onion.

[@gigabic7487]

Combo [x2]!

[@halburd1]

atomheartother fox is to cnn what cnn is to the onion.

[@Zale666]

Lol this is a joke, its a parody of western MSM

[@p_adam19]

1:02 This aged perfectly

[@hboyO2]

Oh my god, this aged like fine wine (just like any onion video tho)

[@prisonmike4126]

Wow this aged amazingly actually 😂

[@christianjones-hickey7261]

I adore the fact that there are clueless people who think this is an actual short documentary

[@seanhartnett79]

Christian Jones-Hickey well the only part not true is the skating part.

[@nosuchthing8]

I guess you can't do quads.

[@joshuaboyd487]

It turned into one

[@devastationofmankind3495]

Okey it's confirmed, this guys have a time machine...

[@dandellar200]

They have a super advance satellite that can brought cast news from the future. It's canon.

[@Tertion]

Seriously, KZbin algorythm is wild lately....

[@robertsiems3808]

Plushenko was obviously the better skater. The judges were bribed!!

[@nativeafroeurasian]

1:25 Afroca, Greenland and Iceland thank the editors of the map😂😂

[@aszhara2900]

Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it. And those who do learn from history are doomed to see it repeat.

[@JapanesePiano1]

This aged well

[@that__guy_5049]

And then it all came true.

[@Davesoft]

Haha nice.My favourite description of russia so far "That country that's hilarious until it Suddenly Isn't!"

[@achintyanaithani889]

The hell does that even mean?

[@CF-3300]

2022 here, that moment where it isn’t has officially came.

[@THEE_Kisywisy]

GIVE THEM THEIR GOLD MEDAL, DAMMIT

[@gaius100bc]

This piece aged like fine wine

[@SO-Negative]

One thing I love about Onion is that their news and opinions are always unbiassed

[@Bettttt2001]

They got Ukraine right😂

[@DanieleGiorgino]

I was starting to think that the Onion was beginning to lose it. So glad to see that I was wrong.

[@masonmorgan4]

This be hitting different now...

[@canboy8914]

What's ironic is the scene where Putin spoke was him trying to deny claims that he was still in control of the country when Medvediv took over as president.

[@Weeeui]

It's a satire but so true today especially Ukraine part :(

[@darknessblades]

Have you lived under a rock. The onion's press are made out of time travelers, though they just set their clocks wrong so they got the dates wrong. causing it to be released early

[@CC-bu2gv]

@@darknessblades oh yeah forgot about that

[@markofsaltburn]

The “This aged well” comments have aged well.

[@mistahsusan2650]

this "these "this aged well" comments aged well" comment, aged well.

[@IceAxe1940]

This "This these comments" comments have age well.

[@JohnDoe-or8jd]

I criticized Russian state and Putin called me a communist. He thought it was an insult.

[@understorymainchannel8326]

Commie This is a joke

[@AmelpsXett]

it is though

[@rihardsrozans6920]

When you understand Russian, the fake subtitles stop being funny.

[@yuriydisman6829]

that's very true.

[@rihardsrozans6920]

***** Don't you mean his speech?

[@Lena-hz7fk]

Nah, not if you listen to the speech first, and then scroll back to get the subtitles. When you're already hearing " я четыре года..." and reading "If a man can't do a quad..." it's hilarious to me.

[@yuriydisman6829]

You're funner than me if you found that funny.. :)

[@helter696skelter]

You have to be seriously stupid to think this is real, look at other Onion videos or articles. Remember, it's Putin's Russia that is famous for propagandist fake news and subtitles way more than western media, which is terrible too, but not to that degree. :)

[@festungkurland9804]

If only we had listened

[@Jestiphur]

The Onion was quite literally ahead of it's time. Holy crap...

[@athishmarutharaj6001]

This hits hard now

[@drrodopszin]

Well this escalated quickly... In 7 years.

[@twiniki5186]

KZbin has a weird sense of humour to reccomend me this after Navalny's condemnation

[@VladTerrible]

1:02 Damn, this aged like wine

[@jamarbrown8924]

Everything makes sense now

[@evenfate5906]

"Pretty much on their own" just wow, that is just wow. No other words describe how accurate the onion is.

[@башарал]

All these comments saying the Onion predicted the future are missing that this video came out around an entire year after Crimea was invaded in 2014

[@dannywlm63]

😂 years ago and the onion knew, well nearly

[@minininer8976]

Reminds me of the lyrics of that classic skating song: “… and so it goes, go round again, but now and then we wonder who the real men are. Wo-hoooo…!” Probably the only song that makes Putin cry…

[@sinekonata]

Your Africa-less map is brilliant :D

[@pinkdoe1725]

No

[@AndrewGunner]

also no Greenland..

[@mastervolotaaofvoltaria4360]

And South America

[@Blacki_Hanma]

1:13 aged too well

[@arnoldzilban8274]

Thank you ONION! You always peel off the pretentious layers of human deceit and get right to the ridiculous heart of the matter. Keep on Onionizing our helpless and hopeless reality.

[@loangxuong9863]

Some one needs to show Putin this. He must laughs his ass off.

[@EinFelsbrocken]

Putin lowkey looking like slim shady in that last shot 😂

[@pepperoniboy57]

damn you and your prophetic writers the onion™

[@TheLethalGuy]

Welcome back to this video after 6 years

[@PierceMD]

Perfect time!

[@user-wq9mw2xz3j]

2022 history repeats itself. This time Russia russia thought they might try "small girls' skating" but lost in that as well

[@TheKosmotect]

Haha that Ukraine joke aged like fine wine.

[@ganduss]

1:02 just like the simulations

[@thedixiebois1742]

Wait what?!? This video was 6 years ago?!?!? 😬 how long has this thang been goin on????

[@TheJewishAzovMember]

Since 2014. The world just kinda pretended it wasn't happening for some odd reason even tho this video is proof that anyone who paid the slightest attention realized whats going to happen.

[@GridDweller77]

This has aged well.

[@magottyk]

But is Putin skating on thin ice?

[@fds7476]

magottyk It won't become a problem until he starts doing those quads...

[@christobanistan8887]

groan

[@justinian-the-great]

Well, Putin plays ice hockey, sooo.......technically, he does.

[@Slaktrax]

...Not as thin as Trump's.

[@nikhilsaxena2801]

Putin didn't liked a news channel and vegetablised its name, now its called the onion.

[@TheAHuman]

1:25. This hits differently now. Still the same stance though

[@snesmocha]

... why is this so accurate....

[@kenjikodai]

Aged well

[@emilysoda4689]

This aged well.

[@solarianinquisitor3978]

Why is Eritrea the only country left in Africa?

[@Pangolin-Mandolin]

Freaky how true some of this now is.....

[@EmergingEcho]

I pretended not to understand Russian for the last part.

[@mutated_almond8335]

This one really aged

[@mikey7257]

More of these please

[@StevieObieYT]

2016: Ukraine is not worth fighting for. 2023: We will all die for Ukraine!!

[@jakubgrimm575]

🇩🇪🇺🇦🇩🇪🇺🇦

[@SovietReunionYT]

We will all die = We will send a little bit of money and some old weapons. Maybe throw in a handful of modern equipment so we can get good press coverage.

[@jakubgrimm575]

@@SovietReunionYT I would much rather live in a Western world than a Russian world. No amount of Russian Propaganda will change that.

[@yusouph2002]

​@@SovietReunionYTa bit of money = 200 billion dollars. Yeah, just a bit...

[@affordablex4914]

@@yusouph2002200 billion dollars worth of old ass stockpiles of shells* Your comment ignores the fact that the west actually saves money by giving Ukraine weapons as they don’t need to waste money on storage or maintenance.

[@quelorepario]

If you shave Stalin's moustache you are left with Putin.

[@maxpopov3972]

that's funny how at the end subtitles are saying the ice skating when really is talking about Syrian crisis lol