6 Stages of Love | Do You Sabotage Unknowingly? Become Securely Attached (Part 1)

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In this 6-part webinar series, Thais Gibson reveals what secure attachment looks and feels like in relationships. Uncover the 6 stages of a relationship as well as the foundational pillars of healing insecure attachment styles and becoming securely attached as Thais offers up some guidance and useful tips. For more information check out the course, Emotional Mastery & Belief Reprogramming above on how to boost your next level of secure attachment.
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00:00:00 - Intro
00:01:32 - 6 Stages of a Relationship
00:02:41 - The Dating Stage
00:03:05 - The Honeymoon Stage
00:03:16 - The Power Struggle Stage
00:06:37 - The Stability Stage
00:12:33 - The Commitment Stage
00:13:10 - The Bliss Stage
00:14:55 - Practising Vulnerability
00:19:20 - Conclusion
00:20:02 - 7-Day Free Trial: Emotional Mastery
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Hey there! I'm Thais Gibson, and this is the channel where I teach you how to transform your life.
I created the Personal Development School, an online learning platform that gives users the ability to create true and long-lasting change in their lives through personal development courses that are designed to give you a breakthrough in every area of your life, with a 99.7% satisfaction rate.
Our KZbin videos give you a glimpse into this in-depth course content. Much of what you'll learn here is based on your attachment style and how that affects the relationships you have with your family, friendships, and of course, your romantic relationships.
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#PersonalDevelopmentSchool #ThaisGibson #PDS #AttachmentStyles #SecureAttachment #SecureAttachmentStyle #BecomingSecurelyAttached #SecurelyAttachedRelationship #UnmetNeeds #CoreWounds #ReprogramCoreWounds

[@nahomelion]

Becoming secure manifests in the most subtle ways too. PDS has a manifest teaching but also a latent teaching that you’ll notice once they start happening in your life. You develop discernment and you know the right place and right time and right things to do/ say. This is one example of the latent teachings that people don’t normally talk about.

[@cornwallismorgan874]

1. The Dating Stage 2. The Honeymoon Stage 3. The Power Struggle Stage 4. The Stability Stage 5. The Commitment Stage 6. The Bliss Stage

[@nova12332]

That last part about the girl not letting herself be truly vulnerable is so me as an FA. I totally messed up my last relationship by doing this and it stings so much

[@cornwallismorgan874]

I definitely think the refusal to be vulnerable keeps people trapped in the power struggle stage, and this is why most relationships don't progress past it.

[@user-cs4fg7bh4r]

Truth

[@alexisb.8965]

I now test as secure....but dated a DA (before I found PDS) and it really threw me back into the anxiety I had worked so hard, with my therapist, to leave behind. These 6 stage of relationship videos helped me realize that 3 months of dating was not "too soon" to ask for exclusivity and my checking in with them to see where they stood with things wasnt "clingy" it was just triggering his dismissive protest behaviors. Very validating.

[@user-er9hv4pl2u]

Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.

[@DavidVelasquez9]

its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back

[@user-er9hv4pl2u]

@@DavidVelasquez9 Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?

[@DavidVelasquez9]

@@user-er9hv4pl2u Her name is *Victoria Lee hess*, and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.

[@user-er9hv4pl2u]

@@DavidVelasquez9 Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive

[@kc0630]

😢

[@jerryh6962]

Couldn't get past the power struggle with my ex DA. Easier to walk away when they don't care.

[@Nicole-yz7bo]

Yep, wasn’t able to practice vulnerability until I “spiritually woke up” and was able to find the one person in this world I was comfortable enough to practice it with- game changer 😉 (I’m FA btw)

[@crystalwright2857]

I think I'm broken and tend to move into the power struggle stage after a month or two.

[@DockClock-rp2ro]

What is the data on Polyamory and secure attachment? As far as I'm aware, it isn't even physically possible to have the same attachment for more than one person at a time. Moreso that it seems to signify intimacy avoidance and commitment avoidance. People seem to gloss over it for political reasons.

[@cornwallismorgan874]

Answering the video title's question: Now that I've healed enough as a DA to be primarily secure, I can say that where I get stuck depends on the attachment style I'm with. For clarity, I've yet to find someone who is securely attached. With APs, I get stuck in Stage Zero (the "We Just Met" stage) or the Dating Stage because they're usually limerant and there's rarely an actual relationship in the first place due to their preoccupations and fantasies. Depending on the person, they may actually keep me as far away as possible because the fantasy is that important to them. With FAs, I get stuck in the Power Struggle stage because they bring things to my attention, I try to accommodate them, but they won't allow the relationship to actually progress and sabotage the whole thing, all while refusing to allow space for my own needs. With DAs, I get stuck in the Dating Stage because they can't even handle the honeymoon stage or anything beyond it. Even the joy and excitement of the honeymoon stage are too much for them. And look, I get it: relationships are scary. But so many of these problems can be avoided by getting real with how willing you are to do the work to have them. Being made responsible for other people's dysfunction, or being idolized for being even somewhat functional, has caused me to pull myself off the market. I'm either viewed as some sort of magical being who's figured it all out, someone to destroy, or both. Usually both.

[@hevabmore]

I feel the same way. I am permanently single.

[@sadiqua7]

Same, I’m down the rabbit hole, see a therapist every 2weeks, and just wish I could get my FA ex to communicate with me since I have better knowledge and tools now to better talk to him. I met someone new I’m trying to invest in but ironically his English is terrible so I can’t even really get to know him or use the tools I now have lol. All he wants to do is kiss smh. I’m so done.

[@cornwallismorgan874]

@@sadiqua7 Oh no hahahaha I'm not laughing at you; I've just been in that same situation and I find it amusing now, years later, but I'm so sorry you're in it! Maybe your ex just needs some time, but even so, I hope things work out in accordance with your needs and your growth process!

[@anhome2201]

Sorry. It doesn't sound like you have healed based on your response, which is flaw finding and blaming everyone else but yourself. I think you are still DA and far from primarily secure but now have prob developed narcissistic tendencies...referring to yourself as "magical being"...unhealthy sign of grandiosity...food for thought

[@MarcLemaycaveman]

What a punch this piece packs. Unintentionally funny in an existential way. One senses so much "material" behind this. It's so condensed. I'd love to see a movie or a play tackle such themes explicitly, actually referering to attachment styles.( I don't know of any.) The main character, we can imagine from the tone of your brilliant 250 words or so, has come a long way, and has a long way to go. I wonder what you think of @nahomelion's comment above about developping discernment? Isn't it interesting that your "picker" keeps picking non-secure types? This is the second short brilliant condensation of eons of relationship time in a short read that I've stumbled upon this week. (The other is Hattem Asadi's lapidary piece in Psychology Today about the psychodynamics of Fearful Avoidance.) Sometims you just got to laugh. The absurdity of these patterns, the waste... It's better to laugh, when it's put this starkly. I'm 60, and I've never had a healthy secure relationship in my life--plenty of the other kind, though! So grateful for all those learning opportunities.

[@David5005ful]

I have recently found your channel and have become addicted because of how easy the content is to follow. I have been working on my attachment style for months and finding you was like a break through, I feel 100x more secure and confident in dating. I was mostly DA. Still some work to do but thank you so much for all the hard work you do to put out this content!

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Comment "YES" if you are excited for this whole series!

[@jodie853]

YES

[@Sidistic029]

Yes

[@howtosober]

I want to learn more about the 6-stages model and I haven't been able to find the name of the therapist that first originated it. Google searches pull up all kinds of random takes on relationship stages, but this video is specifically referring to the original. So, Dr. Susan Johnson, thank you for finally telling me! -Also, I think we would all agree that we need a video that explicitly spells out dealing with the power struggle stage for every attachment style.

[@carlosbautista8430]

@@howtosoberit’s actually Susan Campbell, Thais said her name wrong in the webinar 😅

[@shubikl9826]

Yes

[@markfennell1167]

It seems to me like that wouldn’t be a need for any of the stages if both people were authentic. Just be your true self and that will solve most of everything.

[@f2pxingqiu]

Easier said than done. We often developed and use(d) these masks to protect ourselves from trauma and harm in the past and aren’t able to discern when these coping skills, though they were what we needed at the time, are no longer serving us. Most people when they are not authentic are doing it out of fear or hurt, not malice.

[@user-wv2ce3wd4c]

Sooooo many lightbulbs have gone off here! Also watching this video I learned I’m slowly evolving into a more secure attachment style 😳 Who knew 🤷🏽‍♀️ THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE HEP YOU GIVE!!!❤

[@dentrout9383]

I want the bliss stage!! Bliss! Please! :)

[@adinubila]

can you explain power struggle vs incompatible

[@oreokid77]

I have referred to this video so much so thanks for that Mrs. Gibson. I have noticed something else about this that can put it in context more strongly. When looking at this process I realized that the pattern is inverted from childhood exactly. The attachment system matures at the end of puberty and if a person has no trauma it flips. Here is what I mean. Attachment system building stages Unconditional-baby ∞ - 2yrs Conditional love- toddler 2-4yrs Boundaries- childhood 4-8yrs Emotional & Cognitive test-puberty/authenticity 8-12yrs Masking- adult identity/persona 12-18yrs Relationship stages (inverted Attachment) Masking -dating/honeymoon stage 2-4wks E&C Test- power struggle stage 4-8wks Boundaries- stability stage 8-12wks Conditional- commitment stage 12-18wks Unconditional- bliss stage 18-∞wks This is so interesting. I plan to put this in my book coming out next year.

[@ladyofspa]

This is one of your best shows. I coukd go on and on why. But simply put you gave great examples, and it made sense. Please expand more again soon. Thanks.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Glad you liked this!

[@roshalllambert]

I remember attending this webinar and it was awesome!

[@americanexpat8792]

Thais, I'm one of your Certified Coaches and part of PDS, but I would really like to see more on this topic. I know IAT well, but would like a course in PDS on this topic.

[@carlosbautista8430]

There are advanced courses for each attachment style, even secure, that are about how our attachment style shows up in each of the six stages of a relationship 🙂

[@user-fd4pr8mp9r]

The problem is with the person I'm with I AM being vulnerable and sharing deeper parts of myself but they STILL say they "don't really know who I am" so I'm not sure what to do or where to even go from here.

[@ZephyrBallard]

The last bit about the girl really hits me as a DA. I often don't feel seen or cared about, but I also don't let others in and just rely on myself. What am I supposed to do about that?

[@MO-ss5mj]

First, be vulnerable. How can anyone see a closed book. Don't take feedback as criticism and share. Seek a therapist

[@nahomelion]

Become secure! Join PDS and do all of the courses over and over again until it sticks to your subconscious. Game changer in all areas of your life

[@eiwagarciabrito495]

Let others in

[@water2chick]

This video was actually incredibly helpful, especially the timelines.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Great to hear it ❤

[@markfennell1167]

I think the power struggle stage is too vague. Some of it is because of the other person not being true self to you and so you were deceived as to who they are. Other aspects that you describe or simply the subconscious desires. Or fundamental beliefs. Or deep fears. I also believe that the power struggle is the wrong term. Power struggle implies who has the power in the relationship. What do you describe is the other person not being their authentic self until later

[@markfennell1167]

Perhaps a better term would be. “The Unmet Needs” stage.

[@howtosober]

I want to learn more about the 6-stages model and I haven't been able to find the name of the therapist that first originated it. Google searches pull up all kinds of random takes on relationship stages, but this video is specifically referring to the original. So, Dr. Susan Johnson, thank you for finally telling me! -Also, I think we would all agree that we need a video that explicitly spells out dealing with the power struggle stage for every attachment style.

[@cornwallismorgan874]

I'm kind of surprised that this type of video hasn't been made yet. Unless the strategies are peppered throughout other videos.

[@BavarianPixc]

She has them inside the PDS school I believe

[@ladyofspa]

John gray has is stages as well very well spelled out. good luck.

[@heck4984]

ty

[@JacobCarlson-uq1my]

I agree ,you are one of my favorite people as well. Im very greatful for being able to listen to you. Its a little hard for me to grasp everything but i know in time it will happen and it just feels good to listen listen to you. A quality ,knowledgeable, ❤human.

[@chantalepreston1902]

So informative❤Thank you for making these accessible!

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Of course! ❤

[@StephenBieda]

I like your videos a lot as you are an excellent communicator. I think they could be somewhat better however with summary points at the side of the screen as you are presenting.

[@lifecoachingtoronto]

Does the partner not knowing who she really was a reflection of her not knowing, or not being connected to who SHE really was?

[@frederikewedemeier5126]

First of all: Thank u for ur amazing work! Still: Noone on These Channels tho Talks about how Hard the Transition is and that you often don’t feel sexually attracted. I feel so alone with the fact that now i find a Secure guy but don’t feel sexually attracted at all….i feel attracted or i feel Secure…but Never felt Both really in a Healthy relationship

[@sherriflemming3218]

Pitfalls Of Modern Dating Jonathon Aslay and Destiny ❤️

[@llgoulet74]

You are the best

[@nahomelion]

She really is omg

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

❤

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Do you know what stage what your relationship is currently in?

[@howtosober]

Because I have a pattern of dating either narcissists or DAs (sometimes both), I've never made it out of the power struggle stage. They seem to love that stage and just want to live there forever. It's a losing situation all around, because the more you try to cooperate, the more they compete with you. The school is helping me re-orient myself toward security and secure partnerships where I never have to waste my time like that again. But I don't like the idea that we all have to go through a power struggle to get to stability... it seems like nothing but an unrewarding slog full of conflict and tension.

[@mixedlagoona9566]

Broken up…

[@cornwallismorgan874]

@@howtosober I know I tend to respond to you, and I hope it's not bothersome, but I want to offer some encouragement that I too get stuck in this stage for the same reason you do. I think the power struggle stage can be much more productive if narcissism isn't part of it, but I've yet to have any relationship get past it. In fact, the second the relationship enters that stage, I get devalued.

[@shubikl9826]

Dating

[@coolqh]

Power struggle, and me being FA and also high masking autism makes it sooo hard 😢. I do think my bf is secure though.

[@ashley8430]

So how do we learn to emotionally connect if we have that trouble with being vulnerable? Eft?

[@IsabelSmith31]

If I been in a fwb ...but it has hints of being more than that (lol)...and I'm crossing into the stability stage... if we go into commitment them bliss..can it deepen into more than fwb?

[@Spoodlie]

Does this happen in friendships too?

[@nahomelion]

Yessir!!! All of my attachment struggles were in friendships but people don’t normally talk about friendship struggles that often

[@AnthonyFigurelli-ni8xk]

I'm into a Relationship with a Truthful Women and I have a Problem with a Guy in my house that forces her show her.......

[@jerrodbulgin2261]

Your just one of my favorite people!!!

[@Horseheart50]

@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool - If two people were friends first and feelings and attraction grew over a couple years, is it possible to move into the power struggle stage quickly within weeks? I had a six week incredibly intense relationship where we both opened up easily to each other, we were incredibly relaxed and comfortable with each other, he told me he loved me way too quickly, but due to him opening up and sharing secrets from his childhood with me that he said he had never told anyone else, I felt closer to him and fell in love. The more he opened up, and the more I expected a label and true commitment, the more freaked out he got and he broke up with me and ran away. I found out later he ran back to his previous partner right after breaking up with me. Everything moved so fast I’m not sure what stage we were in.