THIS Is How A Secure Person Reacts to Being Breadcrumbed in Relationships

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In today's video, Thais Gibson shares how the securely attached person reacts to being breadcrumbed in relationships. Watch now to learn about non-negotiables, standards and the importance of addressing red flags as Thais provides useful tips and guidance.
To learn more, explore the transformative course, "How to Heal From a Break Up & Transform Grief", for powerful tools you can begin using immediately on your journey!
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00:00:00 - Intro
00:00:47 - What Is Breadcrumbing
00:01:20 - 14 day Free Trial
00:01:56 - Non-Negotiables and Standards
00:02:53 - Address Red Flags
00:04:44 - Will Communicate and Call Out Breadcrumbing
00:07:00 - Vet for Change
00:08:34 - Conclusion
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#PersonalDevelopmentSchool #ThaisGibson #PDS #AttachmentStyles #SecureAttachment #SecureAttachmentStyle #Breadcrumbing #WhatIsBreadcrumbing #BreadCrumbingExamples

[@SuzieQ7779]

This is how it works; you meet a guy, go on a date and he says he will call you. He calls 2 months later and you tell him you are no longer interested bc he didn’t do what he said he would do.

[@susanjones8489]

After not hearing for several months from a male I was seeing casually for a few years, he tried to make a date, and I replied that it appeared both of us had better things going on, and that I was 100% certain I would not be seeing him again. He though that I would be waiting and waiting haha 🤣

[@jasonm4927]

Male or female, it doesn't matter, never accept anyone that treats you in such a way, the trend in modern morals (if they can be called that) are nothing short of damaging and sad!!!

[@sharfalor4244]

​@@susanjones8489He probably didn't think you would be waiting and waiting, he just didn't think about you at all until he had nothing else going on. Hence why they tend to put out feelers to any ex contacts to see who bites.

[@rickimcfarland2269]

No, you say... who's this?!

[@SuzieQ7779]

@@rickimcfarland2269 haha even better!

[@pampam315]

Hi family. Always remember "The moment you settle for less than you are worth, you get even less than you bargained for."

[@blackopal3138]

That sounds like covert narcissism... sorry

[@interoffice5402]

It does

[@nuthinbutlove]

This!!!

[@nuthinbutlove]

@@blackopal3138sorry, but not being willing to settle does not a narcissist make!

[@blackopal3138]

@@nuthinbutlove lol, no, but then that's not what it says. Rewriting facts to make one's mistakes disappear, or one's narrative fit better, however, now that's on the list I believe. And you related so strongly to the quote..... guess what?

[@EmberCrow]

Friends also do breadcrumbing. I’ve just stopped chasing people and responding to texts right away to breadcrumbers.

[@annstar2793]

Very true- all the “relationship advice” applies to friends, co workers, family in how people treat one another. It’s just highlighted so much more in dating relationships.

[@SonicSpeedfan23]

They do, even if you seem like you don’t realize it

[@brandyk]

​@@annstar2793 yes n with romantic relationships I think this usually applies more to the beginning of relationship... perhaps first few months. Let me know if I'm wrong. After that I wouldn't exactly call it breadcrumbing but sign if an actual problem in an actual relationship. With family you already have a relationship if some sort that would conceivably be for your/their entire life n one needs to determine what that will look like: getting together at larger family events, getting together separately in addition or instead, Facebook posts, text, phone calls, etc. And one can sort of take their cues from the other within a discussion sometimes But I do agree new friendships or even old friendships can turn into breadcrumbing friendship. Sometimes it's bc the other person got very busy with marriage n kids ,and the other isn't or both people are meaning both have such busy schedules that true connection can disappear either for a season or longer. It's difficult to know whether this is accidental and not about you personally or if it is more about you,( not that something changed about you necessarily but they have less interest in the things that once helped cement your relationship. Unfortunately people are rarely honest about this even to themselves n they can be very cruel in not understanding how this effects other people especially if their own guilt over it starts to make them sort of blame you but also without specifying why exactly.

[@Sidera17]

This is so true! And it's more socially accepted from platonic relationships so that if you call it out, people think it's weird. I wish we all talked more about this.

[@RiverWoods111]

If you communicate you might find out why they are doing this. If you are dealing with an ADHD friend they aren't doing anything to be mean or insensitive. They saw the text but were in the middle of something like work, and then by the time they had the time to respond too many squirrels had distracted them. Being a good friend means communicating and allowing someone to be who they are and loving them as they are. Communication is key!

[@sarahbright5231]

I’m really proud of myself as I’m anxious attached person. Recently met an avoidant it was all great for a while then bread crumbing started I addressed it, he ghosted and I did not reach out again. In the past I would have started people pleasing so I guess I’m healing.

[@sarahbright5231]

@@st6576 yeah I won’t lie it made my anxiety sky high I was triggered but instead of my usual behaviours I just tried to meditate. Before him I was seeing a guy and he said I’m really busy with work, I’m having problems with ex and I was totally. Ghosting is an awful behaviour.

[@sarahbright5231]

@@st6576 I mean I was totally fine all it takes is an explanation. Even if it’s lies you feel seen. I won’t ever ever ghost another person in any capacity.

[@orangenerator]

This internet stranger is proud of you!

[@Heart2HeartwithAlbertaMuembo]

❤ 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@sarahbright5231]

@@orangenerator thank you I am proud too. I walked away and did not look back instead of seeking answers that don’t make any difference x

[@JosannaMonik]

Many women do the mistake of committing to men who are not committed to them. If he's not giving her his all and she's giving her all, he'll only take advantage.

[@AlwaysEverNow]

The reverse is also true. Relationships aren't 50/50, they are 💯/💯.

[@concken1]

@@AlwaysEverNow true! I don't understand why she says 50/50 - that's always fail/fail.

[@janiececooper6758]

Many men make the mistake of pretending they are even going as far as marrying you

[@SuzieQ7779]

Yes and you can tell right away. LWhy give them a chance when they can’t keep their word on simple little things in the beginning? Yet they try to make you out to be a freak if you don’t fall in bed with them right away. Although I admit I would love to be in love and have the company in my old age, I’m no longer interested in dating. I put my energy into my art, a day job and my faith.

[@AlwaysEverNow]

@SuzieQ7779 Integrity is attractive. Being glad for your own life experience tends to attract people. Still, it is frustrating sometimes. All the best👌

[@My_brainstorm]

The point is, if you have to address this issue, your counterpart is probably not mature enough to be in a healthy relationship. Let them do what they want to do, so you see what they prioritize, and choose someone who makes you a priority without needing reminders.

[@yavrum22]

💯

[@jerrimenard3092]

I think you are right. It's a maturity thing. I look good for my age and attract people in their late 30's or early 40's. You would be surprised how many of them are still playing highschool games. I don't have time or energy for that.

[@MONEYM723]

SIMPLE!

[@BooDotBoo]

This. I've learned, if I have to bring up certain things, it's because the other person won't. Either they're too afraid or avoidant or whatever, but it's not the type of relationship I want, so it's best to just move on.

[@thepragmatist]

This is a great idea.

[@Antaeres]

I tried doing that, and asking for clarity around a situationship (in the past) and then that person continued to say they understood, made plans twice, avoided me, when I told them how I felt they blew up at me and made me feel terrible. Sometimes it doesn't matter how civilised and kind you are, people are still assholes.

[@KLEFF718]

yes but you dodged a bullet

[@xandria_magic777]

@@KLEFF718exactly, and that’s what matters in the end :) When someone shows me who they really are I’m glad they’re out of my life

[@voulafisentzidis8830]

All the more reason to walk away!

[@brandyk]

Yes but you missed the point entirely. One of the reasons this video is so good is she mentioned this last part,which is vetting for change. After you've done the best version of the first 3 ( no one does it perfectly) you then have to play a bit of wait and see. My own belief is that if someone is even doing this it's probably not a relationship I want or would continue but I would still talk to them about it bc it's great practice having hard conversations,I have little to lose n there's always the chance depending on how long it's been going on that something is going on with the other person they've been reluctant to share. It could be something about me or something I've unintentionally done or something completely about them. Maybe they have a family issue or medical issue or tough time at work or big financial issue. I can't be a mind reader all I can do is broach the subject that they are less comfortable acknowledging. I'll do that in the beginning bc not everyone is as skilled but I wouldn't do it forever either. No matter how many I statement or politely you say something many people will get defensive as they will still interpret it as you finding fault with them. Some people who are very shame based will actually feel this, other people will pretty much understand where you're coming from but will try to manipulate by switching it around and now try to put you on the defensive for the way you said it or that you're too needy or critical but again this is sad in the moment but when is a better time to find this out about a person's relationship n conflict mgmnt style? After you're dating for 2-5 yrs? After you're married? Doing this won't always give you the answer you want but it will give you an answer and in the long run that is the best.

[@johno4639]

People nowadays have no maturity whatsoever you have to find somebody that doesn't live in the western world they're much more mature

[@sifublack192]

In short, "know your worth and accept nothing less." I agree wholeheartedly and I can unapologetically walk away without looking back when I am offered less than what I want. "You don't get what you deserve in life, just what you negotiate."

[@SunshineAndSnowflakes]

Perfectly said sir.

[@sifublack192]

@@SunshineAndSnowflakes thanks!

[@sheilagarcia776]

Facts

[@chandra2519]

🩷

[@GoddessEnergy333]

💗💗💗👁️

[@pamelavesey6381]

Forcing someone to talk to you is a waste of time. If a guy wants you he will make sure he is seeing you and talking to you.

[@lisag1651]

Yeah I am not sure Id give a breadcrumber a second chance. If he is a narcissist, he will just start love bombing and then you are in trouble, if you don't have your wits about you.

[@ajcraft-hello]

🎯

[@liadown9052]

But I get curious and purposely bug someone until they actually grow a pair and speak up. 😂

[@JesusSaves77799]

I don’t know though. Sometimes people don’t realize they aren’t giving you what you need - especially with men. They might not always be the best communicators or may have something going on within themselves that they are struggling with so calling out the situation gently can help the other person recalibrate too (if that is what is in their heart to want to do!).

[@rashmigama2417]

Yes very true. If he never initiates any conversation and it's always you who have to it is clear he is not interested in you romantically . He might not say it to your face but that is just avoiding you it's clear.

[@amanitamuscaria7500]

Not only romantic relationships but friendship as well.

[@lilfairycupcake]

its the new norm.

[@mrstoner2udude799]

I took a break. Permanently. I will not accept less than what I deserve.

[@SonicSpeedfan23]

Exactly all of us deserve better

[@davidchupp4460]

Means you will never find it. That’s the problem with people. Saying they deserve instead of what THEY can give.

[@RubyLine]

​@@davidchupp4460 I feel like you've never been long enough with an avoidant.... They constantly take and take, and never give anything back. If you have the nerve to communicate your needs they pull the victim or I'm busy card. But oh damn if you don't satisfy their needs, they lash out at you. There has to be an equal give and take, otherwise it's not healthy nor fair and one-sided.

[@davidchupp4460]

@@RubyLinemy point is that if marriage or relationship is about you you will always have by needy and unfulfilled. This includes men and women. If you communicate in a healthy NON THREATENING way that isn’t demeaning or demoralizing then it’s appropriate. Otherwise you will make the situation worse. Also do it when both have the time and space to talk and are in a good mood. Those things are critical. Don’t do it when frustrated or annoyed.

[@RubyLine]

@@davidchupp4460 That works in a healthy relationship but not with insecure attachment styles together. When you're consistently faced with someone's lack of effort, communication, accountability and immaturity, enough is enough. Asking for one text per month (without any other communication besides it) was too much to ask. I doubt that you'd be able to have that type of neutral speech when you've been ghosted, ignored and stonewalled for months many times. With them coming back to you every time, acting like nothing happened. You can be as good as you want in communication and conflict resolution, it won't change anything if your partner refuses to see how their behaviours is damaging. And that's for all insecure attachment styles.

[@stanleymason-od4ls]

Excellent video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.

[@linamoon-mi7wd]

its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my marriage of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back

[@stanleymason-od4ls]

Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?

[@linamoon-mi7wd]

Her name is Suzanne ann walters , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.

[@stanleymason-od4ls]

Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive

[@Caroline-ro5lz]

@@stanleymason-od4ls funny i saw this exact same conversation between the two of you on another relationship channel

[@steeleheroesmedia4699]

The secure person won’t start the fight but the breadcrumber will for sure go into defensive mode starting with denial and then open defensiveness. 👍

[@SonicSpeedfan23]

Something akin to that happened last July. I thread/wary of them now. Actions, not words

[@SandraWade666]

Then we secures know it's time to walk away

[@lilfairycupcake]

secure/intelligent people rarely start fights.

[@XxMiranda7786]

I think the key to healthy attachment is “healing” when you heal, you can see 🚩 red flags in people quickly, and your aura becomes brighter and resonates people of a higher frequency who will give you what you want.

[@heidinotheidi]

YES!!!!

[@reneenordeen9447]

If someone disrespects me with breadcrumbs, its done. I'm not playing junior high level mind games. I'm moving on and deleting their number. Grown women don't do these things.

[@pinkchilldivestmentor]

💯

[@sagebay2803]

Thank you!

[@lggig534]

I’m just loading up my schedule, so that I’m not wasting my time anymore. If he goes silent, I’m missing him less and less. We rarely have enough time to discuss anything so the little embers that started glowing are dying out. Very little oxygen pumped in to ignite the flames. I’m more excited now for the things I have on my schedule than hearing from him. It’s only a matter of time.

[@westensanchez9483]

Getting older is rough.

[@mgb5170]

Thst sounds like a form of dishonesty

[@brandyk]

So why wait? Just end it if you've done the 4 things she recommended. Why give him continued power over your life. You should actually have been keeping yourself involved in other things as a well balanced person not simply to feel less upset about a relationship. But doing so will likely give you better chances to start out on better footing with someone new in future.

[@cryptointegrations9854]

Thats a good idea thanks 😊

[@susanjones8489]

Yep that’s how it dies: from neglect and abandonment. Good you handled it like a boss.

[@jasonfanclub4267]

The videos from a perspective of a securely attached person are really helpful to me

[@MeganThomson-yl6ww]

Fully agree! It flips it from “what not to do” to “this is how you do it” Thank you Thais 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

[@SmallBobby]

It's like realizing we're both living on the same planet but in two different universes/two different planes of reality. 🤯

[@jasonfanclub4267]

@@SmallBobby true

[@smokingcrab2290]

Avoidants will make even the most secure people doubt their sanity. Avoid the avoidant.

[@mehediabedin9737]

This video made me realize that I had communication issues.

[@thatgirlbrinna7927]

Me to

[@lilfairycupcake]

the hardest person to judge, is ones self.

[@lynnvener6631]

Omg...I have never even heard of this or knew it was a REAL thing & have been telling my hubby of 28 yrs that I ONLY GET BREAD CRUBS from him now and feel like I'm a mouse!! I hate it and he wasn't like this for the first 10 yrs we were together..ive been sleeping alone for 2 weeks now because he doesn't understand that I CANT BE A MOUSE any longer & he doesn't want to HEAR ME now AT ALL..I knew I was right!!! I am a secure person (but it didn't come from having a loving childhood! Lol) & refuse to let him neglect my emotional needs anymore. I will leave him because I can't live like this. It's painful to be neglected when you give your all to the other...thanks for doing a video on this. its DIVINE intervention that i even found this🙏!😇

[@SoundsBogus]

Security means you don't depend on others to fill the void.

[@TreasureForeverOfficial]

You should check our Adrienne everheart

[@SherryONeill]

Are There Others In his Life? Tbey Get Their Needs Met SOMEWHERE

[@sundown6748]

Okay you have to lean back to get him to move forward. You need Adrienne EVERHEART or Sami Wonder. Or Laura Doyle You are turning him off and pushing him away.

[@davidborgerding8429]

Cracked

[@dannycolwell8028]

I was not secure, still not but doing much better. Man, I let my ex walk aaaalllll over me. I was a doormat, I would fawn, when I brought up a concern I was called anxious and clingy and insecure. So I tried harder to be the perfect boyfriend and meet every need. She dumped me for someone else and I’ve been in therapy for almost 9 months. Looking back I don’t even recognize the person I was and I don’t know what I saw in her

[@SUNNYchanceofRAIN1477]

Keep healing

[@smitha1867]

Same same. I get you 💯. Don’t know what I saw in him. Been 2 years now. So much better. You will be too. 👍🏻

[@dannycolwell8028]

@@smitha1867 im glad to hear that! The time and inner convo you have to keep having can be very hard work, good job! I don’t know you but I’m proud of you!

[@nofybn7794]

@@smitha1867 Same. Same.

[@HustleHabit]

You're not the only one. Glad you sought help. Forgive yourself, and keep moving forward. It gets better.

[@harry-james-books]

A secure person simply breadcrumbs back. If the other half wants to kill the relationship, either by game playing or disinterest, a secure person will match their input, and they'll either start putting more in or it will die out. Either one is fine, as secure people will have plenty of other people to talk to

[@saraxadam3659]

that's not what OP said at all? she said that first things first, the confusion/upset would get assertively, calmly communicated

[@saraxadam3659]

ah unless you mean like a brand-new person you're dating or something

[@SonicSpeedfan23]

Yeah, but I call it pulling back your energy. If not reciprocated then, just gonna give you what you give me. But the funny thing is they will say your acting strange when really you just want to be left alone and giving them what they want

[@SandraWade666]

No. Not a good strategy. She's saying call it out and try to get to the bottom of it. Give the breadcrumber a chance to change the behavior. If they don't. Walk away. What you're suggesting is immature.

[@SandraWade666]

​@SonicSpeedfan23 that's not what she's saying to do. As a secure person I call someone who's doing this out. Not in an angry way but convey that I'm confused by it. If it doesn't change then I decide if it's w9rth it to stick around. Breadcrumbs back is just immature

[@brookebenton8192]

I noticed I've only ever been breadcrumbed by guys I met on dating apps.

[@kognitivescientist]

Dating apps are really a separate phenomena of its kind. I don’t know how they should be fixed so that they can start actually giving what they are supposed to (connect people intending to find relationships).

[@BrooklynBaby-1]

Stay off the apps! These men are low value and use it to build a harem of women they can brag about having to their friends. They can’t women in real life so they’re on there abusing women.

[@ameliadeshane9192]

​@@kognitivescientistdating apps are algorithmed and their goal is to actually keep you single and on the apps. They want people buying benefits on their apps and using them.

[@EllieM_Travels]

Something to keep in mind, you’re super pretty, so if I were a guy hearing you say that, I’d want to pay attention. Those who aren’t physically attractive don’t have the same clout, unfortunately. I speak from both sides, having been super cute and then in a bad accident that left me disabled. People who aren’t perceived as strong or physically beautiful get disrespected right and left. It takes really thick skin and a very strong sense of independence to make it in relationships when you’re disabled or disadvantaged.

[@martialmusic]

It hurts to read that

[@audreyandrea460]

@@martialmusic It isn’t true though. It’s just the “pretty privilege” narrative.

[@eleanorwalmsley635]

​@@audreyandrea460aspects are true. There are many factors at play ....

[@taleandclawrock2606]

You are right, i was pretty, youthful and slim, now im 55 with a health condition and overweight, boy is it a different dating scene, but luckily i have learned to respect and nurture myself so i am happy in my life, enjoy my own interests and work, satisfied with my acheivements and content to wait for decent folk to show up.

[@sarahar616]

Self respect no matter how unattractive you “ think” you are is Very attractive

[@RashidaSafe]

Yes! ‘Securely attached people will communicate,’ period. Absolutely in agreement with that point. Which not only speak to their secure attachment style but also to their character and self-esteem. ❤

[@Portia620]

Maybe I’m finally securely attached! ❤🙏. I was anxiously attached at one time.

[@wasa4616]

So I was not at all weak when I told this girl, "hey is everything okay, you're not as communicative lately, if you need space I'll give you space." I also told her "I'm just communicating how I feel about this, and that I feel bad(not bad as in apologetic but terrible not talking to this person as much as we did in the beginning) and if you didn't want to explain yourself that's fine. And if you wanted to talk about what you're going through I'm all ears." I have not talked to her in almost 3 months, because if she wanted to talk she would.

[@SandraWade666]

That's a lot of text. I wouldn't try to second guess why they're breadcrumbing. Just do what Thais suggests and ask whats up and say you feel a disconnection

[@thelaziestbee]

Did you tell her or text her? If you are exchanging texts, this is almost a different way of communication.

[@Dani-lc9hq]

That sounds perfect to me! If she didn't respond to this you need to let her go, she's not at all worth it.

[@user-ch9bj5ok8b]

​@@thelaziestbeeFrom my experience a text is always perceived as more negative than speaking in person.

[@thelaziestbee]

@user-ch9bj5ok8b yes, I have noticed that too

[@katja6332]

I learned to Marie Condo my life. Just with people. I am not addressing breadcrumbing. Why waste time? I ask myself, if this relationship gives me joy? If no, I say thank you for being in my life and you can leave now. ❤ Don’t waste time on breadcrumbing people, they already showed you who they are.

[@zlatnimjesec2706]

💯💯👍

[@tawainahollis4770]

THIS🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯

[@TokyoBlue587]

This is the way.

[@amarchelk]

I agree. Breadcrumbing is very telling. It shows a person's brokeness, unhealthy issues and lack of respect and love for the individual they are breadcrumbing. If this continues to happen, just leave them alone and to themselves. They will either go away or change. They will never change if they are aided and abetted. Period.

[@lilfairycupcake]

alone is where they need to be. all a narcissist needs is themselves.

[@MrChachiyo]

Yes. And when the FA doesn't communicate for weeks, you let go.

[@johno4639]

I'm not being breadcrumbed. That happens I'm pretty much done. It's not the right one don't waste your time. Done the communication thing These days things don't work with people because people are very emotionally immature. What they will do is get defensives, gaslight you tell you're being too needy...

[@DJRenee]

Walk

[@smokingcrab2290]

"needy" is just a word coined by manipulators to make you feel bad for standing up for what you know you deserve. They call you "needy" because they want zero accountability to show up in the relationship for you in any way. They want a rent free relationship. You give 100%, they take it all.

[@lilfairycupcake]

so f them.

[@msgemini478]

100% I had a good male friend that I was really vibing with. He started breadcrumbing and knew how I felt about it. I called him out on it and said I'm not the one. He later called me needy. 😂 And that was the nail in the coffin of our friendship. We're just distant acquaintances now.

[@Meristem968]

This is such a good message! I struggle with anxious attachment and am always worried that I’m being needy or being a doormat, and it’s so true that these kinds of fears make me overreact. But being clear and direct in a kind way, that makes me feel like I can ask for what I need instead of just throwing it all away.

[@SunshineAndSnowflakes]

If you try Thais's personal development courses I swear they'll help so much! It's so easy to put myself first now and say no to people.

[@originalmix2546]

AP here and - same!!!! So relatable!!!!!

[@Freedomexpresstrain]

Yes. I think anxious types have a tendency to doubt that the other will respond in a friendly/receptive manner so that is how we ask for something we may request or inquire. That anxious dialogue gets reverberated back to us as a mirror. I'm going to watch/awareness about how I present myself to my partner. Thank you.

[@brightpage1020]

I hope the answer is: "Uuuuuh.... Ew. No, thank you. I feel disgusted by breadcrumbs, not confused. So, I've moving on. Thanks for the memories, and the clarity. Cheers. All the best in your future endeavours."

[@Sidera17]

I'm going to say I'm "Emotionally Gluten Intolerant" the next time.

[@gregorystinette8271]

I save my bread crumbs for turkey stuffing on Thanksgiving day.

[@Borboleta1212]

Love this 😂 💯 me too except I’m veggie 😅

[@Littleowl85352]

I think one also has to bear in mind that it's also appropriate just to let it go unless this is a really important relationship to us. Not only may we sometimes not like the answer (I'm sure we all have had friends we've outgrown and messaged less as time went on) I do still think it's good to go with the flow and let people do their thing and come closer when they're ready... unless this is, like I say, a relationship you really wanna prioritise.

[@teresareid5034]

I was thinking the same if your in a relationship it’s easier to communicate what you need from them but if it’s just texting from a early person than it’s harder to communicate your needs and I do feel people show with their action what kind of person they are going to be in a relationship before you have gone further so I just let them go if it’s meant to be they will take action

[@dcm2dcg]

Thank you. 💯 why vet for the change if you're not attached to begin with? I feel like this advice only applies to a relationship where it didn't start off with breadcrumbing and relationship was already established...

[@smokingcrab2290]

I'm married to an avoidant woman. If you meet an avoidant, just run. Fucking run. They are too broken and too messed up to make the relationship what it needs to be. You will be abandoned and made to feel like you're crazy for feeling abandoned. You will never get any reciprocity. And any attempt to voice your needs or be understood will be met with them retreating and sandbagging you. They gaslight you into actually thinking you're "needy" and "clingy" just because you want anything other than silence, no contact, and space. Your interests and desires will never align, and every single aspect of the relationship will go against your intuition and instincts. Every day will be opposite day, and you will constantly be 2nd guessing yourself. You will never out-love their trauma. Nothing will ever feel natural. You will never get what you want or need. There is no point to being with an avoidant. Because the bottom line is this - they're just not into you. They might need you, but they'll never want you. Whereas you might want them, but you'll never need them. Take it from me. Run far away.

[@TokyoBlue587]

Yes! Very well said and great advice.

[@lotusphoenix8]

I met a guy at the grocery store who once had my number but didn't put it to any good use. He asked for it again and I told him he doesn't need it, that's why he had deleted in the first place.

[@dannywholuv]

Communication isnt conflict. Its funny how insecure styles see this as a threat or bad thing!

[@LeeChrissy]

You know, that sounds logical however when you grow up and saw that the only way people communicate is yelling and then have past partners who do the same, you kind of go quiet to protect yourself because as I've learned from too many people, communication can lead to arguments.

[@dannywholuv]

@@LeeChrissy im glad you recognise where it comes from. First stage of recovery right? 🙏

[@Littleowl85352]

Imagine if you had dyslexia or something and had to deal with this kind of thing over text

[@harry-james-books]

@@Littleowl85352 I have dyslexia, and I can tell when someone is being an arsehole and deserves to be ignored until they grow up (or don't)

[@Littleowl85352]

​@@harry-james-booksyes but it may present a challenge for some dyslexics to communicate this viewpoint effectively via the written word

[@EllieM_Travels]

Yep this is what I did. Asked him why he’s always “busy” and can’t seem to call rather than text in a non confrontational way. He didn’t realize he was doing it and completely changed the dynamic.

[@sammuis01]

Good for you! Didn't see that ending coming.... glad it worked out.

[@smokingcrab2290]

Wow he actually changed. That's a first I've heard.

[@DolceIbarra]

I don’t see any problem with holding on loosely unless the relationship warrants more effort. We are all at where we are at. If we align tightly, so be it. If not, a loose yet cherished connection is still valuable.

[@Freedomexpresstrain]

I enjoyed reading your comment. It takes the pressure off of relationships and puts it in a healthy perspective.

[@emgee691]

" Putting in a lot to try and make things work, when they never will". 2 days ago , in the course of my occupation, I came across a man and woman, who, when I happened to mention that I also do Psychic work, they let up like fairy lights on a Christmas tree and immediately jumped in all ernest and eager and asked me... " What abou us? What do you say about us together"? After around a minute or so, I replied.... " You both keep going on and out together. You can never settle on being together or being separate. You each come and go. You're in you're out, you're there, you're not. But, deep down you're both not at all really suited to each other for a genuine lasting relationship. It's like you hope you might be or wish you could be or believe you should be. But, no, it's that you're not and won't be". They both looked at each other and agreed that yes, that's how they both had been and still were. And that yes what I said was really true. In a few minutes it was like they both took the pressure off themselves and finally admitted what they had not really admitted to themselves and each other before now. ( What I saw but didn't say to them is that there really was NO real fire or spark or chemistry between them.) They both finished up saying that they're really good for each other as friends, but that's all. I think we waste an awful lot of time, effort, stress, confusion, angst, conviction, emotion, " working " to " make things work" when they never really will. I think that like these 2 people, we hope it might or believe it SHOULD when our own lived experience, our own feeling and knowing, is telling us that no, it won't and never will.

[@sammuis01]

❤

[@afterdinnercheesesnack]

Going out on a limb to say to Thais, Happy Mother’s Day from your subscribers! The content and love and support you give us daily is that of a nurturing motherly nature. I am going through the most saddest part of a breakup with a DA and your voice and insight has been so so comforting to me. I’ve been following for a while and you’re apart of my life more than you know!!! Thank you Thais ❤

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Thank you for your beautiful comment

[@Sidera17]

I'm an FA and I was surprised to hear these behaviors are secure ones because I do them (though I still struggle with the "jumping to conclusions" part). My issue is, if you breadcrumb me once, I'll never trust you again. That's probably the maladaptive part. So I DO stick to my boundaries, try not to jump to conclusions, address the breadcrumbing like an adult, and then walk away (not being a jerk about it unless they pick a fight or were transgressing). I think my non-negotiables are where the issue lies: breadcrumbing is a non-negotiable. In my mind, the breadcrumbing indicates manipulation (bad), indecision about me (bad personal trigger), a multidating situation (another bad personal trigger), or that it might NOT be actual "breadcrumbing," but FEELS like it is because the other person does not desire the same level of connection/attentiveness/closeness that I want, in which case we're incompatible. All of these scenarios are grounds for walking away because nobody can regain my trust once it's gone and I know that about myself, so I don't waste anyone else's time. I just hope for a better fit with the next person but clearly there is something wrong with my approach because I've been alone for a VERY long time now, and former partners have a,ways said I was too rigid with my boundaries and felt like I "discarded them.". That can't have a healthy root.

[@stefaniakonstantinidou981]

I think u r right. For me sth that shows if a relationship has potential is when you explain your boundaries and needs, does the person make an effort to meet them or not? If not, you move on, no question

[@aristark559]

well, i started out as secure, communicated in a calm manner, was understanding, tolerating her cancelling every second meeting. - but everyone has their limits. cancelled our weekend 2 hours before, food was on the table. even a secure person will come to a point where it hurts and it becomes difficult to adress it in a nice manner - and suddenly you act like an Anxious

[@Ribas_darkkissa]

It’s funny that almost 20 years ago, the term breadcrumbs came to my mind at the beginning stages of my relationship, way before I heard it on social media. It came from my partner then starting to go for lunch without me, while I ate bread alone at home. And the affection and time for me lessening and lessening. Unfortunately I allowed it for 20 years…

[@aa.1151]

If you have an anxious attachment style - every relationship feels like breadcrumbs. If you have an avoidant attachment style...others will feel like you breadcrumb them. Even healthy attachment style people experience some level of both. Disturbed attach style will vary between them. Couple can work and support them out, but it,s easyer to pick next one

[@martialmusic]

Avoidantly attached people learned early in life they were not good enough to be loved. It’s called hateful psychological abuse. With no self esteem their behaviors appear as breadcrumbs to others, but are acts of heroism on their part. Why heroic ? Because they are reaching out for connection, all while genuinely expecting deep rejection. Sadly, this also makes them less attractive, and the risk is of the self fulfilling prophecy, as well as disappointment for their partner.

[@smokingcrab2290]

martial music, my wife is an utter mystery. I'm objectively out of her league but I tell her she's beautiful and I treat her like it. She rejects me constantly. I look her in the eye and smile and she says "what??" in a nervous way like it's an invasion of her space. If we have sex she won't look me in the eye. If I try to connect with her during lovemaking she says "stop trying so hard" but she just lays there like a dead fish. If I text her she won't respond. If we talk it's just business. We share none of the same interests and all she cares about is hanging out with her family. It's the worst relationship I've ever been in.

[@missbae_]

Ask questions and you WILL be gaslit, doesn’t matter how calmly you ask. Don’t ask anything, if they wanted to communicate they would! If they had the maturity to communicate effectively, they would. Just observe, and move on, there is nothing to discuss. Side note: I’m so happy to see so many people in the comments that are above the bad advice in this video!! ❤❤❤stay smart folks! Don’t fall for the mind games!

[@alixspeaks]

This is so true.

[@xXKyon12Xx]

Oh yes, this is how am seeing life, notice that my values are slowly changing and evolving in this naturally, good times.

[@Pinklipsbetweenhips]

It took many years but I went from being co dependent to having secure attachments, learned validate myself and set boundaries. World looks very different and I’m happy. Wish my parents taught me this stuff

[@martialmusic]

I really liked your closing remarks at step four. Confrontation can be kind authentic and honest and be said in a way that demonstrates one’s own continuing investment in the relationship. This displays one’s own self respect. This is wisdom. It leaves room for self love while acknowledging that love from the other person may - or may not - be diminishing - and that you are interested in hearing the answer.

[@agentsquish]

This was amazing timing as im going thru breadcrumbing right now and that hit all that boxes that im doing. Thank you for sharing.

[@MagicalGem222]

I love you enough to tell you to please stop telling the story that you are someone who receives breadcrumbs from people I say this would love and compassion and understanding that I would love for you to tell the story that you are loved in relationships. Your love is received. It is noticed it is reciprocated, you are seen in your relationship you are valued in your relationship you were cared for and thought of someone who attracts a loving committed relationship with a healthy secure partner

[@RubyLine]

​@@MagicalGem222 Who are you to know his/her situation ? Being breadcrumbed by someone is NOT receiving love. And relationships are based on an equal give and take, not constant giving. Being breadcrumbed is receiving specs of dust so that they can further use you whenever they feel like having their needs met. That won't mean that the discards won't happen all over again. Not worth the hurt, drama and bs. Heal yourself and let them go.

[@emgee691]

I think that with our romantic and more personal connections/ relating, we get to a point where we ask oursekf - do I invest any more effort, time, of myself into THIS? And, why? What's my endgame here? A good question to ask....Just what IS my endgame here? Hand on heart, honesty with Self. Whatever your answer truly is, run with it, and you won't waste so much of your time and effort trying to " make something work better" when it's never going to.

[@justme9514]

@2:08 true stories as a SA I co-sign this message, so when we say to avoidant type people "this behaviour is not for me," and do a SA "discard of the avoidant types and call them out they really can't get mad if we find it unacceptable.

[@spikygreen]

The good news is, DAs barely even care about being broken up with (it's not like they truly value being in a relationship to begin with). So, no harm, no foul.

[@sj3969]

@@spikygreenthis has been my experience as a DA. I’ve been rarely broken up so I think in the times it’s happened I’m confused but not hurt. I don’t have a one that got away fortunately or unfortunately.

[@spikygreen]

@@sj3969 thanks for sharing. Would it still be the case if it's someone you moved in with and lived together?

[@lanalou2749]

When he is kind and honest and gives his best.... Reward him with loyalty, great sex and the best friendship he could ask for.... The rest he will do, he's a man!! But when they lie and you are trying your best....the game has to change and play out it's full time before it is completed and done!!! They crumb you when you are honest and kind....You teach them a lesson in migraine and nausea, frustration, confusion, irritability, sadness (because that's what they did to you and will do the next good girl!)... then cut them off like they never fkn existed! Remain single, heal, level up, go through your evolution with grace.... And step back out into life with readiness and self confidence.... Never let a man make you lose love for life....that's ungodly!

[@dwermes]

Happy to know that when I hear this I can see myself doing this. That I've gone far enough I'm my healing to think "yea...makes sense..."

[@leaaugusta9924]

I like this. Thank you. I like the calm and professional yet compassionate way you handle this topic.

[@SheyB-sl5kg]

This is so needed. Thank you.

[@SrnDpT-ti1xs]

You are so awesome!! Thanks for all you are doing. I love sharing your work!

[@annnee6818]

I communicate then dip if nothing changes. That right?

[@DobermanDanK9]

I've also done this. I feel if the communication just goes straight over their head, it's not my position to continue communication like I'm teaching a baby. Protecting my energy as such

[@nneoma6106]

I appreciate all of your videos and shorts. Thank you. ❤

[@westcoast747]

Those that can’t communicate, compromise or comprehend aren’t worthy of your time. Conflict resolution is key to any relationship or friendship.

[@garywillett6396]

Great strategy that you presented. I appreciate sanity in the approach .❤

[@Keffin1]

Another great video Thais. I really appreciate the examples you give as well. Pretty much use them word for word when speaking to my DA partner. Keep up the good work :)

[@carolangeli1025]

Perfect timing. I needed this info.

[@aaronjay606]

This was such a great video Thais, thank you!

[@moonstars430]

Thank you for explaining to us the secure way to communicate. I have been so confused how to deal with implementing boundaries.

[@jerrimenard3092]

The needle didn't move and I got my answer. Infact, it exposed some mild gaslighting. We had gone on several dates and they told me yes to everything I wanted, but then acted like we never had that conversation. So, I did like that song by Chinchilla " Cut you off". Within a few weeks I was dating someone much better for me. It was more casual but at least we are on the same page. The breadcrumb person is now asking people we know if I am ok and implying I have changed or I am depressed (which I am not). I have never been better. Kiitos!

[@justme9514]

@4:44 😆absolutely!! Yes we call it out, and then told we "have no empathy for avoidant types" like we're supposed to accept it rather than avoidant types check themselves. So far you're doing a brilliant job on SA type's response to avoidant behaviour bravo 🎉

[@pearlsb45wine]

This is such a great way to get perspective 👏 thank you!

[@gailakenneally]

Very helpful! Thank you

[@michellebaker793]

I needed this video today. Thank you.

[@justme9514]

@7:01 that's right , yes we do . But you better trust and believe that "vetting point" will be make or break for that avoidant too. They will be moved on from with no regrets if there's no change. Not years later it will be sooner rather than later 💯

[@healingbygiusi]

I want to add, you can tell a lot about someone by how they react to you trying to communicate. If they blow up, get defensive, glaze over or gaslight you, then it's an indication that they will be unable to comminicate with you. It is not our job to lower ourselves to meet someone where they are. This is important if you have been healing and changing patterns..and to maintain firm boundaries..and enforcing them. Rooted in your self worth.

[@agomesss]

Very nice video. It is very informative for people that are still coming into secure attachments cause even though we have already understood that we are worthy of more, because we’ve never done it it will be hRd to take action. I loved that you referenced what a secure person would have done and that was super helpful to understand what to do! Thank you for this! ❤

[@makitty_makeupxo]

Love this! Could you make a video on signs you’re making progress going from being an FA working toward Secure attachment?❤

[@triplejmom7826]

I would love this too!! Great idea

[@SunshineAndSnowflakes]

​@@triplejmom7826 I'm here to throw in a 3rd vote ❤

[@jbanks7561]

That video you're looking for is available on this channel @personal development by Thais kzbin.info/www/bejne/hpmsfXmQjdWUY8ksi=F9yogR0CdPY8BAxF

[@harry-james-books]

If you haven't dumped someone for no reason for a year, you're finally getting there

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Thank you for your suggestion, will forward this to Thais :)

[@adelakunoluwatobi8930]

Really insightful video. Thanks

[@carlamarlene2927]

In the first year, my boyfriend (now my husband) started being hard to find. He actually had his roommate and a friend lie to me on his whereabouts. When I finally got him on the phone, I told him "I'm obviously not making you happy, not fulfilling you anymore. I'm not happy and I deserve better. Don't call me. I'll call you when our child is born and tell you what you have" Yes we were pregnant already, I was very pregnant but knew my boundaries and wasn't about to let him walk on me. I went to my sister's for a week and by the time I came back, his father had talked sense into him and he came to his senses. He apologized for specific wrongs not just blanket apologies. 20 years in and he'll be the first to tell you I know him better than he knows himself. I don't put up with BS or theatrics.

[@milesmatulionis]

That was awesome, thank you!

[@AliPittaway]

Thanks for this really clear and insightful video! I think these rules can apply in any relationship. I used to have a “friend” who only ever made any effort when she wanted something from me. Also, my brother puts no effort into our relationship at all so I stopped doing so too.

[@christineb966]

Needed that chat - thank you. Wish I had seen it a week earlier 🙈 😅

[@milachyc88]

I literally disappear when they breadcrumb me. Never regretted it in my entire 36 years, I’m still single but I know knowing my worth will bring the man that truly values me not these weakos

[@Steven-lm8db]

Awesome, thank you for the wisdom. 🙏😇

[@darmeyhassan845]

Thanks for sharing this ♥️

[@clintpot8521]

Thanks! Nice video. I like the term bread crumbing. It sums up a lot of what I've experienced in the past and gives me a way to manage through it. Subscribing!

[@janetpattison8474]

The breadcrumbs can come from anyone; the boss, the spouse, the grown kid who is trying to say “give me space”, a new love interest, or friends. One friend cancelled a meet-up, never attempted to reschedule, and ghosted me for two months. And No, she didn’t have a lot going on. If a person wants a friend ship, or more, then an effort must be made & sustained to create what u want. It doesn’t happen on its own, like magic. No thanks to all the breadcrumbers.

[@idamendez9629]

Brilliant thank you so much!!!

[@user-qp3yd6ch4y]

I'm new 🆕 here,and i absolutely love ❤❤ your videos,very simple, well explained and right to the point😊

[@JoeySanderss]

Good video! Im FA becoming more secure

[@dumpmail-xz2qp]

Sometimes you are kinda just wasting your time to even try talk it out with the person no matter how close you were for any years. Bread crumbling should be taken as a serious sign that you are being disrespected... when I asked my ex narc friend for clarity on the situation as she has been bread crumbling me for a very long time, knowing we have already discussed this and how I feel about it, she laughed it off. It was as if it was funny to her that I care over it. Seeing how she was actually not busy with real life at all like she would usually make excuses and had no problem even replying to strangers, I felt dumb to even address this obvious issue. It really felt intentional to get a reaction out of me so when I reasonably chose to just move on because this wasn't working out, instead of chasing this immature person who wont even find once a week some time to catch up, she couldn't digest it and went around to mock me by telling I'm jealous of her being popular and having better life now and I don't. She also was telling very unnecessary private information about me and made out of me some kind of desperate self harming needy loser... She earned permanent no contact badge with that one!

[@alexisbradford5111]

Thanks for sharing ❤

[@clarisec1451]

You are such a great help

[@arymay8924]

Rolling-on-the-floor HILARIOUS!!!

[@itati.]

thank you so much for this

[@felicerobinson]

Thanks!

[@franchic9565]

If you invest in your interests/hobbies, and in your friends and people in your family whom you love, you will be secure enough, and busy enough to choose to not waste your time with someone who's flaky and doesn't know what they want. Get to a happy state first, in whatever way possible, and THEN look for a mate. Great video by the way !

[@waguda1975]

Hurt people hurt people. People should enter relationships/friendships as a whole or healed person. There’s nothing worse than being with a broken person who doesn’t have the capacity or courage to Love, Trust, Respect and grow or merely share a moment with another human being. Bread crumbing is obviously a person who doesn’t care about making an effort for another.

[@yohannes.painsaba2867]

I just dealt with one recently and i tried everything...I released her, and now she can go be a whole cancerous tumor in someone else's life...Since when does the Universe think an overgrown toddler is what i need at this stage of my life? I don't do snakes let alone komodo dragons, and she is the latter. Evil design, she can slither back to the hades. Manipulations, lack of communication , constant white lies and inconsistency for almost 2 yrs...She can stay in the komodo dragon's pit. It takes a lot for me to hate and loathe, but this one here, I don't know the reason why the universe sent them my way...in the 1st place.

[@zeebeehee]

Thank you!

[@templedancer1222]

I am a 57 year old teenage girl, at least that's how it feels. Despite having two divorces and two grown children, I have yet to experience a romantic relationship that is not filled with deception, betrayal, cheating, and otherwise being taken advantage of by my partner. I have worked to learn all I can to fix myself and to be my best so that I feel worthy of another person's love. My question is, if I notice that I am being breadcrumbed, how do I match or mirror the contribution of the other person? What does that look like?

[@angelaraycroft233]

Powerful vid.. ❤

[@JGtheone01]

Secure and getting crumbs? Nah I’ll go find my Loaf of bread instead 😂

[@gatorssbm]

It sucks wanting to call it out when you genuinely care for the person and know theyre sensitive to criticism like that so I just chose to call it off and avoid talking about it beyond me just stating my boundaries and leaving. Even if its ended well and theyve realized I will move on if nothing happened I still have mixed feelings on addressing someone is leading me on, maybe Im just too soft but at the same time I at least know not to give into the chase.