I'm Having Trouble Leaving a 20-Year Toxic Relationship!

[@d.m.3753]

So she had her son at 17 years old... she never had a grown life without her husband. She cant imagine her life without him.

[@chernagast6754]

Happened to me too. Trying to escape.

[@pe8841]

@@chernagast6754 hope for the best, you can do it!

[@d.m.3753]

@@chernagast6754 you are probably anxious. Try to take it one step and day at a time. You will be so proud of yourself on the other side.

[@ryankiel4895]

She must be a Mormon...

[@Ewoonation]

She’s completely co-dependent. She doesn’t know how to be on her own. It sucks. I hope she finds the strength to be able to move on

[@holiday-td6hx]

She needs to get on YT and watch videos about ppl living in their cars (by choice) working online and seeing the U.S. I'd live in my car and do what I just said before I'd go back to this type of life.

[@georgewagner7787]

Her child is 22. It means they married when she was 16.

[@Je.rone_]

Sometimes the best way forward is not going back

[@786otto]

I would say alwais.

[@hikerhobby1204]

I’m sorry, I’m laughing because your comment makes so much sense! Happy day!

[@turdferguson5847]

The only way forward is to never go back. Never. Going backward is never an option in life.

[@time4advancement244]

That was whack and unoriginal

[@blessedwifeandmama]

Oof!

[@MayRuiz]

Sadly, no one will be able to help this woman, until she wakes up and helps herself. She knows it's a dumb situation, she's just still happy being there still.

[@786otto]

Have to agree.

[@thomasdonlin5456]

This sounds like codependency, pure and simple. It’s hard to break free of.

[@MayRuiz]

@@thomasdonlin5456 Yes. Speaking from experience. It's very hard . It won't stop until she's sick and tired. Unfortunately, a lot of people (including myself), go through this. Luckily, some of us wake up.

[@thomasdonlin5456]

@@MayRuiz Trust me, it happens to guys too.

[@MayRuiz]

@@thomasdonlin5456 Yes, that's why I said people....

[@katchatbto]

What is sad is she is 39 and still has so much life ahead of her. If she walks out now and reinvents herself, she could enjoy the fruit of that for many years.

[@thistle_boy]

Hey Melissa, you can find a roommate or housemate to lower your cost of rent. You don't need to go to your ex-husband to find cheaper rent.

[@kingrclrg]

You telling a 30 year old women to get a roommate

[@kingrclrg]

@@DK-mc7mp there still married 🤣 yep go back. 39 year old women who can’t support herself on her own & wanna leave because he cheated. Sounds like she’s not doing her job as a wife.

[@studentsofmoney2653]

@@kingrclrg I really hope your trolling and not that dense.

[@Will-oj3un]

@@kingrclrg Are you the abusive husband? Or a different abusive husband?

[@PHARANORMALACTIVITY]

thought her name was Angela

[@CaseyBurnsInvesting]

Just because it’s old doesn’t mean it’s good.

[@shaddowgolden1054]

Thank you, I needed this today!!

[@shola7987]

Amen

[@grayandgray]

She's stuck at 19 still, the relationship never let her grow up. I wish they asked how old the ex is, I'd bet it's several years older. He got to avoid an equal partnership, and is still trying to maintain power.

[@jcherestal]

The relationship never let her grow up? Come on she needs to be accountable for 20 years of complaciency

[@NeededGR13F]

@@jcherestal welcome to pop psychology.

[@annagabri3ll3]

20 years is hard to walk away from. It’s difficult but it has to be done and she needs to get therapy to help with the healing process

[@ChrisHeightsTV]

She’s been doing this for 20+ years, I don’t think she’s going to leave at this point. 🤷‍♂️

[@4our5ive61]

They usually don't. They are addicted to the drama and don't know it.

[@Libra8410]

Facts

[@emmarose6590]

@@4our5ive61 it’s not drama. It truly is what they say. They have self esteem and worth issues

[@johnallen3497]

It’s the only life she has ever known. She isn’t going anywhere

[@edb484]

Facts 💯

[@wolfpack3889]

She's being used. She's going have to move away. It's familiar. A toxic familiar. That's not a quality of life. Leave.

[@stuckatusername]

Build your own foundation first and financial independence before getting into a committed relationship to minimize any financial problems

[@VoixduQuotidien]

I was in the same situation few years ago, I left never went back since. Toxic man he will not change let it go👍

[@tomardrax9802]

People don't change, just their circumstances.

[@phillip1050]

Darama man won't change if his woman is not listening or obeying. How are you

[@hani99123]

@@phillip1050 you’re the abusive husband we’re talking about here 😂

[@Kysen10]

She is stuck, I can't see her leaving this dude. Sounds like she is financially dependant on him.

[@hikerhobby1204]

Some people just love to stay in codependent relationships. They thrive on the chaos.

[@emmarose6590]

@@hikerhobby1204 not all thrive on drama, it truly is a self worth issue. They don’t think they can find someone better. You accept the love you think you deserve

[@hikerhobby1204]

@@emmarose6590 : That’s true too. I walked out with a two year old. It all can be done if a person is willing and not codependent. I’ve been single now for over 20 years. Wouldn’t have it any other way.

[@MillionaireMindsetClub]

Trust issues after 20+ years together...

[@KTSpeedruns]

If he’s not what you wanted him to be by the time you’re married, he’s never going to be it.

[@aida087]

Same can be said about women, trust I knows few.

[@ginabelanger7335]

I needed to hear this! Hearing how pathetic she sounded.. sounding just like I do.. was like hearing myself… she’s lucky she has no kids with the guy… I’m done.. pray for my strength

[@miltoncat]

Hope you got outta there and are okay!

[@krystalgardiner5591]

Same here OP! Good luck 👍🏻

[@Je.rone_]

Wait did Dave just say cray cray😂

[@endriandri7914]

This lady doesn't realise how lucky she is that she no longer lives with this man. What she needs to do now is run. Find a room somewhere and leave without telling him. As Dave said she doesn't need to see him ever ever again. Good luck 👍

[@bedi09]

Teen moms of today ,please note just because he says he wants to have a life with you doesn't mean it is going to be rainbows and sunshine.

[@christinebutler7630]

Teen girls, take note, if you have a baby you and the father are in each other's lives, in one way or other, for the next eighteen to twenty years while you coparent this child. Close. Your. Legs. He will survive. No man is worth risking your future for.

[@chernagast6754]

Doesn't help if your parents force you into a marriage.

[@wewhoareabouttodiesaluteyo9303]

You guys got dissed by a Chad or Tyrone XD Chad and Tyrones will never be with females, cue beta males. In fact, chances are you guys gave it up free to one and they are looking for the next young hot thing. They are not going to want post wall females.

[@jimroscovius]

@@chernagast6754 Parents can't force adults into a marriage.

[@juliettezea9507]

@@jimroscovius they do in some Middle eastern countries

[@simonehadeen5883]

Dave kept saying she needs a good church. She also needs a good therapist. Know your self worth girl! Because your worth so much more.

[@Sheryl777]

Hate to say it, but even though I'm a christian myself, sometimes other church people can be really cruel and also cause problems for you, so I'm not at all sure that's the only answer here.

[@hikerhobby1204]

@@Sheryl777 You are so right! Perhaps developing a relationship with Jesus thru church?

[@Sheryl777]

@@hikerhobby1204 Yes I agree with you.

[@msims1081]

@@Sheryl777 I agree. I went through a terrible marriage and sought all kinds of Christian counsel. Sometimes they’re just so programmed to want to save the “marriage” that they don’t see how much damage the individual(s) are in it.

[@Sheryl777]

@@msims1081 Yes you are right. Sometimes the marriage just isn't going to be able to be saved due to that toxicity.

[@KrystleLaughter]

Wow! I just did a video about this. Sad so many people are going through this. If you are in a toxic relationship please know that you deserve better. They don't change. Please save yourself. There is hope! ❤️

[@Originalman144]

Deserve better? I don’t think so. Have we considered that “toxic” is exactly what they like and what they signed up for? She’s been with this fella for 20 years, part of her likes it toxic. It takes two.

[@Aristaifly]

Not being able to pay rent is a clear sign to move to another place all together. Far from him.

[@stephanier1000]

I feel bad for this woman. I really wish her the strength to leave that man.

[@powergrower]

I can't even wrap my head around something like this. The first time someone demonstrates a lack of integrity I leave that day. 20 Years of this?! That is insane.

[@mikegallegos7]

My entire family, brothers, sisters, wife became or always were toxic. As soon as I figured out their lack of decency and that my patient stupidity would not change unless I change, I had no trouble with exiting, more than 30 years ago. Have been happy for many years; do not miss them, get out Lady.

[@peanutfinance3967]

The longer you stay, the harder it will be to leave.

[@montanadeb]

Yes the brother IS a problem!!

[@786otto]

She,s the problem.

[@jaigulati7427]

Both are problem.She lacks self respect and her brother is ignorant to his sister😂

[@budgiebirdy]

I was wondering why that wasn't emphasized more. The brother obviously doesn't respect her. But you can't expect others to respect you if you don't respect yourself. This woman has such low self-esteem that she allows everyone around her, including family, to treat her like dirt.

[@RGTFLA85]

I would have been out of the city or state to get away from a relationship like that. Kid is grown, she needs a friend or family member to crash at for a month to save up cash and move far, far away.

[@truthhurts748]

“That’s just cray cray! “ 😂😂😂

[@Originalman144]

Toxic relationships that continue REQUIRE two people who AGREE with the style of the relationship. She feels responsible for his relapses because she was probably doing that stuff with him. I wouldn’t make excuses for her, we don’t know what she was doing.

[@OkayBilly]

Codependency…no boundaries or limits.

[@BrandonMinguez]

My god, one thing after another for over 20 years.. I couldn't imagine what she's going through. Hopefully she realizes what she's worth which is a lot more than what her ex is giving her.

[@knownonsense2015]

Just leave! You’re already divorced...all you gotta do now is leave.

[@codys5727]

We tell others how to treat us but what we tolerate. If you tolerate being used you're giving that person permission to keep treating you the same way.

[@JehovahIncreases7]

They are all dependent on this guy. Her brother doesn't have any respect for his sister. This is gonna hurt but she can do this. If her bro is like this is is possible her own dad didn't validate her either. She needs to raise her thinking. Counseling. Never too late unless we are dead to make a change. Her husband is a deadbeat

[@JehovahIncreases7]

@1 possible

[@jengable4888]

If she can live with a relative or a close trusted friend, and move away from him, perhaps she may have some clarity. I would agree with Dr. John and Dave, that she should relocate to another state ! However, if she does relocate, make sure she either lives with someone she KNOWS, or conduct research on the area, for she is in a vulnerable state. Get out and stay out ! She needs to set boundaries and understand that his SUD issues or mental health issues are not attributed to her. It may be difficult to start over, but it will be well worth it ! Also, she should really avoid dating for a while, so she can can establish a sense of well being and independence ! She needs to be "comfortable in her own skin", so to speak. There is nothing wrong with being single.

[@jamesshaw3850]

You need to really re evaluate your life and plans----- this is not serving your best Interests friend---- what is your self worth----- what is IMPORTANT FOR YOU?

[@zeal4god402]

Time for her to develop emotionally and financially

[@deed1436]

Poor girl, she’s a pickmeesha and doesn’t even realize it.

[@kslucki]

Talk about an epitome of enabler of toxic relationship.

[@keyofb3528]

That really hurt to listen to. I hope she finds people in her life who can smack some sense into her. Poor thing, I've been through that and it was partly because of the people i hung out with, they encouraged it. Now i got friends who will drag me out of situations like that.

[@letaravas9643]

This is so heartbreaking to listen to but hopefully it helped to wake her up!

[@shaddowgolden1054]

She’s still got too many excuses, it won’t change.

[@donaldrichey3318]

She has a confidence issue. This is a form of abuse. Feel sorry for her.

[@WannaBeHocker]

Loved watching how Dave and John unpacked this call

[@vaska1999]

This was a shocker. To hear this divorced woman asking for an excuse to put herself at the mercy of a psychologically abusive ex is just awful. I hope to God she had enough trust in Dave and John to take their advice and enough courage or strength, go absolute no contact with both the ex and the toxic brother, and move to another city or town. She needs a lot, but a lot of therapy.

[@dylanlyons6]

It’s hard to listen to segments where you just know the caller isn’t going to be capable of committing to the advice

[@montanadeb]

Ask God to break the soul tie for heavens sake!!!

[@hikerhobby1204]

You’re right, it a soul tie.

[@ChrisMFlorida]

Amen!

[@margaretstutler2873]

She sounds so sweet. I hope she finds someone that loves her and respects her. Know your worth girl.

[@loripoyzer755]

Omg I so needed to here this thanks

[@investinstyle-financeinves1181]

You left him for a reason. Don't forget that.

[@786otto]

Good for him, she been playing her games for too long.

[@makry123]

Fellow Idaho Falls mom, you got this girl. ❤️

[@phillip1050]

Hmmn. How are you

[@robertclontz3728]

He's gaslighting her! Leave this narcissistic as# right now, and run as far and as fast as you can. His brother can help her gather resources for the move to another city.

[@RudyGold]

Lots of people in my life like this. Sad. She won’t leave the guy. She was probably molested as a child or had other major abuse 😞

[@fleurelise997]

I was wondering about this as well. She accepts being stepped on without question.

[@RudyGold]

@@fleurelise997 exactly. It’s sad

[@elainepatterson5587]

She needs to RUN to a good counselor!

[@krisduboise276]

"what would you tell him?" Dave is the best

[@amandawithlov3908]

She can also pay half the price of rent if she just becomes room mates with a stranger.

[@eckankar7756]

She's not hearing a word they say.

[@cacallis86]

She has a 22yr old son she has to find her own independence

[@COINsimp2024]

Girl go out and get a job that pays your bills, this is pathetic. Relationships are hard, work is hard. Choose your hard.

[@brendaadams1605]

Luv John's answer... what is it to figure out if you haven't already figured it out after 20yrs.. he nailed it.. 👍🏻

[@nic_ccc3366]

All I hear is a dependent person with almost no self-esteem who doesn't think she can do/deserves better. If she hasn't caught on after 20 years, she never will and will continue to ride the merry-go-round of toxicity. Best of luck to her.

[@wewhoareabouttodiesaluteyo9303]

Almost all females ride the merry go round of....;)

[@rosehip939]

Albert Einstein said: "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result."

[@phillip1050]

Oh you definitely understand it better. How are you

[@kikiblessed00]

The best advise I heard. Bless this lady!

[@LetsTalkPersonalFinance]

Omg, she should not get back together with him

[@alladreamwedreamed]

Rip off the bandaid! It's time to start over and learn to live on your own.

[@younome1845]

Is this Chris’s wife calling 😂😂😭😭

[@tj8816]

Too soon 😭😭

[@handleyobusiness]

Harshhh 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@Sheryl777]

When people used to use regular phone lines rather than cellphones, you didn't have as many blurred conversations on phone lines as you do now. I know sometimes even those could be messed up, but it was far, far less though.

[@d_chatz8353]

ok boomer!!!

[@Sheryl777]

@@d_chatz8353 And proud of it! lolol

[@d_chatz8353]

@@Sheryl777 good. Remember when people talked to each other too instead of just staring at their phones? The good ole days

[@Sheryl777]

@@d_chatz8353 👍

[@catepage7264]

Be a Superwoman and Please find the strength to move , move on there are so many other places you can live 🙏 Find Your 0wn Happiness 😊 No More Excuses !!! Lots of Hugs 😊❤

[@Recovering_Californian]

Is this Dr. Laura or the Dave Ramsey show?

[@stevenporter863]

Exactly. All Dave can really add is the standard 'get plugged into a good church' then contradicts himself with 'move'; he is a financial guy.

[@shea1219]

I think this women has a drug problem, or use to. There is something here that does not make any sense. She needs to go back to school, get a higher paying job and move out. I understand that it is hard, but it must be done in order for you to be happy. You must move on from this relationship.

[@mysticaltyger2009]

Yeah, I also think there are other things going on. Could be a lot of things. It very well could be drugs.

[@vaska1999]

I doubt druggies listen to the Dave Ramsey show. 😅

[@hankfuchs8405]

Wow this was a deep call.

[@davidmei7919]

this girl needs to wake up from her nightmare..Me too.. has been in this mess but luckily I got out.... and its worth the escape..

[@braceyourselvesfortruth2492]

This one was painful.

[@MrCander000]

She's not going anywhere.

[@matthewgardner2144]

She is really stuck on the 'financial infidelity issue. What would help is disengaging altogether and getting on with her life. If she can't afford her current rent, there are other options besides what she's currently looking at.

[@BubbaSnipe03]

Dave should help these type of cases

[@lmgam]

Dave’s head tilt 😂

[@aida087]

But even if she wasn't codependent or she still has hope that things will work out, she did say she can't afford to live on her own!! And if she can't find someone else like a roommate to help with the cost of the rent, what is she to do? I'm curious to know what people think because I'm asking for a coworker that's in the same situation?

[@vaska1999]

She can afford to rent a room.

[@matthewdorso4302]

She ain’t going anywhere

[@montanadeb]

Yes to moving!!

[@Andrew-3445]

She can't afford to pay the whole rent as the excuse to move back in with someone abusive. Get a nice female roommate!

[@georgewagner7787]

Go go go

[@wadesuhr]

I wish the FCC would increase the legal bandwidth for phone calls. Better phone bandwidth would help these call in shows tremendously.

[@willelliott5052]

Imagine watching your daughter ask for this perpetual train wreck for over twenty years.

[@re1100]

06:50 John was about to quote Jordan Peterson’s from 12 rules for life.

[@bettysmith4527]

yikes, she needs to figure a way to live on her own!

[@AtomicQuotient]

Good Advice "Walk Away"

[@thewiseman6866]

She can't be helped, PERIOD

[@Writer-v8y]

That's what an abuser does try to break your self confidence so they can use you for their own personal agenda. Walk away from anyone like this they can't force you not to unless you let them. Walking away is your power not giving them any, it'a all about control.

[@johannesswillery7855]

Abuser? For twenty years? Not buying it........

[@prieto732000]

5:46 the way he said “wake up boy”. It sounds a little bit like when the world “boy” is used on a discriminatory way🤷🏽😂

[@nikkisigmon8090]

This blame game happens a lot. "I acted out because you did 'xyz'!" No, you acted out because of selfishness and wanting to hurt the other person. From this little clip, wouldn't be surprised if the xhusband encourages or even outright says stuff like that. He's not a child, he's a grown man, don't disrespect him by saying he can't control his own self. She might even be in a church. Even "good" churches are NOT good at helping women in abusive relationships. Just a joke.

[@offgridjack5779]

She doesn't want to stand on her own two feet and is trying to justify staying.

[@cherylpeterson1]

Join the Y for showers & sleep in your car. Take ACTION! Don’t burn yourself to keep someone else warm, Girl!

[@tomdrummy4984]

She can’t be helped. You cannot help or heal everyone.

[@bonniest.pierre2045]

That doesn't me you shouldn't try.

[@privateprivate4384]

She obviously has some serious unresolved financial issues that are keeping her dependent on her ex and her brother. When she said her brother sometimes gives her money, that was a red flag to me. Until her finances are sorted, it looks like she is trapped.

[@krisduboise276]

Got to figure out where something is going... If you are on a train heading for derailment, what do you do? Many ways to play that. None of them are that good. Usually looks like a disaster no matter what.

[@krisduboise276]

Typically the worst choice is to stay on the train and try to right it on the track... If derailment is inevitable, what happens to you?

[@esmeseyfried6394]

She's afraid of living on her own