Boyfriend Wants To "Test-Run" Living Together! (He Will Propose If I Do Well)

[@EdelweisSusie]

One additional point John should have said to Celest - DON'T GET PREGNANT!!! On a personal note this video is so enlightening as it highlighted that had my ex and stayed together, the 'benefits' would all have been in his favour ie HE would have had the live-in lover, the sensational cook, the great homemaker, the willing companion for trips/holidays/adventures, the empathetic ear to HIS work problems etc but what would I have got out of it? NO engagement ring, NO offer of marriage (he'd been 'burned' by his wife), NO 'equal partners' who are there for one another no matter what. WOW - did I dodge a bullet !!!

[@crazydudeqqqw]

imo, getting married doesnt make you equal partners. Him getting burned by his ex wife should be proof enough of that. If he's taking care of and providing for you/the family, then you're getting marriage benefits. As a man, Marriage is only good for the tax benefits these days.

[@krisg71]

@@crazydudeqqqw Marriage is good for lots of things. Legal, financial, and emotional. If it isn't, you're doing it wrong.

[@kerryfitting6070]

She knew something was up or she wouldn't have called. Follow your gut, girl! We wish you the best!

[@laurao8099]

EXACTLY!

[@prudencek7087]

To the caller, the advice they gave you is not an ultimatum, it is a boundary. Set the boundaries you want; your boundaries are there for your protection.

[@mobileclips7737]

Definition-a final demand or statement of terms, the rejection of which will result in retaliation or a breakdown in relations. It’s both… It’s her demand that they get married before she moves in with him or their relationship will end. She’s stating her terms and they are telling her not to compromise at all and if he doesn’t agree breakup. That’s literally the definition of an ultimatum. Not defending the guy it sounds like he’s doing the same thing but worse. However the advice was an ultimatum and sitting down and talking about it and maybe finding some agreeable middle ground would be better and if they can’t find agreeable grounds then it probably is a sign things won’t work.

[@mobileclips7737]

To my point above if she doesn’t want to move in before marriage and he does then it sounds like their morals don’t line up with each other and they probably shouldn’t be dating in the first place. But I also don’t know them so what do I know or anyone in these comments lol

[@prudencek7087]

@@mobileclips7737 what they told her was not an ultimatum. It wasn't "a you better marry me, then I'll move in or else we break up." It's "my standard that I've set for myself is that I will not move in with someone unless I am married to them." What the guy does with that information is up to him. He can wait for marriage to move in with her, or if he doesn't want to do that then he can find someone else who agrees to live the way he wants and the caller is free to do the same, find someone that shares her values. There is a difference between an ultimatum and a boundary.

[@illhaveanother8173]

That isn't her standard though. That is the ultimatum these two men proposed her to pitch.

[@krisg71]

@@mobileclips7737 Not at all. It's not an ultimatum to say "i'm not ready and I am not going to do that." IF she demands an engagement now, threatenting to end the relationship? That's an ultimatum. Just like if he says, I'm not ready to get married now and would prefer to live together instead is not an ultimatum. If he says 'either we move in now or it's over' THAT would be an ultimatum. Holding to your boundaries and working to honor what your partner needs as well is compromise. If you can't do that then you have no business cohabitating OR getting married.

[@lmcg....]

He's a tester, it will never end, there will be tests til the bitter end and you will hate it. You don't want a tester, there's no trust and constant scutiny.

[@drunclecookie216]

or maybe he's just cautious. I see so many people who are blindly "in love" and think they're gonna be together forever and everything is perfect and not even a year later they're divorced. I just described half of my friends.

[@zoraster3749]

Women are constant testers, so by extension of your logic…

[@KENTUCKYUSA1]

I know what you mean by tester. I had a boyfriend like that a very long time ago. He always set up these "tests" and I could see right through him. It was stressful. Breaking up, which he instigated, was almost a relief.

[@facelessman5362]

Why is it okay for women to be 'testers' though?

[@zoraster3749]

@@facelessman5362 Biologically, women have the larger investment, risk and insecurity in relationships because of child birth and rearing so they instinctively ”test” their men for strength. If a man can’t handle them how can he be relied upon to handle the environment or defend against other men? Not that this testing is productive or even beneficial in modern times but it is a byproduct of our evolutionary past.

[@queen4u281]

She’s going to move in because she’s known him since middle school🙄. She’s too invested in this relationship to not do it. She sounds naive.

[@LovelifeJesusdaily]

I know...

[@LovelifeJesusdaily]

People change as they grow... but we stay stack on how they used to be

[@nailatiylluf]

So they’re been together for like ten years and he’s still not sure?

[@DaleC1980]

Yes, she was naive but she also seemed like some light bulbs were going on. And let's not be too hard on the guy. If she sets the boundaries, and he responds correctly, it could be great for him too!

[@peacebeyondpassion2]

That's what love does sometimes. Deaf, dumb, and blind.

[@beverlyweber171]

You're not a car. RUN.

[@scott4825]

Nobody lets you borrow a car for 6 months before buying it. :). So much worse.

[@ceecee8757]

Don't play house. Don't give wifey benefits when you're not a wifey yet. Soul ties are real!

[@alinatamashevich3354]

Men do not risk your future for a woman that can take half your wealth

[@reese85]

Wth is soul ties?

[@peteranon8455]

@@reese85 That's what previously used to be physical intimacy. Now It's just what non-virgins call the intangible benefits of marriage.

[@RoyalMasterpiece]

🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤

[@genxx2724]

Listen to Bishop RC Blakes.

[@cita_m]

Girl, I would run like the gingerbread man. He's essentially asking you to interview for the position of being his wife.

[@genxx2724]

Suggested edit: audition for the position of wife. Read that somewhere. Wants you to audition for the role of wife, without auditioning for the role of husband.

[@beesknees213]

YES..the gingerbread man...run like him.... don't get caught!

[@MooMoo69556]

What’s wrong with that?

[@SnerMerNer]

Do you realize how dumb and entitled this comment sounds?

[@dontworry1568]

thats what dating is... but it also goes both ways.

[@stephenjacquelitle8524]

Don't give in. Run. He's waving a big RED flag.

[@TyB211]

Basically the guy wants you to audition to be his wife... If he doesn't want to marry you now out of love, then why would he 18 months from now.

[@gumshoe7237]

That's the comment I was looking for .. You move in together with someone when it hurts more to be without them and you find yourself missing them on a daily basis if there not there.. Guy or gal , if you don' have that level of feeling towards your significant other , then don't waste each others time and burn up each other's heart in the process..

[@Evil-Rod-Farva]

You interview for jobs and promotions. Why would interviewing for the role of wife be any different? This isn’t 1920. Women are not frequently raised to be loving caregivers that stay loyal to their families for decades. It’s better to sniff that out before she has the power of the state behind her.

[@TyB211]

@@Evil-Rod-Farva The interview is the dating and courting process. If you need to move in with someone to see if they're worthy of marriage then it's off to a bad start.

[@I_like_turtles_67]

@@TyB211 So where's your husband?

[@TyB211]

@@I_like_turtles_67 Right now? Currently at work.

[@alphafemale7904]

Take it from a woman who moved in with her boyfriend 24 years ago while he was living in the basement of his brother's house. He proposed, we bought a house prior to getting married. Everything was 50/50 then and it still is now. All transactional, void of intimacy, emotional fulfillment just blah. He is a roommate to me today. Don't do it. Men become dependent on your half and don't care what it takes for you to meet your end. They just need a willing partner. Let him handle the bills AFTER he marries her. He is supposed to be a provider. These 50/50 relationships become very neglectful in the future and her naivety is what he has on his side right now. I was young and dumb, too. I can't get the years back but she can save herself the trouble now. I wouldn't even pay a percentage. Noooooo

[@ClearOutSamskaras]

This is an absolutely _priceless_ comment you've made here.

[@simplyelvi5676]

Thank you for your vulnerability! You are a queen and deserve the world

[@Dean543-cc3fd]

How dare your husband make you carry some financial responsibility in the household, the audacity😱

[@joywebster2678]

I met a man who had been working and spending for 9yrs before he met me. He had nothing but his paycheck, and debt. I was finishing my degree. I helped him turn his finances around as his gf, I didn't live with him, I was a student in another city. I just didn't demand he spend money on me, and I pointed out his impulse spending habits. After I graduated, worked a yr we got married after buying a small house 50/ 50. His parents were so surprised that he grew up. Well after 6 yrs of marriage, a bigger house, and financial stability, his unknown to me gf was pregnant, so I freed up his future, took my 50% and left. So all the snark about making one or the other bare all financial burdens, is unfair. Both need to contribute, and then it adjusts when childcare enters the picture. His new gf was a Welfare non worker, so yep he walked into babies and only his income. I think I was used for my earning potential. He died young. Oh well.

[@bangladeshirealtor]

@@Dean543-cc3fdnot some , half ….thats a big difference 🙄

[@tvlergee]

Poor girl, I can tell by how sweet she sounds she’s not gonna take this advice. Hopefully she makes the team 🤷🏽‍♂️

[@larissaalcorn3406]

"He will propose if I do well." This dude is already treating her like a child. Run.

[@texan903]

He is doing the right thing. Does she cook, do laundry, clean, attend to other household tasks? She's vetting him out, rest assured. Does he have the right career, does he earn enough money? Does he elevate her socially? People are allowed to state their standards. It's up to us to determine whether or not those standards are acceptable.

[@kbthegoat824]

He will propose if they get along living together...get it right. He clearly said he wants to see how compatible they are to each other, that goes both ways.

[@larissaalcorn3406]

@@kbthegoat824 The show literally quotes her in the title, sweetpea. It's not about seeing if they are compatible. Dude is dangling proposal over her head like a parent dangles an allowance over a child. Ladies, run from these dudes in these replies. Find a man who treats you with dignity. Not someone who views you as child or worse a dog to be trained.

[@larissaalcorn3406]

@@texan903 It's not about standards when you're dangling proposal over someone's head like they are a dog begging for a treat.

[@nikolaig1]

Thats how relationship work if you do well you continue to date❤❤

[@ak8990]

I got married at almost 30 yrs of age. One of my values was remaining a virgin until I got married. I can't tell you the amount of men who I dated who tried to talk me into sex, and then quickly dumped me after they realized I was serious about remaining a virgin. The ONLY guy who never tried to cross boundaries and was very respectful of my values was the man I ended up marrying. I never had a moments trouble with him during our dating. I asked him about that one day and he responded, "Well, I'm planning on marrying you anyways, so there is no problem with me waiting, and what is important to you is important to me." We have been married for over 8 years and three kids later, he is the best partner I could have ever asked for. If a man really wants to marry you, he will make your beliefs and priorities important to him.

[@amznmmdprncss]

That was so touching!

[@brendapeterson2576]

This was beautiful ❤ May your marriage and family continue to thrive.

[@bobbylibertini]

I can't tell you how many women dumped me because (In their own words) I "didn't do anything"...on the first date no less..with a veritable stranger! Bless you for staying a virgin till marriage.....it's a rare commodity these days, but worth holding out for; and it serves as a good tool to automatically weed-out the rejects who do not share your values/who would not work for you.

[@thebelissima64]

I loved your comment and I wish you the best in your marriage ❤ My dear 26 year old nephew has been attending med school, where met a lovely girl. She straight up told him on their first date that she was a virgin and was set on waiting until marriage. Like yourself she had many guys who thought it was a deal breaker and walked away. But it was no problem for my nephew. They got engaged over Christmas 2022 and are going to marry in May 2025. As we have an open conversation I asked him how he has been able to wait as he is not a virgin himself and very handsome, with many girls giving him the eye. He said his fiancée has many amazing qualities and he didn't need to go to bed with her to fall in love. He added that if waiting until marriage is important to her it's important to him, that he sincerely loves, respects and admires her for her values. She is a sweetheart and our family adores her. I am so thrilled for them ❤

[@brendacarlson6575]

So proud that you respected yourself, have good morals, values, dignit and set boundaries. To wait until marriage is a beautiful gift. Being totally committed to one person is a truly beautiful devotion and loyalty. I have been married for 44 years and only been with my husband, we totally love each other.

[@MustardseedMomma68]

Do not live with him. RUN!

[@jercasgav]

Isn't it pretty sick how much our so-called "modern" society has cheapened the meaning and respect that we human beings should have for each other?! The mainstream culture teaches people to disrespect others and treat them as disposable...like objects more than humans with souls really...not cool! We should all value ourselves and others more by having proper boundaries and respect.

[@plasmaarmelund]

No, family has ruined it

[@kaitlinmasten2716]

You can still live separately and spend significant time together and see how he manages a household- see if he wants a partner or needs a mother.

[@the1anonymouse]

There's definitely a big difference between hanging out a lot and living together

[@rnt45t1]

Women ruin men's lives!

[@nly4607]

This attitude is why 45% of women over 35 are childless lol

[@elizabethallen4353]

100%

[@jeannet7443]

Well said!

[@traceejohnson290]

Also a Proposal is Not Marriage, wait until married. There are many couples that stay engaged for many years.

[@lala5061]

Facts 💯

[@brandya.g.1401]

Never do wife duties at girlfriend prices.

[@elizabethallen4353]

perfectly said

[@ralegade7710]

Blessed is the man that findeth a wife. She needs to be a wife before he decides to marry her. In any other aspect of life, we train for the role we wish to fill. Why act like a girlfriend when you ultimately wish to be a wife?

[@hornetguy9063]

@@ralegade7710 correct.

[@boxesbinslidsllc]

@@ralegade7710 You need to be a husband before you can expect to get a wife.

[@steelcastle5616]

I can't count how often I've heard guys complain about wishing their wives would act more like "girlfriends". Seems sometimes you don't get (or get less of) what you pay for when you get married.

[@kokoskokso]

Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. My ex tried this on me and when I insisted on marriage, he played along until HIS apartment was all fixed up and then THANK GOD cancelled on his "plans" the day before he was to propose (my birthday) and I was to move in after that. I thanked him for the clarity and helping me make a clean break - I never had to doubt us breaking up was right. If a guy talks like this already and ignores your boundaries, he's got a whole plan in place and you're just a placeholder in it (who plays house, gives s.x and pays half HIS mortgage) until THE ONE comes along. Sorry, you're not it. All he wants is wife duties for girlfriend prices. Loved the advice here, spot on. State your boundaries and OBSERVE. Ultimately, the person you're with should make you feel better, not worse.

[@intelliteksystemsinc.4050]

Hope that herd of feral cats keeps you warm at night.

[@jimmoore3767]

and how much free milk did you give him?

[@James_Hough]

A "test run" shows shows a lack of commitment. Plain and simple.

[@krisg71]

Or it shows a kid who is scared to be making big decisions at such a young age or one who may be the child of divorce and learned to be wary.

[@kindredkey]

Morals aside regarding living together or not living together... if you don't feel comfortable with it, if you're not in agreement with the offer, make a counter offer (which is what John + Ken seem to be suggesting) OR walk away from the deal. I know your heart's involved, BUT you will be proud of yourself for sticking up for yourself! - It's painful to lose love HOWEVER it's even more painful to betray yourself.

[@KanaTron]

Also, with this dudes thinking... if she doesn't lose him now, it will be later. The pain will still be there in both sections of the timeline, but, the longer it takes the worse it will be. It's better to find out now.

[@Arlene_DOTK]

Amen 🙌

[@RoxanneR8375]

What this guy is offering is NOT love. He is just using her.

[@sophiawish9772]

Run, girl, run!!!!!!!

[@brendamoon2660]

He does not want to marry her. He wants her to split his bills while he is single.

[@carolinemcnulty6169]

After 45 years of marriage, I can say that commitment is key. Loyalty is what keeps you together during the scratchy times until you figure out how to resolve problems.

[@random-nz7dy]

Ken and John did a great job on this call. People like to hate on a personalities but sometimes when the right call comes their way they do a really really nice job of answering it. Also some pairings just work well with them. John and Ken seem to do really well together.

[@AmandaRogersarock1988]

Yeah I actually really agree with this advice with these two (which isn't always the case). But the caller knows what she wants and she should stick to her guns!

[@WISHBONEL7]

He has a 50/50 chance if he does not test her . He may increase his odds by a few points if he takes a test drive , Because , outside of the *fornication* issue , he is exactly right . Hopefully he is not in a state that recognizes common law .

[@IWillSendMyHunters]

@@WISHBONEL7He’s actually not because as statistics show couples that move in together before getting married have a HIGHER chance of divorce.

[@WISHBONEL7]

@@IWillSendMyHunters X2 #1 Please state your *sources* . As much as I like listening to Ramsey , that is the main issue that l I have with his show. # 2 Did you hear what their ages are ?!? . Does the data that you are going to submit take that factor into account ? .

[@IWillSendMyHunters]

@@WISHBONEL7 Institute of Family Studies.

[@tanyad3989]

Your life is not a used car dealership. No, he can’t take your for a test drive. You’re not a used vehicle. Ridiculous.

[@brianlewis8722]

There are too many good men out there who would sacrifice their lives for the women they love...this guy doesn't sound like one of them.

[@JA-zh5xi]

I would leave the guy instantly.

[@yuriy5376]

And go rent a house at 2x the price 😂

[@Msteve-nt5bx]

You're not a car. Say no

[@linuxsurfer2002]

Great advice here by the Ramsey personalities. Please do not move in with someone before you get married to them. It's a recipe for disaster, and as mentioned by the hosts, it increases your odds for divorce.

[@PS-bs8oe]

Red flags. Not because of moving in together unmarried. But because of his try out and his definite personal opinions you have to take in account.

[@melanieb2132]

My boyfriend asked me to move up with him. I said no. He said "will you marry me" I said yes.

[@robloxvids2233]

Unconditional love right there..

[@rhsc2670]

clown

[@melanieb2132]

@rhsc2670 a married clown with a happy husband that doesn't care what you think. 😘

[@aceyshari]

❤

[@Aceg13579]

@@melanieb2132why respond then 😂😂😂😂

[@tspencer661]

I would say no to moving in with your boyfriend without an engagement or set plans to marry. The rate of divorce goes up. For cohabitating couples. I’ve also heard that the rate of domestic violence goes up as well. I read this in one of Willard Harley’s books. I haven’t done the research, but he has. This woman has standards. If her boyfriend can’t respect her standards, that’s his problem.

[@kokoskokso]

NAILED IT!

[@viannyp2028]

These are they same couples that said they need to live togheter before marriage to get to know each other, which they procced to do for years and still ended up divorced. They ignore the red flags and still get marry

[@lav7161]

She sounds super young. She's not gonna listen. She's going to learn the hard way.

[@ninangako4715]

That guy is so smart! He gets all the "goodies" while rating GF's performance each time. And unfortunately she has no idea of self respect/self value. She's not ready for marriage. She should wait.

[@kokoskokso]

yeah, the whole deal he proposes is kind of insulting (in addition to completele devaluing her needs and her happiness)

[@rory644]

She’s just a child their brains aren’t even fully developed yet.

[@jimroscovius]

We got married at 23, and we're on year 41. It's been great!!

[@kokoskokso]

congrats, sounds awesome! what's your recipe for finding that one person and for staying together that long?

[@Venusstar22]

This young lady does not KNOW and UNDERSTAND her own WORTH. She's essentially being AUDITIONED for the role of wife while he sits there like a king that rules over her and will tell her if she's ""good enough"" and got the part based on what HE thinks. To rely on some one else for your affirmation as to who you are is DANGEROUS. You have given that person such power over your life and soul. Who cares about what he thinks.....what about what God thinks???? I'll say it again, SHE DOES NOT KNOW OR UNDERSTAND HER WORTH. That is how you get manipulated and taken advantage of.

[@MsMockingbird06]

I completely agree with John and Ken. Great fatherly advice.

[@nancyt6895]

That's a big nope. Listen to these men. They are absolutely gonna save you heartache and headaches. Ken and John, great advice:)

[@bradwilliams4921]

Celest sounds like a good person. I hope God blesses her.

[@phillipsouthard8285]

I like when these two host together.

[@yourgooglemeister6745]

We found the simp!

[@superblump87]

@@yourgooglemeister6745 we found the incel!

[@phillipsouthard8285]

@@yourgooglemeister6745 Maybe. Beats most of the other hosts of this show, outside of Rachel sometimes.

[@kasession]

YEP!!!! 👍🏿

[@Dark_Souls_3]

@@yourgooglemeister6745 so you insult someone unprompted? That’s so cool

[@Elizabeth_lowkeyluxuries]

I've seen so many examples both for and against getting married and then living together, and vice versa. Bottom line, if you're not happy with the proposed arrangement (living together before marriage), don't do it. The boyfriend either agrees or he doesn't. There's no compromise for her in this. Likewise for him. If he needs to know and doesn't feel comfortable making a lifelong commitment until they live together and he sees how she really lives day to day, if she helps out or just sits around all day, then it's a no go for him as well. No judgment on either. I've had several girlfriends laugh about how they were on their best behavior until they got married and then they could really be themselves becausw now their husbands were stuck with them I'm like uhhhhh. Not cool.

[@Elizabeth_lowkeyluxuries]

Needless to say, I'm not friends with them anymore.

[@MNP208]

Agreed

[@tgar6663]

You're a Good woman

[@J03LM1]

I happy to see someone think soberly about this. There are too many ppl just making hardline judgements about this call. When in actuality nobody has enough info to judge. They're bashing this dude like they know who he is. And taking the woman's side like they know who she is. My personal opinion is If you don't have conviction about being in a committed union with someone u shouldn't do it. That goes for marriage and moving in.

[@roberttorres7208]

well put

[@zacd7094]

My gf at the time (now wife) found a house for 80k we both had 8k saved up and saw a great opportunity to live together. We sold the house two yrs later for 150k and got married about midway through the two years. We built a home and are very blessed. Doesn’t work for everyone but it made us grow up quick!

[@jeffb.4800]

This isn't 1980

[@alfonsosalinas3026]

I call bs that you flipped house almost double the price in two years

[@brendondowdy5651]

​@@alfonsosalinas3026 it's 100% possible depending on when it was and the circumstances they got the house. Especially if it was a good foreclosure around 2019

[@zacd7094]

@@brendondowdy5651 no foreclosure house had been rented out it was an extra home starting to grow up I knew the lady called and she made me the deal

[@brendondowdy5651]

@@zacd7094 ah. Yeah I knew under some circumstances it was for sure possible. Great job!

[@nantinee9]

Love this advice from John and Ken!

[@kristopherrainbolt2617]

The relationship is over already

[@andiclemenza6476]

I 100% agreed with both John and Kent ❤️. Please don’t let this man walk over you

[@alinatamashevich3354]

More like, the guy needs to run and fast

[@wandamajette5000]

You mean to tell me after all of the years they have known each other that's not good enough. She still has to audition to be his wife. OH PULEEZ!!!!

[@thisisme5323]

I appreciate the advice specially coming from a man. It brings a difference point of view that sometimes us women doesn't see. Thank you

[@randyebastian8186]

Awesome advice, guys! Integrity, Ethics, and Moral Fiber = Character

[@allisona6482]

Thank you so much for providing this insight to this young woman. I hope she is able to put this advice to use and that everything works out for her!

[@skynyrdgirl644]

Leave him now!

[@Realswagoverlord]

I dont get why not move in before marriage. Why not first dee how both of yall live together. She might not like how he is in the house, maybe he doesnt help enough etc. This is good for her to also check how it is.

[@ethangamer3173]

At the end of the day *NOTHING* can stop a divorce, no magic words, in front of the entire world or paper documents

[@limepiper3650]

Leave him. He is using this as an excuse.

[@geeem7889]

I agree with not cosigning a mortgage together before you're married. But living together? I don't see anything wrong with that. My hubby and i lived together for a year before we got married, and we're doing great. You only learn certain things about someone when you live together. I would wanna see what im signing up for before I say I do. Marriage is a huge commitment, and while you can't possibly screen for everything, it's good to have an idea before you commit for life. I think if someone wants to marry you, they will marry you regardless, unless they see something really off-putting in the meantime. I think living together really shows you how someone is when it comes to organizing and cleanliness, as well money. You could have tons of conversations about it but the only way to truly know is to experience it. Otherwise you may get married discover all these things you don't like that end up not changing..and then you feel trapped cuz u already committed. Just doesn't seem wise.

[@joanofarcxxi]

A woman is not a car. You don't get to test drive.

[@yuriy5376]

Would you marry a man without knowing his financial situation: amount of debt, net worth, assets?

[@littleripper312]

Maybe what they could do is she gets the townhouse and he pays rent to her and she can decide if she wants to marry him? Then he gets his little testing out period and if he's that serious about wanting it he shouldn't mind reversing the roles.

[@RMalai]

You purchase a home without living in it 😄. The seller will not allow to to test-live before signing the contract. Don't have to live together to know the person better. youth have plenty of opportunities these days to know each other better.

[@genxx2724]

It’s too bad about homes, because it’s only after living in it that you discover there light glaring in your windows at night and the neighbors smoke and make noise.

[@miss1of2]

But I'm not gonna buy a house without visiting it and having it thoroughly inspected. The notary who's going to do all the paperwork also does a thorough research to make sure there isn't any lien on it and that the property taxes have been all paid. There's also a whole bunch of issues that will only be apparent after you move in.

[@RMalai]

@@genxx2724 smoky neighbors apply to me as well. they are nice people otherwise.

[@analyticalchick3064]

My husband and I met online. Then we got on the phone and covered the important stuff before I flew out here to meet him and we got engaged. Do you guys have the save/spend outlook on money? Do you guys have the same values on messy/clean? Do you both want or not want kids? What if you don't have them? Do you have the same views on IVF? Do you have the same views on abortion? Do you have the same religion? What if one of you wants to change careers? If you have kids will you stay home with them daycare or nanny? Homeschool? What if you have a disabled child? Watch some cases of divorce court and make sure things that break couples up you have a similar outlook. "I've known him since Middle School" will not hold you guys together.

[@Kona_Blue]

Girl have more respect. Never move in before marriage

[@yuriy5376]

Yeah, let him find out about all your hidden sceletons in the closet only after he signs the contract 😂

[@wenchyfoodwench4098]

Tell him you want to test run dating someone else. She should break up with him or set him straight. Have their own places until they get married. But I still say dump him lol.

[@mazzar2739]

Dump him for being a responsible adult & not rushing into a marriage which may not be compatible? I think people in the comments are painting this as the guy as "test running her" but isn't it also the other way around? Can't you make an argument that the women should do the same? To you know, see if they are compatible??? Why in the world would you marry somebody before figuring out they leave dishes around the house, stay up really late, etc. Did all that just fly over your head?

[@jadehalliday6636]

I think you'll find the majority of the people are triggered by this guy's behavior is because it benefits him more than her & it will leave her finacially vulnerable if it goes south. I mean, why would you play house with someone if you're not entirely sure about them & they have to audition for the role of husband or wife? The dating / courtship phase is when you find out about someone's true character & values. Not when you're playing house.

[@jadehalliday6636]

By the way, they weren't encouraging her to dump him. They were encouraging her to set a boundary.

[@robert8930]

@@jadehalliday6636 all people should live together before marrying each other. maybe she likes to keep all her clothes on the bed,sofa, chair, floor, everywhere. maybe he likes to piss on the floor and doesnt flush after taking a shit, or showers once a week. this need to be normalized, why marry if they do something that disgusts you and now you have to divorce them asap?

[@rhonda8231]

I wish that I could have had good advice like this when I was young. Great job, guys

[@rebeccafitzsimons3532]

I wish men in the UK had a similar mindset to Ken & John!

[@dlyras]

Fan of this show but I don't agree with the hosts here. So him telling her how he wants this relationship to progress is being an A-hole, but her telling him how she wants the relationship to progress is "setting boundaries"? Why are her needs and desires more important than his? Just because hers happen to align with what's in the bible? Marriage is a huge commitment which carries a lot of risk to both parties so I don't see anything wrong with him vetting her properly as a wife first (and her vetting him properly as a husband)before jumping into the biggest commitment of them all. This show preaches baby steps when it come to finance, but not when it comes to relationships apparently.

[@cesaravegah3787]

Not a good idea, marry or dont, those "playing house" things usually dont end well.

[@dianahardwick9327]

Great advice you two gave this young lady 👏

[@Silented1234]

These guys are pitiful If the guy is the one that has to buy the Ring If the guy is the one that gives her his resources and protection If the guy is the one who has to propose… If the guy could careless if he even gets married or not and is most likely doing it for his woman Why on earth should he not want to see how his woman is like while living with him? Shouldnt he see what he might have to live with for the rest of his life?

[@janelleg597]

No matter what, you will learn something you don't like about a person during marriage. You strengthen your relationship by communicating, compromising, and working together towards a solution. If you get married, you work it out. People are frickin lazy and selfish these days

[@JA-zh5xi]

No

[@alinatamashevich3354]

When it does not work out, she can walk away with half his wealth.

[@Wuncler]

It’s all set up for the woman

[@anthonys7534]

You learn all this when dating. Been married for thirty years, we dated for two years prior. I knew she was the one. No need to test run things. You will know in your heart!

[@beautywinsfails8867]

She sounds so young and naive.

[@elizabethallen4353]

She's too sweet. They handled this call very well!

[@peterlee584]

So, he's offering marriage as a prize, provided you meet his standards. Ridiculous!!

[@ModelingTabi]

insane work

[@yuriy5376]

Wow, expecting anything from a woman in return for his money? How dares he? Only women are allowed to have expectations 😂

[@ForAncientKingAndElvishLord]

Some wise guy once said men know from dsy 1 what they want, god bless that man.

[@TheSkyyIsAwesome]

I did this with my GF. I asked her to move in with me and ill take care of her entirely (rent + bills). I didn’t have bad intentions but I was overly concerned with our lifestyles merging together living under the same roof. Not that she would be the bad one but more with myself and my behavior. Well we’ve lived together for a year and I’ve learned we have so much compatility and willingness to always better ourselves with each other that now I have married her

[@umani9983]

That is different from what the caller's situation. While I know the host will still be hung up the "relationship without commitment". You covering the bills pretty much means you are doing husband duties in exchange for wife duties from your gf with no commitment on either side. A much even exchange than getting a roommate to split bills who also does wife duties for a gf price.

[@yamamancha]

As the saying goes, never pay for something someone is willing to give you for free. Baby girl it is time for you to lock it down. Tell him you're not for lease. In fact, go buy a nice little ring and propose to him. If he hesitates, then he's not seeing you in the same way you see him. Then you know it's time to move on.

[@texan903]

Her proposing to him will make her look absolutely ridiculous and desperate.

[@sherriewoods8015]

@@texan903 The guy looks absolutely ridiculous and desperate as he has ZERO character. But yet, because the woman has character and wants to express her desires and needs, she's desperate according to you. Apparently, in this world, a man can act however he wants with no consequences. That's NOT the case in God's world. Amen! Amen!

[@texan903]

@sherriewoods8015 Sherrie, I see you are a year late to the party. In any case, I said what I meant, and I meant what I said. Take it or leave it.

[@sherriewoods8015]

@@texan903 "Texan", I am right on time. The only time it matters that you say what you mean and mean what you say is if it is the truth and exhibits character. Otherwise, it is a broken vessel. God means what he says and says what he means. Proverbs 18:22 KJV. "Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing..." Her desiring marriage is biblical. Expressing that does not make anyone desperate or ridiculous. If a man doesn't want to be married, then leave a woman alone. I Corinthians 7:1-2 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every many have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband." "Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whasoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.." Galatians 6:7 KJV. I don't have to take or leave anything, except that I mean what I say and say what I mean. Now, I am leaving this "party."

[@texan903]

@sherriewoods8015 He finds a wife finds a good thing. That scripture says it all. Nowhere does it say that she who finds a husband finds a good thing. Wording matters. Have a lovely weekend.

[@andyvu8513]

She is not mature enough for a relationship, much less marriage.

[@xavierjamal8755]

Like it or not the boyfriend is right. Divorce rates are through the roof these days. Marriage aint what it used to be. Men have to be smarter

[@AntonioCunningham]

Yep, the courts are not on the Husband side. Sure marriage is risky for both men and women, but divorce is far worse for men so the boyfriend is right. It's also a trail for the girlfriend to see if he's husband material.

[@barnabusdoyle4930]

I support the concept of living with someone before you marry them. It’s very easy to hide everything about you if you live separately. It’s much harder to hide things about yourself when living together. The nonsense that just living together before getting married is more likely to end in divorce is BS. You are not a statistic.

[@denisemckinney3973]

The fact that he needs an “out” is a huge red flag. He creeps me out!

[@9liveslisa]

Yep. No test runs...................except you can run away from him.

[@Whoiskevinjones]

FINALLY!!! Been waiting to hear this advice.

[@username9999]

"If we get along living together" People say the first year of marriage is the hardest because you're getting used to living with your new spouse. It's quite the adjustment.

[@alijaffery7735]

You don’t know what a person is really like until you live with them.

[@EricRamz]

This is true

[@f.w.1318]

Then live together but don’t buy a house,

[@shaylaahava6413]

Or they show you enough of themselves before you live with them!

[@georgewagner7787]

So what

[@alijaffery7735]

@@georgewagner7787 Don’t commit to marriage until you’ve lived together.

[@txgirlaustin8432]

Women are not cars that men gotta test drive before they buy it!! Some men just want to move in with a girl, so they can do their laundry, cook, clean etc. I’m not doing all that until he says: “I do”!!😬✌️

[@Fred2-123]

The guy doesn't want to move in together for the laundry and cooking. What else could he possibly want from her????

[@curiouscat3384]

It is very common for people to live together for a year or two, then get married, and the whole dynamic changes and they're divorced in a year. The "test-run" should be dating long enough to go through the 4 seasons, and preferably for two years before GETTING MARRIED - not shacking up.

[@jasonrodgers9063]

My beloved late wife & I lived together for a bit over a year before marriage (together for 34 years). Were engaged, diamond ring & all, so it wasn't a "tryout", there WAS a level of commitment. We had set our wedding date for 15 months out. For us, it was an economic decision. Her apartment rent was about go WAY up. She & her son moved in with me, I covered all the main bills (rent, food, utilities). That made it possible for her to return to college, work toward her degree. She was PROFOUNDLY grateful! The guy in this story seems clueless.

[@smileygirl622]

❤️❤️ you and your wife are lucky to have eachother, bless you both ❤️❤️

[@zakariahussein962]

​@@smileygirl622 I think you skipped one word at the beginning of the story.

[@sophie20001]

First stage of abuse. Run!! He’s making all the decisions from what she explained.

[@queen.kristal8395]

You guys are still young get to each other more first and wait a couple more years don’t rush to grow up

[@nly4607]

Yeah I can't think of any examples of couples the same age with a marriage that doesn't look like slavery for the man

[@ctb3343]

Not if they are going to be living together. Lol data doesn’t lie; it doesn’t work like that and people are going to continue to change throughout life. It doesn’t take 2-4 years or more to figure out if you want to build your lives together.

[@probablyworking3905]

Her beige responses to what these two were trying to explain tells me everything I need to know about how this will work out.

[@vikasd.7139]

where i was growing up, shops didn't have a concept of "returns". People bought what they needed and were mostly happy. Now, here, when returns are free and acceptable, people buy things they don't really need and return a few times and srill don't end up happy with what they got and in the process, devalue the items they returned. Or they just take the advantage of the free returns, without intention of responaibility of paying.

[@PHastur]

I beg to differ, my late husband and I moved in together before we got married and that was the best thing we did, we learned if we can get along, and we did. I think 22 years of a good marriage is more than proof... just saying.

[@TravelBug189]

That’s great, that was you and you’re the exception, not the rule. It’s not even the living together issue - it’s the fact that this guy seems to have a plan that only benefits him. HE wants to get a townhouse and have her pay him half the rent. Imagine 6 months down the line he tells her she didn’t pass the wife audition so she needs to leave. She just wasted 6 months of rent money while he gained 6 months of half the mortgage payments. Not to mention she lost time, she lost her boundaries, her voice in the relationship and her dignity. If you’re testing a relationship then the test needs to be mutually beneficial. If she agrees to something she’s not comfortable with then even if they do they get married, this unbalanced power dynamic will be in place forever

[@Aminah6623]

22 making $65K. That's pretty good. Girl, don't play yourself.

[@minervagalvez4748]

RUN GIRL!!! RUN LIKE HELL!!!

[@DrArthurCGarp]

All of these comments and John dogging this guy but how many women move in with a guy to find out he’s a bum? Doesn’t cook, clean, do laundry, mop, clean the shower or if he did alone certainly doesn’t do it with or FOR you once y’all are settled. Be smart. Test living together. Get both names on the lease

[@Raida7]

Yeah all the advice is how the guy will benefit and nothing about how it can benefit her. She should be testing him too for compatible behaviour. They should rent together. Remove the financial benefits from him disproportionately to her.

[@Dauerglotzer123]

Omg yes! Heard about this so many times to where I wouldn't want to not move in and see what life is like with them. Engaged and venue booked so it wasn't for him to string me along

[@xthebluenitex]

It really just depends. My husband and I moved in together almost immediately after we started dating due to some personal circumstances and we're fine. It was a rental though not one of our houses. We got married within the next year too so it wasn't drawn out. It can work both ways.

[@larissaalcorn3406]

But he didn't dangle proposal over your head saying "you need to move in with me and if you do well, I'll propose."

[@kokoskokso]

yeah I think you two were a team even before marrying whereas this clown is in it clearly just for himself and just the word "test" tells you everything you need to know (in addition to him blatantly devaluing her needs and her happiness)

[@xthebluenitex]

Yeah it was definitely a different situation than the callers.

[@miketracy9256]

As the old saying goes, why buy the cow when the milk is free? I would advise living at home, saving money, getting totally out of debt, and paying some rent to your parents while you live at home until you are at least 25.

[@alinatamashevich3354]

Like eggs., that milk will only cost him half his wealth.......

[@aolvaar8792]

Why buy the pig, when all you want is sausage?

[@michaelhinkley2598]

My fiance and I got engaged in November. I'm currently building our house and it will be finished in March. We live an hour apart so we decided to plan the wedding for 6/8/24 because she left her job in January to start a new nursing job in my hometown. We scheduled this to give her time to settle down in the new area, new job, and life. We have had the talk about combining finances after marriage but as far as her moving in pre-marriage we hadn't talked about bills and things. I didn't know it was weighing heavy on herself about that so I told her, I would pay the mortgage and house bills but if she wanted to cover groceries and what not to help out I would be fine with that. I didn't think it would be fair for her to pay towards the house when her name isn't in it.

[@Arlene_DOTK]

A real man 👏👌🙌

[@texan903]

There isn't a place in the world that I know of where someone can live rent free.

[@MNP208]

My daughter's name was on the mortgage. Both she and her fiance paid monthly. It's more about compromising and establishing a consensus no matter how you split the costs.

[@realman1349]

I would keep your finances as separate as possible except for maybe a single account with a small amount of money in it for joint expenses. Too much can go wrong with shared finances. Don’t take that risk.

[@Girasoles]

This was a great call. Loved what ken said!

[@JKNat9004]

Wow! Good job Ken! Yeah, great idea and how to call him out by simply voicing your own decision! 🙂🙏

[@limepiper3650]

Unfortunately she will probably move with him, waste her youth. I hope she wakes up.

[@patriciabradford1304]

I hope she listens to them.