Jordan Peterson: DON'T Live Together Before Marriage

Today we’ll look at why Jordan Peterson thinks cohabitation (living together before marriage) is a bad idea. We’ll then look at six academic findings that back that up. We'll then conclude by looking at three reasons the Church has consistently taught against it.
For the stats on cohabitation I cited, see here: chastity.com/qa/should-i-move...
Get Peterson's book, Beyond Order here: www.amazon.com/Beyond-Order-M...
!! Join Exodus 90 here: exodus90.com/matt/
!! Join our Locals community here: mattfradd.locals.com/

[@maylynbayani]

During my first few months of marriage, my husband and I had a huge fight while staying at my ancestral home. He was packing his things and getting ready to leave. Then, to our horror, the door knob broke and we were trapped inside our bedroom. There was no one at the house and our neighbors are too far for them to hear us screaming. So locked inside, we didn't have a choice but to work it out. We prayed together, then really communicated. Right after we made up, there was a delivery man who came up at the gates. We screamed and asked him to go to our parent's workplace. Til this day, I believed it was divine intervention.

[@phoenix7997]

what a cool story! mysterious ways heck.. sometimes not very subtle ;)

[@Beanbag777]

Cool story

[@yeah6281]

This is a great story! Thank you!

[@glassytea3315]

Wow

[@NariMihan]

Would love to see this as part of a romcom.

[@N0Cashva1ue]

"Sensuality often makes love grow too quickly so that the root remains weak and is easy to pull out." - Friedrich Nietzsche

[@alexanderstephen1567]

Great one.

[@rjlecuona]

What a great insight! Nietzsche also said: “the passion of the scientist- the precision of the artist.” So insightful

[@Ironacolyte]

My wife and I were chaste and did not cohabitate until we were married. It forced us to learn to love deeper, and know each other more. I was against it at first, but it was the best decision we ever made.

[@tonethetallbaldy5039]

I so wish my then fiance and me had done the same.

[@debbiegum2226]

There’s always a chance to start anew

[@tonethetallbaldy5039]

@@debbiegum2226 It's too late for that now I'm sorry to say.

[@Clickybux]

I bet you had a supportive Christian group around you right? Cohabitation is a symptom of the the break down of Church life and community life.

[@Super_bus_machine]

That’s great it worked for you. Doesn’t mean it works for everyone else. Grow up and ditch the ancient myths.

[@Rosa12Teresa]

Unfortunately I had my first child out of wedlock. When my daughter was born her father wanted me to move in with him. I said not until we are married. I know people laughed and judged my decision because we had obviously had intimacy in our relationship. But I was getting closer to my faith and God told me it was never too late to do right. We got married a few months later and we are still married and now have 5 children together. I thank God for the decision of waiting until marriage. I’m confident if I would have moved in before that we wouldn’t have lasted or still wouldn’t have been married.

[@kendensetsu1604]

Hell yes! You're never too late to abstain from a newly realised sin, it is so brave and admirable that you stood up to societal pressure for God. Big thumbs up.

[@orlakealy2901]

every life is a gift from God. God chose to give you your first born when He did. please leave out 'unfortunately'. Perhaps God used this situation to draw you closer to Him and bring you to the path you're on. perhaps God used your witness to not live with your husband until you were married to touch the hearts of those around you. please don't use unfortunately, God willed it, He planned it and He alone knows the plans for you. God bless you ❤❤❤

[@lucianomenezes2644]

Perfectly

[@shellydickinson8598]

Beautiful

[@kathyalex778]

You should have held marriage as the standard before the child, but thankfully the man was still willing to marry you since you made that a requirement after the fact. God bless you and your family.

[@Miriam-qh1so]

As a non-Christian woman I appreciated this video. Living together has led to a number of societal problems. In a number of cases, women move in with men hoping it will lead to marriage. After a few years, with no ring in sight, a pregnancy occurs to force the issue. The man feels he now must get married (not a choice) or says no and doesn't. If "no" the child may have no father present, or actively involved. Unfair to child. A "single mother" situation results. While many women manage, its not ideal. This does not excuse the man. Men have responsibilities too. If there is no pregnancy, and the man doesn't want to get married, women may find themselves in their 30s looking for a new commitment and potentially wanting a family. With biological clock ticking, dating challenges, its not a good position to be in. I've always advised women to keep their own home while dating. Don't play wife by living with a man if you're not his wife. Don't give up years of your life without a firm commitment. Also, when things go wrong in a relationship, go back to one's home and let your partner wonder what you're up to. Don't be so available. Have some self determination by living in your own place. Maintain control over your life, its not the man's decision to make. It should be mutual. I add that being intimate before marriage can be confusing emotionally. The true understanding and love one must have in marriage is often replaced quickly by more carnal needs. Intimacy without commitment leads to unwanted consequences on many levels.

[@Ot-ej5gi]

I agree with the bulk of what you wrote but the last paragraph, I am not sure about. Are you sure sex alone without any other important connections could confuse people for THAT long? Would it not be obvious after days/weeks but not months/years?

[@Miriam-qh1so]

@@Ot-ej5gi What I meant was sex tends to distort feelings of closeness that may not necessarily be based on love. Sex gives the "impression" of emotional intimacy, not actual love, which is developed over time. This attachment can lead individuals to wrongfully conclude the relationship is more than it is. So when a commitment does not occur in the end, it results in break up. Couples often co-habitate due to commonality of lifestyle, companionship, convenience of one home, sometimes for financial reasons, even career reasons, sex. No doubt people can get along. But just shy of making a life commitment, which means the relationship in on a timer, expiry date looming. If many things are wrong, except for sex - what you stated is obvious and correct, no argument here. If a number of things are right, heightened with a sexual relationship, but not enough commitment to marriage - will result in relationship failure, based on expectations.

[@mikel9912]

@@Miriam-qh1so wow you are majestically wise! Thanks for sharing and teaching us young buck men out here haha😊 What's your age range? 30s-40 perhaps (if you don't mind sharing of course) For me I have attachment issues (I don't like idea of settling down for 25+ years). What's your sage advice? I appreciate it in advance. Blessings 🙏❣️

[@Miriam-qh1so]

@@mikel9912 I am in my early 60s. So I've witnessed almost 3 generations of questionable choices made by many couples. Seen it and all the consequences. Attended university in late 1970s, exposed to lots of free thought and expression in my youth. Usually its women who end up in the worst situations re: living together. Moving in for "trial runs" are a bad idea. Too much effort for little commitment. People are free to date, get to know each other based on values. If someone does not want to marry or commit - no problem, just ensure both parties concur. If one person is looking for a spouse and the other is not, its very unfair to waste their time. There are so many women who co-habitated with men and it didn't result in marriage as they hoped. Many are 40-ish now and will miss out on having a family. A very high price to pay. It can also lead to emotional and mental health issues.

[@georgepalmer5851]

Unfair to the child. What insig

[@RamoneCelso]

I think that a better "test" before marriage is eating together, without external stimulus (phone, T.V. etc), just the couple; and go out for groceries together. That way you get to know each other and also, these situations are quite dull, you have to put love and effort into it to make it pleasing, and that will be a constant thing through out marriage and a valuable skill to have.

[@emmanuel.belanger]

True!

[@lynh4094]

Or decorate a Christmas tree…or change a flat tire, or take responsibility for your nieces and nephews for the day, lol.

[@eduardohoover2127]

The woman at the well in John 4 was in a cohabitation relationship and Jesus revealed to her He is the Messiah. He never condemned her according to scripture account. Maybe her conscience did or didn't we don't know. She became an evangelist through this encounter. Jesus meets us where we are within our circumstance very similar to the way He is present in Confession. What if a person has been in two toxic marriages both ending in the death of the spouse via overdose. What if the person's mother and lawyer counseled them to live together not to marry in the future given the past's results. Which is a sin: to live together, not to honor their parent or to breach lawful counsel? I only see one of the ten commandment of the three. What if the person this person is living with is divorced? Jesus says anyone who has sexual relations with that person commits adultery. Which sin is greater to dishonor a parent or commit adultery? So why get married when marriage either ends in divorce? We are not given in marriage in heaven but are like the angels.

[@RamoneCelso]

@@eduardohoover2127 the premeditated, planned instance of freely choosing sinfulness.

[@j.h.9376]

@@eduardohoover2127 1. You have no obligation vis the 10 commandments to abide legal counsel. That's just silly. 2. If you are of the age of majority you have no obligation to follow everything your parent tells you. Honoring your parent at that age is a different concept. You can respectfully disagree. As for a divorced person, you should love them enough to encourage them to seek counseling and research whether an annulment is truly applicable. If not then you should be willing to walk away from them, in love and charity, because they are indeed married to another. And as for whether it is wise in this scenario to remarry, well that depends...I agree that many people in your life might say to avoid marriage at least for a time because clearly your decision making skills are weak. But that means you should probably avoid ALL relationships for the time being. If you were really worried about the spiritual ramifications then you would be willing to pray, seek religious AND mental health counseling, and to extricate yourself from whatever lifestyle is getting you involved with drug addicts who overdose. Just because you love someone or feel fondly for them doesn't make them a proper partner for marriage. You have to consider things like the future and children etc. This is especially why you should avoid clouding the issue with fornication since that makes attachments seem stronger than they really are. To sum up. You may love someone but not be able to marry them for any number of reasons. You may not be the best judge of your own actions but then that means you should avoid all entanglements especially living in. And finally, there is never a reason to purposefully commit these sins.

[@adamrad2220]

My wife and I were fairly lukewarm Catholics when we started dating, in our mid/late 20's. We didn't live together (I had a nagging thing where I didn't want to do that, but mostly because I didn't want my parents/family to give me grief, AND, I wanted my alone time for drinking, video games, etc. of course). Well anyway, I had proposed to her after a couple years of dating, and with about 6 months to go before marriage, she said she wanted to re-start how we should have done it since the beginning. She wanted to stop sex until marriage, and get in the mindset that we "should" be in. NEVER would I have thought that that was something we wanted/needed. But, when she said that, and after I had a day or so to think on it, I had never loved her more. And everything became simpler, and more focused on the other's good. I realized that she was focused on OUR good as a couple, and that in turn made me want to do the same. I was the fairly regular mass-going person in the relationship when we started, but by the end of our dating, SHE was the one who was helping to show me how to live. It was...liberating, loving and yeah, it just made me see the future "us" in a different light. It made our honeymoon more special, and it started our marriage off on the right foot. For anyone looking at this video or reading this comment, it is NOT too late to recommit to chastity. It was something I had no idea we "needed" at the time, and it made all the difference in the world. It's not too late to recommit, take my word for it.

[@miniwife]

That's really beautiful. Thank you for sharing. I love hearing about that moment when people see something special and different in their relationship. When they see how their girlfriend or boyfriend really shows a quality that not only brings more love, but also more respect and trust. These, plus honesty, are what lasting love is built on. It's just lovely to hear stories like yours where you say how much more joy you have in your life after this moment. Thanks again. ❤️

[@cookieking1996]

Na I clap my gf’s cheeks daily and our relationship is going strong 2 years in

[@serenityssolace]

As long as she was chaste with everyone then that is fine. But most women that suddenly have a change of heart have that in order to be chaste with their placeholder husband and have sex with other bad boys like Chad. Not really a change of heart but an excuse. Hope that's not the case with you. Best of luck!

[@adamrad2220]

@@serenityssolace Well it was right after our Pre Cana retreat, where we were both forced to pretty much (passively) confront our cognitive dissonance about pre-marital sex. About how we were hypocrites for saying Catholicism is important in our lives, while living to the contrary (in that aspect anyway). We've been married around 9 years now and are closer than ever. It definitely wasn't in the way you describe.

[@serenityssolace]

@@adamrad2220 I'm really glad to hear that. I am always a little bit wary about those changes of heart and if they are genuine or if I am just being fooled. But it's great to hear it's working out. I wish you and your wife all the best!

[@christophergreen3809]

I saved myself for marriage. My wife and I have been happily married for nearly 31 years! I wish more conservative Protestant churches were as outspoken on this subject as you are!

[@clenjones5748]

Protestant...?

[@marietheresa7866]

Hi, Christopher, this is a very Catholic platform. Welcome to sharing with us. ✌

[@bedar6961]

Dear Christopher, pls find a Traditional Catholic Tridentine Mass and convert asap. Time is very little. Become a Saint and help us fight the evil that has infiltrated our Lord Jesus Christ's Church and the world. I will be praying for you for ever.

[@lisamedla]

I think it's in the West that they aren't. In the larger body of Christ the repercussions are painful.

[@firingallcylinders2949]

Mine does. I'm at a Reformed church and they make it very clear it's wrong. The men try to disciple each other on pornography issues and lust as well.

[@antonia6059]

My husband and I didn’t live together or have sex before marriage. 18 years and 3 kids later we're going strong. When we’re out and about together people ask if we’re newlyweds or in our early dating stage. They are shocked when we say we’ve been married so long. One of the best decisions we’ve ever made for sure!

[@aiyenibeboluwatife4836]

I believe you are a practicing Catholic ( if not please correct me), how did you manage to have 3 kids in 18years , considering no contraceptive

[@EriPages]

@@aiyenibeboluwatife4836 her husband's pullout game has no equal

[@olgac.h.1278]

@@aiyenibeboluwatife4836 maybe they have difficulties conceiving? Maybe they abstain often?

[@leorickaldana366]

@@aiyenibeboluwatife4836 The pullout game is strong with this one.

[@eternalabundance39]

That is so awesome.

[@emmadumais2337]

"We all have a past, but we all have a future as well, and if we want that future to be good and true and beautiful, then we need to listen to what the Father is teaching His children through the Church." Truly beautiful words Mr. Fradd

[@a.p3123]

Loved these words too 👌

[@elizabethcornell1582]

So what if you don't happen to believe that there is a "father" up there in the first place?

[@emmadumais2337]

@@elizabethcornell1582 Redemption is always possible. Whether one believes in God or not. He (The Father) gives us messages and messengers throughout life. He's there Elizabeth-one only need to open their hearts to trust and love.

[@antoniopioavallone1137]

Commitment ; the word our society hates beyond all.

[@szs2785]

Is it tho🙄

[@rocko0214]

I didn't know people actually care about this anymore, and i can't explain how happy it makes me that i was wrong.

[@TickleMeElmo55]

There will always be people who care about even the most "trivial" things according to the secular world. It's just that the secular world dominates the sexual landscape, therefore they make such discussion and topics taboo to talk about if you have an opposing thought.

[@sallymae6812]

@@TickleMeElmo55 Key word is secular world. The secular world has a religion too. It opposes Christianity.

[@GratiaPrima_]

I absolutely despise the “test drive the car” thing. Ugh. People aren’t objects to be used, like a car is.

[@tonethetallbaldy5039]

So true

[@kathyalex778]

Plus, in reality, cars lose their value as soon as you drive them off the lot. We women should not give our bodies to men and risk pregnancy if they have not committed to us and proven themselves worthy first.

[@jotunman627]

@@kathyalex778 A question all women should be asking is...Who really benefits from removing sexual consequences? Why do women need to be so available for casual sex with men? How have they been manipulated into seeing this as their road to empowerment? ..and who gets the most hurt and disadvantage in this situation....the sadness and emotional/physical pain of abortion that will haunt them for life…and thanks to no-fault divorce. Women today can’t count on permanence in marriage. These feminist do not seem to recognize the downsides to their revolutionary aspirations. Many women, all up and down the socio-economic ladder, long ago gave up on contraception and abortion as the keys to happiness and freedom.

[@andrewbennett6089]

How would you suggest conducting a relationship so one does not "test drive" a car? How is the courting process not "test driving" but living together, or even sleeping together, is? We will always "test" our spouse to SOME extent to make sure he or she is right for us, so where is that line between ensuring they are right for us and immoral use?

[@andrewbennett6089]

​@@cynthiagonzalez658 I was primarily asking to get a sense of what someone means by "test-drive." If we're going to say that test-driving a person is wrong, which I certainly don't disagree with, then we have to define what that means. I think you make a fair point when pointing out that we don't spend that long test-driving a car. I'd offer up that cars last just a few years rather than a lifetime; we don't spend just a couple of days checking out a person before marrying them, like we would a car; they may not be reliable until you've spent a while with them (although you could check out Consumer Reports to catch some of those in advance, rather than spending a few years to see if it breaks down a lot before buying it). I wouldn't say that everyone necessarily buys a new car because their current one has lost novelty (although for very rich people, they do that with expensive cars) - it's because it literally stops working and/or becomes expensive. People don't work quite like that because, in a good marriage, even when we get old and our bodies slow down, we would still keep the person until they die rather than "trade them in" for someone new. So on that note, the examples aren't analogous, and shouldn't be, because cars are not people.

[@sundayweiss2779]

Honoring your marriage shows huge self respect.

[@debbiegum2226]

Well said

[@a.p3123]

Agreed @debbiegum

[@janettabinski1485]

When a couple who are getting to know each other and are attracted to each other start having sex, the natural power of the sexual experience overwhelms the process of learning about the other as a person. That process grinds to halt while physical desire becomes super dominant, which so easily leads to the couple making wrong decisions, e.g. to cohabit or even to marry. Clarity of vision about the other person’s suitability as a life partner is obscured and we can’t judge sensibly. I did everything wrong as a single woman, but despite that, by the grace of God, am still married to the same man after 39 years. But much suffering was unavoidable as a consequence of our attitudes and behaviour.

[@viviennedunbar3374]

We also have biological processes in our hormonal system (especially for women) that start to bond us with the other person. You therefore could be bonding with someone who is really NOT going to be a long term marriage partner because you rushed in too quickly. For example, you haven't established the other person's values, ambitions, financial intelligence, desire to have children, kindness and loyalty towards you and others over the long term. Marriage is about total commitment. You are committing your sexuality before really knowing if you are compatible in the long term.

[@janettabinski1485]

@@viviennedunbar3374 Exactly! Well said.

[@szs2785]

@@viviennedunbar3374 um. Some people fall in love quickly. Others enjoy sex for pleasure and enjoy the social interaction aspect of it to. It sounds like YOU fall in love easily so maybe hooking up is not for YOU

[@szs2785]

I would argue its the exact opposite. When youre horny someone youve just fallen in love yet, you might rush to get married (seen it happen many times). But once you get past the honeymoon phase you can start working on knowing eachother on much deeper levels

[@renren1641]

I've heard the rhetoric 'abstinence leads to ignorance' when the studies you've just talked about all show that sexual dissatisfaction and feeling the need to commit adultery are the RESULT of not having abstinence. Very edifying, thanks for the content!

[@cmartin999]

Having multiple sex partners is like trying a burger at multiple restaurants. If you only had burgers at say Burger King, that would be the best burger place in the world to you, but once you've tried a lot of other places you are now thinking about what is better and worse about Burger King every time you have it. Having other sex partners to compare your spouse to is not going to improve your sex life with them.

[@gabrielethier2046]

@@cmartin999 a perfect example of good ignorance

[@Super_bus_machine]

@@cmartin999 well that’s not true for me. Burger King is garbage and having multiple sex partners is wonderful!

[@cmartin999]

@@Super_bus_machine I figured someone would misunderstand this way... if Burger King was the only burger you ever had (assuming you like burgers) then you would have nothing to compare it to and be less likely to think it's garbage. I'm also not saying people don't enjoy having multiple sex partners, I'm saying that by having multiple partners you have a lower view of each individual sex partner than you would if you only had one. The fact that you love having multiple sex partners proves my point. It says that you don't value each sex partner as much as you would if they were your only one. *edit* typo

[@LauraBeeDannon]

@@Super_bus_machine so you like sin?

[@margitrujillo6943]

Sadly, too many younger people have ‘bought into this myth’, and believe cohabitation is the BEST way to get to REALLY know each other! Thanks, for addressing this mis-belief!!

[@szs2785]

Hm. Maybe its not best for YOU. But it was best for me

[@MrDrNii]

​@@szs2785 minority doesn't determine the general population 😊

[@kendensetsu1604]

This really opened my eyes! As a 20 year old Australian guy, hook-up (fornication) culture is massive with all my friends. Thanks.

[@georgewagner7787]

The 60s generation did you guys a terrible disservice by not telling you the truth. For more on this topic, there was a book i read called Why Wait , if it's still available

[@firingallcylinders2949]

When I tell someone secular that I'm in my late 20's and never had sex it's like they just saw a ghost. The world literally can't comprehend it. It's also hilarious because the next sentence is literally always: What are you religious or something? They know that the only reason people usually do it is for Christ.

[@Charbel1]

I agree with all your points! As a 20 year old Lebanese guy.

[@Cambrella2022]

@@firingallcylinders2949 Praise God that God has given you the strength to maintain your abstinence beyond what most people your age could even fathom. That is the strength of God

[@jsharp1776]

@@firingallcylinders2949 That is awesome for you! Keep up the good work! Your reward will be of complete success in your eternal life.

[@Chels924]

My husband and I did not live together prior to marriage and I honestly think it was one of the best decisions we could’ve made for our relationship. Excited for the video!

[@progidy7]

My wife and I lived together prior to marriage and I honestly think it was one of the best decisions we could have made for our relationship! To each their own.

[@myfakinusername]

@@progidy7 Wow what a hostile reply. Dude, she just confirmed what Matt has said in the video backed up by six academic studies and Jordan Peterson himself. No need to feel attacked. Nobody said that your relationship will fall apart. There are a lot of factors included in that.

[@Rojofro]

@@myfakinusername why is it hostile? And the six studies chosen don't show much and are very nitpicked, most being at least 25 years old. All Nate did was show how a statement isn't a good proof of an argument in this case.

[@progidy7]

@@myfakinusername confrontational, not hostile. Not every relationship is the same.

[@JohnCenaFan6298]

Fr Chad Ripperger says it's actually the traditional way to court someone. And to make sure when u go on a date, u are in public or with friends. Staying together privately and staying and sleeping in the same bed implies fornication for onlookers and is against the virtue of chastity as well. Virtues of love thy neighbor, and chastity ought to be built and are the reasons u do not sexually romance. Even touching or kissing. They're psychological issues with this and general unjusticeness towards women. I don't think u even have to look into studies to make this point from the position of Virtues.

[@lauracaponegro6811]

The devil whispers in your ear, "everyone is doing it."

[@aadamy]

My daughter asked me when people get married. I said, “When you’re ready to have kids”. She’s 6 years old and totally got that.

[@kelly4187]

@@derek4412 I try to get this into every confirmation group. If you don't enter into the courtship with the absolute intent of marriage then you are simply using that person to meet your needs, and that is utterly despicable.

[@adventureinallthings]

I agree, but to take the old wise saying, pray like it all depends on God and then work like it all depends on you. So in order to remain chaste in modern western times ( which means years and years of waiting till you might be 30 or more before you are in a position to even begin to have the means to support children in a way God would want you to ) we must pray for Grace obviously but what about the other side of that equation, what are we doing in society that makes is nessesasary for humans designed by God to enjoy sex most when young to wait so long. Nobody ever has an answer to the 'work' part , ideas ? Thoughts ?

[@Hector-sp2hv]

@@kelly4187 To “meet one’s needs” or to “satisfy one’s lust”? Which is more accurate?

[@debbiegum2226]

@Jonathan- why 30??? As for having kids there is never a “right time” or a “perfect time” to decide to have kids Our culture has poisoned our idea of dating/ love/ marriage and family for the past 45+ years The only way to correct things and turn our culture around is to not delay marriage and get busy having babies. God will provide for what one needs.

[@bajone02]

@@adventureinallthings support children in a way God would want you to? What does that mean? Sounds like your expectations are being driven by some societal norm you think is necessary. No need to start out with the dream house and luxuries before settling down. Taking steps with a committed partner in marriage let's you grow together, struggle together which bonds your relationship if you have balanced expectations going in.

[@tashaculus4582]

Dated my husband for 10 years before we married and yes, we waited all that time. Our marriage is extremely fulfilling and so is our sex life. So glad, we both made the decision to wait. Wasn't easy but it was worth what we have now! #14yearstrong

[@Queen-ConsciousYa]

Wow Thankyou for sharing☺️

[@N0Cashva1ue]

"We're basically married already" is the worst excuse I've heard from someone who identifies as Christian, but the most unfortunate excuse from everyone else is probably "Why not, what's wrong with it?"

[@Rojofro]

@@derek4412 the study his article cites is are 30 years old, and there is less than a 1% difference with a relatively small population. Newer studies suggest otherwise.

[@mcspankey4810]

Provide the newer studies please, I am interested. I want links to scholarly articles not ur speculation

[@georgewagner7787]

What does basically mean? Either you're married or not. Sounds like people who think you can be a little bit pregnant

[@arreola891]

My husband and I lived together before we married. I believed the lie that you have to "try each other out". This was BEFORE I was born again Christian so I didn't know any better and didn't know it was a sin. Marriage is an institution created by God so if you sin before marriage, you've already cursed your own marriage. Well, when we finally married after 2 years of living together, our marriage was FAILING! It was cursed! We were at the brink of divorce. I became born again and God showed me that i sinned and I fell on my knees, sobbing and I repented and asked for His forgiveness. That caused the curse to be lifted because He forgave me and resorted my marriage. We are now happily married (22 years) and so blessed!

[@HAli3291]

As a Muslim, I whole heartedly agree. Love this thread❤

[@darija.studio]

This has nothing to do with religion.

[@LR-kj8ec]

@@darija.studio these concepts originate from religion. Ta.

[@darija.studio]

@@LR-kj8ec I know but we can considerate it a coincidence since there could be many people who decide to do it that way yet they might be atheists or agnostic people so not living together before marriage is NOT a religious thought by default, it is an idea that anybody can adopt based on their perspective of life far from their religious belief !

[@LR-kj8ec]

@@darija.studio never denied that. If Atheist and Agnostics want to do the same, more power to them. My response was to your original comment that was a very categorical statement 'this has nothing to do with religion', which is categorically untrue. The foundations are religious. Ancient civilisation before the Abrahamic faiths came about, Fathers were having sex with daughters, Mothers were having sex with Sons, Brothers and Sisters were have sex with each other, and so on and so forth. Religion put an end to this with some very strict rules, who you can marry and have sex with and no sex before marriage.

[@johnayala2540]

This is a very beautiful message. I just wished I heard it when I was in my early 20s. I was very promiscuous and immoral but I knew what I was doing was a sin but I was spirituality weak but somehow the Holy Spirit had never left me because no matter how far I was from God, I had experimented with drugs and lived a decadent & immoral lifestyle, I was left with overwhelming sense of emptiness and all the while the desire for reconciliation was always there. After divorce and meaningless multiple romantic relationships, I gave myself to God and promise to be chaste and fix my life. I have now a great devotion to our Blessed Lady and pray regularly. I've been celibate for about 5 years and I intend to remain that way until I take my last breath. It wasn't easy at first but doable with the grace of God. I've never been happier and at peace with myself. I will never cohabitate again without marriage in the Catholic Church. My marriage was not annulled so I don't entertain dating to avoid the occasions of sin or falling in love while my marriage is not yet annulled. I regularly pray the Act Of Contrition and it's a great reminder to stay in the state of grace. 🙏🏻✝

[@deogratias273]

A beautiful testimony. Thanks and God bless

[@singdancelady23]

Thank you so much Matt! As an unmarried woman, I’ve proudly worn my purity ring since I was 14 amidst all the side looks and snickering. I’m now in a good relationship with a wonderful Catholic man who believes as we do. Keep the faith guys. You are not alone. And Matt, your videos give me hope for the future 🙏🏻 Keep up the good work and I’ll continue to listen to your podcasts.

[@jpfk679]

and you vote for Donald Trump and his stripper third wife for First Lady? wow

[@paulahickey2123]

I was not a virgin when I got married but my husband was. I had a conversion and became a Catholic. Now we have been married for 52 years and I agree with everything you said, especially about the use of euphemisms. Let's call a spade a spade and tell the truth. God bless you and Jordan Peterson.

[@lyndaolsen9095]

“Use ugly words for ugly behavior” - “regain Wisdom” - Excellent - thank you!!

[@debbiegum2226]

My husband and I opted to not live together before we got married. 25 years later and we are still blessed with a great marriage and a wonderful family

[@MikeXCSkier]

My wife and I did live together prior to marriage. 31 years later, still good.

[@Super_bus_machine]

My parents lived together before they got married and have been married for 50 years.

[@MikeXCSkier]

@@TheSuburbansky1 Or it could be that my wife and I are mature, intelligent people who value each other and our marriage. I realize that this is not consistent with your narrative, so despite not knowing anything about me or my wife you automatically assume that it must be dumb luck. I urge you to think outside the box.

[@maryann7619]

@@MikeXCSkier Statistics. You took the gamble and won.

[@maryann7619]

@@Super_bus_machine Why the obsession with cohabitation? FACT: Odds are against a lifetime marriage, if a couple lives together. Take the gamble or not. Your choice. For a lifetime decision, why take the risk?

[@Littlemermaid17]

Definitely, not living together prior always makes marriage way more exciting. You can finally stop saying good bye at night and stay together 😎

[@AJ-ox8xy]

It definitely builds the tension and come the honeymoon/ consummation builds that moment where the marriage can start at a high point.

[@wholesome122]

I have a friend who is suffering in a cohabitation situation right now. She really wants to get married but her boyfriend keeps wanting to delay it.

[@mrss4278]

Well that seems to be her answer to work with. He does not want to marry. Whatever he’s getting from her is enough but the enough won’t last forever so she should quit it now and start over.

[@Nimish204]

@@derek4412 Citation needed

[@antoniomoyal]

@@mrss4278 hard but true

[@pattiday431]

@@mrss4278 And learn from her mistake rather than living with the next, and the next, and the next.

[@marietheresa7866]

@@mrss4278 Most sane and down to earth take. 👌✌👌✌

[@debless9572]

I didn't know there was research to back this up, but I basically arrived at the same conclusion. It's like being with someone who wants the girlfriend/boyfriend experience but with none of the responsibilities, avoiding any commitment. Living together without marrying feels like an extension of that to me. You want the wife /husband experience, but with an opt out at any time clause.

[@jotunman627]

It has always been considered a good idea to refrain from sex until marriage or at least adulthood. Science is now showing us what our grandmothers and pastors knew all along. Having sex with someone who is not our spouse can have a real, measurable and harmful impact upon later relationships. National Survey of Family Growth (NSFG) Women with 10 or more partners were the most likely to divorce Women with 3-9 partners were less likely to divorce than women with 2 partners; and, Women with 0-1 partners were the least likely to divorce. Earlier research found that having multiple sex partners prior to marriage could lead to less happy marriages, and often increased the odds of divorce Girls who experienced their first sexual experience with a young man who would eventually be her husband did not have particularly elevated risk of divorce. When we give ourselves away - and sex is a full giving of ourselves away physically, emotionally, spiritually - to someone outside the commitment and protection of marriage, it breaks down an important part of us, making our future relationships more unhealthy and difficult to sustain.

[@verum-in-omnibus1035]

Why the qualification “at least until adulthood?” I think everyone assumes children are not participating in sex. No one, no exceptions, should be mocking marriage by having sex before marriage. It is one of the issues at the core of the damn nation of the west.

[@jotunman627]

@@verum-in-omnibus1035 adulthood, is a state of intellectual maturity, usually at 21 years of age. Also the legal age to consume alcohol. "the core of the damn nation of the west." - true, even Putin warns of the west's "wokeism" is the path to its own destruction. The first modern no-fault divorce law was enacted in 1917 in Soviet Russia. A primary goal of the Bolsheviks was to break down the traditional ‘bourgeois’ structure of the family in order to equalize the status of men and women. When Joseph Stalin came to power ten years later he reversed the policy because of its destructive impact on the family. Ironically, Putin and Stalin has shown the west's slide into destruction.

[@MikeXCSkier]

Correlation does not equal causation.

[@benakinjo1859]

@@MikeXCSkier Yeah, but there's still a correlation. If event B tends to follow event A, even if they were completely independent events, when you see event A you should also be cautious for event B. If bad luck seemed to follow your uncle Eddie, like say he frequently got into auto-accidents, that doesn't mean he's always the cause of them, or that every time he drives he gets into one. However, it'd be prudent to limit your time around him in vehicles so as to not get caught up in his automotive issues. Likewise, not every grenade that has its pin pulled blows up. The pin and explosion might be highly correlated, but the former doesn't directly cause the latter (its the handle that lights the fuse which then makes contact with the explosive material inside. An explosion won't occur if the fuse fails or could be delayed indefinitely if the handle isn't released. Technically, the pin doesn't do anything). Still, it'd be extremely unwise to assume that just because this correlation doesn't equal causation, that you have nothing to worry about when a pin gets pulled off a grenade. Like your uncle Eddie or the pin on grenades, a high partner count may not DIRECTLY be the cause of a divorce, but you'd be ignoring the high correlation between them at your own peril.

[@joekey8464]

@@MikeXCSkier We are subjected to a staggering amount of “messaging” to convince us that casual sex is a private recreational activity, with no social and spiritual consequences worth thinking about. But statistics show otherwise.

[@mht5875]

I'm old enough to remember when a man HAD to earn a woman's love (As the proverb goes, It is easier for a man to earn an honest day's pay than to earn a woman's love). Cohabitation also presumes entitlement, the one thing no one likes to mention or hear.

[@acchan6862]

This is what I needed to hear. Facing these truths against my lifestyle is scary, but I needed to hear this in an logical, kind, and graceful way. Thank you

[@gg.6633]

I think we’ve all been duped into thinking casual sex is casual, when it never really is..

[@TickleMeElmo55]

Same thing with accepting that nudity and sex scenes in mainstream tv and film are completely fine, hence the norm.

[@szs2785]

Maybe for YOU sex is not casual, but for many it IS casual. Consider that other people may experience things differently then you do🙃

[@Crese1947]

@@szs2785 Someone will almost always catch feelings in a casual relationship.

[@UWhoU2]

My now husband and I were cohabitating when we came across an episode of Pints With Aquinas with Christopher West as a guest. My husband was not Catholic at the time, and I was struggling to practice, but we were learning about the faith because I insisted on being married in the Church. Though we were not in a situation where we could stop cohabitating for a number of reasons, we immediately stopped sharing a bedroom; began wearing more appropriate clothing around the house so as not to tempt each other; and starting going to Confession until we were finally married. It was incredibly hard, but it helped us be more open about things that were bothering us, particularly when it came to our approach to sex, and how we wanted things to be different after marriage. I know first hand that cohabitating with someone can make you feel like things can't change, but if you are truly committed to one another, you can do really hard things that will make you both stronger in the end. Even if you can't stop cohabitating, don't despair. Do everything you can to remove sin from your relationship. Pray about it; talk about it; trust that it's worth it for both of you!

[@100thlamb8]

Jesus loves you💙kzbin.info/www/bejne/moWTqGetadZ8adU💙

[@sw.7519]

We lived for more than 7 years together. We were teenage sweethearts. And are still married. It depends on the couple.

[@paulpatriot1776]

Very well said sir!!!!👍 My wife and I stayed chaste while we were courting, and we did not cohabitate. We both believed Scripture is very clear about this. We cohabited and got physical AFTER we were married…….and almost 19 years later we are in love, best friends, never argue and my heart still beats when I see her afar❤️ God is good and his ways are perfect. It’s when we deviate from his perfect law is when heartaches come.

[@FrancisMossang]

Lovely 🙏❤️

[@jianettego2539]

This made me remember about the relationship between Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. They were literally working well when they were married and adopted and raise kids and lived together but they weren’t married. When they did, everything went downhill so fast no one expected it. I think truly made me realize that this may be true after all and that the Church was right.

[@georgewagner7787]

My brother got burned in his marriage. Now he has a loving girlfriend but won't marry her. She moved in with him eventually. When my father passed, we had a service at the senior community and afterward an old lady who didn't know her asked if she was married. My brother didn't see but I did, the tears in her eyes as she answered no.

[@Fluffypink102]

This is soo sad :(

[@bodnarova05]

she’s wasting her time then. She should be dating others.

[@daboodeef179]

Well if they are living together like that is sounds as if they are basically married it's just not been legally formalized. Your brother obviously has some issues he needs to work through because of what happened in his past and if he does and if she's willing to wait while he does or maybe helps him with it I'm sure they eventually will

[@bodnarova05]

@@daboodeef179 in many places living like that is basically roommates and friends with benefits. No legal rights

[@szs2785]

Ummm maybe she had tears in her eyes cuz shes at her bfs dads funeral?🙃

[@springlakehomestead733]

I've heard people talk about needing to know if they are "sexually compatible." As in "If the sex isn't good, then the relationship isn't worth it." Forget about learning to grow together as a couple, to improve, learn intimately about what a person likes and doesn't like (the two become one), or more importantly, that sex isn't supposed to just be about doing something that "feels good," but rather to honor God or to fulfill your marital vows through a deep and abiding love. Sex that focuses purely on the physical neglects the spiritual side of things, but sex that is focused on the spiritual can only serve to bolster the physical, and when I say that, I mean from a Christian perspective of marriage and what it means.

[@summercelestia]

My last ex had the cohabitation mindset. I told him early on that's a hard boundary for me and he said he was okay with that. Five months later he made a comment about us moving in together and I quickly reminded him of my desires, he was shocked! He thought I wasn't being serious and I'd eventually give in and want to move in because I loved him. I did love him but I loved my values way more.

[@josephbrandenburg4373]

Good on you. Kicked him to the curb, eh?

[@mickkeyking]

Why was he shocked?!

[@jsharp1776]

Good on you. It make me happy to hear that some people have values that are not easily compromised. God bless you in all your future relationships.

[@Jerrel28]

I respect you for standing on your values.

[@mioszjanda7917]

Great vid on a very important topic. I live in a once called Catholic country (Poland) and I remember, few years ago, when talking with friends (most of them I grew up with, in the same faith) about my relationship, they were shocked we live separately. For them it was abnormal and 90% of the time they used that argument of "testing out" for them cohabitating with their partners. Even not living together it was difficult not to fornicate, there were ups and downs, but after some time, with the enormous help from the Holy Spirit, my girlfriend and I decided to live in chastity till marriage. It was the best decision we could made. Now we are happy after 2 years of marriage we are constantly discovering the beauty of living together (and with a baby:) ). God Bless you and your family Matt!

[@josiahwyncott7519]

If you Poles can master that insane language of yours you can definitely manage staying out of each other's beds' until you marry!

[@LauraBeeDannon]

Congratulations!

[@aadamy]

One of my best friends wanted to live with her now person first. She’s not a Christian. She just thought it was practical. Like Matt said- because she fears divorce. They lived together over a year, got engaged and married. Within 6 months he cheated on her. It was like waking up to a different person. Obviously he has borderline personality disorder or whatever but what’s more terrible is - she has no where to turn. She’s getting therapy. He’s reluctantly getting therapy. No priest, no spiritual direction.

[@yadiraaquino1733]

Lets pray for friend 🙏❤️

[@einarabelc5]

Did they get Will Smith's therapist?

[@Super_bus_machine]

Last place I would go to is the Catholic Church. Especially with all the stuff that is still going on now.

[@shalatjohn2208]

@@Super_bus_machine Well being a non Catholic I can very well testify that the grace of Jesus and the Catholic Church saved my marriage. I pray you come across a good Catholic too some day. Keep your heart open!

[@Super_bus_machine]

@@shalatjohn2208 how did Jesus save your marriage ?

[@emmat7910]

Oh boy, 2 years ago I would have laughed, now I agree 200% percent. I'm an orthodox 🥰

[@EriPages]

How'd you become an orthodox in the past 2 years?

[@eunicepirlea3526]

Amazing teaching. How this generation needs this information! Having experienced an outpouring of blessings in our marriage by striving to wait for each other until marriage, me and my husband can wholeheartedly say that there is no greater joy than to fully give yourself to the one God has prepared for you. The security and peace that come out of this is simply inexplicable

[@56Tyskie]

My wife and I are married through the state. We got married in 2014, however we always wanted to get the sacrament of marriage. Now that we look back we aren't sure why we didnt just get married through the Church. We are currently preparing for the sacrament of marriage and are staying chaste until the completion of the sacrament. We have been through many ups and downs. Health and illness. Having money and being in debt. We are so excited to be united with and through God!

[@johnc.8298]

If possible, I would get the sacrament of marriage without any connection to the state. The state is of this world, not heaven. State involvement thru marriage license, etc. is relatively recent and is both unnecessary and not state law. I would rather "Holy Matrimony" be a church function among believers with a church registry of the marriage. The gov't doesn't belong in your marriage. Only our Heavenly Father does.

[@56Tyskie]

@@johnc.8298 yes

[@zingara76]

I been with my now fiancé for over 4 years and we’re getting married next year. We do live together, but we don’t have sex. We have not had sex in 3 years. Not sure if that’s what make us stay together and work harder or the fact the both of us are in our late 30’s and we understand that there’s not that many great single people our age. I have to confess that both of us are very not sexual at all: I think we may be asexual so our relationship is base in love and compatibility more than physical. We do kiss and hug each other, but more like as affectionate not sexual way.

[@jimlaz143]

Wow. This was the most valuable 20 minutes I have spent on KZbin in a very long time. If only someone had said these things to me before I got married! Thank you so much! I am sharing this with my sons and daughter

[@vik7628]

My husband and I are newly weds and we didn't live together until we were married. I am so happy with our choice,

[@carolynsanner8253]

I'm Protestant, but in total agreement with these concepts! Thank you for speaking the truth to our warped, damaged minds & hearts.

[@szs2785]

Speak for yourself

[@TheMagdielzuniga]

We all fall - my wife and I lived together before getting married and tried to have children before getting married. it was a mistake. I now know truly how beautiful marriage is and how beautiful the sexual embrace is with your wife. After having two children I understand now that the ultimate goal and joy in a relationship is building a family with your spouse

[@justinking3558]

My wife and I cohabitated for 2 months right before we got married. Worst 2 months of our relationship, and caused problems in other areas of our life and we had to overcome our problems after we got married. It took a a little while but we’re very happy now and look back on that as a mistake

[@szs2785]

Umm wut?🤣🤣🤣

[@momlisette7224]

I LOVE THIS. I wish this was taught more in our society. No it's not easy being in love with someone and not take that "next step". It takes will power to push away and real women who love themselves and their bodies, will not give in to a "boyfriend", just because they say "I love you'. If you love yourself, don't do "IT"

[@Super_bus_machine]

Yeah society should take social cues from Catholics. Hilarious

[@daboodeef179]

It goes the other way to. I'm a guy and probably every girl I've met Christian or not has wanted to have sex before marriage and all of them felt that God didn't mind/care or something like that. God's will to have premarital sex. And in one case a girl said it was God's will to have kids out of wedlock and not living together when there was clearly a better way of doing things but she didn't want to. These are Christian women. Honestly I'm about to throw in the towel and just do my own thing

[@rhondaharris398]

Sex changes over time, has an ebb and flow. If you cohabit to see if you are compatible in this way doesn't help when it inevitably changes. Finding out if the other person is able to be supportive, loving, honest etc when sex is off the table gives you a better idea if they have the strength of character to stand the test of time.

[@SamuelObafemi]

I love that you can communicate your thoughts so clearly. We need more of these kinds of explanations!!! Great work Matt.

[@lispan3768]

My fiance moved in with me but in a seperate bedroom...and when I realized there were a lot of red flags it felt impossible to tell him to move back out and "let's take it slower. " SO we were married in 6 months , the least time possible. 10 years later and 1 child he said he felt coerced to marry me...now we are back to living "as brother and sister"

[@Chydova]

Thank you for your testimony. Wish you had the courage to say you need to move out

[@Soy__Milk]

This is what I’m afraid may happen to my friend

[@whatisthis1262]

Moving in together is a good way to pick up on red flags. Your mistake was not acting on those and being thankful your trial run gave you accurate results.

[@Mitzi73]

I moved out of my childhood bedroom on my wedding day. When we got back from the honeymoon I discovered my husband (who I dated exclusively for 6 years (he didn’t exclusively date me for that time) was not the person who I thought he was. But thankfully we have our wonderful daughter (who we share custody of).

[@kathiasoto2355]

I am a millennial and I honestly feel that my generation is afraid of commitment. I Hope This Will Change. I Pray More People Are See Marriage Is Beautiful And Decide To Enter A Sacramental Marriage.

[@rafaeljonathanmonterrosoca8400]

God bless you Kathia!!

[@marietheresa7866]

Stay with this Absolutely sane and sensible mindset, to remain ever Blessed. Never let up on your Holy Rosary and Prayer life. ❤🌹❤🌹❤🌹❤🌹❤🌹

[@alexs7671]

God grant your prayers

[@szs2785]

Maybe they are learning that committing yourself legally to someone for the literal entirety of their lives is stupid….its works great for some but people change. If you truly love someone unconditionally, then you want them to be happy. Even if that means not being with you.

[@catherinewright9656]

I agree that sex clouds your judgement. I was against sex before marriage, but after sustained pressure, I ended up fornicating with my boyfriend, and I subsequently married him. Part of me felt that if I wasn't going to lose my virginity to my husband, I could at least marry the guy I lost it to. Not a good basis for choosing a husband and sadly, the marriage didn't last.

[@mosheeliyahu8343]

I'm sorry. May you find healing and peace. I'll pray for you.

[@underated17]

I was so inspired by words from JP last night in a video! Tell the truth as close as possible and you will have the adventure of your life and 2) Reflect on where you go wrong on a daily basis and try to improve those areas of your life.

[@senorrodriguez124]

Hmmm kinda sounds like we should examine our conscience nightly?❤️

[@marietheresa7866]

@@senorrodriguez124 YESSSS, Daily. Amazing 👍😍🤩👍😍🤩👍😍 outcome.

[@beavadakkoot]

My fiance and I are getting married in 1 month and we are also waiting for marriage to live together and to even kiss! Best thing ever. Have never felt so loved and secure in a relationship. Jesus knows what he created ❤️❤️

[@janelleallen1081]

How is your marriage going?

[@BlessedisShe]

Thank you for talking about this!

[@maylynbayani]

I think living together prior marriage is like having spousal rights without the commitment. It makes both spouse insecure of their standing on the other's life. The idea that you can leave when the going gets tough contradicts everything marriage stands for. Marriage, aside from providing security and commitment, gives you legal rights and responsibilities which cannot be undermine on a whim.

[@websiteckron8591]

We didn’t live together until marriage. The marriage was a desaster and it got annulled. I said I will never ever marry again as my trust in someone was damaged. Than I got to know another man and we lived 13 (!) together. He was Buddhist I was catholic. And than we met this special priest and everything changed. Within one year and multiple wonderful meetings and prayers my partner converted, he had confession and confirmation. We both stepped deeper into catholic faith. We married one month ago. Deo gracias.

[@Madkingstow]

You were precisely correct when you mentioned you thought people choose to live together because they fear divorce. I had a specific rule that I wouldn't marry someone unless I had lived with them 2 years. I proposed to my wife on exactly the 2 year mark. My parents had been divorced, and all my friends parents had been divorced, but I was commited to staying married and wanted to make sure we were a compatible pair before I made that commitment.

[@bvarq]

Matt, the conclusion I make is quite simple: couples that decide to wait till married to have sex usually make a conscious decision based on their moral (religious) principles. These moral principles are the ones that give them more chances of achieving a fulfilling and long lasting relationship. So, it’s not that the first thing leads to the other… both (chastity and successful marriage) emerge from the same foundational principles

[@1707lin]

Matt you need to have him in your podcast. It will make such a enlightening discussion!

[@rachelmiles2211]

Dude. Thank you so much for this. This was so real. This video will change hearts, regardless of whether they admit it. God bless you.

[@thegenzcompass2526]

It is so heartwarming to see an Australian man talk so boldly about his faith. Wish our priests could at least do half of what you’re doing. We could convert Australia!!!!

[@adinaniseveikoso4745]

Thank you for this. It's really important for us to explain sin this way especially to teens and young people. There were many instances where I had been talked into doing regrettable things. I didn't know how to counter argue against their points or understood why, as a Christian, I was following these kinds of values. I was just trying to follow the rules I guess. So thank you for explaining this. Brought a lot of things into perspective.

[@aymeesretep8754]

Also my husband before we married was such a help to keeping our Purity beforehand. He would say he wanted God to look down and smile on us on our wedding day and even now and that we were making something beautiful for the future.

[@jeanettequesada8979]

Thank you very much. I've sent this off to my children to watch/listen to. My experience and knowledge of living together are that it's the biggest, next to the "abortion" is a choice, lie given to young adults. It places two immature people in a position that's impossible to really communicate what they think about marriage. They don't talk about marriage and the surrounding important issues because they think they're already "married" in a sense. So when they do get married, that's when all the thoughts of what one thinks about marriage come tumbling down like a landslide and the communication gets too overwhelming. This all leads to the fall of the family because usually, the cohabiting couple has children already.

[@szs2785]

Sis wtf u talking about🤣

[@barbarahorgan3191]

Thank you for this. Especially for the suggestions for healing when this is a part of the history of your marriage.

[@sielsounds]

Matt, your candid honesty is always so refreshing. I also appreciate so much your insistence on talking about sin as it is and not euphamized

[@JJ-cw3nf]

Thank you for this video. It’s game changing

[@johnjoseph4293]

Great material. I’ve felt great temptation recently, this helped. God bless you Matt

[@pattiday431]

Date for marriage and all that it entails. The engagement period is meant to give the couple time to get to understand and grow together, to learn about one another's religious beliefs, family relations, children, career and financial goals. Somehow couples think that living together to "try it before you buy it" gives you those answers, but it just leads to delaying those necessary conversations, resulting eventually in conflict and resentment. Three years later the couple finds themselves in the same place, unsatisfied in the relationship yet fearful of taking any next step.

[@lispan3768]

There is an awesome song from Newsboys: Stay Strong. It helped me get through a few

[@szs2785]

@@pattiday431 not everyone wants to get married and not everyone is “delaying” important conversations. Consider that maybe other people are having a different experience than you. Maybe you want to believe everyone who has sex without signing a legal document is miserable to hide from the fact that youre jealous of other peoples freedom of choice

[@timmartin6091]

4 years ago, at 22 years old i almost took my own life. I was abused as a kid, broken, depressed, anorexic, bulimic, suicidal. I went in & out of psych units like it was a game of Chess. Suicide watch. I was on enough Antidepressants to kill a horse. I hated myself. I wanted out. I wanted the pain to stop. The gaslighting* to end. *(when a psycho makes a sane person question their own sanity, and thus think they themselves are the insane one). I wanted power. I got into witchcraft. I thought it would give me the identity i wanted, to be set apart from people who hurt me. It only made me sicker. Sicker. Thats what it did to me. The doctors said i’d never get well. That i would suffer severe Chronic Manic depression, and never be well, that id be stuck on antidepressants all of my life. I would plot suicide on a daily basis, binging and purging my food as often as opening and closing a door. The pain was too real. People choked me. Assaulted me. Told me i was ugly, i felt worthless. Nothing ever got better. Then my mother died. The (1) & only soul who ever loved /emotionally supported me was removed from the earth. I was stuck living with people who broke me, ruined my identity, thus causing me to hate God. I thought God hated me, that he was just like the ones who tortured me, a family of abusers, who cover up all their actions with the mask of religion. I didnt know that God is on my side. I didnt know that Jesus would Love and Defend me, and fight for me and that He later would heal me, rescue me from Family. The ones who caused me pain. The ones who choked me for wearing a necklace. I moved out after family threatened to throw all my belongings on the front yard, and have me permanently institutionalized in an insane asylum, when they were the ones who caused my mental illness via abuse. They blamed me for the abuse they did to me. To take my life in an insane asylum when they were the ones who made me suicidal. Next morning i spoke with my dead moms parents who let me live with them. I stayed on the antidepressants, prescribed. But they only made me sicker. I got deeper and deeper into witchcraft, thinking it was a solution. But it made me even more suicidal. Self hatred was inescapable. All my cards have fallen down. I have nothing left. But out. I wanted out. I decided i was going to kill myself. I was going to take all my pills. But then Jesus stepped in. I didnt die. I surrendered my life to Jesus to make me well and heal me. The deity i blamed for me being abused wanted to heal me. He Was fighting for me and Loved me all along. He wanted to love me. He wanted to give me His Heart. HE LOVES ME. JESUS. LOVES. ME . Jesus miraculously healed me - i am off all drugs and dont need them and i dont have any mental illnesses. I am totally healed , full of joy. I’m now a born again Christian, in my 20’s who wants the entire world to know that JESUS WANTS TO HEAL YOU HE. LOVES. YOU.

[@josheppard9429]

Good one. A mistake I made myself! Learned the hard way.

[@JohnCenaFan6298]

Chad Ripperger says it's actually the traditional way to court someone. And to make sure when u go on a date, u are in public or with friends. Staying together privately and staying and sleeping in the same bed implies fornication for onlookers and is against the virtue of chastity as well. Virtues of love thy neighbor, and chastity ought to be built and are the reasons u do not sexually romance. Even touching or kissing. They're psychological issues with this and general unjusticeness towards women. I don't think u even have to look into studies to make this point from the position of Virtues.

[@Duhandle]

100%. I plan this when I meet someone. It's sad because I meet people who are believing Catholics who see nothing wrong with spending a night (not overnight) alone with their boyfriend/girlfriend. I tell them they need a chaperone if they don't want to go out in public.

[@NINTHSKULL]

So you would have a couple develop a relationship through only public meetings, with no physical contact of any kind, and no one-on-one interactions until marriage? What you are describing is not a relationship, it’s actually less than even a friendship, because you almost always have friends who you meet with in a one-on-one setting, and friends who you hug, etc. Then you would have them marry, and now this person you have never even interacted with one-on-one is ALWAYS in your space-you are living with, sleeping with, having sex with… basically not a single thing is even similar to what you had before… and you expect that to work better?

[@nicolesousa1836]

People act differently around their friends and in public. How can you get to know someone if you dont have any time in private with them?

[@amirahmujahid9061]

Massive respect for your courage in speaking the truth. As a Muslim, I have always wondered why one night stand has become a norm in Christians-majority nations even though in all scriptures including the Bible teaches that fornication is a sin.. for me, if someone stands for everything, it means that the person stands for nothing..and thank you for sharing all the studies that supports abstinence before marriage.. It's really heart warming to know that more people of other faiths have come to realise the wisdom behind God's commands.. It might not be to your liking, but what you don't like may be good for you and vice versa as mentioned in the Quran.. .may God continue to bless your marriage with love, patience and compassion .

[@georgewagner7787]

It's because the nation is no longer Christian. Few people read or obey the Scriptures. It was never fully Christian to begin with. I hope you will not base your understanding on a country but on Isa himself in the Scriptures.

[@TeeAhhhna]

The Quran also supports one night stands. Or three day marriage

[@amirahmujahid9061]

@@georgewagner7787 I'm saying this based on what i see in Western popular culture..lewd lyrics and sexual acts on tv shows n movies..I wanted to improve my English by watching English series,but had to stop due to too many sexual scenes..I now prefer listening to lectures from great scholars like J Peterson to improve my English..

[@amirahmujahid9061]

@@TeeAhhhna I'm sorry but Ive been reading, reciting and trying to memorise the quran my whole life and never found a single indecent verse from the quran. Please dont spread false allegations.. In fact in the quran god instructed men to lower their gaze and women to cover their aurat (everything except face nd hands) to show how important it is for us to maintain our modesty..and marriage is such a sacred union and reffered to as a union that should be filled with peace and tolerance in the quran..

[@WaddiaS]

@@amirahmujahid9061 she probably means nikah mutah, which is a complicated topic given history of Islam. But yes I agree there's no such mention in Quran

[@esmeraldamunoz8803]

God bless you! We need to hear this more and more!

[@mickael1705]

I'm a subscriber from now on!! You are 100% spot on and speak the truth. 👌🏾

[@jjgems5909]

My husband and I didn’t live together until we were married. And it really forced us to work things out when we had disagreements. It’s been tough but refining and humbling at the same time. We’re starting to see the fruit of that. It’s beautiful to marry and then live together and wait until marriage to have sex. It’s beautiful to learn things together, learn our likes and dislikes, learn to work together instead of against each other. To serve and not expect to be served.

[@szs2785]

YOU should do what’s comfortable for YOU. If you make a choice and it works out, great, if it doesnt its not the end of the world.

[@magikarp2063]

Wonderful video Matt.

[@andreatilsley1946]

Absolutely spot on 🙌🏼 straight shooting and unapologetic. We need more of this

[@Chewbakka29]

I'm so grateful I came across your video. All that you said felt so real, and I could not have seen this at a better time in my life. Interested to see more : ) thx

[@LauraBeeDannon]

Living together before marriage takes all the fun out of the wedding day. Imagine a fairytale wedding where you just go home at the end to the place you started out at that day. It's a sad ending. Just takes to romance out.

[@attrition71]

I LOVE your content Matt... Really great stuff

[@sherrycatanese4312]

Amen!Amen! Thank you for addressing something people want to believe is the only way..it’s just the world’s way. Having dignity for yourself & your possibly future spouse is huge. If you don’t respect them enough while you date, to save yourself for that life changing moment of giving your love to them totally, you probably won’t be as good of a spouse as they need for a lifetime. The commitment is what is lacking in many avenues of life today. Be strong, pray together and God will reward your self discipline with outrageous blessings in your married life. Thank you for a great video.

[@jeanlanz2344]

Thank you for your honesty and humbleness and for calling a spade a spade. Love people, use things.

[@normacindy7226]

This is great, God bless!

[@lauracaponegro6811]

The church fathers agreed early on that anyone willing to disobey the laws of the church concerning marriage before marriage would be willing to disobey the laws of the church concerning marriage after marriage.

[@sarahsf6940]

having been binging on your channel for the last 2 weeks, keep up the virtuous work you're doing. I am not even christian, but exploring.

[@mikethetraveler]

Wow! This is seriously life changing information to come across. Thank you for the honesty and clear translation

[@christiandpaul631]

Good discussion. Excellent information.

[@olifakaro]

I had lived with my husband for 4 years before we got married, we are 11 years married, 19 years together. I think it is right thing to do, you really know the person when you live together. And when you love sb, you want to spend as much time as you can together. But sex should never be the main reason to start living together.

[@sallymae6812]

You are in the minority of success in this regard. I noticed you don't mention God and His laws though. Have you repented for this sin to each other? If your relationship is fine, think how much better it will be when you submit to God and each other anew.

[@rolson1695]

Really appreciate your frankness and telling the truth. Thank you.

[@ronelaille2637]

Thank you for opening up, you are brave to say it so clearly. I appreciate.