Reasons why you're trapped with a narcissist

[@belkyventura4035]

It took me 42 years to get out of the marriage, i was afraid to live by myself. Now i am determined to live in peace and free.

[@HeartFeltGesture]

Yeah its that vague peripheral uninspected fear that is always lurking in the background that keeps us trapped. We are afraid to be alone because we view it as abandonment. But, if you choose to leave, you are empowered, you have made a good choice for yourself. Then you will see you are good alone, you can meet the challenge. You know you are worth more than the narcissist is saying you are, and they are not deserving of the pedetsal we have them on. If you think about it, if you could see the bad relationship from the outside you would be horrified to see another person in that situation and even offer them advice and help to get out. Self-compassion, self-acceptance, self-love.

[@cynthiaroper3127]

I divorced mine after 44+ years. I’m so glad to be out almost 6 years. Best of luck to you!

[@ladyd1614]

Good job Becky !! Proud of you and myself !! Fight everyday ! May GOD continue to bless you ❤❤

[@Portia620]

We find out we did it alone all along anyway!

[@SewSoUnique]

I’m divorcing after 25 years. I’m growing!!!

[@venuswings3250]

1. How to leave ( no car) 2. Where to go ( money concerns) 3.The Unknown

[@peggytaylor8016]

As a 83 year old, married to a N for 65 years I can't express how much I appreciate your videos. Using lots of your advice and feeling better and more confident to care for myself. Keep going Kevin and know there are so many of us using your information and encouragement to live better our lives and especially those of us nearing the end of our lives. Better late than never!!!!!

[@jamnoise72]

Aww you have just inspired me! Most High Bless :)

[@jamnoise72]

Sending you so much Love Peggy

[@grammyspa-jammies1737]

I am 71 and have wasted the last (nearly) 42 of my life trying to 'get things right' according to my covert-narc's ever changing rules and regulations. It's only been the last few months that I've been learning about people like him and why he is the way he is. I am fighting so hard to get back the person I was before I brought him into my life. @peggytaylor8016, I am proud of you, too.

[@coralmccrystal4606]

@peggytaylor8016 You sound awesome. Well done!

[@Rosa1O]

God bless you!

[@danilaroche1156]

I stayed because I thought it was God's will. WRONG! I just didn't know what narc abuse was. I do now! Thanks brother.

[@rettpanda6203]

I was the same in my first marriage, but also bad advice from family I thought I could trust. I was told to obey my husband. Boy howdy

[@lewishenderson7004]

i did not know it wasn't me til i was 64 years old i am now 66

[@esthermagness5635]

My husband is a narcissist and I'm trying to get out but bc of finances I'm stuck here with this deranged person thank you for this video Kevin you are absolutely on point with everything you said

[@heavenlygrandma9992]

You are only stuck temporarily. Change the way you speak so you can speak your escape into existence. It took me 3 YEARS to save enough to leave. I had also opened some stock market accounts that basically served as savings accounts. When I started getting my SS every month, I put it in a separate checking account in only my name. I had opened the stock market accounts in both names, but didn't tell him. I was trying to do something to benefit us after he retired, but then transferred it all into an account in only my name after deciding I was going to leave. Where there is a will, there is a way. The only way I could find to escape that I could afford was to buy an RV and left one weekend when he was gone camping. I cashed in almost all of the stocks and have enough to last until NESARA and the financial RV reset happen. If you can't escape now, you will be able to soon. Just do what you can do until you can leave.

[@donnafoley2167]

You've said it, they are deranged.

[@jaxpharmacy415]

​@@heavenlygrandma9992your story is motivating and proof it can happen...i wish you the best. I'm in california and its 3x as hard here than anywhere to make it alone

[@michignamymichigan]

❤ You are not alone. Keep your plans to yourself, or they will deceive and trick. It can be dangerous. It is all clearer when you can get away for a while. Never go back. 🧡

[@heavenlygrandma9992]

@@jaxpharmacy415 Thank you. High prices make it hard for sure. I'm paying $400.00 a month for a tiny postage stamp lot to park my RV on. A small apartment is almost 2k, so I couldn't do that. The RV payment is almost $400.00 a month, too. And then there is the power bill. He doesn't do online banking so he's still paying my phone bill and car insurance. And it makes it even harder being disabled, but not getting disability. My SS is less than 1K a month. Yup, it's hard, but I am getting so much better after leaving him, both physically and mentally. If I were in California, I might would try going to a neighboring state until after the housing market crash that will bring prices back down to where they should be. It's easy to move in an RV. After I left, the asinine people at Recreation USA near Myrtle Beach SC sent info to my house where my soon to be ex was with information telling where the RV was being taken to. They knew I was trying to escape a covert narcissist. So he opened a Walmart account in my name and ordered an ugly Christmas bow and had it sent to me. I was already feeling like he knew where I was and went to check out a new campground and when I got home that evening, I found the package. I moved 2 days later. He does not know where I am now. Only one person knows and she lives in Texas and doesn't know and would never tell my husband. He will probably be surprised to find out that Walmart account was deleted after the second gift he sent. He's just trying to taunt me. Even with me being disabled and having some bad health issues, he still tries to upset me. Evil.

[@bethgricas1158]

Unfortunately, you're right, I'm dying in my misery, literally. He told me tonight that he wished I'd find someone else so I would move out. All of these illnesses, I truly believe was from him finally breaking me. It's been a loooong 45 years 😢😢😢

[@habbaticchio2468]

Please do what you have to do to get away. You deserve to live not die.

[@jessicalamb8312]

Dear Beth...Be strong. You can do it. Renew your mind. Do not let narcissistic verbal emotional abuse continue... Stop codepending on a heartless narcissist. Dont give them that power. Even if you cant divorce, separate immediately. Go stay with understanding friends, family members or rent a place temporary to find peace and healing. Focus on healing from narcissistic abuse which you need now. You deserve to be happy. You are worthy to live a happy life because God loves you even if no one does. Lord Jesus Christ has been my Savior/ Comforter and He can be your Savior/ Comforter too. Pray and Ask Him to lead and guide you out of your 45 years of abuse. He created you so He knows how to heal you too. You just have to ASK Him. For me, I prayed and He came to comfort me. Jesus Christ is real and I depend on Him totally now and He has been very Faithful. Jesus Christ said, " Do not be afraid. I will never leave you nor forsake you. " He even told me to Divorce Spiritually from the narcissist. I didnt understand it at first but slowly He showed me through time. Jesus Christ is my Strength now. He has validated me, healed me and uplifted me with His Peace that surpasses all understanding. He is my true Bridegroom and He will be your true Bridegroom too when you believe in Him. Be Strong and Trust in the Lord Jesus Christ.

[@ladyd1614]

You haven’t lost yet !! You cry out for help us something in you that wants freedom ! First remember He Will Never Charge n He is expressing his True feelings about you !! I know that sounds / seem hardship but it’s True !! Detach to SAVE yourself ! And believe your sicknesses will go away !! I used to vomit , break out in a rash , lips swelling.. no more ! I will never allow anybody to treat me like that again !! I love my peace

[@heathermixson1265]

Mark 5:41

[@sonyacorder8408]

😭🙏 I'm so sorry of what your're going through.💔 I'm finally getting out "again" after 31 years. Divorced him in 2015, remarried in 2017 with his promises of change, He just admitted to an affair, so here I go divorcing again. Kevins videos are helping me so much . Glad that I stumbled onto him.

[@karenmorelli258]

I gave up my inheritance in 2012 including property & went no contact. I never looked back or went back to abusive family members. I never felt so free in my 50 years of abuse from family. Try it, it's the best thing you'll ever do for peace, quietness and solitude!

[@Portia620]

Illness keeps you in relationships with toxic people. Let’s talk about that because mentally when you stay too long, it breaks you down mentally but eventually physically you’re sick with auto immune and other issues physically that’s what happens when therapist don’t recognize these issues and you spend all that money and all those years and Therapy fixing yourself with a real problem is the toxicity around you!!!! I’m not saying that we’re perfect people and we don’t have issues but I’m saying the best fix is to get out of the toxicity beings for your in mid life, middle age starting over again. It’s worth it to get out, but do it as soon as possible.😊

[@smoothiecutie2277]

Some therapists are gaslighting blame shifting narcs.

[@karlamartinez7238]

Same here! You're right! If you google Dr. Gabor Mate videos, he says that our bodies and minds are connected, so once we heal our minds from the trauma from being abused, that causes 99% of our dis-eases, our bodies will automatically heal completely, so we don't even need a therapist.

[@rebekahgwendolyn2947]

It is tremendously liberating and empowering to live for God alone-because in Him, you are completely functional, you have absolutely nothing to fear, and He is really the only one you should ever depend on for anything! It would take a book for me to write my story, but it was the Holy Spirit that led me to completely separate from my narcissistic family of origin, my narcissistic ex alleged husband whom God never joined me to (see Mark 10:9), and the whole world of toxic, dysfunctional people I grew up with because my family associated only with toxic, dysfunctional people. It was the Holy Spirit that led me to the only one that truly loved me and wove our hearts together in the most beautiful relationship and marriage I have ever witnessed. He is Love-and the Creator of every person with each distinct destiny.

[@SavedByJesusHeimatLiebe]

Yes, Jesus is the Truth which liberates.

[@amywaite4083]

This is true to my experience too. God bless you.❤

[@Maria__57]

I totally agree.. JESUS Is my love..my everything..i would never have made It without HIM..human love never fullfill us if we don't have GODS love.. THIS Is really living ..& this Is TRUE if you leave or stay with the narc..

[@SavedByJesusHeimatLiebe]

Amen @@Maria__57

[@peacocklava]

Same. Prayer liberated me from my abusive family. God was there for me and helped pull me out even when I felt so broken.

[@yellowdayz1800]

It was either abuse or homelessness... Now I am free. Thank God.

[@ToquzOghuzKhaganatekhan]

Sex not even worth it ! I got no bad addictions !

[@angelh4212]

Ive spent 23 years in a toxic narcissistic relationship because I have no where else to go. I have no family support system to get me thru the transition. And then I would have to work 2 jobs just to support myself living alone. I just don't have the fight in me anymore and I'm not getting any younger. 😢

[@seashell1037]

Although kevin is right, you are smart to think of those factors. I wish I would have stayed even though it was empty. I feel like I'm being punished right now because I am by myself now & honestly, I'm not any happier. I miss being married even though we weren't a couple. I wish I would have stayed for my children's sake - so I didn't break up our family. Even though it wasn't me who wanted to divorce - it was him. But he blames me for everythjng 😢

[@bonniedunbar6717]

Studio apartments are very reasonable. You can be alone and plan your future while you work and save. Join support groups.

[@indyd9322]

Maybe you can do training to get one good job that will support you well. It can feel very dark and confining in a toxic relationship, but the universe is always opening new doors when you look for them. Maybe you have way more energy that you realize, but the toxic relationship is draining you.

[@thelmita123]

My life you described as parallel to yours-I will pray for you and ask you pray for me. He still uses child support to make my life hell and courts can't do much in relation to avoid his kids being abused. System is rigged. @@seashell1037

[@katja6332]

You can still seek support from women's support groups. Leaving isn't necessarily the goal but they are all free and confidential. There you can find support, inspiration and companionship from women who are dealing or have dealt with similar situations. Support groups are not about leaving but about support. Many women in there are still involved with the man and have not made up their mind what to do. But they speak out loud about the abuse and how it messes with their mind. It's crucial part of the journey to freedom that you have a group that supports your experiences. Speak aloud in a safe and confidential environment is important. ❤

[@ManifestationsOfTheLight]

I gave up my abusive friends and family. Now they come after me, stole my SSDI money, falsely accused me of what They have Done to me, and restraining orders on me all the while trying to contact me. I’ve had to aggressively block and lawyer up twice. Not fun getting out. 😢 thanks for being here when the chips are down, Kevin. I’ll let you know when I get to my destination. 🎉

[@jammetmalibu]

Bravery is being scared and doing it anyway. I couldn't stay even if I wanted to, something inside me took over and I made it out, I escaped. It takes a little time but I am good now. The toxicity is a poison we have to detox from. Guys, don't be me, an old lady, with having to start over again. We do learn from all this, I have a new life and it's great and the peace is amazing. Thank you Kevin.

[@totorro5859]

Codependency played huge part with me why i allowed my narcissistic friend to treat me the way she did. Also being unaware that she is in fact a narc was another factor. One i started to unpeel the onion and discover patterns of behaviour and realize who she is i knew it is over, and i went no contact. Since then i feel amazing, free to be myself since many years. Nothing compares to this freedom

[@mandycote5662]

What constitutes a person ‘being’ co dependant ?

[@totorro5859]

@@mandycote5662 "Codependent relationships are characterized by an exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others, a tendency to confuse love and pity, and a tendency to do more than their share all the time. In a codependent relationship, one person may be giving much more time, energy, and focus to the other person, who consciously or unconsciously takes advantage of the situation in order to maximize their needs and desires. Signs of a codependent relationship include being overly concerned about the other person, wanting to fix or rescue them from their problems, worrying that something bad will happen if you don’t take care of them, and having poor boundaries". This was so me in and my narcissistic friend. she took advantage of me on so many levels.

[@ToquzOghuzKhaganatekhan]

They stolen me a lot ! A whole a lot ! Dysfunctional thieves !

[@lifestylebyrachel]

I am free from my narcissist since 2017. Best decision ever. Spent 16 long years with him. There was a lot of future faking. Plans for a great retirement. He would try to change me, and say things like, “if only you dressed sexier, we’d be more intimate.” or things like that. I tried for too long to please him. By the end, his outbursts were getting violent, he’d call me horrible names. I had a lot of self hatred, always doubting myself. When I left him he was on a rampage to destroy my life and all my loving relationships. He’s an attorney and he kept me in legal for 3 years. I spent a few years with few friends and lots of time alone for self reflection and thankfully am in a much better place today. At first being alone was lonely but I focused on my art and things I enjoy and now I savior my alone time. Thankfully I found a loving kind man and we have a beautiful relationship.

[@mykedoes4099]

With each passing day of "no contact" the Narcissist and its miserable attitude becomes more and more clear in the mirror reflection of self pity

[@life-rethought]

I had to own my severe damage from decades of narc abuse from dad and siblings that took me down in full ptsd at 54 years old. and when I married a narc late in life and ran.... " hell no" no contact has been the cure for me. in respecting my own damage and protecting myself to heal.

[@mykedoes4099]

@@life-rethought We call these types "SWINE" Family wont lie to you , call them blood relatives if it makes you feel descent . Now you know better and will discern your company

[@Truthteller1s]

Super eye opening video. Fear of the unknown was what kept me in my abusive relationship for almost 30 years. I thank God for opening my eyes and getting me out.

[@rebeccasmoot6747]

You’re described 28 years of my life!!!

[@trumpeterswan4177]

Kevin you are a hero to us, and you are very brave.

[@hamed2928]

Yes, Kevin truly is brave. Because he feels the fear, and he does it anyway. To me that is true bravery. He is a good example and an encouragement to do the right thing and the healthy thing no matter how you feel.

[@sylvanascott1166]

These con artists shows the world how wonderful they are but behind closed doors they are animals so if you complain to anyone they think it’s you with the problem.

[@michignamymichigan]

They always threatened physical violence, sometimes manifested violence. There are many physical illnesses from their prolonged presence. I had to embrace my anger to have confidence. I had to leave to not be destroyed.

[@sweetheart.nikkilee430]

I did this. I worked so hard on myself, go to therapy every fortnight, got a degree, spent time with family and friends.... Im now getting ready to leave. Thank you

[@cinthial7220]

The sad thing is that it was my own family along with my ex that made my son and I homeless while I was trying to get through cancer by myself. It is so sad that these people closest to us that can literally take everything you worked hard for and made you broke. It is rough losing it all but eventually will be worth it in the end result.

[@jazznyc2781]

Blessings sister for the endurance of pain while you had cancer..God’s grace and blessings amen

[@judemccooey4987]

Wow damn girl That’s terrible Much love Bless you

[@gee8883]

May you heal fast. ❤

[@TheHelenhunter]

Same boat, making it through cancer on my own right now as 37 y/o single mom, my boy just turned 11. Nobody in my family cares, they don't care if I live or die, if my life is brutally going to be robbed from me after it's only been subjected to suffering because of others. My fertility has been robbed so the hope of having my own complete family is destroyed for good. My health destroyed, even if I make it out alive. My brother's consolation when my entire world and life were being turned upside down were, well we all have to die. He will turn the world upside down for others or talk about his dog for hours, but asked me when I went through chemo maybe 2 or 3 times, "so, how is it going" ... ummm ... what?! My father even physically attacked me now, 3 weeks after my last dose of chemo. It's such a difficult place to be in with people surrounded like this who are actually the ones supposed to care and love you, especially in a horrific situation like that. I never in a million years thought I would be in a place like that. I didn't even know it existed. Sometimes I feel like I'm awake in a nightmare or in a bad movie. Pray for me please everybody, I have to be fully and completely healed, I can't leave my son behind.

[@cinthial7220]

@@TheHelenhunter I agree I never thought in a million years people would do this either. Prayers healing and the right places for you. I have made it far keep keeping on everyday and eventually it will all get better. Just takes time. May god bless you in every way possible.

[@McD-j5r]

This video is my preferred. I am a realistic person and this content matched what I think and feel. I don’t think separation is necessary if you learn detachment and how to manage the marriage. It makes it functional, and this is more admirable than being alone, loose, and not committed to anything. I don’t even think there is a problem living in different bedrooms. They are the people you belong to, which is a good feeling. Another person can’t make you happy or unhappy. Married or not, you are alone, but it’s intelligent to have a tribe of yours. I think romantic people, or people looking for intimacy always, are silly. The best is your relationship with your higher self and alignment with God. It is the first thing important in life.

[@Grgiana071]

My NPD husband has low self esteem BUT he pay back with put his wife down. In front of EVERYONE. Mostly in front of strangers and women. That’s make me deep, super, overly low self esteem. Before I’ve met him I was happy, had lots of friends, optimist, creative and lots of hobbies. But after my 24 years marriage, I feel sick, cortisol level higher, feeling worthless, feeling ugly. Now I’m struggling to awake, strong, feels just dark devil energy inside him, which no one trust my story, people judge him from out side, his manipulative charming, religious husband. But me and our children, exactly know who is inside him. Devil form as human body.

[@privateprivate8366]

What you said about why there are fears is absolutely true. It’s terrifying to leave what you’ve known and what you always thought you would have, to know that you’re being pushed out into the world, no matter your age and you have suddenly become like some of those people you’ve met, during the course of life, where they have no family. You’ve wondered just how they have no family. Now, you’re one of them and now you may know why. The only reason why you don’t go back, is because it’s gotten so bad. But you’re still caught between that, yourself and a world that doesn’t care about you and that supports the abuse. The only reason I have fear of family right now, is because I may wind up living just doors, from an enraged, malignant narcissist of a sister, that absolutely doesn’t know boundaries, to the point where she may need to be taken to jail. I am BIG TIME OK with that as, I would not miss having her as a neighbor.

[@ladyd1614]

I experience a narcissist, sociopath ex friend also .. they are the worst , their so jealous until it seems unreal !!! She needed all the attention !

[@privateprivate8366]

@@ladyd1614 yes. In my situation, what no one really realizes, including my sister, is that her jealousy of me isn’t simply because I’m inheriting the better of 2 houses and that she feels probate has been unfair to her. It goes back to when we were kids. Mom had been a model and I look more like her. My sister had been the black sheep and maybe even the scapegoat. While I’ve had my own financial difficulties, she became a real failure to launch. And, as my mother’s mask began to slip, she’d g the past 15 years, I’d say that she fostered some of this jealousy. But, I think all of this has also given my sister a pretty warped POV. I went no contact 5 years ago and mom died last year. But, prior to that, I operated as an only child, for over 30 years, helping my parents and the business they ran. My sister only made appearances during some holidays and when her hand was out. But, for this, she decided upon herself that she inherited the entire estate and was being “kind”enough yo allow me to live in one of the houses. This would ensure that, upon my death, I wouldn’t even need a Will for her to inherit everything and, I somehow feel that my death would be sooner, rather than later, with the conditions she let mom live in. My sister DID NOT want probate at all. So, it’s been a fight, for over a year and we’re coming yo the end. Both homes are in poor condition. But she’s getting the one with a hole in the roof, a raccoon, and a soaked interior, while I get the one with the wet basement and new roof. She’s so mad that she went against the court, broke into my house and changed the lock the court I have installed to keep her out. Pissed me and the court off. I couldn’t get her arrested, because I don’t yet have the deed. But she has since walked off with a few items outside the building. Narcissists and particularly malignant jealous ones don’t like no and boundaries. I get why she’s angry and she does not know why I went no contact. But, she’s also lucky to get what she has, for her mere 4 years of participation in family affairs.

[@Portia620]

@@privateprivate8366yep so much jealousy when people are not performing at the level of what the narc family wants them they are out. They don’t even know it as the family still talks to them. It’s sad what happens if you don’t obey or follow the rules.

[@kathleenb6375]

Perfect reasons for being stuck.

[@christinekisso8358]

It’s amazing when u think about it u thinks it’s only the ex Narc partner who made us sick bite it’s parents also

[@annbressie8615]

this is very spot on. absolutely that functional piece when you have kids + fear of not being with your kids or splitting the time with someone who is not a great parent + financial dependency = toxic trap.

[@43warriormode98]

Listened 3 times this is so PROFOUND AND going in for a fourth time ...powerful truth..God bless you so much ❤️ I needed every word ...deep deep soul truth...❤

[@carly106]

Scary right absolutely on. 🙏🏼 Thank you. I’m only just beginning to understand why I am the way I am. Coming from brothers and a father narcissist, it’s what I knew. Those excuses are real. Don’t rock the boat. Be grateful for what you have. It could be worse. Et al. Thank you. 🙏🏼❤️

[@cinthial7220]

Thank you Royal we for making everyone see :) you are amazing

[@loomtopialmt6545]

Im 20 years old and have been feeling Trapped in my home with 2 Narccisticallly Abusive Parents. I have a disability which is making it hard for me to feel safe with getting out and im still dependant on my parents because im trying work on school, getting a Driver's license, and getting a job. I want to run away from home but im scared because i dont know what would be the best way to do that because right now im still financially dependant

[@gee8883]

How i wish I could help you.i pray God makes it easier for you.

[@Monicaphelan-kiely]

1. Father of your children 2. Co owner of all your property 3. If I am afraid of loosing my life that I icreated

[@yeswing10]

They don't fight fair in Court. Leaving takes planning. You gotta think like them to get out. Use your best "Theatre performance " while you go through the plan. Tell no one. They have snitches everywhere.....he's been telling lies behind your back about you for years. Leave the State, otherwise, he will target you forever. Best wishes What life have you created.....what is your loss? Write it down. A house? There are houses everywhere. Peace? You have no peace or joy. You can earn money to buy what you lost. But you'll never get your time and life back if you stay. And he will turn your kids against you. You'll lose your kids.

[@sundown2221]

Same here

[@terrykaphingst5106]

right there with you on all three points

[@miriam3730]

Great message Kevin, love your videos.

[@godislove4995]

Thank you so much for putting out all the reasons and fear's I am going through in words. Especially when you have kid's and fully dependent on him financially.

[@bonniedunbar6717]

Talk to a lawyer. You get half usually and he had to pay child support.

[@zippyz4170]

I find that fear segment you did kinda interesting. I was probably in the cognitive dissonance for decades that once I heard a supervisor say "He had no empathy"...I stayed a week longer and took a day off and then never showed up again. I wasn't really fearful of leaving but more uncertain of moving to a different area and having the same problems of being a target.

[@jaydaquin7821]

Truth 1000000! Dependence will absolutely limit you! In any relationship It took me so long to get out of a toxic relationship with narcissistic but I have a few narcissists around me... I left homeless, jobless, carless after a car accident. Every time I left, I had less and less. It was functional but depending on him made it worse! He told everyone I was the crazy and abusive yet he was the one that destroyed me. I never felt so much love but so hurt at the same time. He wanted to destroy me. I lost myself 💯 I'm still trying to gather myself. I got blamed for everything. Most people don't understand only those that have experience it. It never will change. I left over 100 times it's so hard! I'm still fighting to stay a float. I thank God I've been able to cut my ties and it's been 4 months. You can do it! It does it takes time! You are worthy of loving yourself ...

[@warriormom5843]

Kevin, YES! The betrayal is paralyzing at times--but HOLDING FIRM. Plan in place based in logistics only. Clock is ticking. Date chosen. 💪🙏

[@nicolehayes6020]

Beautifully said! N that’s exactly where I am right now. Taking advantage of what I have and using it to my advantage until I can leave and never look back ❤❤❤

[@staciehulm4595]

I often thought about how scary it must be for you to do these videos knowing all the narcs are out there ready to attack what you're doing. I'm off the radar completely besides messages like these. I wish the narcissists well, but I never want to see or be seen by any of them. Thanks for doing these videos. They help people like me stay no contact (for me... no contact going on 3 years).

[@BrideOfYashua]

Doing it afraid is called Courage!

[@izawaniek2568]

Thank you Kevin. That was an extremely powerful message. God bless you❤

[@reverentalexanderchezeley-6367]

"No guts = No glory." Simple as that. Turn your fear into anger, righteous anger to drive you forward by getting you out of bed each morning. The churches will tell you below "Anger is a sin." Absolutely non-biblical when they tell you that. Righteous anger has saved my ADHD Christian infj heyoka empath dyslexic ass from age two up to present day at age 49. Great video Kev. Thanks mate. Saint Anger Master Empath

[@gomolemokau3562]

I like you 😊

[@reverentalexanderchezeley-6367]

@@gomolemokau3562 thank you.

[@geemoney2397]

You've just validated every feeling and emition I'm dealing with. Thanks!

[@zone1hearing]

Great tip about facing the fear! Thanks for your vulnerability. Love your set-up! Looks top-notch.

[@delavarkhan123]

Best advice ever when you can't get out yet!!

[@Portia620]

Good points and one of the most important talks!!! Wow! I get your point and knew this but didn’t see it from this perspective.

[@life-rethought]

at 10 months married I ran from him. terrified in his rabid rages he would grab a gun and shoot me. or Stalk and kill me. threats were made. I am living in hiding right now.. but I did choose to begin public art. to provide a roof over my head. and with that I am visible. I would rather live well for a short time, than die in my soul in hiding. I have read that the most dangerous time for a large percentage of women who leave their abusers is right after the divorce. mediation is 4 days from now.

[@bonniedunbar6717]

Tell police if your husband has a gun and may bring it to court. Ask for police escort and you will get it.

[@debbraus6068]

I hope it went ok

[@life-rethought]

@@debbraus6068 thank you.yesterday I settled and paid him off. I am proud I soberly stood my ground as best as I could. and when I went back to my tiny cabin I picked up a job call that is fabulous. working with an artist on the restoration of a texas courthouse. the best of jobs I could have gotten. a it was presented to me as impossible... months back. I didn't even pursue it. a sweet young construction man pitched me to the artist just out of kindness. and out of the blue. a day full of extreme hardship and great highs. God is good. in 45 days I have my ranch back. and I never have to have contact with him again.

[@life-rethought]

@@bonniedunbar6717 thank you for your suggestion. all is appreciated. wed. I went through mediation in the presence of 2 lawyers and a judge. mr. butt head was on best behavior of corse. amazing to look into his face and see what he portrays to the public. and what I know to have been terrorized by behind closed doors. but in 45 days I can go no contact. and he gets to live with his "Karma"

[@life-rethought]

I went through mediation. 45 days to complete freedom and no contact. when I returned to my cabin I got a call for very special work. something I didn't even pursue. a sweet young laborer was fascinated with my work and pitched me to assist a high end artist going to work on a court house restoration. OMG this opens the door to an exclusive high end high dollar quality work. something I never even dreamed of. I felt Gods hand on my shoulder last night. and I move on with my life joyous, and dont look back.

[@bronhart6660]

Tuning in from Australia, I absolutely totally get what your saying!!! Once you reach rock bottom, it's weirdly freeing because you can only go up from there!!!! A totally fresh canvas, so liberating 😀 Not saying it's easy, hell no. But one baby step at a time and you're paving the way out but you've gotta make yourself do SOMETHING.

[@hamed2928]

The word "love" can become a dirty four letter word. I finally figured out why. I finally realized that it is only onerous to me when my egg donor would say it. She used it to control me. She would say she deeply loves me and sometimes even deeply, deeply loves me. She used it to distract me and try to make me stop talking especially the closer i would get to saying the truth. Now when my spouse uses the word love, it is very precious to me.

[@SmilingBeagle-nw6sf]

I was trapped by the enemy. I would literally sit alone praying and asking myself and God why was I afraid He set me free and now I walk and reserve trust only for Him

[@leoniekhoury565]

So agree Peince Harry was Brave for leaving his controlling family. Hero's Journey!! His book is great, he's original!!!❤

[@leoniekhoury565]

Tread your own path, and gain freedom ❤

[@saiddbbouk2117]

You can't more true and right, iam in every single word you said in this video, and i am gonna start use my time and do things and build my confidence again, thank you 💝

[@GeriRogers]

Shamefully I stayed for 50 yrs. Yes really.so trauma bonded and scared. Sad waste of my life😢

[@Ruby-if4jf]

Give away what you're dependent on. 🌟

[@svilenaspiteri9831]

I did all this things, and you are absolutely right 👍

[@misswendy8141]

You are so right about it all

[@Portia620]

Great point!!! FEAR!!! What does this say about the world if your family is like this sadly!!! Agreed!! This is why many are anxious no doubt! Agreed!

[@TruthPrevails30]

I am not free because I don’t have anywhere to go. Shelters won’t take me, I have no family, he isn’t paying rent so we’re getting evicted and about to be homeless. That is why I’m still here. Any advice would be great. Otherwise, what do I do? I’ve called all resources and no one will help me!

[@gloriaforzaglia982]

Praying for you for wisdom.

[@user-fs2eg7ue5r]

Financial inequality is really really bad you need money to live if you worked 5 to 6 years to retire and they steal this retirement and inheritance Where multiple jobs you had they steal businesses where is the accountability here I've had many jobs raising kids taking care of my mom dying of cancer, sales demo expert fashion,modeling it doesn't matter they steal what you make money frauded my identity even putting me twice on court reports is a little much and using multiple women so your name isn't attached to the crimes they commit so what's the end game here 🤷‍♀️This is wisdom 🤷‍♀️ it doesn't even help need is so abusive compare it to a frog being boiled slowly alive, it takes years and years to get out minimum they try to control you with food or your own $ setting you up for stuff you haven't done, paying off friends families attorneys with your own families and invested inheritance and retirement even like mine still makes sure you get a protective order is a first start I'm a yr into a 3 yr with trials coming up, he's right don't stay for family kids, or religious beliefs if you do it could be detrimental to them Immensely, make a plan, do a calendar save run, and or Protective order I'm out over a year with my kids both 18 and this is still the narrative what the actual evil 😬❌

[@catalinafirefly4685]

Maybe you should of considered being an independent human being years ago...I'm sure you have a multitude of excuses

[@sage9836]

Sometimes the only freedom is freedom in your mind, your values, and what choices you can make. I got this from Dr. Carter's Surviving Narcissism. I think when you get where you can find a calm place in your heart and think, you can perceive an opening to get to freedom. This is just my opinion, and I am no expert. Your opinion is what counts.

[@Sue_555]

​@@catalinafirefly4685 Is this helpful for yourself? Then shut up girl! You are out of line!

[@corinafritz389]

Love your advice!!! Take advantage of this functioning and grow 🥰 self love, and God

[@milo4902]

Yes Kevin..you are Missing the Fact that Harry's Wife is a Narcissist. 😅 Great Video. ❤

[@stephr9859]

And you know this, how? Please. Royalty is inherently full of evil narcissists going back generations.

[@donnastearnsuuujbp7163]

Hello was that a racist poke at Meghan?

[@cassandrabell7351]

Financially not being able to care for oneself is probably number one

[@sainakhtar9097]

Absolutely correct, Man this is Devin guidance.

[@123raven4]

You made a valid point about Harry!

[@matilda4406]

I'm glad to hear you weren't afraid of your narc family, but you're a man. There are plenty of narc families that terrorize, yes, physically

[@MJ-qb5ph]

Believe me they terrorize guys too

[@matilda4406]

what was the reply?

[@FtheIneffable]

No longer, my friend. I realized that being kind to her only bought her more time to try and break me down.

[@scottsummersreloaded4618]

Yes that was definitely something that was hurtful and confusing and had me in a daze and off my square. The idea that I had love for these people and their best interest and they claimed to reciprocate but at the same time they are actively doing things that would have my open enemies IN THE UNEMPLOYMENT LINE! That cognitive dissonance was real because I didnt have any education whatsoever about NPD. I was trying to make logical sense out of them and flabbergasted by their behavior around me at times. All I was thinking was some of these people behavior around me was just WEIRD TO FLAT OUT FUCCCN STUPID AND I DONT KNOW WHY. Later after being so confused i started researching online things they were doing and saying and BAM! NPD popped up in videos, articles and memes and it all came full circle. I found out they were all covert narcissist, were jealous of me to sickening levels to. The smear campaign was one if the points of deacription where that was it I was done. The other traits were there but yea that was a big thing I dealt with was them spreading lies and false rumors about me. Stealing my identity online and in books twlling twisted and half truths and lying on me by omission trying to make me look bad and assassinate my character. Yep that was them and it was all narcisssim.

[@tiffanyf790]

I stayed for all but number one is currently my why I stay now. Our children keep us together. But as you said I’m starting to take advantage of the situation even if I feel lonely in my home I have my faith and sister and brothers in messiah to sustain me. This is just a season that will end eventually.

[@catalinafirefly4685]

Most people die in their misery, unable to care for their own self. Quite pathetic 😅

[@vanessita4138]

How is that helping at all. Why do you find it humorous? Sad.

[@joannalopez5447]

Catalina Firefly, I pray that you never find yourself in a discomforting situation you can't get yourself out of!!!

[@sundown2221]

Maybe but who are you to judge😡😢

[@keenyabarrett315]

I'm so glad I found this! I know its not church but sir you are preaching a word!

[@maryoconnor9956]

Amazing video and very relevent to my circumstances. Love the reference to Prince Harry's courage.

[@jenniferlee7167]

I have been in NO Contact with my parents for nearly 45 years. By the grace of God, I was given the strength to break away from all types of abuse: physical, mental, verbal, and emotional. My Mother was very controlling and my father was Mr. Nice Guy who stood back and let it happen to me and to my brother--who is also No Contact with my parents. We are both in our 60s now. Oddly enough due to disagreements with my Mother, my grandparents of both sides, Aunts, Uncles, and cousins also were no contact with my parents. We all lived in the same city until I was 14 and then we were moved 114 miles away to a 300-acre farm across a state line when my father got a huge promotion. My Mother was a stay-at-home Mom and it was pure hell. She refused to drive us into town for activities with our friends who were five miles away. I had a hard time making friends once we moved. I went a whole summer without listening to music or talking to friends for one that year. We were beaten with belts until I went to college at nearly 19 years of age. We were used as slaves to do my Mother's bidding. Once at college which was 70 miles from home, I received periods of no mail or phone calls from my parents to excruciating hate mail from my Mother. No friends could come home with me in case they wanted to "yell at me "as my Mother put it. Needless to say, I had a very hard time in school with no support from any of my immediate family. I nearly had a mental collapse and met with the director of the Nursing Program where I studied. How a few years later I had the strength to get out from under my mother's control I will never know. I was one traumatized person. It has been a long road and with the help of an Aunt who finally listened to me and offered emotional support, I slowly got better and I then went into therapy. Lots more to tell, however, I will not bore you with the narrative any longer. My Mother did try to spread lies about me, but I still went no contact and I am glad I did.

[@lisajones6334]

Do you do international calls / zoom? I live in the UK, and am facing the dependency & fear issues of failing health with no-one to care for me. My Psycologist thinks I should go back; I don’t think she fully understands narcissistic abuse. I left 18 months ago, but have since had my 3rd stroke & been diagnosed with an untreatable neurological condition. My children blame me for the separation & believe I’m the toxic person. They think daddy is wonderful. I don’t know what to do.

[@fruitypopwhickle6806]

Hope. Confusion. Gaslighting. Naivety. Not knowing my worth. Isolation. Those were my reasons. Been 1 year free now!!!!

[@bobbieriales8764]

Oh, my! This is so very true!

[@ericnorthman9410]

It took my whole life to actually see everything my mother did to me. I just thought we didnt get along . It took me till she was gone to let it in how much she despised me. Noone wants to believe that of your own mother ! It took my whole life to put all the "smaller" things together after she was gone..

[@lovedunkin]

The made up word, “functionable🎉” can be used to describe something with the potential to function, but currently does not. “Functional” would mean that something currently functions.

[@tokyoman12]

Excellent video Kevin. My advice in a functional relationship, read the Bible, get extra work outside the house, go to the gym, meet friends, read and improve yourself, do things with the kids. It will help deal with all 3 of these issues, including fear and dependency. Grey rock when you need to. Having your own space is vital. Covid was a blessing in disguise in teaching me what the reality of our relationship was when cooped up in the house together.

[@mamadoom9724]

I stay because I can’t afford to live on my own, I’m worried about the inevitable smear campaign, I don’t want to hurt him, my car is in his name so I’d have no vehicle, I’m afraid of him taking the cats, he’s my entire world and I don’t really have friends, I’m getting older and afraid it will be harder to find love in middle age, he would take my stepson and I’d worry about him, I don’t want to feel lonely, I can’t stand the thought of him with anyone else, and I love him so much that I think the good times might be enough to overlook the abuse. Also I still have a tiny shred of hope that he can change even though it’s quickly diminishing.

[@lindasoderberg9477]

I'm so glad you're out there. I was married in the 60's and there wasn't much healthy advice within the evangelical church.

[@bjspinks5735]

Thanks coach Kevin I learned a lot

[@CO2isfake]

Totally agree. My narcs are huge bullies and enjoy what they do, trained by head narc mom, and that was ignored by co-dependent dad. AND, they all call themselves Christians. Now that I am on to them, head narc mom has been sugar sweet for the last year. Hmmm. And stupidly, I thought maybe she was changing. I wish I could kick my own 🍑. I remember the times I bullied someone, to this day, with shame, in the first grade, and in the fifth grade. My family does it on a daily basis and enjoy it. I don't get it.

[@cabazoncabazon5952]

Same

[@ToquzOghuzKhaganatekhan]

Already experienced ! Run for my life !

[@sundown2221]

So correct I was extremely insecure and depressed in high school and I met him then and I wanted to end it but I couldn’t now I can barely walk it sucks to afraid.Because of fear of being on my own since high school.Cutting me off fancially and nastiness more of it

[@BrigitteD555]

Such a great video. Awesome insights about the "different fear". Wow! Thank u Sir. I pray that God will bless you in a special way for your generous help n courage.🙏 I quited an old functional abusive friendship today, I felt free but also, almost if it was one of my biggest personal step in my life!, like a birth, a diving, a jump, like being "alone" with my big choice, and I have no real close friend left now, so much narc in my life, (I praise God for the strength n wisdom I get anyway through this), so there was a strange feeling, am I afraid to do something wrong, to destroy something, to be the betrayal, the bad and ungrateful person, to offend God, … and there is this functional-toxic-bond to "let go", I will try to Resist the temptation to be friendly and forgiving and Not come back this time. I thank the Lord for this timely video! 🙂 🙏🕊✨ I wish I could give you back something for this helpful n generous video but I don't think I can use paypal and I'm not in the US. (sorry for my bad english, I'm in Québec, Canada)

[@bonniedunbar6717]

It takes about year to get your life back and have new friends and become a grown adult again capable of making decisions. You'll be fine. You got this!

[@lb3410]

So much great insight. Thank you.

[@glassyjosh]

Perfectly needed 💙

[@jamnoise72]

I agree Harry is brave AF and I am from the UK ;)

[@gabrieladinger6438]

Thank you so much ❤

[@michellehinds6092]

My reason No money. Saving quietly to make my life change. Taking steps to be self reliant No family. No one cares

[@estherlamontagne2447]

❤ freedom = happiness for sure. It is hard at first but i don't miss the abuse. God speed to you all xxx

[@jackieBaur4921]

You nailed it Kevin thank you so much for your words and guidance in a narcissist relationship and why we stay.

[@Wrightinottaw]

You're right. I put up with alot! Shot! I'm stronger than the fear I carry. ❤

[@veronicafadel8693]

Salam from Egypt😎 I've left and returned to my narc husband a few times. My problem is my empathy, I feel sorry for him. He's killing me and I don't want him to feel bad for losing me. Allah help me break the chains of these backwards emotions!

[@gee8883]

He need to face the consequences for his own actions to grow and get closer to Allah. By enabling him and protecting from the so called bad feeling, you are stopping him to learn the lesson. God is in charge , don't stop him from learning his lessons from life.

[@Claire5020GEN]

I love you, dude.

[@Antynarc]

You give hope

[@claudetteirving752]

I think it's awesome what Prince Harry did too...thats brave and courageous for peace & freedom and new possibilities 😊

[@balaminnoss]

I risk loosing all and that's ok and has always been ok. No dependency. The love that failed put me in a pit. It is hard for me to recover and I am still struggling.

[@judemccooey4987]

Thank you for this video!!!

[@jilross4892]

There is always deprndancy if not with family than with employers unless you have something on your own but even than you depend on state health care, retirement, unemployment funds etc