Are You Difficult to Love?

If we are single, we tend to assume that the problem must lie with us not having found 'the right person'. But perhaps reality is a little more complicated: we might be single because we are, in certain ways we need to understand, difficult to love.
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FURTHER READING
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“The idea that one is in many ways an extremely difficult person to be in a relationship with may sound rather improbable and even at points offensive. Yet fully understanding and readily and graciously admitting to this possibility might be the surest way of making sure one is an endurable proposition over the long-term. There are few people more deeply insufferable than those who don’t, at regular intervals, suspect they might be so…”
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[@theschooloflifetv]

Do you know someone who is difficult to love? How so? Let us know in the comments below or we have a discussion going on right now on our app available free here for IOS, Android and Desktop: bit.ly/2Q09idg

[@stephenridley1153]

Apparently I'm impossible to love. Just ask my Ex!

[@jessicagomes4043]

The School of Life I am a hard cookie 😕

[@dazzawesome]

The School of Life Thank you for everything.

[@astoldbynickgerr]

Yes. It me.

[@julesmkr]

I would love to see a video related to this about people who don’t point out the difficult sides of their partners, who tolerate all their behaviour to keep the relationship going. I think a good relationship is one of growth and loving confrontation and yes tolerating too, but I see so many people who just smile through difficulty and bite their lips. Those relationship might last for a bit longer but they seem kinda hollow and lonely. I would love to hear School of life’s view about this!

[@sammysgoldenhour]

The fact that he says “we” instead of “you” changes everything

[@LoveOfNonsense]

hahahaha no

[@smolltaco5667]

​annoying@@LoveOfNonsense

[@SunInJar]

​@@LoveOfNonsenseThat is why you're watching this video

[@emarie2808]

@@LoveOfNonsensewhat?

[@Yourmumsabsolutefavourite]

@@SunInJar DAMN

[@blankearth5840]

“Those who are hardest to love need it the most.” -Socrates

[@NOOBCRASTINATOR69]

I wish Socrates was still alive..some ppl just don't deserve to die..

[@BatmanSays]

Well.... This isn't that kind of world. I m sorry. This World is cruel.

[@NOOBCRASTINATOR69]

@@BatmanSays it depends on the ppl you are with..mine isn't that cruel🦋

[@Average_Crack_Addict]

Hold on, you guys have people around you?

[@LuvableAF]

Thanks Socrates. People who need love the most, are also the ones treated like shit then told they are Difficult.

[@caithodges2670]

Am I difficult to love? Short answer: yes Long answer: yeeeeeeeesssssssss

[@nickkwatussi7080]

Peach Icedtea 💀😂💀😂

[@nijalramar886]

Same

[@shizukagozen777]

Same but more like a huge *** YES. 😧

[@theogale8126]

Yessssssssssssssssssssssessssssssssssssssssssss*

[@sanguis_aeternus-x]

The true measures of a person is knowing this full well about everyone, and still making that choice to love you for *you,* at your best and at your worst.

[@meowkyun6269]

My favorite philosophy to fall back on has always been "If I had an exact clone of myself, would I enjoy being in a relationship with them?" Whenever I feel like there's a trait in myself that I would have a hard time loving I try to change it. I'm still not perfect of course, but I think I'd be pretty good friends with a clone of myself ^^

[@nodrvgs]

this is something I will always keep tucked away in the back of my mind. Thank you for this comment, I needed this

[@jacmenz4113]

honestly if everyone had a clone with themselves then no one would be lonely

[@spiggityspoo756]

I don’t think I could be allowed in the same room alone with a clone of myself, honestly… to put it mildly, I don’t have a very high opinion of myself, and I often catch myself doing things that I would call anyone else out on, or would at least be annoyed by. I know I have a list of things I need to fix on (it would be far shorter to list my redeeming qualities really), but I feel like I’m making such little progress in doing so when I know I can actually be productive and successful, at least to some degree. Not a lot makes me genuinely angry, but I absolutely hate how resistant I am to even trying something new to fix myself. I hate watching potential be wasted, and that’s basically been the story of my life on repeat for as long as I can remember. If I was to spend an hour alone with my clone, one of us is getting punched in the face 5 minutes in, and someone’s going to be beaten into unrecognizable jelly by the 15-minute mark. Sorry for this unhinged rant to ruin the vibe. This video popped up at a pretty crummy time for me, and your comment brought to mind something that I’ve been thinking about for a while. Hope it doesn’t sour your day too much.

[@heyoooooooooo]

@@spiggityspoo756 You got this bro!! Just keep going!

[@MsDamosmum]

@@spiggityspoo756I would hurl loads of abuse and kick the shit out of my clone too!

[@astrapalmer6883]

sometimes you just need a calming British accent to tell you like it is

[@luismigueltovar8847]

Astra Palmer 😂

[@baowow_]

HONESTLY, YEAH

[@elenacorsaro9510]

muoio

[@Bellaexe5091]

UselessTrash #23 who isn’t?

[@nenidetic]

@@Bellaexe5091 idk probably not me

[@jeffreyphillips4182]

Highly critical parents can make one feel unlovable. Took years to get past that one

[@00st307-m]

Same 🙁 Still dealing w it

[@kyber452]

Exactly my problem, but now I deal with highly critical peers and adults. It never ends.

[@Aleyah]

Still trying to get over it. Lost the love of my life cos I thought he could do better. I never take a compliment and am often shocked that people would find me attractive. I am trying to atleast be indifferent to myself than hate.

[@jeffreyphillips4182]

@@Aleyah Sorry you're having such a hard time. Hope things get better soon for you

[@906aginuz]

With you.

[@notconvinced2204]

“Our parents loved us too much to tell us.” Lol. I wish.

[@masuir4049]

Anonymous Person same lol...

[@CelestialDraconis]

If they loved you, they would've told you

[@bodhi9937]

Lmao same

[@VeggieBond]

i like ur name logo

[@rathernotsay5629]

Right? That kind of rational is a breeding ground for accepting abuse.

[@samuelbird6352]

This is a breath of fresh air. I think like many people, I am a little tired of the humanistic view constantly telling me I am good just the way I am, when I know myself too well for that. What I really need and this explores, is to begin to make sense of how much I need to change and how much that matters.

[@moroccanbarbie2767]

I’m too insecure that I feel like I shouldn’t be loved. Whenever my ex told me “I love you” I would just think why? I need to learn to fix that...I’m working on it.

[@amandabeasley4375]

Either you love someone, or you don't. See the thing I learned about love is there are days even I don't understand why I love him. I just do. When someone loves you, and you love them, you need to learn to let them love you. Let yourself love them too. Choose wisely.

[@sophialewis697]

that’s how I feel right now I have a hard time believing that someone will love me in the future and will actually want to stay.

[@galaxylucia1898]

@@sophialewis697 please learn to love yourself first and deeply. Start with an exercise in self-compassion and google how to develop self-worth. If you can’t love yourself, no one else can-they’ll be doomed to battle your doubtful mind which won’t be fair to either of you. Good luck!

[@Christian3174]

What's your ig

[@peppermint5117]

same (in a relationship rn but like damn its hard to accept sometimes)

[@kaorusydneym2517]

My bad traits that I am working on fixing: • Reply late • don’t follow through with plans • lazy • awkward/ try to be what people want me to be.

[@magiv4205]

That's actually pretty inspiring! Let's start a chain. Traits I work on fixing: - Lazyness/apathy - Inability to keep a schedule - interrupting people when they haven't finished yet because I feel like I have something to add, even though I should just be respectful and let them make their point - valuing the mind and intelligence stronger than the heart and empathy - putting myself down for every little insignificant thing

[@Diego-uo7mq]

If you are replying late, you best be for a good reason, as you are working on your passion which is a valid excuse, but if you feel like it is a flaw, then I wish you good luck and god speed in fixing your drawbacks

[@woah23]

Mine are: • I can’t find things to talk about / can’t lead a conversation • I’m very shy • I’m a little too ambitious at times • I’m lazy • I worry too much • I feel like I text people too often and bother them • Sometimes I say something as a joke, then realize later on that it was offensive • Clean freak • I’m either angry or sad 24/7 but only on my period And that’s all I can think of.

[@meredithcree8337]

-hot headed -short tempered -overly emotional -cannot sit still -I often look sad/and or mad by accident and I end up getting people continuously asking if I’m alright -too competitive -I compare myself to other far too often -I interrupt sometimes -I can accidentally be a show off sometimes -apparently I make people feel bad about themselves by just being around them and standing there but I don’t know how to fix that I can’t really deal with people telling me I’m wrong or that I’ve done something wrong

[@belengee]

Workin on my 1. Listening skills 2. Impatience 3. The amount of weed im smoking 4. And communications skills

[@ChessMasteryOfficial]

*Happiness is not the absence of problems; it's the ability to deal with them...*

[@ryanpark8051]

Discover Your Awesomeness sometimes I just want an easy button!

[@khan-cricket]

Yes, the feeling when you accomplish some tasks you make to yourself. Some are small, some are big but the feeling is the same. The first reward you have

[@naruto4517]

But if you have the ability to deal with them, then you don’t have problems anymore.

[@redrock1963]

Discover Your Awesomeness - "Discover" the person you are quoting and reference them - "Happiness is not the absence of problems; it's the ability to deal with them" - Steve Maraboli.

[@ChessMasteryOfficial]

@@redrock1963 You are right. :)

[@manoftherainshorts9075]

I think I am insufferable and that's completely fine, just because I don't bother anyone with my bad traits being single my whole life. I don't think everyone should have everything, there are just some doors that stay closed forever for one particular person. Not everyone will be an NBA superstar, not everyone will get a high-paying job, not everyone will live in more than one century... I guess not everyone will be loved and in relationships.

[@twisted9557]

@@rastacat Well said

[@nkm08]

There is a match for everyone (8 billion people now for fucks sake) Every person should statistically get a partner, just find a low value person like you to be with.

[@manoftherainshorts9075]

@@nkm08 I don't want to bother anyone with myself. And cannot be bothered to look for anyone, too, to be honest.

[@trish719]

Love isn't just romantic and every relationship needs just as much work, imo. Loving and being loved is difficult in equal measures, but I think it's worth it. My relationship with my parents is difficult, for example, because we both love each other so much but meeting at a middle ground where we are both happy is difficult work (due to generational gap, different moral values, different aspirations, etc), but because we love e/o and because it is worth it, we will choose to make this difficult choice everyday. Navigating generational trauma, being honest and trying to listen and understand each other; it's difficult, especially because this is something no one taught us and in some respect we are all infants learning to talk in this aspect. I'm happiest when my relationship is good with them. So, even if sometimes it feels like they aren't listening to me, I'll keep trying to talk to them. Even if I am difficult, they will keep loving me. Unconditional love isn't perfect love; it's love where you continue even when it gets tough. I think as humans, we all need people in our lives and for that, we have to make the difficult choice to face ourselves,, to learn to love ourselves with all our flaws (because the first who needs to learn to live with you is you), and to be someone who can empathize with others flaws and be more aware of our own's flaws. I think everyone is insufferable and you are not special in that respect. And, I think everyone deserves love. Not everyone will be a NBA superstar, but not everyone needs to be NBA superstar. Love on the other hand is important for everyone from a purely neuroscientific perspective. Therefore, if you want it, I think chasing it shamelessly is worth it.

[@bunsenn5064]

That’s not a problem for me personally, until all the doors are closed, and instead of it just being me not having everything, it ends up being me having nothing. I at least would like to have something.

[@kuunami]

To sum it up, being in a relationship with an immature person is a nightmare because they can't or won't self reflect.

[@johnu.4601]

what do u mean by the cant or wont self reflect? pls elaborate,, im not that good in understanding english much

[@HauntingHourNetwork]

4eyesGamer X someone who doesn’t reflect on themselves can’t see their negative traits which means they cannot and will not attempt to learn, compromise, and grow

[@walkingalive1093]

@@johnu.4601 to self reflect means to think about you and your personality and your characteristics and ask yourself if and what you are doing wrong

[@YourLobsterSalad]

Sounds like my ex already whom couldn't see her own mistakes and only judged others harshly on minor faults whereas she herself was the bigger problem for finding offence in to begin with.

[@johnu.4601]

@@HauntingHourNetwork thank u

[@phillip6215]

Me: *having a breakdown* The school of life: Are you difficult to love?

[@naveensundar4765]

R u ok

[@Nene-8090]

Answers with yes. And always has depre answers 👌😂

[@crsece5463]

Me:yes, absolutely, definitely

[@desertlover12]

My family: Fostering a growing resentment and isolating me from their lives and making me feel unwelcome Me; Ah, yes… the pattern continues. Time to find a new home because I am difficult to love and people only like me on a surface level The School of Life: Yeah, you’re a nightmare lol

[@kylietaylor396]

I hope someone who’s being abused, or in a relationship with a narcissist, doesn’t watch this video, reaffirming they are “nightmarish.”

[@TarnaBarTM]

Jeez I'm just going through this. But I think I know the difference now between a good critique or a manipolative one.

[@grichkabogdanoff6244]

Huuu yeah... I was watching this video then I saw your comment. I was with a narcissist, she destroyed me and this video made me so bad... I was thinking I was healing, but after watching this video I realize I have difficulties yet to see what's right or wrong in my behaviour, and the whole story of my previous relation is coming back from nowhere. A relation with a narc with a love bombing then discard phase in a short period of time is really terrible to live.

[@DamonDraven]

I rather hope that they'd realize their partner is being nightmarish to them.

[@LeNoir2411]

too late

[@rosevecchi10]

Thank you your comment saved me a break down

[@naviseta6283]

I am very hard to love yes, but those who love me are truly special to me.

[@karan.kk.h]

Do you want a significant other or an overly committed therapist

[@Nazzz12345]

Definitely the latter. :)

[@cheyhey2170]

@Super Nova oof

[@bluebeka2458]

Hmmmm... None.

[@rosettesionne9139]

Therapist at least since he is paid he is oblige to endure our harsh character without directly judging us

[@cheyhey2170]

@@rosettesionne9139 pretty sad

[@eugen9611]

hey sorry i can't go to dinner with you, i need to go to india

[@MimiTachiwkawa]

She sounds like a side

[@minahilsher7997]

😂😂😂😂

[@randomperson8571]

I laughed at that part xD

[@n00bie96]

@Harish Kumar no you can offer vagene

[@grytlappar]

@Harish Kumar Don't tell me that! _Now_ where am I gonna go to eat, pray and love?

[@graelonsalvador2248]

When you have a bunch of things to talk about but no one to share it with :(

[@mandydl8688]

Same.. Can we maybe, talk?

[@fasyanadhira3001]

It makes my brain explode....

[@niahpudding6723]

Instagram @niahpineapple

[@brittanyr1456]

I feel your pain. This has been my 32 years of life.

[@rahulbarca4112]

Count me in guys...

[@missionlightsgrp9187]

I was raised in a dysfunctional home of 4 kids in the sixties. We were only ever told bad things about us. I was raised with severe low self-esteem and spent my life trying to change, naively, thinking that everybody else was great and people treated me that way because I was bad. One day, I found the truth that set me free.

[@samskelly]

Things I’m trying to fix on myself - My lazyness/procrastination - Being a sore loser (I’ve been improving though) - Overly anxious over daily activities - Trying not to talk bad behind people’s back and be more honest face to face (In my defense it’s really hard to unlearn when your parents keep telling you ”It’s fine, everybody does it”) - Being a little too introverted sometimes - Bad memory - Trouble speaking sentences without drifting off constantly (I feel so bad about this) - Day dreaming roo much (I honestly think I might hava maladaptive daydreaming, dunno gotta get talk to a professional ig) Things I have improved on: - Being myself and loving myself - Not being as jealous as I was - Hopeful and happy mindset - Setting boundaries with people Edit: Take a shot everytime a stranger diagnoses me ADHD lmfao Edit 2: Coming back to this after 2 years, life is still pretty much the same. Though there are small improvements. Thanks for all of the kind comments, I’m happy to see many people could relate to my problems. Turns out I most likely suffer from Executive dysfunction. If you relate to many of these, read up on it. It is very interesting

[@adelynne.7502]

Omg u're so much like me. Im struggling with maladaptive daydreaming too that makes me inatency toward things or people around me. My friend told me im too busy im my own world sometimes cause im insensitive towards people around me. Im having a horrible trust issues too. Felt like i cant trust any human. Because traumatic things in the past

[@samskelly]

@@adelynne.7502 Bro sameeee,, It has gotten so bad during Quarantine. I’m trying my best not to do it but sometimes it’s like super addicting to do because I daydream about scenarios where people see my artwork and they praise me for it a lot. Free serotonin but at what cost… 💀

[@adelynne.7502]

@@samskelly on the side note tho. Ur artwork is really cool👌 i saw it on ur youtube

[@samskelly]

@@adelynne.7502 WHAAATT AWW DUDE YOU’RE TOO NICE

[@sakusassidepiece4856]

We’re so similar its crazy 😭😭

[@manager-nim2623]

So who's dying alone like me?

[@quirkyemale4937]

Bruh, you ain't dying alone when you have your bias :^)

[@manager-nim2623]

@@quirkyemale4937 omg! You're right!

[@MsHermyGranger]

Totally not dying, but living a great life! Alone

[@manager-nim2623]

@@MsHermyGranger even better! Enjoy single life it has less stress and more time to take care of yourself

[@Avdb033]

@@manager-nim2623 everyone dies alone even when you are in a relationship your partner might die earlier than you and you still will end up alone lol

[@chrissi975]

"Never be with someone who makes you feel hard to love"

[@elAfreet]

never be with anyone is even better i guess

[@missuncongenial1843]

Chrissi Kirkland That's a stupid thing to say. That's exactly what this video is talking about. Toxic people 😑

[@Sw3tHart99]

well that escalated quickly...

[@SufficientDaikon]

@@elAfreet Wow...

[@Nokss87]

Well you can't expect ppl to figure you out if you don't play your part either. We are all hard to love, so in relationships it's give and take. Both must make the effort...

[@DaAntiG]

I wanna be a decent guy all the time not causing drama which hurts ppl close to me and pushes the away I wanna be able to find more joy in my life not by pleasing other but by doing what i love and taking others with me to maybe give them an idea what can be done. Last but not least, I wanna be a father, husband and maybe grandpa one day you don't wanna have missed.

[@123runescapepro]

Right in the feels bro, Hope u and i achieve it both someday

[@hoeteadotjpg]

I'm not gonna make it

[@123runescapepro]

@@hoeteadotjpg ?

[@rickrolld9023]

​@@123runescapepro bro he is depressed

[@blueandrade5821]

​@@hoeteadotjpgwe will

[@zahrakh.d1400]

I have social anxiety so I've always been that quiet girl who no one knows her name. I feel left behind and underachieved. But now I'm tired of being scared and feeling weak all the time. I'm gonna change for better from now on and live my life to the fullest. If i can do it you can change too. You're not unlovable you just need to face your demons. Happy new year everyone ❤️

[@namreh72]

Push on and achieve what goals you're beginning to make for yourself...good luck, and put your foot down for once ...for yourself...peace and blessings.

[@TheJoseph0012]

Be realistic. Thread lightly.

[@OgeyOne]

You’re brave and you will be appreciated ✨

[@zahrakh.d1400]

@@OgeyOne thank you 🙏

[@zahrakh.d1400]

@Fabio Bareiro thanks🌸

[@TheMedicatedArtist]

Honestly, I think our society puts way too much emphasis on romantic relationships, especially young people. You need to learn to love yourself first before you expect someone else to anyway. Find what you love about yourself and own it. Work to improve anything that you don’t love about yourself. Start 2019 with self-confidence; leave that self-deprecating mess in 2018.

[@bl3731]

Radioactive Panda I m inspired! Thank you for sharing your comment

[@astoldbynickgerr]

Too late.

[@cobalius]

That's my talking too

[@UBeesh10]

Boom!

[@doctordolldesigns4009]

Agreed. Romance is such a small part of the framework that a long-lasting relationship is made of.

[@atmo85]

I've already accepted that I am difficult to love and very aware of my faults (anxiety will do that to you). Strangely, the more I accept that about my self, the less I care about relationships and romantic love.

[@shubhampurohit2620]

I have the same philosophy. The more I accept my self it also makes me realise that people like you and I are too good for this world. You are beautiful. 😇✌🏼

[@zack4423]

Agreed

[@keijello3632]

Yes! Oh my god the amount that I relate to this is... crazy. I know I'm late to your comment but, I always think of the song "Did It to Myself" by Orla Gartland when talking about myself like this. In the video, she talks about all the different angles of how she messed up relationships and past experiences, repeating how she "did these things to herself." And in the music video, all of the people that come into contact with her are filled with emotion, trying to get her to engage, to show feeling, anything. But she just has an empty look on her face. And I feel that way. I know at times it's so foolish, like I'm running away from problems that will need to be fixed no matter what... But the more I realize this, the more I just end up caring less. Like I care so much to try and fix who I am, or try and have some self-realization. But that care and effort doesn't even show up in the relationship to the other person. - This might not be the exact same problem for you! But just hearing that someone else in the world is like me, well, it makes me feel a bit less crazy. :,)

[@toko_ribbon]

Same girl 👏

[@elandlegal9431]

Yassss girl! That's amazing to hear

[@Omlet221]

"There are few people more deeply insufferable than those who don't, at regular intervals, suspect that they might be so." That is one of the greatest things I've ever heard, I have thought that exact thing before but you said it so elegantly.

[@nagash2731]

"Hey, Alex. You remember that constant, nagging sense that you just don't deserve to be loved? You feel that way because it's true." --The School of Life

[@rodsmade]

man no everything school of life teaches us is that even at our worst we're worthy of love and belonging... you are telling yourself you dont deserve love, it's not this video... it's hard to undo that mindset, but i truly believe you'll cut your way through it. good luck. all is full of love! trust it (edit: typo)

[@reasons6470]

ikr. like is this video trying to worsen my nobody will ever truly love me and if they do i won't deserve it complex?

[@nathalie7833]

But it's saying it's true to all. So that should count for something. Lol. ❤

[@claude2571]

the idea behind this video was taken from a VERY sus "philosopher". me and my friends were just discussing why that philosopher was wrong and then this showed up mimicking his ideas word for word. Yeah, i love this channel but this video is embarrassing and honestly really harmful. Dont listen to it, its literally factually incorrect

[@shannonbumbacco2726]

it’s not that you don’t deserve to be loved, everyone does, but it’s the fact that you need to come to terms with the negative behaviours you portray and learn how to fix them in order to be able to be in a healthy relationship. That does not mean it will always be you, sometimes it’s your partner who needs to do the exact same thing in order to be more self aware of the things that make them hard to love.

[@johnbouttell5827]

Have compassion. For yourself. For others.

[@69LOLIN]

Beautiful comment! 💕👍

[@chikaezedinachia.7438]

John Bicycle For a long time, I did not know the value of self love. I totally lost my self esteem, self respect and self confidence. I was completely self effacing. Every fault was mine, every blame, mine. l believed my relationships would sail smoothly if lay down over problems or rolled over when I felt hurt. Recently, there was an overload, I had a nervous breakdown. And I learnt about Compassion. I need to love myself, to help myself, to free myself. I had been compassionate to others and they took me for a ride. Now I will care for myself first, and everyone else after.

[@zain4019]

Chika Ezedinachi A. Self-love and self-compassion are things that I find hard to do as well, like you. But it doesn’t mean we don’t deserve it.

[@zain4019]

Chika Ezedinachi A. kzbin.info/www/bejne/noOwaolunMeomtE I also really recommend giving this a watch. It’s a video by Brad Yates, who runs an EFT channel on KZbin. EFT is a technique that’s been proven in clinical studies to somehow (though we don’t know exactly how yet) relieve and heal trauma, phobias and emotional wounds. Give it a try. It may really help :)

[@69LOLIN]

@@chikaezedinachia.7438 Well said! ✔✔✔

[@radishdocx]

fun fact : you didn't search for this.

[@grichkabogdanoff6244]

You seem so smart for an ass.

[@radishdocx]

@@grichkabogdanoff6244 cuz imma smart ass

[@nelliebellie2222]

Omg ur everywhere! 👀

[@radishdocx]

@@nelliebellie2222 lol yes(yt is life)

[@00st307-m]

Yeah exactly!!!!!!

[@williamwontiam3166]

I love this because it’s not only applicable to romantic love, but any kind of relationship with others.

[@turbomurd3r]

I still believe feedback can be given with kindness and taken with humbleness

[@shuzennn]

Same. Brute honesty is a lack of empathy

[@shubhampurohit2620]

World is full of assholes.. it can be thought, but is not very often. ✌🏼

[@imuncomfortablebye2820]

Poor you :(

[@jakonjhn]

I sometimes feel I'm not worthy of love because I feel ugly both looks and personalisty wise. The one thing that broke me was my ex's post on Instagram which said "when you look at your ex and you realise you were in love with this ugly thing" something like that .I felt like crying when I saw it because I'm insecure and also because I'm still in love with the girl I thought she was .But I'm trying to work on myself and becoming a better and confident person .Hopefully I'll achieve it. To anyone who read this , you're beautiful.Good luck.

[@69LOLIN]

Come on! She did that just to hurt you. Why she had a relationship with you in the first place?

[@SpecialAbonnent]

You are perfect how you are, she didn't appreciate you for who you are

[@sandhyavijapurkar3567]

That's really mean.

[@jakonjhn]

@@69LOLIN I know and I wish I didn't care but for some reasons ,that's what hurts me the most . To know that I was being used to boast her ego when I thought I was being genuinely loved ,is brutally painful. But I'm finally glad it's over.

[@69LOLIN]

@@jakonjhn Don't take it too seriously. There are plenty fish in the ocean. Think that you don't need much to be loved by anyone bcz you love yourself and as a child of God, He loves you! We shouldn't depend much from others to feel loved, you shouldn't fail to love yourself, ppl can fail, God will never fail you. IMPO! 💕

[@ImiiVy]

I'm autistic and was raised by fairly emotionally absent parents, and my years of therapy were primarily focused on reducing trauma. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. These videos teach me things that nobody ever did.

[@annaschneider225]

Same! I really haven't gone to much therapy, though. I didn't even know I was autistic until I was in late high school.

[@ГЛЭМ-п9ч]

Omg a fellow autistic! Hi

[@Dezzyyy]

@@annaschneider225 me either. Found out when I was 16 smh

[@jm6610]

My bf has ADHD and autism. I have ADHD. he has avoidant attachment while I'm healing from anxious attachment, too. It's hard for both of us to patch up when we have issues. But the most important thing is that we give each other space first because what we all need the most is respect and understanding from the people whom we love.

[@unoanus]

@@jm6610 wish you and your bf a good life together, it's hard to heal but it's worth it and it helps so much to have people around you who love you

[@captainnootnoot0695]

This video phrases everything in such a hurtful way. I understand the intent is good, that we as humans are flawed and should recognize these flaws and strive to be better people, but saying that a person who has flaws is “nightmarish” and “difficult to love” will only push people to have another flaw, insecurity. Everyone can become a better person if they put in the effort, and it doesn’t happen over night, but I believe in all of you. You are worth loving, and when times are tough, remember that things will always get better.

[@ellaregan4307]

Yea I agree. This video is unrealistically bleak. Flaws don’t have to be “nightmarish”, they’re normal. I feel like this video neglects that while we might think we’re difficult to love because of our flaws, but everyone around us has flaws, even those in healthy relationships.

[@Claire-tk4do]

Thank you for this, I hope everyone who needs it sees it

[@Aboguaboga]

I think he’s saying nightmarish just to describe the annoyance or discomfort some of your flaws have on someone. He doesn’t mean nightmarish in the sense of it’s impossible to deal with he means nightmarish in the sense it inconveniences others. We should be trying to work on those “nightmarish” traits the best we can but it also doesn’t mean your unlovable because of them

[@MosesEmmet]

Because love is hard to sustain over the long term... so it's more about love being hard work, than us being difficult to love. I really feel like love is much more conscious of a decision rather than sub conscious, love doesn't just happen. In a long term relationship love might start to wane and it's up to the couple to continue "working" on the relationship and learning how to love each other, especially through hard times.

[@I-i-Like-You]

Moses Emmet..., how true that is. It's much easier to give up..., walk away..., just stop contacting the other. But how does the old axiom go, "if it was easy, then it wouldn't be worth it." Everybody, let's all do the work of putting in the time, the effort, the kindness & patience of being in a fulfilling relationship (and I'm not talking of only a sexual relationship). And let's expand our friendships to preclude more than just our families. For example, start slowly (if you like). Commence a "mini - almost - relationship" of cordiality with the person standing in front of you in line..., or make small talk of a positive nature with a neighbor. Remember, being capable of being loved means putting oneself in a position of accessibility. So let people see that you're open and available to converse..., to smile..., etc. It's kind of like "paying it forward". It all comes back to you wellsome in the end. P.S. one more thing. This reminds me of when my daughter was 3 years old, and she attended a birthday party. She walked right up to a group of fellow 3 year olds and said "Hi, I'll be your friend!".

[@kk-kk352]

I just fall wihout even knowing anything abt the other person i just fall lol

[@ryanpark8051]

Ain’t that the truth.

[@reducecotwo]

You just haven't met the right person yet.

[@YuckFou502]

true. plus love changes. as long as neither get hung up on longing for that initial feeling of falling in love but can simultaneously stoke those feelings from time to time with their partner then thats most helpful. I believe insecurities and expectations are some of the worst things for any long term relationship. They're issues of immaturity and SO many are immature af these days. Society is a huge influence in every aspect of our personal relationships as well. If we can focus on loving ourselves abundantly (in a healthy manner, of course) enough to share the excess with others then we can have what we want from life without feeling like we need it so anxiously.

[@whileimonmars]

A few weeks ago I actually made a list of my faults in relationships after I ended it with someone. Although he had a lot of qualities that bothered me, I had to recognize that I had my fair share of bad qualities as well. Recognizing them will help me be a better person not only for myself, but for the next person I get in a relationship with.

[@namreh72]

That's dope my beautiful sister... eventually we have to self reflect to get things right, good thing you took time to work on possibly a reoccurring issue... definitely don't make that a past issue but a learning experience to keep with you as you move forward...I've learned that also...stay positive, stay learning and keep pushing to be the best you... obviously you weren't ready in your past situation...but ahh the next one will be better or you might find that person in "each other" that will work for y'all situation.. peace and blessings. Take care.

[@SkarletShadows]

absolutely

[@69LOLIN]

You did an admirable thing! If we improve and mature, we improve our chances to have a better partner. At least that is what is said!

[@katejessep13]

you are so right! i had to do the exact same thing when my ex and i broke up. you can’t (always) change someone else but you can change/better yourself.

[@LionSPH]

whileimonmars girl I did the same thing! I'm a journal-er and list-maker as is. And I had written all these qualities I would love in my next partner, what I would learn to tolerate and what was a deal breaker. And it dawned on me I needed to reflect on my own qualities. Like what do I need to change or improve about myself to receive the things I'm after in another person and life in general. A super helpful exercise!

[@anirudhtiwari5876]

I'm already in india

[@esperanzagomez133]

😅

[@ishihayahajimagumpara9266]

🤣

[@d5486]

Anirudh Tiwari hahaha

[@doogdoogdoogdoogdoogdoog]

Anirudh Tiwari then you need to backpack around white middle class England

[@juliz2500]

@@doogdoogdoogdoogdoogdoog haha

[@edwardkendrick9641]

yeah, I fully recognize that I am borderline unlovable for my bad traits. I don't care about having lovers or friendships. But this video is seriously dangerous for people who do struggle with self-worth or depression that constantly tells them they're a nightmare to love. Like wtf. Things aren't this bleak. Wouldn't be surprised if this being recommended to someone was the final nail in the coffin for them.

[@bitchujju]

if it had popped up for me back in the beginning of this year, it would've most definitely have pushed me over the edge as i was already almost losing my balance lol

[@silverfang4583]

The whole point is everyone has negative traits, and being aware of them allows you to work through them. I wouldn't say it's that dangerous unless a seriously unstable person watches it and if someone is that unstable to the point a 5 minute video effects them that greatly, they have bigger problems and are the kinda people who probably need therapy or that gentle nudge torwarda therapy. It's maybe a tad bit bleak but I'd say the second half of the video makes it clear what the message is

[@mattb.7079]

Sending a general message that's addressed to a majority of people, (and sending it efficiently) implies to be incisively truthful, no matter the personal feelings, situations and life struggles. This video does also apply to people who struggle with self-worth, depression, abuse and trauma. I sure do hope that this video didn't bring despair in someone's heart, but if a video can produce such effect within someone, that person should've gone to a therapist long ago rather than watching this type of videos on KZbin

[@tristanpoortenga4134]

I hope it is the final nail because if a video puts you over the edge, then it was just meant to be for the snowflake

[@destructo3457]

Why would this be the "final nail"? It doesn't make any sense.

[@tizodd6]

I think I'm difficult to love because I expect to be loved the way I love. No matter how hard I try to change this, it always seems to rear it's ugly head at some point. My ex wife is the only person who loved me the way I loved. I was just too young and dumb to realize what a gift I had been given in her. I think I've been trying to find another her in everyone I've dated for the past 10 years...

[@tizodd6]

@Cal .W I didn't expect such an insightful response but thank you. I'll check those out. To "cool", I'm not sure what you're talking about tbh. I already said I was trying to find another person like my ex wife. Not sure why you're mentioning dysfunctional childhood love lol.

[@69LOLIN]

Guess we all make mistakes, that later we regret. Forgive yourself! You have gained maturity and experience. Good luck!

[@davidmeijer1645]

Your next may not be too keen on being a replacement ex. I remember the days when I was nostalgic... Ah those were the days.

[@YTAdubz]

tizodd6 let me guess, you cheated like a prick

[@vocexseta]

tizodd6 Don’t say thaaat. I’m worried I’ll do the same forever. Look for my ex in every other man. It’s only been a little over a year, but I see no means to stop.

[@kindaraccoonish]

When you find someone perfect for you, you won't be hard to love. Not everyone is your cup of tea. It needs a lot of work but when you're next to someone who doesn't make you feel like you're hard to love, is love.

[@topsecret5110]

You sound like someone who really needs this video. Please think more about it-for the sake of everyone you love.

[@markfennell1167]

This is the best comment. It is not that there are flaws...only that your personalities and interests are either compatible or not.

[@topsecret5110]

@@markfennell1167 For the love of God, read the other two comments on and watch the video again. The way you're talking is juvenile and will lead you to unhappiness.

[@lankylame8]

So, the "perfect" one exists and with the "perfect" one, relationship will require 0 work...

[@franz.francisco]

there is no one compatible with me. you don't what you're talking about

[@DamiraLyraJune]

It's a bit long, sorry: I always thought I am hard to love and now that I am in a relationship I am very scared that he might have enough of me soon even though he shows me and I feel how much he loves me and we are quite mature about it. Since I have been severely depressed for half of my life it is hard to combat this and thus he has to more or less helplessly live with me being sometimes broken, sometimes so scared, sometimes so lazy, sometimes so angry and sometimes so empty even though it's not particularly linked to anything rational. I realized I have a lot of traits that could make me hard to love: • When I'm annoyed I get bitchy. • When I'm hurt I isolate myself and get sad and depressed. When I'm not being understood then (even though I make it really hard to understand me) I get angry and defensive. • With money I tend to be too lazy to care and am not able to maintain my finances steady. Only because it's so much effort. • I worry about everything! I question everything. Everything constantly needs to be proven to me. I oftentimes cannot believe that someone loves me. • With sex I tend to be insecure and in general I need A LOT of emotional touch (hugs for example) and care. • I get gloomy and really depressed and I don't make a lot of sense then • I'm quite messy and I forget things But I have to realize that I am not only always bad. I have good traits even though I tend to forget that I have them: • I listen to him whatever it is. He can share all kinds of worries with me and I take him seriously. • I talk to him, give him my perspective on things, am honest but still kind. • I am emotionally warm and open. • regarding sex I am very open-minded and we complement each other • I am very loving but can also heat his butt. Sometimes arguing is good if done constructively • I like to be funny and have fun • I care about his daughter and always include her and try to be the best "stepmom" I can be (even though I am only 21 and still a child myself I feel like) • I love him deeply and honestly and I tell, show and let him feel that. I appreciate him and his love so much. I give him compliments and show that he can count on me. I'm always trying to improve but it's not always possible so fast. It's a long way from realizing to actually doing it. But I think my way of improvement starts with the realization that I have a good side and everyone is grey, not entirely black (like I think I am) or white (like I think everyone else is). And from that point on I can built on my good traits so that the bad ones slowly will be exchanged. Even though I still believe it is not possible or necessary to be only "white". I am not a saint. Just a human and I make mistakes. On my way of improvement I will learn to accept that. This was very therapeutic! :D Greets from Germany 😳

[@Eda.....]

Thank you for writing all this with so much care and detail! I can relate to almost everything, so it felt actually good to read it and see that I am not alone in this. There are more people who feel this way. Thank you and I hope you will improve the way you wish and be happy with yourself. And also learn to love yourself. 🤍 (which I really do need to learn myself lol 😅 I have no love for myself and no confidence or whatsoever. It’s sad how kind I can be to others but when it comes to myself, I am so mean. Oh well... as you said, we should just improve, learn from the mistakes and become a better person.)

[@asnaa-.-]

Your comment is just pure gold❤️I love it I can relate to it so much I gonna try what you have done and thanks a lot for sharing this with us🥰May god bless you 🙏

[@chrizpie]

I have depression too and I honestly felt like this described me perfectly lol. You have a very good mindset. Much love ❤️

[@demonetizethis5608]

Just don’t overthink anything friend just live your life. It’s when we overthink things we tend to lose control

[@nitsuj6555]

Thank you for this. Really needed this and it opened my mind about my present and past relationships because this would perfectly describe my ex and it's made me realise my tendency to focus on the negative sides and forget the good. So I can apply that to my partner NOW and learn and grow. So thank you. What is real will prosper x

[@lumonade7408]

i saw another comment mention this but if you are in an abusive/toxic relationship, please remember that advice isn't a one size fits all type of thing. While its true that we all have our own character flaws, and stuff that can make it more difficult to love us and that its good to get to know ourselves more so we can try and fix those things, it does not mean that you yourself are a horrible unlovable person. edit: also remember, you shouldn't try and change for anyone other than yourself. It is way harder for you to love yourself than it is for others to love you, so if you learn to love yourself then i'm sure other people will also love you too.

[@TheLifeFormulaa]

We need standards but make sure they are not ridiculously high

[@markigirl2757]

Unless u can live up to those “high standards” then it’s ok to be picky but people who have those high standards tend to not even meet their own standards so they will most likely not meet the “one”

[@69LOLIN]

@@markigirl2757 Probably!

[@seal6565]

The Life Formula My ‘standards’ isn’t particularly based on physical attributes but rather a person’s character. I don’t think it’s too unreasonable to expect someone with the same complexity as me. Otherwise in time, they will start viewing me as a patronizing asshole, a know-it-all or an indifferent and cold person. The more I try to relate to others the more I realized how difficult it is for my potential partners to meet my mental requirements. For example I expect someone to have strong ideals but still be flexible and value self transformation, that alone is already viewed as a contradiction and an impossibility by many. I don’t see people as rocks which remains the same throughout their lifetime but as an ever evolving and impulsive creatures who are like loaded guns constantly seeking for targets to point at. Dissecting people makes me feel really jaded and indifferent now to almost everything, I believe the only standard an individual should have on their potential partner is practically for that partner’s ability to facilitate their personal developments and vice versa.

[@euomu]

Everyone should have the standards they want to have. Who are you to tell others to lower them? If I have ridiculously high standards and, as a result, die alone, that's what I chose. Your comment is ridiculous

[@joshuajosiahcolumbus]

The Life Formula why not? Set the bar high enough and you’ll always have somewhere to go. Infinite growth.

[@tauntaun9660]

We are bringing an awesome amount of trouble into someone else's life by agreeing to be their partner.

[@crowbringer]

I'm sure it works both ways.

[@69LOLIN]

@@crowbringer Good response!

[@PinataOblongata]

I thought that was a bit harsh. We might also be bringing an awesome amount of love and support and happiness and laughter and companionship and shared joy, maybe even enough of tat that we offset the difficulties of two people never being 100% compatible and communication being a tough thing that needs constant work and learning.

[@katiephelps4118]

kind of agree tbh

[@TheTektronik]

It comes with the territory.

[@dark-cn9yq]

If you're reading this I wish you a happy new year.

[@anthonyman8008]

Happy new year!

[@69LOLIN]

💕👍

[@russiangenome9643]

I spent mine in jail.

[@69LOLIN]

@@russiangenome9643 😕😕😕

[@Abraham-gf1oi]

Happy New Year! For the second time haha

[@vdd1001]

Great video, I wish more people would realize that they're not perfect and try to realize their own mistakes. That's what being human is all about, constantly learning and improving yourself, nobody is perfect. But there's so many adults out there with the maturity and pettiness of a 14 year old, it's kinda sad

[@clairemarie7135]

The whole point is that everyone is difficult to be with in one way or another, and you especially can see how with the up close prolonged view you get with a long term relationship. And if you figure out your own personal 'nightmarish' quirks then you will be more self aware and able to address them, therefore taking some of the difficulty out of your relationships.

[@Ana.Raquel.1]

Good explanation 👏

[@wanded]

Obviously there is a scale, some people are a lot more nightmarish

[@adamsthomasgreene5653]

You hit the nail on the head, If you take your time to know more about yourself then you will be able to give your best to loved ones. No one is difficult to love but a lack of self-awareness makes it seem so.

[@heyoooooooooo]

@@adamsthomasgreene5653 I love you guys!! and you got this!!

[@Halo-li8hg]

I'm definitely difficult to love because I sense everything. I see through peoples intentions and it makes me isolate. I have yet to meet a man who genuinely wants to get to know me and not for my body it's pretty lonely out here

[@badlilvibe264]

Angie R like..tru...same here..and its killin me,i always overthink and find true intentions of people and i can never get it out head like how can i love like a careless chicken when i know what your about....ugh...

[@thereisnosanctuary6184]

Because you're boring.

[@franz.francisco]

aw, boo hoo. i'm sorry people think you're attractive. you have it sooooo rough :((( people like me who have no one are so lucky that no one finds us attractive enough to pursue

[@DarkAntiCretin2012]

@@thereisnosanctuary6184 Boring is subjective. What's boring to one person may not be boring to another. There's no monolithic definition of boring. There are popular definitions but that's just opinion.

[@PivotSeq]

@@franz.francisco Spotted the incel

[@brittanyr1456]

I am difficult to love. When you’re not attractive, you just feel unlovable in a lot of ways. You pick yourself apart. If you do find someone, you question motives. Well at least I do 😔

[@loulou2302]

Same😔

[@bodybalancer]

Britt Annica People feel unlovable regardless of how they appear physically. People who are considered physically attractive can just as easily have deep emotional or psychological wounds, might just as easily have suffered from abusive relationships, so please- STOP judging people based on their looks or perpetuating the FALLACY that “attractive people have it easy bc they must feel so great just bc they’re attractive” I can tell you with 200% certainty- its BULLSHIT- and we are basically at least not alone but together in this whole “I feel damaged and fucked up and unlovable boat” so don’t think you have a monopoly on it bc you don’t consider yourself attractive and most likely other people don’t consider you as unattractive as you do yourself. Even “attractive people” still feel ugly and see mostly just flaws when we all look at ourselves in the mirror and just see how we are growing older and uglier and no one loved us even when we were younger and more beautiful so who will ever truly love us? We all have these fears and struggles.

[@OliverJazzz]

@@bodybalancer You are wrong, it's a studied fact that more attractive people have it more easy both in relationships and life in general. And it makes total sense, too. This of course doesn't mean that attractive people wouldn't have problems, but statistically they have less. On individual level it of course has less meaning, but let's face it, this world is a better place for the more attractive ones, just as it is for the richer, healthier and more intelligent ones.

[@69LOLIN]

Attractiveness is not just about physical apperance. You can be attractive in many ways!

[@Ugnwosu]

@@OliverJazzz Attractive people don't have fewer problems. They are just more people willing to overlook their problems. Is it likely an attractive person is likely to have more potential partners and more people willing to give him/her a chance? Certainly. They get more opportunities and less rejections but only to a certain point. Same way more intelligent, athletic, richer or funnier people get more opportunities depending on the field. Truth is, each individual is blessed with something that puts them at a competitive advantage compared to others and its your duty to determine what it is, grow it and use it to achieve your goals.

[@whocanitbenow13]

I’m too broken to be loved. I learned this brutal fact when I was a small child and it has been with me since. I can’t fathom what life is like to be truly loved, and to be honest, love itself terrifies me to the core.

[@alas6260]

Just escortmaxx bro

[@Ahira..ahiiiiii]

Broken? Everybody difficulties in life that make them anxious or awkward or afraid etc..we'r all broken in some ways.. you're afraid of lovebecause it's unfamiliar that's all

[@Alkamist4Games]

First video watched in 2019. I think I'm off to a good start...

[@friendandpoet]

likewise

[@esperanzagomez133]

😅

[@boxinghighlight7061]

AlkamistStar same

[@zain4019]

AlkamistStar yay! Happy new year :))

[@busycell]

lol nope, you're gonna continue wasting time online for the next 12 months unless...

[@FabalociousDee]

What makes us difficult to love is that we think love is hard when it isn't. Love is the simplest thing in the world to do, but we doubt it because we're cynical and traumatised.

[@wanded]

People are cynical and traumatized because of hook up culture and social media, people seem to be aiming to collect break ups nowdays

[@itscriispy]

@@wanded I agree. except instead of collection break ups its more "collecting bodies". it is a disgusting mindset to have and a few of my friends at school, (one in particular) based his whole personality around it, and in the process he hurt a few people. Another friend and I had a talk with him about it and I think he changed since then. Its horrible how (especially at my age) people only want relationships for the title and the sex, it hurts many people, causing trust issues.

[@chemicalnamesargon]

felt

[@joefish818]

I spent 1 year after school doing literally nothing. Just playing games, watching KZbin, all that. I'm glad I did though. Because at the end of the year I reflected back and realized how much I learned about myself. It wasn't some "revelation" that solved everything. It was more like.. I saw a sliver of my issues and habits. Now that I see these issues I can slowly patch them up and monitor them. They'll never fully go away, but I can definitely keep them in check.

[@YUN6_V3NUZ]

ive been doing this too lately, and ive felt really bad about it. i wondered if i was lazy, or a failure, because all my friends have jobs, lives, their own homes, and im still living with my mother. i still feel this way. but maybe now i can finally use this time to reflect, without overthinking

[@green29373]

Yep, i have learned so much more about myself and, well, the world and its flaws and strengths. Genuinely something that would be impossible to learn at school

[@GaleGrim]

Those questions made me feel so calm and secure. It was like finally being on solid ground for the first time in for ever. Sure they made me feel a bit sad too. However they, in combination with the citation of intent afterwords that they aren't meant to invoke guilt but inspire progress on buffing out some the scratches in my character and helping explain what maybe can't be buffed out so others can navigate me more safely, was just... mind clearing. Thank you.

[@raphael.cavalcanti3301]

Yeah, I think I'd rather be single.

[@kristiannaranalli]

mood

[@MissEasyPeasySleasy]

Totes...

[@toiletwater7378]

Raphael Cavalcanti same but forever for me

[@haya6047]

It's not really a choice for me but true

[@toiletwater7378]

Haya Ba kinda but not really

[@countvampy]

someone broke my heart and it made it difficult for me to love anyone else

[@janekkretschmer1388]

I feel you! Nevertheless, don't lose your optimism. If you made a mistake, make it better next time (but forgive yourself). If the other one was troubled, be open to someone else. You can not always be unlucky.

[@MrSandwichk]

want love but dont like people ..

[@brittanyr1456]

ZeeC Yeah that’s a tough one. Know how you feel but if we could find just that one who we’d like 🤷🏾‍♀️ maybe

[@plainpawesome]

Animals... Like a pet.

[@riseofphoenix4935]

@@plainpawesome but what if you want love(human love) but don't like people 🤔 I guess that would be a real problem.

[@riseofphoenix4935]

@@brittanyr1456 finding that one isn't easy.

[@namreh72]

Good luck with that because I don't like a lot of people also...it's a struggle...

[@sleepyystorm]

thanks for affirming every fear i have. I'm never talking to anyone again.

[@wafflemaster2278]

Difficult, not impossible

[@findme7591]

You don’t deserve anyone that makes you feel like you’re hard to love💔

[@renzelpretzels]

Find Me welp I guess I don't deserve anybody then

[@keijello3632]

@@renzelpretzels felt that, lmao (hopefully you know they probably mean that "anyone that makes you feel like you're hard to love doesn't deserve you" :o )

[@skullyinc.]

That's not the point of the video.

[@sophiarose778]

I don't agree with this video as someone with many flaws but who never had difficulty finding and accepting romantic love. I have similar flaws people describe in the comments, I'm lazy, socially anxious, and insecure but I met the person I'm going to marry at 21 and have a very healthy relationship with them. I think the real barrier people face is not believing they're the type of person who attracts romantic admiration and love. It's not necessarily they lack confidence, I lack plenty of confidence, some of my most capable and confident friends struggle to find love. They struggle to picture the reality of someone being in love with them or attracted to them because it doesn't match the narrative they have of themselves. I've witnessed many friends allow opportunities to pass them without even realising it themselves.

[@DreamtaleEnjoyer]

@@sophiarose778 just go ahead and tell me my life story in those last two sentences why dontcha-

[@proton8689]

I've accepted that I'm a horrible person

[@sickly_ill5849]

Same

[@Mecflura]

Now accept that you don’t need to be like this for ever

[@proton8689]

@@Mecflura too much effort

[@shubhampurohit2620]

If people think I am horrible, then might as well be. 😇✌🏼

[@pagethreemodel]

@@proton8689 😂😂😂 lol this made me choke. 'Too much effort' lol. At least you're honest.

[@RAHULRNB]

Why am I difficult to love ? 1. Highly sensitive 2. Emotional 3. Unambitious 4. Overthinker 5. Non Punctual 6. Procrastinater 7. Insecurity in a relationship Positive traits : 1. Loyal 2. Kind 3. Passionate Lover 4. Creative 5. Witty 6. Humourous 7. Athletic

[@sxfa909]

OH MY GOD THATS LITERALLY ME

[@RAHULRNB]

@@sxfa909 I am glad there exists someone like me !

[@Flippypen]

Im years late but i found this comment very relatable omfg

[@I_WILL_ALWAYS_LOVE_YOU]

How do I fix being emotional tho 😢

[@RAHULRNB]

@@I_WILL_ALWAYS_LOVE_YOU To be honest, I have learnt to control emotions by doing Vipassana meditation! Being sensitive to emotions is by birth for me but finally I feel have learnt to control it with meditation, it definitely works! Do try it

[@EmJay_okay]

I have alot of big issues in my life. But one big thing that this video helped me realise was that i tend to complain a lot or turn conversation around to me when I am hurt by another person or I am worried about something, especially when I am worried. I've been told I am very loud when I have a complaint and my worries can be constant. Thank you, I hope to fix this about myself!!

[@at4818]

I used to share a lot with others. After entering university, some of my new friends said I’m over sharing and putting stress on them. So I decided to change. I tried not to share too much, then they said it was better to be straightforward. The thing I want to say is, you can never be perfect for someone. It’s true that you have to be aware of your flaws and improvise but there is no need to change everything you are. One day you will find someone who love your “perfect imperfections”.

[@sebastianelytron8450]

But I love whipped cream on fish! Why does that make me difficult to love? 😣

[@Evi19th]

Smelly breath

[@matthewneillmusic]

:)

[@sarahb.2080]

Maybe difficult to eat with.

[@igitha..._]

maybe fish shaped cheesecake lol

[@zandaroos553]

Nah fam that’s my shit too

[@spacebarzzz860]

Hearing this has made me feel so much more confident in feeling I’ll find someone again despite how flawed I truly am. Thank you.

[@heyoooooooooo]

I love you!!

[@johndogbe1428]

my ex took a long trip to india too, thats why lm watching this

[@lisabuffagni1566]

I need to learn to: 1) be comfortable around people for my career and my social life 2) set boundaries so I won't feel stressed and in need of escaping from everything 3) work a bit more and every day and not just on the things I like 4) be tidier

[@fiske5918]

hi. it's been 3 years. have you improved?

[@lisabuffagni1566]

​@@fiske5918Thank you for your comment! I completely forgot about this video and it's been really useful to rewatch it and compare myself to my past standards. Unfortunately I haven't improved as much as I would have liked: I am indeed tidier and I got better at managing my social interactions but I still struggle a lot with boundaries and organization when it comes to work. I'm 24 and still studying so I don't think it's too much of a big deal but I hope next time someone comments I will be able to give more positive updates! I also want to say that in the meantime I started therapy and that helped me improving in so many more aspects that I didn't put in the list. Thanks again!

[@wollydasschaf8295]

​@@lisabuffagni1566 I wish you good luck on achieving you're goals

[@lascur0513]

@@lisabuffagni1566 i'm with you there on number 3 "3) work a bit more and every day and not just on the things I like". anything you have learned so far with this that you could share?

[@DieSuperNadel]

I have a strong desire to be alone a lot. I think I just realised that it has to do with how crazy certains habits of a partner can drive me. I try to avoid the whole everyday-life-situation to avoid accidentially shrinking my attraction towards them lol

[@NoDramaAllowed]

DieSuperNadel so what was ur number

[@huseyincirit2432]

Hi Do you writing e-mail )

[@rihannacalifornia426]

Exactly

[@thereisnosanctuary6184]

So, you find it difficult to love

[@fueledbycandy5920]

The way this literally found me after a mental breakdown about how i felt like i was hurting the people around me and people need to stay away from me. Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaanks youtuuuuuuuuuuuuuube

[@BlitzKriegPlays]

With this face, I don't blame people :')

[@niahpudding6723]

Hot bod😍😍😍

[@ape4390]

:)

[@moaningcicle1839]

You’re beautiful in some girls eyes , time will prove my words

[@doctort5829]

just be the best version of yourself nothing more nothing less no one is perfect just work on yourself ( and ur confident bc that to me that seems the problem )

[@anonymousbee]

you cute

[@ryanwong7054]

‘Are you difficult to love?’ Short answer: yes Long answer: yess

[@zyasa936]

Eyes

[@HannaOsk96]

Another problem is becoming very aware of the difficult sides of oneself, but then feeling much too ashamed about them to show them to anyone. So you end up putting a lot of energy into hiding them from your partner, (which, in itself, is one of your difficult behaviors) and it leads to always feeling exhausted around that person because youre constantly trying to present a version of yourself without any flaws. And if you continue doing it, eventually it leads to you becoming avoidant and tired around them, always looking for breaks so that you can relax and be your flawed self for a while. And eventually you get bored of maintaining the facade, and you break up, leaving your partner feeling hurt and confused because from their perspective, things were going just fine. A behavior created from fear of rejection that always ends up with you rejecting yourself out of the relationship, because you're more afraid of being emotionally vulnerable than you are of ending things with someone. Rinse and repeat.

[@heyoooooooooo]

Oof that sounds complicated. :( Hope you're having a good time in life btw :)

[@HannaOsk96]

I am!! I did some therapy and I've found a partner I feel really safe with :') It was difficult and scary but I let my walls down one by one and she stayed with me through it all. We're engaged now. Thank you for your comment 💚

[@heyoooooooooo]

@@HannaOsk96 yayyyy :D :D ^w^ Congratulations!!!! :D :D

[@gracellynroling842]

The important things is to acknowledge and gain that awareness and be able to asses what is harmful to you and others but not to feel bad about the peices of you that make you you. And listen when people call 6ou out. Remember just because you may have traits that make you hard to love that doesn't mean you have to change you're entire self and personality so that others live you any easier. The right people will talk and support you and hold you accountable. Learn how to behave how you would want others to behave towards you

[@thebleedingherons1032]

I'm extremely hard to love. I'm too complicated in my own way and I'm living, breathing paradox.

[@lomouche]

wow. edgy.

[@thebleedingherons1032]

@@lomouche It's not.

[@thebleedingherons1032]

Oh god, I was edgy.

[@thebleedingherons1032]

@Super Nova Yeah, but it turned out I was an extremely obvious and chaotic lesbian.

[@thebleedingherons1032]

@Super Nova Not gonna tell you, but I was a dumb emo teen (12-16 years old)

[@lindabb7064]

Try to live with a narcissistic for a while and you will understand the difference between personality defects (self centeredness, manipulation and lack of empathy) that one will never admit and personality flaws (annoying traits) that one can admit in a relationship. There are people there who are really defect, not sorry to say that, just sorry for them and their relatives.

[@RialuCaos]

Not everyone can be fixed. It's certainly not idealistic to say so, but it's the way things truly are.

[@lindabb7064]

I don't think people should be fixed. I think they should have enough self-awareness (ability of introspection), courage (to accept who they really are) and commitment (to use their strength for personal and others growth, and manage their weaknesses when relating to others). A narcissist is not able to do that, it is all about what I can get from people to exist. Unless they realise they need help (which is extremely hard as they think the others are always the problem), they just act as human parasites. My only advice is to run away from them because they will likely make us sick. We can love all human beings but some need to be loved from farther than others.

[@RialuCaos]

@@lindabb7064 I think what you consider "personal growth" is what I meant by being fixed. Someone can not overcome any problems they have if they do not acknowledge those things as being problems. Even if they are able to recognize they have a problem, finding a solution is rarely a simple task - people do not change their ways unless they are provided a strong enough stimuli to alter their behavior, and that rarely happens without some sort of outside intervention.

[@amarahc4351]

it’s like your trying to talk about personality disorders, but don’t know what a phycologist or the DSM is....

[@lindabb7064]

@@amarahc4351 There's other references than western psychology to talk about an issue. I'm referring on my own experience based on Western psychology learnt at school, eastern philosophy learnt at home and my own experience: my ex was a diagnosed narcissist in therapy. Even though that was a challenge. My parents are definitely dysfunctionally self-centred (not officially diagnosed with anything so that the only assumption I can have). It took some time in therapy to go through this but it was worth because I learnt and know can share based on different perspectives. I agree I am not an expert in anything but I'm definitely know a lot of different things :-)

[@Rei.682]

I never actually thought that I'm great or good, i was always aware of my flaws.. sometimes too aware that it makes it hard for me to accept myself and it makes me unable to accept people's love. I came here thinking it might give me a solution to the fact that I'm very hard to live with, unfortunately that wasn't what this video is about lol. My parents love me so much yea but they always told me my flaws in every fight or disagreement, so did my friends and ex-lovers. I wish it was easy for me to think I'm great and normally i would be loved, but that's not the case. Right now i have this amazing person who loves me with all my flaws and problems, but i can not accept his love cuz i think I'm unworthy and with time he will know that and leave me alone again and that will hurt even more than never being loved. I'm also very jealous cuz i always think that another person will fit this person better.. a person better than me, and i don't even believe him if he says he doesn't care and only wants me. because of all of that, and all the hard time i give everyone i end up leaving to make their lives easier.

[@paewang9598]

I have never been as low as I am thesedays. My self esteem/confidence has been put down a peg. I'm so insecure, so uncomfortable in my own skin that I find nothing appealing about myself. Every relationship I attempt, thoughts on how they could do better than me, I'm going to be a burden to deal with...

[@NanaN495]

"People are nightmare-ish in different ways"..."we are a nightmare" I love this channel

[@27jerry27]

*What is Love? Baby don't hurt me no more...*

[@BlitzKriegPlays]

you had to follow the god damn train

[@minervaloves]

You have a good sense of humor 😆

[@riseofphoenix4935]

Lol one of my fav song.

[@igitha..._]

Yeh-heh OhwoahwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAoooOOhh AAAoooohh Aaaohaoh!

[@UBeesh10]

Comic relief. Thank you.

[@sped1220]

Be careful to remember that you aren't always the one being difficult. Sometimes it will happen that you're with someone who will try to put you down purposefully. In this instance, there is likely nothing wrong with you. The other person could very well be working to try and make you feel this way rather than just doing something that comes naturally, as stated in the video.

[@carlosalfredito]

The animation in this one was so beautifully done!

[@MaybejustNarbe]

It’s unbelievable ❤

[@k.k.2157]

“Our parents loved us too much to tell us” Not my parents. My mother doesn’t like me enough to love me and has made sure to make me understand how hard I am to love.

[@typepoene6961]

I think it's becoming common place for us to ask ourselves questions such as , "Am I difficult to love?" because we get stuck on a mindset where we question what we could've done better in a past experience whether it was relationship or friendship. It'd be much more healthier to learn a lesson from a failed relationship than to continue to puzzle over the exact moment it fell apart.

[@emilymaybe5405]

everything just makes me want to shut down and be alone forever. i know that’s out of fear of vulnerability, lack of trust in others, lack of faith they’ll understand me and be able to handle my complexities, and frustration with myself. its so hard to convince myself to function the way i know i should. i suppress huge parts of myself like how much i care/displaying emotion, to keep people at a distance in case they hurt me. i’m simultaneously afraid to be alone forever not because i don’t like my own company (bc i do, probably too much) but because i do crave love and because i’m afraid to travel, live and die alone. man i need a therapist

[@SebHaarfagre]

I like being me and I don't want to change much. I like my brain. Even with its downsides. However, to join this "movement", I'll contribute some negatives of myself that I am aware of: - Can be pedantic (I train on this and try to assume it's humour most of the time) - Can obsess over situations, things or persons (I have OCPD and am aware and currently seeing a specialist to see how we can improve this, keep the "good" remove the "bad") - Can talk a _lot_ once started and explain things that isn't needed (feel a compulsion to contextualize so as to leave no room for misunderstanding, have to train to accept that that just might have to be left outside my control, it can sometimes be seen as condescending when it's not, but I'm also a very good listener) - Due to having lived almost my entire life without stability, with only chaos, AND a craving for order and system, I've "learnt" to sometimes be too "careless"; not really reacting strongly to something others would be stressed at, sometimes even if I am the cause. - Being "too" loving or caring in certain situations? Or open? I could ask a girl directly what she wants, when she'd want me "to find out". I guess I just don't work well with such people anyways. I'm not autistic but I'm definitely on the spectrum on things like that lol - why tf would someone say the opposite of what they mean unless it's humour? It just makes no rational sense to me. Also some people just don't know what to do with altruism and some even become scared and anxious. That's not to say I lack the ability to improvise, not at all, but yeah. Honesty and openness are not necessarily good traits all the time. There are other things but they are mostly results of a life situation, not strictly "me". As I said, I like the mind I've "built" over time, even if I could be without some things. In fact it makes me anxious and almost scared to think about being another way, and brain atrophy (like Dementia - which my mother got recently... - is almost a phobia to me) I even pulled myself out of being a true nihilist, alone. And if I ever find a partner who likes _me_ and I like _her,_ she'll never have a day of regret in her life. Except when I pull horrible dad jokes I guess. I'm also aware long comments like this is likely to get 1 like at _most_ lol but it's a good mental process to write stuff down, even better in public. If anyone bothered to read, I hope you have a nice day, and that there's always someone out there who does or will love you. Can be nigh impossible to _find_ them but that's another story 😂 Take care

[@cameronjones9092]

Lets see things that make me difficult to be around -issues with depression - niche set of nerdy interest - my presence is off putting - not very socialable - somehow i break shit alot - am constantly in the way of other people - im awkward when it comes to small talk -i dont know how to make friends - im not very smart, athletic, or talented in anyway

[@okacinilmaz]

"The cleverest of all, in my opinion, is the man who calls himself a fool at least once a month." "Dostojevski"

[@thibautzadina7013]

i do that every 6 months, with practice I'm sure I can get to once a month tho

[@Journey_to_who_knows]

Rookie numbers, try multiple times every day

[@drnecro1086]

My problem is that I have a really hard time feeling and showing empathy. Is like a muscle that I have to consciously exercise every single day, when other people were born with arms thicker than mine and don't have to go to the gym at all. It's really frustrating and I always end up screwing up relationships because of this, because I have to make a really big and conscious effort to measure up to people's level of empathy.

[@itz_sidd_fr]

It's almost always how we perceive love !! (expectations/Intimacy/Commitment/Similarity/Proximity/Familiarity/Positive shared experiences/Interdependence and Novelty all these affect the love/feeling/crush on certain someone for which I think won't be for anyone else except her as I've experienced this) love should be unconditional and the best part should be that none would ever fill the feelings like the certain person with whom we are affectionated

[@xholyacucmarinex]

This came to me through philosophy. Knowing myself and understanding my own drawbacks not as demons or vices. But what I had to use to get here today and now with where I am. "What can I do to become a better man than yesterday". Through discipline, hard work on making my mind a home to always retreat too. I dont have to worry about my ego getting in the way of things and listen to others and what they have to say. Turn good out of misfortune. An you will ripe the benefits for enduring it. Marcus Aurelius said that. He was Stoic.

[@jagray111]

Cutting to the core, as this channel usually does. Thanks for being so politely, yet definitely, honest.

[@rose4490]

"People are nightmarish in different ways. " It's a good thing that I prefer a Siamese cat!

[@ianshaw482]

You're right. Any cat will do.

[@LudvigIndestrucable]

Everyone has always made it quite clear and upfront that I'm hard to love. I think more people should be told this.

[@heyoooooooooo]

[@bo5235]

something i hate about myself is how i get depressed over everything, how i always ask my loved ones if im annoying or if they love me, how im awkward in social situations and do stupid things when im nervous, how i try to escape from someone who saw me in an embarrassing situation and not act normal, how when a friend becomes distant all of a sudden i try and contact them and know whats wrong even though they might just be tired of me and lastly i hate how i always criticize myself over anything and how sometimes i cry because i hate myself and my personality and i hate that im not good enough.

[@HenriettaP]

Skeletor • read up on attachment theory - it sounds like you have an anxious attachment style. Knowing this can help a lot in dealing with those feelings as you stop blaming yourself for being weird, and realise it’s just part of your makeup (along with about 20% of the population). You can change, but it takes effort and psychological understanding. Pairing up with someone who has a secure attachment style is the biggest help (if you can arrange it). Ditto with friends.

[@bo5235]

thank you, i read about attachment theory its very helpful, im trying to not be insecure all the time but its hard..but i will try to ignore it.

[@HenriettaP]

Skeletor • I’m glad you know about it. Trying to “ignore it” however won’t be possible. It’s not something you can defeat by an effort of will. You will need to find other ways to nurture yourself than by running to your loved ones for reassurance. This means developing methods of self soothing, through hobbies, personal growth work, doing something nice for yourself, working on something that gives you a sense of achievement, spending time with other people, etc, etc. Some of the other commenters are partly right, in that it’s about learning to love yourself, warts and all. But it’s important to develop methods of healthy emotional management in the journey towards that place.

[@bo5235]

yeah i agree but rn im in a difficult place or you could say i dont have enough energy in me to go do things id like to do to help me, family and studies are just taking a lot of me that it would be hard to try doing things that i used to like to do, i tried a couple of days ago painting and drawing again (one of my favorite hobbies that i used to do all the time) and i didnt feel satisfied with what i did because its been a long time and im not good like i used to before and im not happy like i used to be while doing it.(sorry for the long comment)

[@HenriettaP]

Skeletor • It does sound like you’re depressed. Do try to find someone you can share these feelings with. Maybe see a therapist?

[@sasavlog03]

I think these is my problems and things that I need to work on; - Running away the moment they reciprocates my feelings - Ignoring/Entertaining them base on my mood - Not replying because of laziness - Apathy/Careless with words

[@SheinelI]

Are you me ? :0

[@h29452]

I once knew someone who thought he wasn't good enough to be loved. But he just wouldn't let anyone in. I felt he never loved me as much as I loved him, so I moved on. If you're reading this, you are loved by many. And, though we don't talk, just know that I will always secretly be rooting for you.

[@lw1824]

this actually made me feel better about myself. for over a year and a half now i’ve been worried about how difficult to love i am, and just me. i have all of this trauma from my previous relationship and i’ve been telling myself that there’s no one out there who will be able to deal with me being this way. this made me feel a lot better about that, because you reminded me that everyone has some severe issues. i’m not alone, and there is yet hope for me. thank you!