Learning to Forgive Ourselves

[@Psych2go]

Sometimes forgiving others simply means learning to forgive ourselves.

[@cawknee]

Exactly this.

[@joshualuna8999]

I love that these channels are somewhat connected I love both your content.

[@st-christian14]

@@joshualuna8999 the only two channels I follow on KZbin.

[@callista4990]

Oh my gosh, my favorite channel is here as well

[@danipar7388]

Hello Psych2

[@rheashree406]

"No one's been crueler to me than me"

[@creepingjesus5106]

Or "I am my own worst enemy" which I've said many times over, as often enough it's far too true.

[@user-mwreixqw]

That's ok. Now you're in the right place.

[@DogofLilith]

And that's ok

[@RNCHFND]

@@DogofLilith Is that ok, though?

[@An1MuS]

"An inner voice was always an outer voice."

[@anekokun5609]

It's scary how easily I forgive others and have neverending arguments and disappointment towards myself.

[@VoiceOfAadya]

😭😭

[@peksn]

It really shows how your view on yourself is probably a lot harder than the view others have onto you. As you said you forgive others rather easily, this may possibly also be the case to others forgiving you. We tend to think of ourselves worse than others think of ourselves. We must realize this is most usually not the case.

[@Emberedits2013]

Me too. I obsess over my faults. I seriously do not know how to forgive myself.

[@itsraining4294]

:’) THIS IS ME WHYYY

[@yvs39]

Same 😓

[@nairasalah7266]

We sometimes associate our mistakes with us being ‘bad people’, yet when someone do us wrong, we tend to find excuses for their actions.. that they’re human, they make mistakes or that they suffered a lot.. we forget that we need that same level of understanding and compassion towards ourselves in order to avoid repeating some mistakes.

[@lovedlavender3266]

You're saying its okay to tolerate and condone bad behavior when someone wrongs us such as if a child misbehaves like biting you or throw a tantrum when they don't get their way. You're implying as if they are allowed to get away with their behavior. You are so stupid and naive.

[@imperialSukandar]

well said..

[@lovedlavender3266]

Thats so naive to forgive others.

[@nairasalah7266]

@@lovedlavender3266 it’s easier to forgive people when we don’t know their real intentions than to forgive ourselves when we know exactly everything that’s going on inside our heads.

[@lovedlavender3266]

@@nairasalah7266Whatever, forgiving others and yourself is justifying bad behavior and not taking responsibility. It's like condoning a child's misbehavior and giving in to their temper tantrum.

[@Gabesssz]

"Be kind to yourself, you're doing your best"

[@coolpfpbut9505]

Am I?

[@user-mwreixqw]

Thanks

[@trador8190]

@@coolpfpbut9505 I definitely haven't been

[@Isildur94]

@@trador8190 Same, and that is the worst part. I didn’t struggle; I was just an completely idiot. I stayed in a comfort zone and refused to step out of it. But I will change that now.

[@jovalgalang5265]

No I’m not. I just wanna stay in my comfort zone forever. Everything we do, everything we achieve will be no use after we die. So what’s the point of trying?

[@ludoviajante]

This channel is very important. Not just for me, but for the world. I'm from Brazil and you inspire me to be a better person and to create content focused on philosophy and mental health. Thanks for sharing so much knowledge!

[@ko.ala.b]

i am from germany and deeply agree with you. i recommend this channel a lot. :)

[@blankbanshee2520]

Digo o mesmo, e a partir do seu comentário fui conhecer um pouco mais do seu conteúdo. Coisa boa, vou começar à acompanhar.

[@F0cusGames]

Grande Ludo! amo esse canal, e o seu aswell

[@Itsridwaaan]

Nice, now play some football

[@slowofftheblock]

Well said, thanks 😊

[@solomonasine]

Whoever is reading this, once you’ve accepted your flaws, no one can use them against you.

[@amapeeps1253]

So true!

[@True38]

@@amapeeps1253 ^^

[@Aries_Superstar_Army]

I accept my flaws, it’s just that I need to hold myself accountable for my actions.

[@solomonasine]

@@Aries_Superstar_Army sometimes you need a confidant to hold you accountable. It used to be a struggle for me to eat breakfast and workout consistently. Then I gave a friend of mine $200 to hold for a period of two months. Any morning I fail to send a picture of my breakfast and workout session to him, he could spend $50 of the money. I was consistent for the two month period. Till date, I am mostly consistent.

[@realdragon]

Fuck this, why would I accept my flaws instead working on them. Lazy people who want easy way out would do that

[@JoyFay]

I woke up this morning feeling guilty about something I did when I was about 10 years old. I often feel guilty, in part because I come from a family that shamed/shames me often. But I also feel guilty and remorseful when I realize my action may have hurt someone. It’s worse when I’m unable to reach the person to apologize and make things right. Glad this video was uploaded today.

[@Eziourobouros]

I relate to this a lot. Been replaying regret of misdoings for over a decade now. Stupid things I did when I was 7, making me feel like I've contaminated my whole life? The mind is dangerous if you feed it the wrong narratives. But if it makes you feel any better, the fact you keep thinking about it shows your willingness to have done good instead. Sadly, out of your control with what you had avaliable at the time. Hope this isn't coming across as weird but honestly just wanna say ~ please don't beat yourself up, because you don't deserve it. You're a good person and deserve to live without guilt. Blessings and love ❤️

[@JoyFay]

@@Eziourobouros Thank you.

[@AnEvolvingApe]

Oh shit you guys are worried about things you did even before you were adolescents!??? I'm in my 50s and I still cringe when I think about things I did in my 40s and of course in the years prior but I don't worry about stupid shit when I was really young.

[@dershdersh6578]

What should you do if you can't apologize to them? I feel somewhat the same way (so you're not alone homie), and I feel guilty when I can't get in touch

[@Eziourobouros]

@@dershdersh6578 Hi. Just wanna say I feel for you. That must be really tough if you can't reach them to say an apology. I think a large part of relieving guilt comes from self forgiveness. You are human and every human is flawed (making mistakes and wrong turns of varying degrees) and that's okay. 🙏🏼 Remember that forgiveness is also a letting go, so it can feel like a "loss" of some barrier (personally struggling with this right now. The harsh treatment of wrongdoings is a barrier for me to overcome). That said, some losses have to be made to live a present focused life. Best wishes 🙏🏼❤️

[@MindsettoMastery]

Sometimes we forget that we are flawed and imperfect. We all are. We are all deserving of our self-forgiveness.

[@user-mwreixqw]

True

[@GoldenMushroom64]

Nope

[@msh3lxll88]

I dont think you will say that if someone’s hurt you deeply do you gonna still love them and say that? And forgive them? You will never

[@andrepedro426]

@@msh3lxll88 You learn to eventually, if that person truly wants to make things right, they will let you know, its up to you to forgive them or not, and if their intentions are right, i would say forgiving them would be the option that gives you more inner peace.

[@aia5524]

​@@msh3lxll88 As long as their intention is good, really wants to admit their mistakes, to change themselves ti a better version of themselves and make you feel fixed(like me), then they should be forgiven. But those who dont accept their mistakes and not even try to compensate for their mistakes shouldnt be forgiven. Because you become the wrongdoer after that moment.

[@chumaktv5386]

My ex girlfriend told me once when we were still dating “don’t be mean to my boyfriend” when I was self-hating and that just hit me right in the feels because it made me see how an oppressive part of me was beating down on vulnerable part of me

[@gazzhumbly5433]

I was sexually abused when i was a kid and i was denied any help when i reached out and now i've become a self hating person and i'm learning to let go, this video has helped alot.

[@elinope4745]

I'm sorry for your difficulties. I hope you learn to see yourself for the things you have chosen rather than the things you did not.

[@YourMomXD1337]

Hating or getting angry is a waste of energy. I try to use my energy on making myself better everyday.

[@Leo-mr1qz]

It was NOT your fault. I'm sorry you had to go through something so horrific. 😔

[@user-mwreixqw]

But don't be harsh on urself. Now u r at the right place.

[@tdesq.2463]

@@elinope4745 That's Good Advice. That's the kinda thing a true Friend would say. 👍

[@hellomynameiszack]

"No amount of guilt can change the past, and no amount of worrying can change the future. Go easy on yourself, for the outcome of all affairs is determined by God’s decree. If something is meant to go elsewhere, it will never come your way, but if it is yours by destiny, from it you cannot flee." - Umar Ibn Al-Khattaab

[@Everosa314z]

Thanks for this quote, I shed a tears even when I resist it

[@imlv2614]

❤

[@yasmine1706]

If you forgive yourself you'll accept yourself, and only then you will be able to live in peace...

[@AnEvolvingApe]

Easier said than done. None of this is really new info for me. I like to say I forgive myself but I really am not doing so. It is easier to forgive others than yourself yet I don't think everyone deserves my forgiveness and "limitless compassion and sympathy". My problem is I can't think about the past without remembering some cringey behavior on my part.

[@hamzakhusro5970]

@@AnEvolvingApe I don't think that its particularly hard; You need the drive to forgive yourself, and this drive goes hand in hand with the determination to improve as a person. It's difficult to forgive your past if you do not vow to learn from it and act better in the future. Thoughts of a brighter future undermine the vices of a worse past. Your future is forever plagued by the long-gone past; Only if you let it so.

[@AnEvolvingApe]

@@hamzakhusro5970 Have you led a life where your fuckups have been minimal? It is hard for me and I'm sure it is for many more. This drive you speak of doesn't make sense to me. I am determined to be a better person and even when I was a young man I was about self improvement but focussing on my intellect and physical strength and not so much my character.

[@hamzakhusro5970]

@@AnEvolvingApe The word minimal is a vague term to properly explain someone's mistakes. You wrote in your initial comment that you recall your cringey behavior. Cringey behavior sounds like actions that lead to minimalistic fuckups - fuckups that aren't very consequential. In my opinion, cringe is in no way something that you cant let go; It is a strong feeling indeed but the drive to move past it indeed exists. I move past it with a laugh and maybe even an apology. And if it would result in public embarrassment, I think I would try my best to not let it get to me. There are certain terms in our implied collective social contract that I would remember if I was in a situation that resulted in public embarrassment, such as no one should make fun of or ridicule me because that's simply rude, and even traumatizing. So if someone does do it you say that to their face, because you have a right to defend your dignity. Overall, I think that most people, including you, already know what is right or wrong, you just haven't found the drive to explore who you are wholly, what your essence is, what makes you fully you. When you do find that drive, you instinctively invoke the terms of this social contract as a means of achieving a best possible version of yourself. I think we call this self-actualisation and every single person on the planet is trying to achieve and maintain a state of self-actualisation till they die. Maybe try this: Take some time to brainstorm some of your society's implied rules when it comes to cringey behavior, then promise yourself to invoke them when you enact cringey behavior. The example of ridicule I gave up above is the same thing. And you shouldn't lack confidence using this technique because this is precisely what society is; this is exactly what everyone does without thinking back.

[@UnicornUniverse333]

@@AnEvolvingApe I'm so ashamed of how much I didn't contain my suffering over the years and it spilled out as weird and cringy to others. The only way I'm waking up to myself is I've been laying on acupressure mats daily for years now. It's do hard. We deserved a lot more help.

[@bmo1818]

I needed this. I've been so hard on myself

[@trinaq]

Likewise, we're often our own harshest critic, and the one we have a hard time forgiving.

[@Prettymapleleaf]

Be a best friend to yourself.

[@MrHappy3feet]

Another thing this video didn’t go in depth in is that hindsight really is 20/20. Looking back is easy to judge ourselves with the knowledge we have today, knowledge we didn’t have back then

[@Prettymapleleaf]

@@MrHappy3feet when we live in the past it typically brings us emotions of depression, especially if we focus on things that didn’t work out or things we could have done differently. When we live for the future it often causes anxiety, fearful that events from the past will replay themselves or that we won’t achieve our dreams. The only place we need to be mindfully living in is the now. We can only take positive actions IN THE NOW to ensure we have a fulfilling future. Mindfulness is an extremely important practice we all need to be doing.

[@MrHappy3feet]

@@Prettymapleleaf yes this is true. Thank you

[@nehamotwani6477]

One reason I can see of why some people can't acknowledge their past hardships as the reason behind their weaknesses and sometimes failure, which cause self-hatred in them, is because they accuse themselves of playing the victim game by doing that. And that further leads them to hate themselves even more. It's like a vicious circle.

[@Bugattis11395]

Very well articulated. The idea that an explanation for somebody’s behaviors is immediately labeled an excuse or victimhood has always puzzled me. In my opinion, it speaks broadly to how we dehumanize ourselves collectively or apply impossible standards to ourselves, when in reality, every human has folly.

[@nehamotwani6477]

@@Bugattis11395 exactly! I agree on that.

[@abby-ux7br]

that's exactly how i feel, i don't want to blame anyone even if they wronged me coz I should've known better. i have me to blame

[@MP-gw5kw]

@@abby-ux7br don’t blame yourself either. some things are neither good or bad, they just are.

[@SoundsSilver]

Yes, it’s the fear that by truly accepting it’s not all our fault, we will be confirming the suspicions of others that we cannot accept blame for our failings, even as we punish ourselves inordinately.

[@aarzoomalhotra7994]

What I find most commendable about this channel is the nonchalance in their narrative on: 1. Suicide, death anxiety and dark despair. 2. Childhood difficulties and fears. 3. Ownership of one’s life by taking the dialectic approach. And most important of all, putting up statements out there that all of us are outright terrified of acknowledging on our own. You all are a gift to the entire community supporting mental health. Much love and respect!

[@Im____ltm]

I love that this video isn’t afraid to address our tendencies towards suicide directly and without skirting around the issue.

[@hakimdiwan5101]

I got tears in my eyes and lump in my throat, for years I had made myself accountable for all the bad decisions I ever made and not being able to get out of mess created by myself, so much that now I hate the being I see in mirror and wish that I didn't exist.

[@Bianca-ib9zu]

It gets better. You are not alone. I'm glad that you left this comment because I also feel this way sometimes; and I forget that I'm not the only one who feels this way, I'm not wrong I'm just human. And so you are, mate.

[@tanyatanya9492]

Confide in Jesus and He will show you the way. Many saints were sinners,even murderers but God forgave them and they transformed through the Holy Spirit.Nothing is impossible to God and to those who walk with Him🙏💕

[@hakimdiwan5101]

@@Bianca-ib9zu Thanks for positive words :)

[@MP-gw5kw]

I don’t know you but I’m glad you exist and left this comment. As Bianca said, you are human. Our past is long gone. We can do absolutely nothing about it, but learn the lesson from any said “bad decisions “ and do better. We can’t hold on to those negative ideas about ourselves. Learn the lesson and move on doing better things. Our past does not define us. I think what we seek most over any shame or guilt is knowing that we would be forgiven, accepted, and worthy of love. And no matter what, we are all worthy of those things simply because we exist. I’m speaking to myself as well. Im having a hard time letting go out some bad decisions too. I heard Maya Angelou video in which she shared a quote by Terence: “I am a human being and nothing human can be alien to me.” Find one person who hasn’t made at least one bad decision; if you find them you’ll find a liar. No judgment, just a fact. I hope you’re in a much better place and living in the present. 💞

[@hakimdiwan5101]

@@MP-gw5kw Thanks for your kind words. I'm slowly healing, I'm in much better place than where I was when I dropped this comment but still long way to go.

[@trinaq]

"The more you know who you are and what you want, the less you let things upset you." Lost in Translation That's so poignant and true, we mature with age, and with growth, comes forgiveness.

[@twinklearora3110]

Thank you for this:)

[@heemcarchannel]

I think people mature thru experience and wisdom. That whole “ age comes wisdom “ is a thing of the past

[@hongcte]

Wow. Thank-you so much for this. People don't understand why I dream of suicide when my life isn't awful, but the self-hatred is so hard to live with. I'm wracked with regrets and guilt and "should have done"s and "I messed this up", and I'm always comparing to others who got it "right' and I'm like, "you dumbf***. It's too late for you." It's like being haunted and constantly mocked. Thank-you for giving me hope and reminding me that it's okay to be human, and that being human is hard and screwing up isn't a sign that I'm godawful and hopeless. You guys did a beautiful job here

[@junik.9414]

Same is the problem with me. I can relate to your comment on so many levels.

[@lorenzcastillo6484]

Its like life on hard mode or against us. But instead of other people understanding our situation they ridicule or mocked us instead then our mind will be traumatized and doubts ourselves even more. I think the only solution is hoping for the best what we can do in this life may it big or small. Just go on and live our lives the best we can.

[@criskp6861]

This comment is scary because it describes EXACTLY how I feel...all day, everyday.

[@winnieamar9368]

Be kind to yourself. Be on your own side. Hugs to you!

[@MP-gw5kw]

Every mind is its own world. I too have felt as if my mess ups were incomprehensible and unforgivable. And they may be but to the wrong person or people. Those that we need in our lives will forgive and love us and know that doing so doesn’t justify our behaviors; It just confirms that they understand we are human and worth of all the goodness. It take great maturity to forgive people who have harmed us. So we can’t expect everyone to forgive us. But we can forgive ourselves. Hugs and love to you. I hope you are in a better place now. 💞

[@mairamadihah]

my life since childhood has been riddled with guilt and i'm only now getting to address that. a life of guilt is draining. i needed this video :)

[@Robert-yc9ql]

Nicely done. All humans with any moral compass will find themselves in this situation. The bottom line is that we are all doing our best and we cannot compare ourselves with others. "...limitless sympathy and compassion." - This is the key to our species moving forward. 😊

[@AnEvolvingApe]

Only a zen master can offer limitless sympathy and compassion and personally I don't want to. I think some people deserve my scorn. I think you're right though about it being key for us but not just in moving forward, simply it will be required for our species to survive.

[@tanyatanya9492]

And we can find those in Jesus Christ 🙏🙂

[@MP-gw5kw]

@@AnEvolvingApe why do you think some people deserve your scorn? Wouldn’t it be better to not deal with such people instead? That would make you pretty self righteous to think you deserve to punish anyone. Perhaps things from your past wouldn’t make you “cringe” if you had a different mindset. We are all human. If someone continues to harm you, simply remove yourself from their presence. Being around them to simply punish them- obviously with the intention of seeing change or repentance in them, neither of which you will get- would suggest you believe you are worthier and more superior than those who have been exposed of some wrongdoing(s). Those folks usually have their share of skeletons but project rather than accept. 💞

[@AnEvolvingApe]

@@MP-gw5kw Your advice is a bit woo woo is what I'm thinking. Great idea everyone gets flowers instead of bombs but... no way too many assholes out there. We had the orange shitgibbon as POTUSA which justifies my ridiculing and scorn which is mostly for my benefit yes I have a sense pf humor that must be satisfied.

[@MP-gw5kw]

@@AnEvolvingApe Whatever floats your boat! there certainly are a lot of assholes out there. And I can’t entirely disagree that there are some that make it pretty easy to be ridiculed, as in your example. I like to see folks for possibly being a better person than what they present. However, my thinking doesn’t mean it’s true. And though we all need to be responsible for our behaviors, some may not all have the proper life or coping skills to do so; we see it all the time. Wouldn’t it prove better to just ignore a person who’s main motive for acting out is to get attention? I do like to believe I live in utopia and people are fundamentally nice, just hurt (except for legitimately mentally imbalanced individuals), and want to do good. Hey, it’s my utopia and it’s perfectly woo woo here. 😆

[@Leo-mr1qz]

Being grateful for what you do have is a cure to despair.

[@westsidesmitty1]

So very well said!

[@colonizingfear]

I just don't think I have the right to "forgive" myself because of the things I did to hurt the people I care about. Inside me I believe I deserve the pain that comes with guilt and it's a sort of atonement for my mistakes. A burden that must be carried around to avoid repeating the same mistake.

[@ShaunHolden]

You’re somewhat right and so far wrong too. You should forgive but don’t forget so that you don’t make the same mistake again but with the emotions that are involved we shouldn’t carry around the guilt and shake in the form of an emotional burden as it can be detrimental to your health both mentally and physically!

[@sophiadifa9189]

Hello, I came across this and I thought I would share my thoughts about this. Firstly, when you are kind to yourself and forgive yourself, you are in a more loving state which allows you to be the best version of yourself. You cant be the kindest version of yourself if you keep punishing yourself. Also, that stems from the belief that In order to forgive we must punish which inst the case. You may not feel worthy of forgiveness but still start to work towards it regardless of how you feel. Also everyone hurt someone in there life. You deserve to be free from the guilt.

[@AkiyamaKatsuko]

My biggest flaw is the fact that I'm prone to misunderstandings, which leads to ruined relationships. My head agonizes over the assumptions of what that person really thinks of me, which often leads down a slope of miscommunications and arguments. Often over the pettiest reason too. And that barely only scratches the surface of my fragile character. Thanks to this channel, I've learned how to confront these confounding flaws of mine, and try to make myself a better person.

[@toriharding8166]

This channel has helped me get through some very dark times in my life. I'm currently working through residual ptsd from early childhood, causing me to relive the very things which I have suppressed for decades. Thank you for making this content, I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels as I do.

[@MrIdasam]

My dark childhood has tormented me my entire life, and I'm 46. I feel you.

[@catecliff]

I’m currently facing my C-PTSD from my childhood too (I’m 31). These videos have made me feel better. You definitely are not alone.

[@AlousThoughts]

wishing you healing and love

[@classicwhitebread]

There's a good healthy kind of "I love myself" attitude and then there's a bad kind. I choose the good healthy kind every single day

[@loopingdope]

What's the bad like?

[@myriadmediamusings]

@@loopingdope From my experience, it’s the people who love themselves and pride themselves so much to the point of smug superiority over others and looking down on those who don’t live to your expectations/standards.

[@RodderickPrinceParker]

@@loopingdope overbearing narcissism and selfishness

[@tonatiuhnino3711]

I needed this lesson. Sometimes we aim too high on unrealistic standards.

[@theswig2339]

Agreed

[@user-mwreixqw]

Mee too suffer from it. But glad that I found it

[@myohmmyy]

Anxiety has been creeping in on me in the past weeks thinking that something bad will happen in the future because of the big mistake I’ve done last year, hurting someone

[@thoughtscollided]

Totally relatable for basically every human being. It's all about learning. When we watch movies and see others (particularly on social media) we fail to recognise that beneath each facade, each person lies a complete river of failure, self doubt and many other things that are integral for each of us to face as we go through life in order to learn and become greater versions of ourselves. Now we can take the experiences either way. Either, we learn and grow from our experiences or we become fearful of them. Our choice and we've got our lives ahead of us to make many more.

[@harlanglass]

Again, thank you Alain de Botton for creating this staggering body of extremely helpful, utterly relevant, wise work.

[@myohmmyy]

Reading the comments of others here comforted me.

[@botbob7531]

Thank you for this, ive used people in my life for my own personal gain and hunt for happiness, ive cheated on someone who genuinely loved me and used someone to escape a fear of loneliness, im still currently going through the guilt of my actions and all i do is tell myself im disgusting and vile. ive hurt myself all in a hope to know that i am awful, everyone says i made a mistake and that im young but it all feels like so much more, thank you for showing me that i am just a human in a world with people who have felt the same and more, im currently trying to get help from both doctors and therapists to help work on my flaws and i know that once im better i can truly love and appreciate the next person who enters my life.

[@niocelvn]

“A degree of regret may sometimes be helpful: it can help us to take stock of errors and to avoid the worst of the pitfalls next times. But runaway self-hatred serves no useful purpose whatsoever it is in is masochistic way an indulgence we can’t afford. We may be foolish, but this doesn’t single us out as particularly awful or unusual, it only confirms that we belong to the human race, a fact for which we deserve limitless sympathy and compassion. Sometimes forgiving others simply means to forgive ourselves.” Thank you for this education.

[@randomyoutubeuser3184]

This channel is so sympathetic to human suffering, and it's value comes from its acknowledgement at how harsh life can be. Our modern world overemphasizes happiness and positivity.

[@ashleyriot5722]

For many many years now I've been eaten up by guilt and envy. In the last year I have come to understand I must realize my own worth and forgive myself for all my past mistakes. They were all based on intense fear and confusion. But still, easier said than done. What was lost is so big, forgiveness seems a long way from where I stand. Sometimes I wish I'd stop existing so I wouldn't feel this crushing guilt and disappointment in myself.

[@anuj6611]

It is scary as to how relatable this video is

[@joemwangi1182]

I love and care about other people so much that I'd forgive a sorry person instantly no matter how extreme their mistakes were but I somehow can't even start to forgive myself for the slightest mistake

[@Nick-kf3io]

I’m happy this channel has almost 7 million subscribers. It gives me hope for humanity lol

[@OsmanthusFlower]

Almost 8 million now in 2022 😮! Helping a lot of people❤😊

[@muskansmile3249]

i messed up because i am human, not because i am bad and lazy. i dont deserve to fail and be sad. it was just my mind didnt have enough matter to get to my destination faultlessly, offcourse i hv learnt my lessons, but there no need to be constantly be agitated by one thanks school of life for this insight

[@4estdweller4ever]

@@muskansmile3249 We all need to do inventory within ourselves. It’s a good thing. When we look at and admit our mistakes and flaws we can accept responsibility and the need to change. It’s when we hide and cover our faults that they become toxic. We are all works in progress. Don’t stop believing. ♥️♥️♥️

[@soysaucetina]

if we're too busy thinking about the past we miss the present in front of us 💗

[@mothermegladon]

i cried at how accurate this was at understanding my situation, i really demonized myself in such a way that i thought no one would understand, thanks so much for making these :)

[@singhkrishnakant]

This resonates with me alot, Thank you for every bit. I am going through a rough phase, its difficult to talk to people, even to those who offer help, because they end up feeling pity and that's even worse. At a time like this, listening to this video gave me a lot of strength and I hope many more people find the same. Endless sympathy and compassion to everyone 🤗

[@Userm2155]

I know and seeing the pity 😂. You’ve got to keep saying that you’re fine and don’t need any different treatment or anyone to be stressed. But it comes from the people closest to you in your life and is from a good place. It feels so unnecessary and like it all should have been avoided.

[@isabellecaissie7425]

With my life experiences, I can honestly say that the best way to forgive ourselves and what really helps is to ask God for forgiveness and to learn to than forgive ourselves and to love ourselves, I know it's hard but it's possible to learn to focus on God which makes everything else, especially the bad memories, mistakes, regrets, kinda fade away and not bother as much.. and also I try to remind myself that this whole life is just a human experience, we are not this body, we are our souls, be kind to yourselves and others, God bless

[@dragonempress8367]

No, instead of asking God to forgive us, we should ask us to forgive us. Because remember some people aren't religious.

[@TonyAdams95]

@@dragonempress8367 God and religion are 2 different things

[@nicholasbrake4189]

I am having regret for something that is years in the past that I didn't feel as bad about before

[@w3dgeYT]

Imagine going onto something very big, u are self-destructing and the one and only person who understand and care for u. You ended up hurting them to the point of giving up. I may not recover to this feeling of guilt, because I deserve this.

[@ShaunHolden]

You can recover I promise. If you need to know how reach out no problem at all

[@nizasiamehenry]

We do ourselves injuries by envying those above us!

[@YourMomXD1337]

I embrace envy daily.

[@elizabethk3238]

Your comment has NO relevance to the topic!

[@myriadmediamusings]

@@elizabethk3238 I dunno, there might be some relevance. The vid has a secrion that shows a lack of forgiveness and self-disappointment can also come from comparing yourself to others who have done better.

[@chadleybu]

This video couldn't have come at a better time. I most recently have been experiencing overwhelming feelings of regret and I am constantly punishing myself. To simply include my errors as being part of the human experience is incredibly helpful and lifts a great weight off of my shoulders. I rarely think of anyone other than myself making mistakes or experiencing lapses in judgement.

[@deebee7605]

I have made a huge mistake that has had massive consequences on my physical health. I cancelled some treatment and now my condition has worsened. I had multiple reasons for doing it, and I was completely overwhelmed and stressed from being so caught up in them. I have rebooked the treatment but I can't stop bashing myself for cancelling the first time because I believe by delaying the treatment I've made my health worse. I don't know if I'll ever forgive myself :(

[@AjayVerma-hk1db]

I want her voice to be my inner voice: soft, calm and non-judgemental.

[@tdesq.2463]

Can't change the past. If I erred, I own my error, learn from it, and make the necessary adjustments going forward. I try not to beat myself up for an error, but never deny or excuse it. And if something can be done to prevent, halt or limit any harmful effects of my error, I do it to the extent it is practicable. But, I've got a strong, well-tuned moral compass. And it never goes to sleep on me while I'm awake, which is why I can sleep. Good Vid.

[@jakielou1884]

I am too hard on myself.. consequently, its caused me to hurt other people. People i loved. Ive never felt this much pain in making someone not want to be around me. I want to be better. I know it starts here.

[@ratrat1298]

I wish I could say this helped me like many here have, but while I understand everything that was said, I’m still unable to forgive myself. There is no better tomorrow for some of us.

[@ShaunHolden]

Sometimes people are trying to forgive themselves for things they can’t just get the answer from a single video. It sounds like you’re really struggling with self forgiveness. What else have you tried?

[@xls5412]

I realize my regrets constantly creeped into my heart, but looking back, I don't see the other way because of who I am

[@pch2230]

Once you realise how little real control over your life, and that there's no reason everything should be centred on you, a lot of self-contempt disappears automatically.

[@yurisv7315]

We should forgive ourselves but we should also learn how to forgive others. People let themselves go away with very grave things in life, but once a friend or a stranger says something even a little bit odd they are being labeled as freaks or disrespectful and never being given the chance of redemption.

[@firaca100]

Woww thank youu so much, this is what I needed right now. I never realized i’been so cruel with my self and set a high standarf for myself. I often punish myself and said something with selfhate in it. Thank you thank you so much for your words, it made me realized that I need to have more compassion and mercy to myself. And most importantly, I need to accept who I am with all my flaws and all my mistakes that i’ve been made. Thank you :)

[@kinek301]

This video has started to make me feel empathetic towards myself. Feels like a burden has been lifted. 😊

[@granola1210]

I'm crying out while watching this. I hope I can forgive myself one day. Atleast I'm trying...

[@kind2de]

One of the biggest mistakes I made while young was comparing myself to others. Thank you for this video.

[@sarkasmt2]

I've hurt someone dear to men who absolutely did NOT deserve it... I know she feels 1000 times worse than me... but I have no idea how I will ever live with myself. I hate every fiber of my own beeing, I feel so evil and on the bad side of the world... I really needed to see something like this.

[@laurenphillips2635]

I completely understand how you're feeling. It's like a heavy weight that drags you down and a rabid dog that eats away at your soul. A pain so heavy because you feel if you try to forgive yourself or understand why you did what you did, you're playing the victim and as such you don't deserve to feel the way you do because you were the one who harmed someone else. You tell yourself you're not even allowed to feel pain given your feelings don't matter and you're selfish as it is. It hurts, man. Even if the person you hurt forgives you, you're still aware that despite their forgiveness, you still harmed them deeply, and you feel you are not deserving of their forgiveness. All we can do is take it day by day. Some days you're gonna be dying inside, other days you're gonna feel a bit better... But take it as it comes. That's what I'm doing.

[@cezh2009]

This uploaded on my birthday: the day of the year I need forgiveness the most. To everyone at the School of Life, and everyone reading this: thank you.

[@maxd3028]

Knowing that literally we are hugely controlled by our genes (nature) ,our environment (narture), with exceptionally little free will if at all...puts a huge relief in my heart not self sabotaging myself..

[@user-mwreixqw]

True. We often forget the role of biology and environment.

[@kristannestone1748]

Thank you. Having grown up as an abused and neglected child, I lean on insight like this for help, where my parents badly failed me.

[@Celt_Downunder]

“We deserve endless sympathy and compassion’. Now to turn that inwards instead of giving it to those who rarely give it to us. Thank you. I needed this after a dark night or digging into my mistakes. Instead of self loathing we need to be kind to that inner child who got hurt too often and turn the self-bashing into love and forgiveness which will bring hope ❤

[@ShaunHolden]

Lovely message. How has this helped you? Shaun

[@kimsway5174]

I think a part of the problem is the fact that the people we might care about constantly remind us of our mistakes and shortcomings while we overlook their own mistakes and sympathize with them.

[@juliamansurova8104]

I needed to learn the hard way that life is not an exam, and there are no rights and wrongs. it's so difficult sometimes to remember that. thanks for the vid.

[@WolvyBlk]

I hate myself, all the things I’ve done. The pain I’ve caused. I beat myself up everyday, I see my mistakes constantly. I let those closest to me down and I have self destructed. I don’t know how to start to forgive myself I don’t believe I deserve forgiveness. My pain and my suffering that I carry as well as my hatred for myself makes it ever so difficult to even start to forgive myself.

[@harshit_618]

Everyone accept that everyone has done bad things so glad that you are good persons because you are feeling guilty Thats it !!

[@ethereal946]

I need to forgive myself for the stupid things I did as an idiot kid. Lying about certain things just to seem cooler, or fit in some group that hardly even cared about me. Struggling with perfectionism all the little tiny ways I was "imperfect" come back to haunt me. Back then perfection to me was being "ideal" so it felt like the right thing to do, but now my value switched to authenticity and the past just came back screaming in my face. I need to know it's unattainable to seek perfection and I also need to know I can learn from the past and put it down instead of turning it into a knife jabbing holes of regret into my future. Forgiving myself is helping me forgive others, cause at the end of the day we're only human after all.

[@shades5333]

To a degree. Remember to take responsibility for your own ACTIONS however.

[@DeterminedGoat]

Listening to the advice in the video increases the responsibility you take for your actions, it doesn't decrease it.

[@fubytv731]

There's no point in constant self-loathing. We can only make progress especially when we can forgive ourselves no matter how big our mistakes are.

[@myriadmediamusings]

Taking responsibility is indeed definitely important, but at the same time that can’t stop some from feeling sorry for themselves and the self-criticism/loathing.

[@fubytv731]

@Futures True

[@annettehansen6047]

Resentments and unforgiveness are things I have really had problems with and struggled with for many years. I had an ex stepfather who sexually abused me and an abusive boyfriend. I also was my own worst enemy and harmed myself and destroyed my life by drinking and doing drugs which made me resent myself and resent myself for how my addiction hurt my family. When I got sober in recovery to better myself in treatment, my therapist told me that resentments only hurt you, not the other person. I also did the twelve steps which are all about letting go of bad behaviors and becoming a better person. You have to write down and discuss all your resentments and process through it. You have to see your part in the resentments and change. If you have resentments towards yourself, you should do self evaluation and figure our why you have anger towards yourself and not condoning or justifying but remembering you did the best you could at the time and bettering yourself. Remember we are all human and make mistakes and nit to criticize yourself but to change and remember your good qualities and that you deserve a good life. If you feel guilt or shame for wrongs done to others, make amends, be kind, and help others. Take good care of yourself and achieve what you want in life

[@Drknight1212]

Self hating self destructive behavior has cost me too much already. It hurts. I try to forgive and do better but then it happens and it’s like a feedback loop from hell.

[@markbryan_3432]

Thank you, I just done something awful right before I saw this. This is so helpful to tend my emotions. IT’S OKAY TO BE HUMAN!!!

[@amandalynnblaze9799]

I just made a video on apologizing to myself and I cannot emphasize how vital it is that we give ourselves this act of service. So many times the things that we have done we did from our brokenness. Many of us regret the relationships we allowed, the treatment we allowed, the situations we put ourselves in....we are not alone in regret. I hope everyone can feel inspired to forgive their younger selves ❤

[@ultimatespace3]

Really like that:, forgiving yourself is one of the steps of healing thy self .🤗💯

[@ZanzibarKumquat]

THIS VIDEO IS SO GOOD! My god, the first 3 minutes were everything. It's like you're reading my mind and my thoughts. Thank you for helping calm the storm, and show myself more compassion.

[@suicideistheanswer369]

This video makes me cry. Forgiving myself would probably be the best thing I would have done for myself. My life has been going downhill for a long time because I never forgive myself for all my mistakes, which in turn causes me to make more mistakes. I have not been able to move on from all those mistakes. I don't see myself ever forgiving myself.

[@ShaunHolden]

Sorry to hear this, you can fix this. It is not impossible. The problem is everyone tells you that you should forgive yourself but they don't tell you the steps that you need to take to actually do it! How are your past mistakes impacting your present?

[@TutorKatecreates]

It's okay to start again. To start, forgive yourself first

[@brokenman4668]

I suffered from a lot of emotional abuse when I was younger and because of that I’m way too self critical I understand that we all make mistakes but nowadays no one is overly harsher on me than me

[@magistrumartium]

I'm so glad you talked about luck, which might also be called chance or fate.

[@shadowsruss9106]

Wow - just what I needed. Thank you so much for posting this.

[@lucianoradice5257]

Every day i reflect back to the decisions I took the last 3 years, decisions that took me to the failure i have become today and I just can't stop hating myself, once I start the self hate just doesn't let me function. I need to forgive myself but it feels like my brain doesn't allow me.

[@9000ck]

The problem for many is not shame and self-blame, but shamelessness and blaming others. Please address this and help to deprogram them from death cults.

[@annenymety209]

“Recurring jabs of pain,” is a perfect description 😖

[@singletona082]

Considering the one friend I had since high school who's been there through my entire adult life recently walked out on me? This... Is a timely video.

[@beaub152]

felt man hang in there.

[@sandramedina9482]

“ there are land mines buried everywhere” 💙👏🏾🌏

[@TheVeganlibrarian]

I am trying to learn to forgive myself for chasing someone after they dumped me and people that have wronged me. This made me feel so better. Thank you ❤️

[@mks_dan]

the impact of your work on my life has already grown to quite a noticeable amount, TSoL with each of these videos you're helping me learn to get through my days with yet another little bit less misery

[@cesar7591]

i lost someone really meaningful to me, i left my insecurities & feelings get to me and lost a really great person, after months of loneliness i still just cant find the guts to just let it go or forgive myself its been hard man.

[@jaeden2806]

Years of trying to distract from my mistakes, always associating things or people with what I've done. I'm 22 and I feel like this is it... I've ruined the rest of my life. In none stop chronic pain and self hatred. None stop wishing I was someone else, wishing I was in a different year etc. I know people don't and wouldn't forgive me whatsoever... Knowing that is what hurts me more. I'll never know why I said and did what I did. Self destructive behavior. I get about 5 minutes of peace during the day and the rest is agonising pain and remorse. My OCD is locked onto my mistakes, feeding off of them. Constantly searching for more, needing certainty when it just can't be found. I'm so jealous of people that are happy, spending time with family, partners, have a job, career etc. I've thrown my fufutre away for being ignorant and arrogant. I wish there was a way to get time back, right the wrongs, move on but I doubt I'll ever reach that and even if I do I feel I'll be triggered back into it eventually and my life will just consist of distractions to hide what I've done. It's so scary and isolating. I feel like I'm the only person who's in this position and would do anything to experience life again.

[@TheSopheom]

You are not alone. There is nothing new in this world and worse actions taken in the name of good, and God. These things happen to everyone and what shapes a person is how we react to said things. Change you mindset, change your life.

[@eugeniostella8519]

You are special and unique, start from enjoing the simple things, please i beg you to love yourself, so that I can belive I can do it too. The future is bright! Maybe not tomorrow but the day after tomorrow, change everyday a little thing. You can't waste youre life! Is precious and unique, reach out someone who can help you, a terapist or anyone. I know you can do it! You deserve love! You deserve happyness! It doesn't matter the magnitude of even the biggest mistakes, you deserve to be happy and fine. We are on this journey toghether because I feel i've lost everything but hope can never die! Our life is too important, and never compare it to the life of other people but try to make even a microscopic improvement from the day before. Small step by small step you Will be happyer, you Will be better. You are not alone I am with you my friend!

[@haleygrinstead1720]

You're not alone! I feel the same. But I've accepted where I am right now and that I can't get time back or make mistakes disappear. But for 2023, work with me on taking steps to enjoy life and spend more time on myself than others in order to build someone I can finally say I "love"

[@gothicstar7432]

My sister had to skip her exam because I had to give an interview . It happened today and I was feeling so awful and guilty about it but I saw this on my feed today . The universe's timing couldn't have been more better . Thank for the team and everyone who are making these videos . ❤️🌱

[@chrisblogs5115]

The timing of this video is just perfect. Thanks.

[@MikeJackson690]

Just found this video, thought it was new. It's so hard to self-forgive, especially when you make a mistake that you still feel the effects of 3+ years later. It was a mistake I didn't need to make, and it was very deliberate and filled with resentment for myself, my partner at the time and my life generally. I've since been on a hell of a recovery journey, and have considered suicide on so many occasions because life has changed more than I could've imagined, and "being human" isn't enough. I simply knew better but chose to ignore it. The other day my ex married my ex best friend. I still can't even picture them together, yet it's now likely they'll be together for the rest of their lives. Me? I'm about to go on first date. Again. But at least I'm doing this with real purpose now: Because I want a life partner and to raise a family with someone, before it's too late. I'm 100 times the person I was, but it's come at such a price.

[@ceci6392]

when i was about ten years old i did something that I am ashamed. I dont know what made me think it was ok. And its so awful. I remembered today and I dont know how to forgive myself.

[@AlbertMonty28]

I have have done some weird things but I forgive myself

[@minda8893]

I feel so guilty. I really feel bad for what i've done. Idk how to live and go with my life

[@matheuskalin7228]

This is just perfect timing! Thank you for the upload, The School of life!

[@405OKCShiningOn]

Love, light, joy and this message to all. Dear school of life healing here washes over me, think you.

[@marconel3758]

As a person who has made stupid mistakes, this helped...

[@Notorious_Grey]

You know just yesterday I was googling about how to let go of pain. I think this video related to that by proxy and I'm glad you uploaded it.