How To Stop Worrying

We worry so much about lots of things that turn out never to happen... How can we stop?
FURTHER READING
You can read more on this and other subjects here: b4f4.short.gy/...
“We spend a lot of our lives worrying but one of the basic things we almost never remember to do is to go back and check how our worries fared against reality.
For example, one week, we might be worried about running out of money; the next of being sued by a contractor at work; the third about having offended a friend, the fourth of being brought down by a rumour on social media and the fifth about leaving out something key from our tax returns.
The worries go on and on, shifting relentlessly from one target to another - ruining our precious time on earth in the process.
What we seldom ever get around to doing - once the event is past - is pausing to compare the scale of the worry with what actually happened in the end. We are too taken up with the next topic of alarm ever to return for a composed audit…”
MORE SCHOOL OF LIFE
Watch more films on SELF in our playlist:
bit.ly/TSOLself
SOCIAL MEDIA
Feel free to follow us at the links below:
Facebook: / theschooloflifelondon
X: / theschooloflife
Instagram: / theschooloflifelondon
LinkedIn: / the-school-of-life-for...
CREDITS
Produced in collaboration with:
Léon Moh-Cah
leonmohcah.com
Title animation produced in collaboration with
Graeme Probert
www.gpmotion.co.uk

[@MP-ht8tj]

We suffer in imagination..... Seneca

[@FelipeKana1]

*more in imagination than in reality. We still suffer in reality. Nowadays, a lot. Thus we worry more too.

[@TheSonOfPlato]

Seneca is who I thought about too 🖤

[@jimicunningable]

Am I imagining that humanunkind is wretchedly homicidal & ecocidal?!? $#@! no i ain't. lol, lol, lol

[@jimicunningable]

"Ooooh, ancient scientifically illiterate guy had a theory!" BFD. 😂

[@COINPIN_FOREVERR]

THATS MY IRL NAME.

[@oftenwrong.]

Worrying is like setting in a rocking chair. It doesn’t get you anywhere but it gives you something to do

[@Kemo___]

It reminds me of a step in cognitive behavioural therapy. One that involves thoroughly delineating your fears prior to a situation that you fear, and consciously opposing each of those fears afterwards when none of them was realised. Repeatedly you would learn that your fears often are outlandish and absurd.

[@dansback8053]

You didn’t need to impress anyone, you could have written that more plainly

[@Kemo___]

@@dansback8053 I write however I please, buddy!

[@supernaut7946]

​@@dansback8053I invite you to rewrite it more plainly, cause I don't see how it's needlessly wordy at all. Unless you're just threatened by people using slightly big words.

[@somerandomfellow8321]

@@dansback8053This comment just screams that you’re a TikTok user with a short attention span 💀

[@esterhudson5104]

@@dansback8053It’s as plain as paper bud. K?

[@SearchOfSelf]

My mind is a master of creating its own horror stories Thanks for reminding me of this!

[@erinsuzy613]

Thank you. I like how kid friendly this is. A "worry audit" would make a good worksheet for my son who has high anxiety issues. Ill have to try this with him.

[@cervgiovanni]

My mantra during these audits: I have been here before. As in, I've been at a stressful event and it's always gone fine.

[@kgreene460]

Nope. My worries more often than not come to fruition. But it's never the end, I'm just back at the bottom of the hill, again and again and again.

[@andrewschultz6608]

I remember leaving too many browser tabs open (lots of news stuff) and checking them out a month later. Some no longer seemed relevant. Some were still useful, and some news stories had been put in context. It was illuminating.

[@Charlotte-pd7oo]

that was random but i love it

[@oneworldonehome]

Thank you very much for this wonderful short video! I would like to share with you a very lovely quote about worry and fear that I find very useful. It comes from Wisdom from the Greater Community, a free MV Summers book. "When you are very upset, very distressed or very angry, stop and say, “Ah! I am afraid right now.” It is this recognition that is important. “I am afraid.” Often this is enough to disengage you from your distress or to give you a greater perspective while you are in distress. You recognize you are afraid. “At this moment I am afraid.” Having this recognition brings you into your experience. Otherwise, you will simply demonstrate the results of your fear because fear is very captivating."

[@spennny1000]

I'll try this for a few weeks and see if it helps, as I'm highly neurotic and have developed a nervous tic thanks for sharing information

[@ruffian2952]

I didn't think that way when the opponent was shooting back......my perspective was straight on.

[@annarouse3466]

What happens when a worry audit shows that your worries are exactly in line with reality, or worse, a lot LESS than what actually happened?

[@bookwormbon482]

Balance of probability means that even if times are difficult now, chances are they will get better :) And difficult times are opportunities to grow and learn

[@Ckyt572]

I'm so tired of being constantly worried. About the past, about the future. About everything 😢

[@ExpTube1969]

listen to cerati

[@shreyashah5755]

Loved the way things are explained and hats off to the hours of work for such a beautiful animation to support your explaination!! ❤

[@ryan_s94]

I do this all the time unfortunately. Anxiety is an old friend. But I try to remember some of this good counsel: Present fears / Are less than horrible imaginings. -Shakespeare’s Macbeth We suffer more in imagination than in reality…and he who fears suffering already suffers from his fear. -Seneca

[@a.l.6176]

We can choose what to think about. As I learned this I stopped worrying. Has improved my life greatly.

[@ivanstrydom8417]

I have only ever had two deep, intense fears ... and one of them became true.. twice and it was rather world shattering.

[@usuaria2936]

Well then I don’t think it will happen a third time right?

[@Zengames99]

Sorry if this question seems too prying, but would you say you’ve landed back on your feet since then? Or somewhat recovered?

[@Ruby-kr6fh]

Yes. You're not alone.

[@esterhudson5104]

I hear ya. Isn’t that something? 😢

[@ashwinatresh4278]

With worry, If you got it wrong in the past chances are you will get it wrong in future. That hit me hard

[@pimeto]

Now i have to worry if what i worry about is something from the 4%

[@timeenuf4200]

Can't remember who said it but I strongly believe that worry is a waste of imagination. When worry sneaks into my mind I try to think of more imaginative ways to cogitate on whatever issue raised the worry.I simply think a better thought You get what you focus on.

[@afterrecession]

beautiful video. Excessive worrying is one of my greatest vices

[@fkmyoutube]

As a chronic worryer, I 100% agree with this video. Looking back into my own life, I worry about the future alot, and 99% of the time, it usually doesn't turn out to be true. However, does it stop me from worrying when I realize this? Not completely, but am learning how to worry less. One part of my mind tells me that because of my worries, my mind already plays out multiple scenarios that might happen, and I have the ready response to it. But it's mentally tiring to keep worrying like that. I want peace and happiness. So I will tell myself if it does become bad, then I will face it when the time comes to cross that bridge and deal with it. And another thing is, recently I found God again after being an atheist, and I surrender my worries and burden to God. I know some might not believe this, but this is from my personal experience. I ask Him to guide me in my life, and if something doesn't quite go as planned, I ask for wisdom to guide me through it. I have found peace knowing am not alone in this journey of life.

[@sillybilly9428]

Amen! Proverbs 3:5-6, Philippians 4:6-7 and Matthew 6:25-34 come to mind 🙂

[@francisthomlinson9062]

Amen

[@idekjun]

yessss! Amen. i am the same way too. I used to worry a lot, but once I reconnected with God. I started leaving it to him all my worries and I started feeling so much better but once I start wearing again I just remind myself like hey leave it to God he’s in control and when the bad stuff happened it’s OK and you’re gonna deal with it because you have God

[@h.h.6852]

Wie einfach, eigentlich. Und wie wahr. Danke.

[@ABCDuwachui]

You’re speaking the truth today!! Amen! God bless ya, and God bless our blessings!

[@Me97202]

I recently had almost an entire week of worrying and losing sleep about a couple of things and none of them turned out to be true.

[@MerryMoss]

Currently going through a rather worrisome time.... one of my biggest fears was to get one of those peeps in my ear(s), and always wore ear protection with concerts & overall minded the volume of music I listened to. Then the other day I randomly got a peep in my left ear... no idea what might've caused it (although apparently it can have no cause), and far more importantly, if it will ever go away again. I try to keep hope that it will and keep on suppressing the total feeling of dread and terror & try to believe that it'll turn out alright in the end. But it's difficult. Has anyone experienced something similar? And/or dealing with such an intense type of fear/worry that you managed to overcome? I would love to hear your story.

[@90xolove]

I don’t know but I find that my worries are based on real possibilities and concerns stemming from life experiences. For example I have always been a bit on edge and afraid while driving and always have had a fear of getting into a bad car accident. After having one bad car accident years ago I became more fearful of driving. As time has passed I am a lot less fearful but where I live now i am nearly about to be hit by someone not paying attention every single day and have been hit twice already with my brand new car. It makes me even more worried and the worry just increases with every accident and near miss.

[@EmmaCruises]

I love this! Such a good idea.

[@alizekc231]

Suffering, oftentimes, is created inside rather from outside.

[@LastEarBender]

The wise philosopher, George Carlin, once said, don't sweat the petty stuff and don't pet the sweaty stuff. I do my best to take that to heart, so when it comes to worries, I'm batting around .300 on my worry audit, rather than .01, so there's that.

[@rosandabaraz]

The way the subject was exposed was great, even more if we consider the video duration. I have a few questions like that and, unfortunally, in my case, I suffered for many years worring about something that had enormous chances of happening (while I was doing everything to avoid it) and it did happen after so many time, finally. Anyway, some months ago I found TSOL (again) and all the content you create is awesome. Thank you for make such a signifficant work with this level of quality. I hope you keep doing it and gain even more success by growing and helping.

[@flobbertop4278]

I catastrophise every day! I’m really good at it! Learning to change my thoughts is a new skill. To quote Don Draper, ‘ If you don’t like what’s being said, change the conversation’ .

[@Rose-jz6ix]

My counselor has me doing a 0 to 10 anxiety and mood diary. 🇦🇺😊🧡

[@vaibhavmadhok9927]

please elaborate.

[@mrloop1530]

Yes that's pretty standard

[@Rose-jz6ix]

@@vaibhavmadhok9927 at the end of my day I fill out a diary with how I thought my day went. 0 for nothing went well, 10 I reached every goal, I am happy with my reactions to triggers were dealt with calmly etc.

[@dallmatiarazanj]

Worry is not so bad if actualy give us caution and preparament for worst outcome. Many of "happy endings" came after being worry and doing best we can to change the final result.

[@artoflivinginbooks]

Changing the perspective of what we feel about worry

[@sakinastraveldiary4562]

If ever I could see this wise man with the most soothing voice.

[@DisobedientSpaceWhale]

This was reassuring. Thank you.

[@AffyisAffy]

A worry audit just sounds like worrying about worrying and trying to untangle that cognitively. For myself I've had better luck accepting that it's normal to worry and part of being human and letting the worry have space. Sitting with worry via mindfulness techniques and accepting that's how I feel ironically resolves the underlying feelings. It doesn't mean I stop worrying but it resolves the overwhelming aspect of worry that has a way of spiraling out of control, by creating more and more lists, documenting behavior, analyzing, etc

[@usuaria2936]

Thank you this comment is really helpful

[@tinybed]

i love this channel and i love the narrator :) and the animations

[@rossiecheeksandfreckles1568]

Just recently made an appointment to a therapist after an 8th months break on this specific problem. This video was so on point!!!

[@AudioTruyenLangQue]

Thank you so much for your help and advice, I really appreciate your job. I wish you happiness and peace under the sky of prosperity. All the best. Take care and have a good time

[@Dayglodaydreams]

What do I do if I feel that my workplace is not accommodating my autism? Maybe it's too loud, too busy, too many people. Or maybe it's a job where I have to work at a literal height I'm kind of scared of, or if the pace I'm expected to meet exceeds what I can do? In the U.S. we have ADA law, but business people can say an accommodation is "unreasonable" and, to me this wiggle room gives them all the power.

[@thriveatworkwithWaqasMalik]

Yes, this is what I've been going through and I want to find a way to get out of this

[@amaanrampath4100]

The issue is that once the problem (worry) is overcome, we do not really care about auditing it nor do we even think about it.

[@lukewilliams4782]

Brilliant, thank you for sharing this reminder

[@JennWatson]

Truly studying the previous data proves that most everything works out in the end!

[@matc6221]

Thank you for this essential advice

[@nouhafougi1877]

thank you so much, your videos always succeed to open my eyes to the things which were always right in front of me, i learned about life from this channel more then i did in any other aspect of my life

[@misyelee]

True, its only happening inside our head. A very simple example i had from my experience was when i had to attend my appointment with the dentist. I was so afraid thinking about all of the worst outcome, but turns out it was okay like totally just fine. The second example is my exam, i was having an anxiety about the result but turns out From the help of my Almighty God, my pengantar akuntansi 1, pengantar ekonomika mikro, pengantar ekonomika makro and all college subjet Passed with a very great score I suffer more in my head than in reality. So might as well stop worrying about the past or the present time, care more about NOW the things, the moment, the time you should be enjoying. Take a deep breath, take your time, you life is yours to celebrate ❤❤ Praise the Lord o'my soul ❤❤

[@bengsie470]

And there is "what ifs" that make us overthink a lot

[@TonySoprano007]

Glad to hear Alain's voice again...

[@stwida91]

My strategy to stop worrying: Think about all of the "bad" things that have happened to you in your life Now think about the absolute worst of those bad things Now remember that, despite those bad things, you survived, and you are here today, alive and breathing. Now ask yourself... is the thing you're worrying about right now anywhere close to being as bad as the worst things that have ever happened to you? If the answer is "no", remember that you have already survived worse, and that should be evidence that you will survive whatever you are facing now.

[@francisthomlinson9062]

I needed to hear this ty

[@jean-pierrereyes5808]

Needed to hear this one today

[@Pati1989]

Ok, I understand that excessive worrying can cause a lot of pain in life, but it's not completely unnecessary. Worrying about losing your job will make you save up money and thus prepare you for the possibility of unemployment. Worrying about your health may make you go for a check-up and parhaps save your life. We wouldn't worry if it wasn't somehow beneficial to our survival..

[@no-hustle]

What a simple but powerful exercise. So true, too, how we just "move on" ... at the time, we know, deep down, the worry isn't going to come to fruition (probably), but it feels real so we FEEL it. But afterward, when the thing happened and it didn't result in the end of the world, we really should take a moment to reflect on that; growth is surely in that, somewhere.

[@Diegofpineda]

I recommend something which works in me. When I am worry I write an e-mail to myself, there I write what are the worries imagining how could it be the worst case scenario. The idea is to schedule the e-mail to arrive in a long time, sometimes I put it into 6 months other ones for 3 or 4 years. The exercise is liberating, because you realize that worst case scenario was totally unreal. I am doing this exercise for about 1 year and when I read that worries I realised two things: 1) the situation was not such a dangerous thing 2) If the thing actually happens I could survive it, what does not kill you make you stronger.

[@amorgarlic6735]

Fear no one. Make yourself immune to things, regardless of how confident, glamorous, and accepted and loved a person may seem. FEAR NO ONE. Fear no temporary being on this earth. Fear no one. Absolutely no one. Only fear God. God is the only one worth fearing. That’s it.

[@pamelatorres156]

The sad reality is that the only time we are at peace and free from worry is when we're dead. That is why suicides happen. When too many problems pile up and slowly crush us then death becomes the only remaining option. 😓

[@Kappy25]

Fuck, all I needed was a 2 minute video. If I watched this at the start of the day, I wouldn’t have spent so much time worrying lol

[@guledelmi2322]

Worrying is like a rocking chair: it will give you something to do but will get you nowhere.

[@iabrarabr8609]

I use an app called worry dolls and I write the worries that have kept awake for days .. I have been using for two years now and let me tell none of my worry has happend it was all in my mind .. but I still worry though even that I know it wont happen

[@TheOutlierToday]

I suffer in reality and imagination. All my imaginary worries ALWAYS come through.

[@Syco108]

Another way to say love in the moment let them past be the past and the future be the future. The only thing you should be worried about is what happening right now.

[@sillybilly9428]

Proverbs 3:5-6, Philippians 4:6-7 and Matthew 6:25-34 ❤️

[@amorgarlic6735]

I’m worrying over a mean, miserable and fake person. Getting worked up over his little tantrum and his fits because he’s so offended so easily. This person isn’t worth it. I’m sick and tired over worrying over something I can’t control. Im important too. Whether that person was in my life or not, I still walked forward and continued. I don’t need anyone’s approval. I’m deceiving myself by thinking this way. I’m stronger than I think and can function just fine without anyone else. So why bother worrying, if my intentions were well? It’s a waste of energy. It’s never too late to start anew on a clean, fresh slate.

[@spennny1000]

Slightly feels like school of life is going back to its original roots and as a long term fan who having watched all of your videos I am very happy....

[@dharmakaurkhalsa3923]

Very timely reminder! ❤

[@BlueBass2]

truly love this, a beautiful reminder

[@jasminatf]

If 1% of it still happens, then when should we worry, in case that 1% happens?

[@AtticaTay]

So what do you tell yourself when a majority of the things you do worry about come to fruition?

[@raymondh5456]

Well, who’s to say our worry wasn’t the right amount that kept us from making grave mistakes and in line? If we are too carefree we often end up in precarious situations 😭 at least this is my experience! Which sucks!! Because it always seems like having the right bit of anxiety and amygdala activation is necessary for survival but it becomes paralyzing 😫

[@ROR5CH4CH]

I remember telling my conspiracy theorist coworker to let some months or years pass and then come back to me so we can look back and see how much of what he believed would happen in the future actually happend. Sadly I moved and we didn't have the chance to speak to each other since. Long story short I just think this method applies not only to daily worries but also large scale worries as well.

[@krishnayedage4209]

Thanks

[@senorbinario2855]

But what if things didn't make it to reality because I worried about them and took action to prevent them

[@sapiens2299]

My thoughts...🙈

[@KellyClarkD]

Mental toughness can only do so much to keep you sane. If you've been worrying too much that you begin to think that suicide is the only way out, seek help immediately.

[@m2pozad]

An unintended consequence of endless performance appraisals while in school?

[@itsthevoiceman]

How does one actually do this audit? Because thinking about trying to do that doesn't seem to be in my mental exercise lexicon.

[@vasyapupkin1348]

I don't think this method works: anxiety depression is not about specific real issues. It's a state of being in an abstract distress.

[@aname4931]

This is exactly what i needed to hear

[@sgonzalez_guitarra]

I love school of life, but I miss the longer videos you used to do before. The new ones are good, but I think they lack a bit of creativity and emotion. Of course the message is precise, but the older videos managed to create a greater impact on me because of how rich they were in metaphors, examples and depth. This feels a bit superficial to me.

[@esterhudson5104]

Yes., SOL, yes. 🥰

[@AhrimansSeed]

My worry is my plumbing issues I can't afford to fix and the only affordable plumber afk when I do have a little cash to get it fixed

[@1unsung971]

Terrific. Thank you!

[@juandominguezmurray7327]

well, not really.. worrying makes you make plans for what is bad, in order to overcome it... since this plans are ususally put into place in one way or another, that is always feeding this vicious cycle.. so in reality we need to make the world a better place so we dont need to worry, and since that is imposible in the near future, we will just have to worry... but, for certain, being in a state of negation of that reality, for sure it helps none of us.. and by not acknowledging those problems, we do make others feel more alone...

[@ishouldbestudyingrightnow]

"We suffer more often in imagination than in reality." - Seneca

[@frank327]

Beautiful

[@zoeyjones7496]

It’s so hard to overcome

[@farzadsharifzadeh2929]

See your worries as junk mails

[@darkdaubeny]

I first read it as: The worry Adult, so i thought Yes, a video about me 😅

[@calebsheppard9628]

Thank you. School of life

[@nevenkas4866]

This is not for a 3er World country

[@stevencook5501]

A pathological relationship to a mood altering event, substance, or experience that has life damaging consequences... an addiction.

[@Humanpsychology.11]

Very cool way to present

[@vaibhavmadhok9927]

i needed this. thanks :)

[@StrongbyLee]

If your greatest worry comes to pass, don't worry. You'll be too dead to, anyway.

[@Kapsb]

Any book you'd recommend on this topic?

[@FelipeKana1]

Ok but this take has deep economical boundaries. Worry goes away with the economic wealth to not care for a unpaid month or a health accident.

[@GoodSongs4all]

Thanks! 🙏

[@SarfrazWarraich-bx2qe]

l have missed many opportunities in life ,when l was younger my girlfriend asked for date ,,for many time,and due to fear l rejected her offer , how stupid I was

[@noheadache3131]

everything is temporary (dunhansem)

[@jisbelking6196]

but what if the audit results in a like 50% of worries coming true

[@sj187]

I really do not appreciate gaslighting