THESE Are the Top Avoidant Triggers That Make Them Run Away

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

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[@LilyOlivia-p3s]

Recently, I had a challenging split. The breakup of my five-year relationship a few months ago has been quite difficult. I still harbor a deep affection for my ex-boyfriend, and I can't seem to stop thinking about him. My attempts to win him back have been unsuccessful, and at this point, it seems impossible to be with anybody else. It may seem strange to admit this, but I miss him terribly and can't stop thinking about him.

[@Shanieceflordi]

I completely understand the pain of letting go of someone you love. I went through a similar experience when my 10 year relationship ended. I couldn't imagine my life without him, so I tried everything to rekindle our love. I eventually found guidance from a spiritual counselor, and their support helped me bring him back into my life if you're open to it, seeking help from a spiritual counselor might make a difference.

[@LilyOlivia-p3s]

How did you find your spiritual counselor, and how can I get in touch with them?

[@Shanieceflordi]

His name is Father Obah Eze and he's an incredible spiritual counselor known for helping restore relationships.

[@Shanieceflordi]

Father Obah Eze is a wonderful spiritual counselor who has the ability to bring back your ex.

[@LilyOlivia-p3s]

I just sought him up online thanks to your helpful information. remarkable I just checked Father Obah Eze online, and he's really genuine. Thank you again ❤

[@erica2105]

The more I hear DAs talking about their point of view, the more I ask myself...why do they even bother getting into relationships if they find talking to their partner and spending time with them exhausting?

[@blueimagery]

To other Avoidants, There are and will be people in ours lives who actually do want to listen us and care about us. The right people for us do help us understand ourselves better. They WANT to listen to our bad days. Overtime our gaps only get closer to the people we love when we allow ourselves to be loved. ❤

[@BirdieHaze2207]

I want to understand.

[@kristidin1983]

Thank you. I wish more avoidants would share their healing journey.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Allowing yourself to be loved and supported can be transformative. Thank you for sharing this encouragement-it’s a great reminder for all of us. 💜

[@TashenaStokes]

Thank you so much. It has been so hard being an extroverted DA female it is like I am such an alien. I'm secure now done lots of work but still imperfect & have DA coping mechanisms but I am very communicative. It seems like men want perfection & expect me to be very different as a female. Waiting for the person that will stick around to learn.

[@deepthoughts87-d4s]

The only thing is they never say it to your though... you never know why or what they are thinking because if they did i think people would take it better

[@arithebarbarian6756]

Thais videos have got my ex contacting me every week about every 4 days. I have become much more supportive and I have stopped being filled with anxiety if she doesn't come back she doesn't come back. She has told me the horrific thing that happened to her and what has made her this way. We are bonded now thank you for these videos.

[@TashenaStokes]

No one ever listened to our inner world so we got used to never sharing it.

[@sadiqua7]

My mom always told me I don’t tell her anything…it used to make me feel like crap. This year I told her, I’m not that interesting..you making assumptions that I’m hiding something that isn’t happening. I opened up about my last relationship and she always seemed dismissive, her new partner I think has helped her to be more engaged when I actually do tell her stuff, so that’s good. She’s also very enmeshed and asks way too many questions about anything and everything. Like if I run into someone we both know and I tell her she asks me so what are they doing now, what this, what that, I’d say, no idea, didn’t ask. It’s a running joke, but that’s her way. She doesn’t realize she doesn’t share about her life much either soooooo. Lately she is volunteering a bit more, so there’s that..

[@blueimagery]

I relate to this 1000%. I tell friends and my mother the same thing. I’m not as interesting as they think I am. I’m pretty basic. It’s always comes across being simple and just living is never good enough or not worth listening too.

[@JK-di8nt]

Question for Mike, what if an avoidant doesn't express need for space and just goes silent, are we supposed to mind read and just let them be, how can one address?

[@JTBags420]

You can tell them that you've noticed that they get silent on you. Express that you want to give them their space you just need communication about it and disappearing on your isn't acceptable and is one of your boundaries. They'll either understand and work on it or they won't. You can go from there

[@JK-di8nt]

​@JTBags420 thank you, that is good advice, it's been going on for a long time, I have expressed but they didn't seem to want to have to convey

[@JTBags420]

@JK-di8nt it's tough because an avoidant would have to admit to themselves that they're the problem, not you. That takes self awareness and empathy on their part. Also, they'd have to compromise, which makes them feel like they're giving up part of themselves and their personal freedom. So it's easier to blame you than deal with the issue you have in the relationship. It's mainly a one way street and you're just supposed to know their needs!

[@JK-di8nt]

@@JTBags420 thank you

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Great question! If an avoidant goes silent, it can be confusing. While mind-reading isn’t ideal, giving them space while calmly expressing your own needs can help. Finding a balance between respecting their boundaries and your own is key.

[@lanaleewilliams8668]

Man, Mike just gets how I was as a severe DA...all the stuff he said I have said and thought myself. So funny.

[@DonnShade]

Lily, I feel your pain. I am a DA and my ex is an FA. We recently split by my choosing but I didn’t feel safe with her. She verbally annihilated me one day and I couldn’t get over it. I miss her terribly and tried to reconnect as well. My nervous system was on overload. Afte almost 4 months I just now almost sleeping normally again Hang in there. I know it is no fun. Donn

[@Coping_in_Copeland_Cope]

Great video. Yesss to the king size bed!! 🤗 My DA is the cuddler and hugger in our relationship. I'm the one who has to scoot away in the bed. Lol Although he is the first and ONLY guy I've ever loved cuddling with. I just need it in small doses. I have an AP friend who has an AP fiance and they actually downsized their bed so they can be closer all night. Glad for them but for me that sounds terrible. 😂 That whole planned phone call thing is not my jam either. Unless it's a long distance situation like different time zones then I'm not planning a phone call lol.

[@productofthe80s61]

With the feeling of being attacked, why don’t the DAs work on hearing people instead of reacting. How can you communicate with someone who already has negative thought about you. They already view you with negative intent.

[@AmericanDreamer]

good point!

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

This is such an insightful point. It can be incredibly challenging to communicate when someone assumes negative intent. Encouraging open, non-judgmental conversations could be a step toward better understanding, but it requires effort from both sides.

[@konbonwa]

@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool - I have been following your channel and your videos have really helped me to understand my mom's avoidant personality. In the Conflict and Criticism section in this video you guys talk about the DA shutting down, deactivating and being unable to resolve conflict. My extremely DA mom did this same behavior to me by deactivating on me constantly as I grew up in her house and it was really toxic for me because as her child I could never discuss anything emotional, anything that affected our relationship or anything hard or important with my mom because she would deactivate every single time. Have you considered doing segments on avoidant parents, especially DA parents and their effects on children?

[@AprilSunshine]

Brilliant idea right here! 💡

[@davidbulchak9415]

I love you guys!! This is such a good topic!! Thank you Thais and Mike for sharing!! I’m only 1/4 through this and am taking a smoke break to chew the information and shake down my excitement 😁👏🙏

[@PaigeYesLee]

Thank You Thais 😊🙏

[@Narcshield]

How does it work to move towards moving into together or marriage one day if so much space is needed?

[@elisepoulain6856]

But doesn't that mean you don't really like that person? Because if it were someone you were truly interested in, you wouldn't be so annoyed?

[@AmericanDreamer]

100%

[@AmericanDreamer]

exactly! It is not a rocket science, if you love someone and wasn't to be with them, it will show, it will flow out of your heart! If the opposite happens- they dont care for you despite what their say with their mouths!

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

That's an interesting perspective! Sometimes, initial annoyance can stem from unresolved emotions or unmet needs rather than a lack of genuine interest. It’s worth reflecting on what’s truly behind those feelings.

[@tarkov_6]

Using the work excuse is such BS, but by all means go ahead and dismiss other people taking time out of their own busy work day to simply contact you 🙄

[@csg45001]

My DA ex was the same with the bed. Had to be king size. Cuddle than space 😆 funny to hear someone say out loud.

[@Coping_in_Copeland_Cope]

I'm this way. Funny because my more avoidant partner is quite literally glued to me in bed. 😂 He likes to cuddle all night whereas I just want a little bit then I want space.

[@ajreyes5641]

I'm sorry to say this, but I would hate to date that guy. I don't we're supposed to be respectful and trying to dismissal avoidance but my goodness like think about your partner for a minute!!

[@productofthe80s61]

That’s the problem they seem to only think about themselves.

[@Coping_in_Copeland_Cope]

That's why we should date who we align with. Mike is perfect in my eyes. He's self-aware and confident. Reminds me of my partner.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

It can definitely feel frustrating when a partner seems disengaged. While respecting their attachment style is important, it’s equally valid to expect them to consider your feelings too. A healthy relationship requires balance.

[@mike198383]

When you talk about trying to express a need to someone should you also ask them at the same time if they have something that they need too so it does not appear to be all on them? I faced a situation where when i tried to communicate how i was feeling and felt beat up and broken from them lecturing me it was responded with how are you the victim in this as you are the cause for why I'm upset. Trying to recover from this happening in a recent past relationship which made me feel like I am not allowed to wave the white flag.

[@IanuaDiaboli]

7:30 okay, but after one year and a half it felt like he was breadcrumbing me with his time. Last time we fought, I asked him to spend time with him on the weekend because I was feeling sick and anxious, he said no because he needed space and he was annoyed because “every time he said no I would contradict him”. So I stood up for myself and said that I had my right to express what I needed in that moment, that he wasn’t my father nor my commander and I didn’t have to “obey” him. I often feel conflicted about my reaction, if I was too harsh or aggressive because I didn’t respect his boundary, but this is when the slow fading/ ghosting.

[@IanuaDiaboli]

15:00 I respect this boundary with excessive communication and I was okay, I enjoyed having him call me on the phone every evening, but not spending the whole day in touch. Pff, it didn’t matter.

[@IanuaDiaboli]

34:20 yes… because he didn’t want to feel “controlled”, there was no room for negotiation and I felt powerless.

[@IanuaDiaboli]

42:40 as I wrote above, we were together for one year and a half and he was super fast early in the relationship, but then slowed the pace terribly to the point it became uncomfortable. It even felt as if we were backpedaling.

[@Coping_in_Copeland_Cope]

He probably didn't know what to do with that. If he said yes then he would be inviting anxious energy and to a dismissive avoidant that's hard and confusing to deal with.

[@IanuaDiaboli]

@ I just wanted to feel his presence, it would have soothed me in a moment where I felt fragile.