These psychological habits will make you seem more attractive

[@AnaPsychology]

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[@dibsdibs3495]

Haven’t watched the video yet but I saw the thumbnail and am standing like a flamingo outside of my house and no mates have approached me yet. Fingers crossed tho!!

[@AnaPsychology]

Not sure how standing like a flamingo looks but this sounds compelling, I think it will work

[@ShoestringRacer]

@@AnaPsychologythey stand on one leg

[@OogaBooga-sn8oc]

You have to do the flamingo mating call...how do you expect mates without doing the mating call?! If that doesn't do the trick, get the big guns out - do a mating dance!

[@murarimo6594]

@@AnaPsychologyI think they meant they’re standing like the 8/10 person on the thumbnail, who is posed sorta flamingo-like lol

[@BaritoneMonkey]

​@@AnaPsychologyYes I think they're referring to the thumbnail pose haha.

[@All5Horizons]

I loved how you snuck in “people have always found me good-looking.” Respect.

[@niewazneniewazne1890]

I understand. Looking this good must be quite the burden. That goes for you as well.

[@54032Zepol]

Unbridled enthusiasm is contagious it eradicate the negative in other people and with consistency will improve your own mental health

[@Dsonsee]

I agree on the point of not being unnecessarily negative, but if you push positivity for the sake of it, you might end up surrounded by people who won't be willing/able to accomodate your discomfort with the current state of things. Been there myself

[@_allegra]

Another one I've found helpful is to be genuinely interested in other people: their lives, interests, passions etc. Demonstrate that you want to understand them as they are, with no alterior motives, and you'll quickly build friendships.

[@nbj6284]

1. Be kind, optimistic, warm and altruistic. 2. Know how to emotional regulate 3.Have good social connections. Have hobbies 4. Learn mature communication 5.Have self love and self esteem.

[@letsgetit90]

When I was optimistic at my last workplace, I was seen as fake. I agree that being able to manage and regulate your emotions is a necessary trait to have, but I have experienced most people seeing it as a weakness.

[@raitisvein]

Some people suck.

[@Khaegch-favh]

100% and they immediately decide to see what they can get over on you

[@deltachang]

The point is you attract the people you WANT to attract, not everyone. Their preference for cynicism says infinitely more about them than you. Are those genuinely people you wanted to connect with?

[@galactoruniversalmaster]

Nah, it's not like that

[@gatorssbm]

I tend to have the opposite problem with people being toxicly positive and I try to explain how Im not upset Im just a very quiet person and no one ever buys it. Worse when people are trying to pressure me to have a good demeanor when Im working or are upset at me because I dont want to talk which only makes me want to talk less. Used to always feel like such a fish out of water until I learned to regulate my emotions now I am a bit more expressive and know that its more of a reflection of them than myself. If anything I just want peace.

[@Chris_231]

Learning emotional regulation helped me to recognize the many people who don’t and also - those who appear to be emotionally regulating, when they are in fact neglecting them, sometimes at their partners expense

[@TheChurchofBreadandCheese]

Emotional regulation is important, i didnt know how to do it till i started gestalt therapy a few months back. Made me think "wow I don't have to feel this all day?"

[@Theendman42]

I’m glad Gestalt therapy helped you, what is gestalt therapy exactly and what did they do that was helpful for you?

[@sumimasen_wtf]

Bot

[@TheChurchofBreadandCheese]

@@sumimasen_wtf Yes

[@TheChurchofBreadandCheese]

@@Theendman42 It's hard to actually pin down what Gestalt is, but afaik it's a "child" of psychoanalytic practices, it's focused on the here and now and awareness. Understanding that past events can only affect you here and now. The actual therapist has a big relation role in this, to help you deal with these emotions in the here and now and ultimately to help you stand on your own feet. It's also existential, it has a big emphasis on the Beauvoiran idea of "authenticity" and the therapist has a big role in getting you to say what you really feel and act how you really want to act.

[@MatrixCL]

I like how all these tips don't merely improve your attractiveness, but also how to improve your life in general. Good tips! :)

[@zubizuva]

I deal with a lot of chronic pain, so it can be difficult to do these things, but I am trying my best.

[@oliolioliX]

💚

[@PurpleDolphinYT]

Keep it up!! You got this

[@saurontheengineer]

This was such a beatiful video, I totally forgot it was about seeming more attractive to others and not just yourself.

[@curiouscristina]

I appreciate that the video is meant to be short and therefore a summary but I still feel the need to comment this so people with a personality closer to mine don't feel completely hopeless. 1. Being positive and optimistic is important, but don't force it. If you genuinely don't see the bright side in a particular situation, stand for it. Being AUTHENTIC is also attractive (and more than attractive, it is healthy). 2. Yes, learn emotional regulation, but mindfulness does not work for everyone. I'm neurodivergent so emotional regulation feels extra hard for me. For you reader might be the same. But even if *sometimes* emotional regulation feel impossible, there will be at least other times when it is possible. And if you practice it, you'll get to increase the "possible" times. Find whatever works FOR YOU even if it isn't mindfulness and "sitting on your feelings". 3. Not everyone is an extrovert and some of us have gone through major traumas and issues which severely decreases the number of people around us. Do not feel sh*t if you're alone and if you enjoy alone time. Do not feel you have to completely 100% change yourself in order to be attractive. It's what Dr. Ana said in the beginning, some self-improvement is good, but the "self" part is key. If you are yourself, and you're great, then you should be loved and admired as you are. Do not put on a mask just because "OMG If I don't have a social life people are not gonna love me so I need to pretend to be like them so I make friends OMG". 4. I agree with communicating maturely but I don't actually think the example was great, the last part on threatening to break the friendship seemed a bit extreme (although again, I get it it was an oversimplification). 5. I love the "what would a self-respecting, self-loving person do?" example. It is subjective though because some people think sharing certain things is a weakness, others think that's a strenght, so I definitely would recommend someone interested in this to do their own research and form deeper conclusions, because a "self-respecting" person in the eyes of society at large may be someone who's actually faking, putting on a mask, and very miserable inside.

[@ohthesefeelingz3457]

I've been #1 all my life but I would NEVER change the topic when someone comes at me with hot gossip - attractiveness will have to wait!

[@homeopathicfossil-fuels4789]

I would love a "How to appear less attractive to manipulators and emotionally abusive people" because I have been having a bad spell of attracting those the past 8 or so years. Generally since i started opening up to relationships around 20 years of age.

[@Franzifii]

That would be SO HELPFUL!

[@DevoidVoid]

Here's a lil bit of stuff that CAN help in the mean time if you're curious, she 100% should do a video on it!! Boundaries, Work on anxiety, self esteem/self nurturing. Not calling you out but less people pleasing, giving stuff out too much, not giving too much information out that's sensitive or vulnerable if it's too early on. Work on co-dependency issues if you have them.

[@sashimi879]

You're the common denominator. Nuff said

[@homeopathicfossil-fuels4789]

@@sashimi879 I regret to inform you that it was not enough said, what do you mean by someone being the common denominator in this context?

[@jeffjefflover]

Manipulators generally attract each other to an extent. Often shown at the begging of meeting someone through 'playing games' that test each other instead of expressing yourself honestly and vulnerably. If you express yourself truthfully and vulnerably good people are likely to understand and empathize, whereas manipulators may poke fun at you or use that information against you in the future. If others can get vulnerable with you without putting on a front they are likely secure and not manipulators

[@elgaemit]

Thanks for all the work you do to provide this content. It`s helpful and interesting.

[@cupofmochaccino5920]

hi Dr. Ana!!! it's 2:43 am from where I am right now and I'm happy because u happened to post rn!!! Love from PH

[@freebachelor5060]

Regarding social hobbies: What if all of my hobbies are solo activities?

[@thomaskamkar5197]

The honest answer is to make an effort to form a new social hobby, or engage with groups that also engage in that solo hobby. Think of a writing group, for example

[@tara55886]

Mine are all solo too...I don't like too much interaction with other people, as it drains me! I wouldn't worry too much about that aspect, as long as you are having some form of socialisation elsewhere.

[@RM-xq7gf]

what are your hobbies?

[@Hjw673]

Going through a bad breakup right now... Feels so difficult to appear positive at this time 😅

[@lily29997]

Dude I feel you,in a way you probably don’t want to be attracting loads of people right now anyway though so oh well

[@Hjw673]

@@lily29997 you're right I don't, connection is what I crave but scared of right now. Thank you.

[@Muhluri]

You'll eventually get over it. Just keep working on yourself and heal yourself of the pain you're feeling. It's so worth it once you've learnt to let go & Move on

[@Hjw673]

@@Muhluri thank you

[@NB-lx6gz]

You don't need to be like a smiling fool all the time. Don't let videos like this make you feel bad. Live through all the bad emotions

[@SamuraiPipotchi]

The DEAR accronym has made me realise that I may be doing it in the wrong order. Like, I'm doing all the right steps, but more in the order of EDAR.

[@Honival]

The problem I've always had with self-love is that it feels like it's the first step towards a non-humble version of myself. And I cannot let that happen.

[@strawpiglet]

How about self-like?

[@mercybassey3877]

Why do you need to be humble though?

[@Honival]

@@mercybassey3877 I think not being humble is the best way to have an overinflated ego and to become unlikable. It's also a hurdle to your self improvement I think. Once I become too satisfied with myself I might unconsciously stop looking for potential ways of improvement.

[@Honival]

@@strawpiglet yeah that sounds reasonable. But it's a fine balance I still need to achieve.

[@HReiss0]

Being humble is overrated, I like to content myself with not being arrogant

[@danielmoore9214]

I would add having good manners to that ❤

[@phunglamT6VB]

this format really suits me

[@Adelink_lol]

This channel is amazing, you should be proud of the work you do

[@thejillykilly]

More videos on emotional regulation please.

[@Joestaruu]

I am going through something where it’s not a break up but the relationship isn’t the same anymore ,we both agreed to work on ourselves and come back to eachother when we’re better but my trust issues and my need for them isn’t letting me be okay during this “break”

[@lucianbaciu]

Incredibile sfaturile acestea, vreau sa le aplic imendiat! Nu pot sa cred cat de evidente sunt acum si eu nu mi-am dat seama :)

[@Theendman42]

I think we can’t truly love others until we love ourselves. Because without love of ourselves we’ll be “needing” the other person, instead of merely “wanting” the person. Even in the case of abuse, you’re not reliant on the love of others before you can love yourself. You will have to decide though if you’re willing to love yourself and give up the addiction to bullying yourself though.

[@Conefed]

How to switch/pivot to positivity without being accused of being dismissive, toxic, patronizing, demeaning, ridiculing, disrespectful, or gross?

[@bailagringacovers]

I hope this doesn’t sound weird but this mic sounds nice and crispy lol def keep using it the sound is good

[@samgraybillll]

Hey Doc I’ve been a fan since around 2022, always loved your work and you’ve helped me work through a lot of things 🙏

[@mekman4]

These are pretty helpful and good reminders to reinforce and maintain some healthy resolve. This is very much appreciated, thank you!

[@johndoe4073]

7:42 - DEAR: 1. Describe what you need 2. Express what you feel/think 3. Assert what you need 4. Reinforce what you need. That is fantastic! Thank you! 🙏🏾

[@54032Zepol]

Thank you Dr. Ana 🙏

[@LimHiamglan]

🥒 1. Emotion regulation 2. Good communiaction skill

[@Luhgoon]

Regarding point 4, I think effective communication could help if the root issue is genuinely about misaligned needs or a lack of clarity between both parties. I think self-assessment first is key though. Understanding what you want and why you feel dissatisfied helps clarify whether the issue is something that can be resolved through communication or if it's more about adjusting your own expectations and boundaries. Sometimes feelings of frustration regarding lack of reciprocity is more about your internal expectations versus reality. If so, then managing those expectations might be more productive than trying to change the dynamic through conversation.

[@54032Zepol]

Thats true, try to always smile, practice it even! In your car, at work, in school, when you meet someones eyes smile at them first, not a smirk with thin lips but a genuine smile like your happy to see them and be there.

[@motirpahas]

Your Voice, looks and attitude is so Calming... Wish you a very prosperous journey. 🙏

[@russ876]

Good stuff. Thank you!

[@danijelaen]

The video I needed rn

[@mattcaston9546]

I see the opposite action recommendation - therapist recognize therapist 💪🏾

[@imeaniguess.6963]

I failed at number one. 😎

[@Quotenbrtchen]

Mission failed. We'll get 'em next time. 😂

[@maincanostudios6482]

Even tho is a video for incrementing the chances for a partner, it can be used for oneself and being okay with being alone if the case.

[@gurkeline1]

I like the summary 😊

[@RazgrizDuTTA]

I am pretty confident about my abilities regarding each aspects you listed. I guess I need to keep focusing on my physical attractiveness then :')

[@Kickassyourcomfortzone]

saw your channel a few days ago. love it

[@Ztzyyy]

Bold of your thumbnail to assume I'm a 6

[@keylanoslokj1806]

She was projecting her own fantasy to go from decent becky to perceived Stacy

[@Ztzyyy]

@@keylanoslokj1806 Is this still English?

[@keylanoslokj1806]

@@Ztzyyy it's inclish

[@Franzifii]

​@@keylanoslokj1806Whoa, that's a REACH!

[@CHMgamemedic777]

Yeah, I'm at least a 2!

[@ogabrielalbar]

Number 3. I did it. I really did it. I met amazing guys who become great friends but rejected me because I wasn't their type, even though I was an amazing friend, according to them. But the girls wanted to date me. Maybe I should get "cured" for my gayness and then I'll become someone's type. (Contains sarcarm)

[@princesszelda1997]

The thing is, and I've heard it pointed out correctly somewhere else: expressing your feeling by saying things like "it makes me feel undervalued/used" may avoid direct "you" statements, but the implication that "you undervalue me/you use me" is still there. How can we avoid the accusation, however indirect?

[@QuynhFrissell]

really liked this video

[@ghoziakbar6410]

For positivity in general, I feel like you'll always need to pick the middle ground. You don't want to be that annoying pedantic person that keep complaining on every small problem, and yet don't let yourself going down into the toxic positivity. It's okay to speak about your discomfort if by doing that could help you or people around you to solve the problem.

[@littleboyimnida]

Dr. Ana you've helped me do much❤❤❤

[@Darksy75]

uploading these on Spotify would be nice :)

[@NelsonGuedes]

I knew hobbies were considered attractive, but I didn't realize they had tl be social. What are some good social hobbies for someone who is autistic?

[@flowerchasethesunshine9063]

I have tried to do more "parallel play". Silent book clubs, plen air painting together etc.

[@daanmijnen2414]

Try some stuff you can do solo and then talk about with people. For me it's longboarding, windsurfing, collecting stuff, making art, but you can also try other stuff like reading, chess, etc. if you like to. There is a club for every hobby if you search well enough!

[@PronkDaMonk]

Yeah something like running or martial arts or rock climbing could be good because you can do it on your own or do it around others & chat with them

[@AmbersDaintyBush]

I wish I could find people to quietly go rock hounding or mud larking with lol

[@kpaxian6044]

Take anything you like and share it with people who also are interested in the same subject. If you are a birder, invite animal loving friends to go bird watching with you. If you play online chess, teach a friend or two. If you like hiking, create a hiking group, if you like to watch films, host movies at your house or apartment etc. Most things can be adapted to include others. Even meditation can be adapted to meditation groups etc.

[@kissless_518]

It feels that the only solution is to always be positive, never fail, never get hurt, never struggle, just always smile and be warm and happy and love yourself and love other people and never be bad or ugly or uncanny. Just do things mentally healthy people do and not do things mentally unhealthy people do. Just play every note perfectly with perfect timing and make every brush stroke perfect and every color perfectly selected. If you ever get upset or depressed, you're just being a nuisance and that's why you deserve to be alone and unhappy. Just simply always be Good and never be Bad.

[@user-dv9xx3yy8v]

What was said in the video didn't really help lol

[@kissless_518]

@@user-dv9xx3yy8v To be fair, this video was more about things psychologically healthy people do that make them more attractive, and not "ways unwell people can turn their life around".

[@user-dv9xx3yy8v]

@@kissless_518 exactly, that's why i couldn't relate

[@kissless_518]

@@user-dv9xx3yy8v I feel that for some people, the warmth and kindness and all that; it will never be enough for people to want to breach that barrier between acquaintance/coworker and friend/intimate relationship. I don't feel human, and probably never have been, and people can detect that, and it keeps them away. That's just reality.

[@owendejong9711]

What you described is not an attractive or authentic person at all. If you display the need to always be perfect or you fall to shambles, then I dont feel safe at all anymore to make mistakes around you, so I would rather avoid you

[@Ramhorr_j]

Dr Ana, can you do a video like this one about how to become a psychologically healthier person. Also, Please add less talked about topics, like the way you added emotional regulation in this video. We like to hear new things from you. Cheers 🥂

[@maskbird9174]

Your voice and the way you speak remind me of Legacies actress who played "Hope"

[@The_Cowwwthem]

@Anapsychology can you do a video on self love and habits to gain higher self esteem & QOL

[@giu.li.a]

so.. that's why I am single

[@GoddessHabits]

I just feel so beat down by all the bad dating experiences.

[@TheLexa053]

My bloodline dies with me... :)

[@DevoidVoid]

Trying to break the cycle over here. It might only be possible without having kids

[@shartsimpson214]

same

[@Trickey2413]

Hallelujah

[@Elliegaytor]

I love all your videos! Can I put a special request into a video about how narc mothers treat their daughters?

[@jameswilkerson4412]

The more people have self-love, the less I trust them

[@TheHeadbanger93]

"Have a rich social and leisure life" Introverts: guess I'm dying alone

[@MijiMomiji]

Having a nice profession - scientists, historians, academics, etc., super attractive regardless of looks.

[@smollilbean]

What about law. Is it considered a nice profession

[@magicalcapi9148]

One of the best videos on the topic Thank you very much!

[@criticalpsyche]

the only way to be ugly is to be cruel and insensitive.

[@aniksamiurrahman6365]

This video title reminded me of a Ryan George video, LOL!

[@user-dv9xx3yy8v]

Wow instead na ma inspire eh feeling attacked lmao

[@Obyvvatel]

i have trouble finding a social hobby that I enjoy, just everything I see seems meh to the things i could do on my own.

[@ChungCẩmThơ]

best!!!

[@electric_leo1630]

I genuinely curious: would someone who let’s say is very good at football and is one of the best players in their high school. They like to brag about their achievements and can be snarky to inferior players in regards to football but they aren’t nasty in general. Would that person be considered a narcissist or just very prideful and confident? I think it’s an interesting question for a video and we could learn a lot with differentiating between people’s intentions.

[@BaritoneMonkey]

You can have narcissistic traits without being a narcissist. Sometimes people are just full of themselves.

[@user-ku5be4nc3g]

How did you manage do to your doctrate in 3 years?

[@tudorscutariu1012]

My dear is me starting with some problem I want to find an answer to. To contextualize this I will say something about my recent past, then I'd ask the person what he/she thinks about it and lastly, time permitting, I would reassume the new solution or problem figured out. So it would be called PCAR. P is problem, C is context, A is Asking and R is Resume.

[@anclaudys]

So if you have bpd, you’re basically fucked then

[@AngiePAM18]

Could you please make a review on Gary Lewandowski's book "Stronger than you think"??... It talks about psychological research behind the 10 blind spots in a relationship...Dunno if its the Spanish translation but I feel like it's not what I expected, as in I feel it's a bit contradictory??

[@nowahblanco9935]

my greek ass needs the hair routine

[@justin_time]

Hey Ana, Andrew Callaghan's channel, "Channel 5 Clips,", just dropped a new trailer for a future video titled "Pennsylvania Bigfoot Conference (Trailer)." The people interviewed in the clips seemed to be suffering from a mental disorder and I'm genuinely curious if you could tell me what it is or do a reaction type video? My first guess is to say it's schizophrenia, but the people act so differently from my perception of what a person with schizophrenia would act like based on cultural stereotypes that I don't know what it actually looks like in real life and was hoping you could help explain it or whatever condition(s) they seem to display?

[@joshd6876]

I’m a cutie patootie. So cute. High value cutie. 🤙🏻

[@coreC..]

You have so many subscibers, yet there are not so many comments on your videos. Why is that? About this topic: I keep having problems with people that have a high self esteem. I always couple it with their intelligence.

[@someguycalledcerberus9805]

None of this will work on dating apps, so if you are not meeting girls regularly IRL there's still no hope.

[@exxie1]

Hit the gym with a good gym culture. You'll learn all of these in there with people who suffer to be better.

[@sealwhiskers3515]

I like the points here, and I do want to also point out that sometimes these tips won't work if the other people in question are themselves negative or perhaps don't have many hobbies, and are basically totally fine with that. I've found being positive (at a time when it was natural for me) kinda missed the mark with a lot of people who bonded more so by lightly complaining or expecting the worse end of the stick. I imagine that could also be true for people talking about their hobbies to people who don't have them nor want them. Then I guess it's about whether you really do care to be attractive to or get along with these people. Caveat* I'm British, and sometimes the small talk language there is complaining 😂

[@LainKulikova]

Became Friedrich Nietzsche basically

[@zap...]

I think I'd rather stay single.

[@337x]

Yes

[@Overphased]

Why watch this video in the first place?

[@zap...]

@@Overphased not too bright are you.

[@Franzifii]

Why do you watch this video then? Got too much time to waste?

[@elin_]

Too much positivity gets annoying tbh

[@mpoemp4703]

It Takt is like .. we get it

[@rInternationall]

Why???

[@datguy9408]

Forced positivity.

[@FirstLast-mj7pt]

Misery loves company. I bet you suck to be around.

[@elin_]

@@rInternationall Because it's not natural. Too much positivity is as toxic as too much negativity. Life isn't only good or bad.. it's both. And the feelings have to be able to reflect that.

[@YoganTha]

I see your points as too generic and generalising It depends on people, situations Contextualising is mote important than giving general rules However, interesting topic and vid P.s: pro-social behaviour defo helps q lot

[@BocusVeLucy]

I got 0/5 reasonable 😢

[@TestingChannel1407]

Me too

[@RayDo92]

I don't get the first point doesn"'t it seems like killing all authenticity from you, If you want to say something negative shouldn't you be allowed to say it ? because it's genuine and doesn't being genuine is attractive? I'm confused!

[@sejalmateo0361]

i think balance is the key, speaking negative talk always isnt nice to hear but expressing your opinions truthfully can be authentic, but im sure not all your opinions are negative, there will be positive and negative ones. The tip she gave, telling us to say a positive instead of a negative is just a tip for people who point out negatives all the time, so that you can try seeing the positives and feel positive as well, you dont have to lie, just feel positive energy and spread it when you can.

[@TheMegalodonGaming]

Lmao all my social hobbies are proven to make me appear less attractive. The only thing i have going for me is i work out.

[@UOUPv2]

You want me to be positive? All right, I guess I'll hit the gym then.

[@toni1140]

So, what makes you more attractiv is being normal. How boring!

[@itzhakbaum8451]

I generally ike Ana's videos as they are insightful and helpful, but I did not agree with most of this one. The DEAR examples given were accusatory and will get the other party immediately into the defensive. The three other points require a major personality change, with no signifcant advice on how to start the journey. The one helpful advice for me was mindfulness to help regulate emotions.

[@IilîliîliîlliI]

:35 watching her recognize what metaphysics is in real time. she just blew her own mind and doesnt even know it yet

[@MuhammadArslan-px1sm]

Well, you also blew my mind. could you please explain a little bit more?

[@JurekOK]

What is metaphysics?

[@dontreadmyname4396]

being attractive vs being sexually attractive are different things tho

[@delocon]

This, right here.

[@howmathematicianscreatemat9226]

If you think so strictly, then only 1% of people are truly attractive. How did we ever get 8 billion people then?

[@user-ku5be4nc3g]

good job! you are like the youngest Dr. i've seen

[@peppefailla1630]

At this point I should be a sex symbol ✌️✌️✌️

[@justinrobertson781]

finally, now with these sick tips i can become worthy of someone else's love

[@636Knight]

Oh my looorrddd. My cousin was watching this and her brother just said "Don't matter, you still clapped." 😂 Tbh there's little benefit to a good personality when your physical appearance is not there. Nobody is even interested in getting to know your personality to begin with but surely must be better than nothing. 💀