Talking insomnia #59: Sara thought she had to accept being a bad sleeper. Now she loves the night!

[@petra.tinnitus.insomnia.recova]

So many relatable points in this video. Especially the awareness of how a brain of an overthinker works, and how this insight can shift everything. I have learned so much about myself due to sleep challenges. Thank you, Sarah, for your wonderful message.

[@philthyrich1433]

THIS WAS A GOOD ONE, GIVES ME HOPE. IM STEADILY GETTING BETTER AND BETTER.

[@tracymcgrath1192]

Love this as a severe insomniac and sleep walker for 40 years.

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

So glad you found this helpful Tracy, thanks for taking the time to comment 🙏

[@laurenmcdonald7086]

The healing really HAS been almost instant with this channel!

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

This in incredible to hear Lauren 😊 so glad!!

[@donburnside6448]

I found the episode thank you. I will look forward to the episode that you focus on an over active bladder

[@poojachhatwani]

Hey! Did you get better? Overactive bladder?

[@mareerobison6162]

Thanks Sara & Daniel. This episode was really helpful for me. There are so many points that I’ve taken away to use for myself. 🙏🏼

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

So so glad to hear 😊 and thanks for the support!!

[@june8898]

I love these chats so much. I feel like I’ve gotten so so much better but I love listening to how other people recovered too, especially when I have a bad night here or there. Daniel, can you believe a sleep DR once told me CBTI and sleep restriction wouldn’t help me? It’s so sad that there could be people suffering because a DR told them they couldn’t be helped via some simple solutions! Crazy. I knew his diagnosis wasn’t right though, and then I found your and Martins channel and things began to really turn around! Thank you 🙏🏼

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

TSA, thanks so much for the encouragement 😊 and I’m so glad to read that things have gotten so much better! And wow, yes it’s so so unhelpful when someone takes hope away, for NO reason! Very glad you found Martin and myself. Be well and stay in touch!!

[@zoeturnbull2164]

This sleep disorder is so me and so motivating - just bought the book. My life goal right now it to be on one of these videos.

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

So glad you found our little ecosystem Zoe, it helps so much to know you’re not alone at all. Be in touch and you know, when we are willing to learn, find a little courage and lots of kindness, then things get easier and I’d be so happy to have you as a guest 🙂

[@Christian.Raduescu]

Although I highly encourage you on this, just be carefull you don't end up în " being on Daniel's podcast stories tabbit hole" 😅

[@stevenphillips5440]

So many relatable things in this video. Thank you for sharing your experience.

[@lilianavargas9089]

Today’s my first day back at work after 2 months because of my sleep issues , I’ve been sleeping better after watching your channel but tonight (of course ) I’m having some trouble because I start work in a couple hours again. I have to be up in 5 hours. I probably won’t sleep. I just don’t want to start this cycle again. What would u recommenced ? I just hate being tired at work it makes me want to leave early mid day because I feel so tired to work .. is it bad to pull all nighters before work ??

[@lilianavargas9089]

Also how do you suggest befriending wakefulness at night if you just want to sleep? During the day I feel tired at work if I don’t sleep but what are some tips to not react to it and not want to go home because I’m so tired

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

Hi Liliana, Very glad you’ve had less struggle with sleep! It’s great to note that this always comes from being more ok with being awake. It really always is the case. This also shows the path to not having struggle in the future. Now, when there’s some pressure, like before going back to work, naturally there can be some struggle. Nothing unexpected! Now, one thing that you can ask is - how do you know it’s 5 hours until you have to be up? Not knowing the time or tracking, this helps a lot! And you’re also onto something when you talk about how befriending wakefulness isn’t always easy! When I teach about befriending wakefulness I often emphasize doing something you like to do or even enjoy. This is because it is so counterintuitive and kind of makes you go “aha!”. To turn being awake at night into something enjoyable can really teach the brain that there’s nothing to be afraid of. But there is a challenge here. If it seems important to do something that is enjoyable, it can feel like a challenge. Especially when you’re tired and you would like to sleep and you just don’t feel like doing anything in particular. Now here is the thing, the whole point with befriending wakefulness is again just to teach the brain that there’s nothing to be afraid of. And you can do this even if you’re not particularly enjoying the night. Even when you feel bored or annoyed, you are safe. So you can allow yourself to feel any which way you feel - but still point out to the brain that you are safe. That you are not harmed whatsoever. This can achieve the dual purposes of taking away any pressure to do something you enjoy but also still teach the brain that being awake is safe and you are not in any danger.

[@poojachhatwani]

Being a perfectionist and an overthinker 🥺

[@thanmayisv3990]

Hey! I read your comments in other videos of Daniel and I feel like I'm able to relate to most of the things you've written. Would you mind connecting?if that's fine with you

[@poojachhatwani]

@@thanmayisv3990 Heyy!! Yes, why not. Ig works for you?

[@thanmayisv3990]

Yes sure!

[@poojachhatwani]

@@thanmayisv3990 __pooja15_ Pooja Chhatwani

[@poojachhatwani]

@@thanmayisv3990 HEYY?

[@poojachhatwani]

Hi! Does resting really equivalent to sleep? Even my parents say that even if you just close your eyes and rest, you'll be fine. But isn't deep sleep important for the brain to function well and for memory, retention and stuff?

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

Hi Pooja, I think - much much less than what is said in mainstream. And the thing is, if we think of it as rest, there’s no pressure - and then we sleep!

[@poojachhatwani]

Thanks for reverting, Daniel.

[@maasinnoimejoyg.6508]

I have a question. I'm starting sleep restriction for the last two days and my sleep window is 6 and hours. I try to sleep to 1:00 am and wake up everyday for 7:00 am. At the first night I only slept 3 hours but why I don't feel sleepy at the second night even though I only get a few hours and try to sleep late? or it takes days or weeks until you can finally feel the sleepiness in sleep restriction? Thank you.

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

Hi! Sleep restriction is quite problematic to be honest with you. Let’s review! I think a timeless sleep window can help, and it can look like sleep restriction, but it’s totally different! The sleep window is really there simply as a nudge towards less attachment. It is a way to sort of make yourself try less and let go of attempts at controlling sleep. There is often confusion about the main purpose. In traditional CBT there’s a lot of emphasis on making yourself stay awake for a long time so you feel sleepy. It is true that sleep drive is important, but anything you do to make yourself sleep becomes an effort! This includes making yourself stay up late! Remember, insomnia is not a problem of not being sleepy, it is a problem of trying too much to sleep. So the way to think of the sleep window is that it is simply a nudge in the direction of trying less. When you give yourself less time for sleep, and you no longer know the time at night, these again are important psychological steps towards trying less, being willing to have less control. What exact time you get up or what exact time you go to bed doesn’t really matter! What does matter is not focusing too much on the time. It’s also important to set it and forget it. Decide upon sometime and then don’t question it. This will free your mind to think about more pleasant things! In fact what also helps a lot is not knowing the time at night. Deciding what time to get up in the morning and then making a decision to stop checking the time at a certain time in the evening. Not knowing the time is a very powerful way of letting go of control! Finally, I think it’s important to be generous and to go a gentle path of no pressure. Is very tempting to say that you will have a very narrow sleep window so that you feel really sleepy and then you reach your goal faster. But that’s a way of pressure! Think about when people try to lose weight. The reason most people don’t do well is because they choose an extreme diet that they can’t stick to for more than a few weeks. It’s the same with sleep windows. Many people choose a really tight window and then they become frustrated and pressured because it’s not something they can do forever. If someone decides not to do a diet but rather change their lifestyle to something they can do forever, then there’s no pressure! Then they lose weight easily. If you choose a sleep window that’s for example 7 hours, that’s pretty close to what most people do anyway so you can do that indefinitely. That’s the way!

[@vibingbig488]

Hi I’m not monitoring my sleep anymore I get in bed and as long as it feels comfortable I stay in bed, I had a set back sleep restriction have worked for me for 4 weeks then my sleep got worse suddenly. I slept every other day but now I’m fine, I have a question about sleep drive. Does being on the couch reduces sleep drive ? For example does laying on the couch considered as a nap?

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

Hi! Well done going timeless in the night 👍 glad to hear you’re fine! No, it does not reduce sleep drive, but it can seem like it! Check out insomnia insight 330 for the details. It’s masked by some hyperarousal!

[@poojachhatwani]

Hi sara! Do you mind connecting over Instagram? I have this frequent urination thing going on and visiting doctors for this. Just need your help.