How "Five Stages" Misrepresented Grief Onscreen

Grief has always been an unavoidable part of the human experience. Yet for the longest time, in film and TV it’s typically been oversimplified, represented as a one-size-fits-all set of “five stages” that’s solved by the end of the story. After the events of 2020 forced our culture to collectively process grief and loss, media is at last giving us more diverse and in-depth depictions of the many forms grief takes. Here’s our Take on how we’ve been misunderstanding grief all this time.
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[@libbynone6546]

I remember how I laughed after one of my loved ones died. Really for no real reason, I just hysterically laughed out of stress.

[@anu.]

I often do this when I'm really angry or talking about some past trauma... But man, it's hard when people misunderstand your reactions.

[@ci690]

It's a common defence mechanism, like a way of your mind to cope with too big amount of stress.

[@AkaiAzul]

There's a fine line between comedy and tragedy, which is why they're often depicted together. The hardest thing to learn in acting is to cry convincingly without sounding like they're laughing. Your reaction is perfectly normal, understandable, and human.

[@jeringatai3156]

I remember not feeling anything until the last minute. Like it didnt hit me til after they were long gone

[@rachaelknudsen8801]

Laughing while crying is my strongest memory of my grandma's funeral. The sadness of her death matched with 1 my faith in the resurrection, and 2 the stories people told about her. Hope in a better world and the delight she brought to this one crashed into how much her loss meant to me, my siblings, my mom, her family, and the community my grandma lovingly served.

[@ananya1721]

If only grief came in a linear step by step process and not like a cyclical avalanche of bouts of pain. It has never been linear. 💔

[@trinaq]

Precisely, grief has no straightforward linear grieving process, and not everyone grieves in order. For example, you could start off with anger, move on to depression, and cycle back to anger again. It's different for everyone.

[@ananya1721]

@@trinaq Exactly. Also the best way to help a grieving individual is to let them grief without being judgemental. We repeatedly keep telling them that it will get better and life must move on mostly because we're awkward and/or uncomfortable around them and don't know how to react. The best we can do is tell them it's alright and hold their hand and let them grieve.

[@kahkah1986]

I think it feels more like bursts of these feelings, which sort of dissipate into acceptance which then come back and you have to go through the whole process again.

[@ananya1721]

@kshamwhizzle Yes it may be so too I think.

[@trinaq]

"What is grief, if not love persevering?" This line is so beautiful, and I loved how they showed Wanda gradually learning to face her losses after trying to flee them through sitcom fantasies, yet accepting that she'll be reunited with Vision and her twins someday.

[@tariqthomas9090]

One of the best lines in MCU history!!

[@AxxLAfriku]

Please stop giving me mean comments. My mother reads the comments I get and she cries a lot because of it. Please be nice, dear tri

[@tiawilliams5690]

That line isn't in reference to her getting Vision and the children back. She was mourning her brother at the time. To me it means that love isn't gone because the person is.

[@alejandrocervantes3624]

What is a Bonher if not love persevering?

[@thatspellsmoon]

@@AxxLAfriku Tf are you? XD

[@ishitasingh5162]

I think the most important thing about grief is everyone expresses grief differently and THAT'S OKAY.

[@jamesmiskimmon3581]

The babadook represents grief most realistically. SPOILER ALERT. Keeping the monster alive at the end epitomises how grief never fully dissapears but can be managed

[@infjelphabasupporter8416]

Well I don't think grieving is an excuse to *attempt murder on your child.*

[@heywhat6676]

Never have i EVER stopped reading something after it said 'spoiler alert'

[@JC-yy8iv]

@@heywhat6676 lol RIGHT. Me neither. But also o personally am not bothered by knowing the plot of something before I watch it, but I feel for people who are bc really who has the willpower to just look away at those two words

[@JC-yy8iv]

@@heywhat6676 to me the point of typing spoiler alert is more so people can’t bitch lol

[@sinnsage]

probably the best film representation of grief that i’ve seen

[@yolandacarroll558]

I'm glad WandaVision showed that Wanda was grieving for both Vision AND Peitro. That was two deep loses fairly close together. Not to mention that Vision was helping her through her grief with Pietro and then he was gone too. 😥

[@loverrlee]

And her parents tragic deaths 😢

[@brookebenne7838]

I thought something was wrong with me since I wasn’t acting the “typical way” aka the “movie way” after my mom died. But it is a lot deeper than what has been portrayed

[@sanjramesh3189]

So sorry for your loss x

[@heyidaroo]

I literally felt that when I lost my dad. I remember thinking “this is not what the movies made it seem like”

[@rachaelknudsen8801]

Grief is as individual as the ones enduring it. And every bout with it is different. Your experience with grief is valid.

[@brookebenne7838]

@@heyidaroo right?! It’s like “how am I supposed to be?” Instead of just feeling

[@Deathhead68]

@@heyidaroo I think it's so much stuff that movies do that with. It's so weird how movies can shape our psychology and culture and be reflections of them at the same time.

[@user-mi5xq8zj7u]

I hate when people urge me “to find someone new” as though all the memories I’ve made with the one I was so in love with can just be erased over night, new memories written on top of the old ones, like some vhs casette.

[@theblackdaria_]

That’s because other people have a hard time dealing with pain, and looking at others in pain, let alone their own. If you are processing and choosing to move through the emotion, 1. 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 you are so brave, and you should be proud of your self 2. Try to find people or online communities to support you in that movement (I wish I would’ve done this) and give yourself time and space. Good Luck 💕

[@jillcnc]

I describe it as people telling you to go to the "spouse shelter" and pick out the one with the sad eyes who needs the home most -- as if it's that easy. What we find out with loss is that NO ONE GETS IT until they experience it. I don't care how much empathy they have, they can't really get it. And most people simply want to ease their own discomfort, as Brianne Nechelle so eloquently said in a reply earlier than this one. I learned very early on that accepting this reality made it easier to deal with the mind-bogglingly stupid things people say to try to comfort us -- and themselves.

[@user-mi5xq8zj7u]

@@jillcnc my brother, whom I love very much, told me recently (he’d become very political and adopted a radicalized stand) to…stop it with the victim mentality. This broke me.

[@cabal1375]

I just lost someone yesterday and waking up to this was so comforting. always appreciate your videos

[@ahelisen7509]

I am so sorry

[@trinaq]

My deepest condolences, I'm glad that this video is a comfort to you. 💞

[@kaitlnwhite6809]

My condolences to you. I hope you’re doing alright.

[@marleyfrost215]

I lost my dog exactly two weeks ago. I feel like someone put a hole through my chest. This is so impossibly hard and painful. I'm so lost without him. I'm going to watch all the movies recommended in this list. I'm hoping to find some understanding.

[@TheLeah2344]

I’m really sorry. 😔

[@trinaq]

The classic sitcom "Growing Pains" featured this with Carol, after her boyfriend Sandy died in a car accident. Unlike most sitcoms, she's still at the anger/denial stage a few episodes later, and doesn't just magically move on to acceptance.

[@theyoutubeanalyst3731]

y'all better mention Unbelievable. The main character is grieving after being sexually attacked, but the way she behaves strikes everyone as odd, so no one believes she actually got attacked.

[@shenadarling50]

I saw that movie and it was executed really well.

[@tariqthomas9090]

Grieving is such a complex thing that I don’t think we’ll ever truly understand. What people often miss about the five-stage model is that a person often does not go in the order of stages. In fact, a person can actually go through different stages more than once. Grief is much more like a cycle than a line. It’s like a complicated long-term relationship and “finding peace” after it is a blessing that not everyone receives in life.

[@trinaq]

Precisely, I couldn't have worded it any better myself! For example, a person could start off bargaining, then move on to denial, then depression, and cycle back to bargaining again. It's different for everyone, and not everyone grieves alike.

[@animasuperfreakgirl]

Yeah and if I remember correctly the person who came up with the ‘five stages of grief’ intended them to be more of an observation of common feelings people go through rather than a one size fits all approach.

[@elvieann4949]

So true. My mother died after years of illness. At first, there was acceptance because I knew it was coming for so long. Then it took years to go through the process. I'm not sure it will ever come to a real resolution for me. As an older person who has dealt with much loss, I know that it is never the same process twice.

[@NobodyC13]

Grief never goes away. It comes in waves.

[@kimmik4893]

Acceptance - It’s not that you forget about your loved ones. It means, you can visit them in your memories without anger and denial.

[@katherinegilks3880]

Yes, but in fiction, that is often translated to “back to the status quo”. Character goes back to being the same as before. Their grief is almost never reacknowledged. In real life, while a person might still seem the same, they are most definitely not.

[@annadau8612]

This is Us' first season when we see Jack Pearson grieving the loss of his third child (the triplets) openly while the doctor is shown giving him a tiny glimpse of what is to come down the road is such a refreshing perspective. Male characters (especially husbands and fathers) are rarely shown grieving in a considerate and loving way. Their grief is typically comically dismissed or cut away before we see the raw vulnerability that grief brings. It disgusts me to see how we as a society don't like to see men crying or showing genuine tears. I dearly hope to see more healthy and constructive depictions of husbands and fathers grieving in our movies and TV shows.

[@1MegArbo]

There are a lot of emotionally damaging expectations, and "standards" placed on men in American society.

[@albamezcua4337]

In that same chapter of Grey's Anatomy where Cristina says the cliché "it'll stop hurting" to the kid, right after that she bursts out crying because she misses her dad, so I think actually that's a good example of actual grief.

[@KarlaMartinez-eu1hg]

This made me realize how the fact that I've still haven't fully accepted my recent loss is okay, I'm still coming to terms with my new reality and that I don't have to be happy within a specific timeframe. It sorta makes me feel better.

[@UncommonPlans]

I think another great theme of promising young woman is that Cassie felt alone in her grief when everyone around her wanted her to just accept it & move forward with her life. Everyone else in her life prescribed to the idea that grief should have an end point & life should return to normal. Even when Cassie tries to do so she’s once again met with the harsh reality that she cannot escape her grief or live without it. This is also a theme I’m noticing in society as a whole right now as things begin to return to “normal” following the pandemic. Society wants us to all just get back to the normal from before & move on but it is definitely not that simple.

[@skallywalla502]

Yes, I was thinking about this. This move to "return to normal." There is no normal. Not anymore. But so many people are in denial that we've experienced a collective trauma and gone through tremendous loss.

[@katerynkakovalenkolove]

I always liked how they handled Piper's grief for Prue in Charmed. It seems like she was never over her, she's never forgotten her sister, and this pain was with Piper all the time. But she managed to live with it. I sincerely believe that it was incredibly realistic and totally in Piper's character. It changed her very much and she became stronger, but more vulnerable at the same time because she now have to live somehow without the one who led her all her life. Also, this grief was with her throughout the rest of the series and constantly revisited, and not just you died, oh no, next episode. Like in other TV shows, you know.

[@MrsUzumaki]

Piper was the first character I thought of too! Her character change after Prue's death was handled so well.

[@LittleHobbit13]

I think Prue and Piper is a naturally perfect example because Prue was the oldest and Piper the middle child. When Prue died and they found Paige, Piper was suddenly the oldest sister, and I think she acknowledged more than once how it made her constantly think of Prue.

[@katerynkakovalenkolove]

@@LittleHobbit13 that's why this show was so great! It was extremely realistic, while being a fantasy show.

[@VioletEmerald]

Indeed. I love when shows can actually do that realistically and well. It's quite rare.

[@Hallows4]

Honestly, this made me tear up a little. I lost my mom a few years back, and even though we had pretty advanced warning that she wasn’t going to make it, the days immediately following her passing are really just one big blur in my memory. I still think about her all the time - especially when I’m cooking - so this video definitely gets it right that grief is something that may never truly leave you.

[@kirk001]

Lost my dad (who was also my best friend) 5 years ago. I bounced around the 5 stages several times, but I've never been the same again. Now grief feels like a scar I am fond of carrying--a reminder of how lucky I am to have been raised by such a kind and loving father, one of the greatest things I've ever experienced.

[@realSimoneCherie]

I appreciated grief in the Lovely Bones. It was essentially the entire plot point. You get to observe how the dead may grieve their own lives, or not at all. They also accurately show you that the justice system is just a system, it doesn’t heal - and although healing is possible, it isn’t the same as being made “whole” again.

[@thisisntallowed9560]

I'm depressed, angry, in denial, giving up AND moving towards a new like AT THE SAME TIME And that's what's hard

[@whatever96]

2 years ago, I was hit by a car as I was crossing the street. It turned my life upside down but I was in denial that it happened to me. I wanted to hold on to myself before the accident, before the hospital stay, doctors and endless pain. My leg was stuck under the wheel shattering my ankle and bones. It left me with chronic pain. No matter how much I tried I just couldn't be the same way as before the accident. Every day I would say today I'm going to be better and by the end of the day I'm crying from the pain. It's just now that I'm realizing that I've been fighting a losing battle and that I am never going to be like before. I was grieving losing a part of myself and I never realized it.

[@aishalee5924]

I like how for Thor even though he moved forward through his grief he didn’t immediately lose weight. He was still fat but accepted his power again. I think it showed that even though he still had a lot of work to do when it came to his emotional state that didn’t mean he couldn’t step up.

[@raehobbs7291]

My mom is dying and in the process of getting ready for a medically assisted suicide. As a way to help process my grief so I can better support my mom through this, I’ve had my friend design a tattoo of mine and my mom’s favourite flower, snapdragons to go on my calf. Using art to turn the pain of grief in something beautiful but not all consuming.

[@biancachi6435]

Sending you love.

[@raehobbs7291]

@@biancachi6435 thank you

[@1MegArbo]

First of all, I am very sorry you and your family are suffering through this. The tattoo sounds lovely. May I ask where you live that euthanasia is legal? That would have helped my best friend's father recently. Instead he had to linger for a month.

[@raehobbs7291]

@@1MegArbo I’m so sorry that your friend’s father suffered this way. I live in Canada, in Ontario. While medically assisted suicide right now (I believe) only can be pursued for palliative/deadly circumstances, I’ve heard talk of trying to have it possible for situations where the quality of life is nonexistent but can be expected to live out a full lifespan. Again, I’m so sorry that your friend’s father went through such a dehumanizing experience, and I hope he is able to be at peace.

[@whalienabi]

I'm sending all my love and hugs to you

[@agnessofiacastrocarvalho774]

I don't think Sam Raimi's spider-man over simplifies grief, Peter is always sorry and angry about his uncle's death and never completely get over it

[@tiawilliams5690]

That's guilt. It can be irrational (sometimes) and impede the grieving process. It's very realistic. Some people never stop grieving.

[@birdiewolf3497]

Right? He spent the entire trilogy sad and depressed. Uncle Ben's death played a role in every film. The end of trilogy was bittersweet as hell. It was just them being like we just went through some traumatic shit, let's just hold each other. Harry also spend the trilogy grieving his father's death. Same with Aunt Mae. It was never just a cute little five minute backstory. That's part of the reason these new spiderman films don't strike the same cord. Because where's the grief? I mean the kid played a role in his uncle's death, and all we have is that he's spiderman now and responsible about it. Frankly I feel like they were pretty dismissive of the superhero genre in film and on tv, because for the most part they don't just brush over it. I mean sure it happens sometimes (ie Black Widow), but that's not the standard.

[@agnessofiacastrocarvalho774]

@@birdiewolf3497 you put it better that i ever would

[@hudsonhopeartcollective]

exactly!

[@rachelstern3818]

I don't know about everyone else, but I thought that Bridge to Terabithia showed a pretty realistic and mature show of grief and loss, despite being Kubler-Ross-like, especially in something aimed at children.

[@VioletEmerald]

Bridge to Terabithia was so realistic and intense yes. I read the book in 5th grade and was kinda scarred for life with my first deeply felt vicarious grief experience lol....

[@rodaxel7165]

" what if grief if not love persevering" Vision - WandaVision 2021 I've never believed in a line from a tv show(a superhero show) more than this one. 8 years have passed since my mom died I still feel the grief. I've moved on to new things but it still lingers. When I watched the specific line uttered tears just fell. To all the people who've lost a loved one, especially these horrible past 2 years. Grieve your way.

[@roy.shrestha]

I am surprised that Haunting of Hill House wasn't mentioned, it was confirmed that the five main characters/siblings represented the five stages of grief in their respective birth orders

[@tiramiiisu]

i lost my sister to grief :/ she’s alive and well but the loss of her fiancé has consumed her and she unfortunately hasn’t been the same since and goes to the cemetery very, very, very often and i think that’s her form of coping.

[@theinternetisqueer]

bly manor and hill house are amazing explorations of trauma and grief, I highly recommend it

[@jessicavictoriacarrillo7254]

I always go to these quotes from Ugly Betty Amanda: Wait... your mother died? Betty: Yeah. Amanda: How did you ever get over that? Betty: I didn't. I haven't.

[@paige393]

I lost my grandpa last November right before Thanksgiving and I never felt so broken. I have a big family so I’ve been going to funerals since I was 6. Either, I was too young to understand or I didn’t know the person who passed. However, I was close with my grandpa and it was hard to grieve at first. After all, I had homework because I was in school but I didn’t feel like doing anything. I’m a writing art major and I lost my will to write, which was the hardest because that’s what I do. When it was time for Christmas break I couldn’t get out of bed for awhile and it wasn’t until I got Covid, surprisingly, I got better mentally and the last week of my winter break I felt like my old self. I wrote again and I got out of bed early. I’m okay.😌

[@kaitlnwhite6809]

That’s a lot to go through in such a short period. I’m glad you’re doing better. Keep moving forward. 🙂

[@paige393]

@@kaitlnwhite6809 thank you!♥️

[@hugo59208]

I like that Spider Man 2 continues the grieving that started in Spiderman 1, different characters are in different stages of it(Harry's Anger,Peter's anxiety and depression,Aunt May acceptance)

[@DerFroschMitMaske]

Makes me rethink the loss of my mom at 18. I often like to imagine I’m sharing a particular moment with her. I’m carrying her with me through all my life, but she’s not a burden but an inspiration. Thank you for this video- there are too many gems I want to discover in it

[@suzannax]

It's a great point they made that grief changes you, and that's okay.

[@leezahbat]

You never know how you will truly handle grief until it's your turn to deal with it. I have lost both my parents and my best friend that I grew up with, and it just doesn't seem get easier at all. I still dream of them all, I even occasionally hear my mother calling my name (I had been her caregiver until she died), and I cry uncontrollably from time to time (I cannot handle some holidays or their birthdays). When I have good days, grief is a looming and ever present shadow over my shoulder, but on bad days, it's like a boulder crushing my chest until I can't breathe and all I can do is lay in bed and cry. I don't feel I will ever be over it, but I suppose I have to accept that I must just learn to live with it.

[@vanessaheine8093]

I remember reading that Holden Caulfield’s teenage misanthropy in Catcher in the Rye was actually just a manifestation of his grief over the death of his brother. It makes so much more sense now.

[@Luketaylor9729]

This has made me realise how much COVID has caused me so much personal grief. I've been holding on to my old life pre-COVID for so long because of the isolation that we were all experiencing and I've not yet come to terms with what has happened. It hurts that things probably won't go back to the way they were, but at least I can move forward and accept a stronger and wiser version of myself.

[@adryanadiniz8453]

When I was a child, I lost a family member, my grandpa's girlfriend. They were together for 20 years and she was like a 3rd grandma to me. I'm 31yo and I still miss her. Specially her laugh!!! Sometimes, I feel like crying and I think about the times he had together. When my grandpa died, I was depressed. It took me a whole year to process his death and cry about it. It actually happened during a panic attack. He sold popcorn at a park for a living, and I spent the following year eating popcorn every time I felt sad because being with him at the park eating popcorn is one of my favorites childhood memories.

[@togzhanorazayeva9131]

the representation of each stage of grief through each of Crain siblings in Haunting of Hill House is also amazing!

[@inescastellano7960]

Human beings are too complex to be defined in stages and even more when it comes to death. I love how you included Ned Flanders when he lost his wife Maud on this video. Please make a video analysis on Ned, he truly deserves it.

[@GuardianOfMoon]

Needed this video. I'm still grieving 2 years later, but the pain still feels as fresh as that day. I thought I was failing to move on.

[@jasayehan]

I never stopped missing my mum nor is the hurt not reduced, it simply magnified!

[@TheLeah2344]

I lost my grand father a couple of years ago and it’s still hard for me to accept he is gone. I still hope that he will come back. I still go through our old photos and videos thinking about the time we spent together. I didn’t cry over his death until years later. I thought something was wrong with me because everyone cries as soon as their loved one dies. I also was dealing with childhood trauma as well as racism , sexism, sexual trauma, and colorism and I fell into a deep depression because of that. For years, I buried my feelings until I went to therapy earlier this year.

[@jdmmg4904]

Wishing you to finding a good way for yourself to dealing with all of this 💟

[@joharanabee]

Video request: the problematic depiction of mental health issues and suicide in film, TV, and media (13 reasons why comes to mind)

[@knoelle1357]

Lost my boyfriend last October very suddenly, went through all kinds of stages but not in any particular order. For me, the hardest thing about grief is not being able to see or talk to the person who passed away. That hurts so much, not being able to interact with your loved ones anymore. 😭

[@magdalenahrg]

It is almost two years after the lost of my brother and mother in horrible car crash and I'm still fell grief and sadness I can't say my brother name without tears on my face. I made new friends and I didn't say my brother name to any of them all they know about me is that I had mom and brother and I now live with my granfather and in 2020 I lost my grandmother who was handicaped person for years and that broke my granfather who is almost 80 . Also sorry for bad english

[@camilatz4956]

Please, please. Make a video about depression on films and tv. PLEASE.

[@adrianfridge]

Grief comes from loss, and loss is an emptiness you try to fill and reshape any way you can, good or bad. It’s interesting how the 5 Stages doesn’t acknowledge the void itself.

[@Medusaquetzalcoatl]

Pieces of a Woman, is also about grief and how it something it just changes you. How everyone is telling Martha how she must grief, how people expect you to act (very linear 5 stages) and how it lacks the necesary privacy/space/time to process a lost. Sean also acts in a very "masculine" expected way having sex and using drugs, when he also needs to acknowledge he is in grief. How the couple is broken, is a very realistic scenario.

[@1MegArbo]

My best friend, who was the big brother I never had, committed suicide three years ago, today. I'm still basically angry. Not sure I'll move past this stage ever. Two days ago, I put my cat to sleep after a six month bout with cancer. I am sad, as all get out. But I'm sure I have a better chance of having a more "linear" recovery where her loss is concerned.

[@konraddygudaj257]

"The five stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Many experience these stages usually after the death of someone they love. For me, love means everything, and I am proud to say that I have finally reached the stage of acceptance." Nicole Lambert, The Five Stages

[@trinaq]

That's true, although not everyone grieves in the same way, and sadly, some people are still stuck in the anger or denial stages.

[@konraddygudaj257]

@@trinaq i agree

[@jerrysstories711]

I have no idea how to even portray grief in my writing. My only experience of it is when my xgf's dog died while I was in Africa -- then one sunny day I forgot and wanted to take him to the beach, and suddenly it hit me that I was never going to play with Gunther again. People in my life have died, but I was born to such a toxic family that we were never close, and I fled from them as soon as I could. At both of my parents' memorials, I grieved for the loving parents I never had, not for the distant cruel ones I did have. My divorce was pretty much the same experience, grieving for something I'd realized I'd never actually had. So no one is really an integral enough part of my life to where I'd feel like life was irrevocably changed without them.

[@Toxic_Femininity]

“Grief is the price we pay for love” -C.M Parkes

[@54032Zepol]

I like how in the thumbnail Ned Flanders is Anger! Makes so much sense. Anyone that makes rhymes that are nonsense "okediee dokedie"?? Are completely mad people

[@NobodyC13]

Well, the writers revealed that Flanders was a nightmare child as a result of being raised by comically inept hippie parents who didn't believe in discipline. His nonsensical ramblings are the byproduct of a treatment aimed to curb his behavior, and its the only means for his anger to seep through til it boiled over.

[@cathiemills6193]

I just lost my little brother and I’m really struggling with how cheated I feel…thank you for helping me see that I’m not alone

[@asj9837]

in the middle of this video, i cried while eating my hashbrown. that's my form of grief.

[@carolfigueirars]

My mom passed 3 months ago (this pic is of us when I was little), it was devastating seeing her weak from cancer, she was 59. I lived most of my life with her. The pain is not as recurring as the first month but it feels the same, remembering those last days is the worst and the loneliness feels like it never will go away, being antisocial and slightly depressed doesn't helps I guess. My siblings are encouraging me to try to move to Canada for better opportunities but I think I would be even more lonely away from them. I should be finishing uni but I don't feel like writing anything for my last article, the last thing I need to do graduate and I feel I am disappointing her for being stuck.

[@beatrizruizdeaguiar148]

This is my favorite video of this channel ever. And I watch them all. I felt so understood. The whole trains is watching me crying and all I can feel is grateful to feel represented and to have something to watch that doesn’t tell me to get over my loss .

[@Layra151301]

"I've not moved on from..., I've moved forward with them"

[@rosariomachado9758]

This is the best video you have ever made. It made me cry, but it's good because it made me feel understood and that I'm not crazy. Thank you for that.

[@ADavid42]

This is absolutely one of your best takes. I cried.

[@areebasiddiqui5786]

Whey my aunt was gone I felt numb , I didn't feel anything whole time we were in her house , I was acting.................normal?? But as soon as I reached back home reality hit me and I burst out crying. I still miss her till this day , we have to accept the fact that we are gonna miss them forever and live like that. I consider myself lucky that I was atleast able to meet her and go to her funeral , see her last time , I hear so many unfortunate stories of ppl not even being able to meet and spend last time with their loved ones in covid, my heart aches out for them 💔💔

[@redwardranger7034]

It's kinda nice that you uploaded this because I want to understand how to deal with such issues alone. I've learn about Kubler-Ross stages of grief after reading an article about America McGee's Alice: Asylum, and there I think it was 7 stages. But still, thank you.

[@ronjarvardotter5120]

Great video and so true. When my dad died my then boyfriend was annoyed and asked me 4 weeks later "so when are you back to normal again?" I exploded on him by screaming "I will never be normal again! I will always be this person!" ... It was so clear to me that I than had changed fundamentaly... he didn't get it. I'm glad we parted ways. Grief is chaos, but it has also beauty, one can evolve and grow with it.

[@loverrlee]

One of my favorite movies that have covered grief well was The Sisterhood of Traveling Pants. Bridget loses her mom to suicide at a young age, but she is still dealing with the loss of her mother throughout the series, never really “resolving” it, just showing her friends supporting her through that grief. Additionally, Bailey is a child who dies and similarly her new friend Tibby deals with that grief in a really realistic way.

[@T0xXx1k]

I lost someone earlier this week that was very very close to me. It has felt so empty since he passed. He was very very sick and I know he's been kinda pushing through it for almost a year. This last month he very clearly took a turn for the worse, even knowing ahead of time didn't prepare me. I lost a long term job 6 wks ago too so it feels very much like my whole world got flipped over.. I love your videos, always there's something popping up that is relevant to something currently on my mind. You guys be reading minds or something over there lol ~🧡🦇

[@ritamarialopezrizaldos6472]

Thank you so much for this comforting take away. Thank you.

[@JediBunny]

I lost my mom last year - she was my best friend. I also lost my grandma and dog within the next few months. Grief can be utterly paralysing, but also catalysing depending on how we move _through_ it. I am so grateful to have therapy as an outlet, but I must admit that some media has helped me to further process my grief. One such piece is “Six Feet Under”; I recommend this series to _anyone_ as it’s deeply reflective of the human experience. Additionally, Cheryl Strayed’s book “Wild” personally touched my process of grief very accurately in regard to Cheryl’s internal struggle in coping with losing not only her mom, but best friend to cancer. If you’re in grief, please take any and all measures to move _through_ it with awareness, insight and reflection. You simply _cannot_ manoeuvre _around_ grief. The only way is through 💞

[@Luboman411]

Grief as practiced by animals makes my heart break every time. Dogs grieving their departed owners. Elephants mourning their dead. Dolphins being distressed by missing loved ones. I don't know, there's just something so raw when you see grief in other animals.

[@yepezcroquer5131]

Your reflections are too beautiful. Thanks.

[@muggle804]

Thank you. I needed this video.

[@sarahurbanova6745]

Some people need to work after they lost someone. They try bury their feelings in work.

[@TheLeah2344]

I did the same but unfortunately work can hurt you too. At my last job, I was being discriminated against and being overworked to the point that I started to lash out and my mental health declined.

[@witchplease9695]

@@TheLeah2344 I really hope you file for discrimination and leave. No job is worth suffering for.

[@Derpy241107]

This video really struck a cord with me and actually made me cry. So thanks for this one.

[@katlunascoven7932]

I also think that many people don't see that you can actually grief ideas. I had a horrible mother but I had to go griefing over the childhood with a loving mother I will never have. This helped me let go of trying to get my mother to be whom I would've needed when I was a child.

[@PalmurcioWorld]

Thank you so much for the inclusion of The Leftovers. Best TV Series I've ever seen and best depiction of grief I've ever seen.

[@johnypanta6208]

Thank you for this episode

[@jeringatai3156]

Ive never been angry or in denial. Ive always accepted it, but just hurt and lost. Empty. And these werent stages. I felt these all at once. And just moved on with life, slowly learning to adjust and adapt.

[@potatolord616]

I’m very happy this video came out today because my grandpa literally died a few hours ago and I needed this.

[@spj4you]

Non-linear grief needs to be better understood and recognized by everyone so we can help each other when it happens. That part really resonated with me. Also, when I was grieving the loss of a relationship, hearing Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love author) on how she's processed the death of the love of her life, Raya, was extraordinarily comforting and illuminating.

[@skallywalla502]

That's one of the reasons I loved Broadchurch: it showed the many, many ways people deal with grief. Susan Knight had hardened from her grief; David Bradley's character had found a way to move on. DI Alec Hardy's grief was literally killing him. And then Beth and Mark and Chloe Latimer's grief was unfolding in front of us.

[@anhbui6331]

I gonna comment on this video because you lead us through such a journey with your profound knowledge on culture and cinema. Thank you The Take!

[@thabanentshangase]

When my mother passed away I didn't cry, laugh or feel any emotion (I don't mean I was apathetic). Nothing overwhelmed me emotionally. When I told my best friend about my mother passing, he said "you're lying" coz he did not see me display any of the five stages. He eventually believed me after some convincing. Other people had similar reactions to him when I told them about my mom.

[@kellysquirrelk]

It sounds like you were numb. Everything felt surreal for about 3 months, and then I went fully numb for almost a year after. Numb got me through, until my body said, NOPE,and had my 1st Lupus flare. Mom Sallie died March 18, 2018. I still really struggle.

[@thabanentshangase]

@@kellysquirrelk I wasn't numb necessarily. I just felt like how I normally did... Until I saw my mom lying in a coffin. Then everything came flooding in. A thousand emotions that burst through (and I hadn't been holding anything back) and I cried more than any other time in my life. It took me 4 years to actually get my shit together, and even then, I still have moments were the negativity comes rushing back

[@kellysquirrelk]

@@thabanentshangase I didn't mean to assign an emotion to you, but I recognized myself in what you described. Mom chose cremation with no funeral. Mainly because of the cost & partially to protect me from having to go through all that. I'm an only child & she was my only family. I had no friends & she had no close friends. I was with her the day she died. I cried that whole day until I wore myself out from it. I had tried so hard not to. I had only seen Mom Sallie cry only a few times ever. For her, she felt it was a weakness. She was a Warrior. Was taken from Inpat hospital to Hospice on Saturday March 17th 2018, which is St Patrick's Day here in US. She called me, Sassy Sallie, going off about her 1st ambulance ride, gave me a list of things she wanted me to bring. We decided it was safer for me not to drive with all the drunks on the road & would visit the next day. That's the last time we spoke. I regret to this day that I didn't go. They called Sunday morning, that I needed to get there. Once there, as the nurse was explaining,showing the signs the body was shutting down, what hit me was zero response. Mom had always been a light sleeper, & I had been with her waking up after multiple surgeries. To see no movement or acknowledgement, that's what hit me. I have PTSD from that day, but I needed to be there. She brought me into this world, so I was seeing her leave. 6:02 pm, she was finally free from pain. I didn't cry much after that. I think it was 10 months or a year later, when something small did it. A movie on HBO finished and I started to get up off my bed to talk to Mom about it in her den, as I always would. Everything finally hit at that moment. It was beyond crying. I was making sounds I never had made before, keening like an animal, & couldn't stop. The sound bounced off the walls & I was freaking myself out hearing it. I always miss her. But something small will trigger the depth of HOW much. I have literally reached for an item at the store to pick up for Mom, that she liked, then it clicks again that she's gone.

[@thabanentshangase]

@@kellysquirrelk Your story is so sad, yet also so familiar. I also go through periods of just remembering mom. Whenever I see a Batman movie for instance (mom loved Batman), or those shoddy Mills and Boone novels I always feel something similar to yearning for the days when she was alive. One thing I know for a fact is that mom would not want me to dwell on this feeling, so I keep it moving. If your mom is anything like my mom, then I'm sure she would want you to do the same. The best we can do is to keep their memories alive within us and be grateful for all that they've done for us.

[@kellysquirrelk]

@@thabanentshangase Thank you for the kind words. I apologize for the long comment, I try to write less, but then it becomes a novel. I still get little signs that she is here in spirit, which helps.

[@limerence8365]

I once went through it. No one died or anything. Just something happened that changed my world for a few days and I got really down. I denied it, got angry, bargained for it to change, got really sad and then a few days later I looked it the window and saw something pretty and that was the beginning of me getting over it. It wasn't grief, I didn't lose anything and obviously other people would have experienced it differently but it was a clear pattern.

[@margotfernandez9988]

I lost my grandmother 6 and half years ago. I start to cry when I speak of her and think of am I still grieving for her?

[@debbiemoore2747]

It is different for everybody and depends on their personality and how resilient they are internally. I know people who are stuck in the moment of loss of the loved one from years ago and others who moved on.

[@robchuk4136]

A blind spot of this video is actually one of the biggest groups that deal with it: soldiers and veterans

[@staceyvegangirl]

Loved that you talked about The Affair. I would love a full video about the show.

[@lizziehastings4792]

Sorry For Your Lost is and will forever be the best representation of grief I’ve ever seen on screen. It’s raw, it’s complex, it’s realistic. Seems like Elizabeth Olsen’s biggest talent is to portray the loss of a loved one perfectly, which is both impressive and kind of scary for her. NB : A Ghost Story and Wandavision are also extremely good, I highly recommend watching them.

[@stoplisteningtothestatic7078]

I’m so happy you talked about Six Feet Under even if it was for only a little bit. That show taught me to appreciate life when i was in my worst depression. It’s a beautiful masterpiece of a series. I really think there is so much to say about it. So many important messages and it’s more relevant than ever today when so many have suddenly lost loved ones and death is on many people’s minds since the pandemic. It’s a shame it’s so overlooked bc it’s a real classic

[@julianasilveira4806]

this video is fantastic. thank you.

[@lucypreece7581]

Around 4 years ago I lost a very dear friend of mine Michael very unexpectedly. He was only 23 when he passed and the initial moment when I found out it was like a ton of bricks hit me. I never went though a linear grieving process. I have times where I miss him and I want Michael around. Other times I feel like I don't want to dwell on his passing amd just want to embrace my life. These are phases. They are not linear. I found my own sense of peace with Michael's passing. Not through a linear progression but by emracing the times when I am sad and when I miss him.

[@renatoism]

I lost my father, it's been 17 years now. Grief has never completely gone away.

[@MillennialMcGuyver]

Masterfully analyzed 👏🏽

[@alicedubois1348]

Life does not go back to normal after someone close to you passes on. I lost a baby 13 years ago and I honestly did think that life would go back to normal... so I duped myself into believing it. It doesn't. The pain and sadness is still with me. I am still recovering as if I lost my baby a few months ago. TV and multimedia definitely did not help with making me think that I could just go through this grieving process and move on. That is not how it works in reality. In reality, it is better to make a private shrine, write a diary, and live with the grief. It is now a chapter in my life that I can live with, but it will always stay with me. Thank you so much for making this video!

[@Moza-ue8st]

This had become my favourite channel

[@MyKrabi]

A wonderful video - thank you - it really helped me.

[@Luboman411]

At 11:18. Whoa, now that is a nifty spin on grief--the loss of one of your five senses. And if you're a musician, hearing is extremely important. I now want to see this movie. Sounds very interesting, if intense.

[@dobrejajko]

Hi- it would be nice if you could include a reference list of all movies/tv shows you put in your videos. I often watch your videos before watching the actual movies or shows so it would make it easier on me to find the actual source material.